F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 353 - Wieners, Bats and Wiimotes

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

If you ever needed a brainstorming session as to what the worst type of bag a vagina could be, we've got you covered.  Topics include some much needed positivity, painful hickeys, dating misconceptions.

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dan Miller And I'm Niles Payne And we're your fuck buddies We are a Dating dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are sex and dating advice podcast. We find questions either roaming the barren wilds of the Internet or from our wonderful, I suppose, barren listeners. But no, just our twisted listeners, I guess yourselves. And we answer them right here, right now in your ears every Monday, sometimes on Patreon. I I noticed this recently, and this is a combination of like something I'm dealing with, like professionally at work, but also in

in sort of like recording this show is that I've grown kind of bitter about things that are like status quo, just kind of like the everyday. For example, at work, I'm a bartender and just like I was starting to get that feeling. I got pre pandemic of being like everyone pissed me off and I was like, well, I'm this is my job and these people pay my bills. And typically, for the most part, even if someone's annoying, I'm still making decent money off them. And then of course the next person to walk in is just the most unbearable motherfucker you've ever seen.

So I'm trying to like deal with that. But then I also realized that- Are you telling me we're gonna have a happy episode? Cause I don't know if I'm in happy head frame. Not a happy episode because I don't know if I'm in happy head for not a happy episode. Um, what I would like to do is bring some positive, a little bit of positivity. Um, and that happened for me today, um, where I was wearing my, I'm wearing my protect trans kids, uh, tank top because it's boiling hot outside and in here.

boiling hot outside and in here. And when I was walking around, I was stopped by an obscene amount of people in terms of the typical interactions that people walk in the streets of Toronto want to have with one another, especially strangers. I had a woman who like pulled over on her bike and like flagged me down and was just like, thank you for wearing that. I, I had like people just like high five me. I had a group of like young kid, like teenagers be like, fuck it. And I was just like, for me, and this isn't me patting myself on the back for wearing a shirt. It's.

It was just a really nice moment to feel like everything wasn't terrible. Yeah, we need those reminders. And I'll say I've had similar interactions wearing mine as well. I'm like, yeah, it's funny because the first time I wore it out, like I was just wearing it like rock climbing or something. And on the way there, a lot of people were looking at me really weird. And there's like, what the fuck? And I kind of just forgot what it said.

And then when I realized I was like, oh, are these people shitty? And then someone kind of like shuffled up to me and was like, it's the school tank top man. And like left. And I was like, Oh, I think they were just clocking it and like didn't know we're being awkward less. So maybe some of them were shit, but they shut their mouths on a few people's didn't and said nice things. So I'll take those away. Yeah. It was just, it was one of those moments where like a rare feeling of community in, especially a place like Toronto was one of those moments where like a rare feeling of community in,

especially a place like Toronto, which like, it really does lack a, there are community spaces, like there are places where I feel like part of a community in Toronto, but the city as a whole feels very, you know, headphones in, eyes down, go and not really interact with your, your neighbors. And so, um, and it was, it was just a nice like feeling of being like, Oh, okay. Like I care about this and the people in my community also care about it.

And that makes me feel better. Um, because I think you're right. I think that initial sort of knee jerk reaction is that like, when someone's looking at it, you're like, he's going to be a piece of shit. Um, and it was just nice that like, he's gonna be a piece of shit. And it was just nice that like, I'm sure there were pieces of shit who saw it driving by or walking by or whatever. Now, those people can't read.

But it was just like, I there was a really nice moment of just being like, cool. I'm glad that like, you feel like maybe your kid feels like the woman who stopped me was an older woman. I was like, maybe you have a trans kid at home and you feel a little bit better or feel a little bit safer knowing that, you know, someone out there has your kids back on the TTC or whatever the fuck. You know what I mean? So it's just like, it was, it was nice.

And I, I want to, I'm going to try to bring something like that. And you're welcome to participate as well, of course. Every episode of no positivity for me. I'm miserable. Yeah, I know. I know. I actually the other day I was in Bellwoods and a whole bunch of semi-drunk strangers all banded together to save a small dog from a coyote. So that was that was great because the coyotes in this city, if you don't know, are going crazy lately and just do not give a fuck.

It was like just when the sun was kind of setting. OK, I was going to say, still, I'm not like that's very scary. Coyotes are now roaming a very busy public park during the day. Hey, let me tell you, it was not dark. Yeah. It was crazy, because it just kind of seemed like another dog for a minute. Like, it wasn't the biggest coyote I've seen,

but it was very, like, if you kind of pay, like, you almost like double take, because it was like very still and weird. Yeah. But it was like just scanning the place, and there was this tiny, tiny little like toy poodle. And like, once it got a little bit away from its owner, the dog just, like the coyote just ran at it and we kind of were like paying attention to it.

So like a bunch of people ran and got in the way. Another person ran and picked up the dog and like it was crazy. So everyone worked together, the coyote ran away and then we all cheered. It was great. Yeah. Nice. And other news of, of well, maybe you haven't seen Superman yet, I assume. It was great. Yeah. Nice. And other news of, of, well, maybe you haven't seen Superman yet, I assume. I have not. Maybe we'll talk about it.

I hear it's woke. It's the funny thing about- I love like, sorry guys. I'm just gonna say, my favorite thing that I know about it is the article that came out and the like headline was, no, Superman isn't woke, we just now have cartoon villains in real life.

Yeah. It's like yeah, okay. That's... Yes. Checks out. I mean, that's the thing is like the people who are getting like, there are people being like we're boycotting Superman because it's anti-genocide. It's like, is that...

Yeah. Is that the reason you want to... Is that really... You're a pro genocide? Yeah. Is that really the way you want to is that your approach? Yeah, yeah, really the way you want to say it is that even like we Someone made a very good point where it's like if you ever liked Superman his whole thing was like fighting fascists, right? So yeah, if you liked him and now don't Superman didn't change you just became a fascist. Yeah, so I mean there's like multiple arcs of Superman beating the shit out of the KKK.

You know what I mean? I think that is that is there are famous panels of him, trashing people. There's like a whole arc in, I don't know, like the sixties or whatever about segregation. There was a whole like everything about

Superman is woke. Yeah. Like his whole thing is like the only There's a whole, like, everything about Superman is woke. Yeah, all he's had is like, the only like, redeeming quality of a character being that strong is that he's so good. You know what I mean? It's like, if he wasn't so good, he would be the worst fucking character ever, because it's like, oh, he can do everything?

Like, his whole thing is like, yeah, he could be all powerful, he could do whatever he wants wants and he chooses to do good Like that's pretty much the only good place things if it wasn't that Superman would suck Superman could solve a lot of problems if you if like at the beginning of the movie He was like, oh like lose there's a bad guy fly up and just push his head like he could do that Like that's that's that's the whole reason of super but like I don't know if he does do in this movie He does push everyone that pisses him off Lois Lane gone first couple minutes he

just smushes her head real quick and it's like can't kill her if she's already dead and you're like damn Superman you're great yeah he also turns the camera and be like why did they never write me like this before every time he does it and yes seven seconds he just kills all the problems in the world. And he's done. He's done. Yeah, yeah, it just I hope what we see is sort of like a I'm hoping that men and boys take to this version of Superman the way that culturally the Barbie movie spoke to to women and young girls in the sense of like, oh, empathy and kindness and hope

and and you know, helping each other out and like making hard world choices that are good for other people and not just myself. Hopefully that like I hope this becomes a sort of cornerstone culturally for men's growth in terms of Understanding empathy and like realizing being like oh It's not a beta cuck move to give a shit about people and to care about people There's a pretty cringy line about being kind in it and I won't ruin it because it's please It is if I watch it we can we can get into it because I do love I do love cringey lines Let's do a little sex news. There is a health campaign in Ireland being launched.

Every year about 60 men in Ireland get cancer of the penis. Washing under your foreskin, if you have one, every day can help reduce this risk. Because apparently, well, not apparently, I know it to be a fact, but like the health care and sexual health and sexual education systems in Ireland are so bad that enough people do not understand this Or have never been taught this. Hey, let me tell you right now. There was literally never any talk about like foreskin cleaning. Mm-hmm. In our sexual education either. Yeah, for real like when I was a kid like it was years and years foreskin cleaning in our sexual education either. Yeah, for real, like when I was a kid,

like it was years and years, I don't know what age, but it was pretty old before I even realized it could be like pulled back. And it just had lived in a non pulled back world for so long. And let me tell you, let's get a little real here. Wasn't great under there. I was very young, I was very scared. But again, too old.

And I was like, what the fuck? And like it was painful, embarrassing, scary and let's be fair, gross and probably unhealthy process. But like. I didn't fucking know, you know, I just kind of figured it out. And thank God I did, because even in this because it was a post

made on Reddit where someone new to Ireland was like kind of making a joke, being like, really, you guys don't know how to do this. And then not only were people in the comments kind of sharing a lot of stories similar to mine or horror ones about people who like maybe still haven't really realized that other people from other countries are coming in and being like, yeah, we also like there's just there's just not that much sexual health and sexual education out there, which is why one, you should wash under your foreskin guys. And two, this is why shows like this need to be around. Yeah. I mean, like I'm I'm circumcised. So like the idea of like, I never really like

when when people started talking about it, I never understood, like, the emphasis of, like, additional cleaning, because I'm just like, am I doing it wrong? Like, I did it, I was like, what more can I do? Like, I'm, it's all sudsy, I'm cleaning it. Like, I'm using sudsy. That's it, that's all they want, is it sudsy? You're cool, you passed. So, it took me a while to figure out that, like, oh, this this curse, like

mainly for this conversation is is the additional steps it takes. If you do have foreskin and like the extra, you know, step you have to take to to maintain a clean, general situation. But for for a very brief time when I was younger, I did not know if I was doing it right. And I was too afraid to ask. Yeah, I also was too afraid to ask. When it happened, I was just like,

I don't know, did I just break my dick fully? Because I don't know was it meant to go here? And I don't know what's all under this, and it's awful. And I was just like, fuck it, we'll see. Turns out it was the right thing to do. Dick is fine. Thanks for asking. I I don't agree with circumcision. I understand that there is religious aspects of it, but for the most part,

I think circumcision is is genital mutilation. Well, it is. So I don't agree with it. I am, however, glad that I am circumcised because as someone who fidgets a lot, I don't know. I don't know if it would be a problem, but I do feel like I would be I would be constantly fooling around with my foreskin. But there is like there's a lot of things that you've missed out on.

Like there was this guy famous from a high school near mine who could apparently fit his foreskin around like the knob on the end of his like bedpost Another person apparently could fit a hole. Hey a whole Nokia 3210i up there. This is what I'm concerned about I'm concerned that I my curiosity would get the better of me and I would kind of see what's going on. Dane Miller foreskin fidgeter. Yeah. See it now. I think I was circumcised for my safety. That's fair. They looked at you. They're like, he's got big fidget energy.

Look at those fingies. Look at those hands. They're just dying to get into some foreskin action. Let's take one more. We're kind of going on tangents here, but I just want to take a moment foreskin action. Let's take one more. We're kind of going on tangents here, but I just want to take a moment to talk about something that happened to a friend of mine. A friend of mine recently gave birth and while the baby was, I believe the term is crowning, like the top of the head starts to push through. They had like a playlist that they had. There was apparently a lot more chill than most

people's pregnancy playlists, which I think is very funny because I'm like, are they just rocking slayer? Like what's happening? But they put on this like lo fi kind of like beats thing and the doctor came in and the doctor beats to chill and have birth to. Yeah. So the doctor as it's all happening and everyone's kind of like freaked out, you know, the husband's there, the wife is there, it's all happening and the doctor goes, hmm, out. You know, the husband's there, the wife is there.

It's all happening. And the doctor goes, OK, hold on. And they're like, what? And she reaches down and does something and then she grabs a mirror and goes, look. And she'd given she grabbed the hair on the top of the baby's head and formed it into a mohawk. Hell, yeah. It's got a mohawk. And then, like, left the room for 10 minutes and came back.

It's like, we're ready to go, guys. They were like, apparently they laughed just so hard that it just, there was no, there was nothing left. There was no fear. There was no, it was just hilarious. And I would love to know, is that their move? Is that every single time or is that like a magical moment that just like, where they just have one of those days and they're like, I just said that. Maybe that's what they left. They were like, yeah, they're like,

I'm going to have my license revoked. I need to go call my lawyer right now to figure out if I just did a crime. Cause there are times when you're like serving people in like a restaurant and you make a joke and you misjudge that table or you make a joke and you're like, oh no. And then they're like, hell yeah.

I did that the other day. There was two older ladies sitting in front of me and I was making a mojito and in order to activate the mint, you give it a slap, you slap the mint to make it aromatic and activated. And then you looked at her and you said, I'd make you aromatic and activated. Well, it startled her and she went, oh.

And I looked at her straight in the eyes and said, yeah, I'm a mint freak and she did not, she did not appreciate that at all. I don't remember what happened specifically, but there was someone I was taking a coffee order off of him. It was like kind of an older guy, like maybe in his forties or fifties. And then a bunch of people who looked like they were in their like late teens, early twenties. So I was like, did he

bring these kids to like a concert? What's going on here? Whatever. So he ordered a coffee. And he was I was like, Oh, do you want milk or like milk, cream or sugar? And he was like, Yes. I was like, all of them. He was like, What? I was like, Do you want like milk or cream? He was like, Yes. There's like, both. He was like, What? Oh, I mean, milk. I was like, Okay, milk and sugar. He's like, No, cream and sugar is like, oh, okay. And then the next guy was like, oh, I want a coffee with milk. I was like, are you sure you don't mean cream? And the guy was like, and got

so angry and then was like, I'm going to pay your tip buddies. You better watch about this. And of course I couldn't help myself. Like every single person. Cause like, I, I'm not good at the whole not upsetting people when they're being dicks thing. So I just kept the joke going. He was just like fuming. And I dropped the bill when he was in the bathroom. Someone else paid and tick me. Nice. We should get into the questions, though.

Yeah, probably. This week, we're going to talk about boyfriends keeps calling my regions his purse, and now he wants to put things in it. Oh, man, it's me, my foreskin, my imaginary foreskin. This like this is going to be a tough one for me guys. And this is just the most basic part of our episode. What is one simple thing that the opposite sex gets wrong in dating? Left with hickeys so painful I cannot move. That might be a question I

might also have. I like the there were two mites in that sentence. Yeah and how to take good pictures for your online dating profile. Hell yeah. Alright. Let's guys I might go wild and off-book and just completely change the questions that I'm asking But that's been the last two weeks and now this one. Hey, I just tease my my playing dead question this time Maybe I'll pull that out. We got you throw that in the patreon. It's been to been too powerful for too long this by Ursula under fire my 42 year old female boyfriend 34 year old male has some weird fetish referring to my vagina as my purse and asked me to put things in it.

Can something like this be worked through? I know it sounds ridiculous and insane but it's partially my fault. We're fairly casual, we've been seeing each other for several months now going on a year but don't live together and prefer it that way. We have no real plans to escalate our relationship to living together or marriage etc. Neither of us wants kids. We are exclusive, but just happy with also enjoying our separate lives. Early into dating, he told me it's this thing where he likes to refer to vaginas as purses. That was kind of odd, but I'm pretty open-minded and I've heard far more weird and disgusting things. So I didn't really care and said,

sure, whatever. It didn't bother me. And he would jokingly say, I've got something for you. Could I put it in your purse before sex? I laughed the first time he said it but again wasn't that much of a deal-breaker Thing is it's gotten perpetual the point where he says it literally daily often many times a day and certainly anytime We're engaging in any kind of sex act. He also say it often when we're commuting through communicating through sex Through text Jesus. It's gotten so much into my head that I now associate the word purse with pussy, even when other people use it. I was shopping with my mother this past weekend.

She asked me if I had enough room in my purse for a water bottle, and I literally thought she was asking me about my pussy. That was the final straw for me. I haven't told him yet that I bought... Mother! Mother, please! How dare you, Mom? I haven't told him it bothers me. I know a guy in high school who could do that with his foreskin. But I have been reading on this stuff for years now.

Many people's fetishes are so ingrained into their sexuality, there's no way to make them stop. I know men can't have sex with women, for example, unless they're wearing long thigh-high stockings. I can tell he's very into it when he says it, he almost instantly becomes aroused. I don't know what the mental connection is for him to this term. He's never told me. I don't think he knows himself to be honest. I also feel partially to blame for saying it was fine until it wasn't. Is this something to be worked through? We have

an otherwise very healthy relationship. We never fight, communicate well, share the same interests and enjoy time spent together and apart. I would consider it a relationship I'd like to maintain, but I can't hear this day in day out anymore. It's now turning me off thoughts So don't tell what this I don't mean the purse thing specifically but otherwise fairly minor fetish that became annoying over time Yeah, I mean this is This is a new one for me the The I gotta imagine this goes back to some mommy issues like it's got to right Yeah, like we're're like our boy Freud is rock hard right now.

He's spinning in his grave and his heart is tearing the earth up on either side. Yeah. If you hear a drilling sound, it is Freud making his way into the most he's waiting through the crust. Yeah. Yeah. OK. You got to approach this like any kink or any other fetish, right? Like you you as weird as it is, you participated in something

for as long as you wanted to. And now you don't want it. And I think that it is a perfectly reasonable thing to say, hey, I was balled with this because it seemed to be important to you. It turned you on. However, it is now this, your fetish is now seeping into my day to day life in the like basic language has been altered for me. and I don't want to be Pavlov that way. And second, I don't find it sexy anymore. It now detrimentally affects my sexual experience and we need to do something about that.

Um, now it is up to him to decide whether that's a deal breaker. The same way it is up to you to decide if it's a deal breaker, if he requires it, right? Like if he says like, sorry, this is a, this is a hard line for me. If I can't call your pussy a purse, I got to bounce, you know, but it's the same thing with you where it's like, if you are like, I can't line here, you can't get aroused without, you know, if you don't stop calling it a purse, then, you know.

Yeah, and that's I think it's as simple as that. It's like you you got to communicate. You're allowed rescind consent. So it doesn't matter that you have participated up until this point. If you no longer want to, totally fine. You know, be ready for the fact that if he doesn't want to participate in the relationship, he can also opt out. But like, hopefully it's not that big of a deal. Maybe try like a different bag.

Would that be a good compromise? Like a rarer bag? Oh, right. Like, because, you know, purse, you're going to hear that pretty often. I think that's where the main problem happened. But if it's like satchel, right. Yeah. Duffle bag. Rucksack. A rucksack. Yeah. How many fucking huff this in your rucksack?

You know, like a bag of whole bag of holding. You just can't hang out with any TTRPG people. Yeah. Yeah. But if you're never going to play D&D, that one might be perfect for you. That one's a real good one, because you're probably not going to hear it anywhere else. And you're going to hold it with your bag. Wink. And I've heard it's infinite. Ayo, Is that good?

No, I don't think so. Probably not. You're just you got to lay it down. It's the exact same as any other fetish. If he has a problem with it, that's I think that is allowed. Right? Like this is his fetish. He can for sure be like this isn't well, unfortunately, like that was important to me.

I think you could maybe find workarounds of removing certain language. And instead of being like, I want to put something in your purse, maybe just change it to, I want to put something inside you, right? Like you could find like back to normal people. Yeah. Like find a little town. No, you got to do the petty thing and then call his dick something so weird that when he brings it up, you go, ah. Yeah, be like, oh, I want your lipstick,

your lipstick in my my purse. I hate that. Yeah. And if you want him to stop, you got to find something he's not going to like. But I think it has to be something more common, right? Like your hot dog. And then if he's like, I'm sorry,

you think a hot dog is more commonly put into a person lipstick? No, I mean, like in his life, something is he's like, I'm sure you think a hot dog is more commonly put into a purse of lipstick. No, I mean, like in his life, something is he's going to be asked about. Oh, I ask him if he wants to ruin a word for him. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You're just going to ruin another word for you if you make a lipstick. Yeah, true. You got to be like, oh, like a bat.

You're sure. Put your bat into you have to figure out what put your wee wee moat The classic Three things men are into hot dogs Fucking baseball bats. I just figured it was like bats like that man. Like a flying bat. No. Yeah, and We the wee remote That's it I know you got worked down the list if he's not one of if he's a freak

and he isn't into those top things. If he's a real fucking weirdo and isn't into bats, hot dogs and bats, we. We were we boats. That's the thing. It's like, are you a butt guy? You boobs guy. That's that's so 1990s. Now it's a hey, you a bad guy. You'll we know, boy.

Look at something up and that's worrying me. No, I'm writing down bats wieners and we motes and we motes Yeah, but again you can opt out at any point just have this conversation and who knows maybe he'll be okay with it And also try rucksack What's the best bag? Do you think? To be equated to a vagina or just in general for I think for for your vagina? I mean, it's got to be I think it's

purse, right? It's there is something delicate, cute and stylish. It even like it opens at the top. You know, like if you like maybe a clutch, a clutch would be better as they're lunch, right? They they have sort of like the the opening first one

Ziploc Yeah, Ziploc's not great. I know duffel bag also implies a just a dirtiness. There's there's a level of like Rusted goodness. Yeah, right I think for rucksack, there's like, it's been mistreated. It's, it's scraped a bit. It's faded. Rucksack sounds like it belongs to like a dude that goes and like makes those videos where he cooks, like at the side of a river on rocks.

You know what I mean? Like you've ever seen those videos. There's a certain charm to those though. It is for sure. Whether I want that equated with my female genitalia or not. That's fair. That's fair. But Ziploc though, there's an element, there's like the smell of old cold cuts, you know? There's a stickiness. There's a, it's been used and we should put it in the bin-ness to it. Yeah. You don't want to reuse a Ziploc bag? No. No.

Although I have, I'm currently sitting beside a massive amounts of Ziploc bags filled with D and D minis. It's fair. So, um, what, what'd I say I was going to do? I don't remember what question I said I was going to do. This is more discussion question. Cause I, I'll tell you friends, gang, team, uh, I had a, I had a tough time finding questions that spark joy in me Mary Kondo was not on my side today. I Believe is her name. Yeah This is from maybe Rasa and I'm not gonna read the question because it's it's pretty self-evident from the thing

It's what is one simple thing that the opposite sex often gets wrong in dating I want to just like talk about I just want to How many things you can fit up your foreskin You you think that women do you think women think too many or too little? It depends on the woman It's a real glass has five full situation here Are okay, would you be more upset that someone thought you could fit more things in or less things? Less like they underestimated my capabilities, although more if they want me to prove it,

because I don't want that. I want that at all. OK. I have one that is like a non-funny real answer is periods. Like my, I know someone whose ex literally like one day turned to her and was like, women are so dumb. Why don't you just hold it? As if you could just hold your period like you needed to pee. And when instead of figuring that out, we're so lazy guess that they were just like I'm gonna keep peeing

Throughout this week. Yeah, so that that's a bold one. I do think a lot of men don't understand Periods and also are scared of them And I think if you are in a relationship and you can't talk about periods you're not old enough to be in a relationship Yeah, you know say opposite sex. So what what we think women don't understand about dating men? I know what I'm saying what men don't you know? It's still the opposite sex to a man Yeah, I think the question is more like men what what do women? Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Well fine. Let's do I think okay? Oh, okay, okay. Okay, well fine, let's do, I think, okay,

oftentimes, just like the parts of the penis and which ones are more sensitive than others. You know what I mean? Like I've had people just grab the head dry and just go for it and you're like, wow, what are you doing? You know what I mean? Whereas like if you were to just like mash a clit,

they would be like, whoa, what the fuck? Like how do you not know this? Like don't feel like there's the same kind of standard hell to win. It's funny, I would be the fuck? Like, how do you not know this? I don't feel like there's the same kind of standard held to win. It's funny. I would be very curious to know, because you've been out of the dating game for eight, nine years now, something like that, like almost a decade. I would love to know.

And this isn't me saying I bought your relationship to. Well, if you if you want it, I guess we got to. Yeah, we can just write down. I'm just going to run down. Yeah. Yeah. Because like, I think I think the things I would have answered. Hmm. You know, when we were both single,

I think is much different from my most recent. OK, so what are your most recent? So my most recent, I think, is the the like the scared aspect of like the, I mean, the what are you is, is, is the worst. But we've talked about that a lot. You mean the what are we? Yeah, like the what are we? What are you?

Vampire. A killer. Bella. I think what I found dating in my 30s and dating women, like in their 30s as well, is the wildly... What's the word I'm looking for? Unwillingness to let things progress naturally. In terms of people wanted hard answers and distinct timelines and off the bat right off the bat or within like two or three dates in some aspects

like there were times where I hadn't even slept with a woman yet and they were talking about you know becoming exclusive and I was like I don't even know if if this works first and foremost like I we haven't had sex yet like I'm definitely not becoming exclusive with someone was like, I don't even know if, if this works first and foremost, like I, we haven't had sex yet. Like I'm definitely not becoming exclusive with someone I haven't slept with yet. Also, you don't know them, right? It's really hard to answer things like that. Off the bat, if you're like a wee remote guy, right? Oh, for sure. And off the bat, come on. That's the joke.

And off the bat come on. That's the joke The things that I would have Felt when I was younger and this is something we've talked about a lot as well is is the The idea of like when you tell a dude something If they're a good dude, they're gonna listen to you Yeah, yeah, right like the only amount of you should know or like you see that's not I don't know if that's necessarily a thing That they do or don't know about the opposite sex. I think it's just a thing. They've been socialized to do that sucks Yeah

You know, but it's funny. So you're talking about these differences Do you think it is our times moving on or is it just the age bracket that you're now dating in versus, you know, um, I, I, I think it's a little calm, a little combi because I think, I think as you get older, you're a little more sure of like what you want. And also there is like a biological, uh, you know, pressure, uh, for women if they are looking to have a family where the odds of being able to have successful pregnancies and so on and so forth. I'm desperately trying to not use the term biological clock because it grosses me out

so much. Yeah, it's pretty bad. But that is a reality for people. But I think there's also, I think a lot of women who are about our age grew up sort of in the worst timeline for casual dating because it was like, we were sort of the first wave of Tinder's and dating apps that were hookup centric. Right. So like before then it was like the dating apps existed.

There were plenty of fish. There was the okay cupids. There were the matchy harmony and stuff, but those were very relationship focused. When Tinder came out, when we were single and in our twenties, it was very easy to hook up with people and it was, it was very easy to like use those apps in that way. And I think that really ruined a lot of people. I think a lot of dudes still have that mentality and are lying in order to meet expectations

of people who have matured past that. And so I think there's a level of like jaded bitterness from online dating that has. Sure, I also feel like there's always been, again, like society has tied being with someone, especially for women, so heavily to like their age. So it's like if you're in your 30s and you're not with someone.

So I think they're also still getting the tail end of that, which I don't think Gen Z are going to be getting as much. Like I think that we're also kind of the last gasp of that, I think, which is why there's such this like Treadwife kind of revival thing trying to happen. Whereas like we're kind of stepping away from that, but we're still tainted by it. Right. a lot of pushback on more alternative relationship styles, right? Like the amount of like people who are like, are you Polly? Like, blah, blah. Like, are you open? Like, I don't want to casual.

Like there was a lot of anger in regards to the open relationships, the Polly. Like when I was dating with my past partner towards the end of our relationship, we were open and Polly. And like, that was a huge point of contention, despite the fact that it was like in my profile. It was very clear. It was very, you know, I could see people being angry if you like withheld that you were Polly.

I'd like they found out later on, which I think would be pretty shitty to do. But it's like if you're just Polly and they're not into it, like what are you getting fucking angry about? So you're cool. OK. Like matching with me isn't going to change it. Like I'm not going to be like, OK, I'm going to get rid of my nested primary partner because I match with you as a stranger on the Internet. Yeah, I don't understand that shit.

But like, I think not all of these are just like people being bad at dating, not necessarily the other like, you know, women, stuff about men, you know, women, not going to stuff about men. You know what I mean? I think one that you can tense a little muscle, move your dick. People are always fascinated by that. Yeah. They love that shit. I think like maybe realizing that men are people. Sometimes that could be a thing where it's like people think of men in this like almost like fiction terms where like you're this impenetrable, brooding, like whatever, whereas like you do have emotions and you are a person. And like some people are actually bad when that realization comes comes out.

Men men are often treated as monoliths and of like of and sort of like this is what men as a society, you know, societal standard of men is. And all men are that way. And if you try to challenge that or break the mold in any way, it's just funny because the question like this almost presupposes that men are monoliths, right? So it's like, what's that thing they don't realize about all men? Yeah.

And I will say there are very few that will go that will, you know, expand towards all men. But I think another one we see is that men don't always want to have sex. Yeah. I mean, I think that would have been one of my big ones when I was younger of the idea that men aren't just in the same way that a lot of dudes need to hear that women aren't sex machines in which you put in kindness and time and money and you can sex out of the deal men aren't sex machines in the sense of like you don't look at us and we want it which I think is pretty tough for a lot

of women to hear and I've had I mean we've both had very negative experiences saying no to women and or like you know even if it's nothing to you, they could be tired or sick or ill like, yeah, or not interested. Like it's not a you know, because again, if someone is with the belief that men always want it all the time and then if you don't, that's a devastating blow to their self esteem. And it's like, you just need to realize that's not factual. It's not realistic. Yeah.

And that like our dicks aren't intrinsically linked to just libido in the sense of, you know, I believe I've told this story before. So I was hooking up with someone and they asked me to stop like multiple times. Like we would start and they'd be like, whoa, OK. And then we'd start. Oh. And then I was like, OK, well, by the third time, my body is like, no, this isn't sexy anymore. The third time he did not rise again.

Yeah. Jesus. Hell, yeah. I love what my dick is compared to Jesus. Maybe that's what you can start calling his dick. Oh, little Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. But yeah, it's just like, you know, at a certain point in time. Also, there was one point in time where someone was riding me and I had slipped out and we kind of like smashed bits.

And I don't remember the exact word that she said, but it was real gross. In the sense that she said something along the lines of like, you've turned my pussy into like mashed potatoes or something like something viscerally gross. Let me tell you, that's fucking foul, man. Yeah. Right. As a man who says gross things all the time. Yeah. And like that really did just sort of take all the wind

at a at a little Jesus sales. Yeah. And I was just like, well, you can't because like and then she got frustrated because I did lose it. And I was like, well, you can't say things like that and expect you to stay around Yeah, that's horrendous Yeah, yes, and I guess another question another point men are not monoliths, which we kind of partially brought up But we're bringing up again now. So yeah, it's questions like this are hard because There is a lot of monolith presupposing, you know what I mean?

But I think those ones do a pretty good, pretty good example of making things make sense. You ready for the next question? I think so. This is by signalelderberry533, left with hickeys that make it painful to walk or move. I, female 18, had a hookup with a girl, female 17, after knowing her for only a few days. She asked me out on a date, we fooled around and went further than I expected I consented but I don't think I really wanted it as now it feels like my first time was wasted on someone I hardly know her like anyway throughout the span of roughly six or seven hours ended up with a ton of hickeys

There's these two clusters on my inner thighs. They're extremely painful and swollen They're sort of starting to get black and spread hurts to walk or move too much I have to walk graduation tomorrow morning and I'm scared I'll mess up due to the pain. Is that level of bruising and pain normal for Hickeys? It really hurt in the moment, but I didn't expect so much swelling and stuff. Yikes.

So I had another question. I don't think I copied it because I didn't want to talk about it, but now I'm going to. And it was about a gentleman who his girlfriend just would not stop. And like, she just kind of in general. With Hickeys or in general?

With Hickeys. So she's kind of like latched onto the old neck and just kept going. He was like, it got so painful and so like claustrophobic that he was like, I was Inching towards territory of like do I have to hit her to get her to stop? and This is a it's weird that hickeys are Like becoming a thing or I've seen them mentioned a bit when I've been looking to have rediscovered them in a dusty tomb Yeah, like they just where they belong where they should go Take ease and 69 ing should just put them in a tomb For one thing and one thing only bragging rights when you're 14

Yeah, that's it. And then very quickly you actually don't want that and you're like, oh, okay That sucks this because it becomes less of a bragging right more of kind of like an embarrassment if you're over the age of I'll give It till 15 and a half right you're 16. You got a hickey. Sorry. It's lame I feel like if you have a job you should have and that's that's what I think is like going into your place of work I'm being like my god Yeah, yeah, and like if you're giving someone a hickey in a visual place you need their consent, right? None of this bullshit marking your territory bollocks or whatever the fuck it is. Like what are you doing?

Stop. And if you're not giving them one in a visible place, you should probably still ask. Also maybe just stop because they're, they suck. Yeah. And also like there's a pretty immediate feedback, right? Like I know they don't get as bad as they do until like after a couple hours or whatever. But like, if you've left a welt on someone and you haven't asked permission to do so, that should like, if I was doing something also, like, I don't know who the fuck is getting

pleasure out of having just their thighs sucked so hard that their blood vessels burst. That's the thing. Nobody is. And what I want to say about hickeys is they are useless because sucking on someone's neck, licking their neck, biting their neck, whatever, all good things could be the start of a hickey. The only thing when it becomes a hickey is when you've done it for so long and so hard that it makes a mark, at which point, unless you're a very specific type of person, the pleasure is gone at that point.

You can do the good stuff without marking someone. So what the fuck are you doing? The pleasurable. And again, as Nell said, like there are people who I'm sure are into the pain aspect of it. Sure. And that's fine. But that's definitely a conversation you have to have. Yes, for sure. Anytime you introduce any sort of pain play into things, that is a kink and a fetish that requires consent and requires a conversation

about safe words and yada yada. But yeah, it's like Hickeys are the worst things in the world because I and I don't know. And maybe maybe we're monolith in here on the opposite side. But I Hickey very easily for whatever reason. He a gentle boy. I hate her skin and which is good because I don't really bruise easily like I have to give myself a pretty solid but like a little just the slightest bit of suction on my neck and it's like so I would always ask people and like if I felt that going you know I mean the the suction beginning to be applied I'd be

like hey do you mind and I would would say the amount of women who ignored that request was almost all of them. It like, it was really quiet. In the heat of the moment, I would have to ask either multiple times or be like, hey, remember when I said you left a mark, can you not do that anymore? Yeah, I would say the majority of people I've said that to have been like, oh yeah, and then immediately go back to it

That's like why yeah, and again, I think there is an element of like marking or something and I think that's shitty I think that is like one of the things where it's like, oh well now you can't hook up with someone else without having to Explain how you why you have a hickey? Which yeah, which is a shitty thing to do to someone if yeah the agreement is that you're seeing other people Yeah, and also if you just told them not to do it It doesn't matter if you're seeing other people or not. They fucking spat in the face of your consent Yeah, no, it's fucked. So don't do it. Don't be a baby as to is this the normal amount of bruising and pain for Hickey? No, not at all. Not in any way shape or form and more importantly

Like you need to learn to set boundaries because you said it hurt a lot at the time. Did you tell them to stop? It kind of feels like you didn't in this question. I understand that it's scary. It's your first time. You probably assume they know more than you or whatever. But one of the most important lessons you can ever learn about engaging in any sexual

act is the ability to say no and when to enforce your boundaries to keep yourself safe. Yeah. And even if you could be in pain and enjoying it, but you need to be able to communicate in the moment. And when you hit a threshold of being like, hey, that's too much, you need to be able to feel comfortable and confident saying that. And if you don't feel comfortable and confident saying that, you shouldn't be sleeping with

that person. Yeah. If you... And I understand that there are situations where you make a bad choice and there's... I understand as a woman, there are times where you kind of have to hedge your bets after making a bad decision of going home with someone maybe you shouldn't have, et cetera, et cetera. But for the most part, like you should be hooking up with people and having sex with people who are willing to stop when you tell them to stop and willing to listen to you

when you need to communicate something in the heat of the moment. There is nothing unsexy about clarification and content. And if it is, that's not a person you want to have sex with. Yeah. They're going to be upset because you're making them stop because you're in pain. Fuck them. Clarification and content and if it is that's not a person you want to have sex with yeah They're gonna be upset because you're making them stop because you're in pain fuck them, but I do not Yeah, they don't need to speak up still bit my nipples after telling them specifically not to bite my nipples like fuck Oh, yeah, it's bad Feel like we are in that time for that last question

I have a rogue's gallery of women who have bitten nipples when I said don't bite nipples and faces evil people Like Batman with people who buy my nipples have they been slowly being sent to Arkham They all have wild gimmicks that yeah, that's fair the banana girl One of them distracts you with the the poison flower and yeah Yeah, someone's doing a cool like penguin umbrella dance. Yeah, then sir latch right on the worst is the clay guy guy Love that

Yeah, we're probably at a time. We did a lot of rambling this episode did ramble But you know what hopefully you enjoyed it and if, tell us and we'll ramble less. It's too bad. It's our show. We've done 353 of these. We're allowed to ramble in a few. Now, I love you too much to make you listen to our rambling. If you don't like it, tell me and we'll try to put it later. We'll try for once.

And 353 episodes, we will try. That's our promise. Try not to ramble, Dane. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvested for the song paper stars as Previously stated we have a patreon if you would like to support us Please do so the money helps us to continue to do the show without going crazy And if we get enough of it quit our jobs, and we'll do this even better, and then we can promise we won't ram then we'll try Then we'll try and we're gonna do a patreon episode

This month's patreon episode. I will include the the question about playing dead Can't wait I raised it's a bad sex right? Yeah, this is about incubus by Ray Russell 1976 Now that the danger had passed Belinda began to shake all her great curves bobbing and quivering like overripe fruit. Hmm. That's how I know my fruit has been out too long, it starts quivering. When your bowl of fruit is just sort of like wiggling around like someone's jello mold that's constantly being shaken. Yeah.

That's, I mean that's honestly it's really tough this time of year to get a good watermelon. You just gotta, just gotta listen for the quivering. Exactly. They also moan a little. Oh, oh, oh. My name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain. And we've been your quivering watermelons. Hmm. Change of name. you