F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 344 - The Stick and Stay Technique

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

DOGS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN!  Topics include dating teenagers as an adult, statuesque sex, oopsie poopsie, judgmental friends. Join the Patreon: www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. And we are, of course, your fuck buddies. We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. We find questions either online or from our twisted listeners. That's you. And we answer them here, right now in your ears every Monday.

Sometimes other places such as Patreon are on stage. But right now, all you need to know is that this week? We're gonna talk about is it creepy for a 30 plus year old man to date teenagers a Statue sex am I the overreacting she shit in the shower. I'm trying to decide which one I want to do judgey friend sex Now we're hitting them with the with the this week on real quick You did mention you want to talk about something though Should we do a little interlude or should I bust right into my first question? No, let's talk about this. It's not really sex news It's kind of like internet drama news, I guess But it's it's it's something I was about threads, which I don't really go on threads ever

But every time I gave red, this woman is there getting yelled at by many people. So I wanted to like see what it was all about. So it is a author by the name of Erin Lee. Have you heard of any of this? There's no way you would know of this author because I believe she has never published a book and she's currently in the process of like self publishing her first book, which is, for what I can understand, about death, because that is about all she ever says, is that my book is about death. So anyway, there's two things I want to talk about. Well, I guess only one real thing. This is the post that popped off. I killed a dog in my book and said there's no afterlife.

Then I watched a writing video that said pets can have a big role in books. So be careful. And a beta reader. Oh, sorry, I came to that a little harder. Beta is in like, yeah, like a test reader. Yeah, yeah. So you really put some stank on that.

Yeah. Fucking beta reader. And a beta reader asked me if the dog dies and said she checks her site of a list of books to avoid. Then a dating app guy said my afterlife rule was a hard pass and dipped. Damn people, dog culture is dire. They're a great pet, but stop acting like they're little moons orbiting them.

Your behavior is raising our vet bills. They're not a child, chill. So already pretty unhinged. Pretty better betch energy. Yeah, I was gonna gonna ask earlier like is better betch getting published but yeah shut up as that would have been funnier and I was like weird like they seem to be two completely separate thoughts in terms of like here is a complaint someone had about your dog death in your book and here's a complaint you had about someone on like

online dating. And that also like, it's pretty fucking reasonable for someone to not want to read a book about a dog dying. Also wild that you'd be like the dog died and there's no afterlife. That's so I don't know if she's saying like if on her dating profile, she has something that says like,

your dog's gonna die and it won't go anywhere when it's dead. Like I don't know if like... Or is it just like there's no afterlife for any of us? Yeah. Or is it specifically dogs? Because if so, we gotta have a chat, Aaron, Lee. So I don't really know where I stand on what I think that's happening. But then I was like, it's weird.

Like the dating inclusion thing is strange. So I kept digging. And this is basically detectives for everyone listening. I just want you all to know. Yeah, I put on a cool trench coat. I channeled my my inner Trevor Campbell. And I got to the bottom of this. I didn't.

So on threads, you can sort of like post into communities, essentially, like you can like choose like a area to sort of like send your thread. I don't know what it does, but, so this is Aaron Lee author into the indie author section. Okay. Please, I'm begging you, keep things simple. I asked a man what his favorite band was. The attached was his response.

Just say one band and stop. This applies to every aspect in life, including writing. Please, people overcomplicate everything and I get why. Simplicity isn't simple, but it's really important skill to learn. And so refreshing to talk to a person who understands this So this is another screenshot of online dating conversation. It looks like it's probably bumble or ham Sure, um, and his response was can I pick 50 winky laugh emoji?

Uh laugh emoji i'm a fellow 90s lover nine-inch nails stone-tiple pilots perljam allison chains blah blah blah blah I also love tons of other artists from lots of genres and then he lists a bunch of other things And then it says haha, I could keep going. I have a lot of passion for my something I'm not sure what but like I would say that there's I mean I'm here to point out that like this is bullshit and like how dare you respond enthusiastically with like a lot of fuel for conversation like you should have just said Metallica. So this is my thing if I was on a dating website and I said hey what's what what kind of music

do you like and someone responded with one band yeah I would be so bringing a carpenter word yeah like right also like even like even if that's true, it's like, one, it's weird to just be like that. This is my favorite thing. You know what I mean? I think that's weird. And two, you're killing the conversation a little bit, right?

Whereas with this, it's like, one, you have many things to talk about. But two, you're kind of, one, showing your personality. And two, you're giving a wider arrangement of things that you might actually overlap on. So it's it's all good in my opinion. Yeah. Like imagine if someone was like, oh, hey, like, what do you like to eat? Like, you know, let's go for dinner for our first date. What would you like to eat? That's too vague. That's too vague. Ragu. Yeah. Just like fettuccine Alfredo. OK, that's it, huh?

That's the only thing. It's like, what do you mean? Like, I understand, like even, have you never heard the saying the devil is in the details? Like, almost specifically. That's the thing, the devil. She doesn't want to get anywhere near the devil, which is weird that she believes in the devil, but no afterlife. But not the afterlife. Yeah. Yeah. It's, i don't know i i saw this and i was like this person was the best writer he walked down the road and shot the dog there was no afterlife he went home he cried and was sad about it the end the end simple yeah effective is it a fiction book i believe so okay i do feel bad shit talking an author who is yet to be

published given that i am an author who has yet to be published, given that I am an author who is yet to be published in a novelistic sense. I was going to say you've been published in several things. Yeah, but short stories. But also, they don't sound great. Again, I'm not coming after her writing. I have no idea what her writing is. I have no idea her skill or talent.

But we can come after her dating dating and she's doing it wrong Yeah And I was just like for me I was I was Sitting there and it's been a while since we've like talked about like dating profiles, right? Like we haven't done a tinder review in a while. We kind of like fazed those out We do them at the live show, but we don't really do them here And we'll still do them if listeners send them in yes themselves, you know I mean, we just like got a little bored

trawling the Internet for what is quite literally slop. Yeah, I just it bummed me out being like, man, is this the metric in which people are dating? Like, are you the outlier? And I'm glad the the response from the general public was very much like in this guy's favor of being like, how dare he be enthusiastic about a question you ask? How dare he give you information about himself on an app where the whole point

is to getting to know each other. The literal point. So I think, like, I think there is a fine line, you know, if this guy literally wrote like essays and pages and pages and pages of things, then like, yeah, sure, that's weird. But to give you a pretty comprehensive, but like truncated list of things that he's into That's what you want as now say you want hopefully like maybe there's a random ass band like there are some weird bands in there that He lists that I've like never heard of mm-hmm. He does like he is though. Oh hell

Yeah, I will say weird bands is as good like stuff You literally know nothing about is as good as stuff You love I would say if not better because you get to be like, oh, yeah, nine-inch nails I know of them whatever but you could be like who the fuck's Frank Turner and then that is very exciting They're gonna send you music you're gonna bond over it Like I think people need to get their heads out of their asses with dating and realize that you not knowing anything about the subject is Actually really good unless that subject is like kindness or you know kissing

Yeah, and it's like you know teach me how to kiss girl I think there are like I think there are some things that are detrimental like for example if you Aren't a very political person if you don't engage in sort of like political discourse and all of a sudden you're starting to like date someone who cares deeply about that. Like I've gone on dates where politics ends up sort of like coming up in a conversation, not usually something I try to talk about,

like, you know, especially talking about this show, politics tend to come up in regards to it. So, and then people being like, I don't know anything that you're talking about. Like that's kind of a turnoff for me. But when it comes to interests and stuff, like as Nell said, like have a plan a date where you guys make a playlist for each other.

And you like, you know what I mean? Like you can do the Spotify collab things now and be like, take turns adding a song. Every other song is like you trade back and forth while you fucking cook or something. Yeah, like it's a blessing every other song is like you you trade back and forth while you fucking cook or something Yeah, like it's a blessing and enthusiasm is what you want like fuck single word answers Even if it's like if they actually answer your question if it is just like Metallica Cool, bro. That's like I can't imagine my hell

Yeah, if she's if this is her like philosophy of being oh, if someone asks me a question on online dating platforms, I'm going to answer as simply as possible. Why? Yeah. Imagine if you were literally having a conversation in person, which again, tech should be pretty similar to that. They're going to flow better if it's exciting and whatever.

But if you were like, oh, what'd you do yesterday? Work. That's not exciting. That's like, OK, this person's sad and doesn't want to have were like, oh, what did you do yesterday? Work. That's not exciting. That's like, OK, this person's sad and doesn't want to have a chat with me. You know what I mean? Even if it's just like, oh, I was working for a bit, and I got home and I watched Gossip Girl.

That's got meat to it, and it's got a flow, and it's a conversation. It's not just a bullet point. This person is definitely, they're used to chatting to chat GPT, which is just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Metallica. Yeah. Yeah, imagine, what did they're used to chatting to chat GPT, which is just like blah blah blah blah Metallica yeah, yeah, I'm like what did you do today? I wrote what did you write a book? What's it about like that sucks? That's not that's not a conversation. That's once again now You're in like an interview, and that's bad and a bad interview to like I would yeah, are you all right?

Are you ready? Yeah, let's get into it. This is by environmentfast4543. Is it creepy for 30 plus year old man to date teenagers? I'm talking 18 to 19 year olds. I'm currently 24. For context, I had bowel leakage from 15 till now that has affected my ability to date. It occurred because I was bullied in high school

to the point of sustaining nerve damage in my pelvic floor. When I get it fixed, I'm wondering at what age does it become creepy to date 18 to 19 year olds? If there's societal stigma against it, how do I overcome it? Do I just have to be more aggressive about it? I have a lot of pent up sexual anger about it and I just don't want to miss out. Also, I never got to go to prom. What age is the latest I can do this? 35, 40? Also, I just graduated with a 3.97 out of 4 in finance from a super prestigious school and can't get a job in the current market What's the best age to get a corporate job 30 35? It's not like finances ageist or anything I'm just so excited for the next step of my life I can't wait to see what life has next in store for me with a sarcasm tag

Which is why I delivered it weird. I was like man like, man, you're fucking to hate this guy, which to be fair, deserves a little stink on it. Okay, first and foremost, it sucks that you were bullied to the point of like severe physical injury, it sounds like. Yes. Like that, that sucks. That's awful, and I'm sorry. Yeah, that sounds absolutely terrible

and I apologize on behalf of the world that you had to go through that. That's horrible. Before you date teenagers, I think you need to recognize a couple things that you said. One, the thing that you say you have a lot of anger and a lot of sexual frustration or sexual aggression, sexual violence, what was it? It wasn't good. sexual frustration or sexual aggression, sexual violence.

What was it? It wasn't good. It was a very pent up sexual anger. Yeah. That's awful. That's like- That energy- Crime talk, dude, is gonna get you in trouble.

Yes. That's gonna get you crossing a line that you shouldn't. And I'm not here saying that you're a sexual assaulter. I'm not here, but- But it sounds like you're saying you're going to be one. That's right. It sounds like that's the plan. I don't understand where this sexual anger comes from.

And what your outlet is. And what you're planning to do, yes. Other than direct it towards teenage women. Yes. Like women half your age. Which is fucked. That's insane. That's a bad thing.

