F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 327 - Affection Erection

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

If any other famous dude would just like to come out and let us know that they suck, it would save us all a lot of time.  Topics include love boners, oral entertainment, secret boudoir shoot, Hinge date weariness.

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. We are Sex and Dating Advice Podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online, roaming the barren wastes of the internet, or from our wonderful listeners who send them in to us and we answer them right here, right now, every Monday, for years, go us. We did it. We did it.

That's it. That's all we've done. We were calling it here No, we're never gonna stop not for you can't we're Contractually obligated to do this for the rest of our lives. We made a genie deal We're not gonna tell you what we got not much, but But you know we did we did make a deal and the the hell that we have to do is a podcast forever We gotta stop complaining. I know they can't see your face. They can't see your smirk my no no you're joking my impish We love we wouldn't do this if it wasn't for you guys But you can make it easier by supporting us on patreon if you'd like to or by sharing us liking us

You know rating us high etc. I will say There's some sex news. It's not great news. It is Neil Gaiman and his various allegations. Yeah I'm not gonna go into it because a lot of it is like just you haven't read it, right? No, I mean I read the like the fur the ones that came out a while ago about the bathtub Well, I know the bathtub stuff. Yeah, but I don't know what else has been added I'm very lucky because as someone who doesn't read as a as a culture gentleman who doesn't read Mm-hmm. I don't really have a connection to Neil Gaiman. So like he is just kind of like just another

Fucking shitty dude now to me. Yeah, I think like, I don't know, he was always a very like outspoken feminist. I don't know why I'm doing the, well, I'm doing the quotes because he obviously isn't one, but he was at least masquerading as one. So I think like part of what is harmful on top of obviously the incredibly hard, like I can't describe to you how shitty

the things he did were and I won't on this podcast, which is weird because we talk about some fucked up shit, but like he was doing stuff in front of his kid and all this. It was super gross. But like I just when someone's such an outspoken like ally and then they turn around to be like the worst person it's just even worse, you know what I mean? And I find that like, it really sucks. Like this is going to,

because this is specifically what we do, you know what I mean? Like we are people who are men, specifically who are championing, you know, feminism and the destruction of rape culture and, you know, dismantling toxic masculinity. So, you know, this is a dangerous thing to say out loud as what we do, but like, I find that usually,

it's kind of like a, you know, me thinks you doth protest too much situation, right? Where like, I think a lot of men hide behind the idea of, oh, I'm a good guy. I'm one of the good guys. I'm a safe one, don't worry. I'm championing these causes. And I don't know if it's a way to trick themselves

or if it's just a means to trick their potential victims and targets. Like I don't really know, I would really like to deep dive on the psychology of that because the correlation between people who are like- Hey, it probably is both, you know. I would really like to deep dive on the psychology of that because it, the correlation between people who are like both, you know, I'm a good guy. I'm, I'm, I care about these things. I want to make things better, but then like actively or participating in the

things that disgust them. But it's just, it's so fucked that it's like now it's, it's almost like, Oh, you hear someone being like, I like positive stuff and you're like, hmm, sus. Yeah, I he it turned like his defense right now is that, oh, we're just I'm just kinky. You know, and I fucking hate that firm. We've talked about this so many times where it's like the main kind of cruxes that he's hanging his defense on are that like, Oh, it was consenting.

It's just kinky. And I'm sorry that like, you know, I'm a little bit of a freak and they change their mind kind of, you know, yeah. And on top of that, like, uh, like it seems to be that and also the, like he's hiding behind kink and he's hiding behind consent in that, like, Oh, they consented. Like here's this one tax where she said she had a good time or something. And that's like, just because she consented once doesn't mean she consented always. You know what I mean? We talk about how consent can be withdrawn at any time. You know what I mean?

To like a lot of people when they're like pressured by someone who he self claims, he is a very powerful and wealthy man and will punish people who don't do his bidding. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't know if consent under coercion counts and by that, I mean, it doesn't. Three, just that we've talked about kink and it's like, if you're kinky, but you're not engaging in it safely,

such as by establishing boundaries, having a safe word and respecting your partner's wishes and safety and boundaries and comfort, you're not kinky. You're a criminal. Yeah. I mean, like the, the idea of, of using kink as a excuse and as a weapon is, is so tired, but we see it all the time. Like, yeah, it's, it's one of the most common things that we see in questions, especially regarding specifically kink of people, you know, how many questions have we had where it's like, oh, my partner wants to do this. I don't really want to do it.

And then like all of a sudden it's like, oh, you're kink shaming me. It's like, that's not how it works. And again, it's now said, it's like, kink comes with a very specific set of rules of communication. Like there was a very distinct baseline that you need to have when you enter into any sort of like kink play. And it's not optional. Yeah, yeah, no, it's not like, and it's not even a, like it shouldn't be assumed, right?

Because what is kinky for you might be vanilla to me, might be unthinkable for someone else, right? So like the spectrum of like, there are some people I'm sure who like, think that spanking is sort of like the high end of what they would ever consider doing in bed. Right. Then there's other people who like want to get spanked on a daily basis in every situation. Right. Like the spectrum of what people are willing to tolerate and are willing to, you know, explore is all over the fucking place.

And so just like per issue, people's like levels and directs. It's not like an A to B thing. It's like a fucking skill tree. You know, you might like spanking, but you like want it to like, you know, be done with a paddle or or really intensely, or you might want it lightly, or you might want it only in a certain situation. There's so many different variations on everything, and we've talked about this, but this is just to really hammer home. You aren't kinky if you're not safe. You're just an idiot to criminal. That's where you're at.

You need to establish safety, safe practices, because that's not a part of kink that is kink. Yeah, you know This isn't there's an assumption of kink where it's like, oh, I'm one of those guys who doesn't do consent Oh, I'm one of those guys who doesn't have a safe word. It kind of removes It's like that you're not you're not part of the community. You're not in this club at all. You're just a piece of shit of the community. You're not in this club at all. You're just a piece of shit. So I just wanted to get that, like touch on that briefly

because it's a thing that we've been talking about and this just goes to show how serious that is. And it's important to recognize also like power dynamic within King, right? When you are a famous, very rich, very powerful person with a lot of influence in a lot of industries, the onus is even greater on you because you then have to be concerned. If I was one of those people, I would be not even just out of self-preservation, or not

just being a good partner, but out of self-preservation of being like, hey, I realize that this could break bad at any point in time for me, even if I'm doing it by the book, right? Like at any point in time, anyone could be like, Oh yeah, he choked me very hard. And it's like, or even just like, I would be worried that someone would give consent, but like out of fear of my, my influence that I would be more worried about that. You know what I mean? That's what I mean. It's like, you have to go that extra step to really like yeah make sure verbalize and be like hey Again, it's only if you're not a giant scumbag. Yeah, so yeah Anyway, that just be safe be be good kinky partners. You can't be kinky without safety

That is just I think it's also a good time to sort of like touch on the idea that, and it sucks because I like a lot of people in terms of like, I, there are people who I see their careers and I see their art that they're making and I, I want to believe that they are good people, but I think it's important now more than ever to realize that like, we shouldn't hold artists at an esteem of sort of infallibility, right? Like we shouldn't think that-

Shouldn't idolize celebrities in general, honestly. Yeah. I think there is a level of, and it's tough, especially nowadays, of the parasocial ability to sort of dive into a celebrity's world, you know, follow them on Instagram and you know what their kids had for fucking breakfast, you know, you know what their vacation is, all that kind of shit, right? So it's even easier

nowadays to sort of like ingrain yourself into a celebrity or influential person's life and then feel like you have more of a connection than you do. And I think it's important to realize now more than ever is just kind of like, you can hope that someone is cool, you know, like there are people on my list where if I ever found out they're assholes, I would be pretty bummed out. But yeah, I don't think I think you should just assume that there is a level of debauchery in every celebrity to to just like temporary or expectations and not think of them as Pure as good as whatever and that sucks to say well, I think it's the same as anyone you shouldn't just Automatically assume you'll shouldn't idolize people like they should be what they are, you know what I mean?

Because I do think that that lends power to people's ability to abuse, right? Yeah, if you start thinking, oh, well, he wrote this book and he did this and he says that and he acts this way and then you know, it almost Empowers people to be abusers because they can they can be like well, I'm a good guy I'm a nice guy and that opens so many more doors to Opportunity to be shitty. Mm-hmm All right. What are you talking about this week? I'm gonna start us off with our love boners a real thing Watching videos while performing oral.

Wife did secret boudoir shot a while back, but I haven't seen the pictures. Should I address? Ooh, trying to know how to feel about a hinge date. Are love boners a real thing? This is by G.N. Hogobow. I get hard the second I see the love of my life, even fully clothed, and get harder the second she gives me any indication of her feelings towards me. Is this normal?

Does it say the age? I didn't get the age. It does not say the age I think there is a possibility at an age Like when I was younger when I was like in my teens and early 20s Pretty much anything would and could get me hard. Like I remember getting hard like holding hands and just being like, you know, so would I classify it as a love boner? I don't know.

Is it just the fact that your hormones are fucking coursing through your veins, like fucking Bane's venom and making you just jacked to shit? Like, I don't know. Like I wouldn't say, again, I don't I wouldn't say again, I don't I don't want to say that there's a love boner reaction, but I think there is a visceral response to someone being nice to you and you being attracted to them and like those chemicals all mixing together in your brain to be like, hey, I'll fuck this person. And that's like a love boner almost

presupposes that like physical attraction is its own thing without emotional attraction like they're completely different and it's like yeah No, if you got actual love boners, what happened when you see your parents? You know to be your family your friends your bros, you know, maybe that's what you're talking I'm do you get boners then if that's what you're talking about? Maybe maybe you do get the old affection erection But I'm assuming it's someone you are also attracted to in which case it's not just one thing and they are not separate They are together. Yeah, so it's just increasing your arousal and attraction to them which are linked So I don't think it's just love. I think it's everything and it's weird to like separate the two. It's not just like, oh, this person physically

hot or not. That's my only, you know, realm of like arousal. Yeah. Yeah. I think like if, if this is getting you into trouble, then I think you should evaluate it. But if you're just getting erect while you're with someone who you are romantically and, and you know, sexually involved with, I don't think there's a problem, right? I think as Nell said, I think if you were like at school and someone gives you a firm handshake and you're getting aroused or you know, someone says something like, Hey, nice coat. You're like, Oh, God damn it.

No. I think then yeah, maybe you need to sort of like figure out what is, is doing that because I think it'll just lead to problems down the road. But again, there really isn't much you can do about your erections. They kind of have a life of their own and, and like, if we, if we can control them, we wouldn't need to make a million shows about how boners are awkward and make Viagra to control them later in life, et cetera, et cetera. Like they're an unknowable, untamable beast.

Um, I do worry kind of unrelated to the question that this person isn't their partner because there's no indication that they are. This is true. And that's what I mean. I think that like, I think there is a worry and a concern that if this is just Someone being nice to you that you have a crush on and you are rocking full chub Every time they they interact with you and also if you're in love with them But you you know

I mean because because you need a little bit more to be in love with someone than just knowing them from afar Yeah, so I think, I think there's a lot of like aspects to this question that really depend on the the details and the sort of the nuance of things. Again, if your partner or person you're dating or crush in intimate moments when you guys are being nice and, and you know, alone, if you're getting an erection, great, cool. I don't think there's anything to worry about if You are literally getting erections because anytime anyone you kind of like or think is attractive is being nice to you

I think there may be something where you might want to talk to a therapist about it or Maybe evaluate sort of like what you're doing and how you're viewing relationships Yeah, I would also maybe like how often do you jerk off? Because if you're a young man and you have no sexual release, you might just wanna like clear your mind a little bit. Yeah, so keep listening. We've got something for you to jerk off

at the end of the episode. It'll really help. Oh, okay. It's a new segment. It's just the listeners wank together. Yeah. To what I say. We've put together our ASMR gear.

Niles got one of those weird ear attachments for his microphone. I'm fighting really hard to not start scraping and licking and doing weird shit to the mic, but I know it would just make you mad. So I- It would make me very mad. This is primary flamingo.

I just found out my girlfriend watches porn while I go down on her. I've been daring or dating my partner. There's a daring for a second. I've been dating my partner for one year now. And last night I was about to perform oral sex on her. I saw her grab her phone. She's always been adamant about putting a blanket over me

while I do the deed. And I'm realizing this is likely something she's been doing for a long time. I playfully called her out on it. Because I was about to be like, how do you not know that she was doing the blanket? Of course. He's been put in blanket jail. He's been blanking out.

That wasn't words. I playfully called her out on it. She admitted it, admitted to it in the moment. I said it was fine and that I was happy she was doing what she needed in order to finish. That being said, it's been weighing on me a bit ever since. I feel like I had if I had to go and watch porn in order to finish while she said it's been weighing on me a bit ever since I feel like I Had if I had to go to watch porn in order to finish while she was giving me a blowjob It'd be problematic for her this is a normal thing my overreacting for thinking she's finding me less attractive

How should I approach this with her? It's weighing on him like it was a weighted blanket that got put on top of yeah Man like the idea of going down on someone with a blanket over me. And now it's sucks. Honestly, I hate when you're with someone. They're like, it's cold. Keep the blankets on. Like it can't be cold enough for the physical exertion that I'm about to do. Yeah. So like maybe we can last a couple of seconds, but that blanket's getting tossed.

I like it is not lasting. Put on some socks. Keep those feetsies warm because I'm about to be panting Yeah, but the amount of like breath you need to do a good job in the downstairs region And now it's like fucking smothered and all I'm getting is like hot blanket fuzz Also, I would be like this is a thing We probably need to talk about if you need to hide me from view or like yeah thing we probably need to talk about if you need to hide me from view or like, yeah, hide the fact that it's happening because it feels like something else is

at play here, which it is in this case, cause the thing I play is I want to watch some porn. Yeah. Uh, which again, I think is the thing you need to get your partner to consent to. And I don't think this is a great way to go about it. Hoodwinking them, hiding things from them. It's, it's just shit. So, I mean, I feel that way about like literally, this could be a question about anything, but if I was like, oh, I just found out

that my partner throws a blanket over me or throws a bag over my head because she wants to pick her nose or has to pick a wedgie. I think it's- Or even just like, they can't watch me go down on them or like, I couldn't imagine being like, oh yeah, I gotta get like a cardboard, like a sheet of cardboard and

hold it over their head. I cannot see them giving me head. Get one of those like, uh, I guess they're all clear in your mind. I was going to say like all the cabs that got the like plexiglass divider during COVID just get one of those. Just get the thing from limousines or and it like separates you from the driver. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's,ousines or and it separates you from the driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's weird and it's disrespectful unless you're into it, I guess. But it's like to me, I would need to know why, because it would seem to me

like it was some kind of sexual hang up or trauma or something, which like I would need to either know about to maneuver around or like, you know what I mean? Like it would feel like something's going on here. And again, in this case, it is. Yeah, it is. Yeah. And again, I if someone was just like, oh, I want you to go down on me and I'm just going to smother you now. Like that to me would be an automatic.

I'm not doing this. I don't even like it when like a lady goes under the covers because I'm just like, this can't be enjoyable for you. Like it must be so hot and so hard to breathe under there. Yeah, also I want to see you This is exactly that's the thing It's like seeing is half the battle and that's I was gonna give the speaker shit for not ever making eye contact during this There's like you're missing out. You're missing out on some good shit as are they but how can you make eye contact through a blanket? Yeah, so my thoughts I think it is weird to do these things without talking to your partner good shit as are they, but how can you make eye contact through a blanket? Yeah.

So my thoughts, I think it is weird to do these things without talking to your partner. You're kind of bringing them in on a kink without consent. I think it is weird that you were just like, okay, blanket time is fine. But you seem to be trying to judge this situation based on what other people think. And I think you need to judge it based on how you feel. Because if you are cool with it, who cares? Yeah. You know what I mean?

If you aren't cool with it, it doesn't matter what I say. You know what I mean? So I think step one is figure out where you're at. I do think it's weird that it is like there was a subtle misdirection ploy to like, you know what I mean? That's not cool. But I think a frank conversation is needed about one, like consent and being an informed part

of this relationship, because you can't just hoodwink people like this. Two, if you're starting to feel insecure, talk to them and be like, hey, this is how this makes me feel a little bit, like hopefully they will reassure you. And three, determine where you're at with regards to this practice. If you're cool, keep doing it.

If not, are they cool to stop doing it? I think as a very good rule of thumb, I think if there is, if you have to make the conscious decision to hide something from your partner, then you probably shouldn't be doing it without a conversation. And again, this doesn't have to be just sex. I'm talking about like anything.

If you have to like run into the bathroom because you want to message one of your like friends because you're worried about what they would think if they saw you message one of these friends. I think like that's a problem. If you have to like run and hide to do with either you're doing something wrong or they're doing something wrong. Yes.

Yeah, there's you wrongly assume one of those two things, in which case a conversation would still help. Yes. Yeah, there needs to be an understanding of like I'm going I'm doing this thing and it's not wrong. And you might have some issues with it and we're going to talk about it and clear it up. But if you're if you're like, oh, I don't think they're going to like this. So my solution to this is to throw a blanket over their head or run into another room or only do it when they're not around.

Like if that's your your vibe, then you're being a bad partner because of this, because you're doing something that you think your partner wouldn't like. You're so sure that your partner wouldn't like it, that you're not doing it in front of them or you're hiding it from them. And if that's the case, it's like you have made the decision, like you have made the recognition of being like, my partner won't like this. So instead of not doing it or having a conversation to make them comfortable with it, I'm just going to hide it.

Which is the same as like lying to your partner. For sure. And if that's like you, you need to make those decisions and be like, it's weird to me that someone would want to live that way. Yes. It's strange to me of being like, you know, again, I frequently hang out with my ex at a bar that I go to regularly Whoa, and I know I know if you listen very carefully you can hear millions of brains exploding at the concept But I never like I never if if my partner doesn't come with me to the bar and they ask who was there that night

Or whatever I wouldn't leave her name out of it No out of it because like that immediately makes things seem. Oh, yeah. Then again, either you're doing something wrong or your partner would be like hung up and jealous. Yeah. Again, in either scenario, the answer isn't hide it. It's oh, I need to either stop being a scumbag or we need to talk about like boundaries and jealousy. And if either one of those two things can't work, maybe it's new partner time. It's not, hold on, babe, I'm just going to throw a blanket over your phone.

So you can't see the fucking, you know, Instagram stories of us chilling. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think you could like extrapolate this to anything. This is a, I think pretty extreme scenario of someone watching porn, I think, during sex without talking to you is weird. I think it's disrespectful. I think it's manipulative.

And I'm not against it. We are very pro-porn here. I think it's great to watch porn. And I think doing it on your own, you can watch whatever the fuck you want. And I'm cool with it. Well, you know, doing it on your own you can watch whatever the fuck you want and I'm cool well you know doing sexual legal porn yeah doing it like with a partner also totally fine you want spice things up during sex also whatever if that's what you're into and if you both consent and agree and yeah this is not that case so I think you do need to have a conversation with your

partner and just be like hi I feel I feel a little bit disrespected. Even if you are cool with her doing it, like even if going forward, you're like, I don't care if you do it, but I think you can still be upset that it happened without your knowledge, your conversation, your, you know, like being like- Even if you're not upset, I think you still need this conversation because- 100%. Just because you're not upset this time doesn't mean the next time they do something like it. It's a really bad behavior just to be like, oopsies, I'll make this decision.

I won't. I'll hide it from them. Like that's not good. So even if you're fully cool with how it went down and how it's playing out and it going forward, I still think you should probably set healthy boundaries to protect both of you because again, this isn't how we do things. Right? Yeah. You need to be like, I don't want you making decisions and keeping them from me because you think I might be upset That's a bad base for a relationship. That's a bad

That's like all you're going to do is sort of like teach me to be suspicious of you to be jealous to not trust you Yeah to not trust you so it's like if those are the things you were trying to accomplish then great You're doing a good job. I don't want to do this I don't want I can all I can see is this man like spiraling and listening to this episode being like So the time when Tim came over and they went into the bedroom and they put that sound dampening blanket over my head and the time where there was money on the table But then they threw a blanket over my head and then there was no money and she saw me the wind blew away. This guy's like one of those tick tock dogs where they like put the blanket up and then

like run away. Yeah. Yeah. So have a conversation. I don't even think like obviously have the conversation about the porn if you want to, but I think just like having a baseline conversation being like, if you feel like you need to hide something from me, perhaps we should have a conversation about why that is. Or you just make the decision to not do it because you, you know, that I'm not

probably not going to like it. Yeah. And then just have that, you know, I think you come at it from a very, uh, again, not an aggressive way. Don't attack her because you're never going to get, uh, the results that you want, you're just going to get the results that you want. You're just going to get a defensive knee jerk reaction. But if you come in very logically and very calmly and be like, hey, I think you should,

I don't think it's a crazy idea that this bothers me. Because I think, and then always pose, I think it's really helpful to give hypotheticals because I think it's like, if every time you gave me a blow job, I covered you with a blanket and watched other people having sex. And that was the only way I could finish. Would that not bother you? Um, and it's fine. She might be like, no, it's fine. I don't, I don't care. And it's like, okay, well, cool. I understand now why you think that would translate to everyone else, but it doesn't, it does bother me. Do you understand where I'm coming from?

And then I would also be like, if it's so not a big deal Why did you never bring it up? Why was it like this hidden thing? So clearly there is an element of you knowing it's not okay. Yeah, you know So you gotta have a talk though again like figure out where you're at But there are so many issues at play and it's I think the core one is this like need to hide things from you and like bamboozle you and that's not cool. I think the core thing is being like I don't want to have a blanket over my head when I'm going down on you. Yeah best case you don't have that anymore you know I mean I don't care I don't care about the porn I don't care about the lying I don't care about the

manipulation and the disrespect. I just want to get out of a blanket jail. I just want to be able to breathe. Yeah. In my head it's the worst blanket. It's like an old blanket. She's always had to and it's all scratchy I'm thinking yeah, I'm thinking like heavy wool right like yeah It's got to be something that you can't see through It's gotta be something you know like something heavy enough that it can just lay on top of you. Oh, yeah god Did you never question that? Were you never like hey, well, I think you want to see the beautiful top of my head? I just don't understand how he couldn't be like, hey, I would like to breathe.

Like I would maybe do it for funsies, like sneaking under the bed and like, you know. Yeah, but two minutes later that's coming off. Oh, I don't even know if I make it two minutes. It would be like, I'd be like, hi, I'm here. Now free me. Rub the genie bottle and let me out. Yeah. All right. This is by PalpitationCareful37. Wife, 40. Dude, secret boudoir photo session a while back, but I haven't seen the pics.

Male, 42. Should I address? I have a conundrum. Wife and I have a good relationship, two kids, so of intimacy has been downhill the past few years. But a few months back, my son was on his iPad hanging out while I watched TV. Dad? Is this mommy? Her iCloud is linked to his iPad. What was on the screen was a photo she'd taken of her computer screen which showed proofs of a professional boudoir photo shoot. That was

three months ago. We had a significant anniversary coming up so I thought she took them for that. Anniversary passed and nothing. Father's Day was yesterday and nothing. My birthday is not till the end of the year. Also of note, we got a UPS delivery three weeks ago on our home and received the package. That morning my wife told me she was getting a package and not to open it. We share an Amazon account,

so often open each other's Amazon packages as nearly it's always for the kids or random products around the house. I'm 99% sure she isn't cheating on me. She has a set schedule, picks kids up after school, so physical cheating, I don't even know when it would happen. I do not look at her phone or similar, so can't confirm if she's been texting some

dude. I have not really cared about the photos, but now I'm more curious than anything. Knowing what I know, would you address your significant other? Again, I didn't go snooping. My son pulled up the pic on the iPad, so I have a legit defense against it. Is there a point where you'd address? My birthday is not for months. Why would she get them taken so far in advance if for that? Maybe they're just for herself.

Would love any advice. Yeah. I mean, okay. I don't think there's any harm bringing this up. I think you will go crazy just wondering why. That being said, maybe it is for you. Maybe it is a gift for you for whatever reason. Maybe she got them and then was self conscious and was like, no, I'm actually not going to do this. But maybe your wife, who's had two kids and is busy all the time, wanted to go somewhere, dress up all sexy, feel fucking hot and like reclaim a little bit of like sexuality, a little bit of like spice.

And like a lot of people do boudoir shoots for themselves. It's a sense of it, like boudoir is a sense of empowerment. It's kind of like a personal kind of like burlesque thing. Right? Like it is a means of sort of performance and confidence and feeling sexy in your own skin and like owning sort of your body, regardless of like whether you are in super model shape or whatever, it is going in and being working with a and like owning sort of your body, regardless of like whether you are in supermodel shape

or whatever, it is going in and being, working with a usually very talented photographer to make you feel comfortable and sexy. And then you get these photos and you're like, fuck, that's me, hell yeah. So that might've been what she did. And I don't blame her for doing it because I imagine raising and having two kids

is very difficult and you get very few opportunities to feel that way. Yeah, I very much do think like I think it's generally either a gift or as you said, like to yourself or you do it to feel sexy or reaffirm your like, you know, sexual sexuality or whatever. But it is kind of strange to not mention it. I do think it's highly possible she did it as a surprise, got the pictures and then was insecure or unconfident and just kind of like bailed on it. I see absolutely- That's what the proofs could be,

like her taking a picture to like whatever friends or a sister or something, being like, hey, like, do these suck? Like, do these, what are these, like, should I do this? Is it crazy? Like, I kind of hate them. Like, it might've been a validation thing. it also could have been like a cool idea, and then she was like this sucks You know the mean like yeah, it seems kind of arrogant to be like here's pictures of me for your birthday Especially if she's feeling down on them So there are a lot of times that suck good

Maybe the photos didn't turn out the way that she wanted right like that is in some really bad. Like wedding edits where they just put like, you know, petals, like fucking CGI over everything. Yeah. Maybe she went to the wrong, like the Shrek guy who does Shrek boudoir shoots. Yeah. But like the problem is like, a lot of photographers think that they can do boudoir. A lot of photographers are like, Oh, I get to take pictures of like sexy girls. Like it pretty much every like male photographer who has an Instagram account. It's just like hot models in lingerie. No shame to it. But a lot of the times it's mid as fuck. Like the photos, like the women look great, but the photos are mediocre because they think that like that's all they need to do to get views, which usually is correct. But yeah. So like maybe she just ended up going with a photographer and was just like,

yeah, these kind of suck. Like they're overexposed and you know, they, I know so many Shreks in there's so much Shrek in these, just too many shirts. That's donkey looking through the window. Why is that there? I don't want that. And that's like all the fucking titles are don't get one. Don't get to Did we lose the donkey recording Shores that later. I can't remember if it was part one. This is no one cares about this But I think that would have been part two. So I think we do have a say we'll see yeah

Where we got people to to yell donkey at us. That's pretty good. Um, so why would you not talk about this? I feel like you did the kind thing in like, could be a present. I'm not going to ruin it. Yeah. But you're also, you're past that point. And if you wait until Christmas or whenever the fuck your birthday is, you're gonna go crazy. And I think your bitterness and resentment and everything will, we'll get weird. And then it's like, by the time you bring it up,

it's going to be like a hammer blow instead of a prod, you know? Yeah. And I think you have, you have the in, right? You have the like, Hey, so, you know, Stevie was going through the iPad, came across this picture. And I saw them. I think it's a good thing to know that Stevie doesn't come across anything else. I think this is a teachable moment. Stevie doesn't wanna see that.

Yeah, maybe unlink your photo reel from the cloud or whatever. And just be like, I was trying to be chill because I thought it might have been a present, but now I am, one, dying to know what you did it for. And two, I kinda wanna see those pictures, right? Because I think showing interest in it and showing sort of like,

because if it is an insecurity thing, I think it is kind of like hot to be like, hey, so I did see some of them, I saw the proofs, and I would like to see more of them because you look great. What if they sucked? I would imagine if they were really bad, I think they would, that's a detail,

you know what I mean? Like if he was like, oh yeah, I saw them and they're really trashy and really shitty. Yeah. But I think it's a very good, like ask them, talk to them and then be chill, you know what I mean? Don't get weird, like if they did do it for themselves, that's fine, that's a very normal and hot and cool thing.

I think that's the thing. And it would be such a shame for you to trample on that. Yeah. That would be- If she's like, I just want it for myself, be like, baby, I love it. I think that's fucking sexy as hell. Even if you are a little like whatever, this is a moment to empower your wife. Yeah. She works very hard. You've said it in the question. She does, she has literally no time

to cheat on you. Let her carve out a little bit of- That's kind she does, she has literally no time to cheat on you. Let her carve out a little bit of time. That's kinda sad. Let her carve out some time to cheat on you. A little bit of time to feel fucking sexy. Now the thing is. And I think you should worship that. The thing is, she does have time to cheat on him.

Okay. She had time to do a boudoir shoot, didn't she? You didn't know about that, did you, sir? Yeah, maybe there is a whole section of time just cheating you don't know about it Just seems a little sus that you think she's enough anytime. I turn our shoots are fast come at her hard and fast What is this? Why is this? Which you remember more Batman things So I think it is a it is a time to big up your wife

This is a time to be a supportive partner, especially if she is so insecure that she decided to like kibosh the whole affair. And look, if she shows you the pictures and they do suck shit, they don't. Yes. There's no, we very much advocate for open, honest truth, but doing something so vulnerable,

there is no benefit you get to be like, yeah babe, I see why you kept these to yourself. They fucking suck. I think you look at her and you say, these are incredible, you're so fucking hot, I'm glad you did this. Or, or, cause sometimes things are just bad and you're digging a hole by ignoring that and just being no babe

Like no one wants to be pandered to if it's bad Just be like look I get it these suck like what the fuck was wrong with that photographer This does not reflect you at all. I think you are incredibly hot This is clearly a mistake too many Shrek's and maybe stuck to one like one kind of like Charming Shrek it was one hot as fuck but eight eight just too many Shrek one kind of like charming Shrek, it would have been hot as fuck. But eight, eight's just too many tracks. You can smell a tracks. And if you could bring it up again and do something nice and be like, hey, if this is something you want to do,

let me know, we'll look at photographers together. We'll find a photographer in our area or whatever that you really like. And let me get it for you. Let me like let me even if like, you know, if money's tight, be like, it'll be your, your Christmas gift. It'll be your birthday gift. It'll be something, but like, if this is something you want to do and you want to get photos that you're really proud of, let's find a photographer together.

And if you want to keep them to yourself, that's fine. I just want to be a part of the process to make you feel good. Like whatever you were trying to accomplish here, I want to be a part of the process and if you don't ever want to show me the pictures, that's fine I would love to see them But if you want to keep them to yourself, that's fine And then you disconnect her iPad and then yeah, you definitely need to figure out how to make sure that they do not go to the children

But yeah, I think I think you're good it's weird that little Stevie cries every time Shrek comes on now. I Mean, I also cry every time Shrek is on so I get it. Yeah, but those are tears of joy. Yeah This is from altruistic coast. I am trying to figure out how I feel about this I a 23 year old female matched with a guy 24 year old male on hinge We made a plan for a date night right off the bat and had a great time. Two days later he invited me over to watch Switched at Birth, a TV show we bonded over, at his place. I wasn't getting hookup vibes from the message so I went in with an open mind. I get there and it's very PG after the first episode we were holding hands and soon we started to make out. We both got naked but we did more than just make out but it wasn't vaginal sex.

We were laying down next to each other and he goes hey I know we should have had this conversation before but I'm not into this for sex. I don't even have a condom I told him I agree I'm not just in this for sex But yeah, all this sort of should have happened before we are we should have had a combo before all this happened I end up spending the night we wake up at the morning and he offered to take a shower with me Which is giving me mixed signals because he said he didn't want sex. Is this weird? Didn't he say he didn't want just sex? He said he wasn't in it for sex. So perhaps he was saying like this this current hangout

I'm not looking for sex. I don't have condoms. So like I assume like I wasn't in it for sex was like oh I'm interested in you in a broader scope than just sex, right? That's what she said. But like they also did other things, which obviously he wasn't adverse to. And then a shower, you could also do other things that aren't sex. That's it. So like, what's the mixed signal here?

