F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 312 - Butter Fingies

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Don't you hate it when you're trying to think of an absolutely devastating comeback, but it comes to you like... two days later in the shower?  Now that's what we need a time machine for.  Topics include defending your pink honour, wanting good sex bad, stealth ring measuring techniques, between round awkwardness. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends my name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain and we're your fuck buddies We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations Simply put we are a podcast we answer sex and dating related quandaries and queries here in your ears every Monday and Where else Dan? We're doing a live show. We're back, baby It's true. Black Sheep once more October 29th. We're doing a Halloween theme show. So if you're around

and you want to get your Halloween weekend started early, come to our show. We're doing all kinds of things. We're doing a costume contest. We're doing a monster smash and pass. Or should I say monster, mash and pass? Hey, we're doing giving out prizes, prizes, raffle, raffle. We're going to be dressed up, dressed up. It's going to be fucking fun.

Spooky cocktails. And a lot of people are really hyped for this. Even before we announced it, I had a few people being like, yo, why? Where are the shows? We want the shows back. So the shows are back. Chose a wreck, which means you should probably buck early and book off. 100 percent. I have a feeling it's going to go. This one will sell out fast.

So I would get if you're if you're thinking about going don't Don't wait because we do have limited space and unfortunately we we can't do anything about that because there are laws about how many People you can put in a spot and also physical restrictions. Yeah, I'm just physics in general physics You know physics is mostly our enemy here. Yeah. Yeah, we can only cram so many people in a space without Squishing them literally to pulp. Yeah. So be there and we love you. Are you ready to talk about what we're gonna talk about this week? I think so. Which is going to be comeback for why are you wearing pink? Got him. Wanting good sex so badly. How do I measure my girlfriend's ring finger secretly? In

between round awkwardness. Hell yeah. All Well. We'll start with this. This is by zed chowder Comeback for why are you wearing pink as a guy? Is that it yeah? I was in reddit sub thread or sub the sub reddit comebacks I assume a man is wearing pink and someone has asked yeah, why you're wearing pink I will say not to shame people on the subreddit But I do just love the concept of it that someone's like when you're in pink and he's like fuck right now I'm really tight. I don't know what I say Yeah, and then like, you know the next day or a week later when you see this person again because I want to and really

That's the answer. I think it's just like why do you care? The answer I think it's just like why do you care? Why not? Yeah, what's I think like a lot of the time when someone has a very shitty like Sexist misogynistic whatever like viewpoint getting them to explain it. It's just great 100% Why why what's wrong with that and then have them be like, oh, it's girly. Oh, is it why? Yeah Well, I'm wearing it right now. So it's yeah, it's not that girly if I'm wearing it and I'm identify as a man So what if I get threatening? Yeah, is it scary? Do you it's that's not very anytime anyone like tries to pull one of those things Now is right. It's it's always so fucking funny to just keep asking questions and get people to explain like again I have a I think I've mentioned before I have a friend who was a redhead and she always gets like to the carpet's message

Right. What do you mean? I don redhead and she always gets like to the carpet's message, right? What do you mean? I don't understand. And then they're like, uh, well, cause like the only option is like, never mind. And then they feel like any, or they're like, I want to know the color of your pubic hair, right? Like it's, and you're also an idiot. There's no good way to like fully explain that because like you've just outed

yourself as a complete gross Goblin pervert even even just like a joke like if it's a non harmful joke, and you have to explain it It's bad like it even if it's just like something dumb I say in the podcast that isn't gonna offend anybody if you don't catch it, or I have to resay it. It's not fun Yeah, it's just bad. So it's like that multiplied by like 10 is when you try to say something Shitty and then you're like, oh fuck. I have to explain how shitty I am Yeah, I we were talking about this last night at dinner where I have a there's a there's a guy who comes into my bar And he's just like think macho right? You've also talked about them multiple times on the podcast

He's just such a douchebag and I had my nails painted one day. You've all we've talked about them multiple times on the podcast. He's just such a douchebag. And I had my nails painted one day. You've all we've talked about this. Have we talked about this? OK, then never mind. We've already talked about. If you don't know Delft or the last three hundred and five episodes, you'll find it somewhere. Yeah. And it's just like, yeah, just question them and just like keep

keep being like, why? Why is that? Like, what is what is the issue there? What's the issue with that? Why are you upset by that? And then like just psychoan psycho analyze them in a way? That's like like almost like you you're confused Mm-hmm like you've never heard that like pink is a girly color and just and just give them to explain it be like even just Be like, oh why and then they see what's cool for girls and like, ah, I don't feel like I'm not insecure enough to be

Threatened by that and then you'll feel like Me neither, but it's like okay well My favorite one thing to do is when people are like can I get an espresso martini but like in a man class glass? Right. What's that? Yeah, does that look like to you describe that for me? You want like a leather mug? Yeah, do I like a bulls hollowed out horn too? And the best is like if people get the same thing I will I don't believe in like shaming people for again, like if someone, if a dude walks up to me is like, hey, can I get like a fucking sex on the beach

or whatever? I'm going to be like, that's a girly drink. For sure. I don't give a fuck. In fact, I actually have more respect for people who are like contrary to societal expectations. Yeah. Which, you know, maybe I shouldn't. But like, as she just like, give like give me a neat whiskey and eat scotch I'm like fuck. Yeah. Yeah, or they ordered the biggest fucking burger. Great. Yeah, like I love that I respect that guy walks in orders the fucking like he sees a drink with fucking flowers in it goes. Oh, yeah

I want that. Yeah. Good. I love you. Yeah, you want to like a fruity slushy drink What that's yeah I think meanwhile on the flip side if you get something with a flower garnish or something or like a curved like tulip glass and you're like, Oh, buddy, come on, like, look at me. I'm a man. Yeah. Tulip glasses and coupe glasses are the two things that I don't like. Dudes are so fucking scared of.

I could never be less. I could like I've lost so much respect for you instantly. Yeah. Like you've become so pathetic to me and it's like It's so counterintuitive to what you're trying to do. You're trying to be this like I'm a big tough guy, but I'm immediately Scary Look at what I'm drinking. Oh no a flower. I've been defeated by pedals I do that like if two guys come up and like one guy's like, but I wanted a man glass where I'm so like, yeah, I'll do this for so much.

I will be like, are you also scared of curved glasses or would you like do you want it in a row? And it's like I do the same thing. Like when people are shitty, like if someone comes, if someone snaps at me or like or just like is gross and they order tequila shots, I will always be like, do you want training wheels? Because nine times out of ten, they do want a lime or a salt. But the second with the second, I've called it training wheels. No. And then they do their shot.

You can just see how little they've enjoyed it. And that to me, that is glorious. It's so good. So moral of the story is they're being shitty, but you can always be shitty with petty. Oh, for sure. And it's it's actually so easy to defeat things like this You know and the only things to not do are like don't get defensive don't ever be Visibly upset don't ever like even if you are upset don't let on that's how they win

You just be like oh, I like you can just be so chill and like Okay, I don't care. Why do you care? Listen you're probably wearing that shirt because you like it. Yeah. You probably feel good. And you probably think it looks great. So like and again, what we've just talked about being secure is so much hotter than someone being like, oh, this is really nice shirt. I can't wear it. It's pink.

Yeah. Look at this glass. There's a flower. Now, I might just cut the queue and not because that was quick. Let's see you at this other one. OK. Yeah. Is that annoying? Is that weird? It's also one I didn't read out. I thought when you said cut the queue, I thought you cut the queue and not because that was quick. Let's see you at this other one. OK. Yeah. Is that annoying? Is that weird? It's also when I didn't read out either. When you said cut the queue, I thought you meant like, like not tell me the question. And I was like, that's going to be tough. No, this is so long.

And it's kind of bad sex writing. OK. What? There might not even be a question. I'm just going to read it. We're going to riff on it. We've been doing this for three hundred and twelve episodes. And we can do what the fuck we want. I might even cut off in the middle of it. There's just one term I really want to read. OK, this is seduction by Gus Olson.

I stopped dating models and started dating lawyers. A lot of men idolize dating models because they're good looks. As a matter of fact, this is the dream. A lot of other dating coaches are promoting. Look at me dating these models. And if you follow my advice, you can live out this dream fantasy. Now I've dated a few models over the years and let me tell you it's very far from dream fantasy and not what you'd expect. I'm gonna tell you why I prefer dating lawyers and other

knowledge workers over models any day of the week. Let's break down the fantasy. Models are known for their looks and yeah they can be hot but often that's where it stops. You have to remember they're paid purely for their appearance. They don't need conversation, intellect or humor. The job revolves around their body sitting fitting in the industry standards. Furthermore, often these instruments are not even that appealing. Brackets, skin and bones. Not just professional modeling.

I said they're very fine. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Doesn't make them interesting to date. Conversation are shallow and many times don't the same level Intellect or emotional engagement you might want from a girl They've never needed to develop social skills because they're models on the other hand knowledge workers like lawyers Bring a lot more to the table. They've had to use their brains their entire career sit down with them yet stimulating conversation They challenge you intellectually have opinions, etc. Let's be honest. Beauty is abundant

You can find beautiful women anywhere blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, and it goes on like this Basically no model has a personality or can talk or smart. It's worse once again Seduction has gotten so close to the concept that yeah women are women are people They're getting there and that hey women with opinions that maybe that's not bad. Maybe that's OK. But like, I would love to know, like, there doesn't seem to be any worry that he isn't living off his end of these intellectual conversations. But he is using the term knowledge workers. I have never heard of my life.

It's it's the sex workers. Knowledge is this body workers. Knowledge work is real work. Yeah, knowledge work is real work. Yeah. Knowledge work is real work. Yeah, it's again, like it shows that this dude has classified women. Yes. In in like pockets of being like, you're hot, therefore you're dumb and shallow. You're a knowledge worker. And therefore he's made an incredible discovery about knowledge workers is that

they can also be hot. They can also be hot. This is groundbreaking work on the front of like this should be on men's health. Yeah. Like all this time, like what? Thousands of years. And we've just discovered one knowledge workers, not just workers. Two, they can be hot. The best is like it's not just them, but it's like we've opened up the whole door that any woman bodywork, any woman could be attractive.

Well, OK, let's I don't know if he said that. But but we've we're now testing of water. You know, we got to check with the body workers, the computer workers, tipping our toes in the possibility that perhaps even the calculator workers, even the calculator workers, I think they still I think calculator workers are still 100 percent. I think they're under the the umbrella of knowledge work. I don't know, because math isn't knowledge.

Math is numbers. But you still have to know, I guess. I guess as a science worker, math worker. I see. Now I'm feeling myself being more dumb. The more I pretend to go into this. Yeah. Yeah. This this issue of categorizing women and we're going to get to this in our actual bad sex writing later on. So hold your horses. It's just bad. Yes. Well, it's it's the same way as like I mean, like there's always there's always like grains of truth in stereotypes and sure.

And you know, what's the word I'm looking for? Generalizations, right? It's like yes I'm sure that you could find a model who has Coasted her whole life on her looks and has never really developed a proper personality outside of how hot they are Does that mean every model? No the same way it's like you could I could say the same thing about the fucking You know Jim bros who yeah like can't string a sentence together, but look great in a tank top You know me it's like it's almost like if you have something or believe you have something, you don't need to necessarily focus on other things to, and often don't to, to achieve what you want. So like someone who's super hot can get someone just by being hot.

But if they want to, I would also, it's also like the people who I think haven't, you know Develop those person has and develop these social skills. I think they They're not like getting by on their looks or whatever. Yeah, like they're using looks as sort of a crutch Mm-hmm, and there's usually anxiety and It's like usually it's not the fact that like they don't need to it's it's the fact that like they found the thing that works And like this is this is their personality now because it works right? Like if they it works then they don't need to.

Yes. But yes, we're on the same page here and it's like that's fine in terms of like a general vague idea of hot people. Does that mean it's true or something you should hold to? Fuck no. No. And also, like, there there are different degrees of women like there are, as this guy has recently figured out, it's like attractive women working in every field.

Yeah. And there are models, I'm sure, who are incredibly well. I mean, I know there are. I know. I know several. And it's like you just just in fact I've never like Interacted with a a dumb model, you know, every model I've ever met or talked to has been super cool. Yeah And I would love to know is this experience just because this person treats them as a piece of meat Rather than actually engaging with them and also like what's the age difference? Right,, are you the kind of guy who thinks that the 19 year old model is the only option because, you know, anyone over the age of 23 together and wouldn't touch them with a barge full or or just like, oh, you can't be you.

You're 23. You're a 23 year old model. We know. Yeah, right. Mr. DiCaprio, Mr. DiCaprio. So it's like we never come back to this podcast. You're also going to find a difference of of intellect or or compatibility in terms of like what you want to talk about if there's an age gap as well like this you Pigeonholing people sucks and is bad for you and your life and them so don't do it and also like People in industries have a certain lifestyle typically, right?

So it's like I would never want to date a model because I don't want to be roughly in that world. And in the same way, it's like I wouldn't date a cop. Right. Because like I definitely wouldn't date a cop. And it's just like that has nothing to do with their worth as women. It's just also it's just not compatible with my lifestyle and my. Yeah, they want to defund models and the police I think we should be fair we probably should different models and most

celebrities yeah and actors I strongly believe there should be a salary cap on like every like there's no reason a soccer player should be getting made like making fucking like 37 million dollars a year literally no they're definitely they should be making sorry there's no reason why that should be happening while the country that they're playing in has poor people has starving kids Has student debt has medical debt like if we clear that board fuck it who cares or like pay everyone whatever you fucking want You know Samuel L Jackson's in the movie and makes a million for a 10-minute scene and then the VFX artists on that Get paid effectively minimum wage and are working 24 hours a day for weeks coming up to the thing

How does that make sense NFL players making shit to the money? The NFL doesn't get taxed There you don't have fucking health insurance or you don't have you don't have universal health care Tax the NFL for 10 years just be like yo You're gonna have to tighten your strings a little bit. You're not even gonna notice cuz you make so much fucking money That's the best part guys. We could do it and not tell you and you'd be like, I'm just still so rich I can't spend all this money. Yeah. Well, we've lost all our NFL fans all the people that own the NFL who listen are so angry at us. Yeah All right, just don't be a dick. Hit me. OK, I will do that. This one is by Angel, but baby.

What Angel, but baby. But as in like, however, so yeah. Yeah. What to do between round quotations. Well, OK, hold on. I can just answer this right now. You go to your corner, you sit down, you say a lot. Is that going to spray water? You're're gonna rub that weird gel all over your face Also a little cooling thing, you know a little face massage spit some water on your friends You look at the guy the guy's gonna look at you

There's gonna be a very brief kind of like yeah I'm like a mental game or your eyes meet and then all of a sudden you straighten up to try to look like you're not That tired then Gatorade hashtag all the Italian man is coming like you've trained for this. You've done this. Yeah. You know what to do. Keep keep the game. Keep your hands on one, too. Give them the one to don't don't drop your guard. And then the guy who made you fix the fight is in there. And he's got a knife to your wife's like neck.

And he's like, hey, remember? And you're like, shit, I don't want to lose, though. And then I think that's probably the time the ring girl comes in, you started that. And that's how daredevil was made. True. How can I elevate sex for my boyfriend? I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now. He's 21 and I'm 19. I gave him my virginity while he has 11 bodies before me. So the experience levels are obviously very different. He's very sweet, always make sure I'm comfortable with everything, and he goes above and beyond for me, especially in bed. So I feel inadequate to not be able to provide as much skill. Typically, we'll have lots of foreplay, have sex, and then cuddle after we finish. Sometimes he'll talk

for a bit and then one of us will ask who would like to go again. I personally find this kind of awkward and want to know what to do in between these rounds to make things less awkward. What do I do while I wait for him to recharge? We also typically do vanilla positions like missionary doggy. He's taller than I am and my bed is not very high So we can't even do things on the edge of the bed lol as I said before I lack a lot of experience So I don't know how to give good head. I don't know what positions are great to try I want to be able to contribute to the decisions we make in bed Especially since he consistently expresses how he wants me to be more

involved in those decisions. Any tips to surprise him? Things to practice on my own. Are they dating? It's his boyfriend. OK, so there's so many things that were thrown here. There's like two. Let's start with the between round. Yeah, there's two kind of questions like what can I do to spice things up

and like become more experienced and then what can I do in between? Yeah, it's weird to me that This guy sounds nice. Sounds good. Sounds like a good partner. You're like in between we cuddle and we talk. That's it Like that's the stuff like what else you want? Like how is that awkward? I assume it's an insecurity of feeling of being naked when you think nakedness is for sex So when you're not having sex and you're naked, you're like, oh, this is weird. I'm like, I'm being perceived or get because when I first had sex, I was a lot younger than this, but I didn't want to be like

seen in between rounds because my dick would go soft. And I was like, no, maybe they'll forget how big it is when it's hard. And look at me like, that's a small dick, you know, which doesn't make sense. But when you're 15, you think that. So I assume it's that it could also it can be a lot of things of being like how much of your relationship is based on sex. Like how long did you date and how much like how many things do you do outside of sex? Right. But like you guys go out for dinner.

Do you go on dates? Do you like hang out in public? Because if if you don't do those things and all you've done is like you want a stranger, you're bad. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's like that might be why you feel awkward is because like you've never you haven't done like the the growth part. I'm going to sneeze so loud in a second. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard not to do it.

I'm going to have it. It's going to happen. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I'm going to run it. Whoo. Bless you. Why are you covering your nose? I want to smell your fucking sneeze. It's funny, though, because he seems content to cuddle and talk and she's not. So maybe he's the one who wants the nonsexual parts.

And she's just like, God damn it. We're not fucking. That's that's what I'm. Yeah, it's like. And also, I think there's like the insecurity of kind of what you're saying. But like the this is a new scenario for her, right? So she has an experience that this is

kind of like the norm of what of what happens, where he is a lot more comfortable because this is he's done this before he knows what happens. So she might be thinking based on like what she accepts or assumes sex is, is that like everything always has to be super sexy, super hot all the time. And when we're naked and like having sex and going multiple rounds,

there's really no downtime. Yes, it's it's sexy time, sexy time, sexy time until we make this sexy. We're just lying here. Yeah, you don't. It's fine. You can like the term break is a very good one to focus on because you're taking a break from sex And it's also like these are the moments you should be having just as much fun, right? Like for sure. I there's my favorite thing of like, you know quote-unquote hookup culture when I did it was like You fuck and then you like hang out naked with someone presumably hopefully that you enjoy spending time with but also who's kind of new to you

And it's like those walls are like down and you end up having these beautiful moments you have like really great chats or you just fucking like be silly as hell yeah you know you take turns playing songs on your on a Spotify playlist or what you know I mean it's like it's it's things like that where it's like you don't really need to tailor anything you just you just fucked you're kind of like living in the bliss and euphoria of that and then you just sort of walls are down in so many ways because you've done something so intimate that like having a chat is so much easier now than like it's hard to then clam up and be like, oh, talk about this is too intimate.

It's like just bone. Like we're covered in each other's sweat. Like we got it. Yeah. I love those moments. And I've had some beautiful ones again, whether it be that just goofy. Yeah. You're kind of high off endorphins kind of, you know,

or you actually get into some shit, you know? Yeah. It can be great. So I wouldn't worry about that. If you were uncomfortable about being naked in these scenarios, realize that that is a thing you should try to work on. Because I think just ignoring that is not going to help. But like you can do stuff to be more comfortable, like pull a blanket over yourself.

You know what I mean? Have a really like nice satin fucking housecoat that you can like go up. Like I promise you, he's going to love watching you walk over there and grab it and like wrapping it. And then it's like it's as simple as like a pull of a tie and you're naked again. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you don't have to get fully dressed. If that is your concern. I also don't think you should, because like while I'm saying, you know,

find a way to be comfortable, I also think it will be kind of awkward if you get up, get fully dressed, get back in. I mean, I don't think you're going to enjoy that either. So like try to tread the line between like working on this for yourself while being comfortable, but not just going cool. I'll go, you know, erect a fucking wall between us on the bed and you can just hear me on this side. Like love is blind. Um, so that's one thing to realize that this is in fact normal and three, just enjoy it. If you want to do something, talk about something, pull out your phone, play some music, like figure that out.

And to Dane's point, if you only ever fucking do this, try to do something outside the bedroom. If you feel like that's the disconnect. It is like, you're not, this isn't a boyfriend. If you have no like emotional connection, right? Like this is just a committed fuck buddy situation or which again, that's fine. It's not what you want not a problem. But again, like it's weird to be like, I can't talk to my boyfriend after we've had sex. Yeah, like that's that's strange to me. That is strange.

I wouldn't want to consider myself the boyfriend of anyone who couldn't. I wouldn't want to consider myself the fuck buddy of anyone who couldn't. Yeah. You know I mean I would find that very alarming if we had sex and they were like Unable to check out so they do you're either so awkward not ready for this or like so nervous that you're also probably not Ready for this or you really don't like me and all of these things make me not want to sex with you And there's there's something to be said. I don't want to say like There's there's a place in your life for the occasional person that you go over you fuck

Sure you and then you get dressed and you go and like that's fine As long as everyone is happy on the on the page with it You know me like I don't want to make it sound like that is an unacceptable sexual situation or relationship as long as everyone is aware Of that that's what it is. That's totally fine and can be a lot of fun Yeah, but in a situation where you're calling them your boyfriend Everyone is aware that that's what it is. That's totally fine and can be a lot of fun. Yeah. But in a situation where you're calling them your boyfriend. Yes. I think it's-

And also in a situation where you're lying around chatting after sex. It's like if that's the situation, go. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you don't want to be around them after, if that's all you want, go. That's great. And clear up the fact that you are not boyfriend and girlfriend if that is what you're looking for.

So I think that's step one fully handled were amazing step two How do you spice things up one talk to him? You know, I mean see what he wants to do if there's if he's like I want to be more active But like he hasn't also kind of met you halfway, which it sounds like he might It sounds like he's ready to like have a little bit more input because I what I assume is probably like He's choosing when to change position. He's choosing what positions to do He's choosing when you know when to finish blah blah blah and like yeah so secondly look up positions get a list of positions go through them find ones you think would be manageable and fun and

Fucking throwing into the mix. Yes that easy. You know what I mean? Like and Listen to one of our episodes. We did a deep dive into blow jobs and hand jobs. You know, we got one of our nicest messages from someone who sent that question in. And apparently we did great things for the relationship. So listen to that episode. Ask us a question. There's look up a fucking guide online. Go to fucking tickled on life. There's also I mean, like the one of the great things that happened in the porn industry is is giving power to creators and a lot of porn that's consumed now is made by women who get have full say over like what their content is. So you can find porn that is meant specifically for like the female gaze right so it's like there's there's no sort of like, you know, stepsister or stepmom. Like there's no frame of that.

It's just like a woman having sex in the way that she wants to have sex. So there's no harm in like watching that and like getting inspired. Obviously, remember porn is not real life. It's performative and it's there to please and tantalize. And like it's meant to be watched for entertainment purposes. But like it can still give you ideas I'm gonna find hot again hot manageable Yeah, if you watch when you're like, oh, I really like the way that like, you know

He held her down while he fucked her behind like things like that Like you might find things to be like, oh cool. Okay, maybe I am into like a little bit of pondish play Maybe I would like to be like, you know handcuffeduffed while you go down on me or, you know, and like start small, talk and communicate. Your partner seems to have a pretty good grasp on on things. But like pursue the things that you want to pursue. Yeah. And step one, you need to figure out what you want, which is a way to do it this way. And I think there's a there's a fair reason of being like, I haven't had a whole lot of sex, so I'm not too sure.

You know, I mean, like have that conversation that conversation be like I'm not really too sure so if we want to like maybe have an exploratory day where we do some shit and just see what works or maybe we watch some porn together and like try stuff out I would be down to do that because like I don't think there's a harm in saying like I don't have the experience to know really what I want yeah also I assume he knows so you know and by you know it seems like they're cool with it. So it sounds like that's kind of the way he's going. It sounds like he wants to sort of develop. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, that's great. So figure out what you want. Don't be afraid to ask for it. And I think this isn't strictly what was asked, but I think it's an important thing to note. Don't try to be that cool girlfriend that says yes to everything because he's experienced and you're not. Figure out your boundaries and enforce them because it's bad for you if you don't do that. And also don't focus on how many people like, you mentioned twice, I think of the question that he slept with 11 people. Yeah, that doesn't matter. No,

not what matters now is that you guys are now sleeping together. Like he could have slept with 4000 women, but right now he's sleeping with you. And nine of them could have been one night stands that were nothing, you know what I mean? Or they could have all been like whatever and it doesn't change either. Yeah, they could have been the best sex he's ever had, but he's not having sex with them anymore. He's having sex with you. And now that experience is completely different from three and seven and nine and twelve. You know what I mean? Like, well, twelve is you. So I guess it would not be different Maybe it is. Oh god. It will be when you develop into the sexy vixen that you are

Yeah, when you immerse your off throw it out the window jump to the ground and catch it in your mouth And he's like damn now. I don't have a dick So yeah, just just take your time trust your partner Figure out you need to ask yourself like three questions. I think you need to figure out why do I feel uncomfortable with this? Is this like the relationship I want with this person? And three, what like have a real hard look and be like, what interests me? What gets what turns me on? If you don't know, pull up some porn, read some erotica.

Like I swear that you've watched a movie and we're like, oh, that's fucking odd. Even if it's something as simple as like fucking Henry Cavill in a suit and you're like, I like a man in the suit, do some role play, ask her where to sue for you or, or even better yet, if you're having trouble talking, go on a date where you guys dress up, he wears something nice, you wear something nice and you go to a nice restaurant. Then you get to talk, go home, tear that suit off. Right. And then like you start building an attraction and a sort of a sexual bubble around your guys

Relationship that you can start inflating as you add more things to it. Perfect. Perfect bubble analogy. Yeah Yeah, you got it. Yeah, this is by you know, bro. How do I measure my girlfriend's ring finger without her knowing? Hope this isn't a stupid question I'm gonna be buying an engagement ring soon for my girlfriend would like to measure it to make sure it fits How do I make sure it fits? Thanks for the help He has talked about marriage with her and they have agreed so it's not like a surprise in that sense Yeah, like it they've gotten the go ahead. I think that's important for this I mean, this is our my partner told us a story of something that she did as a child, I think would work here. The butter bring bring a pad of butter out and be like, hey baby, but you

can't stick your whole finger in there. And then she's going to obviously be like, you're fucking idiot. Of course I can't. I got this. And then she sticks her whole finger in there. You throw that in the freezer. Yeah. When she's gone, you take that lump of butter to the ring store. in there you throw that in the freezer yeah when she's gone you take that lump of butter to the ring store bingo bango hey you guys measure butter right that's it well next question nailed it so I once did this for a friend actually where I reached out to their partner told them that I had a friend who was a makeup like our makeup jewelry person which she was and they were saying that they were looking for people to like,

maybe take pictures and you would get free jewelry. They just need to know like sizes and it's not confirmed. It's just, you know, and just like if you're interested, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they were like, yeah, my ring size is this. I was like, boom, I'll get in touch. And I was like, ah, she actually found someone. Sorry. Sent it to him. Your stupid, gross, fat finger. She wanted all over social media.

Well, what's funny is this all worked perfectly but then by the time it came around to the engagement which i believe was a couple of months because there were things that were planned and there was like an event it was happening at they had gotten like really into pilates and a bunch of different things so they actually lost a bunch of weight and their ring size went down so it didn't even work and had to be resized Yeah, I mean like there's just really funny. I imagine wasn't a big deal. But yeah, I imagine your partner has rings that she wears That's where yeah steel and put them in butter. Just just take it Cramming into the water bring the butter with the ring hole. Yeah, and be like hey, what size this what size this ring?

Just pour it in there. Just pour your ring material in there. Damn. They get a butter ring. Yeah dog on the butter butter ring Nobody no one knows what? Hey, if you know what we just did there you're in a lot of trouble young man. You are woman or person You're in big trouble. I don't know if you can hear it, but there are sirens Yeah, they're coming down and they're coming for you because you know what butter dog is um But her dogs get a million hits this week now because yes, you're welcome butter dog is the dog with the butter Let's I think you can do it you can do it a lot of different ways ask a friend of hers who's a lady Yeah, right. They probably know or if not they can ask or again

lady. Yeah, right. They probably know or if not, they can ask or again, you just kind of find a shitty little sneaky way of doing it, right? Like it's it's so escape room, escape room, make an escape room. Okay. And in one of them, you make a bunch of holes and the holes are all ring sizes. And you get that you have to like, go do do do and like press all the buttons. And then when they get to one, because it'll be too small for your fingers, maybe you have to like go do do do do and like press all the buttons and then when they get to one Because it'll be too small for your fingers. Maybe yeah, you have to see how small their fingers can go I know when they get to one there you go boom bingo bango. Yeah. Oh, no, I can't I can't press button four Okay, cuz my finger doesn't fit in it and you're like, oh wait, hold on. I brought a stick and then you get them You get out of the escape room. It's amazing. You know finger for put some butter in it. Yeah, I

Think that's it, right? Like I think I think there's nothing that can't be solved with butter It's actually how I live my life. I know it is When we were traveling Europe the amount of time anytime we got bread and there was no butter Nile what the distance it was just like would you have bread with no butter? Here it goes go off King oil and vinegar sure right a little nice balsamic and then olive oil That's fine, but like not that no water. What am I doing? You're eating raw bread Just straight up raw doggy bread is my dry mouth in the heat. Yeah, no, I want to have good sex so badly Yeah, well step one put butter on it. It's well don't don't don't don't I'm sorry guys look well

Hey, we we like to have a lot of fun. It's a much everybody butter We like to have a lot of fun here. Don't give someone a yeast infection you could do butter on nipples You could do buttery nipple play come on day buttery nipple play come on I want to have sex so badly good sex so badly my boyfriend is incapable Hello there, I'm a 28 year old female. We currently wrote this question. Is it most women? Hey, got them.

It was actually deleted user. Yeah, because they were like, you can't have two thirds of the world. Post one question. I'm a 28 year old female who's currently four years deep in a relationship that I don't think I'm sexually attracted to anymore. He just isn't good at sex or any of it really. I've only ever had one partner before him and it really fucking stresses me out that the shittier of the two relationships was way more in tune sexually even though I was way less attracted to Max physically and emotionally.

I've always been sexual slash open to sex, but I lost my virginity late and my boys never wanted anything to do with me before that for some reason. I have always, always wanted to try several people sexually because of not having any teenage experience before I settled down forever, but then fell in love with a good guy. However, we've been increasingly not sexually compatible for years at this point. It all started fine because I genuinely thought I could train them, guide them, get toys, etc., but it was never ever good. We have literally tried watching porn together so I can show them what I like. I will take his hand and place it where I want. And still somehow it ends up in areas I don't want.

It's because of all the buzzers just slide all over the place. I've even literally have breakdowns of make out sessions because he will always start doing something gross. The best way I can describe him is that he either is still somehow incredibly inexperienced, even after all the teaching and having and him having multiple sexual partners and relationships, or he's just blatantly not satisfying me on purpose. I loved him enough to grow past that at first, but I'm realizing that I'm aging. My ability to experience other people in my prime is fading fast. I honestly have a hot body still and pretty good skills from

what I've seen. And I hate that it's going to waste on someone who doesn't do anything for me besides what a friend could do. I would love to have good sex, but at this point I'm losing my sexual desire and kinginess and it sucks. Yeah, that's fine. Being like, sorry, it's not fine. Yeah, it's fine.

Whatever. That's fine. Yeah. Next question. Uh, it's fine to be upset by this because you've done what we would have recommended you do Yeah, and he doesn't care or like it really like it's like she said it's like either He's just bad at it. Like he's just like a clumsy. Oh, but I like can't figure it out I feel like I feel like at this point you can't be right like no one's that unteachable

So it's like you're just not trying I've have you seen some people who take dance classes for years and just don't get better? Yeah. But like, like some people, like some people just don't have coordination. Some people are so in their own heads and such a level. Either way, you put the work in, it's not working, whether he have dumb hands or whether he not care. Yeah. You are allowed not be in a relationship you are dissatisfied byatisfied by again if we flipped it and it was like sex is great, but he's such an asshole I keep saying hey, can you be nice and he's like, yeah. Yeah, fuck you and you're like, oh god Yeah, no one would be like don't break up with him there. So I don't think anyone should be like don't break up with him here

You are unhappy. It's the thing we've talked about where people are like relationship good but it's bad Yeah, and think that like the relationships are good. No. If, if sex is important to you, right? Like you can have a great relationship without sex. If that's a thing, you want sex wouldn't be bad. Sex would be okay. Yes. Exactly. So it's like, they're, they're, they're not separate entities. They are the one. It's your emotional connection with someone you're physically attractive, the sex, all those things are part of the relationship.

And if one part is crumbling or non-existent, then it's not a good relationship. You can't say I have a great relationship, except I have a great boat. There's just a hole in the middle. Yeah. Cool. You're fucking drowning. Yes. The Kraken doesn't even have to do anything. He's just waiting. The Kraken's just chilling. It's like, cool. Do my work for me, girl. You're bad at boats.

Yeah. You're right now. You're being bad at boats. You're being so bad at boats. So like get put a life jacket on, jump into the ocean, paddle back to shore. And guess what? Yeah, you found a nice guy. Great. You found a hot guy, I guess, but you're not attracted to him anymore. That sucks. But you know what? There are so many other nice guys and hot guys out there. That's it. Always sucks.

Breakups. We did a Patreon episode about it. Go listen to it if you want to. But you know what? There are so many other nice guys and hot guys out there. That's it always sucks breakups We did a patreon episode about it go listen to it if you want to but you will find somebody else And they can go and have fun sex like you're I think the telling point is is the like I've always always wanted to have multiple sex. It doesn't matter who you're with because you're always gonna want that Yes, that is a good point. If you have this weird like I missed out in my youth thing, I don't even know if this person will be able to satisfy you if he does get better. Right. Like this guy could all of a sudden become an absolute stallion. But the fact of the matter, not fixing that hasn't isn't going to change the fact

that you want it to experience multiple sexual partners. Yeah. Right. So like, I think I think all the the cards are on the table and it's and it's pretty obvious that this isn't working for you and this isn't what you want. And it sucks to be like, well, he's a nice guy and I do love him. I could care for him, whatever. But you, a, have to serve yourself and be you have to serve the relationship. Because if you stay in this again, like we talked to in our breakup episode, break up when you need to, not when it's become awful. Yeah, right

So right now what are you gonna invest another two three four years getting more bitter every time? Are you gonna cheat because you someone shows you interest and you do want to fuck somebody else both are bad options Where's a break up now? You can go do these things and not be a piece of shit Yeah, and like you could just tell your partner like hey, I'm really sorry. We've tried. It's not working out for me. I don't think we're all that compatible. And you don't have to say anything about sex, right? Like you don't need to be like, hey, you're really bad at sex. You don't have to be mean about it.

You could just be like, hey, I don't feel the connection anymore. I don't feel like we're a compatible partnership anymore. And I do like, unfortunately, like I want to go our separate ways. And like it'll be tough. It'll suck. It's never fun to break up, especially after, you know, a considerable amount of time, like four years. But to continue to stay for you and for them to continue into a relationship where you're not sexually satisfied, you're going to get more bitter.

And you also have these dreams of like losing your prime. Right. Then fuck it. Also, I got age. Was she 28? I believe. Girl, you got a lot. A lot of prime left in you. I got bad news for you, lady. Or I guess good news. Like the best sex that I had was like in in my thirties.

And yeah, and certainly even when I was younger, I typically dated older. And it was like when I was like 26, I was hooking up with someone who was like 32. And like, it's just so much better. Yeah. Also, like every woman I know in their 30s most of whom are in their late They're like reaching new sexual heights all the goddamn time. They're all doing better. They're thriving Everyone's hot in their 30s. What are you talking about? Yeah, maybe 50s. We gotta think about that I think honestly, I'm 40s are surprising to be house fuck too. Maybe but 30s. They're fucking great Yeah, so you're good. You got like at least 10 years left in you

And maybe your 10 best years. Yeah, but it's like you're good Like if you feel like you you want to do something yeah when you're this age then like but also I do want to step away From that time. Yes, like I'm in my prime. You're fine. Don't worry about it But do worry about doing the things you want to do. Yeah, right. So like you just go just yeah This isn't for you. You're not happy Presumably he probably isn't having a great time either. That's the thing. No one is like if you're miserable They're not there being like this is great. Yeah, they can feel it one way or another Yes, 100% so so move on. Yeah cut your losses go chase the things maybe

Dance class, maybe he can be Maybe you want to chase dance class. Maybe he can be taught. You know, a dance class with the fucking mean teacher from Cat's Eye. She'll whip him into shape. They have dexterous fingers. You'll ballet up on your coochie. I hate that. I know. Can we get out of here now?

You can. Thank you, Josh. You go in the Harvest States for the song Paper Stars. Thank you, everybody who listens to us in general, but also currently right now in this episode. We love you. See you at the show. October 29th, seven o'clock. Thank you, everybody who listens to us in general, but also currently right now in this episode. We love you. See you at the show. October 29th, seven o'clock. Black sheep be there. Come in a Halloween costume. Come dressed.

If you don't have a Halloween costume, you'll still be let in. Yeah, they're not required, but you are eligible to win the prize. You won't be. So anyone in a costume gets automatically entered into a raffle. There's also prizes on top of that for best costume. We'll be doing all kinds of fun things. We're working with the show. We're changing it up a little bit where we're doing something different. It'll still be the show that you know, in love with, like a little extra

little extra pat on the butt to get going. Yeah, I think it's like a little a lot. We're smothering this bad boy in butter. I'm going to be so sick by the end of it. I just dip you into it. Yeah, you're a little lobsters. So find find the link on any social media. Yep I'll ask what he's podcast comm the live show right there has links to both tickets. Yeah, we love you Yeah, I read for some bad sex running. I think so get comfortable. Okay. This is a question off seduction. Yeah How to seduce the slut Oh not looking for judgment and I'll be straight even opinionated

There's always a slutty girl always just just in general like I like how this is it's like Bioshock There's always a lighthouse, you know that no no, are you not played by a shark infinite in the sky? Yeah, and I don't know was a girl. There's always a lighthouse Anyway, it's just funny. You've sucked the air out. See he did what we said in episode one. He's asking questions He's looking at me. I remember back in the days in school. There was always at least one in the bars There's always at one jumping from one guy to another in the past I would be invisible to this kind of girl. Now doing some game, I've been able to get close enough through confidence, making assumptions about her, playfully arrogant.

I've been able to get her attention for like two, three men holding hands, escalating to body touching. But then she goes! So, for those experienced, how do you calibrated your game to pull the slut? They are usually not super pretty, but they are sexy. Although I'm doing other approaches getting numbers and whatnot. I made this my new goal to pull the slut gross What are you talking about? Gross I can get her attention for two to three minutes and touch her and then she runs away I like he says that like it's normal or like a mark of success or pride or anything It's like I could pretty much talk to anybody for two to three minutes Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could I could talk to anyone for two to three minutes

Yeah, cuz when you go up, they don't have much of a choice Yeah, and then if I also started to touch them, I could yeah would probably run away. I bet I could write to yeah I bet I could touch pretty much anyone within two to three minutes Yeah, if if the end goal is or if the if they're like the win case is them leaving. Yeah, I bet I could do that No problem. What are you fucking doing? Not much apparently stop. That's my advice for you Yeah, cease and also to assist. Yeah, you're going to jail. I'm calling the cops on you specifically I'm calling the cops on you specifically. I'm calling the internet cops

This is such a prime example of like pigeonholing someone because it's like there's always a slut. Oh, yeah It's crazy that everywhere you go There's one woman that's the exact same like as every other woman in every other place that you go Yeah, crazy that that just happened and that perhaps the the woman who's out just having a time is a slut Yeah, it's like well the thing is right like you're just You're not what do you own knowing about? You have your tone on yeah, well the thing is you don't really know a lot about like I know if you ever did medieval Studies so you know there's mother maiden crown slut everywhere you go

There's one of them like right now in this closet. There's a slut just gyrating in the corner There's a mother who has fallen over because the crown had fallen over previously and she tripped over. And then the maiden is just like, I guess, in distress. And we're just ignoring all of them because we're good dudes. But, you know, I'm not ignoring the slut. She's twerking. I don't know, man.

First two, three minutes of this podcast, I had her attention. I reached out a hand and she fucking ran off. I haven't touched her yet. So she's still around. Dude, it's been a lot longer than two, three minutes. I'm just that hand and poacher and she fucking ran off I haven't touched her yet. So she's still around dude. It's been a lot longer in two three minutes I'm just that good. My name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain and we've been your fuck buddies