F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 290 - Men vs Bee(?)

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

At a specific point in this episode, you may think: "Weird, they didn't edit this part out."  I want to make it VERY clear that I left it in intentionally so that you could all here what we go through to make this show for you.  Also, so you can see how cool and tough we are in the face of mortal danger.  Topics include the graveyard shift at the the club, getting over great sex, what is her DEAL, and red flag assessment. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast

Where we take your sticky sexy situations And turn them into sexy sticky situations Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast We answer questions, right here, right now In this closet And we find them either online From our wonderful listeners Sounds like there's going to be a third option

There could be Maybe from our less wonderful, our shitty listeners Yeah yeah our shitty listeners maybe we start getting on the streets and start asking people being like hey what sex questions do you have i feel like there's no way we would make anyone uncomfortable if we did that no everyone always wants to talk to white men putting a microphone in their face being like tell us about your sex yeah yeah people love it they fucking hate when they can send questions in safely anonymously they really like their face being like, tell us about your sex. Yeah, people love it. They fucking hate when they can send questions in safely, anonymously. They really like their face. Maybe just shove a camera

in it. Take their wallet, put their details on screen too. They love that. Fully docs them. Yeah, 100%. But you know what? This week we're going to be talking about sleeping until last call and then hitting the club. How do you move past great sex?

What is this girl's deal? And a walking red flag. Oh, yeah. Speaking of walking red flags, should I get into this first question? Yeah. This is by President at Gmail's. Anyone have experience with sleeping during the night than getting up early to hit clubs during closing hours?

Let's say a nightclub near you closes at 6am. Your strat could be to stay on a normal sleep schedule, sleep from 8pm to 4am, get up, do a quick morning routine, hit the club at 5am, completely fresh, pick up leftover, brackets, doesn't mean ugly, chicks. Pros. Does not fuck your sleep schedule like normal night game. Very time efficient. Healthy compared to night game. Cons. Club vibe. Probably shit compared to peak hours.

Girls exhausted. Fewer girls to choose from. You must be quick. No time to warm yourself up. Probably hard to find a wingman for this. Girls you polled will want to sleep in your bed. Something they'll have to do alone since you already had your sleep. And with experience in

this field, what strategies did you use? How were your results compared to conventional game? Insane. This is... He solved it. We got so close. Seduction was doing okay for a while. They're back, man. They're back with a fucking vengeance. And I think what I think ended up happening was

I think all the people who were close, I think got it and left and now what we've got are the dregs who will never get it imagine there's a lot to unpack here but imagine my favorite thing is like oh you know she's going to want to sleep in your bed because it is 6am

but not for you you've already slept you're fresh you already slept imagine having to explain that and be like, sorry, baby. No, no, no, no. Hey, you have a nap? I'm just going to go live my life, I guess, because I slept.

Also, the normal hours of 8 p.m. to 4 a.m.? Who's sleeping like that? That's not a normal sleep schedule. Do you have a job? Like, 9 to 5, you get off work you come home like maybe you eat maybe you don't because this person is wild and then you just go to bed and then you get up before a.m to hound exhausted women yeah exhausted drunk women but doesn't mean ugly doesn't mean ugly yeah you're not going for the uggos you're going for those late night cuties

i love that we talk about people being able to like you know sense your vibe sense your intentions like if you have a constructed persona like it's going to come through one way or another your vibe is going to be so off because it'll be 5 a.m you're gonna be walking in like oh yeah on with that cup of coffee so fresh so like it's gonna be jarring as fuck you you walking into the club with your fucking starbucks frappuccino just like brush you know your teeth are fresh you just brush them like you're i guess like he's also mentions like a morning routine so like maybe you've crushed a workout yeah like like you're ready to go like i would be so i mean the the upside to this is people are probably gonna to, like...

They'll probably just pass out and be like, oh, this guy's on so much cocaine. Probably, yeah. Right? Like, everyone's going to be like, oh, this guy's come back around. No, but you'll be too fresh for the cocaine. Yeah, it's true. You're going to freak everybody out. Yeah.

It's going to be like walking into a room and then like being very pale and wearing like really old, dark clothing and not having a shadow. And everyone's going to be like, is this, is this a vampire? That guy's definitely a vampire, right?

Like, that's what you're going to be giving. Not that you'll be giving vampire. You'll be giving weird, different, not one of us. You'll be giving like corporate go getter, right?

Like that's who you are. You're, you're getting up before the crush up morning routine. You'll be giving like corporate go-getter, right? That's who you are. You're getting up before the crush up morning routine. What are you doing? Like you're giving fucking Bateman, right? And not Jason. No, not Jason. Not our boy Jay. What I love is like you with powers like this, with the ability to go to bed at 8 p.m., presumably sleep well enough that you wouldn't even get back into bed with a lady in it,

to get up, and not even get up to roll out of bed and go to the club, you're still giving yourself an hour for your routine. Like, you're so much better adjusted in so many ways than I am, and yet you beef it. It's like you have all the powers, you're like Superman that turned evil.

Can I just tell you, I've been doing this thing where I've been getting up at 10am every day. Damn. And for me, that's early. Yeah, but why don't you answer my text till midday, Dane? Because what ends up happening is I get up at 10am, and then I move to the couch, and then I fall asleep

for another two hours. And I've... By the time Dane wakes up, the clubs are closed. And you can't find these exhausted. There's no noon clubs anymore. Look, it's it. Yes.

Like if you can do this, if this is something that you can do in terms of like living your life, if you're cool with going to bed at 8 PM and waking and waking up at 4 a.m just work like get a great workout get super fucking fit and then be normal but you can't be normal if you go to bed at 8 i'm sorry it's true because like you're missing the clubbing part of club also like you say oh con i don't have much time it's like yeah you're trying to fucking speed run meeting a girl and taking them home which you're trying to fucking speed run, meeting a girl and taking them home,

which you're missing the point of that. If you think you can just get in, get out like blood, like that's not how it works. You're generally two. You're being super fucking creepy because they've been drinking for hours and you're, you're the sharpest you could be. You just woke up and had a morning routine and a Starbucks frap on the way.

