F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 294 - A Comprehensive List of the Most Recent Popstar Beef

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

This is now just a show about all the hottest popstar beef and we're okay with that.  Topics include Dain's heartbreaking celebrity wake up call, how to date with a busy schedule, vegan break up obligations, too intimate for a hook up, cream pie conundrum, a friendly penis grab. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends and welcome to... Oh god, what do I do? Damn. What is this? It feels so long since we've...

Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice show where we take your sticky, sexy situations, turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either from our wonderful listeners or roaming the wilds of the internet and we answer them right here, right now, in your ears.

Where else do we do it, Dane? On stage, live. In which countries? I mean, right now in your ears where else do we do it dane on stage live in which countries i mean right now currently well hold on when does this come out nobody knows uh everything's a nightmare if you don't know uh the the reason i was so confused is i feel like we haven't recorded an episode we haven't recorded an episode in two weeks. We did a live show, which was great. Thank you for coming out. That's going to come out in a couple of weeks or before this or after this. I don't know.

We're going to New York to do a show at Camp Halcyon, which is going to be a fucking blast. It's going to be awesome. But it means that we're away for a week. And when we're away, that means we have to pre-record so that we don't ever skip a week. Cause we would never skip a week for you guys, but we've also managed to bite off more than we can chew, which tends to be a habit of ours. Yeah. A thing we clearly enjoy doing because we're now so busy last week that we

forgot to record. We just forgot to record an episode. And that's why we released the Patreon thing. I mean, it was important because we were going to release it anyway, cause you need to see what our new thing's about. And at least one of you joined as a result of it. So you're a fucking hero.

Hell yeah. And everyone else considering it, who's about to hear me say this and go and sign up. You're also a hero. So, yeah, it's just been a lot. So my brain bad. Now's brain bad. So this episode should be an interesting one to do. Yeah. And this week we're going to talk about dating while working a demanding job. What do you do with your hands?

Date dumped me, but still wants me to cook our dinner guest dinner on the weekend. A passionate hookup. A too passionate hookup. Oh, I feel like we've done that one before. Probably. You ready to get into it? Yeah. Or do you want to complain a little bit more? I would love if we just, this whole episode. episode is bitch for the whole episode yeah i think we've got it stored up i think it got it in it uh we got that dog in us and that dog is so grumpy just like a shaking chihuahua that just wants to bark at everything yeah a lot of things are good and we love you and we love what we do and i'm very stressed for other reasons that are work related i'm so angry if you're one of the idiots i'm angry at fuck you it's not you're probably not the one of like three people yeah but if you are fuck you uh yeah i mean like the the nice thing

is like a lot of the reasons why we are so busy is because things are good yes which is great yeah we've got a lot of projects we had a lot of pokers in the fire uh do you know who Sabrina Carpenter I do is um have you seen her her fun little way she ends a song it's called the nonsense outro have you seen it do you know what I'm talking about yeah you see her getting in trouble in BBC the BBC yeah yeah that's what I was going to talk about it's pretty funny uh so if you don't know this she's a uh a pop star who's just so goddamn catchy and like she is when when I think pop star, she embodies it. She's got like the charisma. She's got the look.

She's got. So you hate Olivia Rodrigo is what you're telling me. Well, hold on. Is there beef? There's beef. Who do you think driver license was written about? I didn't know that. Oh, my God.

This ruins everything. I'm only I'm only like 40 50 sure that this is true but i think it is i think sabrina carpenter is the one that took or you know olivia rodrigo's ex and maybe we have to thank her for this because she did write a lot of songs very upset about this yeah i think at least the entire album if not two i don't know how many albums she has so maybe we need to be like yo thank you for your funny song and then also thank you for traumatizing this young woman into being a great musician damn this changes everything because i am i must i'm an olivier rodrigo stan i uh i didn't really know i only knew her for that one song that was the good for you song and i was just like

oh this chick is just copying paramore blah blahah, blah, blah. I had forgiven her for that. And that's a pretty... Well, Paramore forgave her. Yeah. If Hayley Williams can forgive and forget, so can I. So, you know, I was pretty salty about that. But then I listened to her newest album, which I cannot remember the name of. And it is front to back... Just bangers.

Bangers. Every song. There's not a song that misses on that album um and i've said it before much to the ire of many a folk i think olivier rodrigo is better than taylor swift every week our listeners plunge by thousands as you call more swifties from our ranks it's not that i just i just think olivivia rodrigo is an incredible musician and i think that taylor swift isn't no i'm kidding that is that part is a joke taylor swift is is great i didn't know the sabrina carpenter beef hey it could not be it could just be a thing i made up my brand i'm

pretty sure though um because like again i i drew a pretty hard line in the sand as a teenager as an emo kid uh the the beef between brand new and taking back sunday uh that was a pretty definitive beef for me because i never listened to taking back sunday specifically because of the the you know relationship between that two band because and i'll say it 70 times 7 is a far better song than cute without the i. I'll say it. If you want to come at me, come at me. I just confirmed everything I said is true. Okay, perfect. That's it. I was...

We hate Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah, that sucks. Damn it. I liked her. Now I can't. I'm sorry. Anyway, this is our pop star... Yeah, this is our gossip column where we talk about 20-year-old pop stars and the dramas.

We should do that as... will be our next picture that'll be our next patreon episode but we're not allowed to research any of that just have to come in with our vibes yeah i'll get like a i'll get a scooping of gossip of tea okay from my partner because she's very oh even better yeah a lot of this i got through work because we essentially play either Olivia Rodrigo or Sabrina Carpenter all the time lately. So a lot of it is just, did you know this song? And then I just kind of like, you know, it just comes into me. Yeah.

