F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 31 - Dick Tenderizer

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

This is the first episode in a few weeks that we don't go completely off-the-rails by the end of things and we're not too sure how we feel about that.  This week we bring an exciting conclusion to #cumbox2019 and I promise you, you'll never guess how it all shakes out.  Topics include ghosting but still orbiting, the first date hand-off, a dick like a leg and an orgasm like a pig, sneaky in-bed phone times, lookin' pretty and how to pick up men.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we are, of course, each and every week, every second, every day, every breath you take, we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Boom. Welcome back. You know what's really cool? Ice. Yeah. But also, everyone listening. Yeah. Just think about it on the way here it's really cool so thanks guys it is it's always nice when like someone they're like i don't know someone's just like hey your episode was good i was like oh i i had no idea that you listened yeah no it's it's really nice and uh we really appreciate it yeah i feel like i know we say it occasionally but i don't know if i said enough so thanks guys thanks, guys. You guys are the best. And I think this might be one of the, an episode that has like one of the most.

Amount of user submitted questions. User submitted questions. Yeah. We got a lot and I love it. Why does this whiskey taste different every week? Do you find that? Because it's so bad that it continues to age. Oh, shit.

I'm sorry. I'm trying to find the update because there was an update to mackinac boys cum box oh fuck i forgot about that yeah um after we recorded last week uh as soon as we like stopped and i was like oh there's a yeah i just realized there was an update okay i found it here and then he didn't tell me he made me wait and then i forgot about it so man you know we should skip a week and get people to message in and say what they think no i need to know okay so this is by the person well i feel a lot better definitely wasn't as big a deal as i thought it would be oh jesus christ how i i went to her okay what do you think i don't know i don't i can't possibly think of a scenario where this isn't absolutely batshit crazy.

Yeah. Do you think him feeling better? Okay, so hold on. Just in case this is like your first episode and you're just kind of jumping in. Oh, yeah. Last week, we had a question about a guy who found his Tupperware container filled with his old condoms. Yeah. Well, what we're assuming were his.

Yes. Which was under the sink. Yeah, it was under the sink. Yeah, it was under the sink, like, hidden. Like, down somewhere, but she was basically hoarding his used condoms, which, pretty sure we can all agree is kind of weird. Anyway, so, do you think it's going to be not a big deal? No, I don't think there's a single goddamn thing

that could happen here that this isn't fucking crazy. Okay. I went to her place after class and we watched some Game of Thrones. I told her I had something serious to ask her. She looked scared, like she thought I was going to ask to take a break, which made me feel bad, but made my actual question easier to ask. I cut straight to the chase and asked, why is there a Tupperware container filled with used condoms in your bathroom? I took a few seconds to process and then kind of laughed and said, I promise it's nothing bad, but it might be better if you don't know for another month or so. Which made me feel way better.

Why? What? Why would that make you feel way better? What? That would make me a double terrified. Yeah. But I told her I needed to know at least a vague idea of their purpose. It actually is pretty funny.

I would not be okay with a vague idea. But anyway it actually is pretty funny i would not be okay with a vague idea but anyway so she's on a sports team that's kind of rowdy team has a fierce rivalry with another team at the college in the same town the other team stole something from the recently so her team has been thinking of a way to get back at them they settle on the idea to hoard condoms and dump them on or in something that belongs to the other team they're not sure what'll be easier to do their house their car their backpacks, or something else, like coat pockets. So Aldegar's been hoarding for like three weeks now, and they plan on striking soon.

She doesn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to be an accomplice. I love a go-prank war, though, so I approve. I'm slightly worried my DNA is going to be mysteriously found at a crime scene this summer, but I can't imagine things going that far. Lesson learned is, always ask your partner for jumping to conclusions although this might get me framed for rape so i don't feel too or although me posting this on reddit might save my ass if i get framed for rape so i don't feel too bad about

my decision ha ha ha also the person who said she's keeping them because she has a fetish for swallowing huge loads at a time god bless you no no this is not just just a straight no on everything that he just said that's not okay that's fucked firstly like i think the only sane part is that she didn't want him to know so that he couldn't be linked to the crime but now he's posted up online knowing that he has willingly because like that that's a pretty gross like bodily fluid to just put on someone else's possession this thing it's like i'm pretty sure that's a pretty gross bodily fluid to just put on someone else's possession. Well, the thing is, I'm pretty sure that's a pretty big, that's probably a sexual crime of some degree, right? Most likely.

I can't just run up and smear you and cum, or blood, or piss. That's not okay. Yeah. So the fact that you're posting publicly online, which again, not going to be very hard to track down. It's also got a lot of likes. It's top of Reddit right now. You're complicit to a crime.

Also, like, there could be diseases in there. Yeah, we don't know how clean you are. And it's not just you. It's a whole girl's worth of fucking, a whole room of girls worth of... A whole fucking sports team full of girls.

Also, like, you could get the exact same effect by just putting fucking shampoo in a condom. Yeah. And then you're not getting in sexual assault territory. Yeah.

I mean, like, anyone who looks at a condom filled with conditioner is gonna be like, that's fucking disgusting. Yeah. You know what? Oh, my God.

This is not okay, buddy. Advice. Don't let her do this. Recommend the old soap in a condom trick which even then advice to anyone don't use fucking semen as a prank yeah especially not yours any bodily fluid as a prank yeah like because all literally like all it literally takes i'm not like i'm i don't want to walk that line of assuming that sexual assault is fake and all

this shit and rape is fake and like any false accusations but like all it takes is one of these girls like i'm assuming the sports team is also women because they're playing each other they have a rivalry like all it takes is one of them to be like cool let's let's fuck over all of these guys yeah and be like hey here's proof yeah anything yeah no it's just it's just a bad call also it's kind of disgusting it's absolutely disgusting like i don't want kind of it's a hundred percent balls in disgusting i don't want like a fucking a pick and mix of randos come just like drenching my car someone has to clean that and it probably won't be these girls think of poor fucking jim working down at the car wash. Yeah. Like, no. Poor Jim's going to get jizzed. Yeah.

Multi-jizzed. Multi-jizzed. Ugh. Fucking hell. And don't be cool. Like, this dude is fucked. This is like kind of why I hate when people are like, guys are disgusting. Guys.

It's like, really? Everyone's disgusting. Everyone is fucking disgusting. Yeah. Humans are disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's also apparently there's someone like did comment on it being like no legitimately like we did some kind of like hazing prank similar to this and i now have a

sexual offenders record and went to jail uh like you think it's funny but like it's literally a serious thing so this is your warning like I swear to God. So, yeah. James McAvoy, you dirty boy. I know. Something tells me these people are not the kind of people who will put common sense to use here, unfortunately. Yeah, because, again, there's a way easier way to do this, and it was not hoarding condoms. And also, it's not even just semen. It's old semen now.'s not even just semen it's old

semen now it's fermenting semen because it's not even in the fridge it's just under your warm ass sink like no all right anyway speaking of common sense let's get some uh let's get some questions going here we do our first user submitted question yeah Alright, you got it there? I do have it. Yeah, I got it open. We all got it. Who's reading it? Do you want me to read it? I can read it. Yeah, you read it. We need an agent name. Agent Highrise. Oh,

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Agent Highrise says, I just finally, I just had to finally block a guy because we've gone a few dates he completely goes to me but would continue viewing every snap story liking insta posts and occasionally commenting on them saying something like how sexy i look but do you respond to a text no way what's the purpose of explicitly orbiting especially if they ended things in the first place it's one thing to creep on someone's profile.

It's another to let them know you're paying attention. Like, I can see you've looked at my Snap Stories, etc. or more, so you comment, chat back to Stories. Why not just go with someone to be done with it? Why bother sticking around in this capacity? Is it just to keep someone in your back pocket? I'm not changing my mind about blocking them. I feel like you're not willing. If you're not willing to be an active participant in my life,

you shouldn't have the privilege to only have a virtual voyeur relationship with my content i'm very curious to your male perspective on this i also want to note i'm friends with many guys have gone out on facebook etc i've occasionally creeped on them or just kept them as facebook friends that doesn't bother me i expect to create my profile too everyone does that i feel like it is different when you seem to be actively avoiding someone but you're willing to interact on their social media i totally agree yeah it's a good one it's it's funny because like a lot of the posts that i see when i'm looking for questions on bread and shit it's like people are like um you know guy doesn't want to see me again but he watches all of my instagram stories and like look i watch everyone on my instagram stories because I obsessively just want to clear the fucking thing.

So like, and that, that, that was like literally the first thing I was going to say is that like when I wake up in the morning and I'm just too tired to get out of bed, but I know if I go back to sleep, I will miss my alarm. I've got that like sweet five minutes, which ends up sucking because I don't do anything productive. I look at my phone, I don't have any messages or I have one or two. And once I reply to them, it's Instagram. I'm like, I'm rapid fire through everything. And I will stop if there's a cute dog, if you are my brother or my sister, or if you're one of the few people that I either one actually like and enjoy their content or the one or two people who are so fucking dumb that i can't skip their stuff because it's golden yeah and it's and i'm sure there's people out there who are like this motherfucker watches everything i post he sees every story that it's like no i just like yeah like nine times out of ten it's because i'm waiting for a load screen in a video game and i just need something to kill that like 30 seconds and it kills me every time i do it because i'm like i mostly i don't see any good

shit but i still do it. It's a habit I can't break. However, that's not what this guy's doing. This guy's doing worse shit because he's not only doing that, but it's the occasional. You look real sexy. Yeah. What are you doing? Well, it's one thing to spam through stuff that gives you a notification that you saw it, but just kind of like there's no real.

Contact. Yeah. But to actually go and like or comment on a video or post or whatever but then to continue and then yeah and then not respond to texts i don't know what is going on here and like the only thing i can think of is he's like when he's sending those messages he's either drunk you know what i mean drunk and horny and he's like trying to get that booty call and he thinks this is the way to do it and that's the thing i think a lot of guys immediate like he's you know i mean he's on his phone and he's seen a picture of you and he's like oh hell yeah yeah he's like throwing the dice because he's wondering

if maybe it'll just end up on the 20 and you'll be like hey i also want to have sex right now and he's like yes because i think some people watch too much porn and that's basically what happens in porn is one thing happens and then you're just fucking so i think a lot of guys think that's how life works so they'll like shrug and be like i'll just send this message or i'll just like this picture or like and then they're like oh no sex damn it yeah and like it could also be again i don't want to i don't want to put high rise on Blast or anything, but like, it depends on like what your past relationship with those

people are. Like if she's ever booty called him, it might be one of those things where like, he just kind of assumes that's the relationship. Right. Um, but I'm, I'm going to assume not because like she strictly said it was like, she went on a few dates, you know what I mean? Um, and yeah. because like she strictly said it was like yeah on a few dates you know what i mean um and yeah like also i don't know like maybe i think why people kind of keep that thing going is like maybe it makes them feel better that they have like a potential partner still in their

vicinity even if it's not actually potential but like like the contact and the seeing them makes them feel like it's potential. Yeah. Sort of that, like, you know, it's like I had a chance with her and I'm just going to keep her like on the peripheral to. It's just like you're not gone. You're still like you're still you still exist. Right. It's like if you're not on Facebook, it's a thing that kids have where like you hide to be on your back and it's gone object permanency yeah yeah so it's like for them it they're scared that someone's gonna put you behind their back and they won't see you anymore and then

fuck you're you're gone and they have no chances ever and they're a sad person by themselves whereas if they can still see you you're still not like you're still in their sphere, right? You're still orbiting. And I think that's what it's even called, right? You're still there. Like you exist. And that's like a little boost and a little bit of hope, you know? And maybe they feel like if they send you those eight sexy, like you sexy over like 10 months, then maybe in month 11, the stars will align.

And you'll be like oh thank god i sent those eight your sexy messages and liked those really old pictures because if i hadn't they'd be gone and i'd be a lonely boy banking on that like hoping that one day you'll be the drunk one yeah like and we'll like you know what i mean you'll you'll message at the perfect time and be like yeah fuck it why not yeah i i think maybe i think it's like, it's all about hope and love. No, it's just like people like to make themselves feel better. And flatteringly, you're so sexy that that's what they're doing. They're like, the fact that you even exist near me makes me feel better about myself.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, unfortunately, a lot of like modern dating when it comes to social media is it all comes like manipulation and like you know what i mean it's it's a manipulation of self where you know you want to project yourself as better than you are or at least like the best aspects of yourself while we're like cutting out anything else yeah but then also like curating sort of this like you said sort of like this potential you know menagerie of sexual partners regardless of like the actual possibility of sleeping with them to sort of like accumulate a instagram's worth of attractive women that you know

who post maybe attractive pictures or whatever to then be like this is my shopping catalog and like you might not be able to afford anything in that catalog but like you still look through it you can still flip through it and be like pages are well worn yeah it's like one day i might be if i save up enough yeah you know what i mean and like, I think that's sort of like what, what these orbiters are doing. Yeah. Um, and it's, I would love to know how, well, I guess he, he was only ghosted, right? And that's the other thing. It's like, if it's weird.

Well, okay. It's weird to have the opportunity. What if it's lingering guilt over ghosting and he feels like he's a good guy then because he occasionally is like, you're sexy. And he's like, oh, look, I'm a good guy then because he occasionally is like you're sexy and he's like oh look i'm a good person because yeah i'm a ghost you but i'm still nice and friendly and complimentary or is it regret also yeah maybe he's like shit but it's weird that like if either way he he there's something he feels like he's achieving with this you know and i think like we could brush off if it was just like

you know views on an insta story but it's the comments on the likes that's that's what changes this when when you go from sort of like a passive viewer to a semi-active yeah what i love is how he's acting like instagram is one world and the real life is a different world but i mean sorry we only come like communicate on instagram in real life I don't reply to you remember a lot of people doesn't make sense like where where they just sort of like will feed you one like I remember there was a girl that like she's one of those people who was always like we need to go get drinks we need to go get drinks and then you know I'd be like hey cool like what I'm free tonight are you doing she's like oh

sorry I like I'm super insect alright cool like I wasn't really bothered but yeah but it would be one of those things where like on the rare occasion where we'd actually make plans it'd be like oh i'm really sorry like you know i'm getting hit at school or i have to work whatever and then it's like and then on instagram you see them like at a bar and it's just like you know you know i can see this i i'm honestly not sure that people realize this like that people actually can see their instagram stories at this point like i think it's become so common that people have just divorced the fact that it is visible to people from existence because that people work all the time calling sick and it's like the manager's just there playing their instagram story

like they're out having fucking drinks and i can see it like we had a girl at work who was like she called in and she like did the whole like fake cough and the groans and the like um she's like i'm i'm heading into the emergency room because i think like my like appendix is bursting or something like that like which is why i'm coughing it was it was like a whole like fucking production yeah and then um and she came in for drinks later on no she fucking had like a like a 19 fucking video story of her at like some outdoor festival and like doing like you know just chugging bottles of vodka and shit we're just like you're like your friend is a manager here yeah she's the one that got you the job yeah you stupid idiot that's the thing is like if you're gonna do that at least have the common sense to not rub it in someone's face like that got you the job. Yeah. You stupid idiot. That's the thing is like, if you're going to do that,

at least have the common sense to not rub it in someone's face. Yeah. Because you're not even just like, oh shit, I shouldn't have. You're literally just slapping them across the face with it. It's so very, very,

social media, like I would love to know what dating was like prior to this. I know. Because like I never, I didn't, like other than in like high school. Yeah. You know what I mean? But even then it was like. to this i know because like i never i didn't like other than in like high school yeah i mean but even then it was like always fucking weird yeah but even then

like there was like fucking i can't remember what the hell was not my space but there was like a bibo uh no we had bibo in ireland fuck i think it was like nexus nexopia something like that and it was like you had like a profile and like uh penguin club club penguin no i know that's how you got all your first girlfriends have a hotel you don't know how to hotel it was like i thought you're gonna say something about harambe and took me back and i'm real sad no sorry um big up yeah no social media has just absolutely fucked everyone and everything um so i my my advice here is uh for asian high rise you did the right thing yeah yeah i think like blocking them it's like fuck it they don't deserve you yeah and there's like there should be no reward for people who

like you don't get to like like avoid someone and then also get to experience their life exactly it would be like a deadbeat dad who like or like a deadbeat parent who's walked out on a kid and then like 18 years later it's just like tell me your story yeah you know what i mean like i i'm still your dad it's like well no you're not yeah no i think this is entirely and like yeah i think it's it's hard enough to do like i do feel bad about blocking people on social media unless it's like a real you know if it's like a real incident went down i was like i do feel like so there's a bunch of people on my instagram my facebook that like i couldn't really give a shit about or don't really like or things went badly

but you you feel or at least i feel sometimes like you seem petty or you seem like you took it to whatever that's the thing so i there's a lot of people i don't and like mostly it doesn't matter but sometimes i see people like oh and honestly the people i've blocked are very rare one because they were just so annoying and stupid i mean i'm in blocking season right now game of thrones has started oh yeah and the second anyone says anything i like, someone posted a thing. Like, as it was happening, they were, like, live tweeting Game of Thrones. Why?

But it was, like, on Facebook. And someone was just like, I can't believe this character just did this with this. And I was like, are you fucking... Are you just an asshole? I've seen the episode. But I was like, at what point in time, like, just think. For fucking two seconds i'll post fucking spoilers yeah um so i was just like the second anyone posts anything about game of thrones

i just block them and unfollow them uh i have a friend on instagram who literally was filming it as it happened and put that in their story which of course i scanned through so i was like yeah yeah like why just don't be a dick how know that but also back to my point it's awesome that you are able to to go ahead and like to block someone because they don't fucking deserve that shit and like also who gives a fuck if they do think anything about it because they don't deserve to think anything about it yeah it's it's it's a healthy i know a lot of people might think it's self-respecting yeah i think a lot of people might think that like blocking like you said like kind of feels petty or whatever but like well a self-respect thing. Yeah. I think a lot of people might think that like blocking, like you said, like kind of feels

petty or whatever, but like. Well, I always feel like, I feel like they would think that. Yeah. And like, sometimes I don't want to give them the satisfaction of that, but in reality, and again, I have gotten a lot better at it. It doesn't fucking matter. These people don't mean shit. So it's.

So I think it's, I think it's a real good move to just be like, nah, fuck this shit. Yeah. I'm over it. And like, you don't, you don't get to be a part of this anymore. Yeah. You had your chance. I made enough effort effort yeah uh and you fucked it over so like no more eye candy for you yeah bye um and then for people who do this and watch i will bet you and you're gonna need to tell us if this happens now that you've blocked them when are you getting the text oh you're getting a text for sure

you're getting that text within a month yeah why why why why why yeah within a month or like this is just so crazy but like i couldn't find you on insta the other day yeah or like you often what what happened with us yeah that's something 100 that's what i got so many fucking times from girls who would like who i would try to make plans with. And like, maybe I'd hook up, like we'd have a first date, we'd hook up and then like they'd ghost me or whatever. And then like, you know, two months later you'd be like, Hey, so what happened with us? It's like, well, you didn't answer any of my texts for like two weeks.

So I decided I was, I was over this shit. I think, uh, I think my favorite is one I've been getting like I hadn't ever gotten it before and I think maybe it was because I didn't actually have Instagram back in the day but like I get these messages like you still with your girlfriend yeah uh I'm sorry you have me on Instagram all I post about is me and her doing shit it's like yeah no fucking shit like it's such a go away it's such a weird but like it's funny because that like imagine if i was like hey you still with your boyfriend everyone'd be like what a creep that's not cool and like yeah they'd be right but it seems to be okay for girls to be like

hey you still with your girlfriend and no one's like whoa yeah i've had i've had people who uh who have been just like you still with whatever her name is? Yeah. I'm like, okay, don't be a bitch. Yeah. It's like, even if I wasn't this level of like pettiness, like I'm, I don't want any part of this. Get the hell out of here. Yeah. All right. Next question. Yeah.

Thank you for the question. Agent High Rise. That's you. You're next. I read that one. Oh, you did. Fuck. I can do one.

I got, I think my favorite submitted question. You know what really pissed me off? The Google Drive and the Google Home icon look almost exactly the same, so I keep going to my fucking Google Home. All right, here we go. This comes from Reddit user Adorably Oblivious. How would you feel if you were out on a first date and she said she didn't think... Whoa.

Whoa. This is why I read the first one. Yeah. How would you feel if you were out on a first date and she said she didn't think you were compatible, but you would probably be great for a friend. Would you be okay with it and willing to see the friend or be weirded out or insulted or none of the above? I don't think I'd really care. There is like a caveat here i don't i'm not i was gonna skip it but she says assume the friend is equally hot based on pictures she shows you

well that's the thing i'd be like i'd be asking for pics firstly yeah how good is her personality of course yeah like what no um i would be i would think it was really weird i would be, I would think it was really weird. I would be like, I would have my bemused smile on, like where I'd just be like, this is happening. Okay, sure. Let's see where that goes. Because that'd be fucking strange. But at the same time, I don't really care. It's a first date. I have no vested interest in you.

If you're honest enough to be like, hey, I don't really see this going anywhere. Cool. I appreciate that. Yeah. If you're saying your friend like wants to like, fuck it. Yeah, I'll give it a shot i guess like yeah i think it would be funny yeah i mean i picked this because i literally i've gone through this yeah um one as like the person who is i don't want to say passed on but like the one who is like referred referred um and the one who has been referred like so i went i went on a date and uh

i i was kind of feeling it but like i could tell she wasn't um and we just sort of like we had that like that moment where we had finished our drinks and we were just sort of like i was like want to go to another place and she's like for sure i'm having a good time but just so you know not feeling that that spark i was like okay cool and then we ended up just like going and having a bunch of drinks having a good time yeah um and it kind of like ceased to be a date from that point on yeah and at one point she was just like i have a friend that i think you would really get along with and she showed me bitch i was just like yeah like i'm down like if she's like if she's in it like if she like i don't want to be the weird guy being like but if like if you think this is a good match, then, like, yeah, put her in.

Like, here's my number. You have my number. Yeah. Give her my number. I'm going to leave it in her court. You know what I mean? Because I don't want to be that guy being like, hey, so I just went on a date with your friend, and she said that you might like me. Yeah.

I was like, that's a bit weird. Super weird. But, like, if you want to, like, pass your experience and my number on to her, by all means. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. I'm down. to like pass your experience and my number on to her by all means like eyeballs in her core if she wants to message you again it's like you've probably been shown a picture by this person and like other than that it's actually probably better than tinder because you've seen the picture and you have a real person telling you actual things as opposed to just like if you want a queen earn her if you want a whore buy her which is you know it's gonna be every white girl's fucking tinder

thing right now yeah no spoilers i was gonna comment on it but i can't um yeah no i don't think i'd give a shit again it's like it's a first date i'm not gonna be offended that you don't like me or like in that sense you know and honestly it's kind of also a compliment if you they don't want to get with you but they're like hey my friend i think yeah like that's also a compliment so like i don't think you probably one of the biggest compliments to be like you're not my flavor but yeah this person my friend like someone that i also i care about yeah like i'm going like a lot of people care about their friends more than they care about themselves necessarily right because like you'll go out at first dates you know yeah exactly you'll go out and you'll hammer back like disgraceful amounts of alcohol but if you see your friend doing you

were like hey you okay yeah should i look after you have some water you're not gonna get yourself water yeah so like you have a higher you know i like a caring protocol versus your friends so if someone's willing to fucking throw you to them yeah it's probably a pretty good compliment and also like what's the worst case that happens worst case you have a hilarious story yeah and like maybe you go on this date and it doesn't work out and it's like okay cool then she's like i have a friend you're like oh my and it never ends yeah you just keep you literally oh maybe all their friends just want free drinks oh devious they live in like an artist commune And that's the only way they do it They're like shit

We gotta get a boy Then we gotta refer him to all of us And then we can pick another boy And then we can just get drunk and make paintings Yeah Maybe Well done it Just do it the modern way

And pay for your half And make her pay for hers Yeah Just give it a go Why not Yeah no I don't think that Do it the modern way and pay for your half and make her pay for hers. Yeah. Just give it a go. Why not? Yeah. No, I don't think that at all.

I think that would be really amusing. Yeah. Worst case, you've gone on a date that doesn't pan out, which you just did. So fuck it. Yeah. Or best case, you hit it off with this person. Legit cool. Yeah.

And then you'd be like, yeah we met on Tinder But like not Yeah and then you have A really funny story Not each other Actually I met her friend On Tinder And then she's gonna have The best bridesmaid speech

Yeah Cause she's gonna be like Well guess what I dated them first Yeah And it's gonna be great And finally you're gonna get A kick out of that one

Okay you ready for this? Yep Okay so this is Good friend of the show Eric Finally, you're going to get a kick out of that one. Okay, you ready for this? Yep. Okay, so this is a good friend of the show, Eric. But he also wants an agent name. So he is going to be... Agent Ocelot. Agent Ocelot. I like it.

All right, and he says, Hey, fuck buddies. I, 26-year-old gay male, have been in an... Sorry, I'm reading this all backwards. Oh, yeah. It's contagious. I know it is. I've infected you.

Hey, fuck buddies. I, 26-year-old gay male, have been in an off-and-on casual friends-will-benefit situation for the better part of a year. This guy and I get along super well. There's no strings attached. We have a bunch of mutual friends who I just happen to work with. Sounds great, right? Well, wrong. There are two issues with the sexual part

of the equation. First of all, he gets super hard. Now that doesn't sound like a problem, but so hard to the point that it's more like getting stabbed by a wooden inanimate object in the anus than an actual penis. To top it off, the number two issue is his climax. When he orgasms, he climaxes. Like shaking, moaning, almost seizing all over the place. This lasts off and on for about five minutes. Jesus Christ. I just lay there, not knowing what to do, twiddling my thumbs, naked and afraid. Like to put it in perspective, he can't even talk when this is happening. Almost seems like it gets painful after a couple of minutes. And we have never talked about this strange issue. So my question for the two of you, A, what the hell

do I do about his solid rock penis? And B, how can I speak to him about his orgasm affliction without embarrassing him or making him feel weird? And my favorite question, what do I do while this is happening? Comfort him, stare at the ceiling, get dressed, and leave. Help!

Just start breathing through your Instagram stories. Well, then everyone's going to think he's orbiting. Okay, I'm going to go with that one first, this question, because it's my favorite one. What does he do when this is happening? He's got five minutes of a person seizing and not paying him any attention. Here's the thing. Fuck that question. Here's the best question.

Here's my question. Is he feeling the feeling of an orgasm for five minutes well this man just sort of like figured out well the thing is how to have the highest amounts of sex maybe well one thing i am incredibly jealous secondly is he part pig well yeah i know that's what i'm saying it's like don't pigs orgasm for like 10 minutes or some bullshit orgasm for like an hour or some mad shit yeah so like like maybe instead of figuring this out, you unlock his secrets. Yeah. Like, unless he's...

I don't think this is an affliction. I think this is a blessing. Unless he is actually in pain. Yeah. In which case, I don't ever want to be in pain when I come. What if his dick muscles just cramp every time he comes? And he's just, like, you know when you get, like, a Charlie horse? Maybe he doesn't have a dick, but instead...

A one-handlement? No, a very strong third leg. Oh, when you get like a Charlie horse. Maybe he doesn't have a dick, but instead has a very strong third leg. Oh, and he just gets a Charlie horse. That would explain why it's so hard. It's so hard, yeah. Oh, my God. Okay, but back to, we're going to get to all those things. We just opened a lot of doors. Too many.

First off, what do you do while he's seizing? And my idea of this i have two that's four that's four um i firstly i think for science and please report back you have to figure out how out of it he is right so like is he like like is isist, like, just had his wisdom teeth removed? Yeah. Post-operation? I say you do all the classics of parties, right? So you draw a mustache on him while he sees it. You tie his shoelaces together. Put shoes on him first.

Put shoes on him. Or maybe carry him. Well, that was my second. So here's, okay, we're going to switch back to this leg theory. Does his dick have shoes on? Is that why they're so hard? Because that could be an indication that it's actually a leg. Yeah.

Does he, instead of wearing a condom, wear a shoe? Because if that's the case... Just like those shower slippers? Yeah. But second option, buckaroo. You pile as much things on him and see how long you can last until he bucks them all off. Yeah. Either by him that's like hardbo because he's fucking seizing that's the thing i don't know if it's like gentle like

or like you know so it could either be that like it's hard to balance them on him or by the time he's done he will just toss them all off and be like the fuck i think we need to know just like how far gone is he like how how much can you get away with you know mustache silly faces uh shoot but shoot him and then tie them together i think fuck me uh i'm trying to think what i would do i mean like i've been with women who like have very long lasting orgasms yeah none that were five minutes no but also at least with women that's expected to a degree

but you know what I mean like you can go into sort of like cuddle mode rub his back like rub his thigh yeah just sort of like ease him into it you know what I mean like

also maybe he's coming down from a bad trip maybe a little light teasing depending on how you know yeah intense it is

yeah just like maybe just a real gentle stroke yeah man just hold that dick when that happens like

that happens to me like a gentle stroke after I've come like even if it's like even if it's like two minutes afterwards it's just like well that's the thing

it can't be too much but a little bit can do a lot yeah I mean like don't like actually jerk him off like he's he's done or the boy is done he's an anomaly I don't know if he's done I mean maybe not maybe maybe he's like hit his first wall and he like step one and he's like he's waiting for you to just jackhammer yeah through. Yeah, maybe he's trying to get through that last wall to Pleasure Town. Maybe he's just a sex god, and he can just... I don't know, man. He hasn't even reached his final form. Oh, man, yeah.

Maybe he's like... Yeah. You don't know. We need to operate. I would. I mean, I think my first question, if anyone was doing this, would be like, are you okay? Well, that's part two of the question, is how do we bring it up? I would be like... Ask him if he's that's part two of the question is how do we bring it up i would be asking if he's okay like look i'm interested like do you literally just come for that long like that's crazy and maybe he's like oh no i'm in massive amounts of

pain and then you're like oh no yeah i mean i mean i've asked my like yeah female partners being like there are times where you're like do you need some water i can't tell if this was incredible or horrendous like i don't know if i need to call an ambulance or give myself a medal like which one is it yeah i mean i i used to sleep with a girl who um would say no when she was like coming and i would like obviously stop um she she was like, no, no, no, no. This is just like, this is just what I say. And we had, we ended up like, I was like, okay, then we need another word that you can say if you want,

if you want to stop. I used to sleep with a guy. I'd just be like, fucking bitch. It was great. Callbacks. Yeah. I think, I think it's totally fair to ask him if he's okay like if it looks like he's seizing i don't think anyone could hold it against you if you're like hey man are you all right you could also if you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable just be like hey that

seemed really good and then they'll probably be like yeah it was or not or just be like just be like yo do you come for that long like i'm jealous or anything you know i feel like you've slept with them more than once you can 100 ask this question yeah okay on to the hard dick i mean this is tough for me because i don't have any metric to the thing is is it related maybe his dick is so hard that it just gets harder and harder and harder and then like but i imagine he tries to take over his body at the end and that's the seizing it's like it's trying to inflict that hardness on everything else and he's fighting to keep his limbs from seizing up and maybe it's rigor mortis if a dead dick oh he's got like a lich dick yeah

um some sort of like maybe it's you know that movie where the guy like gets a serial killer's hand i don't remember what it's called but like there was that like movie in the evil dead or ashen the evil dead no no no it's a fuck it was uh i think seth green was in it i don't know um was james mcavoy in it i mean i'm pretty sure james mcavoy's in it i think he was playing seth green i can't tell yeah he I think he was playing Seth Green as... The thing is, you can't tell. Yeah. He could be in every movie. Yeah, but maybe he had... Maybe he's got a serial killer's dick.

Maybe there was a tragic dick accident. He lost his dick. And they were like, well, this guy just died and he's got a perfectly good dick. And they did a dick transplant. And now, yeah, now that dick is trying to kill him. And you. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Okay. That could make sense. Now, on to more practical aspects of... I appreciate that. Hey. So, we've all cooked here, right? We've all made some food in the kitchen, right? Right?

Yes. So you want to tenderize that meat. You put some acid on it, right? A little bit of vinegar. You leave it. It soaks into the meat. It breaks up a little bit. It makes it a little bit softer.

And you just got to like glaze his dick and a bit of red wine vinegar a little bit of balsamic or get that hammer that's got the spikes no no no no no no no no no no hey if we're talking about tenderizing meat yeah but we're gonna do it in the inflict some acid on the root not the trauma no seriously you just like put it in a little tupperware container put his dick in the fridge for a little bit let the red wine vinegar soak in uh it'll taste great and it'll tantalize it just a little bit yeah honestly you know what i think if agent ocelot wasn't so sexy maybe he wouldn't be so hard so think about that yeah think about that it's your fucking fault and you're coming to us with fucking for answers. And you're so sexy.

How dare you? Fucking how dare you? Just stink of sexiness. Yeah. I don't know if we can make them less hard, but yeah, I definitely, I would ask him like double check that it is actually great. And if he has some secret, please pass it on. Cause I would love a five minute orgasm. That'd be great.

Yeah. I mean like, again, it might be one of those things where you're just like, I would love it. And then you'd have it and you're like, this is terrible. Yeah. Maybe I would also say, uh,

and this is, I think is the best advice I can give anybody. Uh, don't give him roadhead when he's driving. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah.

Or if he's like operating, maybe like a forklift or any sort of heavy machinery, never let this man become a pilot. Cause like like what are you going to do when you're bored in the air for eight hours? Yeah. Jerk off. Mm-hmm. If you tell me, if you try to tell me that pilots aren't like just fucking 90% of the

time. Their suits are white. Yeah. Like they're jerking off in that cockpit. What do you think it's called? A cockpit. There's an autopilot. Yeah.

They literally do not have a reason to be there other than a private, well, not private. It's like a co-op jerk-off fest. Well, initially. I don't know how we got there, but we got there. All right. Pilots are masturbation fiends. Yeah. This is by Reddit user Stripe2019.

Should I be concerned? Probably. So every morning that I sleep over at my boyfriend's The first thing he does is turn his back to me And check his Snapchats and Facebook Messenger I'll reach over to grab my phone Because it's charging in the same place And he'll immediately go back to the home screen of his phone

Uh, he also doesn't like me sleeping On that side of the bed It would put me between him and his phone He's really sweet, but it's just bothering me Should I be concerned or am I overthinking this? You know what? I can see both sides of this. Yeah, because I mean, like, I do the same thing.

When I wake up, I... Yeah, we've already established that we have this weird Instagram compulsion. I don't go on Snapchat because I don't use it, but like, I do go on Instagram and just sort of like see what people got up to last night. Why not? Yeah. You know what? It's funny.

It's funny. It's like I think – okay, no, you keep going. I'll – There is also sort of like I wouldn't want Amanda to look over – like if I'm just going through fucking Snapchat, I wouldn't want Amanda to wake up and like look over and I'm looking at like some girl's stupid fucking like model photos. You know what I mean? Exactly, right?

Because like it looks bad and there's always that sort of like because like it's it looks bad and and there's always that sort of like initial like if i looked over at her and she was looking at like some dude yeah some dude like just curling like 50s or whatever i'd be like oh see cool i guess the thing is i don't think i'd really care but i like i i totally get where you're coming from because i would worry that they would care yeah right and like i know i would understand i would look at what they're doing and be like i understand how that could look bad and i would like laugh it off my head and be whatever because like i'm pretty sure at this point everybody in the world has at least a friend or two who's gonna

be like going out tonight and it's like the big like tit fucking like yeah snapshot or like the guy in the gym just like benching or like you know something that to if someone's looking at the wrong time can look bad and like again i'm pretty sure we're not the only people with the instagram fucking compulsion where you just go through these pictures yeah i don't think anybody wants to accidentally click on that one wrong friend and have it look like while they're asleep you're just like oh yeah darla oh yeah um however alternatively it could be that he had a previous girlfriend who would get upset if for example even if it was a girl let alone a girl in skimpy clothing or whatever because i 100 have had that like there were times like, a friend of mine who's female would message me, and I would feel bad opening it because I had a previous ex who was a fucking lunatic who would be like, oh, my God, who are you fucking messaging?

Like, and, like, you learn to feel like that's a bad behavior. And, like, the irony is you're, you act more suspicious by, like, not wanting, you know, it's weird. I know. I was, like, I'm sort of the same way with, like, video games. Like, my first real girlfriend hated them. So, like, I pretty much only ever played when she wasn't home. Yeah. And it was, like, one of those things where I was just, like, the second I heard that key in the door, doesn't matter what I was doing in that video game, it was off.

Because, like, I didn't want that fucking fight. You know what I mean? Like, it just wasn't worth it. Yeah, it's easier. And, like, so for the longest time, like, I... And even now with, like, Amanda, she didn't give a shit. Obviously, like, if I'm playing and I'm ignoring her, you know what I mean? Yeah.

That's one thing. But, like, if I'm just, you know, popping on before work or whatever, like, she didn't give a shit. She's doing her own thing. Yeah. But, like, there's still that part of me that has that sort of like nervous like oh i'm doing something wrong like i'm gonna get in trouble for this despite the fact that i'm a grown-ass man i can have a hobby that i'm gonna do for like two hours i get that like i'll get a text off adam while we're watching a movie and i'll like answer it and put it down and i have that little like because again

my ex like who are you fucking texting like yeah, and again, it could be a dude. It could be someone we're both friends with. And that wouldn't matter. She would still be upset. And like, it's shitty how those things get ingrained, right? Yeah. Or he could just be cheating on her. I mean, that's also a fucking option. You know what?

Like, that was a throwaway joke just to completely switch it up. But like, you know what? That was a throwaway joke just to completely switch it up. But you know what? I feel like there are a lot of reasons why people might be like that. And if you don't really have any reason to be suspicious or be upset or whatever, there's only two ways to be in a relationship. And it's either you trust them or you're not in a relationship. Yeah. There's no in between and there's nothing wrong if you trust someone and it turns out your trust was misplaced because you didn't do anything wrong. You still are great and like you shouldn't let that be an issue.

That's their fucking fault that they suck. Yeah. So like that's all you got to do is literally trust someone up until the moment you know they're not trustworthy and then be happy

that you were still a cool person and move on and do it again. Absolutely. Because there's no in between. It's one of my favorite things you ever said um yeah it's it yeah i don't i don't know what to say if it really bothers you you can definitely ask him and just be like hey like why do you why do you close your screen every time yeah i start to look over and it might be one of those things like he he might just be like, sorry, I used to date a girl who lost her mind. Yeah.

Um, if he acts shady, then like maybe that's something worth investigating. Yeah. Um, and, or at least being like, Hey,

it makes me sort of like really insecure that you, that like anytime I look over at your phone, you close your screen. Yeah. Um, you have to understand that that seems suspicious to me and it's not that I don't trust you but like it's you're exhibiting can can like know they do that and not be like yeah i get where you're coming from yeah and if he then causes a big fucking fuss you could be like why why are you getting so weird about this yeah and again as long as you stay sort

of like level like do your best to not because unfortunately it's very easy for guys or for people who are manipulative to try and turn it back on you you're being crazy you're being jealous you're being this you're being that um so i think it's very like if you keep it about you um and not and not accusatory yeah i don't think accusatory is ever well it's not the way to go in this situation for sure but if you just be like look imagine if every time you looked at my phone like turn it off like yeah you'd get that way too right so like just like fucking talk to me and like if you stay calm and talk to them like if they blow up and they just refuse to talk about it and they're being weird even if there's not something going on i don't think you want to date that person you can just be like look i'm

just trying to have an honest discussion about how i feel and like what's going on here and if and you're getting so defensive and you're getting so aggressive and you're getting sort of sort of like uh dismissive of my feelings and it kind of sucks like i aren't doing anything this is a problem yeah yeah 100 so i think i think it's definitely worth something uh to address um i don't think it's something that you kind of like because there are some things that you can just kind of be like, oh, that's just a quirk. That's just a thing. This is one of those things where... If you're legitimately concerned, you do have to bring it up.

And don't just like underhandedly make jabs or let that make you upset and express it in different ways. Don't internalize it. Just bring it up. Yeah, you have to be very straightforward, very sort of level-headed and just be like, you know what? Every time I look over, you turn your phone off.

It makes me insecure or it makes me, like, feel kind of shitty. Yeah, or it's just like I feel like it's one of those things where if I did it, you wouldn't be happy. So, like, you can see where I'm coming from, right? Yeah. And then just gauge that conversation. It's also possible he thinks you're asleep and then when you wake up he doesn't want to be rude and on his phone so he like yeah gets out and it's like oh hey you're awake yeah you know um yeah so so definitely address it um and good luck

this is from reddit user mind over dick oh god ever have girls cat call you some girl yelled hey at me out of her car with her girlfriends last night. Space. Does it mean I'm sexy? I've taken to looking pretty. Walking around and taking note of how many ladies look in

my direction. Ego stroking is bad, but it's good to do field experiments just to see how objectively you stack up. Can I just ask you, is this from the seduction subreddit? Oh, you tell me. Yes, it is. It 100% is.

So here's my thing. Answer the question right now. There ain't nothing wrong with it. One, have you ever been catcalled by a girl? Absolutely. Secondly, does this mean he's sexy? at least to them a hey well i mean like if if a girl yells out a car window as they're driving by it probably means you either look ridiculous or well you thing is he has taken to looking pretty and walking around.

Both of those things are an indicator. I'm just saying. No, I just... It's the weirdest way of... Yes. This whole thing is written like so weird. Holy shit. Yeah, he's double spacing his fucking lines there. Yeah, yeah.

And no punctuation, apart from question mark, when does it mean I'm sexy? Like no punctuation, nothing. And just I've taken to looking pretty. How does one take to looking pretty? Maybe it means he's taking care of himself. It's also a really strange way for a man to express that he's looking well. I don't know many men who say pretty. Yeah, he could not be a native English speaker.

Maybe. I don't know. I love it. I just love everything about this question. Maybe. I don't know. I love it. I just love everything about this question. Yeah, you know what? As far as the seduction subreddit, I think this is sort of like

one of its most pure questions. Like one of its more innocent questions. We can go to the comments if you want. Oh, no, please don't. Do you know what an IOI is, Dane? No.

It's an indicator of interest. So this girl is just blaring IOIs at his sexy man butt just from across the road. Yeah, but think of it like the seduction flip. Flip the situation. Reddit makes me want to kill myself. How many times do you think our girlfriends have had guys yell out their car windows, Hey, girl, or hey. Oh, like a million times.

Right. And why do you think they do that? Because they take to looking pretty. Because they horny. The boys. Well, probably also our girls. Everybody's horny.

But I think, like, I don't know. You know what? There's two reasons why you would yell at someone out of the car. There's three,

I guess. One is because you find them just so sexy. Two is because you've been put up to it by your friends. You succumb to a little peer pressure. And three is because you find it funny. Like you've done it maybe because your friends don't want you to do it and you're doing it just to make them uncomfortable.

Yeah, true. Because they're the one that has to stop at that red light and have this boy who, let's be fair, has in fact taken to looking pretty and walking around walk by and preen a little as you frantically wait for the light to turn green yeah they're the three reasons like people yell at the car for a variety of reasons i don't think there's anything wrong with him taking this as a little a little my my my issue with the question is when he says ego stroking is wrong or something right like it's bad yeah that's not bad it's not bad at all like when i'm feeling fucking good and i'm like strutting down fucking queen street and is when he says ego stroking is wrong or something, right? It's bad, yeah, that's not bad. It's not bad at all. Like, when I'm feeling fucking good,

and I'm, like, strutting down fucking Queen Street, and I'm getting some head turns, like, I'm eating that up. Man, okay, so a guy... That's something you should bask in. If you feel good, regardless of whether or not you're getting attention, if you're feeling good, like, if you put on your fucking outfit

and you're just, like, killing it in your mind, regardless of what anyone else thinks, by means stroke that fucking ego no that's as long as you're not an asshole about it as long as you don't become an arrogant piece of shit or start making other people feel bad as a result if you're just feeling yourself absolutely yeah everyone should be like that feel yourself you know what i mean like every day i in a perfect world people would wake up they put on what they want to wear they look in the mirror and be like that feel yourself like every day i in a perfect world people would wake up they put on what they want to wear they look in the mirror and be like nailed it all i'm saying is you woke up like this yeah and you great but what was i gonna do oh yeah no i had a guy on the night bus

like he i'm sitting right beside the door he came up and was like waiting on the door to open like saw me like gave me the smile it's not like smile back and he like gestured for me to come with him and i was like oh he was a really hot dude and i was like i'd stroke my ego like a motherfucker what was awful was that i kind of like coyly shook my head no and it was like this nice moment but then the doors didn't open for like a while he was just like staring at me and i was like okay this moment went too long but it was nice you know what i mean yeah i had someone double take the other me and I was like, okay, this moment went too long. But it was nice. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I had someone double take the other day when I was wearing sweatpants walking down the road. That was weird. That happened. I don't know. People are weird when you wear sweatpants. You get creeped on. Yeah. Like, it's weird.

It's the sexiest combo. I know. You bring a polo shirt. I was almost. Damn. I had a t-shirt but no collar. But yeah, no. Okay. There are issues with this though.

Firstly, ego-stroking is not bad. Again, once you don't let negatively impact yourself or others. Yeah. But,

field experiments? It's a little weird. Well, that's, that's like a pickup artist thing. But also, I'm choosing

to ignore that. He's taking note of how many ladies Look in his direction I feel like Not necessarily the metric For uh You know

But you know what Maybe he's one of those guys Who like Never really took care of himself And never really like You know what Made an effort And now he is

He's taken to looking pretty And walking around And I love it man Yeah You You know You're allowed to be attractive You're allowed to stroke that ego

And I think Honestly I think Become a more to stroke that ego. And I think, honestly, I think... And become a more confident, happy person as a result. I think everyone, every now and then, should put on their fucking best outfit or whatever they feel the sexiest in and just go for a walk. Why not? Yeah. Oil up a little bit. Yeah.

Unless your sexiest outfit is like just skimpy underwear. Because I think you'll get arrested. As long as all the important bits are covered. You can, as long as your important bits are covered, you're allowed to wear, I mean, technically in Toronto, you don't even have to, you can be topless. Women can be topless. Yeah, but.

As long as, as long as your genitals are covered. I'm just trying to help people out because I'm pretty sure if I left in my finest man thong, I would be arrested. No. Probably though. You wouldn wouldn't be at least harassed harassed in a good way yes and not in a good way harassed yeah i'm just saying take care of yourselves people yes you took that way too seriously but that's okay i'm just saying if that's what you want to wear if you want to go out in a fucking bikini do it so to So to answer this question, yes, and then you sexy. Yeah, you sexy.

Get it. Yeah. I love it. Just get up the subreddit, the fucking seduction subreddit. Just treat yourself to real people. Do you think we have time for one more? We have time for one more. I have a few juicy ones, but I think you should do it. This is also from the seduction subreddit. This is from

user shit crap seven. Really? I'm sure he's a fucking hit with the ladies. Uh, they are in fact a lady. Oh my God. As a girl, how do I pick up guys in bars can i use the same strategies as males or what should i do i don't really want to rely on just having guys approach me because they're usually old or psychopaths anyway i tried the only other female subreddit that exists and i don't agree with their advice so i ask guys i mean i i don't want to sound cliche or ignorant when i'm just like if if you're a moderately attractive woman you kind of have pick of the litter 100 percent um at least from like my experience and from what i've watched at my bar i've seen women who i would deem as unattractive go home with dudes

with minimal effort. Yeah, like, what I love is, like, they're going onto a male, like, pickup, like, clusterfuck, because let's be fair, the seduction subreddit is horrendous, and they're, like, looking at strategies

and that it's just, no, you literally, what you need to do is not that. You need just not play games or bullshit. Like not look and be like, I need to do this. And like, you just need to go and talk to someone and be like, you find someone you like. You kind of just go chat with them and see if you enjoy their company as much as like if you both get on and then you just fucking ask them to go home with you or you kiss them or you ask for their number or it's like it's very simple yeah and easier because you're not going up to a guy and they don't have in the back of their head

like oh shit is this person gonna kill me or drag me outside or be horrendous because are they gonna try to drug me yeah like yeah unless you're cardi b they're probably safe so it's like they you have it a lot easier because you're in the socially advantageous position of you yeah there's kind of what you want right negative connotation to women approaching men uh at least not like the the only i think roadblock is that they might not be expecting it i might be like kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yeah. That's the only, you know, like I literally have had people be like, this girl's like talking to me and seems really friendly.

Like, what am I missing here? Like, what's up? Because it's a little bit less. What does that mean? Yeah. Like, I remember the time we were in a bar and this girl wouldn't leave us alone. And then it became apparent that she wanted to stay at our houses because you missed her bus. Yeah.

Well, I mean... To be fair, I think she also wanted more than that. But, like, it was... It was just a very strange tactic to... It was one of her strategies. It was her... Yeah, that's the thing. She was using strategies.

Like, if you don't play games... Like, if you're not, like, playing hard to get or talking to his friend to make him jealous so he'll approach you or you know if you're not doing any dumb shit like that i think you'll be fine you just chat and just go talk to someone and have a good time like yeah there's no it's there's no rocket science to it just be a cool person don't play any bullshit games. And just like, if it works out, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Like, it's simple. Yeah, I really don't think, I mean, there are a few, you know, changes in the rules.

But like for the most, for most cases, it's like, it's the same for men and women. What rules? Well, I just mean like, you know, guys have to sort of like tone, you know what I mean? Like don't touch them. Don't, you know what I mean? of like tone you know i mean like don't don't touch them don't you know i mean like there's there's that kind of stuff but like i i don't think a whole lot of guys would be upset if a girl came and like you know put her hand on your hip or like on your shoulder i do obviously again there is put them down your fucking pants because like fucking people do that shit and um don't but i mean like that's an actual crime so don't come on like a ravenous

fucking lunatic. Like, men are still people, and you need to realize that. But, like, I think most people probably aren't that weird. I think the girls we met in those occasions were just the far end of... Yeah. I don't know. But, like, you still have to... You still have a responsibility to treat people like a human. Like human beings.

But, like, if you just go up to someone and you chat, like, if you see a guy in a bar and you go up and have a talk with him, I think that's pretty much all you need to do. Yeah. Like, most guys will be, like, it's the going over and approaching a girl that's, like, the worst part for them. And I think a lot of that is fear and self-confidence, which is understandable. But also a lot of it is you don't want to go over and seem like a fucking creep or put them in an uncomfortable position or anything like that. Yeah. But you don't have to really worry about that. So you can just go chat to them.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah, just treat each other. No strategies. No bullshit. Treat each other like human beings and you're good. All right, let's end this bad boy. Yeah.

Thank you, everyone who sent in questions. Yeah, thanks a lot, guys. Y'all are the best and we fucking love you. If you have a question you'd like to send to us, you can hit us up on various social medias. You can send us an email at fbuddiespodcasts at gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash FBuddiesPodcast. No, FCKBuddiesPodcast. And you can hit us up on Twitter, FCK underscore buddies.

Hell yeah. If you have any thoughts on anything we've said, like if you want to add something, if you like something, if you have a disagreement, let us know. Yeah. You know? Like maybe you own a dick that is in fact too hard. How do you combat that? Is my vinegar suggestion just so correct? Or would you prefer the big spiked hammer thing?

There's definitely someone out there who's like, hmm. That is 100%. I'm sure right now I could go on Pornhub and find just a myriad of videos of people having their dick tenderized by that thing. Yeah, thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. Alright, you know what time it is. I'm getting comfortable. Yeah. So you know I can't read anything that doesn't have Padenda in it anymore, right? Is Padenda in the next one?

No, there's no others. This is The Lemon Grove by Helen Walsh. She closes her eyes. Shakes her head. We can't. she begins. His mouth is on hers. His tongue is jabbing around her gums, the wrinkled roof of her mouth. He pulls away a second time. Look at me, he says. She looks him in the eye. She reaches out and cups his balls and squeezes gently. Nathan closes his eyes, bites his lip. He steps into her, furious. And when it hits her, it slams her hard and fast as life once had.

I honestly think that might be one of the worst. He steps into her? Oh my god, he has a foot dick as well. I'm more concerned about the like jabbing her gums like yeah he's jabbing her gums and then also the wrinkled roof of her mouth which one a gross image but secondly that like i don't think come here give me your teeth let's see if i can reach her yeah you gotta like curve your tongue around the top teeth and just yeah unless you're like coming up like on a side angle either way i think that's pretty difficult yeah no

it i don't think this person has usually i'm like i don't know if this person has had sex this person i don't think has ever been kissed or fucked because he steps into her well yes yeah um but again leg dick maybe it's leg dick this is incredible you pick this randomly and there's a leg dick in it and also it hits her. It slams her hard and fast, as life once had. It's like, wow, you fucked me like that one year where my apartment flooded. Yeah. Poor Karen, the 40-year-old divorcee who's driving a 1997 Ford Taurus, living in a bachelor

basement apartment. You fucked me like my terrible childhood once did. It's a terrible like yo how hard do you fuck you as much as 2018 what was that year every celebrity died 2017 i don't know it's like oh man he fucked me more than 2017 did to famous people yeah this was written by a woman i hate it you know what else i hate dan hit. Hit me with him. Are you ready for it? Dan. Okay, so,

Dan has an article and in this, he describes how to be a challenge in a relationship. And you know what? For once, I think he would actually be

good advice there. He sounds like a very challenging man. I don't hate... My name is Dan Miller. And I'm Al Spoon. We're your fuck buddies. And we love you. My name is Dan Miller. And I'm Al Spade. We're your fuck buddies. And we love you.

We do love you.