F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 30 - James McAvoy's Cumbox

Episode Date: April 22, 2019

420 blaze it, squad.  We know we're a few days late, but we're hot-boxing the hell out of the closet and this week our advice isn't the only thing that's dank.  We are 100% professional, crunchy weed boys and 100% aren't just trying to jump on this hype train.  In all honesty, we're not high at all, but listening to this episode, you'd never know.  Topics include choosing between two lovers, the no hook ups policy, romantic activities with your parents, creepy compliments, dating bad boys and a slanderous box of condoms.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Niles Spang, and we are your fuck buddies We're dating a sex advice podcast and we are your fuck buddies. We're dating a sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into dank, crunchy, sexy situations.

Smokuations. Welcome back. You know what day it is today? 420. Blaze it. Probably your dankest boys on the internet today, I would say. Some might say always. Yeah.

Just stink of weed. Just, yeah. Fucking stink of it. Most people know by now that we record in a closet, but what most people don't know is that we're hotboxing it. Constantly. Constantly. Like, is that we're hot boxing it constantly constantly we like even when we're not in here there's just like a permeating fog of that stanky goodness that's why your cats are so weird um some people ask if it gets weird when i read sex writing like

they imagine me just staring into dane's eyes uh there's so much smoke in here i can't see him yeah so uh that's actually how we get around it. Yeah, there's pretty much a wall of fog that I just, I don't know. Now it's pretty much a Dark Souls boss. Yeah, there were some times when we finished the podcast, I went to realize one of us had been in the kitchen the whole time. It's weird. Yeah, I mean, depending on how much we actually do smoke,

we could be in here for days. And have been. Yeah, I mean, there have how much we actually do smoke, we could be in here for days. And have been. Yeah, I mean, there have been days where, like, or episodes where we've just recorded the next week because we just, like, Yeah, well, there's one we cut 17 hours out of. Because it was us just screaming and trying to get out. It was that week Amanda was out of town. It got weird. Yeah.

Yeah. We also took a bite out of the mic, so if our audio quality sounds like there's a chunk missing, it's because there is. There's a physical chunk out of the audio quality. Yeah. Munchies, man, they get you. They get you. Microphones, anything. Everything.

That actually, one of those clinks at the start of the episode was us taking a chunk out of the mic. It wasn't actually two glasses. Yeah, no. Yeah. A little fun fact. I've never smoked weed. I hadn't until like I was pretty old and kind of could probably count the amount of times I have on two hands. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember there was this big day. We were going up to my friend's cottage when I was like 16 or something. And like we had weed. I don't know where it came from or who got it. But like. Probably from this closet. Probably. When Dan says he never smoked it, that's because he has a closet. or something and like we had weed i don't know where it came from who got it but like probably from this closet um you probably i mean when dan says he never smoked it that's because he has a closet full of all weed vapor that he never needs to smoke he just comes in here goes and he's good

yeah um yeah like we had this big plan that like we were all just gonna go to this cottage and and just get high as fuck and then we were rolling it on the beach and the guy who was rolling it, I think it was also his first time and proceeded to then drop the joint with the unrolled weed into the sand. Good job. And then like, you can't, you can't get sand out. Yeah. But you also can't smoke sand.

You can't smoke sand? No. I know. That's what I mean. No. Well, like you smoke it, the sand. You can't smoke sand? No. I know. That's what I mean. No, but like you smoke it, the sand just falls out. You don't know. You could have. You could have done this for science for us.

Either way. There's going to be multiple teens on the beach in the future wanting some fucking dank times with their crunchy buds, and you ruined it for them because you didn't take one for the team. Now they don't know. We don't know. You don't know. That's true. All on the eve after 420.

You motherfucker. It is 420, isn't it? No, it's the eve after 420. Or it's two eves after 420, but we got so high on 420, that's just the eve after 420. It is, yeah. When this debuts.

Let's do some sexy face. Yeah. So we're going to kick off with uh one of the close friends of the show you know it it's agent cody wanks back with another sex venture i think maybe tied for most questions yeah i know him and agent cobra are up there and to be fair there is there is a third player who I forgot their initial agent name and I think they have actually submitted the most.

Oh shit. Yeah. So I need to. And we have a question for them later and I need to actually re-agent name them. And this would be a good one because I think at one point I just said wall dent because there's a dent in your wall. There's a dent in the wall. Which they seemed upset about and it was not personal. There's literally a dent. Like look. Because there's a dent in the wall. Which they seemed upset about, and it was not personal.

There's literally a dent. Like, look. That's it right there. I thought it was this one you were talking about. There's two dents. There's many. You can be the second dent today, then. You're longer wall dent.

So, Agent Cody Wanks has a sticky situation. He wants to turn it into a sexy situation. Uh-oh. Shit, we only do dank, crunchy situations. Yeah. Not next week. No, no. So he says,

I'm dating two girls at the moment, separately, not one of those three-way couple things, and they're both amazing. They're both really different, and I have amazing time with both of them. My question slash advice is around how to choose one. I really don't want to make it sound like I think this is just a game

where you just pick and choose women, but that's come to a point where I only really want to get serious with one in terms of getting into an actual relationship, as this is coming up in conversation with both of them. I know that I know best here, in that only I know how I really feel about them, but I really am splitting two here. Thanks. I think it's a very, very simple solution of you need to get your funniest friend. So us. And then you need to make a pros and cons list, a la every sitcom that ever took place in the 90s,

where the main character had to choose between the two women. And what you need to do is, right now, think of them, picture them. One is going to be girl A. One is going to be girl B. is going to be girl b and we're going to decide for you and it is girl a yep there you go girl a you did it and i know that sounds like a joke but i think that can actually be really helpful yeah because flip a coin technique right yeah well it's like you know when you're like oh do i get a burger or pasta and your server's like get the burger and you're like actually i want the pasta yeah so in a sense i do mean that literally like think about if we were like girl

a you have to do it is that cool yeah and if you were like hell yeah or if you're like then that probably gives you a good indication i mean yeah that's that's i made a lot of i mean never a decision sort of as important as this but like yeah i use that tactic to do a lot of, I mean, never a decision sort of as important as this, but like, yeah, I use that tactic to do a lot of things where like you flip a coin and like heads and tails one or the other and like whatever it lands on, if you're happy with the result, then it's like, oh, cool. This is what I want. Yeah. And if you're kind of like, maybe I'll do it again.

Maybe I'll give another flip. Best two or three. Then you know, you kind of know that like maybe you want the other one. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's almost like a teaser trailer of making the choice. Yeah. It's like dipping a toe into the choice um i do honestly think way to do it personally like i think we've all been in situations like this because when you're dating

if you just pick one person and like only open yourself up to one person at a time then i think that's kind of a bad way to do it because you're not really you know what i mean like um playing you know you're not like spreading a wide net if you're just like oh i meet someone and then just fuck all my other opportunities i don't think it's a good way to do it so i think everybody kind of ends up in this point at this degree at some point this point at some degree you know what i mean words so high we're just so high right too high um so i've been there and honestly i find it usually works itself out like i feel like when you get you as these things progress one person ends up being like you know fuck this shit or like well they like someone usually shows you the reason why they're not the choice i find in my opinion get a rent a shipping container

in like a dockyard somewhere lock them inside and fight them both yeah no no one knife the knife is you throw the knife in you push them both in you lock it and you say whoever comes out is my girlfriend but she can be your double girlfriend if she manages to win even though she wasn't the one who gets the knife because that's way more cool but here's the thing thanks to people like Beyonce and the Spice Girls there's a good chance these women are going to form a inseparable bond and be waiting for you when you open the container with at least. With at least one knife. With at least one knife. They've probably conjured another one from, I don't know, their weapon womb. Yeah, probably. That's the thing. You've got to get them in a situation where they use up their one use for the day weapon womb.

Oh, yeah. Discard that. Actually, you know what? That'll save you money on knife, too, if one of them at least conjures a knife. You can use that as the weapon for later. Throw the other one away. True. Neither of them have their weapon womb ready.

You just got to be careful you don't get pierced by a dry man's or ensnared by a pluribus. I know I've thrown out a lot of bullshit ideas. Yeah. Two good ones so far. He does say that he's like, oh, it's not one of those three-way relationships. Why not?

You can't hear shrugs on podcasts, but I'm shrugging. I'm just saying, this is more directed to Cody Wanks, and just, you know, why not? You can't hear shrugs on podcasts, but I'm shrugging. I'm just saying, I'm just, this is more directed to Cody Wanks, and just, you know, why not? I'm shrugging.

Just think about that. I feel like if that was a possibility, it probably would have already been one. And if it's not a very real possibility, that's an excellent way to have no options. Or find the one who's down for anything. Maybe. I mean, not saying that polyamorous people are down for anything oh but they are but they are a little bit they will do fucking they will eat garbage out of a toaster yeah at least once walt on well i mean i think it's at least three times so it's

like once to figure it out second to get better three times to see if you enjoy it fourth time to get the rest of the garbage out with the remaining garbage yeah um no uh honestly okay also like are you this seems like a future thing like you don't seem like you're ready now you're just worried for when that's gonna happen um and i just want to make sure you stay on your timeline. Like if you're still enjoying, like not being in the relationship, like don't jump into one too soon. You know what I mean? And like,

don't be afraid if somebody wants to take that step further and you're not quite there yet to just, you know? Well, I mean like that's kind of the thing is if you, if you don't know which one you want to be with, then you don't want to be with either of them yet. Yeah.

If you need to sort of like really figure it out, then it's a no for both of them currently. That's true. Yeah. And the only reason you should ever get into a committed relationship is if you're 100% certain. Yeah. Like there's no doubt in your mind that you're making the right choice. Yeah. Like, I mean, when I became exclusive with Amanda, I was literally dating like three other really, really cool women.

But I just knew that like it was Amanda. Like that was the one I wanted to be with. And she was sort of like the answer to the question. And there wasn't any sort of like it just kind of clicked one day, too, where I was just like, you know, I was just like lying in bed with her one day and just kind of realized that that was that was kind of how that was the path i wanted to take and i think exactly and the same like with me like when we like we had been seeing each other for quite a while before we were like exclusive but like there was definitely a point after we'd started seeing each other where i had been seeing other people as a chi and that's like i just didn't really want to see any of them anymore even

though we weren't even exclusive i I was just like, whatever. And like, yeah, just kind of let them fall to the wayside. And that was great. And then by the time, and even then it was like, I wasn't necessarily ready to take that next step, um, for a variety of reasons, but like also because it didn't change anything really. Cause it's like, we were where we were and we still were after that. But then when it came to the point, like there was no question, you know? Yep.

Um, yeah, I mean it, like it's, uh, it's one of those things where I really do think if, if it's meant to be quote unquote, uh,

it'll, it will sort itself out because you will, you will start making those subconscious decisions of being like, you know, one of them will booty call you, but you've like already kind of made plans to like go to a farmer's market with the other one and you would weigh rather the farmer's market. Yeah.

Like I was, I was still using Tinder heavily when Amanda and I first started dating. But like by the end of it, I just, I was like, I could go on a Tinder date and maybe sleep with someone new. Yeah. Or I could like watch a Harry Potter movie that i don't really care about with amanda and like that was that always seems more appealing you'll you'll get to a point where like you'll realize like even like one has messed you first but then the other one's like oh are you around you're like oh sorry first person i just became on the veil you know yeah and also

like if someone is like hey yeah you want to be exclusive or not and you're not ready, it's some some people aren't really cool with that. So if you're like, hey, I actually want to, you know, keep things as they are for now. It's very possible one of them will cut and run. And I think that's probably an indication that you don't want to be with that person if they want to force you to be somewhere they're not. And also if they aren't cool with that and they want to move on, that's fine. I do think like enjoy it as it goes and if you are ready by the time you're ready you will know yeah if at any point i will say this as like speaking directly from experience um if you're ever given the ultimatum and the answer

isn't 100 yes uh you don't do it 100 no yeah there's no like, oh, maybe it'll pan out. Getting a relationship. It will not work. No. Because one, the ultimatum, just like the fact that it exists is a bad sign. It's a pretty bad indication of things to come. And two, if you're doing it only because you're afraid that you're going to lose that person, and not necessarily that like you want to spend more time with them. it's just like you don't want to spend no time with them um that it's

it's just a bad scene i mean my last relationship before amanda was like that like that's the whole reason i started dating her was she was just like i don't want to waste my time and i was just like well i really like you so i guess i guess we'll do this and it that yeah it was a fucking terrible relationship i've been in relationships where like i had been seeing someone for long enough that it almost felt like i had to say yes or you know get in that point and like i did and again it's not like i didn't like these people but i wasn't like hell yeah relationship i was like i feel like it's been long enough or like it's kind of like rude of me not to and i fucking terrible relationships i should not have done that yeah and as shitty as it sounds like you really don't owe people like there isn't sort of a an

exchange rate of your time versus what you then owe them no in the sense of like you could be seeing these people for like three years casually and then if they're just like well it's been three years you don't have to like you shouldn't feel guilty and be like shit it has been three years so i guess i will do this yeah i say what like marriage and kids yeah like if you're not ready or you don't want to uh you are not obligated to do it and that might piss off the other person but at the same time it's like you didn't sign a contract being like hey we're gonna re-evaluate like every three years or like two years, a job where you get a raise every review for maybe a raise every six months.

Um, so I guess make that choice. Like literally listen to the AB question, see how that makes you feel and like go on your own timeline and get that shipping container. Yeah. Yeah. Get them nuts because like, it's always good to have a shipping container, whether get them knives because like it's always

good to have a shipping container whether you use it for this or not yeah just having one make one of those quaint little mini homes you could do anything with it and you can move in with the one you choose it is literally a mobile nautical they're pretty they're pretty much everything also like movies you can sell them to movies. Like, rent them out. You could rent them out. So many movies need shipping containers. Even just, like, low-budget, like, indie films should be, like, $100 for a day.

You could literally find, like, a nearby school that has, like, a film, like, course in it and be like, guys, I'm pitching you this idea, a movie, but the whole thing is shot inside this shipping container. They're gonna be like, oh, my God. Yeah. The concept alone.

It could be... What's that one with Ryan Reynolds where he's in the coffin? Oh. For the whole thing is shot inside this shipping container. They're going to be like, oh, my God. Yeah. The concept alone. It could be someone with Ryan Reynolds where he's in the coffin. Oh. For the whole movie. Coffin Boy? Uh-huh. Yeah. That hit new Marvel movie. Yeah, Coffin Boy.

It could be Shipping Container Girl. Hashtag progressive. But, yeah, it's just sort of like that except actually that sounds like a pretty good. Shipping Container Girl? I'm making this up. This is my idea now. We're going to write this movie. I said it first.

Well, we don't know. It's in here today. First copyright. Trademark. Next question, I think. Yep. Cody Wanks, you got this. Keep it in common.

You're the best. Yeah. I mean, like, it's bad because if he gets in a happy relationship, he won't ever need us. We'll never hear from him again. Well, no. You can still have... He's on the advice in relationships. Why is that close? The next question I have from another again. Well, no, you can still have use on the device in relationships. Why is that closed?

The next question I have from another user is, in fact, about being in a relationship. Because she's dating a sexy fireman. God damn. Can we just skip right to that one? Here's the thing. And it involves Brampton. No. I don't want to hear it then.

This comes from Reddit user MwahMwahKitty. Or Kitty. So, it's you? Maybe. They ask, it's not really a question, but no hookups except for you? A lot of women put no hookups on their dating profiles, me included. But I've been reading a lot of posts about where guys claim that we don't mean that. That if someone writes it, they mean the opposite.

Or that women that think they don't want hookups actually do, etc. This isn't even Tinder, but other dating apps and websites. Is that really the popular consensus amongst men? Why in the world do some men think that? As a woman, I find this a terrifyingly creepy and predatory attitude. How can a woman express that they want a relationship and not hookups, and not have her wishes simply dismissed like this? At least some of us really do know what they want with our own bodies and what kind of interactions we want to have when dating. Oh, man, we found the one person who means that. Well, that's kind of like why I picked it because, like, I definitely have mentioned that, like, anytime. I think we both have.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, where anytime we ran into people being like, no hook it's they were almost the most aggressively after sex which i don't i don't even understand and like i i feel this person's pain that must suck reminds me like oh don't want a relationship and was like guys say that when they want one and then having that be like the experience the last 20 people they've met and then when you say it they're like all right cool and they keep pressing for one and that sucks well i mean again it, they're like, all right, cool. And they keep pressing for one. And that sucks. Well, I mean, again, it's kind of like the whole consent thing where like, you know, this whole sort of modern way of being like, I don't want to sleep with you. And then that's really like a test that you, they want you to try harder to sleep with them.

And I think that's kind of this weird like world we live in now where like everyone kind of assumes that everything is ass backwards but there are still an active like large majority of people who are still actually mean what they say yeah but there's also that other like large majority that are like large portion of people that that are doing these crazy things i think it's the majority that say it and don't mean it which sucks or at least i will say right now i would say with like 80 certainty that everyone who said that they were not looking for a hookup were the ones to instigate or suggest having sex on like the first day i literally don't think i've ever gone on a date with somebody who had no hookups or was out with someone who said i don't want to sleep with you and have them actually mean it like ever which is like super weird and it must suck to be that person who actually means it and just have everybody else kind of ruin it for them yeah

well i mean like it also sucks for guys like us who will actually listen to these people as well and then be like you know a little hesitant and be like well i mean you've you've already expressed sort of the opposite opinion or at least desire than this so excuse me if i'm a little hesitant to proceed forward with this because it's it's a red flag to me when someone is like, I absolutely 100% do not want this. And then in the span of three hours, now want that thing. Because one, you're either like lying

right off the top of the bat. You're playing games. You know what I mean? So either you're being manipulative, like immediately, that's a cat using a litter box. Or you like actually don't know what you want and are very quick to be like this is what i want but then immediately willing to change so that sort of like shows that you're whatever like value system you have doesn't really exist yeah i feel like maybe go back

we've definitely said this before like anyone who says, I don't want to sleep with you, but secretly wants to sleep with you and expects you to bridge that gap by ignoring what you're saying. And anybody who does this and again expects you to, just stop. Don't do this. And if you aren't exactly sure if you want to hug up or not, you can just not have anything on your profile. A normal person. Yeah.

Like I don't even necessarily see the need ever to say no hookups. Like it would be almost the same thing as like every time you, like on all of your dating profiles, you just said no anal. Yeah. Like, what do you, okay, cool. But like that's kind of like step three. Yeah. And we're not, well, I mean, you know what I mean? Like three.

It's like we haven't even hit step one. One is Tinder. Second is first date. Third is anal. Third is anal. Yeah. And we're not... Well, I mean, you know what I mean? Like, three? It's like... One is Tinder. Second is First Date. Third is Anal. Third is Anal, yeah. Wow. Virgin, you don't anal on the first date? I do anal then Tinder. Oh, you don't match with them unless you've...

Unless my butt has been in their butt. Yeah. That's how it works, right? I'm pretty sure. Yeah. But, like, you don't need to you don't need to say no yeah i mean like it's one thing if you're actively looking for a relationship there's no problem with you saying like yeah i'm looking to pursue a relationship

um to the point where like we're in a committed yeah relationship and that's the really funny thing is if you say hey looking to pursue a relationship, no one goes, she wants to fuck. Yeah. But if you say, no hookups, it's like, mm-hmm, sure. And again, it sucks that you think that way, but when every single person is like, no hookups, but I'm going to answer the door naked when you show over, it's like, hmm. But here's the other thing that I've never really understood. It's like, so if you're pursuing like i understand the i guess like the definition of hookup is just sort of like sex without any intention but like are you just not gonna fuck

the people you're pursuing relationships with like you see and that's the thing because like i'm not gonna be like yeah for sure i'm i want to pursue this relationship yeah and then like but we've never had sex not know what sex is like with them. You know what I mean? Like there's, cause like you could be terrible. Yeah. Or like,

I don't mean, you could just not mesh. You know what I mean? Like there's, there's a bunch of like sexual chemistry things that are sort of beyond people's control. Yeah. And they're pretty important because like, what's the difference between,

you know, a relationship and like just being friends is like all the physical sexual shit really yeah and it's like yeah i think it's pretty important but also i think most of these people they definitely do have sex they just feel like they shouldn't and then get weird and upset about it and it's like you can have sex while you're looking for a relationship there's nothing wrong with that yeah and yeah i mean also like there's a bunch like there's times i've gone out with someone i'm like yeah i would definitely as far as i know them so far in that they seem cool on whatever and they're hot in their pictures they probably have sex and when i meet up with them i'm like no or

other people i'm like hell yeah because they're sure you shouldn't already have your mind made up either way i went on a date with this girl who like was checking all of my boxes like she was spooky as hell um and then i like she then proceeded to like the entire date act as if it was like a stand-up set and like every story she told had like a voice and like had like a setup and a punchline and i was just like why do i feel like i'm in the worst like comedy club ever where i'm the only person in the audience and you like are going to be murdered if i don't laugh at your jokes like she's seven people in a trench coat each of which wanted to tell their tale it was like the most uncomfortable first date and i

was just like i'm still, very physically attracted to you. But if this is what a conversation with like is, you know what I mean? Like after an hour I was exhausted. I was like, it's too much. It's just too fucking much. And so like,

yeah, I went from being like, I'm into this to being almost immediately like not into this. And you're like those, it's weird that people on online dating sort of like have set their boundaries before anything happens yeah that doesn't make sense so i think we should get rid of the get rid of the no hookups but also like don't say it hookups are never implied so saying no hookups doesn't make sense yeah or like it

should be unnecessary you know what i mean because like you can make that decision you can tell people at the time it's pretty much the whole like don't press this button everyone's gonna want to press the button i don't know i get like i don't actually get why people put it down because again mostly people don't mean it and i i think it's shitty that people should think that people don't mean it but at the same time when so many people aggressively mean the opposite like you can't really blame people for kind of taking it as like this weird code yeah you know i'm like that sucks for the people who it's for everyone involved right because if you're a guy and you think

something because you know the last 20 people you've met, that's what they meant by it. And if you're a girl and you actually mean it, it just sucks. So people should just honestly be honest about their fucking intentions. But also, I don't really think the whole no hookups thing ever needs to be said. Because if you assume that you're going to hook up on a date, saying no hookups isn't going to stop that asshole. And if you don't want to hook up you like don't want to hook up you don't have to hook up yep just leave it it's implied that consent still stands yeah and like if someone's shit enough not to know that you saying no hookups isn't going to matter

yeah i i think like we should like direct our way into sort of i'm looking for a relationship that works i say say things that like you want as opposed to say the things that you don't want because it's it's easier to like when something comes up be like oh actually no i'm not i'm not feeling that right now you know what i mean um but like if you if your goal is to find someone to be in a committed relationship with like that's probably not gonna change you know what i mean it's probably not gonna be like oh actually fuck that i want to have sex with everyone. And it might have like go for it. That's fine.

But you do you. But to sort of like make that decision. But to say like, I don't want this. I don't want that. I don't want this. It's sort of like you're you don't need to say it until it's until you need to say no to it. Kind of. And also, I do think if you're like no hookups, just say looking for something serious.

Yeah, there you go. And that that's a boner killer yeah in terms of those people not looking for a casual relationship looking for exactly and i don't mean in general like that's fucking awesome but for the people who are like yeah let's hook up they see that they're going to be like a swerve yeah so maybe do maybe do that. Yeah. All right. Ready for Agent Spitfire's question. Oh, shit, yes. That's way better than Walden, right? Yeah. I'm going to paraphrase this because it was kind of a paraphrased question.

It was very informal. Essentially, they're in a new relationship with a sexy fireman. Hell, yes. However, they both are living at home currently. Oh, no. To save money for, you know, like buying cars and all that shit you know yeah um and as a result they're kind of running out of things to do as a new relationship and they don't want to fall into the trap of just netflix all the time yeah um and they're kind of looking for, what do you do? One of the problems being Brampton. Another problem being, like, one of the things. They both live in Brampton?

Yeah. And one of the things that they stated, like, was one of the things they would usually do is, like, buy a bunch of ingredients. Like, have a nice, like, cook day. Like, bake day. Like, do this whole thing. But, like, when you're also kind of in someone else's kitchen and space, especially that being your parents and their home. It's not really the same thing. So that was one of the options that was kind of like thrown out the window. Hey, you know what?

You know what yesterday was? Yesterday was also a big day. Yeah, it was. That's why we're so well done on currently rising. Oh, yeah. Okay. First things first, get out of Brampton. So was it last week we talked about how fast I got out of school?

Probably. That is specifically because I wanted to get out of Brampton. Like that was my goal from the time I was like 12. I don't think that's currently an option. Or at least like it's a new enough like yeah no i know she just recently went back so uh um okay i'm gonna go with something that's dear to my heart go climbing there's a climbing gym brampton brampton that's really good and it's one of those things like gets you out of the house gets you active you literally need two people if you're doing top

roping because one person has to belay. It's pretty fun. It's problem solving. You're actually doing something because the Netflix trap, it's easy to fall into. It's hard to get out of. Yeah, I don't... See, like if they were in Toronto, I would be able to throw so many fucking... You know what I mean?

They have cars and they can drive. So it's not like, you know... If you have anything, I say throw it out and let them figure out the logistics i would i would yeah 100 find like a scheduled like thing that happens maybe a board game night with like your other couple friends or like other friends um or i'm sure brampton has like a board game cafe you know what i mean like maybe set up a little like board game night every thursday night or something you know what i mean set up sort of like a like try to try to find sort of a routine or at least a schedule and then you can reward yourselves with like nights where you like kind of want to be lazy with the netflix so that way

it's not sort of like your default or your go-to you always have that like other option that's the thing that's when netflix becomes great is when you have like when it's your kind of like pissing rain outside or it's cold as fuck you can just do it and not feel like a useless piece of shit yeah that's great when you only do that then it sucks yeah um honestly i think like something something nice and active get you out of the fucking house like climbing so great like a club like if you guys want to do like dance lessons together or like yeah like a paint night paint nights are fun you can go to a bar and just fucking have a few beers and paint some shit yeah um even just going on fucking like

groupon and seeing what like typing in brampton just seeing what's there well the good thing is stuff yeah like on the further out of toronto you are like the cheaper real estate is so like uh a lot of companies that don't exist down here do exist out there like paintball and like axe throwing and like knife throwing and vr so i went to a vr thing recently that was fucking awesome and it was just this like giant room and you go in it was like weirdly immersive a lot of fun

I can't get there that easily because it's so fucking far away you guys can just walk down the road probably and get one or shooting there's a shooting range way far away from Toronto

yeah probably not too far from Brampton I don't know become vigilantes become vigilantes I mean there was I think there was a shootout in Brampton a couple days ago there's always shootouts from Brampton. I don't know. Become vigilantes. Become vigilantes. I mean, there was like, I think there was a shootout in Brampton a couple days ago. There's always shootouts in Brampton.

I mean, we're more stabbers than shooters. I think we're graduating to shooting, but like. That sucks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, there's plenty of crime in Brampton. Yeah. And become, or become crime lords.

One or the other. Of Brampton. Yeah. You could be like the. The Bonnie the other. Of Brampton. Yeah, you could be like the... The Bonnie and Clyde of Brampton. Bramptonian Clorampton. It's tough. Like, it is.