There's, there's a lot to be said about the rules of consent when people have been drinking. Very much of like, if someone is really drunk, consent is a murky water in the sense of you kind of have to be like,

it doesn't matter if you consent if you're past a certain point of drunkenness. It doesn't count. And I think it gets murky when if both of you are fucked up, you consent if you're past a certain point of drunkenness yes it doesn't count um and i and i think it gets murky when like if both of you are fucked up yeah you know who's who what where's the onus you know i mean like this is this is the trouble i've always had with like that kind of that's like a gray area yeah whereas this is pretty cut and dry if you're the stone coldest sober yeah anyone has ever been you you are and, and it's convenient that you've left out.

It's convenient that the condition you're giving these women is exhausted. It's like, no, they're fucking hammered. Sorry. Anyone at a club still at 5 a.m. who's willing to party to 6 a.m. is probably fucking messed the fuck up. Not to say if you go out you have to drink but you know what you're doing you're literally showing up when people are tired and exhausted as you admit and drunk and you're trying to like catch them at the moment that they're like least sharp yeah and

you're doing it when you're at your most sharp yes like we've seen a guy who used to go to a club we went to who would wait until the end of the night and he wouldn't drink and he would just sit there and then when he saw people get drunk he would like corner them yeah that's what you're doing and it's fucking creepy it's so predatory it's so like at best it's predatory and creepy at worst it's crime yes you know what i mean like you like i think a good way to to look at how people are going to view this is imagine explaining this to someone if you got there and you're like oh so what i do is i sleep until four or five a.m and i come just for last call at the club just to see if i can pick up no one would be like yeah or that's cool like try to explain to your friends where you met your girlfriend yeah

oh yeah it's like i i swooped in completely sober grabbed her while she was blackout brought her back to my place fucked her and then let her sleep by herself because i had already slept because oh my sleep routine is eight to four yeah uh bold of you to assume it would ever get to girlfriend. Yes. I, so, you know, it's weird. And also like,

yeah. Anytime anyone asks for like validation on the internet, I find that nine times out of 10, like it's one party is doing the insane thing. Yeah. Right. Like if someone's like, Oh my,

I just found out my girlfriend, you know, puts a tracker in my shoe and monitors has like seven monitors in her closet where she monitors everything that i do and she has a readout of everything that i've said that day and then she categories you know i mean it's like yeah that's crazy that's a crazy thing to do well is it only seven monitors that's or people go online it's like this isn't weird right and then they proceed to say the weirdest fucking thing uh it's fucking weird dude and like you're missing the point

right if you go to a club one where are your butts well he was like oh it's gonna be hard to find a wingman yeah that's it's a pretty good indication if you're like another human won't do this with me yes if you can't find a wingman to do something in a situation, then perhaps you need to evaluate, like reevaluate the situation. Cause if I came up to now and was like back in our heyday and our single bachelor hood days. And I was like,

Hey, there's a country bar and it's a whatever, whatever, whatever happening tonight, let's go. And that was like, no man, that sounds terrible.

I'd be like oh yeah you're probably right and vice versa like that's the point of a wingman is one to help you in in social circumstances but also to like talk you out of stupid shit sometimes you're horny or dumb or drunk and you want to do x y or z and, you didn't great minds. Maybe hopefully don't think a lot. Yeah. And you know, too many cooks do not spoil the broth. Man.

A lot of people are just saying, just do it solo. Maybe that's it. Maybe he listened to too many cooks. Got to go by myself. I for him. Yeah. Uh,

just like, and you're, again, you're missing the point we talk about before, where it's like, when you go to a club, it's not just showing up and being like, well-dressed and looking hot. It's your your vibe and it's you enjoying yourself is going to be the biggest

draw if you show up by yourself sticking out like a sore thumb because you're just so fresh you're sparkling right you got that colgate cool blowing off your mouth breeze you know like you polish up real nice you polish up real nice nice nice uh it's gonna be fucking weird and you're gonna be alone and you're gonna be predatory because what you're doing is everything sucks yeah so this isn't gonna work and just now it's it's rare for me to ask this is he a very sleepy boy no i mean i guess but what's what's the comment say about this are people on his side are people like this is the dumbest idea are people like No. I mean, I guess. But what's the comments say about this? Are people on his side?

Are people like, this is the dumbest idea? Are people like, you've revolutionized it? What's the vibe? I usually don't care or want to hear it because I can usually guess. But these days, I don't know what seduction is. I don't know. Place your bet. I think a lot of people are going to be like, this is stupid. Okay. So first one. First seems kind of weird. Well, place your bet. I think a lot of people are going to be like, this is stupid.

Okay, so first one, first. Seems kind of weird showing up stone cold sober trying to pick up stupidly drunk women that have been partying for eight hours. Next one. Are you trying to spice up your life with a crime? Okay. Pretty sure OP is going to end up accused of or committing a crime. Bad idea all around. What the fuck? Seems predatory.

Why don't you dig him outside the club 8.30 to 10pm and then go home? That's someone who's almost there. They're on their way out, but they're still firmly entrenched. Okay, I'm going to go to his reply to this. I don't know what it is yet, but I thought about that. I don't mind going inside

the club or bar, by the way. The numbers you get are worthless when the girls are about to go party. I'd rather be last impression than first. Time constraint is very soft and wholly depends on your discipline. You'll always be tempted to stay longer than you planned. This especially applies if you find a girl you can't pull yet, but you know you have good chances when you stay. But maybe it's worth a shot. Have you done that?

