F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 308 - Bring Your Brother To Your Nudes

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

The only way to ensure that you're not about to be blackmailed is simply by including your brother (or sister!) in your nudes for safety.  Topics include bringing your sibling on a date, your mind's telling you no, but her body is telling you yes, blackmail tactics, keeping your lube secret. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either roaming the wilds of the internet or roaming the wilds of your brains. And then you send them to us and we answer them right here, right now in your ears. So a little heads up, friends. We've got a very busy month ahead of us. Like personally, we're doing things. I'm going to Vegas. Niall has some family over. so we're recording in advance but I can't stop thinking about what

we could what could happen between now and then because like if we had skipped last week or if we recorded last week we wouldn't be able to talk about this week watching Joey Chestnut the most sexual thing pretty much ever.

He ate like 700 hot dogs in 10 minutes. And I'm just thinking, it's like, what happens? Who does something crazy? I know. What are you, the listener, going to miss out on? Because we had to front load these. Yeah, because we had to report in advance. There's only one way to solve that.

And that's by going to our Patreon and giving us enough money to tell our family no, leave me alone. Yeah, we could get them a hotel. Yeah, I could be like, yo, go down the road for an hour and let me do this with my good bud. Give us so much money that we could see into the future and then we'd know. I was going to say we just sit in a room and give hypotheticals. We

act as if we come up with as many possible scenarios of what could happen. Every day we do about 24 episodes and each one is that if this happens then release the hounds. Release the chestnut cut. This week we're going to be talking about

she brought her sister on a date and now I like her. My mind's telling me no but her body's telling me yes. There's something off about this girl I've been texting. Suspicious lube hiding. And much more, presumably, depending on timing. Are you ready? Yeah.

Or do you want to talk about Joey Chestnut a little bit? Or is it just going to be peppering into all the questions? I don't know if I can talk about Joey Chestnut because... It's weird that I forgot about it entirely. And then you said it and I was like, oh, yeah. I haven't stopped thinking about it, man. How sweaty he was afterwards. Yeah, dude.

The sheer amount of sodium. For those that don't know, Joey Chestnut, all-American hero. Obviously, the caveat is that I know nothing about this man. I highly doubt his views are great. He just eats a lot of hot dogs. That's all I'm talking about. Just get out in front of the... What if Joey Chestnut is just the wokest man alive?

It could be. He's vegan dogs, man. Yeah. Vegan dogs. I think he's just doing that for the dollars. I don't think he cares ethically or... So he's the best hot dog eater ever, and he solidified that record on Monday, Tuesday, Monday, by eating 83 hot dogs in...

10 minutes. 10 minutes. The world record, live on Netflix. With like no loss either, really. I don't think he had any deductions. No, like they were squeegeeing like half-eaten hot dogs off the other guy and measuring them when they deducted them one whole dog. Yeah.

They didn't even do shit because Joey's like, yeah, I ate it. Yeah. They weren't even allowed to do the dipping method. For you non-hot dog aficionados, they would dip hot dogs in water to soften the bun up. Soften the bun, pre-lube. The idea of eating one soggy hot dog is so upsetting to me. I feel like on a pure texture level, it would defeat me. I would throw up immediately if someone was like, here, eat this soaking wet hot dog bun that we fully submerged into water like even if like i get grossed out if i'm about to eat a burger and like you know when you like shake your ketchup or you don't

shake the ketchup like a little bit of ketchup water that's and that's a different thing though that's fucking foul if if that like touches my bun yeah i have i have made a new hamburger bun and just thrown that one out because it's gotten a little ketchup water you know or even if like there's a little like if you freeze your your bun and then you bring it out and then it's like a little damp because it's because there was like an ice you know it's a little freezer burnt like that bread is bad it's so upsetting to me that someone was like not only am i I going to eat this. An ungodly amount of this. I'm going to eat multiple. I'm going to eat tens of these.

Yeah, it was an experience that I didn't know I didn't want and also couldn't look away. Yeah, it was just fascinating. In the D&D sense of being fascinated, just staring. We couldn't do anything for a round.

Yeah, we had to stop and stare. Okay, this is by AdditionalPie8877. She brought her sister to a date. Now I like her sister. This is going to be wild. But I went on a date with someone my age, 27. It was a first date. She brought her sister. It was weird, I thought at first, but she was uneasy as we met online and wanted

her to be there. Her sister left us alone for the most part when we got along. Towards the end, we all got dessert together and we all chatted. Her sister's 33, single. However, I started feeling connection with her sister as we overtook the conversation. Kind of weird now, I like her sister. My date did say our date went fine and she wants to meet again, but I'm in two minds. My date did say also her sister told me I was really nice, clever, and sweet.

Oof, this is tough because because yeah, I feel you. I feel your pain here because we don't get to choose who we're attracted to or who we have a connection with. No, no. And sometimes. Sometimes you got a foxy sister, I guess. Sometimes the sister. I mean, hey, on the plus side, this woman will never bring her hot sister.

Yeah. You've solved the problem for future generations because bringing your sister on your first date that's that's a bad move this is not the way it usually is a bad move i think it's just a bad move in general yeah if your sister's a babe also that but like in general i think like i wouldn't enjoy that i'd be like okay that's weird i even a friend i'd be like that's strange i I mean I've told the story where like people have brought in people on dates I understand it and you know what in this climate now more than ever I do think you need to be careful so I think if you're told up front I think you always needed

to be careful I don't know why it's more of a dangerous time people are fucking scary but that's that's always I know but it's even everyone's scarier now, I think. I don't think so. But even then, it's like, I feel like you can't really do it, though. I wouldn't be upset if someone said, hey, just so you know, my sister, like I'm bringing my sister. She's not going to be there. She's like at the other end of the bar with her friends. I would be like, I wouldn't love it.

I would also be like, but I'm not saying I'm going to be like, fuck you, get out of here. But like, it's, in terms of like one to 10 ideal, it's like a two. You know what I mean? One being bad. I think it's higher up.

I think it's down there if she's there. Like, again, I've been on dates where someone was like, didn't tell me. And then the friend was there the whole time. Yes, you're right. Right? Sam and then the friend was there the whole time yes you're right right i think i've been here the whole time i would i would put it at like for me like a six no it's not it's not above five i'm sorry it's not a deal breaker but like again we all understand safety concerns but it's like you are a grown-ass woman you need to be able to

handle your shit so it's like if you feel unsafe do it in a safer environment you know what i mean like meet in a public place at the coffee shop or something you know what i mean like those are the ways you can mitigate risk without bringing somebody else and it being weird again it's fine it's just not great i guess it depends on like if you're in a rural small town and like the only bar or whatever it's even easier because everybody knows you so you're like you go to the bar and you're like, great. It's so easy. It's like, I went on a date with a guy from out of state.

You don't know where he lives. Yeah, but it doesn't matter because he comes to the bar and then you got nine eyes on him. I guess. Because one of the people has only one eye. And when you walk into the bar, all the music is going to stop. Exactly. And everyone's going to look at you.

Everyone's like, here's your fries. Here's your wings. Don't you hurt Betty Jo. We don't take kindly to your type around here. Exactly. Everyone's armed. It's a small town. Yeah.

You've probably got a gun. It's a small town. In fact, I think it's safer. Okay. I think if someone says, for me, here's what's getting me. If this is the actual verbatim response. If she said your date was fine, I'm not looking for fine. Right? Like, I don't want fine. No, but you your date was fine i'm not looking for fine right like i don't want fine no but you're looking for fine i'm looking for my sister yeah right i don't

want i don't want a date that's fine that's actually a very good point our date she did say our date went fine that's not great no right i'm not in i'm i'm a 36 year old man i don't want to to chase fine i want want sparks. I want chemistry. I want romance, right? You know, I didn't really pick up on it. I thought it was like our date. Like, I paraphrased it in my head. It's like, she said our date went well

and then said my sister said these things, which I thought was like, oh, well, and I got her approval. Yeah, it's highly possible. She's saying it went fine, but she thinks, you know, right? This is like, if someone was like, oh, yeah, it was was good i'd see you

again but like i i think i think you can and you can use this as like if she gets upset be like oh i'm like i'm really sorry i misread the but like you did say that it you know you know went fine which isn't great like you you should be you know what i mean like phrasing being like i don't want you to settle for fine like if you thought that all we had was a fine connection. Or just get rid of all the things Dane's saying and just say, I don't want you. Yeah. I do want your sister. I want hot sister.

So, I think the thing is here. You bet hot sister good. This person's trying to hedge their bets. They were like, oh, I kind of want to go for the sister, but I don't know if it'll work, so I'm staying with this person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to figure out what you want. If you want to risk it for the sister biscuit, that's fine.

If you don't, then you need to stop thinking about it. There's no half and half here. There's only full measures, right? So you have to either just be like, look, you're right.

Date was fine. But you know what was finer? Your sister. Don't say that. Just be like, Hey, this is really fun. Like,

I know this is probably really shitty. I actually like felt like I can actually be your sister and i know it's weird and she's probably not interested and i hope you're not offended but you know i like her yeah you never know you met her online right this isn't like a friend that you've been courting yeah for ages or a co-worker or whatever you met this person online presumably that was the only way you would have ever met it's not like your rehearsal dinner before your wedding. When the sister walked in, you were like,

Oh no, gotta tell you, Hannah. Yeah. So I don't think there is any harm. I mean, it might be a blow to this woman's ego a little bit, but again,

then she learns to not bring her sister, but it also like, it would also be a blow to her ego to find out you're dating her as a second option. Just cause. Yeah. And the fact that you're dating her as a second option. Just cause. Yeah. And the fact that you're like leering at her sister all the time, like that's also a bad scene. So like it's.

And the further this goes on, the less things are ever possible with the sister. Yeah. This is the best. The only other better option than this is either the sister on the date goes, actually, I really like him. And the other sister goes, hell yeah. Or you met the sister and not her. Those are the only two better options, neither of which happened.

