F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 29 - Dry Mans and Plurbis

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

I feel like we say this a lot, but, man, this episode got away from us.  We're still coming in hot with that advice you so desperately crave, but we're also coming at you with a whole lot of extras that I don't think anyone, including us, wanted.  In this episode, we either revolutionize sex or ruin it forever.  Topics include emotional bamboozling, being the weird kid, on the DL, next gen pudenda, cling envy, and rectum dining.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Bain, and we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. How's it going? Welcome back.

Thanks. I needed that. Oh, I needed that. I know. I'm so tired. Me too. I'm trying to like regulate my sleep again. Yeah, fuck that.

I was up really late last night again so I woke up really late last night and then I woke up really early tonight or today Dane's waking up in the future that's great so what's exciting about this week's episode is me and Dane have, unlike what we usually do

we've actually set a theme for the week and what's even more exciting is we're not going to tell you what it is. So you're going to have to figure it out. So we've carefully curated this week's episode's questions to fit into a theme. And let us know what you think it is.

First person to get it right, you'll see. Do I get to guess as well? Go for it. Because I have not done this. What was your first question? You want to do the first question? Obviously. We planned this out.

You know what? I'm going to jump on this because I found this question, and it ties into something we talked about last week. This comes from user Iwantmorepickles. And the question was... The answer is no. Pickles aren't great. Self-confessed unempathetic.

How would you feel about continuing to date someone who has described themselves as being unempathetic and stating they are good at feigning empathy for girlfriends' emotions? The dude I'm dating seems like a considerate guy and is generally nice, but I'm concerned by these open admissions in regards to himself. It's been about four weeks. And this is... I thought it was a good tie-in to last week's been about four weeks and this is i thought it was a good tie-in to last week's i'm a bad person i'm a shit person yeah i don't know why they're like what's the motivation for saying that it's weird like it's one thing to be like hey like

you know i'm not the most receptive to emotions uh so like sometimes to, like you have to sort of spell it out for me sometimes because I'm not going to pick up on things. Yeah. Like that's one thing. But to then be like, I'm really good at faking. Yeah. Caring about you. I'm a highly functioning sociopath.

Yeah. That's like, that's pretty much what he said. Yeah. It's like, well, maybe that's what he means. Like maybe he's, it's like, it comes from a point of being unsure, but he doesn't really want to say hey like i'm not very good at understanding because it you know a lot of people

i think that's a little embarrassing to admit like i don't get certain situations so he's saying that but then instantly trying to like but like i'm real good like it's kind of like uh i'm letting myself be vulnerable for a second but then i going to try seem cool again by saying this thing. I think it's, if that's the case, it's really awkwardly, if not terribly handled. But like, that's the only thing I can maybe. Like, given the benefit of the doubt is like that. If we want to go like positive on this, there's that. If we don't, he's the-

Literally just admitted he's a sociopath. Yeah, yeah. And there's like 99% of them is a serial killer and 1% of them managed to slip that warning out just to like, it's like, just be careful. It's like, what? No, don't worry. Huh? Want to see my panel van?

Just let me put on these see-through shades. Like, you know those glasses with the see-through mirrors? I got a weird fetish where I just cover my whole living room in plastic wrap. You want to lie down on that for a second? Hey, hey, don't open that. That's my cleaver collection. Why do you have two coffin freezers? Well, it'll keep me cool.

What's up with that radiator? Why are there like seven pairs of handcuffs on it? Lost the keys to the other six. Huh? I mean, art. Yeah. I mean, like it's, he's a serial killer. I'm sure it's a really weird approach.

And again, like, I'm assuming it's coming from the same people who like, say, like, I'm a shitty person it's coming from that like place of insecurity where you're you're giving yourself an out or an excuse yeah like for your void hurt your bad behavior yeah or or even just like if you think the the relationship's not going your way or if you think that like you might get hurt in this relationship you can then play the like i'm an asshole card i'm out bye and that kind of like absolves you of feeling vulnerable you did this thing that was really bad but i told you i was an asshole so therefore it doesn't count yeah what that's how it works it's uh it's an odd it's an odd tactic to play it's still one i don't

really understand no um because all we can do is, try and come up with reasons for it. Again, if it was just the first half of his conversation of just being like, hey, like, just so you know, like, my empathy kind of fucked up. And, like, I need a hand. Like, that's fine. Like, I totally get that. Like, there are people, like, people on, like, the autistic spectrum and stuff have trouble discerning between different emotions. So, like, that's totally fine.

But, like, to then say that, like, you're, like, a master at, like, pretending to care about people. Well, maybe it was, like, I'm trying. Maybe this was his, like, he'd been struggling for, like, years to understand, like, maybe a stand-up show or maybe just like walk into a room and just get the atmosphere maybe he always walks in he's like oh shit what's going down everyone's like no that's laughter and he's oh or the opposite he goes yeah funeral and he's like constantly kramer enters into yeah so maybe like this was his moment of triumph where

that was the person he's closest to at the moment. And he was like, I'm usually really bad at empathy, but I'm really good at faking emotion. Like, and he's actually like, because we all have the tone. Maybe he's just like, I did it. Yeah. Like, I'm really good at feigning emotion. I did it. And maybe because he's so bad at tone, it came out like, I'm real bad with emotion, but I'm real good at faking with my girlfriends.

And he never blinks. He just has no means of like modulating his. Yeah. I mean, maybe. You know what would be really funny is if he was so bad at emotion that he just did all these things that made him seem like an absolute serial killer all the time, but he just didn't understand that he was being terrifying. I feel bad for this guy now. Originally, I was just like, this guy's a fucking dick.

Yeah, I think Herb is just trying. Herb? Herb. That's his name? He's just trying, man. I mean, yeah. It's a modern life. It's overwhelming sometimes.

So, yeah, guys, like, what's the advice here? The advice is to stop saying, like, these really negative things about yourself that don't seem to have, like... Or if you have, if you discern a negative aspect of your personality, if you are self-aware enough to know that it's there, Yeah, fix it. take strides to improve yourself. And I think this one is a lot more forgivable than I'm a bad person. Yeah.

Because that you can fix. If you are really bad at emotion, sure, maybe don't try and phrase it in a way that makes you seem untrustworthy. Yeah, becoming more empathetic is a much more lofty goal than. Yeah. Just not being shit.

Yeah. Not being a dick. So I think in that case, just be a little bit more like, don't be afraid to just admit you're down. Like you're not saying downfall drawback or whatever, you know what I mean? The don't, don't be afraid to admit the negatives. You don't then have to like try back it up with because like i do think when you say that and this is probably why the question asked her ask her posted is because it sounds kind of sinister and it sounds like it

makes you seem a little untrustworthy oh 100 and maybe that's not what you were aiming for but don't don't do that like you can admit the he literally said like the fam like the emotional foundation of his relationships are made up. Yeah, and that's not a very reassuring thing to hear. No. So I think in that situation, if you are about emotion, sure, admit that. But you don't then go ahead and say something that sounds real skeevy. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Thematic question one. I think my next question is really going to pull it together. I think that's when everyone's going to get it. Well, it is. The question is, I want to make friends so bad, but I'm already the weird kid. Male 16 year old.

Yeah, you're fucked. Get out. You're done. I don't know, was there a whole lot of details or is that the gist of it? It was, like, there was nothing really dramatic. It was like in school like he, you know, he was one of those people who always make like bad jokes or like, you know, puns or just, you know, I think he tried a little too hard. So you. All of us. You make horrible jokes.

Me? Yeah. I make the best jokes. There you go. That's a good one right there. Yeah, exactly. Like I've done that. I know a lot of people do that um i think if you are making bad jokes the the key is to like no one know they're bad like don't

don't take them too seriously and like that's the main part like if you actually make a fucking horrendous joke and think it's really funny that's when things can start getting wrong like if you make it with the full acknowledgement that it's bad and, like, you're laughing at how bad it is, you know, you got to roll with it. But I think, like, yeah, that was basically it. Like, he just, he's worried that he's established himself as the weird kid and won't make any friends now. And, like, he's looking to kind of, like, broaden his horizons. I think the thing is, it's, like, 16 high school is fucking terrible. And you might not find your people.

I promise you in like college, you probably will because of the scope of people. Yeah, you've a lot more freedom. Your established persona that either you've done or other people have done for you in high school is gone. Like you're walking in kind of with a clean slate. Um, there's also like a lot more opportunity to join people like groups with a more specific focus into things that you like. Yeah. You've got like, you can narrow it the fuck down.

You can join a surfing club. You can go to like rock climbing club. You can go to like literally anything. Old movie club. Like, yeah. I mean like my school, I remember there was a,

there was like a black and white movie night. Yeah. And like every week they would choose like a black and white movie that they would watch um but that's future so the thing is worst case you have hope you got like year two three i don't know how it works over here i assume it's in it's usually four years in high school what no but he's 16 two years oh man i don't know my high school career was fucked I was done school when I was 16. What? What? Yeah.

Okay. I was in college when I was 17. What? Seriously? Yeah. I was done college when I was 19. We can talk about this later. So basically, yeah, in Ireland, you're out by like 17, 18.

Yeah, I think it's more or less the same. Occasionally 19, but, 18. Yeah, I think it's more or less the same. Occasionally 19, but usually 18. Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, so you got that hope. So that's the main thing is like you're good in the future. But I think in high school, I think one thing to be like, just be a nice person. You know what I mean? Like don't try and like, like don't let people change you.

Like don't be bitter and like retaliatory. And also if someone is nice to you, don't try and be mean to them to impress other people. Cause I have seen that there was a kid in a school I went to before that like people were kind of just like hard on them. And, uh, I didn't really like when I came, I was a little bit new or whatever. So I was like, I'm pretty friendly fucking person. like to think so I was friendly to the person and then he would turn around some people were being mean to me to him and try to be mean to me to make them happy and they didn't give a fuck they were just mean to him again and then I was like fuck you

don't try to don't like look at people as like like echelons in a social order yeah that you can then like rank up through yeah um if you like someone be nice to them and treat them well if you don't then like be polite but yeah you don't have to like get up in them i think i i slotted into it's a weird way of phrasing slotted into who um i slotted into a lot of like different cliques in high school like i was i was like in the weightlifting class you know i mean so like i fit in with the jocks. I was, then I went into like photography and art and drama. Like my last semester at school was a gym, art, photography, drama. Like that was my last year or last semester in school.

Um, what the fuck happens in school over here? Don't worry about it. Gym, art, photography, drama. They were classes. Yeah. And you left school when you were 16. Did you go to school i kind of like cheese the system because it's like based on like a credit system right you

had to have like certain amount of english's a certain amount of math certain amount of sciences and certain classes like drafting counted as science so you better believe i took a fucking drafting course and skipped a science school in ireland is really intense and really hard and we don't get to do that you don't know what I went through in woodworking. Fuck off. Even just the system, like, there's no, like, you do six years of school and none of that counts. You have two weeks of, like, intense examinations that literally give you the points that determine whether or not you get into university. But, like, you could get all A's and just be ill that week.

And it's like, oh, sorry. Six years down the drain. nope not me um yeah so I think clubs we raised that point um I think he was saying he kind of wanted to like join one I think that's a really good way to do it because it's it's hard to just latch on to someone in the wild you know i mean if you're just like out in the playground or like in the mess hall or whatever the fuck north america does climb on the rope do you guys have a rope uh yep god damn it it's like the movies i mean we didn't have one in high school did anyone we had one in junior high what the fuck is the difference what's junior high so junior high is like grade to 8, and then high school is 9 to 12.

I have no idea what he's saying. So you split high school in two? I mean, some do. Oh my god. Anyway, this is our school explanation podcast. That's the theme, you guessed it. Me explaining North American school systems to Niall. Yeah, so I think joining a a club because it separates people for

unless like one whole like click is in the club but even then it's like you you have all this kind of like set aside time with people and like it's a little bit out of everybody's established life so you can like have a little bit of one-on-one try develop something there and it's and it's something you can like carry like if it again if it's like a movie club or something you can then be like hey do you guys want to go see a movie like a movie club or something you can then be like hey do you guys want to go see a movie like friday night and then like you can do things outside of school and that becomes sort of like a also like understand that high school's fucked and like the people who might like who are your friends in these things like sometimes it might be awkward for them because

like they're scared of their own like social reprisal yeah there's there's a whole bunch of stuff so like if someone is, if someone is your friend, but then sort of like shies away from you in sort of classes, like maybe in front of a girl, they like, or whatever, um,

don't take it personally and don't hold it. Like it sucks, but like they're also just as confused and like terrified of everything as you are probably as well. You know what I mean? Like there's, I think you can empathy, like you can put yourself in other people's shoes and realize that like what if this is herb from oh six years ago yeah um i don't know how long ago this was posted

that's fair because i didn't look uh another thing to do is like you can join clubs and shit outside of school yeah and that way like you're going in again as like a fresh no one has that sort of preconceived notion of who you are what your personality is so like i think i think honestly you should do both right like go join like a kickboxing class or like a fucking woodworking or something like find your passion and one you're gonna have an in with everybody like join the dnd league yeah like depending on what your cities have like a game thing and like almost every game place has like a night where they do either like pathfinder dnd or like magic or like some sort of like organized play and like again if that is not up your alley don't do it but like whatever is up

your alley go and do that and if it's in your school great if it's not still great like you'll be more confident and happy if you have good friends outside the school and then that'll help you in school and also just like i think on top of the being nice thing like again like just be a good person like don't try and be petty and don't let people beat you down if they're being shit like you're like rise above it because that's never going to stand to you and if but on the same time don't be a pushover. Like, I mean, like being nice doesn't mean just letting people walk all over you. You know what I mean? I meant to like get around to it when I was talking about like how I fit into like sort of all of the,

the groups, but like there was still sort of like the popular ones that didn't like me because I kind of like, I didn't really give a shit about it. Like my goal literally in high school was to get out of high school, which is evident by how young I was when I left. When you left at 11. Yeah. So like I didn't really like want to play the whole like high school social drama thing.

So it was just sort of like if someone was nice to me, I was nice to them. If someone was a dick to me, I would either be like sarcastically nice to them or just ignore them. Yeah. And it got to the point where, like, I was this sort of expert level troll for the people who were supposed to be, like, the most popular kids. And when I was around, they kind of, like, weren't. Because, like, none of their shit bothered me. Yeah, exactly. weren't because like nothing none of their shit bothered yeah exactly and that's another thing

like if you're not bothered by things like people don't really have much power you know what i mean and like that definitely works a lot better for like verbal things that's the thing yeah if it's a physical altercation like that that's gonna suck yeah you can't just be not bothered by punches although if you can that's gonna look real badass yeah maybe that shouldn't like learn to take a punch yeah somebody weird guy you're just a guy who can fucking just take a beating yeah somebody once headbutted me but like they did a really bad job of it and hit me in the cheekbone which is like pretty solid part of your face like pretty much anywhere else on your face is awful your teeth your nose your eyes apart from maybe your forehead but like it's the best

place to get hit someone like headbutted me there and aside from the fact that it was a really good place it was also kind of surprising because I didn't expect it so I literally just blinked and like looked at them and everyone's like ooooh and you're like yeah I feel like a badass even though I'm just a little surprised and you've got bad aim

so do that yeah just get someone to punch you in the face till your face is just like a fortress and then go challenge the biggest boy yeah and the biggest girl yeah just walk in one day and just hit someone with a fucking chair i mean like you're all my friends now bring like a 45 pound weight just drop it on someone oh yeah just be behead someone no don't do this i think they're from america people do weird shit in schools in america any of this um but yeah like if somebody like makes a joke at your expense or gives you a nickname like that only becomes funny if it upsets the person you know what i mean if you're just like all right cool and like just if you

seem if you're unflappable people aren't gonna like continue that shit but like you know be nice be oh what's that don't worry about it. You motherfucker. Drop that phone. Not today. All right, you ready for another? Sure. Well, just... Yeah, like, I was in the same situation with you. Like, I was, like, captain of the debating team,

but also, like, one of the people skipping school to go get drunk in, like, fucking rock concerts downtown. You know what I mean? It wasn't me. Really? Oh, yeah, you didn't drink till you were like... I didn't drink till I was 22. Yeah, i literally was like almost like we get to the third round of the literal historical society of trinity college like uh debating team when i was the captain

while at the same time i would skip so i could go get drunk at a halloween party at a like gig downtown and make out with people um and like i was friends with all the art people oh i was i was making all the uh you know like but i think one of the main reasons was because like i was nice to people like i wasn't like i didn't pick and choose if you were cool like and i mean cool and like the oh they're a good person yeah like if you were friendly to me i was friendly back it wasn't like a competition it wasn't like a social capital thing and i think that that's important and like some people are shit but don't let that make you shit and and just like follow the things that make you happy that's pretty much the point anyway yeah next question in the theme uh and i think if you don't get it by now you're in bad shape um this comes from to YorkshireLast32.

She says, my boyfriend is a DL and wants me to participate. Advice needed. DL? Oh, I think it'll be quite clear what that means. I don't know where to start. Me and my boyfriend have been together a year. About nine months ago, shortly into our relationship, he gave me the dare to buy some tina ladies uh thinking i wouldn't uh i did and i put one on wait i'm sorry start again tina ladies are adult diapers for women okay uh i now know this is

where it started from what i can gather he further into, and it became a fetish. Okay, I'm sorry. It was only when we moved in together and I went on his computer, I saw he was looking at diaper porn. Pics of women wearing them. Clearly for his pleasure. I confronted him, and we discussed it, and I looked it up online. We stayed together, and to a degree I accepted it.

I started to participate. He said it blew his mind. He's always been great with me and so thoughtful in the bed department and it wasn't always fetish play although i feel like he wanted it more i've always had an issue with him watching stuff and looking at stuff online but he promised me that he would stop we've been uh great for ages he's asked me about wedding diapers i said i couldn't do it about wedding diapers. I said I couldn't do it. Wedding diapers? Wedding. Wedding diapers. Wedding, because I now want to look up and see if people get married in diapers. Oh, you know

they do. You know they do. He asked me about wedding diapers. I couldn't do it, but if I went on the toilet, I could, and he seemed okay with this. I had to go on his computer that morning, or this morning, and couldn't help but check in what he looked at. Videos of girls dirtying their diapers.

Brackets. Pooing. I blew my top with him and now I really want to know what to do. I don't know how I feel about it and I know I'm so upset he's been looking again and lied to me. I honestly don't know if there's something I can do or accept and I don't know what I feel about it, and I know I'm so upset he's been looking again and lied to me. I honestly don't know if there's something I can do or accept, and I don't know what to say to him. We're going to talk tonight, but I don't know what to do. I'm looking for advice if anyone has been in a similar situation. I love the bones of them.

That's the most... Also a serial killer, I guess. But surely there has to be a limit of what one can do and accept. Thanks in advance. Yes, our brighter diapers all the rage thank you that radio station for posing that question i i'm sorry i basically didn't listen to a word you said because i looked up wedding diapers and there's a diaper with bride and two butterflies printed on the back of it and are bridal diapers all the rage are they if they are i've been left out of the loop yeah uh this is why i don't believe in marriage a growing number of women are wearing bridal diapers on their wedding day well i get it that dress is huge imagine you had to pee imagine just hey fuck it it's like how was your wedding like i shit

myself yeah you know what you didn't do you didn't fucking drop your dress your fucking thousand dollar dress in the toilet you didn't shit on that oh no chat in it and we have a anyway we have a question i can't even focus this lady okay so the thing is what i love is i thought it was going to be a diaper fetish question and it's not it It's a watching porn question. Yeah. She's upset about him watching porn. Yes.

And the diapers are all window dressing. However, that's, I believe, when it started. No, that's not when it started. He dared you

and he was like, oh, shit, wow. Oh, this might be it. What, the coinkydink? No, no. No one just dares someone to wear fucking diapers. No one just whips that out

by the cold, like, thin air. Hey, you know what would be funny now? That's a crazy idea. You know what would be really cool? Really, really funny? Maybe if you just go buy some diapers and put them on. Well, that's just so wacky, I might just do it. No, like, Chigurl is a little...

And that's when Niall started loving diapers. I was wondering why your jeans are looking so padded down there. That's why. And you haven't gone to the bathroom in the last 17 hours. Yep. You have slowly gotten more stanky. Groovy. Yeah, no, like... The innocence.

Yeah, this is a porn question. It's a, I'm not okay with him watching porn. I don't know if that's fair. Do you think that it would be more palatable to her if it was just two people fucking? No. And not women? It strikes me as she's using the diaper play as like a... Because she doesn't seem that adverse to it.

Like the diaper play itself. She literally wore a that adverse to it like the the diaper itself she literally wore a diaper and and yeah used it on the toilet yeah like she doesn't actually seem that bothered by that it's the porn but i think she's trying to make it seem like she's adding all the diaper stuff to make it seem a little bit more outlandish and thus get more people on her side i think she's just upset with him watching porn whether or not that's fair I think is the question and I don't know I feel like most people watch porn or get external stimulus and if you're in a relationship you should expect that and not be you know I think it's kind of unfair to expect someone to just be like well you're my only source of yeah sexual release because it's crazy like what if one day you're not home or you don't want to do anything, which is totally allowed, but you're boy horny or you're girl horny.

Yeah. And they want to touch their bits. And they're like, damn it, I've ruined. Oh, I've. Well, obviously, thematically, we have the best question next because we planned this. But we'll get to that. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't like I, I literally need, like, a visual stimulus to jerk off.

Like, I'm not one of those people who can just, like, jerk it in the shower. It's not, it's not like a thing. I've never jerked off in the shower. Shower. I've definitely jerked off in the shower. But, you know what? I can do both but i feel like so i have this friend who was like wildly massively against porn he was like i will never watch porn because i've honed my mind into

this amazing like just fantasy machine and he's worried that porn will ruin it and apparently he just he was like real real aggressive about it it was great but that was his thing he was like i'll never watch porn because i feel like it'll ruin my internal theater he swears by it so oh they're gonna say that like one day he watched porn it's just like you haven't seen him since i haven't seen him just locked in like sort of a clockwork orange i haven't seen him about 15 years um so but yeah i think like she's upset about the porn and i guess the fact that he promised not to and then did which is a different issue too um because you know you're breaking the trust of somebody you have lied

whether or broken a promise whether or not you intended to um which are two issues like i think maybe if he was gonna look at porn which obviously he was going to he needed to bring that up and not agree to it because agreeing to it and then breaking someone's trust not so cool but i do feel like it is understandable and it's one of those things where like this is a pretty very like a very specific kind of fetish where like i think now more than ever porn should be allowed where you're like hey i like this isn't something like well if i'm if i'm not into doing this if you want to like sort of satisfy that fetish by all means go to the people who are like consensually doing these things for literally the purpose that you are looking for yeah um and that's another thing is like, she,

she will like, and fair play to her, like she's been fulfilling a bunch of it, but like there are clearly things that are a little bit more extreme than that, that she's not into. And he clearly is. So it's like, would it not be better for him to watch a video? Which again,

like I don't know about the state of the industry and whether or not that particular facet is better or worse for women. Yeah. I'm not qualified to speak on that. So I hope that that's not a thing that I'm woefully ignorant about. That like, oh, all the diaper play, it's horrible and I should never be supporting it. Yeah. So if that's something I don't know about, I'm sorry.

But like in general, if he's not getting an outlet there and you know it's gonna cost a whole bunch of things and it does sound like a more harmless type of porn i don't know maybe i'm wrong yeah again like it's just like you can just go wipe off after you're not i don't know anyway i do feel like a lot of questions deal with like the i don't like my boyfriend or girlfriend watching porn and i do feel like it's or girlfriend watching porn and i do feel like it's it's kind of unfair to expect someone to just cut themselves off from all external stimulus but you yeah um it's different if like if you find them like jerking off to like pictures on facebook or instagram you know what i mean like like pictures of their friends or like

your friends yeah or like an ex's like you saved the whole phone you know that that's one thing any of that kind of stuff like i totally get get it because there's an emotional attachment to it. And it could like meet, like he might be able to actually have sex with those people. Exactly. If they're part of his life. Whereas like porn, these are consenting adults who have made media specifically for the consumption of sexual pleasure yeah or viewing pleasure at the very least um so like yeah it's whatever like to assume that your partner isn't going to masturbate in a relationship you're always gonna crazy yeah and also harmful like

if you didn't let someone masturbate yeah that would probably be, like, sexual harassment or something. Yeah, and then you were then like, oh, by the way, sex is, like, now under, like, your sexual pleasure is now under my strict, like, command. Yeah. That's crazy. Exactly. And, like, unless they're looking at some real fucked up shit, I don't really think you have the right to be like, you can't look at porn or you can't look at, you know. Yeah, there are some things that I think that like warrant a discussion. Like if there's any sort of like very violent or like any sort of like rape fantasy, like that kind of stuff, like I think might worth being like,

hey, that kind of concerns me that that's. And you know what I mean? Like if there's a reason for it or if there's like a conversation and they understand that it's fake and if, and you know what I mean? Like if there's, if there's a reason for it or if there's like a conversation and they understand that it's fake and consenting adults and they don't have like any desire to. Yeah. Act on it. Reenact on that stuff.

But that's a whole different question. Yeah. But for this, I think like you found a dude who seems to treat you well. Yeah. Other than this sort of like lapse in judgment and telling you who he'd stop but didn't. Yeah. I feel like that was uh there was no way he intended to keep that promise yeah um which again he shouldn't have made and it was like it

was also probably because like he felt ashamed of yeah this this fetish yeah um because that's the thing he probably wasn't sure like in this question i'm not entirely sure whether it's the porn or the fetish that's bothering you i I do think it is the porn, but... Yeah, I agree. I think it is. So I think it breaks down to... Understand that, like, your partner's going to have exterior sexual release outside of sex with you or sexual encounters with you. And that's not to say that, you should let them cheat, but like if they're, if they're

using masturbation as a sexual release, that's fine. That's healthy and normal and like a hundred percent fine. Like good. Yeah. Um, so, and two, if someone has a fetish that you're not willing to accommodate, if they then want to explore that fetish in sort of like a loyal like a you know if they're gonna get the release through porn and continue dating and having sex with you and you're cool like that why not right then you that's kind of like your way to like

everyone wins yeah right and and again if there's something that you're strictly against then you have to like sit down and be like i'm super not okay with you watching porn and like yeah if that's something you want to pursue then, then you have to sit down and be like, I'm super not okay with you watching Born. And if that's something you want to pursue, then maybe we need to call it off. Yeah. Because this happened nine months ago, and they've been together for a year. Or you know what I mean? Presumably between nine months and now. So it's not that current of a relationship.

Granted, apparently they live together, but... That's a whole other problem it's it's one of those things where like you kind of have to like if someone does something that isn't okay with you by your standards yeah then you have to maybe cut the like you need to talk about you need to communicate and like whether it's fair or not for you to feel that way is kind of irrelevant if you can't continue the relationship if they don't you know and that's the thing it's you you either choose to like you change your mind or you or relationship or you know what i mean like you can't really rely on people to constantly change to accommodate your belief system yeah that shouldn't really that's not a good relationship yeah um yeah so

just i don't know okay hit me with this new question. All right. This is by Cam King, with a K. Do you ever just get tired of looking at ass slash dick slash pussy slash boobs and just feel like, come on, universe, give me something new? Holy shit. give me something new holy shit are we coming up with a new genital a new sexy bit do you want do you want the edit now or later uh is it it's later it's later is it his idea no it's not okay it's it's to explain the question further um, I don't know if I would ever get bored of looking at booty. No, no. Or boobs.

Or any of the, like, you know what I mean? I could take or leave vaginas. No. I love vagina. But, like, I used to have a girl who would send me, like, close-up pictures of her vagina. And that doesn't do it for me. Yeah, but that's different, right? I'm good.

You know what I mean? It's like if I if i just sent you like close-up pictures of like a butt cheek or like close pictures of like a boob hey if it's if it's the whole boob if it's if it's the boob but like maybe parts of it but what i'm saying is like you can't watch porn you can't watch a dick go into a vagina you can't watch somebody deftly play with their clitoris you know what i mean like what do you mean i can't do that if in this world where you're bored of them right oh i see like what i'm saying is like you're not just getting a flat like hey there you go like i i once got the goddamn more like it's all about the mise-en-scene right you just get a flat vagina picture sure whatever maybe it's cool maybe it's not depends how horny you are at the time a balsamic glaze

like a grizzle damn like some edible flowers all right kyle crawford fucking like pistachio crumble yeah i don't know what the fuck i'm making balsamic and pistachio vagina picture apparently yeah um but like you need those things in like anyway yeah the worst vagina thing i ever got sent was a video of somebody masturbating and it was like this quick flick like from down like this close-up of just like this finger mashing a clit to like before you almost know what's going on it would flick right back up to like this triple chin like maniac stare to right back down to right back up and that was it and it was like maybe seven seconds and i was like girl work on your camera work it was anyway it was alarming imagine what you could have done with boomerang

it felt like a boomerang you know anyway so that's the thing it's like yeah sometimes these aren't gonna always do it for you but to just be sick of them in general also what's left what do we make because the thing is right penis it comes out it's prominent it's turgid vagina it goes in it's you know warm and moistened so we need something dry and we need something that maybe like okay are we like are we making a brand new part of our body or are we using something that exists currently? On our bodies? Yes.

Or are we coming up with a brand new, all new... Okay. I'm saying on our bodies, get more into knees and elbows. I was 100% going to say weenus. Exactly. It's already got the name. Exactly. And they're underrepresented in all forms of media.

A lot of martial... I don't want to go back to New Girl, but Zooey Deschanel's knees in that show? Do it for me. I'm going to just tell you that. Well, you always go to the whiskey shower. That's weird. I'm not going to say it, but... Go back and watch New Girl. Nick Miller's wrists.

We've already read some wrists the flexion but no knees and elbows need more love uh but in the form of making a new genital the opposite of both not going in not receiving but wrapping around i'm thinking chest mandibles right dry chest mandibles it's like you went for a hug and you just clink oh and it just kind of pulls you in that's just that like extra like so it's almost a couple inches or like just an extra inch you know what i mean in close so it's it's kind of like intimate yeah it's like when you get that hug and you manage to like get your hand on the lower back and the you know i mean and get like just get a little closer that's a little weird no but yeah dry mandibles is mine go okay um now do these derive sexual pleasure

or are they just there for sexual appeal well because like both you could you know you can pinch your dick between a mandible and your stomach and just kind of like, you know, almost like a tit job, but a little different because it's dry. So you also scrape off the new skin and, or the old skin. No, that new, yeah, probably the new skin too. No, it, it also has a time warp field. So it scrapes off your old skins, your better pleasure in the past. Cause you got that new dick skin. Your turn.

I think mine would be i agree with you it's gotta it's gotta be like an encasing thing and i think mine would be almost like a a drop net that comes out of you so you've got like you've got like a trap door in your butt you know kind of like in the in the like. In your gooch? Yeah. And it opens up and there's like this net or sort of like, you know those sticky hands that you'd get from the like vending machines for like 25 cents? You want to kind of poo on someone. Kind of, but like it'll like, it gets you and then it goes back inside. Okay.

And then it's like, whoa, but I got you. And then it goes back inside. Does it taste them? Do you have taste buds on it? Oh, I think so. Okay. I think it's got like all, but I gotcha. And then it goes back. Does it taste them? Do you have taste buds on it? Oh, I think so. Okay. I think it's got like all of the senses. All five of them.

I think it can see, smell, taste, feel. Participant. Yeah. Is it in a hand shape? I think it's going to be. Yes. But like two hands. It's in a dick shape.

He doesn't want it anymore. Two like hands. Oh, okay. Like touching each other at the wrist. Okay. Almost star like a starfish kind of okay um and you can like you can latch on and then like also like if you if they really want it if you both have it as well you can like have them touch you don't have to do anything you can avatar and you just sort of like you can have a connect i don't know what that is. I've never seen avatar. Their tails touch.

That's how they fuck. They just have tail mandibles. Oh, just tail mandibles. We've done it. Or tentacles. Everyone's already into tentacles. Yeah, tentacles. Japan's got that.

But if we dry mandible them, pull them close, what can you do with your little underslapper? Which I'm now calling it. Oh, they just come out just a little bit, just like the... Just a little, and then you gotta swing it up

and get them on the back? Yeah, and then they just like... Oh, okay. Yeah, just... Mom, we have solved this so hard. I'm gonna go to the edit, which explains more of where he's coming from.

Edit. I was raised in a household where nudity wasn't a problem. Yep. So he's just... I guess he's just traumatized by his mom and dad's bits this whole time.

All I see, like when I see boobs, I see my mom's boobs, and when I see Dick's just traumatized by his mom and dad's bits this whole time. When I see boobs, I see my mom's boobs. And when I see Dick's, when I look down, I see my father's mustache. Call child services. Yeah. He can't help but to shave his pubes in like a mustache shape. Yeah. And then get grounded by it.

His dick is constantly telling him to do dishes. So maybe... Have you done your chores yet, Daniel? It's like the most depressing wanks. Yeah, just maybe people with clothes on is your thing, bud. Hey, man, like, I can't remember what the fuck it's called, but there's, like, a specific porn genre of, like, people fucking in clothes. And, like, let me tell you, I think that does it for me, but there's like a specific porn genre of like people fucking in clothes. And like, let me tell you, I think, I think that does it for me too. It's pretty fun.

Like, like clothes, sex. Um. Well, clothes, sex is fun to have too. Yeah. Even just like. To a degree. Like, you know, it's just, there's something about like the franticness of just like get down a little bit and you're in.

Yeah. And there's, and there's something about like, especially if the girl's wearing like a looser top, like seeing, seeing movement through sort of like loose fabric. Well, like sensual something about, like, especially if the girl's wearing, like, a looser top. Like, seeing movement through sort of, like, loose fabric. Well, it accentuates it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's why I love when, like, girls wear your shirt to bed. My shirt?

Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. I have a little stack of Nile shirts. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, because if you have morning sex the next day, they're wearing, like, your loose-fitting tee. Ugh, it gets Yeah. You know what I mean? Because if you have morning sex the next day, they're wearing your loose-fitting tee. Ugh.

It gets me. I know. Well, I think we've invented a new genital, so we're really honing in on that theme. Not to give any hints. This is by Reddit user Seeker304. Clingy versus being together? All of my friends who are in relationships don't have time for friends anymore. They just stick with their partner all the time.

Every time I make a post on here, I'm told I'm clingy. Why is this the case? Too long, didn't read. How does a couple become mutually clingy, thereby no longer being clingy, but becomes defined as being a couple? What? So I think what he's saying is, like like when people become boyfriend and girlfriend or enter into a relationship they tend to like friends tend to like get pushed to the peripheral yeah and they're they tend to spend a lot of their time together true i think what he's actually

trying to do is he's being called clingy because he's like i want my friends and they're all off with boyfriends and girlfriends but now he's trying to call them he's like no they're so clingy how is it that their their level of clinging is okay because their boyfriend girlfriend but my level is not cool i don't think i don't think it's a friend i think he's literally clingy as fuck and then now trying to be like well what about them yeah aren't they clingy that's literally i said oh i thought you said he wants to hang out with his friends well doesn't he also want to hang out with his friends no no i think i think he's jealous that the people who are in relationships who don't see their friends aren't considered clingy.

True, but I also think he's upset because he wants to see his friends. I don't think so. Does he not? No. Oh, so he's saying his past post-history, not about this issue. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's... Yeah.

I was going to talk about how people in relationships should definitely still see their friends. Because if you don't, you're fucked up. I think that's what we need gonna talk about how people in relationships should definitely still see their friends because if you don't you're fucked up i think that's i think that's what we need to talk about okay but also this guy is on a whole nother level yeah yeah no i think i think his like his big concern is like he's like well why do they get to like why aren't you calling people in relationships clingy when i like if i just want to hang out with this one person and not see my friends anymore and only want them to hang out with me and not see their friends anymore, why am I the clingy one when you're not calling them clingy? I think that's his stance, which is fucking crazy. Yeah, this boy's just another serial killer.

Wow, we have a second theme. This wasn't the intended theme, but most people on this question list today kill people. That's terrifying um yeah i mean i think we loosely talked about it uh for the one about like the the young kids who are looking for something other than sex oh yeah yeah it's like but okay let me let me throw this one couple this poor gem gem gemma bell and jiva bub uh into the future and gemma bell and jivabub they've been doing so good they just spend every day together but they you know it's been a year and then something happens right jimabub he's back on that diaper porn and his emotional unsureness he's not very good with

emotions empathy it's not his thing so he's not able to correctly have this communicative speech with his girlfriend jimma bell um can we go to lisa and jim maybe sure so lisa lisa doesn't you know it doesn't work because his lack of emotional awareness doesn't let him discuss this with her properly diaper porn's too much uh she's sick of boobs, cock, bum, and vaginas because she saw her parents naked so many times. And they break up. And all of a sudden, they ain't got no buds because they haven't seen their friends in a fucking year.

And you know what? That sucks. Yeah. And then they have to, like, wheedle their way back in. And everyone's like, oh, nice to see you again, bud. Look what the cat dragged in and then you've missed every private joke every boozy sunday brunch uh it's just not a good way to be if your friends don't mean that much to you then they're not your friends

like if your boyfriend or girlfriend is not okay with you hanging out with other people then you need to end that relationship or fix it because you need to see other people like we're social fucking beasts you need to have friends you need you know like yeah it's just one of those things and i've seen it and like we've all done it and it's great to hang out with your significant other a lot that's cool but you really can't let it take over your life no i mean like the only thing that's changed in terms of our hangouts is we're just like not hitting on women like we're not like you know what i mean like we're not actively pursuing yeah like romantic affection from people because like we even then it's not like that's all we did you know i know like the like but that's like that's

the only difference like we still go out like tonight we're literally going out we're going out right after this and and gonna have some drinks with the boys. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like you're not doing yourself or your friends or your significant other a favor if you're just like abandoning the rest of your life. Like things are going to go stale. I think my day today is a perfect example of what we're talking about here. Amanda and I had the day off tonight or like all day today off together. Had the day off tonight? What is temporally happening with you today?

You know what I mean? Like, we had a day off. I'm fucking with you. And it's rare. But you're waking up later. Yeah. Sorry. But, like, we had already made plans

to go have drinks with one of our friends who's had, like, a rough week. Like, he's just been living at work. He's been working all the time, and we love him and miss him. So we had already made plans to like go out and like celebrate his his completion of the current job he's working on um and amanda was like oh hey like do you want to hang out i was like i'm sorry

i already made plans with the guys um but let's go grab lunch so like today we i woke up early so that i could go and have lunch with her and we spent sort of like the day together and then because she knew that i was doing something tonight, she's out doing Barley shit tonight. You know what I mean? She's like, she's out doing her own thing. Hanging out with her friends. Doing her own personal life. Like I have no connection to that world.

So like she's literally, we have like removed ourselves from this relationship. We're doing our own fucking thing. And then we're going to come home and go to bed together. And now we're doing the podcast and we're going to go out and meet the boys, have some drinks. Yeah. It's going to be great. But like that's the thing that's healthy because like you need, it's like plants. You can't overwater a plant or give it too much sun, I think.

Either way, you will suffocate. You will drown. You will, or you'll just become weirdly codependent and it'll suck. Like you really need other people, other situations, other, everything. You need these things or else.

Like there's a reason, like every Monday night, yeah, Amanda knows that's, that's boy day. And like a lot of that, that wasn't even like a relationship thing. We just,

because these days it's so hard to like find time to, to see people just fucking with jobs and everything. So we made sure we have those days to see see our friends and we started that before we had girlfriends and it's god that's not changing that's the thing is like i i feel like a lot of people might have been like oh you know what i mean like it might have changed if if like entering into a serious relationship and but like no it's yeah but if if i had gotten sacred if i gotten a partner and they weren't okay with that i'd be like and nah unless it was a very good reason like if monday was the only day they were free yeah and i talked to you guys and we changed it

like a wednesday or some shit and i know you box on tuesdays so yeah i just so that's one thing and then the other part of the question is this one dude i don't even know what to say you're clingy yeah i mean stop being so clingy and it's also like if if you're if your definition of like a successful couple is that you stop seeing your friends you're chasing the wrong dream my dude like exactly it that's not that's not the goal and also if you're trying to compare your situation to someone else's when their situation is real different because they're in a relationship, it's not going to really be a good comparison. Even just trying to, like, drag people down because there's also sort of, like, that bitterness behind this.

Yeah, exactly. Being like, well, aren't they clingy? Why aren't you considering them clingy? But they're also in a very different situation. Yeah. So, yeah. This boy needs Jesus. Or what are we going to call our mandible?

Oh, he needs... What do we call these things? Dry mans. Ooh, dry mans. Okay. Dry mans and slappers. Are they gender neutral? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Everyone's got them. Everybody got dry mans. I'm trying to think of like a good sort of like... And like you can scrape those sharp dry man's off each other for additional pleasure. Like, ooh, they get a little flaky when you're aroused. And you can season your drinks with dry man flakes. I'm going to call mine a pluribus. Isn't that a thing?

A pluribus? I don't think so. There's a pubis. I think a pluribus is a pluribus i don't think so there's a pubis i'm thinking pluribus is a different word but that's okay okay i thought it was a slapper but here's i mean that's like that's one of the names for it like a dick a cock yeah that's not what it's called but that's what we call it dick and cock are the same thing could be oh my god just a couple red hot dicks um okay ready yep we have time for one more okay this one is if you haven't guessed the theme by now yeah this is your last chance uh so this is by fortisomni can you hit me one more time fortisomni fortisomni perfect why do you girls like eating ass maybe this was as before, but I'm just curious.

I hear about it everywhere. Why? I feel like this is the same person who said this porn. Maybe. Or the same person, the same clingy guy. Who's just like, everyone. Like, no one wants to be clingy with me. Everyone's eating ass.

Everyone's just trying to eat my ass. Just those girls. They're eating all the ass. Hey, girls, can you just relax? Let me not see my friends and stop trying to eat my ass. Why do you, why, girls? I'm only going to answer this. I'm just going to yell it down the earphones.

Why, girls? Why do you... Why, girls? I'm only going to answer this. I'm just going to yell it down the earphones. Why, girls? Why do you love it? I don't think any lady has ever tried to go to town on my butthole. No, me neither. Not with her mouth. That one person just slipped an errant finger. I think... Real tentatively. I think everyone's had that girl who's been like,

I read this at Cosmo. Yeah, but that at least is enthusiastic. This one's just like a little shy finger. A little tentative little boop. Let me tell you, let me tell you. That's not the way to do it. Nothing is getting in to my butthole. Not tentatively.

If you're just going to like lightly tap it, that's the way to get me to tense up anything. You tap me anywhere and I'm going to like... Oh, wow. It's literally a thing. Like if you go to like touch someone and they don't want to be touched, they're going to like recoil and tense up. And let me tell you, my butt, it's made for tensing.

I think that's Willie Nelson's name, right? My butt is made for tensing. And that's just what you'll do. One of these days, this butt is going to tense all over your dry mans. Oh, you could probably penetrate some of your dry mans. I guess. You could DP them, maybe. Oh, God.

See, I feel like mine is kind of sensual. Yours are kind of horror. Yours is like a sticky child's toy, and it's also something that looks like the alien creature from Alien, the chest burster. The face hugger. And also, it basically slips out of your butt and is sticky and weird. What color is it?

It's like a pubis. It's like a light lilac. It looks like a horror tale butt shit. Like, no. It's not good. It's terrible. It's just sticky. Wow.

The truth has come out. Yeah, I'm sorry. This is the last episode, boys. Yeah, fuck you. You got up on my dry mans? I'm gonna get all over your little flapper. Anyway, yeah. Why, I'm sorry. This is the last episode, boys. Yeah, fuck you. You got up on my dry mans? I'm gonna get all over your little flapper. Anyway, yeah. Why, girls? Why?

Have you ever eaten ass? Uh, no. I've done it once. Really? There was a girl who was just, like, super into butt stuff. Yeah. And she was like, no one's ever done it. I've never found anyone to do it. And she, like, took immaculate care of it. Yeah.

You know? And I was just like, there's one day we were like in her living room and like just fucking on the couch. And she was just like in that, like, I was like, you know what? I'm treated to this.

I'll do it for her. And let me tell you, I didn't enjoy it. And I did it for barely any time. But, but she lost her goddamn mind. Yeah. And I was just like,

okay, I would, but, OK, I would. But but no one. I haven't really been many people who've been like super into butt stuff. Yeah. Some people have been like, but pioneering, you know, they want to start off. And that's not really a start. Yeah, exactly.

I think I would. It would definitely not be a spur of the moment thing. It would be a let's make sure we prepped you know yeah no everything clean and that's like if you're with someone who is yeah literally i think went through like a routine care because this is all she wanted yeah if you're into butt stuff you're usually pretty good at maintaining that little butt garden um yeah i think i'd be cool with it i don't really give a shit yeah because. Because I do... Yeah, no. You know what? I just feel like this person doesn't get it.

It feels good, and people like me and their partners feel good, so deal with it. Yeah, yeah. If everyone's doing it, do it. There we go. That's like being like, whoa, why do people like rubbing penises?

Why you girls like rubbing dicks? Why are you always trying to suck my dick? What are you doing? You know this person has never had anybody try to eat their ass. Unless, unless he's kind of like... Maybe he's never had anything else. No, no, no, no. Maybe he's...

Maybe it's like my experience with women and my nipples. Where like every woman he's ever had sex with has just been like... Maybe this guy just has the best booty. I mean, maybe. But from the question, I'm assuming that he's never had a handjob. He's never had a blowjob. He maybe hasn't had sex. Probably not.

I mean, if that's all that question is. People just flip him over and they're like, give me it. And he's like, I don't understand. I don't want this. Please. That's where I poop from. Yeah. Just let's have normal sex. I just want missionary. And all he gets is a tongue I poop from. Yeah. Just let's have normal sex.

I just want missionary. And all he gets is a tongue in the butt. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe that's his problem. It's like literally his butt is like a tongue magnet. He needs to do anti-squats. Yeah.

Just unsquat a lot. Let me tell you. You want to know how to ruin your butt? You go to fucking Europe for a month and drink nothing but beer and eat nothing but cheese. That's all I do and my butt is spectacular. Yeah, but you cycle. Not in the winter. Meh. Alright, get going. Okay, this is... Ride us home.

This is our last one. This is by Lieutenant Dan. What? Um, that's my Forrest Gump impression. Oh. But Dan? No, I think this is the no-legged war vet. Does it harass women? I mean, maybe.

How did a girl judge me for having one pic on Instagram? This girl I met on a dating website was hot. Nine out of ten. She's talking a lot. Lightning fast answers. Then she asks if I have Instagram. I told her I just made it. There's nothing to look at.

A few minutes go by. No request accepted. Then she asks if I have Instagram. I told her I just made it. There's nothing to look at. A few minutes go by, no request accepted. Then she says, it's kind of scary because I don't know if you're real. 20 minutes go by. Then I say, you know what? Instagram doesn't prove more than a dating app, right? Yes, I know, she says. And that's it. What the fuck?

Do people really judge you based on fucking Instagram? Oh, God. Well, we got another serial killer here yeah doesn't want a social media print doesn't want to be tracked down via his images his only fucking picture is that one from uh dwight from the office who's wearing like the face no it's just of like fucking momo um yeah no like yeah i think it's kind of reasonable if i was like oh look at your like okay so i assume they didn't meet in person i assume not no because from the start i think it sounds like a ghost word yeah yeah like they started talking and she was like hey i want to see more about you and he was like what like yeah like yeah sure it doesn't show you more than a dating app but at the same time dating apple what four pictures five pictures so here's the thing

and i want to make sure he only has one picture on his instagram okay what i'm saying is like if you like tinder it's like what five pictures or whatever yeah five pictures and a brief bio but that's also heavily catered towards dating yeah whereas like if you look at my instagram especially when i was on tinder it's not just all these pictures of me like looking good and like my shirt's slightly unbuttoned you can see that like hint of like peck like i'm not doing that on the daily so you see me out with the boys having drinks or like petting a cute dog or like climbing or just being a fucking dumbass and And then you, like, if you have 80 pictures, if they're all catered and perfect and showing me in a certain sense,

you learn a lot about me. Even if they're all the exact same pictures that are sent to Tinder, then you know that that's how I live my life and you can get a read of my personality. If they're not that and they're messy and weird and it shows my personality in a different way, you definitely learn more about people.

So it's not the same as a dating app, unless you only have one picture, in which case the dating app tells you more. I mean, putting this guy's obvious aggression and frustration aside. Well, that's a whole other problem. Yeah. I get it in the sense of like, if someone swiped right on you on a dating app and they were like do you have instagram you're like oh no sorry i don't i don't use it would they have the same reaction would they be like well i have no way of knowing if you're real and if that's if that's your like metric of being on online dating then like it's kind of skewed because you're literally

on a platform that's like i'm gonna say yes and whether or not i would fuck this stranger yeah like that's that's kind of a weird i totally get you i i'm just answering his like confusion as to why someone wanted to see his that was the bit i was addressing i do feel like if you know if someone's like oh you have instagram and you're like no and they're like whoop yeah that's that's a bit shitty but also i'm imagining that's not how it went judging by how angry and weird he is in this, I'm sure his responses were less than stellar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. But like, I know pretty much the only time that I ever had like trouble on Tinder or like failed during Tinder was like when people asked for my Instagram. Yeah. I don't know why. Because like pretty much all of my Tinder pictures were from my Instagram. Yeah. Um, I don't know why. Uh, cause like pretty much all of my Tinder pictures were from my Instagram. Yeah. But not all of your Instagram was Tinder pictures. Yeah. But I don't, it's, I don't take a whole lot of selfies. Like a lot of my Instagram is either fucking like D&D

Pathfinder shit or like pictures of my cat or pictures of like traveling and shit. I'm gonna judge your Instagram right now do it but yeah i don't know people be weird but like fuck it don't get so hung up on it if it's a constant thing then tell them you don't have instagram or yeah use instagram like one or the other but i doubt it's gonna be a big deal and like yeah i mean like i i get it like you angry boy what is wrong with you the aggression and like again like get over it. Yeah, I mean like, I get it. Like you, angry boy, what is wrong with you?

The aggression in this post. ladies, you got to be double sure that the people you're talking to are the people you're talking to. that's the thing like,

let me tell you, guys got to worry about that too. Yeah. Because the amount of dates I went on where I was just like, oh,

you're actually 20 years older or like 150 pounds heavier. You are really skilled at internet art. Yeah, or you know what i mean like any number of things where i'm just like you're nothing like your profile yeah either physically or like the way you talk or like whatever have you seen that terrifying app there's an app and

you take a picture of yourself and it gives you like every fuck it like hones in you click like the eye button and it gives you the eyes and it's like change color change size change like blah blah blah blah blah and then you click the boob button and you make them bigger or smaller or like you meant the one that like do you remember the one that rated the guys anonymously oh no you could like go on and like and uh a girl i was sleeping with at the time showed it to me a camera was called it was like someone's name i think right yeah i looked it up on that i had like five stars off someone. I was like, who? Who did this? I know. I had a bunch of reviews because I guess at the time I was like seeing a bunch of people and like a lot of it was positive except for one of the like hashtags you could

use was kind of a dick. And I was like, yeah, I get it. Well, they were looking at your channels like, it's kind of a dick. Yeah, it's dickish. It's more of a... More of a pluribus. Yeah, yeah. Well, which one did at your jowls. It's kind of a dick. Yeah, it's dickish. It's more of a pluribus. Yeah, yeah. Well, which one did you use? Because you can now fold one in. Yeah, you can't have them both out.

No, no, that's the trade-off. Oh, God, no. If you do, like, there is the chosen one will come one day. And if they can have them both out once. You can have his dry man's and his pluribus. Oh, you can have dry man's, a pluribus, or dry man's and a dick. You can't have both. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, okay. But you can have a dry have drymans a pluribus or drymans and a dick you can't have both yeah that's what i mean yeah okay but you can have a dryman down the pluribus oh wait what oh i see the the sort of like first gen yeah first genitalia yeah you can have like one of

you can't have a pluribus and a dick at the same time gotcha because like yes yes yes it takes up the same slot yeah exactly yeah but but you can always have them dry mans out and flapping just cinching okay we need to add this yeah we probably should have ended this 28 episodes ago 29 this is episode 29 yeah oh boy i have plus fucking new girls this is actually episode 30 oh there goes my idea for episode 30. Yep. Thank you for joining our themed episode. Let us know what you think it is.

I know it's a little bit of a mystery, but I believe you guys will have figured it out. Yeah, you'll probably be. We dropped some hints. Do you have some sex writing for us? I'm sure I can dig some out of my porny stash. Oh, let me. You know what? Can you do me a favor?

Can you do me a favor? I can do you, or I can dig some out of my porny stash. Oh, let me... You know what? Can you do me a favor? Can you do me a favor? I can do you, or I can... Can you try to work the theme into... Even if the... Oh, even if the sex writing... I'm sorry. Do you not think I haven't? Okay, fair enough.

Okay, here's another one that I kind of want you to do. If you could just integrate a diaper into one of these. Is that ready? Just loosely. Okay. I'll try. Thank you. This is Desert God by Wilbur Smith.

Her hair was piled high. When she shook her head, it came cascading down in a glowing wave over her shoulders and fell as far as her knees. Jesus. This rippling curtain did not cover her breasts, which thrust their way through it like living creatures. They were perfect rounds, white as mare's milk, and tipped with ruby nipples that puckered as my gaze passed over them. Her body was hairless.

Her pedenda was also entirely devoid of hair. Hold on, hold on. Is pedenda also a made-up genital? I can only assume. Okay. While the tips of her inner lips protruded shyly from the vertical cleft, the sweet dew of feminine arousal glistened upon them, or would have if she was not wearing a diaper. Oh, you got me. You got me good. Now, can you repeat that? Did you say the sweet dew?

Sweet dew. Dew? Yeah, like morning dew. Oh, I thought you were saying dew as in Jewish. No, no, there was not a... Oy vey! It's just one of their gods, and we praise the sweet Jew of feminine arousal. Well, episode name right there.

What's a pedenda? I'm locking it up. I'm sorry, guys. I bet it's a lilac hand, sticky hand that comes out of your pubis. Uh, ooh, there's a pedendal nerve. I'm gonna implement that in my sexy... Oh, wow. Okay, ready for this bullshit description?

Yeah, hit me. Uh, so it's a person's external genitals, especially a woman's. So, what's the word again? Padenda. Padenda. So my dick is technically a padenda. Yeah, less so. Also, a pluribus.

Less so. Pluribus. Pluribus is also a padenda. Also, you dry mans. Yeah. Shit. Hell yeah. We did it.

Padenda. We learned a new word. We're teaching everyone everything about our new genitals. Or are they old genitals? Because what were they referring to? We don't know. It's true. Literally, any of those things could have been a pluribus.

It's probably a woman's genitals because it says, especially them, but women also have pedendals and pluribums and also dry mans. Yeah. So, both of which are. Guys, we have just fucking. We're revolutionizing. We have opened up. Not only anatomy, but of which are. Guys, we have just fucking. We're revolutionizing. We have opened up. Not only anatomy, but sex.

Man, we did it. Thank you very much for listening. This has been our. You still are. This has been, I don't know what the fuck this has been, but it's been something and we've done it. And you've enjoyed it with us, hopefully. If this was a crime, you're fucking part of it now. Yeah, you're in a converse.

We're not hiding. They're after us. The general police, they're coming part of it now. Yeah, you're in a con. We're not hiding. They're after us. The general police. They're coming. Ready or not. Here I come. I'm gonna find you. And stroke them dry, man.

Padana or not. Here I come. Pluribus hides. And your dick flops out. Cause they take up the same compartment. Um, goodbye. If you have a question,

I have a lot, tons of them. Really? Yeah. Um, you can hit us up on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies. Um, you can find us on Facebook and Facebook.com.

Um, if you want to email us directly to maybe get a more direct line into whatever the fuck's happened today, you can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Yeah. We got a new listener today. Actually, you know what? I want to do a little shout out. Three of my good friends are leaving the city

and they're traveling away one of which is one of our best listeners and uh i know traveling is scary but it's also a really great adventure and we're just gonna wish you the best of luck and you're gonna have the best fucking time yeah i also find wi-fi and and like the reason i got into podcasts was because i was traveling like i listened to magic tower hello from the magic tavern and uh the avenger zone yeah no i, Hello from the Magic Tavern and The Avenger Zone. Yeah. No, I was just Hello from the Magic Tavern

when we were traveling. But, like, that's how I got through the, like, eight-hour bus rides we were on. Yeah. So, like, podcasts are the best. But also, New City, New Dating Adventures

hit us up. Yeah. Also, New Relationship Adventures. And new listeners that you could tell. Ooh, spread us like a weird plague. In your hostels, just be like, hey. No, they're moving. Oh. They just moved to a new city. So, it's... Shit. adventures and new listeners that you could tell spread us like a weird plague your hostels just

be like hey no they're they're moving they just moved to a new city so it's it's shit it's some scary big adventures but yeah it's gonna be cool i thought you meant like they were traveling no no well fuck okay um good luck good luck uh thanks for listening and and uh let your new friends know about you the best and you're gonna do it real good. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Padendas. All right. We need to end this. Because our friends are already at the bar we're supposed to go to. Oh, yeah.

We're meant to be there in four minutes. That's not going to happen. So we finish with your boy, Dan. Actually, no. He's not your boy. He's a fucking your dirt. Yeah. Finish with your dirt. Your blah.

Your blah. Okay. He says, if my ex agreed to meet me, dot, dot, dot? Yeah. Question mark? Just nothing. Well, Dan, you're not even writing full sentences anymore. Yeah. My name is Plurbus.

And I am your driest mans. And we're your fuck buddies. Go exercise your new genitals. And take it slowly but damn does it not you you