F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 285 - My Wife's Loose Five

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

This month has been insanely busy for us!  But we're back in the closet and getting strange updates and e-mails that are a little too specific?  Topics include stand-up salvation, getting over the cuck life, reducing the amount of topping and emotionless sex. Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies Flure App: Made for Pleasure - https://www.flure.com/

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And this is Podcast. And this is Podcast. And this is podcast.

We're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either roaming the wilds or sent in by our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here, right now, for you. It's true. We've had a big week. We've had a big month. We've had, yeah, a big year. Big year?

I'm tired. It's March. It's March, y'all. I'm fucking tired big week. We've had a big month. We've had, yeah. A big year. A big year. I'm tired. It's March. It's March, y'all. I'm fucking tired, man. I'm tired. We are back in the closet. You can probably tell. I don't know if you can tell. Maybe some, like, really discerning... Let us know if you can tell.

Let us know if you can tell. Is the energy different? Is the audio different? Like, hair loop right now? My hair's doing wild shit today, man. So, hi. Hello. How's it going? Pretty good. I know we've been doing a lot of live shows lately, and that's... You know we're busy

when we put up live shows. We never put up live shows if we don't have to. Not that they're not great. Not that they're not great. It's just like, if we don't have the time to record and edit, then we do a live show. Hopefully they're great. They are. It was one of our most popular episodes last year was a live show. So, it's nice to be back in the closet. It was one of our most popular episodes last year. It was a live show.

So it's nice to, it's nice to be back in the closet. It's nice to have you in the closet and I'm ready to do some questions. Yeah. You want me to, Oh, well, you know what?

This week we're going to be talking help. My wife got into standup and I can't take it anymore. Getting over the cuck life. I need there to be less topping. How do I do that without hurting or embarrassing him sex without emotional connection hell yeah but first we got a question from nile spain okay why haven't you joined the patreon why haven't you done it weird okay there's more details here it says we don't need an answer right now maybe just think about why you're not

supporting us that's a weird question should we answer that one or should we move on to a different one i feel like we should let it ruminate we should oh it says there's in brackets says love you okay that's nice so at least it takes the sting out of it yeah huh okay um in case you are wondering how you might join the patreon you can head on over to f buddies no yeah you could do that you go to f buddies podcast.com click the patreon link or you can do Patreon.com slash FBuddies and support your boys. The middle tier gets you a bonus episode every month.

What percentage of our episodes every month? Oh, good God. It's 25% more. Extra. That's amazing. We're almost at, what, 30 episodes on there now? Are we higher? I think we're over a third.

Damn. That's a lot of fresh episodes. Maybe not. I don't know. We did do a Tony Pizza deep dive. Yeah. I'm so lost in the like... Life sauce? I'm lost in the life sauce. I'm lost in the episode number sauce. That's fair. Especially

like with our other show where we release like a... Well, I thought we'd done more than double the amount of... Yes, you did think that we were up into the 600s episodes. Anyway, let's do it. This is by ThroriComedy2021. Wife, 34-year-old female, got into performing stand-up comedy a few years ago,

and I, 32-year-old male, can't take it anymore. To the point that I made up a work emergency tonight so I could skip out on the show she's in. Feeling wildly guilty right now because I've never lied to her about something like this before. Majority of the time, the only laughs she gets are from her fellow comedians also performing that night, or from friends' family that she brings. She's on Instagram specifically for her stand-up, and is constantly engaging with the trolls even though I tell her not to. Important note, my wife is fucking gorgeous,

so a lot of the negative comments on Instagram are things like, they're only laughing because you're hot. I'm rambling. It's been years and her performance isn't improving. She mostly does open mic or shows to only 15 or 20 people in the audience. She doesn't make money. She isn't taking any one-on-one coaching or classes like I've encouraged. I just can't keep watching her bomb every other weekend and I am tired of her engaging with random weirdos on Instagram.

How the heck do I tell my wife she sucks at her new passion? I mean, it's not really a new passion if she's been doing it for years, he said. Yeah. I think this is an important thing, where she's absolutely allowed to have hobbies and passions that don't make money. Yes, for sure. I think if this is something she enjoys doing,

if this is something that she likes to do on her own time, and it doesn't really matter if she doesn't care or if she's not being devastated right like it'd be a different story if yes every time she did this show she would come home and she would binge drink or cry her eyes out or feel like absolute shit if this was taking a toll on her physically and mentally and you know emotionally emotionally If there was a strong reason to oppose this, then I would be in your corner being like,

but there's not a single word about her giving a fuck about this. And if she continues to do it, clearly she's good. So why is like, this isn't a, her issue is a you issue. Yeah. And look,

my previous partner used to do burlesque. I went to every fucking show when they first started because I wanted to support. However, there comes a point of diminishing returns when she's not doing new material every time. The same way I saw the same performance from my ex repeatedly. They only have a repertoire of certain things, right? So I think there isn't a harm, and I don't think you should feel obligated as a partner to go to every one of your partner's or even friend's show. Support where you can. Well, unless it's our show. Well, we do a different show every time.

Oh, that's true. So you've got to go. It's not the same thing. If we were going out, if we were a sketch duo. We got another question here. Same user. Why haven't you come to the show? There's details says obviously a lot of you have this isn't for you but you have to keep coming or else

or else weird but then there's another brackets it says adore you oh nice takes the sting out of it i understand there's a lot of people like half our listenership is in the philippines oh there's another another one now they're really active today they say doesn't matter planes exist it's just says you're my world is that in brackets no huh they're they're getting it up a little bit a little bit more brazen about it so one i don't you can have a conversation with your partner and be like hey you know i support you i'm not coming. I'm not. Do you though? I mean, it doesn't,

it doesn't, but I mean, he does because he's going to these shows, right? If you're going to a comedy show every week and watching the same act, the same jokes, that's a lot. And that I think is an unfair ask.

