F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 354 - Spanish on the Streets, English in the Sheets

Episode Date: July 28, 2025

If anyone needs a dog to rent for their Tinder photoshoot, please contact me.  I have a wide range of available makes and models.  Topics include staging a doggy photoshoot, taking pictures as a man, when sexy banter turns into a linguistic car crash, I love you too soon.

I put my trust in you, and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either roaming the wilds of the internet or sent in by our wonderful listeners like yourselves. And we answer them right here, right now, every Monday, occasionally on stage, occasionally

on our Patreon. Both things you can come to to support us. Yeah. We'll talk about that later. Dang, I see positivity bubbling up inside you. Bursting out of me. Just spewing out your holes. This one I feel like you're going

to be on board with as well. We got to play a CTRPG in person yesterday. Just so you understand what the hell is happening, last week I mentioned that I was starting to get a little, I felt like bitterness was creeping into sort of the, the doom of the world was making me sort of angry at everyone that was asking questions. And despite the fact that this was supposed to be a positive

and we were supposed to be teaching people instead of just yelling at them. So I wanted to reframe and give a little bit of positive things and bring some positivity to hopefully get me in the right mindset so I'm not just yelling at people that don't deserve it. So yeah, Nile and I have recently made friends with, I mean, like we always knew sort of,

but like we've recently become like friends with. Yeah, there's always the internet friends of the like we've recently become like friends with. Yeah, there's always the like the Internet friends of the like, yeah, and at once and we occasionally like each other's like blue sky posts or whatever, which doesn't really count. Yeah. Yeah. So we got together with them and we played a TTRPG in person with Niles. I was to say Nails, Nails partner, Niles partner joined us for it.

It was it was just very lovely. It was just a very like nice evening of doing a thing that we all love to do and playing a little silly game and having just way too many snacks. It was great. I ate. Yeah. Yeah. Spread was it was it was it was good. But now we can know and get on the show. I think you can.

I can't detour it across the road to say hi to me the other day. That was that's my positivity. Hell, yeah. Yeah. I think we're going to get into it this week. We're going to talk about have any of you ever posted a photo of yourself with a dog that's not yours for your dating profile? How to take good pictures as a man when sexy banter becomes a linguistic car crash. I love you. Mid hookup.

Hmm. Hmm. Let's get into it. We haven't had seduction in a while, but don't worry. It's Garbox is here to kick us right into seduction town. Have any of you are you were calling seduction Garbox, which it's it is because it almost sounds like garbage. Yeah. Yeah. Garbox. Yeah, we could. That could be a new term. We did it again. Put that in the merch store. Did it? Almost sounds like garbage. Yeah. Garbox. Yeah, that could be a new term.

We did it again. Put that in the merch store. Did it. I have a photo shoot coming up in a few days. My friend has allowed me to borrow his dog to take photos with. These will be used for my dating profile, but I mentioned in my bio this dog does not belong

to me as a disclaimer. They say women love seeing photos of guys with dogs, so hopefully this is true. Okay. You know what? I think this is gonna kitty-corner. So hopefully this is true. OK. I you know what? I think this is going to kitty corner real good with my next question. Perfect.

And like you know what? I'm just going to read it. Read the yeah. Read it and then we'll just answer them both. Yeah. This is from I love Fortnite 220. Man, how do you take good pictures of yourselves? Got out of long term relationship buddy, Gyrko.

I'm finally ready to get back out there. I paused my Instagram in twenty twenty one, so I haven't been on since then. My pictures on there are awful. So maybe I just start over. But how do I take good pictures? I never think about taking pictures of myself on vacation at events or when I go out. Maybe I should. How do I take pictures that don't make me look like a tool? Maybe hire

a professional. Any advice would help. OK, well, let's I'm going to answer the first question as if it's this question Very quickly and there are two glaring errors here one I think a photo shoot is too polished right if you show up with like professional photos and it's very clearly You know, especially if you do them all that day if you had by yourself. Yes, exactly and with a fucking dog That's not yours. You know what I mean? So I think that is an issue. I think if you have one professional photo,

you might be able to get away with it. But most people don't have a professional photo, so you're going to stick out and probably not in a good way. Two, if it is just professional photos and you are by yourself, you look like you don't have any mates or hobbies. And three, now the dog is interesting to me because the disclaimer, this isn't my dog could be a conversation starter, but it also could be a bad thing because you're starting off talking about

like a weird thing you've done, kind of. I don't think it's worth it, but I don't think it's criminal. I look, I think planning to have a photo shoot with your friend's dog and then also planning to have a disclaimer. I think that's bad. I think like if I was you with a cute dog, you could just be like, by the way, this isn't my dog and that's fine. But if you're in a like a fucking photo or yeah, like if you snapped a candid

photo of me playing with Sandy and it was adorable, I think that's fine. Right? Like I think that's fine, right? Like I think that is a completely candid natural thing to do. And then like, just bring up, like, I don't think you need to put a disclaimer either. If someone's like, oh, that's a really cute dog. Be like, yeah, it's, you know, it's my best friends. She loves me, et cetera, et cetera, whatever, right? Like you can explain the context then, but I think the idea of like being like girls like dog. So I'm going to take picture with dog.

But I will also say to make sure not lie to girl dog, not mine. I think is is a weird chain of events that I think people will see a mile away. And the same is also like it's almost defensive, right? Like, oh, like, cool. Before we get into it, that was not mine. Yes, it's like, you know, it's pictures of all like a bunch of kids like I've I've went through a bunch of like photos where it's like it's it's someone with like multiple photos of like the same kid or whatever and it's like it's just my niece I really who I really love it's like well if you if you realize that you

have to say that maybe pick different pictures Yeah, that that one is honestly strange to me because like surely there are other times people are taking pictures of you know It just sounds like all you do is hang out with your niece. It sounds like you work nice crazy Yeah, I'm like, which I don't want to yeah I don't want to be anything crazy, right? Like I don't want like it's like we're going back to the the dude with like I want to catch snakes crazy, right? Like I don't want like, it's like we're going back to the, the dude with like, I want to catch snakes and all I do is go to the lake. If everything, if your profile exudes one thing, one note, one flavor, I'm worried

that every time a conversation we're going to have is going to be about your niece. I'm worried that we're never going to be able to make plans because you're always going to hang out. You're, you're hanging out with your niece. So much snakes birthday party. It's my niece niece is whatever it's my whatever. Yeah, right. Like I'm worried that if your profile is one, anything again, if it's only you on stage in a band, if it's only you in cosplay, if it's only you and whatever, I'm like, this is all you got.

And I feel like I'm going to be competing with this for both like conversation and time Yeah, either you have like no time for me Or you are very unoriginative and like you've just picked one thing and that's it and like that's boring to me You know, I mean even if it's a cool thing if that's all you are and do yeah, no, thanks So I think for the first question I would say no to both So I think for the first question, I would say no to both. Yeah, like if we go to the if we go back to professional picture,

I think it's like if you have a badass photo, like I used a professional photo from a professional photographer when I was at adult summer camp show. Oh, that's fair. OK. But you know what? That's that's different. Yeah. If you get a photo, if someone snaps a great photo of you on the dance floor at a wedding, that's a. Yeah, if you get a photo, if someone snaps a great photo of you on the dance floor at a wedding, that's a professional photo, right? By a professional photographer. That is OK.

If you're using your LinkedIn or your actor or your model or like if you're using photos that you use in a professional sense, I think that's weird. I think if you're an actor or a model and you're using your like headshot. Hmm I think I give a little leeway I give you one if you're a model and you have a kick-ass like photo that you took on set and then it's like it Would be cooler if you had one of your modeling photos rather than your headshot That's what I mean. Like I will give someone their modeling photo But again, if every photo is you airbrushed and touched up by professional

photographer and hair and makeup, that means nothing to me. Yeah. And it's sterile, right? Like it's even if they're good, it's like one, you probably don't have many people in the photo with you. And if you do, it's probably weirder if you got all your friends to like stage a fucking fun night in a backdrop. You know what I mean? And that's the thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with it being a professional photo in the cases Dane mentioned. You know what I mean? Like you're the fucking mixer and there's a photographer and they take a cool picture.

You're at a convention. These are the only places I've had professional photos taken of me. But I think a photo shoot is strange, especially just you. And especially if it's for the distinct purpose of getting photos for your online profile. Yes. Yes. If that is why you're taking the photos, I think it's going that it's going to read as that, right? It's going to feel like these are photos that I took from my online dating profile. And I read an article on Buzzfeed once it said I need a picture with a pet, like a pet. I need a picture doing an activity. I need a candid picture like, you know what I mean?

And it's going to read like you. You went to a WikiHow article and just checked off all the boxes. You're going to seem desperate, unimaginative, lame, sad, like, and I will say worse than all of this, don't get a fucking AI photo either. If I saw anyone with an AI picture, if you were like gibble applied through AI or it was just one of those like AI LinkedIn ones, I am never going to consider dating you. Yeah, I don't care how hot you are.

Thankfully, the worst that I had to deal with during my single days was dog. We're we're Snapchat filters. Thankfully, thank God I got out before a because I agree. If I went through and I saw you had like an AI filter on any of your photos, absolutely not. Yeah, it's like, oh, you're just so lame. Cool. Great. Love that. And it also it gives big bot energy. Right.

And I say this, especially as as like a man who dates women. If I go through your profile and it's all model photos and all professional photos, all I can think of is you found someone that you liked and stole all their photos. Stole, yeah, yeah. That's actually a very good point. I don't know if it's the same for men, but I imagine-

But like for men, you're more falling, maybe you're a really hot man, but I doubt you need to do this if you're a really hot man. But if you're a normal looking man, you probably just seem very desperate. I mean, I feel like if you're a hot dude and all of your photos are your professional modeling photos, I think that I think that's most people I think would think that you're also a scam. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

If you're really hot, you can fall into that. If you're not, it's just kind of lame. So I know I don't want to list out like a BuzzFeed article, like I have one with whatever. But like you need to try to take selfies when you go out or try to get a friend to take a picture or, you know, you can have old pictures if it's one or two and you're not radically different. You know what I mean?

If you have a picture where you're 100 pounds lighter, that's not doing you any favors. You know what I mean? Or if you're 100 pounds heavier or whatever, like the cl- you should try to get as close as you can to how you look and that's not saying anything bad about whatever state you were or are in, it's just like you want to represent yourself accurately. Yes, because it's- it's- physical appearance is one of those things where it's like people will clock it immediately. Right? Like if you walk in and all your pictures are from 10 years ago,

people will know that the same way that if you are, you know, four feet shorter or a hundred pounds heavier, like all those things are immediately apparent. And all that says is I'm a liar, like right off the bat, right off the go. I'm insecure. And you're also doing something that is bound to fail anyway. So it's like, do you think I'm dumb or did you just not think about me?

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's essentially being like, I can fly and then not being able to fly. I hate when people can't fly, man. People who say they can fly and they can't, suck. So I don't think we can necessarily say how to take a good picture. I can, however, tell you what not to do and-

Low angle, double chin. Low angle. No expression. Take your fucking sunglasses and hat off. Yeah, sunglasses and hat off. Perhaps you are hat fishing, which is a thing that I used to be very insecure about. Hat fishing, I love that term. When you're balding or don't have great hair

and all your pictures have your head covered. That's so that's such a great term. Yes. I wish I could. I wish I could claim credit for it, but I can't. I'll know where it came from. But like, I think it's important to. Is it chasing if you're way more charming over text than in real life. It is. Yeah, for sure. It's bat fishing. If you have one photo of you playing baseball.

As long as you. But if you actually play baseball, then it's fine. Mm hmm. It's drap fishing if you pretend that you don't curse and just so you like meet up with someone who's really like puritanical and then you're like Fuck in person. Yeah It's rat fishing when you pretend that you like the police and want to give them information to help with investigations Yeah, yeah, it's lat fishing if you've had to did your muscles be a little hot little better Fishing if you put Fake fake tattoos on you

if you put a fake fake tattoos on you. Love it. It's sat fishing. If you pretend like you are American, took the SATs. True, true. It's that fishing. If you pretend you got a big old huge barrel behind you, but it's you know, those fake backgrounds. Yeah. So definitely like now we were breezed over really quick. But if you are holding your camera in the position in which you usually use your camera

or your phone, don't. No one looks good from low angle. Yeah. That and like dudes do it all the time. The low angle like, you know, I'll look, you know what? Let's get weird. Yeah, do it. Yeah, here we go.

This, this isn't good guys. I look like shit This is actually don't want to post this anymore. I look like yeah bad. Here's here's the other one that men like to do What's that nailed it? That's a mugshot dude? Yeah, at the very least smile You got a smile and you're not smiling hard you think you are I don't care how tough you think you are you look like a killer and you know what women don't want to meet on online dating Killers, they don't want to die unless you're Brandon flower and then they do want to meet you as a member of the killers Oh, yes. Yeah, okay. Yes. It doesn't look a thing like Jesus, which in this case is good Yeah, we see a gentleman., we've seen a gentleman.

Look, we've seen some bad fucking pictures. There's, you know, don't do the low angle. Don't do the no expression. If you're not going to smile, at least smiles. Thank you, Tyra Banks. If you're don't take a picture of like a black and white room with a little bit of light coming through and this weird chair. We've had that before.

Don't do a fish picture. Don't take a picture of your truck. Right. Yeah, this could be regional like if you're from down south in the states, you're probably okay to take a picture of your truck, right? Yeah, your truck. I think it has to be illegally I think it is mandated in the south that you have to have a picture of your truck But I think like think of what you want people to know about you and I don't mean think about you I mean know about you like things that are true, right? So you don't take a picture of your truck being like, I want them to know I'm rich. Fuck that. You want the things you want people to actually like, which should be you.

You know what I mean? So if something is a hobby that you do, try to snap a picture around that. You know what I mean? Get a picture of you looking good by yourself. Get a picture of you doing a thing. Get a picture with some friends. Yeah, you want an assortment of things to show that you have a well-rounded life. Yes, there's no harm. And this is presuming that you have good friends who care about you and our position. There's no harm in being like, guys, I need to revamp my my Tinder profile or my hinge profile, whatever. Next time, where can we just can we try to take a look?

Like, I don't want to do a photo shoot. I don't want to stage anything. But like, you know Next time we're out, can we just, can we try to take a, like, I don't want to do a photo shoot, I don't want to stage anything, but like, you know, if we're doing something cool, if I'm about to do something cool, like if I'm about to go up and do karaoke or ride the mechanical bull or get in the batting cages or whatever the fuck you guys are doing,

can you snap a few pictures and if they, if they're good, they're good, if they're not, they're not. But like, can we just, can we just try to, and then like at the end of the night, maybe snap a selfie with your friends? Like do, do something that, that makes you feel comfortable. I will also say a great litmus test is again, these are things that should be standard in terms of,

are you ready to date? Because I feel like if, if these things aren't true, readily available, then perhaps you may need to focus on some other things. So like if you don't have a hobby, if you don't have friends. If you don't have friends, if you don't have a hobby, if you don't really have a social life, if you don't really like have someone that you can trust.

And here's another big one. Ask the women in your lives, you know, who are friends or family and be like, hey, can you look at this? Does this represent me? Do I look scary? Would you swipe on, you know what I mean? Like, I think that's too many snakes in this picture. I think that's a great thing to do. Like I showed my, my profiles to a lot of my lady friends who gave me tips and were like, do not,

I don't know why you think that picture looks good, but it sucks. And that's like something where I was like, I love this picture. This picture looks great. And then they were all like, no, you look like a idiot. Don't do that. That's a terrible picture. And like, it was pretty unanimous across the women that I was talking to that they all hated this photo. And it's like, that's great to know because I thought it was invaluable. Right. So, and, and going back to what I just said, where it's like if you don't have platonic friends who are women or female identifying, maybe that's a problem. That's something you should look into. Yeah.

If there aren't any women in your life that you trust enough to do this with, that is a huge red flag. Yeah. You very much have to examine why that is and maybe try to fix that. But yeah, if you don't have hobbies, friends, women, social life, what are you doing? You know? Get a nice haircut, you know what I mean? Like look at yourself and be like,

have I just not done anything with my hair for eight months and I'm just gonna roll with it? And like, if that's what you wanna do, that's fine. But know that you're gonna limit your pool, you know what I mean? Same thing with like, what am I wearing? Is it like a stained, dirty t-shirt? You know what I mean? Same thing with like, what am I wearing? Is it like a stained dirty t-shirt? You know what I mean?

Am I only in a suit? Do I not have any fancy? Like I think having a good picture of you like you know, cleaned up a little bit for a wedding or an event and a picture of you in a fucking shorts and t-shirt, you know what I mean? Like show the gamut of what you can do. Don't just do one.

Cause if you're only in like sweatpants the entire time, maybe you'll look a little sloppy. If you're only in a suit if you're only in like sweatpants the entire time Maybe you'll look a little sloppy if you're only in a suit You're given big like that one kid from university who came to every class in a suit and yeah And no one wants that it's you want to kind of think of it like yeah to put it into and I don't want to get To gender normative here, but like imagine this is your steam page, right? You want it like I want to be able to look through the screenshots of the game and get sort of a glimpse of like what we're getting into. If it's just the same like first person shooter,

gun aiming at army man look, then it's like, this tells me nothing and it looks boring and it looks like literally everything else. If you give me a flavor of like what you are as a person, it's gonna, you're more likely to buy the game, right? Like I'm, so that's kind of like the way are as a as a person. It's going to you're more likely to buy the game. Right. Like I'm so that's that's kind of like the way you want to think. This is your product page. This is your store page. What's what's the spice of life, Dane?

Cuman. Yes. But what's the next one? Variety. Exactly. So give a little variety. And again, it must be genuine and honest, right? You don't get a rock climbing picture if you don't fucking rock climb. You don't get a bank statement that's been edited to show you a 40 grand. In fact, don't post your bank statements because I know that was a thing at some point. Try to be honest, try to be varied and try to like, don't take it too seriously, which

I think the photo shoot is. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't matter if it's not perfect because that's genuine. Whereas like, if it's crisp and clean and edited and weird, like it's gonna come off sterile and maybe faked or posed or non-genuine or desperate. This is a very good point in the sense of like,

if you're putting this much effort into your online dating profile, in terms of hiring a photographer, borrowing a friend's dog, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, you are also glazing over the idea and like the fact now that online dating profiles are structured and the algorithm is structured in such a way that like, they're not beneficial for men. It is, they want you to pay the money.

So to put this much investment in it, makes you, makes it feel like, oh, if this doesn't work, I've done, I've put every, all, I put money into it, I put time into it, I put ba ba ba ba into it. And when it doesn't work, when you don't get the matches, because they're choking your profile in order to force you to pay for premium or plus or whatever.

It's gonna feel so much worse and it already doesn't feel good. Yeah. Right. Like, so I think you need to understand that, like putting that much effort into something that should be an auxiliary source of dating, um, is, is dangerous because I think the, the let down and the, the disappointment and the sadness of being like, I'm not getting any matches, but I have I've done all the things. Yeah. Where you could put in just as little like you put it away, less effort and get the same result. Yeah. Yeah. And then hopefully you'll feel a little less worse about it.

But also it feels like you're not thinking about that at all when you're going ham like this. Yeah. Because you're spending money, effort and investment, like I mean like emotional and like time investment on a thing that will not do, and it will actually do worse for you than not putting in that effort. And it's just gonna make it feel worse too. So just, you know, try to be genuine, try to be fun

and try to be a little more casual. I think that's where the effort should be put into making it as accurately representative of who you are as a person over an effort being put in to make it the best profile ever. Yeah. Yeah. And like, by all means, the profile that women are going to love. Right. Like, I think it's been, you know, have that really good rock climbing photo, not the one where you're a sweaty mess. You know what I mean? Like you can pick and choose. You can make sure it's curated, but it sells to be genuine. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's right. That's the danger of like

if you went rock climbing once and you did get a great photo, did you hate it? Are you never going to do it again? Because if someone swipes you and you're like, I love rock climbing, you're like, ah, rock climbing, you're like, no, I will say maybe it could be indicative of you being outdoorsy and or like active. But I think there is a way to spin everything. Yes. Right. Like if if you have if you've got that perfect, like, you know, biceps, the you know, the back is flexed, the arms are flat, you look fucking great. And you put it on and someone's like I love rock I'll be like I hated it The only good thing was this picture. I think that's funny right like I think I think there's there's ways

You can spin everything you can always be like I hated it But I get the feeling if I went with you be a lot more fun. Oh, you know yeah, try it again If it brings you a date I'm sure you'll fucking survive you know or I mean? Yeah. Try it again. If it brings you a date, I'm sure you'll fucking survive, you know, or I didn't like rock climbing, but do you like X? Because obviously you're fit. So, you know, you'll figure something out. There always are ways instead of just being like, no, or yes, I love rock climbing. And then they ask you what a tow hook is and you don't even fucking know, bro.

You don't even know what a tow hook is. She's asking for beta and you just think she's mocking you. She's fucking belaying you and not laying you. Ooh. That's right, it's the only thing I know about rock climbing. Good job. Ready for another one? Yeah.

When sexy banter becomes a linguistic car crash. So I, a 45 year old female, match would be 36 year old male on a dating app, emotionally mature, kind, the whole, we are going to have some fun, starter pack. We've had a few dates, a few sleepovers, some horizontal cardio, all good. When we first matched, we spoke in English, which is not our native language for either of us. And the vibe was chef's kiss, flirty, playful, follow banter. Then plot twist, he found out my nationality, switched to my native language because he's been living here for a while and doesn't want to sound like a tourist. Sweet, right? Wrong. Here's the thing. His version of my language sounds like a Google Translate

intern having a panic attack. Half the time it's so formal. I feel like I'm reading the terms and conditions. The other half it's so childlike. I expect him to ask for apple juice and a nap. Result spark sputter chemistry buffering my libido reading a book that one's weird books are sexy, but okay I tried to nudge him back compliment his language skills and said his English banter was a hundred percent me approved like suggestive smirk Emoji he missed the hint and proceeded to send a text my native language that read like a tax document written by a kindergartner Now I'm stuck. This is petty is my libido just a snob

There's some tragic multilingual rom-com where the subtitles room the kiss. I genuinely like the guy. He's sweet. He's hot. He brings wine. I'm dying to bring back that playful, sexy rhythm we had in English without sounding like I'm filing a formal request for dirty talk, but grammatically correct. Help, please. I'm accepting advice, emotional support, interpretive dance, anything. This is a great question. This is this is a real good question.

And I don't, I feel like I'm gonna have to talk this one through with you, cause I'm not sure, like obviously the answer is like, you gotta let this guy know that it just ain't him. So what I need to know is, is he a speaker of three languages? This being, you know, one he a speaker of three languages, this being one of his non-native or is he also from a country that speaks this language as just like a dialect

or regional thing? Because they say that English is in either of their first languages. So yeah, I would assume that it is also a non-native tongue. This is a third language that he knows. And his native language is another thing. Maybe that should be sexy enough for you. He's trilingual. Think about that. I understand what you're saying.

But if someone who spoke very poor English was like, I want to grip your penis with my hand and give strokes. Like, Oh, whoa, wait, don't stop. Oh, no, I have a lot. Yeah, I was going to real Tarzan finish on those cavemen. Uh, I think it's very easy.

You say I want to practice my English. Oh, you say like, hey, let's move back to English. I felt like talking to you helped me make it better or some shit. Your Spanish is flawless, so you don't need to practice anymore. Yeah, exactly. Or just be like, I don't know,

the way you talk in English is like, I don't know what it is, but it's so sexy. Like, can we go back? It was really turning me on. That's it. That's it, I think. I think you both, like, you can be like, hey, when we're out and about and we're just having regular conversation, let's work on your Spanish.

We're just using Spanish as a flag because we don't know what it is. Well, that's a stupid fucking thing to say, Dane. Spanish could never not be sexy. That's true. Yeah, it's definitely Irish. Although I'm sure we could find someone to butcher. I imagine anyone living in the South who knows like grade two Spanish is not sexy. Yeah, I think you could find a middle ground and be like, look, I understand you're trying to, so like when we're out and we're ordering dinner

and we're, you know, walking around in the mall or whatever, let's talk Spanish. But the bedroom, your English really does it for me. I think that is a great idea, right? like to separate the two worlds and be like when it's time to get hot and heavy You'll know because all of a sudden it's English time, right? Now you're gonna Pavlov her that anytime she hears English. Whoo That's fine No, because I imagine maybe there's also maybe there's a broken element to the English that is hot for them You know, maybe he only learned English from like book talk

Yeah, so it's just like all like I want to grab you gutturally around the throat and thrust my wolf member Towards your cave. Maybe that's it and she's just like yes, please. Thank you I want to grip your wings and be flown away to the top of a sex tree. Yeah. Class, is that what book talk is? I don't really think of a book talks all just like, you know, the fairy smut and the smut and the Minotaur smut. It's just smut. Just smut. OK, cool. I'm sure there's other elements of book talk.

No, yeah. You heard it here at Nile. If you think book talk is anything other than... Please don't ruin my writing career. Yeah, I think just like the way we always say it is like if you want to have a conversation about something like this don't lead with like negativity so you don't go hey when you speak Spanish turns me off, drives me up, I hate it and I'm actually reconsidering everything because of that. You say your English is so sexy it turns me on. Yeah. Lead with the positives. You don't need to speak the negatives. If he's like, oh, what about that? You can be like, sometimes, you know, I'm fine that kind way to say it. You know what I mean? Like sometimes there's a disconnect or like

you, you're like, like you use like colloquialisms or something that I don't immediately get. And it's like when I have to think about them that Takes me out of the moment, you know stuff like that or like oh, it's a little formal You know, I mean you could be honest without being harsh, right? Especially like if that's something that can be learned right like if he's yeah, cuz like when you learn a new language You're not learning the slang. You're not learning the ways that like, you know, like when you're learning English, you don't learn I gotta right you learn I'm going to. Yes.

So like it's, there's, there's a level of like fluidity that happens as you speak, as you, as you ingrain yourself in sort of the, the culture as well as the language. And even then there's like regional dialects and new slang and like, you know, it's there's a lot. So like be impressed by what this guy can do. Be genuine and honest about why it isn't working for you in this instance. But more importantly, be very complimentary about what is working, because people are more likely to be excited by that. It's better to be like, oh, this thing I do is super hot rather than, oh,

this thing I do is super not hot. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And then again, offer offer to help outside of sexy times. And then like if there's a term like again, if they're like, I want to grippy or cock, but there's a way you can say it, like tell them that way to say it. Yeah. I mean, that that could also be something kind of sexy is like you do almost like an anatomy lesson. But but sexy, right? It's like instead of like him, if he's like, I like your anatomy lesson, but sexy, right? So it's like, instead of like him, if he's like,

I like your big breasts, you could teach him to say- Wait, wait, wait, go back, say that again. No, no, I've done it again, David, I'm too powerful. You could teach him like the slang words, the words that aren't anatomically correct. Yeah, like you could have a fun night where it's like, you tell me what you wanna do to me in English, I'll tell you how to say it hot in Spanish.

And then you guys do it. Like, it could be so fun. Yeah, I think there's ways to make the sexy Spanish times fun, but also get what you want, which is like him speaking English, right? Like, I think there's a lot of room for play, a lot of room for grow. You really like this dude, which is a huge bonus, right?

Like if there was a lot of things going on and you were like, it's just the sex that's good. But like he's putting an effort to fit into your culture and the place that you live. Like there's a lot of things that this man is doing. And he knows three languages. That's hard as fuck. Yeah. That should warrant a little bit of extra care and a little bit of extra work on your part to make this work.

This is not insurmountable by any means. I feel like this is going to be a very easily fixed thing. Yeah, I believe in it. And I will just say, just in case it's happening, you could be self-sabotaging. This might not be as big of a problem as you are making it out to be. You might just be scared that there's

a dude who's willing to learn your language and is good and bad and is nice to you. And you know what I mean? And he knows that sexy English. This might be freaking you out. Yeah. So yeah, look at that. Take a second to reflect and you know what I mean like he knows this might be sexy you out yeah so so yeah look at that picture second and reflect and be like is this actually a problem or am I just getting freaked out because yeah I've met someone who

treats me well 100% I don't remember what the oh yes it this is from stable perusal I love you mid hookup four dates in title what is this how I met your mother? yeah right Ted Mosby I've got four dates with a girl and the vibes are immaculate we text constantly the communication is amazing and I honestly see the potential for something to develop here we're making plans to go on a trip together in two months and we love spending time together we're hooking up yesterday and right as she finished, she suddenly grabs my face, looks me in the eyes and says, I love you. We were both very drunk for context,

but it felt like a moment of clarity for her. Or should I write it off as a drunk talk? I'm not saying I don't love things about her too and that maybe I'm moving in that direction, but I don't want to say the L word without being fully into the, he's just the compromise of a relationship. I'm not sure if that's what he means, but maybe the, the idea of a relationship. We are exclusive or exclusive, also important context. How do I navigate? Do I write it off as wasted talk or should I talk to her about it? And if I do talk to her, what should I say?

The drunk definitely plays into this. It could be a lot of things. It could be that she's used to saying that when she has sex with a previous partner and it just kind of like fell into that rhythm and came out. It could be like, oh, you made me cum, like, oh, I love your car. She might've been trying to say, like, I love your dick or I love or whatever.

I think there's a lot here to indicate that it may not be as serious as it could be, but I don't think the way forward is not bringing it up. I think you are correct. I think you guys lowered inhibitions, presumably just had great sex. She just came. I don't think that, perhaps, as Nell said,

there was just a moment of like, God, you're good, right? Like a fucking, you know what I mean? It's the same way it's like when, you know, a fucking coworker closes for you when you want to get out early and you're like, I love you, thank you, right? Like I think it's more of a, an appreciative. And you closed her early, so.

Yeah, but I think Nell's also right. I don't think this is something that you can, especially if they don't remember it. Right. I think, I think, you know, this, you know what, I'm, I'm going to come, come honest here. I wouldn't bring it up. I don't think I would. I think I would be wary for it coming up a second time. And if it did, then I would talk about it. But I think if we're gonna be honest, we're gonna send advice out of the room, we're gonna be real here.

I would probably ignore it and I would wait for them to bring it up because either they meant it and they're gonna say it again or they were embarrassed about it and maybe they'll clarify. But like if it doesn't come up and there's nothing worrying I would probably just forget about it. I'd bring it up.

I would bring it up, what would you say? The next time we're hanging out, or actually you know what? I'd probably do it over text so that they could take a look themselves and it doesn't feel like an ambush. I would, I would bring up the next time we, you know, we, we had a moment to like talk. I wouldn't do it during dirty talk. I wouldn't do it during like plants to, to hook up or, or booty call or whatever. Right. I would find a moment. Either I would initiate it or there'd be a good time. during dirty talk, I wouldn't do it during plants to hook up or booty call or whatever, right? I would find a moment, either I would initiate it or there would be a good time the next time we spoke.

And I would just say like, hey, so last time we hooked up, you said that you loved me. I, like we need to discuss that because like, I would just, I would phrase it in being like, I am not ready there. I wanna check in, see where you're at. I wanna see where you're at. I wanna see, and it's like, I am not. I want to check in. Yeah, I want to check in. I want to see where you're at. I want to I want to see.

It's like I don't hold it against you. If you were saying that in the sense that like, hmm, we just had very good sex. Hell, yeah, I'm I'm not going to be weird about it. But if you do feel that way, I do think that we need to have a check in and like kind of rearrange priorities and see if we're on the same page Yeah, and four dates is Honestly, even the fact that you're going on a trip after four dates is kind of a lot But it's also I mean we we talk about it a lot and I don't think we need to discuss it in this question

But like they also say they're exclusive after four dates. Yeah, did you know talk about that? Why did you talk about the compromise of a relationship? You're in a relationship. You're exclusive. Yeah. So what do you like? Feel like you guys don't. Is this chat GPT and it just doesn't get shit? No, it's dumb people. Fuck. No, the positivity. Positivity. I'm undoing it.

Hey, guys, you're young. What age are they? I don't think it says. Thank God. I can live out my dreams thinking they're 14. If they if this is a 14 year old, it's written by the dude who made Dawson's Creek because no 14 year old. I guess he does say compromise.

Yeah, I would bring it up, but I would I would think I would throw in the sense of like the thing of like, I'm not freaked out. I just need I just need clarification. I just need to know where you're at. Because I think you can just you can give it an old like I'm just checking in You know the mean like because this thing was said Yeah, and that's pretty much how I do it the second time it happened Yeah, and like look I think that we should get in the habit of doing these check-ins any time Anything pings for you even if it's not something as like, you know, something as simple as like, oh, they refer to you as boyfriend.

And that's the thing, like in a friend group, like you've mentioned it before, we were like, they're just like, it's just easier to say than and you see the guy I'm currently sleeping with that I really like. And you know what I mean? Like, it's just easier to just be like, as my boyfriend. I think the distinction is like in that case, I brought it up immediately. Whereas in this one, it's like there are so many factors that may just have it be like an embarrassing gaffe that I just kind of like, I'm okay with letting that one slide. And if it's an issue, it will

come up again, probably quite soon. But you're right. There's definitely nothing wrong with bringing it up. You know what I mean? And there may in fact be something wrong about not bringing it up. But I think for me, there's just that distinction of one is very cut and dry, you know what I mean? It's like they're saying it in front of you to a person and it's like, there's no point ignoring that. Whereas like when it's something that could just be an embarrassing slip, like if I'm not concerned for other reasons, I can let it slide for now

and then keep wary and then if there's more reason for concern, you definitely have to go on, right, and talk about it. Yeah, but if something pains for you, like half the conversation, even if it's a nothing conversation, right? Like even if if someone gets upset that you want to clarify things or just have a have a check in about the relationship you have, then that's very valuable information because you should know that. Yeah, because like the whole success of a relationship is based on because like the second you start dating

So say like you do actually fall in love with this woman And you know however many months time or a year or whatever you guys are like yeah, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We're doing it We're doing it proper. They're doing it the the the conversation doesn't stop there. No, right That's not the last time you have to check in until like maybe marriage, right? Like it's it's it's a ongoing conversation that happens for as long as you're with a person Yeah, so get used to it now get it get it out of the open early. Oh, yeah one more We could do a quick one. Oh quickies. This is Calamiz asked for bikini pick after being super polite

I 19 year old female been texting with an acquaintance from school, 21 male, for three weeks. He asks good questions and genuinely seems interested in getting to know me. He can't ask me out because we're 2000 miles apart until we're back at school or I wouldn't be texting for this long without a date. He knows I have very little dating experience and he has to assume I'm pretty innocent based on everything he knows. We've been sending innocents and flirty pics but nothing at all sexual. Yesterday he sent a pic

laying in bed shirtless only from shoulders up but made a comment that my bikini looked cute and I should send a full pic. It wasn't to check out my body. He's seen me in person. He can see my body on social media because I play volleyball. I know I'm being a dork but should I worry he's only after one thing? The way things were going I seriously thought he could possibly be someone special some friends say I'm being approved But others who know me say they understand because I'm kind of old-school. I want to feel respected I've already tested my comfort level with the number of picks Etc but only done it because I do want to get them get to know him and we're so far apart opinions appreciated I don't think it's up to me to say whether you're being approved or not. Because if you don't want to send a pic, you don't have to send the pic.

I think the, the, the clutching of pearls on your behalf, I think are, is a little unwarranted. I do not think it's shocking than a 19 year old dude who's been flirty and texting with you for X amount of time has fairly politely hinted that he would like to see you in a bikini. Yeah, not even a nude. Yeah. Guess what? He would like to see you in your underwear. And when you guys meet up at college again and you go on a date, he's going to want to bring you back and see you in less than that.

And I'm not saying you'll want to try immediately. You do. Right. Yeah. Right. Like, I get it. You know that the end game eventually will probably be a sexual relationship with this guy, which means he will see you in the equivalent of a bathing suit, which is underwear. Yeah. And and presumably less. So I think the idea of you being like, I thought he respected me.

I don't think he's disrespecting you. It would be different if every time you guys talk, he was like, bikini pick or underwear pick? Give me them tits. You know, like sure. Like the thing is, is he only after one thing? He's texting you for weeks when you're 2000 miles apart. If he was after one thing? He's texting you for weeks when you're 2000 miles apart.

If he was after one thing, there are much easier ways to go about that, right? Not to say he might not be multitasking, but you know what I mean? Like, can we tell based on this? No, if he liked you, would he also wanna see you in a bikini? Yes.

If he wanted to fuck you, would he wanna see you in a bikini? Yes. There's like- Can he like you and want to fuck you? Exactly. Probably. Yes, in the bikini. Yes. There's like- Can he like you and want to fuck you? Exactly. Probably. Yes, in fact, yes.

So it doesn't, it's not like an indication of anything, really. If anything, it's just that he finds you attractive and he still seemingly is being nice and polite about it. But what Dane says is very important. If you're uncomfortable, like you don't have to send it if you determine that he is being genuine. You could still not want to send it. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like your friends don't get to send it if you determine that he is being genuine you could still not want to send it

You know the man. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like your friends. Don't get to call you a prude We don't get to call you a prude if you don't want to send pictures of yourself in a bikini to this dude That's fine I have no problem with that and you're allowed to do that and you're allowed to change your mind whenever you want But I will say oh, sir. No good. No you I was just like but you know It shouldn't come to a surprise or you shouldn't be shocked that this dude and again, if what he said was how we asked for it, it was just being like, your bikini, your bikini looks like

it'd be really cute on you. I'd love to see more. That is the most harmless, you know, least threatening way to ask for it. He was he was testing the waters and it's fine for you to say, I'm not really sure if I want to be ready. Like, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that. And that's that's when you get the litmus test, right? If he freaks out or if he stops talking to you, then there's your answer. Yeah. And again, he might not only want one thing at that point,

but he is an asshole. So, you know, I mean, like, you don't it doesn't matter. But like the the thought of, oh, well, there's a picture of me playing volleyball on my Instagram. So he's already could see my body if he wanted to. It's not the same. If that was the case, a model would take one picture ever. There'd be one video. There'd be one porn video ever.

You know what I mean? Like you have to realize it's different. Right. One, it's like you sending it to him privately. You know what I mean? Like you have to realize it's different, right? One, it's like you sending it to him privately. You know what I mean? An intimate moment, yes. Yeah, and like once you sent him that, guess what? He'll want to see another, you know what I mean? It doesn't mean that's it.

You sent him one picture, he's done for life. That's not how it works. It'd be like if there was a video of you like giving a speech and being like, I don't know why he wants to talk to me. There's a video on Instagram of me talking. Like, yeah, it's, there's a, there's an intimate connection of, of like, oh, you know, here, this picture is just for you. Yeah. This picture I'm sending to you because I like it. I've,

I've thought about you with this picture. Like that's the, that's the, the, the allure of these things. Also, you're probably taking it slightly more intimately than you up in the air covered in sand with a crowd around you. You know what I mean? Like there's there is a different setting and everything. And it's like it's not that he's trying to figure out what your body is because you seem

to be like, he already knows what I look like. He just wants to see it. He's not under any illusions, I'm sure. Does that not mean he wants it? No. Like, why is this upsetting to you? You know what I mean? Yeah. So I think you do not have to do it. You don't have to do it. That's totally fine. But to be upset and confused as to why someone would do a very rational thing.

Yeah. If you're going to be bewildered that every time a dude who is attracted to you and is interested in you wants to see you naked, you're going to have a very confusing time in college. Well, the first date we went on, we kissed. But then the second date he wanted to do it again, we already did it. We've done it. Yeah. And we've done it. Yeah And it's just like you must know that there are that Most people want to date in order to sleep with the person they're dating. Yeah, like unless you're

Asexual and even then is he you know, I mean clearly not. Yeah, so I think you need to sort of restructure The way you view sexual relationships or like how relationships progress. And again, go at your own pace, do whatever you want. It's your choice. It's your body. You get to make the choices of who sees it, who gets to, you know, how, when, in what way, et cetera. All of those things. But you do have to understand that like the people who find you attractive are probably gonna wanna see you

in some state of undress at some point in time. And if that boggles your brain, perhaps maybe dating isn't the thing for you right now. Yeah. And like, I think that they're probably uncomfortable or scared of this, but they're then putting those emotions onto the person rather than

just being like, you could be uncomfortable of that and not have the person who asked be a piece of shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's okay. You can not want that, but him wanting it doesn't make it weird. It's the same way as like, I feel like it's the same when I ask people out for a drink, like when I was dating and be like, Hey, do you want to go grab a drink with me? And they say, I'm not really comfortable drinking on first dates. For example, my partner didn't want to drink on a first date.

It doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't mean I'm trying to get you wasted. It doesn't mean I'm trying to get you drunk. However, it does mean that this person isn't comfortable doing it. So I changed my plans, right? It's the exact same thing. You can't expect people, everyone across the board

to understand your hesitations, your reluctance of certain things. You can't expect everyone to understand that when there is sort of a universal status quo in terms of how things go. And I'm not saying that all the, you know, the universal status quo is always good, but generally-

You still have to be aware of it. When you meet someone, you ask them out for a drink, right? That's a very common date, first date thing. Let's grab drinks, get to know each other. If that's not what you wanna do, that's fine, but you can't be like, this guy asked me out for a drink. Is he trying to get me drunk? Is he trying to roofing my drinks? Is he trying to take advantage of me? He asked for my number. That's private information. Is he trying to get me drunk? Is he trying to, you know, roofing my drinks? Is he trying to take advantage of my number?

That's private information. Is he trying to dox me? Is he stalking me? Yeah, it's right. Like you have to understand that like there are sort of a, a rhythm to these things and you might march to the beat of your own drum, but you can't expect everyone to be in sync with you. Yeah. And even if you do, you could still understand people are going to play their instruments a different way and not be bewildered by that. You know, so not everyone is that guy from drum line. Exactly.

Right. He can't just look at you and know because he doesn't play music or read. Some of us are whiplash. Yeah. Some of us need a simple Jameson to to assault us. But yeah, don't send if you don't want to, but don't assign moral values to things that don't have them. You know, I mean, does this mean he doesn't have ill intentions? No, it doesn't mean anything.

It just means he finds you hot, which surely you can understand. That's going to do it. I hope that's it. We're not. You hope it'll do it for us. No, I think I hope I hope, you know, I understand. It just sounded funny. Thank you, Josh Eagle in the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. Thank you to everyone who listened to this episode.

Thank you to everyone who supports us at Patreon. If you want to support us, help us keep the show going. Help us not lose our minds and become destitute. Please go join our Patreon. You'll get a whole bunch of new episodes. Deep dives. We kind of did like a semi deep dive this episode. Like half of it was about Tinder profile pictures. So if you want to learn about like how to get over a breakup,

how to like pick people up on a night out, like we have full episodes dedicated to that. And we have an expansion of like setting up your online dating profile as well, I believe. So it's like, if you want to, if you're like, oh, hey the picture stuff was handy But I like I need a little bit more. There's a whole dating one as well. We got you And if you don't want any extra cuz you're just so busy But you do have too much money and you want to help us out

You're just like that too busy with so much money. What do I do? What should I do boys right here, but no we do love you And if you don't have money, but you do want to support you can always add Comment on add us comment on our stuff share our stuff tell a friend send in a question You know I mean there are so many ways review us Let your local newspaper know about us. I don't know if you have friends who's a journalist Don't write about us in a good way anyway. We love love you and we appreciate you being here. And I love you too, Dane. Thanks. I love you.

You ready for some bad sex writing? Yeah, let's do it. This is a post on Twitter. Ladies, if you want to remain lonely, go to therapy, build a career, idealize your independence, be selfish at demanding. If you want to find a a quality man be eager to join the man's mission serve others Be gentle and quiet of spirit glory and motherhood. I think at the first option kicks ass Yeah, I know I was like fuck. Yeah, you want come join my mission like I mean like the the first like the like if you're gonna be lonely Yeah, I go to therapy have a career, be independent. Yeah, that sounds incredible.

It is. I would like to be a lonely woman, I guess, because I wanna do all those things. Yeah. It's just so funny that like, do you think someone's gonna be like, oh man, but I do want a man. Guess I better debase myself.

Goodbye, career. Yeah, guess I gotta quit my job and stop going to therapy. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies.