F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 305 - Happy Penis Video

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

That baby is just TOO FLIRTY to be sending all willy-nilly.  We're doing a rare remote record this week, but we're back with a hot and fresh episode! Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a sex and dating advice podcast

Where we take your sticky, sexy situations And turn them into sexy, sticky situations Simply put, we answer questions on sex and dating Right here, right now In your ears, every Monday That's it, it's a podcast That's what we do, we do a podcast here where we talk about it We win awards

I feel like we haven't done this in so long Because we've been traveling And also, my sense of Like, what's happening I feel like we haven't done this in so long because we've been traveling and also my sense of like what's happening is so fucked because of how many podcast episodes I'm putting out that have been recorded like a month

earlier so I don't know I don't know what's going on I don't know where I am that's fair you're in the closet I'm not though I don't know if you guys can hear the difference I'm in an attic yeah which we haven't been doing very many distanced fuck buddies recordings lately because we've been usually cramming ourselves in the closet it's not much less hot i'll say that how's it feeling over there for you oh it's bad yeah it's august in a closet with no ac is this slightly better now that you don't have my boy warmth?

No, I don't think so. I don't think it could ever get any, like, I don't think it could get good. I don't think there's any. I think it's just in, I think, like, if you look at, like, the metric of bad, hot, it's just, it's like the whole chart. Yeah, that's fair. So please join our Patreon and hopefully we'll be able to one day go to a studio and not suffer. But this week we are going to be talking about my wife sent a happy penis video to my best friend. My body is wasted on my boyfriend.

Is kissing my best friend for practice gay? Staying put during doggy style. Start us off. This is by Different peanut 6415. My female 34 wife sent a happy penis video to my male 36 best friend. What would you do? We've been married for five years and I think we're happy, but tonight my wife was laughing a lot of silly video on Instagram. It was a baby trying to say happiness, but because it was a baby learning how to speak, it seemed like he was saying happy penis. That was the funny part of the video. She came to show me the video on her phone. I saw she sent it to my best friend. I thought it was strange because we've been living abroad for a few years now and I haven't kept in touch with my friends back home. I can confess that I was bothered by her saying this type of video to a male friend of mine because receiving a happy penis video out of the blue from someone you haven't seen in a long time can be strange and give rise to misinterpretation. I immediately calmly expressed my discomfort to her, but she

got angry, saying it was nothing serious and that she was just trying to make my friend laugh. I believe her, but I told her to be careful with the type of video she sends to people to avoid misunderstandings. I clearly felt a double standard because, knowing her well, I know she wouldn't like me sending happy penis videos or other sexual things to her female friends. We ended up getting into an argument. She decided to delete the message and told me she would never send videos to my friends again. I probably told her she didn't need to do that. I was just asking her to be more careful with the types of videos she sends to my friends.

What would you do in this situation? Any advice appreciated. Sometimes I feel every time I express discomfort to her, we end up fighting over the most silly reasons. Stop calling it a happy penis video. I love this. It's not a happy penis video. Sent a happy penis video. I'm like, you say that as if that's just a thing.

Yeah. Also, you're saying it like it had nothing to do with a penis. Yeah. Or the emotional state of a penis. Do you know the video in in question i don't know so it's a baby and it's just like the mom's like say say happiness and they go happy penis and it's very funny but let's point out right now not sexual yeah well that's right like you didn't need to like i i got the gist of it i understood understood the concept of it. Just in case. Just in case anyone out there was like, maybe?

And like, I know that, I'm sorry, but if anyone sends me a video of a baby and I'm like, oh, you want to bone down? It's on. Okay. Married friend of my best friend. You sent me this baby because you want to fuck. Yeah, hey girl. It's on. What, you said to me this baby, cause you want to fuck. Like, it's on. What do you mean?

Well, you sent me a baby and the baby said the word penis. I know how this works. I know I'm picking up what you're putting down. So like, dude, I understand now I am concerned because like, granted everyone's allowed to feel weird. This is ridiculous.

But, like, I would like to know what other things he's expressed comfort for. Like, is this a benchmark of your upset about, like, every fucking thing? Because at which point I understand why it becomes a fight. But I do want to just touch in the fact of being like, if a partner does come to you and expresses discomfort, even if it is something you feel is silly, listen to them and like, and like, explain like your point of view. Because I feel like if she's like, and be willing to, if you're going to come in and discuss this, if you're going to be like, oh, hey, this made me feel uncomfortable. You also need to be ready to accept the other person thing like if if i was like oh hey i think it's kind of weird that you're sending like a baby saying penis to my best friend and if my partner was like why you're like i mean i guess because they say penis and you're like it's a baby you should be like oh

yeah you're right i like i agree with what you're coming from it's like if even if someone says something stupid it's still worth being a good partner and discussing it with them but unfortunately that needs to be on both sides and it's like this person still doesn't have the wherewithal to realize this video isn't sexual there's no question of like was i wrong it's my partner's wrong and it's also oh you're a problem because you're sending this to a male friend right like if if and like is it the the content of the video or is it the fact that your friend or your wife sent you sent a video to a friend like your wife was thinking of another person another man especially for is someone that he's fallen out of like

contact with but like if that's the issue have that conversation you know what i mean be like oh i actually didn't realize you guys were close or like oh i feel insecure because you're messaging another man or oh i actually feel left out that you're talking to my friend and i'm not once you're not a dick those are reasonable things to bring up and be chill about and have a conversation about. But being like, that's a sexual video, I could understand why she got upset. If somebody accused me of that, I'd be like, what the fuck, dude? One, it's a baby.

