F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 329 - Make 'Em Horny, Make 'Em Fighty

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Now "put 'em up" can mean two very different things AT THE SAME TIME.  Topics include brother-in-law sex jealous, ED is A-OK, asking out your wife's affair's ex, ball management. 

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Damn it, I paused for dramatic effect. I thought you paused for me to finish it and I was so excited. I was about to jump in, but then you just fucked it up instead.

Which honestly I think was the worst choice. Beefed it. We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your stick. No, what am I doing? See, it's tough. It's not as easy as it looks. No, I wasn't meant to say that. I was meant to say a different thing.

Simply put, we find your questions. No, God, Dane, what have you done? We find questions. I've derailed the whole thing. Either roaming online or from the wonderful minds of our beautiful listeners, we answer them right here, right now, every Monday, and sometimes on stage. Where is the Black Sheep? When is the stage, Dan? February 20th. Yeah, we got another show coming up February 20th. It's

most importantly, it's back on Thursdays. It's back on Thursdays by popular demand. We got moved to the Tuesdays and we had a good time We like the Tuesday Tuesday is a different vibe. It's a very chill vibe Thursdays we're gonna get fucking rowdy again. Yeah, we're gonna if you've been to our show before body But you didn't go to our last show you've missed a very new element and it's visual baby I make fun of Nile all the time because we are an audio only podcast not anymore, baby We got visual aids. We got visual aids. We got visual aids. We have a screen. We have a projector.

We have some magic where you can get involved via the medium of your phone. We ended up solving once and for all the Edward versus Jacob debate during our last show. People got wild. People did things just to spite us, which I found funny. We found out a lot about the sexual proclivities of our audience in an anonymous sense because that's how it works And it's it's a lot of fun. We had fucking themed cocktails. It's gonna be great It's gonna be a cozy night to me a pajama party So you can come in pajamas if you'd like or you can come in your coziest clothes

It's up to you, but it's gonna keep it nice and warm and cozy because it's the winter We're fucking sick of it. So we're gonna heat things up and cozy things down. You're gonna get you'd be at with us Yeah, we got one. We've got a the world's largest bed and we're gonna do the whole show We're gonna be up at the top on leaning on the pillows. You're gonna be down like adorable little kittens Mm-hmm, but under the gigantic heavy blanket. So good luck. You are going to be crushed to death. We have also constructed the world's largest weighted blanket and it's several

tons. Yeah. Yeah. The, the engineers told us not to. And we said, we're podcasters. I think we know what we're talking about. We know what we're doing. Sir.

We talk into a microphone, a closet for a living. Okay. Uh, but you know what? This week we're going to talk into a microphone in the closet for a living, okay? But you know what? This week we're gonna talk into a microphone in the closet for a living about husband learned about my brother's sex life and now he's jealous. ED is A-OK. I want to ask the wife of my ex-wife's affair partner out. Whoa. And I'm tough. I haven't decided on it's,

it's going to be an oral sex question. I just don't know for which set of genitals. Damn. Hey, stick with, find out later in this episode of fuck buddies. Now, first off, Dane, I feel like I'm just going to use this voice for the rest of the show. Why? I don't, I'm, well, you've earned it. I thought it was a fun, spicy thing. Like our job. It would drive people crazy.

Don't I? Not in the good way. Wait, and they're like sort of crazy in the good way or I don't drive them crazy. Weighted blanket madness of people trying to clamber out from underneath it. That guy. It's time.

This is my Throire bagel. Husband learned about my brother's sex life and now he's jealous How do I 34 year old female give my husband 36 year old male more PDA and exciting sex when it makes me so uncomfortable Brother is 31 his wife is 32. This one's kind of long. So buckle in. Okay, they got married four months ago after an oopsie pregnancy That's what they call them. Okay. They were together for a while prior to that and both seemed really excited about becoming parents. They're clearly in love and have always shown a lot of PDA. I'm the opposite. It's not that I don't show affection, but I'm just not one to kiss, caress, and my husband in front of everyone all the time. Brother and his wife constantly touching,

kissing, and that's fine. And I think it's cute, probably only because he's my little brother, but I'm uncomfortable doing that and always have been. Our family, parents, two siblings and significant others went on vacation first week of January, stayed in the joint in condos. Late one night while we were there, husband tried to initiate sex and I wasn't in the mood. Husband was frustrated and said he wished we were more like my brother and his wife. He said, and this is paraphrasing, why can't you ever be physically affectionate in front of other people? And do you know they have sex every day every single day I asked how he knew this and he said my brother told him why was my brother sharing that info actually It's not surprising you'd share that info, but more surprising my husband was involved in the conversation

He said he asked his brother out of curiosity and my dad was there too He admitted he figured they had a lot of sex based on how they act in front of other people and the guys Were just sitting around talking and he asked I was silent mainly I was surprised that we were even discussing this and partly I'm surprised that my husband brother and dad were having this type of conversation I didn't dare ask my husband talked about our sex life with my brother and dad because they want to know Granted it wouldn't be as colorful and I could admit that he was like what you're surprised They do it so often that someone would want to sleep with their spouse that much. We could tell he was getting annoyed I told him I just wasn't expecting to have a conversation about my brother's sex life in the middle of our vacation or at all