Seems thirsty. Must be something better you can do. This is another comment. I have done this and can tell you people in the club in that hour on a different planet this sounds like an always sunny episode security will not let you in that's honestly that's like my vibe it's like if i ran a night club you probably look like you're ready to shoot it up yes right like you walk in you're fresh you're energized you're you're ready to go you just did 500 crunches and you're walking in there i'm gonna be like this man is a this man is a criminal there's no way he definitely is because someone said something about bouncers he was like yeah it sucks knowing bouncers might be

like involved because even if you do it on the street at 6 a.m after the second time the bouncers will get wise to your act i might try to get in the way even though the sidewalk is public i don't know that's why i'm looking for advice hey bud if anyone is wise to your act and like the people put there to stop people doing bad things are trying to stop you doing your thing guess what also i i look i'm this is no shade to bouncers and i know there are a lot of bouncers out there who who do a good job a lot of them aren't exactly sparkling also they don't give a fuck yeah do you really think bouncers give a shit if two people outside their club are making out or exchanging numbers or finger banging each other waiting for their uber i promise you these bouncers have watched people do all sorts of crazy shit for you to do something to the point where a bouncer is like,

Hey dude, you got to fuck off. Yeah. Like the only time I've ever seen bouncers get annoyed at the actions of people is when you're trying to butt in line or you're fighting. Those are the only times I've ever seen a bouncer be like, fuck off. Yeah.

Get out of here. Being like wise to your act implies that one, you're up to something that they have clocked and two if like you're recognizable to the point where you show up at all and they're like there he is yeah what are you doing you're not doing a good job like the whole idea of like there's definitely there's a fly in here why did he do why did he why was he silent for this whole time so what is he is he a bee yeah i don't want to I'm going to hit him with this if he comes out.

So weird. So scary. Why is he so loud? And why did he not do anything for so long? It's so loud and it's so scary. It sounds so big.

Yeah, it does sound real big. Where the fuck does it sound so big? I'm worried I'm going to open it up and it's going to be like a mega hornet or something.

This is the worst place for a hornet to be It's so small I can't get it quickly No you can't We're also gonna beef Like knock this bike over Where is it? It sounds like it's in there

Yeah Why don't you be like the smallest thing? Was it his death throes? I hope so His final His last hurrah You gotta fucking Just release this for our 300th episode.

Our bee breakdown? Called the bee sides. What was it? I don't even know what we were talking about. I don't know either. We, if there's a weird break in this episode. Like maybe all of a sudden we're talking again, but we can't remember what we were just saying. It's because we were attacked by a bee?

It's back. Where is it? I think we're being like what's that like secret heart or whatever telltale heart where he hears the heartbeat under the floor and it's his guilt this is the bee which is our it's taylor swift haunting us it's so loud so i mean like i don't know what to do because like it's i can i like my my audio perception i could pick it up yeah i don't know if i just i don't know you guys hear the b i don't know if you guys hear it but also like i can hear it and where it should be it's not in terms of like where i'm looking it's not there no so this

could be ghost be it's filling up the closet like really loud yeah it's so loud it could be a hornet that's what i'm worried i don't know if it's a murder horn i don't want it making like a nest in here i also don't like killing us i mean sure we had a good run we had a good run i guess yeah well should we just go to the next question yeah i will say it is cool that almost exclusively seduction are saying no that is that is good it's always nice when seduction like even their bullshit like has a limit where even they're like no of course this is a terrible idea but yeah don't do this any anything that like has a contingency on a very extreme plan i think should like if

the only way you can pick someone up is by completely rearranging the entire structure of your life. And also self-admittedly pouncing when people are weak. You know what I mean? That's not flirting. That's hunting. Yes. You know what I mean? And I'm sure there's some fucking douchebag like, yeah, I'm a hunter.

Yeah, I'm a sex tiger. No, you're being a criminal. Yeah. hunter yeah i'm a sex tiger no you're being a criminal yeah you're the equivalent of rich white dentists going to like on safari and shooting a rhino after it's been tranquilized by your you know paramilitary team that's gone in an hour ahead and feeling like a big man because you're like look at this i killed a fucking rhino but it's like just lying there and completely defenseless and you have a high-powered rifle yeah like that's like but again those fucking douchebags still go look what i did yeah so unfortunately i don't think this person will listen to that and be like yes yeah no one no one is impressed by that it's

not a feat it's not an accomplishment you're not you're not doing anything maybe a stinky feet it's a stinky stinky feet It's a stinky feet. Stinky feet. Not the kind of feet on my only feet. Okay, this is from Witchcross Zero. How do you move past really great sex? I didn't understand how pleasurable sex was until I slept with my ex-boyfriend. Had never experienced climax until I had sex with him.

I always knew I had a high sex drive, but it ramped up literally a thousand percent with him. Especially since our kinks lined up perfectly. Now that we're over, I wanted to move on, but I can't. Can't help but be pre-disappointed in other men, women, and other folk. I don't feel a connection with anyone. I'm not physically attracted to anyone, and I'm definitely not emotionally attracted to anyone either. I don't know what to do. I quickly learned that masturbation is not a substitute for mind-blowing sex.

I'm pent up sexually. Now, do you want, there is a fairly long edit. Would you like that? There's some context. Let's hit this. Let's talk about first, and then we'll see if the context lines up. Sure. I think the first thing is like, you're asking how do you get past good sex, but what you're

telling me is you're not over your ex. Yes. So, you're asking about one thing, we can talk about it, but it doesn't seem relevant right now, because your issue is you are not over your ex you can blame the sex if you want i presumably it's more than that but you know one you need to realize that too you need to like take some time for yourself reset maybe therapy depending on how long it's been uh but that's the issue and like you pretending it's just that the sex was good isn't doing yourself any favors because now you're not going to be able to get over it you know what i mean because of the thing like it would be one thing if like if you were seeing other people and you were comparing the

sex yes if you're like oh i had sex with x amount of people and it's like no one like no one is doing the things that he's doing no one is giving me the sexual satisfaction but you're saying that like you're not attracted to anyone you can't emotionally connect with but you're saying that like, you're not attracted to anyone. You can't emotionally connect with anyone. You're not free disappointed, which again is its own thing. But like, I was ready to answer this question in one way, but now I don't have to, because that's not the fucking issue.

You're not over this person. That is fine. I think for you, a healthy thing would be to realize it isn't about the sex. Maybe that's part of it. Yeah. The sex could be a very, a very large part of it for sure.

