F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 38 - Gay's Anatomy (2019 Pride Episode feat. Kyle Crawford)

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

He's back, baby!  To celebrate our first official Pride episode we really had no choice but to bring back everyone's favourite gay guest host, Kyle Crawford!  As usual, things get wild in the closet as secrets are shared and shames are revealed.  Topics include being outed, butthole care, condom scares and butt babies, LGBT+ characters in media, breaking up in open relationships, and a bit of essence in your ice water.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And I'm Kyle Crawford. And I'm Kyle Crawford. And we are your fuck buddies.

Hell yeah! Happy Pride! So this is our Pride episode. It is. We mentioned it was Pride Month last week, but now we're just fucking celebrating it. Hell yeah. Also, you'll notice we've Kyle back with us. Yay! Thank you, Kyle, for coming. You're the best. Last episode was great, you'll notice we've Kyle back with us. Yay!

Thank you, Kyle, for coming. You're the best. Last episode was great and we're happy to have you back. Yeah, it was so fun. I'm so happy to be back.

Right? Back in the closet. Where I belong. Never. Okay. Literally. Nobody belongs in the closet. Nobody.

That's true, actually. Except maybe R. Kelly. Oh! Oh! Touchy subject. Are we starting? Are we just going for it? Go on.

Answer. I do have things because today is an important day. But it's the three-year anniversary of the Pulse nightclub. Really? It absolutely is. Yeah.

And I think it's important to talk about, especially on a Pride episode, of the fact that, like, despite the fact that we're doing okay with progressive there's still a lot of bullshit

that's happening and like three years ago is way too soon for something like that to happen. Yeah. It never should have happened. Before we get started, I know it sucks to start on a bummer but June 12th 2016 uh 49 people were killed and 53 were wounded uh a lot of them were very young a lot of them were

in their 20s and 30s um by i'm not even gonna talk about the gunman because that's fuck that shit by an asshole but that was it was it was literally targeting um lgbt plus people um that night and it and it really sucks and it and it's it's something to think about and and reflect on um that's something you we need to think about and remember because it's like we're not it's three years we're not that much fucking further and i'm sure like it's hard for me to believe it was three years ago yeah completely honest like i remember like it was yesterday and it's I bring it up because of all this stupid bullshit

about a straight pride parade right you know what I mean and this like stupid bullshit talk about like well if gays get it like I'm proud to be straight

it's like yeah we get it you know what you also haven't been mass murdered because you're straight you know what you also haven't been

beaten up on a fucking bus because you're straight yeah there are a million reasons for pride. And people need to fucking realize that and remember it and celebrate accordingly. Yeah, I mean, the first pride was a riot. You know what I mean? It was an actual riot against police brutality and police invasions of gay space.

Stunned a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's important to remember those things, and it's easy to get caught up with sort of, like, consumerism, pride, and, like, you know, slapping a rainbow and shit and being like, we did it, but we haven't. No. Stonewall is also our anniversary this year, isn't it?

Is it 50 years? I think so, yeah. Yeah. Again, I don't want to start the episode on a bummer. Well, no, but we're also not going to ignore real shit. You know what I mean? So, like, to anyone out there having a hard time anyone out there not safe necessarily you know i mean i'm sure there's people out there who haven't come out yet who feel like they can't and

people who have to deal with shit on a daily basis you know i mean even if you're doing well you still have to deal with shit on a daily basis so anybody in the gay community who was around during that time like obviously not just in florida but just the overwhelming sense of we are all one and i know i like just like best friends were hugging best friends and everybody came together and it happened on pride month and it was just like this is why we are who we are and why we have to stand up and why everybody needs a voice is to combat awful awful awful things like that. It was such an eye-opener for like I was 26 at the time or something

like that. It's like wow Pride really is a big deal and look what happens and that's why we have to be proud. That's why we have to speak up and that's why we have to talk about things and you know that's why we have to have a voice so three years. Like I said it's easy to get caught up on like,

let's drink until we're blackout and dance and party. Pride's fun. And it should be, but it doesn't mean there aren't like fucking real, real, real fucking issues. There's a reason why it's there, you know? So anybody who has an issue with pride,

fuck you. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry actually. And we were often very careful about yeah the words we use and the insults that we throw but like if you are actively against uh pride then you're a piece of shit i can i can actively say fuck so just fucking like think for one minute because it doesn't affect you it's not ruining your life it's not affecting your life at all but it is wildly important to so many people in the fucking world.

And it's great. With that, I do want to mention some good news. I wanted to balance it out. Botswana, which is an African country, just decriminalized homosexuality. I think it was yesterday. At least the time we're recording. In one sense, it's amazing. But in another another sense it's wild that it just happened fucking yesterday i know it is wild but better late than never and the rest of the world that's what i'm saying but obviously like

but i mean like things like um just recently a hong kong i think it was like an immigration official or something literally just got the right to call his male partner like with spousal privileges. You know what I mean? And it's not even like gay marriage, I don't think, or same-sex marriage, I don't think it's even legal there. And they're one of the most developed countries in the world, like one of the most technologically advanced,

one of the most culturally advanced countries in the world. And it's still not legal. I will mention some other things um so same-sex marriage became legal in 2019 in austria and taiwan um places like spain germany new york and 15 other states also banned or at least called for a ban on conversion therapy um which is also something that is just fucking like mind-boggling horrific um so we are making strides i just wanted to like sort of balance out the uh the the bad with the good um and i can't remember if it was this year or late last year but we also got to watch the uh gay t-shock of ireland invite mike pence to

a meeting where he brought his boyfriend and talked about how proud we are to be inclusive and be the first country to legalize gay marriage by popular vote. Yeah. And just watch Mike Pence die inside the whole time because he had to be like politically, like I guess politically he had to be agreeable and he was just going pale and you know they knew how much pain he was in and just kept pressing it and it was fucking glorious. So shout out to that. Should we do some questions? Yeah.

Oh, let's do some questions. I can't do my funny openers. Should I start? Let's do it. This is from the Reddit, subreddit Ask Gay Man. And this is by user Gay Teen Nerd. High school drama, smiley face. What am I supposed to do?

It's a little long, so bear with me. Hello, everyone. I literally just joined Reddit to ask your advice. I get to a high school with a little long, so bear with me. Hello, everyone. I literally just joined right out to ask for your advice. I get to go to high school with a student body full of homophobes, and only one of my best friends knows that I'm gay. Around a month ago, one of the popular girls, let's name her Kay, said she had a crush on me. I told her I'm not currently interested in dating anyone.

Now, the problem is I haven't dated anyone in three years, and most people find that odd, which it definitely is. Kay said it's okay, we can just be friends and chat. I was all right with that, and after a while, she started telling me how she doesn't agree with what everyone says in school, and that she supports LGBT. I just responded with cool, and then she asked me if I was gay, which of course, due to the circumstances, I denied. Then she started telling me it's 2019, she's not going to tell anyone if I am, and I'll be her gay best friend. Why the fuck do girls care about that so much? She kept pressing me, finally confessed she took a screenshot post on her goddamn story i've never hated anyone so much in my life

morning after most of my friends don't even talk to me now the school is worse than hell members of student government voted for a re-election to eliminate me as the treasurer and everything is going bad in school fortunately my parents haven't noticed the big news yet and this year is kind of over and i have the summer ahead of me but what about next year should i change my school or just date someone as a cover i keep denying the screenshot and i tell everyone that i just said that to get rid of her nobody believes me thing is i'm not thing that i'm quite sure about is that i can't go to school as who i am i know this might sound ridiculous to some of you but that's my truth also should i tell my parents or wait until they find out and just

deny everything my plan was to come out in college when i'm miles away from my parents wow that fucking sucks poor guy i want to hear i want to hear what you guys have to say about this Wow. That fucking sucks. Poor guy. I want to hear what you guys have to say about this before I dive in. Yeah, so firstly, that girl's a piece of shit. Yeah, I mean, it's... That's not okay.

God damn it. Never out anybody. I think that's a rule we can all get behind. I mean, if you don't know that, then you should know that. It's not anybody's choice to make for anybody else ever because it's a big fucking deal and you don't have to live that shit so fuck you if you think you can do that also yeah like good intentions or not and i'm guessing there are no good intentions if there's a reason someone hasn't like if someone hasn't

told people that they're gay there's probably a fucking reason for it and clearly this school is like a piece of shit anyway so like it sucks that this person clearly set that like the question asker up to sort of like yeah just be like boom here's some drama fuck it that that's a really horrible thing to do so um yeah yeah that's that's obvious is that the girl is a piece of shit yeah i'm gonna say why it's it's it's uh you know outing somebody is absolutely the worst thing that you can do and i am gonna say as a gay man why it is so bad because some people might just say oh well who knows why the human to the stuff coming out isn't necessarily a bad thing it's not necessarily a hard thing it is for some people it is a bad thing for some people not necessarily a hard thing. It is for some people. It is a bad thing for some people. It is a hard thing for some people. For other people, it's a joyous thing. For some people, it's exciting. Regardless, it's your thing to do. There are milestones that people go through in

life and being a gay person, that's something that you have to go through. And it's just, it's like a process of life. And when you get to sit down with your best friend and tell them that you're gay and get that hug when you have to do it to your tell your parents that you're gay and it might be great for a lot of people unfortunately it's not regardless it's you and when you get to choose to do it and when you out somebody you're one billion percent robbing them from all that control what is going to be a part of their lives is now not under their control at all it's under the control of some bitch some literally rotten rotted kimchi cunt like just some just some fermented you know just coated in hell

bitch like you can't do that to somebody somebody and you would hope that this day and age like through social media that thank goodness this guy has an outlet to reach out and talk to other people and get what's going on but sadly social media is another way to put him on blast which is something I didn't have to worry about

when I was younger yeah and like the thing is you don't know necessarily whether it's going to go well or not you know what i mean even as much as you hope or as much as you should you you don't know and like so i think that that's one thing we get out of the way like that's fucked uh as to what they're gonna do like fuck like the thing is part of me it's out of his control now sadly well that's what's so horrible about outing somebody is from that it's like what damage control yeah well it's still like how you act

you know like you can you know part of me wants to be like you know what if you just exactly I don't want to even say this because you don't really know anyone's position it sounds pretty awful yeah I will say like if like you can you can leave school you can and you can start a new

school and honestly how do you tell your parents that that's what i was gonna say as well because it's you're gonna either have to come up to a new school why yeah yeah you're gonna have to come up with a reason because it's time effort and money on their behalf depending on what they do and like they're not just gonna blink and be like sure you're gonna have to come up with a reason which either means you come up with a lie or you tell them and clearly your plan to tell them was in the future so that's less than fucking ideal but at the same time maybe you do want to get out ahead of this i don't know how they'd find out from school but i would think that maybe it's better to i would think that grand scheme probably wouldn't be the

best way to go about it i would think that weather the storm and just do what you got to do and get through it. I would say that hopefully you can tell your parents and hopefully your parents can be supportive and help you get through weathering the storm as opposed to Graham's grand scheming it and it'll pass. And then eventually high school is over and you will find your own people. And then there will be a million other gay people and you sit pass and then eventually high school is over and you will find your own people and then there will be

a billion other gay people and you sit around and you tell them about this story and you know you gotta realize that it does get better and you all hate K

exactly that's what you can bond on hating K all the K's in your life and everybody has like high school drama like whether it's gay or not you know

there's a lot of kids that are bullied for a billion reasons and you just gotta get through it you just gotta weather the storm and then you do find your people you can really do there's a lot of kids that are bullied for a billion reasons. And you just gotta get through it. You just gotta weather the storm. And then you do find your people. You really do. There's an end in sight. And I know it will probably feel like forever, especially

when you're that young. Of course. Especially given, like... High school seems like the be-all and end-all of life. You know. Things that happen in high school, like a breakup feels like you'll never love again. I mean, at 29, a breakup feels like that to me. Like, I couldn, things that happened in high school, like a breakup feels like you'll never love again. I mean, at 29, a breakup feels like, like I couldn't even imagine.

And the thing is like, this is obviously worse than the breakup, but to me there's like three, well, three immediate options with like little offshoot options. And it's either you own it, you deny it, or you move school. Right? I say own it. Own it. And that's what I was going to say was own it, but I... Listen to the music that you like the best

and relate to it and fall into it and whatever the hell it is, whatever hobby, whatever, anything is going to help you escape in the time being, just do it for as long as you got to do it. And if that's a year, if that's two years, if it's six months, just do it. And there is another side to that. Own it.

You have to. That's the thing. If people are like, I feel like when you start denying things, especially because nobody seems to believe it anyway, there is another side to that own it you have to there's that's the thing if people are like i feel like when you start denying things especially because nobody seems to believe it anyway you're kind of just deeper it gets harder it gets deeper it gets worse people get more shitty about it and it's hard to say but it's going to be hard in any situation and there are escapes there are you know there there there's ways to fall into loving yourself in other ways than just the social aspect of school

and as hell as it might be and as hard as this thing, the whole thing. Unfortunately, Kay, she robbed you of anything that's going to be easy. It's going to be hard. So you're just going to have to, you know, just strengthen up. Just, you know, humans get through a lot of adversity. Humans get through a lot of stuff. And that's one of the times that you have to is when somebody outs you. It sucks.

It's awful. Okay, bitch, you shouldn't have done it. But you did. And now he's going to have to choose one of those options. And I say own it. I feel like on the positive side, you're not the only gay kid in school at all. Absolutely. So if you own it, maybe someone will come up to you and be like look

and i'll that is not far-fetched that is not that's true like there are there were gay kids when i was in high school that because i was the out one they could gravitate towards me or i would notice they would sit next to me and you know msn was the thing back then so i remember certain you know kids adding me to msn and just saying you know me too yeah sometimes you can be the leader even if it is some back swamp you know rural backwards kind of place you can be the kind of maybe it's hard as fuck yeah but you know your your hard times i think anybody's easy time has come through somebody else's hard times like that's that's happened i'm like that is a You're right. That's absolutely a positive.

Like they're saying that like friends of theirs won't talk to them. They're not your friends then. Like I know it sucks. Also, we're forgetting revenge. Do something to her. Oh, get this girl.

Get this girl so hard. Literally cut her hair in school. Do something. Like, I don't know. Okay. Kill her. I do want to be the voice.

Egg her. Egg the bitch. If, if this is a place that hates gay people, maybe don't encourage anything that will retaliate No, violence on violence. I'm not... Egg the bitch. No, don't do it. No, I assume you can understand that we're joking.

That's why Dan's our dad. I know. I'm just saying. Daddy. I'm just saying. Daddy. No, we're saying that with like, you know, a grain of salt. I mean, if you come up with a devious plan. Add egg the bitch. Be devious. I'm not saying. We're saying that with a grain of salt. I mean, if you come up with a devious plan.

Add egg to be devious. I'm not against it. Put jam on her locker handle. Oh, shit. Every day. Jam up that locker handle. Are you guys telling me you've never seeked revenge on somebody in high school?

I'm glorious for revenge. No, I absolutely did. But I also didn't have a target on my back. Fair. Which I feel like this kid does. And any excuse for him is out. You don't want to put yourself in a. Fair. Which I feel like this kid does, and, like, any excuse for him... Yeah, you don't want to put yourself in a worse position.

Because, like, he's still a dude. If you go after a girl, there's a bunch of guys who are willing to go after you because you went after a girl. Yeah, and then you're giving them the excuse, right? That's my concern. Although, a Jamie Locker never hurt nobody.

Yeah, jam up that locker handle. Get her in the pettiest ways so nobody knows it was you. Stealth egg the bitch. It can be your first opportunity for drag get a wig go get in drag and just run up to her agar and run away say it was somebody from the school down the street or in another neighborhood or do you have a selfie with you and her you probably have a picture of you guys at some point just lightly edit like hair where there shouldn't be hair onto her and then post it as your profile picture photoshop is such a thing

these days yeah i know i wonder i wonder hearing these things i wonder what my coming out or what my being gay when i was in high school would have been like with social media and screenshotting man i'm so glad fucking facebook didn't exist when I was yeah, we can say own it We don't really know the situation. No, we know it could be really bad exactly But the thing is I feel like from the information this was posted like really recently. Mm-hmm And I think 2019 thankfully These days you actually do have a bit of recourse So if people like and if you own it you have a little bit more like to stand on because if you're like, yes I'm gay and people are like, hey, we're gonna vote to get you not treasuring you're like why and they're

like oh they have to come up with a reason and if you don't you could probably go to a superior again one of them's probably gay yeah you know what i mean like and i know i know this is a very optimistic tone i know there's a lot of places that are fucking shitty and a lot of people who are shitty and a lot of places where no matter what you'll still be just one plus one doesn't equal two yeah but at the same time there are a lot of places where that is true so sure you probably you again you know yourself best and you know your situation best um so it might be worth a shot like i'm gonna take a pragmatic stance and be like if you think you are in physical immediate danger going back to school, coming out to your parents, because again, fingers crossed they don't want you to die

or be beaten to death. So hopefully if you think the best thing for your personal safety is to get to another school where you can start fresh and just sort of be like flying under the radar for the next year or whatever you have left of school, I think maybe coming out to your parents being like yo i got outed i super scared can i go somewhere else yeah no totally yeah there's always someone you can reach out to survive humiliation but we can't survive

yeah kicks to the head yeah in like so like we're talking about basic high school shit like think about any time that anybody is you know under scrutiny or bullied or targeted for any reason you know there's there's always it's always a shitty awful situation when it comes to being outed and being out there is a lot of times that it seems so much scarier than it is my situation it seemed terrifying and like i had a great coming out experience it was wonderful it shocked the hell out of me. I didn't expect it to be so loving and so embracing. And it is sometimes a lot of the opposite.

And that is something that kids need to know. A lot of the time, it isn't as scary as you think it is. But that's for you to discover and you to do on your own time. You realize when you're less scared of it that you can do it. But it's it's it's not as scary as i think as some people think it is you're not the first person to go through this no exactly and there's definitely other gay people in your school that's what that's what i'm trying to is really convey here is that every gay person most all just about every gay

person these days has to go through it at some time. It's like losing your virginity, you know? Like, losing your virginity is something that you do on your terms, hopefully. You know? If you don't, it's an awful, terrible, terrible, terrible thing. Coming out is something that you go through on your terms and you realize in any way. And if somebody takes that from you, it's awful. It's terrible.

So when it happens, you know, you've got to make the best of it. You've got to do whatever's best. And I say you've got to own it's awful it's terrible so when when it happens you know you got to make the best of it you gotta you gotta do whatever's best and i say you gotta own it and you gotta go on headstrong and you have to be honest and that's the best you can do of a shitty situation uh all right we're moving on what dame hey guys what i got a question for you okay is my butthole all right excuse me jesus this comes from reddit user love doll i'm so scared he asks is my butthole all right? Excuse me. Jesus. This comes from Reddit user LoveDoll. I'm so scared. He asks, is my butthole all right? Okay.

I'm 27 and I'm newly out. I love bottoming for boo. And I feel like I'm really good at it. For boo? The only problem is my asshole feels raw and tender for days after sex. It's not too bad. But I wonder if my butthole is all right. Is there anything I could have done to prevent this? Well, as the only bottom here, Dan, what do you think?

Uh, lube, my man. What are you doing? Does he mention if he lubes? Uh, nope. Yes. The answer is yes. If he bottoms and he lubes. There's no such thing as bottoming without lubing. And if you're not lubing, then don't bottom. So there's that. I figured this would be a quick question. Yes. There's probably nothing wrong with your ass. What's his name? Love to all.

Love to all. Your ass is probably fine. If you're loving everyone, no wonder your ass is raw. If you like it, then you like it. I mean, like when... Okay, fine. I'll be personal. When I first started bottoming, yeah, it was uncomfortable. But I felt like that passed.

And sometimes, if I'm bottoming more than I'm not, yeah, I also feel a little swollen, a little sensitive, a little... What did he say? Tender? Tender. Raw, I believe. Raw and tender. Oui.

Okay, so then the only advice is however much lube you've been using use more double it yeah yeah get butter up in there well you know there is boy butter that is a thing i produce it on the daily boy butter is a really thick gelatinous white lube yeah that's pretty much whatever lube you've been using as a white. That's Dane. Whatever lube you've been using, double it up and then see how your asshole feels in a week.

I make boy butter every day in the shower. Did you say swollen? Did you say swollen? Does that lead me on to my next question? This is from Victoria Loves Lace.

Jesus Christ. Really stupid question. Does prostate swelling improve bottoming? So apparently it's basically normal. Instance of multiple tens of percents. For older men to experience benign, non-cancerous prostate swelling as they age. For a variety of reasons.

This often leads to urinary problems. My question is, does this improve bottoming by making the prostate easier to hit? Obviously no medical resource would answer this question. As this really isn't the sort of thing medical establishment would do research on. Does anyone here have any experience on this? That is a question for Gaze Anatomy not Fuck Buddies Podcast.

Gaze Anatomy? Please tell me that's an actual podcast. No, but it should be. That's the best name! Can we name it this? Can we name this episode? You know what? Fuck you guys. You guys have eased me into the podcast world. I'm going to start Gaze Anatomy. Oh, motherfucker.

You better have me on. Yes, goodbye. Better have me on. I don't know. I have nothing to say about that. Not a thing. Really? I don't know.

Swollen prostate? You're old as fuck. You should be. I am 29. Thank you. And I have nothing to say about swollen prostates. Yeah, no, I just read that. I bought them on Christmas and Thanksgiving, and that's it.

And my prostate is... Do you remember that band swollen prostates oh the rap rap group yeah they had that song called i can't remember a single fucking swollen members uh okay i'm going to get there guys i tried i'm going to move on to a deleted users question uh what is your thank god i'm gay moment oh my goodness okay here thank god i'm gay okay so you guys know that i love having you guys as friends even though you're straight and you're frank listen listen i'm getting somewhere with this okay and this is something that a lot of gay guys, a lot of gay people can relate to. But I have a thank God I'm gay moment every time I leave any party that you have, Niall.

And I've talked about this because when I hang out with a bunch of straight people and a bunch of like, you know, we like play board games and we're all pretty like fun and everything. We're all pretty like fun and everything pretty and the minute i say the slightest sassiest maybe gay you know little pun little joke everybody thinks i'm so hilarious no but you're hilarious okay but sometimes it's literally like if i said that same thing to a group of gay men it would just be like a flat line And I say it to you guys and I feel like the funniest, coolest, wittiest person in the world and I leave your parties every time saying thank God I'm gay. That's the first thing

that came to my mind, so it has to be the truth. You are one of the funniest, wittiest, coolest people I know, so not sure that counts. Okay, well that's the first thing that came to my mind. Thank God I'm gay. Okay, thank God I'm gay. Okay. Thank God I'm gay anytime I hear about any pregnancy story.

No, I hear you. I hear you there. Yeah. Anytime that I hear about any pregnancy scare, thank God I'm gay. Yeah, I really do. I really do feel that way. Let's go to my next question. So just earmark that one.

We'll just go for it. This comes from user Storm of Lions. Condom broke. Hello, guys. So I just had sex with my boyfriend. When he was inside me, he used condom. Both of us heard a popping sound from his dick. He immediately pulled out in a split second,

and we saw the condom was broken on the side of the head area, in brackets, question mark. I saw that his dick was soft under, and he pulled out. And I assumed. Wait, what? Okay, this last bit makes no sense. I saw that his dick was soft under.

And I assumed that as he pulled out, his dick was inside the lower part of the condom. So it had no contact with my body. Okay, so like I guess he assumed that his dick wasn't hard enough to get through the top. I don't even know if that last sentence even makes sense. Okay, fair enough.

It does not. Or not. But I'm just trying to think positive. Side info, both of us are in a monogamous relationship and none of us

had any trace of any STDs. Is this something to be worried about? My boyfriend doesn't seem to worry. He sounds like a, what do you,

not a hemophilia. Hypochondria. There we go. Yeah. Or, or, or, he's pregnant. he sounds like a what do you know hypochondriac there we go yeah or or or he's pregnant or he's pregnant

yeah it is you've got a junior situation highly likely that his butt is now the baby's home he's got a butt baby if there was ever a chance for a man to be pregnant

Kyle would have triplets I volunteer myself as tribute like I would love to be a pregnant you'd be the best mom. What if it grew in your butt, though? I don't care. Grow it anywhere.

If I could birth a child, I don't care if it was coming out of my nostril. I'm doing it. I don't know. This guy sounds like he's really paranoid. He's in a monogamous relationship with neither of them. Props to you for still using condoms.

That's good. But don't worry. Have you ever told the story about my only time a condom broke? No. So the only time a condom broke, any time I've ever used a condom, was the first time

I had anal sex. And it was kind of a complete accident. You mean kind of? Was it half I had her up against the wall. You mean kind of? Well, I had her up against the wall. Was it half not an accident? You sicko. Well, no, like, I didn't intend to fuck her in the ass.

So it was a complete accident. I was fucking her from behind. You had spontaneous ass sex? And then I, like, I moved her. She was moving. So, like, all she had was a couch, a bunch of boxes, and, like, that was it. So we started on the couch, and then I bent her over some boxes, and then I moved her to the wall

to fuck her up against the wall but like I slipped out so then I went to like put myself back in but I inserted into the butt. Did she scream

in horror? No, I assume she's probably she enjoyed it. Hashtag pro. Yeah, she was probably an anal. Hold on.

Did you just slip into her ass? If it gets very wet down there sometimes it's a lot easier to do that have either of you have ever had anything up your ass

no yeah technically did you not listen to the last episode no I had an inquisitive finger awkwardly poked up there

okay finger and dick are two different fucking things and let me tell you not when it comes to me. Dan's fingers are incredibly long and thick. Okay. I don't mean to take away from your story. I'm sorry.

Go ahead. Keep going. She's taken it up the ass a billion times then if she did not fucking scream. I mean, maybe. If it went right the fuck up there? I mean, no, no. There was some resistance, but I figured it was just because we were standing. It's like a fucking elastic snapping. It's like... Funny you should say that, because that's what happened

with my fucking condom. And I think it was sort of like because of the resistance to insert... No, I'm good. Okay. And the fact that we didn't use any fucking lube... Who is this girl? Don't worry about it. Yeah, we're just gonna

name her. Jesus name this great thing is like she's a porn star now things get very slippery down there if she can take unlooped dame dick spontaneously it would have been somewhat lube because he was already in there worse but no he was already within her so there's a lot of like her own vagina juice yeah so it's it's body's natural condom yeah well i'm shit today. There's a lot of slippy stuff down there. Like I wasn't going in just fucking dry. I wasn't, but it broke.

But because I had never been inside of a butt before, I didn't really know like the sensation or difference. So I ended up finishing inside of her. Um, and I'm, I was so paranoid that I bought her a plan B. Well, that's how I was born.

You're kidding. You dumbass. How old were you? I mean, this is... It was not that long ago. Jane! What? You're lying!

It's a bum. No, but here's my worry. My worry was that it was going to drip out of the butt and somehow get inside. I am the most terrified. Dane, you need to listen to the next episodes. We were just drinking out before we did this podcast, and I was like revering Dane for his intelligence.

I really was. I was looking at Dane with like stars in my eyes. You're on a sex and dating advice podcast. And you were so intelligent. Dane. Look, I'm so fucking paranoid. Dane, we're going to put you on the bench. We're going to record next week's episode and teach you how pregnancy works.

Look, I understand. I get it. But I was... You bought her plan B and what did she do? Laugh. Laugh her ass off and say there's $60 down the toilet. She put it up her butt. It was a weird situation.

That's not where it goes. She definitely was like, yeah, you don't need to. I was like, yeah, but let's just be safe. No! You're like, next time's on yeah, you don't need to. I was like, yeah, but let's just be safe. No. You're like, next time's on me. You didn't say that. I did. This is the most interesting story I've ever heard in my entire life.

Look, guys, I'm not proud of it. I understand that. But, but. What if? But. What if? Okay. I'm just saying.

Just saying, what if? What if she was doing like. You should have took that pill back and got a refund. What if afterwards I left and she was like, I'm going to do some somersaults. And that fucking inertia sort of flung my semen into the other hole. You do know now, right? You've researched.

Yeah, I know. I mean, I knew then. You're just that paranoid? But I was so, I was like, I'm just questioning. So you can relate to this. You can relate to the guy then with the monogamous boyfriend.

You know what? It's not actually. My point is. His point makes more sense than Zane's. Yeah, it does. It really does. My point is, I understand this like irrational fear of like,

his bare dick might have touched a bare part of me yeah well i think if you're worried go get a test and other than that if you're not worried but something untoward happens get a test and my thing is like if you both have been recently tested by for stds and you both are like no we're 100% clean. You're good. My concern was just like weird pregnancy bits. Also, I've also read things of like the lining between the anal and the

vaginal cavity being derived from frequent anal sex. Oh, that's a thing. If she squirts cum out her ass and it slips up into her pussy, she can get pregnant, right? I don't think so. I mean, I don't know so I mean I don't know I'm pretty sure

like SEMA doesn't survive SEMA doesn't survive very long outside the body which is why sometimes like you can't get pregnant

even when you're trying I was just trying to make Dane look less stupid I know yeah I refuse to do that yeah there's no help on this one

I just wanted to share that sorry it's full transparency look we all make mistakes we all get paranoid and sometimes when it condom breaks

we panic. And I understand that this gets point of view. So chances are if you've both been tested with STDs recently and you're clear you're good.

And if you're worried just go get tested again. Go get tested again. And don't use those condoms that you get at the gay bars in the bathrooms

with the information pack because those do break. Those break all the fuck of time. You need to get you some Trojans or some Magnums or some Durex. You know Those break all the fuck of time. You need to get you some Trojans or some Magnums or some Durex.

Not the bar condoms. I always used to like poo-poo the skin condoms. You used to poo on skin condoms? I know it! We're just talking about ass sex. That's probably a bad choice of phrasing. You never got pregnant up the ass.

You know this. You know it's okay. If you were pooing out condoms. Skin I got pregnant up the ass. You know this. You know it's okay. If you were pulling out condoms. Skin I always thought was the discount brand. S-K-Y-N, right? Yeah. I have a latex sensitivity. It's called a boner, Dave. They make a very good

latex-free condom. Is it made out of lamb flesh? It is, I believe. No, I don't think it is.oms is it made out of lamb flesh it is I believe no I don't think it is what's it made of I don't know

but it's not if you're dating someone who's vegan I can take the box I have someone's that's what I'm thinking I was like oh shit oh no

but the skin condoms aren't that bad they're I use them for a very long time they're they're like large format. That was the other thing is like a lot of condoms that are made latex free only come in one size,

which is if you've ever used condoms that don't fit you. The worst. Fucking terrible. It's almost as bad as using something that makes you feel shitty. Stop saying poo-poo and shitty and all this stuff. Having a gay pride podcast. All right. Ready for the next one?

Yep. Anybody know any good books slash book series with gay main characters? Call me by your name. And before it was a movie, it was a book. And I hate reading, even though one of my best friends to the left of me is a novel it was a book and i hate reading even though one of my best friends to the left of me is a novelist and a writer um i hate reading but call me by your name

was a fabulous book that book took me on a journey that book helped me escape it's gay but it's not like in your face um and then you can watch the movie afterwards the movie was a huge success a couple years did you see it was it good yes I did but the book was way I was finally that person saying the book is better

than the movie the book is better than the movie after all those years it didn't really work it really was there's a couple others if you're young

Grayson vs. Grayson is a really good book is that a Batman book no no Grayson the Grayson vs. Grayson is a really good book. Is that a Batman book? No. Oh. No. Grayson, the Grayson family, the great, what is it?

What is it? Batman what? How does that relate to Batman? Robin. Robin. Robin. His last name is Grayson. Dick Grayson. Yeah.

Okay, yeah, the Grayson family. Dick Grayson? Maybe that's what inspired them. Yeah, it was the family acrobats, right? They were all Grayson's. Were they also acrobats? The flying Grayson's? Yeah.

No, it's not a Batman book. I was just testing my own Batman knowledge because I used to love that shit anyways Grayson versus Grayson

was a good one that's all I have off the top of my name but call me by your name it's so popular and it's so mainstream and

it's so crazy for a reason because it's fantastic I think we should broaden this out to just like general

shit like like TV shows movies whatever I will say one of my favorite novels or novel series is skulduggery pleasant which are like ya uh urban fantasy novels uh by an irish author called derrick landy and uh a little bit of a spoiler warning but not really uh the main character becomes or

like to realizes that she's bisexual as the the book goes on and it's done very well it's for them very naturally um also there's a book called adventures of cavalier and clay which is about to it's basically like referencing the kind of like rise of uh the graphic novel in america back when like superman became a big hit and like batman and all that shit so it's like an alternate version of that where they have a graphic novel called the escapist and uh one of them deals with being a homosexual back in that time so yeah it's a great fucking book that's what i do i do love reading and watching stuff about gays from a time that is other than my own i think it's actually i think your boy from the umbrella academy also has a yeah at least a queer character we're not sure if he's entirely gay but like um i think

so uh also done well and also yeah it's it's very it's very sort of like natural yeah it just kind of happens and you're like oh okay yeah they're not one of those shows where they're like oh my god um there's another one i don't know i don't really know how it how i feel about how it was dealt but like Supergirl introduces a gay character or like a bisexual character a queer character yeah

and I don't want to say in case anyone's watching don't spoil us some shit but like it was it was introduced and like it's interesting to see

because I believe they get outed as well or something happens in the sense of like and they don't know how to like sort of like deal with their sort of like realization.

It might be good to. Yeah, it was an interesting thing. I feel like it was unfortunately one of those things where I think they were kind of like leaning towards some fan service because it is like a female driven show. And I think they were kind of like looking to capitalize on sort of a market. Of course. But it is, you know what, like, when it comes to representation, I think that's sort of

like how it starts. You know what I mean? Like, you start with sort of people being like, oh, there's, there are a group of people

that don't have any representation and would like to see heroes in their position. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because like, I think Marvel is now also developing

either in the MCU or like one of their shows, the first gay character. Like, openly gay character. Well, even Avengers, the newest one, was the first time they openly mentioned a gay character in any of the Marvel movies, which was fucking insane. And it was even very vague. Or not vague, but it was very brief. I will say, I think my favorite gay character of all time is Omar from The Wire. If you guys have seen it. I've never seen The Wire.

I know who Omar is. I actually haven't watched The Wire. I heard he's fabulous. It's the best shit ever. It's so good. Lafayette in True Blood is also a fabulous, fabulous, fabulous gay character. You know what isn't a good fucking gay character? Everyone in Riverdale.

Nothing in Riverdale is good. It's true. It's true. I've Everyone in Riverdale. Nothing in Riverdale is good. It's true. It's true. I've never seen Riverdale. So for some reason, I can't remember what season it is, but like I watched it, I gave up this season

because I was like, this is the dumbest goddamn bullshit. But at one point in one of the seasons, one of the main characters just becomes gay. What?

And like she's sort of like stalking another character, which again, goes nowhere. And then all of a sudden is dating another character. And like it comes out of sort of like stalking another character which again goes nowhere and then all of a sudden is dating another character and like it comes out of nowhere and i think it's literally because they're like actively trying to get as much tumblr bait as they possibly can um maybe she was outed by k and then she had i mean maybe fucking k i you know what k we're gonna fight you come comes the podcast yeah're going to fight a high school girl.

Yeah. This is the way to move forward. Three grown ass men. Yeah. We're going to fuck you. What do you think about that? I wouldn't be me if I didn't mention a gay manga for anybody out there to read. Are we going for Yuri on Ice?

I was going to say Yuri on Ice, but that's not reading. Yuri on Ice is amazing. And I was going to even wear my Yuri on Ice t-shirt today. The one I got you? The one you got me, yes. Fuck yeah. But yes, if you're going to watch something reading Yuri on Ice is amazing and I was gonna even wear my Yuri on Ice t-shirt today the one I got you the one you got me fuck yeah but yes if you're gonna watch something

Yuri on Ice amazing amazing amazing I've watched it 35 times but if you want to read something gay and manga a guy like you has been revered

as one of the best gay mangas ever and it's very recent it just started in 2017 cool so there's one I also feel like that was fun

I wanna read your guys' suggestions I wanna read oh man like so good remind me after the podcast I will so I will tell you in 2017. Cool. So there's one. I also feel like... That was fun. I want to read your guys' suggestions. I want to read... Oh, man, like, so good. Rhyme me after the podcast. I will. So I will tell you, I do feel like your boyfriend

would love the book I mentioned, by the way. Okay. It would be untoward of us to go through this question without mentioning a friend of Kyle's and a friend of mine

just released a fucking show that is... Definitely might have a gay character or two in it. One of my best friends. Yeah. So it's incredible. It's a in it. One of my best friends. Yeah. So it's incredible. It's a great show.

I just watched it the other night. I was there at the live video premiere. It was phenomenal. I missed the premiere, unfortunately, but I feel like Shout Out is definitely in order. So I'm just going to read it

in his own words because he's going to describe it better than I can. So it's, fuck yas. So F-A-K-Y-A-A-S-S for those interested because

I don't know if it comes across when I say FAKYASS we talked about that the other day do you say FAKYASS every time I think you have to

I think you have to yes it's fun FAKYASS it's fun being at the ferry everybody just shouted out the whole time it was so fun

so it's a new series about a gay party boy in the city forced to travel back to a small town to take care of his homophobic grandfather it's a two part mini series it'll air on out tv june 17th and june 24th it'll also be

available on their online platform out tv go to stream anytime you want so watch watch watch the trailer is incredible i haven't seen it myself but i will be checking it out and i feel like everyone should check it out uh all right i feel like this is gonna be a quick one posted by that boy the one on reddit how do you guys feel if right before hooking up with someone Everyone should check it out. All right. I feel like this is going to be a quick one. Posted by ThatBoyTheOne on Reddit. How do you guys feel if right before hooking up with someone, they told you that they had an STI before? Not the time and not the place. No, exactly.

I'm like, nope. This guy I really liked, and he has been forward and honest about his sexual activities, and told me he had gonorrhea in the past. It makes me wonder, now, if he practices safe sex, and I don't know how to ask him without making him feel bad about it. Like, I like him, and I want to do stuff with him, but we aren't friends like that. I don't really understand that last little bit.

We aren't friends like that. Like, if I was to tell Niall that I had gonorrhea a few times, like, we're friends like that, so it's cool. But if it's somebody I just went on a few dates with, I'm not just going to tell people about my medical history. If you're popping out your STI history at it, then presumably it's not there anymore. Which means it's not a pressing topic.

I would just attribute that to social awkwardness and not knowing when and how to say things. Or someone's trying to be like, I'm a big dick baller. I've had sex before. Or he still has. I doubt it. Or he still has and was testing the waters. No, no, no.

I would doubt it. I would think you would have to be really out to lunch or out to dinner if you're going to be like, I had chlamydia and I still have chlamydia. Like, sad. STDs, chlamydia and gonorrhea, you know, it's, it's, it's out there, and people get it. And, you know, people have sex, and people have a lot of sex. And when you're of a certain age, you have a lot, a lot, a lot of sex. I think sometimes when it comes to gay men, in particular, the lines are blurred a little bit. That's why he's saying we're not friends like that.

Because sometimes the lines are blurred between friend, boyfriend, dating, friends with benefits, and just my good Judy or my good Judy who I have hookups with. And that can all be very, very... Who's my good Judy? Okay, that's a little bit of history. Back in the day when you didn't know if somebody was gay or not, like let's say in the 60s, and you and Amanda and Niall and *** are all up to dinner, but you two don't know each other. But you have the instance that one of you might be gay. You say, are you a friend of Judy's? Actually referring to Judy Garland because she was one of the first gay icons back there and if niall says are you a friend of judy sedane and dane says yes that was your guys's code way of telling each other that you were gay man i would love to know because there were probably a lot

more people called judy back then i don't know how many times it was like oh shit yeah judy and they're like damn and there's like whoa whoa why you touching my like there's gotta there's got to have been mix-ups there gay signals in in history, they're really fascinating if you look them up. Sometimes, if you're my buddy kind of thing, that's like with gay men, sometimes the line is blurred between buddy and fuck buddy, right? So, you know, STDs is sometimes just kind of casual chit-chat. And to be completely honest, if somebody was to say, I had gonorrhea that wouldn't

surprise me at all not even a little tiny bit and i wouldn't judge it against their character and if anything i would you know put it towards a testament of their honesty yeah i really truly honestly would thing is how it comes up right like if you're talking about something we're about to hook up and he's like just a heads up had it before but i'm good that's not the sexiest yeah my my question is is he says right before hooking up with someone yeah that's ridiculous are you just about like like a centimeter from fucking insertion and just like right by the way yeah i feel like if it came up at a time when it was natural for it to come up that wouldn't have been a question that's so i feel like they just said that out of nowhere,

and that's weird. Yeah, if you just sort of like pop that one off just out of nowhere, I bet it's like regardless of your sexual orientation. Oh, yeah, no, in general. And that's the thing, like, oh, my God, am I doing a damn? Who spilled this time?

No, I didn't spill, but my phone fell. What did you just drop there now? My phone. I was trying to emulate you. Yeah. Obviously, this is just social awkwardness in any way. If you're expecting to fucking get... So I wonder if the guy fucked him.

I wonder... Obviously, they were about to hook up. And then he said, in whatever context, I had gone to Rio once. I like him and want to do stuff with him. So I assume he hasn't done stuff with him. Right? So obviously, it wasn't right before with him right so obviously wasn't right before a hookup it wasn't like we're naked and about to hook up they were probably on a date

and they were probably talking yeah i mean like one time one guy told me he saw me in the std clinic and then led to tell me that what he was there treated for and i was like i mean that's a that's a power move oh yeah and I took it as a testament to his honesty and he complimented my outfit he was like

I knew it was you because of that shirt nice and the thing is like fuck it STDs happen if you had one you got over it

like nobody gives a fuck it's cool if it comes up in the right time great it's awesome that you can own that so if you're on a date

it's less like it's socially awkward ridiculous or it's socially awkward regardless but if you're on a date that's better than if you're about to slip it in and got a read as you so vividly painted as a picture date if it comes up it's fine if you're just volunteering that information it's kind of weird yeah yeah i mean i feel like the only time you should sort of like volunteer it is if you're about to have sex and you currently have an st oh then you definitely should volunteer and you should have done it a little bit beforehand you need to you need to sort of disclose that information yeah like if you've had something and it's coming past and you've dealt with it

and it's no longer a part of your you know sort of current danger buddy situation then like fucking leave it yeah leave it out of it. Best thing, like some shit should never be volunteered. Yeah. You know, in certain circumstances. Certain ones, it's essential. I mean, at their minimum, I would just be straight up turned off if somebody said that. Yeah. Nobody wants to think about a rotting genital. Yeah, if I was about to sleep

with someone and they were like, I've had chlamydia before, I was like, oh, okay. I guess we'll just call it there. Even if I was like, yeah, I had we'll just call it there i'll see even if i was like yeah i had scurvy once my teeth were loose like it's nothing to do with their genitals but i'm still not aroused yeah it's true even if someone was just like hey you want to hear about the time i got meningitis yeah yum yum yum yeah no i'm good thanks thanks okay are we moving on yeah all right speedo by Jalapeno Flavored.

Ooh, I'm so intrigued. How may guys wear a Speedo to the beach? The beach I go to, I'm the only one it seems. Hey, let me tell you, go to Greece. Everybody wear Speedos? Go to fucking Europe. Literally, if you do not wear a Speedo on a Greece beach, apparently you're a fucking asshole. From what I hear, North America is like the only place that is not, like Speedos are taboo.

Everywhere else is normal. People don't wear Speedos in Ireland. You get shamed real hard for that. You guys don't have sun in Ireland. Yeah, nobody goes to the beach in Ireland. Never mind. I was going to say, like no one's ever in a position. Yeah, no, we don't have beaches.

I don't know what I'm talking about. My answer is if you have the body for a Speedo, then bitch, wear a Speedo. What is the body for a Speedo, Kyle? Everything I aspire to be. If you have the body for a Speedo, wear it. If you have the confidence for a Speedo, then wear a Speedo. If you think you have the body for a Speedo, go for it. Like, fucking, like, who are you upsetting?

Listen, body positivity is great. If you're wearing a thong, you gotta be a little bit covered. You know what I mean? I don't want to see buttholes. Wow. It's 2019, dude. If I'm in public...

Well, he doesn't want to get anyone pregnant by looking at their butthole, right? That is just the ultimate shame, by the way. It's 2019. No, if I'm out in public, I don't want to see a butthole. Sure. I think that's a fair thing to say. If I'm out in public, there's a lot of shit I don't want to see. Yeah. If I'm out in public, don't want to see a butthole sure I think that's a fair thing to say

if I'm out in public there's a lot of shit I don't want to see yeah if I'm out in public I want to see a lot of motherfuckers in a goddamn poncho

so that's why I'm saying if you get the body for a speedo then wear a speedo yeah if not wear a quilted blanket again

if you think if there are some youths out there with like bats being like I'm ready to fuck up someone in a speedo like maybe don't

wear it but if if people are just giving you some some looks it's probably a little jealousy sure or disgust

maybe disgust he sounds like he wants to wear a speedo so bitch go for it that's the thing if you're wearing a speedo if you literally put on a

speedo the beginning of the day and was like fuck yeah I'm gonna go in public in this then just keep the thing is like unless somebody's coming up when I say the body for a speedo at the beginning of the day and was like fuck yeah I'm gonna go in public in this then just keep the thing is unless somebody's

coming up when I say the body for a Speedo that can mean a million things I know I was just fragging on you

if you Lord knows I speak every day about my love handles their names are Ruby and Bob and they are in a happy

relationship you have a great fucking body shut the fuck up thank you not that you can't have a great body you could have somebody with a. Thank you. Not that you can't have a great body. You could have somebody with a big old belly wearing a Speedo,

but if they have a big fucking dick to fill it out, then why would you want to show that up? Well, the first comment is a guy saying, I'm hella overweight, but I wear a Speedo all the time, and I love it, and so do other people. And then the guy was like, wait, your name is Badger something. Are you from Wisconsin? He was like, yeah, I am.

I'm pretty sure they're now fucking. So this is great. That is theger something. Are you from Wisconsin? He was like, yeah, I am. I'm pretty sure they're now fucking. So yeah, that is so, this is great. That is the ultimate romance. I also, I also don't want to, I just,

I just want to say if you're confident in a speed, like it's like when people are like, Oh, if you're a big girl, don't wear a bikini. Fuck. Don't wear the, it's like,

where's the shirt? Where's the positivity is where it's at. You know what I mean? If you, if you want to fucking rock a two-piece bikini and you're overweight, fucking go for it. If you're comfortable in it, go for it.

Even if you're not comfortable in what you want to, go for it. Yeah. You'll get comfortable. Yeah, I mean, just fucking do what you want. No one else is like...

Literally what you are wearing is the only person who gets to decide that is you. And the thing is, the only people around who disapprove, you probably won't even know. It's probably in your head.

And if someone comes up and says something, then they're the biggest piece of shit. And you can just give them the finger as you dance backwards into the surf. Yeah, at which point, then you pull up your fucking Speedo into a thong and just show them your bow. No, you use it like a bow and arrow and you shoot a small dart into their pectoral that gives them a poison. To be completely honest, I can definitely see both of you rocking a Speedo at a beach. Yeah. When you were in Greece, did you rock a Speedo? We did, actually.

Matching. Yeah. Wow. One Speedo. Yeah, between us. It's not the same one. Oh, my God. That's so hot.

I'm so turned on right now. No, we do not. This is getting ridiculous. Because it's like one strap. You do it sideways and one strap goes here and the ball part goes over you and then the other one's just on your left hip so i just have the one strap but it it might just cover it this comes from user just a shit ton of letters guy in open relationship oh god i was hoping to god there wouldn't be an open

dumped his boyfriend to be with me i feel terrible okay so i never went on after guys and open relationships but there was this gorgeous literally 10 chiseled jaw body of a greek god amazing hair fucking man on grinder who i tapped before i saw he was in an open relationship and i thought oh fuck well he wanted to talk to me anyways but he did and i just couldn't help myself and i thought oh well i may as well have fun just this once with a guy in a relationship. Okay, so a couple months down the line, after fun, he started insisting on taking me out to dinner, along with loads of fucking kisses. Like couples do. Which at first I thought, oh, we're going as friends.

Before the kissing, obviously. Anyways, long story short, a couple days ago he told me he dumped his boyfriend and we made it official. I don't know why, but I didn't think much of it at the time. Maybe it was his charm or his beautiful smile and eyes. But it just sunken in for me now that I'm a homewrecker. That guy must feel devastated he lost an amazing guy like that.

And I'm to blame. What do I do, guys? I feel awful. If you're in an open relationship, why would you have to dump your boyfriend? I want to hear what you guys have to say about this. If you're in an open relationship, why would you have to dump your boyfriend? I want to hear what you guys have to say about this. If you're in an open relationship, why would you have to dump your boyfriend to see this person? You're already seeing this person. That's the thing.

This doesn't make any sense. As someone who, like I started my relationship with Amanda in sort of like a polyamorous sort of open situation. So like I was already dating two girls when I met Amanda. Um, I proceeded to date all three of them for a while until Amanda and I made it exclusive at no point in time. Like I wouldn't even consider the time when I, like I became exclusive dumping anyone.

You know what I mean? Um, but the fact that they say boyfriend makes it seem like maybe they were boyfriend and boyfriend and had other relationships. makes it seem like maybe they were boyfriend and boyfriend and had other relationships so it was like a polyamory thing but that was like their main that's the thing yeah so like polyamory has like different you know uh dynamics where it's like you have your sort of like main uh person and then you have sort of like offshoot your side hose um your side hose um i actually don't remember the terminology and I'm sorry.

It's side hose and it's your main boo. It is not. Your big boo and your side hose. For the sake of this podcast, it will be that. But yeah, it's like I dated a girl who was literally in like one of the most sort of like healthy polyamorous relationships I've ever met. And sort of like my guide through all of the like open relationship thing. And like, at no point in time was she ever like considering breaking up with a boyfriend.

You know what I mean? Like that was her partner. Well, that's the opposite of what an open relationship is. That's the thing. It's like, if it's one thing, if you choose to decide to be with someone exclusively,

but like if you're, if you choose to decide to be with someone exclusively. But like if you're if you're seeing multiple people and you've just mutually agreed to be non-exclusive, you're not breaking up with anyone. Well, I think that's the difference between dating. Like if you were dating multiple girls and then you met Amanda and you continue to date multiple girls and then you realized you were in love with Amanda and now you're monogamous, right? Yeah. So that's kind of choosing your partner. Yeah, but I also wouldn't say that I broke up with anyone. Exactly.

Because you were choosing your partner. You were dating until you found somebody you love. But also in this situation, it's not like they chose someone they like. Exactly. They just ended with somebody. So in this situation, there was a couple that was in love in an open relationship. And then there was somebody who came in to sleep with somebody multiple times in an open relationship. In which case, one of the guys in the open relationship left his boyfriend to be in a relationship with the other guy. Correct?

But they never said they got in a relationship, right? Yes. Oh, they did? They said it made it official. Oh, well then, yeah. So that is the ultimate fear of anybody that is in an ultimate relationship or excuse me that is the ultimate fear of anybody that is in an open relationship so but i feel like those aren't the people who understand what polyamory is exactly which brings me to and polyamory is. Exactly. Which brings me to... And polyamory

in open relationships are different things. Yeah, very true. Right? Yeah. Exactly. So like polyamory is being in love

with multiple people. That's the thing. It's like if this was a true polyamory situation, they could have just sort of like entered this new player into the thing.

And like regardless of whether the boyfriend, like the pre-existing boyfriend got along with this other person. It's very... Dumping isn't typically a part of polyamory. Yeah. Right? Polyamory is being in love with multiple people and making that work.

Yeah. The guy never mentioned polyamory. That's true. I think I have a handle of what he was saying. Like I just said, right? Yeah. It was the relationship and then the guy came in. And then one guy left the other guy to be with the guy which is the which is so

open relationships are probably the hottest topic and the most controversial topic in the gay scene right now because it's becoming more and more and more common and more and more and more the norm. Sex positivity is on the rise and all of these things are on the rise. And open relationships, in my mind, are really the top of emotional security and emotional confidence. And some of the most successful couples that I know are in successful open relationships. Now, that open relationship, there has to be most of the time a security of we are in love. You are my life partner. You are the person I'm building my life around and vice versa. And even though you are my spaghetti and meatballs that I love having every night for dinner i don't want it

every night for dinner i want some sushi sometimes i want some pizza sometimes so all the other guys out there they're my they're my takeout food and you are my dinner can i just ask you does that mean japanese and italian people no yeah that's what i figured you asshole 2019 i'm so sorry you brought someone who's not inclusive. You guys know what I mean. You guys know what I mean. Like, it's sometimes, it is almost, for some people,

I think the ultimate ideology for people in open relationships is it's a little impractical to be with one person for the rest of your life. You know? So you might want to dip out. So I think that's,

the idea is that you're my relationship, you're my boyfriend, you're the love of your life. You know? So you might want to dip out. So I think that's the idea is that you're my relationship, you're my boyfriend, you're the love of my life, you're my life partner. I'm going to go sleep around sometimes and you do you. And, you know, just like I said,

the gray scale before between boyfriends and buddies, that's where men with men sometimes meet in the middle because we're all horny and we all want different things. I hear you. And for those couples who can...

I'm making a meter sign on the wall for everybody who's listening. He's doing it over our wall of pins and fucking thread and pictures. So I will say open relationships, I know many, many, many people in open relationships. However, this person's not in the wrong. Nobody's in the wrong here. I don't think any single person is in the wrong here no absolutely not you're allowed to sleep

with other presumably unless your open relationship has rules well that is the thing that you're breaking that's the difference between open relationships

and polyamory is polyamory typically doesn't really have rules it's free love sometimes they do sometimes they do I think they do so like

the girl I was seeing who was very much a polyamorous relationship was like she wouldn't spend the night. I mean, so like she could sleep with whoever she wants. But like at the end of the night, she would go home. And I think that was more of a like, I just want to make sure you're safe. And I think polyamory, I think in order to be successful, needs sort of ground rules.

Sure. Same way that, like, open relationships do. Yes. And I don't necessarily think they're the same rules, and I don't think they're going to be the same rules from couple to couple to couple. You know what I mean? Even within, like, if the three of us were in a polyamorous relationship. Which is my life goal, by the way.

Which is my absolute life goal. Man, I wish. I think, like, the rules could be different per partner you know what i mean like i could have a different set of rules for you and i could have a different set of rule for now and you could have a different set of rule for now i'm not allowed to put clothes on and kyle's not allowed to take his butt plug out yeah yes never if we have a damn it always um regardless of what the rules are i think it it requires a really high, high set of emotional security and emotional intelligence and all.

You have to be really good with yourself. Like I know I'm at this point in my life, I'm far too jealous of a person to be able to pull any of that off. Which is fine. I don't disagree with it. I don't think it's a bad way to be. I think it's probably,

like I said, some of the most successful couples I know are in open relationships or polyamorous relationships. If you can pull off, it's great. I just don't think a lot of people can. Yeah. With regards to this question, though, I don't think they're wrong.

It's fine. If you meet somebody and you prefer them to somebody else, you don't know what other issues are behind the whatever. It's not up to you to feel bad about this person you don't know because somebody made a choice that you also agree. Absolutely. Fuck it. Get over it. The only way you should feel bad is if you find out this person.

If you did something wrong. If this person was lying about being in an open relationship. Yeah. Even then, you've done nothing wrong. Even then, yeah, it's not on you. The information given to you was false.

You know what I mean? And it's like, it's fair to like, like I've definitely slept with women who have had boyfriends, but I didn't know about them. And that information sort of came up and I felt fucking terrible about it.

And it's like, you're 100 and I felt fucking terrible about it and it's like you're 100% okay to feel terrible about that but if you didn't know about it beforehand it's out of your hands

yeah so don't worry about it don't lose sleep over it I think the biggest point to get across is if you're dealing in open relationships in any way

if you're the person going into sleeping with somebody in an open relationship or you're the person in an open relationship you have to be really really really strong emotionally to um take on anything that might come up like one person leaving the other person in you know vice versa or anything like that you have to understand it requires a lot of emotional strength. And kudos to anybody that does it. I think it's practical. I really honestly do. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before.

I can't remember if I... I definitely have, and I don't remember if I left it in the podcast and cut it out or not. But I used to have really bad jealousy issues with all of my exes. You know what I mean? And jealousy will eat you alive.

Until I met this girl that I dated for a while who was in this polyamorous relationship. And she sort of taught me how to deal with jealousy because it's a natural human emotion. Absolutely. You know what I mean? The thing is, there's nothing wrong with feeling it, but there's a lot of things wrong about acting on it. And it's how you process it. You know what I mean? Like, a lot of the times, you ask yourself the question, is this a jealousy thing for me or for them?

You know what I mean? Like, are they doing something intentionally to hurt me? Exactly. To make me jealous? Or is it just a fucking self-hangup? Yeah. Or am I self-conscious about this for whatever reason? Because if it's for me, then I need to sort of like do a self reflection

and sort of figure it out and if I've come to the conclusion that they're doing something that makes me feel like shit then I talk to them and if it's something

that I'm just insecure about then I fucking deal with it you find a way to process that and be like oh cool like now I know about myself

that I feel a little insecure with people who are younger than me. Yeah. Or who are taller than me. I love that. Or whatever. You know what I mean? And it's like,

it was one of the most valuable lessons I learned when I was single. And that's why I so, like, passionately suggest people date multiple people before they get into a relationship. Oh, 100%. Because you learn these things

about yourself. You learn, like, I was always, like, when Amanda and I were open, I was always sort of like jealous about people who are taller than me. Because I'm not a big guy. I'm like 5'7". You know what I mean? So like, I always thought that like Amanda preferred people who are taller. I love that you say that out loud too.

I love that you say that on a podcast because there are so many guys who feel that way. Like Napoleon syndrome is a fucking thing. Even you look at dating yeah it's like oh people under this height need not apply like the most common thing on tinder is is girls listening to height and being like you must be this tall or like which is insane either posting height restrictions or posting their height as a way of being like yeah you know what i mean um because i've never understood because i think short people are so unbelievably sexy. Like that is one of my five things of like a must.

Name all five. I think short people are so... No, I can't. Do it right now. No, I can't. Do it. Brandon said he won't listen to this episode. All five.

He will. Okay. I love you, Brandon. Shit. Okay, short. Okay. I love bald. I'm sorry. I love beards. Big d Shit. Okay, short. Okay. I love bald. I'm sorry.

I love beards. Big dicks. Oh my God. And this one is the weirdest one, and anybody who knows me knows that it's a thing. Flower shirts. I love dark circles under a guy's eyes. I think are really sexy.

As an insomniac. Oh my God. You're describing Dane. I think that dark circles under a guy's eyes are so fucking hot. Guys, should I leave this closet? Dane doesn't have dark circles. He does right now.

Look at that shadow. I've always found Dane incredibly sexy. Dane is incredibly sexy. But I'm feeling left out here. Those are my five biggest turn-ons. One hundred percent. My husband put his dick

in my cup of water and didn't tell me by throwaway 098765444 this is not a shit post i wish it was i'm deeply disturbed the other night after sex as my husband and i were getting up and getting dressed i asked if he could grab me a glass of ice water he was on his way out of the room and said sure he wasn't mad about it and sex was fine we weren't fighting we met in a pretty good week as i walk in the kitchen he hands me the glass of water i don't know what came over me but i got this sixth sense i don't know how else over me, but I get this sick sense.

I don't know how else to describe it. Maybe it was his shit-eating grin, but I flat-out asked him, Did you put your dick in this? He looked shocked and taken aback by my question. And for a split second, I thought maybe I was being an idiot. He then says, How did you know? I was furious. It was such a strange situation, so I just dumped it out and brushed it off.

I don't know what else to do. The next day, I asked him about it. I asked why just dumped it out and brushed it off. Don't know what else to do. The next day, I asked him about it. I asked why he did it. He said, I don't know. I told him it made me kind of upset. Like, I can't trust him to get me a glass of water. It hurt my feelings. He immediately got defensive.

Got into a fight about trust, and he said he didn't understand what the big deal was. I said, so what? Do you put my toothbrush in the toilet when you fight? He said, no. Of course not. But he had that same shitty grin i don't know if he'd ever do that and maybe it was just the way i phrased it or that the fight was about him putting a dick in my glass of water but what the fuck i don't know what to think am i overreacting is it done that's it here's the thing i bet he didn't but i probably i 100 bet he did not do well the thing is she bet he didn't. Probably. I 100%

bet he did not do that. Well, the thing is... And she was like, did you put my dick... And it was so ridiculous that he was like, how'd you know? Like, I would do that to Amanda. Oh, yeah. 100%. Or... Have you ever seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Yes. That's what it reminds me of. Just... Let's just run around

dunking their genitalia in every surface. Brad Pitt dunking his dickitalia in every surface Brad Pitt dunking his dick in Angelina Jolie's water and then it turning into like I can see that a huge husband

husband versus wife I like how you put husband and judgment together into hudgment it's amazing we officially have coined a new phrase

hudgment hudgment day can this be our I feel like the both it's just like it's very it's very like both shifty eyed

like did you did you not did you did you the thing is it was very entertaining there's two scenarios either he didn't

and said he did or he always does yeah it's just like regardless of what she asks for right I'm gonna rub my dick on this

that's the thing like hey can you take the garbage out absolutely that's the thing I don't think it was a once-off. It was either it never happened

or it always happens, right? This is just husband and wife chess. If you dunk your dick in ice cold water, it's gonna be fucking apparent. You know what I mean? Like, it's... Like, there's a visible tell that you've just dunked your dick

in ice water. Maybe he's a rapid shriveler. I mean, yeah. I mean, maybe he's not. Maybe he wasn't that cold. Maybe he dunked then put the icing. She asked for ice water. Maybe he dunked

then put the icing. It doesn't matter. He's a master criminal. That's true. Maybe he's She didn't grin. You don't know. Lukewarm water.

They have some psycho analysts. They have some, they have, you shouldn't be that suspicious of your husband or wife. I'm thinking of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and I'm thinking of Death Note when the two people are just trying to play emotional chess

and fuck with each other's heads. That's what this is. This goes beyond dick in the water. My thing is, I 100% guarantee you this guy did not put his dick in the water. What if he did? To be fair, that's the thing. What if he did, Dan?

Are you asking me what if he did to be fair that's the thing what if he did or you ask me what if what if um yeah I mean maybe he did but I kind of hope he did no I'm not saying maybe

we're saying what if I kind of hope he did my opinion is that he either didn't or he always does I don't think there's an in between what if he just came up

with it out of nowhere that's what I don't want I think that's the worst case scenario I just hope that and he was just like like why that day why did she like is she psychic or is she nuts and paranoid yeah it's either once or sorry it's either never or it's all the time i don't think this happened to just i have never been more tempted to put my dick in my boyfriend's cup of water ever do it then report back don't to be fair,

all the cups you've been drinking out of have had a serious dick swirl. Oh, here's the other thing. Do you not suck your husband's dick? So what if he fucking puts his dick in your water?

That's what kind of it is. I don't like it. It's like a lemon. Have you ever swallowed? It's like a lemon. How bitter is his dick? No, just a little bit of essence. That's fair.

I'm never going to your restaurant ever. Can I have an ice water your restaurant ever. Never. Ah! Can I have an ice water, please? Forget it. Edit all this out. With some essence.

Would you like a lemon with it? Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah, please. Thank you. That'd be great. Absolutely. So,

I think that's where we're gonna end it, boys. Yeah. We'll have seven more questions, but... Nice catch. Oh. Dane dropped his fucking phone. I think that's where we're gonna end it boys yeah we'll have seven more questions but nice catch oh Dane dropped his fucking phone

I almost did but I got it he got it he got it well guys oh Dane has to read the other six right

it's true today okay hold on we gotta thank people yeah we can do it right now do it right now thanks for listening thank you

thank you guys happy fucking pride happy pride thanks for listening if you have a question you. Thank you, guys. Happy fucking Pride. Happy Pride. Thanks for listening. If you have a question, you can hit us up on a variety of social medias. You can find us on Facebook at FCK Buddies Podcast. You can also find us on Twitter at FCK underscore Buddies, or you can email us at FBuddiesPodcast at gmail.com.

Now, usually Niall does the honors of this but today I'm going to be reading our sex writing. Am I reading this whole thing? Yeah, yeah. Wait a second. I forgot about this. Yep, we're doing it. Is this what I think it is? Oh my god, I have to leave. I'm not going to say it's bad because maybe the author is in the room with us.

We don't know. Maybe. Wait, wait, wait. Am I reading this whole thing? Yeah, just go and we'll see. Are you guys comfortable? Hold on, hold on. I am not comfortable. Go for it. I don't even remember this. Oh, I love it. Can we

give some context? Nope. Fine. Jax always teased me for a while before he let me enter him. But this time, he got into position, squeezed the base of my cock so it was standing long, hard, and alert, then sat himself right down on it. He rode me harder than ever before. He grinded himself on me so hard I felt like we were going to fuse together. He covered my mouth to cover up my screams of pleasure, but made sure we made eye contact.

His eyes piercing mine. If I tried to look away, he pulled me right back in. The intensity was unbearable. It wasn't long before I erupted all the day's tension inside of him. After I came, everything I was worried about disappeared for a moment. The feeling of relief was warm, like a goose feather blanket. I closed my eyes for a minute and felt like I was in heaven with Jack still placed on my lap. When my eyes, he was still staring right into my eyes.

Just as intense as before. Maybe even more intense. Did you enjoy that case? I nodded yes. Good. Because we will never have it again. You won't have anything even comparable to how good that was. I hope the memory of how I just rocked you keeps you awake at night,

knowing you'll never have it again. I hope you crave it. I hope you know someone else is enjoying it instead of you. Now get your half-hard dick out of my ass. Get the fuck out of my ass. That was where I wanted you to read until at least. Okay.

At least. Hold on. Let me get this next paragraph. He knew my confession was the truth. Like I said, he was unpredictable. It was one of the things

I loved about him. On my way out, he yelled, congratulations. You'll make a great dad. Cocksucker. What? He had an ass, baby.

Oh, my God. No! Oh, my God, it came full circle. Literally. No, no, no. That's not how it goes. Yep. And then Jax produces a baby.

Out of his butt. If only K's had gotten him plan B. Oh, shit. Not so stupid now. Where am I, Kyle? Dane's been vindicated. I love how Dane had gotten him plan B. Oh, shit. Not so stupid now. Where am I, Kyle? Dane's been vindicated. I love how Dane had never read that before. And we've said all this bullshit this entire episode.

Oh, my God. Just to be clear, I don't support goose feather pillows. Like, don't use animals. He's got old-fashioned fluff. Oh, guys, I'm not even going to do a Dan because I'm pretty sure. We have to do a Dan. We have to. We can't end the episode without a Dan. So, you guys ready for the most recent Dan?

If I yell anything, it's in capital letters, right? Okay. So, Dan says, how nerds get a girlfriend. Shocking! Happy pride, guys. I will raise this baby as my own under the condition that you make a promise to me

and a promise to God that you will never have lustful feelings for another man again. That's bullshit right there. My name is Dave Miller. I'm Kyle Crawford. And I'm Niles Payne. Good night, good pride, and we love your butt. Are your fun facts.