I think if she was doing this like once a month or every couple of months or whatever, but if this is like a repeating common, like weekly thing, will say it doesn't say she always does the same show yeah but like stand-up comedians don't have an infinite pool of jokes right so i don't think there's anything wrong with saying hey you know i support you i'm gonna sit this one out and hopefully they don't take it personally and if they do you just have to be like, look, I've seen the show. Right.

And it's like, there is a point where I would love to support you. And like, if it's an important show, I'm there for sure. If you know, it's going to be light on attendance. Let me know. I'll be there. Right. Like I'm there to fill a seat, to add some laughter, to help you out. If everyone in the audience that's on your side has heard the same joke, the laughs aren't going to come anyway. Right. Because there comes a time where it's like, your side has heard the same joke, the laughs aren't going to come anyway.

Right. Because there comes a time where it's like, if you've heard the same joke, you're not going to be like busting a gut to a joke. You've heard the punchline to a thousand times. So it's a diminishing return for both. And you just be like, look,

love you. I've been to so many, but like, I don't think I can continue to go to every single show. Yeah. Again, they should be fine with that. But I think it's worth looking at why you're so bothered about their reception.

You know what I mean? Like, cause I don't think it's that you're worried. They care. I think it's that you are embarrassed. Yes. It's definitely a secondhand embarrassment thing where you're like, you are like,

Oh, if I was in this position, I would be embarrassed. And I'm now embarrassed because you're in a position that I would hate to be in. That's a lot of projecting and reframing. Or it's shittier in that, oh, you're not doing well. I'm embarrassed to be associated with you, which is, I think, worse. Yeah.

So the only thing I think that you have a leg to stand on is the not engaging with people who are bullying her online. Because I think that way does lie madness however i also feel like that's a very valid way to get traction and views and activity and like that's what i'm saying honestly we should probably do stuff that people would abuse us for more just so we can be like fuck you and then get a little furor going you know is like if she's firing back with fucking bangers, right?

Like if she's spitting fire at these people, then like, maybe that's her brand. Yeah. Also like, again, does she care? Yeah.

Because it seems like you care. Yeah. And like, why do you care? Well, it's probably jealousy because he, well, he does say just being like,

Oh, all they do is talk about how hot she is. I'm tired of her engaging with random weirdos on Instagram. It's like, there's no like, oh, she's upset and she spends hours and time. It's just him being fucking weird about it. Yeah. So I think there's a lot of like self-reflection you got to do on your end and be like,

why do I feel these ways? Is it jealousy? Is it embarrassment? Oh. I'm going to add a little dollop of cream to this coffee we're brewing. Okay. Does that? No, it's nothing. By that, I mean, you're going to're brewing. Okay. Does that... No. Does that mean... By that, I mean you're going to shit yourself on this bit. He did cross out in an edit

how the heck do I tell my wife she seeks her new passion and replace it with how the heck do I help my wife improve her skills if she isn't willing to put in the work to make those improvements. Okay. Which is again, a weird thing to say. It's's why is it on you to improve her skills yeah if she doesn't give a fuck yes it seems like you are approaching things

and with a lot of the mindset that a lot of people who aren't artistically inclined where they look at something and be like you're doing this thing why isn't it making you money? Why isn't it X? Why isn't it Y? Right. So you have like these ideas of being like, if she was a painter and she sucks shit at painting, but she enjoyed doing it, you wouldn't be like,

baby, you got to go to class. But that's what I'm saying. It's like, there are people who do that where they look and they're like, you're, she's my girlfriend's a painter and she brings it to art sales. It doesn't really sell anything,

but it's like, as long as it's not taking a toll on them as long as it's not leaving them in like emotional shambles let them do it let them paint their silly little pictures that make them happy that they're proud of and that they're engaging with and like doing yeah if it's something that like heals them let people make art without having to associate yeah like again Like, again, I wouldn't do this. Like, we're now getting to a point where the finances of podcasting is a little bit more in our favor. We're not making enough to live off. But there's a question here that just got sent.

It says, if you join the Patreon, that could happen. It's true. Are they listening to us? It's really weird. In brackets, it says, not listening, love you. An XOXoxo gossip girl i'm so confused but it's like i wouldn't have started this if it wasn't something i really enjoyed doing yes if we got 10 episodes in and we're like this fucking sucks we hate doing this

i don't want to do this i wouldn't keep doing hey if my partner was like, my boyfriend has been doing this thing for a couple of years. Why hasn't he made any money? Yeah. Podcasting. Have you heard of it? Yeah. So one, let your partners pursue hobbies that they want to pursue regardless of their skill at it. As long as they're not suffering some sort of adverse effect because of it. Yeah. Your embarrassment does not count as an adverse effect. No. And you could probably manage that if you took the time to think about it

and figure out why you feel that way and why it's irrelevant to their situation. Yes. And then, finally, if there is something that they are doing that you are concerned about, like the engaging in trolls, if you see that there is a

habit here or something forming where you're like, oh, this doesn't look good and I'm concerned about you, express that to them. If you're like, hey, you get really worked up by these assholes online, it's like, maybe it's time to just mute your posts and ignore them, right? Or make your profile

private. If it's not a thing, if they're not aiming to make standup comedy, a career, maybe make it private. Their friends can enjoy it. They can enjoy it. Blah, blah,

blah. Or just mute the trolls or ignore them. You know what I mean? Yeah. And like, talk to me like, Hey, these people don't fucking matter.