When you click with someone sexually like that or in any way, then it's taken away that sucks i get it you need to realize that in dane's scenario he was pointing out that would be the issue yeah but in the one you're telling us you're not over your ex yeah uh and the thing is if you want to talk about it sexually you now know more about yourself presumably and you now know what this person did to blow your mind so the good thing is sex is a two-way street and if you get a partner you could say hey can you do x y and z i like x y and z and they'll be like great now good you do have to walk the fine line of making sure that you're not telling your new partner to fuck you like your ex right like there's there's there's things

like this way like you might have learned that oh you really like certain positions or a certain sort of speed and and vigor or maybe you really like oral sex or maybe maybe you learn that you don't like oral sex and you can only come through like you know manual stimulation with finger like take what you learned take like the the tool yes and don't try to reskin your new partner as your boyfriend yes so where i was coming from was it seemed like you underwent sexual self-discovery yes with this person that doesn't mean that person is the key to that or like the be all and end all of that it's hopefully you have developed and what i'm saying is you can bring those discoveries yeah forward with you.

But again, yeah. Don't just be like, you now are Greg. What? Who's Greg? Doesn't matter. Keep your mind open because this guy opened these doors.

Exactly. If you only was how many other fucking doors there are there. We've talked about the sex house before. This man ground floor, you know, he's gotten, he's got to have a basement. You don't have a basement you don't have a basement

you could have a second floor third floor maybe a tripod the attic maybe you have a converted attic right right now your basement kind of sucks but when you meet steve he's gonna finish that basement for you literally yeah and now now you're gonna know new things about yourself so i think a lot of people i again i don't know i think they're 22 okay um especially when you're younger you you learn you you get inundated because you're you're inexperienced and you don't have a whole lot of like world vision of like or or even just sort of like personal experience with sex where when it's good it's fucking good and you can't imagine it getting better yes right and it's like you're just like oh this that was it she this person gave me a blow job that was better than all the other blow

jobs i got before and i can't imagine it getting better yeah and let me tell you i've felt that way yeah and and then i've been proven wrong just every time yeah it's like and it's great and then there are also times where like you you'll, you'll be with people who do a thing that you used to think you didn't like. Yeah. And like,

right. Like I've been with people, it's like everyone, you know, a deep throat blowjob, always great. But then there are times you'll like hook up

with someone who doesn't even do that. And you doesn't even get close to what you would consider deep throating. And you're like, this is insane. Yeah.

And then you're just like, oh, it's not, it's not the deep throating. It's not this. It is insane. And then you're just like, oh, it's not, it's not the deep throating. It's not this. It's a technique that a certain person, whatever. So,

and like the joy of getting with a new partner is experiencing new things. So don't hold too tightly to the old shit because you're going to just close yourself off and being pre disappointed. You know, that's bullshit. Stop. I mean, that's,

I think that's where everything gets, that's the crux of the question, right? Saying that you're getting pre-disappointed by people is you comparing them to your ex. And as Niall said, the only reason you're doing that is because you're not over them. Well, I think the crux is just like, I'm not attracted to anyone. I don't like anybody. I don't feel any, it's like, okay, cool. So you're very specifically textbook, not over your ex. Right.'t like anybody. I don't feel any. It's like, okay, cool. So you're very specifically textbook, not over your ex. Right.

Cause again, if you were like, I'm the hottest guy, super into him. Can't make me come. Then the question or the answer would be talk to him. Communicate. Yeah.

That's on. You can take your pleasure in your own hands. And I don't mean staying at home and jacking it, you know? Yes. So you got to get over your ex. Please. And you got to realize what we've said this whole time is all true.

Everything, all of it, even the B, which is the B is, and now I don't know. And it's not making any noise. Maybe it's very quiet. Maybe the B is fake,

but how do we, we had a joint hallucinate. Maybe there's a lot of carbon monoxide in this, in this closet. Maybe we are dying. Maybe we don't even have a podcast. And this has all been a shared fever dream. We walk into the closet. Maybe we are dying. Maybe we don't even have a podcast and this has all been a shared fever dream. We walk into the closet.

Yeah. Your partner's like, yeah. Yeah, the podcast. Have fun, guys. Another sniffing glue. Another live show. Cool. So the edit. Okay. People were asking why we broke up if we were compatible. Honestly,

it's a long story. He was my first boyfriend at 22 years old. Never had a relationship before him. My family is very controlling, despite the fact that I am an adult. They did not like me dating. They sat us down and basically shamed us for the idea that we were having sex. I got into many nasty fights with my parents that I was becoming independent thanks to being with him. My ex's parental figures passed away last year.

His only real family and the grief completely changed him. Oh, passed away. Yeah, a very strange place to put a comma, but cool. Which is understandable. I wanted to support him, but he pushed me away emotionally. He was very cold to me. At the end of our relationship, he said he no longer loved me as a way to keep me away.

He said later on he was lying and of course he loves me, but I couldn't get over it. He completely crushed me. Some others have asked what made the sex so pleasurable. Probably the fact that he loved me. Honestly, he was always very attentive to me. He was patient with me. I could see the love, but especially the passion in his eyes. There was just a spark between us.

Well, also, if you haven't been in a relationship, like, yeah. Like, a onenight stand can be great but when you're with someone who you know and they know you especially if you're really into them oh like was that's the good shit i don't remember did she say he was the first i'm assuming she was like my first boyfriend so it's like maybe you've fucked before but like if you have a very serious strict family you're probably fumbling quickly in a park or in a car, famous places to not have much fun.

You think it's scary having to be in the closet. Imagine having to be in a field when you got your dick out. Right. It's bad. Now people are going to think we don't have our dicks out. Shit. Uh, yeah.

So, you know, you're not over your ex. And like, even the, the way of being broken up with. Yeah. It's pretty like,

it wasn't even cut and dry. It like i said i loved you to drive you away or i didn't love you to drive you yeah and like being told i don't love you it's pretty harsh when you're that young right like that's uh that's also ever ever yeah and like he had a you know a pretty traumatic death in the family so like there was there was a lot happening and a lot going on and you're growing as a person as well. So it's like, yeah, you've got a lot on your plate right now and you're not ready to move

on. That's fine. Don't move on, but don't try to think that it was the sex that you're moving on from. Yeah. You're like, Oh, it's this.

No, it's not. And it's okay for it not to be. Yeah. You're good. Uh, this is by top setting eight. What's this girl's deal?

What is it? She's 32 year old female. I'm 31 year old male. What's this girl's deal? What is it? She's a 32-year-old female. I'm a 31-year-old male. She's 32 years old. We have been in a relationship for four years. At times, she is very serious. She's bought us a car. She's paid for months of rent, pays for bills, but can't sleep over and must sleep at her

parents' house. She can't ever move out, despite lying to me and asking for a proposal to move. Yet we've both spent a significant amount of money on each other. She's not a scammer, in the traditional sense. And when it comes to her family, once I tried to drive her back to her family home, and she said she was willing to jump out of the moving car. Her parents are obsessively controlling, but she's also a 32 year old woman. It's gotten to the point where she's lied about the most insane shit. Everyone's mouth drops to the floor, like her father dying in the hospital while facetiming me from there only to find out

her dad's completely fine what do you think what i mean oh sorry if if i was dropping someone off and they were like please don't stop i'll just i'll just dive out of the moving car it's fine don't worry i think it was the opposite i think he he was like, oh, I'll drive you home. And she was like, if you try, I'll jump out of this fucking car. Like, that's how... Like, she... I think it's... You can't see them. Yeah, I mean, my first knee-jerk reaction is she's cheating

on a family. Like, she has a life, and you are her side piece. And that would be my guess. It certainly seems like some ruse is afoot. Yeah, like I'm going to guess that she doesn't live with her parents and

in fact she lives with her husband and several children. Well, what's her deal, Dave? What's her deal? What's this girl's deal? Now, it depends on how emotionally invested you are, but if someone was willing to pay months of my rent as a single man i could potentially be okay with with turning the other cheek every now and then being like my dad's dead

wink what and like i would love to know if that was prompted by something like i wonder if he was like oh let's do this and she's like i can't my dad's really sick and then drove to a fucking hospital that's the best part i was like there it is also there's like a rule in most hospitals where it's like no cell phones so it's like she just doesn't care man what's her deal what's her deal i would love to know was it just a white wall or was she like in the hospital because that's she's on youtube and she's like got like hospital background like ambience you're just there you just hear an episode of gray's anatomy playing in the background it's like i need 50 cc stat and she's like got like hospital background like ambience you're just there you just hear an episode of Grey's Anatomy playing in the background it's like I need 50cc stat and she's like hospital

he's like okay it's not great and I think no let's let's talk about this though for a second okay she bought us a car yeah that's like that's pretty hard to do if you have a hidden family I would assume. Not if you're buying in cash. We don't know how well off she is. Damn, yeah. If she's throwing fucking months of rent. She's throwing months of rent at herself out of cars.

Yeah. What's her deal? So maybe she's got this rich husband who doesn't have... You know what I mean? That's why he can't ever go that way. If he rolls up and you're going into rich part of town you're gonna be like oh crazy but like i that's my like i feel like it's just like oh it's very easy to go and scoop four thousand dollars out of a you know a millionaire's money jar yeah you know what i mean and be like cool i bought you this car and just have like a you know a 2004 pontiac sunfire like i also feel like if money isn't enough like or if it is i guess that doesn't

really matter it's a pretty good way to make you stop asking questions yeah right it's like oh i've spent this money on you i'm invested clearly it's like if you can't prove it through you know being invested or doing typical things you could then be like look at the money i spent which is what they're doing they're saying like they've done all this crazy shit but they've spent money on me it's like okay this is how the tinder swindler fucking got people he was like i'll bring you on this private jet blah blah blah blah so that when he then was like give me ten thousand dollars they were like he's rich he brought me on a private jet but he was using the last you know yeah that's a very classic scammer maneuver i also do love my favorite part she's not a scammer brackets in their traditional sense so you're admitting she's a scammer like yeah she's just

an unconventional scammer it's i mean like look you you made your choice right like you've you've made your decision you know something is up yes you know you've, you've made your decision. You know, something is up. Yes. You know, things are wild. You know, she's not being honest with you and yet you continue. So you've made your choice that the, what you're getting out of this relationship is worth dealing with,

with all this shit. And that's the thing. It's like, what's your deal? Honestly, what, what's your fucking deal, bud?

Like, are you cool with this? It seems like you might not be because you're posting about it on Reddit, but do you think it's okay? No, obviously it isn't. Do you think it's going to get better? I doubt it, bud. Yeah. So if you're happy with this relationship that confuses you, scares you, lies to you, but occasionally buys you a car, then cool.

But you also can't be like, ah, she can never move out. She lied about the proposal. You're not going to get to live together. Or if you do, it's going to be even worse, I can imagine. So I think you've got to figure out what you want from this. And if it isn't exactly what you're currently getting, maybe time to end it. If you're like, be like, okay, cool.

You're so close with your family. Your parents are overbearing. Let's go for dinner. Yeah. Let's have dinner with them. Yeah. And see what she says what she says be like great i do want to drive you home tonight yeah and it's like no it's like okay you must understand at this point you know i mean like ask her all the basic things be like cool if your parents are so important to you have me over dinner let's go for dinner let's do a show let's do something yeah and if she's like no you can't you can't you can't also be like why did you lie about your dad dying like like that that for me if someone if someone hit me with a hey babe i'm really sorry i can't come over tonight my dad just

died that's fucked that's crazy the heaviest things you can drop on someone yeah to lie about that i wouldn't be your friend i wouldn't be your acquaintance i wouldn't be your work colleague and like what excuse like you can't just say oh she lied about her dad dying and then being like like what did she say what was her answer for oops no he and especially he came back even even if it's like is her dad jesus could be did this happen around easter oh three days later was she like actually babe i'm feeling fine don't worry about it never mind the rock moves he's he's good don't go by his tomb there's a lot of people celebrating uh there's nothing you could hit me with that would like

make that okay because i would be even if you were great in bed really me cars, months of rent, you would scare me at that point. Because that is not a normal human thing to do. No. And like, there's either two possibilities here. And that's that she used it to get out of something big and important, which is pretty fucked up to if you had something so important that she had to lie that bad to get out of it. Yeah. Or she just like didn't want to get out of it. Or, she just didn't want to come over. It was a casual...

