F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 301 - Transformer? I Hardly Know Her!

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

We can all agree that there is some man-child out there who is 100% responsible for naming these stupid magic robots.  Topics include sexting ruining your life, unremorseful dick breaking, one person casual sex. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Advice Podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sicky situations. Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations simply put we are a sex and dating advice podcast we find questions either online roaming the wilds or we get them from our wonderful listeners or we get them from people in the audience and our last live show was a lot of fun i gotta shout out the audience member who asked us the beige flag question because it led to to a lot of fun with everybody else. So y'all rock. It got to the point where we were so unsure of what a beige flag was

that I'm still not happy with my answers because I'm like, surely there's something. There's got to be. It's a very interesting nuance. Yeah. Where it's like, it's not a bad thing, but it's a thing that pings. I think our answers work, but we're not going to tell you what those are because you got to wait until the episode comes out.

It's true. Or come to the next live show. Come to the next live show. We don't have a date on that yet. Not yet. We'll let you know. We'll let you know. This week we're going to be talking about, you know the way I don't tell you the title?

I won't even tell you what it's about. It's that good. Oh, okay. That's why. A question. A question. Sexing ruining your life? She broke my dick and didn't even show remorse.

How do I move past one person? Casual sex. Uh, you ready to get into it? Yeah. This one's long. Okay. By disastrously naked. Uh, my boyfriend Gary and I have been together for almost four years.

He's 29. He's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We communicate very openly and trust each other. At the beginning of our relationship, before we became exclusive, we had a couple of threesomes arranged by me. I'm bi. I was also seeing a couple of ladies at the time so it wasn't like unicorn hunting or whatever when things got serious we agreed the open relationship wasn't our thing and we'd like to only sleep with each other it's fine for a few months but eventually after we moved in together and i was suddenly around this dude and his penis

all the time i started getting this annoying itch metaphorical not an sti i want to be with a woman again i want to see him with a woman again but i didn't want to give up on monogamy well at least not entirely so we had a few talks said he felt the same he wants to see me with a woman again have a couple of ventures etc we came up with a solution we plan to have one of these adventures once a year around our sexiversary that way it was rare enough for it not to disrupt our monogamous arrangement but still brought back a little adventure seemed perfect so we did that for the first three years without a problem. I know enough queer slash bisexual people where I live, so not a problem finding humans who are interested in doing the deed with

us once a year. It was a bit hard to find people we both found attractive because we have different tastes, but always worked out in the end. A couple of months ago, my dad, 55, had a really bad stroke. I've been really close with my mom and they're honestly amazing people and parents. So I went back home for a bit to help my mom out. I usually don't work remotely, but my job does offer that flexibility. So I got myself organized, come home for three to four months, help my mom get through it. Gary was planning on joining me after a couple of months and he's been staying for three weeks. It's the most he can do remotely without becoming an issue.

And it was approaching our fourth year anniversary and it was time to reach out again to someone who'd like to join us horizontally. I did not want to miss out on our annual kinky moment because my dad's health stuff, he's okay, but needs a lot of rehab and to relearn stuff. And honestly, I needed something to look forward to. The air's heavy here. Figured we could rent an apartment for a couple of weeks and do it there. Here's when it all went to shit. And since I don't know a lot of people around here, not in that way at least, I decided to look for someone on an online kinky platform you can exchange messages with like-minded humans. Not a lot of options here, but we found a good match. A lady, Leslie, 42-year-old female, not too far away, not very experienced, but was looking to make up for lost time and getting it on with online strangers. Since it isn't a huge city,

we didn't exchange personal slash identifying details and were just chatting. Chatting became poorly lit, faceless attempts at sensual photography, underwear still on, that progressed into semi-nudes, that progressed into semi-nudes, that progressed into mutual nipple displays, which escalated to a photo of my lips around Gary's fleshy appendage in its fully erect state, which progressed to Leslie bravely offering us a detailed gynecological tour, which may have been a bit too graphic to actually be sexy, but still worked.

Three photos, one, two, three. On the third photo, a tattoo was visible on her wrist that had not been visible the previous exchanges. I know that tattoo. Uh-oh. Leslie is my Aunt Donna. Oh, no. 46, female, currently separated. This happened Monday. I was dry heaving. My inner mind has been continuously screaming a long, despaired wail since. This woman changed my diapers, wiped my butt, cleaned my snot, my puke even. I've sat in her lap. Now she, unknowingly, has a photo of my lips partaking in the unholiest of activities. Oh no, he knows too. can't kind of betray her trust and the secret to the grave i don't know what to do with gary either who repeatedly goes into an overwhelmed state of blankly staring at nothing whenever he remembers

oh no he he knows too we'll see her on sunday he is also mortified he has a redhead and turns almost purple with shame when my mom mentioned my aunt yesterday during dinner his complexion is not ideal for secrecy how do i come clean to my aunt should we oh boy it's the the family stuff is always tough for me because i do think you know operating on a policy of truth is usually the way to go but i think knowing like thinking how you feel about the situation why would you inflict that further on i would say the more vulnerable of the parties yeah specifically because she's in a position of quote-unquote power by being your elder by being someone who used to look after you also she's in the position of not power because she's going through a separation and is new to this and you know presumably isn't as sexually adventurous

as you are and blah blah blah blah so it's like this will inflict far more harm on her yeah it's like if if this was her first foray into exploring her sexuality and being like cool the first time i did it was with my niece that's gonna be a lot of trauma and a lot of road blockage for her to move forward on in this journey. I, unfortunately, I really do think this is something you take to the grave. You can never tell her.