You just kind of. Yeah. Just comes all over me. Just comes right on into. Okay. Let's do a question. I feel bad because this is an audience question and I know I didn't say it yet, but it's been looking at me like, hey, excuse me, I'm an audience question and you're not giving me

the respect I deserve. Are we, are we going to do this or? Yeah. It's like, okay, hello. I'm not just a random Reddit question. It's been looking at me and you don't know. And the listeners didn't know, but I knew, and it felt like it was, you know, this is by agent Winchester.

Hey guys, I just got to episode two 70 and you answered my question. I want to say thank you for the kind words. All these months later, I'm doing better. I'd been having a crisis of faith. I'd just moved out on my own for the first time ever, started a new job, a lot of major life changes, and I just started listening to the podcast. I've had relatives pressure me to get married and have kids. Now that I finished school, I had a good job. So for the most part, I'm doing good, accepting that whatever I identify as is okay.

I don't have to accept what is the normal way of life. I'm happy with my cat and my fish. Lol. Hell yeah. Anyway, here's a question for you because I feel like there needs to be a question here. You can just send us nice things. It's okay.

We're not going to be like, wait a minute, no question? Get her. Get them. I don't know. Get them. Get them. Anyway, here's a question.

I feel like there has to be a question here. I'm a vet tech and work crazy hours and find it hard to make friends, much less date. Any thoughts on how to find people to hang out with or date i mean dating apps puzzle me i don't know i just don't have a lot of free time that seems exhausting to try okay i'm done sorry just finished an 18 hour shift i was listening to the podcast while i worked i was so excited you read my question i felt the need to say thanks uh well first and foremost you're welcome that's what we're here for uh thank you for trusting us and for being being awesome. Yeah. This is a common question of like, where do we meet new people?

Or how do I meet people? Unfortunately, you're in a job that seems like takes up a lot of your time. If you're working 18 hour shifts, it's not a whole lot of time to squeeze in socializing, which is where I think the apps kind of come. That's kind of like where they shine. Yeah. You came to the right people because we have worked in bars for many a year yeah and there are 18 hour shifts every now

and then but in general it's a hallmark of just like bad hours weird days and like exhaustion unpredictable hours like yes you know what i mean like unless no schedule even if you have a schedule like you don't know when you're off exactly it's like the the amount of women that i dated uh particularly when i was younger and i was dating sort of like older women uh they i was like did you never work in a bar or a restaurant before like what did you do um but like a lot of people would be like i'd be like oh i may be free friday night like i i understand like but just so you know it's like i don't know what i'm going to be done so don't't bank on it.

If you find something else to do, do it. Which sucks because if you find someone that doesn't know, it sounds disrespectful. It sounds like you're whatever. And it's just like the funniest hallmark of a new person is they go, wait, but my schedule said I'm off at 12. And you go, oh. Oh, honey. Oh, dear. Oh, no.

Yeah. Lesson one, you will never know when you're off. I mean, the best thing that my bar does is they just make these start times. Don't give you an end time. And that's the way it should be. It might be. Anyway, you click on end time. It's just a middle finger.

Yeah. Laughing. It's just laughing. But yeah, I'd always be like, oh, I don't know. And then they would be like, you said you were done at 10. I was like, I said I was scheduled to be done at 10. And that means nothing. Yeah.

So, you know, please. At 10 and that means nothing. Yeah. So, you know, please at best wishful thinking. Yeah. So it's, if you want, like, if you don't know how long your shifts are going to be, or if you are doing these 18 hour days, it's like,

chances are you're not going to be in the mood to go on a date after that. You're probably going to want to sleep. And you're probably going to want to recover the next day. Right. Let's, let's start there. Step one, don't burn yourself out. You know what I mean?

Make sure you have the spoons and the energy and the desire, because if you're going out and dates and you're not feeling it, it's going to suck for you. It's going to suck for them. And then you'll have a bad time. And on top of that, you won't be rested and it'll just be a cycle that you know what I mean? And you might miss out on what could have been a really good connection. Yeah.

And this is not so much a thing with dating or like online dating because like if you wouldn't have met that person anyway it's it's kind of a moot point but like if you're going to reach out to someone that you do know and want to start hanging out with them if you're exhausted or just you know i mean like that don't don't poison a well before you dip your bucket into it even like your first date with someone from online dating like if they get there and they see you in person and you're just not, you know, yes. Yeah. So you can do that. And you know, sometimes you're never a hundred percent rested. I feel like that's my life. So you, you gotta know what you can take on and not take on. I'm not going to act like we have a perfect world. We can be a hundred percent rested because I'm

still trying to get there and it's not working. Um, so step one, like do it when you have the energy and the desire to, yes. Uh, don't date because you think you have to, you said, you mentioned like pressure from family, fuck them.

It doesn't matter. Um, it's, it's easier when you have these like crazy schedules, it's easier if you already have a partner. Cause like you, you have a helpful, I know.

But what I'm saying is, is like, there's, there's sort of an uphill battle when when you when you have a crazy schedule and you start meeting people that like finding someone who either has a similar schedule yeah or an understanding of how these kind of schedules work like someone who is very happy to be like it's cool it's fine i understand because a lot of people will be like we'll say like oh that's fine we'll figure it out we'll figure it out but then then oh you're tired i'm not important yeah or it's like i feel like you're not making me a priority it's like it's it's not that it's just that there is a priority

and it's working and it's paying my fucking you know 300 or my you know three thousand dollar a month rent and unfortunately unless you're gonna start doing that i need to work yeah but the upside of that though is if you can find someone that you can communicate with who understands where you're coming from like it's a good way to weed out shitty people yeah you know uh so step one energy do it when you want to not when you feel like you should uh step two i think dame was saying this dating apps are so good for what you're doing because you can almost like passively at least open doors. You know what I mean? Like it's, you're meeting people, you're vetting people, you're, you're

widening your dating pool. And it's like, yeah, online dating can suck shit. You know what I mean? Like, but so can real life dating, all dating can suck shit. So it's like, just use it as an option and you might find cool people. I met my partner off Tinder. You know what I mean? Like my partner of Bumble. Exactly. So just because people have had bad stories or even good stories doesn't mean you will have a bad or a good experience. I think you just, it's a great thing to be open to because it's opening more avenues and you're doing it in this very easy way where like, maybe you vibe with someone and then at least you've set this up as opposed to like, if you don't do online dating, you have to find time to either go out to a bar or do a class or whatever, at which point then you have to get there and hope

that there's someone cool. And it's like, there's nothing wrong with that, but you could also do that and be online dating. Yeah. So that's my, like, if you're going to be working these long shifts, hopefully you're getting a couple of breaks here and there, or you got to piss at some point. Yeah. Or it's not like, go, go, go, go,

go the whole time. It's kind of like a start and stop situation where you do have, like, you're waiting for your next pet client or whatever, where it's like, or even just like on the beginning of your, your day, you know,

while you're eating breakfast, hop on, do a couple of swipes. And then at the end of your shift, hop back on and see if, if you caught anything and then do a little vetting being like yeah this person yeah yeah uh and then you know check to see if there's anyone that you vibe with profiles pictures whatever and then reach out to them at the end of the day and then in the morning see if there's anything you know so it's like you're kind of doing it like when

you have the time and when you have the the moments and stuff like that whereas like now said where if you want to go out it's like that's a lot of social commitment that's a lot of like the only way to meet people is by leaving and doing things yeah whether it's going to a bar whether it's going dancing whether it's taking classes joining a club yada yada we've talked about all those different options but that's more thing to do whereas like online dating is something you can squeeze into your schedule yeah it's kind of schedule it's kind of a non-event. Like you can just like, again, literally be pissing and be like, Oh, there you go. Now I will say since I've recently been online dating, um,

it's, it's a lot different from what we experienced way back in the day when like the advent of it. And I will say it's like, if you're a dude, uh, I'm not sure what you identify as. Um, but if you're a dude, uh, I would highly consider putting some money down on it. You're like, or understand that because you're not putting money in it, you're not getting an authentic experience and not to take it personally. Yeah. Like online dating apps, almost exclusively require dudes to pay for something either, you temporary boost spotlight thing or a premium thing so that your profile gets seen. I did that whole thing where I paid for a bunch of the apps just to see the difference between the two. And it's night and day.

It's so much easier to get matches. It's so much easier to get dates when you start paying. And that's the point of it um on on the flip side as a lady uh or like as a female presenting person um you're gonna be most likely inundated with options uh be picky and be yeah be honest with yourself and like don't fall into a pattern of of dating the same person over and over again based on looks or based on like a a specific thing that you're looking for especially if it's not working yes that's what i mean if it's working keep keep doing it yeah um but like 90 of the complaints i hear from like the people that i work with and

my friends and and so on is that these women are like oh he's so hot and i'm like cool like what's the issue then what else and it's like this this and this i was like that's literally the same thing you complained about this other guy with. And then the guy before. And I was like, you seem to be like you are just swiping on a physical profile. Yeah. And a physical type. Sure. But you can't like you obviously want it all.

Yes. So put the time and effort into getting it all right. Yeah. And realize that like, you know, sometimes you might have to make concessions in one department or another to find someone who's actually worth your time spend the time to get to know them instead of hopping out for a date where you're gonna not have fun i will say much like what we were saying earlier we're like burning yourself out and all this yes apps are passive but they can also have a negative impact on your mental health so if you find that give them a break you know what i mean and as dane said earlier if you are a guy and it's very demoralizing that's kind of the that's the experience so yeah again let know that it's not

going to make it much better but it will make it better it's it certainly takes the sting off like when i first got onto online dating i was just like oh man this is really i don't remember it being this bad uh and then i was like oh okay i see you you've now monetized this yeah this is the only way so like understand that like that's the point the point is to create a a drought and a requirement like necessity to to pay for for dudes and that's just that's just the way of the game now um unless you are a like incredibly attractive person uh they use you to set the metrics of stuff. It's also bad in a different way.

On top of that, the good thing is, you got us. You can hear us review Tinder profiles, Bumble profiles, every day. By that, I mean every week. But you know, you get it. We're good. We got this here. You've got a cool thing. And this is great, because you can say, Vettech. Everyone is going to be one impressed too.

It's like, it's wholesome. You know what I mean? It's wholesome and it's impressive, which is, which is a great combination. There's not a whole lot of like problematic things surrounding a vet tech. You know what I mean? Cause you're not even a vet, right? Cause you could like get mad at vets for overcharging. Oh, okay.

I mean, that's, there's a lot of vets who will. That's fair. Fuck you over with with like when i got all of our neutered that motherfucker charged me so fucking much we called and we were like hey how much does it cost to get neutered and he's like it's this much we're like great when i got the bill was like 800 and i was like what the fuck did you do he's like oh well we did all those things i was like okay but you just said you were doing them like he'd be like oh this is for i'm this needle is for you know anesthetic or whatever he didn't tell me that like he was that wasn't that wasn't part of the the thing and he

said he added all this shit so like what should have been like a like a 120 dollar neutering ended up being coming almost a thousand dollars uh and this was 15 years ago so it was our second podcast where we hate on vets um so like there's there's some predatory but like but what i'm saying is vet techs they're the sweethearts that come and pet your cat while they're getting weighed and making sure that he's comfortable like the vet techs are i i think impressive and wholesome which is great and then because you're mentioning it you get to talk about your schedule yeah it's it's it's a win-win-win so you're. And you know if anyone's like, allergic to cats. If you have a cat, swipe left.

