F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 37 - Much Ado About Piss

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

We kick off Pride Month with an episode almost primarily about urine!  They don't have anything to do with each other (unless, of course, you're into that sort thing), it's just the way it all shook out.  We also get very heavy into Game of Thrones spoilers, so maybe don't listen to the last question about Emilia Clarke if you've somehow avoided spoilers this whole time.  Topics include man pussies, butt plugs, explosive diarrhea, bed wetting, how to respond to nudes, a piss bath and how to deal with a fake Emilia Clarke.

Hello friends, this is Dane. Just a quick little disclaimer before the episode starts. We get pretty heavy into Game of Thrones spoilers towards the end. If you haven't seen it or if you care about these things, maybe stop the episode once we get to the question about Emilia Clarke. If you don't care, then listen to the whole thing. We just wanted to make sure that we didn't spoil anything in case you guys have been actively avoiding spoilers. We do spoil pretty much everything. Anyway, here's the episode. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love A surprise sealed message question from one of our users. That's pretty exciting. I know. Also, happy Pride. Happy Pride. It's Pride Month.

Pride Month, yeah. So to all of our LGBT plus listeners. And allies. And allies. Basically anyone who's not a shithead. Yeah, anyone who's not a piece of shit. Happy Pride. And if you are a piece of shit, happy Pride anyway.

Well, happy Pride, yeah, but like, I don't know. Maybe this will be the year that you realize that everyone is just people. Yeah, and it doesn't fucking affect you, so get over it.

Hey, calm the fuck down. You want to fucking go? We'll fight you right here. I will throw this heavy microphone at you. It's pretty heavy, actually. Oh, cheers, cheers, cheers. Oh, shit!

Ah! The power of Pride made me forget to drink that's opposite of what the pride spirit is all about um we're a dating and sex life podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations you haven't fucked that up in like 20 episodes i didn't say it last week to be fair i i don't know what i said last week yeah i also said that it was episode 35 and it was like episode 36 yeah there's a lot of shit yeah dame was high as fuck last week in case

i'm pretty sure i sung a slave hymn which probably isn't cool there's a yeah i don't know did you put that on the oh it's in there okay well uh because i'm literally singing it over the things that you're saying yeah so it was like loopy as fuck. Can we just get you on that every week? Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah. Let's do it.

I was like, someone's buying my extra strength fucking cold meds. Okay. So I just arrived. Do you want to pop out right now? Mm-hmm. Right now? Mm-hmm. Are you going to do it first?

Yeah. Okay. So thank you for the sealed question. This is Agent Vivaldi. Ooh. And they say no have you ever have you ever heard the term man pussy yes yes yes even better uh i was on the streetcar the other day and somebody kept yelling about uh about like bussies they were like yeah my bussy it's so ready like my bussy's just like going

and one girl was like stop saying it stop saying it and the other girl was like yeah the b and belinda stands for bussy and she was like no it doesn't oh i have to change my name and then like the two people who were yelling about bussy's got up and someone was like oh my god are you guys furries and they're like yeah i'm a fucking unicorn and like ran off the streetcar and they were wearing like furry tails and i was like what just happened one of the girls was also in the group uh was and i quote said yeah I used to be really Christian, but I love dick too much. Same. There's a lot to unpack in that little anecdote. It was wild.

One, who the fuck is named Belinda? A few people. No. No one is named Belinda. The only people who are named Belinda are like- You're going to alienate all of our Belindas. Our Belinda audience. Wow.

That's weird. I posted a picture on Instagram wearing a bear head. all of our Belinda audience. Wow. That's weird. I posted a picture on Instagram wearing a bear head. The furry spirit was out yesterday. It's true, yeah. Also, he does follow up with when he was sleeping with a guy

he started referring to my ass as a pussy and as a man pussy. How would you feel if a woman referred to your ass as your man pussy? I think I'd laugh my ass off. Yeah. Sorry, I'd laugh my man pussy um i think i'd laugh my ass off yeah i'm sorry i'd laugh my

man pussy off um i'm assuming vivaldi is a gay man yes or at least yeah um so i don't know i think it's i think it's weird to fetishize the sexual organ that you're not trying to i don't know it seems strange to me like I'm I'm sure it's like I think it's it's more of like a yeah I don't think you're actually really

likening it to like lady parts like even though it is then you know but it's weird I don't know but I think it's

it's not like you're going yeah it's like a lady you're just I think it's more just the you know the action of

because it's something that you can insert your dick into yeah yeah I don't know but yes mad pussy 100% heard the term but I do prefer of... Because it's something that you can insert your dick into? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. But yes, mad pussy, 100%. Heard the term. But I do prefer bussy, because it's hilarious.

I don't like any of it. Yeah. Well, this does tie into another user question, who... It's not really sex or dating advice, but they want to know if either of us would use a butt plug if our girlfriends asked us to. I don't think I... I mean, it would take a lot of convincing just because like i don't know yeah see it's not a sensation that i'm craving yeah it doesn't mean that i wouldn't enjoy it i don't know how it's gonna pan out but like just i mean like i've had

a prostate exam let me tell you it's the fucking worst i haven't should i don't need them to like 40 no it was it was more of a like i hadn't had like a physical since i was i've never had a physical like 16 you should probably do that don't do them in ireland um cost money well they don't hear yeah i know you can literally walk like what do you do you just go hell on physical yeah oh um yeah i don't know how ravaged my body is i had to i had to get one done before going like going to college so yeah i got it when i was 16 oh back to this um fucking fantasy orphan going but it was it was more of a like a physical check to make sure that i wasn't going to die in like dance class and stupid bullshit like that um and then i haven't had a physical since so i

got one done on my 30th birthday, or, like, when I turned 30, because I was like, I should... I'll just wait. I'll wait till then. I mean, it's not a bad idea. Like, chances are, like, physicals aren't really one of those things that, like, at our age,

are going to discover anything. You don't know? Well, I know. It was more for, like, my own peace of mind. No, I know. I just never went to a doctor, like, ever. Yeah, no, it's smart to get them. Here's our advice to Niall fiction.

Go get one. Yeah, what was the question? Would you use a butt plug if your girlfriend really wants you to? Yeah, I don't know. Just, like, I think I, because I'm not receptive to it, I think the insertion of it would be on an equivalent level of a doctor sticking a latex glove up my ass yeah i also do feel like uh because as far as i'm aware you don't really do self butt stuff so like it would be a bit of a leap to just be like from nothing to just like

butt plug yeah you'd probably have to warm up for it for a while yeah there would need to be like some ass play like leading up to it like a finger here and there yeah but even then like every now and then amanda jokingly like pretends and like let me tell you i tense up so like i don't think i don't think there's any sort of situation where i'd be like all right i'm ready for this yeah but again i i'm pretty much on the same level as you or like not something i necessarily want to do but i do think if my partner was like just super into it, probably, you know, I don't know. I think that might have been receptive. I think that would be one of the one of my like things just being like, I don't really want anything in my ass.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't. But at the same time, I don't know if I am so adverse to it that if they really wanted to, I'd just be flat out saying no. Yeah. But yeah, I know i've never really had anybody who's been like into that had one person like and it was really funny because it was a complete joke uh me and one of my friends were taught it was like this whole long story where like

he had said a bunch of stories back in high school that were very clearly like not true um and everybody at the time believed some believe didn't believe others and then like later on as we kind of grew up and like we all kind of like knew they were bullshit but never really called him out on it and he knew we knew and we knew he knew and it was all just like this kind of funny situation so at one point someone like made like joking reference to one of his which was that he had basically gotten a anal exam from a nurse and like come during it or something and the nurse's name was crystal of course and and we were like making a joke about it and like kind of being like oh yeah well it's uh like i forget what we were saying was like we were all just being like oh yeah that definitely

happened he was like yep like wink wink we were just like joking but i guess she had heard this conversation did not understand any of the context and thought that like everyone was out getting their butt fingered but us in our relationship and like it was kind of sweet because she like then was like oh no i have to go do this but it would have been sweeter if she'd one warned me to not just tentatively like jabbed up my butthole and three maybe like used a bit of lube or something we're in edinburgh it's this really nice night we're at our hotel there's fireworks going off we're just having like a little nap before. I'd know for dinner and then just like, just a fucking shy finger just jabbing the butt.

I'm like, God. She had to explain. It was pretty funny, but that's pretty much my experience of self butt play. Yeah. I feel like that would. Yeah. No. It wasn't fun.

No. To answer that question, I don't think I would partake. Yeah. I mean, if that's your thing, go for it, but not for me. Yeah. I don't know. I'm, like, on the fence. I've already said that, like, I'm mostly adverse to butt stuff.

Yeah, again, like, I'm not particularly into it, but if somebody was just so into it, I could maybe be convinced. We'll see. Yeah, that's not really a sex or dating advice question, though, but thank you, Agent Cutlery. Agent what? Cutlery. Cutler, Agent Cutlery. Agent what? Cutlery. Cutlery. Okay.

Why not? So this comes from, this was their name, not mine, Agent Dumbo Drop. And the question is, my stomach is cock blocking me. I have a really bad stomach when it comes to digestion. So this is a user? Yeah. Okay. And eating pretty much anything gives me tremendous gastronomical distress.

Best case, it's eye water and gas. Worst case, it's bathroom burning diarrhea. It wasn't a big deal when I was dating around because we mostly went for drinks, but recently I've started seeing the same girl more frequently. And to further torture me, she's a foodie. We go to eat a lot. After pretty much every meal, I've got an hour before my stomach turns on me and condemns me to an evening

of frequent and offensive trips to the bathroom. We went back to our house on our first date, and I did unspeakable things to a toilet before coming up with an excuse to go home. I thought that was the end of it, but she invited me to dinner a few nights after, which I went home alone afterwards. How do I maintain a

sexual relationship when the only action my body wants to do is violently expel waste from my ass okay um many things many things here uh firstly i can't imagine it's just any food there's got to be some trigger 100 you are allergic to something yeah yeah like that's not normal if it's just i eat and then my stomach hates me like you could be lactose gluten like not allergy dairy like spicy food like a certain there's something there i would imagine and if it's affecting your life this much like i would go get an allergy test because well i mean this that sounds i took this question because this is literally what happened to me like a couple years ago when my stomach was just horrible like absolutely fucking terrible and um i did a i did an elimination diet because like i went to the doctor because i was like okay there's something is seriously wrong and the doctor was just like well like biologically you're fine like there's there's nothing going on because

biologically you're fine um because i thought like i was like convinced it was like stomach cancer i think it's really like intestinal cancer or something like that professional of them to just chat you up at the moment of distress like that i mean to be fair biologically you're fine i'm doing all right yeah um so i did an elimination diet and found out i was lactose intolerant and that was like my my thing was just like the sheer amount of cheese and dairy i was eating was just wreaking havoc on my intestines um and i've been like dairy free for two years two weeks ago now yeah well um and uh like for the most part i'm fine the only time like my stomach ever really gives me trouble now is after a night of drinking a lot of beer.

Yeah. Which is, I think that's everyone. At least that, like, that's the thing. That's if you have a thing, like if your stomach is fucking ravaged, but you're like, yeah, it's because I drank a shit ton yesterday. Maybe don't do it all the time, but at least it's okay. Cause you know why it's happening. Yeah.

It doesn't sound like this person knows why it's happening. So, and also it's affecting their life quite a bit. so i feel like that's one of those things you need to sort out um aside from that one carry like air freshener around with you in your bag or somewhere because like that's the fear like you don't want to go like you go and you fucking tear up their bathroom once they don't hear you it's probably fine and if they do you can do like cunning tap acrobatics or something right or like the old like sneezing oh yeah um you know or like if you know you just got that one big explosion and you flush the toilet while you shit and then just you got very limited time frame because you don't want to do that second flush right um or if you do just like huh didn't work the first time but you don't want to do that second flush right um or if you do just

like huh didn't work the first time but you don't want to leave a like a fucking stinky bathroom so if you can bring like a spray with you do you know what i mean that's pretty essential if not turn the tap on really hot so it gets like steam and then you put some soap in there and then the soap and the steam comes up and it's almost like you get the fragrance of soap in the air. Yeah. I've had diarrhea on dates before. I think we all have.

Yeah. Yeah, carrying a book of matches isn't a bad idea because they're odor neutralizing. I mean, it's a little obvious, but I mean, like, so is an aerosol can? You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Any sort of, like, scent reduction. Yeah, I can't imagine. Unless they've come up with something crazy that you have, you just put like a butt filter like crack a little stick and like all of a sudden the poop smells go away yeah um i yeah i really don't think anybody's gonna go into the bathroom be like oh it smells nice in here it must have smelled bad wasn't that like nobody's gonna care right like and if they do you don't want to never actually no it just

smells flowery poo yeah it smells like someone just took a shit in potpourri. Although, another thing, don't spray it in the air. Spray it in the toilet bowl. You can get the source. You don't just fucking put it in the air. So, yeah, no one's going to care if you've masked the smell, even if they know you've masked it, whatever. Like, people shit.

And again, if someone has a problem with that, you probably don't want to date them anyway. Like, if at baseline level, they're like, this guy pooped and it was smelly, even though it's not an issue now, I have an issue with it. Get the fuck out of there. Yeah. But I do understand if, like, if every date. No, I hear you. This guy just went to your, like, bathroom multiple times during the evening and just fucking unleashed unholy hell.

Oh, no, I get you. Like, I've been on dates where, like, the worst is when, like, their room is, like, right beside the toilet and the walls are not quite big enough. And you're like, fuck, like, what do I do? So, when I first started dating Amanda, she lived in, like, a townhouse and she was on the top floor. But the bathroom, there was two bathrooms. There's one in the living room.

