F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 337 - Quiet 5.5, An 8.5 is Talking

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

If you're not blasting this episode in public through a speaker backpack, I don't think you even really care about us.  Topics include he doesn't know he just broke up with me, new pussy problems, forced to hang out with her ex, my ex is telling me no.

I put my trust in you, and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dan Miller and I'm now Spain and we're your fuck buddies We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations turn them into sexy sticky situations We find questions either online or from our wonderful twisted listeners and we had some right here right now in your ears every Monday You know sometimes in the woods when the bear comes to our show often on patreon But right now in your ears, it's just you and me and Dane, and we're going to do it. And maybe the guy sitting across from you on the subway as you

commute to or from work. Yes, you're just blasting this podcast to an unhealthy level. But now they're like, wait, wait, this sounds kind of good. And you know what? That's kind of the direction we're trying to take it. Fuck reviews, right? Fuck telling your friends, we don't want you to post about us. We don't want you to tell anybody. We want you to put it on reviews right fuck telling your friends. We don't want you to post about us We only tell anybody want you to put it on so loud It's safer if you do it in your car, but it's not as fun But if you just do it in your headphones, and you just really really really hurt yourself No be the guy that has the backpack with like the built-in speakers. Oh, and just layer it just damn

Yeah, blare it out or even, do it where people are just using their phone speaker on the subway or the bus. Because that's even worse quality. Can we just say, whoever came up with the backpack with the speakers built into it, I hope they are executed. I assume it's like the guy who's like, oh, Alpha Wolf, and then was like, what have I done? I assume he was like, oh yeah, people are gonna use this at like sick bike beach barbecues

Like we're gonna blast some you know some nice summer tunes on the dock He didn't think it would be used for evil, you know, I don't know how anyone yeah I mean, I'm sure there was good intentions, but like The second you give people the opportunity to do this stupid as possible thing We couldn't have Tide Pods, Nile, because they made them look too delicious. Yeah. And, well, but the thing is sometimes you do stuff and people just label it bad like sleepy chicken, you know? When it's nothing but good. Yeah. For those of you who don't know what sleepy chicken is, I think it's been a while since we talked

about it. It is just NyQuil basted chicken, marinated chicken. I think you boil it in Nyquil. I don't know, man. It definitely will kill you, so don't do that. In fact, don't do a lot of what we've said so far, because it's mostly jokes, but you should know that by now. We are mostly jokes. But in those jokes, inside, kernel of wisdom, not so far, but there's about to be.

As we answer questions such as, why do I say to my boyfriend who doesn't seem to realize he's just broken up with me? New pussy problems. GF of nine months asked me to hang out with her ex. I did. My ex is telling me no. But?

His body is also telling him no. Alright. This is by Guapa79. What do I say to my 45-year- boyfriend, 44 year old male, who doesn't seem to realize he's just broken up with me? I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. When I met him, he'd separated from his wife and they were going through a divorce, eight months after separation. I don't usually date men who are separated, but we just clicked. One thing I've asked from the beginning is whether or not he wants to have more kids

because I'm child free for medical reasons. He always said he wasn't bothered either way. The relationship with his children is very strained and they don't like going to see him. Now the divorce is complete. I've warned him he'll spiral, having had friends go through the same thing, which is usually why I don't date men in this period, but he was adamant he was going to be fine. He isn't. He's spiraling. I've suggested he should go back to therapy, but he doesn't want to. I've said not to just have these thoughts and feelings swirling around his head and to talk if he needs to. And he started talking to me about his feelings. And one of them is that he wants to have more kids. Now he said this in the stream of consciousness in a voice note, I'm on the waiting list for a hysterectomy and he's still texting as normal. How do I confront this? He doesn't really

have anyone else to talk to. However, our base our relationship is basically over in my head now. Okay. Like, this is the ongoing problem of modern relationships, I find, where it's like, someone says something, and then instead of responding like a normal person in regard, like directly to the thing that was just said, like, what did you say to him when he said that? No, she did the normal thing where you get the thing. You go, does he not know he just broke up with me? And then you go post it on Reddit.

We find it. We answer it. He hears it because someone on the subway is blaring it from their backpack. And that's how he knows that he accidentally broke up with her. My partner and I don't want to have children if at some point in time she turned to me and was just like, I

desperately need kids and I don't want to have children. If at some point in time she turned to me and was just like, I desperately need kids and I don't want to move forward in a relationship where I don't have children. Or like, I can't imagine my life now without children. I wouldn't just be like, huh, and then not immediately address it. I'd be like, well, I can't believe she doesn't realize she broke up with me. Yeah, you know, like I don't understand how, and this happens all the time. We see so many questions of it. And I get so many people talking to me about it. And I get like, you know, I overhear it at the bar. There's so many people where like,

I just don't understand, like I wanna like get a camera, like a little hidden camera and just watch these conversations in real time. Yeah, like how it goes. Do you just go, huh? And then be like, so anyway, it's cold out now. That's what I mean. It's like, do you just like hear the information, receive it, and then just stare blankly at them until they leave? And then you can go and ask or talk about it to someone else. Like, what is the, what is, what is the next step here? Because it always

seems like it's like a TV show where like the most dramatic thing happens. And then the scene ends with them like looking at each other. It's like, what happens after like the most dramatic thing happens and then the scene ends with them like looking at each other It's like what happens after that boy? Do they keep talking? Do they just stare at each other? Do they walk her off? They just go home like what I killed your mother. Okay. Yeah Then the next time they meet is at the coffee shop. It's back to the drama. It's like what happened in the meantime Yeah, what happened in that space because I don I, I physically and logically cannot figure out what, what transpires in this sort of like weird nebulous time between like the action that you're upset about and talking about it.

Evidently fucking nothing. I like, I just love this because again, the question is like, he doesn't seem to realize he's broken up. He hasn't broken up with you. He said something that is against one of your boundaries or against one of your like future plans or a deal breaker, however you want to label it. So it's on you to then be like, hey, this is a deal breaker. Yeah. It's not on him to be like, oh, shit, did I say a thing that did I

accidentally break up? Like, it's not a breakup. He just said a thing you don't agree with, which is the point where you need to go, Hey, you said this thing. Is this a thing you stand behind? Because as you know, I do not want that. And then you talk about that. Yeah.

Right. And it's not as simple as like, as you said, like, it's not just like, Oh, a thing has been said. Like she even acknowledges the fact that like, oh, he's going through a tough time. He's spiraling. So it's like, sure, he might have said this thing. A stream of consciousness rant on voice note that doesn't sound great. Like if that was in a courtroom, I think they'd be like, oh, let's.

Well, that's what I mean. It's like how much of this was a genuine thing or how much of it was him, as you say, quote unquote,quote spiraling which we all know Like anytime anyone spirals, they're not saying they're like freaking out. You can't take it as gospel You can't take it as like this is what he actually wants He's probably like thinking about his relationship with these kids and the fact that they don't like him and be like maybe I place them With younger cooler kids. Yeah, it's the Elon Musk Yeah, fuck another one hates me. Let's get another person in here

So you also I think there's but wait I get very quickly before we move on How is there a way to figure out if he means it like it's impossible? That's what you have to wait until the camera like the commercial break happens and we've cut back to another scene where you can Re-initiate. Continue, yeah. Yeah. She's like, oh, I told him he was going to spiral. And that to me, if you're so in tune

with how this person is going to act and you don't date people because of this, I don't understand why you would put yourself in this situation. Like you say that you don't do this, but then you do it. Then you call out like, oh, he's going to spiral. And then he starts spiraling. But then you seem completely ill equipped to deal with that.

So I don't understand what the goal is on your side. And I'm not here to like shame you or anything, but it just seems that like you have all the pieces. I'd like to take a moment to shame her. It's like, what's the point in being like, oh, you're going to spiral. Oh, you're spiraling. But then when they react, don't go, I wonder if he was spiraling after you say he is spiraling.

And instead you go, wow, he means this wholeheartedly. Yeah. Well, that's what I mean. It's like you you look at the jigsaw puzzle box and you're like, there it is. Can change. Yeah, it's like that's the picture. I know what it is. And then you dump it on the table and you're like, what the what's going on? Like you, you had all the pieces, you know what it looks like. And then you're absolutely fucking bewildered once you start looking at it. Like I don't understand

what you're doing. Just literally talk to them. Be like, hey, the other day you said this thing, is that a thing you want to do? And then depending on what they say, if they say no, be like, okay, well you did say it, so I'm a little concerned because I don't want to spend all this time getting to know you and having this relationship and get invested only to have it be this secret thing you do actually want. And then be very clear, be like, look, just reaffirming this, I 100% do not want to have kids, I'm on a list, you got a hyaffirming this, I 100% do not want to have kids. I'm on the list to get a hysterectomy, et cetera. And make that clear and listen to what they say. And

if you trust them and believe them, great. And if not, and they're like, yeah, this is a thing I want, be like, oh, that sucks because it's not a thing I want. And then either be casual and things, or have a kid, I guess. And you can also like, I don't know how long they've been in this relationship. Does it say how long? A year. Okay. Like you could also be like, Hey, I thought that we were, we were going to do this.

I thought we were okay. You know, it seems like he was in therapy and then now isn't in therapy. So it's like, you can change your stance on things and relationships. And also the same, the same thing goes for him. Like he could have not, when he got in this relation not wanted a Kid and that has now the potentially has no change to being like I I would now like to have kids like people change The only thing that's wrong is like if you change your mind and then expect your partner to just change their lifestyle Yes as a result or you change your mind and like lie about it kind of deal. You know what I mean? If you're being honest and you're being

kid, chill, chill, I want to say chill and cool. You'd be in chill, chill, chill. Yeah. Right. Like it's like, don't be an idiot gunk. If you, you know, if you had an open relationship and you were totally cool with it and then no longer wanted to be, it's not like you're, you're not betraying anyone for changing how you feel. It might end your relationship because of it, because you're no longer aligned, but like that's what happens. We're dynamic creatures. We change, we grow, we evolve, we want new things. Things change in our life and things happen in our life that change what we want. That happens. So it's now said, like, if that's the case, if he does now want a kid, don't hate him.

It's not like he's doing it maliciously. It's something that's changed and you say, hey, I'm really sorry, it bums me out, but you aren't taking the steps to take care of your mental health. You refuse to go to therapy when you seem to be struggling. And I'm at 44 or whatever they are, it's like, I wouldn't want to deal with that shit.

If someone isn't old enough to like take care of their own fucking mental health and like, and take the steps they need to be okay, I don't want to deal with that. That's not something I want to be in charge of. Well, it's like you say that you're their therapist now, effectively, like, oh, he won't talk to them. So talk to me and he's leaving you rambly voice notes.