She's like, fuck you. Get out of here. I'm covered in cat hair. So you've got a tough journey ahead of you. I won't sugarcoat it. It's always tough though. You know what I mean? No one really has an easy... We're all fucking busy. You know what I mean?

And even if you have good hours, it doesn't mean the person you find who's cool does or is interested in you or is whatever so like i don't think you're gonna have too much of a tougher time than anybody else because you're fucking cool and you listen to this podcast so i just want to like get you in the mindset of being like dating isn't the be-all and end-all of like it sounds like you've got that under. It sounds like you're just sort of like, this is something you're interested in, but you've you're content with what you've got. And that is really the key of it. The key of successful dating is being like, oh, my, my lot in life is the one that I want. I like it.

I've got my cat, got my fish. I've got a job that I love. I'm doing it. I'm great. I'm happy. That's the best foundation. That's the foundation. It's, it's when you start being like like i'm lonely and i need to find someone that's when it starts

getting dicey and that's when you start making yeah you make bad decisions to be not lonely even though the alternative is worse yeah so i think you're fine and like don't be afraid to mention to friends be like hey if you know any anybody feel free to suss up you know what i mean like that's such a good way to do it because your friend presumably will vet them and yeah it's just you and hopefully your friend's not gonna be like hey i know this absolute piece of shit shithead steve yeah oh this guy yeah yeah he hates women um you got this you got it i believe in you and feel free to send us questions anytime you want or just say things you'll have to send a question it's not we're not gonna hold you to that yeah we just won't read

it on air but we'll see it or if it says nice stuff about us maybe we just will anyway maybe we will uh this is big me 2024 what the fuck do i do with my hands during cowgirl so my significant other and i have plenty of sex however we really love the cowgirl position i tend to do many things with my hands while in this position but we got talked to wondering what other people do with their hands when in cowgirl position most of the time i'm touching squeezing her boobs but then other times they're on her hips she usually has her hands on my chest what do you all do with your hands boobs uh butt clit so the funny thing for me is i thought this was going to be the lady yeah there was a minute like in it when i was like oh it's...

And then, no. That makes more sense, because you do have the chest, but he can't... Just grab his nipples and hold... No, please don't. And it's like, you know, I understand... Or, you know, if I were to be empathetic and sort of like put myself in that shoe, I understand that my little dangly arms could be like a little

bit of like, what do I do with these things? Where do these go? For sure. Yeah. There's not an obvious source of handage. Unlike a woman. As a dude. You literally got full range. If you want to,

like you got hair pulling, you got face, you got mouth, you got throat, you got tits, you got waist, you got ass. Like hold arms,

hold legs, hold butt, like hold hips. You hold her down and grab your arms around it you can like you've got everything the only the issue is what like can i do more things i need eight more hands going back to i think the first or second episode we ever recorded of just being like there are so many options to do here and sometimes hey put your hands behind your back and just just lean back and enjoy the ride.

Yeah. Like there's so many options you could do. And I just thought it was really funny that like, I was like, we're even, we're not even going to keep talking. That's it. We're done because we could go on for,

I'd say a year of yes. Nonce, like a straight, just like ramble of the things you can do with your hands. Belly button. Right in there. Thumb belly button. Yeah. Just, and every time you do it, you go, you have to make that noise and then you say lint check uh this is by comfortable fox 9153 my date dumped me but still expects me to come to

our dinner guests my date male through three months dumped me female last week we used to go to a vegan cafe near his city. I live approximately three hours away, and he never visited me. He's friends with vegan cafe kitchen staff couples. More than once, he had been flirting with female while her boyfriend and I standing next to him. Start of this month, we invited them to Sunday grill at his house. He promised to make vegan burger, and I promised to make vegan tiramisu. Then last week, he dumped me.

Standard, it's me, not you. Before I went home, he told me he expects me to come Saturday night and stay the night so we could help each other cooking and baking should i come or just ghost him damn this vegan it's weird that like the vegan aspect of it is so powerful really comes through yeah like is really sort of like a secondary character in this yeah in this question um, when someone breaks up with you, it kind of like absolves you of all responsibility. No, but what are you fucking talking about? She said she'd make a vegan tiramisu and that is a bond you can't just cast aside.

He broke the bond of the relationship. He didn't break the bond of a vegan chef. To be fair, I understand if this guy, like fuck this guy, but if I was this if i was this vegan friend and someone was like i'm gonna make vegan tiramisu i would be i would be heartbroken i would break up with my friend for breaking up with her do you think he like didn't think about he was like we're done and he was like oh shit oh the tiramisu i should have waited a week okay

hold on i'll just try this you still have to come over though yeah like the crazy thing is is like it all it's almost worked because she is she is saying we could convince her right now we could say now you gotta uh like she doesn't know which is baffling to me it's like i once got fired and then my boss was we were in the middle of a wedding i was behind the bar she was very drunk she was like you're done you're fired and then she looked around her at like 12 wedding guests all waiting for a drink and like witnessing this and goes make those drinks first and i was like no and then i left that's what you should do yeah like fuck no or say i got you and don't show up because that's funny yeah or no i was gonna say like oh i thought a super non like a crazy show up. Cause that's funny. Yeah. Or no, I was going to say, like, Oh, I thought a super non,

like a crazy, not dairy. Yeah, no, that's not cool. Um, I want to convince this woman to, or like convince her that the cookout is at my place and I'm the dinner

guests. Cause I do really want this vegan tiramisu. I love tiramisu and I can't eat dairy and I, I would destroy tiramisu. A vegan tiramisu. I can't eat dairy and i i would destroy tiramisu a vegan tiramisu that whole fucking thing yeah well so what you should do is go to this address yeah let's dox me in the hopes that i get i beeped myself out don't worry uh with my cool technical knowledge of podcasting uh and then there'll be a guy there it's gonna look like not your ex probably who knows i don't have to be i can be the dinner guest just be like oh yeah but what about this

vegan couple i'm who maybe suck i don't know my partner is also dairy free so we're the vegan couple you're a vegan a vegan i mean not for that night yeah for that hey for tiramisu i'd be vegan for a night uh don't do this. Why would you do this? Fuck this guy. I got really scared for a second because I thought I briefly confused creme brulee with tiramisu. And I was like, I don't really care about creme brulee, but I do love tiramisu. I'm the opposite.

Creme brulee for life. Tiramisu. Tiramisu. Cremele. Caramele. Yeah, it is kind of sometimes. This is our dessert podcast. Why would you do this?

Don't do this. You know you should do this. Why are you asking? Why did you ask the internet about this? The only time that you should ever honor any sort of past arrangements with an ex is like if another life is dependent on it. No, if you guys are super cool or it's something fun or you want to, but in that case,

like, sure. Yeah. Like if you ended this stuff and like, it was like, he's really nice. You love this other couple. It's going to be a cool dinner party and you don't mind being there after you

broke up. Great. That's wonderful. Yeah. Do it. But like being like, yo, fuck you.

But also cook for these people I flirt with in front of you. Like, yeah, no, you have to do it. Yeah. It's like, it's,

it's not even like tiramisu law. It's not even like, oh, can you? It's like, you're coming over and you're going to stay over. Staying over, that's uncomfortable. Also, you live three hours away and he never visited you. He probably videoed you. Piece of shit.

We just add lore to this based on this guy's question. Yeah, obviously this person is we just add lore to this based on this guy's question. Yeah. Obviously this person is incredibly selfish and doesn't really give a shit about your time or your, like he's expecting you to drive six hours because he wants you to make his friends a dessert.

Yeah. Who I guess he flirts with in front of you. Yeah. So I would just say, lol. Yeah. There you go. Lowercase.

Yeah. LOL. Yeah. And even him with the period, I think. lol yeah period you know uh yeah we're blowing through them uh i i did tease it and i don't want to do this question because when you said we've done that one before we have done that one before it's literally a hookup where he gets a little too passionate and she says i'm not your wife. Hit me with it. Let's do it.

Okay, fine. Is there such a thing as being too passionate during a hookup? I, a 36-year-old male, was invited over for a hookup last night and I stupidly forgot condoms. So I asked her, a 36-year-old female, if she had any, but she didn't. So I say, all good. I'll just go down on you, which was fun. After she comes, I came back up to kiss her and I was giving her light little kisses up and down her neck and across her cheeks and back of her neck uh stroking her hair while slightly caressing every part of her body kind of like worshiping her for lack of a better word suddenly

she stops me and says it's too passionate not your wife in a kind of chilled tone i just said okay and it was a bit awkward i actually enjoy doing it feels nice i absolutely have not no romantic feelings towards her but maybe she interpreted it it says interrupted but it was both yeah um my question is am i being too passionate or romantic for a hookup do women not like that kind of thing on a hookup for a first time i think it's a this person issue yeah have you ever been in a thing where you're you were like this is too passionate i've i've been told that you've been told you're too passionate uh-huh well i've i've had multiple women say that they won't let me go down on them because that's uh that's like too intimate that's weird okay uh and i was just like

and i've also had women be like i don't do blowjobs either i'm just like okay okay i i've heard of people who are like blowjobs are girlfriend duties and that's whatever i've never encountered one in the wild i've had people be like don't go down on me because like i don't like it and i'm like you will that sounds like i'm ignoring their consent i'm saying you know i yeah i consent is important don't worry um and most people have then changed their mind at some point been like hey you know what let's give it a shot and then they're like this is the best thing ever here's a medal so that actually did happen once it's it's like i've had people be like i've also had people ask me not to kiss them during sex and i was just like

i've i've had that once and that was awful no yeah i don't want to do it then yeah it's weird to be like i'm going to assign these things in in ways that just one ruin everyone's fun yeah you know it's like i don't want to do that cool thing because i've put weird meaning on it it's like ah okay um so yeah i've definitely had I've definitely had situations where people have put intimacy restrictors on things. I'm just like, okay, well, we were just making out on the couch and we were making out when we were getting undressed. But now that I'm inside you, we can't make out. No, God, no. They're not your wife, dude.

It's like, can I only have one part of me inside of you at a time? Yeah, that's non-wife rules. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Little do they know I'm ordained and I always have a wedding ring. Just when they're not looking, now you're my wife. Consent is important. Not when it comes to wifing. It's fair.

It's true. It's not. No. Yeah. Consent is always important. Yeah. The only time I had a first date where they just like every two minutes were like, I really like you to the point where I was like, look, we need to talk.

We need to discuss this because it's freaking me out. So we need to talk about where we're at. We just met. I don't know. Maybe this is just a communication issue, but it seems like you are leaps and bounds ahead of where we should be based on us hanging out for three hours. Didn't go well. Yeah, I imagine. It's a this person issue. You're fine.

And like, you know, fuck it. Do what you want to do with consent. Yes. This is by Berto Sario. She told me she loves cream pie. Still don't know if she's interested. We matched at Tinder a few days ago and haven't stopped texting since.

Yesterday I asked her what was she doing on Tinder and we both said looking for friends and plans and opened in case things go further. Today we started talking about exes and she told me her ex vasectomied as literally she said she really loves cream pie. I mean, maybe it's pretty obvious for some, but as she dropped yesterday,

she was looking first for friendship. Do you think she's interested? Also, I was really looking for friendship, but don't mind to have sex with her. So should I make a move this past days? We both very slightly flirted, but clearly not enough until she said this.

Damn. Uh, I, I don't know, man. Like this whole situation seems fucking crazy. So I can't even really like test the waters because someone being like, oh,

I'm just looking for friends. And then almost immediately offer up my ex out of a sex to me. Cause I love to be cummed inside of. Yeah. That's kind of a wild thing to just tell a stranger. And it's a, it's a weird thing I think to say to like any new romantic partner or even just like a romantic partner in general.

Like you can say, you can say like, oh, Hey, I like to i'd like to have people come to finish inside me that turns me on but to say my ex went through a you know surgery because i love cream pies just so much yeah is is weird and again it's like i don't want to i don't want to uh perpetuate the idea of being like oh it's gross to think of your partner with an ex but i think in visceral scenarios of being like like if someone told me oh i really like facials like i really like when people come on my face but they said it's like i loved when my boyfriend came all over my ex came all over my face i think that's a very different experience than if you were just like oh yeah my my i was dating this guy like didn't really work

out but it was great because he had such huge loads and i loved taking loads to the face yeah be like okay like it's it's a weird move because i think like if you say something along the lines of like oh i love when someone comes on my face i think it's a natural progression to be like oh someone before me has done it obviously you get weird about you get weird about that, that's your fucking problem. Yeah. Right? Like, I think if you're like, oh, she said this, and now all I can think about is every guy I've come across coming all over. It's like, that's your problem.

Yes. That's your issue. But when you introduce the culprit into the scenario, I think you've got like, I think you enter into a territory of being like, I think you've put too much details. Yeah, for sure. I think we can all agree. It's weird. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think you've got like, I think you enter into a territory of being like, I think you've put too much details. Yeah, for sure. I think we can all agree. It's weird. You know what I mean? There might be someone listening who's like, no, it's fine. But like, I think it's safer just to not do it anyway. So maybe, maybe just try to not do that stuff. You know what I mean? And again, you can just be like, I really love getting cream pie. Great. That's actually the fine way to do it. Still a wild thing to just say

like, oh, we're going to be friends. I really love getting cream pie. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Like it's a little, a little mixed message. Cause it would be wild if I was like, if I was like, oh, hey, you're you're the new girl on the volleyball team and you know, let's go grab a beer. And then we're having a grab a beer. And she's like, I love face fucking.

She's like, wait, what? What the fuck does that, what are you saying that to me? Yeah. So I would say odds are there, like she's either a big weirdo and she's probably at the very least quite a bit of a weirdo because she has phrased it in a strange way. Yeah. Right. So either she's just a big weirdo or she's flirting with you and she's a weirdo.

Yeah. And by weirdo, I'm just saying she kind of did a social faux pas by talking about her ex coming inside her, which is, I think generally agreed upon to not be the best approach yeah um so if you want to flirt i would say give it a shot and like i think if she isn't flirting and you're this confused and out of your depth you probably won't enjoy this friendship yeah especially if like every you know every hangout she reveals a new sort of like sexual deviancy.

Yeah, which again, if that's what you want to talk about and you guys are cool keeping it cash, that's fine. But you're confused. I would say I think you have to return the favor and let her know something that you're into. Because then if she gets upset, you're like, well, you told me this. I thought that was what our friendship is. But if you're like, oh, hey, well, I really like this. is but if you're like oh hey well i really like this and she's like oh cool i'm into that too then you might be able to like if she's just like maybe she's freaky maybe like right like maybe she's just cool like maybe she's so cool she didn't realize what she was saying was weird and that's fine so i think i

do think in this scenario it's like i usually am joking when i say return fire but i think think in this case, you kind of have to like, I think you got to test the waters a little bit in terms of like being like, okay, if she gets upset at you for saying this, then you have, you can fall back. A weirdo who's a hypocrite. Yeah. You can fall back and be like, well, you told me that your ex used to come inside you. So like, if that's not. Yeah.

If I can't meet you on that playing field, what are we doing? Yeah. It's like, why did you say that? If this upsets you? But if she is trying to flirt and you're like, hey, I really like face fucking, then she'll be like, cool, come fuck my face. And you'll be like, great.

Yes, that's kind of what I'm hoping for. It's like either she'll be like, oh, cool, and then she'll fire back another little sexual trivia about her. And then it's like, okay, I don't know if you've progressed whether or not she's flirting with you or not but at least you're you're getting to a point where like okay this might you might learn a little bit more you might just be like oh this is just her steeze yeah and if you are talking about these things openly and comfortably you could just be like hey like i know we said we want to be

friends but you sound pretty fun like do you want to give this little hook and hook and up thing a chance because if they're cool enough to talk about this shit and not be weird they're not gonna be weird about you being like actually and if they are that's weird yeah that's the thing it's like if she ever like hits you with a thing where you're just like oh i'm actually really into that so like we should try it sometime yeah now what i want you to do for no reason other than i think it would be really funny is bake her a cream pie and pretend you have no idea what that means yeah send her a picture be like hey you said you love cream pies so i was really inspired i that means. Yeah. Send her a picture and be like, Hey, you said you love cream pies. So I was really inspired.

I gave myself one today and then take a picture of your pie. And I just, I think that'd be really funny. Yeah. So do that. Do that. Cause entertaining me in my dark week is far better than it's important than what you could possibly hope to achieve by maybe coming inside this

woman. Also, maybe despite the fact that cream pies are hot and fun and cool and whatever, maybe do wear a condom. Cause this is a new lover of yours. Yeah. Sexual safety does outweigh fun.

Yes. Cause you're still gonna have fun if you're coming. Yeah. But like, you know, just maybe don't get caught up in the flirty fun of it all. Yes. You also could still have children.

Cause I assume you haven't had a vasectomy. Correct. The important things here are to not endanger your life and or dick. Correct. Let's do one more quick one. Yeah, we could probably do another one. This is inarticulist.

My best friend wants my penis. I, male 28 year old, and she, a female 26 year old. We met two years ago. We had a normal friendship. We went out regularly, got together to play video games, and studied together. A week ago, she felt my penis through my clothes and started feeling it.

It was no longer normal. It got worse when she said, I want that in my life. Recently, and for the first time, more and more sexual interactions began, but I fear this will ruin our friendship. She never had approached this type, nor did she ever demonstrate in the time that i knew her her desire to for another man beyond jokes given the situation i ask what should i do

i need so much more information you're saying it started with her grabbing your dick i mean like i need this and it progressed what did it progress to because i don't you're pretty far down the path of when he says like uh more and more sexual interactions began like the only thing more sexual than that is it sex yeah it's out of your pants now and she's sucking it i guess like this pretty fucking like you would go to jail if you did that to a person who was not willing i mean and like you're you're like oh i don't want to ruin the friendship what friendship she's grabbing your dick I was gonna say hey if like the the friendship is ruined the second you grab a dick right like I'm sorry but like it's why it's one line me and dame will never cross everything else is on the table but our dicks off limit can't we just can't grab it even though

we're in this small closet and it's it's within range it's so that i can i can reach out my hand look at that it's right there it's so close we we are not doing the people who get really angry when we like are in videos and they're like these guys are fucking we're not doing them any favors with this episode they're gonna be like we knew it doesn't matter how badly we want it in our life although to people, we're saying we're not doing that. We're not doing it. We're not doing it right now. Could we be more clear? We're in this closet by accident,

not by choice. Yes. No, we've nowhere else to record. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's like,

Oh, you know, it'd be different if, if she said like, it would be different if she looked at you and said, Hey, I got my ex of a sectomy because i loved having him cream pie inside me and you were like is she flirting with me then we could

have a different chat but like i would love to know did you just go that was weird and like keep playing balder's gate or whatever like did you just kind of like slow crazy bro stop shaking your dick and said i want that in my life and you were like hey can you heal do you've got you got heels are you gonna spell slots yeah like what happened next how do you not immediately go hey you just grabbed my dick yeah like how do you not immediately go that either that feels great yeah doing it or no i don't really feel comfortable what the fuck are you doing how do you not talk about it yeah even if Even if you're like, I'm not sure what I want, but you clearly want to touch my dick

and have it in your life, I guess. Like, how do you not have that conversation? And if you did, how do you not tell us what happened? Yeah, I would really need to know how this first interaction, one, came about. Like, were you just sitting there

and she was just like, nice. Or was it like, were you in like pajama pants or something and like you guys were kind of like cuddling on the couch and then you got a little hard and she you know i mean like okay was there things leading up to it or was it just like did you just what if you were showing her like your cool like pathfinder minis right and at one point you like put one somewhere and she thought you put your owlbear in your pocket and And then she grabbed and was like, I want this in my life.

Does she know it was your dick? I, what if she thought it was something in your pocket? What if it was like, she, she knows you always carry a Pringles can. Oh, this guy's doing. I mean, I feel like it's got, he's gotta be rocking something decent. Cause like, what's the phone? Does she not have a phone? And she was like, I need one of these in my life.

Does she have a prosthetic leg? Is your dick really flat and hard and long? Does it light up and go boop, boop, boop? I don't know, man. I'm so confused. You need to give me more, bro. Also, to answer your question, you don't want to ruin your relationship or the friendship? The friendship is ruined.

She's opened a door that you can't close. And you have to have a conversation about it one way or the friendship the relationship the friendship is ruined she's opened a door that you can't close and you have to have a conversation about it one way or the other you either have to say hey i don't want to fuck you or say hey i want to fuck you yeah and then you fuck those are your options those are your options regardless like the the relationship that you had is done it has changed you could still be friends but you need to have a discussion and then move on and like in that discussion, talk about things openly, honestly, and then trust that she's going to be genuine.

If she says, yeah, I'm cool to continue being friends. And also if you don't like someone touching your dick, yeah. Tell them, Hey, don't touch my dick.

Don't touch my dick, please. Yeah. And at that point in time, you just have to be like, look, you've crossed a crazy boundary and did a really weird thing it made me really uncomfortable i'm gonna have to pump the brakes on this friendship imagine

you just fucking like stuck a finger like i want this so much like you can't you can't just do that walked up and just like grabbed her boobs around just like want those in my life like you can't just do that but again when someone does, you have to discuss it afterwards. Yeah, you do have to talk about it. You can't just be like, well, you know what? Maybe that's the advice. Just keep doing what you're doing. Still working for you, I guess. She's going to give up at some point. Hopefully.

Maybe not. Maybe not. That's going to do it for this show, friends. Thank you very much for listening. Before we go, I think we are going to be doing some Tinders. Life Swipes, do you we are gonna be doing some tenders. Yeah. Life swipes. Do you have some?

I don't. Okay. Then I'm going to pop up. I'm going to pop it on open. God only knows. Man, Tinder gets so fucking weird with me. I think I've mentioned it before,

but like they send me like nine notifications a day. Just being like, Hey, you know, it'd be really cool on Tinder right now. If you came back, Hey, we miss you.

The only thing better than Tinderinder is tinder with you and then they'll go like we're gonna delete your profile oh damn get back here we're gonna delete it and yet here i am still haven't deleted a profile uh this is ricky it's pronounced rye key okay cool sorry is it though that's what it says just an adhd girl with plenty or a pretty good sense of humor and an unusually good skill of impersonating Sid the Sloth. Dog mom. Tattoos. Love them.

Have them. And we'll probably get more. At least it proves I don't have commitment issues. That's funny. It's funny. It's got personality. I think it's cute. I like it.

My go-to karaoke song is Bring Me to Life by Evan Essence. Oh, my God. That just bumped her up a one. I think she's in nine out of ten territory. She might even be ten. This is a good profile. Good job. This is a good profile. I feel like it's been a while since we got a good one. It has been a while. That's my karaoke song.

It's been a while since I could hold my hand up strong. God, Aaron Lewis is going to come for me. This is Rocket48. Smart, funny, and full of half-informed opinions that I love to share. Curious and kind.

GGG, casually looking for something. I don't know what GGG stands for. I'm worried that's an activation phrase. I don't like it. I'm full of half opinions I love to share. That just sounds like you don't believe in vaccines. Yes. Like, you know what I mean?

Even I, like, I'm on a podcast where, like, I'm meant to be saying dumb, stupid shit. And even I'm like, oh, I don't really know if what I said about Sabrina Carpenter is right. I better go Google it. Like, that's where you should live. Yeah. And also the fact that that's pretty much the only thing you put on there makes me worried that like, you're just saying shit. You're just doing it for no reason. It sounds like having a conversation with you would be insufferable because you would like, it sounds like the kind of people who dig their heels in just to be contrary. Yeah. And then just like get mad at you when you're like, no, this is actually a pretty serious thing. And here's the reason why. And then like,

then it becomes a you problem and not a them problem. Like I've, I've talked to these people before and I don't want to be a part of it. Yes. And like, maybe this isn't fair about you, but it's the impressions giving. It's what you've given me. And that's the important thing. Yeah. It's going to be a three. Yeah. I couldn't say no faster to someone who-

And also everything else is bland. So it's just a bad combination of shit. A quirky ambivert. Oh, sorry. This is Natasha. A quirky ambivert, cafe regular, cat and plant lover, piano player, nature lover in the city. I'd love to meet someone to hike camp and explore nature with looking for shared values of respect honesty clear

communication depth chemistry and kindness okay we just get a very basic list of things pretty much everybody wants yeah alongside some very boring things like i like nature yeah okay we all do uh it's fine it's like a five also calling yourself quirky is weird yeah i don't like i know i used to i go back and forth on this the only one that really bothers me is calling yourself unique that's not something you can do i think you can be told enough times that you are quirky to define yourself as such i think i think it's one of those things where like i think if i think if enough people are are make that a vocal descriptor i think you can the only thing you can't do you cannot call yourself unique you just can't because the nature of the word it's like i might be unique to you but

you know the dude over there might have seen thousands of me so it's it's a dumb word to use um but that uh that's a bad profile it's boring it's bland it gives me nothing you could literally copy and paste that onto pretty much anyone's profile and it'd be true which would make it a bad profile like if i could put that on yeah i mean like it's just it's just bland like either there's not more to you and that sucks or there's more to you and you haven't given it to me and that sucks so you can do better yeah specificity is key i'm giving it a three yeah i give it a five okay uh thank you for being here yeah thanks a lot we love you thank you for sending in your questions thank you for supporting us uh we did mention patreon earlier thank you to everybody who is on there who's

keeping us going uh these are the things that literally keep the podcast running, making sure we can afford equipment and gear and fucking like advertising when we have to. And just everything. Cause it's sadly not free to run a podcast, even though we give it out for free. Preferably we would get to a point where we'd be able to put more time into the podcast and less time into our exhausting, draining jobs.

So if you're on the fence and you want to support us, we would absolutely would absolutely love that if you want to support us but you don't want to do it with money that is totally fine we are cool anything helps if you want to tell a friend about us if you want to leave us a five-star review if you want to share us if you yeah those are incredible amazing things you want to do all of them we'll love you forever one of our our good friends anytime she gets an inappropriate comment on instagram shares one of our episodes yeah which i love that's a unfortunately a shitty thing for her but uh a great way to be like hey educate yourself yes um and it's a a fairly uh safe way to do it as well you can just be like you don't have to call anyone out you just be like some of y'all need this yeah um so yeah that would be greatly appreciated i did not mention it earlier but we do have a show

coming up june 18th black sheep 7 p.m uh tickets will be available on our website or on our instagram uh so just f buddies podcast.com yeah and if you're going to be at camp halcyon and you're doing a little catching up with us before you see us hey how's it going it's gonna be fun how you doing it's gonna be fun uh thank you josh eagle and harvard city for your song paper stars and i'm gonna hit you with ed latimore maybe i shouldn't dox this guy i'm gonna hit you with a tweet something a lot of men don't like to admit all of your hobbies and ambitions are to attract women nature doesn't care how much personal fulfillment you get from them those things are cool but they're coincidental positive externality to the prime objective to keep the species going.

Yeah. That's how we developed D and D. It is true. There's nothing. I mean, now I'm saying that you probably actually could do quite well for yourself as a D and D player. But when it came out, let me tell you,

women were flocking to those kids. Could not get enough of that guy. Gax dick. I assume no way of knowing really. No way of knowing. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies.