F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 323 - Obsessenheimer

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Dain had a rough day, but there's nothing like getting in the closet and seeing how bad everyone else is doing.  Topics include if they say they wanna bang, do they really wanna bang, desperate to kiss your best friend, post nut clarity denial, only watching Oppenheimer. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Bain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a de- whoa, sex and dating advice podcast, where we take your sticky sexy situations, turn them into sexy sticky situations. Man, you've handled that one pretty well for a long time. It's been a long day. I spent more time in a vet than I did sleeping today, so it's- I will promise you that's

not the last time I say Nonsense on this episode which is weird because we're usually so good. Yeah constant professionals one might say, uh-huh Well, I'm sorry for your shitty day, but don't worry I'm gonna put you to work in this closet just to really bring you back around Okay, do you want to know the topics that I'm gonna be deploying to to make you happy today? I would love to hear them. Alright, so this week we're going to talk about when men message other girls to fuck, do they actually want to fuck?

I want to kiss my best friend so badly. Boyfriend doesn't let me finish. Is it because of post-not-clarity? Is it weird that my boyfriend watches Oppenheimer three to five times a day? Isn't that movie like four hours long? Either one fits. We'll I guess we'll we'll discuss that when we get there. August are here though.

This is by old television 9725 when men message other girls do they actually want to fuck them? I'm 24. He is a 30 year old male. I would like a male perspective on this. I found my boyfriend messaging girls from his past. They never responded. But he'd message them every now and then saying things like, let's fuck, etc.

Nothing else. No reply or asking for pictures. Sometimes he'd say, you around? With no reply from the girls. He told me he'd do it because he was horny and it was impulsive and get him excited. He has since deleted all social media, at least to my knowledge. I've seen proof he has for Instagram and Snapchat. And he says he wasn't planning on actually doing anything with them.

He said he knew that they wouldn't reply or nothing would actually happen. Is this true? Do men just say outrageous things to girls out of horniness, move on with their day without the intention of actually fucking them? Now, okay, I think there's two questions there. Do men say outrageous things to women out of horniness? Yes. Sure. I think they say outrageous things like let's fuck out of horniness, but not want to fuck. I mean, it can go either way. There's a lot of weird things. It's like, but let me tell you if this, I mean, well, here's my stance.

We all want to get that Tinder mattress. Like, yeah, come over and rail me right now. But the second that happens, I'm we're all like, no. Yeah. No, no, no. Dog chasing the car. What do you do when you catch it? Uh, I think was he doing this while you guys were together? Yeah. Or is this?

Yeah. Then why do you care? I don't understand, like, what your. Because it's just if it's just a thing men do and it's harmless, Dane, it's just a thing men do and it's harmless Dane. It's like. She's been gaslit by this man into thinking it's okay and all men do it and it doesn't mean anything.

And again. People. A broken Dane. Oh no. Why are you, why are we allowing bad behavior from everyone? Anyone. Men, women, like it doesn't matter who or what. If your partner does something you don't like, I don't think you should go out of your way to try to convince yourself that it's good behavior.

You know. Which is what she's doing. She's like, is it? Can you tell me? And like, yeah, if enough people are like, oh yeah, men do that. It's fine. Like, oh, why are you annoyed? He just, he's just saying do you want to fuck? He's not actually gonna fuck them. It's just his horny thing she presumably would get back with this guy or continue to be with this guy and be like you're right It's just the thing he does. It's just the thing men do there's also like you're missing the the larger point here Partner question asker the the big problem is the fact that he's sending these messages Unsolicited without response. Yeah, that's just kind of sad. Like, it would be one thing.

He's a dick either way, but at least if they were like, yeah, I do. But if it's just like, he's not even getting responses. He's sexually harassing women on the internet. Like, it doesn't matter whether it's a normal thing to do. It doesn't matter whether you're cool with it or not. What he's doing sucks for the other person. Like have two ounces of fucking empathy and realize that like, imagine if you were getting messages from just a random dude in your past, like the guy in high school who's just like messaged you every now and then like, I want

to see your titties. That's gross. That's a gross thing to do. That's the thing. Even if for some reason we were like, yes, it's a thing men do when they're horny and it's okay. It's not okay because for it to be okay, we would all have to be on board, including the people he's messaging who it would seem aren't. Especially because there's no before or after, right? There's no, it doesn't seem like there's any sort of sexual contact previous that they were flirting back and forth and and there was just some

Dead space in between for whatever reason it just seems like he's like just coming across a hot person on Instagram or someone Who happens to have an open DMs? And it's just like you say girls from his past if that makes it any better But like past could be like I went to high school with them Yeah, we used to date and either way You imagine you would like I hope I would get a reply if I sent that and it would probably be a what the fuck But it would you know, yeah I hope it was so bizarre that it's not even a response if no one's even like dude you good

That's how bad you are They'll ask if you good cuz you not people like they're probably not even opening these messages They could see if it's just let's fuck, they could see it in the preview. They could see it right there. And you know, like, the chances are this dude's getting blocked. That's for sure. This is such pathetic behavior. It's gross across the board. Everything that this man has done to you and these women is gross.

