F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 318 - Winnie the Fool

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Everything is okay if you film it.  Topics include sharing your feelings, when she fucks you up, a soft "I hate you", making her mine.

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dan Miller And I'm Niles Payne And we're your fuck buddies We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn

them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply pub. We find questions roaming the internet from our wonderful listeners or from fucking anywhere, honestly, and we'll answer them right here, right now, for you every Monday, sometimes on stage, definitely on Patreon. And guess what? We got news. Uh-huh.

We've been nominated for multiple Canadian Podcast Awards. Dane forgot, though. I forgot. I just been nominated. Oh yeah. For multiple Canadian Podcast Awards. Dane forgot though. I forgot. I just... No, I'm not gonna go down that road. Yes, we got some lovely nominations. Outstanding society and culture. Outstanding education.

People's choice. And that's it. That's the three. I'm nominated for best host. Was that for Fuck Buddies or No Quest? That's for No Quest, I think. I don't know if it matters. I mean, yeah, it doesn't really matter. No. I asked them both, but... Well deserved for best host was that for fuck buddies or no, that's for no quest. I can't I don't know if it matters I mean, yeah, it doesn't really matter now both but well deservedly best host

This is the second year in a row. I've been holding the whole team back After the first year where I was holding yeah, you taught me a lot that yeah now stepped up and I just I'm still writing The the success of my nomination It's honestly it's a very sneaky ploy by me because Danes in the closet editing all our episodes and making them sound good Making it sound like I know what I'm doing while I'm outside being like looking me and kissing babies Shaking babies kissing hands. Yeah, that's the real I shake it up, right? Yeah, everyone else. They're kissing the baby exactly it up right yeah everyone else they're kissing the baby exactly yeah um so thanks to everyone who nominated us we love you and we appreciate that and we're just gonna get into the questions because

i know you guys the more we talk about anything else the sadder we're gonna get yeah the world's a mess um but this week we are gonna talk about do you share your problems with your girl getting fucked up last night. Partner whispered, I hate you when he thought I was asleep. Do you think he meant it? Should I bring up what he said? Was it I hate you while you were sleeping? This is by a deleted user, and it's a deleted question,

but I still got the title and I remember what it says. So this is ask man advice. And we're men and we give advice professionally. Guys, do you share your problems with your girl? And then they had like an additional thing being like, and if you do, is it all problems or do you draw the line? That's some. I like the idea that like, it's not, I'm going to come to you and be like, Hey, I've been struggling with this, but rather almost like a, uh,

mitosis that when the cell split. So it's like you take half of your troubles and just implant them into your partner. So it's like, yeah. So it's like now I'm I'm now only half as sad about everything. You know, I do kind of wish we could do that. It would not not so much the giving consensually taking. Yes. You know what I mean? Like if your partner was sad and you could be like, hold on.

Yeah. Took them all high. And then you run away so you can't get them back or anxiety or something where you're like, I'm just going to like, I'm going to ease this. I'm going to like hit the release valve a little bit. Take a little bit of that old silly. Or you could like briefly take all their pain for a second and then put it back and like, yo, I get you. I get how you're feeling.

I think sometimes I wish you could feel what someone's feeling just so you could fully be empathetic Cuz like you're obviously gonna be empathetic anyway But it's like sometimes the pain is so bad that it's it's hard to describe Mm-hmm like when I wore shoes to our wonderful double date, and they just tore the shit out of my feet It's funny I was gonna talk about when I broke my ankle and I'm walked on it for multiple weeks And then it hurt for a year, but you're right. That's a more yeah the

20 minutes in which I had to work. Yeah. It's no one knows the pain that I went through. Do you share your problems with your girl? Yes. Well, OK, I'm going to be honest here. I only do once I've got a grasp on them personally. So I get a lot of not accusations, but like a lot of people have like talked about how like calm I am and how like I don't seem to have any problems and how like how adjusted I am and like blah, blah, blah. But it's like a lot of that is I've talked about it before where it's like I always felt like a second choice and I always

felt like I wasn't worthy of love and I was always sort of like whatever. So I never really want to burden people with that. Thankfully, once I got, you know, really great friends, yourself included and, you know, a support group and people that I care about love and who love me back. And I resolved that I was able to share more. But like for the longest time, I would always and I still do now where it's like if I'm feeling stressed about something, instead of like putting that out into the world and giving it to a partner or a friend or whatever,

I like literally stop and be like, okay, how much of this can I affect? How much of it will matter if I talk about it? How much of it is it something that if I just sit and process for a day or whatever, will go away? And if I go through those processes and I ask those questions, and then at the end of it, I'm like, no, this is actually going to be something I'm going to be struggling with for a week or whatever. Right. I will bring it up because it's important information to know. Whereas like, sometimes I'll just like, I'll have days where I'll tell my partner and I'll just be like, I'm just going through some shit right now. And I just need to sort of like figure it out before I express it. And I think that's really helpful for me because then I can sort

of like chip away the edges and figure out what actually is the problem as opposed to being like, I stubbed my toe or what, you know, I mean, like there's, there's like inciting incidents of being like, I really liked the idea of you stubbing your toe and choosing not to share that pain. I mean, like, well, like, you know, it's like stoic. That's just when you're having like a bad day, and then there's like little small things that it's really funny because I'm the opposite or like, if something's on my mind, I will tell it freely to pretty much you guys, my partner. So that if something does flare up, they understand where I'm coming from.

Yeah. Instead of it being like, well, why did you react a little differently to that than something else? You know what I mean? Cause then it's, it's worse explaining it after, in my opinion, because they've kind of gone through that period of being like, well, what the hell are like confusion or like putting it on themselves, maybe like if you react a little differently to something and they don't have the context, they might think it's

them or something. Yeah. I've gotten, I've gotten very, very good. And this happened like last week, two weeks ago, where I don't remember what it was, but I was just like, I was just kind of bummed. Right. Like I was just like, I just wasn't feeling myself and I didn't know what it was. And my partner had said something and I kind of like snapped at them in in a way that like I didn't like.

And I think maybe tops like two minutes had passed and I was like I'm sorry like here's here's what's happening cuz like you're right like I recognize it was like Oh, if this is gonna be a problem, like this is the first thing I've done today If this is gonna be a problem all day, you need to know for sure. Yeah my mindset I'm usually a little bit better at regulating myself, but there was just something about that day I don't know what was and I was just was just like, I'm just going through it. And so it's like, there might be a time where I'm just going to go lie face down in the dark on the bed and it's fine. I'm okay. I just need to work through some stuff. And

then it's like, you know, by the end of it, it's, it's fine. We go and get like a treat or whatever. And like, but I think like there is something to be gained in sharing a thing, even if you can deal with it yourself, even if it's only going to be a day. I don't know if like you need to hold that back from people and take the burden. Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with being like, oh, here's the thing that's that's low scale. That's that's bothering me. You know what I mean? For me, it's it's I don't I don't know how to like express it. So I need to like, like I said, it's like, I have like a big clay block and I'm not too sure what the problem is

until I sort of like work through it myself. You can express that too. Yeah. And I'm trying to get better at that because I think it is, like you said, like it's an important context to just be like, I'm going through something and I don't know what it is,

but like, I'm sorry if I seem irritable today. I think that is a, and I'm trying to get better at that. But there are some things where I'm just like, you know, I'll clock in and be like, I'm sorry if I see you seem irritable today. I think that is a, and I'm trying to get better at that. But there are some things where I'm just like, you know, I'll clock and be like, this is just a me thing and I just need to figure it out. Especially back in like, you know, when I was, I first started dating openly with my ex when we reopened and became like polyamorous.

Jealousy was a big thing. Even when I was younger, jealousy, you know what I mean? Like jealousy was a big thing and of being like was younger, jealousy, you know what I mean? Like jealousy was a big thing. And being like, I need to figure this out because like just being like, I'm jealous. I don't like this is a dumb thing to do because I haven't like narrowed down what it is. I think explaining to your partner

why you might be jealous is useful. I'm not saying jealousy is a bad thing because you're gonna feel it. I see that in two ways. I feel like explaining it, like for me, giving a voice to things often helps it just be like tangible. You know what I mean? But like I think in two ways is like giving voice to if you're feeling a certain way is good.

Giving your partner heads up if you're not being a dick about it. Yeah. But then what you're doing is figuring out why, which is, I think, a different thing where you're fixing it and you're getting better and you're progressing and you're like, you know, that, that, so I think they're almost two different things where one you need to resolve and one I think is just like a warning. And it's like, or not like a warning, like a heads up a communication, you know, whereas preferably both together, which I guess is what you're trying to wait. So you have the full picture. Right? Yeah. Cause I find that like, when I,

cause the way I process it is I like like I go through like 90 scenarios, right? Where I just like I just sort of spiral not in a bad way or anything But it's just like I just sort of like I go through all the motions and I like and if I've tried to talk about It before I've narrowed it down. I will start saying things that might not be true That's which may mislead my partner as to what the problem is because I might be like Oh, it's because of this that you did this, whatever. And then I'm like, actually, if I just spent five minutes to think about it, I'd be like, this has nothing to do. It wasn't what you did. It was now. And it's this. Yeah. Yeah. But now I've put it into reality where it's just like, no,

that was just me spitballing ideas as to why I might feel this way. So that's a big reason for me is like, because that's the way my process works. It's just like, it's this. No, it's this. No, it's it. You know, I mean, it's like getting your eyes checked where it's like, is it? Is it better or worse? Better or worse? I hate that. I like when I got my eyes checked, they're like, is this better? Is this better? I don't know, man. That's a valid answer, though.

I think I think saying I don't know. I think the glasses they gave me are a little too powerful. They're great. I can now like recline on a couch while playing video games. But like sometimes now I can now like recline on a couch while playing video games. But like sometimes now I can see the edge of time. I guess. Yeah. And it's grim. It's getting closer every day. Okay, back to the question. I think the point we're both making. Yes. And you should. Yeah. If your answer is no, I don't do that. Things are bad. Yeah, you're falling into the trap of like the core of toxic masculinity, right?

Like this is when we talk about toxic masculinity and I just want to look we've had this conversation recently I want to stress when we talk about toxic masculinity. We're not saying that masculinity is toxic We're saying that there's man are toxic we're saying that there is a subsection of what is perceived and You know exuded as what is masculine is toxic. Yes. The same way that like I use this analogy all the time there is rain and then there is acid rain. Yes. Does that mean all rain will kill you? If we say oh there's acid rain we're not saying that every time it rains it's acid. Yes. But sometimes that

rain is bad. Yes. And that's what toxic masculinity is. Anyway. Also we didn't come up with the term for people getting upset at us. We didn't make it up It's been the term for over five decades. Yeah, it's should we use a different term? We'd be down but it would also lose the message because we'd say a thing and then people be like what? What does that mean? We'd have to redo so it's like look perfect world We would make it something that upsets people a little bit less But also it's like I think sometimes people choose to be upset at the name rather than do the hard work of dealing with what? The thing might be yeah, I guess it's it's or you're just like you don't know which I get it

Yeah, I mean like when I was younger and hair shit like that. There was almost like you know a knee-jerk reaction of like hey, yeah, you know just like how like feminism almost feels exclusionary cuz you're like what about me? But it's like it's it's still it's everybody in this talk to masculinity. Women can perpetuate it too. We're getting off track. But the, the, one of the core foundations, the really the, the, the building blocks of toxic masculinity is that men need to not be emotional. Men need to not share their problems.

Men need to be strong and all caught, like all the time. And no point in time should there be vulnerability or weakness or- You're a brick. You're a hard edgy boy. You're a brick. You don't cry. Bricks don't cry, man.

Bricks don't cry. Bricks don't cry. You gotta build a house, be covered in the cement, I guess. This analogy is getting away from me. Be a brick. And that's bullshit. Like there's a reason why men have problems with like intimacy and you know, emotions and treat women strangely and like the male suicide rate is high. These are all because men are taught to withhold emotions, bottle it all

up, try to deal with it and that that fucks you up. Yeah. So anytime you suppress any sort of force there's going to be, you know, equal and opposite reaction, right? So it's like science. The more you try to like bottle up your emotions, especially the intense ones of grief and sadness and anger, the more you fear, yeah, the more you bricks aren't allowed to have put all that into a tiny little ball. Eventually that's going to rupture. Yes. And that's going to be, uh, a mental breakdown. That's going to be bursts of violence eventually that's going to rupture. Yes. And that's going to be a mental breakdown.

That's going to be bursts of violence. That's going to be, you know, depression. That's going to be all suicide. It's it's it's all bad. Yeah. So that's why when we talk about being open and honest and being vulnerable, like those aren't signs of weakness. And if you think there are signs of weakness, then you're not doing well.

Yeah. And it's really that simple. That's it's okay. Because you've been told that by society, by TV and by other people perpetuating toxic masculinity, but you need to be able to step away from that. And sometimes it's baby steps. But a healthy relationship is not one where you withhold. And look, that's not to say, you know, if someone's having a really bad day, and you're dealing with something

that you can handle, you choose to not dump it and be there for them. That's fine. You know what I mean? Doesn't mean you're dealing with something that you don't feel like talking about right now that you have to talk about. That's fine. You know what I mean? There are situations.

Nothing is an absolute. However, if you have an absolute, I don't talk to my partner about my emotions, that is undeniably bad. It's a real bad thing. Yeah, and it's either you are Incapable being vulnerable and communicative and honest or you're with somebody who you don't trust enough to take that both are bad Yeah, 100% and if you if you think that you have to maintain this air of strength and vulnerability or invulnerability, really start asking yourself like the struggles

that you have and the feelings that you have, like process them, like actually think about them. And I'm not saying run to a therapist or run to your partner or run to your best friends. Cause I, that's a great idea further down the road. But I think the first step for a lot of men is recognizing that the feelings that they have aren't wrong and they're valid and they exist.

And sometimes they're dumb. Like we talk about a lot where it's like a lot of the times, nine times out of 10, the, the fears that you have and the, the like jealousy that you feel and all that kind of stuff is like kind of irrational. Like there's, there's no reason. The only reason you're thinking of is because there's an insecurity because society has told you otherwise, like all these things that are like mounting pressures

that like hang over us or like latching onto us and dragging us down. So just stop and understand that like try to filter out every all the other noise and just like be alone for a second and be like, oh yeah, the reason I don't trust my partner or can't tell her is because I'm afraid of feeling weak. You understand that that's weakness is, is, is refusing to own up to your feelings and be vulnerable.

Like that is when you, you, you embody weakness. Strength is doing the things that you're afraid of. Yeah. Not all the time. Not all the time. Like if you're afraid of eating a Tide Pod, that's cool. You can not do that. If you're looking at a car and you're like, I Yeah, not all the time. Not all the time. Like if you're afraid of eating a Tide Pod, that's cool. You can not do that. If you're looking at a car and you're like, I'm so scared that one day

I'll have to eat every piece of this car. Not that's fine. You know, there was a world record for eating cars. Fucking wild, man. Like, is it only one freak who's ever even tried? I think so. That's fine. If there were multiple, that's when I think we've gone too far. Yeah. This one's for the boys. Okay. It's not a question. It's just a brief thing. And I honestly

don't remember what we've talked about before. If you heard about the new thing they're doing on Instagram, where you know the way it used to be like on Snapchat, if you screenshot something, it would send it to the person being like, they screenshot it. Oh yeah. They're doing that, but it's zoom alerts. Oh no. They're doing that, but it's Zoom alerts. Oh no. They're debuting it in Australia and New Zealand. So this for the boys, it's also for the girls who see those gray sweatpants pics.