Actually, he told me I'm oblivious and that he not only haired my brother-in-law having sex one night earlier But he saw them having sex on their balcony that very night. He seemed upset. I didn't notice I wasn't looking so I somewhat cruelly said what You saw them having sex and got turned on? And he said, so what if I did? You'd never do something like that. You'd never have sex with someone over here or God forbid see. So he had mitigating turned on seeing my brother and his wife having sex. Then he wanted to have sex with me after he had turned on by seeing that. I want to vomit. I have major ick now. I don't know how to be that way. How to have semi-public sex. How to be spontaneous about it. How to have sex every day. I'm not adverse to sex, but it's not something I want to do every day,

or how to be comfortable showing PDA. And now when I think about forcing myself to be that way for my husband, I feel icky because I can't stop thinking about him getting turned on while secretly seeing an intimate moment between my brother and his wife. It honestly makes my lady parts want to shrivel up. I'm just not that way and I don't know if I ever can be. I'm here to ask for advice. What can I do to become more comfortable PDA and more frequent adventurous sex? I'm just not somebody who will be constantly touching my husband in public or having sex every single day. So are the things I could do that would sort of pack a big punch right now, like a quality over quantity type thing? Is there anything can be done or do you think some of us are just the way we are and forcing something

different will be inauthentic? Okay, well I don't think those are your two options I don't think you have like a super turbo sex move that just sort of like fills up his bar No overcharges you're wrong like Okay, like don't you get it? You could do like if you look, have you not seen the graph? Did you not get issued the graph when you became of age? I didn't know I missed the graph. OK, so it's like monthly tally is like a thousand packs equal

10. Oh, sorry. A conversion chart. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't get a grab. Yes. Yeah. A hundred makeouts to the, you know, one blowy. So it's like you blow them in public once a month. That's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. level. Yeah. You got to fill your meter up first though, which is really hard. If you can't even do packs, you know, if you get to do packs, you're going to have a hard time leveling up your, your alt meter. Yeah. Um, okay. The other option was like, do you just like, if you're not built that way, I there's, there's a middle ground here.

There's a, there's a thing that we like to talk about quite often called compromise where you express your stance. there's a thing that we like to talk about quite often called compromise. Yeah. Where you express your stance. Compromise? Another thing to do? Another PDA, Dane? Where you talk to your husband, obviously he's a little frustrated about the sex life of your marriage, which is fair.

He's allowed to have his feelings about things. I think we can talk about the family stuff in a separate category because they're, I think that's a unique, I think they're, they're intrinsically linked, but we will definitely get to it in a second. Yeah. But he seems dissatisfied with the sex that you guys are currently having. So the options aren't like, do I do whatever he wants despite the fact that I don't enjoy it just to make him happy or do I do nothing and it doesn't matter that he's unhappy because I don't want to do it. It's like those aren't, it's not a binary, right?

Like you can meet in the middle. If, if he wants a little bit more affection, maybe be like, Hey, I'm not comfortable doing it publicly, but if you, if you want more affection, I can be more affection, I can give you more kisses around the house if you, if you want more affection, I can be more affection. I can give you more kisses around the house. We will, you know, playful butt pads. We can make out a little bit more. You know what I mean?

Like there's ways to do it that aren't just like, I don't want to, so I'm not going to, he wants to, so I must. Yeah. And the thing is, it's like, I think the very like callousness of just being like, he wants these things and it's like, here are these two outlandish fucking options. Like, it really feels to me that she's not caring where he's coming from and that it is, like there is an issue here.

And the issue isn't just that she's built that way. There's kind of a lack of care or consideration. And that has obviously snowballed to the point where he's like, you can't even believe a spouse would want to fuck their own partner, you know, and it's like Clearly something has gone wrong here and it's like sometimes look at the question behind the question Which is this person feels unloved and physically or you know, I need to jump in as well It's like he handled this poorly as well

You know to me like yeah yelling at your partner being like you can't even imagine that someone would want to fuck me. Like that tactic is not one that's going to bear juicy fruit. Right? Like what you're going to get is famous chewing gum brand. Exactly. Yeah. You're going to get, is spear mint from that. Yeah. No, you're going to get fucking, uh, what's the one that tastes that has like, like the double bubble or whatever that like has gum flavor for all of like four seconds. And then you're like, now I'm just chewing like rubber. Now there's no flavor. It's it's one of them.

No, I mean, juicy fruit also does not anything that's in like a stick, I feel like doesn't have longing. It's got to be what you should want is five. What are we talking about? This is not what it feels like to chew five gum. Yeah, no. No, I will say it seems like, and this could be me giving him too much leeway. I imagine that either he sucks shit or this is a result of this issue having gone on for so long that it's built up to like, you know, for sure. I think, but I understand the frustration. Yes, exactly. Right. Like to, to cover all of the bases, um, I understand this man's frustration.

Uh, I can understand why he would say these things, but as, as someone who is like a rational individual and removed from the immediate situation, who I can look in as a third party, I don't think anyone in the world is going to respond positively and in a helpful, productive manner to the things that he said, and granted she's also paraphrasing, so we're also getting it like filtered through what she took from the, the, uh, conversation. So it might not have played out exactly as it did. Uh, so we'll take that with a bit of grain of salt. But we talk about it all the time where it's like, don't come at your partner when you have a very vulnerable thing with the heat of a thousand suns.

Cause it's not going to, no one's going to be like, Oh yes, you're right. I'm so glad that you've yelled this at me. I mean, like it's, it's not going to go well. Yeah. But also don't let things on both sides of this argument, don't let things get to the point where they are boiling over in this fashion. So I think, look, to the lady involved in this question, I think you need to take a step back, stop taking things to wild extremes, stop taking it so personally and start to consider your partners, like why they're asking this,

and understand that it's not unrealistic or unacceptable for somebody to want to feel wanted and to want physical intimacy in a relationship. That's half of it at most, at best, at worst. It's at least half of it, you know what I mean? There you go. And I think it's a very reasonable thing to want and you don't seem to think that which is a problem. You also don't seem to realize that your partner is upset or care really. And again, as Dane said, there is a compromise, but compromise involves work and you don't seem willing to want to work. It also requires a bit of like self-awareness

of like understanding that the desire, as you said, to feel wanted and feel appreciated is a really helpful thing. And there's a lot of people who, and I get it, cause like I'm now at a point where I get more validation from my partner than I ever have from any other partner. And I realized how little I ever have from any other partner and I Realized how little I ever actually got and I'm not saying that as a mean thing towards my past partners by any means

But it's just like it's actually quite surprising of being like Oh, I'm not used to having someone say nice things about me as frequently as they're being said about me and someone say nice things about me as frequently as they're being said about me. And there is a drought that a lot of dudes do go through of like, we very rarely are thought of as people that need to be comforted or to get comfort or to be, you know, praised like that. We're also not taught to believe that about ourselves either. Right. Yeah. There's, there's like a, a sort of like bubble around men's lives of being like, it's nice to be told that we look good.

It's nice to be told that our shirt looks nice on us. It's nice to be told that we smell good or that like, you know, we're cute. Like it's, it's nice to hear those things. And it, it also, I think helps helps add to our vocabulary of like how to care for a partner as well, because like we're so devoid of that for so long that being, being given it back teaches, you know, I mean, it's like a cyclical sort of like teaching process of being like, oh, this feels good and I would like you to feel good. So I'm going to return the favor. And I feel like we feel like we've gotten to a point in this relationship where you like you're both doing your own

thing and what you both require to be happy independently for yourselves. You don't like PDA so you don't do it. He needs attention but he can't get it and so you're just sort of like two islands who aren't like working together. And I will say I scrubbed through the comments really quickly just to see if I could get more context. And apparently it isn't the first time he's brought this up and like nothing has changed. Like she hasn't really like, so the boiling over, which was pretty obvious is confirmed.

Yeah. So, and the thing is, I think the whole brother thing I, was used almost as an excuse to not have to listen to this. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, you get turned on by my brother. Disgusting. It's like this person isn't a relative of his. He saw two people having sex and I'm sure he wasn't like, it turned me on. I'm sure it was more of a like, oh, that made you think about sex. Yes. Yeah. You know, and even if it isn't it's like It's not his brother. He's allowed be like, oh, okay

And I'll like I think there's also a level of like did he stand there and watched through the like sheer curtain? Like that would be creepy. I think sex on the balcony So it's like they were doing a public act which yeah, you know, the inherent risk is being seen So it's like it would be different if he was like, yeah, you know, the inherent risk is being seen. So it's like it would be different if he was like, look, I was in their vents. I was looking through the little crack. It got me real, real horny. It got me then horny and I need to get rid of it.

Yeah. So it's like him noticing it, not a crime, him being turned on by it. Also not a crime. You being like, I get the ick now whenever I think about it. It's like you're being ridiculous and you know you're doing that, but you're choosing to try to pick a thing that lets you like be in the right and the way to get him in the wrong. So you're not dealing with this issue. Yeah. I will say, I do think that there is, I think once you enter into a family, regardless of whether you are related or not, there is a level of, uh, sexy removal.

Right? And even if there isn't, there should be at least the tact to know that talking about that is super weird. I'm not a good call. Now, I will say on the, on the flip side, I don't, I'm not upset about the conversation between the brother and the dad and him, right? I've like sort of like discussing Stuff I think that is I don't like to say it

But like that's kind of boy talk as long as you're not saying anything Disparaging about like if they were talking about how shitty all their wives were but if they were just kind of like talking about their lives I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that I understand why she's uncomfortable with her dad, brother, and boyfriend talking about how much they all fuck. Sure. I get it. I don't have that conversation with my sister's boyfriend

or my dad. That's my new reality show, where I just get Niall and various members of his family together in which they must have a heart-to-heart about sex. Oh, I'll do it. They won't. Yeah. Like I'm not too that like it's weird. It's like being uncomfortable, but I don't think it's like, I don't think it's a huge thing. It's like, if they're comfortable talking about it,

that's not as weird for you. And it's like, if you're just, I don't know, it's, it's fine. It's not big deal who fucking cares I understand why you might be uncomfortable, but I also understand how it could also be healthy Yeah, that's that's where I'm standing with that I think the I think the watching the brother have sex has the potential to be more damaging Oh for sure then then like having a conversation about sex with the reason I'm giving that one a little bit more leeway is if what they're doing is this risque, out in open sex,

it's not like he was creeping, it's not like he was whatever. So I'm kind of waving him of his guilt there. Yeah. Probably wasn't a good call to be like, your brother made me horny. He made my winky feel tingly. Yeah, that's probably not the way. But especially when you're trying to have a conversation about having more sex with

your wife. Yes. I think that's again, I think this all just stems from frustration and I'll bet it was twisted and either way, it's like you're using this as a way to not have to deal with the issue and I think we both know that that's not cool. Yeah. So by both, I mean me and her. I have no idea. know that that's not cool. Yeah. So I'm by both. I mean, me and her all, I have no idea.

I don't know what's going on. He's looking at me. His eyes are unfocused. He's just glazed over. He keeps saying who and we're editing it out. I'm just trying to read the books in the background. Um, yeah, I think you need to look, I think you guys would both benefit from some couples counseling because it seems like you both have very poor communication or technique.

Both watch your brother fuck. Yeah, maybe. Don't. Yeah, I think having a third party like an impartial third party to help mediate and sort of like translate because again, you guys seem to third party to help mediate and sort of like translate because again, you guys seem to have like, you say one thing and the other person hears the other thing and you're not, you're not hearing or you're not communicating what is actually necessary. So it might be useful to have someone be like, you know, do you

hear what he's saying? You might like you're focusing on the wrong thing. How about we step in right now? Again, I'm going to say to you, it is not a reasonable for your partner to want these things. That also does not mean you have to do everything they think of. Uh, there isn't a quality over or quality over quantity version of PDA. You can't just do one big thing and get, get over with. Yeah.

And this is like, this makes me think that like you, you have some hangups and reservations about sexual activity in general, right? Like it seems like there may be something in your past or just like how you were raised or whatever that you approach sex in a very reserved way, which might not be a bad thing, but you have to, yeah. When it's having an impact on you of being like No one is asking like I'm a very like I like making it But I don't really want to do it in public right like I'm not a big PDA guy I'll do anything anywhere if I'm hey if I'm drunk fucking go for it. I

Yeah, I mean like I've made out with so many people in our in our days Yeah, I mean like I've made out with so many people in our in our days But like if I'm at a party or like with like four other people or at a family event I'm not gonna be fucking like having my hand up my partner's skirt or like it's making out with them It's it's like time. They're not like 18 You know, I mean, yeah like when you're an adult doing adult things with adult people and like it's a board game night No one wants to look over and see you like dropping the fucking finger, you know Yeah, and like you someone's sitting on my lap and just be like making out be always at our turn Sorry, we just love each other so much and just like jiggling our boobs are at like no one wants to see it's fucking weird

Yeah, although people watching getting turned on going home fighting with their partners. You're welcome. That's my goal, baby Yeah, so make them horny. You're welcome. That's my goal, baby. Yeah. So make them horny, make them fighty. Let's go. Yeah, I think, but the key points here are like, there's no quality over quantity. It's very reasonable what he's asking for. And like, I don't think he wants you to make out

with him 24 seven. He probably just wants to not feel like you don't care because it seems like he feels like you don't care. And it feels like you don't care also. And it's worrying to me that you don't seem concerned by any of this. You seem more than willing to just be like, ugh. So it's like, care, talk to him, try to meet in the middle. And it's like, instead of saying what you won't do, maybe see what you can do. And instead of trying to go for big things, you can do less, maybe just do the tiniest thing. Like hold his hand every now and then. Hold his hand.

And like maybe think about the way that you react when there are like real moments of like possible PDA. Like when you guys are splitting ways for whatever reason, like maybe the girls are gonna do a spa day and the boys are going to the pool or whatever at this vacation. Did you, if he was going to give you a kiss and be like, yeah, I'll see you later.

Even just like a kiss on the cheek. Did you recoil away? Because that makes people feel like shit. And for sure. That's where you have a conversation. Like juxtaposed between like this Randy couple who are like bye babe. And they hop in each other's arms and the grind. It's a palm tree. And then I mean, and they're doing that and you're like fucking matrixing out of

the way so he can't smooch you. That's not great. And that's when you have the conversation where you really emphasize, be like, hey, PDA makes me feel so uncomfortable. Because then you have this solid foundation of understanding where each other belongs, and that way maybe you just, a small little handhold, right? Or like a hug, or like a kiss on the cheek, or something.

Because, again, it's like- You find something that works for both of you, because it's better to- If he's giving you a kiss on the cheek, or a hug find something that works for both of you because it's better to Kiss on the cheek or a hug or something and you can't do that I think that's more of a you problem and I mean like you probably need to get something out from therapy Versus like if he wants to fucking hardcore make out and you're not down. That's fine Yeah, a hundred percent, you know what I mean? So you can understand why he would feel unloved. And it's embarrassing. He's probably embarrassed in these social situations when everybody else has like a kiss or a hug or a handhold. And you're just like standing eight yards away. Yeah.

Not even waving. Yeah. We've left room for the Holy Ghost and his teammates. I will see you again in times that pass. And just like a hard, hard one eighty and a stern walk away for the holy train So it's just talk to have a conversation Please for the love of God probably consider having couples therapy Be very clear be very concise about what you are looking for what you're comfortable with But then also listen to what he needs and try to find out a compromise.

My question comes by way of the holy train, the holy train, Jaguar most. Right. They say, I like my boyfriend's erectile dysfunction. I feel bad about it for background. Me a 23 year old female, my boyfriend, a 32 year old male, have been dating around for five months and we have sex around two to three times a week depending on how often we see each other. I would say roughly every four times we have sex he'll be unable to get hard enough to penetrate me. Boyfriend is physically active, gets regular checkups for his hormones,

and has had this issue checked out in the past by urologists. He masturbates daily to porn but has no issues otherwise getting and maintaining an erection and orgasming outside of the issue. He's also extremely anxious and neurotic. In short, he's fairly sure this is an anxiety issue. The thing is, I fucking love it. We'll be making out, I'll ask him if he wants to fuck me, he'll try to get it up, put it in, then get a little upset when he can't and ask to cuddle instead. He'll pout a little and snuggle his head into my chest and I'll stroke his hair and tell him it's okay occasionally and this drives me insane in a good way he'll end up rubbing his half-chub against me until he comes while being held by me and I get to hear

him whimper as he does he's usually not super vocal that's basically the hottest thing that we do together in my opinion the problem is I feel really bad about this as much as I hate to admit it part of the appeal To me is that he's a little upset like if he was fully confident and just offered to give me head or something It wouldn't turn me on at all. I'm also basically getting off on him having anxiety issues, which I fucked up I think I suppose my question is what should I do about this? Does anyone else feel this way? Thanks very much in advance It's a weird one it's a real weird one because like.

Part of me was going to be like, oh, before we got into the details, like, oh, if you like it, just tell them and then that'll be good because it'll probably help them get over it. But you don't want them to get over it. Yeah, too. It's like if it's just a vocal thing, I think you could just ask him to be a little bit more vocal in bed.

But it's not that it's like this kind of I Don't want to say mean but it's not not mean It's it's kind of like a mommy kink right like she likes that he's upset and he she's comforting him and he's like almost like whimpering Like it almost seems kind of like a a nurturing kink Like it almost seems kind of like a, a nurturing kink. Maybe, or like, uh, like a domination thing in that, like, you know,

he's embarrassed and she's like getting off on it or like, yeah, like a humiliation kind of thing. Yeah. Humiliation kind of thing. Or, or like, she's just in power. You know, she's in control and he's vulnerable and like, I don't, there's a lot to it. And I think it's totally fine if it's consensual, but it's kind of like it's not it's a very in your arousal of it. Yeah, it feels a little weird because this is obviously a time that's like a little dark for him. I would love to know how he is after this happens. Yeah, like it's an interesting thing. Does he feel bad? Does he feel better? It does he not care?

Because, like, he doesn't care. Sure. But if he is ashamed, I think it's like kind of weird to not be like, oh, it's cool. I actually find it really hot. See, that's I think that's the play, right? Like, I think the next time he does it, where he like kind of masturbates and gets off when you're holding him, you can just be like, you can roll over and be like, like, that was actually really hot for me.

And like, you don't have to necessarily say like, oh, I like that you were upset or I like this because I think you shouldn't. I don't think you should. Right. I think those are inside thoughts that perhaps are maybe like you could be like you your vulnerability or like you could be specific. Like, I like that you're a little bit more vocal or like there's a little like rawness, a little passion, a little like emotion or like something.

You could say those things. I don't think being like I love that you're sad that your dick isn't working. Yeah, that's not it. I think if you're struggling with this problem, it could be very frustrating, especially when like it doesn't seem to have a rhyme or reason, like it seems to be like, he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. And then one day it just won't work for whatever reason. So like, I think having the fallback knowledge of being like, oh, if this

happens, there's still a hot thing that I can do for her. And you know what I mean? Like, I think there is a little bit of a silver lining here. I think you do kind of have to keep it. There is no silver lining because she doesn't want this to go well, because if it goes well, maybe he gets confident. And if he gets confident, she doesn't find it hot. Yeah, that's true.

I think that's why I try to look at the positive parts of this and replicate that elsewhere, because I really hope it's not the negative parts. Yeah. Like if you're actually getting off by your partner being upset or embarrassed in a bad way, that's not great. Yeah, because then you're participating in a kink with someone who is an unwilling participant. Yeah, yeah.

And also, I don't think you can replicate that in a healthy fashion, whereas if it is just the role reversal the power the rawness a nurture thing a like Vocality, vocality. That's not a word. I don't care. Is it maybe it is maybe it is I didn't say that you don't know you don't have a dictionary and if you look yeah, what are you a dictionary? Get the hell out of you You know those things you can replicate you can ask him to be more vocal. You can dominate him. You could be like, hey, let's do like have something a little bit more intimate and cozy.

You know, I mean, you can look into all those things and then that might be a good step forward for you both because you'll get to replicate this exciting, arousing thing more and you won't just have to wait until a random time. Things don't work out for his dick. Yeah. More and you won't just have to wait until a random time things don't work out for his dick Yeah If it's the other things and you need him to be genuinely sad and you need to be like hey this dick That's not great. Yeah, there is also like I assume That the sex that you're having is is decent right? Like you're not talking about how the sex is bad when you do have sex

You're saying that this sort of like unique experience is the hottest because of all these all these reasons. So I don't know if there's there is like I think you may have to run the risk of losing this experience. If you have an honest conversation with them again, I don't think you have to be that honest. No, I think I think you should just sort of like, I don't think there's much harm in letting him know that like, that was really hot. And that really turned me on like this, this instance right here, this moment, like what you did was really hot. Because I don't think there's ever going to be a situation where someone who wants to have sex can't have sex is going to be fully like, oh, well,

I'm still super confident because I know that you're going to like me masturbating with my half direct penis. Like I think there's always going to be a level of frustration and upset. Yeah. At least from my point of view, I think I would like, I don't think there's ever going to be a time where it's like, this guy is finishing and being like, you did it again, you sexy bastard. He's probably like, uh, but that's what I mean. It's like, I, we're worried that like, if, if she says something nice about this experience

that he will, he will, I'm hoping it will help. I'm worried that she's worried. All right. Yeah. She hasn't said it. I think you're honor bound to tell them it was hot and I think it'll help him. And if it solves his problem, you got to find an alternate way to get your kicks healthily. Yeah. And if you do really start thinking of being like, oh, I actually really do like when he's upset, that might be something to discuss with a healthcare professional and be like, hey, I don't like it because I think it's important.

Like we all have things where like something pings and you're like, Oh, it's kind of fucked up that that did something for me. And you know, I don't think that's wrong. I think, I think it's a very human and natural thing to be like, brain's doing, it's only wrong if you're like, cool, I'm going to upside, I'm going to ruin his life so I can get horny. Yeah. I'm going to exploit this to my own benefit and not tell anyone about it. Yes. A hundred percent. Right. Like it benefit and not tell anyone about it. Yes. 100%.

That's what it gets bad. That's what it gets bad. If you just clock it for yourself and then try to figure it out and diagnose it and then sort of fix the problem, there's nothing wrong with that. There also might be a kink you can explore again in a healthy, well-informed, consensual and educated way. And by that, I mean, he knows what he's getting into. You know what you're getting into.

You establish safe words. You talk about everything. Organism denial might be something that you're interested in. Like if you like seeing the frustration, you like seeing him get, you know, like edging and being like, no, no, I'm done. And watching him squirm might be the same situation. Yeah. And like a role play where you are in this nurturing position and he isn't or, or any, there's a lot of different avenues you can take.

It's on you to figure out what things in particular, like spur your interest. But again, you have to be well informed. You have to be educated. You have to do it right. You don't just, and he also needs to know you can't just be like, I'm well fucking upset them. So yeah. Yeah. So don't like, I'm a fucking upset him. No. So yeah. Yeah. So don't like, I think you should tell them. I think you should not tell them the whole truth. And

I think you should maybe explore what the things are that attract you to this situation, explore them healthily through kink or go as Dane said, talk to someone if they are unhealthy because that's not a good sign. This is by think perception three to nine. I want to ask the wife of my ex wife's affair partner out, but I'm not so sure. My ex wife cheated on me with her colleague when I found out she begged me to forgive her and give it a try. We started therapy. We have a daughter, so I didn't want to leave immediately.

We went out for dinner and her affair partner was there with his wife. I got scared that we would make a scene. So his wife was outside, he ran to us to say his wife didn't know. I asked, is that your wife? When he said yes, I laughed and asked him if he was mental to cheat on someone like her. The wife is literally drop dead gorgeous.

My wife became furious and yelled all the way home about what I meant. I told her I said what I said. Only a sick bastard would cheat on that lady. My ex-wife asked for a divorce by then and she ended up telling the other woman The woman contacted me a few weeks ago. She left her husband She probably wanted to know if I was oblivious. We ended up chatted for a while then we met for coffee She is kind and sweet as she is beautiful. My head is full of her Is it wrong to try my luck or does it seem weird? I mean we are not related

Cool. I hope so. I figured that would have come up before now. My wife and I have been separated for six months, but really the marriage ended about a year ago when I found out throw away names and locations are private. Yeah. Look, I think there is a, there's sort of like a romantic beauty of, you know, these two dilted lovers finding one another. I don't think ethically there's anything wrong with this. No, I think emotionally, yes, this could be dangerous. Yeah. You're still in a highly charged situation.

One, two, you're in prime rebound territory. It's been about six months since you separated. You were married for God knows how long. Like you're not out of the woods in that regard. So those are two, you know, two red flashing warning signs. Who is so intrinsically involved in this as well. So there's like the idea of like getting revenge of, you know what I mean? Like teaching them a lesson.

And so it's like they're sure she's hot and she seems nice, which is great. All positive qualities that you should be attracted to. I love people that are hot and are nice. Yeah. Hot, nice people. Let's go. Literally the best. Literally the best.

You can't get better than that. Yeah. Um, but you also have to make sure that like, you guys are both in a very vulnerable emotional position and you need to make sure that this isn't about getting back at your ex-wife or getting back at him or, or, you know, and vice versa, like are you yourself, are you worried that she's going to be doing the same thing? Right. Like there's, there's a lot of mental shit that could come in here and poison this.

So I don't think there's anything wrong with shooting your shot, but I think there is something to be said about making sure you're in the mental head space to acknowledge that these are dangers. And I think like, figure out what you want out of this. making sure you're in the mental headspace to acknowledge that these are dangers. And I think like figure out what you want out of this. You know what I mean? If you're going in thinking you're going to have a relationship, probably put in the cart before the horse massively. Because again, you don't really know this person and it's a little soon. If you're going in thinking you're just going to like fuck her for revenge, is that fair on her? You know what I mean? So like anything in between that,

I think is living realistically, but like she also might be offended if she has this like person she can lean on in this situation who really only knows like it as much as she can, you know what I mean? But then you come out of nowhere and think you can fuck her. You know what I mean? Like she might not be in that ed space. So be aware that you might be like poisoning this well. Like if you're a source of reassurement for her and then all of a sudden you're just going to be like,

I think we should bang. She might not appreciate that. So like I would tread softly. I think this is one of the rare times I would recommend taking it slow in the sense of usually if I'm of a huge, like, uh, usually if I'm of a huge like, uh, no, of like, of being clear and being like, asking someone out on a date and being very clear about the language in which you're using and being like, Hey, I would like to take you on a date so that there isn't that sort of like, is this a day? Do they just want to hang out with me?

Is it whatever? I think this is one of those times where you, you do want to sort of be like, Hey, I had a really great time talking to you over coffee. Are you round on Friday to grab a drink? I'd love to grab a drink with you and chat with you and then do a little bit more like personal connecting Try to keep it away like have a conversation that's not about yeah don't just your partners about the situation because like What I mean, it's easier said than done and if that's all you do I think that's a pretty good indication

that neither of you are in the headspace for and maybe you find a friend that you need as now was saying right like Maybe if you go there with the this idea of being like I'm gonna woo her I'm gonna hail honor maybe we'll hook up tonight Maybe whatever and you go and you end up just having like a really cathartic Trauma dump thing with someone who is going through the exact same thing as you in the, like, you know what I mean? Like maybe that's what you need. And then you, you learn from that, but maybe at the end of the day, or, or at the end of your like hangout be like, so I understand that this is a strange

situation, but I've really enjoyed the time that we've spent together. Would you be interested in going on a date? Yeah. I think that's, I think that's a very fair, very respectful thing. And I think you should also, if you're cool with it, if you would be able to handle it emotionally, be like, I understand that if you, if you don't want to pursue this, I would like to continue to be there for you for support. Yeah.

But you got it. Only got to make sure that you're fucking able to do that. Yeah. And honestly, I would say if you do meet up that second time and you're not sure, there's nothing wrong with not saying that at the end of it and just meeting up a third time. 100%. Or a fourth time.

Take it slow. Figure it out, because I think for you and for them, the more sure you are and the more respectful you can be is the better for both of you. I don't think you gain anything by being rash, but you might upset people, you might throw more chaos into your already chaotic life, and you don't fucking need that.

They don't need that. So, if you wanna do it, if you wanna pursue it, I think slowly, respectfully, cautiously, and with full knowledge of what you're getting into is the only way to do it. And I think acknowledging the fact that it's a unique situation is important. I think it's important to put that on the table and be like, I get it.

I get that this is weird, but you know, sometimes when, you know, I get a door slammed in the face and a window opens, it seems silly. Not to me. Yeah. You're just a window for me to crawl through your window. I want to be good home and vej you. What is that? A romantic if your house is well, no, I don't know.

I don't think so. I think you have to decidedly be not a housework to be romantic. Well, if it's CHI, the C stands for consensual. Oh, yes. C and C play. Right. Yeah, I got you Was like she was yours or we? Yeah, let's I think it's gonna be a quick one. Regardless. I don't I still haven't decided which one I want to eat

These oral sex you know leave it up to you. Do you want clit or balls? I go balls, I guess Okay ball play during oral from head butterfly 7-1-1 Hey all my man has told me that he would like Me to show his balls some more love during oral sex try to play with them with my hands from time to time But I want to try something different. I don't pay as much attention to them as I should because I just don't know what to do with them any tips ask him ask him. Well, no, let's just skip for the perfect answer. We just ask him, say, yeah, I want to do

more. What do you want? Right. So ask him step one best step. If you don't want to ask him, always start gentler rather than harder because you don't want to go to the 10 out of 10 because that could grievously wound someone. Don't do that. And I find that at least with my balls, my personal ball experience is my level of sensitivity is inconsistent in terms of like what I can personally enjoy and handle from day to day and from situation to situation, right? Like depending on how horny I am and depending depending on how, like, sometimes it just, I like grays is enough to make me be like, yeah, that's great. And if you were to, like, I used to hook up with someone who was obsessed with sucking. And it was like,

it was just too much. And it like, it almost like hurt in the sense of like, you know, when like, something is too, yeah, too powerful that it like like it almost like walks back into pain territory and like for me that's that's such a jarring experience because like I don't sexually enjoy pain so that sort of like puts me into like fight or flight kind of as which is really on the way when there's balls in someone's mouth okay well my balls are in someone's mouth being sucked back It's like Kirby. Yeah, I was also gonna make a Kirby joke great So I think as now said Start soft for the love of fucking God start slow and like honestly I can find even like just a holding

Sometimes can be good. You know, I mean, sometimes you don't even need to do anything Sometimes it's don't really much like if you're like holding his balls while he's fucking you great. I can be good. You know what I mean? Sometimes you don't even need to do anything. Sometimes it's don't really much like if you're like holding his balls while he's fucking you. Great. That can be really nice. You know what I mean? But I would I would work with like, you know, a gentle like rubbing on the outside, squeezing a holding.

And those are three really good ways to start. You know, maybe when you're giving head a little a little trip down south, a little kiss, a little. Well, that, it is specifically during oral that she's asked for. And this thing is like, even if you're just like holding it and like gently massaging it while you're doing everything else, just the addition, it's just even like a little extra.

It's good. The, so what I really like is if you're have like stroking while you're sucking, just extend the hand a little further down. And so instead of stopping at the base of the penis, finish with a little soft graze. Yeah, ball town. You know what I mean? And every time, it's just like that sort of situation.

And also mix it up. Maybe sometimes you don't do it, right? So that sensation of, ooh, well, that's a new thing. That's nice. But Niles right, I think a little goes a long way when it comes to Paul stuff, unless you're like really into ball stuff. Yeah. I think it's like for me, it's like even if someone's just like holding them or slightly playing with them while I'm getting ahead, it's like, oh, cool.

You've added like a little like even one percent extra into like things that are going on and like tension, like, you know. And I also think like when you're coming, that's when everything's more sensitive. So it's like someone's got a nice little grip on your balls at that point. Quite nice. Yeah, quite nice. Another thing you could do is like you've got a tongue instead of just using it on the deck. Another thing I really like is like starting from the balls and look all the way up.

That's a nice like again, it's something like throw in. It's like a flourish and not like a, I don't know if I would enjoy if someone was just like balls to tip balls to tip balls, like over and over and over again, I don't think that would do much for me. But I think that like if you're coming up for air and before you get back to it, you started the balls and go up and then start sucking again. Like that would be that's a big move. Again, I don't think there needs to.

I don't think the balls need to be the star of the show. They need to be a cameo every now and then. Like a bit player. Yeah. Also, also maybe he is a big balls boy. And if he's a big balls boy, you got to ask him big balls questions about what specifically he wants in his balls. You know, I do think like everyone's so different that like you really shouldn't try to just do this without him. You know what I mean? I think you just just go ask him. But try try. We're saying do it lightly.

If you're unsure, you can always be like, oh, do you like that? Should I do it harder? That's the other thing is tell him be like, if you want me to do things when I try them, you need to give me feedback. You need to let me know. Even like I'm not asking for you to like moan and be like, oh, you know what I mean? Like, I don't need that. But like, like yeah, if you just say although that felt great You know I mean or like something some affirmative noise or like to let them know Yep, or a little softer all these things just like in the feedback

Love a little bit softer now. I don't know why I'm getting louder now love a little bit softer now. I don't know why I'm getting louder now. Yeah. And I think we've solved your bowl. Your bowl conundrum. We've just solved it. Thank you everybody for coming with us on this sexual jaunt through your ear holes. We love you. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Hover Cities for their song paper stars. Remember February 20th, Black Sheep Liberty Village. It's going to be a very fun show. Come, bring your friends, bring your family. We'll talk to your dad about how much sex you have. Yeah, we'll get your brother, your husband, your dad all together.

We'll put a little turn us on. Your dad will chat about sex with us. It'll be great. Our third act is just getting all of your male family members in a corner in the bar and we just have a, we just one on one them. Yeah. Yeah, we love you guys. It does sound like I going to fuck each and every one of your male family members.

That's also yeah, that was all I was thinking of. And prove me wrong. He didn't say he wouldn't. Didn't say he wouldn't. You get a lot for $10 at our show. You really do. And hey, we get $15, we get a lot and a free drink. Yeah. But yeah, come along, come say hi.

If you can't make it, if you're not in the country, but you still love us, hop on our Patreon, show us some love. We got some fun stuff heading that way shortly. And yeah, it's just it's all love over here. And it's love for you. Ready for some bad sex writing, Dan? Yeah, I am. This comes all the way from Brampton. Oh, and this was a apartment ad offered near

Bramley Center. Nailed it, knew it. How did I know? How did I know? It was headlined only for girls, all caps. Private or shared accommodation in much affordable rent of 300 Canadian. First room, private room for 500 a month. And then the next one is to share a room with the tenant for 300 each per month and The third tier is includes perks which are free rent for the room and free food as well as $200 per month you're given for shopping as long as the female tenant was willing to enter a friends with benefits arrangement with the landlord Cool

That's not legal, right? I'm well, it was this is actually from a court case where, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Brought to court. So no. Cool. Hey, as long as it's not legal, I'm happy that it's being the guys get arrested.

That sounds like you wouldn't be happy. Yeah, I'm trying to say that like I'm grossed out if it was, yes. If it was legal I would be upset. Because it's not legal I feel better about it. Yeah, I think you hate it either way. I'm just gonna put those words in your mouth. Yes, yes, I do not like it. But I like that it is legal.

It's much better that it is illegal than legal, yes. This is super gross. Also like, that's $50 a week. And rent, but still. That's not much. I mean, rent these days, that's technically like $2,000 a month for me. Yeah, but that's what, $500 a week to fuck a man? Oh yeah, no, I'm not, yeah, it's gross.

It's not great. It's not much. Yeah, but $2,000 a week. $2, you doesn't box, but it ain't 500 a week either. Yeah now My name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain. We've been your fuck buddies