Like showering does include nakedness, which you've already done. Yeah. And maybe some physical stuff, which you've already done. And definitely doesn't necessitate sex. In fact, we both hate shower sex, so. And also he's like, I don't have a condom. So obviously he wants to wear a condom during sex. Yeah.

It's not like just a condom magically appeared. Also, he shouldn't be wearing a condom during shower sex because the water is bad for it. And also, like, I don't have a condom isn't I don't want to fuck you. That's we can't fuck right now. Yeah. And like to me, he nothing but green flags from this guy being like, oh, hey, this might've gotten out of hand before we had a conversation about our

expectations. I don't want to have sex tonight. I don't have a condom. So like, this is kind of like where it's going to land. I think is a great thing to say to someone, especially someone you've just met so that they don't, you know, they're in your place for the first time. He's made his, his stance very clear. He's clearly said that like, you know, protective sex is important to him and he doesn't want to have sex with

that one, which is, I think in my opinion, a green flag. Um, he doesn't seem pushy and he was like, Hey, the next morning you, do you want to have a shower with me? I don't understand why then, at that point in time, like you said, translates directly into come fuck me. I'm only here to fuck you. It's like- It feels very much in keeping with everything that he's said and done so far. So I'm confused why you're confused.

Yeah. It seems very strange that you're okay with making out, getting naked, I assume like going down or fingering or- Proving to do hand stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? Putting a blanket over him. Yeah, so you have, you've done all this stuff, like there's no difference between being naked

with him in a bed and being naked with him in a shower. Arguably, far more sexy opportunities in a bed. Yeah, because in a bed, you have the choice of clothing. In a shower, it's actually you're meant to be naked there. Yeah. So I'm just confused. So I'm wondering, did she completely miss the point in what he said and took that as like a rejection?

Which is strange, because she was also like, I'm on the same page with you. So if you've had that conversation, if you have both talked and were like, hey, I don't wanna have sex right now. And you're like, cool, I don't wanna have sex right now either. And then he's like,

hey, do you wanna do the same thing we did last night, but in the shower? And you're like, what? I don't understand, where's the disconnect? Like, I don't, you're just doing what you already did standing up and he's seems pretty good at communicating what he's looking for. Maybe he just needed a shower and he was like, it's weirder to be like, I'll be back.

Yeah, I mean like, I met him a couple days ago. I wouldn't leave a stranger in my apartment unsupervised. It was probably like, hey, don't rob my shit. You're getting in here with me. Yeah, I'm working. Keep my fucking eyes on you. Yeah. Hold on. Why do you keep putting blankets over me and disappearing? I need you in this shower where I can see you. Yeah. Like and again, it would be, I think, weirder to be like,

I'll be back. And like, does he just get naked in front of you? Because there's something weirder about just you're clothed and I'm stripping off than like us both getting naked together, you know, or does he go into the bathroom in the bathroom? But then that's also weird is what I'm saying. These are all weirder options than just being like, oh, let's get in the shower.

Yeah, again, I think it was a harmless thing. I think he was like, hey, we had a really nice, sexy time last night. You stayed over. I apparently like you. I'm about to have a shower do you want to continue to have a nice sexy morning with me like I don't understand where the escalation comes from and I think what this comes down to

is you like the dude and he treated you well and that's freaking you the fuck out I think you're definitely for thinking everything yeah I think you're definitely for thinking everything. Yeah, I think you're looking for a reason why this guy is bad and he hasn't given you one and now you're hoping someone might illuminate a shitty behavior. But I mean, like, as far as dates go and what we've seen on this show, this is pretty good one. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, I don't know what else I like other than having the conversation beforehand Which again, I don't even really think you should do because I always think it's really weird when like you invite someone over You're like just so you know, I don't want to have sex with you I think that's a weird thing to say because yeah, you're assuming that they're coming over to fuck you And so like I think when you reach the point of like, oh, do we take this a step further? I think there's no harm in being like, hey, like, I'm not interested in doing that.

Yeah, which is kind of what you guys did. Like, again, there's there's only so much you could talk about before the fact without weight, like putting the cart way too far before the horse. There's a lot of nuance and like consent in the moment and communication that I think makes way more sense to do. Yeah. So this all seems like it went normally

and I think you just need to calm down and stop overthinking everything. Cause you could have like both gone in with this understanding or, you know, plan to not have sex and you just fucking like, there have been plenty of times where like, you know, I didn't know where I was going on a date or whatever and then they say, no, it's like, oh, this of times where like, you know, I didn't know where I was going on a date or whatever. And then they say, no, it's like, oh, this has just gotten really hot and heavy,

real fucking fast. And then like, that's fine. I think making the decision. I understand the danger of doing that as a woman of men, not, you know, listening to consent and not, you know, all trying to guilt you in and coerce consent. Like I understand that person is gonna do that anyway, you know I mean, it's not like having a discussion prior is is a bomb against that because shitty manner Oh, yeah, for sure. You know, I mean like so, you know, even then I don't think that's that's ideal So yep, you just need to just take a breath take a breath and what they're saying

And if you're unclear feel free to communicate because I think Danes about to say he's a communicative guy so it seems like the perfect person to be like I'm a little confused at which point he'll probably be like, shower doesn't mean sex, what are you talking about? Yeah, yeah I think that's it right like I this guy is from what you've told us and I imagine there's probably more talking that has happened of him being like very clear and very direct and very honest about his intentions and his goals and his what he's looking for and his boundaries. So I think if you need clarification on what is happening, it sounds like this

guy is far more likely to be receptive to that than most other dudes that we come across in like first date scenarios. So trust the people you're with. You spent time with them. You seem to have a good time. So continue to nurture that and see where it goes. Stop trying to like panic. What's the point in having someone who's good at communication if you're not gonna use that? You know what I mean? If you're confused, even if it doesn't make sense,

communicate, you know? And again, we talk about litmus tests a lot of being like, if you then ask this question and he loses his mind or can't explain himself or gets mad at you, then it's like, great, hey, thank you very much. I'm gonna pass on the shower. I'm gonna head out. We think of it yet that like, if you start spiraling and just asking mad questions,

like I will say if a woman was like, what do you mean by that? Like we talked and this is a, you know, I would be like, why do you, why has it changed anything? You know what I mean? I wouldn't be jumping to fuck you down, but I would be like, okay, especially if it kept happening.

So like, that's my only thing is like, maybe learn to take a breath and like figure situations out yourself, but at the same time, by all means communicate, you know what I mean? Because again, it's a litmus test one way or the other, where if you aren't ready to have a relationship because you can't figure out what people are saying, then that's a good thing to know. But also, as Dane said, if they're gonna freak out for you asking a harmless question,

then also a good thing to know. And there's no harm in restating your stance, right? So if he was like, hey, do you wanna have a shower with me? Be like, I would love to, that sounds very nice, but I still don't wanna have sex. Yeah. Like, that's fine. I think like re-entering into a sexy scenario

and reclassifying, again, consent is a case-by-case, moment-to-moment basis. Yeah. So re-establishing that, he'll probably be like, yeah, I know, but I still don't have a condom, that's fine. Like, and it's fine. Like, hmm. And it's fine to to reestablish boundaries that you've already put in place. So if you weren't sure what he was asking, it's OK to be like, yes,

I would like to do that, but I don't want to have sex still. Or you could just be like, no, I don't really like sharing with other people, which would be my answer. And just be like, I'm good. I want to rob you, actually. So this is great. I do. I saw your fucking switch at birth DVD collection and I am gonna fucking scoop that. They're going to be switched with nothing because I'm stealing them.

That's going to be us for the day for the Rick for the episode. So we love you. Thanks for coming on this little journey with us And thank you to Josh you on the Harbor cities for their song paper stars now you promised you were gonna make us all come Yeah, are you ready? This one like look I did make a bold promise This one's only probably gonna it's Taylor Tours making you come me specifically. Yes. Okay. Yeah Are you ready? Yeah, you comfy? Yeah, I'm talking about cum fee comfy. Yeah. No, I got it This is a book. I'm gonna be buying you on On Amazon this is gonna be the blurb

Violet really walks into her great-uncle's abandoned cheese shop then promptly runs back out You would too if you discovered a secret basement hiding beneath the trapdoor one second There's nothing down there but cheese wheels in an old chest. The next, four naked men are chasing her out the door. Refusing to give up the million dollar property to her wild imagination, Violet returns the next day. Despite the place being ransacked, she's certain she made up those mysterious men who vanished inside a locked store. Then, as the sun sets, cheeses lying on piles of discarded clothing roll across the floor until they poof into the foreman from last night. Men who transform into cheese?

What the hell? Stoic and domineering, Rox the de facto leader keeping everyone in line. Everyone that is but Cam, the charming playboy whose smooth lines melt the hardest rinds. Cheddy is a tall hug of joy, as easy to like as his namesake. And last but never forgotten is Bree, soft-spoken with an artistic soul. He's the sweet wallflower waiting for the right person to scoop him up. These strange cheese-shifters need Violet's help.

They need someone to protect them when they're trapped as cheese by day, but after centuries of being screwed over by their caretakers, they're wary. No one is slower to trust than Rock, who expects betrayal at every corner. Even if Violet agrees to help them sell off the secret cheese stash and find a new place, he cuts her down at every turn, keeping her at arm's length. He's hiding a secret that could destroy everything he's fought for across the world. But Violet has one of her own. If these cheesemans ever find out, it'll curdle her heart. Can the hardest of cheeses find it in themselves to let his heart melt? Or will these cheese shifters find themselves chewed up and spat out by life? Will Violet sell off the shop and make off with

millions? Or risk the possibility of cheddar days for these cheesy men? Rock hard men in the sheets, delectable cheese in the streets. And this is Why Cheese, a Cheese Shifter Romance. Why cheese? Why cheese? I like that. Wasn't this her grandpa's store? Why was it? It was a grandpa. We keeping these cheesy boys around.

What's grandpa doing with these cheesy men? Yeah. Also, like they keep saying they've been fucked over by their caretakers. Is that literal? Yeah. Like, because surely if I wanted to fuck over man who were cheese wheels I'd sell them or eat them and like you are defenseless cheese during the day Like I could do whatever I wanted to you. Yeah, it is it is weird that there's no Swiss though, right?

There used to be what was what is rock based off of rock for probably? Okay, I was like they're all named after far as I'm aware. He isn't a very hard cheese I I couldn't cuz he said the hardest of cheese. So like I don't know man. Do your fucking research Yeah, dude, she your cheese search. I just gotta say Chetty my boy That's the playboy. No, that's cam Get me your cheese. All right, the cheese Laura's too too much for me Chetty's just a tall hunk of Julie He's just a bro. Cheddy likes to party, man.

Ready for this to be a Netflix Christmas movie. I'm sure it will. I'm sure it will. It's gonna be hot Cheddy next year. Yeah, hot cheddar, baby. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. Music