They're just assholes. Everyone's a fucking piece of shit behind an anonymous computer screen. And also like, again, frame it in the sense of being like, Hey, are you comfortable with these? Right? Like check in with your partner and don't just sort of like, tell them what to do. Yes. Be like, again, frame it in the sense of being like, Hey, are you comfortable with these? Right? Like check in with your partner and don't just sort of like tell them what to do. Be like, Hey, you are spending a lot of time and investing a lot of energy and engaging with people who are giving you nothing but negative feedback. Are you okay? Is this affecting you? Like, do you need help managing it? Like, is it's okay not to engage with them and sort of like give them support and reassurance that way but there might be a little something something like if i was

posting content and someone was like you're just really hot i don't know if i would really hate that yeah if we post a thing i mean like you guys aren't funny but damn you're good looking i'd be like hey we got a nice comment yeah i would take that like i think there is a part of being in show business where you kind of have to like if that's the angle that people are going to paint you in it's like all right then like i'll be the hot one like it's fine sure if internet strangers want to backhand compliment me i'm not gonna get fucking fussed about that yeah again i think the point we made where it's like if it's affecting them is very important. If it's not affecting them, look at

why it seems to be affecting you. If they don't want to improve their skills as you say, maybe you don't get the jokes. If the other comedians are laughing, they're the pros. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, they're the ones getting the jokes. I imagine comedians are more likely

to not laugh at something than they are to laugh at something. Unless it's, like, comedian ethics. Maybe. I don't know. I feel like I've seen comedians be like... Yeah. At least in Toronto, the stand-up comedy scene is uncomfortable to say the least. I did once go to a, like, a...

What's the word? Just, like, there were a bunch of different comics where they all dressed up as a character for Mario, and they did, like, the roast of Super Mario, or roast of Nintendo, and they all took the stage, and, like, one of them took the stage and bombed so hard, and, like, not only was there an audience not laughing, there were nine other

stand-up comics on stage looking awkward and not laughing, and it really was a painful moment for everybody. And by moment, I mean about seven minutes and it fucking sucks. Yeah. So yeah, just like, let your partner do their thing and you are not obligated to be a part of it.

Like let them have their own thing. Let them have their own world. Maybe standup comedy is their private sphere in which they go and make their own friends and make their own community and exist without you. And then, but just like, again, tell them, be like, Hey, if you have a big show without you. And then, but just like, again, tell them,

be like, Hey, if you have a big show and you need me there, you let me know. But I would, at this point in time, I've gone to 39 shows. I would like to bow out for a bit to sort of like recharge the comedy

battery. And when you need me, I will be there in a drop of a hat. You just let me know and I will be there. But if you're just going to keep doing the circuit, like you're doing, I might not go. In a drop of a hat, you just let me know and I will be there. But if you're just going to keep doing the circuit like you're doing, I might not go to every show. And hopefully, they

should understand that. This question comes from Jumpy Pollution and a bunch of numbers. My girlfriend is a cuck, and I don't think I like or approve it anymore. She was always open about her fetish since the beginning of our relationship. I was never particularly a polyamorous person and always maintained monogamy in my previous relations.

However, as strange as it is for the female gender, she simply gets pleasure and dopamine by watching me fuck other women in front of her. Not gonna lie, in the beginning it was so different that it was cool and I even used to tell her I like it. But now she just finds new girls on dating apps for me to fuck in front of her. She even makes me call her names and insults. She even told me that to not take a shower so she can smell the other girl later.

I'm just not in love with her anymore. Don't even want to be next to her. And don't know how she will react when I tell her this BS gotta stop. Well, look, we can't give you advice when you've already nailed the approach. Yeah. Right? Just rock right up. This BS gotta stop. Yeah. Right? Just rock right up.

This BS got to stop. Yeah. Close the door in her face. Slam like a big book or something. Yeah. You got to have something that really extends. You've got to have an audible period. Yeah.

Right? Or an exclamation. No, it's got to be a period, I think. You don't want to shout it. No, that's rude. It's like, excuse me, girl, woman, this BS got to stop. Yeah. Slam.

Done. Done. Slam. Done. Done. So honestly, got another question. Let's just call it here because that's going to be my answer for the rest of the BS. Got to stop. Got to stop. It's funny because like your whole position on this, you know, you go first. This has upset me a lot.

There's a bit of a journey and the journey was like, oh, it was new and cool. Yeah. And like, I thought it was like, oh, over time i grew to not really like it and you know but it was like uh i don't love them anymore it's like whoa yeah okay look if you aren't into something you do not have to participate no so at the point where you stopped being into this is the point when you should have said hey i'm not really feeling it right now yeah and like if they were like oh that's cool great if they were like no i need this relationship to be happy great either way you get to go your separate ways right so that's what should have happened what you've done is continue to do a thing you don't enjoy to the point where it's bread resentment which is not good so don't do that talk to them be like hey i'm not into this anymore the cooking but at this point you also might not be into the

person because you've let it breed so much resentment which is why we say to not do that yeah i would like to know the order of operations in terms of like was it you participated in a fetish for so long that you weren't comfortable that made you not like this person or like not love this person anymore or was it you never you not like this person or like not love this person anymore or was it you never really cared about this person you just really like the novelty of being able to fuck a bunch of random people in front of your partner and that was like oh this is hot this is sexy someone is just finding me an endless cycle of new sexual partners and i get to fuck whoever i want whenever i want and then you were like once that got bored or words that got boring for you and you got bored you were like i never really liked this

person i like the situation like there's so many things was it even like an escalation where you didn't mind it but then you didn't like call her bad words and then oh you didn't like not having a shower like what was it and why did you not bring it up? Yes. There was a line somewhere at some point in time that you happily crossed or crossed willingly. Like you went past what you were comfortable with. And now it's riding down uncomfortable road until you met. Don't love you anymore. Avenue. And you turned a hard right before going to Reddit.

Yeah. Like you at no point in time or like had a conversation or were like, like hey i don't like after sex i want to have a shower like i understand that this is something that you want and enjoy however maybe we do a cuddle sesh afterwards and you can sort of get your foil yeah you can you can huff my dick for a bit and then i will but it's like we talk about a lot like your partner's fetish doesn't need to dictate your level of comfort. No, even if they have a fetish and you like a bit of it, you don't

need to do all of it, right? So if you were good with a little bit of it, so like maybe occasionally fucking someone or maybe fucking someone but not degrading your partner or not not showering. You could do a little bit and again, it's up to them and you to work out if this compromise works and if it doesn't find somebody else you know what i mean but if she's

like oh cool you can do it a little bit amazing for me thank you so much great yeah but you don't you shouldn't turn around and be like i just gotta do everything i guess yeah sucks it's like i also feel like you had no input on the women that she was finding and bringing it sounds like you just were had no input on anything yeah and that's not a good way to be in a relationship especially not whole relationship seems to hinge on a fetish yes there is no sort of like boundaries set there is no safety guidelines met like were you screening these people for any sort of like boundaries set. There was no safety guidelines met. Like, were you screening these people for any sort of like STIs? Like what, was there any sort of like safety process?

