F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 322 - Quantum Mom and the Impossible Architecture

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

How can ever wall be a window?  How can a balcony be a room?  How can mom be EVERYWHERE.  Topics include situationship penis fracture, the ever-present mother, irresistible shirtless dad, stripping away insecurity.

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain and we're your fuck buddies We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations Simply put we find questions either roaming the wilds of the internet or roaming the wilds of your brains that you sent to us Not the brains the questions and we answer them right here right now in your podcast Wait, what's this do this bag of brains? Oh, that was a different thing. Okay. Yeah, that was that was meant for our holiday episode Or Thanksgiving not Thanksgiving. We're getting near to the holidays. OK. Yeah, that was that was meant for our holiday episode. Our Thanksgiving, not Thanksgiving.

We're getting near to the holidays. It's the Halloween one. That's the one damn killing it off the mark right now. A lot of people who are American probably like, but it's like they're both in October for us. So, yeah, that that makes sense. That makes sense.

That's that's what you get. This week, we're going to talk about situation ship penis fracture An always present mom partner fantasize about fucking my dad stripping problems hell Yeah, anything you want to say before we delve in I don't think so I It's getting it's getting to that time is the time our societal collapse or Christmas now That's been coming for a while. It's Christmas. Yeah. Yeah.

Or whatever holiday you celebrate at this time. Yeah, there's a shit ton. There is a shit ton. It's nice we can bundle them all together. Happy holidays, guys. Happy holidays. Let's do this. OK, this is by B underscore dash underscore B.

Hopefully means boob with a dash in the middle. I fucking know my situation ship told me he got a penis fracture taking a shower. We've known each other for more than a month at this point. He asked for exclusivity a few days ago. We have a date tomorrow. And I was told we can't have sex tomorrow because he had a penis fracture while taking a shower. He explained that he was washing his penis.

They got tangled up somehow. But I know the penis fracture often occurs when a girl goes on top during sex. So I'm suspicious and doubtful. What should I do? Should I ask tomorrow if he had a sex with others or just end this talking stage? Because I already kind of lose trust we have had sex several times BTW Okay, so it's it's a friends with benefit that he's recently asked for exclusivity and then immediately Tangled his dick up in the shower and broke it. I think so. Like I, I want to believe in things again. It just, I don't think this is the question to start.

Um, I look, there's other ways. Like if he hurt his dick, he could just bail and be like, sorry, something came up. It's a way easier way to make up a reason why I got called into work. My mom is sick. And I've got COVID. Yes. Like I don't feel well. I have why I got called into work. My mom is sick. I've got COVID. Yes. Like I don't feel well. I have, I've got food poisoning. I got to record so many episodes with Dane. Yeah. Like there's so many ways to bail on a date than saying I fractured my penis in the shower. Right? Sure. Sure. It seems like, it seems like a

crazy, like you've, you've skipped all all the obvious ways to get out of this date and went for the craziest one if it's a lie. Now explain to me this. How do you do it? I don't know, but am I, I hurt my neck getting out of the shower the other day and I didn't do anything. I literally just- Yeah, but you're old.

That's different. How old is this guy? I don't know if it matters because one, how? The only thing that's got more grizzled in my life is my dick. Yeah, I know. It's rugged now. But one, how?

Just how? Simply how. Two, I don't know if there's ever been a dick breakage where it's gotten tangled up. I mean, maybe he has one of those luffas that has one of those strings on it, right? So he's given himself a thorough thorough scrubbing like in our thought the hose and then he tried to move and he went He's like, oh no, I stepped out of the shower. It's still in the hose. They slipped. That's the thing

It's like you would be like hey I slipped or like I closed the shower door on it or something with impact It wouldn't be it got tangled up unless it's so long. But again, I think okay, think of this, you've got the loofah, you know, the little little boy, and it's got the little thing that you're hanging on. Sure. So he's giving himself a thorough scrubbing. Maybe he's vibing out. Maybe he's got some soap in his eyes. So you can't see. And as he's going, it's like, oh, one loop around and now he's switched sides. And now he's looped up twice. like around this is final destination Yes, with dick fracture this man narrowly escaped dick death four years ago and now

You should see who's driving down the highway and all the toothpicks are flying off the back of a man He's like no, but like I just I feel like I don't buy it I maybe he's a dumb person there was which I think either way, if he's lying or not lying, I don't mean to cast shade to your broken dick. But I feel like there's no way this happens unless you're not kind of dumb. Or maybe he just like fucking jerked it too hard and hurt himself. And is so maybe he did something embarrassing that wasn't cheating. And that's the law. Yeah.

And he just doesn't want to be like. It's like the shades of shades of white here being like I did hurt my dick. I'm just not going to be honest about how I did it. Yeah. I think like for my sake, your sake and by your sake, I mean yours and also the question askers. Get them to draw a diagram of exactly what happened and send it to us. Yeah. I do need to know. Like I need to know, you need to know. The people need to know. Yeah. And because I've had situations where before I switched over to more secure briefs, I was wearing like loose, like, you know, boxers.

And I was also running quite a bit. I gave myself a pretty severe like dick chafe. Yeah, but that's that's so not on the realm of a dick fracture. But do you not think that if I were erect and ran into a tree. What I'm saying is I had sexual things lined up and I said, I had to be like, hey, this is really embarrassing for me,

but I chafed the shit out of my dick going for my like six hour runs when I was an insomniac and unemployed. And that's all I had to do. I'm sure some people were like, would there be a realm of like, that could be a lie. Yeah, for sure. Would there be the same kind of, but how?