I totally get it. Because I've always been sort of like lucky enough to have my own place. Like, I wasn't really dating when i lived at home like i was i was out of my parents house when i was 18 19 12 12 um you know what i mean and like when i was 17 i was living in res so like yeah whatever i was i used to stay at home and like it was fine like i just like have people over and do whatever. And like, also, I, I don't think it's that like, I of that but it's not the only part of that so yeah you can have that whole thing and maybe you don't get to like lick whipped cream off each other in the middle of it and just like deface your countertop but like you can do all the other shit so fun yeah so i i would say don't let

that get in the way because i know like some people i don't know it was mentioned the word weird was mentioned i don't think it's weird if he comes over and cooks some shit once your mom's cool no especially if like if you're into this dude also added bonus fucking give them a little bit brownie points for days yeah right you slip this thing is like in slow smoked ribs some of the best things uh like like i think the reason reason Amanda's family likes me is because I've spent, like, a considerable amount of time at their houses on, like, holidays and stuff. And, like, we've done things together. So, like, it might not be a bad idea to, like, maybe one night be like, yo, your parents want to go bowling? Because there's actually a bomb-ass bowling alley in Brampton.

Yeah. I mean, there used to be. I don't know if there still is. I think parents feel pretty nice about that shit. nobody likes to just be like oh cool i'm super peripheral to my kid's life yeah you know so if you were ever like hey let's fucking do this yeah and again like as a guy you kind of you generally have an uphill battle you know to win parents appreciation or like respect and if you show that like no one's like hey girl prove yourself yeah it's they're usually just like oh thank god like my son has found anyone someone who

like i've seen him at his worst and you have still accepted him thank you um but yeah like there's there's no harm in maybe doing a couple things with your parents every now and then i don't know i'm not saying like don't fall into with your parents every now and then. I don't know about saying like don't fall into the trap of being like that couple thing. No, no, don't do everything with your parents. It's not everything. Although, although, although. No.

Although. No. No. No. Why not? You know what? You can hear a shrug on a podcast, but I'm shrugging. If it's good enough for Game of Thrones, it's good enough for me.

Mm-hmm. Go for it. Next one. Okay. I don't know. Was that any use? Go find a thing you both want to do and go do it. Get hobbies.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, it's a very vague sort of answer, but, like, at the same time, I don't know what you're into. I don't know these people. There's so many things in the fucking world that like it would be impossible for us to list out like dance classes martial arts classes like clay like go fucking do a clay lesson yeah go for a hike the scene from ghost yeah every clay studio until they like they just rent an airbnb for a

night and spice it up you know i mean that's the thing like i'm sure airbnbs in brampton are not pricey like i'm sure youbnbs in brampton are not pricey like i'm sure you could probably get one for like 30 bucks a night probably like a pretty decent i mean it's like just rail each other yeah or like there's also a thing where you can like get i know there's a group on deal a while ago you can get like a chef will come to your kitchen and teach you how to cook some crazy shit that's fun fun. Mm-hmm. Do that. Do that in an Airbnb if you want. Yeah, and then tell that chef to either watch or leave or join. Or hold the camera.

Yeah. Like, bring him in or her and get him out. Get him off. Or fuck your parents. Camp to saute your nips. This comes from user PurpleDancer01. And they say, zero compliments on several dates. Guys, is it wrong for a girl to want to compliment on a date anymore? After getting excited and nervous for the first date,

making sure my curly hair looks soft, making sure my outfit looks good, and putting on just a touch of makeup to bring out my eyes, I go home without a single compliment. In just the last year, I've gone on several dates with young men. Only one guy mentioned that my eyes were pretty right before trying to get a goodnight kiss. Then I never saw him again. I don't know. I feel like I'm asking for the bare minimum here.

I'm only 5'2". I don't think anyone sees me as intimidating. Okay, the fact that she thinks her height factors into this is mad mad to me just like the jumps of logic yeah throughout the entire question is like honestly i i feel like if you're on a first date and i'm like oh you've really pretty eyes i feel like that comes off super creepy and weird 100 like is that not super and also it just sounds fake because it sounds like you're reading off first date script from a movie.

The only thing I can really think of is sort of like, right off the bat, immediately just be like, oh, hey, you look great. You know what I mean? And that's sort of the end of... And even that's pretty casual, right? Yeah. It's not like, oh, girl. It's also kind of expected. You're rocking like, you look so sexy.

God, can I just touch your curly hair? Your curly hair looks so soft. So soft. Why did you mention it was curly? I don't know. What does curls have to do with softness? I also like... And height.

I feel like curly hair can't be soft. Also, girl, how many compliments are you fucking throwing out? How many complos are you throwing? I know. You throwing them complos? But I throwing i know you throwing them complos but i think are you throwing damn complos i don't know she doesn't say yeah because she don't say them at the date either i bet you um not a single complo from that girl i know yeah i mean there's nothing a guy can say on a first date like you've got pretty eyes sounds like you're gonna gouse them out honestly saying you have nice skin also sounds terrible your hair looks soft that just like you literally sound like you're gonna stuff your pillow with it yeah when you murder her there

is nothing a guy can say to compliment a woman physically that doesn't sound like he's going to like probably kill her i'm like there is a time and a place and I don't think a first date is usually any of them. Yeah. You know? I mean like especially stuff that's that directed. Yeah.

It just sounds weird. And it also like it sounds like you're just sort of you're like pandering. Yeah. Or like just sort of being like you're a physical object that I'm going to appreciate

like a physical quality of you. Yeah. Like I don't know you got really pretty eyes before laying him for a kiss and then never seeing them again yeah that's exactly how it sounds like it will play out yeah apart from the murder which he probably planned i i yeah i mean i just i don't know i i personally feel it also feels very distant like it doesn't feel very genuine it just feels manipulative. Yeah.

Or cheap. Yeah. Also, we've entered in this sort of like era of... We're entering in a lot of eras. Yeah, women sort of being like, hey, I kind of want to be respected for more than just my physical appearance. And also, guys having to be a little more aware of what they're saying to women. Which is also great. Which is also great. Which is also great.

One of the things that men have learned during this phase is that like just shouting compliments at women is not appreciated generally. You know what I mean? Like, so I think a lot of guys have sort of toned it back, hopefully, and been like, and I understand that there's a time and a place for compliments. You can definitely tell your female co-worker like, they look great today, whatever. But I think, I think a lot of people have sort of just take a collective step back and maybe are just kind of chilling for a second, which is kind of what you've wanted and what people who aren't pieces of shit, this is what we've wanted for a very long time. So it's kind of a good thing and like the the irony is like or the funny thing is that on this

date if he's not just dropping comments about her physical appearance they're probably actually chatting and hopefully having a conversation yeah which you would imagine would be the fucking point like imagine if you're on a date and the guy says that you look pretty or that like... Your hair looks soft. Also, let's be fair. Have you ever in the world looked at a girl and said, your hair looks soft? No. That would be horrifying. I've definitely, like, touching their hair have been like, goddammit, this is soft.