I don't know which is worse. It doesn't matter what her deal is. Dump this person. It's bad. It's so bad. Also, if they have a hidden family, do you think hidden family are going to be happy when they're like, we didn't send young Bryant

and Clarnaldo to university because you spent all your money on fucking Davinda's car. Wild names, man. Yeah. I tried to, you know, not do the usual. Yeah. You just got to look at it and be like, be a logical, sane person and be like, nothing good is happening here.

This is all insane. This is all crazy shit that's happening this is a hard life and your life could be so much easier all you need to do is go to bed at eight get up at four and hit the club before it closes and you'll find another girl in no time yeah yeah bad uh let's do this one real quick now remember we do have about five minutes of b time i'm gonna keep it all in uh shift kind asks is she a walking red flag me 29 year old male her 24 year old female i want to guess preemptively whether or not it's worse than the last person who is in fact a walking red flag sure i'm gonna say no that's a pretty safe bet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I realized as I did this,

it's not actually an exciting. You know what? I'm going to say yes. There we go. That's more exciting. Uh, I have been seeing this girl consistently for a few months up until a couple of weeks ago.

Things were good until a specific night when she told me her dad died. Last minute, uh, told her that she, I was going out with some friends and she did not seem to like it. Even though she was out herself, she went to a nearby part of the city. That's a little bit of a track. And seem to like it, even though she was out herself. She went to a nearby part of the city that's a little bit of a trek,

and she said she might stay over, but was not sure. She was texting me while she was there, drinking, having fun, etc. So I presumed she was staying. I was out with my friends enjoying the night, did not really look at my phone. In the early morning, I checked in with her. She proceeded to dig into me, saying how come I stopped responding to her after midnight? Why didn't I see if she got home okay? And that I don't care, etc. Keep in in mind we're just dating and not in a relationship the day after that she told me that she got into an argument with someone at the party and basically

projected that anger onto me in a way since then things have been weird also she also always asks who i'm texting when i'm around her does not like the fact that i may associate with other women non-sexually of course and always seems to want to know my whereabouts. I feel like she's controlling and clinging at this point. Yeah. Let's point out the green flags here is that she admitted that she was angry at something else and took it out on you. Yeah. Bad that it happened.

Good that she admitted it. Yes. Weird that things are still weird, though. So I don't know if that's on your end or her end. Yeah. She does sound controlling and insecure, needy. And also, like, I get vibes of... Hypocrisy, maybe? Yeah, I get vibes of, like, I was doing something suspicious,

even though you guys aren't dating or whatever. Like, it gives me the vibes of, like, I'm out doing this thing this thing and if i'm doing this thing i'm assuming you're doing this thing and i'm gonna get mad and i'm gonna get mad at you before i can feel bad or you can get mad at me for doing this thing because i had an ex who used to do that quite a bit where where it was like they would go out and then it would be a fight when they got home for whatever reason of whatever i did incorrectly and then it turned out it was like oh no it was because you were doing x y and z while you were out that night cool cool cool thanks for making me feel like shit i'm glad that you did shitty things and then decided to take it out on me as a way of making

me as bad as you are or something yeah um maybe or it could be even simpler it could be like she was relying on having your place to stay over and then when you left she was like you know what i mean because she didn't she say like oh she was nearby she might stay over no she went she went further out so she might stay that in that area. Okay. I thought it was the opposite. Uh, yeah. Like I think in a situation like this, you need to be aware of these red flags and be self respecting enough to cut it off when it reaches a point and address it and to address it. Yes. And that's going to be my second part.

So keep an eye on these red flags and do not be afraid to call it off because better now, my friend. And that's the best thing I ever did while dating was I reached a point where I got very harsh about red flags and you know what happened? I found a wonderful partner. Yeah. You know, uh, secondly, address them, right? Don't let things slide, have a talk about them and establish firm boundaries because that will do a lot in like determining how your relationship is going to go forward because if you're like hey i have friends who are women i will continue to have friends who are women like that's not going to change yeah and they have an issue with that

cool that's a red flag and you cut them off if they go oh okay sure and they get over it and can move on that's a green flag and you've had this conversation whereas if you like okay yeah i won't see stacy tonight or just don't talk about them right where it becomes move on. That's a green flag. And you've had this conversation. Whereas if you like, okay, yeah, I won't see Stacey tonight or just don't talk about that. Right. Where it becomes secretive that you do, you are friends with, you know, Steph and Stacey and they're coming to karaoke with you and your friends. And then someone's Instagram story has Steph and Stacey and you're like, well, I thought you weren't talking to them. And it's like, well, I just didn't say I wasn't. Yeah. Or you kind of don't go out with them for a couple of weeks because you're trying to appease this person.

But then you start dating and this was never your plan long-term. But now that it gets brought up, it's a bigger issue because they thought like it's already been established that you don't have these friends. That's not okay. And then it's a lot harder to have that conversation again, which is why you have the conversation now in a good way. Right. Yeah. So don't put it off. Don't like acquiesce to things, you know,

you're not gonna be comfortable with in a couple of months or a year or whatever. Uh, and establish these firm boundaries. And if they have a problem with that, great. Find somebody else. Yeah.

You know, I think also setting clear communication, uh, of, of things like if I'm out with my friends, I'm not going to be checking my phone. Yeah. So like, if you need me, then like call me or something, right? Like I'll answer a phone call,

but like, I'm not going to be checking my phone every five minutes to see if I'm out. I'm going to be having fun as I'm sure you are. So, you know, I'm not on call and like, I'm also not like your landing pad either. I don't have to have you over. If we've talked about it, then at some point in the night, we need to be like, okay, by midnight, we need to know so I can sort things out. Or even just like, oh, I might come over to yours. Oh, actually, I'm going to go out.

