F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 292 - So Much Pre-Cum

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

We've talked about filling a shot glass before, but I'm starting to think we're going to need a bigger glass.  Topics include reverse catfish, an ejaculation performance, a bad naked reaction, a phone call cuss out. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a sex and dating advice podcast

Where we take your sticky sexy situations Turn them into sexy sticky situations Simply put, we find questions either roaming the wilds of the internet Or roaming the wilds of your head That you then send to us And we answer them right here, right now, in this closet And also, occasionally on stage When's the next show, Dane?

I don't know May 21st Okay Tickets are ready to go get your tickets now it's gonna be a blast yeah that's that's about it it's a lot of fun that's very cool um got anything to say or we're just gonna get into this no i mean no well yes i just oh there's you've seen the bear thing we've seen the bear thing yes do you want to talk about the bear thing no okay it's a It's a great restaurant show.

You know, two seasons in. Second season kind of changed it up, but it was still good, just in a different way. The Christmas episode. It was very, very stressful. Was that Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving episode. I stopped watching it at that point because it was too much for me. But you got past the part where that one guy who used to be normal is now crazy hot.

What? Chef guy. Oh. That he works with. I think he now crazy hot. What? Chef guy. Oh. That he works with. I think he was always hot. Okay. I mean, I don't think much has changed in regards to- Are we talking about the same chef guy here? The main guy.

No, not the main guy. Oh. The guy your man travels to work with. This is unlistenable if you haven't watched the show. Yes. Maybe if you have. I think he was the guy from the, you guys are getting paid meme. And now he's so hot.

Oh, yes. That guy. He did. He did a meme. And now he's so hot. Oh, yes. That guy. He did. He did a Neville Longbottom. Yeah. Yeah. No. If you don't know what we're talking about or what I'm talking about, it's a really good

restaurant show. It's a it's a it's a new I don't want to call it a meme. It's kind of a meme. It's a little bit of a way where women are choosing the bear and not the fucking show. I can see you want to make that joke again. I can see it in your eyes. They're given the choice of, in a hypothetical, would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man?

Yeah. And people are saying a bear almost exclusively, to which men are like, but they'll eat you. As if like, instead of being like, damn, we've got an issue if all these women are choosing bear and not just like women are dumb and don't understand bears yeah also like the the sort of knee-jerk reaction of being then like mansplaining bears to women yeah exactly like the the doubling down of of of not getting it exactly like literally instead of being like oh

this is this is this should be eye opening. They're like, women just don't get bears. Yeah. You, do you understand how bears, how dangerous bears are? And I will say there are different breeds of bears that are quite dangerous, but the average bear will just fuck off. We'll be like, Hey, I want no part of you. Unlike, unlike the average man. Some might say who upon seeing a woman is going to be like, she she wants me around did you know bears are dangerous and dumb idiot yeah uh i mean like i let me tell you i

don't know if you'd want a grizzly bear i don't know if you'd choose a grizzly bear those motherfuckers are mean but like a black bear like the average american black bear those little guys they're so cute they're scared of you and they like, oh, fuck. You put your food up high? Never mind. I'm out of here. My partner's cousin had her wallet stolen by a bear. Never mind. I'm choosing the man again.

Yeah. I like to think of a bear out there, like, walking into a liquor store with her ID and being like, huh? Because it's very funny that they did the thing where they put the food up high. And for some reason reason she was like, I guess I should put my valuables in there too. But a bear got into the food among the things that took was her wallet. And I'm like, that's the funny thing is,

is like, we're not just talking about bears. This is a bear podcast now, uh, where I was like, bears climb trees, right? Like bears aren't,

they're known for going high. Yeah. So it's weird to me that like. Y'all put your food low. Well, I think the whole point, I think, is you're supposed to play it like. Yeah. Suspended. Suspended.

Yeah. But the amount of times I've seen people like camping and it's just like against the tree, like they've just sort of like looped it around a branch and just raised it up. I'm just like, bears can get that, dude. Yeah. And they'll take your wallet. Yeah. But this week, we're not just going to talk about bears.

We're also going to talk about- You can't stop me. Getting reverse catfished. Husband's ejaculation performance. Uh, girlfriend didn't appreciate my reaction to seeing her naked. And a phone call cuss out. Hell yeah. Uh, what do you think a reverse catfish is?

A reverse catfish would be when you are being too much like yourself oh you're too genuine you're too you you arrive and you're like fuck or all those it's the photo of you sitting there is the one you use and you're like well how did they how did you do the same pose same lighting yeah you're in the background of that photo as well? Yeah, shit. Or it's going to be like, I think you're catfishing me, so I make a separate catfish profile to catfish you. Or you accidentally uploaded the wrong profile picture of yourself. Oh, and you're like, damn it, that's not the one I wanted. Damn it, this is David, not me. This is by Tipnew9964.

I think I got reverse catfish last night. Matches with this girl on Tinder. She's significantly bigger than girls I normally date, but we have literally everything in common, so I figured I'd give it a shot. After talking for a few days, we decide to meet up at this nerd bar last night. I get there and pick a table.

After waiting a few minutes, this beautiful woman comes over and starts trying to flirt with me. It's very strange, so I assume she must be after something. Free drinks? Drugs? My kidneys? I don't know. So I explained to her I'm actually waiting for someone. I don't want to give a bad first impression by chatting up some other woman when she walks in. Then suddenly she springs it on me. She's actually the one I'm

waiting for. She told me how she lost about 130 pounds over the past couple of years and she wants to make sure guys are actually interested in her and not just her body. She was also testing me to see if I would ditch the fat girl if someone hotter showed up so here's the thing i don't know how i feel about being tested i don't want to live my life questioning every decision i make like you might jump out from around the corner at any minute she's also really attractive and very cool otherwise not sure how i should proceed yeah i mean i get it dude like i i understand it's like it sucks because you're like if you are vibing with this person enough to be like oh traditionally not the kind of woman i would go for in terms of like physical appearance but you're so cool that that has taken a lower priority on

like my level of attraction to you and then being like haha just got you i'm still that person in terms of personality but now i've added a whole layer of manipulation on top of it. Like that would turn me off real fucking fast. If this happened to me. Yeah. It's not a good move. I will say it's not a deal breaker for me. It is a like big warning sign.

So like if I dated this person and anything else resembling a test happened in, I would be out. That's if this was it, I could live with it, right? If it was just like... Especially depending on how hot she got. How reverse is that caffeine? No, like I kind of get where she's coming from.

I do too, but it's not the weight loss that is bothering me. It's the, I'm'm gonna pretend to be a hot girl to see if you would ditch the fat girl yeah i mean like there's there's a level of fat phobia and like sort of like self-hatred in the way yeah like there's there's that level of being like okay is your whole personality now that you just lost weight and that you're not also you're not overweight anymore you know you're gonna get these messages on instagram like hey you're not overweight anymore. You know you're going to get these messages on Instagram. Like, hey, you're so hot. You want to hang out? And you're like, hey, girlfriend, can you stop pretending to be these other people testing me?

But for me, I don't love it. I hate it, in fact, quite a bit. But I think if this was it, I could get over it. And if it is in any way perpetuated later on, I would be out immediately. Yeah, I think that's a good stance to have. I don't know if I would let it get that far. To be honest, the more I say it,

the less I believe in what I said. Yeah. Like, I think there is, especially at like, once you get into your thirties, uh, my own got time for my bullshit detector is fucking laser focused.

Right. And my free time is so limited that I don't really want to invest time and effort into someone. If they've already thrown like two fairly big barrage of red flags. Yeah. Like I would just be like, or I could just find someone who's not attractive and represents themselves accurately and doesn't have this added layer of gotcha i

was testing you i would see like i'm sure that if she's very attractive and wants wanted to go on a date with you you could also find another very attractive woman or woman that you find attractive you know i mean like so also like fuck look like looks aren't everything if someone's hot but they suck or they're hot but they test you and again being like i'm scared she's gonna just jump out from around the corner it's a terrible way to feel about someone yeah potentially in the date yeah it's it's not great and like again there's there's layers of like other things going on that i think regardless of whether there's another test like there's obviously a self-esteem issue here and that's not just gonna go away yeah right um so i'm i'm really worried that like there's there's like all kinds of ticks on this list of being like the more you think about it

there's like you said there's there's sort of like self-hatred there's sort of this like fat phobic uh there's manipulation there's lying you know i mean like there's there's all sort of things and you're just like the more i think about it the the longer this list seems to things and you're just like the more i think about it the longer this list seems to get and you're just like cool the only like now the the pros and the cons you you're just like slightly hotter than originally expected and like had a good time but then you've got this horrible list on the other side now i feel scared to approach corners like i i really can't see myself being like this is worth it yeah so i would say if you want to continue a further you need to be on the lookout for this behavior kind of repeating or any of the bad behaviors we kind of pointed out and bail immediately if it happens i think you

should also call her out on it yeah i don't think this is behavior that should be tolerated or allowed i think i feel like you're gonna get, I think it being a very personal thing for them. And like, I don't think it's going to go well if you do, but that's fine. I just thought, I think there needs to be a level of humility in this, of being like,

you're right. That was a fucked up thing to do to you. You know what I mean? Like there was a lot of bad shit that she did to you and sort of subjected you to. And I think in my opinion, she owes you an apology. I like, I don't know she owes you an apology i like i

don't know if there was an apology being like look i'm really sorry i don't like doing that like if that happened on the date then i think my my stance would shift but the fact that he's like it would it would certainly i wouldn't be as hard on her as i'm being right now i think if she if she sort of like walked it back and was like i'm really sorry here's the reason why like i had i had multiple really bad experiences. You know what I mean? Like if she had a reason to do it, but if she just sat down and then pretended like that didn't happen.

Yeah. Or it was just like what I did. Totally fine and cool. Yes. Let's go. So I think if you want to continue seeing her, I think you should have like a very honest, frank discussion and be like,

Hey, I want you to know that like that was kind of fucked up. And I really don't appreciate sort of like jumping through hoops. Being tested and being lied to and manipulated so like you know can we not do that like i don't want to be dating someone whose whole thing is that yeah and and like why did you like why did you do it and i want like a deeper answer than like i don't want people thinking i'm too hot yeah you know what i mean like that's a bullshit answer that's not an answer i would accept you can figure that out other ways too and also like

that's the point of those apps like dating apps is literally like you you look at them and not as you see by the end of this episode where i'm going to be looking for tinder profiles and shit where we specifically don't talk about their looks yeah where but like it'll be like oh no profile no profile literally the only thing you have to go on nine times out of ten on these profiles or looks yeah so if your whole thing is like i don't want to be judged by my looks on a platform where judging people by their looks is sort of the bread and butter.

Yeah. And also it's like, there's other things between that. Like just because someone's talking to you doesn't mean, well, I got to go on a date with them. If someone's being weird, if you're not having fun with them, if they're being like,

oh, you're so hot, you're so hot. You can just not date them and block them and then talk to somebody else. And this guy, I'm sure still would have had the same conversation with you. Yeah. You know, like I don't,

there are other better ways to do this than, you know, and again, I do think the worst part is it would be one thing if it was old pictures and then she shows up, she's like, Oh, surprise.

This is what I actually look like. Which again, I don't, whatever. I don't think that's, yeah, that's one thing, but the going up and lying and manipulating and trying to like, yeah, that's, that's bad.

And I think I got very hung up on the, like the first thing and I was like, I get it. Yeah. You know, but yeah, don't just, I don't know. So I think two options on that's either be on the lookout, bail immediately if you see more or just you're allowed to be like, ah, that's not it for me. Yeah. Yeah. Because I think, I think you would also get a pretty quick judge of character if you see more or just you're allowed to be like that's not it for me yeah yeah because i think i think you would also get a pretty quick judge of character if you do have that discussion if you are kind of like up front be like hey we got to talk about that first day

yes because it's wild and if they're like no it's how i have to do it i'm going to approach every situation from here on out with that sort of mentality it's like but like oh don't complain you passed it's fine yeah no it's not then it's like at that point in time i'd be like yeah sorry i don't think that's the right fit for me that communication style and like terrible is is not going to cut it for me yeah uh i think i think you would learn a lot and save yourself a shit ton of time if you have that conversation yeah yeah um but i mean like if it's we say it all the time of being like it's a fuck yes or no and it certainly doesn't sound like a fuck yes to me here. And generally, I feel like you're looking for people to talk you into it as opposed to out of it.