But at that point, like, we have... At that point, you... We've got a physical connection. You know what I mean? I really think, and i'm pretty sure i know a lot of people would agree with me if you're like on a date with a guy and he was just like that hair looks soft you'd be like okay all right i really don't i really cannot think of other than like that initial sort of like hey you look great yeah i can't think of anything

that you could say while you're sitting at the table having a drink and looking at the person across from you yeah a guy that i could say to a woman that wouldn't come off of either me being sort of pervy yeah me being rapey or me being like murder murdery yeah like just like being like cheap and disingenuous like and just kind of like pandering to this like date ideal or being like lazy you know what i mean like i don't think even if you meant it and you said it i wouldn't think it would come across as genuine yeah um there's there's definitely a time and place like where you can you know i mean like if you're lying in bed you can totally be like yeah i love your freckles you know what i mean like you got great eyes once you have that sort of kind of know

somebody yeah but like opening up with those things is scary like i if the amount of women who have come up to me and been like i like your beard and just like touch my beard i'm just like what do you don't fucking touch me like i don't want that yeah um but you know if if amanda's ever like oh like your beard looks great today i'm like oh thanks so much great like okay yeah i don't think you going to scalp me and wear my beard as like a fucking weird face merkin. It's not on your scalp, but whatever. It kind of connects to my scalp, doesn't it?

That's your hair, though. Is it or is it my top beard? Well, top beard. That's fine. Yeah. No, I just feel like this person is doing everything wrong. Like if that's the validation you want, but, like, you can't get validation through, like, hanging out with someone and actually enjoying it and them enjoying your company.

Yeah, I mean. You're doing it wrong. I think the best sort of, like, compliment is them wanting to see you again. Yeah, and also, like, let's be fair. If they're going on a date with you, I think it's implied that they find you attractive. Yeah. Like, that's kind of the baseline here. You don't really need someone then to be like, let's go through an inventory of what I do find.

So here's what I think. Here's what I propose. Ladies, I think collectively men are starting to chill. Hopefully. Hopefully. And are learning that, like, we have to sort of pick our moments to appreciate your physical qualities guys let's take a moment to appreciate the work that women have put into in a date and compliment them off the top with a very quick nonchalant like oh you

look great yeah i think that's very fair i think i think that's a great way to show, be like, hey, I appreciate that you're not wearing sweatpants and you know what I mean? A lot of people look great in sweatpants, dude. If someone showed up to a date in sweatpants, I would be offended. No, you wouldn't. I would. Would you actually? A hundred percent.

Oh. Which date though? It depends where you are. Like a first date. But like, where are you going? I'm going to like, my a first date but like where are you going i'm gonna like my traditional first day was at a bar like yes if we're going to somewhere active or like if we're going to like a gym or something yeah for sure absolutely but like if we're going to like a

outside social place and you've shown up in what you would maybe wear to bed i will not be impressed i don't think i'd particularly care i think i'd maybe be a little confused yeah i mean like i'd be expecting like uh oh i'm sorry i came from here and if not i don't really think it would bother me yeah i mean like i'm not saying i wouldn't sleep with them or see them again you just i would just be like i would just be like okay i see where i stand in your list of priorities ladies feel free to throw some compliments out to the men yeah we put in too. And we're just as insecure as you. If not more. If not more.

Especially on a first date. Yeah. Especially because no one ever compliments us. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, no, I do think that's a little much to be desperately seeking. Yeah. How do I respond to the I have dated many bad boys shit test?

Just lean over and say, prove it. By Reddit user Tito3001. Just ask her to prove it. Yeah. Honestly, I think that's one of those bullshit things. I'm like, why? What is the point of you saying this? Also, what does that mean?

I know. Like you only date convicts? Is that what you're like? Oh, that's the thing. A bad boy has no real specific you know and also it's it's kind of almost like a joke term in like sitcoms like ooh it's the bad boy you know what i think when people when if a woman said to me they date bad boys i immediately think you're talking about djs and club promoters like that's that's those are the

people that i think of fall into the quote-unquote bad boy category or the guys who like neither of those strike a chord as like actual bad boys with me because they're usually no absolutely not the worst what i'm saying is they they're not they are all show you know what i mean like their instagram is probably like a bunch of drugs and like a gun and a bunch of money. Maybe. But then like they've immediately then gone back to the bank and deposited that money. And been like, hey man, thanks for letting me borrow your fucking airsoft gun. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like I feel like 90% of the quote unquote bad boys are like all sizzle. Yeah. I think immediately you ask her that question. Like define a bad boy. Yeah. And I promise you a million percent there's no answer yeah or just be like what do you who's about what's a bad boy yeah what is one like what do you what are the requirements pull out a pen and paper yeah carry a pen and paper with you at all times just for this fact and be like just a little less like i need to know if it qualifies one, because, you know, what's your definition?

Like, oh, leather jacket. Cool, anyone can have one, but whatever. Motorbike, not many people have one. Has one of those switchblade combs. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, ooh. Oh, okay. Like, that's the thing.

Is it the Fonz? Are you just describing the Fonz? Have you just dated a lot of people who look like Henry Winkler? Like, were nice people, were they nice to you in a relationship? Oh, they weren't. Okay. Do Henry Winkler? Like, were nice people, were they nice to you in a relationship? Oh, they weren't. Okay.

Do you want that again? Oh, that's dumb. Oh, sorry. He used to hit you? How many convictions? Heh. I think that's one of the stupidest things that I hear people say. But yeah, nobody has a definition, so ask them.

Yeah. Nail it down. Make a list, and then share it to us if anyone ever says that to you and you get a list and send it to us i will love you forever because this will be amazing girls if you're listening and you've dated a bad boys send us a list what do you think about boy is yeah i want this so badly it's like at some point in time, he's had to have driven into his high school, either gymnasium or maybe quad on a motorcycle. Yeah.

100%. But like most people don't do that. And most people who have bad boys, like maybe it's like how many detentions did you get in high school? Because guess what? I got 11. Dang. I once got a detention for blowing on the back of some girl's head because she was in the fucking way.

They just kept going. There's some things I can't even mention, but I did get a detention for singing the song I Got Erection at the school talent show with my band. They got so angry that they unplugged all of our amps while we were still playing. They were going to suspend us, but they didn't. We were also drunk at the time hashtag bad boy uh i almost got suspended for uh

they i was hosting the talent show maybe we should stay away from talent shows yeah this is why when we went up on stage in karaoke that one time it was like don't drop the mic yeah don't drop the mic i'm not gonna do it the mic. I'm not going to do it, man. Stop telling us. I can read you. You're bad boys all over. So what we're saying is we're bad boys. Yeah, I think so.

Shit. I know we got to double check now. Are our girlfriends okay with dating bad boys? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe we just got to go. Maybe that's our allure. Ooh.

Maybe they're only with us because we're bad boys. Man, we got to make sure we tick the rest of the boxes. Oh, my. I hate you so much. Do you want juicy or do you want kind of brief? I need some juice in my life. My 22-year-old male girlfriend, 20-year-old female, has been hoarding my used condoms. Yeah, there it is.

That's it. I've been dating a girl. We'll call her V for about a year and a half now. We go to college together and live separately. We have, by all accounts, a great relationship. I 100% plan on staying with her after graduation. We don't want kids anytime soon. Any talk of kids has been us playing around.

I think that's all the necessary background information. We don't want an unplanned pregnancy, so we use dual protection. Two condoms. No. Breath control. Okay, I was going to say, uh... And after I finish, I always tie the condom up and throw them in the trash. pregnancy so we used dual protection two condoms no breath control okay i was gonna say uh and after i finished i always tie the condom up and throw them in the trash this week while v was at

practice for her sport i was looking for some cleaning stuff in her bathroom in the back corner under her sink there's a bunch of stuff stacked on top of some rags and the rags were covering a tupperware container the container was filled with used condoms seemingly still tied up i definitely didn't want to open it, and to be honest, didn't really like looking at it either, so I put everything back, went all out my day, didn't say a single word about it. The cleaning stuff I needed ended up being somewhere else, so I don't think me using it raised any alarms. I really don't know what to do right now. More honest about everything, almost to a fault, so I feel terrible not bringing this up to her. Really don't like the idea of asking a friend for advice because my crew isn't the most

sensitive bunch. First thing that popped into my head was that she was trying to artificially inseminate herself. That doesn't really make sense because I see her take her birth control every day. Her room is basically never there, so I don't really imagine her being the culprit. This is so weird I don't want to mess anything up. What should

I do? Run. Pack her a lunch one day, and the lunch is that Tupperware container. Ooh. And be like, oh, what? What? What is that? But then what if she turns up? Here's the thing.

See, I was going to be like, how do you know it's your condoms? This thing you don't know. Well, who ties their condoms? Maybe that's her thing. Maybe that's her kink. He says that he ties them up. Exactly. But we don't know how that started.

Maybe she was like, hey, make sure we don't want any of them fish getting pregnant. We don't want any man fishes running around. Why would he want to tie them? The only reason to tie them is if you want to keep them. Yeah. Keep them fresh. And you don't want to keep them. Maybe he's doing that. Maybe he's entering like a fugue state.

It's like that shitty movie Split. I only assume it's bad. It looks bad. I haven't seen it, but I can only assume it's about Michael Fassbender. Keeping a bunch of his own condoms. Isn't Michael Fassbender? I'm pretty sure it's Michael Fassbender. I'm pretty sure it's definitely not.

No, it's the other one. No, it's your man who... It's the other one from the X-Men. Yeah, yeah. The little one. James McAvoy? That's the one. Yeah.

Little, little James. Although, to be fair, I'm pretty sure Michael Fassbender also stores his condoms. Like, just him as a person. Like, not in a movie. That's just his thing.

Yeah. His Instagram is weird. It's just him storing condoms. Just Tupperwares. Well, yeah. So, what does he do? Um,

you gotta talk to her about it. You gotta. You've got to. You've got to. You've got to you've got to and i think it's so weird do you even need to talk i would a hundred percent because i i i would need to know what what is happening yeah what if you replace them all with hand lotion yeah devious or like hair loss cream or something or something weird something that just Replace them all with hand lotion. Yeah.

Devious. Or like hair loss cream or something. Or something weird. Something that just, if you do anything. Or hair grow queen. Hair grow queen. And then if all of a sudden her downstairs region is just like a 70s porn star, then you're like, hey, where'd all that hair come from? Yeah. And she's like, where'd all this not pregnancy go or come from?

Come from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what do we do about cum box 2019? from yeah and she's like where'd all this not pregnancy go or come from come from that that and what do we do about cum box 2019 what if you take the cum box and you don't call it that and don't let her know that you have it and then she's gonna think her roommate took it oh and then she's gonna be like what would my roommate do with a box of cum and then maybe she'll roundabout kind of come to you and be like hey so if there was like a box of cum and like i think my roommate has one you could be like hmm why would she have that and she'll probably come up with reasons which were the reason she had it unless here's the thing he just says roommates barely home maybe that time that she is home she only returns home to harvest that's used condoms how do you know it's not the roommates yeah

i think it comes down to the tying because no one does that do they is that thing no i don't think anyone in the world has ever fucking tied their condom off. What's the point? Also, it would be so hard to do. It's all slimy. Yeah. It's not like a balloon where the end is already sort of like taut. No.

So we have replaced the cum box with a faux cum box. Stop it. We have take the cum box. a faux cum box. Stop it. We have take the cum box. Then what do you do? Imagine you get caught with a box full of cum. Yeah, you just put it in your backpack to dispose of it. And a police officer's like, that chunky bag looks like a bomb.

Yeah, or maybe you just get bumped into. Yeah. You know what I mean? And your bag falls off. Who, you know, who knows? Maybe someone's got like the same backpack of you in class. Maybe all the calm spontaneously becomes babies. And then you've got a bag full of babies and that's terrible. Like you hit some weird patch of radiation, it incubates them instantly.

They become bag of babies. Pretty much how babies and radiation works. Oh, yeah. That's what Spider-Man got. It's Batman. Exactly. I think you just have to sort of like, oh, here's what you do. You get a permanent marker and you just draw, I know, on the cum box.

That's it. Yeah. I know. Then you get a burner phone and you message her saying, I know. I know your secret. I know about cum box 2019 a burner phone and you message her saying, I know. I know your secret. I know about Comebox 2019. Oh my God. Never forget.

Yeah, you, hmm. I think this is so fucked up that real advice doesn't count. Well, I don't think you can inseminate yourself with semen that's just been chilling. Well, sorry, you can if it has been literally chilling. Literally chilling, yeah. But if it's just in a box under the sink, I think you're good, bro. I don't know if there's a point where that becomes unhealthy.

I'm pretty sure that becomes toxic at some point. Probably, yeah. It must, like any sort of human fluid. Like, I'm sure blood... I can't imagine that that is the plan because if it is, it's really ill-advised. Man, maybe she's like planning maybe she's like gone girling you oh god that's the worry and then like you know what i mean she's gonna kill her

roommate or something just cover the house in your semen and be like he's a fucking cum monster and all he's ever what if she's magic and she needs some of your body to work a ritual. Mmm. A witch situation. Yeah. Or a warlock. That's why 19 day. It's true. I honestly, like, my real thing would be like, you have to be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, no, 100%. What is this?

Like, just be like, literally, hey, I found this, I was looking for cleaning supplies, clean up your fucking house, and there's a box of cum. Yeah. Cum box 2019. And I'm literally the only person in the world who ties up their condoms so i know they're mine yeah so here's the thing i think yeah i don't know if i'd want to have this conversation in person i think there's no harm the next time

you're like left there and you want to do some quote-unquote cleaning maybe like you know i mean you already know it's there. I think you got to do it in person. Cause if they're in class, they might see the message and then leave it like an hour or two while they frantically come up with a response. I think you need to secure the cum box just in case she is literally gone. Burst into class, dump it on her desk.

Explain this. Just fucking hold them all and then slap them against your arm and just burst them all over her and everyone in the vicinity. Yell, cum box 2019. Yell,

solved. And then run out all sticky and slick like, if anyone tries to catch you, you're probably covered in cum too. Just slip out. Here's the thing,

I don't know if iTunes is going to let me name an episode cum box 2019. I think it will. Why would it not it's probably reads things the individual words and come box I

assume is not a word they're used to well yeah I'm gonna hashtag this hashtag come back sweaty yeah let's do it um oh boy I think it was Coney come is come box the new Coney

yes uh yeah no I think you need to secure the come box you don't get gone girl and I think you need to do it in person so you can see their face drain or you can see the pure look of confusion as you realize her roommate has been saving her well your condoms yeah i mean like this thing i think unless she is a true master sociopath and can, like, you know, is a master actor, I think it's going to be immediate apparent if she's the one who did it or...

Wait. Is it? Is your roommate... Why can't I remember this actor's name? James McAvoy? Is your roommate James McAvoy, who is in fact the only master actor? Or Michael Fassbender. No, not the master actor.

He's just good at being sexy. James McAvoy is literally, you can look it up right now, he's the only actor to ever have achieved master status. It's a fact. So what you're saying is he's so in deep for whatever the next movie is. Split two. That he's deep. He's doing the whole Heath Ledger Joker thing.

He's turned himself into a female woman. This is one of his personalities in the movie. The thing is, though, he's such a good actor. You actually wouldn't be able to tell. Well, yeah, I know. That's what I mean. You could be James McAvoy. Are you?

Holy shit. well yeah i know that's what i mean anybody's fuck you could be james mcavoy are you holy shit what if everyone the girlfriend the guy the roommate reddit itself reddit this microphone everything is james mcavoy what is is he the gun box what if that's how you make more james mcavoy's he's cloning. He's just making more of him. Oh my god. So he's taking his semen, inseminating himself to regrow perfect James McAvoy's. Well, that would explain why there's seven splits this time. It's true. Shit.

One for every McAvoy. Oh no. We can't post this podcast. We can't do it, James McAvoy. We'll find out. If they know, he could already be here. He could be acting as the heir. We wouldn't post this podcast. We can't do it. James McAvoy will find out. If they know he could already be here. He could be acting as the heir. We wouldn't know.

You could be James McAvoy. Maybe I am. He's also a bird. He's also a crow. Yeah. Hey, if you're a fucking actor, you can be anything you goddamn want. Right, let's end this. Yeah, we need to.

There's no way people will not believe that we're not high. Maybe we are. After these past two episodes. Maybe we should have. Maybe we should have gotten high. Could have been your first. Could have been. Or maybe I was lying about that.

James McAvoy, no! Gah! Are you finding me some sex writing? Oh, you know it. Mm-hmm. Can you do me a favor? Can you make one of the characters James McAvoy? You know what?

I'm going to go for the highest, or maybe the least highest rated one. Is it slander if I call the episode James McAvoy's cum box? I think you need to, because fuck it, if he sues us, we'll get famous off that shit. Yeah, that's true. Also, if anyone searches James McAvoy, we might pop up. I really hope somebody... You know there's some fuck, if anyone searches James McAvoy, we might pop up. I really hope somebody didn't know there's some fucker out there searching James McAvoy cum box.

Oh, 100%. Will I look it up right now? I wish you wouldn't. So this is The Quiddity of Will by Sam Mills. Oh yes. Oh yes. Oh will. Oh yes. Oh semen, bedizened blood, pusillanimous bed, onastic quiddity,

fulcrating pelvic thrust, smoke thick. Typewriters, click, clack, click. Will, our cock is spent, screaming, loving. Will is pleased. Will is saved. I have done it. I have done. I am the chosen one. I am his chosen one. Oh, will forever. I am yours forever. I am yours forever. I am. Did you have a stroke in the middle of half those things? Words? What the hell did you say?

I don't even know. Semen bedizanand. Blood pusillanimous. Bed onanistic. Quiddity folk phrasing. What the good goddamn does any of that mean? Well, I think what we can all agree on is it's real sexy. I like to struggle through my words when I'm thinking of dicks and orifices or other genitals touching.

Because it could be any type of sex. I think that was my least favorite sex writing. It was pretty bad. You want to read another one? Nope. Oh. I'm just going to least favorite sex writing. That's pretty bad. Do you want to read another one? No. Oh. I'm just going to blue ball it until next week. Yeah.

Do you usually make your own cum box? What's in this? Oh, no. Yeah, what do you think's in this? This very table? Thank you very much for listening. I hope you guys enjoyed spending time with us as much as we've enjoyed spending time with you. And thank you for everyone who voted on the theme for last week.

Yeah, we're going to do the reveal? Should we? Yeah. I don't think we should. No? You do it. Okay. The theme was...

sex. Yay! We did it. We did it. So those of you who guessed that the theme last week was sex, you are correct. You did it. I think our best guess was trying new things. Hmm.

Because they thought it was a spring intro episode. No. That's the basis. No. No, it was sex. So we did have a submitted new type of genital. Oh. Which was a hand gina.

Okay. Kind of like a pluribus, but... new type of genital. Oh. Which was a hand gina. Okay. Um. Kind of like a pluribus, but. Which I kind of reasoned was just a, the same genital in a different location.

But you could lick yourself out while you're getting fucked. So, that was that. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Which would be pretty cool. Um. I guess if you're into doing things to yourself. Yeah. I don't know. Probably feel great. I mean,

yeah. Oh, what if you're a guy and you had a hand gina? That would be sick. That would be pretty cool. Oh my god. Alright,. I mean, yeah. Oh, what if you were a guy and you had a hand giant? That would be sick. That would be pretty cool. Oh, my God. All right.

Let's fucking end this. Yeah. Again, thank you very much for listening. If you haven't and you feel so inclined, if you've enjoyed the past 30 some odd episodes of this podcast, please head over to iTunes and leave us a rating, a five-star rating and a review. And maybe tell a friend that you might, if they're into podcasts, let them know and be like, hey, here's something you might want to listen to. Yeah. We're going to need all the support we can get after James McAvoy starts coming for us.

Yeah. Once we're sued for slander. Yeah. Oh, for sure. And he starts come boxing for us. Or stealing our semen. If you have a question, you can you can hit us on a variety of ways on social media. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies.

You can find us on Facebook at Facebook dot com slash FCK buddies podcast. And you can send us an email if you have a question and need a bit more of a longer form. And it's F buddies podcast atcast at gmail.com. As always, don't send us porn. And also thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Comb Boxes, for your song, Paper Stars. I will say, we do actually have to specifically thank you, as per our license for the song.

Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for his song, Paper Stars. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I was like, I should probably read our... Sorry the song. Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for our, his song Paper Stars. Thank you. Thank you. I, yeah, I was like, I should probably, sorry about joking,

read our license. Does it actually? Yeah. Oh, all right. Well, thanks man. Uh,

hit us with some Dan. Well, Dan's latest post, because sadly he's still going, is, three best, shouting, ways to avoid being friend zoned by girls you like. the latest post, because sadly he's still going, is three best shouting ways to avoid being friend-zoned by girls you like. My name is Dave Miller.

And I'm Niles Payne. And I'm James McElroy. No, he's...