F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 350 - Gay Dracula (Pride Special with Tim Lagman and Trevor Campbell)

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

We celebrate pride with two of our favourite people live at the Black Sheep!  Trevor Campbell and Tim Lagman join us for a night of advice and laughs. Listen to Trevor on Queerial! Listen to Tim on Sex Ed with Tim!

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Oh! Fantastic! Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller and I'm Niles Payne and we are your fuck buddies. Okay, we're just not gonna introduce our guests That's cool. Well, usually we introduce the show and then we say we are joined by two special guys there We're sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations

Simply put we find questions either online, roaming the internet, or from our twisted listeners, many of whom are in the room right now, and you'll be able to submit on this QR code I may or may not be pointing at, because I can't see that direction. Not yet. It's there. It's in the corner.

That's to listen to our show. Oh, well, you're doing that right now. Well, you should also do that after the show. There will be a QR code up there. If you have questions, feel free to provide them And we will answer them in due course, but we are also joined today by two wonderful Sexy beautiful guests, please sexy beautiful guests introduce yourself Hi everyone, my name is Tim. I am the host of the sex that was in podcast. I'm a certified sex educator

I'm a pole dancer. And I guess I'm like the token diversity hire on this little panel here. It's the whole reason you're here, buddy. I love DEI. Dufen Schmertz, Evil Incorporated. Love it. Love it so much.

Isn't that what DEI stands for? 100%. Perfect. Is this our segue? Hi, my name's Trevor Campbell. I'm the host of Queer Real on the Sundar Network and formerly You Made Me Queer, also on the Sundar Network. I am upset I'm not wearing a mesh top. That's mostly what I'm thinking right now. We we all kind of fucked up on that. I was kind of hoping you'd bring me one and also scared that you'd bring me one. the classic move of the guests bringing the hosts gifts yeah and actually I don't think we got a single gift so wow my

presence is a gift it's true it's true it's true a few little housekeeping things today we'll be doing some games at some point we'll explain that later on but I will say if you take a picture or a video tonight and you share it and you tag us and you tag black sheep you'll be in the running to win some shots in the third act which is always fun or a non alcoholic or non alcoholic beverage of your choice we're not discriminating we we won't do it now if you do direct your attention to the screen there is a QR code now on the screen and that is how you submit a question. They are

anonymous. So you can get as absolutely filthy as you would like and we don't, we will not dox you. You'll notice that on the contact form there's a thing called agent name. That's just a thing that we call anonymous questions. You assign yourself an agent name. It's like a code name of how you would like to be referred to so that we're not just kind of like addressing an amorphous blob and if you do not provide one one will be provided for you it's true and it will not be as nice it'll probably be something we can see yeah we'll probably look around the room a la brick in anchorman agent Lam and just choose

something I feel like there was oh there's gonna be some audience participation as well there is a code on the screen. It's not super important right now, but we will read it out once we get into it. There'll be audience voting, and then in the second act, I will be looking for some participation from the group. Yeah, I know I said it. It's good when you slur the word. Participation. It's because I'm slowly having a stroke and by the second act I

will need someone to take over for me okay this is like a moment to interrupt because Dame when you tapped your phone there was a full screen photo of a kitten what was that about oh that's my cat oh is that your wallpaper yeah okay yeah okay you can't put me on blast proudly you kitten freak I wasn't judging I just wanted to know yeah there's it's just a slideshow of my kitten free. I wasn't judging. I just wanted to know yeah It's just a slideshow of my cat up there. I spent hours putting it together Let's get this show on the GD Road Who wants to start spicy if you do yell?

Shit, okay, okay, okay? All right. This is this is a question I've been sitting on for a while because it needed to be it needed the right people in the room And that's you guys this is by and particular five three six six and I guess there's no point not reading the title because they ruined it immediately But I'm still not gonna read out the title my third-year-old female boyfriend 31 year old male thinks an ex-girlfriend died of cancer She didn't after some internet sleuthing. I found she's alive and well, living in BC. Instead of breaking up with him, she faked her death. The reason I found out is he recently had a strange interaction with another of her exes. This followed a few cold shoulder moments he experienced with other mutuals of theirs. It seems from her

Instagram she's still in touch with a lot of their mutuals, at least virtually. She must have blocked him. Do I tell him? I feel like he deserves to know a person he considered one of his greatest loves isn't dead. I believe he deserves to know the disrespect she displayed by allowing him to think she died when she just moved provinces. I'm a cancer survivor myself, so I'm more than a little offended she faked her death. What else did she fake? All in all, I'm happy that kind of toxic person is out of his life, but he's the kindest human that deserves to know she's not I can't let her ghost live on his mind as some sort of saint help do I tell him myself why did you think we were the two perfect people for this question to be fair I just said it was the perfect audience oh yeah also

we wanted to introduce a Tim your ex that you said you died is in the audience right now Sorry, that's not me if the elevators open that that exact moment that would have been right up I would have been that would have been gold and I'm really sad that none of you were late Does do they tell them I mean here's the. I support women's rights and women's wrongs Okay, which one is this it feels like a woman's right I will say he's the nicest kindest human ever if that was the case. Why'd she fake her death? That's not that's not option a unless this person is just wild but like Me thinks he might be lying a little bit, too

Do we think that perhaps this woman is in witness protection program and he tried to kill her or maybe just witness protection Uninvolved and this person's about to blow it wide open. Yeah real killed Yeah, can't believe you killed my dead girlfriend. It feels disrespectful to ask for clarifying questions about this, but Because we're saying to fake their own death, but did she not just say like I have cancer I will be I'm terminal and then ghosted out like or was there like a second act where she's like and now I'm dead That's a good point. Yeah, that's a crazy point. The text did say hey, I'm dying Yeah, right now of cancer. Technically she didn't fake shit unless she did said like sorry dead Yeah, and like God like her parents in on it and was like and sent like an obituary like a face time being like

I I just wanted to I'd like held the camera just to really like yeah, I mean you do have to respect the effort hustle yeah, because so much has to happen in order for you to make a realistic looking death. That's fair, that's the thing. Other people have to be in on this, right? Because there has to be at least an obituary, right? Did they not want to go to the funeral?

Oh yeah, was there no funeral? Like what's, yeah. This is a whole production we're talking about. Yeah. I mean, listen, like all of your friends lie to you at different times about different things like do you like my new haircut? Or do you like whatever so like I think some are okay to just let lie Because it sounds like if they take this if they expose this one it might take down the whole friend circle You're worried that this man has so many people who are just on the verge of faking their own death that this is the first domino that will just sit in the day he wakes up and he's like wait Steve died?

Oh no Mark died? Oh no Stephanie died? It's just like a ping ping. Can you imagine this conversation though? Hey what was your ex's name again Claire Claire Claire she alive though that I mean like the other crazy thing is that like she still has all of her social media just also makes me and and mutuals which makes me think this person isn't nice because if they haven't told him although they did say there was a weird interaction where someone was like I was talking to Claire like yeah man talk talk to her every night. Yeah every night before I die He just pours one out. They're like alright. I think don't tell like hard. Don't tell don't ask don't tell yeah What do you know I see like a vague not how are you not on board? How do you but how do you live with the guilt of knowing okay? Okay? I'm not trying to center you back

We I did tell you we wouldn't call you out, and we called you out in the first question. Oh, we have not it's true It's our our wild card guests. We have no control. We can't control these men. We've tried and failed I think if someone is gonna try and fake their own death They obviously have a very specific they they made a choice and they've doubled down So like just be careful about reopening that Pandora's box or fake her resurrection Right, okay box or fake her resurrection oh right okay like be like start getting ever more occult gear like you've got a spooky book you've got some candles oh yeah you got jar teeth are they hers maybe I don't know and then one day you

like spell worked like what the hell you pull out her Instagram is that an Irish thing we resurrect a lot of people yeah like. Like the teeth. The jar of teeth is the- The jar of teeth is pretty specific. Everybody, right? Doesn't have a jar of teeth. Sorry for knowing magic, guys. Yeah. And you have to make your resurrection

just as theatrical as your- Yeah. Yeah, like the candles have to go- Like make a whole party. I don't know. I feel like I couldn't live with not telling them. But I also can't imagine how I would tell them. I Mean this is this is one of those things where you're just scrolling or like hey ain't that your dead ex

Right like that's I don't think you can like sugarcoat it in my opinion I think this is has to be you have to act like this is a shock to you as well like like a whoa Who wait what if he's the one lying? And she never fakes her death like a whoa, who? Wait, what if he's the one lying? And she never faked her death? Yeah, and he just for some reason like blocked her and whatever. So I think you gotta be like, hey, again, I was just thinking about your ex.

So what happened? And did she tell you she was dead? And just like try to get the full story. Yeah, just the supernatural thing of asking your partner about. Just get as many details as possible and then, aha! Yeah. This is tough for me,

because usually I go one way or the other on a question, and I see both points. I do understand the idea of being like, there's reasons to go through this trouble. On either side, either he's lying about her dying, or she's lying about having died But I also understand like the guilt of like knowing something that deeply affects your partner like there is like sort of a responsibility to try to alleviate that pain, but I

Think this is a dog better left lying. Did he not go to the funeral like I I just can't left lying did he not go to the funeral like I I just can't yeah this is I just enough visited the grave is there a fake grave like where does it end yeah there's either this man put no effort in after she I was like oh man I'm just like that was it and that was it like he didn't bother to visit a grave site or anything in which case maybe he deserves to live with this guilt. I don't know. Was there a wake? I'd love to know that. Was it a fake body? Did she lie very still? Yeah.

I don't know why, but all I can think of is the scene in My Girl where he can't see without his glasses. I don't know why that's the thing that I'm thinking of right now. Because unless I've completely misremembered how how this movie ends Macaulay Culkin is not faking his death in that movie Yeah, you're led to believe he really does no one did does Macaulay Culkin have Dane blocked. Oh my god Dane still thinks he's dead And also sorry for the spoilers for anyone I did if anyone's really been sitting on on 1983's hit my girl or if anyone's friends with Claire, it's been she's alive. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, I think with this situation because you're right. It is it's complicated. Obviously. We only know one side of the story But I think if you want to expose it you You they aren't the one who does it orchestrate something where they will find out on their own and you're not there So you also don't have to play act like your yeah, cuz then you're complicit in some weird thing, too How far away do they live? Yeah, I mean, I guess we don't know where a trip to BC and be like that Claire Yeah, yeah, I just be like, oh man, the zombies, they've happened. It's finally happened.

Or kill the new, no, I'm just kidding. Make it right. You've been living on borrowed time, Claire. This comes from, I'm going to go right to the one that got submitted to me from a friend. This is from a 23 year old male about their 27 year old boyfriend. My boyfriend has gotten into the habit of calling me gay Dracula in public. Usually we are out with friends but sometimes it's around people we've just met or don't know very well.

He keeps doing it until someone asks why he's calling me that. That's when he loudly says, because he wants to, or he, because he loves to suck my dick, in a Dracula voice. I've told him that the bit isn't funny and it's super inappropriate, but he insists that people love it, they don't, and it's hilarious, it isn't.

How do I get my boyfriend to stop calling me gay Dracula? A few people laughed, so maybe it is funny. They're loving it. A few people laughed, so maybe it is funny. They're loving it. Wow. How do I get my boyfriend to stop calling me Gay Dracula? I feel like I've had this joke called on me, this name. I mean, you know what?

I've been called every single name under the sun. And honestly, it doesn't bother me at all. Did you like Gay Dracula? I mean, it spread a rumor that I quite enjoyed. Was a vampire. Yeah, like I love to suck, suck deep. Not a morning person. Not a morning person.

I literally go to bed at like 5 AM every single day. But if you don't like it, then tell your boyfriend. I mean, he did tell his boyfriend that he doesn't like it, right? Yeah, he says that it's super inappropriate and isn't funny. Super inappropriate and isn't funny, exactly. So like, I don't know, dump his ass? No kidding, don't.

I mean, maybe, but I... Call him a different name. This is, I mean, that's kind of it, right? Call him gayer Dracula. Well, not gayer Dracula Dracula or like it's done because anyone who's seen a vampire movie like vampires are the queerest monster yeah thank you thank you for the nods yes it's like the slick back hair the capes the theatrics of it all the cast they often have like an adopted

daughter they could have a party and They're so dramatic when it comes to garlic Turning into a big bunch of bats. Yeah. Yeah, that's how every single gay guy just wakes up like Just so a verse to the Sun. Yeah, I think if you take there's something written there, but I can't read it Okay, yeah, yeah. We should've gone with that one first, yeah. Double down. Yeah. Yeah, lean into the joke.

Yeah. Just fully bite it off. File down your teeth into points and be like, you asked for it. I have had those shower thoughts. Yeah. I guess blow job thoughts. When you were...

I don't know if you've ever done this, but like mid-aural, you're like, I could just bite down. Is that me? I get that with like... Okay, all right, greataural you're like I could just bite down Is that me I get that? Alright great. So you're just like going like this and then you kind of just like go into a zone It's like what if I just bite? Just right now, right? I'm tired. I'm just shut it down. Yeah. Yeah, just full on by the way

This is because this podcast folks may not have seen someone held up a sign that said bite his dick. Oh, yeah I hope you keep that that's again That's the kind of energy we like if that I will say if that's a notebook that you do use at say school Perhaps maybe tear that that page out before you you bring them all in with the same message Yeah Maybe maybe do it like horror movie style and have like bite your dick bite it his dick off like in smaller crazier and crazier Yeah, so that and crazier print. So that when someone finds it, they're like, oh no, what happened here?

It's pretty clear. I will say, if you're like, it's not funny, that's not the same as like, it hurts me or it affects me or it makes me upset. Because like, I do things that aren't funny all the time. But if someone was like, oh, that upset me, that's a whole different conversation. So maybe if what you're trying to get across is like I'm upset by this, I don't like it,

don't just say it's not funny because some people take that as a challenge or they don't care that they're not being funny, but like they hopefully will care that they're upsetting you. Yeah, my toxic trait is anytime my girlfriend tells me one of my hilarious jokes isn't funny, I put that in the permanent repertoire. And for example, every time we walk past this like really shady bar near my house, I do

say, you want to pop in for a drink? She doesn't like it. She's never found it funny. But I have clocked that. And now know that every time I walk past this bar I will say that. But granted that's not, I'm not embarrassing her other than you know just like between her and I and not. You're embarrassing yourself.

Whoa. Hey darling I don't know if you know this but I have two podcasts. How much more embarrassing could he be? Why doesn't this guy just like call him a different name like gay Frankenstein and that like you need to cheer him on to get him hard like it's alive, it's alive! I was gonna say something grosser like gay Igor. Like that sucks. If someone called me gay Dracula I'd be like fuck yeah. So just Dracula? Yeah. Right? Just Dracula. Dracula is gay.

Yeah but it's a cool name though. It is. Yeah, like it's not the worst. I'd be okay with it. But gay Igor... There's nothing cool about that. It's very complicated. Yeah.

Like that sounds like a hate crime. I don't like saying it. Yeah. Like, yeah, you've said it four times. Yeah, and every time I've been like, Fuck. It does sound racially motivated. Yeah.

Like to avoid. Yeah. I'm sorry guys. Yeah I'll make a public apology on on Notes a lose guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I honestly I think the way forward is to like don't beat around the bush with this Yeah, and literally be like hey, it upsets me It isn't about it being funny It isn't about being whatever and like I don't like it and that should be enough and if it isn't maybe reevaluate your partner And don't suck his blood. Yeah and or boner

Yeah, if it doesn't work do a crime or prove that he's right and just like suck one of his friends Yeah, I Should I should put a disclaimer that I am here to give advice but not good advice That's the whole thing on my podcast Yeah, Tim does this professionally as and this is his time to to I'm here to knock down my good wild Yeah, yeah, the American Board of Sexology is gonna hear this and they're gonna be like Well, I got nothing to lose it's pride Yes Well I got nothing to lose it's pride Yes

Instacart customers boner I just dropped off groceries for this guy and when he went to grab the tip money out of his sweatpants I know see the massive boner. He was also attractive and friendly. I took the money and left did I miss an opportunity? sad face This kicks ass because it's the reverse of a porn. Right? Like usually it's the customer who's like, yeah, I'm gonna get the delivery person, right? Like it's very rarely the delivery person hoping to fuck the customer. Maybe. I don't know, man. I don't know what we're doing in the world of porn these days. Do you think they had the boner waiting for the pizza guy and it was like, oh, it's just Instacart?

Yeah, he was waiting for another sexier delivery or is this guy just fucking super stoked to get his Doritos and like whatever else? Oh my God, Lays. What was the order? Was the order a lot of tissue and like oil? Yeah. Yeah, exactly, yes.

Cucumber and some condoms. All a girl needs, right? A Pringles packet, a rubber gloves. That guy just held up the bite his dick off sign. That's it. It applies. It applies. He's not wrong. So he did miss an opportunity though.

This person did. If they wanted to have sex with him. Of course. So I think so. Do you ever like order something and then so many people are like, oh, I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him.

I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him. I'm going to have sex with him if they wanted to To have sex with him to make sex so I think so Do you ever like order something and then somehow you end up having sex while you're waiting in the delivery and you're like fuck Fuck we got a you know like maybe there was that but he was just having a wank You know like it could be nothing, but fuck the advice for a second I want everybody's what you would have done to make it happen go Dean to actually fuck this person this guy yeah you see a boner it's in the sweatpants is looking at you what do you do okay I

mean typically I'm not attracted to boner so I'm gonna have to like give me a second to okay to get in character so yeah to like really method like a metaphor where your templates right now. Come on so it's I Award-winning improv person right here, but thrown off by a boner Because I'm also trying to to act in a world where consent is important, right? Like I'm trying to know I was like like the idea like if I was a porn character I was just making a little porny. It's kind of it's so we do jokes on this hands down pants you know I mean okay so I would I would look down and be like is there anything else

you need help with today okay okay right who would like to take it next okay you give him all the grocery bags and then you go oh shit hold on let me get your wallet out oh shit that's not a wallet I'm so a type that I would I'd be like we're getting rated on this app like what if they that's just an accident this is like a nervous this is like a mystery shopper person who's like, we need to make sure he's not gonna make a move on this boner man. Yes, 100%, 100%. And then, yeah, I would probably not do anything and then leave and then send some super ambiguous message.

Make this Reddit post. Yeah. Or be like, did I forget something there? And draw it out way too long. Did I leave something in your hands? And then fake my own death. Yeah. Well, I am a recovering Catholic,

so the first thing I would do is get down on my knees and say grace before meals. Ah! Because it's very rare that this opportunity will ever come to my doorstep. I mean, technically, he's coming on his doorstep. Yeah, that's fair. But again, very rare occasion. I can do it. Fair. That's fair.

But again, very rare occasion. I am also just a huge hole on legs. So my standards are a little bit lower than that of the average human. So I would jump at the opportunity. Carpe Diek. Carpe Diek. Not Diek. Happy pride, everyone.

Happy pride. Happy pride. I'm a little disappointed none of us made a tip joke as well. It said that he was reaching for the tip. The tip money. Oh, actually I'm interested in that tip, right? That's another move you could have gone. That's low hanging fruit.

Oh, that's a joke. Yeah, there we go. Now, what if they didn't tip? All of a sudden, I'm not into them. But it does say that he's tipping. He's going for it. So already this man is on. I'm horny again for him. You gotta do it. I think in the consent spectrum though

this is better than the reverse because then it's like a weird home invasion-y thing. It's weird if you show up with the boner. But if the boner lives there already. Live with me if you want to come. Yeah, yeah. I think that's okay. That's very good. Now, I will say, is it, in your opinion, on the boner-havers... Like, is it their move or is it your move? Because I think as the person at work, like, you're kind of forced to be there.

So it's kind of shitty if they're also like, See, this is my dick. This is when I was hung up, right? Like, if I was at, you know, I'm a bartender, if I'm at my bar and someone is being overtly sexual and I'm not into it, like I kind of have to, like I'm kind of the target, like I'm a victim at that point. And I don't, I don't, hey man.

You can't run away. You don't know what it's like to work a concert rush of like an older crowd, like a 50-ish range, and it's like a predominantly female crowd. They're animals, man. No one is safe. That's true. It's scary.

Yeah, how does consent work in that way? I mean, like, okay, oh god, this is so hard to be earnest. I have so many jokes inside of me, but I'm like, just get them out. Okay, so like in that situation though, do you like turn them down respectfully or? I usually make a pointed joke about consent. I usually sort of like, because I feel like that's a it's a everyone who's who's has to also witness this is like, okay, he like, that's a it's a everyone who's who's has to also witness this is like okay he like he understands a lot more than like this person does like I've had women like specifically like as I'm handing drinks have like grab my hand like put

them on their boobs and stuff and I've had to be like no thank you but yeah you are in a you're in a position of like customer service where like you kind of are at the risk of of being nice when you shouldn't. But what if you're really horny? What if you really want? Look, if there was someone that I did vibe with, I don't think them making a physical, aggressive move, I think that would immediately end my attraction to them.

Whereas if someone was just being flirty with me, I think I would be more inclined to be like, all right, give me your number. I just ask for more for more money that's it yeah honestly oh no please I insist so in this situation Dane you would be oh god you were working for door dash is that who we're using are we allowed to use it's a car but you know sir yeah come out of anyway it's a car gave us permission all the other delivery services can't hang So you'd prefer like someone answers the door

With there's no visible boner, but there's more innuendo Yes, I want like a metaphorical boner. Okay, right metaphorical. Yeah. Yeah, I get it I mean look showing where opening a door and wearing like gray sweatpants is enough of a fucking come on. Flared on its own. Yeah, like you know what you're doing and regardless of your boner, it's there. And they also ordered, in the scheme of this thing, it started with the boner. And then they ordered something to be like, how do I get someone to my apartment right now? I assume they ordered and then the boner happened in between. Do you really think so?

Unless they were like edging the whole time. Was he turned on by the fact that a delivery guy was coming? Maybe he forgot. So I think if you're the Instacart delivery driver, I think Dame raised a good point. I don't think you can go straight in. You obviously can't do a lot of our jokes. Those were jokes.

We are not legally liable if you offend Instacart. But I do think that maybe a little like oh It's your point of it and be like oh, it's there And then you don't let it go to waste You know I think you need to make a brief reference to it and then the door has been open so they can be like You know yourself buddy and close the door. I think you'd be like you like you know what I mean You're opening the door. You've seen the boner. You're admitting You've seen the boner now we can all talk about the boner in the room But I think because I'm assuming an instac-cart person doesn't like clock in and clock out

But to like be on the right side of the law here. I think I would end the transaction first like Except walk yeah, you gotta get back to your phone and be like Like swipe and be like take a picture of them with their groceries. I don't know they rate me rate each other Yeah, and then let's go and then and then make a move if I don't know if that's how they rate me. We rate each other. Yeah. And then let's go. And then and then make a move. But if I wasn't into it, I think I'd say something without hurting the customer's feelings to be like, I have gout. I'm so sorry. Gout's a good one. Yeah. Not an STI because what if like I don't want to close that door too much. Yeah. Something like, oh, my sciatica is like acting up right now.

Something temporary. Yeah. You could just have said, sorry. I'm at work. I've got delivery. Sorry I do I got pink eye all of a sudden I'm so offended if someone delivered my groceries saw my boner and instantly pretended they had a disease My back like fuck damn That would be it for me. I'd fake my own. I really think your own death by dying Yeah, it's a good way out also pink eyes a bad idea because it's so contagious and they're handing you things they've been touching You are handing them. Okay, what I guess any other eye disease or like my glaucoma

Specific well also they can see I think we've lost the plot so hard on this question I'm going to I gotta be chill. I'm taking the initiative here and we're gonna end our first set here with a game hosted by our incredible Tim Lagman. Yay! All right, so if you can see here on the slide, this game is called Homer Homo. And to give you guys a little context,

what happened was I was smoking a lot of weed, and on the TV was HGTV, and on my phone was porn. Obviously. While he was waiting on his Instacart. While I was waiting for my Instacart. So, for whatever reason, I was like, HGTV, gay porn. These titles could literally be the same thing. So how this game works is that we're going to give you a title, and everyone can vote on their phone.

There's like a whole Menti thing there. Yeah, if you want to go to M-E-N-T-I.com, Menti.com, I'll give you all a second to get that up, and then I'll read the code out in case you can't see it. But Tim, continue to explain the game. So we're going to give you titles. And just on the title alone, you guys are going to guess whether it's a show on HGTV, home, or a gay porn, homo. It's actually way more difficult than you think.

Yeah, I think when we played this with you the first time, I think we... It was divided. Yeah, we didn't do a very good job, which I thought I was like, I think I could probably figure this out. And then it was just curveball after curveball after curveball. So those of you who are waiting for the code, if you've logged on to menti.com, The code to join this this little game is going to be four three two nine four one one three Anyone need that again Everyone good. Hell. Yeah. All right. Let's do it. All right, so a couple practice rounds first

Next slide, please. I'm trying. We got it. It froze. This is bad for all of us. Oh, god. Oh, no. There we go.

OK. Let's start things off easy. So the first title is Brother versus Brother. That's what I'm saying. It's looking like what? 8-2 home? Home is taking it. Home is taking the lead. Yeah. Alright, I think those are the votes. All right, let's see what it is. It is! It's HGTV, obviously. I mean, also-

Are they the Property Brothers? Yeah, I mean, like- I was going to say, we still don't actually know from this- That's what I'm saying. The Scots? They do look familiar. Yeah. She's not wrong.

Yeah. The Scots? Yeah. All right, so that's one. Let's try another practice one. California Kings. Isn't that like a super violent gang? It's a Sons of Anarchy spin-off. Yeah. Excuse me. You cannot take that paper out of this room. Can I have that? It just says Homo on it. Yeah. Like I just want to like paste it across my chest. Well, we'll attach it to your fresh nipple piercings.

Oh wow! Okay. Oh wow. That's close. Alright, I think those are the votes. Also a Chaperone lyric. Oh, it is a gay porn! Still can't tell. Still can't tell. It's so hard. That's another gay joke. Alright, so let's do this for real. First one is called Good Bone.

Not to be mixed up with Lovely Bones. Right. This is the prequel. Dark novel from 2000. We got a home bone. Also Bones. That's right, yeah, Bones. Okay, well wait.

But David Boreanis is in this. I don't know if that clears it up. I think those are all the votes. Let's see what the answer is. HGTV, nice. Very good. Nice. Still. That's what I'm saying.

It doesn't clear it up much. The more we look at these titles, the more ambiguous these titles are. It could be both. All right, the more ambiguous these titles are. It's like it could be both. All right, next one, Opportunity Knocks. And yes, this is about Instacart. This is both. Again, this is your last warning. You cannot hold that sign up again, sir.

You know what? I respect it if you're just going to say homo the entire time. But I do. I think this is the best strategy for this. I think we should jump in and get... Opportunity knocks. Now, I... When I played this game with Tim, I got really waylaid because I kept thinking he was trying to trick me. Or doing a pattern of like, homo homo homo homo. Yeah! So I stopped trying to base it on... Because it was impossible.

I kept trying to be like, what's in the mind of Tim? Would he go homo homo homo? Or would he be, you know? You're trying to see if Tim is a Scantron card. You play the man, not the game, as I learned in suits. So I fucking have no idea. I'm going to say, this is about Instacart. So I'm going to say homo. Yeah, I'm also going to say homo, I think, with this one.

Unfortunately, I can't see the next slide. and it's very obvious what the answer is, so we're just gonna skip right on over to it. Yay! GAY PORN! Woo! Is he getting the package right there? Also, can we take a pause as to how happy this guy is to just get a blowjob? That is the happiest blowjob receiver I've ever seen in my life.

I just love that they've done it backwards. Like the delivery person arrived naked. Like surely it should be the other way around. Also like look how far his mouth is into his waist. That is talent. This is the Instacart guy right there. Oh, I didn't see that other head. Those were very wholesome smiles though.

They were. It looked like a Hallmark movie. That was Mormonism at its finest. Did people smile like that in straight porn as well? I know. Nobody smiles. It's a lot of face. A lot of face acting. Everyone's under duress.

Yeah. Pool Kings. What do we think Pool Kings is? This is home. I'm going to guess home because we already had a Kings. And I'm playing the man. Well, that's the thing. Kings is such a ubiquitous title within the gay porn

sphere because it could be anything. I think California Kings. It's gonna be home. I'm going home as well. Are we all going home? Home is the current winner. Cool Kings, let's see what it is. Yes! It is HDTV! Again, it's really hard to tell on first glance with these. Maybe it's just the angle but I I'm like, wait a minute. There's just too much flesh? Hilariously, they were smiling more on the porn cover. Yeah. Owning a pool is a lot of hard work.

Kitchen cousins. Kitchen cousins. Kitchen cousins. Hey, let me tell you. Not good. If this is a home show, they should be fired. Whoever came up with that fucking name should be. Objectively does raise the question who on the board of HGTV greenlit all of these titles and they were like oh that's inoculus it's gotta

be this guy be like an owns both companies like it's gotta be like a very old man who doesn't get the jokes like I grew up in Brampton and there was a church there and the guy who made the signs for the church Obviously was having a lot of fun for example one of my favorite ones was Jesus doesn't rub in your mistakes. He rubs them out Another really good one was Something along the lines of like

You know, don't hold your head up high, salvation is on your knees or something like that. Like there's a lot of like, like very, very sexually charged a lot of coming things. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of Jesus is coming. Well, that's kind of their whole bag, isn't it? Yeah. But I mean, like it was very obvious that like whoever was in charge of the signs was pulling one over. Today, Jesus got laid in the temple. Wink, in the temple wink wink wink wink yeah, yeah somehow had emojis. Why are they winking? Oh, if he's crying get tears in his eye. What do we think kitchen cousins is? Home I think it's home No! You see what I mean? He's standing very close.

You're allowed. The problem here is not... That's right, that's right. We're not here to judge. It's not that someone named it the show. It's that they found two cousins who were willing to be like, yep, yeah, I'll do this. I'll put my name on this. Yeah.

But truly, if you take the logos and the titles off, either photo could be for either. It could be either one. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's take a look at the next one. Group home. Oh, group home. This sucks. This is gonna bum me out. I'm gonna bum you out that it's a gave horn. Yeah. Why? It feels a bit like orphan code Yeah Feels like all of our twist but like the dark like DC reboot. Yeah. Yeah all of our twisted all of her twisted Yeah, 50 shades all of her twist So fun fact the guy in the middle is a friend of mine

I will not say how we know he that was the guy from Liberty Village It kind of looks like season 5 of like misfits or skins I was gonna say it kind of looks like like Like train spotting meets Fight Club really quick What is it about like putting your thumbs in your belt hooks that is like a thing? Like why is that just something? Why are you asking me?

Because we know that's a Dane Miller move. We've seen your headshots. All of my headshots are this move. I think we have maybe one more title left. Well, by the way, you know who didn't get the diversity higher? Group homes. Yeah, group homes was. They were like, let's just find the whitest twinks. We could get together. Yeah, it wasn't five of the same guy Copy paste. Yeah more or less. All right down to the studs down to the studs

Well, gotta be homo. You sure? Yeah, okay. I'm gonna say it's home. I'm gonna disagree It's pretty close okay while it is HGTV look at what the host or husband I mean I mean... I mean... Down to the studs. That bathing suit is pulled too low. What's that? He just had his thumbs in there a second ago. But yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It could be porn, it could be HGTV. Por que no los dos? You know? It's the same audience, right? Evidently. You know what? I do watch a lot of HGTV for someone that doesn't have an H or a G, but I also watch a lot of gay porn

for someone that doesn't really have that much sex anyway. So yes, they are getting the right audience here. So you know what? Much respect to the gay porn industry and the interior designer community. Hell yeah. We love it. We stan.

And I think I just answered my own question, but I'm just gonna voice it, cause I feel safe in this room. What does the HG stand for? Home and Garden? Home and Gardening Television. Okay. Yeah. I was like, do we know?

Are we sure? It's Hunky Guys. Hunky Guys. Hunky Guys Television. Yeah. Welcome back. This is our third and final act. We're going to dive into some audience questions that we got sent in to us. Thank you very much for sending them to us.

Let's just get right on into it, y'all. Let's do it. And if you still have questions, feel free to send them in. We ain't done till we're done. This is going to be from Agent Shaken and Stirred. What are your top three songs for a Sexy Times playlist lay list? Yeah, no, definitely Wild Wild West by Will Smith.

playlist. Yeah, no, definitely Wild Wild West by Will Smith. No, like Men in Black by Will Smith. Yeah, exactly. Wicked, wicked, wild, wild. Yeah, just any song in which Will Smith was in the movie and then also did a song for. Have you guys, okay, real quick sidebar, have you heard Will Smith's new song? No. He has a new song. So cringy. What do you mean he has a new song? He's trying to act cool and young. To be fair, I don't think there's a song by Will Smith

that isn't super cringy. Like, they're all pretty. And yet, when you see this new one, you'll think back fondly and be like, wow, he used to be phenomenal in comparison. So, I have two other songs on my sex playlist that kind of like hint at when I want him to leave and it's the Jeopardy theme song and graduation by vitamin C closing time is

a good one leave by Glenn Hansard yeah I'm like it's time for you to leave it'll be like as we go on we remitam- Yeah, or like- And I assume the aim is to make him so hot from such a sexy song, he finishes quickly and then you're done. For me, sex also encompasses when you're about to get out of my house. That's just as good for you as the actual sex. Yeah, because that's the most like orgasmic part. When you're leaving, you know? I hate to see you leave, but I would love to watch you walk away kind of thing

You know, but that's just me Trevor I first I just want to say it's the second time this week someone has organically brought up vitamin C Truly which I find mystifying because I like I'm I want to talk about it Like are one of our most beguiling pop artists of all time How did she get there? She how did she get through all those rooms where people are like let's do it. Yeah record deal like What's the? Anyone who cares about this You know what if you care about this talk to me outside cuz I have a lot to say

You know this is Canada a A lot of thoughts about vitamin C It's just so confusing Are they Canadian? No, I think she's from the states, but no one really knows probably I think we've got season two of Quereal That's right Is figuring out vitamin C Vitamin C how?

Vitamin Y My sex playlist which I don't know, I don't think these are ironic answers But always wait. Yeah, I'm just gonna go I'm just gonna lean in be earnest always be my baby Mariah Carey Guys, it's a good song. It's a good song That's what you're getting down to my baby I mean, I don't know if I actually would but I, this checks out because earlier when Tim was complaining about being called baby and sweetheart, you were like, what's wrong with that? So, you know, it checks out.

I don't know. That song got locked in. I have daddy issues, okay? I'm sorry. When I was like 12, this song was like a sexy song for me and it just got baked into my brain as like a sexy song. You will always be a part of me. You will. It's fine. You don't have to listen to it. That's so romantic.

And then we're gonna go hard the other direction. If we're gonna go real kinky, my heart will always go on. Yeah. I mean, it was a pre-consent era. And then we're gonna go hard the other direction. We're gonna do the duet with The Roots and Erykah Badu. You got me.

Oh, good choice. Very, very sexy song. You know it. And then the last one is gonna be, what can it be? All I've got top of my brain is, and this tells you a bit about me maybe, is so emotional by Whitney Houston. Oh was like so emotional okay now because there

are sexy songs but it's just what I want to listen to while I'm well fuck while you're getting just getting sex because it's a bonus it's like it doesn't make the sex better but I'm like this is a great song. So in case the sex dips I can be like mmm like sing the harmony or you know what I mean? Like will we stop while we do the riff or something? See I open my I have a I have a playlist of songs that I- Wait hold on. I'm just wondering I'm just picturing Trevor with so emotional taking off his wig with rose petals coming off. Is anyone straight understanding this reference?

Nope. Thank you. OK, guys, the lyrics to so emotional are hot. Like when you're like, oh, I do have the right scalp for that, that bit. It's a drag race reference. I'm sorry. I was assuming it was a song to you. Fuck two. It's all of them. It's a Drag Race reference, guys. I'm sorry. I was assuming it is. Which Vitamin T song do you fuck to? It's all of them. It's the complete discography.

No, so I opened up a playlist that I have of songs that I'm like, oh, these are fucking hot. And I'm looking at them, and let me tell you, I don't know any of these songs. I don't recognize the singing. Of your own sex playlist? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dane Sexsevered, so his innie loves these songs.

Yeah, it's true, it's true, it's true. There is one the first one The top one is a song called hypnotic by Zella day I know that one and it fucking slaps like I'm gonna tell you right now I would be shocked if anyone knows any of these songs I don't think so. No It's actually for me and Dane. This is Where we were you are in the closet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's another one that I think, just looking at the title alone makes me very excited. It's called Sad Girls Love Money Remix. This is like a Spotify playlist or it's your playlist? This is a playlist that I made myself. Yeah, it may sound like Dane has never seen this before. What exactly is the vibe you're trying to curate with your sex playlist?

Hey. Confusion. Confusion? Yeah, based on what I'm looking at right now. The only artist that I recognize on this is Banks. It's the only artist I- Oh yeah, that's sexy music. Yeah, right, like it's fucking music.

I don't think I'm wrong here, but there's a lot here that I couldn't tell you. Would you ever go corny? Like, let's get it on by Marvin Gaye. I think there's a time and a place. There's a time and a place. Yeah, fair. I think I think I think especially if it like on a first time, if you have a joke or like a rapport or I think you can put on like some Barry White or some Marvin Gaye. I think it's better for not the first time, but yes.

Time after time. That's actually okay. Are we gonna have sex later? Because I feel like there's something- True colors. I see your true- Can I tell you the worst, speaking of that, one time when I was starting to fool around with someone and they're like, let me put some music on, you will never guess what they

put on. What? No, that would be- That would be passable. This was, um, Think of Me from Phantom of the Fucking Opera. Hell yeah. That's what you get for fucking theater kids. Yeah.

Talk about an innie. I had someone once just throw on a YouTube playlist. Oh my god. And it autoplayed into a song with a choir of children singing and there's like that's bad That's the worst thing you could listen to so that's not my anti sex players when I want them to leave It's the child choir and I quickly like just plug what happened in today's episode in my episode So Trevor was the guest in my episode and I was talking about how when I was having sex with this guy We had the entire saw series playing in the background.

Does that make me weird? No. Were you watching it? No, it was just playing in the background. That's fine. Is that okay? If you were watching it, sure. I was once having sex and the news was on, which sucked, and then it started talking

about two children in Florida who were grabbed. Wait, what? Can you imagine? Here's the thing. I didn't hear that. I think it's a lot better than when I had sex with a guy. Dude, a crocodile stole two children and went back into the river and I heard the mom being like we hope they get found and I'm like just pumping away. That was bad. Fair point and I think it does But they really put it in perspective. In perspective, it is a lot better than when I had sex with a guy who had Tucker Carlson on the entire time.

Hey, if you want it to last a long time, that's... I can't... you know where they're like... But Tim came immediately! He came saying, that's a good point. Yeah, you know what? His stance on like Israel is really... No, but like, here's the thing. He left Fox News on the whole time and only came when Tucker Carlson was on Was it like a hate fucking thing? I don't even know I think he was genuinely interested in the news Yeah, a lot of the covers we looked at that's a Tucker Carlson this vibe That gay porn covers we looked at earlier

I am also just fucking his dick and not his politics But also I feel like that's a slippery slope into like it's really hard to separate the dick from the politics. That's true Yeah, I mean I am just a hole but I'm a hole with morals at some point and yeah There's a kid the line is Tucker Carlson for it seems really come full circle today guys like all right I've come closer I'm telling our next audience question Okay, don't breeze past that that was good. Did you tell us your your song so I I? Don't mind having like music on while I'm fucking but I don't like require it either for me. It's just a it's there It's not once. It's not a child choir. I'm good

I also do like you know when you're talking about being corny I think that can be really funny and fun so it's like if you're gonna throw music on it's funny to do something dumb now We had a whole episode about how see bat is the worst song to fuck to so that's on the playlist It's like when someone says that's not funny, and then you do that joke ad nauseam But a little sultry bon Jovi little pony you know, you know? Pony. Nah man, if someone put Pony on, I would be it. Yeah, all the entire Weird Al Yankovitch, like that new Will Smith song.

I once slept with someone who was significantly older than me at that time. And she- But not anymore. She died, I guess. I mean like- She stopped aging. I caught up.

That's right. She died. Yeah. That's right. She now lives in BC after about a cancer. I mean like she stopped aging I caught up She now lives in BC after about a cancer yeah And she she like gave me the like this is gonna blow your mind Like she thought she was being hot and she put on the song and the first song on her like sexy playlist was pony And I was just like this is a fucking joke Only because I have such a like maybe it's just me because I have such a like a dance favorite song, like a joking relationship with that song. And I was just like, this is the least sexy song you could put on for me right now.

It's fair. You know what's funny? All of the bachelorettes I've done, they want that song. Of course they do. Look, I also want that song. I just don't think it's sexy. It's like that. And they're like, she's my cherry pie. Or like the like the oh, I got to do a it's sexy. It's like that and they're like she's my cherry pie or like the like the oh I gotta do a sexy dance songs. Yeah, but like why is it the ladies that love pony so much because of Channing Tatum Yeah, Magic Mike. Magic Mike. Come on

Well genuine too, you know, I mean genuine but like look everyone forgot about Pony We got to put on some in those jeans for sure 100% his most superior song alright next question next one by agent drunk in love Subject too hot to handle. I'm 35 year old female too attracted to my boyfriend 33 year old male I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've never been into any guy like this before my sex drive is out of control Anytime we have a moment. We're not doing something else. I want them to be fucking me No amount of orgasms are enough. I've come over 87 times in under 12 hours and in the morning when I wake up. I'm ready to go again I think it makes him insecure. I'm unsatisfied, but it's the opposite. I want more because sex is so good

He's too tired to keep up and though he's very sweet about I feel guilty like some kind of succubus. Hell. Yeah I don't make demands or pressure him, but he knows I want him and puts pressure on himself Hell yeah, I don't make demands or pressure him, but he knows I want him and puts pressure on himself He looks tired and drained by the two three sex sessions per day if we haven't had sex in over 12 hours I feel too horny to function. We both love each other very much and want to be together for a long time How do we work this out? This is the moment we look into the audience and see who's pale and shaking Yeah, there's a man who looks like he just came out of one of those matrix pods There's a man who looks like he just came out of one of those Matrix pods. Oliver Twist is like, please sir, I don't want anymore. Yeah, he's just behind the bar right now fucking mainlining water.

Can you spare some dick until I get back on my feet? Yeah, that's truly just like a hydration concern. Like this person, you need to help this person. 87 times in 12 hours? Also, it's too specific, it seems to me. Yeah, the 87, if you've counted how many times you've orgasmed and you hit 87, I don't think you've come that many times. Right, like if you've come 87 times,

you should be, you should be like brain dead as well. It's like the bro who's like, I've had sex with 137. It's like, why are you counting, man? It's 87 times in 12 hours right that's a seven Orgasm per hour yeah and a quarter actually if you're gonna, but also what's a quarter of an or yeah? That they're not having sex the entire 12 hours right so there's like there's periods of time So it's actually higher than that right like let's not call them liars guys. I trust them

I believe them. I'm what I'm saying is I'm not calling them liars what I'm saying is I think they are focusing on the wrong thing right I think they are they're projecting this sort of need to quantify their satisfaction right like they're putting a number on it and that number doesn't mean anything and it's great that you acknowledge the fact that like you are you feel insatiable and it's not his responsibility to To to satisfy that because like it seems like he's doing his best. Hey, he's doing great It does seem like he's trying his hardest Poor sad tired drained man. Just doing his best. Yeah, just ending his dick

Like drained kind of like so sallow in the face, and like gaunt. Like a Victorian ghost. Yeah. I imagine it's like that scene in Indiana Jones with the arc of just like... Yes, yes. Yeah. Like every time he takes her pants off, he's just like... I'm tired after one.

So I think the key points are, one, that they know that they are satisfying you enough, and hopefully they're in the room, so they know. If not, we'll release this episode, get them to listen, and be like, hey, that they know that they are satisfying you enough. And hopefully they're in the room, so they know. If not, we'll release this episode, get them to listen and be like, hey, that's you doing the satisfaction. Because I think that is a really key thing to hammer home so that they aren't feeling like they're not doing their job. Just being like, hey, I am so satisfied. The reason I want so much is because you're so good.

Don't worry, don't feel like you're not. One, two. Does it say how long they're dating for wait what are the ages again she's 35 he's 33 can I get his number yeah seriously yeah yeah as a too tired he can't put you in the rotation as well just saying he can barely lift his phone yeah Yeah. I would like his number very much. So I think that's a key thing is to make sure that they know that, because I know you said you're worried that they feel like he's not good enough

and I'm whatever. So make sure that is known, one. And two, you say if you haven't had sex in over 12 hours, you're too horny to function. That's maybe an issue. And I do think that is a valid concern of being like, if you are so elevated in your libido, you may need to figure that out on a psychological level. And I understand, like, everyone has different needs and stuff, but like, there may be, you

may be redirecting energy elsewhere to avoid a problem somewhere else because I know that's that's a thing that like we tend to do or you might just be like crazy horny which I think also is a thing that that people deal with well I mean sex addiction is when you like let your desire for sex affect your real life so it's like if you are actually can I be a little scientific here yes please you're literally the only person. The only person education thing here. So the term sex addiction can be a little divisive

when it comes to the sex educator sphere because one, it's not recognized in the DSM. So kind of like the terminology we're going for is obsessive sexual compulsion. It's kind of like what we're talking about. So what this writer's saying is kind of like this need for sex to kind of like this need for sex to be like, I need to always have sex

because they must be missing something in their life or something about, it could be anything, like hormonal or whatever. But I just am kind of putting the whole thing that like addiction, using the word addiction can be a little, kind of like a slippery slope here but we're all learning but I mean it gets problematic when it starts to be like oh I'm missing out on like important things or my work or whatever it's like pathologizing sexual behavior like who gets to say who how

much sex is too much sex but also as someone who has not been laid in like 72 hours I am jealous of this one. Well, it's interesting because the person writing this is kind of framing it as a problem, right? Yeah, it's not a problem. Well, if you can't function. It is if it is for them. It is for them.

And also, if after 12 hours, I don't know if it's like, I can't function, like, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, haha, or it's like, I cannot function, in which case, that is a problem that I think should be You know install a permanent vibrator in your pan. I was gonna say get those fucking wireless You can do yeah, and then they only have to like stroke a screen Which is far less you know when they're getting their IV drip on the couch and like coming back to life all the oh my god This is amazing.

Can we just like invent something to just like always give us an orgasm like on demand? I would love that so much. Just like, you know. We got to take some of the shine off of it. It was constant. Also, have you ever been on the TTC? Because that would be a fucking nightmare. I didn't have a fire greater.

Like you get on the bus and there's just nine dudes there and you get on, you're just like, like, no, thank you. I'm good. I've been on the TTC with a butt plug inside of me. Only to not find it in the audience. Someone walked into the wrong show. I think. Yeah. But that's fine. But what I'm saying is, if we gave everyone the ability to sexually release themselves, I think we would have a lot of problems in the public sphere. I think it would be like, once you leave the confi- it would be like a reverse ankle monitor, right? Like once you leave the house, you're not allowed. But once you're in a designated safe zone, You're allowed to just go fucking absolutely wild because I think is that one thing like you know the brain is a malleable

Mysterious creation and so sometimes you have to be careful of that the patterns you create So for example if I have this thing where I'm constantly orgasming the thing I'm looking at while I have one of those orgasms could become problematic Yeah, like if a child choir comes on. 100%, right? Yeah. So I think the issues here are one. And they've got to be there every time.

They've got to be there every time. Then you've stolen a child choir, and it's terrible. You're on every list. So make sure that they know that they're satisfying you so there's no kind of insecurity there. Two, make sure that they know they don't have to satisfy you at every moment because like you don't want your partner like Fucking you a detriment to their own happiness because then it's gonna be kind of the reverse of what you're saying

Where they're not gonna want to have sex or like god damn it You don't want to make it a chore three like have a talk like be like hey This is how I'm feeling and then like be realistic about it realize that you're not gonna be able to fuck 24-7 because of jobs sleep electrolytes Dick strength, you know the main physics. Yeah, just chafing And on top of that if it is the case that you literally cannot function after 12 hours Maybe actually seek professional help. I should call him

We have we have another audience question this is cook for hire is not the agent name but it's the subject agent name is gay vampire my partner is into the cook dynamic but I have insecurity issues I'm really don't want to be in that situation my partner's very understanding is not pressuring me in any way however I love them and want to make them happy do you think it could work if I find a third person who volunteers to sit in the corner and play that role? Is that a king soon be into any advice here would be welcome hold on wait what?

Mm-hmm they want like a cook cook for hire a cook for hire not a cook Yeah, okay kind of like imagine a private chef, but they're a private cook Cuck so for anyone not from the year do you as our? Yeah, could you define cuck for us cucking yeah, so a clock is essentially where there is a person that is kind of just the observer or Like they're just a third party in in a couple's like sexual activity As someone who has been a cuck I know and I also have been a bull Always that the other the guy who's fucking okay got it. Yeah, but I was fucking her husband while she was just watching

So she was a cuck got it, and I was the bull fucking just what was he called? bottom okay, I Track his name is Greg yeah yeah okay Dracula yeah just so I understand this question are they looking for a third to watch them oh okay so I imagine in this case it's almost like the role-playing cuckoldry right because there's no cuck situation if you're just being watched that's voyeurism because you cooking has to be like oh I'm cheating on you and making you watch. It's like a domination like

shame Humiliation thing yeah, so they're like kind of genius Lee Avoiding a baby like we'll roleplay it and we'll pretend that guy's your husband or whatever I kind of like it get a cardboard cutout, but they started being like I don't like this and I don't want to do it So I feel like they're being pressured into it. Well, it says their partner isn't pressuring them, which we love It says that they want to do it to make them happy which I get but you never are required to do anything That doesn't make you comfortable And I think this actually could be a smart way round it because it's turning

Actual cooking I say cook in a weird way around it because it's turning actual cooking I say cook in a weird way because everyone thinks I'm talking about kitchen I don't know how to say cook and cook differently just in case I was getting confused so it's turning cook-aldry into like role-playing in a healthy way I don't even know if you need that third person you could just role- it. Like have a mannequin. Get a pretty convincing scarecrow. Yeah, yeah. Right? Like just get your husband's clothes,

stuff them with other clothes. You know when you say one of those car salesman things? Yeah, yeah. A wacky inflatable arm flailing tube man. That's the answer. And then honestly that might like lead into it cause then you could get a recording of someone going, no, please, don't, this sucks going no please this my honey yeah you know when you watch a scary movie and then

you like close the door to your bedroom and you get into bed and then you realize that the towel that you've hung on the back of your bedroom kind of looks like a dude but I got on it exactly but I had on your sex dolls those sex dolls that look really like realistic I'm cheating on the Babadook with you. Also, not a callback for the callback state, but this could be an Instacard door dash. Yeah. Could exist.

Potentially. You're like, hold on, I'll get the money. Uh, uh, uh, look at this. Uh, uh, thanks, husband. What? I mean, that's a crime. Pay extra. That is a crime.

Back to the consent that we talked about earlier. I don't know if you want to just force delivery people to watch you fuck. Unless they're in the safety zone as predetermined from the... I actually forgot the original question. They're looking for a cuck for hire? Look, I think now nailed it. Try to bypass the cuck being on them. Okay.

Which I get, you know what I mean? And I think that's a cool way to do I don't know I think the questions here are one. Are you still comfortable with that to? Like are you just doing this to satisfy your partner when maybe it seems like they're cool, so maybe you should like trust that I mean you could just call me you could call to me. I was gonna say at the very start We got someone who'll sit there and watch I would be on my phone and just like, yep, good, keep going. This is your answer for most. Call me.

Call me. I mean, listen, I have four years of escorting experiences from my belt, so I do know what I'm talking about, but also I'd be like, what do you want? Yep, good, yeah, that's great. Yeah, sure. I think you probably have to be a little bit more jealous and invested to- Oh yes, oh so good. There we go. That's great. Yeah, you probably have to be a little bit more jealous and invested to oh, yes Turn up your wacky waiting inflatable. Yeah, man, just a little bit. Yeah, we need to get like a four

Candy crush on my phone They literally wanted that. I'm sorry. I'm just sharing like a real-life experience, but they wanted me to just be so like dejected from the Yeah, while they were having sex and I was just like reading the news and just like hey Did you guys know that there's gonna be a tropical storm happening and they're like, yeah. Yeah, and I was like, yeah Catch it up on your current events, but I wonder if you're going to the point of like like Bypassing it so much that the third person you're trying to like pretend that this is like a cook situation, but they're not really involved and they're just kind of sitting there. It's gonna be a lot of effort. You could probably just role play and either have

like the person that they're cooking on the phone or like in the next room and like play it out and like just fully role play. If you're going to be kind of role playing it anyway, do you need that third person? So call Tim? Yeah, I've done that we were on hold with like drive test for like three hours So we decided to have sex while we were on hold. Oh, yeah What's drive test drive like when you get your license kind of thing? Yeah, that's not a sex thing Trevor That's just that's service, Ontario Yeah, yeah, there's no whatever You haven't missed out on anything.

You got your license on the phone? Well, his license was expired or something. And he was wondering why. And then we were on hold for the longest time. We just said, do you want to fuck while we're on hold? And we're like, yeah. Was it hold music? Yeah, it was literally like.

Add that to your playlist. It was like the piano version of Girl From Ipanema. And I was like. Fuck, yeah. I get it. Hell, yeah. And I will say finally obviously we are a great resource to ask but I think your partner you say is this something

somebody would be into talk to them be like hey I love that you're into this kink it's not my thing I want to find a workaround would this work would this work and like even if you don't get to something very satisfying I think they're gonna feel great that you care about their kink enough to like workshop it with them, talk to them, and try to get somewhere. And who knows, maybe something will meet a good compromise. Um, okay, to finish out our show, we like to hop onto online dating profiles, we review them, we look at them, uh, and... Yeah, no, this is terrible. Uh, Nyle, do you wanna take us through? We should have the Grindr grinder profile are they in order? here yeah I got em

I'm gonna read it out at the end what I read you're gonna yell and the yelling will either be a whoo which is you would swipe right on this person or a or a boo when you would swipe no left swipe no ex leftist turned conservative. White girl with a Spanish name. Ex Mormon and a practicing witch. Gluten free cat mom.

Rules. No smoking, vaping, or heavy drinking. First dates will be a group date with my siblings and their significant other. If it goes well, next date you'll be meeting my parents. No sexting, NCMOs, hookups, friends withups friends with benefits etc I don't have snapchat and I will not be creating one I will not give out my number until after a few dates must be fluent in English call me Beyonce because to the

left to the left like this person they fuck I that's crazy is date day two is me my parents but they don't get the phone number yeah that's crazy. Wait, wasn't, is date, date two is me and my parents, but they don't get the phone number? Yeah, that's fucking batshit. That's insane. That's crazy. I do like that you can tell they used to be a leftist because they do say they're a practicing witch. So they're still hanging on to parts of it. What's a practicing witch?

Currently a witch. Spells? Yeah, they're casting spells. Like Avada Kedavra? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Specifically that. Specifically, okay. Probably also a turf. Let's be fair. So Okay, that one sucks I get it next one non-practicing which Geez. Yep. We're good. Okay, uh

Still figuring it out. Don't expect me to be the bigger person when I'm only four nine Bosnian check Swipe left if you're emotionally mature, looking for a pen pal, insecure slash commitment issues, your attention seek from multiple females, want to go 50-50 on a date, if you're 30 plus and still figuring it out, which they themselves are! Wait, I feel like they're putting this as like a joke, right? This doesn't feel like earnest. I've seen so many of these that I think this is real. This is real? Hold on.

At this point in time, I think every online dating platform is a joke. OK, but like, four, nine doesn't really mean small dick, in my experience. We love a short king. That's fair. Like, look at Jeremy Allen White. Yeah.

You know? How short's Jeremy Allen White? He's like, 5'7". He's like like my height. I'm like five seven. I mean like, yeah, work it. But you know what I mean? Okay, hold on.

Let me keep reading the profile. Bosnian checks swipe left if you're emotionally immature. Yeah I'm pretty sure this is a lady. I'm guessing it is a lady, but I don't. There's yet, there's... But like, he's being self-referential. I assume it's a guy because they always are. But like, 30 plus and still figuring it out.

That's a joke, right? I'm gonna guess it is. I don't think it's a joke. I don't think it is. No, this is earnest, I think. This is earnest that he's like, if you're still figuring it out like I am, then you can swipe left

Yeah, it's a hypocrite. Yes It's a boo for me. It's a boo for me. I think everyone kind of gave us a yeah We got in that we're getting the left swipe right right mostly for shits and gigs now This one's along so you're gonna have to let me go through three slides until we get the oh dear I'll try to read fast mother first Know what you want cuz I know what I want I will not settle I'm very very mature which is what mature people always say classic the very 21 years old don't waste my time need to be emotionally available don't tell me all these dumb bullshit lies number one we strangers bro why would you have to lie I promise you I will go

along with whatever you say but just know if you know you're lying then I know you're lying You can't play me. I promise you you got more than two baby mamas don't even think about it next one Rules this is my I won't settle this one. Yes. I'm crazy cuz I catch you doing funny shit. I'll crash out too You're my dude. I won't be following other females this versa vice versa I guess you are not to be on any dating apps also vice versa you go more than one hour without texting me That's a wrap if you have a problem us sharing locations You're up to no good if I'm asking you about it, sweetie. I already know about it I need sex at least once a day at the least at least I overthink a lot

And if you won't be able to reassure me then you're not the one for me clapping emoji if Your pussy won't suffice then go offer that community dick Ten don't lie to me, and I won't lie to you 11 you need to be emotionally Available not just physically because your dick will only be able to get hard for so long old person emoji Don't cheat be loyal care about my feelings vice versa Don't cheat be loyal care about my feelings vice versa 13 I do in fact have the following BP depression severe anxiety PTSD Intrusive overthinking not made up. I'll show you my chart proof. I'm crazy if you don't like a crazy, but loyal woman Don't fuck with me then

She's doing the fixing? She's doing the fixing? That last, that whole last part, if you said it fast enough, could be like lyrics on a ludicrous song. Yeah, maybe. I want to know what this chart is. Yeah.

I don't think you go to the doctor and they go, hey, here's your chart. It's got everything on it I mean, yeah, that's a doctor's work Not like this Is it like it looks like fet life where you're into your fetishes or something like how much of each you're yeah It's like that. What's that app the kink app? Yeah. Yeah where you like share your kinks brats and don That just woos all around I guess right that seems like a Tim Robinson character sorry what that life oh that life that life like that's like life yeah it's like a dating app where you can like list your kinks and stuff I

didn't realize it when that I thought it was a website I thought it was like a forum yeah tomato potato whatever okay because there is there is a like a like an email survey that you can I don't know if it's is it also fat life where you like it's like a thing where you both like anonymously answer it and then all the all the like mutual things all the things that you both said yes to get shared to you. So like a great idea. Yeah, it's great. It's a great way to discuss kinks.

I'll try to find out what it is and posted on the internet. You into nipple play? Are you into scat play? They have to show them your chart. what it is and posted on the Instagram. Are you into Nipple Play? Are you into Scat Play? That's the one. That's the one. BDSMtest.org. And then you show them your chart. Yeah, so it's like you share with a partner, you both enter in your case.

It's great. And it shows you like how much percentage you are of one. It's like, I'm 100% Brad, 98% Role Bunny. No, this is our last one, right? All right, last one. This is Tom, he's 26. Low effort on here, high effort in real life. Always up for last minute plans.

If you've got chat, sarcasm, and a dark sense of humor, we'll get on. I'm into cars, gym, hiking, and just trying new stuff. But somebody to do it all with would make it a lot more fun. Perks I hold. Only top tier insta-reels. Great Cuck. Smell great. Surprisingly decent Spotify taste.

Mom would probably like me. Rest you'll need to find out. Do you think they meant great cock? Have a guy we can set you up with I at this point in time was booze. Yes. Yes nose I mean I would. I feel like this is one of those profiles where I would swipe right only at the right time when I was extremely desperate. I think low effort on here, high effort in real life. It's like, why are you doing that? Don't undersell yourself already. If you take that out, I think the flavor of the profile change is drastic I will point out that it says mum would probably like me whose mom your mom or my mom

It's a mother from the last is he's referring to his own mom or my mom my mom would probably like yeah That's what I mean My mom would probably not like me What is as an old person? What's a top-tier insta-real? I can only assume he's talking about sending like say the Incredible content fuck buddies podcast turns out. That's right. Yeah, it's only like 500 views Then I wonder like I mean like the things they post. Yeah, or is it just like no, I think he's sending He's sending like he chooses like yeah. yeah, he's sending good reels to you

Yeah, top tier like Adam. Yeah, I would take this person If they say that again We'd have to like be discerning about their spot there quote-unquote Ah, we'd have to like be discerning about their spot, their quote unquote Spotify taste. I do like that they're kind of insecure about their Spotify, like surprisingly decent. It's like you look at them and be like, I think you have shit taste. And you're like, oh, that's all right. And also like it's not music taste either, it's Spotify taste. It's what I, what I listen on Spotify.

It's a completely different genre of music that I actually listen to. But my Spotify is a curated, uh, yeah. It's like, what's your taste in Spotify he's just like premium yeah okay oh my god what if his playlist is like wicker wicker wild wild and then white noise yeah then I come you know that man fuck and a guy yeah yeah that's gonna do it for the show friends thank you very much for joining us. We appreciate you coming out on a weird summer evening. Muggy Thursday. Windy and weird. We appreciate you. I would like to just take a moment and say a huge

thank you first and foremost to our wonderful guests, Trevor and Tim. Before we let you guys plug your things, I would also like to just say this year we're here celebrating pride, we're here celebrating our wonderful queer friends and our queer community and queer artists, but there's an a special onus for allies and straight people to not just celebrate this year because there's a lot of shit happening and it's less of a celebration for us and more of a fight because we are seeing all over the world queer rights being attacked and taken away and our voices need to be a part of that fight.

So as important as it is to celebrate and revere our friends and our queer community, it's just as important to be a part of the fight and to get our hands dirty, if not as much as our queer friends, but even more so. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Thank you. Yay. And on that note, Trevor, please tell us where we can find more of you. Oh yeah, you can find us. So I said I have a podcast called Query All. There are cards by the door. On your way out, please take a card. Query is on the Sonar Network. It is an absurdist radio noir. I interviewed 41 people, then rearranged all the interviews and wrote a fake mystery that connects every real interview together. It is batshit crazy. It is phenomenal. And it's the best part, not the best part of all, but one of my favorite parts is trying to explain it to people because I start, they glaze over, and then a second later they go, fuck yeah. It's great. There are 11 episodes, 10 are out. The series finale will be coming out very soon, so you're not too late. You can

still be there on the ground floor. So please do that. And if the person who wrote Homo on their notebook is still here, I would like to hang out with you. I'm sure you would. You said things that were correct. I do think he's gone, unfortunately. That's okay.

Into the wind. Yeah, and that's all. And this was a pleasure, and thank you for having me. Our pleasure, yes. And for me, hello everyone everyone. My name is Tim. I host the Sex Ed with Tim podcast, where I interview sex professionals, whether it's like a doctor or a dominatrix.

Episodes come out every other Thursday. Today, I just released an episode with Trevor. And I actually had an episode with Dane and Niall, where I walked them through this Dungeons and Dragons campaign where they were like in a brothel. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. So it was a lot of fun. But yeah, Sex Ed with Tim.

You can follow me on Instagram at Sex Ed with Tim and website is sexedwithtim.com. Hell yeah. Thank you very much guys. Thank you for joining us. Everyone heard what happened right? He just got his nipples pierced and then he went mesh top. Because I'm a sucker for pain. It literally says like masochist on it. And as we finish up the show, Nile always reads out some bad sex writing that he has found on the internet. Just to leave us with a bit of a sour taste in our mouths. Just till all of you get to sleep gently.

This is going to be a message someone received over a dating app as an opener. I'm just going to read it. Get comfy. Hey. That's message one. There are three reasons why you should let me come over. One, I'm really cool. Two, I'm a good being and I care. Three, I will give you the best back shots ever. I want to break your coochie.

Extra, four, I'll smoke you up if you smoke. Heart, heart. Message three, I'm a virgin. BTW. Can I get his number? This was Tim. Thank you very much, guys. We have been your fuck buddies. We will see you next time. We love you. you