And two, trust me, fuck you. I think that's what it comes down to. I think it all comes down to being, if your problem was the private communication between your wife and another man. I still think it's ridiculous in this scenario. But if that's the issue, by all means, feel what you're feeling. Like, you know, insecurities are not a logical thing. And the point being, like, don't be a dick. We've talked about this before.

Feeling those things. Fine. Bringing them up. Once you do it. Well, fine. If you had this conversation, you're just like, I don't know it like made me feel jealous and then you could just have a conversation that would be great yeah but don't slather the the layer of like bullshit of like it was a video and that video said penis and therefore you're doing something like that

it was a sexual baby you're adding layers to off its gate the like yeah the actual issue um and it might be because you don't actually understand what the actual issue is which is why you always need to do a check-in with yourself before bringing these things to a partner like take a hot minute and just be like cool why does this upset me is it are they doing something intentionally mean are they doing you know what i mean like Go through the checklist and be like, what is this? Because surely it's not a baby that's triggering me right now. It's surely

not this sexy baby. And if it is, you and Taylor Swift need to have a conversation. No one's going to understand what that means. If they listen to this podcast, they probably will. I don't know if I've ever made that joke. I'm pretty sure you have.

I have, maybe. And I'm not going to do it again. So good luck. Yeah, that's fair. If you're confused, Mess just will sort it right out for you. I won't. I will. I've seen recordings of you, Dan.

Oh, the amount of times where my partner will just be like, oh, I'm talking to Niall, or I'm talking to Adam, or I'm talking to... And I'm just like, what? Okay. Yeah. partner will just be like oh i'm talking to now or i'm talking to adam or i'm talking i'm just like what okay yeah if if i was to get in trouble for sending fucking memes or videos to your girlfriend this podcast would cease to exist i mean the amount of times where i'll i'll send something to my partner and they're like oh adam added something that like last week i'm like god damn it okay fine um yeah it's i don't know it's getting weird about weird things it's

just and maybe it's just because i'm so mentally exhausted these days that like i don't know where people get the energy to be this upset about such stupid trivial things like i honestly don't do it all the fucking time i i occasionally occasionally joke with my partner about being like hyper jealous. Like the other day we were leaving the grocery store and my partner held the door open for a dude. And I was like, wow, you couldn't wait to open that door for him, huh? And I was just like, by the end of my sentence, I was so utterly exhausted by just pretending to be like that. And I can't like I really don't get how people can be that insecure and that jealous all the time and like not be exhausted by yourself. Like, I just I don't get it.

Don't make any sense to me. It's almost impressive. Yeah, it's it's tough impressive yeah it's uh it's tough for me and like watching it happen especially like as a bartender at the bar like watching dudes get upset because they they watch their girlfriend as they're coming back from the bathroom like stop and talk to a dude or whatever and like I can see this guy having a full existential crisis like a full spiral of like what's happening

she's gonna leave me I have to fight this man I'm gonna go to jail like it just like this she sits down she's like oh it's a guy I work with yeah oh he's celebrating his you know second anniversary of this boyfriend and you see like him like oh like a fuck off and even then I think at that point it's like most

people they're already revved up and upset so it's like you'll see them not get relaxed and just like pivot to like well it's disrespectful still or like oh there's this other problem much like what this guy's doing yeah so be chill come on if you've if you've got a problem take a second internalize it figure it out why are you upset why are you really upset? Because nine times out of 10, it's not the thing you're actually like. It's not that surface level thing. There's a root cause. Find the root cause and discuss with your partner rationally and calmly and respectfully and listen to what your partner has to say. If they reassure you, accept it. Because what we say all the time, if your partner says something and you're like, you're lying to me.

Don't date them. Then don't date them. Get out of the relationship immediately. If you think they're lying to you so that they continue to send baby memes to your best friend who's abroad. If that's what you think is happening, then you shouldn't be with this person. Yeah. And if you are someone's partner, don't you fucking dare send a happy penis video to somebody. Never angry and sad penis videos.

Oh, only I thought it was going to be a video where it's like, Hey, happy penis. I was like, you know, the way we used to be like, yeah,

nice dick, you know, like happy, it's like happy Wednesday, happy Christmas, happy penis. No, it wasn't though.

No. Um, I mean, I think that would be cause for like i think that would be grounds for to get upset because it's so fucking dumb if someone sent me a video this is like happy penis okay as if i don't send you dumber videos every second if if it's but like dumb videos are dumb videos the cursed shit that we send each other is a special breed of content. If someone was trying to make happy penis a thing.

I'm going to do it now after this. I would be so upset. I'm going to do it right now. I'm going to hop straight on TikTok. I'm going to call Elon Musk and the Zuck and get you banned on everything. To be fair, Elon Musk would probably be down for a happy penis. Well, you've ruined it for me. He'd love it.

