F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 311 - Massive, Not Masculine

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

I can't help but look down at my balls every now and then and think, "Sure, you're massive.  But are you masculine?"  Topics include rated below her ex for best orgasms, a four year sex sabbatical, how to impress hundreds of women, a well endowed girlfriend. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you Miller and I of course in now Spain and we are of course your fuck buddies I thought you were saying I have corn I do at first home I'm gonna make a corn salad corn salad just a corn salad, but okay corned salad one corned salad What's in a corn salad? It's like Mexican street corn so where you like put lolok Mayo some like lime like a bunch of spices It's just intro and yeah, mix it up. It's quite nice. Just corn corn sauce. Okay corn sauce corn sauce

This is the worst intro we've ever done We're sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them to sexy sticky situations simply put we take Questions from you guys and other guys and we answer them right here right now. Hold on. I'm getting an incoming message Okay. Oh, no, fuck. I'll Kogan just died again. I refuse to I've told you this I've told you my stance Hulk Hogan is dead and will forever be dead wait it died again, so you can't Undead and then someone has severed the part of the zombie that stops them death. Oh mania is running wild The part of the zombie that stops them death. Oh mania is running wild Running wild as you can probably tell by us predicting more celebrity deaths. This is also another two for two in one day Yeah, trying to frontload some episodes because we have jobs we have to and I'm going to Vegas. Don't have the gas

I'm going to the gas Change man, and by that I mean poor I'm gonna come back in like a fucking white linen suit One of those hats that looks shitty on everyone else. But the second you have money, it looks good I'm gonna have like like I'll wear a coat like a blazer but like just over the shoulders. Okay, like my hand, you know I'll probably have some sort of cane. Sure. What's on the the the tummy area? What's on the nothing? No, okay. Yeah Sure, what's on the the the tummy area? What's on the nothing? Okay? Maybe shave like a dollar sign here. Thank you hair. I'm thinking it's gonna be like kind of like Sure, it's not in here. Okay. Yeah recording to the thing. It's like like I'm thinking like maybe like paisley like it's gonna be loud It's a loud shirt, right?

Definitely gonna wear Loafers or like Italian waitiffs, but no socks. OK, are you going to be wealthy or just have spent all your money on this? Yeah, no, you were correct. I am going to be poor, but I'm going to come back with the air of like a southern gentleman now. Kind of. Can I pitch you something? Please. You've got some money, presumably, that you're going to be spending

on these shoes and no socks. Yeah. However, I have an investment opportunity for you. It's called a podcast. Have you ever heard of those? I've heard. I've heard they are huge on the return. Huge on the return. I hear these silly guys can't stop making money for the people who do them. Yeah. So I think if you invest, you know, let's say a couple of grand in a few years, you might have none

left. You might be able to turn that couple grand into a few hundred dollars, maybe three years of hosting. Yeah. I'm excited. Are you a gambler? Do you like gambling? The only time I've gambled has been with you. You know, you know exactly how much I like gambling, which is too much. I cannot wait to do some roulette. That's that's what I'm much like We're rolling roulette on whether people are gonna continue listening this episode by this point. This is look we've done this for 300 and this is our

311th episode I think if I want to talk about things no Producers are shaking their heads. Fuck them. Hulk is coming over the hilltop in a rage We got to get this episode go alright This week we're gonna talk about Girlfriend told me her ex gave her the best orgasms a four-year break from sex Going to a singles event with hundreds of women in attendance how to stick out of the crowd Fantasizing about my girlfriend's massive cock Hell yeah about my girlfriend's massive cock. Oh, yeah.

This is by Upstairs Butterfly 64. My girlfriend, 28 year old female, admitted to me, 30 year old male, that her ex gave her the best orgasms. How would you feel? Girlfriend, I've been together for two years. Things were fun at first, but I've been stale lately. Told my girlfriend in the past that sex is important to me in the relationship. I know it's not everything, but I like to have fun.

Shrug emoji. But over time, it's becoming less and less. For months, my girlfriend asked me to propose and she's already done wedding planning for fun Like venue ideas guest list she's seating chart. Well, I do love her I can't propose yet until I know we'll have a fully happy marriage Yes I found a note in her phone that had a list of all the guys she slept with and ranking everyone one of her exes at The highest ranking when I asked her about she admitted that he gave her the best orgasms I was already feeling like our sex life was rocky and now I found this out not sure how to feel

What would you do or how would you feel to further add which was with her ex? She wasn't taking any prescriptions and does now she says the prescriptions drastically lower her sex drive and ability to orgasm She also said she had this list since before she met me Okay, it's It's strange that he didn't include his rating maybe he's not rated because I feel like we would have heard about his rating if he was rated unless it's real love. If you're not number one if you're not first you're last. Yeah thanks Vin Diesel. It's so nice that Vin Diesel comes in and

tells us that every now and then. I live my life a quarter come at a time. Bye. Bye then Like I Don't really know where to start with this So much because there is a lot going on here it's crazy that she's just planning a wedding and That you haven't proposed and like like you haven't it also doesn't seem like you've had a talk about marriage It just seems like she says I want to get married or you should propose to me I'm gonna plan the wedding and we'll get around to that. Yeah nasty whatever Yeah, I've got it planned and then your reaction of just being like do you have you talked to her and be like hey?

I don't want to get married yet until I can like really until we know that we have like a Sustainable future together. Yeah, so it's been two years like I was like, oh you haven't even married me yet. Yeah, it's wild It's that's bad The the list of people that you've slept with and the rankings is just such a bad luck is weird seven Yeah, I don't love that and then the like. You fell into the trap of one thing for questions that you don't want the answer. Yeah, like one, it's like, how did you find this?

No. Well, yeah, you were going through a phone. So it's funny because the questions are she told me that my ex gave her the bet or her ex gave the best orgasms you asked. Yeah, that's different because you just came out. You snooped. You. You asked. Yeah, that's different because you just came out. You snooped. Yes, you rummaged. Yeah, like a little little rat and rummaging around through the garbage. Look at what you could find. And the thing is, if this is since prior to her ex

or like at least prior to two years ago, how'd you find it? It must have been real far back. It's her. It's her lock screen. It's her locks. This is how an hinge to this. It is good. Come. Yeah. Like so to me, it's like if it's her lock screen. It's her looks like this is the cell in a hinge this one is good come Yeah, like so to me. It's like if it's a list. She's keeping you know current. It's kind of weird cuz she is 28 that's weird to if you're going through her phone not great three don't ask questions

You don't want the answers to right yeah for like if you're insecure about your orgasms Maybe have a conversation with her, but also you've already kind of answered some of your question, which is that she's on meds that inhibit these. So it's like, what are you going to do? Be like, you can't take your meds. Yeah. Hey, sorry. Your mental health, not as important as my mental health about making you come and beating this guy.

Yeah. And it would be different if she was like holding it over your head. Like he made me come back. You were like, you're on these meds. I'm like, I'm doing my best. She didn't bring it up. You found it and you brought it up. So it's like, maybe don't maybe don't. I mean, I think like there is also it's weird because she didn't get mad about this either. It doesn't seem like she was angry unless her being like, yeah, he made me come the most was her

anger of you snooping through the phone. I don't know. The whole thing doesn't make any fucking sense Like every time I like I think I've put the the the corner piece in the right corner It's like oh wait. This isn't actually a corner piece It's it's a triangle that fits in a whole different game you need communication Because you're not in your communicate about the wedding one. You're not communicating about this is like nine questions I know it's like we could talk about the wedding thing just alone. Yes a nightmare. You've done it you bamboozled Dane Hate this. Let's just make this the episode. I wish I could be betting on black right now. I wish I could be

Throwing my cool colorful chips down on random numbers watching that sweet ball bounce around in that wheel No, did you got a struggle through nine questions in one. Yeah. Nine questions in a trench coat. And they walk into your house and they say, hey, my girlfriend told me he makes her come better. And while you're answering the first, they throw open the fucking trench coat. And now there's questions everywhere. Everywhere you're saying, God damn it.

One in the kitchen, one in the bathroom. So, I mean, like, I think it all comes as you talk to her about the wedding Yes, reinforce your fucking boundaries Like if you don't want to get married you need to say hey I'm not ready to get married anytime soon and preferably do this soon because she's probably obsessed She's like I've just spent eight years or eight weeks. I just put $10,000 down on her deposit for yeah I think every time she's got her seating chart out be like they not been they might not be around

When we're ready and just maybe that's you know subtle subtlety. Yeah, we always say like don't come out, right? No, don't don't be forward or honest weird right to just be like who's always kind of cringe to communicate exactly It's kind of cringe. So like make some sus like some sus proclamations like no cap I don't know are you saying that no cap is a sus proclamation or were you trying to finish your sentence like no cap like yeah okay you know yeah let's go to a new question we didn't even answer it you can't answer this question the question is or the answer is talk to your partner like a normal fucking person and still snoop Don't snoop through the phones don't ask questions. You don't want answers to yeah, don't compare yourself to exes It's weird that they have a ranking of people never take your man. No, that's not and it's like yeah

Yeah, all of those things just talk to your fucking partner about everything All of those things just talk to your fucking partner about everything The guy this is from County various the guy I'm dating hasn't had sex in four years. How do I approach him slowly? Slowly palms up visible. Yeah. Hi guys. I'm a 29 year old female started dating I got 31 year old male that I really really like he's funny caring hot smart a full package now Do you think she's talking about his dick or is that the full package she looks as she goes hundred percent that's it not missing any parts yeah or she looking at his dick and say that's full full of four years of full yeah just a rigid with unspent come it took us about a month or almost a month to have sex for the first time because

he kept postponing it I asked him for the reason he said he was nervous as he hasn't had sex in four years. He said he stopped with hookups and didn't meet anybody he liked in the long term, so ended up staying celibate for four years. He did say that he was pretty active sexually before that. I gave him needed space, and a couple days ago we were making out,

and he said that he was ready. We couldn't do it at first, because his dick went soft, but I made a lighthearted joke, and we just cuddled. After a bit, I went on top, and this time, he got super hard and we had sex while I'm on top It's all good, but any other position where he needs to be in control is super awkward

He couldn't even thrust properly in mission areas. He was fully seated on his knees So he was unable to properly slide out to thrust back in I wanted to suggest that he take a plank position But I didn't want to scare him for the first time. We failed to do doggy as well. He got a cramp from being in a weird position. Aside from PIV, he's not confident with his fingering. Doesn't feel good. We haven't had oral sex yet. Really like him and want this to work. How should I approach him? How do I give him feedback without scaring him or putting pressure on him? This man has lied and has never had sex in his life. He read on some two idiots with a podcast said, Hey, if you're too scared

to admit you've never had sex, you lie and you say you just haven't had sex. And that's another one of our classic moves. Just lie. Just lie. Just lie about things. OK, the cool thing about lies we say it every week. They never come back to bite. That's the thing, because they don't exist. The cool thing about lies is like you can say whatever you want, because it's a lot. Exactly.

You don't need to really think about anything else. So it's kind of like magic. You've changed reality. Yeah, because you're powerful and kind of like a wizard, which is also we say, right? At the end of every episode, be more like a wizard. Be more like a wizard. Yes. Thank you. If hey, if God didn't want us to be wizards, would he give us two orbs in our little meat purse and a wand Oh, it's a wall Patron come

What do we do and we shouldn't ever do two episodes in a day I I think it's it's possible. He's never had sex. It's also possible He needs more leg fitness get him to go to yoga. I Look the whole I mean, I've definitely gotten a crap during doggy style. It's like especially in the morning I I get oh these legs they go for day But like kneeling like that's you're in prime thrust in position like I just like I can't figure out He's too bunched up, and he doesn't have the flexibility I guess but like like sitting on his ankles kneeling not like kneeling

Yeah, like you're both on the bed, and he's just oh yeah. Yeah, I got you No, it's possible. He was trying to do a I'm thrusting wink, but like not over stimulate himself to come too fast That's a good point Maybe his his shit performance or his lackluster performance is him just like holding on yeah, just by like the threads of of self-control to make sure that he doesn't just come immediately. I get the like going soft at first. He nervous that that checks out.

I think that that makes sense. Yeah, I think like you got to go slow. And the thing is, like, have sex once or twice or three times. So you get a feel of whether it was like the first time or the not ring rust. Yeah, I don't like that. It's like, you know, when you're a boxer and you haven't fought for a while, you got ring rust. I was thinking just like a metal ring with rust.

And I'm thinking about my dick and it hurt. No, no, no, no. I didn't like it. No ring rust is like when a boxer comes out of retirement and he's like, I mean, he's got to get a muscle memory back. Yeah. He had to rest. mean, he's got to get a muscle memory back. He has to rest. Yeah, he's got fuck rest. Yeah. You have thrust, thrust, thrust, thrust.

Yeah. Like I think do it a few times. It's like if things are good when you're on top, maybe finish. Well, you know, finish them off while you're on top once or twice. Like just have sex a few times. Just you get a feel for it because it could just be a bad time. Oh, don't judge on the one performance after four years. He's in his head. He's freaking out. You're probably a babe.

Also, you guys don't know each other well yet. Yeah, the first time is always kind of like a little weird. Like every now and then you've got that like really good sexual chemistry and like, you're just like, oh, we're meant to like we've been put on this planet to fuck at least once and we're doing a great job Like sometimes that happens and it's kick-ass other times You you you both eat a little bit and yeah, yeah, sometimes your dick is just covered in rust Yeah, you gotta yeah just spray it with a D ruster

But I also think don't like don't wait too long before Introducing new things either and again, we talked about this before. Couch it in a way that is positive. So like, I really like this or I want you to do this. Like, don't say you're not doing this right. Yeah. You're doing this wrong or whatever. Just be like, oh, I would love if you could do X for me. Yeah. And like if he's not this and he's not shit. And sometimes nerves can can come across as like, oh, fuck, like,

I'm doing my best or you can be shitty. But it'll probably hopefully help him be less nervous because you're taking the guest workout. Yeah. You're saying do this thing. I want this thing. He'll be like, fuck, yeah, great. I can just do it. And like if Neelan is a hard thing for the missionary position, get on the side of the bed. I guess it technically depends on how high the bed is.

Yes. I used to have a very low bed and it's it's the worst, especially if it's squat where we're currently looking at buying a new bed And I get in fuck highs. I mean I measure my bed. I have right now I literally measured to my hip and I was like perfect amazing But no the the the beds so we're looking for one with like storage underneath But a lot of them have that that outer lip that outer edge and I was like look those are gonna fuck my shins up Do it at the corner so you stand on the other side of it. I guess yeah, but then there's a sharp corner in the ball territory It's far below is it yeah, maybe yeah

Cuz the mattress is pretty big Yeah, whole mattress yeah, I guess ween your balls and you know, I still feel like I'd be I don't know Bang bang and shins. I don't like it. It's not bad I had I had that bed for years seven years banging my shins off shit But I'm not doing it again can do something hot and wear shin pads, bro. Oh, right. I like that. Yeah, thank you so they pay me the my solution was just pulling the covers down to Make like a a little barrier and just have bruised. I'm pretty sure my like shins are just permanently from that. I'm like a muay thai fighter I've got like a fucking like dent and can kick a tree and it is just like

You'll see me every now and then just in High Park just fucking yeah, just wailing on trees Yeah, 90% of trees that are felled in Canada are by my kicks. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty crazy They call me all ax legs. But also they've been looking for you for a while and you just admitted to it. So this sucks. They'll never find me the last episode, guys. They'll never find he's in the closet. Sorry. Yeah.

You like give it some time, have some fun and then couch it in a positive way. Make it about you. Yeah. Just just ease into it. But as now said, I think I don't think like next time give give a like Oh, can we do this? Mm-hmm, right? Can I can we do this? Can we do that? I want to do this because if it's done with a level of like enthusiasm Like you want to do it. It's less of a like nothing like you're not gonna take it as a criticism and even like I'm So fucking chill with shit these days and like I don't like being told what to do just fundamentally

So like when someone tells me to do a thing There's like just an immediate reaction to know to resist and that's just my brain So it's nice when people say like they want something like yours then your brains the opposite. Yeah. Yeah, I want Oh, yeah, I'm also people pleaser. So like let's fucking go Um, I will say though you get five stars for handling the soft cock very well Just sounds you sound like a cool person this whole this whole scenario you handled correctly. I like right I like you and we see that very rarely about people acknowledging that like there's there's a learning curve for acknowledging How do I do it? How do I approach it?

I don't want to push them. I don't want to scare them I don't want to pressure them all those things the fact that you were chill and waiting Yeah to have sex and you made a joke which obviously went over Well, if you guys cuddled had fun and then went on orderly is really cool. It's five stars It seems like you guys have the potential to really yeah to flourish So I think just keep following your impulses and and doing what you're doing. I think you're in good shape All right This is by clown maybe going to a singles event with about 100 plus women in attendance and 100 plus men

Any tips on sticking out in the crowd? I recently realized dating apps are total shit any tips as to what to say to the women or how to dress I believe they're speed dating as well. OK, listen, dude, my friend, this is from seduction, obviously. How did you know? How do I know? Well, first things first, not to cut you off. Yeah. What to do to get ready to go out to meet women?

How would we find out? Oh, well, I'm glad you asked now because we I think our first Mmm, patreon pillow talk how to series episode is about preparing yourself for a night out to be presentable to Whoever you wish to attract. Okay, but what if I want to know what to wear and not just how to like get ready and go And oh wait, do you cover that too? Oh, we cover that as well And I'll tell you right now, the truncated version is whatever you want. Yeah, whatever you're comfortable in, whatever makes you feel like the most confident version of yourself with the

caveat of like not the shittest clothes you've ever seen or are dirty, right? And not something that's just so overly fancy. And again, those those can be broken every now and then. But I think that's the only caveat is like don't go too far in either direction Yeah, you dress you dress the way that like that suits. It's a it's not a formal event So don't show up in a fucking tuxedo. It's not a day at the beach So don't show up in like flip-flops and a tank tops. Yeah, right like find the happy middle You're there to impress so you're dressing to impress but that doesn't mean that you're dressing to impress specific people. Yes, you're you're dressing to showcase yourself in the best way that you can.

Which show trying to guess what the hundreds of women universally, unilaterally, all collectively are going to like at heart. At hearty, 100 percent. You've got to get them rhinestones go nothing but Ryan, man. Right. So like you can't do that yours so that's an impossibility Yes, I do figure out what they want is an impossibility Which is good because you don't even have to fucking consider it at all throw it out the window boom put on what you feel Good in yes wiggle around try a couple different outfits on be comfortable be comfortable

Wamba made thumb thumping or tub thumping for a reason and it's to put on while you try on clothes In a hilarious montage where your friends say yes or no. Yes. That's true Get your boys get them in the thing like it's a love is blind suit fitting. Everyone has a whiskey Nicolache's there. He says boys is love really blind and you say is this is hot in here feels like it's 98 degrees He's not let's say that in the show The rest of all the other big is that his band that was I'm pretty sure Nicholas Shay was from 98 very bad He just he's just the weird guy who I guess dated Jessica Simpson He was now on love is blind occasionally looking upset

I mean what you think about it Like the fuck is Nick Carter doing? Who's that? The guy from Backstreet Boys. Who fucking knows who they are? That's what I'm saying is like, I think the only one who really kind of like Justin Timberlake, Justin Timberlake, I guess. I think I would say that the NSYNC boys went on to do a little bit more than any of the other ones like Joey Fatone. No idea. He was in Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Lance Bass went to the fucking moon, I think. Or he was like an astronaut and also the voice of Lance Armstrong. No, Lance Bass was Lance Bass was like working to be an astronaut. He's a fish. He was also the voice of Sephiroth. I really hope you're getting me. So Lance Armstrong. No, Lance underwent training in Star City, Russia and became a certified cosmonaut He was certified both by the Russians

But he could Name name another boy band who could go to fucking space right now. Nobody could he though It was he's a cosmonaut not an astronaut. It actually sounds way cooler. Let's be fair 100% I'd rather be a cosmonaut that yeah, but you know It feels and this might be me throwing shade on the Russian space program It feels like when you get an honorary degree because you're famous and they're like, yeah you you're a pH By NASA as well. I take it back. I take it back. Sorry Russia Back to the question showcase your boy that

Certification to go to the moon. Yeah, dude come in in and be like yo I'm a fucking cosmonaut. Where are you? Where are you looking for your astronaut suit? Like you talk about peacocking. Yeah, not peacock harder than being like yo girl I'm pissing right now and you don't even know it's cooling me down like dune you like timothy chalamet. I'm cooler than him I'm cooler. He's just pretending to piss in his suit. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing Yeah, I mean like have you ever speed dated we speed dated together. Well, yeah, I guess that was boxing boxing I want to and it was like the two of us and two women I believe I it wasn't really a speed date It was just working out with no there were other people but yes Yeah, the only thing we went home with was free microwavable meals

Yeah And there were a lot of beats in them. And then we ate them and went drinking and I peed red and I was like, we all. We were not. But it turned out it was just beats from beans. And it was a fun day. But none of us got dates that day. Yeah. That's OK. I would love to do a sit down speed dating. Yeah. Yeah. I think that would be really fun because I think I would crush it. I think I like you. If I was there, I would crush it

to the point where you would fail, which would be really. I think you would think it. I think I like you. If I was there, I would crush it to the point where you would fail, which would be really I think you would think that you were crushing it too much that it would swing back my direction. But your overconfidence would actually swing it back. My. Yeah, but I think because I was actually doing my overconfidence would be justified. But the thing I actually came in under because I knew my overconfidence would boost me up to normal.

But I am wearing my astronaut suit. Shit. Yeah. And meanwhile, all all the girls like can you guys you're not meant to talk to each other They're like well, okay, these guys are gonna fuck Back to the question. How many times are we to say that this is back to the question? I don't know. Maybe maybe never so anyway back to the question Back to the question. I don't know maybe maybe never so anyway back to the question Like I think trying to stand out is a bad approach You don't want to send it you will stand out for the people who matter by being you right? But if you stand out to every girl in the room You're doing something wrong

You've done a bad thing because the only thing to do is wear something that's fucking ridiculous Be a piece of shit or like piss yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that's the only thing that will get you to stand out to everyone in this room. No one's going to be like, oh, my God, unless you're like Henry Cavill, in which case you're already hot, but they'll literally be like, oh, that's Henry Cavill. You're a celebrity. Are you are you Lance Bass? Are you Cosmo?

Oh, you could have gone to space, right? But then couldn't because it got defunded. Imagine being like, I guess space missions are pretty expensive I was gonna say it's like your lance bass, dude, you're n-sync you some of that and sig money gets you space I'd love to know if n-sync could kill the space. We'll ask them after there are buds and sick. No Lance bass Yes, sure. I mean like monetarily wait. Hold on was is Lance Armstrong the yeah He was the or was he the he sure nothing. He is he the cyclist isn is Lance Armstrong the yeah, he was the or was he the he sure nothing He is he the cyclist isn't Lance Armstrong the cycle guy. I think of the buzz way

Who's Armstrong buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong? No wait, is that a jazz band? I think it's I think it's Neil. I was stuck. Oh my god the spiral Armstrong Neil Armstrong Neil Armstrong nailed Neil Armstrong, nailed him. I fucked up while trying to make you fuck. I thought it's not fucking easy. He's not riding his bike to the moon. Lance Bass is the biker, it says.

No, Liz Bass is Armstrong is the biker fish from from ensign. He's the fish with the bike. Yeah. Who is in Big Creek, Reguetti? He was in Finding Nemo. We're killing it. What are we doing? Back to the question. Be you. Yeah. Be you. Don't be a fish. Don't be a fish.

Be you know, for real, like trying to to show off is going to put out the wrong impression. People are going to sense the desperation. Again, you cannot stick out to all these women unless you're fucking up. I will. That's how the human brain works. Yeah, they're going to see the bad thing. It's like how you go to a restaurant. You have a good experience. You don't really write a review like how you go to a restaurant, you have a good experience.

You don't really write a review, but you go to a restaurant, some shit's in your plate. Yeah, that's a one, two star. Depending on the shit. Yeah. Can we can do this again? I'll get yelled at the I'll tell a little anecdote because I've been a bartender for a very long time in in a usually very busy bar. And I've seen the dudes who want to be the loudest and and have all the attention and Also me those are the dudes that that like people will pay attention to yeah

But then turn like not engage with like he's the punchline. Oh, no to everyone else everyone everyone So it's like when you try to be the center of attention everyone. So it's like when you try to be the center of attention, you're like nine times out of 10. If you want to be the guy who's the loudest and the funniest and the and the like, look at me. Ha ha ha. It's like it hits a point very quickly where it becomes sad. Yes. And everyone knows it. Yes. And it's real. And the thing is, if you are that person, you don't have to ask about how to be that person. Yeah. I mean, some people naturally are or are the charismatic person that people like to be around. But even then, then all 100 are not going to be like, yeah, yeah.

I heard this joke across the room because it's a like a physical impossibility. So so I just want you to get that out of your head. Put it in your mind of being like, cool, I'm going to dress in my like silver suit and be the most standout dude. I'm going to walk in. I promise you. I'm walking like, what's a party people? Yeah, everyone's going to turn back to their conversation. But what the fuck is wrong with that guy?

And you're going to be dreading the moment when they sit down with you. You've blown it. Yes. Right. You've blown it. If you walk in with confident and comfortable and, you know, I would also don't go to this alone, I don't think. Well, I guess it depends. Right. Like, is it the kind of event where you are going alone? Do you have a single friend?

Are they chill? It doesn't really matter. I don't think it's a make or break. I think preferably you wouldn't go alone because then you wouldn't have to be. You have a safety blanket to like bounce back. And like, there's also, it's way easier to approach someone together

and have someone to bounce off, especially if someone with rapport. Like it works better when you have someone. Yeah. And if you do go alone, maybe make friends with a guy when you get in or find it, find a lady that you might not particularly find that. Oh, go is what they say. No, like I so I did a I did a a blind date thing and I ended up making friends with a woman who ended up being a great wingman.

Friends with a woman. Yeah, we were because you don't know who you're like with until you like sat down. And no, I like we were at the bar and we were like, oh, we're like, no. And then so we ended up like having drinks in the lobby beforehand. And we were just like, we ended up winging and we were like we during intermission, like we'd run out. But it's like there wasn't any. And no point in time was this like a meet cue.

The only reason I didn't say a woman is because I don't know If that's at the level of seduction. Yeah, I don't know if they could be If like what I should have said is just make friends with someone Yeah, you know friends if you have a group if you have friends one, it's gonna be a fun event, too You made a friend three. Yeah, it's gonna help with more stuff and four who knows Maybe that friend is super hot and cool and you guys go on a date Yeah, it all works out. You know what I mean? But yes do that try to be yourself and just try to have fun and be confident and sell yourself authentically Yeah, don't try to match the person that sits down, you know

In a weird way you always kind of match match energy, but not match change yourself. Yeah is what I'm saying Yeah, you know, I mean don't be like oh shit, this person looks like kind of a goth goth mommy. I got to sit down. I love metal. Like my chemical romance, though. Exactly. Oh, this person looks sporty. You like got flexing. Oh, hey, Alex soccer. Also, I feel like we're giving a lot of our patron content away here.

We got stuff. Let's just go. Yeah. OK. You got to fucking listen. Yeah. But be yourself. No, you're doing it again. Don't try to impress everyone and go in and have a good time. Go in with the expectation that this is a silly thing and not like the way they be on. Yeah. Like go in and be like, this is this is a fun event.

A rare occurrence. Let's have fun. Let's have a good time. Let's see what happens. Don't put too much weight on it, because like cuz like as I said me and Dan went to an event We're pretty good at dating and didn't go anywhere. No, that's fine. Yeah, it was fun. Me and him had fun We got pretty eventually make out with me one of them Yeah, Dan kept going to the gym It was like a good icebreaker and that like now when you met it was like

Oh, we hung out that one time and it wasn't weird and then you can build off that So even if that happens, you're good. Yeah, no question. Oh, yeah, it's my turn. I can go again I love going going Which one was it? Which one was I doing? Oh, yeah Fanticizing my girlfriend has a massive cock turns me on. Am I cooked? First of all, I'm not fantasizing about me getting piped And I think this comes from some comic porn that I've read recently. Not a very masculine cock, but a massive and perfect one.

Sorry, not a very masculine, not a masculine car, but a massive and perfect. Yes, correct. God, I want I've never wanted someone to draw me a dick more in my life, because I want to know what a female or a feminine, but massive and perfect cock looks like. I'm fantasizing me jerking her cock sucking it massaging her balls from behind. Damn her ball sounds wrong. I am sure that this is weird and mainly because of those comics. I'm not worried about it since this fantasy rarely comes to my mind but it did come to me today and it turned me on

a little bit. Anyway I just wanted to share this with you guys and of course I won't tell my girlfriend, even if I die. Well, you can't tell anyone anything if you've died. P.S. Just look at Hulk Hogan. Being a not very masculine cocks mean that the trait of being very hard is not emphasized and it doesn't look very invasive.

This description may be rarely seen, but I think it is legit. So it's soft? I- Not invasive? Hey, I don't know what a Massive non-invasive cock looks. Yeah, like by its definition the more math is bigger. Yes and protrusion Maybe it's just like it's very big but like left to right not outwards Right. It's like if it's a real like Minecraft dick. It doesn't look invasive cuz you can't get in. Yeah, there's no way

It's going anyway Alternatively, it's really thin and really long like we're talking that looks pretty invasive. That's like a needle though I go right through maybe just like maybe like hot dog size. That's a pretty big needle Well, or as thick as a hot dog like a hot dog. Oh like a small hot dog That's so yeah, I guess it's not gonna go through no like hot dogs and be like those are sausages. Oh my god I'm not from here. Sorry I'm sorry. You're from you don't have sausages. We have sausages of hot dogs. Okay, that's fair. That's a good point Yeah, you guys eat real food. We do you don't eat scrapping instead of pushed into a tube shape fucking pig, but yeah Yeah, I'm very perplexed. I'm gonna sell that for that one, too

This isn't what my partner loves hot dogs Well, damn just pooping hot dogs. Don't worry. Hey poop because their poops are probably terrible from all the hot dogs No, I'm nothing but so do this. We can't do this. So do you and scraps of hooves? This there's not even a question here day you yell at me when you bring stuff that's not question Uh, that's a very good point. No. Yeah hypocrite, like i guess the question is am i cooked you're good bro uh what like it doesn't seem to be affecting you either it seems like it's just a fun fact you want to share with people yeah hey i want i want people online to yell at me probably because people are not historically chill now do we think it's actually the owner of said comic and he's like wink wink really trying to get

Whoa, what what about this cock? Because half the people are gonna be confused the other half titillated. Yeah, he's we we both want to see I want to see it right and they're gonna be like well Oh here i'll share my source and it's gonna be like this person's raking in those click money It's gonna be uh, I don't have a username for them. Damn. That's how they get away with it That's how they do it. Now you can't figure out if they're the author of Big Perfect Feminine Cox. Yeah. The comic series. Masculine, not massive or massive, not masculine.

Nice. Yeah. If it's not bothering you and you're just jerking it to a fantasy, that's fine. Don't mind me. I'm just writing down that as a potential title. We didn't fuck up. What do you what do you know? They got a thing to cut out. You're like, also, you made the joke. It's rare that you're like, no, that was a bad one.

They can't do it. Yeah, I if you're good and it's not affecting your life, you don't have to tell your partner if you're embarrassed about it, you can just safely jerk it to that if you want. It's only if it starts to encroach on your relationship, maybe making you, you know, want things and then you have to broach it with them. And then that's a question, I guess. And if it like starts to be a little bit more than just like a fun little thought, strap ons exist. You can get you can get anatomically correct, like strap on or anatomically

incorrect and correct. Yes. And then I'm just saying, I think the balls are a lot of strap ons don't include balls. And it seems like balls is a part of the the non masculine thing he's in So it's like you can get you can get a strap on which pretty masculine in which you can you can do These acts with your partner if they're cool with our balls just the hips of the bird the boobs of the hips Balls the boobs of the hips our balls the boobs of the hips isn't that the question we've always been trying to answer

Yeah, I mean you could also get one of those suction ones and just like have it for you Yeah, right just like stick it on a wall and just go to the ones you can like feel full of like cream and it'll spur To that yeah, so maybe that's what you want to do on cream cream You know cream filled dildo with balls, but lady balls man I think I'd be in a real bad position if you could figure out how to get something real tasty into a penis because I'm a huge sweet tooth but I have no interest in sucking a penis but if it was something tasty you could get in there you could presumably just get that

taste but what if it was what if it was the only way to get it exclusively yeah Lucas I'm thinking like a sauce situation where it's a great. You want to play a game? Yeah. You want this delicious hazelnut spread? Suck this dick. Yeah, it's like the Gatorade exclusive, like Hazel Blast. Yeah. Only found in your local dick. Yeah. Shit. God damn it. You got to go to the convenience store and like the gays are loving it.

They're like, hey, you want some help straight bros Yeah, some fucking help. We're gonna Queens Park, man. So I don't know. This is what I'm thinking about now Yeah, cool. What would what would have to come out of a dick for me to gobble it? Yeah But it'd be something I could only get in said dick or like if you choose it you can't get it anywhere else No, they choose it. Well, what I'm saying is like, you know, like whatever I choose is no longer is no longer available in the outside world only via dick. Why do I love that much? See, it's funny because there are things that are coffee, but if you can only get coffee from a dick. And again, I'm not talking about real dicks.

I'm talking about like synthetic care for the synthetic dick. Why would they give a shit? I'll drink anything from it. I might not like you have to know But you have to like jerk it off. You have you have to make it. That's fine. It's just you have to make it good You know, I get the tree to listen if you don't give it like socks. Yeah. Damn it. Yeah You know today you know his dick AI in it. Yeah Although if it's Elon it wouldn't work. So dick GPT good job. I did it next question

What time is it? No, we could probably end this. Hey, we should we should probably So the thing is there are a lot of things I yearn for from back home So I get garlic cheese chips for urine for yeah, which would also be the worst thing because I'm assuming it's chunky if it's coming Out of a dick. Well, I'm gonna say like it's gonna be like a futuristic flavor But I'm also without the texture. I don't think it's yeah, there are some things like I'm a big big big there's a there's a like a Dick a shore a shawarma place right shawarma wouldn't wouldn't count But like there's one now we can get like it's it's essentially like a shawarma poutine kind of so it's like fries the shawarma wouldn't wouldn't count but like there's one now where you can get like it's it's essentially like a shawarma poutine kind of

So it's like fries the shawarma made the garlic sauce Like that that requires like you get like the you get the garlic sauce you get the chicken and you get the chips That would yeah, I don't think that would so like maybe a like a Lucas aid from back home Okay You know every now and then because the thing is it would be good for me because I would only need to do it every Now and then if I need that sweet hit I just go ham on that fuck. Yeah, I assume it's in the shower It's on the wall. I'd like head height. That's pretty. Yeah, I'm thinking for me. It's on the sliding doors of my apartment so it's just like I can I can like get it as a

It's multifunctional yeah, you're right we should leave this this closet and this episode Uh-huh, we love you and hopefully after that episode you still love us No, please support us on patreon support us by giving us a review or telling a friend actually, you know what not or today This week you're gonna join patreon. Oh, you're gonna review us off King and you're gonna tell a friend all at once That's the thing. Fuck it. No oars. We're dying here. We're talking about sucking dicks for gravy. I Don't know what it would be for me Major melon. Oh fuck. Yeah, I took a real dick for major mouth We we love you guys and it's been fun and I hope you have a lovely day

Which I don't know we don't say it that much do we I we probably say it more than most podcasts do maybe We hope you have a nice day unlike those other idiots. Yeah, so we should support us unlike Joe Rogan Joe Rogan has never said that in his life smartless smartless don't even know who they are and What's another big one fucking critical my favorite critical role more like critical have a bad day. Oh Yeah, no, we gotta go. I love you all mom. Mom. Thank you Josh eagle in the harvest days for the song paper stars And I'm gonna hit you with some bad sex writers by our boy andrew tate I shouldn't have told you that I should have made you guess who said it

Our house is the ultimate man cave police can't get in for 45 minutes while we smoke cigars because everything's bulletproof We have a gym and a podcast studio and all we do is train and work the dream, not a gay ornament in sight. Zero home feeling only work feeling. I love that. I, I mean, Hey, Andrew Tate would hate our every hour. Uh, our Dick. What do you think Andrew Tate would suck a Dick for cigars? I think anything just like an iota of attention.

Yeah. If, yeah. I think he really, like he keeps posting about being like, wanting women, that's gay! Like he does want to suck a dick. That's fine. That's fine. Go off, King. But also, stop being so shitty about it. It's the only way to defeat the prison ghosts. My name is Dave Miller.

And I'm Niles Biffy. We've been... You your fuckbunnies.