Yeah, he's sexually abusing women. He's harassing them, I guess. He's lying to you, gas women is gross. Yeah, he's sexually abusing women. He's harassing them, I guess. He's lying to you, gaslighting you. He's just kind of gross and embarrassing. But I will tell you here, emphatically, because this is what you came on to ask. Is this a thing guys do and do they not mean it? I'm going to say no. One, I have enough self-respect for myself, my partner and the people around me

not to just get horny and randomly be like, Wuh-puh-un! So- But again, it doesn't matter if- No, but I'm- it is important if this is the question that they're asking, if they're concerned that they have gotten it wrong and that this is a thing that's usual and acceptable. I think it is important to say no. Like, you can ask a dumb question. I'm still gonna answer it Yeah, you know But like you could like I would say that there's probably precedent to say that like this is a thing that men do

Well, I would also say do we for a heartbeat believe that if these women said yes, he wouldn't Especially the I mean like let's fuck is a dumb thing to say to anyone but the you around that seems like an opportunity Right, like that seems like he's got the house to himself. You're out of town, whatever. Like try to coincide those dates of the you around messages. Is that the day you worked late? Is that the day you were out of town visiting your family? It's like, presumably all these times are,

cause I can't imagine he's at home horny and he's like looking at his partner and then just like getting his phone out. And if he is surely that's an additional issue here. Yeah. Right. Yeah.? Yeah, there's there's like There's nothing here That's good for you like at no point in time from beginning to end and any of the murkiness in the middle Is there a redeeming quality for you or your relationship? No, this guy's gross. He's being weird to other women

He's being weird to you. He's like gaslighting you. He's lying. He's gross. Just like, yeah, dump this motherfucker. Like because the alternative is from what I'm guessing is and what we briefly discussed of being like, if the answer is like, if you do get the answer of like, yeah, men do this all the time, it's totally fine. Are you cool with it then? Like, would you just be then like, this is fine. Oh, he's he's texting.

And like the only reason he's not doing it is because he deleted all his social media. Again, it's the sort of like Bible thing of being like, if the only reason you're a good person is because you're terrified of the punishments of being a bad person, then you're not a good person. No, you're just a bad person on a leash. It's stupid.

And this man is stupid. Yeah, that's a thing. Stupid a little bit. If you're like, oh, look, baby, I'm not going to go outside the house because if I walk outside that door, I'm just going to cheat on you. Yeah, I don't partner. I did. I didn't get my license because any time I went in a car, I just drive down the sidewalk, hitting as many people as possible.

Yeah. So I just I just OK. I sold my car. No. If I pick up this cutlery, I got a you in my hands. If I pick up this cutlery, I'm going to stab and spray outside. Yeah, I will stab. Not a good person. Not a good person.

Don't date this man, this isn't the thing men do. This isn't the thing anybody does. And even if it was, you shouldn't be okay with it purely because it's at the expense of other people. Yes, and that's the other thing, is like have empathy for these people. I'm sure you wouldn't want these messages, like how would you feel if you were getting messages

from a strange man and put yourself in their shoes for two seconds and be like, oh yeah, that sucks as well. There's just a whole all encompassing suckage of this man. Yeah, too much suckage. Not enough fuck. No, no, no fuckage for this man. This is by advanced according 6833 I want to kiss my best friend so badly. I am 37. How many O's? Just it's just one O but it's capitalized. Okay. I guess that's

unacceptable. I want to kiss my best friend so badly. So badly. The badly isn't capitalized. Oh, okay. Yeah. I am male 37. She is female 31. We have been best friends for about a year, but have been friends for nearly four years in total. We've been through a lot of things together and we always end up coming to each other for relationship advice and healing from our previous partners. She is my safe place. I'm not sure why or how this is coming up within me, but for some reason I cannot get it out of my brain that all roads were always meant to lead to her. It scares me.

As if this is coming out of nowhere for me, but she's all I think about. I'm terrified to broach the subject. We are not the type to verbalize our feelings like that, and I'm bad at words when it comes to her. I get visibly shaky, shy, red, sweat on my hands, and knots on my stomach when I think about it in front of her. I'm positive if we did kiss, it would spark something majestic. We had this unspoken attraction about us for months and it has intensified lately more

than ever before. She is the most amazing woman, mother, person and friend I have ever met. If I made a list of what I wanted in a woman, she exceeds it. I am Scorpio, she is Capricorn. We have been discussing astrology. Well, say no more. Yeah, alright. Let's end there.

We have discussed astrology and have learned we have serious compatibility potential, but have never crossed any lines beyond friendship or even discussed it. We recently started hugging and saying I love you, which is huge deal for her because she never ever puts herself out there. Next time we hug on a look into our eyes and tell her how I feel with the kiss I've been wanting my whole life just didn't know it yet. Is there a good scenario place date time etc to make this happen? Is there there a situation where talking about it beforehand would ruin it and prevent the progression

to more than friends? I want to just do it, but also don't want to if she's not feeling it. I know tons of guys would use this as a gateway to try and hook up, but this is not that. We are both very attractive people. Also, I've been in two other relationships with a very similar landscape, five years and four years of dating, and we were best friends beforehand for years. It hurts to lose four years of dating, and we were best friends beforehand for years. It hurts to lose the friendships, a lot, but we were younger, and they weren't meant to be forever people in my life and vice versa. Something always seemed to be missing, but this time there's nothing missing, and all

the ingredients of a healthy and loving relationship are there. Thanks for reading and all of your time. Do you remember when we became best friends? Like how long we were friends before we were best friends? No, because like I don't like, you know, I don't know when the moment. Oh, they see you're saying like when he's like friends for four years, best friends for one. Yeah, I'm saying that because I think I mean, obviously there's some severe overanalyzing

happening. There's some severe in your headedness. Mm-hmm. And look, I get it because the idea of making a move on someone who is very important to you and potentially sort of like ruining that is scary. It's it's a it's a an idea and a thought that like could you don't know how they're gonna react blah blah blah blah blah. But like he doesn't seem worried enough about that Yeah, it seems like he seems sure that it would go well

But he's worried that the relationship might not go well like he says like losing the French Yes, it sucked losing the other friendships. Yeah, but like they weren't people are meant to be in his life forever But this that's like He's making all these claims that he cannot back up and I don't even necessarily Think you do need to back it up. This is how you feel about this person going forward without sort of expressing these feelings is a breach of their trust like if you're just secretly pining after them and If they're coming for you to you for honest advice about relationships, how honest are you gonna be? Yeah

Giving them advice to make sure that they have a healthy relationship with the next person they're interested in or you know, etc Etc like are you going to subconsciously? Oh sure so this person Hey, how much chill do you think this person has having read this post? Yeah, it's it's very melodramatic but like the point I was trying to get across was that like it's similar to when we see people be like, I had the best date ever last night and then they ghosted me. And we're like, yeah, you had the best date ever.

That doesn't mean they had the best date ever. So like this person being like amazing attraction between us, you don't know. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I know things would be perfect and it would spark something. Are you saying it would spark something in them so they don't have it and you have to kiss them to wake it up? Because I can already tell you watch too many rom-coms, but like you might really have watched too many rom-coms

if you think that's how it works. I also wondered like you say like, oh, we run to each other and talk about our, our, our relationships and blah, blah, blah. But then you're like, also, we we run to each other and talk about our our our you know relationships and blah blah blah But then you're like also we don't talk about our feelings or anything Yeah, like that was what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, like oh, he she doesn't open up. That's a big deal We just started hugging we talk about all this shit. It's like well what you either open up Or you don't you either talk about your feelings, or you don't you can't have it both ways Yeah, you can't have this like relationship. That's almost codependent when when relationships break up. Mm-hmm And then also be like we never talk about our feelings. That's not a thing that we do can't do it hugs are scary

It's it's strange Also that like four years you were friends with this person You never hugged them a year of being best friends and you never hugged them? A year of being best friends and you never hugged them? Like that's strange to me. I hug people when I first meet them. Oh, for sure. Yeah. It's a strange situation. So my advice to you. Very quickly, just the hyperbole and the, like I mentioned the rom-com thing, but like all roads are meant to lead to her. Like it'll spark something majestic.

Like I feel like you need to be more realistic. She's my forever person. It's like you're you're jumping the gun a little bit here. You know what I mean? Don't let yourself get to the point where this is a be all end all life changing. Like, oh my God, like that's bad for you and for them and for everything. You could just leave it as I really like them. That's good.

It's, it's also like, are you saying that when you fell in love with your past partners, you didn't think you like, you were like, these people are disposable. They'll do. Yeah. I'll get rid of them eventually. I'm not too concerned about that. Like that also seems strange. And I don't believe you based on what I've read about

This scenario I will buy anything at the time if I go back to their post history it's gonna be like I've been friends with this person for eight months best friends for four hours and So okay, here's what I'm saying I think now hit the hammer nail on the head with the hammer hammer now hammer nail I think now hit the hammer nail on the head with the hammer hammer now. Hammer nail. You need to chill the fuck out. Yeah. You need to bring it right fucking down. You need to ground yourself in reality and be like and analyze it in a useful way. There's there's times where it's sort of assessing a situation is useful.

Making things up and making wild extrapolations to the point where it's no longer real. So like you're just kind of like daydreaming doesn't help you. So you need to assess the situation and be like, do I actually really like this person or are they just really important to me? And I'm lonely and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, blah. If the answer is yes, then you move on to the next stage step of being like, do I want to risk my friendship with this person and to pursue a romantic relationship? I will say, maybe examine why it is that all your relationships stem from being best friends

because that seems weird. Like sure, if it happens once, great. But like if you're telling me your past two relationships and now this one, is there room for any other ones? Is this the only way you do it? Because there's something there. How many friends do you have outside of this person? Yes.

Right, like do you have a friend support group? Do you have other friends? Do you have other friends who are women? Or do you just get one friend fucking attach yourself to them like a symbiote and then four years later, date them for four years, break up with them, heartbreak and glom onto the next person you can, ingratiate yourself to them for four years later, date them for four years, break up with them, heartbreak and glom on to the next person you can, ingratiate yourself

to them for four years, you know what I mean? Because that's a weird cycle, and it seems unhealthy to me. Yes, and then next, the next step is you have to be like, if I don't want to risk the friendship, you do still sort of either have to make the choice of being like, I need to tell my friend about this and be like, Hey, lately, I've been having lots of feelings about you. And I sort of have been imagining a romantic future, but I don't want to risk or you need to deal with those romantic feelings because you can't live in the sort of like, great area of like, I secretly love her, but I'm still going to be her friend because I couldn't tell her.

I'm in pain because as Dane said earlier, you're not going to be an honest friend at that point. No. And you're going to breed resentment and bitterness and eventually when it comes out, they're going to have felt shitty that you've been doing all these things with like ulterior motives. And like even in a best case scenario, you might be able to be the bigger man and give great advice and

get her into a relationship. You're going to feel shitty. Yeah. Like you still have to protect your emotional health and your mental health and your state of being. And if, you know, ignoring your feelings for this woman, helping her get into a relationship without expressing how you feel about her is going to just result in like a lot of regret, a lot of sadness, a lot of bitterness is now said. And it's like, you might not take it out on her, but you're certainly going to, like, it's going to be a difficult thing to move on from, from a personal

perspective, or you might take it out on her, which you all see all the fucking time. You know what I mean? So do yourself a favor, do them a favor, be honest. And if you need to step away from your relationship with them, do it. If you can genuinely and honestly get over it, do that. But like, you have to be really honest with yourself. And it doesn't seem from what you've written that that is a thing you're good at. But my advice is take the shot, shoot your shot. There's no reason not to. I don't think hugging them and then bringing them into a kiss is the way to do it.

Because we're not in a movie. So let's say that one is off the table. Yeah, have a nice quiet night, maybe make a dinner, bottle of wine, like you can still add romance to this. We're not telling you to do this in a sterile, stainless steel fucking operating room. Unless. Unless you like a little role play.

You could still make this a romantic gesture and evening. Don't go out of the fucking, you know, don't go and rent a fucking horse-drawn carriage and a fucking flash mob and all that shit, but like have her over, make a nice dinner, crack a nice bottle of wine and have a conversation with her and be like, hey, this is how I feel. How do you feel?

What are your thoughts? You don't have to make a decision right now. Let's just talk about it. And you need to be able to be cool, right? Again, if you know you aren't going to be cool if she says no, don't even get to that point. Go back to the part where you either leave the relationship because you need time for yourself or get over it. But I'm imagining you can't do that if you can't be cool. So like, don't ambush them. Don't force them. By all means, pop a bottle of wine, but don't get them drunk

Like don't be no you know I mean and I will say like be willing to give them space as well make a decision like right like this is a big Decision you've been thinking about it for however long fucking a year or whatever. Yeah, you've got a nice from us You've got advice from reddit like you you have all the advantage here They're being blindsided but and the love of God, do not just randomly grab them, hug them, especially if hugs are big deals for this person, like they might have a physical or affection like walls up around that and to know that, but then betray all that by just kissing them when they're not expecting it.

It's pretty fucked up. Yeah. There needs to be a understanding that consent is still important. No matter how important you think this kiss is in your mind, no matter how much like gravitas you've put on it, no matter how like, you know, music swelling, camera spinning around in the airport, right as she's about to get on a plane,

moment you think this kiss is gonna be, she needs to be agreeable to it. That's the thing, like literally, I wanna look her in the eyes, tell her how I feel with the kiss I've been wanting my whole life, just didn't know it yet. Calm down. Like calm down. And then is there a situation we're talking about beforehand could ruin and prevent the

progression to more than friends? I want to just do it, but I don't want to if she's not feeling it. I'm glad that you have that part at the end. I'm not glad that you're trying to like logic your way into a kiss is the right way. If you talking about it would ruin it, the kiss isn't going to fucking save it. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's no like you're living in a world where like, oh, maybe talking ruined it, but a kiss could save it.

It's the complete opposite. The only way forward is talking if talking could ruin it. Yeah. So don't don't just fucking kiss her Don't do it and also with all this like grandstanding that you're doing we've talked about before don't walk into this Situation with like a script in your head. Yeah Yeah, you're probably not gonna react how you want them to even if it's positive I promise you're gonna beef your lines. You're gonna get in there you're gonna have this like big flowery prose that you wanted to fucking say that you've been rehearsing all week

in the mirror and like going over and over and over and over. And then when you finally get the chance to like look her in the eye, you said it, you get shy, you get nervous, you get sweaty around her. I promise you fucking, you're not going to transform into fucking Hugh Grant or Patrick Dempsey and give a fucking, you know, third act romantic comedy speech. You're not going to do it. It's not going to happen. The spaghetti you cooked her for this beautiful wine. It's on your sweater already.

Yeah. Now there's vomit on there already. Yeah. Your arms so heavy. Yeah. So be chill. Analyze like what we said, if this is really what you want. But if this is and you're willing to lose your friendship, do it in a calm, respectful manner. Be romantic, by by all means as Dane said But not romantic enough that you're just gonna kiss him out of the blue Give him time to talk be cool about it

And then if it doesn't go well You have to be chill and you have to be honest with yourself if they want to continue the friendship and you're not able to Step away if you are able to you need to genuinely completely and utterly get get over it And not like in three months be like I couldn't do it. I've been pining this whole time cuz again not fair on them not fair on you No, so all right. Good luck. Give me that next one. Oh, I'm sorry. Was I not saying it quick enough? No, I need more content. This is all right 9 4 3 8 8 my boyfriend 18 male never continues to let me finish 18 female because of post-nut clarity?

We've been talking slash together for about seven months. When he is horny, whether it's over text or in person, usually over the phone or sexting because we're both finishing senior year of high school so we don't get to see each other alone much, I always entertain him even if I'm not really in the mood at the moment and it normally ends up with me getting turned on as well. We mess around in person slash I send him nudes etc. talk about what we want to do to each other. Once he finishes, he just completely stops everything. Says he isn't attracted to me slash doesn't want to continue because of his post-nut clarity

and finds it gross. I've talked to him about it and he basically says he isn't attracted to the idea anymore once he finishes. And I get it, but sometimes it's frustrating for me. He acts like it's gross if I'm still horny or want to do anything after he finishes and I get it but sometimes it's frustrating for me. He acts like it's gross if I'm still horny or want to do anything after he finishes and says he doesn't actually like to do anything sexual but he says that and then pursues me again and again when he's hard and wants to finish. He also just acts super weird after he is no longer loving or sweet to me, calling me pretty etc. Treats me weirdly like I'm his homeboy or something.

Now try not to take it personally and understand where he's coming from but sometimes it just annoys me and makes me feel bad about myself. Like he's not attractive to me or finds me or not attracted to me or finds me gross unless he needs to come. Is this just how guys are? That's how the relationships outside this have only been with women. So I don't have any reference. Look, stop asking. Is that no guys are or is it what men do? It doesn't fucking matter like we just talked about it doesn't matter if every man in the world does this If you don't like it if it feels bad if it makes you feel shitty if it upsets you it doesn't matter if 100 percent of men do this yeah, I understand that poses a problem if you are straight because we can't choose our sexual proclivities. But, like, arguably that's how social change happens.

If someone's doing something shit and it's societally accepted, but people start putting their foot down, maybe we do change 100% of men from doing it. The good thing is this isn't the thing that men do, so... Sure, I'm sure there are some. There are men. There is a man, at least one of them. Yeah, but men are not a mon man, at least one of them. But men are not a monolith, which I feel like we have to keep reminding people. Much like women aren't a monolith.

Much like nobody is. Yeah, genders and race and like no one is one thing. You can't say like, is this a thing that X likes? No. Do all Canadians not want dressing on their salad? I was at a restaurant with a Canadian. That's one. That's one person. One person.

I mean, we do hate dressing and every Canadian. No, every Canadian does. That's a bad example. Yeah. Old dry, dry leaf Canadians, they call us. That's why our thing is a maple leaf. Do you see any fucking dripping dressing? Thank you. It's a far leaf. It's not down to the slightest. Firm. Yeah. Just out from leaf. It's not that slight us for. Yeah, just out of shot like most.

If you get like the blown up pictures of the flag, you can see the side of dressing in the corner. But they usually zoom in just for clarity sake. Yeah, that's what the weight is. The weight is ranch dressing far away. They're holding it above it. Yeah. For contrast. Yes. And the reds catch up the red leaf or the side.

The side. The side. OK, there's it's there's sides, right? Yes There's sides. Yes But I was gonna say if you put red on the leaf, then there's dressing on the leaf now We don't like now we have to commit to raise on the side. It's the ketchup Okay being held over a lineup of actually sorry It's barbecue sauce on the left Mayo in the middle or ranch ranch male and then ketchup on the right and then a fresh crisp dried Leaf just to contrast. Yeah

If you look you will notice that the the left side of the the flag is a little darker a little more brown than it Is read a little more maroon a little more complex too. Yeah, what the fuck are we talking about? The people are modelists Look if someone says it the thing that blows my mind, we're getting so many of these questions and I'm getting so fucking mad about it, is he says, oh, I'm not attracted to you afterwards. And then you say, I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. He said it. He told you. Why are you with him?

Yeah. Also, like, he's mean. He's mean and he's shitty. Like, he's bad in every way. Why are you with this guy? What are the redeeming qualities of this relationship? Like what are you getting out of it other than the affection and attention when he wants it? Because that seems like 100% on you to provide. Like you're not getting anything without a steep cost to yourself. And it seems like even that attention and affection isn't good for you because you're then frustrated because he doesn't bring you To where you need to be and he just like you're fucking I'm done So like that's not even good the one the one good thing which is bad in context still sucks. It sucks. It's bad

So so this is a good time yourself and the people in your life Make the choices of being like, this person sucks. This person makes me feel bad. And even though I get every now and then like little tastes of nice, if you leave with a bitter taste in your mouth, then it's not nice. It's bad with a little bit of whipped cream on top.

Yeah, like even if it's just drops of dressing, you've still ruined that leaf. If there's a single drop of dressing on a leaf any leaf you've ruined it exactly and he's dressing If you were reverse, Oh Canada backwards, that's really the message is just yelling about how important Riley Yeah, the leafs dry. Yeah. Look this guy sucks shit and you are at a very good age to start to Reinforce boundaries and like make the choices for you because you could get in this pattern you could date shitheads for you know the next decade until Finally you realize people can be nice in relationships and then you're gonna think back and be like wow Why did I waste ten years of my fucking life or you could just be like you'll fuck this guy?

I'm good find somebody who likes you and wants you and then be happy. I promise you, if you are sending nudes and sexing this man to completion, that there is someone out there who will find you attractive all of the time. Oh, for sure. Right? Like it's, it's stupid to only accept affection when this person wants it and needs it and then belittle yourself into thinking that like you don't deserve reaper

What's the word among four reciprocal? Yes, reciprocity. Yeah You know this this idea that like oh affection should be unrequited unless he wants it What the fuck are you doing? You know, that's not true. Yeah. No, this this man is abusing you He's taking advantage of you. He's rude to you He's not satisfying like he's everything bad It sucks and he needs to learn that this isn't the way to do it And you need to learn that you should not put up with this. So dump his ass finds a way better Just start everyone needs just a checklist from now on and being And being like, what do I get from this person?

And if the answers are, well, when he's X, I get Y, but that's all, that's the only time. If there's a qualifier to the good, if you only get attention when he's horny, if you only get compliments when he wants to finish, if you only get X- Presence when you fought. Yeah, if there's only a good

when they determine that it's worth giving you, then it's bad. Also, if there's just a list on the other side that's bad thing, bad thing, bad thing, cruel thing, mean thing, abusive thing, awful thing, which that's all we know about this guy is that he sucks shit, so that's all we need to know. Yes, it's almost like vice versa, right like if if all of your bad also comes with a

qualifier that's also bad like they're it's not like a reverse of being like well you know the bad also comes with the good stuff it's like no no no it's it's it's if there's qualifiers if like if the bad happens for reasons what if it's like it's bad oh he's so annoying because he's so nice. Then maybe that's the qualifier. Then you're the problem. Yes. Yeah.

It might be a true statement. Like that's a valid point. I think if someone's personality annoys you, then you're not a right match. And therefore you shouldn't be with the person. The same way that if someone treats you poorly, you shouldn't be with the person the same way that if someone treats you poorly you shouldn't be with them either like Start making choices stop just being with people because they give you a little fucking yeah monochrome of attention I know you're gonna feel better because you wouldn't be on reddit being like oh everything sucks if you weren't with this guy Yeah, like you're here because things are bad

You just have to realize that because like at the end of the day, I understand it's tough to be alone and it's nice to get little nice things in any amount. Right. I 100 percent understand it from my past. That is what I chased. I chased affection and validation in any small ounces and any small amounts because that's what I thought I deserved and what I thought I only could manage to obtain. I never thought I would be able to get like a full relationship in which I'm fully satisfied so I just chased the one the satisfaction that I thought I could get. I get it. It's very

easy to fall into that and self-esteem and self-worth play a huge part in that and I think you know you got to do the work. You have to work on yourself and realize and like, really ask yourself the question, am I happy? Is this making me happy? Is this making me sad? And at that point in time, you have to decide like, this isn't worth it. I would rather be alone and good, or at least I'd rather be alone

and struggling than struggling to be with someone, I think. Yeah, and the thing is, it's like, being alone is hard, but it's like a specific type of hard, whereas like, this is like abject misery. This is like a constant, like you're trapped in it. It's always gonna get worse too. This person is bad for you. Being alone would be better than this. But also you're not going to find something better while you're

with someone because they're not going to give you the space and you're going to be miserable and beaten down and that's not a good time to do it. So you're not going to find something better. You're going to be caught. It's just going to keep getting worse. It's just being a little good person. You're not going to be looking for something else. You're in a relationship. Exactly. Yeah. Right? Like- You're not going to find it. You're not going be looking for something else. You're in a relationship exactly Yeah, right like you're not gonna find it You're not gonna be looking for it And you're even if it passes you on the street or you know at work or whatever

You're not gonna be the best you because you're gonna be a shell of who you are Yeah, so just it's better to be alone than to be fucking tortured like this Yeah, yes a hundred percent and that might be a hard pill to swallow and that might sound scary But you you have options at that, try to focus on platonic friends. We've talked about a lot, try to focus on yourself, fitness, therapy, your personal hobbies. Like this is a great time to invest in yourself, whatever that may mean, right? Like maybe it means going to the gym, maybe you don't care about how jacked or fit or athletic you are. Maybe it doesn't matter, but maybe it would be nice to have a little bit more time to

fucking paint or play the piano or learn the guitar or whatever. You know, your friends. Yeah. So like- Play Marvel Rivals. Oh my God. That's all I want to do forever. We stopped playing Marvel Rivals just to come to you guys.

I don't think you guys understand how many times we've turned off a game that we are loving Helldivers, uh, you know, whatever else we've, Baldur's gate, uh, all those games that we've been so fucking in the paint for. We've turned almost all of, I would say we've turned off every game at some point to come and record this. So I just, I just want you to know that's our Christmas gift to you. And Hey, I'm not mad about it We do this because we love you. Yeah, you're worth it. But sometimes you gotta complain

Sometimes sometimes you have a day where you just need to complain to people on the internet. Yeah, sometimes we're keeping you in business all The people that mean the most and help you out the most so that you got a bitch about Having to not play Marvel rivals for now. Yeah, sometimes you have to do it I can be listening to Jeff going And if you haven't played Marvel rivals, you probably think I'm a crazy person I'm looking at Venom's thick ass right now Venom's luscious badonk. Okay, we got one more question Oh, yeah, at least one more question then this is by raff camera and obx Is it weird that my boyfriend watches Oppenheimer three to five times a week?

He's currently a film major in college and a huge World War II history buff. He watches Oppenheimer three to five times a week, which is about nine to 15 hours of Oppenheimer a week. He's done this about fail ever since the 4K Blu-ray came out last year. He says he does it because he wants to make a film like Oppenheimer in the future. I understand, but does he really need to watch Oppenheimer so many times a week? He always makes time for me so inside Oppenheimer is ruining our relationship, but it is ruining his sleep Yeah, so when you I googled this almost immediately when it's three hours long. Oh, that's fine I don't why have you watched Oppenheimer? I have I have zero interest in ever seeing okay?

So then you can't even comment on this I'm why would you write have you seen Oppenheimer? Uh, like I've only seen it like 17 times. Oh fair Okay, so you've so spent a couple days surface. No, I didn't I didn't see it. I would see Barbie instead with you Yes, the more fun better movie. I mean like look I As someone who went to film school I get a lot of shit for the fact that I really don't watch very many good films or like, you know Quote-unquote good films like Oscar films like he's up on time or even meant to be that good I mean well looking at it here. It's got an eight point three out of ten on IMDB

93% on Rotten Tomatoes four point two at a letterbox and I don know what this means, but 95% loved the acting. That's good That's great Good job. And also Academy Award for best actor in a leading role. Is that Killian Murphy? Killian Murphy, I believe. Good man I don't know to me. It just seems kind of boring. Best picture? I know what's gonna happen Yeah, I mean like I I'm sure it's fine. I shouldn't shit talk. I haven't seen it. I'm sure it's an incredible movie. You know, Nolan is a is a great filmmaker. But like I don't want to go to the movies and be like, hey, you know what I want to do for three hours of my time? Watch how shit we are as human beings. Yeah, I can do that for

free on Twitter. Thank you. It's not a difficult thing to do these days. I want to go and watch fucking Vin Diesel drive a car through a helicopter and then grab that helicopter and suplex it through a building. Like that's what I want to watch. I want to watch him fucking drive down the dam as it explodes with gasoline. Exactly and I agree. But you know what even that I couldn't watch nine to fifteen hours of a week no I once let alone every week so I when I was a kid I watched labyrinth every day after school like every day I would come home from school five days a week and why you should talk to a doctor maybe I

think that would be enough to diagnose you with something. Um, I think it was, I was just really figuring out where I was landing on the sexuality scale, cause you got a lot going on there. You got David Bowie, you get, uh, Jennifer Connelly and Jennifer Connelly one, you know, but I think David Bowie presented a- The way you said it there. You've got David Bowie Jennifer Connolly and Jennifer Connolly one. I was like there's multiple Jennifer Connelly's who's Jennifer Connelly one? Yeah, Jennifer Connelly too. Yeah. Oh man. Hey the world would be a better place with more than one Jennifer Connelly in my opinion You know what I can stay I'm gonna I've never seen laboring

I'm not going to confidently say that cuz I don't know what her personal politics are like. She could be a shit person. But she's just very attractive. What if Jennifer Connolly one could combat the racism of Jennifer Connolly? Again, I don't know Jennifer Connolly. I hope she's fine. I'm gonna stop making these jokes. Just yeah, I don't know. I don't know her personal politics. But Jennifer Connolly legal team, I did say the word jokes.

She she did sort of like set me up for my my personal sexual preferences for the rest of my life. And I think that's why I was such a horny kid. Yeah, there's no movie I've really ever watched multiple times or like I was never one of those people that put like a TV show on like I know people who would just like come home and put friends on for eight hours the idea and just cycle through or you know like there are very select things I've ever rewatched. I think every one of my partners has been one of those has been like a rewatcher and

the only send them to the top. No the only only thing I've ever rewatched has been community. And it's usually when I'm I'm very sick. You know what? The thing I've rewatched the most is supernatural. And that's just because I usually rewatch it with a partner after I like say it's really good. And they go, really? And I go, let's we got to throw it on. And then but I've never like done it myself.

You know, yeah, I don't think I've ever rewatched anything. I started lost and then it got taken off of whatever streaming site I was watching and then I was like, well, I'm not gonna put any more into this. Yeah, I Won, I hope this question is a joke Too if you do want to become a good filmmaker Variety is the spice of life. You know what I mean? You could watch one movie a million times and you're going to miss out on so much shit. Same with reading, the same with podcasting, the same with all this stuff.

It's like you're going to learn so much more from a variety of sources than you are by just watching one thing. Because now the only flavor, the only palette, the only color you have is Oppenheimer. Which is, I think, gray. Yeah. Like, not in a bad way, I do think every image in my head of that movie is gray. Well, it's in grayscale, and then I think eventually, once they discover the fusion, I think it goes into color.

Oh, really? I think so. I could be wrong. You got a real Oppenhead over here, huh? Yeah. Hey, I did hear a song this week that said, she make me come atomic, call her sloppenheimer. So, that's all we do. What we're talking about. Fuck, I should have stolen that and then said it in the middle of this,

like I was funny. Yeah. Fuck. Ended it out. Okay. If it's bothering you, then maybe talk to your partner about it, but it seems like it's not you then maybe talk to your partner about it But it seems like it's not affecting your relationship. Mm-hmm, right? But I don't think there's any harm in being like why are you like do you want to watch something else? We can watch something else maybe introduce him to like some other like for God's sakes. Here's what you don't do Don't let him watch Fight Club. Citizen Kane. Don't let him watch fear and loathing in Las Vegas No, so this is Susan Kane is fine. People don't like revolve their whole personality around.

This guy will. What's the other one that fucking every white guy fucking loves? The Joker. I mean, I mean, he already likes Nolan. You gotta keep an eye on Batman. Let him watch Joker too. Tell him that was done by Nolan. Just edit a copy where it just says Christopher Nolan on the

Yeah, maybe you just need to find like find like kangaroo Jack and Edit the fact that this was cruel Christopher Nolan and just like being no all Christopher Nolan's movies the other ones suck They're really bad and just like you know the the fucking The the like religious ones that they've made like 400 of with Hercules God's not dead or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like just start like being like no This was this was Christopher Nolan's early work, but that'll just drive them towards Oppenheimer more Yeah, that might be true or the real the real way to combat. This is turn every night into Barbenhamer Yes, cool. you're throwing on Oppenheimer. Amazing.

You want Barbie before or after. Yeah. And you just have to keep the balance. Yeah. The yen in the end. Yeah. You just hit them with that every day. And hey worst case you've added so

many more movies that he likes that he cannot keep it up because four hours a couple of times a week already very bad. Six to seven hours a couple of times a week. That's life-ruining shit So I think you'll just like and if that doesn't work throw a third movie on there And he just has to stop because he'll collapse

Or he'll be like I want to watch Barbie all the time and then you'd be like but Oppenheimer's okay I mean make him watch tenant. I think that was Christopher Nolan. That's so bad Pretty me movie. You know the first time I ever went to a drive-in theater was to see tenant Nice. Yeah, also the only time I've ever been to a drive-in theater. I've only been a few times soon I couldn't tell you what I've seen. Yeah That's I think gonna do it. I don't think we helped that question at all You know, it's weird. You know, it's bad. Actually the question was is it weird? Yes. Yes. Yes easy so thanks for listening.

Thanks for providing a distraction to my pretty mediocre day, pretty rough start to the day. And this was nice. It's good to have a little normalcy in here. Yeah, we love you. And we love you, Dane. And we're sorry about your bad day. That's all right.

This too shall pass. It shall. But don't worry. Not before I hit you with some bad sex writing. And thank Josh Eagle and the Harvest States for their song Paper Stars. Okay, you know what? Hold on. Before we go, we're on camera because we're recording this remotely. Do we want to do party lights for the last little bit? Yeah, let's do party lights for the last little bit. Why not?

Yeah, okay. Here we go. We have like a new podcast set up and we might as well show it off. So here's our party. So far, our fucking very high tech, beautiful stuff. We love you guys. It's the Christmas holiday season. Sorry, it's the holiday season. It's happening soon. We hope you have a really good time. We hope there's no shitty family stuff.

If there is, you can always come with us. Send us an email. You know what I mean? We, if you want to help us us email you know I mean we if you want to help us out for the holiday thing we got patreon we got reviews we got it's space for new listeners so let a friend know give us a five-star review join us on patreon we're we love even like the slightest smallest message or like on a post or share any every little helps. So thank you for everyone who does and these lights are really distracting. Yeah, it's it's one of those things.

I was like we should have done this first. This is intense for me. Yeah, but yeah, seriously guys. Thank you. I hope you have a lovely holiday season and thank you for all the support this year. Now I hit you with a terrible terrible bad sex writing. This is a Tinder. Look it. Girlfriend applications. Now taking applications for girlfriend. You must be one,

female, two, age 16 to 23, three, Japanese. Exceptions will be made for white girls if small and skinny. Four, willing to do as I ask. Five, have a lower IQ than mine. 113. 6. Zero male friends. 7. Cook three meals for me a day. 8. Be willing to split the bill on a date. 9. Be into kinky stuff. We'll discuss in private message. 10. Send me nudes every day. I do not ask to see you in person. 11. Have sex with me as I ask. 12. Be on birth control. Condoms make me feel trapped. I simply can't find anything that fits. 13. Not have a job.

That got worse as, like, I didn't think it could, but man, he really outdid himself. But he, well, maybe it didn't get worse. Maybe it got better because opening up with 16, my dude? Did I misread that or did I just not pay attention? Oh yeah, no, oh yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes I'm too busy reading it just to get through it that I don't take it in yeah I feel really weird about talking about this with the party lights on but this is what they want look the party stuff you've done look what you've done made this you made the party stop and now the show has to stop because you're a dirtbag. You are also how she gonna split the bill if she doesn't have a job Also, she's 60 maybe her allowance I guess damn Yeah, my name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain and we hope you have an excellent and safe and happy holiday Huh.