And that, for me, is also a huge problem. Yes. So, you know, you've you've got the the inkling that this is bad. Follow your gut and then make your choices from that. This is from PromotionVest9176. Wife wants me to jack off for her and her friends? So my wife approached me yesterday and said she had an awkward question, which already kind of put me on edge. She was out with friends this weekend drinking and admitted to bragging about how much pre-cum I produce and how much I cum. She then said that her friends thought that was hot as fuck and asked her if they could see it. I guess they said it kind of jokingly, but one friend was

really interested in it and not really joking. She said that she would ask me if it was alright with me doing a little show for them. I mean, I wasn't thrilled about her talking about our sex life like that, but at least I wasn't like I'm terrible in bed or anything. I told her I'd think about it and just I'm not sure what to do, I guess. I'm not going to lie that the thought of this is kind of hot. I do really enjoy mutual masturbation with my wife. I'm not shy about my body and what I have going on down there, even though I'm pretty much just average. So I'm not worried about that kind of stuff. I asked her if she was all right with it, to which she said she found it a turn on to show me off and what she gets

all the time. I guess just curious about your guys' thoughts on it with repercussions, advice, et cetera. They do have an update update. I did it. So much pre-cum been texting with my wife about this while I'm at work and just some general questions.

She already was thinking about how it would happen if I said yes, with there being a game night with them and I and a few drinks. I'm normally pretty quiet, but I get very happy, social and touchy feely after a few. She said, if things progress, they're great. If not, no big deal. It'd be me, my wife and two or three of her friends. I was also thinking maybe a video, but I kind of want the stimulation out of it too. Talked about it being mutual or anything like that, which she said she could definitely be open to and ask what they were thinking, but didn't want to force anything. My thought was maybe her just giving me a handjob in front of them. So I'm not just a solo act. If I get nervous to which she was also open to, I'm still thinking

about what some said with there being some sort of participation with clothing off or something, just so it's more of a group thing instead of me just performing for them. I definitely think we'll have to talk more about boundaries and such, et cetera, et cetera. Sounds like our job here is done. I like that.

It is positive. Yeah. I can go back to my initial, like let's start at the start. Okay. I find it so funny it so funny people like oh a bunch of pre-cum hell yeah of all things yeah you know i wonder if it was more the the amount of cum that but like it does seem strange that pre-cum was specifically yeah yeah are you good you got a leaky dick um i just find that really funny because in all things that i was like that's hot pre-cum not not on that list yeah um so good job dude i guess uh it's cool that you're into this and your wife's into this it's great that you're looking for like advice on how to do this

properly and i think you're really on the right path we just gotta reinforce what's going on there and i think you need to specify what you're doing is like how it's going down. Like, is the video, are you just jerking it? Is your wife involved? One, two, like you need to establish firm boundaries, which is like, if one of them comes over and like touches you or wants to touch you, like one, are you cool with that? Two, is she cool she cool with that three set up like a safe word or a safe like a gesture or something yeah you need to be able to pull the cord in a way that's comfortable for you and everybody else yeah uh three the friends all need to be in on it and like if they have partners that's something you need to be sure because if they have a husband

they're not telling about this it becomes very grotty very quickly. Yeah. If they're all just single and they want to see your big ass pre-cum. Sure. Once boundaries are established and like if two friends are know what's going to happen and the third friend is just like, whoa, like that's not cool either. Yeah. There's going to be a surprise for Stephanie where like she's just there to fucking get down on some Yahtzee and she's like, whoa, hey, what the fuck? That's so much pre-cum

yeah so i think you need to like in terms of participation between you and your wife and between you and everybody else 100 needs to be discussed yeah uh consent with regards to everyone knowing what's happening and their partners right um like with, make sure no one's like in the pull out camera. That's that was my thing. It's like, this needs to be a, this needs to be like a fucking concert. Like you need to be going to like the fucking Mumford and son show or no,

what was the, your phone arcade, arcade fire. They like literally like taking a whopping little baggies and stuff. Right. Um, so it's like, I think you need to do like,

be like, Hey, if this is happening, every one of your motherfucking phones on the counter over there face down this is a a once in a lifetime private show yeah just for you guys there's no fucking sharing it no talking about it like you need to you need to not only get boundaries for the night and the act yeah but also going forward yeah right like you don't want to get the reputation or maybe you do but like but if you do that's something you also need to be firmly like if you're like hey

spread the word i'm down to do this again one yeah you need to be clear if that is something you want to do and two your wife has also signed off on that yeah you know and and you need her your wife to be ready to sort of reel her friends in if they start getting too shitty when you're not around. Right. Like in this instance, absolutely. You're like,

your wife needs to essentially be your bodyguard and your bouncer. Right. And just be like, no touching, no touching. Yeah. Or like she needs to, you need to agree on the rules between yourselves.

Yeah. Then she needs to explain and reinforce and enforce those rules and you also need to like i think understand that stage fright yeah right is very much a thing like i could i could jerk off pretty much at any point in time when i'm by myself but if someone's like hey produce come i think i would it would be a little harder to do like even when like i'm having sex and someone's like i want you to come it's like well it was close and now i'm thinking about it and i just can't get that engine going and even just like it could be super hot having three people there watching you but it also could be really intimidating yeah you know if they're not

involved and they're just like spectating like and fantasy and and reality are two very different things like thinking about being like, Oh, that's hot as fuck. Like I would love, like I could very easily again, jerk off and pretend that like three attractive women are sitting on the couch watching me. If there were three attractive women sitting on the couch watching me,

would I be able to perform in the same way? Yes. Cause there's, there's a very like clinical, like, you know, perform right. Like if,

if they're taking off their clothes and people are getting loosey goosey, sure. Maybe that's easier, but like, yeah, i think just be aware of the reality think about saying right like everyone anyone can sing in the shower is everyone going up on karaoke stages exactly right like it's the exact same thing it's and that's why we're so good at masturbating in front of people is because we sing real well yeah we do a lot of karaoke yeah and finish every song with so much so much pre-cum but But we never cum. That would be weird. It would be weird. Right? Like, we're not...

