F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 340 - Achilles Reel

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

Time to crank one out before the season ends, boys.  WE WILL NOT FINISH IN BRONZE.  Topics include a real stinker of a husband, should I stay or should I go, eye roll emojis in an argument, and doing the bare minimum.

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends my name is Day Miller and I'm Nile Spain and we are your fuckbites. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put we find questions either on the topics of sex and dating or both and we answer them right here right now every Monday and also on patreon and also on stage occasionally. Occasionally. Occasionally. I... Oh God. I'm worried. Yeah we all are that's just our constant constant existence. Well, that's kind of what I'm saying is like we're recording this.

Nile is, we've batch recorded a bunch of stuff. You know what's funny? I was thinking about this on the walk down. I was like, it's going to be really weird when in two weeks a nuke wipes Canada off the map and then we're like, this week we're sponsored by jerkmate ranked. Which we are are I wish Yeah, I was just like we're batch recording these because because now is going away We had a bunch of scheduling things the week prior so we're like, let's record a bunch of stuff

So that we have it and not have to worry about it Yeah, but then I'm like every week something absolutely fucking insane happens and you're gonna be like these assholes just ignored that Yeah, yeah, we sank Greenland, and they don't care We're not talking about it at all. Yeah. Yeah, so in case you're like. Oh these guys seem weirdly chipper for having been killed It's cuz we're alive now. We're doing we're doing okay now Well, we're here now Present we exist right now brace yourself as the first season of jerk mate ranked comes to an end Many of you achieve great things during these few weeks from Bronze beaters to celestial

Kummer jerky couldn't be prouder of the soldiers who answered his call each took their fate and something else firmly into their own hands for the Better they represent a whole generation of stroking soldiers already pairing for the upcoming and you know how it's spelled Chapter 2 jerk mate ranked is more than an Internet trend. It's a magnificent banner to rally behind all jerkers, fappers, wankers, gooners, edgers and meat eaters worldwide are united in one army. If you have not received your uniform, check out your jerk mate ranked merch. Now, if you cannot contain yourself and wait for the return of jerk mate ranked game, those words have lost all meaning to me now.

Check out our many others. May the nuts be with you. The idea that someone would spend their hard earned money on a jerk mate ranked outfit. Also a Shopify that does not work. And while we're here, let's say fuck Shopify. It's a yeah, I like the idea that like someone be like, yes, I would like to pay any amount of money. Hmm. And then even worse to wear it. Wear it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess like, maybe any amount of money and then even worse to wear wear it Yeah, yeah I mean I guess like maybe it's really comfy like a micro It would have to be like you'd have to make someone buy it as a joke, but then they're like shit

This is so this feels so good Yeah And like look if you're in pajama pants that that were like jerk mate sponsored and they're real comfy Are you trying to give me a clue cuz you're in pajama pants right now? Yeah, these you could tell these are not jerk me. They're nice. No, they're comfy. They're comfy But what I'm saying is I wouldn't be upset or are like the only way I wouldn't be upset is if I got jerk Me and they were the comfiest pants ever. Yeah, I'd be like, I don't care what these are I would wear Pens I think are fine. Most people don't see them. Yeah. Yeah, it would be weird though

If you took someone home and then hooked up with them and then like put on your thing. Yeah I mean, there's also been times where like I've hooked up with someone and then I'm like you want to like hang out Watch a movie and like yeah, it's like well if you want like I have comfy pants in there So you don't like put your jeans back on your fucking like leather pants that you wore to our date and imagine these It's like a like a Tony Stark sort of like Iron Man-esque like It folds out. Yeah Just like all the the various jerkbait see like the worst part is the

Steam the colored steam that comes out and it's saying ready to jerk Yeah, which it's weird that you spent all of our podcast money on installing that it's also weird that it was that cheap Now I maybe this is a lax in my professional life No, we would never in the sense that I don't know what jerk mate ranked is I also don't I tried to figure it out and all I could really get was that and I left it there because I thought it Was funny enough. That's fair. So like is it like I believe you get like points. It's like ranked in like rivals or whatever We're like, I don't know how you gain points and I'm terrified to imagine That's my thing is I assume it's just you using jerk mate more, right?

But like surely you could just leave it the browser open This is a very particular power gaming a particular, you know lifestyle that you live in which you could just leave a particular lifestyle that you live in which you could just leave a porn site. If you were saying Elon Musk level of sadness. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I don't know. Like it does seem like it's really based on the honor system. That's good for them. That's the thing. They don't care if you've cheated your way to celestial gooner. You're there.

My, my achievements could feel tainted if I know that I'm sharing the celestial gooner slot with someone who cheated. You know, you're the real gooner. Yeah, it's true. So I guess that's it, but you know you know you're the real good. Yeah it's true. So I guess that's it right. Like you're not competing against each other. It's a personal rank. Yeah.

Well a lot of rock climbing competitions at least in the lower ends they do a lot of like you're like I climbed this in this amount of attempts and you gotta trust me. So really rock climbing is just jerk mate ranked. That's why you're always like go rock climbing. My hands are so calloused. I'm gonna go rock climbing. That's why my hands are so calloused. I'm going to go rock climbing. I want to get a quick climb in. Yeah, I got to put my hand on some jugs and feel a real nice sense of achievement.

Is that what they're called? Jugs? Jugs are a certain type of hold. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Cool. So this week, we're going to talk about husband shits himself. Says it's no big deal. Should I stay or should I go? Boyfriend gives me silent treatment after fight, not even talking and even uses eye roll emoji. I find it annoying immature and rude Doing the bare minimum. Hell. Yeah

Husband got promoted at work not paid promotion mostly pro bono. He says could lead to higher paid position Anyway, he's tired all the time with all these extra duties at work. So he's been less consistent with his hygiene He has stopped showering as often his diet is awful He will not touch a vegetable. He eats a lot of gas station food and a lot of fast food. It used to be he'd have really bad gas, like curl your hair bad, open every window in the house and wait outside for it to dissipate bad. He started taking pills for it, and that helped.

But lately, when I do the laundry, I've been noticing huge stains in his underwear. It's so disgusting. It smells awful. Sometimes I can smell it when he just walks around the house or if he sits on something. So I stopped doing it. I told him it was unacceptable and foul. He's been sleeping on the couch for two months. He doesn't care about showering. Doesn't seem to care about his smell. Tries to guilt me about not sleeping in the bed. But I tell him it's his fault if he would just shower when he gets home. Tried to explain how unsanitary it is. Told him I'm lonely from lack of intimacy and not being able to share a better space with him. Offered to go to the doctor with him as he was feeling depressed,

as if he would try therapy or counseling. I tried to get him to use a bidet. Asking if I could help with his paperwork or anything so he'd feel less burdened, he just brushed me off. He's insisting I'm overreacting. It is normal for grown men to have skid marks. He's blaming me for shutting him out, but I physically feel sick when I catch a whiff of him sometimes. The nail in the coffin was he told me, sometimes when I fart, I press my underwear against my butt to check and see if it feels wet. Told him that was it, I was done.

The line had been drawn and crossed. I told him I don't see how we can be intimate again because I'm so disgusted. I mean, seriously, it's so childish. I can't believe it's happening to me. I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone inside my home about this, so I'm venting to you here. Feel like it's not real life, but I'm lost over this.

I care for him, I don't want to leave him. He's my husband, we've built a life together and I can tell he's struggling with something If he makes absolutely no effort to fix the issue and it's affecting both of us It's not really fair to me. How long am I supposed to wait? Well, this continues I don't want to go home at the time because the smell hits as soon as I walk through the door Worst part is him gaslighting me about it So I imagine things that doesn't smell as bad as I think that I'm making out to be a big deal when it's not Normally he's very receptive to my feelings

But lately he's just been so defensive been married eight years as crazy things had changed So suddenly seems like he stopped trying all together and I have heard that depression can do this to people But he doesn't seem to be in bad spirits just a little more tired than usual Was this man hit by lightning and given the worst superpower? Yeah, i'm just thinking of like what could like maybe he got hit in the head somewhere and like it just completely changed his brain chemistry Does he have a brain tumor? That's like that I think out of everything is like the most important thing because at first I was like I was kind of Bummed by the question. I mean, I'm still incredibly bummed by the question. Yeah

But her just being like he's doing this he's doing that but she does like mention like oh I was worried that he was depressed and where I was worried about this I was like those are all valid things like those are all the things I was gonna talk about be like Maybe this man is like incredibly depressed. Maybe something you know I mean but to like double down on like it's not that bad This is normal. This is fine. Well. I'm gonna throw a little bit more spice in the pot here, okay? I have an update I reached out to his father, is the only family he has. I told him I was really worried about his son. If you could check on him and call him. I said he may need to go to the doctor, but he is resisting.

His dad asked for details. So I told him what was going on. He was baffled and said I was making a huge deal about nothing that he couldn't believe I was making him sleep on the couch over that. It was very harsh. I ended up getting off the phone feeling terrible. He was absolutely no help. So the dad's like, yeah, it's normal

Yeah shit pants Steve. That's why they call me that. Yeah, and he's shit pants Steve, Jr We are a proud shit family of shitting ourselves So, okay. Look, it's crazy that this started all at once right? Like this is not something this is not in my opinion Behavior that is adopted late in life unless it's No This is not in my opinion behavior that is adopted late in life unless it's But the fact that you've gone from like, you know a Functioning person to be like I only eat gas station food and I show it seems like that's been going on for a while Like the gas and the bad diet has been going on prior to this Oh, I got the sense that like once the job started that's when his shit diet changed it sounded like I it's unclear

But the gas for sure has been happening for a while I imagine that is kind of like because of yeah gas station food and like that sucks Yeah, my tummy feels bad thinking about that. Yeah So it's like these are all sort of like things that all seem to coincide with this new job So it's obviously related to that somehow. But at the end of the day, this is a grown man who needs to take responsibility for things, right? Either personal hygiene or just like doubling down and being like, this is the life I want to live. I want to be a poopy boy. And then acknowledge the fact that like, if you can't come

to terms with the idea of being like, oh, you don't want to be married to a grown man who shits himself on a daily basis. Then like if that happily willing, if that boggles his mind, then like, I know you say that, like, oh, you love him. And it's I understand that that can be difficult, but like this, the life you're living is not a good one. You are lonely. You you say that you like smells like shit all the time. And you say that like, oh, having this person is important to you.

You don't have them. No, you don't want to go home. You don't sleep with each other. You're not having sex. You know, you spend as little time as possible with them. So what really is the difference than like just your only interaction is like the lingering scent of him on the couch cushions. Yeah. That's that's bad. It's like, oh, he went. He got the 7-Eleven like hot dogs. Yeah. Oh, terrible. Gross. So you do say at the start, he got this new promotion, kind of, but it's pro bono.

But he's hoping it will lead to an actual like promotion. Yeah. So that happened when he smells like shit. No one's going to want to hire shit boy. I guess it depends on what he does. Unless he works in the shit factory and they're like, damn, he's really adopted company culture. Or it's like he goes out to like remote areas and like repairs Yeah, if it's like his only interaction is like on the phone while he drives from place to place and shits himself Sure, but like like no I've got to imagine that whatever he does is an outdoor or like isolated

This is really bold of you to imagine because I would also imagine that he wouldn't be doing this in general and here we are Here we are here. We are So yeah, honestly, I would I would lay down I we're not fans of ultimatums But in terms in things like there are times there are times and places like hey if you don't stop shitting yourself I'm not caring and being dismissive and rude of my feelings and your own hygiene Maybe we gotta you know, yeah, have a chat. And I think you do.

I do think I don't know. I'll say it kind of flippantly at the beginning. But like a brain tumor would well, like genuinely, it's either like this is some kind of like weird toxic masculinity thing that his family has like drilled into his head. Like, sadly, this is not the only time we've gotten a question like this. A lot of men seem to think that it's their God given right to wallow in their own shit and not clean their butt. Yeah.

So it's either that or it is a medical condition of some description, be it depression, you know, is he staging a dirty protest against the Trump administration? Something tells me, no. So you need to have a chat with him and you need to lay out very clearly your concerns in a way that's like, you know,

I don't want you to be like aggressive, but I also don't want you to be not agree. You know what I mean? Like you need to be in no uncertain terms. You need to be like, look. Firm and direct. You don't get to tell me where my tolerance for how stinky you are is.

But the facts remain that there's like actual, like visible levels of shit in your pants every day. There is a stink when you sit down on things, our whole home smells like I wouldn't invite friends over. I'm asking you to do this, you don't care what I'm saying. I'm worried about you and you don't care about that either. And just like lay it out and be like, look, can we, is showering and like maybe eating

a little better too much? Is that it? Is that like a step too far for you in this relationship? Is that too much to do for me? Like, all I'm asking you is basic levels of personal hygiene. I'm not asking you to like go get your manicure done. I had a Korean skin routine evening. All I'm asking you is to and like him acknowledging and being like, oh, when I fart, I do a little like spot test. It's like if that's if you've gotten to the point where every fart is a danger and also that you don't know.

Like if I shit my pants, I would know if I shit my pants. How do you know? Because I do the spot test. Right, like I feel like if that's a part of your daily life and that's if that is your routine of being like, I farted. Also, what happens next? Because clearly you don't seem to mind that you have be open to yourself. I don't know. It's this is just go. Ah, dang.

Keep going. Or do you go nice and keep going? Like, because it's happening. Yeah. So I think you just got to lay it down and be like, look, we are a partnership. We are a team. Again, is this too much for me to

ask? Because if it is, what isn't? You know are a team. Again, is this too much for me to ask? Because if it is, what isn't? You know what I mean? What is something you'll do for me? Because this is the bare fucking minimum. And it's obscene to me that you don't care. And like, look, if he does have some medical thing, it sucks to leave him in the midst of this.

But if you've tried all you can try, you're not like honor bound to suffer because he won't fucking get help. Because it might not be a medical thing either. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's like, you can only do what you can try, you're not like honor bound to suffer because he won't fucking get help because it might not be a medical thing either. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it's like you can only do what you can do to a point. And if everything you've done hasn't worked and you get to a point where you need to move on, you need to move on. You can't stay just in case in the future, it turns out it was a thing. If he won't accept help, you have to help yourself. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah you've got to protect your peace. And again, it's like you're you're set on being like, I want him, you know, I love him.

But like you aren't doing it right now. He doesn't exist in your life because you want to avoid him at every possible turn. So like you already lost him. Yes. And if he refuses to to work with you, then like you're not getting him back. Yeah. Right. So at what point in time do you either have to diminish yourself or just live in misery? Forever like that's that's not fair to you either and I understand that like it's tough to to watch someone that you care about Decline, but you shouldn't have to you know, go down with the ship for sure Like what's your other option just become a stinky girl yourself more. Yeah

What's your other option? Just become a stinky girl yourself more. Yeah Maybe that's it. Maybe you just shit yourself more and then when he complains like ha yeah, unless he's into it He could be into it this comes from Phoenix of radiance stay the full first date or walk out I went on a first date a while back and wasn't really feeling much of a connection But I stayed for the expected time period to give them a chance And just because I thought it was polite. When I said I wasn't interested in pursuing it further, they implied I should have just walked out at the start of the date or the moment I wasn't feeling the connection,

which surprises me because I would personally think that's rude. But I guess if you're on the app and go on enough dates, you'd prefer to save time over politeness. I think I'm going to ask people early in the conversation, which they'd prefer, and if no preference is given, I'll just stay the expected time period, as I'd prefer getting a good sense of the conversation, which they'd prefer. And if no preference is given, I'll just stay the expected time period as I'd prefer getting a good sense of the person. But I still wanted to post this to your perspectives about the people.

Are they asking everyone or are they just asking people if they're not working out with, they're like, Hey, so this is working out. Would you like me to stay for an hour and pretend, or would you like me to leave? Because if you actually don't haven't made your mind up, I'm like, Hey, if this doesn't go well, would you like me to leave right now? Or stay, like, that's setting such a weird tone at the start of the date, because you're never gonna know going forward

with that date whether they're saying it because they don't want it to go forward. Yeah, this is not something you can ask a person. No, it's not. Regardless of how polite you think you're being or how respectful you're being about someone's time, the idea of saying, starting your date, being like, hey, if one of us isn't vibing on this date, should we just leave?

You set, like you put that in someone's mind. You're essentially incepting that this is going to be a bad date and that they should leave. Yeah. Yeah. Or that you already decided and you're kind of trying to figure out if you should just walk out right now. And if they don't say, yeah, walk out right now, they're going to question the entire next hour. Also, what is the set amount of time?

That's the best thing for me. It's as if you're like, oh, I looked up the chart and the chart said 85 minutes. Yeah. I would. What is the set amount of time is an hour. I guess it's just like until the conversation closes. I don't know. It's they said the set, not ass. You know, yeah. Like, I guess, like, you know, if you're going for coffee,

it's like when your coffee is done, sure. And it's done if you're going for dinner. Once the dinner is done. Yeah. I think this person has over like as overstated the importance of what this person said in a bitter moment. Right. Yes. They were like, oh, you should just fucking left. Did they mean that? Probably not. Maybe in hindsight, now knowing how it went down.

But like if you just walked out, do you think they would like, oh, great. Yeah, that's nice. That's good for me. No, it'd be miserable either way. They're in a highly charged situation. They're feeling emotional. They kind of just were like, oh, you should just fucking done that. And I get it. A lot of people when they're embarrassed, return fire at someone or the person doing the embarrassing. Right.

Like so you rejected this person, which is always a shitty situation. Like, it never feels good, regardless of how unimportant it may actually be in the long run. You're always like, the sting of rejection is always there. So like, this person, as Nal said, reacted to that embarrassment in the way of being like,

well, it's your fault, you should have done that. I feel bad, I need to make you feel bad situation. So like, I wouldn't take anything said in a moment of rejection as truth. Yeah. Right? Because- And even if you wanted to,

that just might be that person's opinion, not everybody's, right? So- I cannot imagine it ever being okay to like just- Get back immediately. That being said- Unless you're unsafe or- Yes, I have done that where I called a date almost immediately because they were really shitty to a bartender

And that for me is like that's a hard red flag for sure. It's like a line I like I'm not gonna entertain you knowing that you suck you yeah, and it's like I'm not gonna be at a bar that I like and a bartender that I like and Support let you be hanging out with you is me supporting you Yeah, like if you do something shitty, and I'm like oh well. Let you be hanging out with you is me supporting you. Yeah. Like if you do something shitty and I'm like, oh, well, I'll put up with it. Well, she's not signaling that it's cool

to everybody else that this is happening and it's not. Yeah, I've never had to end a date like immediately, which is great. I have had to end a date after, like, let's say 30 to 40 minutes, which is still sizable enough. But like, I don't know what the fuck

happened when that with this girl. We had like a beer, maybe two. And she was blackout. Like we literally were going from one bar to the other and she like couldn't walk all of a sudden. I was like, Jesus, are you good? And she was just done. I was like, what the fuck? Like, how are you this fucked up?

Like, is it a medical issue? Did you have nine beers before you came here? Cause she seemed fine. So like, I was like, I going to continue this date because you're you're so drunk, like I cannot hang out with you. I was like, I can take you home. And she was like, it's fine. I'll get an Uber. And I was like, I don't even know if I should put you in an Uber.

This truck was like 7 p.m. So I was like, OK. And then she pulled out her fucking purse and spilled it all over the road. And I was like, oh, God. So like I'm like grabbing all this stuff. The Uber driver pulls up. He's out grabbing all our stuff. She's like, I'm sorry.

I'm like, this is the worst day. It's not the worst day that I've been on, but it's one of them. And she was like, we should do this again. And I was like, how about no. Yeah. I think it's only been like one or two that I pulled the plug on like early. Um, there have some been somewhere like or two that I pulled the plug on like early. There have been some where like they've suggested I like going back to their place or like changing locations, like, Oh, God work in the morning.

Yeah. So like, I think if you are like, if you think you're in danger, if you think you are, if you're like massively offended, like if they cross a line or like, well, whatever, if you walk in and you see them, you don't like the way they look and you walk out. Do I think you're a particularly nice person? Probably not, but like, does it really matter? Is it better than you wasting their time? I think it comes down to what you're more comfortable with.

And the fact that you're saying, if they want me to leave, I'll leave, but if not, I will stay X amount of time, means that's what you wanna do. So stay the X amount of time. If someone says you should you just fucking left. Like, I don't know. I think one, you're giving them a chance and two, you're kind of doing something

nice for them. That's it. I've actually had I've been on dates where like I haven't vibed with them right off the bat. I've been like, OK, well, like I guess you're sitting there that first 20 minutes being like, yeah, and you're just like, but then like once presumably the nerves have worn off or, you know, like a couple of drinks get into you and you sort of relax and loosen up and then it's like oh You're actually like I like this is the person I was talking to this is the person I asked that you just are awkward Awkward or nervous or whatever and which is like a totally fair thing So I think pulling the plug that early is a bad idea anyway

Because I've been on plenty of dates where I haven't really vibed with the person until like the second half of it or whatever. Right. Like once once the the sort of like nerves have washed off and the barriers have come down a little bit and be like, oh, cool. Like this is I find this version of you way more attractive than the initial weird, awkward version. And like, it makes sense. Now, I will say caveat, we're speaking from a guy's perspective where if we stay or leave or whatever, there's not too much of a difference in the way that men usually pay for these first dates. So you as a, if I, I think this woman, the question,

the question asked her, I don't know if it's, no, it doesn't say, okay. I'm, I'm just assuming for reasons unknown. Um, but I think the added bitterness could be like, if you've decided you don't want to be here, but you stay or for an hour and you get like food and drinks and then they pay for it. And then you say, hi, I don't want to be here, but you stay for an hour and you get like food and drinks and then they pay for it. And then you say, hi, I don't want to do this. So I think maybe a nice thing to do in that case would be

if you're checked out, get your own bill. Yeah. You know, I think that's a very nice thing to do. I don't think there's any reason a man should ever have to pay for you ever. But especially if you've decided you don't want to go further with this, I think just pay your own bill. And this is why also your first date should be a low,

a low cost thing because you can, there isn't that much of a burden. And you know, it's not a big deal if you take your bill. You also shouldn't be going somewhere that you couldn't pay your own bill. For sure, yeah, no. So I think that is just a kindness thing and also it'll maybe alleviate some of that like,

you should just fucking left anger. If someone's gonna feel a little shitty, if like, if you know you didn't want to do it, but you're happy to accept their money, it does feel a little easy, right? So maybe just take your bill. And I think that's just being a nice person. Either way, I think if you've,

we're all so fucking busy that if you've decided to carve out some time for a date, you see the date to the end, because you never know what's going to change. Right. Unless my big thing is if you walk in and their pictures, if they've lied about their pictures, whether they've used old ones and they are significantly heavier or older or what they just aren't the person they've. Sure.

I think that is okay where it's just been like, you lie to me about something that is very obvious immediately. And I don't feel comfortable doing this. Like I've I've one eighty out of a bar once because of that, because it was me pretending to be so we could hang out. It was just Nile on a blonde wig. I just really want to hang out. It's been a while. I walked in and it was like the person like I knew that was her. But it was her, you know, knew that was her but it was her You know at least 10 or 15 years. Yeah older

Yeah, right like and I'm just like this sucks like already I like there's I don't know what you could do to walk back that well, that's and it's like I know I do right Yeah, I'm like I'm not going to I'm not going to entertain this I showed up and they were like you were like, oh so like how was you know work at the vet office or whatever today and they were like, oh I lied I'm a this. Yeah. Oh, I lied. I'm this. Oh, don't worry. I'm actually a Republican. Oh, I'm blah blah blah Oh like if if they're just lying to you. Yeah, sure And that's the thing I feel like if you want to leave you should just leave You know, I mean, yeah, like I don't think if you want to leave you have to like shit

I gotta wait the whole day out. No, but I also think if you're willing to give it a chance, you don't have to just leave. Yeah. It is totally up to you. Obviously do it as safely and kindly as you can, right? There's no, you know, you don't want to put yourself in danger.

And I also think unless they've done something heinous, you also don't want to just upset them or be mean or whatever. But there is no like one size fits all because that way lies suffering. You know what I mean? And not everybody is going to be on the same page either. So we can't just tell you everybody wants you to leave.

Right. I do think maybe if you finish the date, you don't say, oh, I knew from the second I walked in, I wasn't going to do it, but I stayed just to make you feel better a hundred percent. That's not the way to go. You know, I mean, like honesty, but sometimes you don't need that much honesty You can just be like, oh, sorry, it's not working out because it isn't yeah You know, I mean, you don't just be like the second I saw you I was done

But I waited an hour and 25 minutes cuz that's I'm nice. Yeah. No, don't say that just be like, hey, I'm sorry I just didn't feel it or whatever. Yeah, and then you're good and you can always do it over text If you don't feel safe doing it in person. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, oh, don't break up with people over text. That's for like relationships. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's yeah. That's not for like, oh, I met this dude. I think it's very kind to on the next day be like, hey, thank you for, you know, the date last night.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel spark or connection. I think, you know, good luck, whatever. Like that's that's the nice way to do it. The person doesn't have to deal with rejection head on. Yeah, they can delete you and block you. And yeah, like and if they freak out, you're also. Like that's the nice way to do it. The person doesn't have to deal with rejection head on. They can delete you and block you and if they freak out, you're also safe. Exactly. Exactly.

This is by Impossible Scene 543. My 39 year old female boyfriend, 36 year old male, gives me the silent treatment after a fight. I mean weeks of not talking. Even uses the eye roll emoji during an argument, which I find extremely annoying, immature and rude. When we argue in person, he yells at me, punches his desk or the wall, kicks the trash can. Anything he sees nearby, he will suddenly throw, kick, or punch.

He also doesn't apologize easily. He's very generous. Often treats me with food or gifts, even though I don't ask for it, and tends to be sweet. When he's angry, he can be quite rude and he'll bring up everything he does for me. When I refuse sex because I'm tired, he'll tell me I'm being dramatic and suddenly be pissed. He cheated on me before, but I gave him another chance because I still loved him We've been together for six years and he's really good in bed and I have feelings for him

But starting to get old and tiring maybe emotionally draining is how I can best describe it question mark What is your question? Is this guy a piece of shit? Yeah What are you doing? Okay, let's let's just go through piece by piece What are you doing? What are you doing? Okay, let's just go through piece by piece. Sometimes he doesn't talk to me for weeks. Weeks of not talking, weeks of silent treatment after a fight. If someone didn't talk to me for weeks, they wouldn't be my friend, let alone my partner.

They would be a stranger or an enemy. Yeah. Like, that's all I need to know. That's the first sentence. That's the thing. Does it say their ages? 39 is her and 36 is him Grown people your own adult your grown adults. This is childish behavior at except from teenagers and by except

I mean expect and not be surprised maybe early 20s even then If I knew someone when I was 15 who got in a fight with their partner and their partner was like, oh, yeah was 15 who got in a fight with their partner and their partner was like, oh, yeah, like we got in the fight and didn't talk for six weeks. I'd be like, okay, you guys broke up six weeks. I'm, I'm not saying it's acceptable. I'm saying that like, if, if you told me that this question was from 15 year olds, I wouldn't be shocked is what I'm saying. It's like, no, but I would still be like, you guys are fucking idiots. Yeah. Cause we all do dumb shit when we're young,

but this is still so dumb that even at an idiotic 15 level, something has gone wrong. You're adults. Yeah. And you're like, oh, he fucks up the entire environment. His AOE attacks are devastating. Yeah. And like, oh, but he gets me gifts.

Oh, but then he uses those gifts in an argument. The only nice thing you say about him is that he's good in bed Mm-hmm and that he buys you food and gifts which he then weaponized Yeah, it's not a plus the only thing this guy's got going for him is he's good in bed great get a vibrator I come from this man who get a vibrator that you could probably find someone as good in bed as this dude who doesn't Go into turbo rage mode and Yeah, just kick the shit out of your apartment and leave for a month and a half what are you doing this is again tough love I'm going to tell flow that's why I brought this because this is what we're talking

about and we keep seeing this all the time what do you mean when you wrote that when you finished writing that did you say do you like literally can you think and be like I'm so lucky I'm in a good relationship. This guy is good to me. You wrote nothing but bad things. You wrote a stream of consciousness. I could not do half of that for my partner. Right. Like it's getting old, maybe emotionally draining.

I'm emotionally drained reading your fucking title. Like, what are you doing? Like if I were to do a post similar to this for my current partner, I would have to stretch so I would have to reach So far to find things to even get like I couldn't ever get anything to an equatable position It'd be like one day they were kind of grumpy Yeah Oh, no. Yeah, it's like under

Like understandable circumstances they had a bad and maybe I also was kind of tired so we had an argument. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's like this is everything you've said is breakup material by itself. Yes. Although I do really like the in the midst of all this really shitty stuff. The eye roll emoji is really important.

The least offensive thing and it's given like Probably the most weight what do you mean? Like when you're texting or do you just mean he rolls his eyes at you? Cuz if he's not don't know she says he uses the eye roll emoji during an argument. I must be he just gets on his phone Holds it up and sends it. Yeah, check your phone before I yeah before we continue this I need you to look at your phone. He doesn't even speak. He just holds up his hand and like the phone, just nods at her like, hey. He just takes her phone and puts it through the wall. Yeah, it's in the other room.

He punches his way through the wall to get it. Yeah. Break up with this man. This isn't a deep question. And if, look, if you're listening to this and you resonate with this question, break up with your partner. Break up with your partner.

If you can write a laundry list of all the terrible things that your partner, break up your partner. If you can write a laundry list of all the terrible things that your partner does and describe your current state as emotionally exhausted, you are not in a good relationship. And you can find one, especially like look at the good things you're listing. Is it just that they spend some money on you sometimes? Yeah. Get your own fucking money. Right. Like, go like, yeah, you don't have to deal with this shit.

You do have to deal with like capitalism and employment, which is kind of shitty in its own regard. But better than this, weirdly, that's the thing. Like, I just don't understand why, why we can we can have a myriad of terrible things that you recognize as terrible. Yeah. That you're you can rattle off. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, b can rattle off, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba, and then... And I'll bet this is the tip of the iceberg as well. Yeah. Just break up with them.

You, like, there is nothing better, like, this is not better than being single. No. This is not better than being alone. This is not better than not coming. You know what I mean? Like, you can get a vibrator and you can get a job. You can buy yourself stuff and you can come.

Like, that's all he provides, and then you're getting rid of everything else. Yeah. There are so many garbage can can go weeks upright. You could have a garbage can for more than a week. Yeah. Which will save you money to buy gifts for yourself. Yeah. You won't have to spend all your money fixing holes and buying garbage cans. Yeah. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. What are you doing? This is from Honda Civic, the car. Oh shit. Yeah. Hey bud. My girlfriend claims that she felt like she was settling for the bare minimum. I drove two hours to see her every weekend. But in her car. So that's what you do, dude. Bare minimum. And I would buy us meals and I would do her laundry.

I would clean and tidy her room for her. I would buy other things for her And I would buy us meals and I would do her laundry. I would clean and tidy her room for her. I would buy other things for her and I would drive us and I asked her to be my valentine even though we were dating. I cut off friends that didn't approve of her. I gave her massages. I gave her reassurance. I was patient with her when she got overwhelmed. I tried my best to be there for her when she leaned on me for support while venting about

things only a therapist could help her with. How am I doing the bare minimum? She told me she was learning to treat herself better, and one of the things was buying flowers and replacing them when they die. Does she expect me or any guy to do that? Are we in the notebook or something? I felt like I really did good, and then she was, she wants a break all of a sudden,

talking about how we both have things to work on. It's been over a year. I did stuff like that a lot early on, and I would still do it just less. Does she expect to have the ground that she walks upon worship for the rest of her life? She couldn't even drive to see me because she always had some excuse,

but she could drive to see her friends who live the same distance. OK, she sucks. She's a bad sucky partner. Also, OK. Are you still on the break? What's happening? There's so much to this where like she does seem bad.

Yes. But you also don't seem great. There's a lot of stuff that like there's a lot of it's weird that you're like listing off your checklist almost. And maybe it's just because you've been challenged on it, but it feels a little performative. Yeah. And like one of the things I've noticed a lot recently and like when I've been looking for questions and stuff, is that people seem to think of like relationships have gotten so transactional. There's a lot of like, I put an X, I want Y. How do I turn, you know, C into F? How do I like everyone seems to think that like it's almost like alchemy. It's like a transmuting like I can. Well, King, you have to. Yeah, it's like I've I've done this, but they won't do this as if there are like ingredients and pieces of a puzzle that like you can shift and move around to like create a balance of like what you want.

And it's weird to me because like you said, like he lists off this stuff. And again, like you are right. He has been challenged of being like, oh, I'm selling for the bare minimum. And like, the only way to sort of like combat it is to. Like I do it, yeah. Yeah. So I'm giving him a little grace. Yes.

But it also seems like, like you're not, it doesn't, you don't talk about what you get from her. Right? The only thing we know is she won't come visit you. It seems like he's getting nothing from her. Yeah. So it's like, does she do these things in return? Are you doing these things because you want to? The only thing we know is she won't come visit you. It seems like he's getting nothing from her. Yeah. So it's like, does she do these things in return?

Are you doing these things because you want to? Are you doing these things because those are your instincts? Are you doing them because you want to be able to say, look at all these things that I'm doing for you? Did you get a list somewhere? And you're like, but I did the list. And it's like, that's where it starts and ends. Cause it's like doing a thing

because you feel like you have to versus doing it genuinely are very different things. But there's no way for us to know in this question. My question is, if someone says you only do the bare minimum, did you not ask them what they want you to do more of? Or where you're falling down?

Because you could come to us as you have and ask, and I do not know. So don't like, there isn't a, you know, everyone in relationships expects and wants different things. if she feels like you're falling down somewhere She's the person to ask about where and again judging from this question, which again is from your perspective So maybe it's skewed. It seems like she just wants more whether or not you're doing less or not You know, I mean, I also like if the thing that she says like again I don't know if this is just you

hyper fixing on the weird things where she's like, I'm learning how to take better care of myself, like buying myself flowers and getting rid of the dead ones. Yeah, that's not self care. I mean, it is. But like the lowest, like, as you know, her apartment is just full of flower corpses. Yeah, it's like that's like the surface level of like, I'm going to do a nice thing for myself. That's like being being like I need to start taking care of better care of myself I need to start not I'm going to get a doughnut once a week because I like doughnuts It's like great

but like that's yeah, that's not that really isn't gonna change your world if you if you really do need to start taking better care of yourself or treating yourself better a Little treat once a week isn't going to change. You're like, I'm going to engage in a little bit more consumerism. That's not really it. It's like maybe like, you know, working out, eating better. Yeah. You know, it's giving your partner communication. More information. Yeah.

Like those are the things that I think would. So it's like it's as I said, it's weird that like if someone said that to me, if they said like, oh, I want to start treating myself better, it's like, do you do you feel like I'm not treating you good enough? And if I'm not, what are the things that you're looking for? Like, or is she just dealing? She like having some kind of breakdown or like, has she been through a bunch of shit and she's finally trying to like take, you know, control of her life or like

lead herself in a better direction? Because if so, it feels weird that you're ignoring that and focusing on this. Whereas like, it seems like she's going through something. Yeah. And if she is, maybe you are doing the bare minimum because you're so concerned about your list but not actually supporting her in this change.

Maybe she just sucks. And this is a weird excuse of like, oh, we're both going through stuff, goodbye. Yeah. Like, I don't know, but if someone, if you're in this situation and someone's saying, hey, you're not delivering, be like, how? Like, I would love to know like what you are looking for, what I don't do, you know what I mean?

And like, that'll kind of give you a gauge on how genuine this is, because if they're just like, you should know, that's not great. If they tell you stuff that you're doing, that is not great. If they tell you stuff that makes sense, cool, you can work on that. Or if there's just like something unrealistic, like take me

to a tapas restaurant every day. That's shit. So that will give you the information you need and hopefully will bypass needing to come to us, burning our show to the ground, leaving me and Dame bereft on the streets. But you know what? You'll be happy.

And that's all that we want. That's it. That's all we want. That's it. You know, mass. Yeah, we could do one more. Um This is by Achilles Great to see my boys back in the world. Yeah, we had a lot Oh, I broke my heart with a dick picture We had a long dis relationship for four months and all was perfect till we were talking about sex and I misunderstood the conversation

Thinking she might like that. I find myself blocked by her from all the apps I tried to text her and she said I disappointed her now I'm in pain because I loved her more than she knew PS. I know I'm a disgusting person now I guess that was this Achilles real That's it just end the show I I wasn't listening to that question cuz I that's all I was coming up with that bad boy And the show I wasn't listening to that question because that's all I was coming up with that bad boy Long this relationship four months. Okay, they had a conversation about sex Yeah, he misunderstood the conversation thought she might like a dick pic center one. She blocked him from all apps. He texted her She said she's disappointed now

He's in pain because he loved her so much and he knows he's a disgusting person. Yeah Do we have ages? We do not have ages because like I would understand this again, teenagers. Yeah. Right. I think I think teenagers. But if you're having a sexy conversation, I do think I don't think I've ever unsolicitedly sent a dick pic.

It's either been requested. Yeah. Or I have been exchanging pictures are slowly getting. Yeah. Or there have been times where like I've I've mentioned that you know They're making me hard or whatever and I'm like do you want to like you know? Do you want to see what you would do you know that kind of thing so like what you've done look what you've done This is your fault

So I I understand it is a mess step to just sort of like out of the blue send a picture of your dick It can be very jarring. Yeah. Especially depending on like how you know, if you depending on how long you've been with this person, if you love them, I hope you've been with them for a while. Four months, four months. But like a long distance, I assume it's an online thing. Yeah, I don't know. So, I don't know. It's weird to be considered like to be disappointed when you're having I assume an explicit

Text conversation like sexting or something like you could I understand like the idea of being like hey Like didn't really want that and in the future I would like yeah warning or that's the thing There's a difference between like a random person like your boss sending you a dick pic Yes versus like a person you're having a sexual conversation with and you're intimate with and you're dating, and then they send it. You can still be upset by all means,

but like it does seem crazy to be like dead to me. Yeah, because like surely the idea, if you're having sexual conversations, is to one day see this penis. You'd hope so. In some regard, whether, you know, in a picture or in person or on a camera or something. like the idea, if you're getting into a intimate relationship, I imagine would be eventually a face to face meeting with this penis. Yeah. So it seems strange to be that upset about it and to treat it as like a like a burden.

Yes. Yeah. I will say, though, we should just get this out of the way. We kind of mentioned it, but let's just state it flat out Just don't send an unsolicited dick pic don't do it Just don't do it You know, I mean if you want to do what we just said come up with it in a flirty way or just say it Outright. Yeah, you know or if you have a conversation and you think that she wants to get more sexual Clarify and then you know, yeah I mean there have been times where like I've been sexy with someone and

I've been like do you want to pick and they times where like I've been texting with someone and I've been like, do you want to pick? And they've been like, I'm actually out with friends right now. Yes. So like, anytime I'm sneaking, I'm sneaking a little text to you, but I definitely cannot have a dick show up on my phone right now. I've done that before. I've talked to people been like, hey, like if I send you this, are you in a safe place?

And they're like, I'm minding my three baby cousins Yeah, what do kids love to do grab a fucking phone and run around with it I don't want my whole junk just flapping around on yeah, because as we know physics work with phones That's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me in terms of technology is the physics based dick based dick. Yeah, you just look at that would be actually that would be very funny. Yeah. Damn, we should invent that. Don't don't take that idea. Some A.I. has already stolen it from us.

Thank you very much for listening to the show. Did we solve that last one? I think so. I think so. Yeah. Look, if they're if they cut you off, they cut you off. There's nothing you can do about you can say sorry. Say you won't do it again. And if they're not willing to be with you, that's fine. Send her another dick pic with your pipe cleaner arms holding a sign that says I'm so we am I would I would

Little hat on it or something Thanks for hanging out with us for an hour. I was about to say a week. This was a very long Yeah, if you're listening to this on minus a thousand speed. Yeah, just really getting every just really getting every We're so that unlocks something for someone. Yeah, I bet We love you guys. Hopefully nothing dramatic has happened in the past week. He he ha ha. Oh god Haha, it's really the next episode that we have to be worried about. It's all gonna be the everything. Yeah, we love you Thank you, Josh Eagle in the harvest shoes for their song Paper Stars. You ready for some bad sex writing? I think so. This one's about cum. There's a book called Kiss of the Basilisk and

this is a segment from it. His cum was something between a liquid and a solid, thick and shiny. A handful of liquified pearlsied pearls is beautiful. She whispered then it is like you Hey girl, you look exactly like my jizz. You're like my semi hard spherical jizz. Yeah I wouldn't like I know this one's for the boba girlies, right? But like don't say boba girlies It's for the boba girlies. They want it. That would be bad to have in you. Yeah It's for the boba girlies. They want it. That would be bad to have in you. Yeah It just would be it would be bad I mean like I'm trying to think of like the the Classification of like cum is a mixture of something liquid and solid. I'm like, yeah, like I guess

Where'd you get this classification from? But like I don't know how like it seems weird like that's viscous Yeah, but like this is I believe they're like there are spherical like baubles. Yeah, I don't know. It seems bad I don't want that in my vagina. Thank you. I don't yeah, I don't honestly I don't want it coming out of me No, well, maybe it feels nice. It'll get a little chunk to it. Maybe no when you're coming. Maybe it's almost like getting sounding rod Yeah, maybe it's good. It probably feels good. I don't want to think about it.

Maybe I could inject you with something. Please. Coagulate your do not your ball juice. My name is Dave Miller. I'm not saying and we've been your fuck buddies. you