Yeah, yeah. Just keep an eye out on the Instagram updates in case they roll it out wherever you are. But does it show you what's Zoomed in? I don't know. I know what at the very least goes, this person Zoomed in. You know where they're Zooming in. You know what they're Zooming goes this person zoomed in It's you know, you know where there's you know, there's a who they love. Maybe it's I'm gonna start zooming in on the wildest. It's like the weirdest really makes it feel very self-conscious. Yeah, it's always their thumbs

Yeah, that's that one's for the boys and the crazy sweatpants ladies. Why would why would they do that? Apparently it started as a thing for advertisers so they know like what part of their product or something I don't fucking know who not a single fucking person. That's a lie zoomed in on an advertisement In my life. No one has ever been scrolling through an Instagram unless and come up race web ads Yeah, maybe I and like I guess if there's a really attractive person and That's not what's happening. This is from opposite place. Eight, eight, six, six.

What does this mean? Me, a female and my friend, a male, have started sleeping with each other recently. He's been through a whole phase. So his experience, whereas so he has experience. Whereas the first person, he's the first person I've ever done it with. We slept with each other last night. And then this morning he was hard again. So we started again. I was giving him a hand job and he said I don't think you'll make me come again

You fucked me up last night as someone with no experience. I don't know what this means He's in fact he in fact did not come a second time I know that guys have a refractory period after the first orgasm Which I searched can range from a few minutes to around two hours, but this was around seven hours later Someone help me out, please. I don't know if maybe I was bad the second time around but I feel like I was doing the same thing Assume I assume it's just that you fucked me up as a weird term Yeah, did you do does there a crack at any point in your you know, like a verb a verbal then audible I I was in an angle was it weird color?

Is that an audible click? I mean- Was it an angle? Was it a weird color? Was the swelling perhaps injury related and not- So here's the thing. A rousal. Did you actually have sex? Because you say you slept together and in the morning, do you just mean that you slept

together because she says, we started again, I was giving him a hand job. And then at the end she says, I was doing the same thing. She doesn't ever really mention that there's sex. Is it just, were you just doing hand stuff? I don't know. It feels like they were saying there's like beginning again, maybe starting with a hand job. Yeah. You know, but she does say he didn't come or come the second time around. I feel like I was doing the same thing, but maybe she started and then they they moved on to sex after that. Yeah, maybe. You know, uh, cause like I'm wondering, like if it is just hand stuff like preps you did a little chafing and true true Yeah, right. There was if there was chafing or discomfort or like again people have different refractory periods

He could just be and also what did you fuck? Yeah, cuz like there have been times where like it doesn't even necessarily have to be like a marathon session there have been times where like, you know a particular person is Especially tight or we're in weird positions or even if we just go a little where like, you know, a particular person is especially tight or we're in weird positions Or even if we just go a little longer than or you know, I mean the dick gets sore. They're tired. That's fair So like maybe that's the situation where he's just a little tender from a night a good loving But here's a great opportunity to start your sexual relationship with this person of being like hey I just wanted to check in you said I fucked you up the night. I just want to make sure that I didn't hurt

you or I would be like, I hope you mean in a good way. Yeah. Right. Like there's a good way to like check in because if you did hurt them, that's good information for both of you to talk about. And it could be, it could be like non bad hurting in, in like, oh, we had sex too much or it was chafing, you know? Yeah. It could be bad it could be like non bad hurting in, in like, Oh, we had sex too much or it was chafing, you know? Yeah. It could be bad hurting as in like, yeah, sorry. You used your nails.

Yeah. And that's bad. You know, your teeth or, you know, the death grip of your hand job was a little too much for me. Or maybe it's his refractory period or whatever. But the thing is one, you checking in good too. I appreciate him give like trusting you with that information for your sake and for his own. That's a good sign. Yes. You know, and it sounds like playful and positive. Yes. Unless he was like, you fucked me up last night. Yeah. Unless it's

like I'm not going to come a second time. You fucked me up. You fucked me up last night. But like I like if that's the way it was taken. like I think I think your ability to read tone is important here Because again, it's like I'm not gonna come a second time. You fucked me up last night I'm not gonna come the second time you fucked me up last night Just really confused. So I think I think you do need to ask him about it be like, who's you? How'd they fuck you up? I'll fuck them up. Did they hurt you? Did you hurt you hurt you? How'd they fuck you up? I'll fuck them up. Did they hurt you? Did you hurt you?

Did you hurt you? Then right, like I think this is a very simple thing and it sets the tone, right? If he gets weird about it and if he doesn't want to talk about it, then you just like you kind of have to be like, we need to know about these things. Right. Like I need to know if I hurt you or if I did something weird, because also on the flip side, if he's like, no, it was just really good sex. And I'm tired. Great. That's great. It's self-esteem's going to be nice for you to feel.

You're obviously a little insecure about your experience level. But if this guy who's had a bunch of sex was like, yeah, you fucked me so good. I don't need to. I'm like, I'm not. I'm even good for the more drain me, you know, for seven hours. I think that's a huge confidence boost that'll hopefully get you out of your head about this. Yeah. Experience gap. Yeah. And then just say my turn then. Boom. Yeah. Plant that puss my turn then. Boom. Yeah.

Plant that puss on his face. Hurt me. Fuck me up. Like make me cum. Fuck me up. Fuck me up. Get you. Get you in this room.

Than to do me next. Uh, whoa. Drop my phone. Oh. This is by helper monkey87. My partner, 28 year old male, whispered, I hate you. When he thought I, 37 year old male, was I hate you when he thought I 37 year old

male was asleep do you think he means it me 37 year old male my partner 28 year old male and together for seven years we had arguments in the past and almost broke up more than once the arguments have calmed down and getting less frequent over the years we argue argument today while making dinner I put the dry pasta in the pot before putting in boiling water from the kettle This got him really angry. I was supposed to heat up the water in the pot and then put the pasta in He stopped talking to me the rest of the evening. He went into a different room and I went to bed around 2 a.m He came into the room and he thought I was sleeping and whispered I hate you and walked back out

I tried to talk to him at 2 30, but he's not responding to me. Just sitting on his iPad He may be calmed down by tomorrow. What are your thoughts on this? There's a lot in this question one. Have you never made pasta before the fuck you talking about you that you just have an empty pot I put the thing in I boil the kettle and pour the boiling water over the thing and I hit it from there What it's quicker. Are you serious? Yeah So you just have a pot that's not hot. Yeah. Nothing in it. Well, pasta in it.

Pasta. Yeah. And then you just pour boiling water over it and then you turn it on boiling and you heat up the boiling water because then you have to wait for it to heat. That's insane. It's quick. That's crazy. It's quick, man.

Everywhere. I can listen to our Italian listeners. Well, that's my follow-up is your partner Italian. Yeah. Because if your partner is Italian. We've seen the Instagram and tik-toks of the Italian husband If he goes, oh my mommy, you know, huh the spaghetti Yeah, I know we can do yeah, we can do it. I'm European. Fuck you Is he if he's Italian no, this is such an overreaction what's happening here. Also, does he mean it?

Yeah, dude, he whispered that you in your sleep. That's when you mean things the most it's it See, I thought it was like I thought maybe we could be like while he was getting into bed He's like I hate you like you could be talking to like his hair himself from butthole Yeah, or it's like, you know, he's trying to like get if he won't plugged in and he can't forget the USB What if he walked in saw you sleeping like an angel and did whisper to himself, I hate you. I hate you, Fabio. Fuck. Why do you care so much about how pasta's cooked? Look at this beautiful manual.

But to like walk into a room, say, I hate you to a sleeping person and then walk out is, and then continue to ignore you when you wake up at two 30 while he's on his iPad like it's all bad Yeah, this shouldn't be a big argument let alone an argument at all. You know, I mean maybe a little you're crazy Yeah, what are you doing? Take a past is on me from now on not unlike and also your grown-ass humans your partner shouldn't be like I'm not gonna talk to you for the rest of the day. Fuck. And then, you know, hate you. Yes. Like, especially over this.

And then to further ignore you. Like, did you come out and be like, hey, did you say that you hate me? I'm worried they didn't because they never said that. Yeah. But even still, it's like if my partner came out and talked to me, like, I can't imagine what my partner would have to do in order for me to be so childish that I gave them the Silent treatment because like in order to do that it has to be something real fucking bad And I'm not the person to give them something like if you did something bad enough that I don't want to talk to you I'm probably not want to be with you're gonna be out somewhere

You know me like I'm gonna leave or it was like you would have to have cheated on me Yeah, you know me like I'm going to leave or like you would have to have cheated on me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, like I would be like, go stay with them. You know what I mean? Like, fuck you. Get out of the house. If you're in the moment of like a big blow up and like someone's just maybe take a minute or you're just like you don't respond to something or whatever. Sure. Maybe. But like a sustained night long silent treatment. And what do you fucking do? And grow the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah.

So this is I think you need to have a conversation with your partner and be like, did you really give me the silent treatment and then whisper that you hated me because of the way I cook pasta? Because if that is your metric, if that's where you're drawing the line in the sense like I am not a perfect

person unless he's Italian, then let's use Italian. Then you understand we all get it. At which point in time you have to call his mom and apologize. Gravel. Tell her that you're burning the secret tomato sauce that she wrote down for you because you don't you're not allowed to use it anymore.

Yeah. Or alternatively call his mom and be like, you know, Luigi's being a real asshole. And then she calls him and be like, she gives him the what for? Yeah, she throws uncooked pasta right at him, which is harder. Yeah. Than than cooked pasta. She goes and she breaks pasta in front of him to really. She cuts it with a scissors so it fits in the pot better.

And he dies and he dies. There is a guy on TikTok who goes to Italian restaurants and cuts his pasta. He like gets a big scoop and then cuts it with scissors or asks for ketchup. And it's very good. It's pretty good. Don't be with a childish man, baby, who gets upset about over how you cook pasta or how you cook anything. Also, it's just kind of worrying in general that you're like, we've had arguments in the past, almost broke up more than once, and they've calmed down and gotten less frequent over the years. This has calmed down? Yeah, like if I was like, oh, yeah, we're here. Did he just yell, I hate you while you were awake?

