F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 40 - Min-Maxing Your Oppression

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

We're not sure we're going to make it through the summer in this here recording closet.  This week, we're barely clothed and summer has just begun.  But shedding our clothing also means we're shedding our societal burdens allowing us to give you the rawest dating and sex advice on the Internet.  Topics include banging your best friend's best friend, orgasm inception, financial burdens and responsibilities, a sneaky pork experience, vaginal death-grip, a one-week "betrayal" and a brand new segment from Dain.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Payne. And we are your folk buddies. Welcome back to this closet.

We're just a couple closet boys. A couple summertime, no-sleeves closet boys. True. We're both in various states of undress. Yeah. At some point in time, we're going to do like an episode. Just butt naked. Almost naked.

Like one of those 40 degree days. Wearing nothing but oil. Yep. Yeah, so it is, I believe, our 40th episode. It is episode 40, yeah. And this week we decided to do something special. Yes, we're going to still read questions, but the questions are our ones, and you're going to answer them. What's going on here?

How do I have sex without a condom? What's that in your hand? Why are you doing this what did we do to you when there we go that's all my questions cool let's do it let's do it let's do it we've been born the episode yeah the episodes we're almost this is stupid halfway to 100 stupid. Yeah. We're three quarters. No. Of 120.

We're three quarters of the way to halfway to 100. No, we're not. Yeah. No. We're four fifths of the way. To halfway to 100. Yep. Not three quarters. That's correct.

Yep. And that's why I'm podcasting and not... Math-ing. Math-ing. Accounting. Oh, God. Just go. Well, we have a bunch of submitted questions.

Oh, yeah. We have a bunch of Some minute questions Oh yeah We have a ton of them Alright So this is from Agent Cobra So I've recently met The best friend Of my best friends

He's wildly attractive And I've known this For a while As per cyber creeping But I'd never met him Before because he lived Pretty far away When he first saw me

He was apparently Immediately attracted to me After spending the night Getting to know him I found out he's Kind of a relationship guy He mentioned many times He's looking for a girlfriend I am not at the point In my life currently I mean, like, you're consenting adults. I'm wary in case he doesn't want to begin a relationship. Am I overthinking? Do I still try to have sex with him? I mean, like, you're consenting adults. My thing is, if you want to have sex and he wants to have sex and you have sort of like the, as long as you, you know what I mean?

Like, if the only conversation you've had about relationships is him wanting to be in one or like, yeah, just kind of looking for one. And you haven't mentioned that you don't want one. I would maybe bring that up first, you know, some way, you know what I mean? or like yeah just kind of in general and you haven't mentioned that you don't want one i would maybe bring that up first you know some way you know i mean because i think like if if someone if you had a conversation about relationships and one person has expressly been like i really want to get into a relationship like i'm actively looking for a girlfriend and then you start sleeping with them that seems like you have like you're on the same page you know what i mean in terms of like to then turn around be like oh i actually i like i oh i have no absolute uh plans of being in a

relationship i feel like that would come out of left field for him if you knew he was looking for a relationship and you haven't thrown like your hat in the ring on where you stand there that's the only thing i would say is. So like cover your bases by mentioning it. Yeah. Casual conversation first. Yeah. Or like, you know what I mean?

Like go on a date and it'll come up. Yeah. Eventually again, I'm sure. And like just mention that like, hey, I'm like, I'm not looking for a relationship, but I am 100% attracted and down to take you to bone town. To collect you into the mattress. Yeah. I will say, like, if you flip it around, like, imagine if they, like, if you were like, hey, I think I'm going to sleep with someone.

Like, I guess we're in a relationship then, right? Or, like, you know what I mean? If you turn the, if you flip it around and, like, imagine from his perspective, if he was to think that just because you slept together you're gonna have a relationship i think that's kind of fucking insane but think of it how many times have we had sex casually with someone oh yeah no it's still that it was like going to lead to a relationship it's that doesn't mean it's not insane yeah so what i'm saying is like yeah the danger is there but you can't let that affect the fact that like it shouldn't be you know what i mean like you should just saying that like they've already had a conversation no i don't totally cover your bases but i i think like you can't get in this kind of like pre-empting what they might think bullshit because realistically

it doesn't make sense to be like yeah we're in a relationship after fucking once no no i don't again i don't think this guy is gonna like try to relationship i think like he he's made it clear what he's looking for and that's a relationship yes so to pursue any relationship even if it's strictly like she wants just a strictly sexual relationship if she doesn't discern that or if she doesn't make that clear then it's it's very easy to assume that like you're on the same page well what i'm saying is yeah i agree with you saying like state like by all means like drop some shit in casual conversation but i do think like you don't even necessarily need to do that because also relationship questions are things that come up like after you know what i mean like if you want to have sex have sex and then if it comes up you can talk about it if they assume you're automatically

in the relationship from the start that's insane and if you don't because of that fear that's also insane but i feel like you're going from zero to 100 what i'm agreeing with you as well what i'm saying is like you can you can like hedge your bets a little bit at the start and like give them an inkling but like it's it's well i'm i'm giving you dramatic examples because those aren't going to happen so you can go and you can sleep with them and then it'll be fine and as you move on like that chat will happen but i feel like they've already had that chat kind of like a like a pre you mentioned you even said it yourself that was like this this casual kind of like there's a different thing between like just talking in general and talking to somebody about

something you know yeah but like i think it's very obvious that like that was directed at her at least like i assume it would be i would assume i would assume not because i don't know i also think people who are just like i want a relationship are kind of insane i mean yeah that's got its own red flags to like actively be looking for a relationship before meeting someone yeah and that's the thing is like that would turn me off somebody so much because i'm like you like i'm not even sure i would trust them if they then want a relationship with me because i'm like do you like me yeah or do you just want a relationship like do you want to just tick that box exactly because that's not how they work no and like i think i think especially because they are part of what i assume is your social group now you know

what i mean um you definitely have to sort of like cover your bases and just be like because like it would suck for him to be like oh like we had this conversation and i said i was looking for a relationship and then she pursued me as a romantic partner uh and now she's saying she has no interest in the relationship you know what i mean like that will get sticky within your friend circle if it that's i think that's my like big thing is like, you really need to cover your bases. Cause like, there's a lot more. Cause like if it doesn't pan out, there's more at stake.

You can be like, well, I met him on Tinder. Fuck it. Like, I'm sorry we crossed wires or I'm sorry you've made like an assumption. Um, but there's no collateral damage, right? That's the thing is like, you, you can walk away from that if they're off a dating site or like somebody meeting a bar or something. But if it's someone you're going to see, like every time you go,

yeah. Or they might get also hurt if they think that you've done wrong by that person. Exactly. Like again, there's no harm in covering your bases, but like I said, do it.

Yeah. By all means. If you guys get on the same page. Also, who knows? Maybe when you get to know him, you'll want to have a relationship, you know,

like how normal people do it. Like a normal person a normal person yeah um get him to listen to this episode and fucking cop on yeah just love the person not the title i would love to know like because all of our questions are filtered through the question askers yeah you know what i mean like and our own prejudicial biases um so i would like i would love to know i wish i could like rewind back into that moment and like hear what that conversation was. Well, that's one, one thing that I wish we could do is in general, like no matter the question, there's always like some context missing, if not a lot. Like sometimes we're like, how did this happen? Like we need more, but in general there's, you always miss something.

So. Cause I've definitely, I was called out by, I started sleeping with like sort of a uh a friend of a friend they weren't like super close and i wasn't super close with that friend like we did enough at the time to like make it awkward if things went so yeah um and she like actually set me up with her friend um and it was cool and like we had a great time and i made it very clear from the beginning that i was not looking for a relationship and then like two weeks later we had the whole you know i got the whole like what are we question and i was just like well exactly kind of what we said we were at the start and like so you weren't lying it just imploded and everyone got so pissed and like because i heard from my friend who introduced me to the other woman, like how it all went down.

I was like, that's not how it happened at all. Like, yeah. So I would love to know, like, especially when it's like my friend told me this kind of thing. I would love to know the whole story. Maybe we'll find it out one day. Maybe we will. This comes from Reddit user. You're a complex man.

Thank you. They ask, am I faking it? This may sound crazy, but I'm not sure if I'm faking it or not. When I masturbate, I rub my clit. That deception's so deep, they're fooling themselves. Yeah. Whoa. When I masturbate, I rub my clit and can orgasm fairly easily.

But with penetration sex, either the orgasm is very different or I'm deluding myself into thinking I'm having an orgasm. I've faked in the past too, which I feel very guilty about, and would really like to avoid it in the future. God, I wonder if this level of overthinking might also hinder their orgasm having. But also, they do feel

very different, so that's one thing. But also, secondly, this level of overthinking is not doing any favors but here's my thing it's like also if you're orgasming you know right like if it if it feels like an orgasm what does it matter if you're faking or not like it's it's a visceral experience like it's a tangible experience that is happening to you so if you are having the sensations of an orgasm regardless of whether or not you've manufactured in your mind or are physically experiencing it, if you're having it, whatever it is, then it's happening. What is it?

How do you know if your brain is faking these signals? But what does it matter if you are feeling that pleasure? No, I'm entirely agreeing. Again, this is the kind of thing... Imagine if you could just will an orgasm like just yeah then you you've unlocked like the biggest superpower yeah like if you're faking like you're just producing one in your own body that's who cares where it comes from yeah and because you're not faking it so like faking it with your boyfriend is actually allowing him to

satisfy you but also the best solved every sexual problem the best thing is they said they faked before which means that they're not faking now so why do they think they're faking i don't know it's such a bizarre question this is one of those ones where i would love to be able to jump into again more context like we just be like okay hold on we're gonna pop in here feel that orgasm and come back yeah and be like that you what that you didn't feel anything she's like oh yeah i was wondering're like, yeah, I was fucking flailing. I done knocked that guy out with my feet. So again, it's like, oh, man, I just. That's how do we answer this?

I don't think I've ever kind of like look down and been like, did I just cum? I don't know. I have no idea. And like, granted, I don't have the body or the anatomy of a woman. So I don't know. I have no idea. And like, granted, I don't have the body or the anatomy of a woman, so I don't know. You don't know. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I have legs and arms. That's pretty much what most women have.

Mm-hmm. I know. So. Well, damn. You're wrong. Yeah, frankly. My thing is, yeah, it's one of those things where the things like if you know if you're faking it or not and again if you're if it feels really good that's a fairly good indication that it's

an orgasm yeah if you think you're having an orgasm you feel something that feels kind of or like orgasm adjacent then fucking ride that wave like who cares i wish i wish i could have an orgasm that wasn't an orgasm so I could continue fucking. Right? Yeah. Imagine if I could just like. Be like, oh, I don't know if I'm faking, but oh, wait, I'm going to have one later anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be amazing. It's so good. Also, just like the thinking about it is also not going to help. No. So, oh, man, this poor confused lady. I know. You just kind of have to, like, do a hard reset. Yeah, just enjoy it.

It doesn't matter. No. If you're enjoying yourself, that's it. There's no, like, there's not going to be someone walking and be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not there yet. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Stop.

Stop. Yeah, there isn't, like, an orgasm inspector who's going to, like, kick down your door and. Continue. Audit your orgasms. Just, like, looking at your boyfriend like, she's like an orgasm inspector who's going to kick down your door and... Continue. Audit your orgasms. Just like looking at your boyfriend like, she's not there yet. He's like, oh, geez. He's like, you don't roll those eyes back. You look at them.

Just sucking like an orgasm thermometer. Just seeing where she's at. And you may convulse. Yeah. You're good. If you're having fun, you're good. You're fine. Let yourself go.

All right. You ready? Mm-hmm. Okay, this is the Reddit, the subreddit. you're good if you're having fun you're good you're fine let yourself go all right you ready okay this is uh the reddit the subreddit am i the asshole mother shit hey it got deleted damn it oh and also they've been deemed an asshole oh no yeah did you see the one so i found the subreddit uh it was a guy talking about uh we're gonna go off script here for a second it was a guy talking about how he was on a date and his date um as soon as they asked for the bill um he was like should we split it um and she was like uh yeah let me go to the bathroom and she went to the bathroom and just fucking bounced on her what an asshole um and the thing was was he was like he invited her to coffee and she insisted on going for dinner. Wow.

And he was like, yeah, okay, sure. And then when it was time to pay the bill, he suggested they split. And then she just fucking bounced. But apparently she was a regular at the bar that had a tab. So the guy went up to the bartender and was just like, hey, so I was supposed to split my dinner with my date. And he's like, yeah, she's an asshole and she never tips. So don't worry about it. I'll make her pay next time she comes in.

I wonder if it was in Toronto because I used to have someone come into a bar I worked at and she would always have a different date, like all the time, like three, four nights a week, which whatever, no harm in that. And we learned pretty quickly to like you know you want to have people's back and like not be like oh hey i saw you yes you know um and she always came and she would arrive like half an hour before the guy and start drinking um real and we had like 16 18 dollar like cocktails yeah to drink these black manhattans and just keep going and once the guy was like, hey, will we split it?

And she like lost her shit and was like, are you joking? Like, what the fuck? And like did not want to at all. And he was like, this is like, he racked up $40 before we even got here. And like, he was like, I feel like this is fair. And she was like, we're never going out again. Didn't tip, was like so upset to be paying. And I was like, you get like five free meals a week

like what the fuck and yeah like anytime she ever had to pay she was like i actually have a question about this just like a i saw again i don't know how it was just like a screenshot of like a newscast it was like one third of women only date for free meals i was like cool uh i'm just gonna paraphrase this one because i remember most of it. I'm at the asshole for cooking my Muslim date non-halal meat after he said he doesn't eat halal. My friends think I'm a major ass. Which is actually bad enough already, but not quite what actually happened. Where she met this guy who was Muslim and he said he didn't eat pork.

And she asked if it was for religious reason he said no it's just like a personal thing and then when he came over for dinner she was like you know what i feel like i'm gonna sway him so i'm just gonna cook pork and not tell him and then when he eats it it'll be so good he'll be shocked and it'll be a nice cute surprise because i'll introduce him to pork uh which is just the stupidest fucking reasoning. That's crazy. He took a bite. It was like, was this?

And she was like, it's pork. And he was like, Oh, that thing I told you I don't eat. She was like, but not for religious reasons. Right.

And he was like, I'm out. And she's like, it's not religious. So it's cool. Right? No, you can't.

Firstly, I'll answer the question. Yes. You're an asshole. A hundred percent. it's like, it'd be like every time I made dinner for Amanda, I just snuck a little bit of meat in there.

It'd be like, oh, you thought it was good? Well, guess what? It was meat. People make these choices for a reason. Yeah, you don't get to decide, like, you don't want it, but you really do. Like, maybe it is religious reasons and they don't want to just get into it with you.

Especially in this political climate and shit. Even if it isn't, you can't just discard somebody's fucking preferences or opinions just because you think like, I can't be like, you know what? I'm just going to pour a pint of milk down your throat because I feel like you'll like it. It'll be a nice, cute surprise. Or yeah, like every time you come over, it's like, I'm going to pour you two ounces of apple juice. Yeah, like now, I know you say you don't like apples, but like, I think you do, though. When was the last time you had apples? Yeah, and it's like, I'd be throwing up on your floor, and I'd be like, no, it's not okay.

And I'd be throwing up through my butt if I drank a liter of milk. This would be hot. Let's do it. No. Well, yeah, so. I'm sure someone somewhere would love it. Probably. But I would not.

This can be a quick question. If someone says they have a preference or, like, a dietary restriction, you don't get to choose that they don't. We can broaden that out to just be like, if someone says they don't want to do something, you don't get to force it on them. Yeah, it's... And, like, yeah, no, just don't.

Because, yeah, this can, like, this could translate to, like, pretty much anything in a relationship like especially sex and stuff yeah it'd be like imagine she was like oh i like i'm not into anal and he's like religious reasons no no like i like it's just not my preference like you know what i'm gonna slip it in her butt tonight and like she then she'll be like whoa anal is actually great yeah um i i honestly don't like being beaten during sex oh is that because you're catholic no just because i don't like yeah i'm just not a fan of it come into my boudoir oh you just haven't been beaten properly yet oh man

like no just people get your shit together and then the fact that they go online and still are like but was i in the wrong yeah but was i yeah i mean that subreddit it's again i'm gonna go off script there's a but one of the other posts was like uh as the lady sprayed these kids who are like went to her backyard and like fucked up all of her strawberry bushes and were stealing her strawberries and she's like i grow them so i can like make jams for community, my neighbors and shit. And then the parents of the kids came back and were like, you sprayed our kids and you ruined their iPhone 10 and yada, yada, yada.

And then apparently she was like. She just meme horned out of there. She literally was like, if you don't get off my property, I'm going to spray you too. Yes. And I was like, let's. The thing is, what I love is there's very rarely a question like you're very rarely like oh are you not the asshole you're either just 100 the asshole yeah or you're like no you did exactly what you needed to do i know i can't imagine being like in the

position of someone and being like uh you did something completely harmless to my kids who were trespassing and stealing your property. It's like, they're in the States. Like, she could have shot those bitches. I mean, I don't know the rules. She probably should have. But I was like, imagine finding out, like, if my mom found out I broke into someone's property and was stealing shit off their property. Oh, man, I'd wish being sprayed was all that happened.

I'd be dead. Yeah. My mom would like... She would beat the fuck out of me. She would literally make me go back there and plant strawberries and like tend that garden for the rest of my goddamn life. Yeah, I'd turn around and that old lady and my mom would be sitting down having a cup of tea spraying me while I'm just fucking like, you know, digging out fucking strawberry

patches. Exactly. I'm going to cut into my question about splitting bills if that's cool because we just talked about that thing uh this is by cheapish 0619 girlfriend called me cheap during a disagreement and it's making me rethink a relationship it's a little long i'll try i'll try read real quick i'd say that most of the time when we go out i usually cover the bill and venmo request her later. Sometimes I'll treat her something, sometimes she'll treat me. Overall I'd say I cover about 60% of expenses, she covers 40.

It's roughly equal. I also make about the same amount of money. A few days ago we were at dinner and I mentioned that my one year mark at my current company is coming up soon so I might get a raise slash promotion. She jokingly said, oh so that means you'll get to treat me to more stuff right? I responded, ha, keep dreaming, babe, jokingly as well. Later on, the topic of paying came up, and she mentioned how she hates it when I Venmo request for everything, and she wishes I treat her more often.

She said it was kind of cheap, and I agreed with her, saying she knew this from the beginning. I asked why exactly I should pay for most of her stuff when we make the same amount of money, and she said, because men and women aren't equal in society, it makes sense that you as a man should pay extra to make up for the inequalities women face, which honestly baffled the fuck out of me, because if I wanted my money to go towards women's inequality, I'd give it to a charity or a

shelter instead of buying my girlfriend extra drinks. Now I can't get what she said out of my head, to her credit she did apologize the next day and said she really didn't mean it, but still now that the cat's out of the bag I can't help but feel like I'm being used as a provider, which is funny because I'm not even in a very high paying field, honestly debating on whether i should break up now am i overreacting or is this a huge red flag and he does say edit extra detail on the venmo part most of the time when the check comes she says want to put it on your card and i'll venmo you later so it's not so it is understood we're going to split it's not like i say i'm going to cover

the bill then venmo her later yeah i mean it's it's if you oh man it's tough like i get it i i understand the whole like we've we've like fought for equality for so long and um there's still like this weird expectation that men are supposed to provide for women and like buy them shit like it's a very very weird especially like anyone in their 20s or like most early 30s as well like we're all making this like none of us are doing well financially unless like you know what i mean like we're all sort of like digging with a hold shovel. Um, so to expect, like, again, if you're dating a dude who's making like 300 K a year, um, and you're making like 20 K a year and he's taking you to like, you know, those restaurants where the bill is like four or $500.

Yeah. Like that's fair. I would, I would be like, you know what, if you're going to, if we're going to go here, you're treating. And that's the thing. You've hit the nail on the head. If you're just like going to general places, whatever. But like, if someone's like, Hey, let's go to this five-star like fucking fine dining

place, spend $60 a dish. I'm like, it's their idea. And you go and then they're like, well, you're going to like cover half. Right. And you're kind of like, again, like if you're in a long-term relationship and you've both agreed to, and you also make kind of the same amount like sure but in general it's like how can you straight face look at someone and be like you just need to kind of like bankroll me yeah that's fucked like it doesn't matter what fucking gender you are like no it's it's like you take responsibility for your finances and again it's like sometimes when

if like one of your partners is for whatever reason it's like out of work or whatever yeah and you've agreed to or like you know you want to go out for dinner and they're like well I actually can't it's like well like I want to go out and like have a dinner at all means treat somebody you but like you don't get to then assume like to you can be gotten you can't assume to be gotten yeah you know to be like you're gonna get me dinner yeah like if you're gonna like suggest it like hey i'm unemployed but uh like let's go spend 80 a dish yeah cool like a man was like hey i want to go for dinner at like a really fancy vegan place and then once we got there she's like okay you got this right yeah that would be not very nice

wait what yeah and but i also do it's so fucked because like even like i've been in situations like so many fucking situations where like uh one comes to mind where a certain girl was out with with a bunch of us and we all went out in the night out and everyone was buying rounds and that person just never chipped into a round so it wasn't even just me buying them drinks it was me like you guys like everybody effectively bankrolled her the entire night and then she was like oh you guys have to pay my taxi home because i don't have enough money and i can't get home and i was just like bye i'm just like wow yeah that's that's it and that was like the last time i even saw that person because that's so fucked but people people really do assume and like expect kind of that treatment and also like

it i feel bad when people do pay like even if i know like i got the last four dinners and someone's like oh no it's it's on me like you know you did this i feel so bad i feel guilty yeah and it sucks because i'm like it makes sense but then i'll go out and be like no no next one's on me or i'll get you this and done thing and then i'm just like it's completely eradicated and i'm already like behind it's it's so hard it's this very very strange socialization of men of like our worth and like our uh validity of like a sexual or you know romantic partner is based on like how much we throw at you in a monetary value yeah and like also it's not your it's not your job to make up monetarily for the inequalities of society like

oh someone catcalled you is that 50 for me yeah oh someone also you got passed over for promotion is that 300 for me like shit like i gotta i gotta it's not your job. Yeah. Your job is to not contribute to that and not be a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. Um, and also it's not your, it shouldn't be your fucking prerogative to tax your lover because other people suck. Yeah. That's kind of horrendous. You don't benefit.

Like you shouldn't use the person you presumably love as like a fucking. Cause like what happens if happens if you're dating someone who's also like uh an oppressed like race or you know sexuality or something it's like do you then have like a suffering off to see who is more oppressed and then figure out like yeah there's nothing there's nothing cooler than a press off actually we have a graph on our website and uh it'll tell you how much your partner owes you because of social inequalities. Yeah. So, I mean, like try to check all those boxes.

Like maybe pick up a sexuality that isn't yours to like tip the scales. Yeah, that's the thing. We're going to, on our economics podcast, we're going to tell you how to like pick up extra shit. You know what I mean? Minmax your oppression. Minmax your oppression yeah i really think you do need to maybe not be in this relationship or at least have a chat and like get it all out on the table because it is not your job the irony is if you're like oh you need to bankroll me but also like

equality because you're not being equal to that person but you're also kind of like saying you can't take care of yourself which is fucked yeah you're putting yourself equal to that person, but you're also kind of like saying you can't take care of yourself, which is fucked. Yeah. You're putting yourself a step back. Just like treat your partner well, guys. Yeah. Be equal in all things. Yeah. And it's like there's a sliding scale.

If one of you needs help, help the other out. A hundred percent. But that's not the conversation we're having. Yeah, I know. I know. Treat someone by all means. Be treated by all means. Look after somebody.

If you make more money and you want to have a fancy night, do it. And also, if you want to get someone an expensive gift because you can, let them know you don't expect one back by all means. But that's being fair. That's being equitable. That's being like open and honest. Not just like, oh, you owe me this now. All right, go.

This is by Reddit user Blue Thunder. My V literally rips off condoms. What can I do? Hi. Literally, I don't know what to do. No matter who it is with or what type of condom, literally my V will yank a condom off. IDK how to make it stop. I'm not dry whatsoever, so honestly, IDK what it is.

Plz help. Stop saying IDK. Okay,k firstly i think that's the real issue here yeah okay so you need to ensure that your lovers are putting these condoms on correctly put it to the base also make sure they're wearing the correct size condom like it can go either way either it's too big or it's too small because like if you have we need context here because i would love to know do they apply the condoms do they supply the condoms those are two questions yeah they're very important to this but i i've had the you pull out and you're like oh wait where's that gone yeah and it's really awkward especially because i was kind of young to then say hey just a quick heads up i don't know where the condom is i think it's in you yep uh how about i ruin the mood awkwardly fish around inside i'm gonna have to pull it out scoop this yeah yeah and honestly i barely grabbed it

it was deep in there um and i did and then there were pregnancy fears and like yeah let's just be fair the whole thing sucked um and then i learned to put the condom to the very base of my penis yeah uh so that's lesson one you roll it down as far as it can go as far as it can go and if it doesn't go the whole length you don't fucked up with the length of your condom. Yeah, you don't have the right size. And that needs to be remedied. Other than that, unless you have just, like, some crazy grip, which again... You can maybe cool it on the fucking Kegels.

Yeah. Stop the Kegels. Don't, like, chalk up the insides of your vagina for extra grip like i know rock climbing has taught you otherwise but like you don't need to do that so she's not dry though because like my first thing would be like also lube yeah there's more lube i mean like i know when time is more lube a bad thing like you're never gonna i mean yeah to be fair unless you're one of those guys who are like, I go too long. It's probably fine.

It'll make you go a little longer. Yeah. You know, you'll feel a little less, but you'll get over it. Less condom fishing, which is... Just wait till she's done faking it from penetrational sex. Well, maybe faking it. Quote, unquote. You don't know.

We don't know. Nobody fucking knows, man. But the thing is, what you need to do after is get her to spin a spinning top if it keeps spinning you're in her dream and she's faking it yes fake exception or you spit her on your day yeah if she keeps going if she keeps going she keeps spinning around it's been fake this whole time yeah um where were we yeah the big thing here is make sure you have condoms that fit you like it's it's not a one size fits all i know that is kind of like what is taught which is fucking insane like i never even considered it yeah for years the idea that there are like

different size condoms and not just like big dick magnum and regular like no there there are more options out there and like the the like large form condoms doesn't necessarily mean you have a giant dick it just might mean whoa whoa whoa whoa you're feeling very attacked is is a different shape that requires my dick's a weird shape well so i'm gonna tell you like reservoir tip condoms do not work for me. What tip condoms do you use? I use the skin, large, like, non-latex condoms. And they don't have the reservoir tip? They don't have the reservoir tip. Why? Isn't that necessary to not burst them?

No. You need the extra room for the jism. Yeah, I mean, like, they have, like, space, but it's not like the, like, you know, pointy bit. Fair enough. The little pointy well weaponized condoms are you using the little you know nubbin like the reservoir tip like we've just talked about um but yeah no it's like for whatever reason those condoms just do not work for me uh interesting and it's and it's one of those things really just just try some different

condoms yeah try some different condoms get it down try some different condoms, get it down to the bottom, and use lube. That's like, they're very effective for a reason. Yeah. Like, no one's had to reinvent them because they kind of just work. I mean, again, maybe she just has like a crazy strong vagina. Or are you like that movie with the fangs in the vagina? Your fangs are just coming out, so it grips, but it don't cut it off. Or maybe there's hands in there.

Wait, do one of your lovers once lose a hand? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Who? Maybe it's a pluribus. Maybe she's got a pluribus in there. Oh my God. Do you also have a dry man's? Do you have flaky, pincer-like protrusions from your ribs?

If you ever sneeze, does it look like one of those, like, 25-cent vending machine hands? Just flops out of you and picks up all the dirt from the ground? If you do, that could be grabbing all your condoms. Oh, man, I really hope that people have listened to previous episodes. No one will know what the hell this is about. I would love a poll of people who, one, have listened to previous episodes, and people who, two, remember what the fuck we're talking about. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I'm pretty sure...

I barely did. Dry Man's and Pluribus is the name of the episode, so if you really want to know what the hell we're talking about, go back and get that. Yeah, the answer to our bullshit is to listen to more of our bullshit mm-hmm all right him it was a question I pick one or two two all right when you smile about your fucking segment you giggle it's giggling so hard. Oh, mother shit. Did you delete it? Yeah. I need to. I know.

I know. Don't fucking. Don't do it. I'm going to add a little bit because I remember what it was about. Girl I had feelings for fucked someone else. That sucks. Long story short, met a girl. They talked a little bit.

They hooked up. And it had been a week since they'd hooked up. And they had been chatting. And maybe hooked up another time. And then she told him, like, hey, sorry, last night I slept with somebody else. And he is beyond upset. I mean, I have a couple questions. Like, did they discern they were exclusive?

No, they didn't. And, like, in a comment, he finally admitted, like, yeah, we're not exclusive. But as if, like no they didn't and like in a comment he finally admitted like yeah we're not exclusive but as if like that didn't matter so i have two like things here it's like why would you tell them i don't know that's a fucking wild move is that like imagine this like every time like when a man and i talked about it before like a man and i started we were open imagine like if every time i slept with everybody starts they're open like you don't meet someone you're like how about we just date right now before we get to know each other, just in case. Well, I mean, like, when we were, like, dating.

I know, but, like, I mean when you're non-exclusive. Yeah. Like, if you're not exclusive... If I then texted her every time I slept with someone else, or if she texted me every... That's like ripping salt in the wound. Well, it's just, like, it's just strange. But, no, it seems just strange but no it seems like you're doing it for alter like you have an ulterior motive yeah like unless you've like

because i know some partners who actually prefer to know what totally you know if you have established that rule that's that's the parameters of your relationship yeah sure but like to be to hook up with someone like imagine you went on a date if you establish that rule then this wouldn't be a question it wouldn't be not yeah it wouldn't be an issue at least i hope not it's it's wild to me that someone like i i do agree the fact that she was just like straight up hey i don't know again context wise because he seemed to be like in in the run-up to the story was like oh i was messaging her she was out drinking and then like she kind of like dropped off conversation then the next day so i don't know if he was like pressing and was like yeah i mean you know also this guy who seems to be absolutely distraught about the fact that someone that he met a week

ago yeah slept with once is you don't own people when you like if you're not exclusive you're not exclusive and yes occasionally you've been with somebody long enough and you're non-exclusive but like it might be in but regardless even if it is in like bad taste or whatever you're still not exclusive until you're exclusive you're not exclusive if you don't want to sleep with someone that's a personal choice if you do that's totally fine like you don't get to be like i know we're not exclusive but that's i'm not gonna sleep with anyone else and i expect you not exactly because that's called being exclusive that's called being exclusive um and also just this like ownership is so fucked like this level of like feeling like you like someone belongs to you and you just have

like that's not okay and look if it came up naturally like or if you press for it and you got the information and it's not what you wanted to hear and then you start feeling jealous it's like by all means you can be jealous you know that's the thing you're allowed to be like i wouldn't expect you not to be yeah if there's ever a time when like again going back to it like if i ever knew that amanda had like hooked up with someone it's like yeah that would sting a little bit but then i'd be like oh wait i slept with someone other that exact same night also like two days even if you hadn't it's like you're not allowed to be angry yeah you are flat out not allowed to be upset by this like and again you can feel upset you can be jealous you can whatever but you can't act on it yeah you can't then be like or expect them to like reciprocate

or you know i mean like to to make you feel better or apologize because they're doing what they're allowed to do yeah and like again i'm not gonna say you won't be upset like that's fine but you need to get over it and realize that like you're not allowed to be upset you don't own this person you're not in an exclusive relationship so like that's just part of living and dating and like yeah if everybody just picked one person and then was like oh shit i just wasted four months this didn't work out that'd fucking insane. And also we'd all be getting divorced all the time. Wait a minute. Oh, wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on just

a god darn minute. Yeah, it's yeah. That's not how life works. We've talked about it before where like emotions are a very human thing and you're allowed to feel them by all means, but like you need to take a second of self-reflection and process those emotions and

and sort of like rationalize and see if like they are valid to express outwardly um because like sometimes you get mad and you if you take like just three minutes to breathe through it and think about it and be like oh i actually have no reason to be mad or like i have no right to be mad you can still be mad by all means you can still you can still feel that anger but you like you can't then project it yeah to anyone you can if you act on it you're an asshole yeah if you just like feel it and then get over it sure that's like normal again like there's a lot of things like i'm sure people feel jealous of that make absolutely no sense yeah and if you then get all up on your partner you're an asshole but if you just get over it good then you're an adult human and it's one of those things where like sometimes i'll be annoyed or like you know whatever i'll feel something

because of something that a man has done and i know that it's not her fault or like it's my own personal hang-up or whatever and like sometimes i know that i just need to i mean this hasn't really happened with amanda a whole lot but it's happened in my other relationships where like i've been i've been like i just need a second and i'll go for a walk because it's like i know that despite the fact that i know i shouldn't be angry or like i i don't have i'm still gonna say something fucking stupid well yeah sometimes it'll take a minute and i need need to get away before I do that and let me bring it down. And some people, that pisses people off. It pissed one of my exes off so much that if it looked like a fight was building, I'd be like, I'm going to go for a walk.

Some people like fights, man. Well, this is the thing. Some people think they are necessary or cathartic or an integral part to resolve issues. Some people, I think think just enjoy yelling at people and that's also the thing you know what i mean but it's like they would hate that i would always like take myself out of the situation be like let's i'm gonna have this conversation with you later i'm not ignoring it but if i if i stay just taking a breath and it's gonna be about something that isn't yeah exactly we're not gonna talk about the issue we're not gonna fight about the issue we're gonna fight about some stupid little

like misspoken word yeah it's just like when people have their blood up sometimes like because a lot of the time even if you have a row and then like 10 minutes later when like you know you have to go to work or whatever and you're thinking back and you're like that was just so fucking dumb yeah or like rather into the fight and you're like what are we fighting about like what started this because i guarantee you we are like seven miles away from that point so do you want anti-advice do i want like anti-advice i'm looking your your aunt has written in yeah my aunt uh my aunt pixelized player and no like this is some of the comments and this is what not to do. Oh, no.

Move on. Doesn't take a genius to know her actions will hurt you. She was selfish and didn't care about you unless she claimed. You have a right to block her. This is about your feelings. Let her cry about it. Look after yourself. Forgiving is pointless.

She will do it again. She's allowed to. It's been a week, bro. You're not exclusive. Again, it would then one thing if like if she if you guys were like you know if just you know sunday morning you woke up and she was like i fucked the best dude last night well i will say the fact that she like depending on how she was like yo i just fucked a dude like when you're not that close you don't need to know and you don't

have a but again if it was drawn out or whatever, if she's just out in the or being like, heads up, had sex, like, that could be a bit of a dick move, but you don't have to state to be exclusive. No, you 100% do.

No, no, you should know and expect it. If you have sex with someone, expect them to be exclusive with you. Sorry, OP.

No. And then someone goes, so nice to see others think this way. There's hope in finding a good man yet, lol. Oh god nobody agreed first off fuck everyone who comes along with this but you weren't exclusive bullshit well that's technically true that's not what this is about no it's yeah it's 100 it's 100 these people all suck and they got a silver for that. Huh. But yeah. No, fuck this shit.

Fuck this shit. People can do what they want. You can't just pretend. You can't just be like, I don't need now. You ready for something? So I got another question. Yeah. Good.

You want to? Mm-hmm. You can interrupt me? No. Do we do one more? Mm-hmm. Okay. This is Senpai in the street.

Girlfriend going on a trip With male friend alone Hi all Recently My girlfriend and I Argue but I'm gonna keep You wanna do your thing? Yeah it's time

Alright Justin McElroy I was literally I spent like all day Trying to think of a song That I could Sing That's the best you did

Well you'll see why it's relevant I wanna fuck butts. I want to fuck butts. You ready for this? This is a review. She then proceeds to ask me for... From my man, Diesel. What?

It's an in-house review. Of what? Too small to take it all. Number two. Is a rather conventional but enjoyable gonzo flick focusing on petite women taking on guys whose cocks prove to be a tight fit indeed. That's right, I'm reviewing porn as reviewed by people who frequent porn DVD sites. Hell yeah. Over my years of reviewing adult videos, years, years. I've always enjoyed watching little ladies like Redhead, Tara Monroe, Gage,

and Tiana demonstrate how carnal talents can far exceed physical height. And it's a pleasure to see the cast of Too Small... Can you please read that again? I've always enjoyed watching little ladies like Redhead, Tara Monroe, Gage, and Tiana demonstrate how carnal talents can far

exceed physical height. That is the most beautiful sentence I think I've ever heard. We might get into something better. Oh, no. And it's a pleasure to see the cast of Too Small Volume 2 do the same. Most of these women barely reach one or two inches above five feet, but all are young, cute. Some girls, of course, are cuter than others.

In shape and obviously undaunted by the guys. Dark haired and sprightly Alexa gets cream pied. But all the other girls take a cum facial. Type lift am I. And is the least enthusiastic among them. As with almost any porno, your enjoyment of this video will be in direct proportion of how you feel about any particular performer, since none of the action here is too outstanding. Ooh, ouch. Right?

Is he talking about the dicks? The boys? Or just in general? I don't know. Like, if you like the performer, you'll enjoy it, but by the way, all the fucks are lackluster. Yeah. Like, what does that mean? Well, maybe not all of them. Of course. Based on sheer numbers alone, I Well, maybe not all of them. Of course. Based on sheer numbers alone, I favor... Maybe

not all of them. I favor the threesome with redhead Miss Jensen and dark-haired Miss Elise, who is better known as Juliet Bardot, and has done some memorable work in Blow Me Sandwich 14. And that's my girl. The double-action blowjobs, frequent

position changes, and shared cumshot easily put their scene in a class of its own. That's not to say that the rest of the girls do lesser work, because the doggie and cowgirl screwing by Nikki Rhodes is terrific stuff, and Vanessa Leone's pussy-to-mouth cocksucking is worth watching over and over again. I also enjoyed watching Scytheria look-alike Amia Liao smiling throughout most of her scene, and Miss Nicole has a fun-loving attitude, which seems absolutely genuine. Still, Olivia... I feel like he was saying it is to say the other performances were lesser.

Still, Olivia and Danny really demonstrate good on-screen chemistry, and despite the lack of any extended girl-girl conduct, their scene... Conduct? Yeah, right? Their scene stands out among all others. Here's my... one of my favorite parts about this. Video and audio quality on the standard DVD is up to general studio standards. Thank God.

Which is to say that it looks and sounds good. Okay. Bonus features include a behind-the-scenes clip composed of brief interviews with the girls, the always-appreciated cumshot loop, photo gallery, and a set of studio trailers are standard uh when it comes to most gonzo titles and this disc is no exception oh shit too small to take it all too may have some small ladies but their sexual prowess knows no bounds wow um that's your

that's your man diesel signing up i would love to know how many people read these and are like, you know what? Also, it's rated out of five. Granted, given this review by Mr. Diesel himself, a seasoned veteran, what do you think his review would score? I think a two. You think he gave it a two out of five? A two or a three. After that review? Yeah, because the thing is, he said some bad things,

and then he always kept being like, oh, but not really, because I think he didn't want to offend any of these ladies. I think he doesn't want to bump into Zarathusa lookalike, or whatever the fuck that was, one day. Scytheria? Scytheria, so sorry. Who the fuck's Scytheria? I don't know.

It sounds like a fucking bad guy in D&D um it really does I I am at like he keeps backtracking anytime he criticizes so I feel like he doesn't actually want any of those girls to come across as bad review and not fuck him one day because clearly that's what he's in the game for are you diesel you oh Oh, Diesel. From adult DVDs reviews? Like, I know you said that my height didn't limit my carnal capacity. However, yeah. But I don't know. He doesn't sound like he loved it too much.

Let me guess. It's a 10 out of 5? No, no. You're actually quite correct. Told you. It was a 3.75 out of 5. Okay, okay. Not quite correct.

Well, you said 3, right? I said 2 or 3, yeah. Okay. Yeah, you were on the lower end. Not quite correct. Well, you said 3, right? I said 2 or 3, yeah. Okay. Yeah, you were on the lower end of things. Yeah. Honestly, with that review, I would have expected it to be higher. I can read between those lines, man. Also...

To be fair, to be fair, Diesel is a nuanced reviewer. It's true. A seasoned pro of years of reviews. Does it tell you how many he's reviewed? Let me tell you. When I first came up with this idea idea I really wanted to commit to one person but uh doesn't you can't like search based on there's got to be a way to do it there's got to be I and I figure it out I will find all of Diesel's reviews I have a few other of like

are they all also named after like petrol and shit uh no there is one guy whose name is pablo hell yeah um yeah that's my that's my contribution to a while ago i wanted to do a segment where we read the comments on porn but then we'd have to just like look up porn and oh let me tell you i decided i came up with this idea in a coffee shop and i was like i'll try it and then I didn't realize that every porn DVD came with like, like the site I was using came with like videos and like thumbnails of all the scenes. And I was like, oh, well, I can't be looking at this in public. Yeah, no, you're banned from second cup, bud. Yeah, I'm not allowed back. My original idea, I really wanted to review sex toys, but they're all very practical. Oh, really? sex toys but they're all very practical all right like the the sex toy reviewers are all very much like this is this is the product i'm sure there are some funny ones somewhere but in the the the

multitudes that i looked at they were all rather helpful well let's find out this is extreme restraints.com that's where i was oh god damn it yeah oh no yeah i also went to extreme restraints not expect like i thought it was going to be like dummies but it's like no just straight up dicks in cages and shit i'm like ah cool cool cool cool cool cool i need to not do this in public the enforcer black wooden humbler has 42 reviews oh no leather parachute ball stretcher. Okay, you ready for this? So this thing is, it's like, imagine stocks, but for your balls, that then stretch and pull your balls behind the back of your thighs. Like a stocks, like you-

Like medieval stocks, yeah. It's basically a wooden thing that goes around your balls and then goes behind and clamps onto the back of your legs to pull your balls down and behind your butt yep uh winston h verified buyer humble block too hard to use clumsy nuts and bolts keep it simple jerry a love it okay wait guess what winston gave it out of five who the fuck is winston uh humble block too hard to use clumsy nuts and bolts keep it simple i don't know because they both like he says it's too hard to use and thenumsy Nuts and Bolts, keep it simple. I don't know because they both, like, he says it's too hard to use, and then it says that it was simple to use?

No, keep it simple. Oh, keep it. I thought it said Nuts and Bolts, keep it simple. I got you. I mean, like, I'm going to say a one star. One star. Yeah. Jerry A., love it.

I'm going to say five stars. Yep. Actually, better than I expected. Decent wooden hardware. Fits me well. Four. Five. Oh. Five. Oh.

I feel like everyone's going to give it either a one or a five, depending on their experience. Are we just going to call it? Yeah, we might have to call it now. All right. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities, for your song Paper Stars. Yeah, and also maybe sorry for that last. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. We'll see how that reads. If you have a question for us, or if you just want to reach out to us,

if you have a DVD review that you want to send us, or if you are a devious ball stretcher, Diesel, oh man, I wish Diesel had contact info. I'd get him to call in. You never know, he might. I'm going to research Diesel. Start reviewing his reviews until he notices.

He sees, yeah. If you have any reason to contact us um you can hit us up on facebook you can find us on facebook at fck buddies podcast um you can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies or you can hit us up on gmail f buddies podcast at gmail.com uh shout out to Sarah, who just started listening and is on episode three. So it'll take you a little bit to get to episode fucking 40, because what the hell?

But we also haven't missed a week, so high five to that. We're going to die now. I would love to know how many podcasts, like what the longest streak without missing an episode would be. We're coming for that crown.

Watch the throne. Watch the fucking throne. Watch it. Winter's coming. We're winter. Even though it's all this fuck in here. Yeah. And I don. Watch the fucking throne. Watch it. Winter's coming. We're winter. Even though it's all this fuck in here. Yeah. And I don't know if I'm coming or not.

I might be faking it. I don't know. Yeah. Let's see. Are you ready for some bad sex running? Oh, you know what? So guess what? We've got a repeat offender.

And by that, I mean... James Joyce is back in the building, motherfuckers. Are you ready? I donuckers. Are you ready? I don't know. Are you ready for me to ruin what is commonly held as one of the best writers in the world for you? Because I'm not going to lie. I don't think I can read a shit anymore. Also, I was thinking about this on the cycle up here.

Nora is somebody's grandmother. She might still be alive. Imagine you're like, oh, I was listening to a podcast, and then these two random boys in the closet started talking about my granny farting while she was getting fucked. Yeah, the best thing would be, like, if your claim to fame, your family's claim to fame is like, oh, my, you know, my grandmother dated James Joyce.

Isn't that cool? And then it just comes out. Oh, no. Because I believe these only got released a few years ago. Like, it's recent enough that people were like, wait a minute. This is the 16th of December, 1909. My sweet darling girl,

at last you write to me. You must have given that naughty little cunt of yours such a most ferocious frigging to write me such a disjointed letter. As for me, darling, I'm so played out that you would have to lick me for a good hour before I could get a horn stiff enough to even put into you to say nothing of blocking you. I have done so much and so often I'm afraid to look to see how the thing I had is all after

all I've done to myself. What? Yep. He's worried his dick ain't there anymore because he just done wanked so hard. I have done so much and so often, I am afraid to look to see how the thing I had is, after all I have done to myself. Darling, please don't fuck me too much when I go back. Fuck all you can out of me, for the first night or so, but make me get myself cured. The fucking must all be done by you, darling, as I am so soft and small now, that no girl in Europe except yourself would waste her time trying the job. Fuck me, darling, in as many ways as your lust will suggest. Fuck me dressed in your full outdoor costume, with your hat and veil on, your face flushed with the cold

and wind and rain, and your boots muddy, either straddling across my legs when I am sitting in a chair, and riding me up and down with the frills of your drawers showing, and my cock sticking up up stiff in your cunt or riding me over the back of the sofa. Fuck me naked with your hat and stockings on only flat on the floor with a crimson flower in your hole behind, riding me like a man with your ties between mine and your rump very fat. Fuck me in your dressing gown. I hope you have that nice one with nothing on under it, opening it suddenly and showing me your belly and thighs and back and pulling me on top of you on the kitchen table. Fuck me into your arseways, lying on your face on the bed, your hair flying loose, naked, with a lovely scented pair of pink drawers open shamelessly behind and half slipping

down over your peeping bum. Fuck me if you can, squatting in the closet with your clothes up, grunting like a young sow doing her dung, and the big, fast, dirty snaking thing coming slowly out of your backside. Fuck me on the stairs in the dark. Oh god damn choice why why would you say that just fucking wrecking his dick on coilers like that's just fuck me on the stairs in the dark like a nursery maid fucking her soldier unbuttoning his trousers gently and slipping her hand hand into his fly, and fiddling with his shirt, and feeling it getting wet,

and then pulling it gently up, and fiddling with his two bursting balls, and at last pulling out boldly the mickey she loves to handle, and frigging it for him softly, murmuring into his ear dirty words and dirty stories other girls told her, and dirty things she said, and all the time pissing her drawers with pleasure and letting off soft warm quiet little farts behind until her own girlish cocky is as stiff as his and suddenly sticking him up in her and writing him i have come now and the foolery is over now for your questions and it keeps going oh god i don't even know he starts I can't take anymore are you ready a hundred thousand kisses darling I go back to my love

my life my star my little strange eyed Ireland Jim it I mean let me tell you

grunts like a pooing female cat like pig the fact that he refers to himself as Jim in these letters makes it better

makes sense because he does not want to be known. Yeah, because James Joyce, like, and again, it might be me projecting what I know of him onto it, but, like, James Joyce has, like, an air of dignity. No, he used to. A man named Jim is exactly what I would imagine would write this. Also, dang, he just alienated Every gym Who listens Yeah until they realize Unless they're real sex perverts

Until they fucking like Look at their messages That they sent to their wife And they're like Hey you farting fuck bird I wanna see how long That shit you can take is Oh god

Yo the next time you take A steaming curler In that That bathroom Let me see that picture Did you say steaming curler Yeah Oh god

That's what he's talking about It's just like this I know but he didn't say that's what he's talking about it's just like this i know but he didn't say that i mean he pretty much did in like ye olde english i will say from now on henceforth i'm only going to talk about anal sex as arseways arseways is actually a really good term um i think that's actually one thing we can all take away from that um i'm not sure if we should take anything else away from that. No. But also, James Joyce, you dirty.

James Joyce? What the fuck's wrong with you? James Joyce, you dirty boy. I love the idea of him just, like, furiously masturbating. Also, why is everyone farting? I don't know. Nora has the first confirmed case of IBS. But here's the thing.

He's talking about... Like, yes, he's talking to Nora. But when he's talking about the nursemaid fucking the soldier, this is like a whole new character. And she also farts. Still Nora. She's also pissing herself, I guess. So I don't know what that's about.

I'm assuming... Squirting, maybe? Yeah, I don't think he means actual urine. But also, if she's farting,'m assuming squirting. Yeah. I don't think he means actually. But also if she's farting, all bets are off. Yeah. I mean, have you ever slept with somebody who's constantly farting?

No, I've never slept with anyone who constantly farts. Yeah. Me neither. I don't know. Are we the anomalies? No, I think James Joyce doesn't understand how the body works.

Or Nora got some. Nora's ill. She got some bad guts. Nora's got like cholera. To be fair. I wonder how Nora went. Cholera. That's fair. You ready for some, Dan?

I mean, yeah, I guess. Man, I feel like every time I see one, I want to read all six. So, yeah, Dan says... I want to fuck a farting girl. No. Dan says... Can you get an ex back after a year or more? Oh, boy. Is that a recent one?

No, that was 2017, which means he's been doing that for two years. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to read two. Just under it, should I send my ex good morning and good night texts? You know what, Dan? Yeah. Yeah, you should. Then you should send her a letter

in which you use the word arseways copious amounts of times. Copy and paste James Joyce's fucking... Oh, man. Or Jimmy. I should start doing that. Old Jimmy Joyce. I should go home

and just, like, send it to my girlfriend. Yeah. That'd be real funny. Ugh. I don't, no. Next episode, we'll be single

yeah it'll be a whole new perspective on fuck buddies so uh how do how do I be single yeah

oh is that a new question no I just need to know yeah anyway guys this has been great yeah my name is Dave Miller uh thanks for sticking with us

we love you and I'm Noss Payne and good night and we're your fuck buddies fuck fucks and I'm Nospin and good night and we're your float buddies fart to farts