Was there like, how do you know where she was finding these people? Could you veto people? Yes. Could you, did you have a safety word or a signal if you were uncomfortable in the moment? Yeah.

Like, was it just like you walked in and there was just someone and she was like, fuck her. And you're like, okay, that's the kind of the stuff. And like people always, this is something I found, especially in my most recent stint

as being like a single person on dating apps and like dating was everyone seemed to be like, I'm kink. I'm kink friendly. I'm kinky. Everyone says that. And then you start talking to them and like, there were people who were like, oh, I've got like a really big, like CNC kink. And I've got like a really, I met more than one person who are into like this fantasy of like a home invasion

but they were like i don't want to discuss anything because i will like so what you're asking for is a crime yes you want me to commit a crime and hope that you're chill i i do everything exactly correct so that you don't feel unsafe like i was just like and the amount of people who were like their whole profile was big on like yeah kink forward kink friendly and blah blah blah and like have all like all the right jargon we have to talk about this so often and we have to talk about so often because people are not good at it yeah and you know it's like i'm learning the ropes of kink as well you know like there was a lot of stuff that i had to have partners were would have to educate me and like tell me about something it's like so it's always a learning process but i think everyone involved in kink is also always constantly yeah right no

one's just like did it yeah it's very wild to me how many people are like i'm super kinky it's like great cool like let's talk about it and like no okay i guess you're kinky you're just not healthy of being kinky yeah you know and i feel like there's there's so many people and it's like we again we get questions like this all the time where people are like here's my kink but my partner doesn't want to do it or my partner has a kink and i don't want to do it and it's just like guys kinks and fetishes are important to satisfy and explore but if that's the hook of your relationship it needs to be like in a stud and not on drywall yes right like that and so many people are just like kink slamming

on the wall and be like great let's hang a fucking mirror on it and be like oh no it ripped and smashed all over the place and now i'm bleeding from you can tell you've been doing a lot of moving you want your relationship to be more like a frog box than like a wet cardboard box. You know? Exactly. Yeah. Thank you. Exactly.

Yeah. So don't ever let it get to this point. Communicate your boundaries. Boom. Yeah. And once you hit a point, like just because you've agreed to a fetish or a kink, the second you hit a point where it gets too far, you say, hey, actually, I'm not comfortable with that. Let's walk it back.

Let's reevaluate our boundaries. It's like consent. It's not just like, shit, I said yes, now I'm going to fuck them. I did it once. Yeah, exactly. You can withdraw your consent. You can change your parameters. You can, and you should.

And the nice thing about fetish and kink is that, like, you can tweak based on person to person to person. Right. Or even day to day today. Exactly. So there might be times where you're like, hey, I'm really into spanking. And maybe one time it's like, I just want hands. Next time I want belt.

I want whip. I want whatever. And like you haven't opened that door forever. Yeah. It's not like, oh, you used paddle once. It's paddle every day. It's paddle every day. It's like, no, you can be like, hey, I i love the paddle last time can we do soft hand spanking today yes and

if your partner at any point in time is like no i'm hooked on paddle then be like okay great this isn't for me anymore yeah we've had this conversation a thousand times fucking relax chill out talk to your partners before it gets to the point where you don't love them anymore because of a fetish and re-evaluate why you're getting into a relationship if you're just doing if you're just satisfying someone else's kink because it's new and exciting for you and then the second it's not you're gonna be like fuck you you don't mean anything to me then you're not a good partner and you're not, in my opinion, a good person. This week's episode is sponsored by Flir, a sex-positive dating app that puts your desire and pleasure to the forefront.

We've told a lot of stories of our dating exploits over the years. What's the fastest you've gone from chatting on an app to something more spicy? Honestly, the very first time I used a dating app and the very first person I met up with from that app was a lady who messaged me. She wanted to come over. I will say I was uncomfortable having a stranger in my home before even meeting them in person. So we had a bar down the road, had two drinks, and then we came back to my apartment and we got things a little spicier. So a couple of hours, but it was a lot of fun and like a very good first kind of foray into online dating and the rest kind of followed from there. What about yourself? Yeah, one of my first, I would say like probably towards the beginning

of like my real dating career when I first discovered online dating. I went on a really great first date with a lovely young lady and we went back to her place. We hooked up and she was like, it's great because my roommate's out of town. So like, you know, we can be as loud as you want.

She was like visiting family or something somewhere else. And I was like, awesome, cool. So after we had hooked up, I went to the bathroom. I was not clothed because why would I be? And I went to the bathroom when I came out, her roommate was just chilling there. And I had, you know, the whole hog out, just, just out and about. And I was like, Oh, I'm'm sorry i didn't know you were home you weren't supposed to be home i'm you know with so and so and uh sorry and then i just kind of jokingly be like yo if you want to join come on in and we left and then she did in fact come on in and it was my first real threesome amazing if you're looking something similar, Flur makes it easy to indulge your naughtier side by providing a safe, fun, and inclusive space to explore your kinks. If you're

looking for face-to-face intimate encounters, you can chat and explore peace of mind knowing you can rely on Flur's authentication procedures to ensure you're talking to a real person. Maybe you and your partner are looking for a third to spice things up in the bedroom. Flur supports couples profiles and they can make it so that you can find a perfect match together. Not ready to meet up in person, but still want to get a little dirty. You can explore the virtual realm and engage in sexting with like-minded people all over the world. So Flur encourages users to openly share their desires and fantasies and find like-minded individuals to explore them with, whether it's for one night stands, friends with benefits, sexting, or even long-term relationships. There are no forbidden desires, just mandatory respect and consent. And most importantly, it's about the pleasure of intimacy, the passion

between people, and the desire to try something new. So head on over to Fleur.com to download the app today. That is www.fleure.com. Fleur Dating, made for pleasure. This is by Throare Biscotti. Hi, 35-year-old female. Need there to be less topping? How do I do that without hurting or embarrassing him? 40-year-old male. Long-time lurker.

First-time poster. It's awkward to discuss with friends and family, so I thought I'd anonymously ask an incredible sex and dating advice podcast. Oh. I'm a married 35-year-old woman. Husband is 40. We've been together for five years, married for four years. Basically, last year, my husband, while we lay in bed, asked if I want to try anal. I told slash reminded him I never would, then jokingly said, but if he wanted to try it, I'd be willing.

From his body language, it was clear he was embarrassed, ashamed, and we left at that because I know if I said anything further, he would have been upset. A couple of months later, though, he brought it up again and said he'd actually like to try. I was surprised because I had never expected it, especially after his response when I jokingly said it. I agreed I'd be willing to try, but I need to do some research. Hell yeah. Okay, great. I'm an analytical thinker and I got to researching and preparing. More like anal- analytic thinker. Ayo. I mean, if I'm going to do it, I aim to do it well. Two months later, I told my husband I was ready and started talking about the research. My husband then revealed he'd done it once before and didn't need much explained to him.

And the day came, and well, apparently I was good at it. Like, really good. According to him, I had stamina. I was in great control of my silico and appendage. It was a wild few times, and I was good with it. I mean, I don't gain any physical pleasure from it, but I enjoy giving pleasure, so in that way, I guess it was very satisfying. Of course, we also had regular sex, and I was certainly satisfied.

Now to the problem. He wants it all the time. It has become an almost daily thing, and sometimes multiple times a day. I work from home, and on some days the man comes home during his lunch break just for it. I've literally started doing targeted exercises to strengthen my core, back, hip, and leg muscles so I can keep momentum. I mean, I could tear a phone book in half of my arms while crushing those stonehenge

rocks with the power of my thighs. Truly, at this point, a singular thrust from me could pierce a hole in the space-time continuum that they keep talking about in movies. I'm as insatiable. I don't want to make him feel ashamed or awkward like before, but I need him to ease up. My husband's definitely very sensitive about this topic, and I don't really want to hurt him, but this easily can go wrong

and he'll shut down. How do I go about it? Okay, do you want to ease up because you don't like it or is it exhausting like i don't i need to know why you want to ease up if it's just too much then i think that is it's no different than like any other sexual act yeah like if he was coming home every day and was like i need a blow job blow me then we would be like yeah that's wild and even even if it was like a sexual act where you both received pleasure from it you can still have it too much yeah you know yeah even still yeah yeah like if every day he was coming and just being like i want to have sex and you didn't want to have sex then like it's the same situation so i understand that there's a little bit more sensitivity because of his nature and

maybe some guilt and shame and whatever. Which sucks, because obviously it's something he's into, very much so. So it would be nice if he could take that, and you could take that shame out of the room and actually discuss things in a healthy manner. Yeah, and I think you need to do it

regardless. The band-aid needs to get get ripped because the longer you play along, yes, the harder it is to break from that. So just, I think it can be a very simple conversation of just like, look, obviously I love doing this. I love giving you pleasure and like flatter a little bit.

Like it's super hot when you come really hard when I do that. You know what I mean? And thank him for trusting you to, you know what I mean? And thank him for trusting you. I think it's really hot that you were open about this, right? And the fact that you allowed me to be a part of this, and the fact that you embraced it, that's really fucking

sexy. And as I said, I love doing this for you. However, it's becoming a bit much for me to maintain. All the time. Can we hit the brakes a little bit? Yeah. Can we dial it back? I know this is something you like.

I don't want to remove it. Yeah. It's not a judgment thing. It's not, it's nothing other than physical exhaustion. You could even be like, look, if we're fucking or blowjobs and like we said earlier, it'd be like, if it was this all this to this frequency, it would be the same answer. So it's nothing to do with that. Yeah.

And like, I don't see why or how he could be shitty about that yes yeah and if he does just be like i really need you to understand that this is something for me and it has nothing to do with you yeah right like and especially not the act too yeah it's just like you know i'm i'm starting to get really tired it takes a lot of work on my end. And I just need to sort of, you know, we need to find a happy balance. And it's again, I'm not,

I don't want to cut it out because I do like it. And I'm, I love that you like it, but we need to sort of figure out the sweet spot of equilibrium between everything else. And I wouldn't want you to feel like you were obligated to do a certain thing for me every day or on a regular basis based on every time I wanted it. Yeah.

And I don't think it's fair that I should be obligated or feel like I have to do it every time. Because if anything is going to make it not fun for me, it's obligation. Yeah. I think that's such a reasonable thing to ask. Yeah. So it shouldn't go wrong. And if it does, like if there's a kind of a reflexive, that's the word. There's like a reflexive, like lashing out or defensiveness or anything.

Maybe give him a second, broach it again later, give him some space. Cause again, sadly, this person does seem to have the shame about it. But like, then when you bring it up, maybe try to be like look i want us to be able to talk about this i think we need to be able to healthily so like your response earlier it's like obviously i don't feel shame about doing this with you if i'm gonna rail you on your lunch break you don't need to feel the shame like it's a safe space me and you like i've got you it's all good yeah you know me like again i find it really hot that you were able to be honest with me. And also, I love making you cum.

Leave it at that, you know? Yeah. Because you don't want to, this wouldn't have been a problem if it was something else. But you feel like you're walking on eggshells because they're a little sensitive. So, which is fine, you know, and understandable. But I think the sooner you broach that as well, the better. Yes, absolutely.

So take it slow, frame it from your point of view, as we usually suggest. Yeah. Make sure that you do create a comfort space that you do address the fact that like, it's not the act, it's the frequency.