So right now, third best option. And the further you go, it gets worse. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I think what's to say he just breaks up with her and then messages the sister. I think that's worse. I think that's worse. I think I think you do have a little bit of a responsibility to set the stage, because I think doing

that also shows the sister what you're about. Right? Yes. I think if you just sort of like ghost the other sister. It puts the impetus on her and or you later on to turn back to the sister and be like, by the way, you don't get away

from doing it. You just postpone it to a point when it's worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it would be far. I think you would ruin your chances more likely with the older sister or upset the other sister more later on, both of which are bad. Yeah. Yeah.

I think you would be in bad shape because if that was me, if I was the if I was an older brother and my younger brother went on a date and the the date was like actually yeah i like if she hadn't talked to my brother i'd be like well you obviously don't have the communication skill you know what i mean like yeah you're kind of a coward it's kind of underhanded it's a little shitty yeah uh and again it's gonna go back to her anyway just in a way it's like you've now put me in the position to break the bad news to my sister instead of owning up to your feelings and your intentions. Yeah. So it's like, no,

I don't put this shit on me. I'm like, that would be like almost a hard no immediately for me. Or it would be a yes. If the person was shitty, in which case. Yeah. You know?

So I think you just got to be respectful and honest and like, understand that this isn't a nice thing to hear. Hopefully it's the thing they're on board with or agree with or don't mind because again it's early days but i think that's the best way to do it is either that or you get the fuck over it immediately i think you need to i think you really need to like lay on the fine and be like look i you know i had a great time as well but i don't want you to settle for fine right like really make it about them and you're concerned about their romantic pursuits or even just be like yeah i understand it was fine right like really make it about them and you're concerned about their romantic

pursuits or even just be like yeah i understand it was fine honestly like the like towards the end of the date i i feel like me and your sister actually like took over the conversation i'm sorry about that i just like honestly we end up getting on really well yeah you know you could almost like apologize like i'm sorry that we did that yeah and then lead that into a thing i don't know she's single though she's single now she is yeah he knows he knows this uh this is from ray ray and a bunch of numbers should i keep going me 18 year old male my girlfriend 18 year old female are freaks in the bedroom everything is awesome we're so in love the one thing that's off though is that she never lets me make her finish

she always talks about big game or she always talks a big game, but when the time comes, she shies away. For example, last time we were having sex, it got to the point that our legs were shaking and she was clearly struggling. She then told me to stop because she couldn't take it anymore and it hurt. I asked if it hurt or if the sensation was just too much. And she said the sensation was too much

and she felt like she was going to pee. I told her that was okay and that I'd go slow and that if she felt like she needed to pee, to just let it go and we'd see what would happen. However, when I started to go deeper again, she moaned and she said she couldn't take it. No problem. I did the best I could to finish the round without hitting whatever spot was uncomfortable for her. And she told me afterwards how great it was. She also told me, as she has before, to not stop the next time that she says she can't take it my question is

next time should i stop she's actively telling me not to but i really don't want to hurt her in the moment uh any of those is helpful so safe words we talk about i feel like we're talking about them a lot lately yeah safe words are great here one have a conversation be like okay you're telling me not to but in the moment you're telling me not to, but in the moment you're telling me to. So you'd be like, why are you telling me to in the moment? And why are you telling me not to now just to see where her head's at and then say, okay, but we can't do that.

Cause that's unsafe. We can't just have a blanket ignore when I say no. Yeah. That is not cool in any situation. Yeah. Uh, the only way play like that is safe, cool,

and responsible is when you have set up an alternate phrase, which does mean no. So if it's like a kink or if it's just like a whatever, that's fine. But you guys need to get a word that is unmistakable and not something that's easy to say, but definitely is out of place in the scenario that when you say it or when they say it, you know that is no yeah if you want to play with this ignoring kind of like the end of consent it's weird because it doesn't even sound like a like it sounds like it's she's got like usually went with kinks like this doesn't sound like a kink thing right it sounds like she has a mental block about no it doesn't sound like a kink thing it could be it it feels like something i don't know yeah like you said like a mental i think it's a mental block about like this like she's scared

maybe that it whether it's just p.m or coming or or whatever yeah but the the point remains the same you cannot safely ignore somebody saying to stop and also when someone says it hurts yeah that's you know i and that's the thing it's like knowing that like even with this conversation i would have a hard time continuing because if we've had sex enough and i've done x if i do this specific thing and every time i've done it you've said it hurts and now all of a sudden you're not saying it i i know that like it hasn't stopped hurting you're just dealing you're just fighting through the pain yeah and there's probably going to be like physical the least fun thing you could think of unless again it is a particular kind of but that's what i mean it's like i like i don't know

if regardless of whether we have a safe word or not yeah i like you as we talk a lot about kinks and again this no it's probably not exciting that's why i led with talk about it and ask her why she's saying this and why she's saying that because those two don't mesh and you need to understand like is it a thing where she's like oh in the moment i'm so worried and ashamed that i will pee yeah but like afterwards i'm like oh i could have come and it's just like ignore like because that sucks too because that's not you necessarily wanting him to keep going that's you not wanting him but you want him to ignore it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's very different to like a consensual, like, oh, it's fun for me to say X, Y, or Z.

Yeah. And I think it would be difficult for me to be like, I'm now going to ignore the fact that I know that this hurts you and now going to ignore all the sort of like physical, just like signals that you're not having fun or in distress and like that regardless of how much she wants it yeah you're also a participant and also for her sake if it is a thing where she's trying to overcome a barrier to to finish or to whatever this isn't the way forward you know what i mean it's not like you go to therapy and they're like we're gonna brute force right through that fucking barrier and like who knows let's hope you're better on the other side like that's that's not it i think there are far other far better ways you can go about doing this i think like love and care

and attention can work very well rather than just like fucking go for it and ignore me in pain and begging you to stop that's not it and if it is like i i think because they they do say that like oh it doesn't hurt it's just like the sensation is overwhelming. But that being said, if there is a pain element to this, pain is the body's way of being like, yo, fucking knock it off. Yeah. Right. So just fighting through that pain.

Also, you're literally dangerous. Is dangerous because you don't know what you're doing. For all you know, she has some sort of, like, something on her cervix that you're fucking hitting or just the cervix. Or it's like a lack of lube or it's like, you know, maybe endometriosis,

you know, anything, right? Like, yeah, that's the thing. So pain, bad,

everything bad. You need like minimum safe word, but more importantly, you need to talk through why she's saying it in the moment and why she's saying to ignore it now. And don't take like, don't get fobbed off. Don't be like,

Oh, it doesn't matter. Like, Oh, like actually like have a conversation. You know what I guys are 18 i get it you're young ish but if you're young enough to if you're old enough to fuck you're old enough to have this conversation yeah and you need to for their sake and yours and like feel free to talk to them be like hey it's it's you know i wouldn't say frustrating but like it you know i worry or like it's upset or whatever. You know what I mean? Whatever you're feeling about, like, I would like to make you come, but it feels like you stop me every time.

And it's like, is there a way past that? If it's too intense or if it's a thing that you feel like embarrassed about or blah, blah, blah. Can we do it a different way? You know, let's put towels down. Let's put towels down. Let's fuck in the shower, even though we don't recommend that. You know, you have to turn the shower on i will say but with the with the safe word you do also have to be very firm about the like because i'm worried that like adding a safe word is just another thing that she's going to

want him to ignore you know what i mean so it's like you have to be very very clear about being like if you use this it's a hard stop and it's not a oh next time if i say it ignore it right like because that's essentially what you're doing is like you're saying i'm i'm oh, next time if I say it, ignore it. Right? Because that's essentially what you're doing. It's like you're saying, oh, next time I rescind consent, ignore it. So it's like, don't just add another layer of what you're supposed to ignore. You should. Yeah. That's the thing. Safe words don't have gray areas.

Yeah. It's hard and fast. You say that, it's done. So bring those up. Explain also sort of like where you're coming from too. So it's not just a conversation focused on sort of like their inadequacies or whatever. Right. And be like, look, I also don't enjoy it if you are in pain.

And if you look like you're in pain, again, that's the quickest way for me to, I don't care if it like forget smells forget noises forget whatever if you look like you're in pain and i'm hurting you in a way that we haven't talked about it's the fastest way for me to get to soft yeah it's the fastest way for me to be like i am not in this anymore this is not a sexy experience anymore and now i'm like another part of my brain that wants to take care of you it's going to take over and like it's a sad worried part of my brain that wants to take care of you is going to take over. And like, it's really hard. Yeah. It's really hard to walk that back. Like, even if we like have a conversation, like 30 minutes of figuring it out and being like, okay, great.

We're all good. I find it difficult to like jump back into that space because like there's that adrenaline spike of like, I need to protect this person. Yeah. It's a whole different mode that you've gone into. And yeah. So you need to have a conversation, you need to establish safe words, but like, there seems like there are root causes at play here that need to be fixed rather than just skirting the issue with a safe word. So, you know, but at minimum get one. Yes. A hundred percent. The second you start talking about ignoring, you know, people telling you to stop, you need a safe word that is respected and honored and like a non-negotiable uh this is cock sloppular something is off about the girl i've been texting

i matched with this girl on the dating app a couple of weeks ago absolute cutie we were messaging on the app and like four messages in she gives me her phone number because she doesn't use the app often i was a little skeptical kind of assumed it was a ploy for a scam or something, but regardless, I started texting her. We talked about work and interests and general small talk. I made it clear I really wanted to take her out, but I was going on vacation out of the country the following week. Conversation progresses.

She starts to get a little flirty and then a little sexy, but we just exchanged words, nothing more. With the way things escalated, I had to ask her if she was just looking to hook up because I was looking to date long term, and she said no, she's down to date. All right, cool. So I go on my vacation. I get back in the middle of last week. Text her when I'm back.

She says she missed me. Asks if she's available the upcoming weekend. No response. Until three days later, the end of the weekend, she replies and said her phone broke. My skepticism increases. We talk more about ourselves for a little, and then decide to set a date for this now upcoming weekend. But even right now, we only have a calendar date set aside no plan i was trying to talk to her about what's in the area around her for dinner because i'm unfamiliar with where she lives i

don't want to make her drive out to me she was on for hours and when she responded again she kind of ignored what i said and started getting all sexual again skepticism increases more in the meantime i was waiting for one of her responses my buddy wanted to see what she looked like so i opened the dating app to show him, and she unmatched me. My skepticism increases. She was still texting me, so she didn't fully ghost me, but I was confused.

Cut to yesterday. She asked if I wanted to see her nails that she just got done, so I say, sure. Sends me a video of her nails, but then pans down to her masturbating. I was really surprised. I noticed through that the video had no sound.

My skepticism increases. At no point did she show her face in the video, so I'm thinking maybe it's some random amateur porn video from the internet that's been muted feel a little paranoid but so much just isn't added up then she sends me a message asking to return the favor and as much as i wanted to i had to tell her how i felt instead we haven't even met each other and we barely got to know each other and what have i done to earn this kind of treatment so early i'm thinking if i send this i'm gonna end up in a blackmail scam still waiting on a response but i just had this gut feeling in my gut all night.

I'm going to continue to see it through, but don't worry. I'm going to continue to play it safe. I just want to hear others' opinions. I get your skepticism for sure. I understand your hesitancy. I pretty much approached all of my matches with that level of, especially, again, we've talked about it where like women have a sledgehammer approach where if you come on too strong you you give very strong bot energy you

give scam energy yeah uh especially with online dating and that kind of stuff like the amount of i would love to know the amount of women i unmatched that were actually just looking for me to come over and fuck them because like if you if you're, if that's your, your pitch within like a couple of lines, I'm assuming I'm going to wake up in a bathtub ice with like a spleen missing or something. You know what I mean? Like, so I get being weary and I think everything you said is very rational.

It's a black mouse cam for sure. Yeah. Like it really is. Like it's, it's this video sure yeah like it really is like it's it's this video out of nowhere of this thing and then you send me one back it's like man like maybe that can happen early but it doesn't happen before you meet each other before you see their face in you know it at 95 it's a blackmail scam five percent she's a little freak and even then it's like if you're not comfortable with it definitely don't do it yeah i don't know like i what you could do is just go on porn hub and find a masturbation video and that would actually be really right and just send and just see what

happens and be like yeah right like just to satisfy the worst case you guys meet up this weekend she's cool and then when she sees your dick she's like wait a minute hold on that's not right uh yeah so it is i i think when you're when you're online dating uh it makes sense to be cautious i mean in all regards when you're meeting up with people especially things like sending nudes before you've like established an actual connection so you can send a newbie make sure you have to make sure you like bring your brother yeah yeah your brother needs to be in the nude as well yeah just in the background he's gonna have his dick out as well just in case she wants to date him instead yeah exactly exactly uh hey look this has been really fun but like i was wondering if i could

blackmail your brother uh it's and for me the only way of knowing whether or not this is a scam or not is to like as you like essentially follow through and like once you get to the date if she's like oh no i can't make it or whatever be like all right like then you cut your losses and you're just like this doesn't seem like it's working out you know good luck great luck uh but i mean there are other things like it does suck because there are circumstances where i've had a lot of people who i match with on dating apps who wouldn't unmatch me they would just be like they get on dating apps for like two days and then they're like this sucks and i just happened to catch them in that yeah so when you go and like dane's the

reason they leave yeah uh so you know there's always it's tough because there's always circumstances like people do break their phones. One of my coworkers gets a new phone, I would say, like every other week because she loses it or breaks it. So like she rich. I don't know what the hell is going on, to be honest. I assume at this point she has some sort of insurance plan that just covers her. I assume at this point she's uninsurable.

Yeah. But it's like point she's uninsurable. Yeah. But it's like, you know, it, it happens. So it, I don't want to give hard and fast rules of like, if this person does this,

but like if, if you have a gut feeling. Yes. And it's bad, follow it. To be fair, it's safer for you to act skeptical. Yeah. About like when the coincidence are,

are piling up. Like a hundred percent. So I listened to a podcast recently about like this famous like is essentially this person whose identity was stolen and turned into like the scam artist so like for some reason all these like honey trap like social media tinder like whatever scam artists were just using this one woman's like pictures for some reason, just her. And essentially everybody they interviewed was like, well, like she broke her phone and then she lost her thing.

And then her camera broke. So she could text me, but she couldn't send the picture. And then she asked for money. And it was just, it was always the same. And you're listening to it out of context. You're being like so obvious. You know what I mean?

So it's like when these coincidences do start piling up, there's no harm in being a little skeptical. And if the person you're talking to is like, fuck you, you're not gonna so obvious you know i mean so it's like when these coincidences do start piling up there's no harm in being a little skeptical and if the person you're talking to is like fuck you you're not gonna send me a nude that's a good idea that you are good good indication you don't want to fucking date them anyway yeah yeah whether there's a blackmail scam or not if someone gets that aggressive about not respecting your comfort levels and boundaries especially like again you've never met this person yes i don't know i've never sent a picture of my dick i mean i don't send a whole lot of dick pics in general but like the the women who have received my dick are women that i know and trust and willing and eager participants yes not strangers yeah yes for sure uh so come on be

smart at least this person seems to be so far yes I get the feeling that they want us to be like, you're good. Send it, bro. Don't send it, bro. Don't. Just follow your gut. Always. Right. If something is, if there's a big alarm going off in your head, listen to it.

It's better safe than sorry. Wait, wait. First you said gut. Now you said head. Which one is it? My gut is my head. Gut head. This is from Ol' Eric's.

What do I use as lube for masturbating without raising suspicion from my conservative parents? I've been struggling feeling pleasure masturbating and found using water-based gel or coconut oil really helpful when living in dorms. Now that I've moved back in my conservative parents' home, I can't keep a Durex bottle of lube in my room because they'll see it and raise hell is there anything i can use that won't look suspicious even coconut oil would look sus learn to hide your shit better it's yeah how like is your are your parents doing like military boot camp style like going through your drawers and shit because like surely you have like a bedside table that has like a couple drawers that you because like surely you have like a bedside table that has like a couple drawers that you can like just shove it into the back like put a bunch of

random shit buy a bunch of notebooks or whatever and like just cram it in the back put your books there and it's like unless your parents aren't like if your parents are rummaging yeah then they're gonna find it if they're not then they're not like obviously don't have like a big big old like yeah like costco sized fucking like pump handle lube thing on your desk next to your tissues and like you know what i mean like obviously don't make it a whole like you know high school comedy teen yeah like setup but surely you can get like you know get those little bottles of lube that you can like just tuck sideways somewhere or like if it is like a coconut oil or whatever that you're worried about, all you need to do is have plausible deniability. Really, right? If they go, well, you got that coconut oil, you go for my skin.

Yeah. Just be like, no, are you jerking it? And then you're like, no. And they're like, hmm, like they're not going to get rid of it, surely. And if they are, just be like, well what about the olive oil in the kitchen, mom? What about this, mom? Like, are we not allowed to have anything slippery, mom? Yeah.

I mean, coconut oil is great for your lips. It's a really good natural lip balm. So you can just be like, when I was living in the dorm, the air was really fucking dry. My lips got really chapped. Roommate told me about this. And then, you know, and now I find that like it really helps keep my lips from getting all shitty and gross also like and what better way to praise the lord yeah then you can't if jesus hears chap lips he feels a little bad about it he'll be like this guy straight to hell

straight straight to chap lip hell we'll have to like lick your lips and they'll get all red yeah forever if you with the. If you don't respect your chaps to thee, who will? Alternatively, just get a container or something. Buy a fucking screen cleaner or something for your computer.

Empty that out. Dane is in good territory here, but he's also in the danger zone because I had friends do this in university with a bottle of sun cream and a bunch of vodka to sneak it into a festival. And they did it. But guess what? The vodka tasted like sunscreen, and it was terrible. So what you got to do is make sure you clean it real good.

Because screen whatever Dane said on your pee-pee, not good. Yeah. It's going to strip that skin right off. And guess what? You'll need coconut oil then. If you want, go to the dollar store and get a small, like little,

little spritz bottle. I'm putting it on my dick because the skin's gone. Sure. Timmy. No mom. Uh, yeah. Like you can get any sort of like little spread and just be like,

oh, it's a, it's a screen cleaner. Also like until the, until dad realizes that he's got his fingerprints all over and just keeps like fucking lubing up his screen.

And sometimes you just got to fucking stand up for yourself against your parents. So just fucking put your foot down. Yeah, mom. I'm jerking it.

I'm jerking it. You can't stop me or maybe. Hey, do you want to try? You want to try to stop me faster than you?

Yeah. Do you know greased up? I am right now. You slide along the floor. I discovered lube, mom. You'll never catch me.

Yeah, it's true. And I think that's it. I think we've solved that 100%. Yeah. This majestic cupcake. Hi, female 44. Haven't had sex with my boyfriend, male 56, for seven years. Is it my fault?

Haven't had sex with my boyfriend for seven years. I don't know why. We went together almost 8 years, but no intimate contact for 7. Anytime I've tried talking about it, he shuts down, stops talking, and ignores me. We never argue because we can talk like civil humans when we disagree, but we've never been able to talk about this.

After the first few years, I was angry and started making snide comments and shit like that. I have since apologized, and I think we moved on from it. I try to tell him this isn't fair for me. For me, it's not necessarily the no sex. It's the fact I don't know why. I forward my heart out to him about this many times. He shuts me out. A few years ago, he said he was tired. I explained he doesn't have to do all the work himself. Now, about two months ago, he said he remembers how sex was used against him in previous relationships, but realizes I'm not his ex. I did get a little upset because it's been almost eight years. Like,

what the fuck? He tries to reassure me it isn't me. He says I'm beautiful and ex. I did get a little upset because it's been almost eight years. Like, what the fuck? He tries to reassure me it isn't me. He says I'm beautiful and loves me and this is 100% his issue. Obviously since the beginning, feels like it is me. Then a few nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to looking at pics of women on Facebook wearing next to nothing. Pretty sure he isn't cheating because he really doesn't have time and his schedule

never changes. Am I overreacting to the whole thing? Can I approach the situation differently? If... Things like this piss me off so much because if i had an issue as big as i want to have sex my partner doesn't want to have sex and then i try to have a conversation with and they just shut down yeah i wouldn't stay with that person no for eight years not at all this this could be about like literally anything if i have an argument with a partner and i'm like hey i find that i'm doing all the housework yeah or could you help do the dishes tonight and they were just like i can't and then like go and lock themselves in the bathroom or something yeah i would be like cool this isn't a person i want to spend

oh any amount of time with like even like as you're right it's not even about sex it's just like the sheer disrespect and lack of like being a cohesive human it's like if you just can't give me anything and you're just like okay cool go sort your shit out elsewhere because i cannot deal with that yeah nor shall i and it's when it like it gets exacerbated when it's something as big as like if you guys if if the issue was like oh we haven't had sex but it doesn't really bother our relationship and it doesn't really matter then it's like okay whatever who the like, Oh, we haven't had sex, but it doesn't really bother our relationship and it doesn't really matter. Then it's like, okay,

whatever. Who the fuck cares? Don't, don't have sex and keep having a great relationship. Yeah. That'd be one of those things where like, you can have your own sexual like levels in your own, you know,

libidos and whatnot. You don't have to worry about what other people would think in your situation. If you're happy, you're happy. Yeah. But if you're unhappy and they won't talk to you, the fuck out of it. Yeah.

Why are you ruining seven years of your life to be unhappy about a specific issue that they refuse to talk, talk about or address for this long is a, a crazy thing to do to me. I cannot imagine. Huh? Thing to do to you. Yeah.

You're doing this today. You do understand what you're doing to me. You're making your mother crazy. Um, it's, it's really, really tough to like even fathom and i understand that you'd be like oh you know the relationship is great because we can talk about everything else and whatever but like if that makes it worse yes honestly it was

like we can never talk about anything this is one of those things it would still suck but the fact you're like we can talk about everything however he just says yeah like no and then like like i don't even really want to talk about the like looking at pictures of women on facebook like it has nothing to do it has nothing to do with anything and like again if it bothers you it's just one more thing on the pile of the you know the eight-year pile of being upset about this one specific thing then get out of there. I would say if you are invested in this relationship, you would have one more like, hey, it's been seven years. I'm fucked. I want to fuck. You won't even talk

to me about this. This is your last chance. I want to discuss this. I want to make strides. I want to fix this. If you're unwilling to, I'm sorry. I have to go elsewhere. Good thing you're not married because it's going to be a lot easier to leave. But why would you stay in this? You're upset. It's been bad. It continues to be bad.

The disrespect, let alone the sexlessness. Yeah. And if he's just like, I can't talk about it because of my past. It's like, great. Then I'm going to bounce. And then you can find a therapist to work through this or don't. That's your choice. But I'm not going to suffer and be put in a position where like, I'm unhappy because you

refuse to address an issue in your life. And that literally goes for everything. It's not just sex. If these people, like, if someone is like, you know, Oh, every day for eight years, my partner yells at me because they have anger issues or whatever right like anything that goes over a long period of time and they don't want to talk about it or address it or solve it don't stay in a relationship where you're unhappy it would even be like an entirely different thing if they gave you a reason and you are unhappy with like that reason yeah that's an entirely different fucking situation because then we can talk about the reason and ways to fix or whatever that but like if they just simply won't talk to you,

like what the fuck are you doing? I never understand. Like, and I don't know if this is just because I've been very lucky with the people that I've chosen to, to be in relationships with, but I can't imagine what the conversation is like when I, I have something I want to talk about and I'm like,

Hey, so here's the issue. Here's what I want to talk about. Here's how I feel about it. And someone's just like, no, like I just, I like, how does and I'm like hey so here's the issue here's what I want to talk about here's how I feel about it and someone's just like no like I just like how does that or like how do you deal with that and not go right

by like yeah I am the kind of person where I'm I'm like the opposite where I probably talk about things way too much but like I just this would break me I would be like no you can't that's not an option you don't just get to say fuck you we don't talk about this yeah or or like accept the answer like if someone's just like i don't know yeah and you're just like okay like i don't understand how someone could could get that

sort of response back to a really important question or really important issue and then just be like satisfied and be like i've tried to talk to them but they won't yeah like i said what do you mean or even people are like well we've talked about this and it turns out like the conversation was hey well i'm not happy about this and like okay that's not talking about you brought it up timidly and then ran when they didn't yeah participate i i literally do not know like i would love to see one of these like be a fly on the wall and see how one of these conversations go that would be the like the most upset fly if it was me because i just like yeah like on the corner of the wall you'd see a fly just just explode uh i yeah it's don't stay

in relationships you're unhappy with put in the effort to fix them do the things that you can do to to make them better and if you're utterly unwilling to meet you yes in any regard why would you date them and that goes it that crosses a whole spectrum as well being like from ranging from like you know shutting down becoming non-verbal and refusing to acknowledge that there is a problem to someone just being like here's the problem here's how i feel and i don't know how to fix it. Those are all like on that spectrum of accepting that you have a problem in your relationship. But all of those are okay to leave him, right? Like even if someone is like, hey, I hear you.

I understand why you're upset. I don't know how to fix it. Like you're allowed to be like, okay. Yes. It's not my job to, to then fix it. And I'm unhappy because of this. Yes. So until you can figure out a way to,

to make that change, whether it's getting professional help or whatever, or even if I don't like to stay here and just take abuse, whether it's intentional or not, because you can't figure it out. Yeah. Or if they're like, oh,

I can fix it doing this. And they don't or can't. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not like only these ones we're talking about are the bad ones. If they do the other things, you've got another eight years. You've got to do another eight years. If you're unhappy, you don't need a reason. You don't need

permission to leave, but in certain circumstances like this, I feel like you need to be told to leave, so fucking leave. Yeah. You're miserable. You're miserable, and nothing's changed, and it's been been bad and it's only going to keep getting worse. Yep. For you too.

Yeah. Uh, that's going to do it for this episode. Friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us and spending some time with us. We know you're busy and taking, taking a little slice of your life to, to spend with us and listen to us means a whole hell of a lot

to us if you would like to support the show and maybe get uh niles family a hotel so uh i'm actually really excited for them to stay um it's just other stuff like editing and everything honestly yeah so any little bit that all the patreons right now are keeping the show afloat so you have them to thank for episodes every week. Yep. You can head on over to F buddies, podcast.com, click the Patreon link and boom,

there you go. You can choose a level that works for you. We just recently uploaded a new how to series with our pillow talk dealing with breakups. Yep. And it's all about how to move on, how to process, how to actually do the break how to break

up when to break up especially yep um and it was very good for that last yeah one guess when you should have broken up seven years ago and if you've just broken up and you you listen to this to heal we've then got two more how to's of getting ready to go out on a night out to like maybe schmooze with uh people you're attracted to and then how to go on a first date yeah so uh we've got you covered for a lot of things if you have any suggestions or would like to hear us deep dive on another specific topic this is the one time where people are like oh what's your podcast like what episode or what's this episode about it's like it's not what we do the amount of times I have to say that to people, which is fine. Yeah. But also.

But now, now we are doing single topic episodes. So if you'd like us to deep dive on a, an idea or a topic or a concept, let us know. And we will consider it for one of our how to series. We will. Thank you,

Josh Eagle and the Harvard cities for their song paper stars. Conversely, another way to help us is just, you know, tell your friends, tell your friends. Tell your friends. I promise you, and I know this for a fact, that you have a friend who's absolutely

fucking useless with the opposite sex, the same sex, whatever. They're useless romantically. And the best thing is, you don't even have to be like, look, Jimbo, you suck shit. You can be like him. These guys are funny. You like them. They're so funny. And again, maybe you know a dude who's skewing a little into the incel, into the red pill.

And guess what? It's an easy sell. You say, look, they got an episode called Dick is Sports Mode. And they're going to be like, yeah, bro. And then they come in expecting us to be like, fuck women. But we're saying, hey, fuck women. Yeah. In a way that makes them come.

That's it, right? I feel like if you look at our episode titles, you would never know. No, it's like bait. Yeah. Although, I mean, if they go far enough back, we do have a Black Lives Matter, and we do have a... We can't pander all

the time. I believe we do have some pro-trans stuff. Also, I imagine half the time if you get a minute in there like fuck these guys but you know what we try uh speaking of incels you ready yeah some bad sex writing elon musk suggests support for replacing democracy with government of high status males god like imagine a fucking world or a government run by just just a like let's go let's go a small sort of like after-school committee run by people who consider themselves high status males it would be well look at fucking twitter like it by itself garbage fire they, Hey, here's a functional product. And he was like, not anymore.

Why? I will say, however, I was on Twitter recently today. And one thing that I actually thought was kind of cool was before you share a news article, it says, Hey, you actually opened this news article,

which I thought was a pretty good. I think that is like a step forward in terms of like, it's fair. I was like, okay, this is the one time like it's fair. I was like, okay, this is the one time I was on Twitter and was like, huh? I also appreciate the community notes feature because it's just been used exclusively to like cook anything

fucking Elon posts. Yeah, it's great. There's like, well, no, that's bullshit. Yeah, this is bad and I don't think we need any other high status mail to run anything ever. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spade.

And we've been your fuck buddies.