Yeah. Great. Like you can't be sitting at home all night just hoping or waiting just in case. You know, that sucks. Because then what? It's 1 a.m she's like actually i'm gonna go home or i'm gonna stay here and it's like cool i could have gone out i could have done anything that's not gonna be fun for anybody so yeah have have those conversations

have those like clear communication guidelines of being like if i'm out i can't promise i'm gonna be looking at my phone i'm i'm a person that like is in the moment I'm having fun with my friends I'm doing this I'm doing that if I'm at a concert like I'm not going to constantly be pulling out my phone if I'm at a movie like you know like there's a bunch of things where you're just like I'm not on call for you and sure it's nice and cute if

I check in and make sure you get home safe for sure yeah also not a requirement again I don't know how long a few months right like not even like i'm not going to be checking in with you yeah if we're like a casual hookup situation i'm not going to check in with you every time because like for all i know you're hooking up with someone else that's the thing right it's like i don't know you're not exclusive so like i don't want to be like hey are you home safe and you have to be like i'm safe yeah which are

answers i've gotten before and it's like okay is that like are Hey, are you home safe? And you have to be like, I'm safe. Yeah. Which are answers I've gotten before. And it's like, okay, is that like, are you just saying you're not home? Like, yeah, not,

not important details for me, but like now I'm thinking about it. Yeah. And like, if every time you were, if you were going home with somebody else and your partner was like, hello, Hey,

but like, yeah. So just you set boundaries. Don't let this person trample over them or get you in places you're uncomfortable with. And it'll work out one way or another because either they will be like, you're right. And you'll move forward. Or they'll be like, no, fuck you. You're not allowed to friends.

And you're like, great. I'm not going to date you. Yeah. Yep. That. That. Good luck. Maybe.

Or not. Tinder time? Tinder time. I don't remember how long we took to. It doesn't matter i'm gonna keep a lot of the b stuff in i think uh let's get on some tinders i haven't got on a dating app in a very long time for obvious reasons uh so let's do a little live swipe let's see if it's still as bad as it always is yep these are all just no profiles so far hell yeah

oh i just said yes you fool i shouldn't be doing that uh is there a no no still no although it does look like tinder has added quite a bit of like information like already in there okay right like you you get sort of like a pre... Maybe too many. Oh, you can increase your chances by sending a message before matching. That's weird. I assume that's a paid thing.

Maybe. Should I just send Kate a message? Like, hey, do you listen to podcasts? Do you listen to podcasts? Yeah. Okay. Do you have any while I look? I don't.

Okay. I blew them all at our live show. Hell yeah. Our very fun live show. And if you haven't been to one, you should go to our next one. You should. This is Saba34. I love to sing, dance, and share my art with others.

I'm always up for exploring, although it does say I always up for exploring and trying new things. Enjoy to explore the world and discovering new experiences. Is that it? I mean, you just said the same thing twice. Yeah is that it that's i mean you just said the same thing twice sounds very bot energy both incorrectly respect is my top priority i believe in not judging a book by its cover but i do have a soft spot for tall strong folks smiley face because i believe that big hugs have great healing power haven't we heard that before i mean there's a very good chance we've come across Saba before. Maybe.

I don't love your bot energy and your repetition of exploring. I would love to, like, unless you're fucking Dora, you can't say exploring this many times in your fucking profile. Yeah, especially not back to back. Yeah, like, where have you been? High Park? Well, well done. It's going to be a five. I'll give it a six because there's an element of positivity. There's so much on Tinder now. Uh, I, I'll give it a six. Cause there's an element of positivity.

There's so much on Tinder now. Yeah. That's so like, just to give people a, a, a rundown of what we've got, we've got the essentials, which is how far away they're,

their height, their occupation, where they're from, their pronouns and their sexual identity. All I think pretty cool things to have. Great basics. They've got their Zodiac sign, their family plans, their communication style and their love style. identity. All, I think, pretty cool things to have. Great. Basics. They've got their zodiac sign, their family plans, their communication style, and their love style. Okay.

Then they have their lifestyle, which is pets, whether they drink, whether they smoke, and how often they work out. Oh, and it says view five more. And then sleeping habits. And then they have their interests, which is always there. And then they have going out. You can find me socializing. I like to dress down. I tend to arrive early.

My exit strategy looks like, shh, don't tell. My weekends are for recharging. Saturday night looks like fun nights out. Typical Sunday looks like self-care. Me and my phone. I'm the kind of person who forgets to reply.

I prefer receiving phone calls. Oh, psycho. My phone is always on low battery. That's a three. That's a lot. Yeah. Although I don't hate it because I feel like more people would use

those things and that gives you a decent little snapshot. I do know this person better based on that. Yeah. I don't love it because it's a little less organic because I feel like the way you put things is way more important than what you put down. Yes. Yeah. I mean, so it's like I know far more about you if you choose

to write a paragraph X way than if you just answer these these bullet prompts. But it is a good little snapshot. I don't hate it. I feel like people would be more inclined to tick a couple boxes. But also, there's really important things there, like big time texter, but then they say they forget to reply. And also would prefer a phone call. What does that mean?

What does that mean? I don't like you now. This is Sheena. Like a beer on the patio, Love low-key cottages. Swimming brings me peace. If you don't have a sense of humor, I'm not the gal for you. Hoping to find a partner, but always open to making new friends. Can't see likes?

Ask away. I'm an open book. Have to be playful, like water impromptu water fights. Possibly in the house, but then help clean up. Confusing last sentence. That's a very strange last sentence especially because like they misspelled a bunch of words uh i think it was just a case of not editing yeah uh they were definitely gonna say like like water fights and then we're like impromptu

added that and then forgot they had already written water water impromptu water fights yeah uh i dig it a lot of it is things i resonate with like beers on the patio and prompt do water fights. Yeah. Uh, I dig it. A lot of it is things I resonate with, like beers on the patio on swimming, a water fight in the house would suck. I will say that like there are certain things that's, that's not realistic. And if it is, that's not the kind of house I want to live in.

Cause I have books, you know what I mean? They're not electronics. I don't, I have a podcast. Yeah. Uh, no,

those are like Tinder also has prompts now as it says oh i just got a new like uh-oh uh-oh two truths and a lie been skydiving i used to model i swam with sharks uh and then if i'm not home you can find me on a hike feeding wildlife so it looks like tinder has just been like just hinging it up we're just scooping every possible dating platform, you don't need to do anything. Yeah, I'll give it a six. Uh, this is Joyce. She says, 1v1 me and Smash Bros. It's everywhere and nowhere.

Sounds like it's behind you. See, to me, it sounds like it's up and in the boxes. Maybe. It's like your partner's box of peas. Oh, there it is. What is it? It is a pretty big box of peas. Oh, there it is. What is it? It is a pretty big looking bee guy. Oh, boy, that is a bee.

Oh, my God. Don't hit it. Don't hit it when I'm stuck in here. Oh, my God. Oh, you've made it, man. You've made it so bad. Did you kill it? About to.

Do you have anything you want me to kill it with? Do that. Whatever it is. Just. Jesus. Oh. Do you have anything you want me to kill it with? Do that, whatever it is Jesus Oh, it's so big It was so big That was for sure a wasp, that was not a bee I think it might be a hornet

Yeah How did it get in here? If I have a fucking hornet's nest in my closet It's either like a giant. I don't know. I'm trying to think. I guess we had our windows open. I guess it's kind of.

How did it get in here? Where was it this whole time? Well. I can't move that notebook. Yeah. No. That book lives on the floor now. I'm sure we handled it real cool, guys.

That was probably a podcasting audio delay. I feel like i do have to keep all of the b-stock in here you may otherwise the episode's gonna be like 20 minutes long you may have to um maybe we could get someone to do an animatic rp struggles oh man well i like how you blame me you got it angry it came for us dude it did it once it knew yeah what it was doing the same thing it was like they sound so big we did then you saw us we saw it we were both like oh dear uh good swatting though you fucking you took that bad boy out i'm i can do one thing and it's what uh there was no getting out there was us or him yeah like i'm sorry it was the door the mic if i tried to get the door the mic was going down i time was low i do have to say i want it very clear it was not a

b we did not it did we did not kill a b that was we could probably take a picture we can definitely take it i don't want to move this notebook yet though i mean i don't care because i'm a big strong man but i feel like we could we gotta move it just in case it's still alive I mean Oh god No it's smushed Oh man it's big Well are these secret notes?

No it's Scrabble They're Scrabble points It is still alive Flip it back upside down We'll put it outside Just so it outside. Just so we flipped it around to take a picture and then Niall flipped it back

over and then gave it just a little casual push just to I'm putting it out of its misery. Yeah. It's not going to live. It is still. Okay. No. I mean. Oh. The crunch.

Oh, okay. Well, I'm done. We versed our lives for you today, so if you want to pay us back, maybe get us out of the closet, which now, like, it was already small and full of boys. Now it's full of bees. It's not bees.

Okay. Wasps. Hornets maybe. It was big. It was big. It was probably about the size of my thumb. It was a thumb sized boy. Yeah. And we don't have small thumbs. We have freakishly large thumbs. I would say generally medium to big thumbs. I thought you were going to say meaty. Meaty. Yeah.

Meaty thumbs. So if you want to help us get out of the closet and or buy protective b suits please support us on patreon and after a thrilling audio journey like we just took you on i don't see why you wouldn't uh go to f buddies podcast.com you'll find the patreon button there or go to patreon.com forward slash f buddies i think i love that i've started editing these shows again for a brief period of time. And like, we literally could not send this to an editor.

This would be, they would send it back to me. I think we should just see what happens just to see what they, what they keep in. Should we put the B cut on page? I think the show just, I think, like I said,

I think we need the B needs to stay in the whole way through. Okay. Thank you very much for listening, friends. I'm glad we survived. I'm glad we made it out. I did a murder and I feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad. Like you said, it was us or them. They were coming right at us.

They dove bomb you. They came right for you. I know. Thank you very much for listening. It really does mean a lot to us. For everyone who came to the show, thank you very much. It was a lot of fun. Yeah.

It was a fun show. It was really good energy. Yeah. And let's say it. They always are. They always are. They always are. But this one was great.

I love you guys. Are you ready for some bad sex writing? Yes. This I'm going to read, and then you're going to guess who tweeted this. Okay. Sex is for making children. I know. Any man who has sex with women because it feels good it's gay oh my pp feels good this is great in fact if you're 40

with less than five children you're probably gay all that feel good pp sex hardly any genetic legacy yeah that's mr tate yeah that is andrew tate damn it says here posted from cell in romania the thing that i fucking love about this is he was sort of like the incel like boy for a very long time and now like how confused must they be yeah with these guys who like their whole thing was like we're not i get girls we're not getting laid yeah and now they're being told like if you want to get laid that's gay yeah you should want to have children why are you fucking talking like hey look if that's if the whole thing is just preserving your legacy you don't even have to have sex for that right like you could you could just donate your sperm and have a surrogate you

could raise a dog really well yeah and then that polite dog is your legacy I feel like a legacy Yeah You could kill a bee and then your legacy is your bee slayer Yeah It's not saying bee We gotta protect bees It's not a bee I'm a horny boy

I don't think you can say wasp slayer Because I think that would That could be potentially problematic white anglo-saxon protestant no one would care uh no the there's like a level of wealth inherent in that right yeah i don't care eat the rich uh yeah no it was not a b a b would like a light softly on my shoulder and be like mr nile can you take me outside i'd find a nice flower i need some honey yeah i'd be like let me. Nile, can you take me outside? I'd find a nice flower. I need some honey. Yeah, I'd be like, fuck yeah.

I need some sugar water. Maybe he's lazy. Maybe he wants me to give him honey so he brings it back to his boss. He gets a day off. He meets his quota. I'd find pollen. I'm very allergic to everything. I would buy a bag of pollen if I had a little bee buddy and I'd just be like, here you go, man.

Just crack that open on a Monday. He comes in, rolls around, gets all fluffy. And right like i'm like get out of here man you met your quota take the rest of the week off i got you right now you can just chill yeah bees are great bees are great my name is day miller and i'm the hornet slayer we've been your fuck buddies Music