I think you can never tell her. Yeah. There's, you've got to find a way to, to reconcile this between you and your partner privately. I think that the, there's no way. I don't think that this goes well for like i don't think like best case

scenario it's awkward between you guys forever if you tell her best case it is like that i think is worst case it's terrible and they're like i mean there's there's i don't know what the worst case is because at one point i'm saying like you ruin her life her her life she doesn't want to ever like pursue things online she doesn't want to do sexy things you drive her life, her, her life. She doesn't want to ever like pursue things online. She doesn't want to do sexy things. You drive her back to her terrible husband. Alternatively, she finds it very sexy.

And now it's, that's actually the worst case. She's like, no, I'm still down. Yeah. Like that. Like what if,

what if she doubles down on it? That's terrible. She just says, I know. Yeah. I know the whole time. So now what's the tattoo? Is it a super common one?

Live, laugh, love on the, cause everyone's aunt has that. Yeah. That's a good point. It's just like a flower. Oh shit. You're the only person with a flower. Um, yeah. Ooh, nice.

Yeah. My tummy's just not happy today. I'm gonna add that out. But, um, yeah, I like, you can't it's just it's like look at the cost benefit right yes it's gonna suck that you guys have to keep this secret but like it's that's a much better cost to pay than telling them because that doesn't really alleviate anything it's not gonna make it less awkward yeah it doesn't fix your problem yeah right like i understand the idea of being like ah shit we ghosted her and that might hurt her self-esteem

you know what's gonna fuck her up more yes it's being like, ah, shit, we ghosted her and that might hurt her self-esteem. You know what's going to fuck her up more? Yes. It's being like, hey. The ghosting's fine. That happens. You know what I mean? Hopefully they had fun. Don't think about that part too hard.

Yeah. Don't think about it. In fact, don't think about this at all. This is one of those things you pack in the box in your brain and then you hide the box and that's it. You're done. And the thing is, you did nothing wrong. No. Is it bad?

Absolutely. But you didn't know. It was anonymous. It was spur of, you did nothing wrong. No. Is it bad? Absolutely. But you didn't know. It was anonymous. It was spur of the moment. There's no shame. It's just unfortunate. Yeah, it sucks.

You know what I mean? It's not like you heard weird noises in a room and you snuck in and watched your parents fuck or something, right? Like that, that's a much different thing than being like you. I don't know. I was trying to think of like a family. Damn. It's not like you knew and months later we're like, you're right. We can't keep doing this.

Yeah. After like months of like jacking it to Aunt Donna. Or finding out that your partner knew, like saw the tattoo and was too turned on to tell. You know what I mean? Like it's an unfortunate situation that you guys just have to deal with. Also, it's the least bad for him. Yeah. So I think it's, she's not going to know.

He's going to get over it. It's the most bad for you and you seem okay. I hope. It's, yeah. I mean, like, that's what I'm saying. It's like, if you don't tell them, it's worst for you. And if you can deal with it, all gravy, baby. Yeah.

All gravy. All gravy. This sucks. This is really bad, but like idea i don't gravy i'll gravy i this sucks this is really bad but like i don't think telling them helps no telling tell them doesn't help like how do you do that like hey hey can we just leslie leslie come here at the barbecue can you just come here um you know you know the way you got a picture in your inbox of lips around a dick my lips his dick yeah we saw your vagina in such graphic detail we didn't find it sexy maybe you can do a little bit of good here maybe this is a unblock them be like you were too hot and wonderful block them again no just casually mention in conversation she's got a nice puss no that maybe she doesn't do a fucking gynecological

tour because you were like oh yeah it was a little much and i really don't think anyone needs an conversation she's got a nice puss no that maybe she doesn't do a fucking gynecological tour because you were like oh yeah it was a little much and i really don't think anyone needs an interior like tour of your vagina yeah um honestly this and this is just me i'm sure it gets many people off but like just a picture of the vagina is weird to me i'm just like there's i once got the worst like sex where it was someone uh on like the reverse cam and it was just like the most intense like close-up of them just mashing their clit and then like like the camera would like shift up to like them double chinning staring down which like no one like that's not a good angle for anybody you know when you you turn your camera and you're accidentally looking up at you that's not great for any of us so i was like you know

she tried but that wasn't the best way to do it you know so maybe just find a way maybe find a way to casually bring up that like that's not that's not great maybe be like hey i have a friend who's on this like sexy app i don't know what that's called because we would never do that yep great ever wink don't wink at her ever again but also you can never wink at this one no um you just be like some people are so sexually free and i'm impressed by them but that's not us and then you say she got this weird vagina tour and then she'll be like no you can't mention it that's too specific okay sure you can't be like what what was your fucking plan i'm saying like talk about it has been like oh have you seen that tiktok thing where guys are complaining about

really graphic vaginal what i'm saying was kind of close you say a friend of mine is on apps and then you get to say i would never okay yeah a friend yeah yeah sorry i thought you were saying that no they would never be on those apps yes Yes. Wink. And then she'll be like, cool. It definitely wasn't them. And then she'll be like, hmm, maybe I should tone down the puss tours. And maybe she'll be like, ooh, what if it was their friend? That could be awkward. I got to be more careful. And then it's win, win, win, win, win.

Then you just say fucking pale ass McGee over there is choking or allergic to something, right? Why is he purple? It's fine. It's a TikTok trend. Yeah. Oh, he's doing the thing where it's the Joffrey trend? Yeah. Where you try to look like Joffrey when he dies at the end? It's called egg planting. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, it's a new thing. All the kids are doing it. Yeah. Gary's 34. Don't tell her. Yeah, you gotta... You can't tell her. No. Nor should you. This is from PastorDunerPrincess59595 i've been exposed to sexting with random strangers a lot since i joined reddit are there disadvantages to it will it affect my sex

life the way that porn does forming unrealistic expectations on or something like that i wish i knew if they were male or female i'm assuming female based on passenger princess maybe maybe not but i don't know i feel like like there's i think i think the answer changes it rarely you know i mean like i think the the the dynamic of sexting changes depending on if you're a dude or not i guess like i very rarely have we seen a question where it's like, oh, my girlfriend has a porn addiction and death grip. And you know what I mean? So if we're talking like, will porn affect me in the same way? Well, for me, I'm just thinking like if you have never sexted before and all of a sudden you are sexting, I think the danger of it is that like much in the way that men are compliment starved. If you're now getting a bunch of sexual attention,

you might be either too eager to force this connection with people that aren't strangers. If you're in a community on Reddit or somewhere where sexting is the point, that's not always the point on dating apps or Instagram DMs and stuff like stuff like that where it's like i'm worried this is what you're on your skew year yeah it'll be your this will be your personality and you won't know how to flirt without getting sexual or overtly sexual so step one know that this is not the norm and nor should it also like i would love to know is it just they post being like i'm a woman everyone's like here you go here you go or are they engaging in the community yes because if not like i i'm not really sure what here you go. Here you go. Or are they engaging in the community? Cause if not, like I,

I'm not really sure what the danger is. Also, are you getting good sex? Are you participating as well? Cause you just say exposed to sexting. Are people just sending you inappropriate messages? Cause that's much different than sexting. Yes.

Harassment and sexting are two. Sexting implies, and I'm going, this is how I'm operating is that it's a back and forth. It's a, it's a communication. It's a participation. Yeah. And's a, it's a communication. It's a participation. Yeah.

And a consent and willingness thing. Yeah. So I'm assuming I'm going to operate under the guise of you. You are a willing participant in this. Maybe, maybe not. So I guess also, are they good?

Cause as we've literally just talked about, you can get bad sex. Yeah. And if that's the case, like if you're getting all this perfect good stuff, yeah, maybe it will skew your shit when you encounter whatever jandals you're being sent in real

life and it's not got a filter. It doesn't have this great... And the angles. The angles and the, you know, the prep because now it's got a scent. Now it's got a moisture to it. It's not a dry clinical phone screen. Yeah. There's no lighting. There's no... Yeah, exactly.

There's no angle. There's no... It's no yeah exactly you know there's no angle there's no it's just like it's just a dick or a clit or whatever yeah so it's like oh there it is realize that you know much like porn sexting is you know there's there's an element of curation curation is a great word and there's a farcery which is not really and like there's you have the ability to craft right so sexting doesn't necessarily like, there's, you have the ability to craft, right? So sexting doesn't necessarily, like if someone's really, really good at sexting, it might not mean that they're really good at dirty talk.

Right. So like, that's the other thing, right? Like this is a, this is someone in, in like the comfort of their own home in like a safe environment with no immediate pressure.

They can take their time. They can erase, they can, they can move words around and edit and whatnot. Whereas like in the heat of the moment so i i think there are there's a level of expectation that could be set here as long as you go forward being like this is a sexual activity in and of itself it is a contained sexual this is sexting which is different from oral sex which is different from foreplay which is different from x which is different from y right like not to say

that they're not all what a part of a whole but you can't assume that like i watch blowjob videos so every blowjob will be this way or right like or now i know how to give a blowjob yes because i've you know i mean like you could you could say that like oh i'm gonna choke on your dick but if your gag reflex yes isn't good then like or if it's too good, you're not choking on anything. Yeah. So it's, you gotta be careful with the only thing I like, I think the only thing you gotta be careful with is, is, uh, not, not going too far in the sense of like, if the, if these are people that you do eventually want to have a sexual relationship, don't, don't write checks. You're not willing to cash in the sense of being like, I want you to fuck me in the ass,

but you have no interest in anal sex because like, not to say that sexting equals consent, but if you put... If you say I'm going to do X thing, it stands to reason that the person might think you're going to do X thing, right? You know what I mean? Like if you start putting offers on the table, someone might be like, yes, that one. And then it would be really weird to be like, no, everything I was saying to you was... Also might be unsafe if they think you've said yes, you know, not that they're in the right in this situation,

but as we know, a lot of people suck out there. Yeah. So yeah, I think realize when it's appropriate to sext and to be sexted, realize that there's an element of, you know, curation and fakeness,

uh, much like social media or porn. Uh, and then just like, don't become obsessed with it. Like someone with a porn addiction might. Yeah. And I think you'll be fine.

And also if these are strangers, understand that the sexting, I think is much easier to do with a complete stranger because you're far less inhibited, right? You don't have to worry about what your coworker is going to think. And again, I'm operating under the guise of like consensual,

right? Like if you and your coworker have a flirty, flirty banter and you start sexting, uh, why would you need what you don't just send them? You don't just send what, um, is that not what the online for portal is for?

Yeah. But I, you know, I feel like, uh, I would say I w I would jump into the filth much faster with a stranger than, than trying to like test the waters and slowly ramp up. It's online anonymity.

So if they're down and you're down, you can go balls to the wall, maybe literally. Also, they might be using pictures of other people. You don't know. Yeah. Right. It could be a very old, weird man pretending he's a very young, hot girl. I don't know. Or it could be a really hot girl pretending they're not as hot. Pretending to be an old, weird man pretending he's a very young hot girl i don't know or it could be a really hot girl pretending they're not as hot pretending to be an old weird man yeah uh so i'm not gonna read the

question i teased earlier because in the in the interim it deleted itself but don't worry because this one actually fits what you said so now it seems like i'm just being a good host this by in shades of grudge what's a good response to a duplicate dick pic i asked my partner for a dick pic and he sent one an exact one he sent me from a little while ago i double checked lol i want to respond with something flirty and fun also says come on dude take me a fresh picture i would love some advice if it matters we're both cis hat uh hmm i wonder this is tough i mean i get it because well let's let's dive into it why has done this? Because I think we can both... I mean, depending on where he is, it's not always pertinent to take a dick pic.

You know what I mean? He could be out at a bar or he could be... With his Aunt Donna. Yeah. There's any number of reasons. Maybe he hasn't shaved and he doesn't like not... You know what I mean? He prefers to keep it trimmed down there.

Maybe he just took a good one. I was like, that's it. That's my good dick pic. Yeah. And he's happy keep it trimmed down there. Like maybe, maybe he just took a good one. I was like, that's it. That's my good dick pic. Yeah. And he's happy with it. I'm like, it's hard to get the angles, the lighting,

the boner. I don't know. I will say, I think if you've already sent it, granted, he's probably forgotten. I'm hoping that there's a period. Hopefully this isn't like yesterday.

He sent this one. It was like, this will do again. Cause like you should know if you've got one dick pic and you've already sent someone a dick pic for sure then you should like you can't get away with keep sending the same one i guess maybe he just doesn't understand like maybe he's like did you delete it here it is yeah it's the harry i gave it to you already there um i think it's probably my guess is it's either a significant amount of time passed and he forgot or did it when he had horny brain fucking

dick police man um or this man is sending so many dick pics out that he forgot that he had sent this one to her uh any number of things could be possible because i've definitely done that i'm guessing he just had a good one and he sent it and that's like it's in his fucking files as like that's my good dick pic and he's not thinking oh she needs a fresh dick pic she's just gonna be like that's my dick uh so i bet when he gets a picture of her tits he's not thinking, oh, she needs a fresh dick pic. She's just gonna be like, that's my dick. So I bet when he gets a picture of her tits, he's not like, I've got, I've seen those tits before. I think you, like, I think any, again, unless it's like you get one, like once every, like. Sure. Like if you're doing them every day.

Yeah. But even still, if someone sent me pictures of their boobs like a month ago and then sent the exact same picture again, I would be like. So the time is yeah is a thing um for me okay how do you get this dude to send a new one i would say something along the lines of like look i've already seen the greatest hits i want something from the back catalog or like i want a deep cut you know what i mean uh we're just like i already saw that one like welling up eyes emoji give me a new new dick. Yeah. I feel like you, if you're cute and like positive and like sexy or like funny,

you can get away with it. If you're just like, what the fuck? You already sent me that one. Like that's not the way. Yeah. You definitely need to include emojis in this because no matter how you write it, it's going to come.

It doesn't matter what, this is one of those situations. Unlike the first one, you, you almost have to wink. Yes. Yeah. You can't not wink.

They can never wink. You know, you need a you need a wink you need a drooly emoji you need to start egg planting yeah you need to you need to definitely make it so that he knows that this is not a judgment you're not mad yeah they're like because let me tell you there ain't no bone are gonna be happening if he's like oh no i'm scared yeah or they do it fucked up just hit them with a like the message you want to get across, doesn't really matter how you do it. Once there are emojis and a playful slash sexy tone, is I like your dick and I want to see

more of it. I want to see more of it. That's it. That's what you want to get across. And that's important. I refuse to accept another dick pic from you unless you have today's newspaper. I want it slab dad right beside today's newspaper dick. I want ink on it when you pull it off. Much like fish and chips that fell out of its enclosure.

I was going to make a fish and chip joke too. I miss when they rapped. I don't know why but it was just better. It was. I really hope his dick isn't that greasy though. Or his deep fried. Yeah. Although I think I have no interest in putting a penis in my mouth but I think if it was

deep fried. That would make it slightly better. I would consider it. Actually I don't know because interest in putting a penis in my mouth, but I think if it was deep fried, that would make it slightly better. I would consider it. Actually, I don't know, because that would be a violence. I'm assuming this is a disembodied dick. I assume it's just a dick, right? I wouldn't want to just have a dick in my mouth, but if it was breaded and maybe had some marinara sauce or some ranch, honey garlic. Are you ready for the first round of this game today?

Yeah. So Ben 10 inspired me. Okay. Because we had wonderful Ben 10 names. So I'm going to read you four transformer names and you're going to tell me which one isn't real. Okay. Right. So we got blowpipe, erector, cancer, and Mr. Grill.

Cancer. Blowpipe. Blowpipe. Erector. Cancer. Cancer. And Mr. Grill. Hmm.

This is tough because I feel like Blow Pipe sounds like an 80s transformer for sure. Cancer makes me feel like there is probably at some point in time like an astrology. Like I'm sure there's like a Sagittarius and a Capricorn. Maybe he's a PSA. Yeah. Or maybe he just smokes a lot. Yeah. Maybe he was part of the cartoon heroes. Save that kid who did weed.

I'm going to go. Mr. Grill sounds the least transformery, but I'm going to go with erector. Mr. Grill was the one that was fake. Okay. That's round one.

I thought it was a, I thought it was a trick. You got two more rounds. Okay. You got two more rounds. You. You got two more rounds. You got a question for me? Yeah. Or do you want to do all three right now?

No, we'll do another one. I was going to do... Well, I guess we're still... We're really early. We're blowing through things. I know. It's crawling. So I might have time to do another one.

This is from Fast Blackberry and a bunch of numbers. One person, only casual sex? Seems ridiculous. I know. Curious if there are any men out there who would be happy finding one woman to have a vast blackberry and a bunch of numbers one person only casual sex seems ridiculous i know curious if there are any men out there who would be happy finding one woman to have a friends with benefits slash situation ship with here's what i mean both people miss sex but are too scared to do casual hookups because stds and neither are interested in dating for a serious relationship or just don't have the energy for dating at all is it realistic to find men who don't want a committed relationship but don't want casual sex with various women yeah yeah yeah probably if you have a good fuck buddy

thing going on a lot of the time it's like needs are basically met you know what i mean so it's like barring wonderful things happening i'm good you know what i mean like you can be you know it takes a little bit of the i don't know know. Like, yeah, for sure. There's definitely been, been stretches of me having casual things with like a, I won't say one person, but like a main, but a consistent. Yeah. Yeah. And like, depending on how everything else is going, it's like maybe their main person for a week or the only person for a week or something, you know?

Yeah. And I guess like, I guess the danger of this is one, do you, do you need it to be exclusive? Yes. That's, that's the stumbling block for me whereas it's like are they like hey we're doing this we're casual but we're exclusive because then you're not casual yeah and then i mean it's it's weird because i feel like this is and i know what you're saying and i agree but like if yeah i guess if if i guess you are monogamous like i guess you're in a monogamous relationship, regardless of whether you want to call it casual or serious.

Monogamy is one singular partner. It might not be a romantic monogamous. It could be a sexually monogamous relationship. If you want that, that's fine. I'm just saying I don't. I think you would need to be very, very specific about the rules of this. I think the likelihood of someone catching feelings is pretty high or the likelihood of somebody meeting somebody else and like cheating on you

yeah inverted you know quotation marks because like what's cheating and what isn't you can't be like oh no we're we only see each other seeing other people is cheating blah blah blah we're casual we're fucking casual i'm telling you bud so i think you need to have that conversation of being like look i only want to sleep with one person i only want to sleep with you and i would like that from you as well because of the you know sci risks and because of you know it's it's too fucking hard dating i think a lot of people jump at that opportunity but you need to go and be like if you meet someone totally cool just let me know we need to we need to have a

conversation it's like and maybe depending on what you want to pursue with them maybe we all agree to get tested yeah right off the bat and i'll agree to use protection and then because if it yeah if it is a an sti thing and it's like you might be cool if everyone's got a clean bill of health and you know i'm guessing it isn't fully about that but yeah but if it is it's like there are there are ways to introduce new partners into the situation and it might be something as simple as like okay before we keep doing this let's all go get tested if everyone is is on the clear then we can continue doing this however at this point everyone abreast of you know partner developments etc yeah and then just be like you

know if if anything goes one way or the other please let me know and and i think that's the the way to do it will you find someone who wants this sure i think the more specific you get with what you're looking for the harder it's going to be to find yes um and also like the more you want a thing while calling it something else. Yeah. And like, I'm also like, I feel like you,

you're going to need to do a lot of dating before you find someone you want to do this. Right. At which point you're just doing what you don't want to do anyway. So, yeah. Cause like, I wouldn't want to be like, Hey,

are you cool with this? Cool, cool, cool. And then we get to, and we have no sexual chemistry or no chemistry at all. Or the sex is bad. Or like every time i

meet someone like you cool with this no okay yeah next one i guess and then it's like you don't know if that person could have been rad or not you know that's the thing it's like i feel like you're you're either going to jump into something that's not going to be 100 or you're going to miss opportunities like i feel like you're still going to have to do the thing you don't want to do in order to get the thing that you want at which point you're just dating uh and then you're pretty much in a relationship after that so it's it's tough it's doable i don't think you should be too worried about being like this is the hardest i'm revolutionizing dating here because you are just pretty much doing you know you're dating yeah i also just like i want people to to stop trying to get monogamy

without saying the word you know i mean be realistic with yourself about what you're asking for because it's very frustrating to have to have that conversation with someone where they're like no we're not monogamous we just won't see anybody else i'm like okay so yeah you know it's not poison it's just a foreign substance in your bloodstream that's killing you that's i mean i think a lot of people hear the word monogamy nowadays and and like think it's a bad word or alternatively think anything other than monogamy is a bad word but like you just break it down into what the word means and it's just like one per like one singular so if one love isn't it gamy yeah or like partner or something similar like that. Who knows?

Yeah. Latin. Um, but it's like, like, that's it. Like break it down into like, just etymology of being like the,

here it is. This is what it means. So it's like, it doesn't matter whether or not we're married or dating or casual or whatever. Like all those things can be true and you can be monogamous. Oh yeah. So like like it's

just yeah just be honest with yourself and don't shy away from words yeah and intentions just because you're afraid or want to see cooler than you are yes right yeah or you're trying to like backdoor into something that you don't feel like you can because i think a lot of people want like monogamy off the bat but like no they can't ask for it because that's kind of weird yeah but then they try to like be like oh it's not monogamy they just can't see anybody else like okay shut the fuck up all right you ready yes transformers okay two hot house okay big daddy yeah cranium okay discharge damn see i'm i'm torn between hot house and big daddy i'm gonna go big daddy because that's that's

bioshock hothouse is a tomato which also makes me think that you might throw that in but i'm gonna go with big daddy it's cranium damn okay hothouse big daddy and discharge are all i mean discharge like i said like that's why like erector and whatever the other one was where i'm like a blowpipe i'm like yeah 100 the 80s were wild like look at the names of gi joe characters and cops characters like they're all fucking bat shit yeah all right this is by the iron boys at what point can you actually be your genuine self in a relationship i know the basic rules to seduction i don't have an issue with it i just noticed where i start being my genuine self and carefree in a relationship, the girl suddenly loses interest when they were

the one that did most of pursuing and initiated relationship vibes first. Don't get me wrong, I've also dated some women that wanted to marry me and settle down, but I hesitate to commit because of me being hurt in the past by the previous women that suddenly lost interest as soon as I started catching real feelings. I'm scared that it will happen again. So where do we draw the line here? Is it possible to ever truly be your 100% true carefree self and still be able to maintain a healthy, loving relationship? I see other couples where they can literally be sloppy together and have a ride or die Bonnie and Clyde type of relationship. For some reason, I haven't been able to experience that type of deep love and loyalty. I'm not the most loyal guy in the world, but one of the reasons is because i know these girls are

talking to other guys and cheating too so i may as well see other girls on the side so i don't feel as bad about it it's more of a defense mechanism as simply as it sounds i do wonder if true love actually exists where you don't have to put on an act to avoid losing attraction god it was really sad at first and then it got hey it was even sadder like the dude if you can't figure out what like i'm this weird bro persona of what i think what other men on the internet who also aren't in a relationship are telling me to be uh i'm doing this fake bullshit and then when i stop doing it the women that i've managed to to attract based on this fake bullshit lose interest in me yeah dude so it's really weird

like a few weeks into my relationship i kind of just changed everything about me and then the people that liked the old me were like whoa i don't like new me that's fucked up of women right it's definitely women's fault yeah right like i mean think of it the other way it was like think of well here's a crazy idea think about who you are as a person as your true genuine self now imagine you started dating someone by being that person and then all of a sudden you started acting the way that you do prior to totally differently that's the thing it doesn't really matter what you go from. It's true. Yeah.

If you go from a to B, it doesn't matter if a sucks and B is great or a sucks and B's or, you know, yes. Yeah. You're changing. Yeah. You're becoming a different person.

So to not have the wherewithal to be like, I was something. And now I changed something else. And the person that liked the first thing, weirdly doesn't seem to like the second thing. It's like, yeah. Even if the, like the next one was better, I would be so confused that you're different.

And then, okay, that, yes. I think we all agree on that. Meanwhile, I'm cheating on all these women. Right. And then you're like, oh, how do these people find these people that love them and ride or die, the Bonnie and Clydes? I don't trust any of the women that I've ever dated. And either I'm cheating because of insecurity or fear. And like,

how do I, how do I be my, it's like, so it sounds like also some women are interested in me with me, but I turned them down because I'm scared about them turning me down. I was like, what, what are you doing?

Hey, you know what you need? You don't need a girlfriend or a partner or a genuine Bonnie and Clyde ride or die. You need a therapist. if you're bonnie clive needs to be sitting across a desk from you with a notepad going how do you feel about that yeah you need bonnie and freud hey i like that right it sucks so freud is so bad um freud's just like is it your dad's dick yeah have you matched with your aunt on grinder freud would have a fucking field day with that yeah it's i think freud would have a field day with like

dating apps in general with fucking discharge the transformer yeah uh certainly with big daddy i'm big daddy big daddy he would love coming together also actually i don't know if cranium isn't a transformer i realized i never looked that up. It could be. It could be. I think if you name, if you say any word, there's like a 80% chance that it is in fact, uh, either a transformer or the very least in eighties cartoon character.

Uh, no, but there's one called hardhead. There you go. Ramjet. I, yeah. Damn.

I'm telling you the eighties were wild. The transformers were wild. Uh, you need a lot of help you need so much work get the fuck off seduction man i also love that you're like i understand the the i understand the seduction techniques and i'm cool with it this is where that leads you yes i mean that once again seduction teetering on the edge of of self-awareness i get all the seduction. I understand that. I'm cool with that. However,

all the things I do from it have ruined my life. Yeah. Have left me a insecure, crippled, like emotionally crippled mess. It's so bad, dude. It is so,

so, so, so, so bad. You need to get help. You need to stop dating. You need to get off the internet and you need to talk to a mental health specialist and get therapy and deal with your insecurities because you are chocked full of them. Oh my God. You need to be able to be yourself.

First and foremost, is everyone going to like that? No. Can you work on bettering yourself? For sure. But like, you can't be this fake persona that that's it no you just can't because again you have two choices there and it's either fake persona forever that's bad or it's fake persona until we got you on the hook and then change at which point you're just gonna look like a crazy person and that fucking fake persona is probably turning so many people off anyway so it's like you're not really losing out and if your true genuine self is also turning people away and you can't find a partner while you're being this true genuine self, maybe you need to reflect on two things, what that genuine self is and the people you're trying to attract. If you're a nice person who is kind and empathetic

and caring, and that's not what these people that you're trying to attract are. It sounds like you're trying to attract terrible people. Or you're going about it a weird way and you might be a nice guy who's being a nice guy, right? Where it's like anything they say, you're like, yeah, I'll do it. Or like they say a thing and you're like, I agree. I love, you know, cause being a nice guy isn't being a nice guy. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, I get it. So I'm just saying you could be good and go about it the wrong way yeah and then the people aren't terrible because i don't think we need to encourage this man to blame but i would i would say at that point you're being bad it's yes right like i'm saying you need to realize that that's yeah if your

genuine self is toxic then that's that's what you need to work on right for sure um so i think like i think you need to look at the two things. Who am I and who are the people I'm trying to attract? And if those don't mesh, then perhaps you need to reconcile whether the people you're trying to- One of them needs to change. Yeah. And you need to realize why and how. Yes.

And then make steps, most of which probably involving therapy. And yeah, most of them- And getting away from seduction. Get away from it, from it dude you're almost there you've almost figured it out you're so close to achieving achieving true sentience yeah but uh bad bad bad bad uh this is brunette fiesta guy i'm dating has a female flatmate female 24 went on a first date with male 27 yesterday which was perfect we've actually gone to college together but never spoke back then he's a walking green flag so far he just told me his flatmate is a girl which i'm a bit flabbergasted at because he didn't reveal this before have you

ever dated someone who lived with the opposite gender i've never been in this position and i do get kind of insecure you need to calm down she's flabbergasted. I'm my guests. They're flabbered. Every guest that I own has been flabbered. Like girl, I love that. She's like kind of accusing like very accusatory tone. You know, you made me queer. The accusatory podcast. She's like, how dare you not tell

me? Can you imagine like, hey, how's it going? I live with a woman. I just like what I live with a woman. What is the natural way to bring up a conversation? There is. Yeah. It's an insane. Cause it's not a,

it's not of note. Like I used to have a roommate for a very long time and I could count. You never told me this. Well, it was a dude. So it's fine. Oh yeah. Like that's,

I love in this world. It's like, if you're bi, you just can't have roommates. You have to be wealthy. If you're bi, you gotta be rich. I mean,

that's the thing. There's two things. One, we're in late-stage capitalism, baby. You take who you get to pay half your rent. It doesn't matter. I don't care. If they're alive, they're good. That's it. It could be Chainsaw Dave running around. Chainsaw Dave's not that bad. I mean, you're not getting your security

deposit back. No, but you knew what you were getting into. He's always on time with rent. Yeah. And it's like, you're paying half the rent. That's all I need because no one can pay rent by themselves. Yeah. It's a fucking nightmare out there. So the fact that you think you have the, the, the position to criticize who anyone lives with and look, I would get it if you went over and the roommate curled up together on

the couch in their underwear. Yeah. Or it's like when they came home, she ran over and gave him an open mouth kiss. Be like, Hey, how was your day? You know what I mean?

Like, honey, how was work? I would get it. Who's this tramp? Yeah. Who's this whore you brought home again? Uh,

I would understand if you get there and there's only one bed and they're like, it's late stage capitalism. Can you afford two beds? Oh, you can afford two beds. Uh, I would get that. If, if you went and there was more to this question of being like they're cuddly they're holding hands

they go on dates they yes cause i'm pookie wookie for sure and it's like i get that but if it just lives with other gender no you don't have to report like okay great he's now told you that he lives with a woman does he then have to go and give you a co-worker list of like all the women? Does he work with women? He could. Okay. Well, what if he's on the bus? Are there women on the bus?

Are there women there? Like, that's kind of like, wait. Oh, he went to the bar and the bartender was a woman? The bartender was a fucking woman. And he didn't say anything? And the bus driver was a woman? No, I'm out. This guy's a piece of shit.

He's a slut. He's an absolute monster. Yeah know I'm out. This guy's a piece of shit. He's a slut. He's an absolute monster. Yeah. This is, this is bad. And you need to, instead of seeking like what is wrong and like how to move, you know,

it's nothing to it. Them or the situation. Look inward. I mean, your last sentence is, is I get kind of insecure sometimes. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And that, you know, whose problem that is yours. Not his. Yeah. Don't make it. Well, it'll be, I'll bet you anything by now. It is. It's not his roommates. You. Yeah. Yeah. And you know whose problem that is? Yours. Not his. Yeah. Don't make it.

Well, it will be. I'll bet you anything by now. It is his. It's not his roommate's. You're cool. Don't worry about it. Like people don't genuinely, not genuinely, they don't genuinely sleep with their roommate. They always do it in a fake sense.

No, they don't generally do that. And if they do, it's going to be bad and obvious. And also, he could have also slept with somebody else. If he's that kind of person having a roommate or not isn't going to alter shit that's the thing is like if he's going to if he's going to cheat on you if he's mr non-loyal fake man has he changed his personality a hundred percent in the last couple of days and you say he's a walking green flag so hopefully there's enough green flags there yeah that say oh he's not going to cheat oh, he's not going to cheat on me. He's not going to fuck his roommate.

He's capable of being friends with women. Is that not a green flag of being like, oh, he's capable of being respectful of a woman in their own space. He even shares his bed with her. That's how kind he is. He helps her shower. Every now and then. He'll spoon feed her.

With the spoons as dick. Yeah, every now and then he'll have sex with her when she's lonely. Um, it's, you need to chill the fuck out. Yeah. This is, I hope like your moment of like,

Oh, I do get insecure and you're teetering and you need to fall off on the getting over it side and not the doubling down side. Yeah. Because like, what's the other option? Yeah. It was odd to date with someone. He wasn't great, but he does live with a guy.

Yeah. Great. Fantastic. He doesn't live alone. Perfect. Cheaters are going to cheat. She's going to cheat. And that's the thing.

It's like, there's nothing you can do to be like, if you're dating someone who wants to cheat on you, you can't just be like, oh, I'm on point every day. They're about to cheat. I'm there. I see this person. Oh, I slide in the way. It's like, fuck, man. I'm so glad my boyfriend's still loyal

because if they're trying to cheat and you're somehow getting in the way of it, they're not loyal. They're just unsuccessful. Yep. You know what I mean? So, like, you can't. This isn't a thing you can do. It's bad or it's good, and that's it. Him living with a girl isn't going to change shit. Nope. Ready for the final round? Yes. Now, you've got to

really think about this one. Okay. Alright. I've done really poorly so far. This is... You know what? I'm going to give them out of order. You pick a number two, one, and four.

Actually, that's going to be a nightmare. You're going to forget them. Yeah. Jackshot. Okay. Lube. Okay.

Drillnuts. Uh-huh. Lord Dumatron. There's no way Lube is a Transformer. Please tell me that... No, Lube. I'm going with Lube.

Okay, instead of telling you which one the right one is, I'm going to say you are incorrect. Lube is a Transformer. No. Cars get Lube. Oil. Yeah, I get it. But I would have figured at some point in time, someone at Hasbro would be like, we can't name them Lube. There is a Lube.

So you have Jackshot, Drillnuts, and Lord Dumatron. I'm going to go Drillnuts. Drillnuts is a Transformer so you've jackshot drill nuts and lord dumitron i'm gonna go drill nuts drill nuts is a transformer what the lord dumitron lord dumitron is a transformer and you know what so is jackshot all four of those are fucking transformers right okay i don't feel bad then yeah i'm sorry that one i just i had 12 names and or i had enough i could do two groups of four and then the last one's four and and then I'll cut one. Damn. There's so many more.

There's a whole thing called the Breastforce. What? Yeah. And I don't know why. I do not know why. Breastforce. Breastforce. And not Beastforce?

No, there's also Beastforce. Yeah, I know that there's the beasts. I'm well aware of the Beast Wars. No, Breast Force Transformers. They're Deathsaurus' elite troopers. Why Breast? I don't know. AKA the Destrons or the Chestmasters.

What? I guess, like, maybe they transform out of their chest? They derive their unusual name from the Breast Animals they are partners with, which transform from their eponymous breastplate armor into an autonomous robot animal, our handheld blaster. Okay. Hey, that must have been a wild

merchandise meeting. One of them is called Kill Bison. Hell yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Cool. Cool, Transformers. Yeah. What are you doing? Just doing whatever the fuck they want, evidently. There's just one pervert being like, alright, hey backshot yes there's one also called backshot so there's jackshot and backshot it's like Steve we we got a new transformer

cartoon coming up what we're gonna need a couple more names he's like Oh spism. Jizz Master. There's one called Laser Cock. Of course there is. It's like, this is like 13 year old, perpetual 13 year old boy being asked to come up with robot names. Yeah, this one's called, this one's called Titty Blaster. It's like, what are you doing Hasbro? Someone has to stop you. Oh, there's one called Squeeze Play as well Of course there is Is that like a baseball?

I also think there's one I don't know if I can say the word I would No if you don't know if you can say the word I don't know It's not great No then don't say it If you have to ask that question

Do we need tinders after how hot those transformers were? Yeah no the transformers I mean I'm more concerned about the heat of this room. It is insane. It's very, very hot. And I know that you're probably all tired of hearing us talk about it, but deal with it. Guess what? It's hot.

We do it for you. And this is the price that you pay. Speaking of the price that you pay, if you would like to support the show, please consider heading on over to our Patreon for an extra bonus episode every month. And what we're doing now is we're doing deep dives. We're doing how-to guides. We're picking a topic. We're doing a like TED talk on a thing.

So the first two was going out, meeting people. One of our biggest questions, how do you meet people? Well, we've talked about it. We've given you some advice, some sage advice. So far you can meet people. Who did this? We met people. We met so many people.

We did very well. And then the next one is about first date so when you go out and you meet someone you get a phone number now you got you now you can take them out on a great first date yeah they're fun they're funny they're informative if your friend likes to change their personality a couple of weeks into dating someone get them to fucking listen to it yeah um and we got other you know we love you that's it we do you ready yeah thank you josh you can harvest this for the song paper stars and this is a tweet by a man holding a a weird looking drink on a plane in the suit he looks like the kind of guy in university who asked questions and wore suit to

class right um i'm 18 years old i'm famous no idea who this is i'm extremely attractive i'm not going to comment i'm an alpha male also not going to comment. I'm an alpha male. Also not going to comment. I am very wealthy. I'm a role model. My secret? Guess what a secret is. Not respecting women. I simply don't listen to women.

Hell yeah. God. Who knew it was that easy? Damn. Notice how he didn't say, I'm not single. Yeah. I'm married. Yeah.

No shit, dude. I'm so single. Yeah. I'm married. Yeah. No shit, dude. I'm so alone. Yeah. You can be all those things and still be a piece of shit and a loser. Hey, most of those things aren't correct. I can't tell whether or not he's wealthy, but if he is, I'll bet his shithead father gave him some shithead money. Yeah. Or he's like Bitcoin wealthy. He's crypto wealthy.

He's got a shit ton of those cool monkey NFTs. Thank you very much for listening, friends. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. We've been your fuck buddies. And much like the Transformer, I'm about to get heat stroke.