F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 342 - Mall Bath

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

In this laser focused episode, we don't go on a single tangent and stay on topic the entire time.  Topics include literal trust falls, no rhythm, the dog training method, how to use someone you're already using. Join the Patreon!

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love We are a Sex and Dating Advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and then we turn them into Sexy sticky situations nailed it boom a hundred percent start a season seven good job. We're here No, you can't say that I do as a little joke to myself I do have these all broken into seasons on my computer like we never like there's no indication of seasons

But I do have what season are we currently on by your madness? We're in season four is why because season one was zero to a hundred And then season two was one episode season three was one episode season three was One two, I guess they know we're in season five damn who wants to and then two three we didn't to last week So this is seven so the two episodes we did while you were away. We're in our own standalone season. Yeah avant-garde

Simply put we're a podcast and we find sex and dating advice questions either online or from our wonderful listeners And we answer them right here right now in your ears And we made it the the mystery of us being away having pre-recorded didn't No good things happened in the last two weeks really apart from the liberals beating the concern Yeah, the Canadian election yesterday, but this thing is like America's still they're still going they're still doing what they do Yeah, America be American ingy but

thankfully Canada Doing some Canada things which is not love the post where it's like Trump so bad he losing elections in other countries. Yeah, I mean that's the thing that we have that we have to take a moment and thank America specifically Trump for winning this election for us Yeah, we were about to get just the most useless awful man And now we have a slightly less useless slightly less awful man. Yeah, and that's the thing like probably Maybe I should say decently less Awful and decently less useless.

Like, it's not that close. But I'm just saying I don't have much faith in politicians as a whole. So that's what I want to talk about. Just very briefly. One, I watched Mark Carney's acceptance speech, like of him winning the election, and it was one very nice to hear someone speak. Just speak politically, you know, I mean, like, like speak without like bullshit rhetoric. It was it was a very nice speech.

It was a speech about like, let's work together. Let's unify like we have a we have a common cause. And like he at one point in time, he was like, look, I know that almost half the country didn't vote for me. And that is something I'm going to actively work to, like, earn your trust. I was like, these are nice. Like, this is what I don't necessarily believe all of it. But at least the like pomp and circumstance is there.

Right. Like the veneer effort to appear like as as someone as a dignified leader is there. But I want to know, like, do you not remember maybe like 10 years ago, the rhetoric around politicians was, they're all liars. Never trust a politician. Politicians are known to be liars. Politicians will lie about anything. You can't trust them about anything.

When did that shift to the politician you support is the second coming of gospel truth? When did that happen? The politician that you support can just, whatever they say is fact and like all the other facts by the people that know things about them. No, no, no, they don't matter. Just what this fucking doofus said. I don't understand when that shifted because it was also the right wing that were heavy on the like Politicians suck. We hate politicians They're you know, everything they say is stupid and lies and I don't you should never trust a politician and now the right have like kind of doubled down on the idea that They're the only correct information is what they're being fed to by quite obviously a

propaganda machine. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's probably like, oh, everyone else is politicians, the ones you shouldn't trust, but not us. That's the difference. Like we're the ones who aren't politicians. You know what I mean?

Like it's that kind of like everything the right does is a them not us. Yeah Podcast that's a good point. I guess it was when they decided to elect a reality TV star instead of a politician Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. What a joy isn't the world fucking wonderful. Is it a good well Let's make it a little bit more wonderful by talking about Good. Well, let's make it a little bit more wonderful by talking about fiance insists on doing trust exercises where he blindfolds me in public How to say he ain't got no rhythm. Am I an asshole for training my guy like a dog? She wants to be used but I already do This is by throwaway

your home My 20 year old. Is it my donkey? Ear hon, it's Y-E-R-H-O-N-W. Ear hon. Ear hon. I feel like I did it right. My 29 year old female fiance, 33 year old male, insists on doing trust building exercises where he blindfolds me in public.

I'm starting to feel humiliated. So I'm with my fiance for three years. He's been engaged for six months. He's always been into building trust and doing weird exercises from books he reads or podcasts he listens to. Well, that's your first mistake. It started small, like falling backward into each other's arms or taking turns giving up control of the TV for a week.

Okay. But now it's getting a little bizarre. His newest thing is public vulnerability drills. Basically he blindfolds me and walks me through public places like Target, the dog park, Farmer's Market while narrating what's going on. I'm supposed to trust his eyes and lose mine. Sometimes he will guide me to smell random fruit or experience vibrations by touching speakers in electronic stores.

Last weekend he walked me into a fountain at the mall to test how I reacted to unexpected stimuli. I got soaked. He said I passed with a B plus. I'm not making this up. He really grades me. I tried to tell him I don't enjoy it and it makes me feel ridiculous, but he got upset and said there was clearly a deep root of control issues and this is how we work through them. He says I shouldn't undermine the sacred trust, sacred space of trust. What do I say to that? Is this some therapy thing I'm not

educated enough to understand? This sounds like someone who's played D&D for too long and has made a stupid gimmick character that sucks Right like this sounds trust boy Like oh the sacred space of trust like you can't we can't defeat the evil Lord Gargan all Until we all trust each other. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I look, I'm all for. Look, dude, his patron is the God of trust. And if he doesn't appease his patron by walking you into fountains,

how's he gonna cast his level seven fireball? I'm all for like doing silly little, like if you both are on board and like being like, this week we're gonna play a game where, you know, you get to choose what we're going to watch for the week. Whatever. But I think there's a strong shift of being like, I'm going to blindfold you and walk you around public spaces. And not because of whatever trust bullshit that he's working on.

But you're a person and an adult. And what if your boss sees you or your friends or your mother? That's a weird thing to have to be like, oh, yeah, no, I we're just doing a trust exercise. Like, do you lead him around blindfolded? And that is, I think, a very important thing to talk about. Does trust only go one way here? Because when is it his turn to be put in the fountain when is it his turn to be rated you know for a mall bath yeah

right like kids eat I'm just gonna go ahead and guess it's just you yeah like if you want to talk about deep-seated control issues it seems like he's controlling all he's literally blinding you and saying trust my eyes alone like he's literally controlling you. He's moving you into fountains against your will. Yeah, I mean like that there is, the fact that she says she got soaked leads me to believe that like,

not just her feet, like it sounds like she might've fallen into fountains. Because like, mall fountains either have a pretty deep like step down into them, or like a ridge protecting you so that you like step down into them or like a ridge Protecting you so that you don't walk into them mm-hmm like even if it was just my feet I would be miserable unless I was barefoot in the mall somehow as some other trust exercise I hey if I was also in the mall. I would be fucking miserable as well. Yeah, I have recurring dreams where

For whatever reason I'm not wearing shoes And I have to use a public bathroom And it's like for some reason I have a lot of dreams where I forget to put my shoes on weird Yeah, I don't know this is I have a lot of recurring dreams were like the ultimate like thing isn't actually all that bad You know the mean like where I'll be like oh I've got to do an Irish exam the math exam in high school That I forgot to do I guess and they're like, oh shit now You're in your late 30s. You gotta go back and do it and I'm like, oh fuck and I'm like stressed and annoyed and I'm like I'll probably pass and like that's it. You know, it means like I probably will pass and it probably will be fine

And like that's my nightmare. That's my like, uh What does that say about me? You know, I mean I would have a very hard time with any level of math tests now. Like if I would, I think like maybe up to like grade four or five, I would probably be okay. But if you put me in high school math, I would almost guarantee fail those tests. Oh, if it was my like leaving cert for sure. Well, like in this, it's like, I probably have a couple of days to study.

And then I mean, like I could cobble it together. Again, I would pass. It just wouldn't be annoying. That's like, that's my nightmare, I guess. Like being annoyed. Like, ugh, I gotta be fucking stressed for five days. But that's my life, so maybe that makes sense. Now the Irish, Irish, I would be real bad.

Be real bad. It's a hard exam. Okay. It's cool that you care enough to To continue that conversation. It's cutting me off. I don't I don't know what I mean like it's it's any language I mean, you don't know what Dane you could it's the human experience to be like, oh, I understand what you're saying You know to be able to speak Irish to understand that hard exam of a thing You haven't studied for years is an imposition thing

I mean hey Like I said like you give me any sort of like school thing I think I would do very poorly at like I think maybe English would probably be the only one that like Like if someone was like write an essay about like a compare and contrast essay. I could bullshit that that's not a problem I can write nonsense to I got through college and speak nonsense as we're currently doing Yeah, but any other like science. No. Yeah, I Remember doing a test in photography and bombing that to oblivion Yeah, you kept pulling out your phone and your teacher was like that's never gonna be a camera on the phone you idiot

Sure, I think my cell phone at that point in time did have a have a camera But I believe it was probably like point two megapixels one pixel You aimed it somewhere as you gave you color. Yeah, just give you the general color of the space I Found my old digital camera this we're not what yeah, I don't what are you doing? We were off to a slow start, we finally got in and now you've derailed us. Um, what were we talking about? Control? Look, this is fucked. Uh, big small bath. And, one, if there is an issue with Control, actually no, fuck what I was saying, what podcast is he listening to? Yeah, I have-

Cause this sounds like something we would say as a joke. Yeah. Yeah, this sounds like something we would say as a joke Yeah, and I'm really worried that we did and someone took it too seriously and that's the problem There's been I would say weekly my partner listens to the show and she will Talk to me about something that is ugly and I will be like hey darling I love you very much, but I don't remember what the fuck you're talking about Because when I get in this closet, I'm pretty sure I'm severed. Yeah, look I we had to to deal with the stress of Doing multiple careers at once most of which don't pay us we have to sever ourselves Yeah, I think I walk into this closet, and I get the weird like zoom effect

Yeah And and the thing is if we hit a high enough tier on patreon will actually be allowed to do the reunification Process of our brains and actually then when people meet us on the street and go oh my god I love that episode about like, you know Mambo 69 and I go What the fuck are you talking about? Are you talking and who are you crazy person? Why are you so good at sex? Is that are you saying that to them or are they saying that to you? I'm saying it to them because they listen to our show right so I'm really still complimenting us. Don't worry. Yeah, okay That's all I need to make sure I had to take a minute to make sure that we got our dues

Yeah from ourselves. Yes, but but it's not ourselves because we're severed. It's our innies. So this is what happens when we take two weeks. Yeah, we're high on on the severance process. Look, if you don't want to do this, don't do it. And that's pretty much how all relationships go. You know what I mean? That's fine. Two, maybe talk to them and be like, yo, what the fuck? And three, if it's not reciprocal, is it fair? I think you need to bring up, like this, the, the, the, the, leading you into a puddle of water, like a body of water in a public place where you can't change your shoes. Like if,

if you really want to be like trust, he would have been like, hey, I knew I was going to do this. So here's a pair of wet, you know, dry socks and another pair of shoes so that you're not going to be uncomfortable. Well, like, how can you trust them? You still embarrassed someone publicly and put them through discomfort. And like, who knows, your shoes are fucking gross with mall water. Like, it's bad. There's no unless you step in and you're like, the fuck and then he's like, oh this was all VR

This is just a cool jet on your tan. Even then it's like why are you doing this? Fuck? Yeah But like broken the surely that's the thing It's like surely you could say use this as a moment to be like hey I trusted you not to lead me into a shitty place and you did it. And then you said that I didn't do well enough. Like there was needs improvement of this. So it's like, let's let's play a game. Like if you want to trust, you need to trust me as well. We're going to blindfold you.

And I'm going to take you to a subway platform and like see how comfortable he is with that. And if he's like, no, it's a goal. Seems like you have control issues. Seems you seem like you don't trust me. We need to be in the sacred space of trust. Like, I promise you, this me. We need to be in the sacred space of trust. I promise you this guy isn't gonna be down to be on the receiving end of these trust experiments.

And I bet you if you start to try to do it, he'll be like, oh, so you don't trust me, which makes no sense, because he's doing it to you. So look, it feels like a precursor to further abuse. It really does just feel like he's like, oh, here's my little testing the waters game where I see what I can get away with, which in this case seems to be everything. So if you don't enjoy it, you need to be like, hey, what are you doing?

What the fuck podcast are you listening to? If it's us, it was a joke. So it's fine. If it's not us, you got to stop listening to them, get them to listen to us and just be like, this isn to them, get them to listen to us. And just be like, this isn't cool. I don't agree to this. If you can't trust me without doing this shit to me, that you need to figure your shit out and we need to not date.

Yeah. Yeah. 100 percent. Also, what does seeing how you like react to unexpected stimuli? That's that's like lab work. That's not that trust. Like, is that Like is this an alien and he's like, oh human no like wet feet are when you leave your house Are you also blindfolded the whole time because I'm starting to think that maybe this is like a Truman show situation Where there really isn't a reality, right?

Like they are just in this relationship specifically to be observed by perhaps aliens Yeah, perhaps just like shitty people mm-hmm And the thing is like one of the PA is fucked up by giving them a real working laptop And they're like oh, no they broke containment they posted on reddit and that person did get fired and then drowned in a mall fountain yeah in the old mall bath This is from Peechie247 or maybe 24-7. Whoa. How to tell him he has no rhythm. The guy I'm seeing and I really into each other, but he simply has no rhythm when he's using his fingers, tongue, or penis. The quality of sex in the relationship is a deal breaker for me, but I really like him. It's not that he's terrible at

it, definitely not. I still orgasm. It's not that he's terrible at it, definitely not. I still orgasm, which is extremely frustrating. He won't be offended when I mention it. He genuinely wants to make me happy. I just don't know the right words. I'm like 98% sure he's not doing it to avoid ejaculating because it's also with his tongue and fingers. But I say 98% sure because I'm not 100% sure

because he has no rhythm right before. That's how 98 usually works. Yeah, there's 2% left that you're- Thank you for explaining that. See, this is the high school math. She's not 100% sure because he has rhythm right before he ejaculates, so it's not like he doesn't know what feels good. Anyway, what are the right words? So, you say he has rhythm right before he ejaculates, so he's doing what feels good. Anyway, what are the right words? So you say he has rhythm right before he ejaculates. So he's doing what feels good to him.

You know what I mean? In this moment, he's not going, oh, I'm about to ejaculate. Gotta make it feel good for you. So that's a weird mental leap that you've made. Yeah. No, I think that's what she's saying. She's saying that he knows. I see what you're saying.

Yes. Yeah. So look, don't say you have no rhythm Let's just get that out of there. What you need to say is like, oh If when he's doing something that's good, you know, I mean be like, oh my god, hold that pace like keep doing that Yeah, and then like if he changed to be like, oh no, go back to what you're doing or be like, oh I really like want you to just do like one continuous rhythm You know what I mean? Cause I'm sure he can do it. He just isn't sure. You know what I mean? This, this kind of speaks to me of like a, a, like a new lover, a, an

inexperienced guy who's kind of like, he's doing a thing. He's like, Oh fuck, is that working? And he's like doing this. And it's like, I was kind of like that when I started fucking when, you know, all those eons ago. And we've talked before about like when people are going down, like men going down on women and it's like, they say, Oh, I'm close. And they're like, amazing. Let's immediately change what I'm doing. Yeah. Let's, let's pull up my super turbo move here. Yeah. So I think if you're just looking for the words,

and I do love that you say this guy won't get offended because that's green flags all around. Yeah. You need to just couch it positively. You know what I mean? It always needs to be positive, not that you're not doing this, but I would like this, or this would be really good, or I love it when you did that, you know what I mean? Because there's such a different flavor

when you just make it positive. Yeah, and don't be afraid to, especially with the finger, guide it, right? Like if, be like, oh, and like, this is where I think little white lies here and there aren't a big deal, where it's like, you could be like, oh, I'm a little sensitive when you do that. Can you try this? Right? Like instead of being like, that's wrong, just be like, oh, that's too much for me. It's much better to do this. And then like take his hand and sort of like give him that motion, give him that sort of rhythm, whether it's a circle or, or, you know, an up and down and inside,

like whatever you're looking for, whatever you want from him, um, and give him a bit more of like practical guidance, like an actual sort of like, I want you to go back and forth. I want you to go in circles, I want you to go back and forth. I want you to go in circles. I want you to go, you know, up and down, whatever, whatever your, your preferred flavor is. And maybe, maybe try to like make it a little bit more exciting too. You know what I mean? So maybe you put on like, you know, a pirate's hat or get a whip or something and you pretend like he's in the galley with the like the oars right and you're like yes Mach speed and then he starts going you're like hold

Hold I think and then wild that I was be mock speed was it's even wilder that they could row at that speed But hey, they were strong boys That's what created tsunamis. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the crazy thing is they weren't invented prior and no one's actually been able to Unmock speed them to stop we need to stop we need to do what is up I just had a coffee, and I can't tell if it kicked in or hasn't kicked in yeah I have no excuse yeah, I'm drinking water. Oh, no. You're high just reach in no How botanical is that water? It's so piney Mm-hmm, so I think just make it positive you know I mean and like if he does a thing

That's the moment to jump on be like keep doing that Yeah, and even just like later be like look everything you do is good But you keep which I hope it is you know maybe again a white lie Everything you do is good, but you keep which I hope it is, you know I mean maybe again a white lie and you can be like but the way I work is like when you get in something and I'm Enjoying it and you change it up that like momentary lapse kind of like takes me out of it a bit So it's like I'd rather when you're doing something we continue for a little bit longer, you know, I mean stuff like that Yeah, which again so much better to hear than hey, you're bad at this. Yeah, you suck at this. This is bad I don't like this. Yeah, you suck at this. This is bad. I don't like this

Yeah, now for sure alternatively metronome. Well, I was you know what I had I had my bingo card for this episode I thought for sure you were gonna bring up see bat well the perfect rhythm That's what he's been doing fuck this is another thing where he listens to one of our episodes. And he was like, perfect. And we were joking, bud. Yeah. Damn.

I mean, that's that's another thing is like you can implement music into the bedroom. And a lot of people, if they are musically inclined, which maybe this guy isn't, if he has no rhythm, will you will kind of like inadvertently fall into a bit of a rhythm so like find some find find your preferred BPM of pleasure and You know pleasure minute Yeah, and put those on and like just see if that helps a little bit Yeah, no harm. Yeah, unless you play something way too quick in which case actual physical harm. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, don't play like Dragon Force or like yeah, it's some drum and bass song I think we solved it. Yeah, I think we solved it. Am I the asshole for training a guy like a dog? I 23 year old female have started seeing a guy 26 year old male is super pretty Kind of emotionally unavailable. He's alluded to an unstable slash unhealthy childhood. For context, I also work with socializing abused and neglected dogs at a local shelter. And I think how much time I spend with the dogs is impacting the way I interact with people. When we were on a date, I started subconsciously making mental notes about them, like I'd make about a dog. For example, I noticed when out for dinner, he ate really quickly and very anti-sharing brackets resource guarding.

When I offered to pay and suggest dessert, it seemed to make him really happy and a little calmer, food motivated. He's really particular about his car, territorial slash crate aggression. He likes when I pick where we go, what we do, eager to please. So I've started using tactics I'd use on the dog with similar problems. Recently a friend, 22 year old female, pointed out it's weird that I keep peanut M&Ms on me with the specific purpose of offering him one when I see him and offering him again whenever I can tell he feels vulnerable.

She said I'm being an asshole because he's a person, not a dog, so I shouldn't be training him like one. I don't think that's fair. I'm not trying to control him or anything. I just want him to feel comfortable with me the same way I need the animals I'm helping to be comfortable with me. Humans and animals aren't that different after all, but I just want to be comfortable with me the same way. I need the animals I'm helping to be comfortable with me humans animals aren't that different after all I just want to be safe and cared for guy hasn't noticed yet problem is my technique is yielding really positive results

Am I an asshole should I stop? Look, I think there's a very valid psychological question here But if I I like to put myself in the shoes of the person who's not asking the question. The leash, thank you very much. That's where I like to, I like to live at the start of a question. And if I had a pretty lady who was like,

Pina Nemanem every time she saw me? Fuck yeah. If she then was like, I'm gonna pay for dinner. Hell yeah. Like, I'm sorry. Right now, it seems like she's the best person to ever. Yeah. Like, I, I understand that, like, ethically, there may be a lot of problems in this, but if I'm benefiting with delicious treats and maybe I'm realizing I want to be trained like a dog.

It's kind of where I'm coming from. It's like, oh no, this person cares about your emotional well-being, is focused on you enough to be like, oh, I understand X, Y, and Z, and then they're taking steps to allay that by the medium of yummy treats. It's pretty nice. I will say though, if I'm also putting myself in the shoes and one day she goes Hey, I trained you like you are needy abandoned stray dog bad. It's bad Don't ever that's I think we got to point out right now if this goes on and even if it doesn't You never turn to them and say hey, I did train you like a stray dog

Yes, and like I think you have to keep your work pretty separate, right? Like you can't talk about a particularly troublesome dog. And like, because I think hopefully like this man may put the pieces together, right? Be like, Hey, wait, hold on. Wait a minute. Why are you treating Buster the same way you treat me? She better not be though, because poison to dogs and chocolate are, you know, is she giving these dogs M&Ms? Because she won't have a job much longer. I assume she's not.

She seems very good. Hey, I also assume a man wouldn't walk his blindfolded girlfriend into a fountain at a mall, Dane, but here we are. Here we are. Here we are. This is interesting though, because it's like, arguably what you're doing is caring about their emotional state, giving them snacks. You know, is it bad that it stems from dog knowledge? Now, here's OK, I totally agree with what you're coming from. But let's let's remove let's pretend like we know nothing about training dogs, which we kind of don't.

At least I once I once read an article about it for a novel. Well, there you go. Yeah. Forget that. Forget that. Think about it for a novel. Well, there you go. Yeah. Forget that. Forget that. Aw. But think about it, like if someone came to us with the question of being like, oh, my partner seems really standoffish with food

and has some sort of like food insecurity, but it seems like he likes when I pay for dinner. We would suggest, okay, now you know that. Like, you know that there is an issue there, be sensitive about it. She's doing that. Right. Yeah. She notices like, oh, he gets kind of like anxious and nervous. And it seems like, you know, giving him a little treat that he enjoys sort of like completely removes that that anxiety.

Like, you know, to me, like just on a more basic level, like when he's sad, I do a nice thing for him, which is that's dating guys. That's that's that's a nice thing to do, which is yeah, that's dating guys. That's that's not that's a nice thing to do You know what I mean? It's like The other day I was having kind of a tough day and my partner got me some mini eggs And that was lovely and like a brilliant dude dude. She's trying like a dog. Am I getting trade like it's okay training you like a dog Man, hey, I'm gonna tell you right now. I don't care If there's many eggs at the end of this fucking leash. I'm eating them

now my concern is She is just like we don't know that what she thinks is happening is true You know what I mean? Yes, like she could be really reaching because humans and dogs I believe are in fact a bit different So my worry is she's reading into these situations. But even then, does it matter if you get snack out of it? And it's a good thing and you're happy. I think this just happens to be a problem because she, because of what she's like funneling her knowledge.

Like it's the lens she's looking at. Like if this was a teacher of like kindergarten kids, would it be bad if she was like, oh, I'm kind of like treating him like a, you know, like a special needs child or like a judge. These are things you don't want to hear, which I think is the same as the dog needs as in like, you know, maybe they come from an abusive household for sure. Like needs of like, you know, the kids that require extra attention. I know, I know, but I'm saying like, I'm still in the eventuality where this gets told to you, and I don't think anyone would

appreciate being like, no, I treated you like a child. I treated you like an underprivileged child. I treat you like a problem child. I treat you like a dog. But if you don't do that, which we've already established, you're never going to do. You know, it's like, what if you're a therapist and you're like, oh, which we've already established, you're never going to do, you know? It's like, what if you're a therapist and you're like, oh.

That's my point is that you have a set of knowledge that you've like learned and you view the world through that lens. Like even just doing this show, like when I was dating, there were situations where I'm being like, oh, I'm in a question right now. Like I'm currently in a question that we would answer here. And then I would just give myself the advice. And it's like, it's not like, oh, I'm in a question right now. Like I'm currently in a question that we would answer here. And then I would just give myself the advice.

And it's like, it's not like, oh, you know. So Dane always carries around a microphone so that if something happens, he can turn around and look in the mirror and be like, hey, boo boo boo. Well, I do do it in front of them because I am answering their question. Oh, I know, but you just turned sideways to a mirror.

So that you're talking to you. Yeah. It's weirder when you GM your partners but I mean there's a reason it's dungeon master baby you you didn't take out the garbage roll for initiative yeah I'm always making my partner roll bluff checks checks roll diplomacy oh you failed I won't do the dishes yeah no sorry I'm not gonna do that roll athletics oh you're drowning checks. Roll diplomacy. Oh, you failed. I won't do the dishes. Yeah. No, sorry. I'm not going to do that.

Roll athletics. Oh, you're drowning in a mall pod. Yeah, I think like, look, there's nothing wrong with this because if you take it out of the context of what you're telling us, you are just being nice and conscientious and gifting people things.

I do think you have to be real careful about ever disclosing the information that you are training them like a dog, because I think putting that stink on it, not wonderful. Yeah, as long as you're not like talking to them as if they are a dog, you know what I mean? Like if you're trying to manipulate someone to be like, oh, I know if I do X, Y and Z, I can get them to do what I want

or something. If you're just trying To be nice like I don't think there's an issue I will say just to be very careful that you're not inferring things that are Dog-centric that aren't applicable to humans boy. Yeah, yeah and stop with the shock collar and the spray bottle Maybe get rid of that can full pennies Follow pennies yeah, theyies yeah like little shaker can just put attaches a string with a bunch of empty cans to think she doesn't want to touch yeah this is from a throwaway account girlfriend wants me to use her but I already do hell looking for advice on how to use my girlfriend last night she drunkenly told me that next time we bang, she wants me to use her like

a set of holes. That got me so turned on, I wanted to bang right there, but she basically had one eye open, so I tucked her in to bed for the night. The thing is, I already kinda do that to her, and so I'm not sure what else I could do. Sex stress is generally oral until she comes, then she gets flipped over into doggy, where I jackhammer her into the couch while playing with her asshole, slapping her, spitting on her, choking, hair pulling, name calling, etc. until I'm ready to end by coming on her face or ass. I'm really not sure what else I could add to use her more. Any advice?"

So I think you need to talk to her and figure out what she wants. Also, like, when she said it, it didn't seem to say you need to do this because you don't do it She said I want you to do it which could just be I want you to do it the way you usually do Yeah, I mean also like she seemed blackout drunk so the there may be like synapses that aren't fully connecting and as Nile said it's like if that is sex she May have just been like I want you to fuck me I'm horny. I would like you to fuck me in the way that you fuck me. Yeah. If someone's like, oh, I'm going to like, I want you to rock my world.

Or like, I want you to ravage me later. That's not like, oh, you've never ravaged me. You've never, you know, yeah, I want to make love later. You're on red. Fuck. I've never made love, I guess. Yeah. So one that to the like Dane makes an incredibly great point, which is like, you don't just take the mumblings of a blackout person and go, well, let's go ham. Like you do need to have this talk and she will be able to at most tell you, you know, what you want to, what you need to do and what she wants. But the one thing

that's kind of like sticking out to me is like use me like I'm you know A set of holes you're doing one thing that's very contrary to that which is focusing on her pleasure, right? So you eating her out and making her come before you do this is a very non treating her like a whole thing It's very conscientious and being a good partner. Where's like if you're just treating her like a whole it's about your pleasure so if there's an element of like Not necessarily. Yeah, like an element of like orgasm denial or like selfishness that she wants That might be the only thing you could change But again, that is a conversation need to have because if if you just decide to withhold her pleasure

She might be like what the fuck? You know, it could be that could be hotter Like I don't know, but neither do you. That's why you need to talk. Yeah, like she may, there's a number of things she could mean by this. And there's no one else that knows it but her. And there's a very good chance that she also does not

know it. Because she was so drunk that she just said rambling nonsense. Because I've been with people who have said things in moments of inebriation either through text or like we were out and I've been like, well, no, we actually, we're going to put you in an Uber and get you home because you're fucking hammered. But like they would say things and then I would bring it up and they would be like, Ooh, I don't remember saying that.

It's like, maybe I got a little spicy in the brain that day. And I said things that maybe I don't really like I wrote Some checks that I don't really want to cash Well, that's like a couple of years like about no maybe seven or eight years ago I got really really drunk on my birthday like blackout drug. Don't remember it and apparently I got very emotional and very Insistant that I wanted to adopt a senior dog and like look after them, make sure, you know, which obviously I support, but I don't think I would actually be able

to deal with that because it would be so sad and it would be a lot of work and money and like just all these things, no idea where the fuck that thought came from. I would love a dog. I would love to be the kind of person who would be able to adopt a senior dog and deal with the money, stress, and heartbreak of that. I don't think I could, but I was so insistent that my partner was like, hey, so senior dog, and I was like, what are you talking about?

So maybe this is her senior dog. Yeah, right, like it's, I think one, anytime there's a sexual request, even if like the next time she was just like I want to suck your dick or I want you to like call me a name like even if it was like something as as small as like I'm gonna give you a blowjob you have especially when it's it's said in intoxication that is something you need to clarify it might not be sexy sorry but it is something something you need to clarify. It might not be sexy, sorry, but

it is something that you need to be like, Hey, the other night you said something you can even like preface it, like sort of like soften the blow of like letting them know that you're not judging them or thinking they're gross or thinking them whatever. I mean, like you said something really hot the other night. And I just want to make sure that like, I understand the parameters or you actually do want it before we act on it and be like you know you said this is that something you you do want and let's get into like a little bit of detail because like as Nal said it could be something as simple as like the next time she's out of the shower she wants you to like throw her in the bed and fuck her and then be like okay I'm

done and then go away right like and just leave and just leave. If that's the case, that's much different than like railing her like you always do. You know what I mean? Like sex as normal, which is what she actually wanted. Like there's a lot of like gray area and a lot of ways to misinterpret this. And also the reality of being like, she said something that she didn't really mean

and now you're acting on something that a drunk person told you. You know, like consent in this scenario. I think still lingers And and it's the same thing as like thankfully you seem like a decent person be like well She's like she got me really hot and bothered but she was drunk So I put her to bed because you know, it did not feel right like that. Yeah That's great impulse. So I think you have like the right set of brain cells to handle this correctly.

I think you just need to really take the ramblings of a drug person with a grain of salt and understand that consent still needs to be verified if you wanna act on it. And on top of that, it's like, it's on top of consent. You still don't know what she's asking for. So it's like, even if she was sober and she said this and you're confused, you do need to clarify.

You know what I mean? If your consent is 100%, but your directions are unclear, clarify those directions. You know what I mean? Because you could go into this and you could go a million different ways and they might not be what she wants to a point where she's either confused, dissatisfied, upset, betrayed, you know what I mean? And if they can't handle having a conversation about this, that's a big issue. And you're also entering into territories that might require a safe word. Like any sort of like domination situation might require some,

some planning and some aftercare. So like some, some important conversations do need to be had regardless of what it is. So I think the question, you as a question asker, give me, it gives me quite a bit of confidence that you can figure this out. But the rule of thumb is when your partner asks you for something, the only person who knows what she means is her.

And Jesus. And and Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior yeah so maybe ask him instead just like we did two pre-recorded episodes and the rest of the podcast is just like so religious something went down when I went back to Ireland man yeah yeah Someone did give me a cross. That's good. Mm-hmm Protestant or Catholic actually technically. It's like a pre Catholicism cross like a cross cross of truth damn

This is by remarkable train 7 2 2 8 I'm turned off by him suggesting we meet at a bar next to his place for date three. It's an hour drive for me. For the first two dates, we met halfway. Am I overreacting? I usually live a 30-minute drive from where he lives, but my mom is out of the country for two months, caregiving for my grandmother, so I'm house-sitting for her. Her house is 30 minutes from mine and one hour from where he lives. For the first two dates, I met him 15 minutes away from where he lives, roughly halfway between mine, even though I was technically driving

45 minutes each way from my mom's. For the third date, he suggests we meet at a bar on the evening that's literally next to his apartment because there's good alcohol there. Am I overreacting? I think it's lazy and considerate of him to suggest it in the first place. And even if he's forgotten I'm temporarily living an hour away from him right now, rather than 30 minutes, isn't it selfish to choose a place that's further away from me than it is for him since he's the man? And on a side note, he said I seemed really interested in beers, but that's because I felt bad about ordering cocktails, more money.

The bartender was giving him the check and he said he was on a budget. He said, I love beer, but that's 100% untrue. And I shouldn't be driving far if I'm drinking. The whole beginning of that was a math Problem that and I think it's pretty rude after I told you that I would do very poorly in high school math And then you hit me with a question almost immediately that is honestly math I think it's disgraceful that this question asked her sent it in after hearing you, but you know what we eat We learn pretty fucking rude

Perhaps maybe just throwing it out here. Does it say how many dates have gone on this would be the third? Do you think that perhaps he wants you near his apartment? To maybe just I'm throwing it out here perhaps invite you back to his place knowing that you're currently staying at your mother's place and Probably wouldn't want to get fucking bone down in your mom's bed Look, so he's inviting you near a bar to his place and you won't have to worry about driving drunk because you're probably gonna stay the night there I I'm gonna get a little mean on this one. Oh Go off. Yeah, I did you don't sound very fun

You sound kind of shit, right? It's like one you're like, oh, I he doesn't he thinks I like beer and blah blah blah Oh a great way to solve that problem would be like I actually don't love beer Can we go somewhere with cocktails or oh, I'm not drinking because I'm driving. Or, oh, it's a little far from me. I'm over an hour away. Why don't we meet nearer to mine? Or like, fucking communicate in any way, shape or form rather than just be like, he suggested this thing. Which again, Dana's explained very clearly. It's date three. He wants to fuck. You know what I mean? He's inviting you to a place near yours. If you invite him to a place petting or something. Yeah. If you invited him to a place near you, I bet he would jump at the chance.

I don't think he would care. You know what I mean? So if it's too far for you, if you're concerned about driving, if you don't like beer, bring it up instead of being I'm turned off. Yeah. How dare he? He's the man. Like also get like fuck off. Also, like you said you like beer, I'm turned off. Yeah. How dare he, he's the man. Like, also, like, fuck off. Also, like, you said you liked beer, I think? Is that what she said?

She ordered a beer instead of a cocktail because she was worried they were too expensive and he was paying. Sure. Which is actually nice of you. And now you've undercut all that by being like, and now he thinks I like beer and I hate him. Yeah. So. Yeah, there's a lot here

that like, could be solved just by like conversation. Like not even like I'm not even talking like hardcore communication. Like you need to sit down and have a conversation. Like, no, just like if he says, Hey, like here's this bar though, it'd be like, Oh, I'm actually like really far out because I'm sitting with my mom, my mom's house. It's a bit far. That's just the thing that comes with planning dates. I've had people where I've suggested, I'm like, these are bars in my area that I know

and I don't really, I don't go in your neighborhood so if you know something, please, by all means suggest it. But here are some places I really like that I would love to show you and I think you would like. And sometimes people are like, ah yeah, I think I'd like to try to keep it a little more central. For sure. Not a problem.

Exactly. Give me like 20 minutes to do a quick Google Maps thing and I'll find something cool for us to go to. Yeah. Or someone's like, oh, let's meet here. I'm like, oh, I'm actually coming from the other side of the city because I have a thing. Can we meet here? And everyone's like, yeah, cool.

Great. Because that's easy. It's not like you suggest something and you go, that piece of shit. Like, yeah. Oh, it makes me so angry. Like you, you can solve this again in the most easy, normal, basic fashion. This isn't as Dane said, Oh, you, you need to communicate. You need to, this is just basic. This is what you would do with your friend or your employer or your postman You know, I mean anything like oh, I'm gonna deliver on this day. Oh, I'm actually away not Yeah, not that the postman calls you and says I'm gonna deliver, but you know what I mean That was a really close relationship with this postman. I know I actually of it

I actually do have a very nice relationship with my postman, and it's been very nice. And the other day he delivered the thing and then we were walking the dog and we saw him doing his rounds and he was like, Oh, you're the guys who are there. And our doorbell wasn't working. So he was like, Oh, I actually like delivered the missed package and I shouldn't do this. But if you want, I can meet you back at my van.

It's parked here and I'll give you the package. And I was like, thanks, dude. And then we did it. And then he petted the dog and it was great and you robbed them because it wasn't your package Yeah, yeah, no, I just take them off every house on what I go by yeah like I think Just on the top while we're on the topic of this I think post wedding you know that The bar he wants to go to is near your house is also a good like that's a green flag Right. That's something I used to do because it kind of like sets up expectations, right? Hey, Dane It only sets up expectations when you have a brain

Yes, this person is like what is happening here? Because I used to do it a lot too Like there was a there's a couple bars that like were near me that I would always be like Hey like there's a place really bars that were near me that I would always be like, hey, there's a place really close to my that I really like if you wanna check it out. And that plants the seed, right? And if they're like, oh, I would actually prefer to be,

I was like, okay, I'm picking up what you're putting down here. We've kind of non-verbally said that perhaps you are not as close to coming back to my place as I thought you were. So yes, we can go to a bar further away to put the pressure off. Yeah. And that's like, or sometimes they're like, yeah, there's actually a place right by mine, in which case you're like, maybe we're still on and they're a little lazy. Yeah. That's fine.

Or they feel more comfortable going back to their place or being in their own home turf, which is a hundred percent thing. And again, none of this is concrete, right? If you do this and you assume that you have a right to sex because they've said yes to go to a bar near you, you fucking suck. That's not consent. But there is that little like, oh, you know, yeah, there's a little testing of the water. And that's kind of like what dating is, right? Like it's all sort of like like tapping around to see what what works, what feels good, what's comfortable. There are little like responding little

tiny signal flags that go up. And you should be aware of these if you're dating, such as if you're like out for a date and you're like, hey, you want to come back to mine. It's not weird of them to have a little signal flag go up that says nothing. We're going to fuck.

You know, I mean, unless they take that as we have a little signal flag go up that says, I think we're going to fuck. You know what I mean? Unless they take that as we have to fuck because you've said this, as we just pointed out, that is messed up. But if they just kind of think that's what you're putting down, that makes fucking other sense. So you need to be aware of the hidden conversation in these things. And this is one and you have missed the mark. So just fucking be like, oh, that's too far too far if it is too far if you would be happy

Staying at his if you would be happy going back to his if you'll be whatever That's a different conversation that you seem to have missed the opportunity of even bringing up But like if you want to fuck or bone or have him come over suggest a place near yours if you still aren't there Suggest a place in the middle tell him all sorry. I'm an hour out So I don't really want to drive that far is it cool if we meet halfway? He'll probably be cool with it. Yeah That's gonna do it for this week friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us It's good to do where we're up to date. You got some real topical conversation this episode

Really? Yeah, it's really cool that we never went off topic at all, and I think we're quite amazing for that. Yeah. Laser-focused. If you hop on our Patreon, maybe we can raise enough of a fund to get me and Dane have our brains reintegrated. Reintegrated, I kept,

once they reinstated, that's not it. No. But also we'll be reinstated as the mayors of Toronto now that conservatives are out of the picture. We love you all. Thanks for coming back. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Tell a friend, rate, review, and get comfortable as I thank Josh Eagle and the Harvesters

for their song Paper Stars and regale you with some bad sex writing. You ready? No. This is the Bridehead, Brideshead Revisited. I don't know who it's by and I don't care. Julia said though, I had not spoken. Yes, now. And as the ship righted herself and for the moment ran into calmer waters, she led me below. It was no time for the sweets of luxury. They would come in their season with the swallow and the lime flowers. Now on the rough water, there was a formality to be observed no more.

It was though a deed of conveyance of her narrow loins had been drawn and sealed. I was making my first entry as the freeholder of a property I would enjoy and develop at leisure. Yeah, I love treating my partner's genitals like a square on a Monopoly board. Yo girl, I just got my first homebuyers allowance that I'm ready to get up a mortgage and move my couches in. I'm gonna cover your pussy in greenhouses until I make it red with hotels! My name is Dave Miller and I'm Niles Payne. We've been your funk buddies.