F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 35 - The "Science" of Nipples

Episode Date: May 27, 2019

Dain doesn't wanna brag, y'all, but he made it through an entire recording session without dropping his phone while Niall manages to stay alive while recovering from a weekend trip with the lads for a bachelor party.  Topics include overthinking confidence, why game isn't taught, a slut in the sheets and a queen on the streets, World War III and a brand new segment!

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And my name is Niles Spang And we are Here, today Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And my name is Niles Spang. And we are here today in this very closet for you, for all of you, for ourselves, your fuck buddies.

One day only. My body. Are you still recovering from the weekend oh yeah uh now i was at a bachelor party all weekend yeah that's the first drop of drink i've had since then that's uh that's not true you get a little bit of my beer on monday i had a like 20 ounces or 20 mils 20 ounces exactly the whole pint i i wish i would not I was barely able to eat the pizza. I almost dropped my pizza on the subway. Oh, how sad would you have been? Oh, man.

I would have laughed so hard, but I also would have cried. Because I, like, got down. I sat down. I put it beside me. And I was like, oh, fuck. I got to, like, pay. And then my card wouldn't work on the thing beside me. So I stood up.

And, like, I don't even know what happened. But, like, clipped the box. The box, like, flipped over, opened up. And, like, the pizza, the pizza crumpled against itself. And that's the only way it wedged and didn't come out. And I was just like, Oh my God. Holy shit.

Holy shit. If you hear us say that and or anything else inexplicable in this episode, don't worry. It'll all come to light pretty soon. Yeah. Unless it's a complete bag of shit. When i edit it now and i did a thing today and it's uh something we normally don't do yeah something we've never done no um and it was a lot of fun it was a lot of fun so hopefully we can turn into an actual product that we can we can share with you um and if not then you'll just have to listen to us make...

Holy shit! Yeah, make obscure references to something you'll never know. So, first off, do you want to help me play a prank on my sister? Oh, boy. If my sister is listening, that is a joke. I'm not pranking you. That's part of the prank. Shh.

Yeah, let's go. You kick it into here. Let's do it. This is posted by Big Boss Man 538. The question is confidence as it pertains to dating. Okay. I think I overthink the confidence thing. Is it a state of mind?

Just telling yourself not to look sad or whatever so people don't think you're a loser? Please tell me that's the whole question. That is the whole question. Oh, man. That's actually the dictionary definition of confidence. Like tricking yourself so you don't look sad. Or whatever. Or whatever.

Yeah. But here's the thing. It's the last couple words. So people don't think you're a loser. Aw. But here's the thing. It's like confidence. It's not thinking you're a loser.

Or at least acting like you're not. Confidence is being self-assured that even if you are a loser, you own it. And if people think you're a loser, whatever. Also, one man's loser is another man's winner. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there are people who, depending on what day they watched or snuck in on our lives. If you came in on a Monday. We're playing D&D hardcore.

Or Pathfinder. To the point where we now have character voices and accents. We finally do. I even told someone today. I was like, we're talking about something actually it was pretty funny because uh someone in work kind of like kindly or like lovingly referred someone else like what a dork but i thought they were like what a dwarf and i was like what it's like the best way to just casually especially this girl's quite tall um but turns out she meant dork and i was like oh i'm currently playing a dwarf who's been

turned into a woman and they were like ha ha ha like for like how long is that going for i was like yeah four years and they were like what yeah like yeah it's the best and they're like that'd be terrible i'm like no you'd love to be there yep so good but yeah like like i write fantasy novels you think i'm cool yeah i mean this is real cool it's but but like if you want to boil down confidence when it comes to dating it's it's like it's more of a a self-insuredness it's it's about like knowing who you are and knowing what you're about and being okay with it and and being like hey this is this is my thing and and if and if you're willing to you know i mean like don't make your hobbies and shit your personality.

I think we've talked about that before. Like the only thing that matters to me isn't my Pathfinder character. Yeah. Where I know some people who are like, I'm an anime fan. So like everything I do revolves around anime. It's like that's a bit much and you can be confident about that. If you are so into something that that is what you want to do like that's a bit much and you can be you can be confident if you are so into something that that is what you want to do that's fine but you do you do need to kind of

realize that that will color people's like yeah because i don't think a lot of people can be with people who are just like this is me oh cool what else no no this this is it everything is that one thing exactly like that that's a lot but whatever if that's your thing go ahead yeah but you need to be be cool with your shit no matter what it is and we talked about this before but like there's nothing cooler than like someone being super pumped like a friend of mine is into making like miniature models fucking sick like it's so cool the fact that like she's really into it and she does a really good job of it and like she's passionate about that and like she wasn't afraid to like show them to us and like talk about it. And like, yeah, that's amazing.

I love it. It's so much better than someone just being like top 40 in Netflix. Yeah. What do you like to do? You know, hang out with friends. Hang out with buds. Yes. What do you do while you're hanging out with friends?

What is the thing you're doing? At top 40 in Netflix. And that's the thing. It's like, I would, I would a 100% rather hang out with someone who does like a quote unquote like fringe, like nerdy thing than just listen to you talk about what you did at the cottage last weekend, how hammered you were. Wow. Thanks. You know what I mean? if every if the only thing you do is just get hammered with your friends it's like you're you're about as interesting someone as someone who only watches you know old horror movies like if i will say old horror movie watching is a lot more interesting than for sure but i mean like

you can only listen to someone talk about the same one subject i know you like you need to like people are like in general just diverse like i don, it's very rare, I think, to find people who are literally just, this is me, one thing. Yeah. People have a lot of facets to them, but people repress or hide or exaggerate other facets to put forward certain images, which is pretty much, like, one, not confident. And two, like, the equivalent of, like, wounding yourself before you go on a date because you're going to have to limp that pretense through the entire date and people can smell the blood. Like they'll actually pick up on it whether or not they'll do it consciously or not. But like when you're talking to someone who's passionate about something, you can't help but feel that. But conversely, if you're talking to someone who's just like putting forward this bullshit or like really like suppressing one part or really, you know, like that one person was going to pretend

they knew shit about football. It's like, yeah, people are going to know and it's going to suck. Yeah. People know that. Yeah. It's not gonna be good for you. Um, yeah. And like just confidence in general is, it is a learnable skill.

It's something that you can definitely teach yourself and it's something that you have to, you need to work on. You foster in yourself um it's not just i mean for some people for me for sure it was it was almost like just flipping a switch um where i was just kind of like i just kind of got like over okay buddy yeah um you don't have to drink it i've already put my lip holes to it. I know, but I'm okay with calling that a waste. This sweet, sweet alcohol is flooding my system now, and I feel glorious. I don't remember what the fuck I was going to say.

You were talking about why you hid all our booze away for this episode. Yeah. You're asking me to join your gang. We have jackets. Anyway, just fucking, oh, what I was saying

was like, it's not a flip switch thing that you can just be like, I'm confident now. I think you were saying it was a flip switch for you though. But like,

it's one of those things where like, sometimes you can just wake up and just be like, no, this is who I am. Well, that's the thing. You need to, I think like, you will grow into yourself. Like, it's one of those things where, like, sometimes you can just wake up and just be like, no, this is who I am. Well, that's the thing. You need to, I think, like, you will grow into yourself. Like, everyone's going to be a little awkward, a little weird, a little finding themselves, a little trying too hard.

Yeah. When they're teenagers, you know. You just can't let that continue. And you need to realize that, like, the less you do of that, the better. Like, I used to, like, be scared about telling people that, one, I love and two that i wrote in general let alone writing fantasy books yeah um and i still tell people that and they still a lot of people give me that look but the fact that i don't care about it means they don't care about it like that if they care i don't give a fuck because that's all i really need to know about them right yep someone's like oh that's lame i'm like one you're an idiot because you probably watch game of thrones but two fuck you yeah and this thing it's like there's there's a lot of things

uh that you can sort of like as well if you have a insecurity that sort of like chips away at your confidence nine times out of ten there's something you can do about it um and like some people are like oh i don't like my teeth or like there are some things that are a little more difficult because like fixing that shit's really expensive yeah um but like if you're insecure about your weight or like you know i mean things that it's like you can fix that it's it's it's a like it's not it's not easy but it's yeah like it's easily like startable It's not easy, but it's easily startable. I think the commitment is the hard part, whereas you can get up and you can walk down the street, and that's exercise. Or you can run, or you can start making your diet a little bit more healthy.

There are a bundle of things that are going to lead you to whatever you're... You can work on it. You can fix that. And the thing is, if you can fix it, why not? And if you can't, you don't really have, you can, you can work on it. You can fix that. And the thing is like, if you can fix it, why not? And if you can't, you don't really have a choice, but to get the fuck over it.

Like, right. Like you're, and like even people who like, they're like, I don't like myself. I hate myself. Well,

tough shit. You're not, you can't get a self transplant. You're still you and you have two choices and that's be fucking miserable or get the fuck over it. Yeah. Also, you can be whoever you want to be, really. Yep.

You know? Yeah, it's... Like, there's nothing... There's no part of you that's, like, unchangeable that, like, matters. And people have a direct effect on your confidence, too. If you surround yourself with people who are constantly, like, belittling you and insulting you or sort of, like, disrespecting you in any sort of way, it might just be worth it to be like, Hey, I'm, I guess I'm just going to start, start from scratch. You know what I mean? And kind of zero out for a second and just be like, yeah, it sucks that I don't have

friends, but those weren't your friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if people are actively working against your confidence, they're not your friends. No matter what, what you've been through together, no matter what you think they mean to you, if people aren't supporting you and, like, pushing you up, they're not your friends. Yeah. And that's a hard – I don't think there's an exception to that rule. Not being needled is definitely better than just being constantly fucking pricked at by people.

Mm-hmm. So get the fuck out of there and, like, it's going to feel great. Like, if you ever do it. Like, seriously. get the fuck out of there and like it's gonna feel great like if you ever do it like seriously but i i also think like one important thing to do is like and this might sound weird but like a good way of becoming confident is to like treat other people the way you would want to be treated you know what i mean so if someone's like yeah hey i'm really into anime and you're like oh that's cool like tell me about it or something like when you can accept other people's shit i feel like

you're gonna be a lot less worried about them or something. Like, when you can accept other people's shit, I feel like you're going to be a lot less worried about them accepting your shit. And also, if you can't accept their shit and you're being a hypocrite or an asshole. Yeah. I think... Within reason. A very big part of, like, being confident

is having that sort of open-door policy. Because it tends to be... If you're willing to accept people and, like, engage in people... And open up to people. Yeah. I think that's, like, probably the number one side of someone who's confident is also i think even like being nice to people yeah a lot of people find that very hard like they find like they're putting themselves in a position of weakness or whatever and it's like be nice to

people be accepting to people be what you would want people to be to you and like if they don't take it fuck it but that's the thing about being confident is you it doesn't matter you're out there and once you're happy with what you're doing you know which hopefully is a good thing hopefully you're doing some good stuff yeah it's very strange like a lot of people see like assholes as confident no but it's like the opposite that's an error yeah that's usually like people who act like assholes or dicks are usually compensating for an insecurity. Like, almost always. Oh, yeah.

It's very rare that someone... It's like an aggressive, like, front that... Because if you're pushing people away and, like, keeping them in this, like, defensive kind of combatant stance or you're just, like, hammering them down, you're stepping on them and you're, you know, getting above them in your own mind anyway. Yeah. So then no one's gonna realize that like you have all your insecurities and your weaknesses and shit because everyone's always too distracted with the other shit yeah whereas like if those people were to be nice and to put themselves on even an equal fighting with somebody else or even below them like by helping them out or

anything they would fucking be terrified of that yeah um and there is there is the danger of like going too far and that's usually like the fake confidence or like when people are like i'm gonna be more confident and then they start acting like an ass like yeah that's not confident that becomes arrogance um and then and that's not an attractive quality and i i know there are a lot of people who fall for it and a lot of people who sort of like blend those two lines that's why why fucking, uh, negging was, is like a thing that exists in, in the consciousness of the world is, is because like that arrogance sort of like, it's a really, really good convincing mask for confidence. Yeah. Um, to the general public.

So like, you've got to find like a truth for yourself and then also find the, the ability to, like you said, accept the truth of others. And that I think fosters a very, very good persona and era of confidence. Yeah. You need to like be able to rely on yourself. Yeah. You know, and that's a confidence. So if you know like, you know, you're like, I don't know, like you're a good person and you know that like in any given situation, you're still going to be that person. Like you're going to be still polite to that person or like help that person like lift their fucking groceries onto the subway or like something like that.

If you know you can rely on you, then you can be confident in yourself. If you know that, fuck, you're going down the road and this person might be really into sports, you have to pretend you are and you can't be into computer games. But then later on, you might be somewhere where everyone likes computer games. You have to pretend you never liked sport. Like, you can't rely on yourself because you don't know who the fuck you're going to be in an hour. So you don't know how well you're going to do in that situation

because it's a different you every fucking place you go. That's not being confident. That's being like, shit, I hope they, I hope I'm good at lying about whatever they're into. Yeah. You know. I think a good exercise, and if you suffer from low confidence, make one good choice for yourself. You know what I mean? Whether that's skipping the fast food meal and, like, making dinner at home.

Whether, like, it doesn't have to be a fucking salad. Just like home cooking a meal will, will do good things for you. You know what I mean? Or go for a run. Or even if it's just something as simple as like, if people are talking about something that you find shitty, like if someone's telling like a racist joke or a homophobic joke,

you don't have to like go as far as to like stand up and deliver a rousing speech. Slap them across the face. You can just leave. You know what I mean? Don't be a part of it. You know what I mean? So once you start respecting yourself and like giving your, like making good choices for yourself, you'll find that your confidence goes up because it's empowering to take care

of yourself. Because not taking care of yourself is one of the easiest things to do. Yeah. It's too easy. And the easiest things to do. Yeah. And that's just at a 10. It's like, yeah, you tend to sort of like care about the people around you. Yeah. At the cost of yourself. Just think about me drinking too much on the weekend.

But that's also because I have an issue. And like everyone has their own like lapses in confidence like no one is i mean maybe there's that one person but like no one's perfect all the time i do i do think one really good thing to do as well is to if you're in a situation where someone mentions like a band or a movie or anything that you would usually kind of nod and oh yeah yeah i know them just be like oh who's that yeah because like it's so easy it's so easy just be like oh yeah yeah no i know them and just like shrug it off and continue and whatever but like i've seen a little bit of it or like yeah i think i've heard them i don't know them too well just be like even if it's something like yeah you should

have fucking seen like even if it's something you said before you've seen. Yeah. Just be like, oh, no. And then, like, what's one better is, like, one, that's empowering, that's pretty fucking confident. But two, you're going to have a better conversation because they're going to then be like, oh, this thing? And you can be like, oh, now that I know more, I can either weigh in or, oh, maybe I'll look into it or something. Yeah. As opposed to just being like, oh, you know these things? Yeah. Okay.

And especially, like, if we're going back to dating, if it's a first date, getting people to talk about the things they care about. That's fucking key. It takes all the pressure off of you to like, you know what I mean? And you get to learn about them. You don't have to worry about like that weird like, what do I say? What do I say next? You get out of that interview mode and people are willing to talk about the things that matter to them.

It's hard to stop them. That's the thing. It's like, so if someone mentions like, I went to a concert and you're like, oh, I've never heard of them.

Like, what do they play? It's like, that opens up the door. Even if they're like, you don't know fucking Kings of Leon? You could be like, I've heard the name,

I guess, but like, I don't fucking know. I don't know a thing about them. They're not gonna be like, oh, you're a weirdo, I'm gone. It's gonna be like an interesting quirk, and then they get to tell you and maybe introduce them to you. It's great. Yep. It's fucking, that's the

shit. It's all built on. So yeah, don't overthink confidence. Just embrace yourself. But don't think about it too little. Don't forget about it. Don't, no. Think about more. A little bit more. Too much. about it too little. Don't forget about it. Don't know. Don't just think about more. A little bit more. No, too much.

Too much. Come on. I said don't over. It's like a teeter-totter. Yeah. Or a scale. Just top think it. Don't under.

Don't over. Just top think. Yeah. Right now. You there? All right. Work on it. Wait.

What was that? Oh, you don't know how to top think? You did it. Perfect. We love you. Nailed it. You're more confident than us now. Can you help we're we need to be more confident podcasters so this is by user swag swag 1000 oh no i guess the question how do i get my swagger back

why do you think people don't want guys to be taught game and yes this is from the seduction god damn it and uh also basically like what i want is the initial shit because the person effectively said that being a pickup artist was better for women can't argue that yeah just having a bunch of men like catcalling you and dragging you into corners. But damn, why don't people want men to be taught game? See, it's weird because like I would love to know who he thinks doesn't want men to be taught game. If his stance is it's better for women. Because you'd think that if women didn't want men to learn game, they wouldn't care

because it's better for them. Or are women just too stupid to realize how good game is for them? That's the thing. He feels that nobody knows what game is. On par from PUA's, pickup artists. And just like, how? How doesn't the world know? Also, I'm pretty sure that pickup artists is like, even within that community, I don't think they call themselves pickup artists.

I don't know their shit. I think they've realized. I'm pretty sure they do. They say PUA all the don't think they call themselves pickup artists. I don't know their shit. I think they've realized. Pretty sure they do. They say P-Way all the time. Maybe. I don't know. Again, I have not delved nearly as much. Some people are quoting him down below.

So I think his various things, in no particular order, he said, mainstream teaches guys bullshit, makes them pussies, and then girls complain about no good guys. Truth is simple. Maybe it's that we don't want rivals.

We don't create them. We don't spill out dating secrets. We keep them to yourself and let guys in the circle be clueless. Is that why we don't want guys to get game? And I think it's just this guy is like, do we think, you know, pickup artists are better for women? I think our stance has been very clear forever. I mean, yeah.

I don't think we need to restate our stance, but no, we pick up artists are a piece of shit. Yeah. And like even that's a stupid bullshit because like we're literally doing a podcast right now in efforts that people will... We're not teaching people game. Because that's, like... No, but we're teaching people, like, how to have successful relationships and get laid and fuck better. Yeah, but that wouldn't be considered game. That would be considered teaching people to be pussies, according to what these people say.

Oh. I misunderstood that quote. I thought it was saying that, like a game like let's not teach other people how to be successful i mean again i guess we're teaching the opposite of what yes game is which is manipulation and exactly so that's the thing you you know when game is referred to by people in the seduction subreddit they literally mean like put her on emotional roller coaster yeah and how do i get my ex to text back to me like dad like literally dad yeah um and negging and like you know like technically

some people like oh he's got game like he'll get with people but when they talk about game they mean yeah like literally pick up artists or whatever the fuck what's the name then if they don't use that i i don't know i think think they still use that. Maybe. Either way. And I think like the difference between, yes, we are doing a sex and dating advice podcast. I don't think we've ever been like, this is how you do it. This is your 10-step program. Oh, yeah. No, for sure.

Unless we've been taking the piss. Yeah. I feel like that's what game is. It's like it's a surefire 10-step instruction. This is a you do this. Yes. And it works not for this situation, this situation, every woman. is it's like it's a it's a surefire 10 step instruction this is a you do this yes and it works not for this situation this situation every woman because as we all know every single woman

is the exact same right i mean if you do those 10 steps yes absolutely yeah yeah if you if you leave one out they might be different but you do those 10 and that if you do those 10 and that's the thing it's like you do the right 10 you can't be like people from this city are assholes. Um, there was actually a, uh, I can't remember. I think it was that Roosh guy. Um,

the guy who's like bad from half the world. Yeah. So he, I'm pretty sure it was him who came to Toronto and was like, Toronto women are the worst. And his like whole thing was just like, um, one of them,

one of them was like, all the hot ones don't even care about how much money you have it's like whoa and it was like all they wanted to like the most important thing for women at the end of the night is going to get food i'm like i've never been prouder of toronto women right now in my life we should print that out and just like put it on our borders like it's literally the craziest thing also he went to the madison house and he was complaining that like the quality of woman i'm like you went to a bar that's famous for bringing in underage girls also it's a dive bar

also it's like you could literally just do anything in there and probably go home with someone. That's the thing. I was leaving with my group of friends one night and, like, a group of girls were like, where are you guys going? You have to fight really hard not to pick up a girl. We literally were just like, she was like, oh, I just broke up with my boyfriend. I'm looking for some fun. We're like, good luck. Bye.

And they were like, oh, I mean, you guys seem like fun. It's like, we sure sure are have a good night i'm gonna go home uh cook my bud some food and burn myself multiple times yeah um and i think that to me is one of the biggest issues is that like you don't treat women like people if you believe in game because you're not saying hey you should be nice to people or you should be nice to yourself you're saying do this thing this thing this this thing, this thing. Yeah, get up in their face. And also you promote things like talking to people when they got fucking headphones on, like holding people in place by the arm.

Yeah. It just, like, we've read out. We've read out stuff before. Like, fucking put them under your sweaty blazer. We end every episode with it. Yeah, like, we do that. And I haven't had a single person ever say, oh, yeah, no, but they're making I haven't had a single person ever say, oh, yeah, no, but they make a good point.

Every single person who's listened, and we have a fair few at this point, has laughed and been like, yeah, those idiots. I think that should be all the. I will say, though, I've seen some of it work firsthand. Yeah. And that's the scary thing. But that's the thing. It like just because it works occasionally doesn't mean it's good. No, for sure. Even if it worked

100% of the time, I think it's fucked. You know? I could be like, hey, you go out with a hammer, hit someone really hard in the head, you get their wallet. That would probably work 100% of the time. Doesn't mean it's good. I would end up with a wallet, but, you know.

How much money is in that wallet? Everyone has the exact same amount of money. True. If you follow these 10 steps. So you're going to have to log on to my website. You're going to have to buy the book, the annual licensing fee, and you have to watch the first 73 videos. And then watch my bullshit Twitter when I start off really racist and then just start

moaning about my ex and my wife. Yeah. It's it hurts me so much just in general. This whole game thing. Because I'm not here's the thing.

I'm not against having your tricks you know what i mean like i definitely had the things that i knew worked for me but like my problem is it's a trick because i don't think your tricks are the same as like a game trick no well that's what i mean it's like i couldn't think of one off the top of my head because I'm so far out of... I think even at one point we were talking about like, you know, if you see a girl at the bar or whatever, you maybe like, oh, hey, how are you doing? How's your night going? And then you would talk to them and then just like leave. Yeah.

And I guess that could be considered a trick, but it's also just like, you don't want to just get all up in someone's face in a fucking, like, public place where they don't know who the fuck you are and you're a dude and historically not a great track record. Yeah. And, like, yes, could you consider that a trick? Sure, maybe. You could also consider not being an asshole.

Yeah, I mean, that's a good point. My problem with, like, quote-unquote game is that it's quite literally that. It is like, it is manipulation. It's like not true. It's dishonest. You know what I mean? It's sort of like these weird, like this is how it works.

It's acting like women are people. Yeah. Or yeah, it's like, it's as if sort of their vaginas are an objective as opposed to like connecting with someone and then maybe fostering some sort of relationship even if it is just a sexual experience for one evening sex of the best yeah like there's a reason we're all obsessed with it it's fine and there's nothing wrong with fucking there's nothing wrong one night stands nothing about going nothing wrong with any of that shit but it's how you get there yeah and people are combination locks right yeah if you do it through like a means of dishonest manipulation exactly or like just like what

are the words i'm looking for just like intimidation sometimes and like you know conniving like trick you know i'm down for a good bamboozle every now and then but like you know conniving trickery like trick you know i'm down for a good bamboozle every now and then but like you know i think bamboozle is light-hearted i don't think there's any bad bamboozles i feel like we don't want to go and just be like yeah the whole thing is wrong because like unfortunately a lot of like if you do look at like game on uh seduction or whatever sometimes there's kernels of wisdom hidden in there. A lot of it is like,

hey, you should be more confident. You know what I mean? Yeah. A lot of it is like, you should work on yourself. to your pickup artist. Physically. Because a lot of the modern stuff

that I've seen has been more about self-improvement. Yeah, but have you been on seduction? No. I actively try to avoid it. But like I said, a lot of it focuses or a lot of like the modern stuff that I've seen has focused very heavily on self-improvement

and it's about like trading your body right. And like getting your mind in order, getting yourself like your personal life in order. Um, and then like sort of profiting off of that self-confidence. Yeah. Which is fine. Great. Can't fault that. You know what I mean? If you go to the gym and get a great body and then you rock that body. Or even just a better body.

Yeah. I mean like fucking awesome. Cool. Great. In the words of Mbim Bam, get your sexy right. Get your sexy right. You know? Yeah.

If you figure out that sort of like, you know, rubik's cube of what you need to do and what in what order and even if you're just going to the gym you're probably going to start feeling better anyway apart from oh yeah maybe crushing self-confidence issues while you're in the gym and everyone's ripped and knows what they're doing and you're like lifting two weights being like oh that's my gym experience but that's why i work at a home i only do my boxing class yeah um it's like i don't know what like i'm i'm not at a loss of what to do because i'm just like oh climb that wall all right i can't i'll work at it more oh i got it i did something hell yeah yeah i hate lifting weights at a gym oh yeah i just like i have no problem doing my class and like hitting the bags

whatever because i can punch it um i, not anymore because my hands all fucked. I find the classes are good because someone's telling you what to do. Yeah. So it's like I'm not at a loss. Punching stuff's great because it's punching stuff. But even just like push-ups and like sit-ups and shit, it's like I find it very hard to do exercise that isn't like fun and or directed towards something, you know? At least when going on a run, like I have a destination or like if I'm cycling, I'm just cycling.

It's, you know. Um, I don't even remember what this question was. Why do people not want men to be talking? Oh, because it's bullshit. Yeah, it is. It's stupid bullshit that treats women as if they're like a subcategory of human. I've been saying this all time. You were hedging around.

I was waiting for it. Oh yeah. No, sorry. It seemed like I was arguing for game I feel like initially I thought not that you were but just that you were hesitant to say that you hated it but then I think you were just

disgusted for a while and it took you I realized about like 10 seconds in that you weren't just reluctant to say it you were just so disgusted that it had to be said yeah no again it's bullshit if your version of game is like to treat people well and like treat yourself well and all that shit which again occasional nuggets of wisdom nothing wrong with that but if you do think there's like a little combination code of like dragging someone into

a corner or confronting them on the street or like wait till they're alone from their friends and you swoop and like you lead them away like we've read this shit before you know what we're talking about and it's bullshit yep and people don't want to talk to people because men are bad enough as it is and women have a hard enough time as it is let's be real it's it's not people don't want it it's probably women don't want this because it's a multi-million dollar fucking industry for men so because it's i mean like women don't want it because they don't enjoy it it's not no it's not something that women like yeah so like trying to say like why don't people want game talk to men and women being like we we don't want it yeah be like no no no no ladies talk to me it's good

for you yeah this is a crazy crazy fucking thing to say if women wanted people meant of game like there'd probably be women pick apart us being like hey this is what you do as opposed to just like a bunch of weird dudes who are like here's my big tall hat i put them under my blazer i swear i just put them in my sweat cave and i smooch them and yeah my website's falling apart but i look i got a suit it's like yeah yeah you want to go to my web it's still on geocities yeah it's covered in fucking gifts that say under construction do you think dan would be constantly lamenting losing his ex and or wife maybe they're the same i don't know do you think he'd be lamenting them but pickup artist shit worked yeah i don't think so It's very strange because I went on his site and it still says that he's happily married. So I feel like that hasn't been updated or he's just using the secret to project his hopes and dreams and he still hasn't.

I don't know. Maybe he's got another wife. Who knows? Maybe, yeah. He's just got a standby wife who's just going to listen to him talk about his ex all the time. Aw. He just didn't matter on twitter um but also like i think the majority of our listeners are women so that could probably

indicate where we're at in this situation like i think that's probably a glowing indicate hopefully thanks guys yeah thanks for listening um yeah agree. And again, if you don't, let us know. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think anyone does. I don't think anyone's ever come at me with a disagreement. I'm sure there's some things someone has been like, nope. Oh, yeah. Okay.

This comes from Reddit user Empty Weather. Oh. Boyfriend is into degradation, and so am I. But I'm sort of scared of how it affects our relationship. So my boyfriend is into calling me names. Oh. very respectful to me and uh in and out of bed and if i told him i'm not into something he'd stop without question the thing is though uh sometimes i get worried that guys who are in love with a girl wouldn't want to do these things to her and that maybe he's internally judging me for being into all this and doing degrading or degrading things for him i mean yeah i'm fun but not a proper lady or marriage material or whatever i know my question sounds a bit

because we have an amazing sex life and we're both very pleased with how well our kinks match. But these thoughts keep me coming back. So I guess I'd just love to hear about male mindset and wanting to degrade your partner. If it was 1910, maybe. But I don't think anyone's like, proffer wife material.

But also, it's not a rare kink at all. Like a lot of people are into it. I think, I think the key to this question is he's always been very respectful to me in and out of bed. And if I told him I'm not into something, he stops without question. Yeah, no, that all seems fine. That like, it seems like it's a, it's a her thing.

Like as far as I'm aware like they're both into it yeah both consensual it's literally very good and he has never shown any signs of taking that further either in abusing her uh subservience or whatever or literally degrading her without her consent or being mean to her yeah a day-to-day basis. Yeah, allowing that to, like, bleed into their day-to-day life. Yeah, so that all sounded really positive. So the remaining problem is her mindset and her, like, I guess, self-confidence about the issue. Yeah. Which, that's fair, I guess.

So I think maybe, like, aftercare is, like, a really good thing after you guys degrade each other um yeah you know and it's it's one of those things where like you if if your kink sort of retroactively makes you feel terrible perhaps you're not as into it as you think you are maybe yeah do you know what i mean it's one of those things where like if if you're thinking that he thinks less of you and has shown no signs of it, then maybe this is sort of maybe more performative. And you think you're sort of slotting yourself into a desire that he wants. Yeah, maybe.

You know what? It could just be she's not as accepting of it uh as she might grow to be yeah which i get like kink shaming is a thing and people not accepting their kinks and people like learning to accept them and like working through them and all this shit but also like you know the fact that she's like talking about wife material and shit that's not really a her thing that's a society thing yeah like i guess i get it but like picture it this way imagine he's with a girl that didn't like those things or whatever he wouldn't have a very fulfilled sex life which is very important

part of a relationship so yeah or he could be doing the opposite where she couldn't be into it and he would still do it regardless like we've had questions like that where like it's like you know their part whatever partner yeah isn't into something but the partner keeps doing it like the guy whose balls were bleeding or whatever. Remember the guy who was pissing blood because his wife kept like hitting him in the nuts or whatever. Oh man, I forgot about that one. And I was okay with it.

Like okay with forgetting it. Yeah. I think it's one of those things you, I think you have to sort of take a moment and just trust your partner. You know what I mean? If he's treating you really well and knows your limits and knows your boundaries and has always respected those and you both you know yeah and

then if if outside of the world like in in the in the non-bedroom world he's treating you with the utmost respect you've hit a fucking gold mine he's a freak in the sheets but to him in the streets you're a lady and that's fine and that's i think that's the kind of thing it's like in the bedroom if you want to be a slut if that you know i mean i do if he if he's your if or if you're his slut great but that doesn't necessarily mean like not really not if she's into it no and that's the thing is like whatever you want to do. But then if like, if you switch it around and then like in the day to day life, if you're his honey, his baby, his sweetie, his babe, his whatever, um, if that, if that doesn't

bleed in, I think it's very clear that he knows the boundaries of, of what this, uh, you know, quote unquote degradation is. You know what I mean? He knows it's restricted to the bedroom during sex and during like sort of intimate, just you and him. If, if at no point in time,

has he ever sort of like tried to humiliate you in public? I think it's very clear that like, he, he understands the boundaries of this kink. And if you're not sure how he feels about it, we, we say this all the time but communication comunicado comunicado talk to him and be like hey i'm worried that like this might bleed into how you think about me

i was out of the bedroom i'm sure he'd be very sad to hear that yeah and like i'm sure by the sounds of it good dude probably gonna reassure you that he's got it under control. And his actions seem to support that mentality. Yeah. And, like, I don't know. I feel like it's residual societal guilt or something else. Not even just, like, a self-confidence issue coming out in this way. But, like, talking about, like, wife material and shit. Like, that's the way you're saying it.

And in this context, it's as if everybody who's married just has vanilla sex. Yeah. Everyone who's married just, you know, missionary. No butt stuff. No bad words. Equal playing field. Boom. That's not true.

Yeah. I promise you if you grade the shit. Oh, yeah. I promise you that, like, on any given day, if you go to a sex club, I would say a good percentage of the people there are married or in, like, a very, very committed monogamous relationship. Probably. Or maybe not monogamous. Almost all of them. Or at least, like, long term.

Yeah. Like, long term committed. Whether monogamous or polyamorous. It's, yeah. You can get married to a woman who is a fucking freak yeah or honestly that's the dream that is the thing it's like if wife material is just someone who's like yeah fuck that yeah no one i don't think anyone wants that and like if it's his fetish but here's the thing he probably loves you more because you guys are able to, like, achieve what you both want sexually together.

Because, again, that's the dream. So if, like... Take a look at the dating or the sex or the dead bedroom subreddit on Reddit. Oh, God, yeah. And take a look at all the people who currently aren't being sexually fulfilled. And realize that you've hit the jackpot by finding someone who like almost, you know, Lego-esque matches with your fucking kink. Like you guys fit together perfectly in this situation.

If you're both into it. That's not common. Yeah. And if you're satisfied, why would they not be? Yeah. Unless either one of you is faking the kink, which don't do, but like literally happy, bad, happy marriage had. had yeah probably in both senses um like sex is a massive part of a relationship so like if you guys are doing it right then you don't have to worry

about that keep doing it right and again if it does start to bleed over into real life then yeah you gotta like address it but either way come on the car though yeah i yeah i mean if one thing if if like you know you guys were out at like a luncheon and he's like hey slut give me another beer yeah i mean like if if that's kind of the thing and you're just like even then might that be fun i don't know um i mean yeah if you're into that then fucking also fine but like i don't know it seems like he's very very respectful of boundaries and maybe if it's just a matter of sitting down and being like just getting reassurance here are my boundaries for this and i want to make sure this isn't bleeding over and i want to make sure this

isn't going to taint our relationship from like a committal or like long-term standpoint again judging by this dude it sounds like he's probably going to like be, tell you, tell you how it is. You know what I mean? Like, um, hopefully.

Yeah. So I, I address it. If it's, if you, if you're that concerned about it, bring it up. Yeah.

Um, or review his behavior and sort of, or like any partner's behavior. If you're a woman listening or a man listening to this, vice versa. And just sort of take people on their word. You know what I mean? Like let their actions and their words speak for themselves. Because there doesn't seem to be any sort of evidence that he's going to let this bleed into anything other than his bedroom life.

Alright. Hit me. Alright. Pick one, two, or three. Three. Okay. It's from WannaCryThrowaway. That's actually a pretty serious question.

I was crying you fucking dirtbag okay uh i 30 year old male denied sex from my 27 year old female wife i caused world war iii backstory wife and i have a three-year-old daughter wife's been getting her master's for two years i work as a cyber security analyst our relationship is on the fritz for various reasons Backstory. so she sometimes comes home late for school, working out, or getting drinks with friends. I drive my daughter to daycare, attached to my job, every day. Again, not asking for sympathy, this is what dads do. I get home and don't get time to breathe until she's asleep. She has the freedom to say, oh yeah, I'm going out tonight, I'll be back late. I don't have that freedom. I pay for a majority of the bills. One point it was on me to pay for daycare and car payment, and to say I'm stressed all the time is an understatement. Family and hers had a falling out years ago, so, or my family and her had a falling out a year ago.

So if I want to go somewhere or do something, it's my responsibility to take my daughter to my parents. Her mom duties are get her ready in the morning, make breakfast, lunch. Trying to initiate sex is brutal. She's either too tired or not in the mood. She only wants to have sex when she comes home drunk with her friends. Outside of that, she would never try to have sex is brutal she's either too tired or not in the mood she only wants to have sex when she comes home drunk with her friends outside of that she would never try to have sex if she does it can i just lay on my side i want to sleep yikes yesterday she goes out she goes oh going out tonight with gym friends be back late doing nightly dad duties every single night is exhausting so when she tells me this i don't respond to her texts so in order i just don't want to talk to

her to cause another pointless fight gets homeets home drunk. Starts making out with me. Again, only when she's drunk. Lays on me. Asks, let's go have sex. I tell her no. World War III ensues. Who are you fucking? Who do you think you are? Yada yada. Mind you, no is her middle name. We argue. Her response is, you don't care about yourself. You don't dress well and genuinely don't care about anything outside of your daughter. I have my demons and think I'm battling serious depression so i understand she's not 100% to blame but still i walk on eggshells in my house and fear my wife will cut my dick off if she's stressed she uses me as her punching bag i'm not sure what to do trying to talk to her is dangerous as she freaks out whenever i try to talk about it stuff and further down uh he does in the comments point out that she has struck him in the face

during these arguments in front of their daughter so so it's their daughter right like it's not his daughter it's their daughter yeah sorry this one was why did i pick three can i go back and pick another question one was was really light. Yikes. Holy shit. Yeah. But I think like, you know, physical abuse when it's the woman versus the man, like it's kind of a reversal of a lot of roles. And it's a really horrible situation. And I think this person clearly needs help. So I did think it was important. Yeah. I mean, there's a significant lack of resources for men who are in abusive relationships.

Yeah. In comparison. Again, I'm not, I don't want to draw a comparison of like, but more women are like, you know, like that's, that's, I'm not trying to make this a pissing contest. And that's the thing, like, you know, like it's always one of those things where like, I get it. It's a really sensitive subject and like talking about it understandably brings people's ire up and i get it because we're also pissed

off that women need those services too yeah uh more than pissed off um but it doesn't mean men shouldn't also have them is is the only thing yeah i think we would also say and that it does suck that there are a lot of men out there who are in situations like this and don't have any really avenues to go because i know i've read a a fucking million questions where it's like, call the cops and finally told them that she was abusing me. And they were like, you're six foot. What are you doing? And it's like one of those things, it's like, what are my options to fight my wife? Yeah, I could probably beat her in a fight.

It's like, yeah, I could 100% take my girlfriend in a fight. Yeah, but either way, it's fucked. It's like, why would you say that? It's like you're promoting him to be violent back. Yeah. Like, good job, cops. Well, I mean, yeah, that's kind of, like, the thing, right? There's all those fucking bullshit, like, YouTube videos where it's like, we switch the script.

And, like, they do one where it's, like, the guy yelling at the girl. Like, everyone sort of rushes to her aid. And there's the other one where it's, like switch the script and like they do one where it's like the guy yelling at the girl like everyone sort of rushes to her aid and there's the other one where it's like the girl hitting the guy and like everyone takes their phones out and laughs and takes pictures and like takes videos and stuff and it's like that's sort of a really fucked up situation where where it's sort of we don't really give a shit if men are abused and like i've definitely gone into conversations with people um about um like media image and media portrayal and sort of like the way that men are sexualized differently than women um and like i'm always very clear being like i understand it's a very different uh sexualization and they're very different sort of like whatever but it's like there are still issues like i think it's i I can't remember the exact percentages, but the differing percentage between men and women who have like body dysmorphia or like eating disorders is very, very slim. Like it's, like we all know people and all have been in situations where we've, you know, had body image issues or whatever. So, like. And I know that seems strange considering this question.

But my point is, is that, like, it's very strange how we've, like, we always draw a line in the sand between, like, men's issues and women's issues. And more often than not, they're very, very similar. And should be treated as such. The root cause is the same. So, it really fucks over any work towards fixing that when you're just like oh man have, wait what? Man have what issue? We have a worse. And it's like I'm not saying

you don't but can men not also have an issue? It's very strange. It's hard for a lot of dudes because it's almost always met with sort of like this, like I said, like a pissing contest of misery. You know what I mean? Like it's almost always met with sort of like this, like I said, like it's terrifying. I don't want to say it on the podcast. A pissing contest of misery. You know what I mean?

Like it's almost always like a, we have it worse. And it's like, I know you do, but I'm also fucked right now. Yeah. And it's sort of like, I've actually had a woman say like, not enough men have suffered for me to care before. And like, she quickly deleted that comment when i called her out for it but like that was that was the sort of sentiment behind a lot of the people who are sort of disagreeing with me on that on that topic and i'm just like what is the percentage of like male victims for you to care about yeah something that's an insane thing to say and it

sucks because it does pit people against each other who are all suffering from the same problem more so than dealing with the people making the problem when you're just like, you know, or the societal functions making the problem or whatever. You know what I mean? Because it's like a men versus women thing where it's like, can we not all just agree this sucks? Yeah, that domestic violence is the issue. That like abusive partners are the issue. And it's not a men versus women thing. And I understand that the statistics are different and I understand that like. Situations are different.

Yeah. The societal roles. The danger is different. I understand all that. But like if a unified front, if, if like men knew that they could rely on women and women knew they could rely on the men that were on their side that were allies, like that is a much stronger position. And that's sort of like the, the point i've been making with all the recent like abortion shit where like i've seen so many

memes where it's like women can go to jail for um like having abortion might as well kill a guy i'm like i i just don't understand where people sort of like... Yeah, I get it. Like, people are angry and they want a thing, but it's like... I totally get it. And I understand that, like, there's a part of this sort of, like, absurdist rationale where people are being like, this is how crazy you are. Yeah.

And to be fair, yeah, you may as well, I guess, if it's that insane that, like... And I understand those sort of things but i'm also like there there's a lot of dudes on your side the same way that like there are a lot of women on men's side when they're the victims of abuse um and that's kind of what we should be focusing on well especially like because you get shitty situations like remember when we started the podcast and we had mentioned toxic masculinity and people we knew, at least one person I knew, very aggressively attacked me and was like, oh, why? What the fuck? It started going off.

And essentially, he agreed with people's definition of toxic masculinity. He agreed that pick-up bars were bad. He agreed that X was bad and Y was bad and Z. But to him, when you say toxic masculinity, you're saying, fuck all men. Masculinity is toxic masculinity you know and that's the point i've made a bunch of times where i'm just like i wish we could rebrand that not from a conceptual point of view but from sort of like a marketing point of view where like more people will be on board with the concept of toxic masculinity if we switch the name to like toxic socialization toxic sexuality toxic you know i mean if we because then like people and i get it

like when i was younger and heard the term i was like hey and this thing it's like it doesn't make any sense to sort of like draw a line in the sand because like women partake in yeah toxic everybody behavior and and it's sort of all thrown under the blanket or like the umbrella term of toxic masculinity. And it's just like, I understand. And I like, again, conceptually, I understand the point and what this means. But for the people that we want to get on our side,

which is the people who aren't currently on our side, it's the terminology that's the that's the first hurdle undercutting people who literally agree with you just because they think it means something else which is like whatever i know it's not necessarily on people to educate other people and all that but at the same time if you can make a simple change and just avoid dave it's sort of didn't really read that jezebel article from getting pissy yeah that. That's fine. It's the same thing. Like if you turned, switched it around to like being like racial privilege as opposed to white

privilege, a lot of people like it, there's that sort of like initial sort of defensive mechanism when you think, especially if you're like, if you're white, but are living in poverty and like have never sort of like found quote unquote privilege, um, you initially get defensive

about it despite not quite understanding the full concept yeah you know what i mean but if you if you change like things to more blanket terms and less directed terms people are going to be more willing to accept them there's still going to be a bunch of people being assholes about it 100 but they're always world unfortunately but i honestly do think a bunch of people being assholes about it. A hundred percent. But there always is. It's the fucking world, unfortunately. But I honestly do think a lot of people would just stop that knee jerk. Hey, that's the thing. Me? Something as simple as being toxic sexualization, toxic socialization, whatever you want to call it. All those guys who, for whatever reason, wouldn't like agree, but already agree with the concept.

Just not, you know what I mean? Just get turned off by the phrase. You now have all of them on your side. Yeah. Which I think is a pretty big chunk of people, a huge chunk of people. Um, but anytime you suggested, like I suggested, um, uh, just being like, Oh, Hey, like toxic masculinity has it is problematic and it's, and it's phrasing. And here are the reasons why pretty much all the things I just said. And people were like, you're a misogynist. Yeah.

It's like, Oh no, you're doing the opposite. It's like, it's not the point. And it's like, there's, and there is just sort of like a general lack of nuance discussion that

happens anymore. Like people are, people are just sort of like this side and this side and any sort of area in the middle is completely unthinkable. Yeah, which is the worst for any argument, I think, because then even if you're near the middle or you're willing

to work or compromise or could be swayed, even if you're a little iota to the left, you're left. If you're one notch to the right, you're on their side. I don't want to be. Not that I am on the right. No, you're not. You are definitely not.

Yeah, if you open your spectrum, if you open sort of your arms to the gray area, you're going to be able to scoop more people up onto your side. And the people who are on the extreme right are going to be seen as extreme

as opposed to just sort of like this is one side and that side there is no there's no middle you can be fucking insane and you can be just kind of like oh i guess and like oh my dad's a republican and you're the same yeah like um we got derailed did. Yeah. This dude is in a bad situation. This question, it sounds like he just needs to take his daughter and bounce. Yeah, but again, he would lose the custody battle because he's a dude. Or at least 70, 80, whatever. Yeah. That's a stupidly high figure.

And that's another fucking part of this, which we just, you know... It would... I mean, like, he's got some things on his side just being like well you know i mean like my work provides the daycare yeah i think what what you need to do is to be be smart about something like this and like if you can get recordings of you know keep text messages she's like oh i'm out drinking again i'm out drinking again yeah and if she's yelling like maybe record the conversation if there's like noted times when you're with your daughter like take note of those times and you can be like look

i was with my daughter eight hours out of you know the nine she was awake and yeah yeah she got lunch and whatever and like be fair i don't think skewing the results is gonna help your favor like if you if you have a legitimate like beneficial relationship and your wife doesn't um that'll stand more to you than if you try and undermine underplay what she does yeah um if you can get any of the aggressive things either on video or you know but it's one of those things where you need to make sure i think that you don't go off half cocked um and don't but again don't put yourself in danger either you know yeah it might be worth looking into sort of

maybe like legal aid for single fathers who are in abusive relationships i'm sure that exists hopefully you're in a city where it exists i'm sure like smaller towns and cities that's probably not a thing but like if you're in a bigger city, it might be a resource, maybe even like a national resource that you might want to look into. And if you do contact a lawyer, at least before, like they'll give you a better indication. Obviously, we're not lawyers. We don't really know how any of these things play out if the worst comes to worst. But like they will be able to direct you like, cool, keep a track of X, keep a track of Y. Yeah.

And like just make sure your daughter's safe. Cause I don't really know what their relationship is like, but by the sounds of it, you know, it's not ideal either. No. Um, and just like,

it's good that you're looking for help. Um, yeah, it's, it's a scary situation. Cause like, it's one of those things where it's like, you know,

the mother isn't fit or at least it doesn't sound like she's fit to take care of a child and like if if you look at statistics if you if you sort of like start that battle there's a good chance you're gonna lose and she's gonna like the daughter who seems to be your life um you're doing most of the work so like even if you're a single dad you're probably you're still doing everything yeah it doesn't sound like you'll be out much at this point um yeah and i think even like tied to this is like the general thing if you don't want to have sex you don't have to have sex man or woman so oh absolutely yeah because that was like the general thing but again it's kind of rare we get the question flipped around um and especially if like if they come home intoxicated like and also if they start yelling at you like when like that's so fucked up like if the roles were reversed here people would be calling the police on this

question yeah there would be no there would be no discussion there would be no caveats no us taking time to talk about statistics and society and like yeah please don't lacerate us for this it would be yeah 100 yeah no way not at all no questions no talking no hedge your bets you know maybe definitely i'd be safe but not maybe definitely i'd be safe yeah but you know so i just like if you are in a situation similar to this, like, don't feel that you can't, like, you're no less of a person if you're admitting to abuse on either side of the scale, you know? It doesn't matter what size or what gender you are. Yeah. If you're being abused, you're being abused.

Yeah. So, I don't know. I know it's a sad, heavy one, but... I feel like we've been ending a lot on really heavy episodes. We're not ending it? No, we're at an hour. I just want people to be safe and, you know, I hope it works out for this dude. Do you have a quick happy one?

I definitely do not. Okay, I have one if you want. Okay, yeah, hit me with that. I don't know if we can just pop back to a fun one can we try oh you know what try me maybe we'll do our new segment we'll do this quick and then we'll do our new segment we have a new segment okay this is from user jick x 21 guys do you like girls who laugh at your jokes nope next this might be a stupid question but i have a friend who always laughs at guys' jokes. It's very emotive. Slash, her face can make any expression, depending on the story. Whoa,

think Emilia Clarke. Guys always seem to like her. Describe her as funny and charming, even though she never makes jokes herself. Are girls who laugh at your jokes instantly more attractive? I think girls that look like Emilia Clarke are attractive. Yeah, I mean, yeah. This is a question based on jealousy. This is a head-scratcher, if you ask me. Yeah.

Are the jokes she laughs that funny? I mean, yeah, that's the question. Is she just sort of like laughing at everything? Because maybe she's just really easy to please. I don't know. Maybe she has hysteria. Yeah, it might just be.

I don't. Like, fuck this question. I hate it. No, it's the worst. It's like, what dumb shit is this? Nobody dislikes when people laugh at their jokes, I think. We can. Yeah.

No one's like, oh, you found that funny? I've made some terrible jokes and then been sad when people laughed at their jokes, I think we can... Yeah. Unless... No one's like, oh, you found that funny? I've made some terrible jokes and then been sad when people laughed at them, but that's beside the point. Like, that's a dumb fucking question. You just want us to say your friend is only attractive to men because she does that. Fuck off. Your friend probably has some other shit going on. Also, if she looks like Emilia Clarke... Yeah, no, I think it's more she can make any facial expressions similar to Emilia Clarke.

But also, she has like two expressions for the whole show. And I'm going to go out on a limb here. Maybe twerk. She has to be like, talk to the manager face. I feel like everyone is capable of making every expression. Oh, I can't be sad. That's true. I've never seen you say that.

No, it's not working. You just look happy. No, still look happy. That's not happy either. All your expressions are happy now. I hate to've never seen you. No, it's not working. You just look happy. No, still look happy. That's not happy either. All your expressions are happy now. I hate to break it to you. Only when I'm around you. I mean, like, I don't know.

Like, is she just, like, straight up, like, mean mugging? Well, that's the thing. It's like, oh, so I was walking down the street. Uh-huh. And then I tripped. Oh, no. Like, what's happening in these stories? I would love, like, is this person just such a facial acrobat that maybe they don't even, like, find her attractive.

Maybe they just want her around because she does every expression. Or maybe it's like... Maybe she's contorting her face to actually, like, ditto-esque, like, act out the scene. Or maybe it's just like, damn, them cheek muscles must be real good. Yeah. Them lip muscles. Like, if you're just doing every. Did you just unhand your jaw to show me how surprised you are?

Oh, shit. I actually had a user question I forgot to do. Sorry. We'll get to you next week, Ocelot. Oh, no. Yeah. So, we're giving everyone else time to catch up because you're climbing up the leaderboards. So, we got a new segment.

Okay. Are you ready for sex science? Sex science? Are you ready for sex science? Sex science. Only, only if you do that every time. All right. So this is from the Daily Star.

Okay. And the headline is, Dinosaurs not killed by asteroid, but by shortage of sex lakes in capitals. Sex lakes? Mm-hmm. A sex lake shortage, not an asteroid hit. Spelled the end of dinosaurs, says a new theory.

Mm-hmm. Controversial dinosaur professor. Oh, sorry. Controversial dinosaur researcher professor. Don't think that's a title. Yep. Brian J. Ford has ruffled feathers in the paleontology world before with his theories about dinosaurs. And it's always about them fucking.

Now he's gone one further. He claims the reason the huge beast became extinct when so many other forms of life survived is because they were dependent on sex lakes. Also, great image. Nice. T-Rex is about to fuck those raptors. Rather than the faithful asteroid, it's generally believed to have ended the dinosaurs' reign,

you know, by like everyone else. He says continental drift pulled apart super continents on which the dinosaur's reign, you know, by like everyone else. He says, Continental drift pulled apart supercontinents on which the dinos lived, spelled the end for the shallow lakes they depended on for reproduction. He believed they were so heavy and bulky they could only successfully mate when partly supported by the buoyancy of water. As the continents drifted,

the shallow lakes shrank, and the dinosaur's ecosystem disappeared. They could only evolve wading in shallow water to take their weight. Once the Earth's surface changed, their environment disappeared. So did they. That's pretty much it. So this guy, this bad boy of dinosaurs.

The bad boy dinosaur researcher professor. Yeah. I like to think of this as sort of like a mixture of Ross Geller from Friends and Chris Pratt. I would also love to know how he like, he was just like, is there any other science to back up this sex lake thing? Or is he just like, how would they fuck? The only way I can think of it is balloons tied to their backs to lift them up. Or they didn't have balloons. Where'd all the helium come from?

The asteroid. Sex lakes. Sex lakes. it's gotta be six legs imagine a t-rex fucking that i don't think we describe that as shallow anymore i think we just describe that as a lake also most lakes start shallow anyway are you done with a t-rex isn't just how do giraffes fuck i do elephants fuck right these are rhinos fuck? These are big boys. Yeah. And they're fucking just fine.

Unless they're fucking in lakes. I don't know. Are they having sex in lakes? I'm not a giraffe-ologist. You mean a giraffe- Sorry, a giraffe- Research giraffe professor. Yeah, I'm not a giraffe research professor.

That's the thing. This doesn't make sense. Because let's say I was like, yo, you can only fuck in a lake. And then the continents drifted apart. apart one there was still water on earth two there were still seashores three there were still other lakes i'm assuming i don't understand you just walk in a bit and you're you're still there once you go too far or stay out too far you just go in i can't imagine that the the lake was every lake on this like sort of like rift in which the continent split that's the thing something tells me it's not that like the world wasn't just covered in like 18 feet of water also some dinosaurs weren't that big

yeah you're saying that like oh the t-rex has died so the small ones weren't being eaten anymore so they just stopped fucking yeah i mean it's the only way those little acid spitter guys from jurassic park the only thing that turned on any small dinosaur was seeing someone get bitten by a t-rex and they're like or they need to see t-rex is fucking oh she rexes were the porn stars of the dino world to be fair i'm pretty sure there's at least 18 porn stars called T-Rex. And I'm three of them. Right?

Shit. Maybe that's the thing. It's like, everyone's like, wait, the T-Rex aren't fucking anymore? Aww. Oh, fucking forget it, Brandon. Wait, wait, wait. Put your dick back in your pants. All the girls with, like, the biggest dicks died? Aww.

Nah. Little venom spitter guys are like, yo, what up? Brr. I just saw that and there's like i don't even know how i found that there's like what the fuck it found you yeah so i'm glad we could uh elucidate on this and we could just invigorate i'm gonna think about sex lakes i hope hope so. Pretty much infinitely. Also, like, infinite sex lakes. That's the title. But also, like,

fucking in water isn't good for you. Maybe that's what killed them. Yeah. They were just shooting their load into lakes. Yeah,

dirty, dirty lakes all backed up in their... Ugh. Alright. I thought you were going to be... It was like dinosaur AIDS. That's what I thought that question was going.

It was sort of like dinosaur STD. Probably would have made more sense, really. Ravaging everyone. All right. Now, man, you have all the end segments. Then fucking come up with one. All right, I will. Sorry.

You comfy? Mm-hmm. This is the age of magic Oh shit By Ben Okri When they slipped into the sex lake No Damn it

When his hand brushed her nipple It tripped a switch And she came alight He touched her belly And his hand seemed to burn through her He lavished on her body Indirect touches He touched her belly, and his hand seemed to burn through her. He lavished on her body indirect touches, and bittersweet sensations fluttered her brain. She became aware of places in her that could only have been concealed there by a god with a sense of humor.

Adrift on warm currents, no longer of this world, she became aware of him gliding into her. He loved her. I can literally only picture this guy in goggles and a bright helmet, literally on a glider, like pew! He loved her with gentleness and strength, stroking her neck, praising her face with his hands, till she was broken up and began a low rhythmic wail. She was a little overwhelmed with being the adored focus of such power as he rose and fell.

She felt certain now that there was a heaven and that it was here in her body. The universe was in her, and with each movement it unfolded to her. But that guy got a magic dick, eh? Yeah, this is the age of magic. Jesus. Also, why is everyone on fire and burning?

Yeah, everyone has a terrible disease. So what sense of humor? It's like God's vagina. Yeah. Or maybe they're just like nipples everywhere. Lul. He's just like rubbing his hand. Oh man, just nipples.

That'd be great. What's that? You'd be like in American football. He could grip you so easily. I would like you to rethink the idea of a woman covered in nipples because that's disgusting. Yeah. But you could always suck one from any angle. Yes.

You could, like, fucking suck someone's nipple while you're doing them doggy style. We all want to do that. Nope. Just nope. I'm thinking of, oh, just a person covered in nipples and I hate it. You'd be so grippy. You could climb like any wall. Just rip your body.

What are you talking about? Nipples are not sticky. Yeah, but if you had nipples, you'd be like ribbed. If they were all over you, you'd be like the little nubbins on American football. You'd have such good grip. Have you ever seen a fucking football just roll itself up a hill? It doesn't stick if you put it on a surface. Yeah, footballs don't have appendages and also aren't alive nine times out of ten.

Yeah, but imagine your hands are covered in nipples. It would suck to high five anybody. It would hurt so much. Try climbing something. Yeah, I'm not saying- You've seen what happens to your hands. I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't help. It would help. Oh, I'm not saying... You've seen what happens to your hands? I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't help.

It would help. Oh, it would not. If every time you grab something... I've seen your hands after you've gone climbing and they're torn to shit. Well, you know what? Guess what?

Imagine that was your nipples. Now I don't feel shit. Imagine every time it was like that Harry Potter pen. Look at that. Feel how hard that is. That would be how hard my nips would get.

Imagine the Harry Potter pen that as they write it, it scratches into their arm to the umbrage pen or whatever. And then you use that wound. Except to climb a wall. Did you not look at any of Goblet of Fire?

Oh, the part where fucking Cedric became a nipple man. Yeah, where he became a nipple man and cut his own arms and climbed a wall. And then we won that swimming challenge. He just covered himself in nipples. That's the thing. You twist those nips. Nipples can breathe underwater. They can.

Not a lot of people know that. And that's been the real sex science well you have to guess which one is real oh yeah sex science or my sex science oh we should do that um fuck i should have let you know about the sex i just i did it anyway nipples can breathe underwater oh yeah obviously um well you think fish have so many. Exactly. Scales? No, no, no, no. They're covered in fish nibbles.

Fish nibs. Let's end this. Yeah, we need to. Goodbye. Thank you very much for listening. Bye. As always, it's been a pleasure. Have a good day.

You've had as much fun as we've had. Enjoy your Monday. Bye-bye. It's been so good. Bye. If you have a question, you can hit us up on Twitter at fck underscore buddies or you can find us on

Facebook fck buddies podcast. You can hit us up on Gmail at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com I think that's it. I think that's all the ways you can get a hold of us. Uh, yeah. If you stand on top of the second largest hill closest. To the sun.

To the sun. Um, and yell. And scratch your nipple arm. Yeah, if you, if you somehow manage to grow a third nipple, if you flick that nipple while screaming your question, we will hear it. Yeah. And don't do it too loud and not at night if we're trying to

sleep and don't scream nipple scratch yell porn at us. Yes. Please don't send us porn and or show porn at us from the second highest

tower from the sun. Thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for your song Vapor Stars. Yeah. As always we're gonna end this podcast with

I don't even know what to call him anymore just Dan I guess everyone knows who Dan is at this point and if you don't if you don't now you know

we say his articles in jest yes we do not hold true to the thoughts and feelings wrapped up within them.

And that is not our bag. That is not our desired way to act around ladies. That is not, in fact, our values, the things we see when we look in the mirror. It is not us. It is not who we are. You know what I see when I look in the mirror? Nipples. Just nipples everywhere.

I think he might have... He's stopped again. The last one we've gotten is 16th of April. Shit. So maybe he's just finally No. I know. Every time we say this, he's just like. He's just powering up. He's literally rewriting the

million ways he can say that he misses his ex. He's just sort of like submerged himself into like a bath of like ex body spray. He's playing house party. House party. House party. New post. Well, it's from 2017 but it says new post.

How to convince my ex to attend counseling to fix our relationship. Damn, this has been going on for two years. Damn. Oh,

this is on the, released on the same day. New post. My ex seems to get upset at anything I say to her these days. Yeah, because you're asking her to attend counseling to get back with you. Oh, man. My name is Dane Miller. And I am Noss Bing.

And we are, as always, your fuck buddies. Oh.