And hopefully your partner will understand and you can find a happy medium of what you need and what they need. And then then you're living a good life. Yeah. So good luck. This is from wildcard with a heart. How do I, a 22 year old female, learn to have good sex without needing an emotional connection? So I, a 22 year female, have only ever had terrible sexual experiences.

I've experimented quite a bit with multiple casual partners and it was all terrible. And given all these encounters have one thing in common, I think I'm the problem here. My friends and I came to the conclusion that I'm probably the kind of person that needs an emotional connection to enjoy sex. A conclusion we reach because I'm quite shy and have only ever had sex in the context of one night stands or friends with benefits. How do I learn to enjoy sex without establishing an emotional connection? I remember seeing advice to this question a while ago floating around up there on the internet somewhere, but I wasn't paying attention. I feel like there's two ways we can go with this.

One, you can have a friends with benefits situation with an emotional connection. Yes. That's not what I think they mean, which is like dating. It's weirder to me that you had friends with benefits and didn't have emotional connection. Yeah. So pick somebody you like. It's always where it's like there's a difference between a friends with benefits situation and casual sex with someone that you don't know. Yes.

Right. Or even if it's just like someone that you met at a bar and you hooked up with once and then every now and then you booty call. That's not a friends with benefits situation. No. That is random sexual encounters with someone that you've had sexual encounters before yeah like friends with benefits first word yeah friends it's friends but even then it's like if i was talking about someone on the regular i would still have some kind of emotional connection with them and it would be i like them or their company or their you know if i went over and they

were repulsed or repulsing or repulsed yeah or like shitty or like whatever it's like i've had sex with people i don't even super like i quite like hanging out with and i just kind of like fizzled on it because i had sex with people i like to hang out with more even if it was we barely knew each other i just enjoyed being around them and that's my point is that like you seem to be like forgetting the fact that like in order for a friends with benefits situation to in my opinion count as such you need to do something or like something other than sex with that person even if it is literally like hanging out 20 minutes or 20 minutes after and just shooting the shit having a conversation or playing a video game or you know

smoking weed or having a drink like anything or even just during like if you guys vibe right like it seems weird to me that there wouldn't be an emotional connection there so and again if you're sleeping with anybody regularly and there isn't some kind of thing again unless you're talking emotional connection like we're in love we're dating yes that seems very strange to me and you're picking people maybe you're trying to distance yourself so much from this emotional connection that you're picking people you don't like i don't even think it's like you're refusing to even think of like and i i'm not even sure if it's a matter of liking i think you're actively choosing people you have no chemistry with maybe right like i think you're actively being like i don't feel anything for that person so their ideal sexual partner and it's like no

it's it's not that's not how it works it's like some people might be able to do that but but i can almost guarantee even if you do it you're it's like what's the point it's like tying your legs together i mean like let's let's have a sprinting race and it's like you could not do that and you'd be able to sprint. Sure, you'll make some distance and maybe you become very good at hopping on two legs. But why would you do it? Is it fun? Is it enjoyable? You might be able to get to the finish line.

Great. Congratulations, you did it. But did it suck the entire time? Yes. Which seems like the answer in your situation is yes. So I think you're hamstringing yourself if you try to pick people you feel nothing for, whether it be chemistry or any kind of connection in that way.

And I think a lot of people get this so wrong about casual sex. Second thing, if we're going to talk more about the physical aspect of enjoying sex, orgasm gap exists. Casual sex is not ideal for straight women to come because men are really bad in bed and also women all have different things that work for them so the less casual the sex you're having with someone the more you know their body if you're the kind of person that gives a fuck but also secondly a lot of men don't control take it into your own hands literally

if you know how to pleasure yourself make sure if you're writing a guy or he's fucking you get involved with your own clit you know what i mean don't just be a passive participant in this thing where it's like oh well i had bad sex he didn't make me come like either one say hey can you do this or can i have more of this or less of this like Get involved. And two, make yourself comfortable. Fuck, don't be fucked. Exactly. Even if you're fucking collaboratively. Even if

you want to just be fucked, that has to be a conscious decision and communicated by you. And then you need to be fucked the way you want to be. Again, not that you jump in and start being like, do this, do that. But if you're not a communicative active participant in the sex you're having, you're obviously not going to enjoy it that much because you're just kind of hoping that this

rando you're with is good, gives a shit, knows anything about you, can read your cues. Yeah. Knows your body language. Like there's little subtle clues. Like once you start sleeping with someone, like I know when it's time to slow down. I know when it's time to slow down i know when it's time to speed up i know when to pound you know dig take someone to pound town because like i know that's what they need when they start breathing this way and when their arm goes above their you know i mean there's

nothing little there's nothing better than knowing your partner's body sometimes better than they know where they're like i'm done you're not gonna get any more and then you're like are you sure and you know based on your complex things where it's like, Oh, if I go really quick, like here, that's going to kick them into like that final one. Or like,

Oh, if I go like achingly slowly, I know despite how sensitive they are, it's going to fucking rock. And like, that's the sweet spot. But that's when you get there from knowing them for so long, this rando has no idea.

And you're going to be throwing more fuel on the fire in a bad way if you're also faking enjoyment or orgasms right if you're doing like the porn star moan of like oh i'm having sex this is i gotta you know then they're not even reading your signals correctly because you're giving out falsing yeah so there's so much there's such a long list of things that are so easy to do. It's like one, like don't have sex for the sake of having sex. Yes. Sure.

Everyone likes to get laid, but if all of your experiences are terrible, then what's the fucking point? This thing, obviously everyone doesn't like to get laid, right? Like something's going wrong. So make sure, as Dane said,

a hundred percent, you want to have sex, make sure it's the right time for you. Make sure it's the right time for you make sure it's the right person for you yeah make sure it's right situation like is it a car is it a shower we've talked about it before and i think this is something you say where it's like it's not cold just because it's casual right like it doesn't have to be so detached and devoid of affected friendliness warmth you know they're like if you my big thing especially as i went older if i wasn't laughing in some point during sex either you know when you got there and we're

just shooting the shit before we get to it or afterwards what we're just hanging out for however long we want to hang out for after we've had sex or during like if you make me laugh or something happens where we're laughing during sex i am immediately 100 going to enjoy it more yes and as the walls are down yeah it's like there's nothing worse than like that stoic like arms length not literally but like emotionally arms laying like fuck that bullshit and i it makes me so sad when people want that because they don't want that. But they think that's what you're meant to do. Just don't. Relax. Take a deep breath.

Understand that emotion doesn't necessarily mean commitment and emotion doesn't necessarily mean weakness. Feel things. Sex is so much better when you feel something. And it doesn't again it doesn't have to be love it doesn't have to be romance it doesn't have to be any of these things

it just has to be do you vibe is there a spark if there's no spark don't fuck them yeah it's so simple it doesn't matter how hot they are because i would rather have sex with someone that i have a lot of chemistry and i learned this when i was young i spent a lot of time having kind of mediocre sex with really really attractive people and i was like this sucks yeah it doesn't matter how hot you are it doesn't matter how great your body is this isn't enjoyable yeah especially if like if you're not feeling a spark some part of you doesn't think they're that hot yeah in some way you know what i mean so you might just be convincing yourself or it's like oh if you're basing it on like oh the three people i hung out with said they were hot so i gotta fuck them like and then then i'll get my social care like no just fuck people you want to fuck yeah and allow yourself to vibe yes and allow yourself to make the call before you have a

terrible sexual encounter be like there ain't nothing here yeah save yourself time effort yeah emotion like emotional drain the amount of time where again in this like sort of most recent where i was way more discerning way pickier way more sort of on board with what i wanted and what i needed out of sexual relationships the amount of times where like i'd be talking to someone and like after x amount of time we'd have a date set up and then like there was no vibe like there was no like banter there was nothing where i was just like a lot of times where i'd just be like i could go on this date and i could probably have sex with them and yeah maybe it's great but it's just like there was no drive to do it's like i'm just gonna jerk off and then play video games or something

right it's like i like that was more satisfying than spending all this time and doing the date and then going back to the place and then, you know, making sure that I never did anything. And then you have like a lackluster sexual experience. Yeah, and then it's like, great, now I'm just not going to talk to them again or I have to have the conversation and be like, hey, didn't enjoy that. And like, I just didn't want to have

that conversation anymore. So I waited until there was a time where I was like, oh, I'm actively thinking about fucking you and seeing you want to have that conversation anymore so i waited until there was a time where i was like oh i'm actively thinking about fucking you and seeing you and hanging out with you and it's like okay great now i know that this is someone that i even if i go on a date and we don't vibe the me looking forward to it is a big part if you're not looking forward to fucking someone then absolutely fail on it do them a favor yes yeah start wrapping up my heat with a real quick one no okay at the end of the episode we like to hop onto online

dating platforms and peruse profiles and see what works see what doesn't work in effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable I got a few for you okay don't just rapid fire how many you got I don't have any great so let's start with this one it's going to be a rare time where we talk about picture okay right but this person on their profile which is wilder than it existing which is already wild they have a full like leg sleeve tattoo dedicated to various serial killers. Oh, cool. So, Gacy, Bundy, Dahmer, Manson, all just tattooed in I would say horrific fashion,

is that? It's like, really like... One kind of looks like Neil Patrick Harris, which is weird. Yeah, it's very much like mediocre tattoo quality. Yes. Right? Like, it's yeah. So, what do you think? It's, look, there's a lot of girlies out there that fucking love them

some true kind that love them some serial killers i think the second you start like making it your whole identity i'm not even going to talk like i don't want to get into the psychology of things because i am not a professional however i just think it's a very uninteresting angle to hinge your personality on you know right like i think if all of it is just like and i feel this way about like anything right like i feel like if you just hinge your profile your personality on a thing yeah probably bad and you like either you care about serial killers so much that you did this, or you want people to think that you care about serial killers so much that you did this. Both options are lame for me. Lame at best.

Yeah. At worst, you're actively into these people and want to emulate them. Yes. Or you think they did good things, which again... Absolutely heinous people who did heinous things to other human beings. Yes. And you were like hey you know what i want i want horrible people immortalized horribly on me on my body

yeah so it's like no thanks it would be a like it's a flat out minus 10 for me like not even a chance it is a guy i believe okay the leg just i don't know if that matters but no like there's another world in which i even go what happened in here i think it does matter i think it's actually worse with a guy yes because a lot of these men did horrible things specifically to women yes right and most serial killers are men and men typically are likely to see themselves. Right? So it's like, I think there's that really fucked up male fantasy of being able to extrapolate and be like,

idolize people that shouldn't be idolized. Not saying that women don't or can't, but... I think it's possible it was like, oops, I'm way too into a true crime girly if it was a girl's leg. But it's also highly possible it's, I will serially kill you. Yes.

In this case. The fact that you put that on your dating profile also being like, hey women, I'm dangerous to you, specifically. It's bad. Terrible. Minus ten. Yeah. This is a prompt. Something I'm embarrassed to admit that I love is hentai.

Okay. I mean, yeah, and we try to keep there's a fun flirtiness that you can get by being spicy on your profile but this really is no different than being like a thing i'm embarrassed to admit is like i love anal porn or yeah i love like you you've narrowcasted a very specific sort of sexual thing, sexual media that you consume, and one typically problematic in terms of like... Octopus abuse.

Yeah, and like a lot of young-centric stuff, like a lot of, you know what I mean, like there is... I feel like it's just, it's a bad call to do something like this on your profile because the odds of you finding someone who's like, hell yeah, I love hentai, incredibly low, I would say. And it's also a private thing that people don't really have a say in whether you get to enjoy it or not. Yes. If I want to watch anal porn or a specific kind of porn, BDSM porn, whatever, I don't need my partner's consent to consume a private thing.

So you're forcing a private matter into the public without anyone's... No one wants this, right? What are you hoping for? Are you just hoping you find someone who goes, I love hentai too and like that's it like cool because i think that's the only possible good option from this because you're either going to get someone who's like no right swipe or whatever swipe i don't fucking know or x or whatever or you're going to get someone who's like okay so i was helping just i just i don't see that doesn't gain you anything on your profile. It doesn't give you depth.

It's not interesting to talk about. I was helping a friend recently with their dating profile and they were a younger guy and his profile was what we would call super bland and boring. And I was trying to like give him some spice, boost him up. He's a very handsome young man. He's very, very man. He's very, very funny. He's very cool.

He's got a lot going for him. And I think that will carry him pretty far in terms of his physical appearance. But I was like, I said something and I was like, Oh, that's, that's a good metric of things.

And I was like, don't add anything in your online dating profile that you wouldn't lean over and say to someone at a bar sure right because one you wouldn't turn to someone just be like i like soccer it's like okay cool and you certainly wouldn't be like hey it's really embarrassing to admit i like hentai or even just like i like hentai or like or you wouldn't strike up a conversation about hentai with someone unless there was the context to do so which is the context that you could have once you start messaging someone yes right if they start

talking about anime and then like oops that you know i mean like you can finesse your way into those things the same way that you can finesse your way into talking about sexy stuff sure yeah right so like it's not something you open with. It's not something you use in your... What's your problem with soccer? I'm just saying it's like, that's... If the prompt is... Soccer's a bad example. But it's just like, if I wouldn't start super vague somewhere... No, that's why I was like, I was wondering, is the vagueness an issue or the issue?

Yes. Because I like soccer. Cool. You kind of sound like a toddler. And it doesn't mean anything, right? If you're like, oh, you're talking and you're like, oh, I actually play football on the weekends with my friends. Cool. You kind of sound like a toddler. And it doesn't mean anything. If you're like, oh, you're talking and you're like, oh, I actually play football on the weekends with my friends. Yes. That's way better.

I'm in a rec league where I play with my friends or I coach my brother's little league team. That is way more interesting. It's interesting. I like soccer is like, good job, Todd. You wouldn't say, I like hanging out with my friends to a stranger, right? And if you do, it's a crazy thing to fucking say to a complete stranger. I like music and Netflix and hanging out with my friends. But so many people have that in their profile.

And it's like, nobody fucking cares because everybody likes that. So it's like, don't say something on your profile that wouldn't be interesting to say to an actual human being because the people who are reading your profiles, I don't know if you know this, are people that you're trying to impress. I just got a message. It's another question. It says, no, they're not. They're not. It says, brackets, love you.

And that says, double brackets, join the Patreon. Yeah, weird. Do you have another one? Yes. Do you want me to yes do you want to just do one or two because one two one okay i gotta do this the good one then okay this one took me for a journey okay haven't been on here in a while honestly just looking for my situationship nile who i've been seeing and sleeping with raw damn near every day for months and tells me that he

loves me crying laughing heads up for the other girl. I'ma swipe right on y'all. In search of fellow wooks and feral gremlins too. Let's be friends. I don't know what wooks means. I really hope it's not slurred. If that's problematic, we're sorry. If it's a slurred, maybe I'll look it up. Tell me what you think about the profile.

Yeah. It said your name specifically? It said my name! And I don't know if i blacked out there for a second but are they saying their hookup nile presumably i like what i seem to understand is that they're hooking up with they have a situationship with someone named nile yes presumably not me hopefully so they came on this dating app to see if they were on there okay not unless

they're looking for their situationship nile having been a fan of this podcast right yeah i don't know and like they're looking for nile on the thing but then they say that they're right swiping everyone else yeah i don't know i don't know man i don't know and it says girlie's just a heads up and i don't know is it like heads up Niall's been fucking me raw. Yeah. He says he loves me or heads up girlies. I'm going to swipe right on you. Right. It's very confusing. I don't know.

I'm giving it a zero because I don't understand any of it. I'm giving a zero because it could be about me. It could be about. And I haven't been fucking you raw. Hopefully. I, as far as I'm aware, you're still looking up the definition of,

I think it, it means like a festival goer who does drugs. It seems to be. Okay, cool. So I don't think there's anything. So that's going to do it for us. Friends.

We love you. We love you very much. As our weird question asker who's been sending us things. If you want to support the show, uh, there are two ways to do it. You can come see us live shows, black sheep.

Uh, we will have our next show ready to tell you soon. We were in the process of getting the next couple of dates to join the patron F buddiesdiespodcast.com click the patreon link or go to patreon.com slash fbuddies the middle tier will get you a bonus episode called pillow talk every month and we would love to have you there it would be a great way to support the show and help us do cool things do you have some bad sex writing for us i do where do i put it also get another message just says the episodes are really good on the Patreon. Weird. Hmm.

I get some bad sex green. Comfortable? Thank you, Josh Egelman, however, for the song Paper Stars. He could feel the tight fingers of her cervix move slightly against his knob. With fresh strength, Mark pushed and pushed, forcing the head of his prick against the door to her womb. He could feel her giving way. He could feel her cervix tilting.

This is... My favorite thing is people not understand. Like, you don't want to get in the womb. You don't want to force your way past the cervix? Maybe make it tilt? Maybe feel its fingers?

Fingers? Hey! What are you fucking? Cause it's not a woman. Or a human. It, it's certainly... Or a human. It's certainly nothing with a human vagina. That's for sure. I mean, hey, maybe I'm not a doctor.

Maybe the cervix does have finger-like appendages. Is that why it's called fingering? You never got the handshake when you went up? Hey, how you doing? Nice to meet you. Hey, you want finger dab, girl? What? You want finger dab? You you want finger dab you want dab things what that's the noise that you do have to make

when you finger someone oh you do yeah and if you don't you're a criminal it's true my name is day miller and i'm not spain oh there's a question here right now it says we've been your fuck buddy but you stole my line how dare you says brackets love you