Yes, I did it. I got him. This is from here for questions. My body is wasted on my boyfriend and I can't help but resent him. I'm an unbelievably horny person, but nothing turns me off more than feeling unattractive. I'm petite. Small ass, small tits. My boyfriend loves fat asses. So much

so that he said small asses were a turn off. He made comments about how curvy his previous girlfriends are. His ex was apparently 4'11". Identical to Billie Eilish with double D's. Fat ass. My body is fine. It's no porn star body, but it's fine. I'm petite and I know plenty of

people out there would love it, so I feel like it's wasted on my boyfriend. He's so sweet to me and treats me like a princess, but it's so hard for me to get over the fact I'm not his preferred body type. And I get it. He chose me. He wouldn't be with me if he didn't want me. Blah, blah, blah.

People settle all the time, though. I don't want to feel like I'm being settled for. I thought this question was going to go slightly different. I thought the boyfriend was going to be a gigantic piece of shit. He might be, but it doesn't seem like it in this. It seems like maybe there was a comment made once, and that comment has echoed throughout this person's life and relationship. Or it's like he, at some point in time, has declared or declared.

I was going to say proclaimed. Yeah. Proclaimed and declared. Proclaimed. Proclaimed. I mean, like, it makes sense. I feel like most people would understand what I'm saying. I fully understood what you were saying.

I knew the words. I knew everything. Yeah. Like, I think at some point in time, he was like, I love a curvy woman. I love a fat ass. Like, I think maybe at some point in time, he broadcasted that out, maybe on an Instagram story or something,

or maybe like, you know, shared his affection for a curvier celebrity or something. If someone is very insecure, like this person seems to be, and they said, hey, what's your usual type? Or like, what's your ex like? Or something. I could imagine there being asking questions

you don't want the answer to. Look, two things here. One, much like question one, you can bring this up. You can be like, hey, I feel really insecure. I know I'm not your usual type. Like you said before, you love fat asses and big old tits. And I don't have those things. And, you know, see what they say. Presumably they will say, oh oh, no, what are you talking about? I love your body, et cetera. If you don't believe that, or if you don't feel like you want to do that, and you want to live in this kind of like, my boyfriend doesn't deserve, my body is wasted on my boyfriend thing, break up with them because being bitter and miserable is no way to live.

Yeah, I think it really is. It all comes down to having that very casual very respectful very vulnerable and honest conversation of being like hey there have been comments and like i do want to just quickly rewind for the fact that like we were very light on this guy if this guy is is being like my ex was so much thicker well like if or says it all the time i totally understand where you're coming from. A lot more weaponizing that against you, by all means, he's a plucking asshole and you should leave him anyway.

But if it's, if it's a mixture of, you know, maybe he made an offhand comment and you've, you know, spiraled on it and doubled down and it's planted. It's, it's gnarled roots into your brain.

Then yeah, have that conversation and explain to them and be like, Hey, there are times where I feel really insecure about my body because I know it's not the type that you traditionally are attracted to. And as I said, listen to what he has to say. And if he reassures you,

you have to agree to believe it. Or again, if you don't try to figure out why, right? Like look back and be like, why don't I believe that this guy who, I don't know if it says, it doesn't say how long they've been together, but it's like this person who has decided to commit exclusively to me and date me and treat me well and love me.

And you know what I mean? Like it seems strange. I believe is what they said. It's like, he's, he's going through the motions to to treat you well and and you know make feel make you feel special so it stands to reason that like he does find you attractive and your body while maybe not if you look at his like dating history it might not line up but you can't i don't know i always get the i get pigeonholed because i'm a lover of butts i like a nice big butt um and there have been many times where people have

like oh my butt's small though i'm like why do you think that like something i joke about or you know something that like i i mean i do like i like a big butt i i would i would take a big butt over you know anything, anything, any day. But it's like, I'm not. You can't say stuff like that and expect people not to be like, cool, they'll choose a big butt over me any day. Yes. It's like, I'm not a, like a cartoon or a sim that has a box that just says fat asses and i'm completely incapable of finding another person attractive that doesn't match or match my like pinpoint specific body shape like it's so annoying like people going on about people's types very weird yeah and i don't have a specific type and i know some people do but i also find

that really weird you know what i mean it's like if you're too much like i have a type and that's it that's fucking strange but if you think people live like that too i think that's very strange you know you could have a preference for something that doesn't mean that's your be all and end all and if it is your be all and end all you're weird yeah i mean if you look at like i i've i've fallen into a bit of a trap like if you look at the the women i've dated sort of like monogamously or or long term there is a bit of a pattern a little bit. My current partner breaks all of it, which just goes to show it.

It doesn't fucking mean anything. But if you look at the women I've slept with, it's like, it's, it's, it's such a wide spectrum of, of body types and, you know,

heights and hair colors and, and whatever. And it's just like i i find it strange that that people get so fixated and be like well his ex was this so therefore he doesn't like me yeah and it's by all means if a partner says those kind of things to you like if a partner this guy still might be saying yeah and that's right it's a different story if if you're actively being compared to a previous partner or a celebrity or whatever then yes that's a bad situation that sucks but

if you're doing it in your own head you there's a there's an insecurity there that you need to sort of work yeah yeah so have the conversation do it respectfully or if you can't get over it break up with them for your sake and theirs. All right. Is kissing my best friend for practice gay? We're both 20 year old males in college. No. Is that it? Is that the question?