So what you need to do first and foremost before you attempt to get over any of this is go to therapy. Yes, 100%. You desperately need it. Yes. You went through a significantly traumatic experience. Again, you went through like physical bullying

to the point of severe physical injury that took you, it seems like several years, if not a decade, to heal from. So you need to deal with that and process that, and it doesn't sound like you're doing a very good job of it on your own, and I don't blame you. Yeah, of course, you went through something terrible, but step one is you need to get therapy because you need to realize that whatever happened to you isn't these

Young women's fault and it isn't the world's fault in the way that like you just there's not a thing to get back at the only thing you can do now is ruin your life going forward and or Make other people suffer like you have which you've been through it and you know, it's bad So why the fuck would you do that to somebody else, especially somebody not involved, right? So. This is specifically what therapy is for, right? Exactly, exactly.

Breaking the cycle of violence, like it's almost, you know, nine times out of 10, people who do abusive things were abused, right? Like especially when it comes to sexual violence. And that's the beauty of therapy is, that is the, I would say best tool to break that cycle. Otherwise, you're going to fuck your life up and you're going to fuck someone else's life up. Yeah. Real bad. 100. So that aside, even if things don't

go as poorly as they could, which again, by the sounds of it seems possible, even if you're just going into this better and weird and creepy, you're gonna have a terrible time and people are gonna not have a bad time. It's gonna make you feel worse and more bitter and everything. Because again, from this message, I wouldn't let you near anybody, let alone a 19 year old. Yeah, yeah, you sound like a ticking time pump.

Yeah. And these are your words, right? Yes, like. This isn't someone talking about you, right? Like this isn't a post like, my friend is X, Y, and Z. This is you describing yourself and your situation, and it's so bad. Yeah.

But let's remove that. We'll put that in a little box and put it off to the side. Let's talk about the bigger question of, is it okay for people in their 30s to date teenagers? I think you need to say that phrase out again out loud in your head and you answer it yourself. Do you think adult men or adults should date teenagers? If that's like that's the question you're asking and that answer hopefully is very obvious.

Also like this is one of those instances where we can talk about it from a different perspective. If someone meets someone and it turns out they're 19 and they're 27 or something and they met in the night out and then they're like blah, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes it can be a little gray area and like, oh, if they're 19 and they're blah, blah, blah. It's hard for us to say. But it's very easy for us to say because you seem to want to specifically date an age range and also specifically for like bitterness reasons slash missing out reasons. Yeah. You seem to be trying to like, like make up for lost time.

And that's not how it works. So you're asking, is it creepy in this instance? Like again, it's, it's generally creepy. Like there's going to be very few instances where it isn't especially the older you get but like in this instance yes it is hard and fast creepy because you're doing it with these really weird intentions that like are not great yeah and hey let me tell you right now if you are not of the age to go to prom yeah you do not go to prom especially 3540 go to prom dude you can't can't go to prom. Especially 35, 40, go to prom, dude, you can't. And look, I, again, I empathize. It sucks that you've missed out.

It sucks that you went through these terrible things. But like, prom sucks. Or like, it didn't suck. But whatever, you can do something that is at least as good as prom that isn't creepy and weird. Also, let me just tell you, I know of at least three events in Toronto

that do like prom themed things, right? In which you go with your friend group and it's prom themed, you'd all dress up. So it's like, this is an opportunity for you to heal that child in you that didn't get to go to prom in a safe and healthy way. Yes. By going with your friends.

Yeah. With people that are your age and you go and you get to sort of like relive that magic. And I promise you, one, you're of age to drink, so it'll be a lot more fun. And two, you're going to be in a place where everyone is going there to have a good time. Yeah. So the vibe is going to be in a place where everyone is going there to have a good time. Yeah. So the vibe is going to be good. You'll get to explore what you want in a way that is safe for you and for others and healthy.

Whereas if you go to prom, one, it's going to be hard for you to get there, I hope. And two, it's not going to be normal or good. You're going to be an outsider at best if not removed from the premises at worst. I don't think the teachers and the chaperones or whatever the fuck, I don't know how you guys do prom over here, but it's like you could well just subject yourself to a lot of other teenagers bullying you again. They're going to be like, who the fuck's this weird old guy? It's going to be bad is what I'm saying.

I know you don't want to hear that, but do what Dane said. Do the healthy, fun, ulterior option and it's going to be so much better. There are healthy ways for you to deal with what you've missed out on, not these. You can't teleport yourself back to being that age. And while there is a pity to that, and I'm sure a loss, in a way, you're probably also missing a lot of the bad stuff. So I think that's the silver lining here. Yeah, you've missed some of your stuff from your childhood, but the things you can now do as an adult with other adults, hopefully you're mature because

they will be more mature and you can deal with a lot less of the bullshit. So it's like, yes, you're missing out, you're probably gaining, right? Yeah, you get to choose who you go through it with. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Like clearly you were in school with some assholes. Now you get to go to a prom with not some assholes. So it's very adult prom, adult prom, adult prom. It's very simple. And I think the fact that you're asking these questions, like the question of being

like, is there societal pressure to not? Yeah, dude. Yes, you know that There's no mystery here that it's genuinely frowned upon by the society at large for adult, specifically men, to date teenage girls, especially with the goal to go to their prom. And if this is really boggling your brain, break it down, follow Aaron Lee's advice, and break it down into simple like concepts and think,

should an adult man go to a high school dance? No. Like that's the question you're asking. They shouldn't. And if your answer is yes, then you got a lot more therapy ahead of you, my dude. Yeah. Well, you do.

Also like, is there's, if there's societal stigma against it, how do I overcome this? You don't. Date someone of an appropriate age in an appropriate fashion for appropriate reasons Do I just have to be more aggressive about it? No, bud. No, not at all In fact quite the opposite do not do that take take aggression and sexual anger out of your life by going to therapy and getting right because These are scary terms. Yeah, so please like I don't want to like add fuel to the fire.

Like I know we're being a little harsh here, but it's like, you have to understand when you say things like this, we have to take it seriously. Right. We're on your side in terms of tough love. Yeah, we're on your side in terms of things that have gone bad for you. And we understand the feeling of missing out and being hurt and wanting to to get back the things you missed. But you can do that in healthy ways.

And healthy ways are not being sexually aggressive or angry and like preying on young women and going to places you wouldn't be welcome and shouldn't be welcome. You could date someone closer to your age and you're going to have as much fun and let me tell you, more fun because they'll be more mature and it won't be weird. You're not missing out on anything being with someone who's 24 versus 19. And if you think you are, therapy. Yeah, and look, I think there's something to be said

about the agency of women, right? A 19-year-old woman is an adult and they should be allowed to choose their partners as well. However, I do think that there is an inherent problem. Once you get like, again, if you're in your twenties, especially early twenties and you're dating a 19 year old, I don't really give a shit. But I think if you're, if you're like long-term plan, if you're thinking that like in your thirties, your 35s, your forties,

if your goal is to remain targeted at 18 and 19, then there's an underlying cause for that. That is not normal behavior. And I'm not saying that there aren't women. And that cause is inherently toxic. You know what I mean? There's no way you're doing that unless you're like, oh, they're more valuable because they're young and nubile,

or I can get away with more because they don't know shit. You know what I mean? Like there's no good reason for this because both of those things I just said are bullshit. That's fucked up. That is the common like conversation whenever I watch like all these horrible fucking internet personalities. There's that one guy who has the whatever show. I can't remember what his name is but he's a piece of shit. But like his panel of bros is always like, well, I want to find a young woman so I can train them early. And it's like, that's gross.

That's called grooming, my dude. Yeah, wonderful, dude, thank you. So there is an inherent badness to targeting someone a younger age. And again, like I don't want to tell 19 year old women who they can or can't date. I would, however, urge them to think why an adult man wants to date a teenager. Probably not for good reasons. Yeah. And it's not because you're mature for your age. Probably. But yes, I you know, this is this is bad. You need help. It sounds like you're doing well. You've graduated with good marks. I can't help you with the job market front. Sorry, my dude. But I think you just have to really invest in some self-care. It seems like you're going after healthcare

in terms of getting this issue fixed. I wish you all the best with that. I really hope it happens quickly, seamlessly, painlessly, and successfully. But you then need to work on the other things, the other injuries you've sustained, which are to your pride and your ego and your soul and your mindset. You know what I mean? You need to become positive because you're going to have this second chance when this problem goes away. You're going to be able to go forward and get in on the things that you feel like you missed out on. But I mean that in a healthy adult way and not in a, you get to 21 jump straight and pretend you're still in high school. You know what I mean? That isn't it. And you're not

going to be missing out as much as you think by not doing that. You know what I mean? If you meet someone who's fucking 25, you're not going to be able to tell the difference. I mean that in like a haggardly age in five years. You know what I mean? That's some toxic bullshit mindset from some really bad podcast. They're not going to be... You're not actually missing out on anything tangible. It's just you've set some weird barrier in your mind. If you can get over that, you can have a relationship. You can go and do fun events and like it will be as good if not better than what you're hoping to get, which is impossible and creepy. Yeah. Right. Does that make sense? Are you talking to me or him? Both. Yes. This question comes from Galbert. I fucking hate Galbert. I shouldn't say that. I don't know what this is about This is a let me tell you when I read this question

I had to like start over again because it starts in a way and ends in a way that I didn't expect Okay, my ex-girlfriend broke up our six-year relationship The beginning of this year. She was my first everything I am male 22 year old learned about sex her. Had sex with another girl after the breakup, but just twice. So I consider myself very new to this, discovering new things. Last Saturday, I had a one-night stand with the third girl in my life. What happened during sex is what made me curious. There was a moment where she asked me to stay still and don't move. I stopped moving and asked if everything was okay. And she answered yes and repeatedly to stay still.

I did not move, make any more thrust. But suddenly my penis unconsciously throbbed. And again, she said, please, I beg of you, don't make any movements. I'm going to come. It was almost like a minute with complete silence. I mean, both froze like statues when suddenly she started to squeeze her vagina with repeated movements, which I knew was her orgasming. After the sex continued normally until I came as well. I tried to ask her what that was all about

because I had never heard about stopping the thrust to orgasm and she just said it was at the spot that was mind-blowing and just to leave it there without movement made her come. Ever since, even though I'm new to sex things, in my head thrusts were needed to stimulate the vagina, and be still without any movement was like I wouldn't stimulate in any way at all. The conversation ended there, and I know her just for the last month, so that is why I'm on the internet asking about it. Is it uncommon? Is it just her preference? How is it possible to organize our orgasm with the penis still in the vagina physiologically with me without me making any sexual movement. Let me tell you, the amount of editing I was doing on the fly there to make that even more comprehensible than it is written. It was, it was a, I could sense,

I could sense you was like watching someone parkouring over like fallen rubble. It was more like I was being, I had fallen off a horse but my leg had got caught up in the stick and I was just being fucking dragged and just holding on for dear life. I appreciate that you listened to your partner in the moment and she came. Ten out of ten bud. You've beaten most men. Congratulations. Yeah. You're in the top 20%. Is it common? I've like, there have been times where like people are like to, you know, like clitoral stimulation becomes too much and they say like, no, don't like stop for now or like get softer or whatever when they're about to come some people or like, like things becoming too much. I've dealt with that. But like I just say we cannot move

out loud like quiet place. There's a monster creeping through the room. If we make one sound or movement, we're dead. No. But like, does it matter? That's that's like, right. That's the easiest thing a girl's ever asked you to do. I bet. Actually, maybe now. I'm I want to I always want to sneak in here and just say

this, I don't think is a repertoire or a move to be added to your repertoire. No, no, no, no, no. And that's, I think that's, that's kind of the important takeaway from this was, this might not even be a move that you use ever again with this woman. Like, it might just have been, you know, stars aligned and you were just in that magical spot at the right point in time. And it just felt fucking great as a dude. Let me tell you, that's great. That kicks ass.

You did arguably nothing and you made her come. That's bad ass. Congratulations. That's the goal, right? Like making your partner come is the point of sex. Yeah. And listening to them and communicating and like she trusted you you listened You did it like ten out of ten hats off. Dan is completely right

If you whip this out with someone else, they're gonna be like this guy's broken Unless you've got like a weird magic dick where it feels like you can like unless you figure out like just Through sort of you know, magic spot. Yeah, if you could figure out how to get there Just be the juice pot in a in a weird way we don't even have to manipulate it just gotta touch it yeah you're gonna be in proximity hey baby don't move I'm not gonna move and one minute you're going to fucking O town baby well that's the thing if like I completely reverse everything I said make this make it a repertoire move because can you imagine it be like hey

sit there don't move what do do you, just trust me. And then they're like, oh my God. Oh no. And then you've done, now you're top 0.1% because you've done nothing and given them everything. Which I think is a pit hole lyric. I think would be cool. But the likelihood of that happening is slim.

So I think the takeaway here is kind of what Nile just touched on, is when your partner tells you to do something or not do something because they're going to come, listen to them. And look, I'm guilty of this every now and then, especially as a younger man, when a woman's like, keep doing that, it feels really good, I'm going to come. As is written in the male creed when we were born, we have to sign a little document with our baby fingers that just says, I'm going to shake it up for no reason and ruin things a little bit. Yeah. But you learn to not do that.

And the fact that you listened and did this appropriately is great. Now, I will say, and I feel like we don't have to spell these out sometimes, but I always like to. If they ask you to do something that you don't want to do, you don't have to do it. It doesn't matter if it'll make them come. If you're not comfortable doing it, you don't want to do it, don't do it, right?

That matters still. Just want to make that sure, that make that clear. Also, like, I think men never really get told that, so, you know. Yeah, true. I just thought it was a funny thing where I was like, you're on, like, you've got the right knowledge. I just want to make sure that you're taking the right part away and not thinking that like, oh,

a woman in a singular sexual experience experienced this thing. This is the thing that I need to try to replicate from, for the rest of my life. Cause you are still young, your experience is limited. I don't want you to think that the takeaway is your partner gave you instructions pretty clearly. You followed them. You listened. You trusted them. And you guys arrived at a stunning conclusion for the both of you. And that's great. A stunning conclusion.

Correct. But yeah, I would just be hesitant to do that again, because let me tell you, I don't think I've ever done that so I Will say I it's not a move in my repertoire of just like lunch I've had I've had a woman Do that essentially this where they were just like stop and then just like but it wasn't a it was more of a like I'm Coming within seconds and and I need to focus and I'm gonna focus on this and make it real, real good.

I did also, I used to sleep with someone who needed to get into kind of like a wild position in order to come. And I could tell that like they had shielded me from it for a while until they kind of felt comfortable and knew that I was cool. In the sense of like, they finally like, hey, I'm going to do something kind of weird. Just trust me. It's going to become explain the position. So it was imagine like cowgirl. Yeah. They would always be they were on top.

They would put their legs straight in between my legs so that they were almost like planking. Mm hmm. They would lie back. No, they would be so they'd be sitting up legs would were almost like planking. Mm hmm. Oh, they would lie back? No, they would be. So they'd be sitting up, legs would be straight and planking. Sure. It was more like they would be lying. So like I'm here and they were here, but they would be like. So they are. Huh?

So they're lying back against you, right? No. Well, I don't. You're you're lying down, right? Yeah. She's cowgirling. Yeah. You said her legs are out straight, but then you seem to say she was like that which means she would be lying down Lying down, but not back back implies the other way so we were face to face. Oh, I for some reason I went Like cowgirl yes, yeah No, we were we were normal cowgirl facing each other and she would lie face to face So we were practically like you know in her legs are straight and her legs were straight

It's so funny. Yeah, it's like a Bethesda like glitch But you know what apparently having like cuz there's like a lot of like porn like leg spreading Like just like a lot of men think you've got to spread those legs But women come a lot more easily if their legs are closer. Well, she proved it Yeah, I assume the leg spreading thing is is for camera. Yeah for sure But like men still or people still take porn to be you know You know instructive when it isn't necessarily but yeah, sometimes if you let them close It's like a blood flow thing and it's it's more comfortable blah blah blah

So just my favorite things to do missionary can tighten it up Yeah, you know leg cross those ankles over my shoulder mm-hmm. I got something to hold on to it's like I'm like reverse sex Santa, and they're my little sack of toys damn, but you're putting the toys in the sack Your cock aches Sweet they're stockings and their sacks yeah there yeah The whole body was talking or it's the sack. Their vagina is the stocking. This is by shower thoughts. My dick is the toys.

But the cum is the toys. Well, no, sorry, my dick wouldn't be the toys. You don't really put toys in stocking. You put like little treats. Small, small trees, small toys. You put like a USB extender and like a chapters gift card in there. Yeah, and those like chocolate coins Yeah, coins chocolates. Yeah, yeah gift cards. So use your jizz the gift cards are the coins I think my jizz is just festive frosting

Cool yeah, yeah, this is my shower thoughts.. Am I overreacting? She shit with me in the shower. This one's especially for your partner to listen to because I know she loves to talk. You're not overreacting and we could probably just move on. Long time lurker. First time poster. I don't want this affiliate with my main. So it's a throw away.

I, female 22, have been dating this girl, female 21. For three months, it's been great. Only red flag I've seen before this was she was messy leaving things without putting them away including trash But yesterday we went to karaoke got super wasted and spilled her drink all over us. No big deal I went to my apartment. We're in the shower. Nothing sexy or anything We were a bit too drunk for that I remember looking down and there's a streak on the bottom of the shower and I asked her what it was

I shit you not she said oopsie I did a poopsie and push the ball of shit down bottom of the shower. And I asked her what it was. I shit you not. She said, oopsie. I did a poopsie and push the ball of shit down the train, the drain with her toe. Puking emoji. I don't know what to say. I kind of just stood there. This chick really just pooped. I told myself she was drunk.

We could talk about tomorrow today. Fast forward to this morning. We wake up. I could not get what I saw yesterday out of my head. And I tried to keep a light and laugh about it. Maybe try to get it in the toilet in the future and she goes on to explain She just feels comfortable with me and doesn't want to hide who she is anymore I asked if she poops in the shower all the time

She does as she's refrained from doing it in my shower and she agreed But I feel like I can't move past this and look at her the same and I kind of want to break up with her Am I overreacting is this did it was did I hear correctly that this is two ladies? Yeah. Yeah Not that this is a god damn thing. I was waiting for you to be like then. It's fine I wanted to I just want to make sure I'm using the right pronouns, you know Look, this is bad, and I really don't I don't really know how much discussion we can have on this In turning it's totally fine. So... Oh, there you go. All right.

Well, contentious debate. I'm joking. It's not for me, dog. Yeah. Look, the thing is, we've done this podcast long enough to know that there are not... Well, don't freak out there. Yeah. Not a singular person who poops in the shower.

There's quite a few of them. And I think if you aren't comfortable with it, there's no point dating someone because ideally you date someone, hopefully eventually you move in with them. You, you, you know, you create a life with them. Great. Great. Great. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. It's fine to ask someone to not poop in your shower. I don't know. Can you ask her not to poop in your, both of your showers in the shower you co-own? Yeah. Yeah, right? Because it's her shower now too and she should be allowed to use it however she pleases. Yeah, which includes waffle stomping apparently. Yeah, so I think that like I think you just got to be like you got to keep true to yourself and chase your bliss and live your truth and say, Hey, sorry. That's a no for me dog.

You ever pooped in the shower, Dan? No. Same. Nor do I want to. I would be so sad if I did it. It wouldn't be a good, like I guess it's to save time or something. Like unless you're just, you just like the feeling, but like it would be, I don't even know if I could make my body do it. And even if I did, everything else surrounding it would make it so much more effort than just pooping in the toilet. It would be an affront to every god that's ever existed.

I think it is one of the most unnatural things. Pooping, standing up, our bodies aren't meant for that. Maybe they are though. No. Like literally, physiologically, they are not. There's the whole reason that we have squatty potties is because that is like the ideal form for the human body to poop. That's why we poop in holes back in the day.

And that was specifically for two reasons. One, it was good for us, for posture-wise, and two, you could bury it so the predators wouldn't find you. Yeah, but now you can waffle stomp it. And who needs posture when you can just let loose standing up after karaoke Yeah, no, I don't like it. And the thing is look if she can't clean up her trash What makes you think she's gonna be cleaning up her errand poops? Like have you been in her shower?

She a messy girl just a messy girl and if that ain't for you, then don't let it be for you Yeah and the thing is Dane Dane raises a very good point where it's like It's one thing to be like you can't in this shower But if you guys move in and then she starts pooping like you knew she was going to yeah You're gonna change your whole thing for you Yeah, but hey, let me just tell you I think it's important to be true to yourself But I think if you are committed to the shower poop lifestyle

Maybe consider being flexible on it and I promise you'll have a better romantic life. You just will. Just across the board, you will. Yeah. I don't remember. Oh, it's this one. This is from agreeable hater. My friends, judge, my boyfriend and I, sex life. My boyfriend, a 27 year old male and I, a 24 year old female have been dating for about six months. He keeps not doing anything. He just sits there frozen like a statue, like a get out monsters in the room. We live about 40 minutes away from each other, so we used to see each other frequently. Now he's been working out of town for a few weeks, so we only see each other on the weekends.

So during the weekday, we sex, sometimes have phone sex, etc. We obviously have more conversations than just sex, sometimes have phone sex, etc. We obviously have more conversations than just sex, but we crave each other a lot. On the weekends, we usually grab lunch or dinner and do some type of activity, movies, arcades, shopping, etc. And then we'll go back to one of our places and get down to business. Over a span of a few hours, we go three or four rounds, which I think is reasonable. Afterwards, we cuddle, catch up on the show that we watch together, eat snacks, talk, laugh, et cetera. My friends have made comments that we seem like

we're a little addicted to sex. They said that this is a honeymoon phase and it'll pass. I find my boyfriend very attractive. He has big ass biceps. Now, I would love to know if she's just missing a comma here and if she's saying he got big ass biceps, abs, beautiful eyes or big ass biceps. Doesn't really matter either way.

I'm hoping he's got some cake. Yeah, I'm hoping he's this boy's thick. But the thing is, we all have biceps. So she doesn't say big ass biceps. It's like, is she just like, he can move his arms up. He does have the necessary muscles attached to his arms. All his muscle groups exist. You get the vibe.

So I love being intimate with him as I assume he is with me. So when we don't see each other for a week, it builds up and so when the weekend comes, we finally release all that tension. Before his new work schedule, we would see each other a couple of times a week and we'd have sex every time too.

I asked my boyfriend if he thinks that we have too much sex or if we have sex too much and he absolutely cackled, LOL. So that's where we left that conversation just curious if anyone else has any or had someone say something similar to them and how they handled it it just makes me feel a little insecure to make me think am i sex crazed who fucking cares like what are you upset about what are you worried about why are you telling your friends all this level of detail anyway it's's like that. I think that that you just touched on might be the issue.

I don't think your friends maybe necessarily are judging you for how much sex that you're having in a relationship. I think they may be judging based on how much you talk about it to them. You talk about it to them because we've all been with that person who is like recently started seeing someone that they're like completely head over heels for. And you have to sit through like every gushy detail about the positions they were doing and how much they fucked and how long they did it. And they're so tired. And it's like every sort of like, they find a way to shoehorn it into

every, it's like, we're talking about last of us right now I don't want like I don't care about the last orgasm you had with that one mushroom guy kind of looked like when I Shoehorned it right in okay. You're shoehorn again now Yeah, like it's very possible that like there's a few different things one They want you to shut the fuck up because they're sick of it, right? Yeah, and honestly Why are you telling them in so much detail anyway? Right. That that is actually the thing. So maybe you are obsessed and it's less with the fucking

and more with the like, oh, look how cool and sexy and like whatever I am. Right. Like so they're they're sick of it, too. Maybe they're jealous. Three, maybe they're prudes. Either way, what do you care? Like, I think the only time you should be concerned as to whether you're sex crazed is if it's like, you know, you met up and you guys really needed to go over tax documentation together and then you boned so much that you missed tax season and now you each owe $1,000. It's like, okay, yeah, your sex life is fucking your life over.

You know what I mean? Or like, oh, we had to go see friends and then we just kept fucking and then, oh no, our friends, we missed their birthday and now they all hate us because it's the eighth time it's happened. If it's starting to affect your life. This could be doing that right now if their friends are saying, you're obsessed,

you're sex crazed, that could be happening. So yes, right? But in that case, I don't even think you're sex crazed. I think you're craving clout or you're insecure or you're trying to prove something. I think it's a different thing. It's just coming across to them that you can't shut the fuck up about thing.

And they're probably not even like, girl, you're having too much sex. They're probably just saying, girl, shut up. Yeah, so I would maybe consider that your friends, this is the nice way for your friends to say that they don't really care about this six month relationship. Cause like, look, Nile and I have had, had talks where like, if we met someone out on a night out, we would, we would have a little conversation and be like, Oh, I ended up hooking

up with her. Cool. You know, we like, we're best friends. We talk about that stuff and I understand that like friends do that. But I now and I are both in committed relationships. If like we don't it's not important or interesting. I don't think to either one of us. We made up our like we get through it. Sex today. If we like, OK, dude, like, well done.

Stupid. Congrats. You lost your virginity. Oh, no, you did that ages ago. Why are we talking about it? Yeah. Right. Like so I think like it might have been cool and interesting when you first started seeing this guy. Oh no, you did that ages ago? Why are we talking about it? Yeah, right? So I think it might have been cool and interesting when you first started seeing this guy and they're probably happy for you, but you've been seeing the same guy for six months.

And if I had to hear a story- Oh God, I just- Also, let's be fair. Unless you're having notable sex for some reason, either something really funny happened or for some reason it was incredibly hot or like, you know, you came for the first time, congrats, yay. Like if unless it's that, I don't really care. You know what I mean? As soon as you're like,

I had sex, cool, great, good for you. You know what I mean? And I do a sex podcast. We talk about it all the time. If you wrote in a question, you were like, we have sex all the time. I'd be like, what's the fucking point of this question? Yeah, right like cool Yeah, so it's very possible. You have just bored your friends, and they want you to stop I know you need to be worried about it unless it is getting in the way of your life as I pointed out with my very Concise and realistic tax season yeah, yeah it out with my very concise and realistic tax season. Yeah.

This is things like as now said, if your friends are just being fucking salty about you getting laid, who the fuck cares? And but like I think the advice is still the same. Just stop talking about it. Yes. Because like if they're asking about it, which for some reason I assumed when the question started, like what you know, you can just be like, I'm too usual or you can move on. Like, I'm sure it's uninteresting to you in this scenario to keep talking about it. So it's like, if you keep talking about it for your own reasons, stop. No one cares. If they keep asking you why. Yeah.

If, if that's okay, that's a very interesting, if they're like, Hey, like you hook up with Brad lately. Yeah. And then there, did you do a typical three to four times in a couple of hours because after a week you're really pent up. It's like, why are you asking? Yeah. Then maybe these people are sort of like government agents.

Yeah. Maybe they work for one of the rival evil sex podcasts where they're trying to like slut sham. Have you? This is kind of tangential and by kind of I mean very, but have you seen the rising trend of people on TikTok? I've only, I've only, oh no, I think I've seen some on Instagram as well where people are like, you know you're being followed when,

the easiest way to find out if you're being followed is that there's always someone sitting behind you. The easiest way to find it, and it's just like people like do like the stuff. We had like the gym or like a food court or something. Be like, I was I was here and this guy conveniently sat down behind me. It's like, I mean, it's a fucking food court. Yeah. But it's I've seen like nine of them so far of all different people being like.

So I was like, is this just a new new trend is this just like the new joke? Yeah I feel like it's it's probably either a joke and or just people realize like it's trending because like most social media and like content creator thing is really just like oh I know this will get a reaction so I'm gonna say it whether or not it's a good thing or true which is why most dating advice stuff is so inflammatory, right? Everyone's just evil because they know if you're upset you'll like get involved Which is really why we're bad at our jobs because we actually take things seriously and try to yeah Yeah, you know, he's cheating on you if he plays

Marvel rivals is the new code word for I'm cheating on her You know like we could say that and we'd probably get a lot of views. Yeah, we should know. I was going to say we should do an episode where we just give really bad advice. We know that will be the clip that goes viral or like the episode that goes viral. But that's the point. It's like you have to be so like shameless that you just be like, I'll say a thing that is fake and wrong and bad

just so people get upset. And large percentage of people will take it seriously and I will cause untold harm, but you know what? I got my views, motherfucker. Speaking of views, let's take a moment to welcome the Netherlands. Guys, you have just bust in to our top three countries of listenership. You just booted the Philippines down to number four.

Philippines, you gotta get those numbers up. We love you, but Netherlands, you're now our favorite child. When are we gonna start charting in Wakanda? I want to be in Wakanda. So that's gonna be us for the week. We love you. Thanks for listening, please Send us to a friend send us to an enemy share us like us subscribe us Is your friend constantly talking about having sex and you're like this is fuck up This is the perfect episode to send to them is your friend sexually angry and wants to go to prom at the age of 40 Perfect time to fucking send an episode their way. Yeah, I have an idea.

Let's do this thing. And this isn't for the podcast. This is specifically for social media that we're gonna do. I will leave it in the podcast so that you know what's happening. We're going to do the heavy lifting. And I think maybe this could be a new segment where we're gonna tell your friend

to stop talking so much about sex, okay? Right so like you don't have to you can share it to your story. Mm-hmm and be like so true Yes, and then the group chat and be like got it. Yeah. Yeah, and then it'll like maybe it won't work But maybe it'll be like huh, huh? Can people talk about sex too much? Okay. Are you ready? We're gonna do it Okay, same time one and one after another We're doing one after another We don't know we're gonna say we're improvisers We're improvisers were incredible wait. Do you have him reading the script for this episode at all?

How did not me accidentally say everything perfectly that's that's why that question was so hard for me. Why is this in the script? Oh god, it's one of those books. How are you still reading it? Okay, so we're just going to be like... Just go, just go. Hi, we're here to tell you something that your friends want you to know. Now, what is it? No one cares about how much action you're getting.

And you're talking about it too much. We don't care. And it doesn't matter. And your friends are getting annoyed that you think that they care. It's not interesting that you're having sex. No. So be chill, enjoy the sex,

and maybe enjoy talking to your friends a little bit more by talking about things that matter. And we're happy that you're having sex. We love it. I hope it's good. I hope it's, you know, pleasurable. I hope you're all having fun. But your friends are sick of hearing about it.

See that. That's a social media clip right there. We did. Now people can share that. People will share that. I'm look at all this chest hair I'm showing, too. Let's do another one real quick. One, two, three. Hey, hey, you should dump them.

You feel I was trying to do at the same time, but I can't hear you. Why, Todd, you should dump them. I was trying to do at the same time, but I can't hear you Why Todd you should really be able to hear me? This is very important to what we can hear you when I'm talking We're still rolling. You got a rep this up in a nice little bow. Sorry. What are we doing? Hey Hey, you should dump them. There's no world in which this relationship is going to end well Yeah, and the longer you spend in it the more time you're not spending out there finding someone who's better for you So do yourself a favor and do him a favor unless he's a piece of shit and then just kick his ass to the curb

But end it because you stomp him and move on these are fun. All right, we should end the episode Yeah, well, I like I said, I feel like we've got a lot of these in us Yeah, that'll just be the show from now on We will only work in 30-second. Yeah flippable bits very vague things that give unsolicited advice to very vague problems But I will say if there's something you want us to say you let us know and we will do a dedicated one for you Yeah, if there's if there's like a person you need to specifically call out. We won't say a name We're not gonna say our name. We will go after that specific problem that you could just like oh

What a weird thing that these this podcast does like I don't get talked about it. We'll get just specific enough to be deniable But like that it's maybe a little too specific it's a little bit are they talking about me that's we'll bring it to that level okay that's ready for some bad sex writing yep join us on patreon join us on every social media join us next week we love you every social media thank you Josh Eagle in the Harvest States for the song Paper Stars this is from Cat's Cradle the women's breasts were bare and paltry the men wore loose loincloths that did little to conceal peenies like pendulums on grandfather clocks

Now what are these men doing that is making their dicks go side to side? Rhythmic it's a bounce right that's that's not the way these guys put a little stink on that they sashay Guys, we can walk like old-timey cowboys It's more the the metronomic pattern to me. That is is interesting. You know, I mean if the kids you can keep time That's a impressive. Let me tell you if this was the dune desert They'd be fucked because that's how the sand worms find you because of the rhythm You have to walk off for them if your dick, tick tocking like a grandfather clock, you're going to get eaten by ash ash, a tar, a gore, a thon.

If you're ever they'll have stupid names. Dick talk. Maybe that's it. Maybe they they know the rhythm so that they can walk out of step with their own cock and balls. Oh, right. How can you break the rhythm if you don't know what it is, man? You know what I'm saying? I like that you abandoned whatever you were going with with Dick talk. I did it. I brought the train to the station. What am I going to do? Drive it into a wall.

My name is Dave Miller and I'm not a spade. And we've been your fuck. you