So, I'd have to go all the way downstairs. And, like, they were all bartenders and servers who like were up all the fucking time um or the other bathroom was directly across and beside her two roommates so like i was kind of fucked either way unless it was like really late at night when i could like go down to the like the furthest bathroom but like like even if you went to the like like the further one they'd be like what are you doing there's one right there and you're like let's just talk about my bad poops i'll get it done do some dirts it's uh it's it was so bad yeah i was always like so anxious staying over to her place because i was just like oh man if this hits if this hits me yeah and that's like i get it there's it's one of those nerve wracking things. Um,

you know, I, I don't know if anyone I've ever dated has felt that way around me because I've never had an issue with anyone doing that. Like I've never been like, they've gone to the bathroom too much or the smells, but like, I don't think I'd care. You know what I mean? No. I mean, so I would hope that no one would care if you did it. You know what I mean? But I totally get the fear. But I do think cover your ass, literally. Like, make sure you have something that you... Because the worst case is that you just do something so bad that it creeps out of the bathroom and, like, down the hallway

or into the room or something. Yeah. So you need some way to negate that. Try not to be loud by doing the old extended sneeze tap or bathroom flush method uh or like get them to put on music when you leave the room be like oh you while i'm going listen to the song it's so great got them nailed it um the gas yeah you gotta that's literally you're gonna figure out what's causing this because yeah because like you can't just keep farting in their room and you can't just keep leaving every time

you need to fart and if you hold it in that's gonna suck or you'll release it at an inopportune time during sex yep or like she'll tickle you or like just grab your balls and you'll yeah yeah man if it's like a nightmare. If it's that repressed, you might just shit yourself. There's no coming back from that. No, no. I think, yeah, so. Is there medicine you can like emodium or whatever?

Because that delays it. It's like you can pop on the bus ride. Yeah. And it'll stop you from pooping for a little bit. And there's like Pepto-Bismol, which will help. You can get those like dairy pills, which is what I had when I went to New Orleans. Cause I was like, there is no goddamn way I'm not eating every fucking thing in this place. Well, yeah, that's the thing.

And it's all French cuisine. So it's like all butter. You're going to need to narrow it down to figure that out first, right? Yeah. I would, I'm going to, I'm going to wager pretty hard that it's, it's probably dairy or wheat. Hmm. Um, cause those tend to be the two big...

Yeah, but they're trendy, so... You don't want to be an allergy hipster. No, but everybody says they have them even when they don't, so it's like... I don't think they're as common as people let on. But either way, it could be like a spice or anything. I don't know, but you've got to go check it out.

And the best thing, like I said, the best way to do it is do an elimination diet for a month just cut out it sucks it's a really boring month you're gonna be in a lot of like rice and grilled chicken but the only thing with that is like if you change your diet like even if you're eliminating one thing if you're changing your diet like doing rice and chicken that's objectively healthy right it's like it's very like bland on the stomach so like even if you're not having dairy you're also not having a bunch of other stuff that's the whole point of elimination diet is you cut everything out and then slowly

reintroduce things so you don't just stop doing one thing you start doing nothing you cut out like you cut out uh like wheat gluten uh soy dairy uh sugar like you cut out a bunch alcohol you cut out a bunch of shit yeah and cut out a bunch of shit. And one, like, yeah, my friend Alex actually had that before. And what's fun, maybe, is it's going to be kind of a struggle to come up with good meals. Yeah. When you can't use much shit. I mean, it's a lot of salads.

It's a lot of fucking like stir fries. Well, we did. We did a bunch of. Because he was pretty sad when it all happened. So we did like a potluck and we made like little like uh spinach like bun sliders um and like didn't use various things and like a bunch of uh like desserts where you don't really have any sugar or like dairy in them and it was it was actually kind of fun and this thing it's like like the first week you're gonna be like what the fuck can i eat and then you'll suddenly realize

that it's like it's not. There are people who have these allergies in real life and do fine. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then once you do the month, every week, reintroduce a new thing. I would suggest starting with dairy. Reintroduce dairy into your diet. And then if you're back to feeling like shit, problem solved.

The next one I would do would be wheat. Because are again the two most common things and also like depending what you eat normally anyway like if you're always going out and just like you know stuffing spicy curries down your gut like it might be spice you know what i mean like you have a better idea than us because you know your diet but uh yeah try sort it out uh look at medicines bring something to cover your ass literally and uh like just realize that they're also human so they should probably get it yeah and if they don't hide it yeah like literally tell them like oh i'm just i'm doing like a cleanse and like even if you're worried like even if you're kind of embarrassing like depending on how new this relationship is you don't want to be like oh oh, so I'm not going to shit all the time.

You can just be like, oh, a friend of mine is having health troubles and I'm doing it with them or whatever. You know what I mean? Or you can just be like, sorry, my stomach's a little ill right now. Yeah. Again, like, there's nothing better than not having to pretend. It's so great when you can just be like, yo, I got diarrhea. You can just say it's a health thing. Yeah.

Or because, yeah, just be like, I don't know what it is. My stomach's just not the best right now. I'm sorry. People aren't really going to care. Yeah. And if they do, just be like, I don't know what it is, my stomach's just not the best right now, I'm sorry. People aren't really going to care. Yeah. And if they do, that's probably a good indication that you don't want to date them.

That's true. You know? And I was so self-conscious about my stomach issues for so long that I, like, for me, I would just be like,

oh, I'm doing like a health kick where I'm like, getting my eating, you know what I mean? And like, and also, like,

you're going to feel great afterwards, like, just, it just, I actually maintained a lot of those eating habits eating you know what i mean and like and also like you're gonna feel great afterwards like just it just i actually maintained a lot of those eating habits afterwards because i was just like oh i feel so good like i don't feel like a bag of shit all the time literally oh yeah um all right yeah we've talked about poop long enough. Well, let's move on to piss. Oh, hell yeah. I'm not joking. I know you're not. This is, I actually have too many piss questions today.

Sorry, guys. I've got a lot of questions about nudes. Nudes? Uh-huh. I've got a lot about piss. Okay. This is from DatingAdviceReddit, official as fuck throwaway user. Wet the bed on a first date.

Oh no. I, 21-year-old female, have been texting this guy, 21-year-old male, for the past few weeks. Finally met up yesterday, had a lot to drink, and ended up wetting the bed. Never had it happen before and have no clue what to say to him. Everything had been going great beforehand and there was a lot of chemistry, so I'd like to salvage, if possible. I'm back home for hours now, just huddled up, and too embarrassed to do anything. How can I apologize or get past this?

Oh, boy. So one of the first times I spent, or like a girl spent the night with me, she got her period and got it all over my sheets. And she literally was just like i'm taking these and i'm gonna wash them um and it was like i was just like i don't really care like it's not that big of a deal um but i could understand how mortifying it is for them you know i mean like no matter how many times someone's like it's fine it doesn't matter it's cool like whatever like there's still that like i mean like there are things when i was like in seventh grade that i remember doing stupid shit and i still like like oh man i'm such an idiot i i feel really bad about

the period one because i've had people do that before and they're like so mortified it's like it doesn't fucking matter it's not your fault yeah um shit yeah no one fucking cares if they do they're an asshole um also warm water and salt watch that right out and i don't know what the hell she did but my sheet probably warm water and salt maybe um but that's different i think yeah because that's just a thing that happens that's a natural yeah and you know that's like uh whatever it can happen i think there's a lot more leeway uh i would hate if this happened to me so here's the thing and it has never thank fuck did she just like sneak So here's the thing. And it has never. Thank fuck. Did she just like sneak out? That's the thing.

I wish more context, right? Did she just wake up and be like, oh shit. But because if that's the case, you could have just rolled him over into him and like, oh, you peed. You peed the bed. I legitimately read a story on Reddit ages ago about someone who did that, but they shit the bed and they got up and rolled the guy over onto it and then they got him back in bed. If you want to be very evil, you do that. Yeah, no, there was a guy in college. Again, I don't know if it was a true story or not.

The thing is, though, you wouldn't have piss all over your boxers or whatever. I mean, if you roll him face down, like it's going to soak into it. Right? I don't sleep, if you roll him face down, it's going to soak into it. Right? But I don't sleep, so you can't get me. Fair warning. Can't get me. Yeah, in college there was a guy who was like, yeah, I totally

shit the bed literally last night. And he described himself as wiping it on her to further the... And I was like, this is the worst thing. Okay, first state of advice, don't do that. Yeah.

Can you pretend you had a wet dream and squirt it? Yeah, man, just tell him. Guys are really confused about vaginas. He's going to buy that. I mean, if you were both fucking hammered, just be like, my God, that was the best sex I've never squirted before. Yeah. And then when he wakes up and the bed's still wet, be like, hell yeah. He's going to think he was a fucking champion.

I mean, to be fair, it's probably too late to do that now. Or is it? You were embarrassed to admit how good the sex was because you didn't want to give him a big ego, so you pretended you pissed yourself. Or just be like, you unlock something in me, and I've literally been trying to make myself squirt again, and I cannot figure out how to do it. Your dick was so big, it opened up every passageway in my body, and now I can't hold anything inside. Like, my tears are just falling out. My saliva's just dripping out. I'm peeing without a second's warning.

Don't even get me started on my brown river. Yeah, this is hard to come back from. I don't know. It's not if you say it's a squirt. Well, that was the golden idea. That's perfect. But if you've already admitted it, pack your bags and move away. Yeah.

Get a new city. New identity. Commit. You know what you need to do? You need to find information on the local mob. Then you narc on them and then you get witness protection. And they move you away. I thought you were just going to say, like, stick the mob on this guy.

No, no, no. Make him disappear. No, you just have to find out something. I mean, why not? Drown him in your piss. Yeah. Sleep with the piss fishes. Piss with the sleep fishes, yeah.

Yeah, just, you gotta find out some juicy info. Tell the FBI. Get them to give you a new identity. And then, now you've another. Don't you think you could just make it up? Yeah, just lie to the FBI. Yeah, lie to the FBI about the mob. Yes. So that you get witness protection. fbi about the mob yes does it you get witness

protection and then set the mob on them yeah yeah and then just don't pee on your next date i'm pretty sure this is the plot of like a melissa mccarthy movie yeah probably that would actually be a probably a good movie i'm tm'ing that one boys and girls uh yeah i don't know like you know what what's the home just being like wow super embarrassed so sorry and just see what he says well here's the thing because worst case you're not gonna see him again if you just never talk to him yeah yeah so worst case the worst of you being like hey i'm really sorry that i pissed in your bed i got fucking hammered last night like just be like if he's like yeah no it's fucking disgusting please never talk to me again then boom then you're in

the same fucking situation as if you just never talked to him ever again. And at least like that way, like, because the thing is, I doubt he's going to be that much of a dick. And if he is, you probably didn't want to date him anyway. I mean, I don't know if, depending on how this way. If you were literally like, yeah, that was disgusting. I never want to talk to you again. I'm sure.

If someone was like, yo, I pissed her off. Like, yeah, no, it's cool. Like, don't worry about it. I probably wouldn't see them see them again yeah okay um but i'd still be nice about it you know what i mean yeah if they're a dick you've done yourself a favor you don't have to worry about this you should be like yeah i'm glad i pissed on his sheets you know yeah but yeah just maybe just make it your life mission to piss on everything you don't know some people when they get drunk they pee the bed that's just a thing it's a thing some people do or sometimes when you get drunk you pee in a suitcase are you true yeah so we were we were at an adult summer camp and there was a guy who we found like passed out in the middle of a

field and we were like oh we're gonna like at least take care of this guy so we got him up that was a bad idea got him back into our bunk we didn't know where he belonged but we had an empty bunk in our cabin so we're like well fuck it this guy is where he belongs so we just kind of like tucked him in there and then like 20 i don't know when it was like oh a while later we wake up to one of the girls screaming and we're like oh fuck um but no he was literally just in the corner who he had like opened up one of the girls suitcases and was literally just pissing in their suitcase. Also, he never really apologized to anybody and wasn't anything but super weird after. So don't do that. Yeah.

So yeah, don't piss in a suitcase. That's our advice. Let's move on. Yep. Keep this piss train flowing. This one is from Lily123Kawaii. Sending my boyfriend nudes. Did we do one of these before from this user i don't think

so i think we have maybe sending my boyfriend nudes never gets the response i want so i send my boyfriend nudes quite often but his reaction is either one word or nothing today for example i sent him a bunch and he just responded with damn and then 10 minutes later he said he was going to bed when i said something about him not seeming interested he told me to stop being insecure about stupid little things i don't really know what to do because i'd like a more enthusiastic response but if i bring it up he tells me that i'm wrong and for and stupid for feeling bad about it like see i was like i was like halfway yeah i was halfway around uh or like on a split as to like, you know what I mean?

Like if he was just like, damn. Like that's not bad. I get it because like, I don't know. Sometimes if I get a sexy picture, it's like, what do you say? Like, oh. Those are your titties. Yeah. Oh, girl.

Them buns is magnificent. You get it. Also, if you're dating you've probably already said all these things. So it's like to just be like you are so beautiful. I like your body parts. Like yeah I'd like oh holy shit or like whoa.

Yeah. I guess I might be like wish you were here or like I'm gonna jerk it so hard right now. I'm gonna have a cum. I'm gonna have myself a cum to your flesh. Maybe just be like fuck I wish you know that was on my face right now. I wish you were here making me have a jerk. It's so hard right now. I'm a have a come. I'm a have myself a come to your flesh. Maybe just be like, fuck, I wish, you know, that was on my face right now. I wish you were here making me have a come. Yeah. Yeah.

So like, I guess there could be a little bit, but like, also, I don't know. I'm very, very awkward. Or I was. We know. With that kind of shit. Because I was just like, thank you. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't really know what to say.

There really isn't much to say. You can basically be like, oh, holy shit. Or like, damn. Or like send one back. Yeah. But like, you're a guy, you don't have that much options. I know. It's just like, take a picture of your dick.

Like I'm tensing, I guess. Oh, well you sit in the toilet and you get a boner and you make the, thely hallows yeah you could do the dickly hallows yeah um classic move no i get it like what what do you want what do you want yeah i don't i don't know like i get it actually i'm pretty sure i've read the comments and i'm pretty sure she was like i don't even know what i expect just yeah and i was like i do get it but at the same time like put yourself in like if he sent you one what would you say would you be like holy shit that dick is so great let me gobble that up but then the next turkey emoji oh yeah yeah but then the next time you're like oh my god that dick it is also still so great yeah i also want to gobble it up then the third

time it's like oh shit don't know how it's happening that dick's still great yeah oh my god three in a row boy three in a fourth time oh my god quadrilogy of that dick being amazing like 18th time holy jesus unless he is actually improving his dick every time got them dick crunches yeah yeah or it's doing the thing you know the like the thing with the rings going on their neck to extend their neck oh maybe he's doing that with his dick is that racist is that racist no it's probably something um that's great that's awesome you know they do it too right they gotta oh they oh 100 the ladies are doing their neck the boys they're doing their dicks also 100 there's no way some guy didn't look at that and be like yeah oh no one's like wait your neck longer you're making things longer let's start with the neck yeah no no no no no no no

yeah there's no way some guy was just like didn't look at someone's neck and just like hmm and the the neck uh neck stretching uh pioneered by jeffrey long dick sorry what don't don't he's not the point of the story uh what are we even talking about i don't know um but oh yeah it was i so like i understand yeah i do feel like his point of view until he tells her to stop being insecure about stupid little things. Well, he's probably trying to be reassuring, even though that does come off pretty, like, crass. And, like, you know, sometimes when people are, like, really insecure about things that to you are baffling, you don't feel like going, like, oh, no, no. You'd be like, this is so silly.

Just stop it. And you feel like by being so flippant and, like, not really regarding the issue seriously, you're getting across how they don't need to take it so seriously. Yeah sometimes which doesn't seem to be working yeah um so or he's just a dick i don't know it's out of context with no tone it's hard but like i i do also get where she's coming from because like you don't want to just get like a damn yeah either even though that's probably what you give she also says i send my boyfriend nudes quite often. That's another thing. It's like, what I'm saying is.

How often are you sending them? Yeah, you can't just be like. Because if it's like every day or like several times a day. Yeah. There's, you're going to hit a reservoir of like how many things you can like respond to it. To eventually, it's just going to be like. Also, they're going to become less exciting.

Really? Yeah. If you get present every day, it's like, oh, cool. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Great. If every morning Amanda like gave me a box with like a small little present in it, I would start to expect it.

Exactly. You know what I mean? Where like, it wouldn't be a nice little treat. It wouldn't be like, oh, babe, thanks so much. It would be like, oh, cool. Be like, oh, cool. Thank you. And then I would like open the box and like go, you know,

have my morning poop. So it's kind of the same thing with like anything really. Like if you oversaturate someone with anything. You could save time if you open the box while you were pooping.

I mean, I think at this point. Like you could sleep a little longer if you didn't do them like consecutively. I think that's eventually what would happen. But if you did them at the same time, just you'd save time. I think I would just be like, oh, cool, Amanda, thanks. And I'd like take the box and go into the bathroom.

Just kind of like, oh, it's another one of these. Yeah. Also, if you said thanks while you were also on the back, like you'd just speed things up. I would just start stuffing them in the back of the toilet as well. Because I like, I can't, I can't eat all those little candies. Or like, I don't have any room for any more of those toys. If you eat while you're on the toilet, circle of life if you eat while you poop so i know like you gotta you gotta like think about it from what one you gotta know what you want really and like sometimes

it does suck to ask for what you want but you could be like i don't know like i just feel like you like you just be like look when you just say something like damn or like one word, it doesn't really sound like you're super into them. And he can probably be like, no, but it is. And probably will be like, what do you want? And then you'll be like, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, like, also, if that's the way he expresses himself, you can't expect him to express himself the way you would want him to. You know what I mean?

Yeah. himself you can't expect him to express himself the way you would want him to you know what i mean yeah or like if you're trying to initiate like maybe a sexting thing or like maybe another picture in return then ask for that ask for it you know what i mean like send him a picture of you and lingerie and be like how badly do you want to take this off you know what i mean but if you just send a picture of you and lingerash Ray. Just tits. It's like, cool, cool. Damn. Cool, damn. All right. Like, he's not upset he's getting it, but like. You know what? I don't know. What he needs to do, he needs to go on Google, type in damn synonyms.

Ooh. Get off the forest.com. Exactly. Then every single time she sends one, girl, ask her, just go away from the podcast for a minute. Every time she sends you one, just pick another fucking word. Mm-hmm. Right?

Like a fucking, we should market calendars where instead of like word of the day, it's response to a nude of the day. Ooh. At 365. And we'll just be like, damn, shit, fiddlesticks, holy God, holy God Christ, Jesus, mother of Mary. One month is just dang with more A's? Yeah, like dang.

Dang. One's like D-A, capital A, lower A, capital A. Dang. Dang. One is just like, great cosmos. Holy Zeus. Great googly moogly. By the 17th episode of Fuck Buddies.

Yeah, so I think that's it. Give me a question. All right. I'm upset because there was nobody pissing in that one. That's why I told you there's a lot of dudes. Sorry. We're pretty much done anyway. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. My husband is repulsed by my aged urine rubs. He hates every single thing about it. I'm sorry. Hello.

My husband is repulsed by my aged urine rubs. He hates every single thing about it. Even with the essential oils, he says he still smells it all over me, even to the point he doesn't want to touch me. Should I compromise by only drinking it and using it up the nose, ears, etc.? I'm sorry. I have literally tried everything to get rid of the smell. He even says the jars look like dead waste.

Please, I need some help here. Hey, here's an idea. If you don't want to smell like piss, stop rubbing it on yourself, stop drinking it, and stop putting it in your fucking orifices. Even with the essential oils, what more can you do? Stop using it. your fucking orifices. Even with the essential oils, what more can you do?

Stop using it. Stop drinking piss. So today I found out there is a new trend of people who believe that aged urine is a gigantic health benefit. So here's the thing. You rub it on your skin. Him saying, oh, it looks like red waste. It is. It is.

It is 100% what it looks like. Yes. That is, you are correct, sir. He says I smell like piss. Yes, you are correct, sir. He says I smell like piss. Yes, you are piss. You do, yeah. You are piss. You're in and out.

Your nose. You smell piss because your nose is full of piss. I don't. I don't even know if it's her piss. I assume it's just like some warehouse of just dudes pissing in boxes or containers being like, aged urine at one reply if your spouse doesn't like the small piss all over your body just leave them health is more important than the marriage well guys we had a good run i was really hoping we would get to episode

40 uh but i'm calling it i'm done i'm done'm done. I'm sorry. I broke down. What are you going to do, man? Like, her health. Here's the thing. Versus her husband's sense of balance. Okay, okay. You want to know the solution to this? Mm-hmm.

It's going to take some work. You ready for it? Okay. You get on Squarespace and you make a website. Do we have our first sponsor? I wish. This is my pitch. Do you want to, Squarespace? We're talking about aged piss rubs here. So you get on Squarespace and you make a website. Do we have our first sponsor? I wish. This is my pitch. Do you want to, Squarespace? We're talking about aged piss rubs here.

So you get on Squarespace and you make a website that is all about how aged urine rubs are actually the leading cause of ovarian cancer. And that if you want to get rid of that, you have to- You have to smell good. Yeah, you have to rub, I don't know, coconut butter. Blow jobs. You could rub blowjobs all over you so you gotta get coconut butter

or something that you vanilla extract or something you love like blowjobs like blowjobs and that is the only way to sort of like undo

the damage that these urine wipes have done and then you get on Facebook you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars marketing and

promoting these or you just send it to one of the women in her urine piss group uh no no no they don't believe sending they need to discover it organically organic like their piss oh okay i mean they have to they have to come across it so that, you know, Sheila is like, Belinda, look at this. You let Squarespace age. Yeah. You let your website age. And then when it's all murky and maybe there's some kind of film on the top, you let them find the jar, unscrew your website, smear it on their body. Exactly.

Snort it. Wash out their ears. And then just drink it and then they come home to you smelling like squarespace not quite but close enough because you know why an imaginary website that you can rub all over yourself is better than fucking urine i think most things are this is like i saw this was like okay this has to be insane saw so many of the comments supporting it and then i went and i looked it up and it's a thing this is actually from facebook that explains a lot yeah so i looked it up it's a thing though it's a booming industry

what are we doing making a podcast do you know how much i pee do you know how much i pee you do you do know how much i pee you pee a just sell. Do you know how much I pee? Yeah. You do. You do know how much I pee. You pee a lot. I pee so much. We could get Bedwether and us and just fucking have a whole industry. Oh my God, yeah. We just get her hammered. Maybe that's how it started.

I mean, she rolled him over and he was like, my skin feels amazing. She was like- We're going back to that question. You just tell him. Oh. You didn't pee in the bed you just did your nightly you just did your nightly skin routine oh my god yes and then you link them to the millions of websites out there that'll tell them that aged piss is actually the most healthy thing yeah it for you know what i know what it cures everything yeah well yeah I was going to read out the list but

is it everything? it's everything you know what I want to laugh at this I want to say it's not science even though like I said before I'm not a scientist I'm a sex scientist but I'm not a scientist however

you ever seen Bear Grylls? he's climbing fucking mountains and jumping off cliffs and fighting fucking crocodiles, and he looks amazing while he's doing it. What does he drink? Almost exclusively. It's not exclusively.

He drinks it in severe situations. He talks... But the thing is, everything he does is a severe situation, Dane. What does he do all day? I'm sorry. I promise you, these housewives... What does he do all day? ...that are smearing shit all over themselves...

It's just piss. Let's not go too far. Well, let's see. Let's wait until they get a fucking mud mask, all right? Let's see what that's made out of. But I think it's legit. Like a look at Bear Grylls. Proof in the pudding.

There you go. Can't even play with me on this one? No. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, don't do this. You know what you should do Here's the thing No in this question

Just pee on her Pee on her Just be like Is this what you want It's not age Dane God damn it Age in my balls Well you know what you do

Replace her fucking urine With Apple juice With perfume Or like yeah Oh no that's even worse Yeah but you hate Apples so

Or like you know Just replace it with like a lager. And then if you ever run out... Stale beer is not much better. It's so much better, let's be fair. I mean, you're like... I would drink old beer, but I wouldn't drink piss. Combine those two things and you've got like the hobo aesthetic of just like old urine and stale beer.

Yeah. But like, yeah, just like... I keep dating a hobo. I think she needs... Do you live on the back of a train? Her advice for her, uh, you should end the relationship. You need to, you need your health more than is her purse, a stick with a sack tied around the back. But no, I do think she should end the marriage because she needs her health more.

Now, lady covered in pee, just walk away from the podcast for a second. We're going to get you out, buddy. You need. We're here for you. We're fucking, we got your back so hard right now. We've lied to the FBI for you. They're going to get you a witness protection program. Yes.

They think that you've uncovered the mob. There isn't even a mob where you're from. You're going to have to make up a few mob secrets. Yes, you're going to have to blow up like two people. It's fine. Also, her name is Tony now. Yeah. So, so bronzing.

Tony. Tony's so piss roll. Tony. What's the other? Piss holy. Alto. Tony piss holy. Just, just roll with us on this one.

You can come back now. Yeah, just, like, your health. It's important. So important. It's so important. The thing is, is like do you want your skin to weather away do you want your insides not to be scoured clean by that fresh fresh old urine every day i cannot wait until someone is like some pervert out there figures out the

situation like the correct way to get this in front of the right fucking like jenny mccarthy or i'm sorry you don't think perverts. Are already capitalizing on this shit. But I mean like. How long until it's semen. It's probably already semen. It's. Definitely.

There's someone. Out there. Yeah. Buying old semen. There's. Maybe that's what they were actually doing. With those condoms. James McAvoy.

Oh shit. James McAvoy. What have you done this time. You sick. Sick bastard. just pissing and just coming just give it having to come and selling it okay let's go god damn it i mean do i keep on my theme why not my 19 year old uh female boyfriend 19 year old male wait what i know it's a weird way i really yeah i so sorry the way you read it, I was confused. So she's a 19-year-old female. She's dating a 19-year-old male.

Asks for my nude pictures and then ends up deleting them. Basically, I took some nude pictures on my boyfriend's phone because he asked for them. But I'm quite insecure, so this only happened once. And how I knew he deleted them was we were play fighting because he took a bad pic of me and I was trying to delete it from the recently deleted folders where I found my nude pictures. I didn't say anything so he doesn't even know that I saw it but it kind of stung

because of me not being very comfortable on my own skin and then finding them deleted makes me feel like he didn't find me very attractive. He asked for some again so I don't know how to feel about it. Should I talk to him? Am I overthinking it? Has this happened to anyone else?

Is this person fucking crazy? Maybe he just doesn't want his friends to fucking see your nudes or like his fucking young cousin playing with his phone or like he's worried that your nudes will get out somehow or that you'll be upset

that he still has them and so he's deleted them because he's nice. Yeah, that's sort of like my situation like, either his parents has access to his phone or, like, I don't know. He doesn't want his friends swiping through his photos. It's sensitive material and it's valuable and it's important to you. So he's being careful with it. Yeah.

It's not that he doesn't want to see it. Yeah, no one asks for nudes. Unless you just took the worst nudes. I've gotten some real bad nudes before. It's just like the fucking close-up of just one of the lips. Just one hair on one lip. The one remaining hair. And you're just sort of tugging that one pubic hair that you've left grow for...

Yeah, and it's thick. ...since you hit puberty. It's thick. It's like a black worm. Ugh. Did you take it off your vagina while you were sitting on the toilet? Yeah, is it... The clitly hollows? The half- prince no oh okay no i was trying to come up with another harry

potter the order of the vagenics um yeah no i think he's just trying to do right by you yeah this sounds like he's trying to like cover everyone's tracks like his tracks for having nudes in his phone your tracks for having nudes in his phone yeah like i think i think it's one of those things where like they're just they're just looking after you especially like if you keep sending them to him is he just gonna have hundreds of nudes of you on his phone like yeah well if he loses his phone also what if you break up like isn't that a reassuring thing being like oh, oh, he's using my nudes? Or maybe he's put them on his, like, computer. Yeah, maybe he just saved them elsewhere and he's like, no, no, no.

Maybe he's got them on a more secure fucking, like, encrypted hard drive somewhere. He's got one of those chips embedded into his arm and he got them all there. Yeah, maybe he's got Google Glass. He just scanned his dick and he won't see them, but his dick knows. Is Google Glass still a thing? Did it ever come out? I don't know if it ever... I don't know.

I think you can... Maybe it's just... Is he wearing stupid glasses? I think you can do the new Garfield Eats thing on Google Glass. I'm not joking. I know you're not. I'm going to look it up right now. Let's go order some pizza.

All right, hit me with one more question. What? We done with that one? Yeah. No, like, don't be silly. More piss? Do you have another piss question? Yeah, yeah. Okay, hit me. No, I don't. I don't. No. This is from Do you have another piss question? Yeah, yeah.

Okay, hit me. No, I don't. I don't. No. This is from the seduction server. Oh, god damn it. Oh, motherfucker! It's elated.

It just came out yesterday. Screenshot it. I thought it was... Oh, I screenshot the piss one. This was police. And I quote, You harassed girls. Got a fine of $100 and a criminal record.

And there was someone being bitter about how they went to a bar to implement some of the tips and tricks. They picked up on these addictions. I've read it. And were consequently arrested, fined €100, now have a criminal record. And they're like, what's wrong with police? Why don't they like guys getting girls? That's amazing. Yeah. Pretty sure. I don't have advice for it you just done fucked up yeah thanks thanks for doing your job police and yeah everyone's so upset about them it's like no like i

i have seen the way men treat women in public and that's pretty generally terrible so if you were worse than that to the point that you got arrested i don't think they were doing it lightly yeah no i mean like yeah there's fucking so in toronto there's a street about king street kick them out to the point that you got arrested, I don't think they were doing it lightly. Yeah, no. I mean, like, yeah, there's fucking... So in Toronto, there's a street called King Street. A bouncer kicked them out, and then they continued doing what they were doing inside after being removed by a bouncer and got arrested by a second party of police

who were not involved with the first issue. Yeah, I mean, like, cops drive down our, like, party street, which is, like, King Street, all the time. Do you think that they don't see assholes is like king street all the time do you think that they don't see assholes catcalling women all the time and none of them get arrested no so to do something enough for a cop to be like oh god damn it yeah pull over get out and arrest you they don't want to do that give a shit and you made them give a shit because you're so bad i honestly wish this happened more oh yeah

i wish that like cops would literally just like get off their fucking horse or their car and and just like hey hey hundred dollar fine why because you just verbally assaulted that woman that's why it can be a hundred dollars my girlfriend is trying to look like amelia clark slash denarius and her obsession is pissing me off by James Wan 1987 It's gotten to a point where we have struggled to keep up with what we're in two months in a row because she hasn't been able to cope with her portion because she's chained herself to look like Daenerys

despite all being a fake This has been going on for three months We're both super busy students Not much time to hang out All she does is talk about Game of Thrones Not the quality of writing, etc Just Emilia Clarke, sightings, and sometimes other cast members. Cool. Some people are favorite celebrities.

Except I can barely talk to her. We used to snuggle in bed and talk for 20 minutes before sleeping. Now we're both busy, tired students, so it means a lot. But every time she just wants to be on her phone looking at Game of Thrones slash Free Folk subreddits, what the cast is doing, mainly Emilia. It's worse. She's killed off half of her hair going full blonde to look like her. Bleaching costs a lot, apparently. Had to cover her portion of rent one month with what little I had to and be evicted. Since she got microblading done to make her eyebrows like Amelia's.

Guess who was short on rent again and guess who had to spot her? Yup. Promise to pay me back. But with her tuition and the drinking, no money. For the third month in a row, she asked asked for money said she needs money for textbooks i find out she spent 450 on super long blonde extensions because all the bleach she used to go blonde killed her hair like how i was like do you have a quick one yeah a novel of it's so easy to solve this dress up like john stone stabber a fucking spoiler warning. Whatever. Yeah, that's book wild.

Also, I think she's faking being obsessed with Emilia Clarke to get free rent. Here's what you do. She doesn't care about Emilia Clarke. Buy a dragon mask and start pretending you're now Drogon. And then constantly require attention from her. Buy a dragon mask, get a little metal chair, and put it in the microwave and just go,

and put it on high. Burn the house down. Yeah. Then you won't pay rent. Oh my God, we're amazing. Tell her if she loves Emilia Clarke so much and Daenerys specifically. She'd get a job.

No. Go kill a bunch of people. Go kill. Uh, no, go, go, be like, go kill a bunch of people. Go, go kill. To be fair, she does sound mad. She's got that down.

I mean, she's, she's heading there. Yeah. Yeah. Um, kill her best friend. See what she does.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Has she forgotten about the iron fleet for no reason? Yeah. Ask her that. Ask her real quick. Why she forgot about the iron fleet for no reason. Uh,

yeah, no, that's insane. This is not healthy. You need to get her to chat to a professional. You need to stop paying her rent because that's insane. Yeah, it might be time to find a new place by yourself and just be like, look, I can't afford to pay for all your things. Yeah.

And if you're going to choose to like, I dated you i dated samantha not amelia clark or some like when did you date samantha one horrible sort of like terrifying like half-haired like robot yeah like i i don't know like it's it's very easy for you to be like yo the the woman i dated was who you were prior to trying to turn into amelia clark like i don't want to date amelia clark i want to date you and if you're not you anymore then like maybe we should reevaluate this relationship and be like i i'm not dating the person i started this relationship with yeah you're you're literally changing into someone else who has an obsession with like someone that doesn't mean anything to them.

Yeah. You need to go up to her and say, Game of Thrones is over and we should be two. You need to go and say, And you just march off into the distance. Bye, bye, bye, bye. Oh, you know you do. You're getting on a white horse.

You owe me so much money. You owe me so much money. You owe me some money for three months rent. That's beautiful. Get on a horse that means nothing to the plot or character and just ride off. And then take it down to the old town road. And then the next time she sees you, just don't mention the horse at all. Yeah, make that never be a thing.

Or just be Brandon and don't do shit. And then... Oh, yes. That's... This is how we do it. This is how we solve things. You fake an accident. You become...

Get a wheelchair. Spend your month's rent on wheelchairs. Yeah. And then proceed... Every time she talks about Emilia Clarke, just respond with something

really cryptic and creepy and be like... Look at her and go, I'm going to go now. Yeah. And then just stare off into space. And, like, any time she mentions Emilia Clarke, be like, just say, yeah. Just be like, the time for her has passed. And just stare. Yeah.

And then, when she eventually gets really angry and tries to confront you just have Arya jump out of nowhere and stab her yeah hopefully you're all caught up to Game of Thrones well you are now no but like 100% I'm sorry

I feel like at this point if you watch Game of Thrones well like if you have a fucking internet like everybody ruined the second day like it's impossible at this point

this is so bad you can't pay someone else's rent just indefinitely three months is a long fucking time one is bad enough it's one thing if you really like that's oppressing if she got hurt and couldn't work This is so bad. You can't pay someone else's rent just indefinitely. Three months is a long fucking time. One is bad enough.

It's one thing if, like, that's oppressing. If she got hurt and couldn't work. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you agreed that between each other. But if she's just like, mm, saucers, hair stuff. I'd rather have hair. That's not important. No, she's taking advantage of you.

Yeah. And it sucks. And, like, the thing is, is, like, I'm extrapolating from the information that we have right now. But like this is going to end poorly because it's going to be one of those things where like she's going to turn us around and she's going to like probably make some drastic threats. Or like if you try to address this situation as seriously as it needs to be addressed, it's going to blow up into a fight of like, you don't respect me. This is my body body i'm allowed to do whatever i want and like and then that's fine but she can't use your money like the thing is and your life is gonna like you can't go you can't lose your place and you can't lose all

your money like those are things you need to live as a student like you need those to live i'm sure it's not an insignificant amount you're giving especially doesn't sound like 450 dollars on threading or some bullshit, right? Yeah, three months in a row. Yeah. Like, you need to look out for yourself and, like, one month, whatever, sure. That's still, you know...

Three is insane. You need to go to her and say, like, forget the other shit for now. Like, that doesn't have to be the main issue. She can do what she wants, but she needs to do it with her money and in her time. If she wants to spend $400, but, like, yeah but it's not your responsibility to pay for her fucking neurosis. Yeah, you just need to be like, I need that money back.

I cannot cover you anymore. And if she can't pay it all at once, you need to start a literal plan where you're like, cool, you're giving me $50 every week. Yeah, or again, I don't like ultimatums, but one of those things. Get the fuck out of there. We're just like, look, if you can't pay rent, I need to find a place

that I can afford on my own because I can't pay both shares of rent. No, you can't do that. And like, if she wants to make it about, like,

don't make this about Amelia Clark. Fuck it. It doesn't matter. Again, it's her body. She can do whatever she wants. But like, if you need to live

and have a place in which you can live, you can't do that while you fucking take care of a child who's playing dress-up. What if you message Emilia Clarke and get her to tell her to fucking stop? Start a Twitter war between her and Emilia Clarke? There's only one way. Or, or, you get on Squarespace. You make a fake Emilia Clarke website about how much she hates whatever her girlfriend,

whatever your girlfriend loves. Does she love cats? Make a whole thing about how Emilia Clarke eats cats. Make a thing about how Emilia Clarke hates people that don't pay her rent. Yeah. Or eats cats. Or. I really want to make this thing where Emilia Clarke eats cats.

She does. It's not funny when it's real. Well, whatever. Whatever this person likes. What does she like? No, but like Amelia does eat cats is what I'm saying. Like it's not funny if it's just a real thing. That's like me being like, oh, it's real funny that James McAvoy just does a common

sells it on Amazon. It's hilarious that James McAvoy comes in a box and hides it in dorm rooms. Yeah, like those aren't funny things because they're true. Okay, here's how you get your money back. Amelia Clark really likes aged piss rubs. You happen to have a supplier piss in a jar sell it to her.

Or you look more like Amelia Clark than she does. Oh yeah, double down. Get into an Amelia Clark off. Oh, Clark off 2019 this day, this week, this year. Whoever looks more like Emilia Clarke. Pays rent for the year.

Yeah. Oh, I love it. No, doesn't pay rent. Yeah. Or whoever looks more like Emilia Clarke plays rent for the year. Yeah. And then you just go, oh, shit. I'm a big boy.

Just be like, shit. Are you Emilia Clarke? Call her Emilia. You have so much money. You ever ran this month, Emilia? Yeah. You got it. Like, that Game of Thrones money?

A hundo key. You got it covered. That Terminator money? Yeah. Get in there. That other thing she might have been in? Probably nothing else. I don't think she was in anything else.

We did it. We've given you so many options. We've been nailing it with advice today. Like, I don't know. So you have a bunch of options. You can blackmail Emilia Clarke. You're welcome, FBI. You have a bunch of options. You can blackmail Emile Clark. You can pretend to be Bran. You can stab her.

I just want to say don't stab her. Okay, yeah. Take some things. Take most things we say as a joke. Just a heads up. Definitely kill her best friend. Yeah, and still microwave that steel chair. Yeah.

Alright, thank you. We're done. Thank you, and still microwave that steel chair. Yeah. All right. Thank you. We're done. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities. You're my boy, Blue. For what? For your song, Piper Sturz. Also, thank you for listening.

This is episode... Yeah, thanks, Josh. 37. I don't know if you know anymore. I'm almost positive it is. Thank you very much for listening. You're welcome. If you have a question,

you can find us on Facebook at fckbuddies at podcast.com You can find us on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast I think. Man, I'm all turned around now. You can listen to one of our previous episodes where we tell you how to find us.

Yeah, you can hit us up on Twitter at fck underscore buddies or you can email us at fbuddies at podcast. No, god damn. Why do I keep wanting to say it? Podcast.com. I don't know. fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can also reach us at pissisbad

for your health at squarespace.com. Do you have some things? You know I do. Okay. Well, I just go I just read them in order so I don't Yes. do. Okay, well I just go... Well, I just read them in order so I don't... Yes. Okay, well this is The Motherland by William Nicholson. Also, I saw someone on the fucking subway reading one of the bad sex writing books the other day,

and I was like... It was amazing. Okay. Comfy? Mm-hmm. Are you comfy, listener? So are we going to do it now, Lawrence? Yes, he whispers. Yes.

Doesn't the Catholic Church say it's wrong? Yes, he says. Fucking me is wrong. Yes. We want to fuck me even so, Lawrence. Yes, he groans, feeling the tip of his cock pushing into her a little way. If you fuck me, will God punish you, Lawrence? I don't care, he says. God won't punish you, she says, if you love me. That's some hardcore manipulation right there. I love you, Nell. I love you. I love you.

He feels the intensity of his love for her with each repetition, along with the tingling in his cock and the profound shock of joy with which he has heard each utterance by her of the word fuck. She seems to know how much this electrifies him. She moves her hips, pushing him deeper into her all the time, and as she does so, she whispers,

Fuck me now, Lawrence. Fuck me now. Lawrence! Lawrence! Lawrence! Will God punish you if you touch my buttocks? Lawrence, you're doing a good job, Lawrence. He won't if you touch my buttocks Lawrence You're doing a good job Lawrence He won't if you love me Lawrence Lawrence

I really enjoy People saying my name During sex But like Only if they do it like 97 times in a row That's obnoxious This is

Yeah no Lawrence It's like When you're fucking Also heard like Saying this Can you imagine Every time you're about to have sex

Are we going to fuck now, Lawrence? Well, I mean, yeah, we're naked and I'm on top of you. But doesn't the Catholic Church say it's wrong, Lawrence? Lawrence, are you going to put your penis inside my vagina? Name other religions. Yes, that's how it works. Name other religions which disagree with premarital sex, Lawrence. Lawrence, how much do you know about religion?

Lawrence, do you think you will be smosed upon? Lawrence? Lawrence, when you fuck me, is it going to be in and out? Side to side? How are you going to do it, Lawrence? Will you stir me like a warm pot of soup, Lawrence? Lawrence? Lawrence, is Jesus watching us fuck, Lawrence? Lawrence, from which corner

of the room do you think he watches, Lawrence? Oh, from the top of the roof, Lawrence. Can he see through walls, Lawrence? Lawrence, if he can see through walls, would he not just see right through the earth and then miss us fucking, Lawrence? Lawrence, when you finish, are you going to ejaculate? Lawrence. Lawrence, if he can see through walls, would he not just see right through the earth and then miss us fucking, Lawrence? Lawrence, when you finish, are you going to ejaculate? Lawrence?

Lawrence, fill up me. Fill me up, Lawrence. Lawrence? Yeah, no. Fuck this person named Lawrence. That's what she did. Yep. All right.

And last but not least, little Dan. Sadly, he's still going. And right now he's figured out the four reasons why good-looking guys rarely get the girl they want. I bet it's all about him. I bet he is the good-looking guy. And the girl he wants is his ex-wife. My name is Adain Miller.

And I am Niall And I'm Lawrence The podcast master Smeen We're your folk buddies Yeah And I'm Lawrence Listen to our podcast Lawrence

Lawrence Lawrence Lawrence will you rate And subscribe Lawrence Lawrence Lawrence will you send us Bags of money Lawrence