That's the question. I mean, it depends on what you're like. Are you practicing to kiss other men? Then it's gay. Yeah. Practicing to kiss other women. No. Are you getting sexually aroused while you do

it also who cares that's the real thing it's 2024 who gives a shit if it's gay or not you're kissing a man that's it just just kiss a guy just kiss a guy you're kissing a kiss sounds great go for it uh yeah i mean i that's like i think it's always funny that i feel like it's always men in college who are like but is this gay and it's like it's not gay until it is right like it's always funny that I feel like it's always men in college who are like, but is this gay? And it's like, it's not gay until it is. Right? Like, what does it change? If like, are you going to be doing this kissing practice?

And then someone's like, whoa, that's, that's actually gay though. And you're like, oh no, we can't do it now. Like, were you under the impression that it wasn't gay? There's a line that crosses and everyone's just like, oh, just two bros. Just fucking straight making out. Yeah. And they make sure that everyone is aware when they say straight making out, they mean like heterosexually making out. Those are two bros just doing what bros do.

And then like a hand drifts down to the waist. We're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Don't make this. That was gay. This is getting pretty gay, guys. It's like. like pretty gay one of them closes their eyes whoa whoa eyes open completely rigid apart from one part that has to be so your dick has to be yeah so flat and every now and then you have to touch to make sure he's not lying so you grab him just to make sure and

he has to grab you because you could be lying so you gotta keep grabbing each other's dicks to make sure it stays straight yeah fucking cares what are you talking about how is it not gay yeah i know is it gay like what what does gay mean and why does it change anything who fucking cares and again sexuality is a spectrum and a sliding scale for your entire life, right? So you might be having a gay experience. You might be doing a gay thing. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay, but it definitely means that you're like, it doesn't mean anything. I don't think so.

Can an act be gay? I think it's the heart behind the act. I mean, like I would say that two men having sex would be gay? I think it's the heart behind the act. I mean, like, I would say that two men having sex would be gay. I guess it depends why you're having sex. What's the intention? For real, though. The gay intention. There was the gay agenda.

Now there's the gay intention. There's the gay intention, yeah. And it's coming for you. Who fucking cares? What are you talking about? Why would this change anything? Obviously, you want to do it, so it's fine. Like, get the fuck over it i don't know why you're i don't know why people are so hung up on weird

labels like this it's 2024 i mean i could i like i understand that there is still a number of places in the world where no i know but like this this it might it might be safer for them to think like this isn't gay this is this is future straight practice. Hey, if you're in one of those places, they're not going to have the chillness to look past it. That's the thing. If,

if you're in the eyes of bigots, yeah, it's gay. You're, you're not going to do well there. Yeah. In the, in like places where you might need to rationalize how this isn't gay, uh, you're, you're

going to have a bad time. Yeah. If you get caught kissing a man, regardless of, of what your attention is or, or how many cutie, how many honeys you're going to be kissing, uh, outside of this one isolated, not gay. Fully straight, totally cool thing that you guys do together every Friday.

So yeah, I would maybe not worry about it unless it is an actual concern and then just be very careful about it. Yeah. This is Disastrous Split. Staying put during doggy style. When we have sex in doggy style, he's usually standing

at the edge of the bed while I'm on my hands and knees on the bed, legs hanging off the edge of the bed. No matter how tightly I grip the sheets and dig my knees into the mattress, he complains that I keep moving forward and becomes agitated. I've tried to explain that this is a very pleasurable position for me, so I'm not moving away from him intentionally, but that I'm moving forward simply from the force of his body against mine. Is there any way to prevent this? I try to stay in the same position and even push myself back against him, and it doesn't seem to work. He gets so frustrated, and it's

starting to affect my confidence and ability to enjoy this position. What do I do? For the record, I'm a smaller woman, 5'2", 115 pounds, and he's 6'1", 80 pounds. So, grippy sheets. Now, I once had sex with somebody who had silk sheets on, and I was slipping all over the place.

It was terrible. So, grippy sheets is kind of a joke, but it's also not. Depending on the sheets in question, you could be Schlipschleiden. Yeah. Two. Stop getting that high cotton count. You want something that's coarse, like sandpaper. Exactly.

Bust out your four thread count sheets yes yes uh good thing is they're really cheap so you can just pick up a pair yeah put a dollarama get some sheets you'll be golden um two couch and or like standing up and bending over at the edge of the bed these are options where you're gonna have a little bit more rigidity because with a couch there's a back to it and it doesn't slip and slide as much uh you also might have a wall to brace against that's what i was like something something you could like maybe like if i i don't know how necessary it is for you to be in this particular position yes i'm thinking like maybe height wise, there might be an issue. Yeah, but I'm sure there are things you can do.

And those are good ones to, you know, also just have him grab you. If he holds you, you're not going nowhere. That's a lot of this makes me concerned. One, I've had a lot of sex in doggy style. And yes, there is that moment of like if things are feeling really good the sort of like chase you know what i mean like the retreat of someone really enjoying it and uh especially if they are coming uh there is sort of the like the the the arch back and the

the recoil and the the folding in sort of situation that happens and like if that's happening just one let them enjoy it. Right. Like unless, unless they want you to keep going, but there's nothing wrong with sort of like getting in nice and deep and just holding it there for a second and letting them come and letting them feel good.

Like sex is a give and take. There's no harm of you just fucking chill in your role for a couple seconds to let your partner enjoy something that's feeling really fucking good. And then you have to worry about being like like if someone is retreating from you it's probably because they need a break from sensation or either pain pleasure or silk sheets um so that two if the force of the body is sending them flying perhaps you're fucking a little too hard right like perhaps your your aim like you're trying to like drive your dick through the person so like you can fuck hard without

launching your partner right like you where are your hands how are you not holding them in place yeah i don't know but and that's so like my that's why i'm thinking this guy is like like really fucking like full like really trying to get some distance on her i'm gonna send you a video that is this oh is it a happy penis video it is happy no it's it's an mma fighter who's like trying to grapple someone and it's not working and he just thrusts him so hard the guy goes on the ground and it's very funny yeah but i feel like that this person may not be fucking with technique and rather with force with wild abandon yeah and at that point in time like if again if your partner can't maintain despite everything she's trying to do and she's still getting launched forward, that seems like you are intentionally trying to move a person. Yeah.

Right? Like, I enjoy a good pounding from time to time, and I don't think I've ever, like, launched one of my partners like this. No. And, like, if I wanted to, could I? Sure. Would I want to? No, because that's bad sex. Yes.

Yeah. Something's gone wrong here, but you can do things. You can get a baseboard that you can push against, a wall you can push against, bending over and not having your whole body be on the bed. You can have him hold your hips. There are many things to the point where I'm confused as to why it's an issue. Yeah, that's the other thing. It's like changing position. It's like, yes, I'm sure that because of the height difference, this is probably the easiest or the best or the most comfortable. But you could do things like if you're standing, you could get one leg up and essentially have the same sort of distance, but you've still got that leg on the ground that gives you. And if you need a little bit more height, get a little step stool. There's nothing wrong with it.

If this is what you need to do to ever for everyone to enjoy themselves, I wouldn't be like the step stools ruining my fuck mojo. Right? Like if, if, if what's ruining my mojo is you sliding across the bed and this stops that the great. Yeah. Thank you. Step ladder.

Thank you. Step ladder. What are you doing? Step ladder. Thank you, step ladder. What are you doing, step ladder? The other thing is move it forward to hopefully your bed is against a wall somewhere. Yeah, if not, there are other issues going on. Maybe the bed itself is unanchored and it's moving. Yeah. Get yourself against the wall so you can brace it. And then you're not going anywhere.

But my concern, again, is that this guy is using such first that then you're going to be smashing your face against the wall. So I think I'm not sure about this guy. Yeah. But there are so many ways to do this. There's no way you won't be able to fix this. If you are willing to make adjustments. Yes. But if your problem is like, hey, this specific thing that we're doing isn't working, but we're not going to change anything about it. I'm going to no hands force fuck you on your floating bed and your silk sheets.

And then I'm going to complain, but I'm not going to change anything. There's nothing you can do at that point. Yeah. If you're not willing to change position a little bit or make alterations or bring in, you know, things to help with this, then like that's the problem. And the problem will persist because you're not doing anything to fix it. What's the definition of insanity, Dane? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Thanks, Far Cry 3.

This is by NibbitCoin. How to answer. My girlfriend's buddy gave me nag. My girlfriend's buddy gave me nag on the phone. How to respond. Generally, I've taken mystery methods course and in many years in the game, but due to autism spectrum, I lack the national emotional intelligence to create responses to malice slash spite from males especially. I based on years of experience and learned structures from memory whilst in a bar i get a neg from a male i respond either nice t-shirt my seven-year-old cousin had one at aunt's birthday on sunday or nice t-shirt but tonight you're already the third person wearing it was there

a sale in the chain store or listen buddy and where is your girlfriend however hero is talking to a girl on the phone i like at the end it's just like he's got two moves it's insult the t-shirt twice two different ways depending two different ways let's say just just t-shirt shade or like treat him like a lost child hey buddy listen buddy where's your girlfriend which to be fair if someone did that to me i'd be like oh fuck i'm not fucking with this guy yeah i don't know how to act with that however here i was talking to a girl on the phone and her friend girl arrived with her boyfriend so my girlfriend said something my boyfriend on the phone i said hello they hello hello and the guy immediately

nagged me why you say so shyly and here none of my three answers from the list fit as an answer because i could not see him i don't have access to voice damn it the t-shirt defense it's falling apart it's unraveled and his girlfriend was right there how would you answer so that i would get same result generally as a person on the autism spectrum i do not have the parts of the brain responsible for creating such emotional constructs i remember that this was the reason why in my teens i even withdrew from going to family birthday parties because i always get negs from my uncle and i was not able to answer this is this is the aunt's birthday party that he's seeing all these t-shirts at yeah yeah my my aunt saw like

that's it he's still going back to that that place this is i mean i shouldn't laugh because it does seem like this gentleman is struggling quite hard with with social situations but i think i think where i will go hard on you is that you've chosen the craziest way to interact with people and that's through like pickup artistry yeah which is all none of it is authentic none of it is is you know rooted in actual human interaction it's all based on like you said these like weird canned lines that work under very specific circumstances and the second that they don't you have nothing you're you're so fucking you know this is the clearest example of that like we talk about it being bad for like picking up and dating this is that because he has these set

lines and it's like fuck i can't see him he might not be wearing a t-shirt yeah and his girlfriend's right there like what else do i what else do i have what other thing could i possibly say to a man and she's like all you have to do like and look i understand with with autism and your your difficulty with social interactions it's easy for me to be like just say this just like that just like right i i get it but like what you've done is you've you've backed yourself into a corner because instead of i don't know i i don't like i'm not going to give someone on the spectrum advice on how to deal with it because i'm i'm not trained in that way but what i can tell you because it doesn't matter where you are on the spectrum whether you're autistic or not

using pickup artistry using seduction techniques is never a good way to foster a proper ability to communicate with people it just isn't it's it's so fucking bad specifically for that and that's why so so few people have success with it because the people who make it work are the people who have the innate ability and charisma to to shoot the shit and have a conversation nine times out of ten the people who succeed at seduction are good at it because they have the skills that seduction doesn't right so it's like it's not seduction that's succeeding it's their innate ability to to have a conversation um and it just so happens that they subscribe to that bullshit. Or they just fail and pretend they do well, which is, I think, 90% of the people on seduction. Yeah.

So it's difficult to really address this because, again, there's a lot of stuff that we're not qualified to speak on is uh highlighting why using like watching courses and taking lines out of them and then relying on those to be your your backup is bad because the second that the situation where they don't work appears you're panicked and scared and nervous and anxious and like all those things flood into you because you haven't brought into a horizon at all. You haven't learned anything. You just memorized it. You also look worse in that situation than you would if you tried to say probably something normal. If you just freeze up.

Also, I think a thing we need to address here is this weird prevalence of nagging in your life. I don't know what you're doing in life that you're going around just being attacked this weird prevalence of nagging in your life i don't know what you're doing in life that you're going around just being attacked by people who are nagging you and i worry that you've been poisoned by seduction into thinking everything is an attack or like a situation where you're you know your honor and your masculinity is at stake because like well they say they have a hard time understanding sarcasm or something like that, right? Like, wasn't that in the question somewhere? I think they said they have a hard time with humor and sarcasm and stuff like that. No, they just said they lack the natural emotional intelligence to create responses to malice slash spite for males, especially.

Okay, then, yes, it could be that thing where it's just like like are you just being teased is it a joke and like i understand that being on the spectrum like it's difficult to yeah to sort of like parse the the intention behind words and what might seem like as a as a kind of mean joke which is kind of just a playful ribbing could come across as like an actual attack yeah or like maybe you did say it a little weird and they're just kind of like having fun because the thing is in this situation this is your girlfriend's friend's boyfriend do you really think they're trying to make a move on your girlfriend with their girlfriend in the room or something you know what i mean it just seems like

situationally this isn't a thing you should be worried about and like who cares yeah that's that's what i'm saying it's like one who cares and two you're fine what's the what's the the threat here what's the worry what's the um but again these are all like very easy things for us to say um but i think where i'm coming from is like letting bad worldviews like seduction color your worldview to the point where you're always like oh shit if i don't do this i'm less of a man or if i do do this blah blah and i always i'm in this combat situation that's like that's that's the unhealthy part yeah and i'm being like trained to be like everyone's a everyone's a competition everyone is everyone's

out there to sort of like ruin your shit everyone like everything's a shit test everything's like that's the danger that's that's the poison i think that's what you need to step away from it's not like here's another response you can use in this situation that's not going to help you it's not a well you should know this because again depending on how your autism manifests it could be a symptom of that and that's fine but this is a thing you should step away from this worldview because it's not good and it's not beneficial it's not realistic no so i i really hope you're able to sort of put the the the like also i really hope when you say mystery method i really hope you

don't mean mystery as in the pickup artist from like the fucking early 2000s i really hope that's not the case because if that's the case, you're fucked. You are so unbelievably fucked. To be using pickup from the 90s and early 2000s, that is like using shit from 100 years ago. We have gone so far past in terms of what is acceptable to do and say and think. You're in real bad news if that's the... If you're using mystery with the hat,

that guy, if that's what you're using... Yeah. Oof. Yeah. So step away from seduction. I think you'll find a lot helps there. Yeah. Let's do one last one.

I do have one quick Tinder as well, just a heads up, an audience submitted one Cool Yeah, we still got 20 minutes I guess This is practical steak My boyfriend's sex drive is affecting our careers My boyfriend, 27 year old male, has an abnormally high sex drive I, 22 year old female

Was okay with this at first because I really love him And want to please him Plus his sex is really good and I do enjoy it very much. However, lately it's gotten to the point where he cannot function without having sex multiple times a day. We both work at the same place and both in a demanding managerial role. And lately I've been so beat up at work that I just want to have some time to myself to relax. However, for him, the only thing that can alleviate his stress is sex. Sometimes when I get back from work, all I want is to take a shower and sleep. But he would tell me that he's horny and pester me until I ultimately gave in.

And when we wake up in the morning, he would want to have sex again before work, telling me he wouldn't be able to focus all day with me next to him if I didn't just get it out of the way in the morning. And again, he would encourage me to take our mandatory break at the same time so we could go and do it or else he cannot function. And he means it. When I persist in saying no, he will spend all day at work, unfocused and messing up and stressed looking. And the way our jobs are laid out, when he messes up, it affects my job. So I just accept the whole thing of having sex so many times a day.

But I'm so tired and I just want a break. Any advice is welcome. Please. I am am so tired this sucks so much shit it's not your fucking job that it's not your job to do this um i'm bummed that you have already tried to say no and i've been like coerced into it by this man's lack of being able to do his fucking job that makes me really sad but like you need to sit them down and be like hey this isn't my job i i'm starting to feel exhausted and like do you really want your partner doing this if they're not into it and on top of that be like i don't know what you need to do to be able to focus at work, but you need to figure a way out, whether that be coffee, masturbating instead of having sex or going to a therapist,

which you probably should do anyway. Yeah. But you can't keep doing this. And for them to like badger and bully you into it, whether overtly or by being so useless, if you don't, that it affects your day. Like that's this person. Like, what if you broke up that it affects your day like that's this person like

what if you broke up what would they do that's this thing like you're a 27 year old male man uh if you cannot find a way to be able to function as a human adult without having sex multiple times a day you're fucked you're so fucked like i don't understand like was surely this seems like a new thing that's recently started right like it doesn't sound like this has always been the same that the case uh i don't under like you as i said like you need to have a conversation be like hey i'm exhausted we work same job. You know how hard we're working and you know how stressed you are, right? So I am also that stressed. And then you're adding to it by making you do a thing I don't want to do.

Yeah. I don't get the same relief that you do from sex. Sex doesn't relieve my stress, especially when I'm obligated to do it for you. When sex is just another obligation, it's another task. So you've turned sex, which I used to really enjoy, into a chore, into another like something I have to do for my job. Because if I don't do it, you fuck up and then it makes my job harder. So and like lay it down. And I think like I usually we usually like, Hey, don't come at it too, too aggressive. But I think in this scenario, I think you do need to show a little bit of exasperation

and a little bit of frustration and be like, you must see how this is right. Like, and like literally lay it down and be like, look, we do this, this, this, this, this, and it work. And then when I get to have a break, I don't get to have a break. I have to know as part of my job, have sex with you because you can't do your break, I don't get to have a break. I have to now, as part of my job, have sex with you. Because you can't do your job if I don't. And then if you don't do your job, I have to work harder because you fuck up. Yeah.

And your needs, which you should be more than capable of fucking getting a handle on, are now superseding my needs. So it's like instead of my break, what you need is far more important, right? Instead of my sleep, we need to wake up a little bit early because what you need is more important than my sleep, my break, my happiness, my autonomy, etc. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. It's incredibly fucked up. And it's like, if you, like, coercing someone into having sex is sexual assault. And it's like, to be bullied and browbeaten and badgered, again, as I said, overtly sometimes and other times just by being like, like, there's, it's like to be bullied and browbeaten and badgered again as i said overtly sometimes and other times just by being like like there's it's the term it's like weaponized incompetence being

like oh i'm so useless at work if i don't have my set like fuck off that's so fucked up and you should not have to fucking deal with that so lay down the fucking law and if this guy can't deal with it please break up with him and then watch him fucking crash and burn i guess because he can't live i'll bet you though if you broke up he'd be fine yeah because he's gonna be able to deal with this because he's a fucking human grown-ass adult and if he can't therapy for sure that's the thing if this is a legitimately a thing he needs to get through the day, that doesn't mean you should do it. That means he needs professional help stat. This is the thing.

It's like if you were like, oh, I can't. I have to drink a bottle of fucking vodka every day at work or I can't get through it. Yeah. Everyone be like, hey, that's that's not great. Like you. You need help. That's that's alcoholic tendencies. Like you.

You are doing damage to yourself to to manage the stress. That is, that's alcoholic tendencies. Like you, you are doing damage to yourself to, to manage the stress. That is not a healthy coping mechanism. The second you're replacing like actual rest and, and, uh, stress management with a thing, then it's, it's bad. And in this case, it's like, is he a sex addict? I don't know, Maybe. But it certainly seems like if this is the only way he can unwind and relieve or get relief from this stress, then he needs to learn new tactics to manage his own mental health. Like, if the only way his mental health can be taken care of is through your body and your effort and your time, then that's not an acceptable way to do it. It just isn't. Yeah. And the same way it's like,

it doesn't even have to be sex. Even if it was just like, I need you to go for a walk with me or I need you to cuddle me or I need you to make me dinner or like anything. If at any point in time, this guy,

the only way this guy can get through the day is by demanding something of you. Especially at the expense of your like rest and relaxation yeah not good not good you gotta lay down the law you gotta lay down the law and if you don't i will i would love to i would fucking love to let them listen to what we just said please yeah put them on uh all right we got we're just gonna do one tinder one audience submit the one because we love our audience and we weren't gonna do any tinders at all today uh this is by agent winchester uh and they say i bit the bullet and joined tinder

i figured why wouldn't i take advantage and have you look over my profile and the horse picture not the greatest but i couldn't help it it just fit um and i'm gonna go through it about me i manually manually stimulated the breeding process for a horse today. Yes, I have a handjob to a stallion. How was your day at work? And there is a picture of them presumably jerking a horse off. Trade school, big time texter, thoughtful gestures, cat, 90s kid, home workout, theater, travel, aquarium.