It's like, that doesn't sound very fun. It's also not your job. And it's like, where is this person in his life that he doesn't have a friend to talk to? You know what I mean? That he doesn't have a support system, that he doesn't have the wherewithal to know he needs, you know, therapy.

I don't know. It's not it for me. And that's what I'm saying. It's like, you could say, like, here are the things that are currently a problem for me. And I recommend every couple do this even if things are going well Just doing a touch in and like check up and sort of like a touch base to make sure everyone is still on the same page I'm being like hey

You are having a really tough time and you're leaving me unhinged crazy voice notes You refuse to go to therapy and you're treating me like your therapist. I'm not I'm your partner Although she seems to want that, which is weird. Yeah, I don't know. And then like, and then be like, you mentioned having a child, which I've expressly said is not in my cards, both medically and, you know, lifestyle choice. And then if he's like, yes, I'm sorry, those are the things I, that's just where I'm at now. You can be like, okay, well, we don't work anymore. I'm sorry right here Best of luck. Bye But what you shouldn't do not is nothing is you this thing and be like, I don't know man

I guess he secretly broke up with me, but doesn't know it. What is what? Yeah, that's not a thing. It sounds like you want permission to ghost but that's that's what I get the sense of like It sounds like you want to just like cut and run Without having to do any of the heavy lifting, but it's okay because he broke up with you He just doesn't know it yeah breaks up with you by accident or unknowingly You know I mean even if he was blackout drunk and did it I still think it's worth a chat the next day Yeah, so yeah, just fucking have a conversation with them clarify with them communicate and it's like you don't have to get back with them

Or sorry, you don't have to stay with him because you're still together. He hasn't broken up with you Yeah This comes from extreme chip new cat is killing the mood. How do other pet owners handle this? My girlfriend 20 and I the 21 year old trans female I think is what TF is Haven't been together for super long, but we have a great, healthy relationship and amazing chemistry in bed. This past week, we got a cat together. Congratulations.

And ever since, we haven't been able to have sex because the second the cat jumps on the bed, my girlfriend is completely out of the mood, which I totally understand. For me, while I don't want to have sex in front of the cat, I can just temporarily kick her out, come back and pick up where we left off. But for my girlfriend, it instantly kills the mood and there's no chance of continuing once the cat makes an appearance The only solution I can think of is to schedule when we have sex Basically closing ourselves in the bedroom beforehand to keep the cat out but that kind of sucks because a lot of the fun

Of sex comes from what happens naturally without feeling schedule or forced I'm looking for advice from pet owners who have dealt with this. How do you handle it? There's a few different ways to do this. One, when things start to get hot and heavy, one of you says, should we kick the cat out? You know, before things get into it, but you can already initiate, you know what I mean? I don't think taking a second,

it's like putting a condom on, you know what I mean? It's only gonna take a second, you go up, you scoop the cat. Yeah. Are you squirted? Do you need to put fucking towels down? Like it's only gonna take a second you go up you scoot the cat. Yeah. Yeah, are you squirter? Do you need to put fucking towels down like yes? It's it's part of the size off now. Are you you know? Straightening the sheets, you know, I mean there are things you can do this doesn't take very long So that's one very easy way to do it to which probably should come before one talk to your partner me like hey

This is an issue. What do you propose we do? Yes, I would also say and maybe this is because I've had a cat for pretty much the entire time I've been a sexually active adult get the fuck over it yes yes sorry I'm this is the tough love year if the cat I've I've had sex with my cat while it's still in the bed because he's an old cat and like he's just there and I'm not phrase that so poorly he's like curled up on the bed and he's an old cat and like he's just there and I'm not phrase that so poorly He's like curled up on the bed and usually you said I had sex with my cat

Yeah, whatever. No, I've not had sex with my cat. You're supposed to see Miller 2025 a pussy's a pussy. You know what I mean, bro Well, I can't wait for these to be just the only things clipped with no context whatsoever But yeah, it's like there have been times So like I'll be hooking up with someone and my cat has like, you know Secretly snuck up on the bed and like curled up at the foot of the BAMS like I can be like get the fuck up if I'm like especially cuz nice. I'm set a tent. I don't even know he's there I'm doing anything

I get it If like if the cat's in your face and like is doing the thing where like just showing your butthole the butthole. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Or if it's, you know, getting involved, right? Like if you're in the middle of it and it just holding your hair. Well, I know. So like a friend of mine was going down on someone on a one night stand and the dog kept coming up and like licking his butt and like getting on him.

And it's like, OK, if it's getting involved, I do understand that like that's bad. No one's saying you gotta let the dog do what they want with you. I also think, I think there's a difference between a dog being in the room and a cat being in the room because dogs are far more social creatures generally, right? Like, and if you have like a big German shepherd, like just chilling in the room,

I don't know what you're going to do. And it's dangerous, right? Like, you just, you gotta get over it. No, but you're right. You either figure out that you don't mind or you figure out a way to get it out of the room. You know what I mean? At least with dogs, you can be like, give it commands.

Cats don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? But like, you can't just not have sex if you have a pet. It's, that's the- The pet doesn't care. They're not looking at you and being scarred for life. You know I mean they're not looking at you and being like oh, no What do you think if you were dogs and they were dogs? What do you think be happening and we'll be having sex seeing it if it was a pack there'd be sex everywhere

They wouldn't give a shit. They don't care one bit So if your animal is not getting involved who fucking cares if it sees you change in front of it Presumably you get out of the shower And they're there like get over it your dog doesn't care that you're naked Yeah, it it's it's in my opinion I understand the sort of like it's it's a new situation and a new addition to the that's a family I understand being like it's a bit weird sure I promise you Within like a month two months if the option is like oh

We're not gonna have sex anymore because the cats around you're gonna get over that real fuck. Yeah, you're gonna get real the cat Don't you dare? Don't fucking dare. I'll find you. I'm obviously fucking joking But it's it's not a big deal No And again talk to them like like question one see if they have either one a reason why? Suddenly they're not into it. You know the mean because it seems weird to be like cat question one. See if they have either one. A reason why suddenly they're not into it. You know what I mean? Because it seems weird to be like

cat came in. I'm done. I'm done. Oh yeah, cats out. I don't care. I'm out like I'm not turned on at all. I don't want to look at you. I want to touch you. It's like OK, maybe there's something else going on here. Yeah, it seems like a pretty extreme like again. I understand that like if you guys are hot and heavy

and then all of a sudden the cat jumps up and is doing like face rubs and stuff. I get it for sure. Because for me, you know what that would be? That would be ha ha ha. Oh my God. One second. Pick the cat up, go outside, come back. Where were we?

And it would be like a funny, silly thing. Would it kill the mood in any way? No, that's what I mean. I like I understand. Like if like that would be a like a notable beat in sex, right? Sure, yeah. But if it's just around, who the fuck cares? But even then, it would be a beat in a funny, totally get-overable way.

It would probably make it a better experience, not that you'd be horny or anything, but just like we've talked about this before. If you're too serious with sex, it sucks. So it's like if you guys have a good laugh because the cat kind of ruined stuff for a second, you should be able to get back to it. Also, look, I'm going to, maybe this is weird, but I've been hooking up with someone once and their cat like jump off of the bedside table. I gave a little pet. It's fine. It's fine. We were, she was bent over. She didn't, she was, you know, I had free hands. She's like, Hey, what's up, buddy? It's like go and get out of here. Yeah, like just don't be weird getting the petticoat and have sex

It's the double pussy. It's the double pussy maneuver. Just don't mix them up so easy to do This is by Tony Locke 1414 GF of nine months asked me to hang out with her ex. I did. I've been dating this girl for nine months. She's by far the prettiest girl I've ever dated, even hooked up with.

Before her, the best looking girl was probably a five, and she's an 8.5. A lot of it has to do with the fact I started making great money. Not good money, great money. But I've learned you can't buy confidence. I've always been okay dealing with women in my league, but it's very hard to keep

up with women out of my league, and I'm learning this with her. I always get the impression I'm walking on eggshells and I'm playing up to her like a minor leaguer playing in the major leagues. Which leads us to the next part of the story. We were talking and she told me about an ex of hers that she stayed friends with but it didn't work out romantically. I looked at her social media to try to figure out who it was, but I couldn't. She asked me if I would hang out with him, and by hanging with him, I would get to know

her better. I stupidly said yes, even though I basically cried myself to sleep that night. I meet up to him about 20 minutes from where we live, and I'm immediately insecure. He's 6'5", I'm 5'10". He's lean and ripped, and I'm holding onto my hairline for dear life. He's so handsome, and I'm medium. He's grinning from ear to ear, walks over, shakes my hand. Super friendly. I'm a little bit of an introvert.

I went to a spring training game for my favorite team, had a few beers and broke the ice. I'm finally becoming comfortable and I find out he played four years in the minor leagues for a different organization. Here I am, barely playing little league, cheering on my favorite team and the girl I love actually dated a former professional

of the minor leagues, but still baseball player. I wanted to crawl into a ball. We finished the game, went to a bar. He gave me a few tips and that was it. I got home and she was hostile towards me, telling me things like if I treat her bad, that's what she can get, etc. Was this a humiliation ritual for her? Why was she so hostile? I'm terrified to confront her or break up with her because I can never get another girl that looks like her. Confused because I've never dated a girl with this status on her Instagram people hit her up randomly and offer to fly her places This is even worth it to confront this sorry for the rant lol just confused

Okay, I was gonna be a lot harsher on this dude like there's a lot for him to unpack But the move of the second you get home and being like I could get him I could fuck him and each any second so you better better treat it like that is insane. Like that's a bad look. Do we think she expected this to go differently and they just end up becoming really good friends? Cause the guy sounds chill. I don't know. They, I mean like a lot of it is weird. Like the fact that they went out together by themselves, like when, when she was like, Oh, like would you be cool hanging out with them? It's like,

my partner is friends with almost literally everyone she's dated. Like, like, and they've come to our shows. They, we've hung out like that. I don't have a problem with at all. And she hangs out with my ex. Like we, right. Like none of that's weird. It's a lot weirder to be like, go to this location, meet this man you've never met before. Like that's strange. It's a lot weirder to be like, go to this location, meet this man. You've never met before. Like that's strange. If she was like, Oh, Hey, you know, let's all go grab a beer.

Yeah. Steve wants to meet you and I want you to meet him, go and meet him. Like, especially because it sounds like they're a fairly new couple as well. So like, it seems very strange to send your current partner out with your ex by themselves on like a boy date Granted as you said like it sounds like a great time like it sounds cool. I was like a good dude And I'm sorry that like this guy obviously has insecurity issues and like that's fine It's it's never easy to meet your your current partners like exes, especially when they are

handsome professional athletes like I get it I would feel insecure too, but my original advice was going to be like, look, she broke up with him. It didn't work out and she's now with you. And that's all that really matters. But now I'm thinking he broke up with her because she's insane. But then like, yeah, this whole move of like rubbing it in your face that he's more attractive than you changes the whole thing, right? It really did feel like one question up until that point. I'm like, my dude, I don't care what rating you want to give her on a number scale. This isn't worth it because she's not she she obviously doesn't like you.

Right. Like if she's no one no one one who likes you is gonna treat you like this. Yeah, she's an asshole. And like, she's also making you do things you're uncomfortable with. Like she made you cry yourself to sleep basically. She's like sending you out in these like uncomfortable situations. And then we get home being hostile and bullying you

and like demeaning you and like belittling you and also like threatening you. So it's like, when does that come into play next? Is it like, oh, I want this handbag or bring me out to this place or, oh no, you're going to pay for dinner again because if you don't, you saw what I can get. Yeah. I'll go fuck the waiter over there, like the hot bartender. Exactly. If anyone ever said that to me or if anyone says that to you, listener, just break up with them immediately on the spot. You do not need that. There's no world in which you have a relationship after that, you have a hostage situation.

There would be a smoke cloud where I was and a Dane shaped hole in the nearest wall of how like fast I would run away from this situation. And like I've been in that situation, right? Like I had fairly low self-esteem in my like early 20s when I was kind of like getting a sense of myself after some breakups and stuff. And I would often sort of like put myself,

like I would put people on pedestals, especially like women I considered quote unquote out of my league. And it quickly like came to realize where I was just like, I don't want this, this isn't fun. It's like, I don't care how hot you are. Like you are bad person and I'd much rather have sex with and spend time with someone who likes me and I like them.

And we have chemistry as opposed to just finding like a very hot person. And it's like, cool. I like this sucks. Yeah. Also, okay, your self-confidence is definitely a different problem we need to work on. You know what I mean? If you're upset about your hairline, go like you said, you make great money.

Go to a stylist, get your fucking look done. Go to a fucking barber and be like, look, this is what's happening. What can I do? They'll either just like cut it all off, baby. You know what I mean? Yeah. As someone who has had a really deceiving hairline since I was like fucking 19. I wish I had shaved my head sooner I wish that I had fucking buzzed that all off like clinging to it doesn't do you any favor? So if you're worried about it take my advice shave it off grow a beard But like that's it you have so many options everyone does but you have more than most because as you said you're making great money So it's like stop having the great money thing be like oh I can attract women Because you don't want someone who wants you for your money. You know what I mean? As attractive

as it might seem, it's going to fucking suck and you're going to get people like this. What you can do is make that money work for you and go to the gym, get a personal trainer, go get a fucking stylist. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I know someone who, after a recent divorce or breakup, I guess, they were engaged. It doesn't matter. But they hired a stylist to or breakup, I guess. They were engaged, doesn't matter. But they hired a stylist to come in, throw out all of their wardrobe, and go with them to shops and buy a bunch of shit and work on all these things.

And the person now is very confident in their getup, looks good, has options for going out. And that already catapults you to the next level of attractiveness and personal confidence, right? So you have so many options so work on that build yourself up and let me tell you even if you never sleep with someone as hot as this again you're going to be infinitely more happy than if you like are just a worm under her heel begging for scraps of sex I guess.

Like what you're what you're offering you're offering, you're saying, oh, I'd rather eat this Wagyu steak every day, and every time I take a bite, a dude fucking cold cocks me across the face. It's like, I would rather do that than eat normal people food, like a regular steak, that is delicious and loves me back. Yeah, it's healthy for me, you know what I mean?

It's like you're putting this woman's attractiveness above your happiness and your mental health and all of these things that you should meet. Yeah, so it's like, why? You're complaining that you have bad self-esteem. You're complaining that you have bad self-confidence. Do you think this is going to help my dude? Yeah.

Constantly feeling like, and again, this is a unique question because usually it's all in their heads, right? Like usually we do like, no, I'm sure it's fine. It's hot and people like talk to her on Instagram and she has guy friends and she's still friends with people that she dated and like, but like, there's no reason to be upset because those are all very normal things, like, But like, there's no reason to be upset because those are all very normal things, but they're attractive women. But like in this case, the common fear is actively like...

Yeah, she told you. She was like, hey, this is what's happening and it's awful. So just get out. And I promise you, start... I mean, if we want to find the message here, my message to you, my dude, would be stop viewing women as a commodity that has like a rating. Right. Like we hate the whole, you know, oh, she's the five, whatever. But knowing like even reading that to start, you're like, this is not it's like bad. Yeah, it's we know where you're at. Because what you're doing right now is so detrimental to yourself, because what you're saying is she's she's on this She's an 8.5 on the scale, which means I'm willing to be treated like shit I'm willing to feel bad for an 8.5

But for a 5.5, I will I will happily like maybe abuse her like treat her poorly because she's not well He's he's only a 5 himself Yeah, so it's like this sort of mentality puts you in a position in which you don't view them as a human being, which means that when you find someone who is nice and you find someone who cares about you, when you find someone who respects you and loves you, you're not going to appreciate that

because of where you have deemed them on this shitty metric. Well it's like you're dating people based on invisible points I guess where you're like oh I'm worth more. To who? Who cares? Who's keeping track? You know what I mean? And again if anyone saw how you were treated do you think they'd be like damn he's sleeping with that 8.5 who fucking hates him and bullies him and is using him. Do you think they'd be like nice dude hell yeah. No they'd be like, nice dude, hell yeah. No, they'd be like, that's sad and pathetic. It's sad.

You know? And to his credit, I don't know if he's particularly like sexist because he also seems to judge men based on like very like, you know, like this guy was an athlete. He must be the best person in the world. And it's like, yes, there are typical things like tall, rich, professional sportsmen, whatever, but like, they also don't matter. So it's like, if you don't have those things, there are more important things like confidence, kindness, you know, being funny, et cetera, having a podcast, et cetera, et cetera. Um, so like stop putting tags on people to

determine their worth and judge people for who they are. And you'll also find it easier to attract more attractive, quote unquote, people if you treat them like normal people. Yep. Right. Like the second you start treating women like women and humans, you're going to find a huge increase in like level of attraction because it's very rare for women to be treated like that. There's always a there's always sort of like a metric

that a lot of people have. And I feel like, you know, especially for attractive women because they get treated differently because they are attractive. And so I imagine it would be very fucking tiring. And I know, you know, I have a number of attractive female friends who are like, they can smell that shit a mile away.

And like, you can literally hear their eyes roll when someone starts talking to them because they know that they're not being genuine and they're not approaching genuinely. It's just like, you're the hottest one in here. So I'm going to come over and, and treat you like a hot person and like, try to like either peacock or try to, you know, neg you or try to like establish my worth instead of just being like, how's your night going? or try to neg you or try to establish my worth instead of just being like, how's your night going?

And the thing is, I'll bet you've been turning off people who you deem in the 8.5, whatever range, and this person clocked you so hard that they were like, oh, I can play him. This is what I can do. Like, that's the thing, you've been clocked. This person just instead of being disgusted was like, oh, you're a target.

So it's not good You need to learn to work on yourself and you need to learn to treat people like people are not like just tags You know what I mean? So good luck, but you got some work to do and dump this woman. Don't per immediately Yeah, get the fuck out of here. I didn't then you get to be like I dumped at 8.5 And you could be like hey my dude It's not weird for us to hang out and go to baseball games anymore yeah that's because I'm now also her ex get with this hero yeah a brand new boy maybe he could be your fucking wingman

yeah and it like it seems like this guy also plays baseball so like now you've got like a baseball bro to go play fucking throw catch I don't know maybe a new maybe make out with him see how how it feels. Got a new friend, Dad. Play catch at the park with him. Please friend, Dad. Tell me you're proud of me. Yeah. I look like two years younger than you, man.

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That's FBuddies10, F-B-U-D-D-I-E-S-1-0, all caps to save 10% off. This is from lonely salt. My ex said no, so I stopped. There's so many typos in this. They spelt no wrong just to get you on board with that. I was having sex with my ex doggy style that was new position for her. She said to stop because it felt too deep or something. So I stopped and later on she said, I should not have kept going because no isn't always no. Am I taking crazy pills?

Consider you took a no as a no. You are taking good person pills and you should continue taking those pills because they've been prescribed by your two pod doctors, Dana and Niall. There is an update where a lot of people were like use safe words like you know sometimes it's nice to like say no and still keep going and that's why that's why you know safe words are important and she had no interest in using safe words either. Of course, of course no one who turns around and says I said no but I didn't mean it like the only way you should ever play

with no is when you have a surefire way to determine a yes no from a no no. And the only way to do that is to have a safe word. Yeah. There is literally. You can do any number of things. It doesn't even need to be, like you don't need to yell albatross or whatever.

You can have like non-verbal safe words. You can do any number of things. Have, you know, I know someone who, because of the things, they like to be bound and gagged and stuff like that, so it would be hard to do signals. But what they had was their hand ties, where one side, it was a two-sided ribbon thing, one side was a red and one side was a green. That was how they would hold the red when it was getting too much. And I was like, that's a great idea.

If that works for you and it's a reliable way to do it, fucking do it. Like, you don't need to like... A lot of people, I think, have this idea that safe words have to be this silly... Ridiculous. That's what they're used in media, right? It's always like, oh, say pineapple upside down cake. It's albatross. It's what I...

You know what I mean? Like people come up with like silly things and like the idea behind it is you're saying something that would never be used normally in conversation. If you're like actual safe word is yes, you immediately have a problem because then what's your, you know, I mean, yes or stop. Like it needs to be something. I think just a general rule is it can't be something said by accident. You know what I mean? Because then you don't want them ever being like, wait, is this it?

And two, it needs to be clear, you know what I mean? If it's a signal with your hands, but your hands are tied behind your back and they're fucking you from the front immediately bad because they can't see them, you know what I mean? It needs to be safe because it's a safe word. But that's it. That's all it needs to do. It could be fucking anything. So again, we've talked about it a bunch. When it comes to like kink, if someone doesn't wanna participate in the basic safety tools,

do not participate in whatever they wanna do. And in this scenario, where if anyone ever tells you that no doesn't always mean no, run for the fucking hills. I don't care who you are, I don't care what age you are, I don't care who you are. I don't care what age you are I don't care that way if it's their an 8.5. Oh

No, not even a point now I'm gonna say it not even if they're an 11 damn damn So run is my answer. No, they're they're taking crazy pills. Yeah, it's fucking stupid They're taking crazy pills. Yeah, it's fucking stupid. Guys, this has been fun. I've had fun. I've also had fun. Do you want to do one more or? Yeah, let's do one more.

We're a little early. We're a little early. All right. All right. My husband, despite Pickle Me Chips, my husband, 29-year-old male, added some girls on socials from the bar after uninviting me, 26-year-old female, to a night out with his friends.

And I'm not sure what to do. So my husband, 29-year-old, and I, 26, have been married for two years and are currently living together. His one friend, 28, was visiting for the weekend and normally would go out together because I also get along with him. This time I was uninvited and my husband was super aggressive slash weird about me going out. I noticed on his phone that a girl, 27 year old female, had added him the day after and

are mutual friends with someone in the group but A, he made no mention of her, and B, he claimed it was a guy's night. Not sure what I should do, but I'm nervous about it because I caught him micro-cheating with someone, 25, earlier this year, and it feels like something weird is going on. Any advice, because I feel like I'm being over the top about this, and I'm worried

it's gonna start a fight with him if he knows I looked at his phone? I mean, I think I need the definition of micro cheating. What the fuck is micro cheating? I assume it's like like he was flirting with someone. I guess. Yeah, maybe it's actually wasn't physical, but it was like, hmm. Yeah, and it wasn't like explicit.

It was just sort of like, you know, sending message being like, hey, you look really hot in that bikini like that kind of stuff. Like that is what my guess would be. I would also love to know, like, was it a thing you both agreed was microcheating or is this a thing you have secretly in your head said is microcheating? In which point, like, is this you? Are you the issue? Because my worry is that in this situation, you are in fact the issue

because he's in a public bar and you're upset that there was a woman there. Who is a mutual friend of the guys he was hanging out with. Yeah. So it's like they could have just crossed paths. And like the idea of like, if I went out, even if I went out, like you and I went to a bar and got chatting with someone and they seemed cool and we added each other on Instagram, I don't think I would have gone home and been like, Hey darling, tonight I added a woman on Instagram. Or even

differently, it seems like she added him. So that's an even stranger thing to be like, Hey babe, so I was out last night and it seems like this morning a woman did add me on Instagram. What does that mean? There was no mention of her. It's like, okay, hey honey, so the night was fun. So at 7.15, we got in the cab, and there were these two women who came across the road. They thought it was their cab. I didn't get their names. I'm so sorry.

But then at 9, we got to the bar, and we chatted at the door, and then we got in. There was at least 40 women in that bar. I didn't get any of their names. And then she's there like, oh, there was also 40 women in that bar. I didn't get any of their names. And then she's there like, oh, there were only 40 women at this bar. How many people were there total? 120. Only one third of these people were women.

I think you're lying. Who are the other 20 women like? What? Yeah. And now maybe we're being unfair. Maybe micro cheating means more like maybe like he got caught like actually being sexually explicit with someone, like I don't know what micro cheating means specifically to you. Even if like it's what we were talking about earlier

where he did something that crossed the line that you didn't deem was like cheating, cheating, but it was still bad and you both agreed and it was a known upon issue, which either means two things. One, like actually I don't know if it means two things because nothing here seems out of the ordinary Honestly, so I think it seems more likely that if this was a legitimate issue

You are not over it yet, which is fine not to say he's innocent But I'm saying what we have to go on is nothing I guess I think the if I'm trying to peek behind the curtain instead of like, see what's happening, I think the issue is that like in every past occurrence, she's gone out with them. And this time he was like, no, you're staying home. It's just a guy's night. It's just us.

It's just us. And I guess she's wondering if they were going to meet up with girls. And that is the issue. Like the reason why she was uninvited was because her husband knew that there were going to be women there and he didn't want her cramping his style. I guess that's the case. There is the added weirdness of he was super aggressive slash weird about me going out. Yeah. So again, that is strange.

And it's tough to monitor too, because like, was he being weird? Was he being aggressive? Did he just say, hey, babe, like, I know we usually go out, but like, this is a boys night. You're like, oh, but I really like hang on and be like, well, you know, like, it's a boys night. So like, unfortunately, you can't come like would that come across as weird and aggressive? I don't know.

And the thing is, we are big supporters of having nights with your friends. So like to me, the fact that he wants to hang out with his friend isn't weird. So it could be that he's a piece of shit, or it could be that all of this is in your head, which is unhelpful, giving advice, because we can go either way on this.

If you are bothered by this, I don't think you need to bring up the fact that like, no, I don't know, like, did you just see it on his phone or did you go through his phone? Because those are two very different things. It seems to say she went through his phone. OK, well, that's shit, especially when like there's nothing to be seen. And also, if this is because of the micro cheating and you're trying to like

spy on him and catch up, then you don't trust him. And that's something that's resolved. I think entirely independently of this. That's the crux is you don't trust him. Yeah. But to to pare it down to like a little bit more like digestible information for people who are going through something maybe not as specific as this,

have the conversation after the night out, be like, hey, last night I felt a little insecure and it felt very weird that like you didn't want me to go and I'm just feeling a little bit weird about it. And, you know, can we just talk about your night? You know what I mean? And have that sort of conversation. And sometimes it's irrational.

And sometimes you just need to be like, yeah, sorry. I haven't seen them in ages. We haven't had just a night with the two of us or the three of us, however many went out. And it's been a while since we've done that. It might not even be your partner who doesn't want you there. And again, not in a bad way, but the friend might be like,

let's just hang out me and you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because again, they're the friends, even if they get along well with you, that doesn't mean they always want you there. And that shouldn't be a problem. No. You know? So it's, you know, just bring up the fact

that you felt self-conscious or insecure or you know, whatever about this. And look, if he gets cagey as fuck about this, then maybe you have reason to be suspicious. then you also as we talked before it's like you have to determine like do you trust this man and if you don't trust him then it doesn't matter whether you're invited or not it doesn't matter whether he's going with his friends or not you don't trust him and if this dude is gonna do shady shitty things to you he's gonna do shady shitty things to you no matter what like

yeah you policing him isn't gonna it's not's not like, oh, you got me. I'm not going to do it. It's going to happen regardless. Yeah. Like if he wants to be shitty, he's going to be shitty. Yeah. He's just going to do it in different ways. Like if your whole relationship is based around you constantly running defense to stop him from cheating on you or micro cheating on you or whatever, then like you're not in a relationship. You're in a hostile game of cat and mouse.

Yeah. Honestly, I think you tell him you went through his phone and you saw this and you're upset by it, but I think you do it not in an attacking way, just in like, look, I'm still upset about the micro cheating. I was confused and upset by the fact that he wouldn't have me out. I felt really insecure and I did this thing because it's a problem you need to deal with one way or another. If he's angry that you did this, the unfortunate thing is that's a reasonable response. It's going to be hard to determine whether he's being cagey and weird or whether he's going to be like, what the fuck?

But I think one way or another you need to get it out there. It'll probably not be helpful You know what I mean, because I don't know if you're gonna be able to trust him if he says oh There was just a person at the bar We know but like I don't know if you gain anything from hiding it because you're not gonna get over it Yeah, you know so unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you did a bad thing And I think you need to work past it one way or another you know Yeah, even if under the guise of being a little, look, I'm still dealing with

trust issues because of what happened earlier this year or whatever happened. Because you are and you need to deal with that, right? So it's like if the conversation- This is what I did and this is the conversation we need to have in order to hopefully move me past it so that we don't have to do this again. But it's also on you, again, if you don't have any reason to doubt this person, if what they say makes sense, and you're willing to continue this relationship, you need to either do two things.

One is get over it, and I don't mean that flippantly. I do mean you need to reach a point where you can trust them again. If you want to continue with this relationship, maybe that's therapy, whatever. I don't think it becomes their problem, you know what I mean? I don't think you can be like, well, now you can't go out with your friends. Now you have to let me use your phone. Now you can't talk to women. Now you have to explain every woman you meet that night. You know what I mean? But if you can't get

over it, or if you don't want to, I think you need to leave the relationship for your sake and theirs. You know what I mean? And that's it. You need to either fully start the process of getting over it and put in the work or Break up because believe me I've been with jealous partners who will not get over the issue and you're just gonna make both your lives Hell for a while. Yeah, that's gonna do it friends for this week's episode. Thank you very much We appreciate you spending a little bit of your time with us every week everybody else on the subway. We're not a backpack That's talking. We are a podcast. Check us out. Fuck buddies. We're everywhere. I'm trapped in the backpack. Yeah, but that's fine. Give me a... They're just really small. Just a little guy. Yeah,

he's hand sized. I don't know if you knew that. He just resumed in a lot. We love you. Thank you for coming by. Tell a friend, tell a family member, tell your pet while they're watching you fuck and we'll see you next week I'm not you ready for some thanking of Josh Eagle Narva sees for the song paper stars and also bad sex writing sure this is by a Fox News host I hope rules for man You don't need soup in public don't cross your legs and you don't drink from a straw I told someone and his excuse was,

I was drinking a milkshake. Well, you shouldn't be drinking a milkshake. Milkshakes are for kids. Yeah, hell yeah. What a lame existence. Like, this isn't surprising to anyone. They're incredibly sad people, but like, you have soup in public?

You can have your shame soup at home. You can have your shame private soup. When no one can see you not being manly. Soup could burn the shit out of you, that's manly as hell. Also, to cross the line on stew, stew's very hearty. What about ramen? Yeah. You know what I mean?

Also, like, a milkshake? The best part of being a man is you can do what the fuck you want. If I can't get a milkshake, that's no exist. This is the thing I love is when people come up to me and order like, like when a dude comes up and is like, can I have a vodka Cran? And then their friends like give them shit.

I'm just like, he's getting what he wants and you're not getting what you want presumably because you're afraid of looking like a girly guy or being a bitch or whatever. And I was like, that makes you what you're afraid of being. Yes. Like he's just being like, yeah, this is what I want, so I'm going to get it. And you're like, I'm not going to get that because I'm afraid if I do something bad will

happen to me socially, I guess. Mr. Fox News douchebag, who is more masculine and powerful? The man who's like, fuck yeah, give me a thick ass milkshake. I can struggle through with my straw. Or the person who's like, I can't order that. That's for kids. Fuck, I can't get soup because people will the person's like I can't order that that's for kids Fuck I can't get soup because people will think less of me like oh, no, what's Matt like fuck off? So sad it's embarrassing and I can't believe

Anyone respects that let alone the person saying this yeah, so sad now I can't have a milkshake because I'm lactose intolerant and that's not my fault not manly at all either milkshake because I'm lactose intolerant and that's not my fault. Not manly at all either. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. And we've been your fuck buddies. Get a fucking milkshake.