F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 346 - Troll Time on the Cum-Clock

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

When I'm reaching the expiry of my cum-clock, I like to play The Final Countdown as loud as possible to really drive the point home.  Topics include sexual performance under scrutiny in front of family, voyeur baiting, co-worker rejection, the loneliness epidemic. Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Payne And we're your Sneaky Links. We are your fuck buddies.

I don't know what I do. What do I say now? We're a Sex and Dating Advice podcast. It takes your sticky, sexy situations. Show them in the sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we're your Sneaky Links and we answer Questions on sex and dating that we find either rolling the wilds are from our sneaky little listeners and that's you Are you referring to the new Netflix show sneaky links? I'm just it's a common phrase if one uses date. I Mean I do think it is a

Do think it is a phrase, but is this a I don't know what this show is about I just laughed at the name when I saw it Yeah, no the the main thing for me is like so I watched it because it's an easy sell for me trash Netflix dating shows unfortunately because I'll watch them and it's like this is funny And then like three or four episodes in like I want to die because it's so depressing and everyone's so terrible and like it Actually does end up depressing by the end of it And I'm like I understand why people have terrible views on sex and dating if you're like a young person This is all you watch you're probably just like people are scum

But watching it is like because you can tell like no one on this show is of the age That would say the word sneaky link. Because I believe it's new with the teens. I don't think it's new with the teens. Well, it's new with me. So everyone, when they say it, is so painful. You know what I mean?

My sneaky linking ways. And they just, it's almost like they have to say it every two or three sentences. I assume they do. Yeah, but they also have the sneaky link lowdown. It's just, I don't know, man. Every time it says, I want to die, it's like, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going three sentences. I don't they have they do yeah, but they also have the sneaky link lowdown It's just I don't know man every time it says I want to die a little bit inside and it's yeah I don't think I've ever watched a single dating show like I've never watched The Bachelor

I've never watched any like love is blind. I've never watched any of those because like I just can't I just physically Cannot watch you because of you and your partner I still haven't watched love is blind fucking reunion. I mean, it's not me. I said you and your partner Yeah, that's nothing to do with me Let me out of this keep my name out your mouth calm come slap me Yeah, I the closest I can get to watching like reality shows like it's got to be a game show Look, it has to be like a the circle traders like that. That's my Level of reality show I can't even watch again

I can't watch the next level up which is like the real housewives like Vanderpump rules fucking like no That's too because at least with these there's still like an element of game It's like here's day one and here's the like the way you make it through this thing as opposed to just a formless like we're Shitbags, you know, yeah, it's a conversation about Vanderpump with my my partner and like the new one I think it's called the valley where it's just like all the really shitty people that got cancelled on Vanderpump Nice when they made their own show Essentially

And I don't remember how we got talking about it But I was just like this like These people shouldn't have a platform Like these people shouldn't Like I'm pretty sure they're all like parents I think that's like kind of the point of it Is like they're all like Great

The shitty people reproduce, love it And like every episode that I like Was overhearing was like them talking about how They're all alcoholics and they're all like addicted to drugs and they're all it's like these people these are parents these people have children there there are young lives that are dependent on these people and it's like you never know how much of it is fake and put on and whatever but that's the thing but like what's worse is like true or not you're kind of incentivized to be shitty Yeah, I mean that's right. That's my thing is like

People think that this is the path to success now and unfortunately like it kind of is well like again You haven't seen any of this, but this is one guy Harry jowsey Who was on like too hot to handle and then something else? but it's like his hallmark is like fully abusing all the women on these shows and yet He has a very successful podcast and people like still there. I guess they're like he's hot. So who cares? It's like he's a scumbag. He's awful. Look at people like Chris Brown, right? Like the fact that that true. Yeah still has a fucking career and also is still like being invited to award shows just shows you how fuck It's disgusting but on to sex news that I'm sure we won't also find disgusting cheer about tinder I

Know it exists still. Oh, yeah, okay. Well that was it No, they have decided we've been monetizing the man for too long. We got to start monetizing the women How do you think they are tailoring the monetization towards women day? You have to pay a monthly subscription or they release your home address to it's true They have an AI model and they scrub through the males like men's profile that use the words like female the males like men's profile that use the words like female, a high value man. And just send them your address.

Yeah. And they, they send them your address and full Google calendar. So they know where you are and your measurements. No, they have put a height filter on for men. So like, so women can be like, I don't want to see men under six foot. I don't want to see men under whatever. But it is locked behind the gold and platinum tears. Oh What a healthy move. Yeah. Yeah, cool Can you imagine like putting other physical attribute things on this? It would be pretty bad I mean, this is the this is the the age-old, you know argument of like how

Typically it is OK. And look, I'm not saying societally men have ever faced any repercussions to making judgment calls on women's bodies, but there is also a a sort of even like glossier reaction to women doing it to men, male bodies. Like there's there's almost no repercussions to it. Well, that's the thing. I feel like the uproar if this was like, oh, Tinder gets you filtered by weight or like, you know, cup size or something. Yeah. Yeah. I think the furor would be global. Tried to look it up and it's like, there's a few select articles. One of them is four lines long.

That's it. You know, and it is just a thing that people are just like, yeah, get over it. I think it's pretty fucked up, but you know, Tinder gotta make their money somehow, I guess. Yeah. All right, you ready? What are we gonna talk about this week, Dave?

We're gonna talk about, girlfriend humiliated me in front of my family by insulting my performance. Well, you're baiting. Accidentally rejected my coworker and I regret it. And the loneliness epidemic. Hmm, a juicy morsel. Um, this is by throweray comments.

My girlfriend, female 28, humiliated me, male 28, in front of my family by insulting my performance. Is there any coming back from this? We've been together for five years, we have two small children under the age of two. We've always been happy together and I was thinking about proposing to her soon. However, after comments made about my performance

in the bedroom, I am not too sure. For the weekend, we went to visit my family and have a barbecue. Mom had a nail appointment scheduled and Ava mentioned how she misses getting a manicure every so often but cannot justify spending $50 every three weeks and that money could be put towards our children.