Yeah, no. But the front row, they're gooped. That's called the splash zone. This doesn't happen. Don't worry. Or does it? We usually go to karaoke after our shows, and if that's what you're into... We're all out of cum by the end of our shows. Oh, God. We're so drained.

So, set boundaries with you with your you and your wife with you your wife and the people there make sure you know who's going to be there right yes that you know also very good like you can't be like oh these three people are going to come and then they bring a friend or you know whatever no phones unless you want there to be phones you should high school party situation where it's just like the whole neighborhood yeah uh hey hey come party at steve's you like the whole neighborhood shows up yeah hey hey come party at steve's you're gonna want to see this there's so much pre-cum what's listening from from back to the future like hey you know that new pre-cum you've been looking for

although the next line is gonna be it's like you might not be ready for it, but your kids are going to love it is. Hey, say that. Yeah. That's spicy. Break the ice. Uh,

no, this isn't say my kids are going to love it. Cause you've got a handful of cum. That's fair. There's so many Drake jokes we can make right now, but we won't, we won't. Cause he doesn't deserve the airtime.

No. Uh, but our diss track is coming soon. It is, um, set, set boundaries, set safety safety barriers get on the same page have a safe word make sure the windows are yeah locked yeah make sure everyone's comfortable check out the partners there's so many things you can do it but if you're on the same page you're willing to be open honest communicative you know run through

hypotheticals right be like oh what if your fucking drunk ass friend starts grabbing my dick? And here you've got yourself a rare, I would say once in a lifetime opportunity, but maybe not. But like, this is an opportunity for you to have a pretty fucking cool night. Yeah. Right. Especially that you're down and you're into it. Great. Yes.

So I think you need to sort of throw some spaghetti at the ball see what sticks and be like you know maybe suggest be like i i would love for participation like if your friends want to assist are you cool with that and that's what you want and that's i think i think what dan's saying is very important advocate for what you want right yeah right like if you think it would be kind of cool to have sort of a sort of like rotation of blow jobs to get you there or hand jobs or you know what i mean like or if one of them wants you to like come all over them you know what i mean like if that's something you're into and they're into and your wife's into great but i think it also goes the other way if you don't want them to touch you yes advocate for that too don't like don't be passive in this

yeah ask for what you want and be cool if it's withdrawn. And I mean that in terms of like, if you want people to grab you and she doesn't want that to, that's fine. Yeah. If you don't want them to grab you and she does, you don't just then be like, okay,

yes. Like you need to stand for what you want, but like realize just because you want them to join in, doesn't mean it's going to happen, but also be sure to put your foot down that even if they want to join in but you don't that doesn't have to happen and it needs and like this again there's like several conversations and like several steps one it's like you have to figure out what you yes what you're cool with what you want yeah then you move that conversation to the wife and be like here's my list of come demands uh and please check it and see what or

even do the the almost like a version of like that kink test, right. Where you both write down what you're cool with. Yeah. Then you compare and be like, okay, great. Like this is,

this is really, really cool. Like here are the things that we're both into have a really in-depth, really stern, stern talk about this. And Niall said, like try to come up with hypotheticals, like come up with crazy scenarios,

come up with things and be like, like what if, what if they bring a friend that we're not involved with or we don't want to? What if somebody whips out their phone? Yeah. What if somebody wants to fuck me? What if, you know, what if I come and it's so much pre-cum, I'd get it on them by accident. You know what I mean? What if one of the partners?

What if I can't? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right. So you've got to go through that. And then the wife then has to like translate those to the friends and be like, we need you to agree with these. Like, if you want this to happen, if you're interested in this, I've got the okay down the line, but these are the things you need to agree with.

And if any of you don't do these things, if you've agreed to these things and you break them, it's done. And I'm going to be real fucking pissed. Like, this is a very sensitive subject for me and my husband. Yeah. to fucking be cool and if you're not cool i'm not gonna be cool yeah and it's like it's like that's it like i'm you need to i'm throwing a velvet curtain yeah over my big fire hose of man and and you're all leaving yes uh and i think you need to be part of that conversation too at some point yeah i mean either whether like you see that they all agree and that she laid it out, you also need to be able to trust your wife to do this and not like you

establish. And she's like, yeah, sure. And then either is too scared to like, kind of drop the hammer on her friends or is going to be like, yeah, do whatever you want.

It doesn't fucking matter. Yeah. Right. So once that's all said and done and sorted and you have safe words and hypothetical sort out and clear defined parameters that everyone's comfortable with go for it i hope this is the coolest fucking nutty in life dude and there's they get to see the pre-com extravaganza mostly this guy mostly these girls they're getting a free show yeah make a pay yeah charge a price oh make them make them

put down a deposit so if they break the rules you get this whole payday for you yeah i mean yeah be like it's a hundred dollars to do it if any of you break the rules i'm not my pre-com i keep your hundred dollars or make it a lot maybe like a thousand make it a ten people you like if someone was like if you want to see my husband produce all of the pre-com you have to pay a thousand dollars i'd be like that's so much that might be setting the bar a little too high if I don't know does he fill a shot glass yeah like how much pre-com is a lot how funny would it be because you know the way people like oh my god like like people who are like oh my boyfriend's cock is 10 inches and it turns out like she doesn't actually know what 10 inches is he just says it and then like you know one day someone has a ruler and they're like, what? What if she's never been with someone else?

And she's like, so much pre-cum. And he's like, hell yeah. But it's not. It's just like a dribble. Completely average normal now. Yeah. It's really funny. It'd be pretty funny.