No, it's gonna progress to him just thinking it while you're in a different room. And that's hey, that's progress, baby. It's not dump this man. Yeah, it's bad. Uh, At least you got past it right though. Don't get me started. This is cool impression.

A bunch of numbers. Should I bring up what was said? Forty nine year old or twenty nine year old female, thirty male. I've been dating this guy for a few weeks. Still very fresh But you know, let's just say I'm super into him and we're super compatible We just crossed the intimacy line and had sex about a week ago Cool. We took a trip. We drove right past the intimacy. Yeah, I love that scene in a walk to remember when he takes here

They walk past the end. Yeah, where he's like, now you're in two intimacies at once. One foot's in fucktown and one foot's in virginville. Since then, we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other. The other night in the middle of sex, he whispers to me, I'm going to make you mine. I laughed it off, but now I'm thinking about it. And I don't know if I should bring it up. We haven't talked about where this is going slash what exactly the other wants, but it's pretty clear that we're both super into each other and compatible long term. I just want be the- I just don't want to be the pushy girl that asks for a relationship too soon. But at the same time, those are some pretty intense words to say during sex. But at the same time, again, I know that sometimes people can say things they don't necessarily mean in the heat of the moment. Any advice is welcome. My advice is what do you want? And if you want a thing, ask for that thing.

Yeah. So if you want to date this person, don't be like, well, you said I want to make you mine. So does that mean you want to date me and pull a microphone out and stick it right up to their face and hope they say what you want? Because they might just be like, oh, it's the thing I said during sex. Or I don't remember. Out of embarrassment or truth or whatever, you won't know. Whereas you could just be like, oh, this is really fun.

I like you. I would like to date you. If he thinks Whereas you could just be like, oh, this is really fun. I like you. I would like to date you. If he thinks that you being a pushy girl, then obviously you guys don't want to be together. And if you're like on the flip side of that same coin, it's like if you are recognizing that you guys haven't been together long enough to want to be in a relationship, that's great. It's good to know that kind of thing. And that was going to be my caveat being like I want you to to ask for you want, but I want you to be reasonable. Because does it say it says like a few weeks. OK, so like maybe you've gotten to that point, maybe not.

But like you should ask for what you want, but you should also temperate realistic real world. Even just something as simple as like I've been really enjoying our time together. You know, I mean like something as simple as that to like sort of solidify that this isn't necessarily just a surface level booty call sort of situation. Like letting him know that like you like them and that it's been a really nice X amount of time and that the sex has been really good. I don't think we should ever really attribute like too much weight onto things during sex because again, it's like, I've told women that I just met that they belong to me in like Dominance play. I did not want to And then I yeah You know, I mean, it's like I don't think any of them were like, well, just he is he proposing to me Yeah, right. I think it's like in a heat of a moment

I don't understand that like perhaps if it was a much more sensual like eye contact intense, but again, then it's like maybe make you mine is sexually, you know what I mean? Like, it's like, I wouldn't put too much weight on it. I don't think there's a reason to like, I think it's almost strange, but you made this off and comment while we were fighting, you know what I mean? Unless it's something really weird. You know what I mean? Like if you're concerned, like someone's like, I'm going to put a baby in you. And afterwards, you're like, hmm, that's not, you know, and also like, I guess there are things to bring up if you haven't talked about boundaries and kinks and stuff like that, like if that's a comment they made that comes from a place of kink that you haven't really talked about, that's definitely a thing you can talk about. I just don't think you should talk about it in a way of like, wait, did that mean you wanted to date me? Because I

don't think that's fruitful. If you want to date someone, you should ask them again, if it's reasonable to do so. And if you think they want to date you, I think you should base it on more than just a throwaway comment during sex. If there are other things that, you know, make you give you that impression, and you are willing to or wanting to date this person, the fact remains, you should ask them, you are willing to or wanting to date this person? The fact remains you should ask them instead of yes, instead of being like you did X, Y and Z. I will say if they are making you think that

and you don't want to, you can definitely be like, hey, I've noticed X, Y and Z and I'm kind of getting the feeling like maybe you wanted to take this to the next level and I still wanna stay where we're at. Are you still cool? Before we cross another intimacy line. Are you still cool with that? I think that's a point you can bring up their information, their information, their fucking the things they've done. I've done that

before in relationships where like you meet someone and they're like, oh, that's my boyfriend. And you're like, Hey, no, I heard you call me your boyfriend to your friend. And like, we are casual and like, we've talked about this and like, either had them be like, Oh, I thought that's like we are casual and like we've talked about this and like either had them be like oh I thought that's what we are and had to be like no if that happens we'll have conversation about it or then be like sorry it just was less weird than me explaining well we're kind of seeing each other and me being like yeah that's fine once we're on the same page yeah you know so I think that's fine but either way it should be coming from you not a well, I saw you did this so yeah Yeah, 100%

Quickish what? Yeah Boyfriends ex spent the night in my bed with my boyfriend. They're both 30 male and female but he recorded it to me Another female is 25 nothing to show nothing happened. How do we overcome this? Sorry? I've read that crazily So the guy is 30 his friend is 30 and the lady and then the girlfriend is 25 Okay, boyfriends X spent the night in my bed with my boyfriend, but he recorded it to show me nothing happened How do we overcome this? Okay, I'm hurt but to my boyfriend's credit He was very upfront about everything texted me immediately the morning after to tell me my boyfriend Let's call him James broke up with his ex-girlfriend Winnie about two years ago. They chose to stay friends and this has caused issues between James and I,

mostly because Winnie can't get over the breakup. She thinks her and James are soulmates and refuses to accept that he stopped being in love with her. So a conversation we'll often have is James spending hours going over the logic of why he broke up with her. He tries to reassure her since they're still friends and she's hurting but I've witnessed some of these conversations and he's loving but firm. I expect some of you will say there's still something going on there, but there really isn't James is definitely over We moved in two weeks ago and this caused winning be worse than ever. She's relapsed in depression and crying fits They're happening constantly I went to my parents place this weekend because I had to pack my car full of things and spent Saturday night there

We need must have known because Saturday night she showed up at our place crying wailing the works We have a doorbell camera and I get a notification as soon as she's there. I didn't see it, but when I did, I texted and called James and checked our indoor camera to see what was going on. This is where James messed up and he admits that he messed up. He didn't text me the whole night when he was there. So all I knew is she showed up. I checked our indoor camera we keep in the living room by the front door and it was turned off. This is normal. We only turned it on when we were away from home. But I was extremely upset and distraught as I was imagining the worst. I trust James but didn't understand why he wouldn't answer my calls. He admits it was

horrible of him. I was ready to break up with him Sunday but he texted me and immediately let me know when he had come over. He said it sounds really bad but she spent the night but nothing happened and he set up our indoor camera in the bedroom to prove it. I didn't want to believe him but I did watch the footage and even though it shows them both laying in bed, it's true when he was just crying while James was consoling her. Here are things he did that bothered me a lot. At some point he kissed her forehead, and he hugged her and held her close. I'm honestly speechless at that. But I know, I understand he knew there was a camera on him the whole time, and I knew I would see him doing that, so I guess he

doesn't see it as cheating. So basically he's asking me for understanding and forgiveness. I have proof that nothing happened, but I'm still hurt. This is now imagine starting our life together. What are the healthy steps for a relationship? OK, I think there is things on both sides here. There's you are. I feel like grasping at straws for the cheating thing. I think you really want to call it say that he cheated, but you got nothing

in that tank on the flip thing. I think you really want to call say that he cheated, but you got nothing in that tank. Um, on the flip side, I think this is a gross overstep of boundaries. Yes. Uh, I think having this dude not be able to have like a firm, like conversation with his ex and be like, Hey, I'm with someone else. I've moved in with someone else. I'm, I can't, you can't. Broke up two years ago. You can't come over and expect me to dedicate an entire night to consoling you because of a breakup that we had two years ago. It'll be pretty bad. Like if he she showed up crying came in and they

sat down for like two hours. I'd be like, you know, like what the fuck? Like I don't have time for that. You don't have time for that. That's weird to be like, come in and we'll get in bed and spend the whole night. What are you doing, my friend? Yeah. My brother in Christ, what are you doing? I do not get the like, I don't understand how someone could do that and be like, this is okay. It's like, because we're friends. It's like, sure, a lot of friends. But if I had a friend who was coming over and crying and spending the night, my partner, I think would have a pretty short fuse for that. And absolutely understandable because if it was happening to me, if, if my partner's ex was coming over unannounced in tears because they broke up two

years ago, I would be like, do you need a fucking restraining order? Yes. So I think there's a conversation that needs to be had. I think you need to acknowledge. Let's talk about the camera real quick. The camera's strange. It's a fucking weird move. Because it. I think you need to acknowledge. Let's talk about the camera real quick. The camera's strange. It's a fucking weird move. Because it's strange for both of you.

One, of being like the camera was off, but it always is. Then why mention it? Like, what's the point? And why'd you check it? Yeah. Do you think he's gonna be like, oh, Winnie's here, but I turned it on, which he kinda did do, so I don't know.

He did do it. But like, also, why couldn't you have gotten the feed if it was recording? You know what I mean? Was it it also sounds like two separate times? No, I think it's it's the one night like she was alerted by the door. Yeah. Yeah. And then she tried to do the camera and it wasn't working. But then he was like, here's big brain play.

I won't text my girlfriend. I won't tell my ex to go home. I will invite her to bed, hug her all night while she's crying. But some camera can't get in trouble. Yeah, what are you doing? That's the worst way out of this Such a weird thing. Can you imagine when he's like? Hold on Yeah

Thank you. Just move a little to the left so that you're in frame like like can you imagine you're inconsolable and something? Let me just video this real quick. Yeah, for my girlfriend. For the woman that you're currently having a mental breakdown about. Yeah, it's like, presumably, Winnie's going to say things that are personal. So that kind of seems like a gross overstep of boundaries. I don't know if there's audio on it. I don't know. It's so bad. What are you fucking doing, bud?

Yeah, you need to have a conversation with this dude. I mean, it's shocking that you have gone two years. And I guess maybe the crying is a new thing because of the move in or whatever. But you need to have a conversation and be like, look, I have no problem with you being friends with your ex. What I do have a problem with is the fact that she is obviously still very codependent on you and you seem to

Like enable enable that that behavior, right? So I don't want to be having a nice night with you and if she shows up in tears What's gonna like what is are you sending her home or are we now gonna be at the mercy of this woman? To show up whenever she wants and and cry like is that what we have to expect for the rest of our life together? Is that anytime, like what happens when we get engaged? What happens when we get married? Or if we get married, right? Like what happens when we get like-

What happens at Christmas? What happens at my birthday? What happens at your birthday? Like, you can't live like this. You need to get your boyfriend to set boundaries. You know what I mean? And like we talked about stuff like, oh, you can't be that person's friend and whatever.

And like there's controlling and then there's healthy boundaries. These know what I mean? And like we talked about stuff like, oh, you can't be that person's friend and whatever. And like there's controlling and then there's healthy boundaries. These situations, not healthy. They need healthy boundaries. For example, can't you show up fucking unannounced? You are not going to spend the night. And also maybe you need to get the fuck over it. Like, yeah, it's be like, Hey, you know what I'm going to do as your friend? I'm going to find you a therapist because this woman is not well. No. If you're this, if this happened two weeks prior, I don't think it would be a normal situation. No, two years. Yeah, two years.

And the fact that like you have moved in with this person, like I, I usually try to get people to benefit of that, but it also seems like this guy is also not over winning. I think he likes having this, you know, yeah, person who like God worships him or he's just too nice for his own good And I mean that like he's wait like in a bad way. Yeah fucking pushover He needs to set boundaries and grow a spine because just being like I did all this weird shit, but there's video proof I didn't fuck her doesn't mean it's good. Yes, and like we can get into the murky grounds of like emotional Cheating and stuff But I believe we don't need to because everything's so weird like these are boundaries that we don't even need to get granular about yeah

Set a fucking boundary. You can't have this girl stay over whenever she wants cuz she's sad Yeah in the apartment that you just moved in with your new partner Yeah, it's another like if you second you leave for a night like it's weird. Yeah, it's like they have access to your cameras. I mean, I'm going to guess that like she she knew that you were gone. Yeah, somehow, whether he told her probably in the car outside, fucking crying, you posted something on Instagram or social media or something. And she saw it like I don't think that was a coincidence. So it's it's all bad.

You need to have a very stern conversation with a boyfriend. And again, don't go to the jealous angle, right? Like you, you have a very strong position to be like, this is unhealthy for you, for her, for me, this is a bad situation. If she's this codependent and she's this upset about us moving in together in our relationship, when you broke up with her two years ago, that's not good. Also, when does it end? Where does it end?

That's the thing, it's like pose like hypotheticals and be like, if she's this upset because we moved in, if we end up getting married, what's she gonna do? Is she gonna hold us ransom? Is she gonna be like, I'm gonna kill myself if you marry her. Like for sure. It's supposed to be the happiest day of our life.

It's supposed to be a huge monument of our love. And now we have this woman who's potentially going to sabotage every great moment of our relationship. Also, like, you know, you're doing a weird thing if you bring a camera into video it just so that you be like, I'm OK. Yeah. So when you feel like you're in a weird situation, that's the time maybe to say no, Winnie. Yeah. Goodbye, Winnie.

If you feel like I need evidence, video evidence that I'm doing nothing wrong hours of video footage just to prove because everything looks bad and is bad but the only way I'm exonerating myself is full ass yeah 480p no no that's terrible okay 8k even there's you are fingering seven pixels on this bucket screen and I can tell that Winnie even Seven pixels on this bucket screen and I can tell that winning is two of them or 80 K P Oh 480 that's yeah too high depth. That's it. That's your glasses you can Get Winnie girl, you need to start listening this point Winnie, you're not well and I'm worried about you. Please,

seek psychological help. More like Winnie the Foo. She's being foolish. Thank you Josh Eagle and the Harbor Cities for their song Paper Stars. Thank you very much for listening, friends. Once again, thank you very much for the love and the Canadian podcast awards It is always an honor to be nominated. We are up for people's choice. So head on over and vote for that if you'd like Just go over to Canadian podcast words. It's very easy to vote You also find our stuff all on the yeah the social medias Thank you. We love you. We love you. It's it's always an honor and every time you come back and support us We love it. So tell a. It's always an honor. And every time you come back and support us, we love it. So tell a friend, give us a good old review somewhere.

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Ready? This is some bad sex writing that I have found for all of you. It's a Twitter post, so you know it's not going to be great. I'm standing in line at the coffee shop and some petite cutie with bright blue eyes and curly dirty blonde hair smiles at me. My heart literally winces in pain and I fight the urge to karate chop her out of self-defense. Sorry, go hurt somebody else. I don't need your help. Take your home from college hot girl somewhere else boo. I'm not entertaining your ego and I don't want to be friends. I won't follow you on insta because I truly don't care where your

butt cheeks are going on vacay this time. me in peace My new year's resolution was to do 2k 23 single honestly isn't hard when you're pent up with hurt disappointments I'm doing better this year than I've ever been making more money than I ever had pursuing things that make me happy I'm focusing on myself. I don't need a friend group. I certainly don't need a girlfriend I'm not interested in making new friends, and I'm not interested in meeting the one. I don't trust any of you, period. So this man has paid for Twitter blue. Yes. So that's one red flag already. That's all I need to know about you, sir.

My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we've been your fuck buddies. You