Mom mentioned salon doesn't for 30 and a spare appointment at the same time. I suggested she goes with my mom and gets her nails done as it was cheaper. She never spends money on herself so it would be a nice treat for her to get them done for once, give her my bank card, told her I'd pay. She agreed, took the appointment, came home same time as my mom. Dad and I stayed back with the kids while they were gone and they came back an hour later. I looked at her nails, they smoothed them out with white tips at the end. And honestly it didn't look too much different and I can't understand why women spend all

that money on it, but it made her happy so I wasn't going to complain. We were sitting in the dining room while the kids were playing and having general conversation. Ava started scratching my leg with her nails and I laughed saying it was 30 quid well spent. So I got a cushion from the sofa, put it in her lap and she started scratching my head. I have to admit, it felt really relaxing. My mom laughed and told us to get a room and she said she would watch the kids for 10 minutes to which Ava very quickly replied, we wouldn't need 10 minutes to will do, which was very clearly a direct jab at me and my performance. It was humiliating and she'd never mentioned anything like this

before. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I was so humiliated. Front of my parents. Is there any way we can come back from this or is my relationship cooked? I think there's a very important piece of information that we need and that is what is your actual stamina like? Like do you usually finish in two minutes or was this like an exaggeration like haha we're horny it's not gonna last very long? Because like I think there's a there's a big difference between like if your lovemaking is a is a Normal amount of time or you know, whatever like not a quick sort of turnaround. Hmm Then like this does this obviously isn't a jab at you, you know I mean, it's like if you had like a big dick and someone said like made a stupid joke about your size You wouldn't be like, oh no, my dick is actually small. It like, true.

But you might be like, Oh, now my friends think I have a small dick and I'm sad about that. Sure. Yes. I, I think there's enough playful banter happening in this situation. I don't think the mom was like, literally like, Hey, go bone son and future daughter in law, go have sex in our home. Yeah.

You'll be all the two kids in five years. Let's add another one. Like that one, you guys got to work quick. But two, like, is it more likely that maybe she was saying that either one, she was horny or two, like they've been with the kids for so long that even two minutes would be great. Yeah.

Don't seem way more likely to me. I very much doubt she was like, Hey, Giselle, your son comes quick. Yeah, it's and like, again, like even if you might have been like really implied that you were really into the nails, making it seem like maybe your wife was feeling herself and being like, oh, I like, we won't need that. I'm gonna get it done. Yeah. Right? Did you offend your wife by suggesting that $30 was enough to buy her sexually? You know what I mean?

If she scraped your leg and you were like, $30, well spent, it feels a little like, oh, she's a commodity, I paid for her thing, so now I'm gonna get sex. Maybe you offended her first. I doubt it if she's stretching your head in her lap, but you're not exactly a wordsmith here. I don't think that this is a problem, and I think this is where we talked briefly about it. They can't

get married anymore. The relationship is cooked. It's all done. These two kids grown up without a father now. We talked about it last week where it's like you bring up insecurities with your partner so that she knows that she doesn't make this joke again, right? Say like, hey, that was really uncomfortable for me and it made me feel kind of shitty. And I want to know if there is do you feel like you don't get enough sexual attention? Like, is that like, was there some truth behind this? Because, look, we've talked about it again before

Where it's like if you don't last that long then there are a number of other things that you could be doing To make sex a longer experience you have hands you have a mouth you could do all toys toys Anything and that's gonna be like look I came really hard I had a great time But some of it wasn't done with his dick in me for long enough nobody gives a shit You know if you rock her world her world has been rocked Yeah, the world isn't unrocked based on how long your dick is inside so yeah Yeah, you can't unrock a world you can't you cannot and that's a lesson for us all let me tell you yeah

Yeah, also like if you're with someone and you presumably like them and love them and et cetera, et cetera. Why is there no benefit of the doubt? It doesn't seem to be that like you are confused, but you trust her. It seems to be like, damn, this bitch. Like, you know, like, why do you jump immediately to like, yeah, she was mocking my sexual performance to my mother. Even if someone did that, I would probably be unwilling to believe it because I'd be

like, that's a weird move. I also don't think I'd be that sensitive about it, right? Like if, if there was like this kind of, oh man, my mom doesn't think I'm going to like last long in bed. Like dude, who cares? Do you want to like, your mom shouldn't be seeing you as a sexual prospect anyway, so. The like, air around the event was all very joking, was all very fun and light and like,

ha ha ha, we're having a good time. None of this is to be taken seriously. Yeah, but she chose her moment. She was like, this piece of shit, it's a nice moment. People are saying good things. He did a kind thing for me, but this is when I swoop. This is where I destroy this man's reputation, his sexual reputation with his mother. Yeah.

I think even if this was genuine, I don't think there's a world in which it's embarrassing for you. If someone makes that kind of comment genuinely in this kind of situation, it's embarrassing for them. Yeah. I mean, like, you might be embarrassed and you might feel bad. makes that kind of comment genuinely in this kind of situation, it's embarrassing for them. Yeah, I mean, like, you might be embarrassed and you might feel bad and it might make you feel shitty, but like, I don't think anyone's taking this to the bank. No, who's your mom going to tell? Like, why does your mom care? Nobody cares.

It's weird. Again, if this is what went down, which I don't think it is, it's weird for them, not you. Yeah. And also, I very much doubt this is what happened. Give them the benefit of the doubt, talk to them and be like, hey, this came across strangely, and I'm sure they'll be like, oh God, that's not what I meant. And then you'll get the fuck over it and move on.

Yeah. This is a weird turn to take when this happens. Give your partners the benefit of the fucking doubt. And also, are you going to cut, do you really think that anytime someone says, anytime your partner may make a mistake and say something bad or something you don't like, is that really, you would just be like, well, that's it.

Ain't no coming back from this. Because that's- Yeah, which I think is dramatic anyway, but when you have children with someone, you can't just cut and run like that for no fucking reason. You need a little bit of a thicker skin. And that's not something I usually say. Usually I want you to be in touch with your feelings, and I want you to have an emotional soft spot. I want those things. I want you to be a vulnerable man. Like that's no one's saying toughen up. I guess are we? I don't know. We're not saying it in a bad man way. We're saying it in a like, don't jump to crazy conclusions instantly. Yeah, I think you need to understand like a little bit more context and

like not spiral out of control. The second that someone mentions anything to do with your sexual performance or your your virility as a man and not be like, I've been offended on it, like irreversible place that we can never come back from. It's like it was a stupid joke at worst. And that I don't think your mom or your partner was actually trying to fucking dunk on you in front of your family. I think it was, it was, like I said, like, a joke that didn't land for you. Now, what if she was?

What if she was? Then we go back to the conversation of being like, hey, that was uncomfortable for me. I didn't like it. Was there truth to that? Like, are you unsatisfied? Because if you are, let me know. Don't air it out in front of my fucking family so that we can solve it. These are easy solutions. It's not a... It doesn't necessarily matter whether it's true in terms of what's done. It matters whether it's true in terms of like, we should communicate better and that's not the fucking forum for that. But like, it's not like she gets away with it if it is true. It's still a fucked up thing to do. Again again in this weird scenario in which this is what took

place. And if she has a habit or goes forward and starts mocking you in front of your family and friends, by all means, break up. Yeah. But I don't think one time where you're not even sure what happened is the time to be like, that's it. Yeah. If you had a whole laundry list of times where she brings this up every chance she gets, anytime you're in public, which I think would be mentioned by now. Yeah. Like if this is the first time it's happened, whatever. And if you are concerned about it, have a conversation.

Even if it is the most obvious joke in the world, you're allowed to be uncomfortable with it and you're allowed to request that your partner be like, Hey, like, do you want to maybe uncomfortable with it. And you're allowed to request that your partner be like, hey, do you wanna maybe not make those kinda jokes around my family or in public or something? I don't think that's an unfair ask. If I didn't want my sex life and my whatever discussed in public, I think that is a very reasonable request. Come clock.

I'm sorry? Your cum clock. What the fuck does that mean? It's a new, it's like Sneaky Link. It's like your cum clock. It's just like how long? It's a new it's like sneaky link. It's like your cum clock It's just like how long you can last before you splooge gotcha. Okay, obviously Don't ever say all the kids are saying to me ever again unprovoked. Hey cum clock. I hate it Let's go to another question This is from double storage boy you're baiting How would you hint at a couple's wild sex life without being cringe or crossing lines?

My husband and I are an attractive and flirty couple, 28 and 29. Super into each other, and we have a pretty incredible sex life. Soon we're going out of town, and a woman we know, not super close with, but friendly, will be house sitting for a few weeks, staying at our place and taking care of our dogs. Basically, I'm into voyeur baiting. Not in a direct or performative way, but in a sense of planting little details that might lead someone to wonder about my sex life. I'd love for her to notice subtle clues that were wild in bed. Not anything overt or inappropriate, just things that would make her think, wait, are they hot like that? And maybe even fantasize a

little. It's not about involving her or making her uncomfortable. It's about curating that perfect tension where something feels private, but just visible enough that she could notice it if she's paying attention. That would make her want to investigate and fantasize. So here's my question. If you were house sitting for a couple and stumbled across something that made you realize they were probably having crazy good sex, what would that be without feeling cringe or staged, what would be the perfect way to avoid your mate, looking

for creative, subtle, respectful suggestions from folks who understand this kind of dynamic? I'm sure you can tell by the way I read that question that I'm not looking to answer her question. It's so funny because it is cringe, it is performative, and you are involving her against her will. Because the worst part of this is, this person is either hired by you, or doing you a favor. Do you a massive favor? Or be the both, maybe. And you're like, I want to be fucking weird about it. Like, I just want to get real fucking weird. No, no. Leave this poor woman alone. Also, is it wrong that I assume you're not having great sex just based on

the tone of this question? Like we just have we're so hot and we have great sex. It's like, do you? Because if you did, you probably wouldn't be talking about it like this. Yeah. And like, look, you there are ways of doing this that are very easy that don't involve your note Just says you ravaged my cum clock you change the time zone on my cum clock last night, honey And then you leave that post it on the table by accident. They're like oh my god What's yeah em? Is he est now is he gmt is he troll time shit?

You don't you never want a man on troll time with you Is he troll time shit? You don't you never want a man on troll time with you Hey even the troll time cum cluck is right twice a day Look it up troll times a thing the Okay, what are these easy ways Dan? Sorry, you said there are very easy ways to do this. Yeah. Dildo wall. No, no, no. Sorry, I'm saying there's an easy way to satisfy this kink without subjecting the person who's doing you an incredible favor while you're on vacation.

And that is things like you can post online and you know what I mean? Like you can post little pictures that don't have your faces or anything, but like, you know, I don't know, fucking all lubed up dildo or something. You can go to sex clubs. There's almost always, every sex club I've been into has a voyeur wall. Like a viewing room. Yeah, or a voyeur like something,

where it's like, it's a double-sided mirror or whatever you want. So like if these- And the cool thing about both of those examples is that the people seeing it are people who have gone looking for it and are consenting. That want to take part in it. As opposed to you saw torturing this woman

and like, you solved my puzzle and it's like, we had sex. You solved my sex puzzle, now you know that I take it in the ass. It's like, I don't wanna know that. I wanna know what they think is this really good, crazy sex, because again, I have my doubts. So the thing is, is like crazy, good, incredible, world shattering sex

is very different to everyone. Right. Like for me, the only way that I would be able to leave remnants of how good the sex is, is like a Velcro wall condom, like on the wall or on the ground or somewhere. On the wall? Well, you know, stick it somewhere. On the Velcro wall? You're doing both?

Sorry, was I not meant to tell people about your Velcro wall fetish? I mean, that's not a sex thing. That's a mental health thing. I've seen you with the Velcro wall, Dave. I like to just get put up there and just left. Sometimes we put them up for editing breaks. We just stick them to the wall. Yeah, it's like velcro crucifixion velcrucifixion

I stuck for your sins The episode that's not getting buried in there It's like it's so weird like like other than like what are you gonna? Do like leave like? Handcuffs lying around yeah, which again. It's gonna be's so weird like like other than like what are you gonna do like leave like handcuffs lying around? Yeah, which again is gonna be like okay. Yeah, it's like cool. This is the limest shit I feel like half of the things you could leave around are gonna be way too tame and the other For gonna be not like I don't think there's anything that's perfectly in like own territory Yeah, like you'd have to leave that's perfectly in like, oh, territory. Yeah, like you'd have to leave like lingerie,

like a really nice set of lingerie somewhere. Boring, boring. It is boring, but it's like, you could be like, oh, well at least she wears sexy clothes, and then like, I guess potentially, if she thinks you're attractive, she might imagine you in it. If you're actually having this freaky, crazy good sex,

you have this hidden dungeon behind the bookcase, so you just need to set a timer on the release so that when she's minding the place, the door goes and opens up and then all that like 50 shades of gray music like, I see red plays and then she looks in and like the lights go on and there's fog and like all your crazy things are in there.

And then your little like sex room dungeon butlers like, oh, sorry miss. And he closes it and then you're like, she got glimpse. like, Oh, sorry, miss. And he closes it. And then you're like, she got a glimpse. But then he was supposed to see this. Yeah. Mortimer can come out after and just give her some aftercare. Make sure she's cool with it. Leave your 50 Shades of Grey contract on the table. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know why this.

Did you ever play? I believe it was Tomb Raider 2. Tomb Raider where he were he following around and Tray you walk into him need like fart. Yeah And like if you were really good you could lure him into the fridge and lock him in there Yeah, yes, why do we all know this? Why do we all do this? Because there wasn't much going on back then That was our tick tock. Yeah harassing the Lowly rendered Butler. What was his name?

Interpreter too. I don't know if he ever had one, to be honest. I'm gonna look this up. You keep talking. I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure you probably can look it up. There was, it was so, I don't even know what that, that was just like the lobby screen, right? Like what the fuck was the point of that level?

There's, it was like her home, like mansion. Yeah. I believe there were like secrets and shit you could do Yeah, I know there was like a hedge maze This has nothing to do with anything before being officially named Winston fans Affectionately called him Jeeves and it was later incorporated his real name Winston Jeeves Didn't you call your butler Winston? Wasn't that what you just called? No, I called him Mortimer Mortimer because it was a joke about the butler from my fault

The movie we reviewed on patreon Yeah, hey, let me tell you that did not retain any space in this old brain up here There's probably there's very little very little remaining Memory up there and I was not reserving any of it for my fault except for the you know Kiss me like I'm 19 or whatever for kiss me till I'm 18. I'm not 18. So kiss me till I am or something. I Would like to suggest the perfect like I've just I've done I've done gone and solved it, right? Instead of being a freak instead of leaving stuff out instead of leaving a trail blah blah blah you leave nothing no trail

You clean the ever-loving shit out of your home to the point that they arrive and they go leaving stuff out, instead of leaving a trail, blah, blah, blah, you leave nothing, no trail. You clean the ever loving shit out of your home to the point where they arrive and they go, something's not right. It's too clean. It's too clean, what are they hiding? And the thing is, 50% chance they think you've done a murder there, right?

But they get the luminol out, they do a little blood spatter analysis, you ain't got nothing, or you spell out, we do good sex in blood. So they go, you got me. Well, does it does it also pick up cum? Because maybe just jizz everywhere. No, that's that's just black lights, not luminol.

I have no idea. I think you use a black light to pick up luminol. I don't know. It was a funny joke. And you really kind of like took it down a level by trying. I don't think you can ever make a joke worse by saying I didn't come into the equation Bloods classy bud. That's I play imagine if vampires just sucked come they wouldn't be Twilight would be terrible. There'd be so many vampires. Yeah, this is just every time you got your dick sucked If it was a vampire you got turned into a vampire

Then you had to suck a dick to live so next question Did you had to suck a dick to live so next question? Yeah, don't be a fucking weirdo this person can't consent to the shit. You're not cool There are better ways to do it or just clean the living shit out of your home Yeah, leave your poor fucking dog walker alone like yeah This is by Sumia Ben I 25 year old female accidentally rejected my co-worker slash friend 29 year old male And I regret it. I just moved to the city and was honestly very grateful to have found a friend. We started getting close, he became my work best friend, having lunch and breaks together. Then he started offering me to come to concerts, movies, etc. with his friends. The whole time it was

quite friendly, like I never got the vibe he was interested. We would even ride together sometimes and start going for runs. We started sending each other reels or videos, staying in touch throughout the day. Then he started coming over to my place because we were watching White Lotus together since we both liked it before so we thought, oh, let's watch it together. But throughout all this he never alluded to anything romantic, never touched me or flirted, introduced me to other people saying, here's my friend. For my job, I often stay late, set things up for the next day, and he started gradually offering more and more to stay and help me even

though our other coworkers would go for drinks. So he'd leave himself out of things to help me That's when I start getting the vibe at some point I even broke down to him about how hard moving away from my family was Told him how guilty I felt leaving my parents missing valuable time with them I'm guilty I was leaving my 11 year old sister and missing milestones I'm the oldest sister if you couldn't tell lol He was understanding really talked me through and helped me and the other day He was helping me set up a conference room and I said,

why are you doing this? Like, why are you in no, you are in no way obligated to do this. There's nothing to do at your job at all. He kind of started opening the floodgates and said, well, when you like someone, you do things for them. And I was like, what? What do you mean? He said, well, in case you couldn't tell, I have feelings for you.

And I was baffled. I asked him since when? He said, well, since the moment I saw you, which puzzle me more. Like, why not ask me out from the start? He said, I guess I want to know you first. And then he said, well, do you want to go on a real date? And I kind of freaked out. My fear of commitment kicked in and I reactively declined the date and said, I don't think it's a good idea. I got really scared and anxious. I've always fled when something's about to come real. Then he just shut down. It was awkward and silent until we left. Well, biggest regret ever since then he hasn't engaged

with me. It's been two days he's avoiding me hard. No text, no eye contact. Couldn't even find him at lunch. When I finally went up to him and said, what about the date? He said, nevermind, don't worry about it, and walked away.

Did I miss my shot? Would he want me to push more about it? Because now I've processed it and thought about what we could be, I'm into it. If I'm honest, I always thought he was a great guy and exactly what I needed, because he's more chill, soft-spoken type and I love that Because I grew up with a very fiery dad with an extremely short fuse

I always dreamed of finding someone more in my wavelength I mean, there's a reason we worked so well as friends, but I didn't think he'd see me like that I didn't even let myself go there I think I heard his feelings by rejecting his date even though I didn't mean to do I still have a chance to fix this Or does it seem like I've put him off being with me? I still have a chance to fix this or does it seem like I've put them off being with me? It's always interesting when a question answers their question in the question in the sense of like you Gave us the spiel the like the rom-com

Running through the airport stopping them before they get on a bus whatever Like you said it was like you got scared it freaked you out you you have a fear of commitment there's all these things but it's like you realize that you blew your chance you realize like how good it could be and you realize that you do like this guy and it was just sort of like it took you back tell him that yeah and be like hey I'm really sorry you caught me off guard and I kind of freaked out and you know you're my you're a really good friend and you had me at good morning and I was just kind of like worried that that like if if if I fuck it up then I don't have you and but like I want you and you know what I mean like it's it's very easy

to but like playing a passive position now isn't gonna work you made you you made the mistake and again I'm not saying that turning someone down is a mistake. If you actually didn't want to pursue a romantic relationship with him, you did the right thing. But you do want to. You realize that you made a mistake. It's now your job to fix it. Yeah. You waiting around hoping that he ignored the thing that you said is bad, because if he does, do you want to date this guy? Yeah. But also, and this is kind of a contentious point for me, do we love how he reacted when she turned him down?

Look, I'm not saying that it was a perfect reaction, but it is kind of awkward to be like, pour your heart out and then someone's like, no. So like I get like kind of being weird and awkward and like maybe taking a break from it Because it's not like he The thing for me is like I worry that he like there's the whole like friends thing doing all nice guy I guess and it feels a little like

Manipulative and performative especially to just withdraw all of that the second you know I mean I think if this was a nice person You know you get turned down, it sucks. And again, this is why I'm kind of contentious about this, because I fully support taking time and having breaks, especially if you're in a relationship and it ends, taking time to distance yourself so that maybe you can be friends. But this wasn't a relationship, you know what I mean? So it's like like if you get turned down, I think you should have the decency to have a make eye contact and be nice. You know what I mean? And the fact that he can't do that

and is avoiding you that thoroughly is a little of a red flag for me. I wish it was a little longer because it was what, two days? I think I think a sting can I think you can be a little embarrassed at work of being like and like for all we know, maybe he doesn't want to make it uncomfortable for her. Right. Like maybe there's yeah, I think you can be a little embarrassed at work of being like, and like for all we know, maybe he's doesn't want to make it uncomfortable for her, right? Like maybe there's, yeah, I think two days is too short of a timeframe. Like if she was like, Oh, this happened two months ago and he refuses to acknowledge my sister,

then like I would agree with you. But I think, I think two days is, is long. Like I'm saying it's, it's raising my my hands but I'm not lunging for his throat yeah I'm now by the way I don't know enough to suggest turned into a wolf yeah there's a new thing they discovered it was me sigma wolf oh yeah it's the wolf that kills the alpha yeah yeah yeah he's like the big bigger boss, obviously. Yeah. He's the one at the front of the pack. Because you learn that the alpha is at the back of the pack. Mm hmm. Right. So that just who's at the front handle. So we can't.

No, I can't. I'm sorry. This is going to be one of those things like the guy who made up alpha wolves and then was like regretting it massively in like a year. I'm like, guys, please stop with the sigma wolf shit. I'm not even a scientist. Yeah. So look, you are in your court. You are now in charge of this.

If you want to fix it and you do want to go on a date with this dude, you need to make that clear and you need to explain where you came from and why you said no. And then at the very least, I think you should also try to mend the friendship. And that's, that's kind of an equal level thing. I think you should be like, look, like you're still really important to me and I don't want to lose you as a friend for this.

And hopefully he's not what Nile and I kind of fear might be happening. And hopefully he's like, you know, he's also allowed to be like, well, I think I'm a little too deep in the feelings. I do need a little bit of a break in order to Yeah. And that's the thing. If he if he can't be your friend because of the feelings, again, it's kind of a murky area because there are elements of this that's positive, but it also could be super toxic. But I will say just for you, try to make sure that your feelings aren't based on fear and loneliness and like, oh, I'm now missing him as a friend and a support in this new place and that's why I feel like I should date him rather than you actually liking this person because it seems wild to me you would hang out for this long, this intimately and not even considerate kind of deal. Yeah. So just make sure that you're not being swayed by the fact that you are vulnerable and lonely and you had this kind of like overwhelming affection that's now been withdrawn because I am just a little worried for you.

Yes. But the ball is in your court. If you want to pursue this, you just need to make sure that is what you want. And, you know, if he is weird about it, then maybe that's a good sign you don't want to get together. But I do think you have to like, take a chance yourself and not just be like, hey, do you want to go on that date? You know what I mean? Like, cause if you, you don't come at a half heart,

it'd be like, hey, as Dane said earlier, be like, I was scared. I kind of reflectively said, no, I wasn't ready for it. You know, I was worried about our friendship, but I actually really do want to earlier, be like, I was scared. I kind of reflectively said no, I wasn't ready for it. You know, I was worried about our friendship, but I actually really do want to see, you know, like, bury your fucking soul a little bit. You know, he put himself out there. I think it's only fair that you do the same back.

Yep, 100%. This is from a sleep antelope. Why is failure in dating seen as a way to tell if a man is a bad person? I see it everywhere that loneliness isn't real, that men need to improve. And I agree, but I'm a 21-year-old man is a bad person. I see it everywhere that loneliness isn't real, that men need to improve. And I agree, but I'm a 21 year old man and I have no success in dating.

And I think there are many reasons for that, such as my personality is pretty strange and I'm not the most handsome looking guy. And I have many mental health problems that people can clearly notice. All these reasons are justified, but I dislike the notion that it is because I'm a bad person. I'm starting to feel like someone who is not supposed to exist and that love and dating are for people who are

Supposed to exist I may die alone, but I'm not a bad person I try to be honest and kind and I don't always give compliments and Wear a smile or wear a smile, but spell wrong But I am kind when I need to be I know none of this is special But I just want someone to know that my loneliness is my fault, but not because I'm a bad person. I will hang a lantern really quickly on the kind when I need to be is a weird thing, because if you need to be, is it kindness?

You know what I mean? Maybe it's just weird phrasing, but it sounds like you're picking and choosing when to be kind, which I don't think is kindness. But anyway, based on the spelling, I feel like perhaps English is not their first language, or they might not have the best like grammar. Sure. So this is a like, and it's a thing I definitely had to get out of my head. I think a lot of men need to get out of their head is like, if someone's talking about men in general, and you get really offended and go,

but that's nothing to do with me. It's like, I get it. You see a thing, you go, I'm, I'm man, and I don't like that. And then you just get, take it personally and miss the point. Like saying that the male loneliness epidemic is that men need to get better, I think is reductive. And I think it is harmful because there's a lot of pro-women spaces that are really belittling this thing when it's a societal... There are a lot of things that go into it like toxic masculinity and lack of emotional awareness and all these things that society has bred into men that when women had eating disorders because of society, it would be wrong for people to be like, women just need to stop being idiots.

I think looking at the larger societal reasons as to why things are happening are important, and there are a lot of things that men are socialized to be that are really harmful in these cases and feed into this loneliness epidemic. But I think a lot of it is like typically male approaches are not attractive. You know what I mean? Like the, oh, I'm the man, I'm in control. Fuck it sucks. You know what I mean?

Oh, you're a woman, you should do this. Like a lot of the things surrounding the Manosphere and like, you know, conservativism and like wanting control over women's bodies and lives and all these typically male things are shit. They are bad. And why would women want that? And we've gotten to a point in society where women are able to have jobs, credit cards, shit that they didn't... Not too long ago, a lot of these things were unavailable for women. So we've reached the point where women have the freedom to choose and men in large part are not good choices. Yeah, it's one of those things now

where the loneliness epidemic, which is something we've talked about pretty much since the pandemic, right? That's when it became very apparent. And I think a lot of people gloss over the fact that it's not just romantic Yes, it's not just with women. It's with other men Yeah Like we saw that when the pandemic hit where all these dudes were like I'm alone and I can't go see my friends and I have

No way of like contacting I've been isolated and it's like well like phones exist. Yeah Every games online communication exists. Watch a movie together. It was just the fact that, like, so many men didn't have real friends. They had people that they went to the bar with and watched a sports game.

It didn't say anything. And then we're like, I had I hung out with my friends. That was friend time, even though it could have been anybody sitting next to me. It didn't matter that it was, you know, Dave from work. But then there's also this, I think, kind of like hijacked version of it. And I think this is kind of, it happens a lot when there's an

issue that focuses on men and especially like a weakness of men or a vulnerability in men, where it becomes mocked and it becomes kind of like the punchline of. You deserve it almost. Um, you know what I mean? It's like you brought up eating disorders when that was happening. Like how many dove campaigns do we have about like, you know, loving your body? How many, how many campaigns do we have about like you're beautiful the way you are? But men have men are like 75% of men will have an eating disorder

in their life. And we don't talk about that. That's just- No, because again men should suck it up, right? And now that we have this loneliness epidemic, now that we're sort of actually like talking about it, there's almost this, there's two prongs that are happening right now where right wing conservative

men are realizing that the consequences of their actions and they're trying to play it for sympathy. Of being like, you know, we men are killing us. It's the men's right activists, right? Who are cherry picking the tragedy and not the causation. Whereas like, yes, a lot of women are rejecting the resurgence of hardcore right-wing conservatism that is rising. For very fucking good reason and self-preservation and you know. That makes sense. So it's like, if those are your politics and if those are your values,

then yeah, you're probably not going to have a great time dating because women don't want to date someone that sees them as lesser. Yeah. Also, like, you know, it's really funny, just a quick aside related on this, the amount of posts I've seen being with people being like, oh man, like really sucks. I like met this girl or like I joined this group and then like they all found out how conservative and like, why can't they just see past that and be my friend? But you never see like the other side of it being like all these conservatives. I really want to hang out because you don't want to fucking spend time with conservatives. We conservatives really want to spend time at date liberals. It's very interesting.

But like, sorry, good. No, I basically like on the line of what you're saying. I hate that these shitty men are taking a real problem and making it worse by ignoring the causes and just trying to, as you said, farm sympathy. And I hate that a lot of women or people on the opposite side of the issue are, again, raising good points in terms of like, some of it is self-inflicted. A lot of it is because a lot of male views, and for example, as we were just talking about, like conservatism and like alt-right fucking bullshit is super detrimental and it is a

choice that you're making and it is you putting yourself in this lonely box by being a shithead. But it then also like mocks real issues and like kind of becomes this attack rather than, you know, any way to aid the thing. So it's frustrating because I get where the women are coming from in this situation, but it's like they're turning into this really aggressive thing that like can screw over progress. And then the men are raising good points,

but then they're poisoning the well by being assholes. And it's like, I mean, it's the problem with every time that men raise issues in terms of their mental health and their safety and whatever, where it doesn't get taken seriously. It gets mocked by the zeitgeist. And all that does is it pushes the people who are suffering into it into spaces that do validate them, which is almost always right wing.

They fucking love that shit. It's your Jordan Petersens. It's your Andrew Tates. It's. You know, it's your Jordan Peterson's, it's your Andrew Tate's, it's your Elon Musk's, it's your Joe Rogan's, and it's these like shitty dudes who will be like, you're not the problem. And so of course we're seeing a rise in this because we're not treating the disease, we're mocking it, and it makes people feel like shit. And the people who aren't making them feel like shit are dangerous.

Yeah. And they're taking advantage of them. Yes. So it's like, who are you going to side with? The person who's laughing at you or the person who's saying the wrong things, but sounds right. Right. Like the person who is saying like, yes, the lonely epidemic does exist.

What you're feeling is real. But here is not your fault. It's their fault. Here's the cause of it. It's like they're going to go with them. They're not going to take the side of the person laughing at them. No one would. No one's going to take the side of when they're hurt and feeling alone

to go on to the people who are mocking them. Yeah, yeah. And it sucks. You know, so I wish we could have a more nuanced conversation in general and like actually try to fix this rather than again pushing people to either silence or these really harmful like groups. Yeah, cause I mean like look at things like, like when we did our study on like the fucking dating apps,

right? Like you think that's not contributing to male loneliness? The fact that like men have to shell out $45 a month on a dating app. To even be considered. Just to, just to get like the proper usage of it. Like, yeah, you're going to, that's going to whittle away down the average dude's, yeah, you know, confidence. And he's going to feel lonely.

He's going to feel hopeless. And when you feel like that, you do stupid things. Who are they confiding in when this happens? No one, because men have been raised poorly to not have friends, to not have emotional outputs, to be seen as weak if they express emotions or vulnerabilities or whatever. Like it's behaviors we've all had to unlearn growing up

and it's like not everybody gets there just kind of like organically, right? And it's not just like, like, you're right. Yes, those all happen. But then it's also like going back to the eating disorder thing. We never talk about it. It always gets swept under the rug. So we don't even as men get to like see it as an option, right? Like we never get to see vulnerability being presented to us as an option

because it's never talked about. There's no ad campaigns about, you know, getting us healthy. There's no, but, and if we saw it, if we saw more people in the day to day life, if we saw posters, if we saw whatever of being like, Oh, I'm not the only one dealing with this, but when you feel like you are, you feel like you're weak and you feel like you're wrong. So you don't say anything about it. You don't bring it up because you're like, well, no one else is dealing with it. Everyone else is fine. And that's the problem, right? That's, that's the core issue with the modern man is that we, we are so isolated in our struggles and our, our, our problems that

everyone thinks they're an island, right? So we don't see that there is an island full of people who have eating disorders. We don't see that there's a full island of people who have anxiety or depression or whatever. We don't see any of those things because we all keep it to ourselves. So we all just think everyone is doing okay. Yeah, because we're also told if we don't, one, we don't see it so we're not prompted to, but two, we're told if we just do it We're weak pathetic failures, right? Especially when people who or when it is brought up. It's it's laughed and mocked at right Yeah, I mean like anytime I've like when I was

struggling I remember talking about it to friends and like I'm trying to be very cautious in the sense of like painting women as villains because they're not but I remember bringing it up to a group of my female friends Of what I was struggling with and all of them were just like it's way worse as a woman. I was like I'm not arguing that but like yeah, I'm also struggling and asking for help right now And I'm not asking like I'm not comparing This isn't a competition and it's not like whoever struggles the most should get all of the help.

Right, like there should be a sliding scale of being like, I need help, I want help, I'm looking for help and being told that like I haven't suffered enough to be taken seriously based on whatever metric you're judging on. Like that sucked and that like it really did kind of like make me shut down for quite a long time. In terms of like, if you're having a bad day and you're telling someone and they just go, I'm having a worst day, you're going to be like, OK, cool.

Like, fuck me, I guess. You know, I mean, no one feels better about that. It's kind of that simple where it's like, yes, if I'm having a bad day and you're having a terrible day and I ignore that, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. But like just because you're having a bad day, too, or a worst day doesn't mean I'm not also allowed to complain or have a bad day and you're having a terrible day and I ignore that, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. But just because you're having a bad day too or a worse day doesn't mean I'm not also allowed to complain or have a bad day. These problems are both mutual and separate. So either way, it's a good thing to focus on it to help.

And you're right. Anyone who hears this and thinks that we're lessening women's problems is a dumbass because again, you can point out problems and it's not that by definition because I'm raising this, I'm belittling. We talk about women's problems all the time and they should be talked about all the time. Men's just should also be. I mean, that's kind of it, right? The biggest problem that we've had is that we treat these as like us them. Of like, we can only fix one.

That's what the rich want. Well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, no, for real. Like, that's it, right? The best, like the divisions of like, when people were all pissed off about Black Lives Matter. And it's like, well, saying that doesn't discount anything else, right? Like, you would say- Blue lives matter.

Like, what are you fucking, no one's like, just fuck off. Yeah. So it's something that I think, and I think the problem that we're dealing with now is that we have undermined the sort of like core struggles that that the average dude goes through that it is so easy to radicalize them to right-wing horrible fucking ideologies and the worst thing is the more people in those radical ideal ideologies it gives credence to like you're doing this to yourself your scumbags and it's like well fuck yeah but now we're in a vicious spiral where the more people that

do that the more ammunition the people mocking it have which leads more people and it's like like Yeah, if you're a right-wing fuckhead, yeah, of course you're doing this to yourself, but it's not as simple as that Yeah, so to answer this person's question You are correct. Just because you have a hard time dating doesn't make you a bad person And I'm sorry that you feel that way and you shouldn't feel that way. I think there are things that you can reflect on. I think there are things that you could probably avoid in terms of like maybe get off online dating. If you know what I mean? Or find a more stable online dating platform that isn't

the apps that require you to pay in order to be seen. But if it's not serving you, if it's making you sad, get off it. Yeah. Yeah, and the thing is, if someone makes a grand statement, you know what I mean? Like, oh, all men suck, and you get offended, and it's like, well, think about,

a lot of men do suck, you know what I mean? A lot of a woman's experience on a day-to-day basis is being catcalled and being treated poorly. So it's like, if you know you don't suck and you see this, have the wherewithal to understand A lot of a woman's experience on a day-to-day basis is being catcalled and being treated poorly. So it's like, if you know you don't suck and you see this, have the wherewithal to understand where they're coming from. And yes, generalizations aren't great,

but you don't have to take it personally. And it doesn't mean that you suck. You know what I mean? And also, like do what we did, and maybe not at the level that we've done, like don't, you don't have to start a podcast. Yeah, we don't need more competition. But like, when when you hear these complaints, when you hear what women are saying, or when

you hear what any marginalized group is saying, and you realize that like, oh, they're not talking about me, because they're, they're saying the things that I already do. And yes, the problems that they are raising are ones I'm already aware of, then that's your job to amplify their voices. That's your job now to, when you see a dude being shitty at a bar or whatever, intervene. Don't have to do it in a heroic fucking standoff, but just get in between someone if they're being weird. I do it all the time on the subway where I silently,

if a dude's being weird with a woman, I'll literally just go and stand in front of them. You know what I mean? With my back to them and I just stand in between them. And nine times out of 10, like once that eye contact is broken or they've realized that someone is paying attention, they fuck off. Yeah, because they're cowards.

I don't say any- And it doesn't even, you know, you don't even have to do big dramatic shit. Like even just on a day-to-day basis, if a friend makes a comment, you can just be like, really? Yes. Call up your friends. Yeah, it can be small. And that's like when people learn that's not okay.

Good. It can be amplifying good podcasts, perhaps. Yeah. So the onus now is where you feel, as I said, like when you get to that point of like being like, oh, they're not talking about me. It's a great, now the rest of the work is kind of on me to ripple out, right? The same way that the right and the shitty people ripple out to try to grasp people.

There are also people like kind of floating undetermined. If you ripple positivity and common sense and like all the good stuff, you might be able to get them on your side. And now all of a sudden you're not so alone. And I know I made a joke about supporting us, but it's a sad fact of life. And this is basically what Twitter is all about, is negativity gets thrown around. You know what I mean? Someone makes a bullshit comment and a really shitty post and everybody hops on to share it and be like this idiot or to combat it in the replies, but that boosts it.

So these people end up with gigantic fucking platforms. You know what I mean? The people who like Andrew Tate probably post about Andrew Tate less than the people who don't like him. And it's like negativity gets posted. It gets boosted. It gets shared. And all these like algorithms shit are built it gets boosted, it gets shared, and all these algorithms shit are built to promote that stuff, right?

Look at Twitter, it's all just rage bait. Meanwhile, non-controversial or nice things generally don't get that same, they just kind of get buried. So it's like support positivity, support good artists and good creators and good messages and try to like, you know Vote with your money vote with your time with your attention with your reviews You know, I mean like it it can really make a difference to people who are making good content and good messages You know, I mean because the other people are getting that fucking support. So Yeah, it doesn't have to be us. I'd like it if it was

I think that's gonna be it. I think that's going to be it. That's it. We've done it. We love you. We do. If you're a guy out there, like you could feel free to reach out. You know what I mean? We are anonymous.

Well, we're not. You know our names and shit, but like we're distanced from you. You can send us an anonymous email. You can ask stuff. You can share your concerns. You know, we got you. We do. And if you're someone who is non-male

and you are finding yourself mocking the male loneliness epidemic and stuff like that, it's like I get where you're coming from and in ways you are not incorrect, but in a lot of ways you are. So there's maybe a better way to do it. Maybe a more positive way to do it. I think you gotta focus, mock conservatives.

Like, mock the group and not the problem, I think, is the way to go about it. And encourage people to think about their choices, right? Like, if you say, like, if you're struggling with loneliness, joining these people aren't going to help you. Yeah. Right, I think that's a far more friendly and positive

and educational way of saying it, as opposed to being like, you deserve it. Yes. That's not it. And understand that society plays a role in these things. And again, it's like you wouldn't, I hope, mock somebody with an eating disorder brought on because body images in the 90s were so fucking awful. Again, there's still issues.

But if you can recognize that Society brings men up a certain way surely you can have a little bit of kindness then if some men struggle with with you know Opening themselves up to like again half the fucking male loneliness epidemic is with friends and family Yeah, you know if not more than half so and I just kindness and understanding, because you could probably understand how society plays a role in your problems. It's like maybe look on the other side of the table and see that there's that same hand behind a lot of it. Thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song, Paper Stars.

I will say we have a live show coming up June 19th, the Black Sheep Cocktail Lounge in Liberty Village. It's going to be celebrating pride. We have some special guests. One is already confirmed, the wonderful Trevor Campbell, who we love, who you might recognize from last year. You might know from their incredibly smart and funny podcast, Queerial. You might know him from You Made Me Queer.

You might know him just from me being a gigantic fan of his so it's already gonna be a blast and we may have another special guest as well so stay tuned hopefully we'll see you there ticket links will be going up shortly and yeah it's gonna be a lot of fun ready for some yeah yeah I was gonna ask um the breath rushed out of her with a sigh, oh, that's good slowly she began to move on him Oh, man, I can feel it. It's like a hot rock in my pussy harder He said I want you to beat it. She began to move faster her body slamming down on him She leaned over him shaking her breasts in his face. I'm beating you with my titties She said this sounds like it was written by a 14-year-old. Like, we just watched,

I watched an episode of Bob's Burgers for the first time. I've only, I haven't seen any of it, and we watched it and there's like an episode where Tina is writing- Tina writes like fanfic or something. Yeah, friend fiction is what she was calling it. And that literally sounds like what she writes. Maybe not as explicit because it's on TV and she's a child. But like that sounds like something I would have written when I was 13 being like, yeah, I want to be beaten by titties. There are a few pages included in this, and I just realized the next page gets really

racist. So I'm just not going to even name or do anything with regards to this novel so this person bad sex writing and just bad person writing so that's all we need to hear to get the hell out of this episode my name is Dave Miller and I'm Niles Payne and we've been your fuck buddies your sneaky links Music