It'd be devastating for this thing. Everyone involved. That's it, huh? I will say, this is your chance to really fucking be the star of the show. Drink lots of water. Get that celery you yeah the water is so much water what if he's already so jizzy that we shouldn't say this it's irresponsible of us to boost him further this blows a hole through some one of these women just fucking like homelander style just looks like a scene from the boys it's just like cyclops when he takes his fucking glasses off yeah it's like this is pre-cum you're not even ready for the full pre-cum blast them all into a hole

yeah time for next question um i don't like you yelling this is pre-cum at me hey you smile a lot yeah i don't like it though the whole time i was like i hated this so someone deleted the post since i decided to announce it. Okay. But it's okay. My 25-year-old male girlfriend, 24-year-old female, did not appreciate my reaction to seeing her naked. And essentially, she is a big fan of those TikTok videos

where a girl gets naked and walks in on her boyfriend while filming and, like, films their reaction. Oh, and it's supposed to be like a, huh? Yeah, like a cartoon wolf. Like, huh? And this guy who works at the hospital worked a 12-hour shift where there was like an outbreak of something that he might have been exposed to and it was very stressful and then he didn't in the end but had to get tests and come home and he was very tired and miserable and about to go to

bed and she walked in videoing him while naked and he was like you know it's not it's not the time and she was like how dare you those boy Those boyfriends on TikTok love their partners. Like, why don't you love me? And that's basically it. Cool. Everything you see on social media, assume it's fake. Yes. It's completely fake.

There's no way they walked in and dropped his ice latte and it landed just out of camera. I mean, look, is there a reality where maybe? Sure. No, there's not. I love seeing my partner naked. It is a treat every time it happens. I don't think, and maybe this is just because they're kind of always naked when they can be. So maybe I'm overexposed.

I don't know how often. You've dismissed the myth of overexposed nudgeter before in here. Right. But it's like, I don't think there would ever i i can't think of any partner i don't think there's any woman that could walk into a room that would make me like like drop my like you know what i mean like i don't think well would i be happy for sure would i be like oh okay yeah absolutely would i fucking cartoon style no no like my jaw drop and like if they're panting if it's my partner as you said like you're used to it or whatever in a way but it would probably be a pretty normal interaction if it was a stranger

especially a very hot one i definitely wouldn't want to do it because i would be trying to play a cool to a certain degree and also it's kind of offensive rivers golly jeebers and also i'm just you don't have my consent to just walk into my room naked. Also filming me. Fuck off. What are you doing? What if I've got so much pre-con going? So one, everything on social media is fake. Just assume it is.

It generally is. It generally is. Especially the couples. Yes. Right? Yes. They're faking it all. How many takes do you think?

Like, I promise you, I've seen fucking influencers' fucking phones. It's a million of the exact same thing. Of the same thing. They look insane. I promise you, if you were to sort of teleport that woman's phone into her hand, she would have 19, 20, 30. And she's not even naked. Probably not even naked.

Yeah. So, like, what do you... That's not even her boyfriend. That's big character actor Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie's absolutely not a character actor. She acts, and she's characters. You're saying Harley Quinn isn't a character? she acts and she's characters you're saying harley quinn isn't a character damn you got me fucking gobshite uh so it's one it's fake it's fake just

assume it's fake two it's shitty to just surprise your partner by videoing them with the intent to i don't know get internet points off it three it's shitty to then judge them based on the metrics of these fake doing it for clout videos and then also real shit to have absolutely no empathy to be like yes to understand the situation why he isn't participating in this yeah in that moment for a good reason and being like oh hey sorry i thought i was exposed to a deadly virus sorry i thought i had the hanta virus yeah right like no i'm sorry i'm exhausted i'm probably covered in multiple people's, you know,

bodily fluids. Like anyone who works at also it's nurse awareness month, I believe, or like nurse, nurse appreciation month. I don't know if it was a day, but they should have a whole fucking month. They should have a whole fucking year.

They should. Um, so to all of our nurses and medical technicians and all that good stuff, uh, we appreciate you. We're aware of you. And we, we're,

we are so glad that you do what you do and you deserve a lot more money and a lot more respect and a lot more uh time off and people who come in and treat you better as well yeah um so it's like i i get it like i i also i work in a fucking bar and if i after a 12 13 hour shift if i came home my partner was just like i'm naked i'd be like cool but like i do want to just not be standing right now and my brain is bad also there's such a difference between like i'm naked and i'm naked but there's a fucking camera in your face yes right like that for me so different you know i mean like fuck off so also there's script like they literally like hey i'm gonna go in. You're going to do this.

Like it's all fucking fake. So your partner sucks in this specific instance. Hopefully it's not a bigger thing, but you need to have a talk with me. Like, Hey, you need to understand social media. Isn't like,

it's not representative of reality and like basing your self worth and happiness. Our relationship on that. Not cool. Yeah. One, two, do you not understand where i

was coming from yeah and and just lead with those two and see where the conversation goes yep and if they're just like sorry i got whatever be like why why are you feeling insecure about this like you know and if there's a conversation we had have it but you can't have a healthy relationship when you're basing your happiness and self-worth off literal bullshit and if she doesn't get it be like, cool. Should I go through Instagram or Tik TOK and find all the models and compare you to them? Like, why don't you look like,

like this person? Why don't you look like this person? Or even just like find some toxic male bullshit where it's like, look at my partner. I'll walk in on her in the kitchen. Oh, she's making us sandwich or some bullshit. Like be like,

Oh, do you now need to do that? Because I followed this influencer. Like fuck off. Do the dance, do this dance right right now i want to see you do the sexy bikini dance do people still do dances on tiktok i don't know my tiktok algorithm is so fucked mine like mine got into a really weird like urban exploration thing and i just like i don't know mine's a lot pirate like just about to be like taken over by pirates ships oh yeah like where they're like yeah yeah the barbed wire and stuff what's with that yeah why why were they like this is what he

wants it's always that one song from why why why are we getting this is because we say ship a lot because of no quest maybe yeah it's fucking annoying i don't know i i got this one dude who does like really good like scary short films where it's just like, Oh, is it the two brothers? It's not the two brothers. No, they're good.

They're good. Uh, but it's, it's like a guy who his house or wherever he films, the buildings he's in are some of the strangest. I got to imagine he's like in Russia or something. Uh, cause I've never seen who's this construct this way.

I don't know why you're coming for our Russian. I don't know why it's why I a Russian. I don't know why it's why I get Russian. I apologize. But it's always like he'll like look and they'll be like his door will be like closed and then he looks back and then it's open and then like he looks back around. It's just like a really fucked up looking dude or

person and those make my like skin crawl. And they're naked and then he goes. Yeah. And then they start rolling up our wire to get yo why why it's you know what else i get with that song all the time is like big waves no like or kind of but like them being like proof katulu is real oh really damn and it's just like obviously like ai generated or like Photoshopped, like images of like big squid people with like the sky and stuff.

That's amazing. But it's always that song as well. Next. Next question, or go back to bears. Sealake5749, should I stop talking to him after he cussed me out? I'm not going to read the ages. Oh no. I have been talking to this guy for almost two months.

Things move very quickly because we clicked very fast. Extremely similar values and morals, sense of humor, and wants. We have an amazing time when we're together. Everything is perfect. The only issue is when we are apart. His communication style is text every four to six hours. I like to be communicated to every two to three hours. Weirdly specific.

I hate it. It feels like when we are apart, he doesn't make much effort to communicate. Well, I did let him know this bothers me quite a few times. We have had heated discussions about it, and I can tell he's getting frustrated. I will admit that I have an anxious attachment style and am currently working on it in therapy. He said he is willing to be patient with me because we really click. I notice slowly he's becoming distant when we aren't together. And when I ask him about it, he gets defensive and frustrated.

I pulled back a week ago, and that made him freak out and come to my house almost crying, saying he's sorry and he's taking me for granted and he will communicate more. Well, when he left my house, the communication went back the same way. And he said he just isn't always on his phone. We always tell each other goodnight over the phone. And last night he never called or texted. This morning, he texted a very dry, good morning. So I called him. I asked him what happened last night. He said, what the fuck do you mean, dude? I told him that he never called me, and he said he fell asleep, which is fine. I told him it wasn't okay for him to cuss, and he said sorry, he's still half asleep. But my

mom always taught me to never let a man cuss or disrespect me. I'm at a loss for what to do, because is it overreaction if I do stop talking to him because he cussed at me i also told him my last relationship was verbally abusive and he promised he would never do that was his reaction warranted because he's frustrated thank you i don't like a lot of what's going on here uh i really thought you would be cussed out like he would fucking lose his shit at you and i'll be like what the fuck do you mean yeah i'm from ireland i say fuck all the time all the time i i would hate to be in a where i it's happened sometimes people like how oh my god i'm like it's it's not like i'm not angry i'm not whatever i just like i say it for emphasis some people do just say it so i think just being like

he said a cuss word that's disrespectful i think it's it's dumb right yeah just just to be like existence of cuss word means whatever if he's like what the fuck do you i think it's it's dumb right yeah just just to be like existence of cussword means whatever if he's like what the fuck do you mean yeah there's there's tone and there's whatever i think it's just weird to be like i have a checklist and he said a cussword i'm out because that isn't being verbally abusive yeah you know in and of itself i also can imagine if you are frustrated people do raise voices. People do curse. I'd also like to know how early you called him. Yeah.

Also like you say, you're dealing with these things. It doesn't sound like you are. And also when you say a dry, good morning, like did he, did he say good morning? Like you text is tone. And text is super implied and often filtered through your,

how you're feeling. And you're like, if you're anxious, you're going to read a good morning much differently than how it's probably intended. So if he just sent good morning, that was probably him being like, ah, fuck, I didn't say good night last night. So I'm going to say good morning now. I would love to know, was there an exclamation mark? Because if there was an exclamation mark, you have no leg to stand on. Or any emoji.

Or any emoji, yes. Unless it was an angry emoji. Yeah, good morning. If there was a positive emoji. Or like the eye roll on. No leg. Or any emoji. Or any emoji, yes. Unless it was an angry emoji. Yeah. Good morning. If there was a positive emoji. Or like the eye roll emoji. Yeah. Good morning. I would understand if you used a period.

If you used a hard dot, then I would understand. Maybe I would consider that a dry good morning. Yeah. I feel like if it's just good morning, no, nothing. That could be considered as dry. Yeah. Full stop. See, what if your phone did one though?

Or what if he just likes punctuation? Maybe. Either way, you should have done an explanation, Mark. You should dry. Yeah. Full stop. See, what if you're falling dibble in law? Or what if he just likes punctuation? Maybe. Either way, you should have done an explanation mark. You should be a good enough person to know that you can't hit him

with the old period. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. But like, it is frustrating that like, look, sometimes your communication styles just don't add up. Seems like you tried to

talk about it and that's great, but like you seem to expect him to change everything. And I'd love to hear what you have tried to work on because it seems like you just keep calling him on his shit and not trying to meet him even halfway. Right. Like if your communication. So let me get those.

Let me get those numbers four to six. And you prefer two to three. Why not? Why not? Like every three to four hours. Like it's such a weird. I think it's really shitty to measure it in any way.

Sometimes you'll be vibing or free or whatever and you'll chat. Other times you'll be at work or asleep or hanging out with people. Being on a regimen of I have to text you X, Y, and Z isn't fair. It's stupid. Also, no person...

I don't think that way right like i don't think anyone like we shouldn't be measuring no interest and stuff based on that i think it should be based on like what like if we have if we're not talking about anything i shouldn't just have to send you a message every two to three hours just so you know that i'm alive or or that it matters to me it needs to not be dry and it needs to not be dry. Am I supposed to just be like, hi, just my two to three hour check-in. Still at work.

Yeah, so you need to... Again, maybe you didn't put it in, but what work are you doing? Because you say you're working on the therapy, but what have you done in this relationship? What concessions have you given? What kindness? I would love to know what your pulling back is too. Do you just fucking ghost them for a week? yeah because it seems like it so just like if you're one if your communication styles don't match up to the point where you're this upset

maybe you're just not for each other it's been two months you can cut your losses you also just can't expect people to do exactly what you want especially after two months yes or in general in general yes but it's like a person isn't going to rearrange their entire life for you after hanging out two months. Also, they shouldn't know. And you are being kind of unreasonable. So it's like,

also calling people and why didn't you text me? Good night. Like, fuck off. Come on. I don't want to know their ages. Yeah. 39.

She's 39. He's 42. Not that bad. Okay. She's 28. He's 42. Not that bad. Okay. She's 28. He's 30. That's too old. Still too old. This is 16. Yeah. This is like high school. Like my boyfriend didn't call me yesterday.

And is he cheating? Yes. Is it Stacy on the cheerleader team? Because I heard that he called her two days. I saw that they interacted on Twitter. Yeah. He's liked every photo for the her two days. I saw that they interacted on Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. He's liked every photo for the past two weeks.

Yeah. You need to calm down because I understand you want these things. That's great. But if you force him to say good night and good morning, then surely doesn't that lose its meaning? Yeah. If you're like, oh, you have to under pain of death, you need to send me these things. Are you getting what you want out of it? Yeah. You know what I want out of it? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Calm the fuck down. He fell asleep or he lied about it. Either way. It's like, who cares? And I can't blame anyone for getting frustrated and annoyed at being like, we've had this conversation. Also, that is key.

I hate having the same argument over and over and over and over again. So if it's been resolved and then you're just going to bring it up again, like I'd be like, like you texted me four hours. I like two to three. Yeah. Like, is that what the,

like, is that if someone had that exact conversation, be like, Oh, it'd be so out. I've timed, I've timed your responses and you seem to text me every four to six hours. And I prefer every two to three hours.

If someone had the, I would be like, there is like, bye out of here out of here i could not leave this conversation faster yeah let alone this relationship oh that was dry like that was like no one can live like this this anxiety and this like it's just it's gonna fucking wear them down i'm glad you're working on the therapy you need to work hard. Perhaps finish it and like get to a place. Yeah, work on yourself then get into relationships. Yeah, like if you know that you have this anxious attachment style

that's not something you should go into finding relationships. Like until you've sort of gotten a handle on it and feel comfortable with it and like know your triggers and know your warning signs and know your X and Y and like your therapist has given you tools to exactly deal with these things when you start like because it it feels

like the thing some people do where they're like oh i have x and that's it that's like they're like now that i've said i have it i can just fucking go ham on it i don't like it's like just because you admit you have it doesn't mean you're done. Your work is done. Like you can't just be a piece of shit. Like, oh, I'm a narcissist. Fuck you. Like work on it. Right. Like you need to, it's like the responsibility is over.

Oh, I said I have it though. Yeah. Okay. But like, what are you doing? Yeah. So. And if, and if you having a certain attachment style or whatever, uh, then like you need to be aware of what you, what that means to your partner in terms of like,

if you have really, really bad anxiety, it is not your partner's job to solve that. It is not your partner's job to change their life so that you never get anxious around them. It like, it's not their burden to bear. And it's,

it sucks because you know, mental illness is a thing that a lot of us struggle with in very different ways. And it manifests in with in very different ways. And it manifests in a bunch of different ways. And I'm not saying that people who suffer with these things don't deserve love or shouldn't, like, you know, look for love or be loved. But there's a notice on you to understand what you're dealing with and seek the mental and professional help to give yourself a set of tools and put the work in as well. You don't just go,

Oh, I've got this thing. Your problem. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I have an anxious, a stature sound. Therefore you have to text me every two to three.

Yeah. That's not like you being diagnosed and getting sort of like what it is, is not doing the work. No. Right. It's like that, that does nothing. You have done nothing. Yeah. You've gone to therapy. Someone's like that that does nothing you have done nothing yeah

you've gone to therapy someone's told you a thing and you've now you're just parroting back yeah if you say hey i've got a an anxious attachment style i typically like a lot of communication because it helps reinforce that and i get less anxious and i know uh you know if if i go too long without some sort of like contact i you know x y and z blah blah this is so like even if it's just a short little hello or whatever i would really appreciate that that really helps calm my anxiety down that's much different than being like you need to text me yes 100 two to three hours right like it's it's so simple it's you're you're asking for the same thing but in one sense you're being like here's the thing here's you're like here's what

i'm struggling where you're coming from you're letting them know what's going on, you're being like, here's the thing. Here's you're like, here's what I'm struggling with. You're coming from. You're letting them know what's going on and giving a toolkit, giving them a tool they can choose to use or not. But like, at least the situation makes more sense to them. And like, you know, you've kind of opened yourself up. And then if you are being weird, at least they kind of know where you're coming from. Whereas another one is like, do this. Just fucking do what I say. And someone can be just be like, sorry, I don't have the capacity to deal with that.

So I might not be a good fit for you. Yeah. And that's what you should be doing. Right? Like just because you are struggling with something doesn't mean someone also isn't struggling with something else or, or doesn't have, you know, or they have to accommodate you.

You know what I mean? Like, cause again, what's, is it less valid that he has a distant attachment style? I don't know what the fuck it's called, but like you know if he's like okay you want this but also it stresses me out to always be thinking about my

phone and pulling it out and like when i'm at work or social situations i don't love that does your thing just negate his and now he has to do it i don't think so you know so if he explains and you guys try to meet in the middle and you try to be accommodating with him and he tries to be accommodating with you that's how relationships work yep accommodating with you. That's how relationships work. Yeah. So, yeah. I think we've covered a lot. I don't need a final thought on this. No.

Good Lord. I've been jumping around on Tinder just for the last little minute that Nile was talking there. Trying to find some profiles. And it's tough. At the end of the show, we do like to hop onto online platforms. It's just Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. I don't know how long we're going to be able to keep doing it because it's a dry Sahara desert out there. If you guys come across some wild profiles, let me know.

Send them in. Yeah, please. That would be great. Not being single anymore, it's difficult for me to, like I'm not on the apps anymore. So, you know, hit me with some wild ones that you find. This is, however, Lisa, about me. Just a girl

in the world. I'm mom to two amazing sons, divorced for many years with no baggage. I love my job. I don't talk to creeps. If you're not good into conversation, we won't get along. What was that last? If you're not good into conversation? Oh, if you're not into good conversation. Oops.

It seems weird. Who're not into good conversation. Oops. If you're not into good. Okay. Let's. It seems weird. Who isn't into good conversation? It's just that what is good to each person varies, right? Yeah. I wonder if they.

I mean, yes, it's bad. I wonder if they just mean like, I want to not just fuck. Yeah, I guess. But there are better ways to say that. I think it's a little redundant. I also don't love being like, divorced many years, no baggage. It's like, why'd you bring it up? Yeah. Then why'd you bring it up?

Yeah. Why does it matter? We think you doth protest too much. Yeah, right? It's like, it's kind of- Yeah, it's like when someone's like, I didn't set fire to that house. Yeah.

That statement might be true. However- Not a serial killer. Now- Are you? I immediately think that perhaps you've set fire to a house. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, it's not something I would ever think of. Like, I don't look at you go probably divorce probably divorce no baggage though unless like she's self-conscious about having kids and wants you to know she didn't have them out of wedlock which is like like i feel like you can have anyone worried about that i'm sure it's going to be weird about being divorced you know so it's like my i forget the mention she's 46 i don't really love someone who is almost 50 referring to them just as a girl in the world also like what does

that bring we know you're in the world thank you i'm assuming i know your gender thank you i'm assuming it's a no doubt reference i guess but like you pick a better one i all in all it's ultra bland for me it's gonna be a three yeah three. Yeah. Oh, okay. Here's, here's a profile. Don't know. Are you agreeing with my three? What? Yeah.

I mean, three, give me, it's not just a knowledge show here. Three, much as everyone wants it. Uh, three is,

is generous, but I think I'll, I'm saving the ones and twos for the fucking racist. Uh, this is Keelan. Okay. 31 looking for long-term open to short about me. Stuff that probably says a lot about me but seems meaningless.

Couldn't pick a favorite color as a kid because I thought it'd hurt the other color's feelings. I eat my pizza backwards to get the worst part over with. I will die on the Oxford Comma Hill. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to see if there's any... Nope. No extra little bonuses. I love this guy.

This is the lady. I love this lady. It's great. This is such a powerful... This is so unique that it's great this is such a like powerful like like this is so unique that it's that you know what i mean there's no way they read a fucking thing somewhere that was like you gotta talk about eating your pizza backwards this is this is great this is a great profile this like there's so many jumping off points yes to talk about right like let's go get pizza backwards if you if you you know

stand the oxford comma great yeah if you want to if you want to like if you if you're like most people you don't fucking know what it is she can teach you you you have the the date ask of being like okay sorry but i do need to see someone eat a pizza backwards because i don't understand structurally how that works it's a little messy but it gets there i look i get it but it's a great way to ask someone out on a date right sure and then you could be like also you've got the line of being like okay you couldn't pick one as a kid but what's your favorite color now for sure like also it's just fucking adorable it's it's very cute it's it's bleeds personality you're i'm giving it a 10 i'm giving it it's weird it probably doesn't deserve a 10 because it's a little sparse

but i love it it's a breath of fresh air and it's, it kind of gives you enough. It's like a slice of them as opposed to a slice of like facts about them. Yeah. Right. Like that's them. That's not info about them. Uh,

it is absolutely a 10. Is that them? No, isn't them. I've already swiped past. Uh, last one. This is Jess 47 short term open to long.

It's weird. Hers are like two glasses. Cheersinging the other one was like a smirky face i wonder if it's just i wonder if they choose that or not um about me wait a minute this is we've already done this oh right i'm here in incognito mode for good reason this also means i get first pick right did we do this we did this we did do this because i remember being like your face is all over this. Is it strong bot energy? Maybe. Is that just what the bots say now? Fuck you.

Get out of here. Get out of here. Oh, this is a game where I had to choose a secret admirer of someone who liked me. So that's going to do it for that scenario. We nailed it. Thank you very much for listening. Once again, we do have a show coming up May 21st. The weather is nice. the patio vibes are going the the indoor vibes going look i don't want to i don't want to

say too much but me and dame will probably be wearing shorts it's true and when the boys get the legs out also we're on a stage with a table that you get you just you can just you go to thigh city and we got thighs for days and calves for days it's true if there's one thing we got it's a lower body yeah it's true honestly you can increase your experience by just holding cardboard up over your face and just watching our legs yeah put in some headphones listen to your favorite music listen to us still there's our there are two best features i think us talking on our legs yeah maybe our butts will maybe if we hit a patron goal, we'll erect mirrors.

You can see our little butt. Tense a little as we giggle. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Seeds for their song, Paper Stars. I don't know why I'm throwing that in the middle of our show. That's fine. But come see our show.

I said, come see our show. Yeah. Come see it too. Pre come see it. Pre come see it. It's fun. It's great.

It's a great time. I have fun and i shouldn't because i'm working but you know what we do good we have a blast love what i do and i love the people who come we're i gotta say like the the past we've always had a really great crowd and this this year the crowd has been getting better fucking great yeah it's it's such a fucking vibe it is it's not an interactive show really but but like there's the, the crowd participates in a way that is exactly what you'd want from a live show. There's no heckling.

There's no what, like, but like there is, there's energy. And I love it. Like we've been so blessed with the coolest people and it is such a compliment to look out and see these rad people. I fucking,

so thank you to everyone who's come and thank you to everyone who's listening. Who's going to come. If you want to support the show and you can't make it to our live show, head on over to our Patreon. Go to fbuddiespodcast.com, click the Patreon link, you'll be brought over,

and you get an extra bonus episode every month. And we're doing something different. We are doing something different. We're doing glossary. Specific, targeted episodes. Yes. Like a missile just headed straight towards your brain oh it explodes what have you got knowledge and entertainment it's true but very directed yeah

uh and i think it's gonna be a little fun the energy the vibes were immaculate as always okay let's end the show we love you guys also feel free to go to the show and join the patreon okay this is a series of tweets two tweets to be exact first one walked outside and all the pollen attacked my face reply the flowers get all the girls i'd like to give you a facial too jesus they are not in and they have no relation they are not friends they are not twitter friends they have not interacted before. This man just decided that. He found it. This was his time.

And he was like, what do you think is going to happen, bud? Yes, please. It's like when people honk at women on the street. They're just going to tear their clothes, chase them down, and be like, please. Ravish me. Yes. Give me your pollen. Your pollen cum.

My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spank. And we've been your Fuzz Buddies.