No, like I wouldn't need a diagram. I would just be like, do I trust him or not? Because that's a reasonable thing. Yeah. You know, I don't know. Even your description involves a deity coming to punish him for a transgression of his penis four years ago. But I also think about like how often- No, I don't know where I'm going with that. Like, I was thinking about how many times I've gotten caught on like door handles.

Yeah, but again, like I've scooted out and smacked it off stuff and it's like, ugh, but it's not gonna break. Like, does he mean when he says it got tangled up, does he mean like he was getting out of the shower with a towel and fell? Nobody knows. Like that, I would understand. Did he trip over his own dick? Did he fall? Like it tangled on him and then he fell on it. Like, yeah, is his dick like 20 foot long? Is it like a Pathfinder rope that you might give a level one character?

This is I cannot believe that this has happened in a way, one, to do with getting it tangled, and two, like, if it was just like I was jerking it and I slipped in the shower, Yeah. Okay, that, sure. Oh, I just, I don't understand. And I've talked about this a lot, I feel like recently,

of being like, I don't understand... How there's no follow-up questions? How you don't ask questions. Yeah. Right, like, if my partner said, oh hey, we can't have sex. I broke my vulva. I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't be.

Yeah, I don't believe you in secret. Yeah, I wouldn't be like, oh, OK. And then run to Reddit and be like, is she cheating? Is this person you've never met before cheating on me? Another person you also never met before? Now, the thing is, a lot of women have no idea how dicks work. Really? Like sometimes I'm talking to someone and you're just like, oh, OK. Never met now the thing is a lot of women have no idea how dicks work though really like sometimes I'm talking to someone and you're just like oh, okay

You've had sex and you know or even people you've had sex with who are good at it And yet there's like basic things are lacking. Maybe they don't realize how impossible this is Yeah, yeah, I mean, but she seems immediately. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah, so I just I don't Also like if someone said that to me Anyway, if you diagram if any of like our friends were like hey guys like real embarrassing I did fracture my dick in the shower. I don't think there would be a single one of us No, there would be a how flood there'd be a fucking tribunal because one how to ha ha ha three I need to know so it doesn't happen to me. Yeah, cuz I shower all the time. Yeah, I like can't it's that's the anti gift for Christmas is me. Oh, yeah

My dick hurts. Yeah, just think about it But I just I just don't understand why people like have these problems where 90% of them could be solved by asking One very simple like the house the questions you learn in school of like the who what? Where when why hit them at all? I need to know it's like just asking a very simple one word question Could usually who me where the shower when four days ago why? It's it's just like ask questions And if you don't believe someone then like maybe that's maybe pry a little harder, like like be a little more firm in the information gathering phase.

And then if you feel like the answers are giving you are so fucking shady that you're not sure, then it's either. Hey, I honestly find that really hard to believe. And you question further or you go, you know what? I don't trust you. Bye. Yeah. It's not this happy and half out where Reddit's going to solve it for you. Because like you've seen the questions on there, the answers that they get. People are fucked on that site. Yeah.

And again, you're asking like for a moral judgment based on someone we've never met. Yeah. Right. Like if he's the fucking shadiest, weirdest person, odds are. Yeah. If he's the nicest, coolest person, like, I don't know. I would love to know, have you had sex since becoming exclusive Well have they become exclusive he asked he asked but she didn't say she agreed I assume think is the I think that's the the the question is like do I assume? Okay, see I thought it was like he asked I haven't answered and I think that he's like or maybe not because she says should I end This talking stage. Yeah already lose trust. Yeah. Weird.

Why didn't you say yes already? Which is fine. Like, if you don't want to, that's cool. But it's interesting to me that it's raised, but there's no. And if you haven't said yes, then it doesn't really matter if he gets his dick broke. Oh, true. Yeah. If he had sex with somebody else, what do you upset?

Oh, it's on this case wide open. Right. So like that's the other thing. That's a great point. I was so distracted by the dick fracture. I didn't even read half of the rest of the question. Yeah. Like if if you if he asked, if he was like, hey, do you want to be exclusive? And you were like, oh, give me time to think about it, you know,

which is a fair answer. You are not exclusive. Yeah. Or if you said no, you're still also not exclusive. And he shouldn't have to like wait and limbo until you give an answer now because you're not exclusive until you're exclusive. Do we think it's a bad thing if he did have sex with someone and break his thing? Do you think the white lie of it happening

in the shower is okay? I think in those situations, I think the less detail the better, right? Yeah, I don't think, again, if you're pretending you're not sleeping with people, that's bad. If you're exclusive and everybody knows it and you're sleeping with someone and that happens,

I don't think you're gaining anything by telling someone how it happened because it's not like it's transferable yeah it's not like you're gonna catch something you're not in danger so I don't think you need to be like it was having sex somebody else the thing I'm allowed to do that you know I'm doing yeah yeah I agree so maybe that's it that's this has changed everything for me I still need that diagram but yeah we are gonna need the the mathematical formula on how you broke your dick in the shower Mm-hmm. If someone could do like a an animatic of it for me because that's one of the third ways

Yeah, actually like a diagram I was thinking more like one of the ones like they do with my brother my brother me like geo de bio Could geo the bio is out for me in the have you ever seen the absolutely unhinged? I think it's like Japanese news things where they do like 3D animation recreations of but they're like the Derpy like 3D like figure yeah yeah yeah I would take that take anything take one of those yeah where you're just using like public domain 3D assets to make the most insane recreations this is from now this question I was telling nowile before we started recording, where the question itself, we'll talk about it, but there's things in this question that like...

Do you get dick tangled in the shower and break it somehow? No, I just, I want like, and we have a pad of paper and I might make you try to figure this out. Okay. How can I masturbate if my mom is always there? Mom doesn't know how to knock. She only does after she's barged in. If I lock the door, she goes to open the window since we have a big window connecting both rooms. My room. Oh, hey, are you ready for this?

My room is a repurposed balcony. If I manage to block the window, she opens the other door, the door that connected to the room to the previous balcony. And I definitely switch. Hey I definitely... Hey, already... Yeah, already there's what? There's two doors in the window on this balcony turned room. That connects to another balcony? Yeah, I think they're saying that it connected to this balcony.

Or maybe not. Maybe it's part of a balcony. And then there's a door leading out to the rest of the balcony. The window and other doors stayed to save money while they were repurposing the balcony into my room. Okay, sure. Not okay, but alright. We only have one bathroom at home and every single time I use it, be it for peeing, taking a dump, showering, she always needs to use it conveniently or casually.

No, she always needs to use it or conveniently and casually. My bathroom time coincides with her needing to smoke a cigarette or two or three, depending depending how much time I'm spending in the bathroom. Where's she smoking the cigarette? She always smokes just outside the door. Why? Or behind the elevated bathroom window. Okay. Sounds like it was made by a child in the Sims. I could understand an elevated bathroom window you could stand outside if it was on the first floor, but why would there be a balcony on the first floor? And also like, is she- That tall? How tall is your mom?

If she's by the door, she's inside. If she's by the window, is she outside? Presumably, but also if she's outside- Hey, we don't know because there's a window in between. From the window to the wall, he wants his sweat to drip down his balls, but she's smoke smoke motherfucker. Yeah, the point is is that she's making it aware or making me aware that she's always there. Doesn't matter what you're doing. It doesn't matter if she needs the bathroom or not.

Do it at night. Ha! There was this time I was so desperate I stayed awake till 3am. Well, she heard the bathroom door and like always tries to open it by force but can't because thankfully there's a lock gasp Sorry, I didn't know it was occupied. I'll wait starts to smoke till you go away Then she goes to her room again without using the bathroom Okay, one your mom sucks to like she's outside just jerk it who cares do it in my room at night Oh, hey, we'll get there do it in my room at night then tried I can't out of thanks to the giant window and other door and anxiety of leaving a smell.

Smell. Hey man, I don't, I also told, I assume this is a man. There's no. Yeah, he's giving man vibes. There's man vibes, but again, I'm not sure. She doesn't really mean bad, but she literally, and I really, really mean it, doesn't understand boundaries, like mentally, physically, really mean it, doesn't understand boundaries,

like mentally, physically, other allies. She doesn't understand it. My brother and I confronted her about it, and it's like talking to a toddler in the sense that she can't grasp the concept. It's like she's missing the part of her brain that helps you understand boundaries. I know it probably doesn't exist, but bear with me.

Masturbate freely and let her catch you? Boy, I did it twice. She closed the door, went away all embarrassed, and came back, without knocking of course, to talk about something else. I confronted her and she still doesn't understand. I ended up even more embarrassed. The second time I did it on purpose, confronted her again, and she just laughed it off. Then she got mad because I was mad, but didn't understand why I was mad. I don't know what to do. Damn. That was going to be my joke advice. You just fucking dead-eye her and be like,

is this what you wanted Uh, I would love to know how this conversation went I can't I can't get over the fucking geography of this house. No, this house is is a Delta green ass like nightmare labyrinth Yeah Crap that's that's why she's always there is because there's two options one She is the monster in the labyrinth. The smoke is emitting from her, and that's why she's seven foot tall and can look in the elevated bathroom door, right?

Two, she's worried she'll lose you. If you go and she's not there, she's your breadcrumb. You're not gonna make it back. She's like, well, fuck, another son gone. Or there's like 19 of her. Yeah. She's infinitely responding. You're just really dumb. And like every room you go into,

you're like, mom again. But it's like you didn't see her come in after you. She's on the other side of the room. Mom Prime is just a large slug. She's melted into the wall of this house and is slowly warping it into her twisted manifestation of

pain and surveillance. So I will say, like, why do you care about the smell? For two reasons. One I will say, like, why do you care about the smell? For two reasons. One, give it a wash, bud. Yeah, I don't know if he means, like, I don't know if he's worried. My guess is that they're young, right? Like that's my guess. And I'm worried that, like, sort of just like they think that once you come, the smell of cum will just like permeate

because he hasn't masturbated a whole lot. I you're good. Like unless you do it a whole bunch and like leave stuff lying around even like you'll be fine. This is things like that. You can there's definitely like I know moms of teenage boys and some of them are like they know that they're that they have discovered porn on the internet or whatever because like the doors are closed and it's just like Just yeah, there's crusty things everywhere So it's like it's like when you when you when you lock it in and you're just making a fucking container of cum. Yeah, like things will get weird. But like, presumably that's not what you want to do. So like jerk it into a tissue and then go to the bathroom and put it in the toilet. It's like if she comes

out, she's not searching you. So you're good. But also, why do you care if she knows you're doing it by the smell? Because I thought this was going to be like, oh, I live with this mom who won't let me. She doesn't give a shit. She's walking in and like, hee hee. Like she doesn't care if you jerk it. So if it smells, it doesn't matter. Yeah.

Right. So you're good. Like the only saving grace is that your mom does not give a single fuck that you're jerking it. Maybe too little of a fuck, but like you're good. Yeah. If she catches you, you're not in trouble. It just kind of sucks for you.

So like even if you're jerking it under the blanket and she does decide to like rip open the window in some horror movie fashion, she'd be like, I'm having a wank mom, like I feel like if she's this obtuse, you just gotta be like direct. Also, it doesn't matter. Like if she's incapable of like her own Like self regulation when it comes to these things fuck being like hey mom, please knock and go with hey mom I'm a grown-ass adult. I need my privacy I know you don't understand that but I do so I want to have something you can just get a board to cover up

The window if that's you know step one get like a curtain rod on your side so you can put a curtain exactly But I mean if the window opens like a normal window, they could still just push the curtain and get a board. You know what I mean? Like there's that she's going to be fucking smashing through what which is scary. Then you can really have the conversation. But if you're like, hey, mom, I want to lock in my door and I want a thing. And she's like, why do you need that? You'd be like, you literally refuse to knock or refuse to respect my privacy.

I'm a teen. But it sounds like they've had this conversation. And but I want to know whether they were like, Mom, can you please knock and not I need a lock that empowers you. So it doesn't matter if she wants to be a fucking idiot. You know what I mean? Whereas if you're just trying to get her to do her thing and she's like mom oblivious, like, what are you talking about when you're having

the most basic conversation any human would understand? Yeah. Which just seems to be a superpower of moms. She knows, she knows. She's been a fucking lunatic. So I think if you haven't done that, you should do it. If you have done it, revisit it and try to get questions. Like if she won't let you be like, why? And if she's like, well, you don't need to be like, I do. Look at you. Look what you do. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But like also get the fuck out of there. Like this isn't healthy. Again, depending on how old like this person would be like fucking 14 or 13. It's like, yeah, but like get your shit together so you can leave at 18. You know what I mean? Like apply to a university where you're going to be staying away. Like save up money so you can get a thing like you need to do this because this is so not good.

Is dad anywhere? Like who's working? Like surely at some point in time, mom has to go make money, right? Unless dad is making money. And if dad doesn't give a shit, then talk to dad about it. Talk to dad, because dad will understand.

Hopefully. Hopefully. Yeah. You know, like I just don't understand, like it does sound like mom is an ever present threat no matter what. And like who's, what's happening here? Have you made like a line of salt outside her door? Like I just don't understand like it does sound like mom is an ever-present threat. No matter what is like Have you happening? Have you made like a line of salt outside her door? Is she a ghost? Yeah, right like she seems kind of like a ghost. Yeah, like some kind of monster. Is she a ghost of Christmas?

But did you escape dick death four years ago? Now see I'm I'm worried that just brute forcing it and being like I don't care I'm just gonna jerk off and mom walks in I'm worried that just brute forcing it and being like, I don't care. I'm just going to jerk off and mom walks in. I'm worried that it's going to have like ramifications. Yeah. No, that's repercussions down the line of being like, I don't have a healthy masturbation. Yeah. Because every time I'm about to come, I see my mom bust through the window.

Yeah. I'm worried that a you've Pavlov yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like I'm kind of worried that like you're going to generate sort of like a correlation between anxiety and fear and pleasure is there he's already having a bad time So I think like yes, you had the conversation

But like if she's unwilling to change things on her side, you need to reinforce things on your side And that you know if she's fully unwilling Hopefully she will at least give you the means to enforce your own privacy. And if she won't, I don't know, man, you got to talk to her, a family member, a therapist or get the fuck out of there because it's not healthy. Yeah. You know, I mean, like if she's trying to bust in every time you go to the bathroom, like that's the thing is like there are other things like it's not just the masturbation that seems to like. Yeah.

It's any level of privacy. It's any moment of like you alone. So it's a piece. It's privacy. Like people need that. Like I if if I had to worry about every time I went to the bathroom, someone about just fucking barge in, that would suck. Like I would lose my shit. I would lose my shit. I'm not a calm man on in certain circumstances.

And this would be one of them. Yeah. But like I just can't imagine the conversation where you're like, okay, like this isn't a, okay, this is a, hey, this needs to happen. And like, luckily it seems like she's not like outwardly aggressive and abusive about it.

She just seems to be taking the Teehee route, which is frustrating, but like, at least hopefully that means you can put your foot down and try to without, you know Things going completely south. I hope yeah, but I think you need to have a conversation that is very very very very very like strict and Firm yeah firm Maybe write write it down and give her a list Like if if that's the thing if you get lost in like her being like what are you talking about?

Like have a list and be like if you you need a minute, you can fucking go read it. But ask her for things you can enforce by yourself, such as the board, the locks. Yeah. And call it out as it happens. Be like, mom, this is what I'm talking about. Yeah. I went to the bathroom and immediately now you're knocking on the door. I went to the bathroom and now you're smoking outside. I don't understand why you're doing that. And I think there's, I'm sure there is online resources because a lot of parents don't listen to their kids. A lot of parents think they they know. Yeah. Everything is being silly and you're mad at a teenager. You're being hormonal. You're being you know,

it's puberty. You've got blah, blah, blah. I'm sure there are resources on YouTube for sure. And whatever for talking like as an adult talking directly to a parent about the importance of privacy for teenagers, the importance of like giving them their own space, all those sort of things. So if they're not going to listen to you, maybe they will listen to another person and be like, yes, let's sit down and watch this because I think it's really important that you hear it. And as now said, to now's point, like I think you do start like calling it out as it happens.

Be like, mom, you're being like, you're being rude. This is rude. What you're doing right now is rude. Yeah. And I think trying to stay as calm as possible, like, mom, you're being, like you're being rude. This is rude. What you're doing right now is rude. Yeah, and I think trying to stay as calm as possible, like don't get angry. Yeah. You know, which obviously easier fucking said than done. Especially as a teenager who's so horny.

Yeah, but just being like, hey, like, this isn't an unreasonable thing I'm asking for. These are the things you're doing. Keep a list, call it out. Like it might be a battle of attrition, but you know, you need to enforce your own like boundaries. And this will be a thing you'll need to do in relationships and with friends and

maybe do the thing with like kids and be like, when she barges in like, mom, I want you to knock knock, knock, knock. I did. And it's like, no, go back out, close the door and knock, please. And if they don't be like, then I'm not going to talk to you. Yeah. I won't talk to you. Like if you want me to respect you, you have to respect me.

And until you go back out and close the door and knock and wait for me to tell you, you can come in. We're not going to have a conversation. Yeah. And just, and be like a mature, responsible, logical adult. And if they get mad at you, be like, I don't like, you can't expect me to listen to you. If you're not willing to give me any respect. If you want to be disrespectful, we can play that game.

And I'm a fucking teenager. I like disrespect is in my blood right now. My body is producing it in so much every hour of every day forcing the disrespect down because you seem like a nice enough kid. Yeah, I hope you're not 40. I mean, this changes drastically if you are 18 or over. Get the fuck out there as soon as you can. If you can't work on getting it out, you know what I mean this changes drastically if if you are if you're 18 or over get the fuck out there as soon as you can if you Can't work on getting it out You know the mean and this also changes if your mom does decide to start abusing you in a different way now

We're like, oh fine. You don't get pocket money or you're not allowed outside or I'm trashing like troll your source off Yeah, if if it does escalate or if you know your mom better than we do which I hope you do Yeah, yeah, if if it does escalate or if you know your mom better than we do, which I hope you do And you know, this isn't a safe route then you should focus on getting out or getting external help Yeah putting the head down and just getting an aunt or uncle or the school or something because this is not healthy Yeah, and worst case you're looking at or not. None of this is just jerk off in public. It's fine Get a car and steal some of her clothes and jerk off. And like the guy from last week. Yeah.

This is by snooze songs for one girlfriend. Twenty one year old female fantasizing about sleeping with my father. Sixty year old male has a meltdown when I confront her. My girlfriend and I, he's a 26 year old male. We've been together for two point five years. We've been a long distance relationship the entire time. I recently returned home two months ago after studying abroad before which I would visit her once a year. We are a kinky couple. Sex is a big part of our relationship, but we are strictly monogamous. Recently, after meeting my

father, she started commenting on his look saying she liked his tad bod. She also mentioned finding my own weight gain attractive comparing it to my dad's appearance. At one point, she even wanted to buy a cap for him saying it would look hot on him. Found these comments a bit weird. I tried not to think about them too much or pay them attention. However, things got really weird during our recent sexting session. She told me she wanted to say outrageous things to me during sex. When I asked her what she had in mind, she said she wanted to sleep with my dad. She was fingering herself as she said this. In the moment I didn't say much, but the more I thought about it afterwards, the more uncomfortable and weird it made me.

The next day I brought it up during a call, explaining her comment wasn't kinky but rather uncomfortable. At first she brushed it off as a joke and nothing serious. I told her she couldn't make comments like that and then just dismissed them. She became defensive, accused me of overthinking and blaming me for the situation. Later she went as far as to blame my dad for being shirtless around the house and making it his fault, which he typically is although he doesn't really talk to her unless absolutely necessary. Common made me angry and I hung up. Later, she texted me saying I'm accusing her for all this and then blocked me everywhere. Okay, this sounds like a classic case of someone realized they crossed the line and wasn't mature enough to admit it.

I don't think so. I think it's a classic case of your dad's too hot and he's walking around shirtless. Also, like you guys don't live together, like your dad doesn't live with you. Like does he just walk into the screen of your dad's too hot and he's walking around shirtless. Also, like you guys don't live together like your dad doesn't live with you. Like it does. He's walking to the screen of your balcony room. Like, does he not knock? He's busting through the window. Like how often is she seeing your dad? Yeah, that's it doesn't really add up.

I assume he lives at home and when she goes to see him, like that's the only thing that makes sense is that like he's still living at home, which I mean, like leave your dad out of this. It's not his fault. Man's just fucking vibing, looking good in his fucking shirtless life. Yeah, it's very slut-shamy to be like, oh, he had his top off. It's his fault that I'm being a lunatic. No. Yeah. I mean like, would she be cool with her, like the dad, if she wasn't attracted to the dad, if the dad was saying gross things to her and the rationale being like yeah but look at the shirt she was saying look at the pants she was that's we all know that's not okay yeah so so

like him asking because he's an old man without a shirt that's not the take girl fuck off but yeah I mean it's like we see this happen all the time and like I've been with people who will claim to be again like kinky or whatever And then when they don't follow procedure or when they don't you know when they when they overstep bounds or whatever and I sort Of like reel them back in it's not like oh, I'm sorry like yeah, there are times where defense Defensiveness like trying to turn it on somebody else or you or whatever Yeah, it's it's I think it's shame and embarrassment and like just the fear. It's like, well, I won't get into that, but people who cannot admit that they're wrong. So they dig deeper

and deeper and deeper. Yeah. And I feel like there is, and again, this is from a heterosexual life of only dating women, but I think there is a lot of women who aren't used to being called out. Because men are the ones that do the bad things, not women. Yeah. And I think there is an inherent shame that sort of kicks in. As you said, there's a moment of like, oh shit, I did do something wrong. And like a panic and a fear. And it's way easier to shift blame and accept that you did the thing that you hate when people do you.

Yeah. And again, it's not to say that men the thing that you hate when people do you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, it's like, you know, not to say that men don't do that because men definitely do this. Oh, it's, but it's expected for men. Yeah, I mean, that's the shitty thing is, and I feel like also like a lot of men own their, like they're almost proud of how shitty they are. Whereas- Yeah, for sure.

So it's just like, I don't know. I've encountered this a lot with partners in the past like I've seen this with women who like come up and like grab your dick at a bar or something when you're like what the fuck they like instantly are like oh you like fuck you and like come back and attack you so hard and it's like if I did that no one would disagree that it's a fucking crime yeah but when you do it all of a sudden if I'm upset there's something wrong with me I remember when we were at the Ossington yeah and a woman did that and then tried to

get us kicked out from the Bowser. We're just like, what the fuck? You shouldn't have the dick. Should you? Yeah. You should go all tangled up. Yeah. It's a wild situation.

And I think it stems from the idea, like this rooted toxic masculinity of like, men should be okay with everything sexual. Yes, if it's sexually oriented men should be okay with it because that's all we want. Men want sex. They love sex. Yeah, and if they don't in any way something's wrong. It's their fault. It's probably that they're you know, not as much of a man or yeah, you know, yeah, and I think it's pretty clear with them like scrambling for excuses if you're it's this no, it's this oh, it's your dad with them like scrambling for excuses. If you're it's this, no, it's this. Oh, it's your dad's fault. He's so hot.

Also again, like you can't call yourself kinky. And then when someone says, hey, I'm not comfortable with that. Blame them and then block them. Yes. That to me, you're not kinky. You're a fucking idiot. Yeah. You're, you're just manipulative.

Yes. At that point in time, right? Like, because I will say I've been in a bunch of kinky relationships and I've misstepped, you know what I mean? Like I've, I've made mistakes. And when people tell me those things, I've been in a bunch of kinky relationships and I've misstepped You know, I mean like I've made mistakes and when people tell me those things I've never been like hey, you're wrong Yeah, I sure I mean, it's like I'm always very apologetic. Yeah, like it's heartbreaking to be in a relationship regardless of what other sexual romantic whatever and Betray someone's trust whether inherently or you know. Right. Like, like somebody being honest with you like that is a gift.

Yes. And it's a gift that lets you be a better partner and a safer partner. And if you were, but it's essential, it is essential. You cannot be kinky without like communication because kink involves healthy communication. If you're not talking about safe words and like what people want and boundaries and comfort and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're not kinky or irresponsible shit. Yeah. You know, cause this is no different really when it comes down to it is if this guy was like, Oh, I really want to fuck you in the ass and then just did it. And then she was like, Hey, I didn't like that. You didn't ask for my permission. You just did

a thing. I, and then him being like, well, you know, you said you were kinky. Why were you bent over then? Yeah, exactly. Like, you shouldn't be wearing a butt plug if you don't want to fuck you in the ass. And it's like, we could recognize that shitty. There's no different than like someone being like, Hey, I mean, there's a little bit of difference. One is-

Yes, yes, but same ballpark. Yeah. Either way, this person sucks. Yeah. I don't think you should. I don't think you should date them anymore. I don't know if it's- Well she blocked, this person sucks. Yeah, I don't think you should do I don't think you should take them anymore I don't know if it's yeah. Yeah, some people unblock a day later and are like, did you learn your lesson? It's like that that alone one. You're probably out of the woods, but two if she comes back. No, I say she's disregarded you

And also let's be fair. It would be one thing if she like spanked your butt playfully and you were like, whoa I don't like that. It's an acceptable enough thing to like kind of go, again, gray areas, but like, you know, that I think is a common non-harmful just, you know, like butt tap as opposed to jumping to like, let's do role play about your dad. Like that's a big enough leap that I think no one should. Familiar hooking.

Yes, yes. That's a pretty out there one. So no, like just no level of like tact, consideration, sexual, emotional intelligence. Yeah. Can't have an argument with you is weird. I just say it's a no from me. Yeah, fuck this person because like again you have no guarantee that they're not going to try this again at some point in time. Like is next time her shoving a finger in your ass, right? And then like you being like, Hey, I don't want you to do that. And being like, well then why do you have an asshole then?

Why do you? It's a great question. If not for fingers, what else does it do? Why ask? What else does it do? Name one thing, name one thing, name one thing, hit us on the comments with one thing. Assholes. Yeah, you can't, you you can't I bet you can't

We're now gonna put clickbait in our yeah Or what is it rage baiting? Whatever it is. We're just gonna start things all the podcasts doing well are doing it I know it's like honestly, I think if we sold out our morals, we'd be more popular 100% we really should This is from it's Amy Riva. Oh that bitch See, I'm doing it doesn't work. I's Amy Riva. Oh, that bitch. See, I'm doing it. Does it work? I'm so sorry, Amy. Oh, hey, let me tell you, I'm currently like spiraling, trying really hard not to be like, please don't masturbate in public.

That was a joke. Yeah, I do feel like we've gone too far. The people that listen, I think are good enough to know when we're doing the jokes. I know. But I have that fear. But like this whole time, like this whole class question, I was just like, I really probably should say to feeling like my partner blames me, my work for our sex life problems.

I, a 20 year old female, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 26 year old male for about a year now. Our connection has been amazing up until recently. But recently, our sex life has taken a big hit. He started blaming it on the fact that I'm a stripper. He knew this about me when we started dating and it wasn't a problem at first, but now it seems like every time we talk about our intimacy issues,

he brings up that I'm a stripper. He says it's hard for him to be attracted to me because other guys watch me dance and get dances from me. I feel like he's turning something that I'm proud of and passionate about into something negative. And it's really starting to affect me emotionally. I've tried talking to him about it but it always has the same argument and now our sex life is almost non-existent. When we do have sex it feels forced and disconnected. Has anyone else been through

this? How do I bring the spark back without feeling judged for what I do? It's so frustrating when someone you love can't seem to separate their insecurities from your career. Any advice on how to navigate this would be appreciated. You gotta hit them with an all, hey, if this is an issue for you, then we should stop seeing each other. You knew this when we started, I don't know what changed, but you need to either get over it or get on your way because I'm not quitting my career

and I'm not ashamed of what I do. That's like, it's a him problem, it's not you problem. Yeah. The you problem is you're dating an asshole Yeah, it would be one thing if he was like, oh hey, okay, like at first I was cool with it But now as I'm more submerged and immersed in this I'm starting to get a little insecure That's totally fair. That's a chat you can have that's work through Yeah, but him being like I can't find you attractive because other men are looking at you

Yeah, because hey, let me tell you my dude They're gonna be looking anyway if she was a bartender. Mm-hmm or a cashier or a lawyer or a CEO assassin a CEO assassin like if she was any other job people are gonna look at her unless she is like She's a woman existing in the modern world Sadly, I don't even mean sexually. Well, that too, but like also everybody can look at. If she's attractive. Now what if she became a professional ninja? I mean. Can't look at what you can't see. It's true, but I feel like at some point in time you can't be a ninja all the time. You need downtime. We have right to disconnect laws here. You know what? You're so right, man. I'm so glad ninjas are

getting their time off these days. I was gonna say, like before it was like they were always working now They can go to the grocery store and like not have to worry about stealing There's so much less smoke in my local law laws. The smoke bombs aren't going off 24-7 Your boyfriend sucks. I don't know why you would want to bring the spark the spark back But the only way for it is to have a very firm conversation and be like yo This is a you problem and if you cannot get over it We need to yeah, you know cuz like even if you quit your job, which it doesn't seem like you want to do

I don't trust that he wouldn't be like well you used to be yeah, you know, I mean I don't think that would even fix it. So and also you shouldn't just quit your job for some rando. Yeah, that's the thing Yeah, you're correct. I think and I also think that no matter what job you're in, there will be an insecurity, right? He just sounds like a fucking asshole. Unless you're like sitting at a desk by yourself working from home. I imagine any goals. Who's who's calling you on Zoom?

It's true. Who's calling you on Zoom? I what's his name? I frequently pretend to look at my my partner works from home and I'm always just like, who's that? Who are you emailing right now? It's very serious. And we got to have a chat. She's always like, it's a massive corporation, like massive.

Oh, so he's bigger than me. But like, I do this joke with my partner who does laugh and enjoys it. But like, you know, 30 seconds into it, I'm like, I'm exhausted. Like, even I cannot doing it is, I cannot imagine like living life where if a random guy holds the door for her while we're going to a store, you have a fucking spiral. Well, I hope there's no fucking barista smiling. I mean, that's all I can say.

Right. It's like the idea of that is so like it's why why would you exist? So, you know, like, what do you do? Like, are you be a miserable shell person, I guess. So now is correct. I think you really do. Like, if this guy refuses to acknowledge that he has insecurities about your job, if it if he continues to put it on you and blame you and blame these other guys, then I think that is all the information you need to make an informed decision to be like, I am not the right person for you.

Yeah. Nor am I the right fucking person for you. Yeah. I feel like unless you really, really, really want to be with this guy, which I don't think you should be, you need that hardcore conversation and you need to dip whenever he crosses that boundary. Yeah. Which he will, I'm sure.

And then you'll have your answer. But if for some reason he's able to be like, you know what, you're right. I'm sorry. I was insecure. I'm being an asshole. And then gets his shit together and moves on. Sure. But I think you should just dump them. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I think like growth like this, I don't think happens when you're submerged in it, right? Like, I don't think you can necessarily grow and get over these insecurities while you're actively struggling and in them. I know there's exceptions and stuff like that. If he wants to go to therapy while you guys are dating and will actively be a vocal participant

being like, hey, I recognize that I'm getting a little insecure. I'm getting a little jealous. I see that. I'm sorry. Then whatever. But I really do think that he needs a kick in the teeth to to sort of shit out. And that kick in the teeth should be you leaving or a real no.

We can't see. I should just have done that joke. You know, I was by Boo-Ho Magical weak spots on men. Guys, I have an underbelly. That's where their softest guys have an issue here. I'm trying to find any weak spots on my bf, but no look so far in the temple Can you give me some tips? I won't be weird though Yeah, you can crit like you'll get a critical if you hit you know soft under underbelly. Mm-hmm. Yeah temples

Yeah, I'll see there's a line straight down the middle of your body. It's just weak spots for days, right? It's solar plexus eyes nose mouth chin throat fucking dick. Yeah, get him in the shower tangle it up Oh, you get a snowboard. It just hit him Yeah, now you are gonna have to construct a like a snowboard tossing ballista kind of thing I hear aim. I think you just hold it in front of you and run real fast at a unicorn approach. Yeah Hold on edit. I don't want to fight him. I mean, like turn them on. Better believe every single comment

was just like eyes. Yeah. But good. Yeah. Does he have like a glowing red spot that opens up after like he misses three attacks? Yeah.

Yeah. When he like does his big move, do his vents open up to cool off and he can get a few grenades in there or something. Can you climb him? Because usually- Does he have sigils? Are there glowing sigils on him that you do have to get on top of, sort of like Shadow of the Colossus style? Maybe like crystals around his feet that you have to ride around them on tarms and chip them off so that he'll finally kneel down and let you into his library.

Yeah, that's the only way I can think of. Yeah, held it. Cool. Do we want to actually answer this? Because I think it's impossible to answer. I think a good answer here, or you hit me. Look, oh, there it is. We haven't had that one in a while. My weak spot, no. If you want to find out what turns your partner on, you ask them. Or just explore in a cool way. Yeah, or just sort of like, and why do you want this? Do you find that he's not receptive to the stuff that you're doing? Do you want to surprise him?

Do you want it? Like there's a bunch of stuff that like, I feel like you, you kind of need the context and why you're trying to do this is your, is your sort of sex life kind of dwindling, kind of dating that might not be because you haven't found this weak spot. Yes. If you're just looking for, he's had a tough couple of weeks and you want to

surprise him, get some nice lingerie. Yeah. Like that's an easy thing. The eyes, the weak spots, we told you. If they, if you walk out in a fucking banging new body suit or a piece of lingerie or something, he's going to be happy about it.

But if your, if your love life is suffering, I don't think a simple. Yes, it's not. And oh, you got to kiss him on the neck two more times. Yeah, it's fixed. It's not going to solve it. The work stress is gone. The money stress is gone. His E.D. cured. Like, yeah, that's not it. I also will say people aren't monoliths.

Men aren't just like three things. You know what I mean? Women aren't just like some people love getting their nipples kissed or played with men or women Some people fucking hate it don't for example exactly don't touch Anywhere near my nipples, so I don't want to give you like ideas because you probably have an idea and look anything That feels good on you probably gonna feel good on him right kissing on the neck the ear the wrist Whatever like all these like little like soft. You're good. The weak points. But like to think that man or a monolith like X, Y and Z is incorrect.

Yeah. So the best way forward is to talk to your partner. Yes. And then like, again, if it's just like if you just want to do one spicy thing, like you probably know what he's into. Yeah. Just extrapolate from there. If you if if he's, if you wear like a red dress and he's like, oh, you look really good in red, buy some red lingerie. Or fuck him in the dress. Yeah. If we're no underwear, pull it up, like surprise him, make it all about him. Go down. Like there's so many easy ways to like spice something up by just kind

of doing what you're doing slightly differently. Yeah. If he loves your boobs, like if he, if you've got a big boo man, send him a sneaky little picture during the day. You know, I mean, like you just do like person up on the windows of his balcony bedroom at night. But don't be his mom. Just please don't be his mom. Don't be his mom.

That's going to do it for this episode, friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us. We have one more before Christmas, right? Who could tell? Is it Christmas Day that we're releasing? No, no, it's it's the day before Christmas Eve. Mm hmm. Christmas Eve Eve. Christmas Eve Eve. Yeah, the 23rd.

OK, so we'll have we'll have one more. I didn't I just want to say happy holidays. Happy holidays. But more importantly, send us those festive questions. Yeah, got them, because we will answer them. If you're worried about something, that's your last chance. The next the next time we record will

be our sex miss episode. Also, if you want us to look into our year interview, we do that as well. Yeah, and if there's there's a thing you want us to sort of like look back on over the year, please let us know if there's a category of porn that you want us to sort of like deep dive in as well because we do our we do our porn hunt like year in review as well.

Yeah. So let us know what you want us to look into. If you have any questions for us, always just send them in. If you want to join our Patreon and give us a little Christmas present, find out at FBuddy's Podcast dot com. If you want to give us another present, you can review us five stars. If you want to review us one star don't please yeah if you do our podcast is called the Joe Rogan experience yeah not a lot of people know that yeah but we love you and we're gonna do tinder review I know why I said that word like ours about to be murdered yeah tinder here you ready yeah I want sorry to hinge I want someone who is ambitious has good aim hates the US health care system

Yeah, that's pretty good, it's pretty good we love we love a murdered CEO joke in this house we yeah That wasn't a joke. That was just me. We made it This is gonna be our bad sex writing though. Thank you. Josh Eagle Narcissus for the song paper stars Now this is under a picture of a certain famous Luigi currently. No lube, no protection, all night, all day, missionary, cowboy, reverse cowboy, doggie, backwards, sideways, on the bed, on the couch, bent over the kitchen counter, by the fireplace, against the wall, in the shower, on the floor, in the basement, against the window, in my hole. Now where were the other ones?

Well- If in my hole against the window in my hole. Now, where were the other ones? In my hole was the final. Incorrect. Perhaps they have a physical hole. Oh, that they have dug. Yeah. Because if you're looking at the... They're all physical locations. They're all locations.

So she has... We got a mining... We got a Minecraft girly in the backyard. They've got themselves a little fuckhole. Yeah. And we love that. We love that too. Two things we both love. Thank you very much for listening. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've a little fuckhole. Yeah. And we love that. We love that too. Two things we both love.

Thank you very much for listening. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies.