F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 33 - Friend Brothel

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

The closet is less crowded this week as we've returned to the tried and true format of just two boys in the room bringing you the freshest dating and sex advice.  Dain brings a much anticipated update on last week's introduction to Cooking with Ricardo and we both manage to not rant about how garbage Game of Thrones has gotten.  Topics include karaoke introduction, TV boob jealousy, petrified goat orgasms, heartbroken dumper, fun and flirty sex friends, vagina snorkels, death and mistresses and what to do while your blasts her clit.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Spang. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Ooh, stick-uations? Stick-uations. Welcome back. Welcome back. Thanks for coming. It's, uh... Oh. Oh, shit. We are your fuck buddies.

I've been, like, dying to drink this. Before we started recording, we were talking about how absolute garbage Game of Thrones has become. Oh, man. If by talking you mean venting. The whole time I was just like, I need to drink this. I know. You actually kept trying. I needed that.

Yeah, fuck. Stupid fucking show I do have a follow up with cooking with Ricardo oh god apparently I think he just phoned it in that week because the recipe I saw this week

or at least the day that I picked up the paper was like a homemade like faux broth yeah it's called hard broth lumpy broth and like it actually sounded pretty good and had like ingredients other than just like leftover spaghetti um so yeah i don't know what the hell was going on with ricardo that day and he was just like oh fuck i forgot to write the article um but apparently ricardo can cook

just sometimes he doesn't want to yeah no i i i I, like, zoned, I, like, erased that from my mind, and then when I was re-listening to our episode, I was like, oh, God. I do, I'm not going to lie to you, I, since we talked about that, I have thought, yeah, nothing, like, all I've thought about, haunted by what that might taste like. But it's pretty good. Yeah. Do we have anything to talk about at the top? Do we go right into it? There's a lot of space good. Yeah. Do we have anything

to talk about at the top? Do we go right into it? There's a lot of space in this closet now that we don't have Kyle. I know. It's kind of sad.

Or as a night we can stretch out. Look at this room. So many armpits. Yeah, that was fun though. Thanks for coming Kyle. Yeah. Hope you guys enjoyed it.

If you guys have like a I wanted to bring this up last episode, but if you guys have a, like a certain genre of questions or a certain like focus of questions that two white straight men

can't really answer or like, you know, a different perspective would be more useful, let us know and we can try to find a guest that would be able to answer those questions a little more accurately and a little more with, let us know and we can try to find a guest that would be able to answer those questions

a little more accurately and a little more with a little more experience and responsibility. That works. Because that was a lot of fun. I thought it was going to be a disaster and it turned out quite well.

No, it was great. I couldn't have gone better, I don't think. Yeah. And we were all really drunk. We were all very drunk. Do you want to start us off? No.

Okay. I have one. It's a user-submitted question. This is a good friend of mine. I'm going to call them Agent Citrus. About six months ago, I started a very casual friends with benefits situation with a girl I used to work with. Through the natural progression of things, we've realized we're actually a lot more into each other than we originally intended, and now we're leaning towards becoming

exclusive. I'm meeting a bunch of her friends next week, and I'm super nervous. To make matters worse, they're all going out for karaoke. She's already told me that I can meet them another time, and if I'm worried about karaoke or if it's not my thing, we can do something else.

She seems cool. Yeah. But they go frequently, and I don't want to just avoid a big part of her social life slash hobbies. My question is, what's a good karaoke song for someone who doesn't really have any musical talent and is very nervous about singing in front of people? This is great because this is the most fun situation to meet people.

I know. Also, she sounds awesome. And it is, I will specify, it is sort of like what we're used to where it's like a bar full of people and not like a rented private room. Yeah. Which is the worst. There are pros and cons to both. I hate it. But no, it's definitely way more fun in a big room.

Yeah. Especially at the start. Because like no one will go up. I think being in a room full of like strangers is better than being in a room full of like strangers oh yeah it's better than being in a room full of you like you're almost girlfriends 100 yeah because then because there's no dilution yeah it's just you you're the odd one out whereas here there's there's gonna be someone go up and bomb a song um and the thing is karaoke isn't about talent it's about enthusiasm yes and that's what's great about it is that my like you

go up and you fucking fluff a song people are going to prefer that to the trained classical singer standing there hitting every note but wouldn't leave yeah like just go and have fun with it um and like i think that's that's the most important thing like and commit commit to it because you gotta commit and you i would rather hear a really shitty singer than not hear a singer at all you know i mean the people who go up and like hold the microphone like at their chest and sort of like mumble along because they're nervous that that's not good just like even if you don't sing the best yeah like at least you can like the whole point of it's going up is to sing yeah so if you don't want to do it, don't do it.

If you're going to do it, fucking do it. And the thing is, like, people's fun is infectious. It's like when people laugh and, like, even if it's not funny, you find yourself laughing along because, like, that one person is, like, losing their mind. If you're having fun with it, people are going to, like, feel that. And I think also song choice is pretty important. It is. Do you have any suggestions for specific songs so the thing is you gotta go to one of two ways you either gotta nail that song that's you like that just 100 you song even if no one knows what the fuck it is it's gonna be your

song because you're gonna kill it if you play if you do that song because you're gonna have fun with it because you love it it's your song like is there a song that you've sang in the shower since you were like eight yeah i mean like is there that one song gets you going right do it you know i mean it doesn't matter if no one knows what it is once it's just you're putting power into it other than that you gotta get one of the classics right something light something fun something energetic maybe funny so a little tenacious d always good lonely island lonely island right i did jack sparrow last time and it was just divine i mean i would say that's probably one of the harder it's a little harder but it's like i'm on a boat i'm on a boat great

choice yeah and that's the thing you don't even need to be able to sing to do that right a lot of like some like raps and stuff you don't actually need to be able to sing like don't pick anything too hard that you can't keep up with. Yeah, I mean, don't... Be careful about certain words because you don't want to not have thought about that when you go in and either accidentally say it or freeze. Yeah, I will give you my little trick. Anytime there is the N-bomb in a rap word, I replace it with kitty. It's cute, it's adorable, and it's acceptable.

Yeah, and it's the same syllables,, it flows with the rhymes and everything. Lil Dicky. Look into some of his songs. They're pretty funny. But again, maybe they won't know them. And if you're going to go with a song that isn't just pure you, probably go with something that people are going to know. Lil Enrique Iglesias.

You know what I mean? Like, drop some 90s cheese bombs. That's a thing. Like a little NSYNC or something. Also. Everybody by Backstreet Boys. Bring a friend up. Yeah. The thing is, thing is if you do oh that's a duet or group numbers are you gonna duet yeah i mean like ask her if she picks a song like hopefully you'll know it you know what i mean

but like added benefit is if you drop a backstreet song people are gonna sing along that's that's my they're not even gonna hear you there are songs that people will like the the singer is there just as a backing track for the people who are singing the bar things like any years any Bon Jovi song oh yeah like living on a prayer like you don't even have to sing you could just go up there like the bar will take care of it yeah like move a little bit hopefully you get a wireless mic and you can just go to town get like if there's a part like just hold the mic out for someone else to sing like people are going to enjoy it yeah another thing um don't be afraid to like take the mic or put the mic in the mic stand because a lot of people at least when i first started doing karaoke i was

so like i didn't know what to do with my other hand so i just held on to the mic stand yeah you know what i mean and then and it's got some or bring your drink up oh yeah yeah and that's another thing i don't i'm not advocating alcohol abuse but like a little drink or two can help with the whole courage problem don't get too drunk there's a reason why i rap first and then do ricky martin second because i need that yeah no totally fine like latin juice i hate when you go in and they're like oh you want to sign up right now? And you're like, let me just finish this picture and then I'll be right up. And don't get too drunk because if you go up and just slur your words and fall over, you're not going to look great. Yeah. And don't be afraid to compliment her friends on their singing because I'm pretty sure every single person when they get down from karaoke wants to be told like, oh, you did a good job.

There's nothing better than having like just anyone, even if it's like your best friend or whatever just being like killed it exactly yeah it's a nerve wracking thing like even if you enjoy it it's still you know nerve wracking

so I made a list I've come up with some songs and these are the songs that I think if any of my goddamn songs

are on there you are safe no I honestly think fucking like any Bon Jovi song is golden yeah but you know which one I'm

I know here's what, okay. If you're absolutely terrified of singing, um, do Biz Markie, Just a Friend. Um, because he can't even rap well. Like he's out of tune the whole song. Like that's his thing is just sort of like, like bad rapping and even worse singing. So like, just take a listen, you know what I mean? Like put it on your,

your phone and listen to it a couple of times throughout the week, get familiar with it and then just do it. The words are up there, whatever. Um, uh, Mr. Brightside by the killers.

Yeah. You can't fuck that one up. That's. And again, if you are fucking up, I promise you people will be. Yeah. Um,

that's a good one. I like it. Uh, if you can group some people up, everybody by the backstreet boys. Um, that's a good one. I like it. If you can group some people up, Everybody by the Backstreet Boys, that's another one where people just lose their mind. You can even do that by yourself. Yeah.

Africa by Toto is another thing. Everyone is going to sing that fucking song. It does have the worst line in musical history, but... I mean, yep. Try saying that while trying to seem cool and then if you want to really just fucking do it think i'll love by the darkness i was actually thinking of that i mean like that's that's a that's a big boy move yeah that's gonna be oh man if you hit that note though yeah they're gonna be mops in or even if you just

commit to trying them yeah like i want to do it now but i'll probably just break the mic uh yeah it's a fucking tune and that's the thing is like you go up you have fun with that like you're gonna get down they're gonna be like i like this guy no one's gonna be like oh he went up and had fun like oh he went up and he put energy in if you go up and you just like seem grumpy or weird or like give it a half-assed effort then they're probably like oh especially because this is their thing sorry especially because this is their thing like i think in general if it was like the only time they've ever gone to karaoke it would still give a certain impression but these people put weight on karaoke if you go and you're just like oh this is lame or it seems like that they're going to be

like oh but if you go and you commit to like their level, this is lame, or it seems like that, they're going to be like, aw. But if you go and you commit to, like, their level of fucking karaoke shenanigans, they're going to fucking love it. And here's the thing. And also, karaoke's the best. I love it so much. You've got to just, like, do it for you.

Even if they don't care. Even if they hate you, who fucking cares? Have the best karaoke. Yeah, and, like, there's actually nothing wrong with being like, I'm actually super nervous. I think I'm going to sit this one out. It's my first time karaoke-ing. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't think anyone's going to hold that against you either. True. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's, like, if you, like, my girlfriend doesn't like karaoke. She's, well, sorry, she doesn't like going up and singing during karaoke. So, I don't think she ever has when we've been out. And nobody cares. At least she went up once when we met.

Yeah, yeah. But, like, no one cares. No one's like, that's fine i i regularly organize karaoke nights for the people i work with and i would say like half of them don't sing yeah they literally just come and cheer and drink yeah like that's fine too and like you can even like make a joke out of it with them be like look guys i'm literally coming to learn from you guys so that next time maybe i'll be able to sing so show me your ways. Yeah. And just like, you know, play with them.

But yeah, if you're committed to doing it, just pick a song everyone knows and people will sing along with you. Or a song that you goddamn love. Here's some things you don't do. Don't fucking do any Meat Loaf song that's fucking seven minutes long. Definitely. Yeah. If your song has like...

Don't do Bohemian Rhapsody. Don't do Bohhemian rhapsody don't do bohemian rhapsody don't do uh fucking don't do bummer songs don't do fucking any adele fuck adele unless like rolling in the deep is a little upbeat but like no one wants to hear fucking you hello it's me like someone did that the other day and i was just like okay this is like five minutes of just sadness. Unless you're going to literally cry during it, don't do it. Yeah. Like, if I'm looking at you and I feel like you're one of those scenes where you're in the shower with all your clothes on, if I'm not getting that amount of sadness from everything you're doing, I don't want you bumming me out.

Don't pick something weird. Not real weird. Like, not fun weird. not not fun weird yeah fun weird is fine yeah it's gotta either be a song that you love on the door and has a special place in your heart but that's not a bummer or popular fun song maybe a little off the wall to base yourself a little bit it'll be great yeah all right hit me also this sounds like a lot of fun good luck yeah i mean this sounds like a a great situation like you've pretty much did all of our normal advice and like you know take it slow yeah no it sounds awesome she sounds awesome i love it so good luck keep us updated

yeah uh okay so this is by you reddit user hi hoes and, Girlfriend doesn't like me watching Game of Thrones. My girlfriend was watching it for the first time last night. I woke up to her ranting about the series, saying, There's nothing but tits in the series. Then started shitting on me, saying it's the only reason I watch it. I told her, Do not get turned on by that. And then I said, You're getting jealous of me watching a TV series. She said, No, I'm jealous of the tits.

Also, she made me watch Magic Mike with her before, so I thought she was pushing some double standard. She won't talk to me now. Am I in the wrong here? Edit. Please stop with the spoilers. I was going to say, it can't be a recent episode,

because there's been a very distinct lack of... Maybe that's why the new series sucks. You know what? Maybe. Maybe she just saw the horrific plotting and terrible logical leaps they've been doing. Well, if it's a gratuitous amount of nudity, it might actually be towards the beginning of the show when it was good. That's fair. No, I will say, like, I've definitely, like, I can't stand the, like, when people drop this kind of double standard on you, you know, like I think I've mentioned this before.

Like I had an ex and we'd watch like Die Hard and she's like, man, Bruce Willis is so hot. And it's like, cool. That's great. Like I don't give a shit. But then like anything else comes on, you're like, oh, that girl. And they're like, really? Wow. Fuck you.

You're like, what? There is a very strange as someone who grew up with like predominant female friends when I was a teenager and hormones are sort of like at their wildest. I remember being in a, uh, like a media studies class and the whole like curriculum was all just like media sexualizes women. Like women are often treated as sex objects and stuff, which is all very true. But every conversation we ever had or they ever had with each other was how hot certain female or like male celebrities were i'm just like how is this any different than men fawning over women who are portrayed sexually you know what i mean and like it's a very strange thing where like it's sort of seen like it's men do it to women in media

it is uh seemed almost predatory but like it's almost a an embracing of sexuality when women do it to men in media yeah and like i understand there is like a very large historical precedent of females being exploited or oftentimes the naked women are in like societal positions of lower power yeah um they're often like like in game of thrones it's usually like the brothel worker or like a woman who's being raped um so like i understand like those aspects of things but yeah if you if but you can't just count everything else and it's also like it's a slightly worse problem yeah and it's also very rarely is that integral to the plot. You know what I mean?

Like, it's not like, you know, Daenerys only solves her problems by, like, ripping her top off and then, like, fucking a bunch of dudes. If that was sort of like... Like Pod. And, like, yeah, Game of Thrones has a ton of sort of like questionable and problematic treatment of women but i wouldn't say that like nudity but but at the same time it's like in this case like magic mike is literally all about sexualizing a bunch of dudes in that movie yeah and for her to be able to watch that which like nothing wrong with appreciating the fact that what's his name not ben aff that, what's his name?

Not Ben Affleck. What's his name? Chang Tatum. Chang Tatum, yeah. Sexy as fuck. They're all doing real well. Man, can you imagine Magic Mike if Ben Affleck

was in it? That's a wild-ass movie. That'd be crazy, yeah. But, like, that's cool. You're allowed to do that. But you're not then allowed to turn around

and be like, wow, you watch Game of Thrones because I'm pretty sure on the nudity-to-plot ratio, there's more in Game of Thrones than there is in a magic mike which i haven't seen but i assume they're just oiling themselves up i saw a bit of magic mike and i was just you've seen them both i wish no i haven't really didn't you have this chat before no no i've i've seen like a fair chunk of the first one but like yeah again i had no context because i kind of came into i'm pretty

sure like male semi-nudity is like the whole point of the whole thing like it's not like i actually could not tell you what that movie is about it's like what are the like there's drugs involved one of the like guys or the girl's sisters or brother fucking spoiler warning yeah i don't know i don't know what the hell was going on in that movie it was wild there was not nearly as much pony as i thought as i was led to believe that there was. But, like, yeah, I feel like this is one of those situations where it's 100% double standard, and it's not fair for them to do that. Right?

No. Yeah, no, you don't have the right to be like... Again, if he was watching, like, hardcore, like, rape fantasy porn, and he was just like, no, it's fine. It's like, oh, you could definitely just like, no, it's fine. It's like, Oh, you, you could definitely like to have a conversation about that.

It's not even like I'm watching porn. Yeah. You know what I mean? Cause that's a different conversation. They're just watching a show that has nudity in it. Yeah. Like it's also not like it's some obscure weird show that like he's the only one watching. Everybody pretty much watches it.

The largest show probably in the history of television. This person needs to work on their jealousy issues because they're jealous of people he's never gonna get a chance to interact with i don't even have a face it's usually just boobs like crossing the screen yeah like girl love your own boobs yeah it's uh how do you think he feels watching these super shredded guys who can actually dance because i'm getting guessing he can't. I don't know. Yeah, something tells me if you stack up the nudity from Game of Thrones with her, probably, you know, roughly on the same level of... Yeah, depending on who, but...

I cannot believe that the majority of men can compare to shirtless Mike or Channing Tatum. Yeah, I don't even... Like, there are muscles there. I don't even like there are muscles there. I don't even know their names. I mean, yeah. I remember watching fucking the new Baywatch with the rock and Zach. Oh man. And there's a part where like Zach Efron's, I don't know, they're doing like a competition

or something. And like, I'm like, Zach Efron has muscles that don't exist. Yeah. Like he's just invented new muscle groups. Yeah. Um, and even my girlfriend, like I don't blame her where she's like, okay. Yeah. You know what I mean?

But like. Fuck, like, I'm like, yeah. And that's the thing. We should all appreciate. If there's a good pair of tits on screen, you should both be like, yeah. Go for it. Yeah. There's a good butt on screen.

When fucking Zac Efron does anything on screen, you should be like, mm-hmm. Like, when he flexes them arms, like, mm. And somehow has, like, yeah, new muscles. Yeah, when, like, a third arm sprouts at the back of it to oil the one arm like it's it's beautiful he excretes his own oil at this point like it's crazy i would not doubt that at all yeah he's just like revolutionized like physiology it's insane but yeah like there's nothing worse than being that insecure that a tv show sets you off so don't be that person yeah like appreciate allow your fucking partners to appreciate other people's beauty because like insecure that a TV show sets you off. So don't be that person. Yeah. Like appreciate.

Allow your fucking partners to appreciate other people's beauty because like they're going to do it anyway. They may as well do it as a shared experience. That's the thing. It's like you never want to like when it's something as harmless as this. Yeah. You never want to force your partner

to like make their hobbies secret. i talked about it about like with video games with one of my exes where like i would literally like again i could be in the middle of beating the final boss of like sakero and be like nope yeah we don't like it's so weird to like live in that anxiety and like terror if you like something that you enjoy doing that is literally hurting nobody yeah you know what i mean like you spending an hour roughly once a week to watch game of thrones yeah is is it is nothing because i promise you she's probably got a shit ton of things on her instagram feed that she spends more time over the course of a week looking at that is more muscles there like just people need to chill that's my

advice for this fucking scenario and you're not in the wrong that's an entire double standard and it happens in relationships and you shouldn't be like gaslighted into thinking that what they do is okay but what you do isn't yeah when it's the exact same shit yep within you know reason so i found this i don't want to like really talk about it, but I found this because it's an interesting addition to a previous question we had on another episode. This is from Reddit user Luke312. How many Lukes? 312. That's a lot of Lukes.

I would say too many Lukes. Again, it's not a question. Just a statement. I guess it too many Luke's. Again, it's not a question. Just a statement. I guess it is kind of a question. I can't orgasm without tensing my whole body. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. For how long?

As much as I try, I have to tense up my legs and pretty much my whole body to orgasm. On top of that, I usually have to hold my breath. I'm also a guy. And I've looked it up. People usually just give answers that explain the same problem, blah, blah, blah.

I was just thinking, it's like, maybe that guy from Ocelot. All I can imagine is that he poops when he does this. If you're tensing every muscle, that would stop the poop. Well, if he tenses poop muscles first, right? Sort of like traps the poop. Yeah, you have to tense your bum muscles,

then your internal poop muscles, or else you're going to poop and then stop it from going back in. Anyway, this is spiraling out of control already. But I was just, remember... Yeah, maybe it's... Agent Ocelot, I think, was the one question. You know what I mean?

So, like, maybe this is his boy's problem. Maybe we weren't too far off. Maybe he has to do that, and then he gets a whole body charley horse. I mean... Because, you know, when you, like, tense, like, something, like, too intensely, sometimes it's just like, also, fuck you, and you're like... Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe this is, like, not quite as crazy or obscure. People who are like, yeah, me too. I don't..., maybe this is like a, not quite as crazy or obscure people who are like, yeah, me too. I don't, I only copy the question. Okay. You know, it's really funny though. Picture this.

You're fucking someone. They're bent over, maybe against your couch, maybe against the wall, you know, whatever you're standing up, you have to tense your whole body. Have you seen those fainting sheep? I was literally about to make the reference to the goats that just like go rigid and just tip over. That's all I can see. Damn it. I was literally about to make the reference to the goats that just like go rigid and just tip over. That's all I could see. Damn it, I wanted to make that joke.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, man. He's like, gah. He's gone. Oh, no. Is that what fainting, maybe fainting sheep just orgasm every time. Maybe. They get scared.

Okay, here's my real question. This is posted by Reddit user PureBloodIdiot. How many? I would say one. It's too many. It's too many. Is this the hardest part of a breakup? I broke up with my boyfriend just under a month ago as I'm traveling and it wasn't working.

I thought I was over it. I had met men since the breakup and I thought I had moved on. That was until today, a friend let me know that my ex has found a new girl who he has been sleeping with. I feel heartbroken again, making me question

whether I have actually moved on or not. Is this the worst part of a breakup? Will I now be able to move on for real from this point? So it's not even like they're dating someone? They're just sleeping with someone? I'm not sure. I feel like there's a lot to unpack here.

I don't know if I'd be all that... I wouldn't give a shit. Well, here's the thing. One, she broke up with him because she was traveling and it wasn't working. And she also met a bunch of dudes. And then proceeded to sleep with a bunch of people. Yeah, which is cool. And then found out that the guy she had dumped was now sleeping with other people and all of a sudden she's heartbroken yeah what what are you doing you don't get to be

heartbroken no you really don't you're like i don't want to do this oh what you you slept with what carl yeah it's it's very strange to like no to break something off with someone yeah for any reason and then be really upset when they move on yeah like one it it doesn't sound like you had moved on yeah um or i don't honestly i don't even know if it's a matter of quote unquote moving on for her yeah i think it's literally one of those things where like she expected him to be chased for yeah i don't know i don't really know but this is sort of like a thing that i've come across a lot again grew up predominantly with women i work predominantly with women and i i hear a lot you are predominantly a woman yeah um i hear a lot of like questions

being or like my friends will talk to me and be like... Well, he's, like, seeing another... It's like, well, have you slept with anyone else? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. But it's not okay for him to? What's the difference? Because you broke up with him.

Is he just supposed to never... And she's like, well, I don't want to know about it. It's like, cool. Ben, that's on your friend. He told you. That's another thing. It's like, how did that don't want to know about it. It's like, cool. That's on your friend. He told you. That's another thing is like, how did that come up? And why does it matter? Apparently it was a mutual friend who.

I don't know. Well, I'm talking about this question. Yeah, I know this. This question I saw. I read the comments. And it was like a mutual friend who was like, who came in and was like, oh, just so you know, like this guy seen like a new girl. Like they're fucking... And, like, I think

from what it... From the comment, it sounded like he was kind of, like, putting the barbs to her. You know what I mean? Was like... And he's like,

oh, why are you... Are you angry? Why are you so angry about this? Like, the friend was... The friend was saying that, too. That's not a good friend. No, I know. Well, firstly,

fix your friends. Fix yourself. Yeah. Like, I... But the thing is, I hate when Well, firstly, fix your friends, fix yourself. Yeah. Like, I, but the thing is, I hate when, like, if you break up with someone, I don't think they really owe you anything else at all. No, they really don't. If you dump someone and then immediately are in a relationship, like, that's almost a little harsh because, like, then, you know, there might be, like like it then seems like stuff had been going on before the end whatever but and what but like if you're

dumped whatever you free you don't owe the person who dumped you like a grieving period no as you know i mean like and it also sounds like there's been like time has also yeah if it's a month that's that's a long time six months a month under a month ago under a month whatever but even so like i assume it's at least two or three weeks yeah so she's clearly slept with at least two other people which again fine you're single you're allowed to do that off traveling great enjoy if you are allowed to do that guilt-free yeah why arefree, then there's no reason for the person who broke up with you to not be able to do the same thing.

With even less guilt because you broke up with them. Exactly. It's a thing I always think is very helpful is to put yourself in their shoes and vice versa. And if they've done something, but you've also done that thing, I don't think you

really get to be annoyed at them for it yeah no like at all even even if she hadn't even if she was like oh i'm not i'm not gonna sleep that's your choice that's cool you've made that choice but like when you break up with someone you don't sign a contract being like well you gotta wait we're gonna have a four months yeah yeah you know what I mean? That doesn't happen. So like he literally could have gone home and booty called someone that fucking night. Yeah. And it's like, you know what? I think it's like she seems she's probably taking it as a slight to herself.

Like that he is over her so quickly because she he's with another guy. Girl. Guy. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. But like one, you've also done that so unless you don't care about them which is why you did that which isn't the case because you

clearly care about them because you're upset that they're fucking someone new so why would you then think they'd be the same so like you're taking the exact same thing you've done and applying all these negative like connotation towards yourself i assume yeah like imagine how he would feel to be like oh you broke up with me and then presumably probably slept with someone before he has if you're just hearing about it now yeah again i don't know the timeline but like still so like imagine that same shitty friend who's just like who then goes over to they love this like bullshit to your ex and it's like oh i heard jessica's fucking this new guy like what do you think he felt yeah that's a harder yeah because you got dumped and then they were

like oh bye yeah so they'd be like oh cool so like you dumped me i know you're sleeping with other people what the fuck am i waiting for yeah exactly and like if it's one of those things where you expect them to like still be there for you when you get back from traveling, then you're an idiot. If you just broke up with them and like, bye. Yeah. That's not how it works. If that's a situation you were kind of like hoping to swing. Because I'm thinking that's a possibility.

It's a conversation you kind of have to have. You know what I mean? Like you kind of have to be like, hey, I'm going to go travel. Let's open the relationship. Like, you know what I mean? And then we'll revisit it when we get back. And even then, if he sleeps with someone, that's literally the agreement. So you can't be a little bitch about it.

We were on a break. Yeah. I don't know. People, like, you're allowed to be upset, I guess. But, like. For sure. There's a difference between feeling, like, a negative emotion and, like, feeling like someone did something wrong. You know what I mean?

Like you can be hurt and realize that they're totally in the right, but you can't be like, what the fuck, Carl? Yeah. And I don't, like, I don't like saying people don't have the right to feel things.

Well, a lot of people don't. So whatever. But like, I feel like heartbroken is a strong. Yeah. They can't break your heart when you broke up with them. Yeah. Unless they turned around and were like, by the way't break your heart when you broke up with them. Yeah.

Unless they turned around and were like, by the way, I've been fucking your dad this whole time. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, I only know you because me and your dad are just taking each other to fucking power town. Pump and dump all week. Yeah. Hey, you're a landlord?

I'll suck them. What you know about that? Get out of here. I thought he was you. If you don't know what we're talking about, go listen to our last week's episode. Yeah. I wonder, do we have to always throw in throwbacks? Because if this is like, if you're just picking up a random episode, you're probably like,

these people are insane. We should just like make a little throwback horn, like, and every time you hear that, you realize that it goes back to an episode app our extended experience you can you you start the app in the episode and every time like a chime goes off it's a our director it'll tell you like what episode we're referencing well it's one chime per number of the episode so if 42 chimes go off that's our 42nd episode uh all right hit me with a question. Okay.

This is from the Seduction Reddit. Oh, god damn it. And this is from Clear Decision. I'm worried you're spending too much time on here. It's so horrible. Tips on friend-zoning girls you've slept with? The objective here is to take women who you've already slept with and transition them into the friend group as moderately sexual friends,

without jealousy or hurt feelings, but instead with excitement and energy. I would like to be able to bring a few girls I've been sleeping with into my friend group as just that, fun, flirty friends, but every time we hang out, there are explicit date vibes. Anyone have tips on building up this type of friend group? In particular, with girls you've already slept with? I think it's pretty clear. You make buttons. And then depending on your intentions for the evening, you put it on.

So like you make like a little pin. When you first see them, you give them a hug. And then you just like casually put it on. What buttons? So, like, you make, like, a little pin. You put it on. Like, when you first see them, you give them a hug, and then you just, like, casually slide it on their shirt. And it just says, friend. Fun and flirty. Fun, flirty friend. Date vibes.

Date vibes, yeah. And excitement and energy. Yeah. And you want them to wear all three all the time. No. No, no, no. You don't want the date vibes. He says he wants date vibes.

No, I think he's saying that every time he hangs out with one of his friends he gets date vibes which is not what he wants because he wants them to be fun flirty friends oh i thought he wanted to have date vibes every time no he wants to avoid the date vibes because it's not a date well that's good you don't go on dates with your friends that makes this uh fun flirty friends always do uh yeah that's true uh you know what this makes it slightly better because i thought he was like i want to do this but every time i want there to be explicit date vibes no no this makes it slightly better but also does it can we can we point out this incredible

term of moderately sexual friends i mean that's i don't know that like does he mean he still wants to fuck i think he still wants to fuck them? I think he still wants to fuck them. He basically wants, like, a harem around him that he can kind of, like, dip in and out of whenever he wants. Just like his own, like, sort of personal friend brothel. Exactly. But he never wants to actually have to put any effort or commit in. He just wants them nearby

and being fun, flirty, energetic, and exciting. Yeah. With no date vibes. And no hurt feelings. No hurt feelings. God, no. But no date vibes. vibes i mean but also readily available vaginas to be fair that doesn't sound terrible if if you could somehow pulled some sort of like if some sort of like wizardry if you're some sort of like penis warlock where you could convince a group of attractive girls

to just sort of have no hurt. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if everyone's just on board with this sort of fun, flirty friend harem. Yeah, sure. It's just... That's a great situation for everyone involved. I feel like it's one of those things that might happen. Probably rarely, but, you know, whatever.

I don't think it's one of those things you can make happen. Yeah, no. Not at this kind of specificity i don't think there is a wiki how article on how to yeah transition women into your friend zone but also not friend zone it's sort of like your friends with benefits okay if we're gonna take this question seriously you can just like having slept with someone be like hey like you want to come hang out with me and my friends just a heads up like it's not as like a date thing like i enjoy having sex like maybe we don't do it again but i'm not really looking for a relationship but you're cool come

hang out with me and my friends yeah and then they come and hang out with them and like also it's weird to assume it's a date if you're going out like if you're like oh hey i'm out with my friends or if they text you if they get sort of throw you that like 12 o'clock midnight being like, hey, what are you doing? And you're just like, oh, I'm out having some drinks with friends. And you're like cool with her coming. Just be like, come join. If someone was like, I'm out with my friends, come join. I'd either take it as like we're going to go hang out and then go back and fuck.

Or we're going to go hang out with their friends because they're trying to introduce me because they are putting out date vibes. And no date vibes and no date vibes i can't stress this enough that's true that's true and like i got you vibing you vibing date wise to me yeah so yeah i would yeah i guess you like that could be construed as like being like oh he's introduced me to his friends it might be like taking a step forward which is the opposite way of friendzone harem i think we finally have a question we can't answer i don't think we need to i love when people because the thing is i feel like the question is so specific like i'm reading it out because it's fucking ridiculous i'm not actually bringing this to us with any seriousness i think just the entire mentality behind it is poisonous and terrible um but somebody here has given an

equally specific response oh perfect don't see the girl more than once every eight days or so uh-huh not seven eight eight no cuddling no public displays of affection no whispering sweet nothings into her ear just in case you live in the 50s. And he also says, avoid introducing her or integrating her into your circles of friends, which is the complete opposite of what this person wants. Unless this guy wants just a whole new circle of friends of just women that he's slept with.

He wants to open up. Maybe he's trying to start some sort of weird female fight club in which they all vie for his, assumingly, just perfect affection. and everyone's like, damn, killer tips.

Agree with this. And then the clear decision just commented saying, money. Nice. Yeah. I feel like the seduction subreddit is just like...

It's a parody of itself at this point. Like, cliches of douchebags throughout the era. Like, Whispering Street Nothings, I haven't heard that fucking term ever since, like, Grease. And then, like, money? Like, are you Vince Vaughn

from Swingers? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? No one says money anymore. I don't even know. Except Macklemore. He could be Macklemore. Macklemore says money.

Yeah. You got another? Yes, I do. Or am I going to a more serious one? No, you i didn't waste it no you did too i'm doing another one okay my husband 42 year old male got his girlfriend 24 year old female pregnant i 38 year old female have been sick for eight years with cancer you could say i lost my looks so i understand why it happened it's a new username because my daughter knows my other account. Anyway, I'm not sure how to tell our kids, 18, 16, 14, 13, and 10.

Jesus. I know it's a lot of kids. That they're going to have a half-sibling. Um, I don't know what to do in this. There's some details we don't really need to get into. I just do not know what to do in this situation. He has no plans to leave me to marry her, but he asked if I would help tell the kids.

Advice would be appreciated. So are they... No, it was not agreed upon. Oh, so she... I didn't know he for sure had a mistress, but I assumed. Oh. And then he was like, yo, what up, I got her pregnant. And he was like, can you help me tell the kids?

Okay, see, that changed it. I thought it was like a polyamorous situation like she knew she was sick and she was like hey let's open these doors if if that was the case this would be a very different question that's why i was like the way you said like oh she wants him to tell the kids i was like well i mean like i kind of get it like it's it was a decision on both but if it's not no that's wow that's a sit back and let him fucking do it you fold your arms you sit in the corner and well maybe i don't know here's the thing i think depending on how serious this cancer is if it's a terminal situation yeah it's like

i don't know if i would want to leave my kids with like that kind of anger. Yeah. Or resentment. But that sucks for you to have to take the emotional bullet just to protect your kids. Because your husband's a bit of a fucking asshole. I don't. I would hope that he would still do the like the heavy lifting. And she would be there to sort of like. Yeah.

Explain the situation. Because like. I feel like the 18 year old. I mean the teenage hormones might throw things. But like I think the older siblings might understand being like, well, like, mom's dying. It's kind of irrational. But, like, I don't know. Like, as a logical adult, I can see sort of, like, if mom was there to be like, look, he's going to have to move on at some point.

And it's never going to be easy. But like. I think it's. Yeah. And also I think like. From a more cynical shitty point of view. You probably want to be involved at some point. Just to make sure that you.

Have some kind of control of the narrative. So it doesn't ever kind of. Turn into your fault. Or. Like so you know what's being said and you know that you're being represented well so i think at the very least you should be there when they're being told so that you know what he's saying is straight up being told yeah because i fucking told you about what happened yesterday or you saw my facebook i was walking down the road and like

there was this little like five-year-old girl and she was asking her dad about like what being separated meant which i assume was because the mom and dad are separated and he starts being like oh separated is like before you get divorced when you try and work it out i tried to work it out with mommy but she said no and the kid was like asking other questions he just kept being like i i tried to work it out but mommy said i don't love you anymore mommy said she doesn't love daddy so daddy has to go away and all this shit and was just like poisoning this poor child's mind and it's like yeah you don't want to you know you want to make sure you're accurately represented in this situation although i do think if i don't know i guess yeah and i feel

like like the death of a parent especially like because there's some young kids in there right like 10 that's a lot of fucking kids it's a lot of kids. That's now, with the new one, that's six. Yeah, like, there's... It's going to suck just to lose a parent. Thankfully, both my parents are still going strong. So I can only sort of empathize with those who have lost parents. But that's going to fuck these kids up, especially the younger ones. I would imagine, I think if I was the one who was sick, I would want to also sort of like ease that transition because like, how old, what's the age difference between him

and his girlfriend? Uh, it's a lot, right? It's like 20 years, 20 years. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's a lot, right? It's like 20 years? 20 years, yeah. Yeah, I mean... 18 years. It's a tough thing, because, like, his... Like, who could end up being their stepmom is... Is only five years older.

Is six years older than the 18-year-old. Fuck. Yeah, it's a real shitty situation. But, no, I... As shitty as it is, I understand, like, you have no responsibility to be a part of this. Yeah, but I think maybe for your own self-preservation, self-interest, and just kind of like... And for the kids. Yeah, well, that is, you know, because I doubt you're...

I mean, you have kids you love. You're not divorcing themself in your own self-interest, right? So, yeah, that sucks, though, because it's like you're then put in the position to, like, martyr yourself for your own family when you've kind of been fucked over. And like dealing with some bullshit. It's it sucks that like he's putting her in that position to sort of be like, hey, do you mind using your sickness as an excuse for my infidelity? Yeah. Fuck.

But you know what? Also, you don't necessarily have to be the good guy. You're dying. You can do whatever you want. If you want to... Yeah, but, like, those kids, though. Hey, maybe he's an asshole and they need to know. Yeah, but, like... I don't know.

But a lot of them don't have... Won't have a parent if that's a kid. You know what I mean? Like, if you... Despite the fact that he deserves to be blasted, if you, like, if you're, like, dying moments. Or, like, if your last sort of action on earth is telling your six-year-old kid that, like, daddy's a piece of shit. Yeah. And he's, like, a liar and a cheater.

And, like, how's that kid ever going to respect or, like. Yeah, no, 100%. It's awful. And, like, hopefully, like, again again i'm trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt here hopefully you know grief makes people do crazy shit yeah you know what i mean so like i understand that he's probably dealing with a whole myriad of like i can only imagine what it's like to have a partner like someone you love yeah you know what i mean like so i understand i would hope that's not the way i'd fucking deal with it but no i know but like um

like i said grief makes people do crazy shit yeah um like i know people who have had like kids who are sick and just you know they found solace in someone who was a little less pragmatic than like their husband their husband was very much like we just need to do this this is how it needs to like we just and like he wasn't all very like comforting he wasn't sympathetic or empathetic or anything he was just sort of like I want my kid to live and this is the things that we have to do and it became sort of very clinical for him because he just wanted his kids to live

and so she felt sort of neglected or like her the emotional side of her stuff that what she was dealing with wasn't being taken care of and ended up finding like solace in another person so it's like super extreme grief like tends to fuck with people like humans humans are not fundamentally dealt to yeah deal with grief you know what i mean like the morality or mortality of us

is sort of like what fucks us up the most that's why most people do stupid shit is because like they want to do as much as they can before they die yeah um no i think uh you you do raise a good point earlier where it's like you you kind of gotta like i think it is actually a terminal kind of situation i looked a little further i think it's one year which sucks but i guess like that's a factor that in this specific situation plays in it's like what do you want to leave behind regardless of this horrible situation you know and how do you want to affect your kids um and in that end it might be best to be involved in however way you want to choose but like you really got to give that some thought you know because there are going to be lasting effects to this for the rest of their lives yeah i mean like

if if there's like an actual relationship outside of a sexual one with this woman like fucking it would you'd be a saint in my eyes if you helped with that transition of being like welcoming her like bringing her into the family you know i mean like i i don't know if i would be able to do it um especially not when it happened this way yeah like i don't know but like if if that's something like if she's able to sort of like make peace with that and make a make a transition a little easier for the sake of like the kids um but i mean that's that's a hard ass that's a big ask um because like at the at the end that's a hard ass it's a hard it's a big ass um yeah at the end of the day like she's still a human being

with like emotions and insecurities and you know what I mean dealing with her own shit so like yeah it's fucked it's

it's a tough question um sorry to get real yeah can you unreal us I might be able to unreal us a little bit I don't know

I should have saved the orgasm I got one uh an orgasm here's um here's a quick one let's do a quick sexy one sex one sex related okay um super ninja 007 from reddit asks how do you breathe while giving oral to a woman when i'm giving oral to my girlfriend i find it really hard to breathe and end up breathing loudly through my nose which interrupts her from enjoying it any suggestions well nose one's out snorkel um no snorkel i i think it's yeah a vagina snorkel um you gotta like learn how to like it is an art to like be able to either breathe in through your mouth while

you're manipulating your tongue and like you're all up in their business or to use your nose and like a combination of them but also like you can like lick lick like breathe like you know like you can get in the rhythm or just take breaks where like if you're licking you can like withdraw for a second use your finger you know maybe go in maybe just play with the clits more maybe do both and while you're doing that breathe a little and mostly i think it's about practice it's weird like i don't i mean obviously my breathing is definitely hampered but like i've never really had too much of a trouble and i think it comes down to positioning i think the only time i've had that is like when you're trying to do like a like a quick steady particular rhythm and like you don't want to like

do something that'll interrupt that like if you're kind of going like a little like hard and fast and you're building to what's going to be an orgasm hopefully soon because your tongue's starting to hurt i feel like you never want to interrupt that so that's the only times i've really had that issue is where like i don't want to like take that second to breathe and break that rhythm yeah because i think in general like you can go slow and you'll be good and like they're gonna love that too you know but like you so some of the things i was trying to like play through my fucking head how it's um um, here you just, I'll spread my fingers here.

I, I breathe through like the bottom of my mouth. Yeah. You know what I mean? So like, I'll sort of like push the top of my face. So like my nose into the pubis and my tongue into the clit and then drop the mouth and sort of like breathe through there. If like in your situation where like you're going hard and fast and like putting pressure like when you're like because then you're like able to

sort of like even put even more pressure on on the clit um and then otherwise i'll like come down and sort of like put my neck level with her like hips um and then so your nose is sort of sitting above like the pubis so you can breathe in. How loud is this guy breathing? Is this question just a cry for help in that he has like a nasal passage problem? I think what he's probably doing is putting his head in one position and not moving it. I'm trying to breathe really loudly with my nose and I can't imagine being that bad. The only time I've ever really struggled with this is...

When you were drowning. When I've been with women who don't shave. Because you've got pubic hair up your nostrils, which is... Yeah. For someone who has allergies, let me tell you... Shouldn't you be used to that by now? That's how you get a vagina sneeze.

We've solved it. Yeah, I don't know. I've never, like, again, just, like, take your time. Like, practice and, like, literally take your time. Because if you're, again, hammering, like, if you're pressed up so close or your tongue is, like, going so 90 that, like, you can't even, like, engage your lungs, like, it's not going to be a good time for anyone. And you're going to burn out. Yeah. And experiment with angles, like throw a pillow under her hips and stuff.

You know what I mean? Get her to get on top. Get you to go on top. Get her to sit in the bed and you get down on your knees. That's the thing. Like the edge of the bed is a great thing or like the edge of the couch or whatever. Or a desk. Yeah.

Any sort of like surface where you can sort of like get on the lower and sort of like get eye level with her hips is you'll, you'll be at a bit more advantageous for a breathing. Yeah. I think, yeah, it's, it's, it's pretty simple. All right. Can you be bald and still be attractive? Rude.

By you. Put doors one. 23 year old male. I thought you were going to say by you. Hair loan, hair, hairline is receding quite a bit and it's crushing my self esteem I love everything about my body except for that which makes me feel so unattractive and discouraged

from dogging the girls at my university is there still hope for me that's a stupid ass question I mean it's not as someone who has a receding hairline and has struggled with it but since like college but it's also a stupid question because, self-doubt aside, look around at some of the sexiest dudes in the world. I mean, yeah, you look at Jason Statham, The Rock.

You look at fucking Vin Diesel. Yeah. Pitbull. Mr. Worldwide. Mr. Worldwide. Bitcoin wizard, Mr. Worldwide. I think he's a real estate wizard. No, he was a Bitcoin expo. Oh, that was real estate. I'm think he's a real estate wizard he's no it was a bitcoin

expo oh that was real estate i'm pretty sure it's real estate bitcoin real estate expo i swear to god i still have the article uh it's the best um yeah like ev what's what's your man from die hard we'd mentioned earlier bruce willis yeah like fucking people were going like i got arguments with my ex because she would go on about how hot he is, but then wouldn't let me say anyone else was hot. That's how hot he was. Yeah. Magic Mike's probably bald. I can't remember.

I'm sure Channing Tatum has been bald at some point. Yeah. I'm sure there's a bald guy on that Magic Mike squad. And the thing is, it's not to say that feeling that way is stupid. I just mean, like, you can be so caught up in your own insecurities that you don't look around and see that very clearly you being bald doesn't mean shit yeah i mean like it's almost sort of like a a pretty common and popular look right now is bald with a beard yeah i'm this i'm fucking rocking right now and like let me tell you let me sell you you're rocking it oh thanks buddy um

i i wish i shaved my head earlier. I really do. Well, I think that's the very first piece of advice here is, like, kill it, unball, shave it as quick as you can. Yeah. Like, I really wish I did. I wish I had the balls to have, like, sort of cut the tie. Just taken that dive. Yeah.

Because, like, I should have done this, like, 10 years ago. Really. And I think I would have. I think that any sort of, like, insecurity I would have had would have just been, like... Because, like, once it's gone, like, fuck it.

It's just gone. You know what I mean? Like, trying to hide it by growing a hair longer or, like, in haircuts and shit like that, it's like, once the hairline starts receding,

there's no hiding. People know. People see it. It's like, I wore hats. Like, hats were my thing. And hats are still... will always be my thing it. It's, like, I wore hats. Like, hats were my thing. And hats are still, will always be my thing. But,

like, I wore a hat almost always because of my, like, I was really insecure about my hair. Mm-hmm. But, yeah,

like, now that I've shaved it, I'm just like, fuck, I wish I'd done that. You're sexy as all hell. I wish I could have saved my younger self

all that stupid bullshit insecurity and anxiety. So, that's, that's my suggestion is just, like, if you can, grow a beard, shave your head. Even if you can't grow a beard. Even if you can't grow a beard, whatever, fuck it. The thing is, I feel like it's the fact when it's like received a certain point and you're still trying to hang on that it might look a little weird.

Whereas like if it's just all gone or if it's all there, no one cares. Yeah. You know? But yeah, you can definitely be sexy as hell if you're bald. 100%. whereas like if it's just all gone or if it's all there no one cares yeah you know but yeah you can definitely be sexy as hell if you're bald 100%

like don't worry about it although obviously it's understandable if you do we get it but you're good

yeah yeah attractive bald men exist yep and there are plenty of women who find bald men

that's their thing yeah I mean there are plenty of women who like exclusively date bald guys. Yeah. Or, like, have a very, very strong sort of, like, sexual attraction to bald men. So you're good.

And just think about it. You got a whole new place to put a tattoo. Yeah, you can get a fucking big old spider web. Yeah. Or an eight ball. Or both. Oh, my God. An eight ball on the back of a spider nesting in that web.

Mm-hmm. Or, like, another version of your face on the back of your head. Oh, yeah. Freak people out. Like Voldemort the shit out of that. Dead child. Oh, no. Yeah.

No, you're good. All right. Let's do one more. One quick one. Okay. I mean, we'll see what happens. This is posted by Reddit user Social Cult. Partner isn't turned on by self-pleasure.

So this is kind of long, but I'm going to try to go through it quick. I just had a baby, so P and V is non-existent. Well, tonight we were messing around, dry humping, making out, and blowjob. After he finished, I went and got my vibrator and started blasting my clit. Hell yeah. He got weird and distant, only occasionally touching my nipples and making out with me once in a while. I felt incredibly stupid, like I was really into something and he wasn't. I've never been in such a situation before, and since I've had my baby, my body isn't the best shape, so I felt really insecure.

I just said that I felt uncomfortable performing an act he wasn't into, and he said that watching someone pleasure themselves wasn't something he was ever into he said he was trying to um and he just didn't know what to do but by then I just felt really stupid so I told him what I like but it felt fake the more I think about it the more upset I get I feel like he's selfish I blow him and get him off and he's all into that but he can't even act interested in me getting off. In fact, he treats like a chore. Am I overreacting? I have a very similar question. Uh-oh. I think we're going to tie in, so I'm going to read it really quick.

Okay. New guy I'm seeing got upset when I touched myself during sex. Advice. Last night was our second time having sex. While I got on top, I started rubbing my clit. I noticed him starting to get soft, and he just wasn't as into it anymore. I asked him what was wrong. He asked why I was touching myself.

Wasn't he good enough? I never had someone say that. I think it's probably a similar thing here where like he was insecure about the vibrator. I think that's what got him upset. See, I don't know. I think I have a different angle. OK, because I think this. So, like, I love when girls play with themselves when I'm fucking them. Yeah, I also love when the fucking play with themselves in general. But here's the thing.

I used to I have a handful of women that i sub with there's one in particular who would be like if i ever got to go to the bathroom or whatever like if i left the bed and came back in she'd be like stay there and then we start playing with herself and i wouldn't know what the fuck to do do you know what i mean it's like do i just watch you and like i would try to like go over and like initiate or like join in and she'd be like, no, no. So like, I would just be standing there sort of like soft dicked in the middle of the room just being like, uh, and then sort of like that expectation.

And it's like, well, you can touch yourself too. And it's like, well, like my dick doesn't work like that. You know what I mean? Like, I can't just sort of like, I don't know For me, watching someone masturbate isn't what I'm into. Like, I couldn't, I wouldn't ever go on Pornhub and watch, like, a solo video of a woman masturbating. Yeah. It's just not something that arouses me. Yeah, but, like, seeing your partner do it, I find it super hot.

But also, like, I think this is a different situation where, like, I'm sure it's not that you saw her do it and was like oh it's that you saw her do it and like if you appreciate it for like a second or two or whatever and then you got to join in that would be a different thing or if you knew there was no way you could join in because she just gave birth then you could like play with her nipples or like kiss her neck or like do other things to help her get off i don't think you'd be bothered by that this is a different situation where it's like being teased and then you never kind of get like there's a difference between someone playing with themselves like this see this is a thing this is this i don't understand this is this i understand this insecurity so this guy is yeah this guy this guy like i you know i mean like if if someone does anything to increase their pleasure during sex, I'm all for it. You know what I mean? It's like. that he got really weird about that and the thing is it's not your situation where your situation is you're not enjoying it because this wasn't about his enjoyment it's not like he wasn't also beating

off he'd already gotten his pleasure out of it but he wasn't even joining in he wasn't helping her he seemed like upset about the situation yeah he didn't see it wasn't just like if this is again i don't know if this is the thing they do i don't know if it's like if he knows about the you know like that that sort of information isn't um but like i imagine it's sort of like common knowledge if she's just going to be like she's busted out you know what i mean yeah but the thing is if she's just doing it in front of him like to me that's what it seems like because it's not like he wasn't enjoying and he wasn't getting off on it because that was all about her enjoyment and he still wasn't into it like there was no him involved right there was no possibility of him getting off or is it one of the situations where like if someone's going to town on themselves

and they seem like they're enjoying it's like i don't really want to interrupt this no that's bullshit because you know like if you were going to town on yourself and someone was like kissing your neck or doing anything it would make it better i don't know really you don't i don't know if if i was like in jerk off mode i don't know if i want someone bothering me but they're not bothering you but it would be one thing if she was like go down on me or finger me yeah but that's not she was doing her own thing yeah but she just wants him to like touch her or kiss her yeah because those things feel good. But if you don't know what to do, like I don't know if it's necessarily because like she says,

he got weird and distant only occasionally touching my nipples and making out with me once in a while. So it might be one of those things where like if he's like touching her and like she stops moaning because she's doing something different, he'd be like, oh, okay. Not, you know what I mean? Or like if he's making out with her and then she starts like going to town, it's like I would also be like, oh, not not you know what i mean or like if he's making out with her and then she starts like going to town it's like i would also be like okay like i'm gonna give you some space you know i mean like if this is a new experience for him i feel like it's very easy to not know what's expected of you no but like the thing is they've been partners for

a while i'm assuming yeah so you know what feels good for your partner like i know if anybody like if i'm going to town on them or if they're going to town on themselves or anything in between i know me playing with their nipples in a certain way is going to feel good i know me kissing them is going to feel good but not if you've never seen them like use a matter if you've never seen them use a vibrator before and how they react to things like if she does something it doesn't matter it 100 no it doesn't matter at all. Cause you're enhancing their experience by doing things that are good, but not if the reaction is different,

but you also know your partners, you know, if the reactions are good or bad. So if you're doing something and all of a sudden, there are times where like, I've been with women who are like, after a certain point, like you can't touch their nipples.

Yeah. And because they become super sensitive about things. You're probably going to know that. Yeah. yeah but if i've never if you've never used a vibrator on yourself i don't know when that moment of like that threshold is okay well one they'll let you know i'm sure because again it's not like i feel like you're coming at this from uh hookup perspective and not that you've been with someone for so long perspective because you're gonna know your partner's body pretty fucking well by that point so it's not going to be this mystery of like do i don't i i guess but again if it's something that like like you're not used to or don't know like i don't it's again if

it's the first time it's totally okay for a partner to be uncomfortable or unsure of what you know what i mean and that's that's what it seems like it is it's the first time she's like he didn't know what to do and i'm pissed about it which isn't fair well no the fact is it seems to me more like he just seemed like he he was just washing his hands of the whole affair and the thing is like in context you've gone through this pregnancy and like you're not getting a lot of stuff because you can't he's getting blow jobs and hand jobs and all these things right so the second then it's your thing and he just seems like uncomfortable and upset and it's like he's not blowjobs and handjobs and all these things right so the second then it's your thing and he just seems like uncomfortable and upset and it's like he's not making a single

inroad towards her when she's doing all these things for him and i think she feels hard done by as a result of that because he seems selfish which i agree with but at no point in time does she say what she wants or did she say she guided him or did she say that she asked for anything she just said that he tried things uncomfortably yeah which again not fun but again like again you are allowed to be uncomfortable in situations you're not true used to yeah no that's fine you know what i mean it's like if you just walked up to your girlfriend while she was on the couch you started jerking off again totally different thing but thing, but sure. Okay, or even still, if you're in bed,

you guys have just had sex, she's gone to the bathroom, and you're in bed just sort of like jerking off, there's a chance that she might... Again, totally different thing, but no, I get you. If you're saying that

she should have communicated better, sure, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're not allowed to get upset with someone. Again, this is all under the assumption that it's the first time, i assume it is because like i read the question yeah yeah well the thing is like she says immediately he got weird and distant so it wasn't like like you know yourself there's a difference between being in

a situation somebody not doing the right thing and somebody being weird and distant and i think like unless you're repulsed by your partner getting themselves off, I don't see a reason why you would be weird and distant here. Because, again, maybe it's not what you're into personally, but this wasn't about him. This was about her, and he was being weird and distant. I don't imagine that you'd be that turned off by your partner getting themselves off unless you had some weird aversion to it such as being jealous of the vibrator or something else that's you know but again i have no weird aversion to masturbation but like but if it doesn't do anything for me so like that's fine but if you had already gotten off and then they were like i want to do this thing would you get all weird and distant but she didn't

say i want to do this thing she says she gets her vibrate and starts blasting her clit. Yeah, but like... That seems like an aggressive, like, switch. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I'm sure she's just, like, using colorful terms. You know, like, he's finished and then she went and got her vibrate. Like, I doubt it was just like... And even then...

I don't know. Blasting your clit paints a pretty picture. But even then, like, I can't imagine a situation where, like, he was so shocked and amazed by this turn of events. You know what I mean? Like, yes, I understand your point. And I agree with it. I'm just saying that, like, we're alsoatize someone to a sexual experience, you can't expect them to know exactly what you want or exactly how to behave in that experience when they're technically not involved. Yeah, that's fair.

You know what I mean? I do think, again, we could say it till we die, but communication is a thing. So by the sounds of it, there was no communication on either it just sounded like she blew him went to the bathroom or like under the bed or in the drawer got her like and started like and he just got vibrated and he was just like okay yeah it seems like the most awkward situation if this has never happened of all the time that you've known this person at least long enough to have a kid yeah um and you're just like uh and then and then like you you try the nipples and like again if if it's one of those things where like nothing seems like if she's doing her own thing and you and you try and you're like okay that's not really working because like

nothing's changed or she like we don't know how she's reacted to the things that he's done again i i don't really believe much of that because i do think you get to learn your partner's body pretty well after you've been with them for a while so i can't imagine there being wild surprises just because they've introduced a sex toy because like in the times i've used them with people it's not like they're a different person at all no it's true but they still react the same to things so i i honestly don't i think there's also a mental like sort of situation where like i feel like this is like a solo thing you know i I mean like I mean like again

if they haven't used it before vibrators are like a her time thing so there is sort of a mental block of being like I'm intruding

on your time thing I think he just feels insecure about it it could be you know 100% that's where I'm going and I've seen

if that's the situation then you just kind of need to like realize that this is the only means of sexual satisfaction that she has and embrace it if it's one of the things where like you just kind of need to like realize that this is the only means of sexual satisfaction that she has and embrace it. If it's one of the things where like you just got caught off guard and don't know how to

interact with in this situation, it's one of those things where like maybe, you know what I mean? After she blows you, you get the vibrator and you say, what do you want me to do? And the thing is, she clearly wants you involved in it as well. It's not like she wants you over there while she just goes to town on herself yeah well you're in the bathroom she's trying to sneak a cookie so it's even better i guess in that sense that she does want you involved so like but in both cases you need to fucking communicate yeah everyone needs to know what the fuck's going on like he could that's the thing like we're both looking at it and we both have totally different

ideas on what is happening so imagine what they're fucking thinking like they could be anywhere it could literally be like you could be what she's thinking i could be what i'm thinking or it could be something else you know what i mean and it's like maybe he's just really pissed off because he found out where the like fucking batteries from the remote control just went yeah he's like god damn it now i know why we're bleeding fucking double a's yeah he's he's like, oh, cool, cool, cool. Or maybe it wasn't, like, maybe it was just his PlayStation controller. And, like, someone's jump leader, and she's just like, and he's like, that's not what that is, Sandra. What the fuck?

Like, maybe it's not Viber at all. Maybe it's just, like, their hyperactive ferret in a tin. Oh, I don't know. But either way, like, the thing is, we can guess all day what the fuck it might be, but you also can do that, and neither one is really going to fix this, because y'all need to talk. Yeah. Because this ain't healthy. If he has a weird aversion to electronics, figure it out.

If he just has no idea what you want, fucking tell him. Yeah. I think that kind of what it boils down to is, at no point in time does she say that she asked for this, and he said no. Yeah. Like, I think, yeah, I think that kind of what boils down to is at no point in time does she say that, like she asked for this and he said, no, he tried some things. And like, again,

we don't know her reaction. We don't know like what he, how, how much effort he actually put into it. It could have been that he tried them wholeheartedly. Didn't seem to be getting anywhere. And then just kind of slowly gave up. And now retroactively looking back,

she's like, instantly he was weird and distant. Yeah. Like if you, if you, if I'm like kissing your, of slowly gave up and now retroactively looking back she's like instantly weird and distant yeah like if you if you if i'm like kissing you you're like trying to make out with you and you're fucking losing your shit because you're getting yourself off it's like i would kind of back i wouldn't like keep grabbing your face and trying to kiss you you know what i mean like i'd be like okay cool like you got this under control i'm just gonna like let you do your thing and by that time it's like i don't know what the fuck else I'm gonna be doing like you know like play with

them nipples man you get behind her it's one of those things where like if she's like losing her fucking mind you get her to lean back on you you play with her nipples you kiss that neck yeah you know it's the best you play with their ear you kiss you you whisper sweet nothings in their ear oh shit yes you know what I mean and then when she's gone you kill that vibrator because it's trying to take your job yeah you throw it in the sink and you fucking turn the tap on and you say

vibrate this vibrate vibrate this bitch yeah no talk oh my god do you know what a light bright is

no so light bright you know if I have to explain never mind I've already forgotten what joke I was trying to make with this what is it I was going gonna try to think of like a vibrator light bright

is it it's just like a glowy lights have you seen these new foot ginas what it's like a fake foot like a fake realistic rubber foot with a vagina in it so if you so it's basically a fleshlight that's shaped like a foot so if you got a foot fetish you just fuck a foot which i'm imagining is just training a whole new platoon of serial killers because eventually you're gonna want the real foot and you're gonna have to carve a vagina into it and also cut the foot off didn't think about that well that's why we have serial killers. Goddamn foot flashlights. Yeah.

I think that's our cue to end this bad boy. Yeah. As always, we love you. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions and you would like

us to answer them, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies and you can hit us up on at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies.

And you can hit us up on Gmail if you want to write us a big long letter. Hell yeah. But no porn. At fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Please no porn. No porn. Thank you. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harbor Cities for their song Paper Stars.

Nice. I always want to say Skies and I don't know why. Okay. Well, we got some Sex writing coming at ya Out my mouth Coming straight at ya out this wet mouth hole Why am I wearing jeans and shoes

I don't know you're a fucking weirdo I'm wearing the exact opposite of you This is from DDMMYY In Things to Make and Break By Mary Lantan Or May Lantan She wriggles down under the blankets and pulls off my jeans and skivvies. I lie back and her hair tickles. Oh, I just came. No. I lie

back and her hair tickles my stomach, her mouth wrapping over me. I'd forgotten this about her. She has the smallest, hottest mouth, as if she's storing lava in her cheeks. I shut my eyes, holding her hair by the roots. My bones start to liquefy. When I'm about to cum, I flip her onto her back and take off her underwear. I roll her nipple on my tongue and rub her clit with my thumb until her lips get slippery. I glide my middle finger in and out, then fold her legs up and push in. God, that's like sticking your cock into the sun. What is this girl on?

She has a big fever. She's very fevered. Yeah, she's very ill. Jesus. Please. Yeah, bring this girl to a hospital. My God. Also, don't wait until you're about to cum.

Yeah, that's a weird tactic. Be like, oh, I'm going to... Here we go. You ready for one? Also, can we officially just call underwear skivvies from now on? Well, didn't he... Are skivvies underwear? I think so.

He then says he takes his underwear off. Her underwear. Her underwear. Oh, she took off his skivvies. Oh. He took off her underwear. I thought he said he took off her skivvies oh she took off her underwear i thought he said he took off her skivvies no skivvies sound like they have skib marks on them don't they skivvies sounds like

a disease well maybe that's what she has i got the skivvies maybe that's what she has oh oh don't don't go over there she's got a hot mouth she got the skivvies she got oh man she got a hot mouth but like literally like it's like she has lava in her cheeks. I just imagine this really red, gerbil-cheeked girl. I'm thinking the fucking fire monster from Moana. Yeah, maybe.

Your poor dick. Well, every week we finish with a little nugget of wisdom from our bud Dan. And by bud, I mean he's a bit of a dick. Dan asks, I have to's a bit of a dick. Dan asks, I have to get my ex to kiss me?

I think since we started this bug it has slowly developed into solely him trying to do things to his ex to get his ex to do things to him. There's literally, the other ones on this screenshot are, three reasons why you can't seem to convince your ex to feel the same way you do, five ways to make your ex

like you again over text, and I regret divorcing my wife. Oh, boy. Damn. Yikes. I'm gonna give this man a hug. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Bain. And we are, as always, your buddies of fuck. Your fuck buddies.