F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 315 - Sherlock Holmes & Wetson

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

See that little joke in the title there, Spotify?  Wouldn't you like MORE of that?  Just hit us up.  We won't blow you off for some lame camp thing.  Topics include jerking it when she's around, finger lickin' (real) good, the classic money trap, losing that lovin' feeling.

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends my name is Dave Miller and I'm Niles Spain and we are your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. I feel like you're doing that part too quick. No. Okay. Before it was I couldn't get through it now. Now you've gone, you've trained too much. You become super saiyan or whatever the fuck. Saiyan? Saiyan, I don't know. You like anime. I don't like that one. You're wrong.

Never seen it. We simply put put we were sex and dating vice podcast We find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here right now in your ears on the Monday Through the medium of technology. We also answer them tomorrow on stage man You're fucking me up because none of what you're saying is correct But it is but it is also correct because we're recording this on a Thursday Yes, and but yes, and we'll be in people's ears on Monday on Monday what you're saying is correct but it is also correct because we're recording this on a Thursday. Yes. And but yes. It will be in people's ears on Monday. On Monday. The next day is Tuesday the 29th of October at which point our Halloween spectacular is enveloping you and it's spooky comfort and it's

going to give you a bunch of fun. So come to Black Sheep Cocktail Lounge Liberty Village seven o'clock. It's going to be a blast. Come in costume, come in costume because there's don't have to. I want to say that if you're not a costume person, that's fine. You don't have to. You should. But you should, because we're encouraging everyone to do it and showing up in a costume immediately, just walking through the elevator door. It can be a bad costume. As long as you can sell it, that you are in a costume will will count it. Yeah.

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We have stuff from gems. So we got some sexy products, sexy products. You want to fuck get a good outfit and then go for a meal. Guess what? We could sort you out. That's a date night right there. Gotcha. Or even if you just want to come to our next show and ball out. Yeah. You've got a gift card that you can just come and just be like, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Get that fancy cocktail that comes in a fire extinguisher. I don't think that exists anymore. Well, don't get that. You know what? If you ball out hard enough, they'll bring it back. Just they will fight a fire extinguisher. I don't think that exists anymore. Well, don't get that. You know what? If you ball out hard enough, they'll bring it back just for you. We'll find a fire extinguisher to put your drink in. So go to any of our social media, go to our website, you will find tickets. You will buy those tickets. You will come. You'll see us. We'll fucking give you a little hug. Maybe if we know you well enough and get a drink can be non-alcoholic. Watch the show. We're going to be doing a lot of fun

stuff. It's going to be great. Come do it. Be there or be square. Also it's a fucking Tuesday getting the spooky spirit It's gonna this is gonna be the wave that you're gonna surf all the way into November because it starts here Yeah, we are the swell and we're not just talking about erect dicks. We're not we are we will be we will be sure I'm sure but Currently not what are we talking about this week? This week? We're gonna talk about my girlfriend asked if I ever had a wank while she was present. How can I reassure her? Finger-licking good, uh

Date asked me to be an exclusive relationship with him and I felt bad saying no cuz he just spent $900 on me losing that love and feeling. Ooh. All right. This is by beauties girlfriend 25 year old female asked me 29 year old male ever had a wank while she was present How can I reassure her we were lying in bed discussing various topics as we do and she asked me that we have great communication Honest with each other both emotionally mature in our intimate life is amazing. We've also been super open about sexuality We even were non-exclusive at the beginning of our relationship. I replied that yes, it happened once or twice I know it happened at least once generally can't tell if there was another time as it's not a memorable moment. I'm in the bathroom, feel horny, intense. Why not open the phone? Three minutes of porn. Boom, release. Job done, feeling nice.

She had a really negative reaction to that information, mentioning the following points. One, I can't control my impulses, so I'll cheat on her eventually. Two, I did that because I needed something she couldn't provide, so I will cheat if she doesn't give me what I want." She also asked how I would react if I found out she did the same thing. I replied I'd have a laugh, talk jokingly about it, and be curious about her particular mood that day. Certainly wouldn't question our future. She has a history of toxic relationships and being cheated on, so she agrees her take may

be influenced by that, but still thinks it's weird I did it. How can I reassure her? I mean, I guess it depends. I don't think, I think masturbation in a relationship is a healthy thing. And I don't think anyone should be weird about it. Sometimes you just want some alone time and that alone time also involves you and your genitals. Like that's just a fact of life. And I think everyone would be a lot cooler and a lot more chill, a lot more satisfied if every now and then they could run one out whenever they wanted to. That's a blanket statement. I'm just going to throw it there. I think it is strange depending on when you are doing it. Like if you're just finished dinner and you're like, oh, I'll be back in a minute. Yeah. And you just go to the bathroom and masturbate. I think that's a little weird. Yeah. Right.

And especially if, but like if it was a one time thing and she was asleep and you had just got home from a long day at work and you know, you're just out of a shower or whatever and you're feeling a little like you need a little release. That's fine. I don't think there's any problem with that. Yeah, I don't think there's a problem in general. I think in the circumstance you're mentioning, it's like if it's at the expense of another part of your relationship or if like you have to like lie to leave to do it or if it's like every like you know half hour yeah you're running to the bathroom to jerk off like there's a problem there can be problems but in this instance i don't think there is no and especially not in the way it's been received yeah having a wank does not mean you're going to cheat on someone it's like oh no like imagine if you if you brought this forward to anything else, be like, Oh babe, did you, did you eat that whole fucking block of cheese? Yeah. You can't control your impulses. You're gonna cheat on me. It's like, yeah.

Or even just like some, like does she shop? Does she get on Amazon and buy a bunch of clothes or something? It's like, that's the same sort of thing. Be like, you have no impulse control for all. I know the next thing you're going to like be on your phone and download Tinder and like do like, Oh, you woke up today and you felt a little lazy to make breakfast. You got a breakfast sandwich from the place across the road. That's really cheap.

That was me this morning. Oh, no, no impulse. And she said, no, you're just fucking tired. And it's so tasty. And it's not that expensive. Yeah, it's the the jump. And like, thankfully, at least she said, hey, I have all here. Here's my background.

So I understand that perhaps maybe that perhaps this may be influencing my my feelings on this. I'm going to go ahead and say it is girl. It is. But at least like that in her mind, right? Like at least if it's something she can actually deal with instead of like saying it to like get rid of a responsibility of being bad. You know what I mean? Yes. Because I know a lot of people who'll be like, oh, I had a toxic relationship, but it's not a I'm saying it and I'm going to explore that and work on it.

It's I'm saying it's you can't get annoyed. It's carte blanche. Exactly. Yes. That's not how it works. You can't just be like, well, bad things have happened. So I'm allowed to be shit to you. Yeah, I think there's there's at least some of the heavy lifting is is kind of done already in terms of like, you know, where this is kind of like rooted in. So you can start pulling at the root as opposed to being like, if she just did this out of the blue and you had no idea about her past, it would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

And then you kind of have to have like a conversation about that. Then you have to have another conversation about like potential like reasons as to why she thinks that and then zero in and then like finally find it. But like having someone sort of like tell you that be like, great. So you ask how to reassure. Just say, hey, I understand that you've had bad relationships, but we have great communication and I want you to trust me. And, you know, I think you do need to lay the law be like every now and then. I'm going to masturbate.

I think it's super unhealthy to take that off the table because we're dating. Because I want to masturbate has no bearing on your worth or my self control. Yeah, or like the confidence I have in our relationship. It has nothing to do with that. Sometimes I just want to jerk off real quick in three minutes and call it a day. And it has nothing to do with you. It is a personal solo experience the same way that like perhaps you want to take a bath for 45 minutes or an hour or two hours and then survey and and like

watch some shitty reality show that I don't want to watch reality TV or a great reality TV show. I don't want to watch. God damn it. It's like that is that's your way of relieving tension and I'm not there being like, why aren't you spending time with me? Why aren't you watching TV with me? Why don't you, you know what I mean? Like that it's weird to do. There's also this very toxic belief that I've seen like kind of thrown around in situations like this where like, oh, like if you'd asked me, like I would have taken care of it. Like, uh, and it's like, okay, cool.

I get that that may be true sometimes, but like being like, oh, all sexual satisfaction has to come through sometimes, but like being like, oh, all sexual satisfaction has to come through me is really bad because like, are you going to be so worried about saying no then in case they go masturbate so that you have to do it even though when you don't want to because that's a bad situation or is your partner just not allowed? Like let's say they want release and you're not into it. They just have to wait. Like that's also not healthy.

Yeah. So it's like you end up in either one of those situations and it's super bad for both of you. So like taking that off the table and being like, it's always going to be me is really bad. So don't do that. You know what I mean? To yourself, don't do it to them. Take a breath. Like, look at what this could be.

It could be bad and just let them wank. Yeah. So I think have this conversation and sort of like set your boundaries of like what you think is a healthy practice for masturbation. Again, there's a bunch of ways that this could manifest poorly. Right. Like he was seeking off, like I said, like every hour or whatever to jerk off. You're trying to watch a movie and he just keeps lying about having diarrhea. Yeah. Yeah. He's like got the porn hub like sound. Do we do or whatever is that Netflix? That's Netflix. Yeah.

Always makes that money. sound. Do you ever ever say Netflix? That's Netflix. Yeah, I was. And your girlfriend is in the other room watching that. Look at how on the big screen. OK, weird, but all right. But yeah, it seems like you have a fairly healthy like masturbation habits and just like this has no bearing on you and just reassure and literally say, like, I want to reassure you that, you know, I still care about you. Yeah. Masturbation has nothing to do with you or your self-worth.

And it certainly doesn't have any, like, I'm not going to cheat on you because of it. And if you want to talk about why you think that I'm happy to listen, and I want to work through that with you, but you need to trust me the same level of that. I trust you. Yeah. And if, if that doesn't work, if there's a... That's a very important thing. If this is a recurring conversation after you have this,

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, get out. Yeah. I've had partners, not in this way, but in a, oh, I had a toxic ex, so I'm using that to excuse me being incredibly jealous about a normal thing like you going to work or spending time with a friend. Yeah. And it's like, I get it the first time, but if it becomes a three, four or five, like you, at some point people just will not shake that, or at least they want

with you and it's like, you can't live your life like that. So hopefully that isn't the case, but having been there, having had this situation, it's, it's triggering for me. So don't like draw, like have a, have a nice respectful and like empathetic communication about this. And then if it keeps happening, draw a line on the sand. And if that line is crossed, just get out because sometimes people need to not be in a relationship to deal with this shit. Yeah. 100%. This is from any adhesiveness humiliated after she sucked my finger.

I a 25 year old male had been dating this girl for a few weeks. We haven't done much sexually other than making out. She wants to take things slow, but there's a lot of sexual tension. Yesterday, we were having a picnic in a pretty secluded spot and started kissing. But you get the odd walker by coming through. So we knew we couldn't escalate anything, really. She then puts my finger in her mouth and starts the sexiest licking and sucking while staring right at me. It was honestly the hottest thing ever. Not long

into this, I started to feel each lick and suck like she was doing it to my cock and began feeling really good down there. I think she knew I was enjoying it as she started going faster and pressing her boobs together for me to see. This is where I actually started to feel myself get close to orgasm, but everything felt too incredible to ask her to stop. And I had one of the most intense orgasms of my life. As soon as it was over, I realized how embarrassing it was to come without her touching me, and I had to make up some excuse to leave to tidy myself up. Have I ruined this relationship?

I really like her, but I don't think she would be able to look past this. Your girl's magic! Yeah, she literally cast a spell on you. That's incredible! That's so aw- like hey, this girl, dude, you need to let her know. So she can just fucking run down the streets, arms up and everyone lean out the windows, throw streamers, like cheer, banging pots of pans. Yeah.

I did for healthcare workers. That's not a frontline fucking. She's not an essential worker, dude. That's magic. It's incredible. I'd like, I don't think she's even gonna find that weird I think she's just gonna be so chuffed. Yeah, she'd be like, sorry. I'm gonna need a minute to deal with how fucking awesome I'm gonna tell all my friends about how fucking powerful I am now the danger is she's always gonna be chasing that track

I don't know you probably Maybe also like maybe she has an endless supply of dragons. Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe this is a freak access. Like what if next time they do go further and her actually sucking your dick feels worse? Yeah, that's gonna be bad. And you're like, hey, babe, look, like, sorry. It says take a break. And then while she's talking, you're just like putting your finger around.

Yeah, this is a that's fucking wild. My it's so weird to me that people get embarrassed and ashamed when you have the Reaction and result of what the person is attempting to accomplish. No, I don't agree because there's no way she was attempting that No, but she was trying to be sexy and hot. Yeah, she's trying to turn she got in that 20 Yeah The added effect was like so you can either find more about the mystery or you can make this Man come and she was like I love the mystery

But I'm gonna choose the more fun storyline of him just spontaneously ejaculating, right? So it's like if someone told me like if I was trying to like turn a chick on And I buy like just whispering her like saying filthy things while we're at a bar. She just came and yeah Like I wouldn't be like how weird weird, how embarrassing, how gross. But let's be fair, there's a world of difference where, like, if a girl comes quickly, no one gives a shit. Yeah. There's not a single world where anyone's like, you're worthless now.

I guess it depends on how long she was stuck in that thing. That's true. Yeah. This poor girl, she's done for so long. He's like, no, no, no, no, it feels so fucking good. He got fingered. Is that really a joke? I don't know. Finger job? I don't know. He gets fingered. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, houses coming too quickly or whatever. And it's like we're shamed eternally for that. You know what I mean? I think so. I understand.

Yes, I do. I do get it. But this the thing is, right, like she's got to know. Oh, like again, with with the wording, with what you've said, you said the most intense orgasm of your life. I'm sorry. But if you're just like a decent orgasm for me, there are signs. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm not just like just like a decent orgasm for me, there's our science. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm not just like, just like fucking, you know, bored. Stone cold. Yeah. Face. Yeah. It's no, it's like there's, there's at least a whimper, a moan. A twitch.

A twitch. A tightening. Yeah. Like there's, there's evidence that I have. Also, like if you had to clean yourself up, you're in a secluded park spot. Like just go wipe, come off your pants with a leaf. Like what'd you do? Yeah. I mean, maybe it's like, was there, was there stains? Cause there must've been like I, when I was fucking, you know, young, I get an old like jeans hand job and you come and there'd be fucking visible stains. Like, you know what I mean? It's, it's not subtle. So it's like, if she knows there's no point in pretending it didn't happen. Cause that's,

that's where the shame comes in. The thing is like, like you said, it's like, I can't imagine this dude was so stoic that there was any, that's the thing. I can't, I can't imagine there's a world in which he doesn't know. Yeah. So pretending it didn't happen is not a good move because you can be like, yo, that was crazy. Be like, I don't know what happened there.

I just fucking came. That was hot that was so sexy like you you like feel free to be like that's wild like I'm a little embarrassed but like you owning it yeah and you praising them and you taking control of the situation is sexy you know 100% you pretending it didn't happen getting embarrassed and like being weird about it isn't sexy. Yeah. So you have the choice of it happens regardless. I'm going to bet 99.9% chance that she knows. She knows. Uh, and you can have the two options. That's either be weird about it, which isn't hot or own it. And then that's a good step forward in your sexual. Yeah. Like shower praise on a woman who made you come with her, with your finger. You're a magic lady. Yeah. You're a magic woman. And it also like you've mentioned that like you haven't done anything sexual. She wants to take it slow. But like this opens the door being like flirty banter of being like if that's what you

can do to my finger. Yes. What are you going to do to my dick? Yeah. Be like, holy shit. Like you, you now have like a springboard to launch into and then you can use my sick finger joke. The cum barrier has been broken yeah right it's been shattered like so yes i understand your embarrassment i fully do as someone outside of this experience it's not as embarrassing as you probably think it is and regardless they know so the only option here is own it have fun with it And by all means be like I am actually embarrassed and like let her like be like no don't worry about it Like and always make sure to bring it back to how hot and awesome she is because again Is she gonna be like this guy thinks I'm super hot and awesome. That's fucking gross

No, she's gonna live off this yeah the rest of her life I enjoy in a rare instance I dipped into the comments section of this question just to see what they're all like, you go fingers. No, yeah. They're not that funny. They're not that funny. Yeah. Uh, they, every woman was like, tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her. And they're, everyone was just like, this is, I need to, like, I need to know that information

if I ever, and everyone was just like, it's fine. So yes, I think it's a resounding beat. Praise this woman. Yes. Yeah. She did an incredible thing. And you went along for the ride. You were consensual. Like it was like there's nothing here to be embarrassed by. You were she was trying to be sexy. She was trying to turn you on. You got turned on. She did it like all of the pieces. There's nothing out of line here. Right? Like you guys painted

a picture and you did it by number like not even you did a better job. Yeah. Anyone ever could like a Renaissance master. It was like she channeled Da Vinci into her body and suck the skin off your finger. Yeah. The old bone finger they call. Uh, but yeah, you're fine. Don't be embarrassed. Own it. Congratulate her and use this as a, as a springboard to be like, or even just be like, I owe you one. Yes. You made me come so hard. Now it's my turn. Like you, it's a gift if you're willing to accept it, but it's also a trap. Like you could literally go the wrong way. You could be weird about this. You could be embarrassed. You could be ashamed. You could be like never bringing up pretend that never happened. And

that's going to make you look so much less. And it's like it's that is that's the weird thing, right? Like it's always so weird when someone like everyone in the room is like, you know, pretending something didn't happen and you're just like, because like her politeness might not want to bring it up, right? I don't think it's weird to be like, hey, man, well, I just rocked your world by only sucking your finger. And then, of course, all these people are going to burst out of their windows and start banging those pots and pans.

Yeah. Right. It's it. and like, I'm assuming that if, if she's so in tuned to what you're feeling and thinking to make you come by sucking your finger, I bet she can read that you're uncomfortable or better. You know what I mean? Like, dude, she can read your mind. If she can do this, she knows your deepest, darkest secrets. There's nothing left. Yeah. She can hear us. The episode isn't even out yet. She can hear us. We're just giving her props. Yeah, this hasn't happened yet.

She sent this back in time. Yeah. I think we can have you seen. Nobody wants this yet. Yes. You've seen the whole thing. I've finished the show. OK, I'm not done. So no spoilers.

OK, also one based on us. We all know that. I mean, it's based on Call Our Daddy, but it's actually not based on us. OK, I don't know if you know. OK. But also how frustrating is it that Spotify are like we gotta get in the call we gotta give you money and they're like oh I just got to go on a date this weekend I don't even want to go I gotta go to a bar mitzvah I gotta go hang out with Adam Brody must be right

if we both said it yeah it makes me so angry makes me so angry. No, you don't. Also, when they're like, uh, I just keep making, taking breaks to go pee and everyone's really angry about that. I'm like, are you, do you not edit? Oh, hey. What's happening? Or like their mom's just chatting in the background. So that's what pisses me off about the show, is 90% of the fucking podcast, one, they're holding their microphones. You want to hear what it sounds like when you hold a microphone? This is what it sounds like it sounds fucking terrible

You'd be so tired, but the nine times out of ten the microphones nowhere near their fucking face Yeah, and they're using directional mics so they literally like but Spotify's like which guy give you money like 90% of their podcast It's just like it's like a hero's And now it's like, hey, heroes. They like, hey, it's over there. And now it's like over here. You're fucking crazy. And then again, then the mom walks in. She's not even Mike.

She's like, what do you mean? And like, again, it's like, wait, so what are you doing when someone goes to the bathroom, editing that out, a 20 minute audio gap? But I so here's the thing. My partner listens to a lot of podcasting and She'll tell me about these shows that are big shows that don't edit at all They just don't care. It's like it is just it's like it's a solo woman Like it's just her on the show talking and she'll go so there's just dead air

So what I'm hearing is that's maybe what we're missing don't go get a beer. We'll just come back. Yeah, like what the fuck I spent hours Like which every time I leave I just lock them to the computer and I don't come back for like hours Maybe sometimes I'll bring him water. It's that that's what I enjoyed the show. I thought it was very cute I thought was well written there. I had some problems here and there yeah with it, but Overall, I thought it was a really nice show But every time they did anything, we're involving the podcast. I was like, yeah, especially just like the sheer lack of any kind of knowledge on like what one is or how it works. Yeah.

Yeah, it makes me angry. Also, like Spotify, don't give them money. Give us real Spotify, real Spotify. I won't blow your dinner off. No, I'll be there. Me and Dane will both be there for. No, don't tell them that we don't have money. I don't't care if they're gonna give us money. I'll buy dinner for Spotify Yeah, if I say if I have to drop like $400 on a real nice Spotify dinner Spotify I will cancel my partner right now right now right now. There's nothing my partner could ask me

No, no that I would rank higher than a meeting with you Spotify Yeah, if you're gonna give us money if you're gonna give us money. Yeah. Yeah. We will sell it right here. Right. OK. Yeah. I think it's me. Oh, it's me, actually. So fuck is it?

It is because we just did your finger. Oh, yeah. I would say it again. Fuck you. OK. This is by traditional poem 946. Sorry, I'm going to go to the bathroom. But just yeah, my dad asked me to go to be in an exclusive relationship

with him last night. Felt pretty weird to say no after he spent $900 on me. Hi 20 year old female has been going on dates with this guy 23 year old male And he's willing to spend a good amount of money on me. I've never experienced anything like this So I am unsure how to react. I would like to come to conclusion He is love bombing What I would like to come to the conclusion that he is love bombing because I really cannot tell if there's a red flag Or not. I think he's a really nice guy and I like him

I preface that being a 20 year old female especially when in college who already comes from a low-income family, things happen a lot. Lol, I guess it's typical of any young adult my age. Old-ass car shut down or my college asked me to pay for a class out of pocket sometimes. Sure many people my age experience the same thing. This guy would like to help me be less stressed about it. So I guess it's okay. The only problem is we haven't known each other that long. He also mentioned moving in together, getting married and having children a lot. I thought he wasn't being serious, but as a joke he refers to me as Mrs. His Last Name a few times already. We went on a total of three dates. First date was fine. I remember offering to

spend a little more on a few things, but I told him I was okay. For the second date, we were texting each other about our days at work. He's a math teacher. I'm a nursing assistant in a hospital. That week my car shut down. Happens quite a lot. It's a pretty banged up car. I spent two hundredth of the battery replaced I was joking about how often this happens and he offered to reimburse me the 200 I spent I told him I was okay And I was only joking am I wrong was it too soon for me to say something like that when I have a potential relationship With that person in the future on the second date. We're coming home car shuts down again tried to jumpstart and it didn't work It's get a tow truck which was quite difficult because my car was in a parking garage. I think

I'm cursed lol. He calls insurance company for a solution and was willing to pay $1,060 to have my car towed. I thought he was insane. I told him I'd be fine and called AAA instead. Last night was our third date. We've known each other for a month. Date was fine. Had a midterm essay due. He offered to take me to a coffee shop and help me research and give me pointers. I was okay with that. Because my car is down in the mechanic and vacation, he picked me up, went to a coffee shop and my laptop wouldn't turn on. He took me to the Apple store and the display was broken and it would be $600 to fix. I freaked out because I still needed to fix my car.

He offered to pay. I declined. He tried to convince me to let him pay for it. I told him just to take me to Best Buy or a cheaper place, but on the way there, my mom called and said I may as well get a new laptop. Because it's very important for school. I could use her car for any errands I need to run. I said, OK, took the savings and bought a new laptop.

But when we were there, I was able to get a discount, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my date paid for it. Before I pulled him aside from the cash register and asked him what to deal with, was offering to pay for all these expensive bills of mine. He said I needed it. He doesn't spend money on anything else. Told me to fix his car. I have to pay at least half. He said he wanted to pay for the whole

thing. Felt like my back was against the wall because we were in person and it was easier for me to text no before and end the discussion. Later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. I do like his personality so I think I said yes because of that but I'm not sure how to feel. Is this a kind gesture or should I just run? Am I the one who's wrong with my joking or freaking out where money's concerned? He offered to help out with other things like school assignments, but should I just shut up and never mention when something goes down again that could be solved money wise? There you go.

Wolf, um, there are some red flags here to me. Yep. Uh, one, I think it's, I think you should be concerned when anyone is willing to spend that kind of money right off the bat. And I, you this guy is so fucking rich that is a math teacher yeah so I'm gonna guess no unless he he has figured out the algorithm of something and like beautiful mind style has has figured out how to play the markets in the perfect way because he's you know come up come up with the math. Yeah. The integers. Yeah. So what are the what's the age difference again?

I think 20 and she's 20. He's 23. Oh, OK. So not that bad. For some reason, I thought he was a lot older. The the things that pink for me was the fact that he calls you. Mrs. Whatever after three dates. I don't know when he started doing it. That's but that's a crazy thing to do Well in general like if we take all the money out of this question, and it's just I'm dating a guy after three dates He's saying we should get married have kids and calling me miss last name wants to be exclusive after three dates

Yes, I would say red flag red flag red flag red flag. Yeah, none of those are good, and you would need to be careful I also think if none of that happened, it was just the money, we would say, be careful. Yeah. Those altogether. Be careful. You have you have a situation of like what seems to be a potential for like an abusive relationship based on dependency. Yeah. Right. Like, I'm sure once you're like, if you ever want to break up, it's gonna be like, well, how are you going to do without me? How you gonna do without me how you gonna build it I spent a thousand dollars you just fucking using me like yeah yeah I I would guess my guess if you have friends

they're the next ones to be alienated yeah and if that's the case you need to fucking cut and run also hey don't don't you don't even need to do your studies or you don't need to do nursing school like if if you cancel your job, I can pay for your university So you can spend more time focusing and then it's like can't break up with me because if you do you have no money No money have your universe 100% 100% it's it is textbook to remove your agency for abusers manipulators to to take advantage of that Because as I said, it's like, as you lose your financial independence,

you are more dependent on him. And that makes leaving him harder. And then it's also, now you're gonna start, like if he's using the playbook, it's gonna become- I'll do this, but you have to do this. Yeah, and on top of that, it's going to be like, anytime you don't wanna do something, there's gonna be the guilt of like,

Mm hmm. Well, I did this, I spent this and then to like anytime you like it's it's going to start bringing your self esteem and your self worth down because he's doing everything and you can't pay for it. You're right. And what making you feel small and helpless. Oh, just the things he's asking. Yeah. Also, it's really shit to be like, I'm dating someone. I don't know if it's because I like them. That's a red flag. Yeah, I that's that's the other thing. It's like we talk about it a lot where it's the reason you should get in a relationship is an absolute fuck. Yes. Yeah. If you are not 100 percent certain that you want to date someone,

you should not be dating them. You certainly also shouldn't be exclusive after three dates, especially three dates in which every time he has made you feel uncomfortable about money. Yes. Right. Every date. Mm hmm. You've gone on with this dude. You've had to be like, no, that's okay. No, that's okay. And when you finally had the opportunity, he did it without your consent again. Right. He broke a boundary. You've said repeatedly that you don't want his help.

You don't want his help. And then he just did it. Yeah. And you even said, oh, you would have been able to like get out of this situation over text, meaning he like coerced you in person. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he made it difficult because you couldn't just like put your phone down or like say a thing.

You wanted to say no to him buying you this laptop. He did it anyway. Yeah. So all right. Like there's so much here that shows a, and it could just like, you know, maybe he's just the most generous man ever and he sees you struggling and he just wants to help you

because he doesn't spend. Even if he is, he's still like bulldozing past your consent. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, and he's, even if he is, he's still being way too forward and into it for day three. Yes. So it's Red Flag City over here.

And I think in this situation, you should dial it back and be like, hey, sorry. The other day I was like really overwhelmed and like you did such a generous thing that I felt bad saying no. But like to be honest, it's way too early for me right now to be exclusive. Like I still want to get to know you if you do. And like I'm sorry I said yes, I shouldn't have. But like upon proper consideration, like I really think it's too early for me to make that if you do. And like, I'm sorry. I said, yes, I shouldn't have, but like upon proper consideration, like I, I really think it's too early for me to make that call.

Yeah. And if he's like, I totally get it. That's an okay sign. Good sign. It's okay. Cause he still might be, you know, manipulation if in any way he's like, I just spent all that money on you and you're going to do this to me, then you know, you've done the best thing ever.

So I think you have to be very careful. Yeah. Because remember the thing to remember every time is that you never asked him to do that. And he did it without your consent. Yeah, you never asked for help. You never asked for him to pay for it. And when he did do it, you tried to pay him half and he wouldn't let you. So like you owe him nothing.

He made this choice. This was his own 100% his, his responsibility. He did it. So he lives, he lives with the fucking consequences. If he's pissed that he just wasted, quote unquote, maybe don't do that. A grand on a girl who doesn't wanna date him, then oops, that's his fault.

That's not on you. You're just like, oh, sorry, when you did it with, again, without consulting me, you never told me I would have to do this for you. You said you did it out of the goodness of your heart. So. Yeah. And also just like, your price isn't $900, right? Like that's not the goodness of your heart. So yeah. And also just like Blanca, your price isn't $900. Right. Like that's not that's not the price to date you.

Yeah, I would hope. Yeah. But it might be. Oh, shit. You did pay laptop dowry. I guess I have to be yours now. Right. Like it's we don't have dollar values assigned to us. So it doesn't really matter. This guy could have dropped a million. Unless you're Spotify, unless you're Spotify.

Spotify, we do have a very specific number value and we are happy to do it. Dean's written it on the wall and it's actually kind of a deal for you. Yeah, this is from OK Technician. Husband has become less enthusiastic about sex this past year. We are in our mid 20s and trying for our second kid. I'm very sexually frustrated because we haven't been intimate for almost a week. And now I'm ovulating So I sent him this text can't wait for you to get home. Your girl is wet

I'm ready for you to fill her up. This man responds with I see I Hope it's the thinking or like the monocle like hmm Yes, and then starts talking about work, which is fine But I have a feeling he's gonna brush me off when he gets home to when he's home the past few days He brushes off any sort of physical intimacy and it drives me crazy. I try really hard for my looks I'm fit I wax and I try to dress up for this past year He seems so uninterested in sex at all doesn't watch porn and jack-off at home either. What could this mean? Okay, so you're gonna do is when he gets home and get his finger. Yeah

Put that in your mouth that little sharp on it. It's it's the new the new beta Uh, like you say beta. Yeah It's sorry. It's a rock climbing term. Okay. Yeah, it is actually I think you meant like meta as in like video game No, like beta is like uh, like if you see someone do a climb, that's like they're that's them giving you beta You're like, oh, that's how I do do It's a beta test. Sure. Gotcha. Um I'm asked her beta Damn, maybe that put that right up at the finger joke Master beta in the bathroom without you knowing like our friend from question one

You need to talk to him girl Like I I hate that you're just like huh? He doesn't want sex with me. I guess I'll wear an outfit tomorrow Huh, that didn't work. Yes. I'll text him. It's like just talk to him if you're trying for a kid This is surely something you've talked about and just be like hey, we need to have sex to have a kid Also, I would like to have sex in general and just be like hey like the last few times using to be like brushing me off Like is everything okay and just open that dialogue. I think it's insane to me that you haven't said, oh, we talked about it. And this happened.

You have, I think, hit the nail on the head. And I don't know if you've realized it. Who's trying for a second kid? Well, that's another thing. It's like, have you talked about that? Right. Do you want to say how enthusiastic is he about having a second kid? This man who's at work making presumably the money if if you're not like, you know what I mean?

Or maybe isn't, but either way, it's like, have you really talked about it? Are your financials in order? Are your lives in order? Are you willing and ready and happy? How long ago did you have that kid? Was it about a year ago when the sex started to decline? Like there's a lot here that you need to, I would like the details of. Yeah. And I want to make it clear that I'm, I don't think trying for a second kid or,

or, you know, that that sex should devolve after having a kid. That's not what I'm saying. No, I think what I'm saying is automatically does because you're busy and you've got a kid. Yes. It's like what what are how has his life changed in terms of responsibility and stress the same with your responsibilities changed in terms of responsibility and stress. But they have different effects on different people. and a lot of the times it has an effect on libido especially dudes like

Stress is the number one reason for me to lose interest in sex like when I'm the the least horny I am is usually when I'm at the peak of like, you know right before a show or when we have a bunch of deadlines or You know, I've got a lot of work to do Right before show or when we have a bunch of deadlines or you know, I've got a lot of work to do It's it stresses is a huge impact on on your on your libido and on top of like think of the text you said I'm ovulating so I don't know if he knows that or not But you do and you said your girl's wet can't wait for you to fill her up. That doesn't sound like fun sex No, sounds like utility. No, it sounds like I want my semen deposited. Yes, right?

So are you- Also, it's kind of a gross, can we fill her up? Like, okay, dude, what are you, a fucking 12 year old boy? So like how much of your sexual sort of vibe is just getting pregnant? Just utility at this point, yeah, yeah.

Right? Like is everything that you do and say and talk about about this pregnancy because that might also. Yeah. If you're taking her out of sex and just being like, oh, we've got to do it. Oh, it's that time like scheduling sex. Not usually great. So it's like if you're scheduling sex, it's utilitarian. I don't know. I just my worries there's no communication here. I think that's I think maybe those are the two big ones. Right. I think as you said, you you you keep saying like, what does this mean? He's doing this. He's not doing that. He's not like him. Ask him.

Yeah. Talk to him. He's your fucking husband. You have a kid. You're wanting to start to have another kid. We hope you you should be able to communicate, have a conversation with this man and be honest and frank and be like, Hey, we need to talk about this. Why, why is our sex declined in the past year? What I sent you a really naughty text and you said, I see that really hurt my feeling. Like it's a wild response. It doesn't matter how you're feeling about it, but I see is the worst response

to any sexy text. I think we've, we got one where where it's like someone just sent a thumbs up to a nude a while ago and that I think was one of the top. This is the king. Yeah. Like this is fucking good. That's so good. And by that, I mean absolutely terrible. Right. And I think this is a great place to start is being like,

I sent you a sexy text and you said, I see like an old timey fucking detective like Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. Out on the moors looking for the hounds ofy fucking detective like Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. Out on the moors looking for the hounds of the fucking Baskervilles. Like, what are you doing? So I think this is an excellent opportunity to open those doors, have this conversation, be like, this made me feel really insecure. Maybe he's trying to open the door to role play.

Maybe you got to dress up like Watson. I've got a case of the moist vagina and I need you to fill me up homes It's gross that that is a direct quote from Yeah It's weird that Watson is constantly talking about his wet pussy and yeah being filled up by Sherlock Holmes Yeah, I know. Yeah, but you know what? That's why they hit it big, man. His wussy. His wetsly. What?

What? What ussy? His wetsom bussy. Um. Oh, the game is afoot. I mean, judging by the other question, perhaps the game is a finger. Oh, Spotify, did you hear that? Are you paying attention?

Nobody wants this. Yeah. A lot of people want this, though. Um, yeah, just communicate because it feels like you don't ever. You know, this man's name. Yeah, it's just like come daddy in your phone, which I don't know if I'd be upset with if I went through someone's phone and they had me in there as come daddy. That'd be kind of cool. That's her. I think so you're in his mind We could do one more we do a quick one

Okay, this is quick throw our a word six five bunch of numbers my 24 year old female boyfriend 24 year old male checks his phone while we're having sex makes me feel very self-conscious. How do I recover? It's happened a few times now. First I was giving a blowjob per his request. I felt he was acting weird as if he was not in the moment. I looked up, saw he was on our on his phone. Later I was going through our friend group message and sure enough he was there talking about gaming stuff while I was giving him a BJ. I felt terrible. Did I do something wrong? He didn't like it. it made me very self-conscious I tried to talk to him but he says it's not a big deal that happened during sex he randomly checks

his phone during sex and sometimes even sends messages I think I can hear him typing I don't know how to feel about this he still doesn't think it's a big deal but I feel like I'm not doing enough to get his interest it's making me hesitate to initiate sex because I think he's not interested me I don't know if this is the first time oh I, I don't know. This is the first time in a relationship that involves sex. This is insane. Yeah, that you have a problem with typing, sending your emails. Like when else are you going to do? It's called time management. Time is money. Thank you. This like, oh, I'm sorry. You don't like the fact that your boyfriend's got a hustle grind set. Yeah.

I also like to be brushing my teeth and showering and texting one hand out the shower. While we record because the sound of water hitting my, my dirty body is really good audio. It would be in that fucking show. I know. They would fucking love it. Yeah. You, it doesn't matter. These are like the moments where like, sometimes it doesn't matter if someone thinks something's not a big deal, right? Because like I go ahead and say a lot of the time I don't think it matters because I feel like That's the abuser 101 is just like that's fine. It's not a big deal. It's like oh, yeah. Well, I guess it's not a big deal to me

so I think there is I Like you should have a conversation with him and be like, Hey, I know you've said it's not a big deal, but it is one to me. You definitely need to understand that while we're having sex, you doing you checking your phone is super rude and it's bad for my self esteem. But most importantly, it's fucking disrespectful and it doesn't matter if you don't think that way. I do. And I think a lot if you don't think that way. I do.

And I think a lot of people would back me up on that. I don't think I'm alone in this thought. Let me tell you, there's two right here. But like, it's it's a commonly held like thing where it's like, oh, it's a problem that people are on their phone, you know, out at lunch or out at dinner or yes, having a conversation with your partner. Like if that's bad, it's rude.

If someone's having a conversation with you and you pull your phone out and start texting, that's rude. And sorry if you don't think that it is, but it is. Yeah. So how could you not understand that it's also rude to do that during a very intimate, very personal thing? Should be engaged. Yes. You know what I mean? And also, I don't want my partner to be thinking about who they're texting while we're fucking or Minecraft.

If you're fucking messing about that, like the, like the fact that it's talking about gaming stuff to their group message that she's part of is why it makes me think that this man is either like real bad at social cues and maybe somewhere like on the spectrum where where like that doesn't register or he's just so much of an asshole that he doesn't care about like yeah right like that those are really like no you do you get me off that's fine you do your thing i'm gonna text yeah and and like again the the mindset of i don't understand why you're mad this doesn't bother me obviously you did it is an insane position to have in any

relationship. Yeah. And I'm not saying that the person who is upset is always right. No, definitely not. Sometimes there are things where you're just like, yeah, I, I put the block of cheese on the left side of the fridge. Wait, what? It shouldn't be, you know, don't have cheese. You have no self-control. You're cheating. Yeah. Uh, there, there are things, but it's like, I don't think anyone, unless this is an established kink that you are like, oh, it's role play for me to be like this guy who's like really doesn't care. Or I just like I want to pretend I got that hustle dog in me. And yes. And I think I've actually been with someone who was like,

I want to give you a blowjob while you're like just doing things like playing video games. And so it's like you just like your use. Yeah, you go about your day and I'm just going to, I'm going to give you a blowjob. And like, importantly, you need to establish that was, we talked to him ahead of time. We, we set up boundaries. We, and like, let me tell you, I didn't do a good job at it because if I'm getting a blowjob, I want to be engaged.

Like it, it was very hard to not like engage and like touch. And there's even been like, like like I love playing a game where it's like if somebody's doing something and you start to like you know get a little frisky with them they stop and they're like no no keep going and you try to see if they can even pretend to try yeah they can't and it's funny and it's hot and then when they eventually just throw the fucking controller away and pounce you it's like that's fun but like this is the complete opposite of that this is not fun you haven't established it and like I all like the entire time we've been doing this all I can hear is the yeah of like the type oh my god it's fucking funny I just terrible I just don't how are you

doing it during sex like that's something I assume it's like doggy style we're like you know but like he reaches over her he's got it like he's clean It's clenched his butt cheeks or it's like taped to his back like diehard. Yeah, we're like she's like she first some she's like good And then the camera pans around it's like taped to the back of his neck and then he's boner and you see her I think doggy style is the worst like I first I thought like maybe missionary like but I think doggy stuff Well, that's like she's reverse cowgirl and he's just like there are very few positions You could get away with this especially ones where the only way she realized was because of the typing honestly blindfolded her literally every time I think of a new position I'm like no, that's the worst one. No, that's it. Like I can't I can't land on one

That's cuz like missionary is terrible. She's so terrible looking up your the phones between your face. Yeah You're her your phone is like in front of her. Yeah, but then like if she's so looking up your the phones between your face. Yeah, yeah. You're like your her your phone is like in front of her. Yeah. But then like if she's writing you also like like everyone I can think of is really fucking bad. Yeah. Imagine like spooning and you're just over it. It's like wrapped around the text in front of her face. Well, is there ever been cuddling and you have to text and you do that? Yeah, I hate it because it sucks. But it's like, you know, that's fucking funny.

But also this is the worst. And we've had questions where it's like, oh, I find out my partner was watching porn while we were doing it. This is somehow worse. It is. Yeah, 100 percent. So tell him I find this disrespectful. I don't want you to do it anymore. And if he says it's fine, I'm going to keep doing it, then he's gone. Yeah. Send him a text while you're, yeah, while you're fucking send him a text in that group chat and be like, Hey, we done though. Yeah. Yeah. We will see it immediately, which is uncomfortable because he's also on his phone. Yeah. Uh, this is the worst. It's bad. I'm sorry. Yeah. You can't just be told it's not a big deal when it is to you. Yeah. That's

going to do it. That's it. We did it. We have a show coming up. As N big deal when it is to you. Yeah, that's gonna do it. That's it We did it We have a show coming up as now said it is tomorrow when you're listening to this unless you're listening to it any other day Than the day it comes out October 29th Tuesday 6 30 to 7 show up Black sheep cocktail lounge me Dane prizes raffle costumes spooky games fun themed drinks Get your Halloween fucking started and if it's already started, one, hell yeah. Two, keep it going. Keep it going. Three, be there. Because that's the problem is like a lot of people do like a party.

It's sporadic. Right? Like a party on the weekend before the Halloween. But then you have a dead zone in between. We are that perfect sort of like tent pole in between the weekend. Monday, you're recovering fine. That's fine. Bam.

Tuesday, party time again. And Wednesday, Monday you're recovering fine. That's fine. Tuesday party time again and Wednesday recover. But bam, Thursday again, you'd like have a little, you know, you ride the wave. Exactly. And think of it this way, right? If the week was a finger and you only started sucking on it Saturday, maybe, and you just did one suck, that's not going to get you to come in your pants. No. But if you start sucking on Tuesday, oh, it goes up. Oh, then by then Thursday. Exactly. The undulating suck. That's going to get you to come in your pants no but if you start sucking on Tuesday oh it goes oh then by then Thursday exactly the undulating suck that's gonna get you

there it is let us be the start of your suck let us be the start of your suck now we love you we love you thank you very much for listening we'd like to take a minute to thank not only you but Josh Eagle and his harvest cities for their song paper stars also go check out our patreon we got a how-to thing about thing a thing how to series Yeah, how to think of of things to do and how to do them for some bad sex writing. Yep This is a message sent through hinge You spoiled my excitement when your profile stated don't want kids when you was given such beauty

But don't want to share with the world ahead in time so sad and you so damn fine Oh my word lol one word comes to mind selfish I Love the fact that this man took the time out of his day to be like you're being a real selfish bitch Because you're so hot like the the whiplash this man is getting is he probably thinks like done it This is nagging.ging this is like you know he's the push-pull the motion roller coaster he's come straight off seduction he's like did it this will change her mind about having children even just

like the best is there's random capitals random missing like spaces one word comes to mind too is like the number but no other numbers used it's great also it's like you can still have sex and not have kids you know this right? So is he just worried that you're not having hot kids? Yes. That's a weird position. That is his specific issue is that I don't want to fuck you them hot kids though. But those hot kids though. I'm pissed at you. I don't know him or me or him being pissed at her. Everyone. Yeah. Just a real mad guy. My name is Dave Miller. And my name is Nal Spaine.

And we've been your... Spotify. Buck buddies. Spotify.