These are all like the things you can like pick. Right. And then my biography would probably be called weird things done with animals. And there's an animal in every picture as well. Okay. I think you've done yourself a great disservice with the only thing that you seem to have given me any information on is sex stuff with animals yes especially with the thing at the end where you're like weird stuff with animals considering you started with hand job for a

horse which i think is a funny line that's the thing i think it's very funny and i know where you're going with it and i think you putting in the picture is also funny but i fully agree with where dane is coming from in that you're giving us the wrong impression yeah i think you're gonna titillate weird people i think and i think you're also like i i'm torn on whether or not you keep the first line at all because i i do really think it's funny and i think it's like a very clever hook that a lot of people will probably ask questions about and you also have the like what did you do at work today which i think is like will probably ask questions about and you also have the like what did you do at work today which i think is like a fun like answer to if you also have a weird

job you can be like well i did this right like i i think it's i just think you need a lot more to balance it down and water it down and not be so one note yes i i i think we need to know that you're not just out there doing sex stuff with farm animals yeah right like and i'm worried that right now that's what your profile is giving and it's not and that's not to say like that could be your job right like you could be the person who like a farm vet does a lot of yeah sticking hands in places and doing things right like there's that's i'm not saying anything about that what i'm saying is on a dating profile people have horny brain and if the only thing you're giving is hand jobbing horse and weird stuff with animals they're gonna be like

i know i would be crazy hesitant to to engage in a profile that seems this gung-ho about sharing sexual experience with animals. So I would say put more stuff about you in there. You know what I mean? You have so much more. So do that. I think you could leave in the handjob to a horse or a stallion if you wanted to. I think it's funny. I think a way to do that would be like, what's the weirdest thing that's happened to you at work?

I just gave a handjob to a stallion or, you know, something like that because you're still leaving open the door. But like, you're also being a little bit more playful with it and balanced against all this other information about yourself. That's good. I will say we don't often talk about the pictures, but every one of yours has an animal with it, which is fine, but they all seem to be at work too. So it's like have one outside work with a hobby, like somewhere, you know what I mean? Shake it up a little bit. Because if I see texts about animals, pictures are animals, everything's work. I get that you work a lot, but it feels again, almost like one note. So I think open it up, give a little bit more of your personality and you can keep

that funny kind of like tone. But I think a little bit more of you would definitely be good here. Yeah. The general rule for pictures on online dating is usually like one sort of like candid photo, a group, like some of your friends, you doing a thing, you're like smoldering glamour shot that like, you know, you're always going to use on on every social media profile um and and sort of like give a give a wide array because uh for me when i'm going through profiles it's if someone has pictures that are all very obviously from the same day yeah uh where it's like oh you you you look cute today and you did a photo shoot but it's just like you're in the same outfit, same hair, same makeup, same room.

Right. Like, I get a little suspicious because I'm like, did you just steal these from someone's fucking Instagram story? I don't know. And the same thing as now said, like, if your only thing is like work photos, then I'm like, again, a little. Yeah. A little, a little on the edge of being like, I don't know. I don't know what this is, but it's, it's strange when a picture is, or a series of pictures all seem to have like one thing in common. Yeah. Because I want to see a wider scope. So, so just kind of like zoom out, give us a, give us a bit more of a picture about who you are and what you do and that you're not just animal girl.

Yeah. And good luck. Yeah. Good luck. That's going to do it for us guys. Uh, I would like to say thank you for coming along. We always love when you do,

uh, please support us if you can on Patreon. Um, there are multiple tiers, some extra episodes are about to record one right now. They're always fun. We're kind of doing something a little different right now. We're doing specific deep dives on individual topics.

If you are interested in a particular topic, by all means, reach out and we will do a deep dive on that for you. But we appreciate every ounce of support lets us do our thing and hopefully lets us get a little bigger. If you can't support us on Patreon or you don't want to, both are totally fine. Please support us in a different way, either by rating and reviewing us preferably high uh letting a friend know posting about us etc it all helps and we love you guys because we spread mainly through word of mouth because advertisers and social media companies don't like that we put the word fuck in our title

so yeah it's all you guys so tell tell someone today that's your homework that's your homework that's your job ready for some bad sex writing yeah oh thank you josh eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars it's a meme you know the meme where it's like they don't know i'm whatever that's like the person standing on the corner of like a room i don't think so really like this is gonna mean so little to you it was already gonna mean so it's like a weirdly drawn like picture of someone in the corner of a party so it's like a weirdly drawn like picture of someone in the corner of a party and it's like they don't know i'm whatever oh yeah this is still gonna be really hard to describe but i have to read it out because it's it's just so fucked up

so there's a person they've drawn pink hair on them and it says they don't know i'm on my period and then there's two people in the bottom left corner and it says why does she smell like panties and then there's two people on the right and it says that girl has it smelling like dog surgery in here what how do you okay how do you know what dog surgery smells like and why does that to you smell like menstruation I guess? But also, what anti-period scrap of fucking Twitter did this come from? What are you even trying to get across here? You're saying you can smell someone's period from across the room and that women should be ashamed to go out when they're on their period, but also dog surgery? Dog surgery is a wild bull. Women should be ashamed to go out when they're on their period, but also dog surgery. Dog surgery is a wild tool.

And it's so fucked up that there's almost a level of respect I have for this for that pull. It's obviously a fucked up, disgusting, weird meme thing. But I cried laughing when I saw it. Cause I was like, what? Yeah. It's, I want to say it's good in the worst way. It's a good, bad sex writing. Yeah. But the person who made this is probably just the biggest piece of trash. It's so unwell.

So unwell. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies