F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 41 - Horny At The Dirty Pool

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

Every once in awhile a question so poignant, so exceptional, so mind-boggling buck-wild comes along and makes you re-think everything you've ever known.  This week, we answer that question.  Topics include the dangers of flirting, the stigmas and mental health struggles of STIs, homophobia blackmail, bonerjams 2019, how to lose a guy in 10 days and the best question we've ever read.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Day Miller. And I'm Niles Spang. And are you ready to rumble? With your fuck buds?

Cause that's us. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. I realize I haven't said that for a couple weeks now. Well, you know what? I was, I actually, I was like, I can just edit that in. I'll just pull it from like another episode. And then I was like, no, that would be lying. You made your bed.

You're lying. I do love how i think was last week and on the way here i remembered i had made a note to mention something this week about last week and i totally forgot but now i remember that's good you kept saying we're going off script is there a script because no one's fucking giving me one i mean yeah i i just meant that we're going to talk about something that wasn't sex or dating that is the script that's more than what we do i mean yeah it's no i just i just found it funny because like i don't know who is the smartest way to do a podcast where we literally don't even share each other's questions with each other but i think it's

a fun way to do it so i mean there are definitely times where i listen like when i'm editing it i'll be like oh fuck i'm not making the point that i'm trying to make clearly at all yeah there are definitely times we could probably give better advice if we had time to prepare but fuck it but this is honest this is raw like we how do you give advice without condom yeah yeah We're doing ear fuck without brain condom. Okay. So, we're going to start right off with, we're just going to delve into all the user submitted stuff right now. So, this is, I think, I think our champ.

This is our champ. This is Agent Cobra. And we've got another one, fresh off the press. So, I'm just going to get into it. I've recently begun a new job, and so I've met many new people I'm extremely flirty person but the majority of the time is very harmless mainly do it for my own entertainment so in charming and flirting away through with my new co-workers and made many friends in the process one in particular was very

attractive has flirted aggressively back and because of this we've gotten very close I like witty people who can keep up with me the only issue issue here is he has a girlfriend. Currently neither of us is doing anything wrong because the flirting has been fun more often than not harmless and fun. I've been getting to know him he's made jokes about sucking up and mentioned a few times that he has in the past cheated on his girlfriends. I'm typically not one to encourage cheating on your girlfriend I'm also not in the position to suggest he break up with her. The only reason I suggest this because we've gotten very close he's mentioned he's never felt this way so quickly with someone. We've had many people who

don't know he has a girlfriend ask for dating. I've also hung out with him and his girlfriend a few occasions mostly but often completely ignores her when I'm around. Yikes. I realize it's not my responsibility to worry about his relationship because that's completely his prerogative. I also don't care if he's in a relationship or not. My question is, how do I proceed?

Do I dial back with the flirting though I don't feel I'm doing anything wrong? Do I flirt more aggressively? Help. Hmm. Well, you take the floor on this one. Okay, so this, I mean, yes. Is it your responsibility to, like, take care of this guy's obviously shitty relationship with his girlfriend? No, it is not

um it is however your responsibility i think as a human being not to make it worse yeah and again like nothing wrong with harmless flirting no i mean like i flirt with dane on the fucking daily you know what i mean like it's if you're you know there we all know the difference between just being like a fun, free, flirty, fucking whatever and being like, yo, that dick though. Yeah. I mean, it seems like he is clearly giving you the signals that he is willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you. Which also, like, fuck it. There's, like, don't be that person. Well, that's the thing.

It's like, look, if they want to be shitty, cool, but don't be part of that shitty. Yeah, there's a lot of shitty people and there's a lot of shitty things that happen in the world that we have no control over. And the rare occasion when you actually do have control over whether something shitty happens to another person, like, please be the responsible, empathetic human being and don't be the other end of this shitstorm. Like, yeah, because he could cheat on someone or he can cheat on her with someone. Absolutely. You have no control over that. You do have control over whether he cheats on her with you.

Yeah, exactly. And the thing is, like, put yourself in their shoes, put yourself in the other person, the relationship. And also, like it like doesn't sound like he's more special than anybody else i'm sure you can go have sex with somebody else if you want to and you're not gonna he's worse yeah he sounds like a bit of a douche and then you're not gonna ruin somebody's fucking i don't know how long because you know cheating on someone like being cheated on can like really set people back years in relationships if not a long time you know it's a really horrible shitty feeling and like i don't know if they have an apartment together or i've been planning like a future or anything but like i don't know it also

like reflects so poorly on you like you i was gonna say your character but like you know i mean like if if you if you work with this guy guy and it comes out that you willingly ruin this girl's relationship, like people are going to think you're just as shitty as, as he is. Yeah. That's the thing. Like no one's going to be like, oh no, you're, you're totally in the fine. Like, yeah. Especially having moved to a new place.

Like you don't really want to sabotage your relationship with everybody else. Cause I think no one really sees that happen and is like oh that's cool you know yeah i mean unless you're living in like shits filled of douchebag arizona like whoa lay off arizona fuck you arizona oh um i'm not saying all people i'm just saying that shitsville douchebag arizona i feel like honestly you you grow up there like you you act the complete opposite to the name. Because you've been branded with that your whole life. There's a reason it's named that. There was a reason.

But the new generation of Shitsbag, Doucheville, Arizona. Are we thinking of different cities? We are. Yeah. So you said Shitbag, Doucheville. I'm saying Shitsville, Douchebag. Oh, okay. No, they're fucking pieces of shit.

I'm just saying, no one's going to be cool with this. Yeah, also like... Unless everyone you know is shitty, in which case, maybe purge all of your relationships and start from scratch. Yeah, I don't think there's like any point at which this becomes this. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's no, like, but he's so great that I had to. Because if he was great, then you wouldn't have to, you know? And my other thing is, if he was great, he wouldn't have to you know and my other thing is if he was great he wouldn't be cheating on his girlfriend exactly

actively trying like this and also all the history of yeah of a sociopath who clearly like doesn't have any empathy or uh emotions towards other people or just it's very clearly like a guy who takes what he wants when he wants it and fuck everyone else. Yeah. I'll tell you what. Or just massively like have self-confidence issues because I feel like a lot of cheating stems from that. I mean, yeah. Or is just like just thinks people are objects, which none of these things are things that spark me a desire to have his penis in me.

Yeah. I don't know. I know. It's I would just honestly. And also another thing sorry like it's never gonna go far either because either one it's just a fuck and then like there's this whole shit storm and ruined lives and everything for like a fuck which like even if it's great which i'm doubting frankly um which i i don't know don't have any any evidence for that but like it can't be great enough to justify that if it's a long-term thing then one either you're continuing to cheat which

makes it worse or at this point other people in work probably know and then they're gonna really not like the whole situation or it becomes a relationship at which point he's gonna do it you're gonna be cheated on right like not to say anyone who ever cheated is going to cheat but at the same time when he's actively like oh but i want to cheat like when would you think it's going to stop with you right i mean yeah this thing it's like if someone's like i have a history of cheating like that's and also want to cheat currently yeah but not with you later in the future like it just seems like bad avenues all around as per the last question like do you have to stop flirting like if it's just the way you act and it is harmless no if you think he

is getting the wrong idea and is making you know because it seems like he's definitely trying to push forward you can be like oh well you do have a girlfriend like you can make it clear you can set those boundaries like you don't have to just be like hello friend yeah you don't have to like i am workmate yeah become like the cold heartless keep distance of two feet but like yeah you can be oil you can definitely just not sex oil oh that's true um you could definitely just straight up be like take a step back you know what i mean and and like you said just like anytime it goes like a line is crossed just be like hey remember you have a girlfriend and just like yeah walk away because like and like if one day they break up and you

feel like you want to there's nothing wrong with that i mean yeah again he does sound like a bit of a douche but whatever maybe maybe there are reasons we don't know about which still doesn't really excuse it but whatever um it doesn't matter like once he's out of relationship you know if he's a single douchebag and and that even if he ends up being a douchebag then it's fine because you've made the choice to put yourself in that position and if there's fallout you deal with it yeah whatever you're you're a grown-ass woman you can deal with that but you don't you shouldn't really make the choice just fuck someone else's yeah you know what i mean because they haven't made the choice for you to cheat on their partner i mean this thing is like you need to like stop and be like hey if i was dating someone and i found out they cheated on

me how would i feel yeah and then if you're like i'd be be fine with it. Okay. That's a weird, weird way to be. And even if you are, you then have to be like, I'm maybe not like everybody else. So what would they feel like? And then maybe hit a medium between those two or at least just like explore the, you know, and again, this is not to say that you aren't or won't. Cause the thing is, this question is kind of weirdly contextless because it doesn't necessarily say that you want to, but it also doesn't necessarily say that you want to yeah but it also doesn't necessarily say that you don't so i don't really know um so we're talking in

general we're not lobbing accusations here yeah um because as i was reading it i wasn't really sure you know i feel like the most obvious question is just like the like i know it's not really my responsibility there's like a weird kind of guilty feeling about the interactions and whether you need to cool off the flirting or whatever. But like, I think most people are flirty to a degree in general. Like, and also one person's flirty is another person's nice. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like it's, it's kind of a hard line. I would say if there is, you know, there, there are boundaries of going too far and there is also totally allowable points where you can just be like a happy of a girlfriend yeah and sometimes that can lead to like really good friendships and stuff if they just get the fuck over the kind of overwhelming infatuation at the start and start to act like a real human yeah you know um so to answer your question i would say cool it with the flirting at least for a little bit you know what i mean like? Like, or reevaluate your boundaries. Yeah, set boundaries and don't fuck them.

I've got a question from, you know what, I'm going to do a user one as well. Because I want to make sure we get to it. This comes from Agent Quarantine. Ooh. It's not as fun as it sounds. It doesn't sound fun. I was going to say, no quarantine ever sounds fun. Unless it's... They ask, I've got genital warts. not as fun as it sounds. It doesn't sound fun. I was going to say, no quarantine ever sounds fun.

They ask, I've got genital warts, and I feel like a disgusting mess. Two weeks ago, I went to the doctor to get some bumps looked at, and was diagnosed with genital warts from HPV. My doctor assured me that they are primarily a cosmetic issue, and pose no threat to my health, but they are very contagious. Every time I think about it, I feel absolutely ashamed and disgusted,

and begin to get super depressed. The longer I think about it, I feel absolutely ashamed and disgusted and begin to get super depressed. The longer I think about it, the more my skin crawls and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know enough about the physical, like I don't know enough about the cure. I'm like the, I don't really know enough about them to talk about that. Like the,

how you should ongoingly like treat them or like be worried about x or y or z because i don't really know much about general wards what i do know is that like stds are like really really prevalent you know what i mean like they're not as rare as people would have you believe they're not any reason to be ashamed especially hpv oh yeah well that's what i was gonna everybody has hpv that's the thing where they were like, yo, everybody has it. So something like 75 to 90% of people who have had sex. Yeah. Have or have had higher.

Like it's fucking wild. Yeah. It's, it's like more or less everyone. Yeah. And some people look out, like there are so many strains of HPV and a lot of people have been vaccinated. Um,

uh, but there are so many strains that like some of them, there's like a few of them that occasionally there's like a chance we'll develop genital warts. There are some that like are the ones that lead to cancer. The good thing. So I did a little bit of research. The good thing about the strains that cause genital warts are the ones that is 100% no chance of getting cancer. That's good so yeah so on the upside that's the thing it's like so if you it's better than like finding out you have

hpv but not having any symptoms because you're like this could be cancer or lead to cancer or it could be nothing um the other thing is hpv is more or less like a sexual common cold to the point where the body deals with itself. There are vaccinations, but there's no cure for it. But you just. So is it one of those things that's similar to like a cold sore or whatever? Like it'll pop up for a bit and then. No, so HPV will run its course and then it's gone.

Oh. Unless you repeatedly like reinfect yourself, you can keep getting infected by it. So if you get these general warts, they'll be there for X amount of time. And then they'll go away. Oh, that's. Yeah. And you can do things. You can go and get there are topical creams. As far as I can tell, they're very expensive. You're looking at like

200 plus like a tube of like the topical cream, which help one, get rid of the ones that are there and prevent anyone coming. You can get um uh like liquid nitrogen you get them frozen which not the most fun but yeah depending on placement i've i've had uh like things on my foot frozen off before i had like verrucas uh it fucking hurts

yeah but at the same time it's it's not really that bad like i you know uh yeah so it's it's one of those things where like i totally get it um i'm gonna share a little personal story which might uh be a little too much information but uh way back probably like six or seven years ago i had a thing called molluscum contagiosum um which sounds terrifying um and it it can be an sti but it's also just like a skin infection well i also had it which is funny uh about four five years ago yeah you got it shortly after yeah because like i met you not related yeah no uh although you know what's funny is it possibly could be because if you look this up it is is classed as like an asexual whatever but it's also like one of the most common ways people get it is from the gym or as a kid

because it's just like a skin-to-skin contact so you go to the gym having touched someone who has it or touch somebody else or whatever lift a barbell a lot of it's like gotten from like shared uh shared towels and shit from like gyms and stuff that haven't been washed properly or sterilized properly yeah yeah it's it's one of those things where like um so i i know what you're feeling like i totally understand oh yeah you feel like you feel like a disgusting piece of shit yeah you feel like you're like horribly diseased and incurable and despite the fact that like people will tell you it's like no it'll go away yeah you just gotta it'll run its course and like it sucks but like you start feeling like you don't want to like like i i remember specifically uh being like i don't even want to like go to the bathroom because like i don't want to touch it i don't want to look at

it i don't want to think about it you also like the weird thing is like aside from being disgusted and like fearful uh you feel ashamed yeah like you feel this this disgusting like shame as if as if you've done something wrong or like you deserve it or you're yeah which is fucked it's like it you know i'm sure i i don't even know how i got it you know because no one no one ever said like hey heads up i had x sorry or you know and again it could have been from the gym i don't know yeah because again if you look it up that's one of the most common things like the weird thing is it's like it's an std also common for children yeah it's like wait also super common in like preschools and shit where everyone's just like yeah putting things in their mouths and or just again it's

skin to skin and it's not a big deal it's like tiny little white bumps that you might not even notice. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're not itchy. They're not anything. No, they're not itchy. They're not on flame. They're just there.

They're just there and then they're kind of gone. Yeah. Did get a few burnt. That sucked. Yeah. But hey, it was, you know. But here's the thing. So looking into HPV, a lot of people said that like getting it burnt is uh like

frozen rather um with like nitrogen is a great way to sort of like wipe the slate clean and um they're less likely to multiply um a few will still pop up because the virus is like in your system yeah um until it runs its course until it runs its course so again it's it's very much like a common cold you know i mean where it's just like you get it well everyone gets it um everyone's symptoms are different yeah and then your immune system will purge it and it's gone see that's funny because i never i didn't know that right i think a lot of the reason why people are so disgusted and ashamed and like feel so fucking shitty about these things is because no one talks about it right yeah like even if you've had one like i don't tell a lot of people that i had even

though it's like of the ones like people don't even know the name of it you know what i mean it's not even one of those high grade ones it's and again you get it in preschool if you're you know you know 40 of kids or some bullshit um but like you still feel super ashamed and embarrassed and uh i think a lot of it comes from misinformation and secondly just kind of like everybody being scared to admit or like talk about it and it's like it's really not a big deal it's like you didn't do anything wrong unless you know yourself if you're like wow i just went and i i just fucked like a million people out of condom and like I know for a... And even then, that's just you being dumb.

It's not you being... Well, maybe. I don't know. It depends what you did. But like in general, if you had sex and it happened, it's not any fault of your own. With HPV, it's like you can wear a condom and still get it. Yeah, exactly. Because it's skin to skin.

Well, also, it's the same with a fucking thing. You could fucking shake someone's hand to get it, right? Well, actually, molluscum cannot form on the hands. Oh, also, it's the same with a fucking thing. You could fucking shake someone's hand together, right? Well, actually, molluscum cannot form on the hands. Oh, that's good. On the palms. Okay.

Which was a... One can shake someone's forearm and get it. Yeah. The thing, like, yeah, exactly... If I'd known that,

I would have been less terrified to touch my dick. It was something I learned after the fact. Yeah. It's one of those things where

the stigma sort of does a lot of the damage. I think it almost does more damage. Even things like herpes. I know at least three people who have it and are in loving, committed, successful relationships. And a lot of people think that when you get things, there are things like HIV and AIDS, which are a little more dire. There is a little bit more concern. Although these days, the fucking

medical strides they've gotten through are fucking incredible. Like PrEP, at this point, it's like once you're on a steady fucking thing, you're literally non-transferable. Or non-transmittable i forget the term but you know what i mean um and and so like it's there it's not the end of your life especially something that's not that's going to go away like hpv that's the thing like

something like two months to like three years i think and like that's a long time it is i totally get it but um there are things uh holistically that you can do in terms of like your immune system is part of your body yeah and your immune system is dependent on things like diet and exercise so like yeah like take care of yourself like yeah your immune system dips when you're like binging alcohol or when you like you know you don't sleep or you're stressed so like if you have this happen like take take a step like drink some tea like have a few chill days like treat yourself yeah and because the more kind of like healthy and happy you are the you know it might sound dumb but like

honestly these things do lower your immune system and like the irony is it's hard to not get stressed when you're like yo i've joined the war yeah so but you will come to terms with as it as it comes along like i i had a scare where i went in to get checked because i had like this mark on the top of my dick that i was terrified about and they gave it a little swab and they're like could be herpes which doesn't go away right and i was like fuck like and i i went like two or three weeks going like waiting for the results where i like was envisaging this whole life and like again feeling disgusted and ashamed and like that i'd never have a relationship again or hook up with anyone because i'd have to tell them and they would think i'm fucking disgusting or weird and all this thing it turned out they were just like no it's just like like a blood vessel like

it was just like overuse or something and i was like okay thank god they were like it's totally harmless i was like and it went away and it was fine. But for that time, I was terrified. But I also then towards the end, it's like you kind of come to terms with it. You're like, whatever. And also, it's just like, it shouldn't be that big deal. Because when this happens to someone, they shouldn't have to feel that overwhelming terror and fear and shame in this. And also, it's hard to tell somebody. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's super difficult. Because you don't want to tell someone to be judged or be mocked or be like whatever because it's a really personal really intense like yeah and again because of misinformation like yeah a lot of people have a very strange relationship or at least a strange uh outlook on stds you know i mean where they a lot of people don't understand the nature of it a lot of them don't understand that like they're super common a lot of people don't understand sort of like the health i'm sure there are so many more people than you know who have had them because like if you go by just general like conversation no one's had one yeah so here's another thing that i didn't know men can be vaccinated for hpv um it might be common knowledge

now but like when i was in school the only thing that anyone cared about was vaccinating women yeah so like all the girls in school and i like it probably didn't exist there probably wasn't a male vaccination yet because i know now like women up to like i think 40 or something can be vaccinated but the vaccine for men is like up to 25 yeah or something like that because when i found out i was like and again look at i'm gonna get it speaking of misinformation i'm pretty sure that like, from what I know is that like, it's a lot harder to detect in men,

but also that, uh, like, I don't think you can detect it unless it shows like gentle warts or something. Yeah. Also, I also think there's more effects on women.

So, so for example, like on the male side, I'm not sure what cancers can cause, but on the female side, like ovarian and, uh, cervix, like, yeah ovarian and... Cervix. Like, yeah, they're all a lot more prevalent.

So I think that was kind of the drive towards, you know... Yeah. Although apparently it can also cause throat cancer in men for going down on people. Michael Douglas. I'm done. Yeah. I'm fucked. Yeah, no, but I believe it still can cause, like, penile cancer and stuff.

So, like... Don't say my name in that. I think it was just one of those things where i put my name in that um people realized that like hpv led to ovarian and cervix cancer and they sort of like um but yeah like there was no there was no talk of men getting hpv yeah um for the longest time um so like dudes you can you can be vaccinated and like again i don't know how much it costs i don't know how much it costs. I don't know how much, I think it's free in Canada for people under a certain age. Yeah.

So go, go get vaccinated. If you're, if you're able to go do it. But if you, if something does happen and you end up with like an STD, like you're okay. Like really, like firstly, don't be ashamed. I know I can say it, you're probably still going to feel it, but like it really doesn't matter. So many people have them and get them and deal with them. It's not your fault.

Like it, it's just kind of one of those risks that comes with sex. You know what I mean? Like you don't, you know, again, if you have one, be considerate,

like the whole other side of the scale, let people know, refrain from sex, like read up on it. Don't transmit it. You know what I mean? I i think that's very important that's a very different conversation but like if it just happens to you you know what i mean if someone tells you like if they had full knowledge and still did like sure you can be annoyed but like in general you don't have to transfer your anger onto them and be like well now you're disgusting and you're because like you

don't know how they you know i just like and even even if it's the worst of the worst like the big bads like realistically these days you're you're good you're not gonna die from it firstly and secondly like even if it's the really terrible shit like aids and hiv as far as i'm aware um have just made massive strides recently yeah to the point where like it like non like it it could be a non-issue in years if it isn't already like i know they've they've got crazy shit in the pipeline and already like prep is doing fucking wonders so like you're you're pretty much good i know it's gonna take some adjusting it's gonna be horrible to even think of and consider and like whatever but like if you do think about it like you can move through it and also you're living in a world where hundreds of thousands of people are also dealing with what

you're dealing with you're not i would say it's in the millions yeah yeah millions not billions no you're right um you're not you're not just like a lonely island of fucking barren disgust there are also you can find i it's i rarely tell people to go to the internet when it comes to medical shit because it's always a web md and then you'll feel way worse but there are communities that are specifically meant for people who are like helping other people go through either people who have or who have had it or have been with partners who had it um regardless you know depending on what what std we're talking about um but for actual advice for hpv i would say um it is immune based you can you can crush it and will it out of your body with good immune systems so get things like start taking vitamin c start taking vitamin e which

is uh helps promote um skin regrowth and because it is a virus of the skin uh vitamin e is going to do a really good job also good for cold sores yeah um pretty much any like it's going to make your skin look great um start working out start going for runs start uh eating better like now's a really good time like now's a really good motivator to sort of like get your fitness on track because you're anything you do is going to have double the benefits one where like you're going to get the the fitness and health benefits of eating better and taking care of yourself. And you're also going to speed up the recovery of this. Yeah. And also like, again, when, when I had my thing, I was like, okay, I can't hook up with people because I don't want to either one have that awkward

conversation or to transfer it because that's, that's shitty. I don't want someone else to go through this. So I, I just didn't. And it was great because I had, well, like, it wasn't great. But it actually was. It was actually great. Once you get over, like, the initial, like, just fucking knife to the heart of terror and horror and disgust and awfulness and everything, you realize it's not really that big of a deal. And, like, I had all this time that I wasn't worrying about hooking up that I just, like, did stuff with. It was great. Also, hey, doctors, can you fucking cool it with the false diagnosis?

And I don't mean like telling people the wrong thing, but I mean like if you're looking at something and you know it's not serious, please don't go, ooh, hmm. Yeah. Don't go, could be herpes. And then just like let you chill for three weeks and be like, nah, man, it's just like you had too much sex. Like your dick was a little sore. I went to the doctor.

This was after my scare where it's like, you know, or after I had molluscum where I was just like anytime anything showed up, I was just like, what is it? And I went to the doctor once and he was like, he literally looked at my dick for like probably a good like minute and was just like. And he would like write something down and be like is he just making a light drawing sketch and just sort of like you know turn it and get like a different angle and he'd be like yeah no it's just a pimple i'm like cool my dude like maybe you could have like open with that like is it bright green and he was like oh like oh like it's just a pimple you it bright green and he was like oh like oh like it's just a pimple you're like cool and he's like but but there's a lot more yeah no i was just like what the hell my man like you know what's really funny so when i was a kid and i heard about people

like they're like young i heard about people going getting like std tests and i was like oh man like that'd be awful like imagine i got like a female nurse and like I got a boner. Like I'd be, I'd be so terrified. Like if I ever go, I hope it's just like a dude and you know, whatever. So I went and I was like, oh man, I wish I got a boner. My dick looks so small. Yeah. There's, there's no win. There's like, no, I don't care.

It's like, no, I'm older. I'm like, God damn it. What was young me thinking? My wishes came true. Um, yeah. All right. Hit me with another. Uh, does this young me thinking? My wishes came true. Yeah. Hit me up with another. Does this make me homophobic? Yep.

Is that what you're going with? No. No, answer it right now. No. No? You don't think so? I'm not going to answer until I get the question. Come on.

What's your... I'm going to say maybe. Fuck you. That is by Grandma grandma spelunking oh but also to this person who answered the last question or asked the last question

like this sucks I'm sorry I know it is hard but you're gonna be alright you're gonna be totally cool yeah you're gonna be fine

the fact that you're able to like ask this question like come out with it is fucking sick because it's super hard also yeah this is a user question and this is someone that I know

and like I really do want to say thank you for trusting me and thank you for for letting us talk about this because it's something that does need to be talked about 100 and i really really really appreciate you trusting me and and niall to talk about this i don't know who you are but um and you never will yeah i don't want to like as in like i don't want to betray him stress but the thing is like when i when i had the thing that i was going through i told dane and it took a lot to tell dane it was terrifying and it was really nice to have somebody who had my back so i think like you really need that like it's it's a very

different thing when you're not going through it by yourself yeah and it was lucky that like i also had yeah that was fucking wild same thing that was crazy i like, here's my biggest shamed moment. He was like, yo, me too, man. I was like, what? It was crazy. Anyway, does this make me homophobic? By grandma spelunking? Grandma? Grandma spelunking? Hell yeah. My best friend can't find a boyfriend.

He's asked me to do things for him until he finds a boyfriend. I said no at first, but he said I was being homophobic. If I didn't, was being homophobic if i didn't am i homophobic for not wanting to do this i assume do things means physical sexual things yeah that's fucking wild no that would be yeah no that that's a little thing like just someone who was you know a person of color as someone who was white and be like, yo, fuck me. And they're like, no.

You're being racist. You're being racist. Like, what? No, that's not how that works. It's funny because I saw the question. I was like, I meant to have it on the episode with Kyle, but we got, we lost track of time. So Kyle, feel free to message me your response. And I was like, I saw the question.

I was like, of course, of course it does. I went in and I was like of course of course it does i went in i was like oh no it does not oh god no you're good yeah um no consent does like yeah consent sort of you're not all i feel like this is like last time when someone's trying to extort money from someone using social inequality now someone's trying to force sex using social inequality you can't like extort people's body or money because society sucks i'm sorry i mean like at least the the whole like women make less women are oppressed by men like at least that has sort of like like it's not a good argument but like at least you can be like women make less than men so men should pay more you know i mean like at least there's that it would be like, women make less than men, so men should pay more. You know what I mean? Well, I guess. At least there's that. It would be like, you as a man presumably make more.

Yeah, like, at least that has a logical sort of like. Tenuous. I mean, there's a connection of dots that no matter how loose. Well, it can still be connected. This one here is like, we're just like, I'm a gay man. I can't find a boyfriend. You're going to fuck me. And if you don't, it's homophobic. Well, wait, wait. Why do you not want to fuck me? Because I'm a gay man. I can't find a boyfriend. You're going to fuck me. And if you don't, it's homophobic.

Well, wait, wait. Why do you not want to fuck me? Because I'm a guy? Homophobia. But I'm assuming she's straight. No. What? He.

It's a guy and a guy. Oh. Yeah. For some reason, I thought it was. No. Yeah, no. Also, I mean, this still doesn't matter. It doesn't change the.

No, I know. This was going to be a short one because that's fucked. Yeah. Don't extort people for sex. That's rape, I'm pretty sure. It is, 100%. Stop it. No.

Sexual harassment. It's everything. No. It's everything. Terrible. Yeah, no. If someone says they don't want to have sex with you, they do not need to give you a reason and you don't get to then sort of like throw them in a category again if someone you know was like no i don't fuck black dudes it's like okay sure that's that's got

that's got some roots in racism yeah but also that just makes them shitty it doesn't make but them you need to like it doesn't it doesn't then be like they have to fuck you as someone who's subject to racism you have to have sex with me yeah no it just means they're a bit of a fucking asshole yeah it just makes them a dick um oh man they can also not want to have sex with you not because you're black or not because you're whatever but just because they don't want to have sex with you and then you can't just be like whoa whoa whoa whoa race against irish people yeah okay go where's my white privilege you don't want what is it now you don't sleep with me you have to i have white privilege have you not heard about fucking white what the hell yeah no you have to have sex with me i have white

and male privilege and straight privilege yeah i have so much privilege right now that you need to have sex with me i'm in the first world country too. No, this is... Shut up. This is from Reddit user Italian Hacker. Maybe the boy who messaged us on Facebook. I don't know. What would you look for when you create a playlist for sex?

Waldo? So far I've been adding songs I hate you. So far I've been adding songs that I feel like would be a good backing track for sex. Carmen Sandiego. But is there any actual criteria? I mostly listen to classic rock, if you have suggestions. Well, Cherry Pie.

Obviously. Shook Me All Night Long, ACDC. Criteria. I love that because it's like... What am I supposed to... So here's the thing. I kind of feel like there is a criteria for good fucking music. Okay, you go with them and I will disagree with everything.

I won't. But also, can I just throw out my criteria? No child choruses. Yes, we've... Because this is not cool. And I hate when people do this and or YouTube puts it on randomly not oh hey so I don't want to hear multiple children my sex ruining is just kids bop making women swooning just kids bop I don't know what that is but a kids bop

is no songs that are sung strictly by children. And all of these sort of like adult themes have been swapped for children. That sounds amazing. Also, don't play music that's too funny. Because you don't want to laugh at the... And yet you're saying cherry pie? If someone put on cherry pie... She's my cherry pie. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, come on. I would not take that seriously. Your dick would go so straight up that it would be the pole she dances on. For you, yes. For her, she'll be like, no, this isn't how this works. Yeah, probably. I once slept with an older woman. A woman in her probably like late 30s when I was in my 20s.

And she put on her like sex playlist and the first song was fucking vivaldi no it was pony and like i was like i can't take this seriously i'm like okay i'm sorry stop the podcast have you been lying this whole time no no you don't you don't love pony i love pony you don't love pony but but it's so ingrained in sort of play in those jeans i oh no if she played in those jeans if she played any other genuine song i would be down for it but like pony is so rooted in sort of like the character of sexiness thanks to magic mike it's a little too on the nose it's a little on the nose and that's the same with cherry pie that's why i said it's a joke um because it's

on every strip like every pole dancing scene velvet Now that's a song you could fuck to. I don't know. You know what? Fucking the music. Not my thing. Here's my thing. The music has to be unrecognizable. It can't be like big hits.

That's fair. You know what I mean? So what I, honestly, what I used to do when I was single. Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Yeah. Hell yeah. Fucking Hans Zimmer. Bioshock soundtrack.

Not good though. That's terrifying. Yeah yeah i would imagine yeah you get like a lot of like creepy songs but then also like ship clinking noises uh don't do it a lot of splicer laughs yeah don't do it um weird silences so i've i've two suggestions one um when i was single the anytime we go back if we were like gonna have another drink or whatever i would open up spotify and i would be like pick some music smooth jazz um and i would tell them to choose the playlist because they're not doing the thrusting so if you don't know their songs you don't have to get distracted i know it's music they're gonna like yeah true i mean they're not gonna put on music they fucking hate unless they're unless maybe they try to be cool maybe or that's their fetish it's sort of like bdsm but but aural yeah but

sonically aural um the other thing is it don't make it just like throw on um music that like no one's gonna recognize or aren't like big bangers yeah um and that have like a really good sort of like a bass and drum beat you know what i mean like r&b the weekend fuck yeah you know what i mean i know oh okay i'm sorry for the fucking diss but uh dane claims the weekend has no big hits and or bangers but no no no don't worry guys i guess we're just gonna fucking ignore that he said that sorry toronto jesus christ I know we record on a Wednesday and it's fucking released on a Monday but you can't forget the

weekend Dane that was pretty good I'm sorry the weekend your hair is amazing it's not anymore I shaved it I don't think he has the big bird hair yeah no it's just like throw on some like modern R&B and you're good.

There ain't a person alive who doesn't want to get fucked to some R&B. I think. You put on the room soundtrack because you don't get no sexier than that, right? Like it's wild unless you've seen the room at which point all you can think of is tommy wazoo's pale corpse-like butt at which point you just at which point as you as you explore her body you just say oh hi boobies oh oh hi boobies oh hi vagina yeah you are my fantasy dream come true you speak the words of the song but the thing is this is this is twofold because she has to have not seen the room but you have to have you last longer

because you just see a zombie but she is like wow this song is just like erotic as all fuck um never listen to so little dicky he's real funny not his new shit because it's horrendous but his old stuff really funny don't put it on you'll get distracted by laughter um but yeah generic classic rock like you can get down to that nothing that's too fast or too slow because you will and nothing that switches tempo because you cannot help but alternate your thrusts. Yeah, if you have any sort of like rhythm and ability. If you're going slow and that's just like Slipknot and you're like, oh God. So here's, I want to be, just, someone suggested Fell in Love with a Girl by White Stripes.

Imagine fucking do that song. I don't know that song. It's the fucking, it's the Lego video. It's like, fell in love with a girl, Oh, but they're also a Coke user? Yeah, it's like, who wants to fuck the White Stripes? The same person was like, also Seven Nation Army. Like, what? One, two, three, four, thrust now.

I hope you've come. One, two, three, four, thrust more. Touch your clit. I'm sure there is some like spooky you know 18 year old goth yeah I feel like if you're if you're like on a buzz like if you're drunk or whatever to the point where you're not gonna pay attention to music maybe because you probably know that song well like everyone knows that song well enough that you're not gonna pay attention to

it yeah you know I mean so it's it's by definition not a banger because it is background music. Yeah. Let's play elevator music. Just find every possible version of Girl from Ipanema. Exactly. I don't know. Just do it. Also, don't play songs that then have artificial sex sounds in them.

Like, I Like to Fuck by Murder Dolls. Or that one Deadmau5 song that's like a girl talking about how her pussy's so wet. Because that's going to be weird. Or... Also, in general, don't play YouTube. Because those ads, they're out of control these days. I mean, to be fair. They're out of control. What broke ass is playing YouTube?

Get out of here. Get Spotify. Thanks, Dan. Spotify's free. Spotify fucking sucks. It does not. You can, I can find you like nine curated sex playlists. So our next question is, are they all by D. Miller?

I mean, maybe. Yeah. yeah so i don't know we there's a lot of what not to do yeah just just fucking either get them to choose the playlist also don't like if you have a playlist specifically for sex it's so cheesy unless you already like having sex you know i mean like if you like get into your room be like let me just put something on and then it's like you know what i mean like it's just like oh okay i guess we're fucking now yeah that's that's another thing is like i uh i think one of the the funnest songs i fucked to was uh um black skinhead connie yeah it was a lot of fun and like it just kind of came on it like really set the mood and it was like really fun but then the fucking guess what i Kanye? Yeah. It was a lot of fun. And, like, it just kind of came on. It, like, really set the mood, and it was, like, really fun. But then it fucking, guess what?

Guess what happened, Dave? Yeah, kid chorus. Yeah. Next song. Like, for fuck's... I'm like... Jesus fucks. Is it that one?

No, I think it was, like... I don't fucking know, man. I was trying not to pay attention to shrill children while my dick was in someone. But, no, it was horrendous. Kanye's actually really good to fuck, too, because it's beats are oh unless you play fucking uh scoopity poop well yeah i don't i don't consider that scoop scoop that's the best song he's ever written but whatevs okay i got one from another user are you ready you just pulled out a literal piece of paper yep uh so agent freedom eagle who wants their name changed because they sound too

american yeah so i'm gonna say agent hawk oh they want to know how to dump somebody without them asking the question, why? Invite them on a car ride. Are you driving or are they driving? Maybe it's an Uber. Or you're driving. No, spicy, spicy. Get with this modern.

And then open the door, push them out, close the door and drive off. Literally, physically dump them. Which leads me to my one. Okay. Get them to dump you, which that would achieve. Yeah. I mean, fucking, what's her face? I don't remember her goddamn name.

How to lose a guy in 10 days. There is already a movie that you can watch. Watch? Doesn't it fail? I mean, yeah, but that's because Matthew McConaughey's a special kind of man. Chances are this guy is not Matthew McConaughey. Apparently not, because the reasons why she doesn't want to answer that question is she doesn't want to tell him he's horrible in every way. I mean, if he's horrible in every way, I feel like he doesn't really deserve... I don't know what horrible in every way i feel like he doesn't really deserve like i i don't know

what horrible in every way means but i mean like if he's a piece of shit and treating her like shit you don't really owe the dude an answer you can just be like hey this is over because i love myself yeah yeah and then just irish if it's like violently or aggressively bad if it's just kind of like yeah like if he's just like so yeah it's different if it's just a hard myth well okay you can just be you can again you like i don't know why you have to be like i'm not gonna like you can literally just be like i'm sorry i'm not feeling it like yeah i i enjoyed the time we had together but like i really want to move on i'm really sorry like it's gonna suck for them. It's just not working, or I just don't see a future together, or I just don't have time with work.

There's a lot of ways you can go around. Again, I don't really want to advocate lying, because if there is a specific reason this person isn't working out, maybe let them know. Which brings me to option number two. So option one, throw them out of an uber slash get him to dump you option two just don't tell him come up with an excuse option three pick one reason so that he has something to go okay and work on but you also don't crush his spirit by saying literally all of this yeah you know like know, like, pick one thing. Like, maybe the biggest thing is like, look, I'm sorry, but the fact that you hate squirrels

is just wild to me. Like, they're fucking cute and you hate them and I love them. I need to be with another fucking bush head. Yeah. Because their tails are bushy.

Their tails are so bushy. They're so cute. Bushy. Bushy boys. Bushy. We shouldn't name our. Bushy boys. Bushy. We shouldn't name our podcast Bushy Boys. Damn it. I broke your mic again.

We can do a squirrel fan cast. Called the Bushy Boys. Hi, Next April Fools. I mean, it'll be like four years, but... We don't have to release it on the day. Oh, we do. We can just record it on the day. Uh-oh.

Bushy boys. Bushy boys. 2020. 2020. Vision is 2020. This is our future vision. Yeah, I mean, like, I don't... Again, if this person doesn't warrant a reason, you don't gotta give them one.

Yeah. If you respect him enough as a human being give him something yeah you know i mean even if you have to let him down gently like i'm i'm a big fan of honesty i'm a big fan of being honest and and being clear and concise with your emotions but if if it's just gonna do this person harm and you just want to leave there's no harm in just sort of like giving him something to give him closure and move on. Again, if he's a piece of shit, just be like, I'm fucking done with you. And if he's like, why? He's like, I don't need to tell you because I'm a grown woman who loves myself or man.

And just fucking bounce. And like the fact that you don't want to be in the relationship is all the reason someone needs, really. I will tell you, though, I once was hugging with someone for like quite a long time like a long long time without it being exclusive and when they ended things it kind of came a little bit out of the blue and I was like oh like why and she

stone cold turned to me and said it didn't mean enough for me to have to tell you why and left and I was like ouch and then later on found out it was because of a tarot card reading. So it's like, I don't know.

The only good reason to break out with someone. Yeah, I literally spent a while being like, wow, was I so horrible she didn't tell me? Or like, whatever. It turns out she was just too embarrassed to admit it. I think. I don't know. Either way.

Damn you, tarot card. Or not, because, you know. Yeah, I mean, it worked out in your favor. Eventually. There's a second part, you know. Yeah, I mean, it worked out in your favor, eventually. There's a second part to this question. Oh, no. Can I do it in such a way that I still go to the wedding he invited me to next month as an open bar? Yes, but as someone else's date.

Oh. Also, as a wedding crasher. Ooh. You have all the details. Yeah. You just say, I'm with. Oh. Also, as a wedding crasher, you have all the details. Yeah. You just say, I'm with. Yeah. X.

I'm with David. And they'll, and the person, the concierge will look at you and go, wait, isn't he horrible in every way? And be like, yeah, but someone's got to be with

him. Aw. And then you get brownie points. Yeah. And then you seem like you're a decent person because you're with this fucking horrible person. You know what?

Here's how it goes down. I'm so sorry. I'm swamped with work. Like, I just can't. I just can't do it. Like, I'm so sorry. We have to end. Then, two days before the wedding.

Oh, my God. Our work shut down. I have time. Do you still need a day for the wedding? They forced me to take vacation days. do you still need a day they forced me to take vacation days do you still need a day for the wedding oh my god then while you're at the wedding you hit that open bar because i think that's the only reason she wants to go i don't know i'm not and then look i'm not i'm not throwing stones here but it's maybe maybe do it after you're also a little horrible. Yeah, that's the thing.

I'm not saying you're a terrible person. I'm just saying that if this person is horrible, if you want to stay with them long enough to go strictly to an open bar so you can drink for free, that's not exactly not horrible. My confusion is the amount of time and effort that it takes to go to a wedding and spend the day with these people that you don't really care about. Like, time is money. You can just buy a cheap-ass bottle of whiskey and get fucked.

And, like, realistically, yeah, you may be missed out on some... They probably don't have top-shelf shit. I don't know if he's horrible all over. Also, let me just say this straight up. It's like, nine times out of ten, wedding food is garbage. Yeah, like... A, like, banquet, mass-produced food... Like, it's very rarely good

food like unless you're going to like someone's like you know you know they've spent like ten thousand dollars a plate or some crazy bullshit like chances are it's all this mass-produced sort of like food and it's like yeah great open bar cool but like you said like but also if you don't know the people and you're only going for an open bar you just drink at home and it'll be it's like i usually tip 40 bucks it'll be so much more fun an open bar anyway exactly right so it's like i could just take that 40 dollars and buy a bottle of bourbon and buy some poos chug it drink it because i tell you right now if you drink an entire bottle of liquor regardless your liquor of choice you're dead you're you're fucked yeah you know what i mean probably dead

and then you don't have to hang out with this guy who you hate yeah and or like twist his heart more yeah it's or like be that awkward person where like people like oh who are you and you're like well i used to date that guy i used to date him but now i'm back with him for a little bit because i want to drink to this open bar this place that i don't care about and then the bride and groom you have to be like oh my god congratulations oh are you this person's date and you're like no well it's like yes i am but thanks for the open bar yeah also it's here's the thing if you want to break up this person because they're terrible do it if you want to go to this open bar because it's an open bar then like just like, just sort of accept that, like,

you're also on this ride of terrible with him. You're just, like, side by side in this roller coaster of terribleness. No open bar is worth that. Yeah. I mean, like, again, I would love to know what is so horrible about this person. Because, like, if they're abusive in any way, I'm telling you right now, open bar is not worth... If they're abusive in any way i'm telling you right now open par is not worth yeah again they're just boring then like i think it's again like i didn't really press for details

because i didn't want to release details on here right and like i think if i had pressed i wouldn't it would be hard for me not to be like well you know like uh, like, I'm fairly, I'm 99% sure it's not abusive. At least physically anyway. Like, I don't know. Anyway, I don't really want to get into it because if they didn't share it with me, I'm like, I'll share it with other people. Yeah, that's fair. But either way, I agree with you. It's like, no, no open bar is worth this.

Even if they're boring as fuck. Like, if this wedding's in downtown Toronto, like, whatever. But if it's not, you're going to have to spend so much like whatever but if it's not you're gonna have to spend so much time even if it is you have to sit through the service that sucks even when you like the people yeah like no also you're well i guess you're a woman never mind they're a woman i assume right yeah yeah so i was gonna say it sucks to go to a wedding in the middle of fucking july but like you get to wear a nice dress a A nice breezy dress. You know, we don't get to... You probably have to spend money on that dress.

Guess who you can spend money on? Booze. Yeah. My thing is just like, if you want to break up this guy, fucking break up with him, if he's... Just give him something

to give him closure. Let him move on. You move on. Do your thing. Fuck this open bar. Don't be terrible. I have a question. Uh-huh.

And it's quite possibly... I don't want to say the best question I've ever read. Oh no. But it's certainly a question that I have a question. Uh-huh. And it's quite possibly, I don't want to say the best question I've ever read. Oh, no. But it's certainly a question that I have read. Have you? Wait, you've already read it? This comes from user...

Or is it a question you're going to read? Better Betch off of Reddit. It starts with the tag 28female. Okay. Dreamt my ex was checking out blonde thick chicks at the recreational pool. How'd they spell thick? T-H-I-C-K. Okay. Dreamt my ex was checking out blonde thick chicks at the recreational pool. How do they spell thick? T-H-I-C-K. Okay.

At the recreational pool? At the recreational pool. The pool was dirty and he looked horny. What does it mean? And then ends with the tag 30M. So, I'm not sure which one they are. I'm going to guess. Wait, sorry.

I need to see this. Oh, no, no. There's more information. Okay. Can you read it again? So, it starts with 28 female. Dreamt my ex was checking out blonde chicks. My ex.

My ex was checking out thick blonde chicks at the recreational pool. The pool was dirty and he looked horny. What does it mean? And it ends with the tag 30 male. Okay, I'm assuming because she's mentioned first and the tag is there, she is the female. Yes. I think you're correct.

He is the one checking out thick blondes. Well, here's the further details to this question. Also, the funny thing is, so if you call someone thick over here it's assumed that cc let's assume they they got a booty maybe you know maybe damn legs however in ireland if someone's thick they're fucking dumb as shit yes so that's also a thing here too but when spelt this way but But in Carlo, thick means you're being like cheeky. So if you're being thick with someone, you're being cheeky. So maybe it goes full circle. Maybe cheeky as in the buns being exposed.

Exactly, because they were so thick. Well, let me get into the further details. Because I think we have enough to ruminate now. Oh, no, no, no. Let me tell you right now. Okay, wow, okay. I was going to do this and then have the added details delve us into it. Okay, go.

My ex saw his old boss's dick. He told me... Wait, no, I'm sorry. Give me a minute. What? What? Are these two different questions? Nope.

Here's the rest of it. He told me his boss had an STD and didn't know what to do. I'm sorry, give me Okay. He told me his boss had an STD and didn't know what to do so he showed him his dick. And now he's living for free because that's sexual harassment. My ex also told me he thought he was gay in high school.

Now he's talking to a gay man. I think he was bisexual all along and he picked up mycoplasma mycoplasma from a gay man. I think he was bisexual all along and he picked up mycoplasma mycoplasma from a gay man. Now I have it. I still have pain on my left pelvic area. Do you want the whole thing? All together?

Does she own myco Is this also, so it sounds like Irish because mycoplasma is the guy he fucked, right? No, no, Michael Plasma, I think, is a disease. Michael Plasma? The guy he had sex with? I'm clearly joking. Oh, okay.

So, dreamt my ex was checking out blonde thick chicks at the recreational pool. The pool was dirty, and he looked horny. What does it mean? To further clarify, my ex saw his old boss's dick. He told me his boss had an STD and didn't know what to do, so he showed him his dick.

My ex also told me he thought he was gay in high school. Now he's talking to a gay man. I think he was bisexual all along and he picked up mycoplasma from a gay man. Now I have it. I still have pain on my left pelvic area. Answer the question, Niall.

Answer the question. This is the perfect blend of dating and sex advice. It is the perfect blend of like, I think I'm high right now listening to this because it is buck fucking insanity. Do you know how many times i've read

this to be like what what are you how did you find this what are you asking well you know how many times i want you to read this because there are so many parts but yeah also the way that the way that did you look up mycoplasma uh i did and got some really weird pictures and then i didn't want to look up mycoplasma dick. But like, is it a thing? I don't know. I didn't, the thing I saw was like, it was a picture of like a woman's like mouth, like almost like sewn shut with like disease. So I look it up.

Dairy cattle, mycoplasma, bovine viral diarrhea. There's a lot to unpack here. There's too many things to unpack here. So first, the question has nothing to do with anything. I think the most important thing is the dirty pool. I think we can all agree on that, right?

They don't give context on how dirty it is, do they? Like how and why. It's just that the pool was dirty. And he looked horny. The thing is like, is it dirty? Like was it a cum pool? Was a pool a cum?

Did he done cum up a pool? I don't know. When he looked horny, was he just like one eyebrow raised like a little smirk? Or did he just pop a straight boner? Yeah, was he just rocking a hard shove? I don't know. The thing is, looking hornyny it seems like there's still a question like you look horny are you whereas if i gots a boner you are horny right so i'm i don't

think he's a boner i think it's it's the facial expression body languages that he was done given out uh i think it's probably a pool of of straight jism okay um and i think they were cheeky blondes but i don't think it went to a point of anatomy i think it was like they were just like throwing out like some some scampish they were just they were scampish as hell by a while he was you know okay so you've broken down what the dream was yeah what does it mean i think it means now what does it mean i think it means that she also what what what gender were these blondes because when i hear blondes i don't think guys blonde thick chicks oh oh were they human doesn't say or were they baby chickens were they chubbyubby baby chickens? Aww. Is this the most adorable dream?

But he looked horny. Oh, no. Your boyfriend's a sick fuck. But here's the thing. Maybe he doesn't look aroused. Maybe he's literally covered in horns. Yeah, that's the thing. Maybe he's a demon sent down to Earth to protect chubby chicks of the bird variety, of the avian bird variety.

Or maybe the dream, the chicks, were the people who were about to get fatal bovine diarrhea. Maybe. Maybe he's the one with fatal bovine diarrhea because he's a bull and he has horns. And that's why the pool is so dirty. Because it's

not jism. It's diarrhea. It is just white white creamy bovine diarrhea i i can't even begin to answer this i'm going to assume that he's your ex get the fuck over it give me my my answer also it's a dream well yeah but also your subconscious does the craziest shit i don't i don't i don't know what the boss has to do with anything. Okay, what does the dream actually mean? It means you're still hung up on your ex. Or else you wouldn't be dreaming about him,

presumably in, like, a jealous kind of sense. Boom. Answered. Boss thing. I'm sorry, his dick was whatever, but I'm glad he had a good friend to help him through his STD. Boom. Is he gay or not?

One, does it matter? Because you're not involved with him anymore. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Do you have mycoplasty or whatever the fuck this Irish guy hurting your left pelvis is? Maybe go to a fucking doctor because you don't seem sure. No, she says, now I have it, period. She's telling us. She's got it.

Did you fuck a cow? And she still has pain in her left pelvic area well i'm sorry that sucks i mean none of this is a question my other thing is like when she says my ex saw his old boss's dick does that mean his previous boss or is his boss old ages uh fuck then he says he told me his boss had an std and didn't know what to do so he showed his dick did the boss show his dick or did the ex show the boss his dick was he like well this is what mine looks like he was like oh my god this std is like here's a good dick to measure it on but so here's the thing if the boss showed him his dick then he is currently the he in this situation so then the next line says my

ex also told me he thought he was gay in high school does the ex think the boss was gay in high school that's the thing the way does my ex think that the ex was gay in high school that's the thing like there's the verbiage here is fucking wild i don't know what they're talking about i think this is like they're they're either from 100 years ago or they're from 100 years in the future. Hey, let me tell you something. I don't think this person knows what they're talking about. Well, also, none of this is a question.

Please tell me they responded. Comments. There was literally no comments. Did you refresh? I copy and paste. So we can revisit it. Go find it right now because I am upset by how complex and upsetting this is.

So John Wick Detroit said, it means cut back on the meth. That's fair. And they responded with, I don't use meth or any drugs. I do not believe this. Someone else just said, too many things going on here.

Another person just said, lol. The longest comment is, it means you're thinking about your ex too much and you need to get on with your life dreams can only be interpreted for specific meanings by the dreamer because it's your subconscious oh the dreamer is them i thought the dreamer was a cosmic being hey only they don't you don't know i mean with this question i don't the rest of this is just your emotional leakage

because you feel hard done by your ex. Leakage? Yeah, I don't like that at all. Oh, no. Forget about him and get on with it. Um, I actually have something to tell you. Oh, no. Do you have mycoplasma? I'm the dreamer. Oh.

I'm the dreamer. Well, that'll do it for us tonight, guys. Uh, or does it? You got a... I don't. That's not going to be tonight, guys. Or does it? You got a... I don't. That's not going to be a weekly thing. What about Diesel? It's going to be...

I want to curate it so that it's only the choicest reviews. I don't wish I could curate mine. Hey, you're the only one who wants to do it weekly. Want more James Joyce? Is there more James Joyce? I think I got one more. Oh, Jesus. Then I'm gonna get comfortable.

Hey. Guess who's back? Jimmy Joyce. It's your boy Jim. Coming straight out of 1909. My darling little convent girl. There's some star too near the earth, for I'm still in a fever fit of animal desire.

Today I stop short often in the street with an exclamation. Whenever I thought of the letters you wrote you- Whenever I thought of the letters I wrote you last night and the night before, they must read awful in the cold light of day. Yup. Yeah, they do, James.

Perhaps their coarseness has disgusted you. Yep. I know you are a much finer nature than your extraordinary lover. And though it was you yourself, you hot little girl, who first wrote to me saying that you were longing to be fucked by me, yet I suppose the wild filth and obscenity of my reply went beyond all bounds of modesty. When I got your express letter this morning and

saw how careful you are of your worthless gem, I felt ashamed of what I had written. Yet now, night, secret sinful night, has come down again on the world, and I am again writing to you, and your letter is again folded before me on the table. Do not ask me to go to bed, dear. Let me write to you, dear. As you know, dearest, I never use obscene phrases in speaking. You have never heard me, have you? Those are an unfit word before others. When men tell my presence here filthy or lecherous stories, I hardly smile.

Yet you seem to turn me into a beast. It was you yourself, you naughty, shameless girl, who first led the way. It was not I who first touched you long ago, down at Ring's End. It was you who slid your hand down inside my trousers, and pulled my shirt softly aside, and touched my prick with your long, tickling fingers, and gradually took it all, fat and stiff as it was, into your hand and frigged me slowly till I came off through your fingers all the time bending over me and gazing at me out of your quiet saint-like eyes it was your lips too

which first uttered an obscene word I remember well that night in bed in Pola tired of lying under a man one night you tore off your chemise violently began to ride me up and down perhaps the horn I had was not big enough for you I, that you bent down to my face and murmured tenderly, fuck up, love, fuck up, love. Nora, dear, I'm dying all day to ask you one or two questions. Let me, dear, for I've told you

everything I did and so I can ask you in turn. I wonder will you answer them? When that person whose heart I longed to stop with the click of a revolver puts his hands or hands under your skirts did he only tickle you outside or did he put his finger or fingers up into you wait what I think he's wants to murder someone who touched her I haven't read this one before so um advice don't murder people because they hooked up with the person you're hugging up with if he did did they go far enough to touch that little cock at the end of your cunt? Did he touch you behind? Was he a long time tickling you and did you come?

Did he ask you to touch him and did you do so? Does James Joyce think that clit is a penis? He did mention something weird last week but i ignored it if you did not touch him did he come against you and did you feel it oh man this is actually really weird is james hold on hold on i think we've revealed something here at first i thought this was sort of like just them sending sexy letters back and forth i think james joyce is a fuck boy because he's he's straight up like i think he's just pelting this woman with letters just filthy forth i think james joyce is a fuck boy because he's he's straight up like i think he's just pelting this woman with letters just filthy text i think he's literally doing the

they like they got married oh recently briefly after these these oh and they they were together till she died oh okay uh as far as i'm aware all right okay because it's starting to seem like he was like, here's a picture of my dick. He's like, well, it's your fault. You're the one who like started it. As far as I'm aware, she did reply in kind. But also he might think vaginas are penises. Well, I think he knows what a vagina is. I just don't think he knows what a clit is.

I think he thinks a clit is a penis. A very, very small penis. Well, he did. That's what I, like, inferred from last week when he said something similar. I forget the word. But also, like, I would have said the end of your cunt would be, like, in. And not, like, where your clit is. Or is it, like, in the start and the end or like outside is i don't know

either are you ready i mean i don't know another question nor i know that i was the first man that blocked you also term i've never heard of but did any man ever afraid you did that boy you were fond of ever do it tell me now nor a truth for truth honesty for honesty were you with him in the dark at night did your fingers never never unbutton his trousers and slip inside like mice did you ever freak him dear tell me truly or anyone else did you never never never feel a man's or a boy's prick in your fingers until you

unbutton me if you are not offended do not be afraid to tell me the truth seems like a trap darling darling tonight I have such a wild loss for your body if you were here beside me and even if you told me your own lips that half the red-headed louts of Galway had had a fuck at you before,

I would still rush at you with desire. God almighty, what kind of language is this I'm writing to my proud blue-eyed queen? I like the fact that he's writing as if it's in person and he can't just, you know, edit it or not send it on. Will she refuse to answer my coarse

insulting questions she should i know i'm risking a good deal in writing this way but if she loves me really she will feel that i am mad with lust and i must be told all i think he might be a fuckboy it definitely sounds like jimmy joyce is a fuckboy extraordinaire and i'm just gonna end it there because the rest is him saying i'm sorry i shouldn't but tell me i'm sorry i shouldn't no but like honestly tell me and then forgive me forgive me but this is just me showing my love yeah he's sort of like oh sorry my friend took my phone i didn't mean to send that did i i didn't do the shout out did i no so i can do a shout out to the show uh or to our show hey fuck buddies fuck buddies, you great. We're doing a great...

Can we just talk for a second about how good we are? We're doing a great job. The shout out is to a friend of the show who has recently been on Match.com, was matched with this guy. You know, having a...

Yeah, he's horrible in every way. So she wants to go to this wedding, right? No, and then she gets a message one night, and it says, hey, this is his wife. Just a heads up. Maybe this person isn't being as honest as they think they are, and, you know, you should, like, reconsider everything you've said to each other,

like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, oh, yikes. Next day, hey hey one of my friends took my phone don't just ignore all that i'm not married whatsoever do you want to meet up for drinks no i mean that's fair friends are assholes yeah so you gotta meet up with him there's no way this guy you know even if even if that was no way this guy, even if that was your friends, what age are you? If that was your friends, that's all I need to know about you. Yeah.

I'd be like, cool. I'm like, oh, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, no. That's either way. Nah, B. Nah. Okay. Thanks.

Hey, thanks for listening. Thanks. It's always a pleasure. Even no matter how hot it gets in this closet, we're going to keep doing it because we're not going to miss a week. We're going to be your sticky boys. We're still coming for that throne. We're going to do it here. I don't know what the throne is, but we're coming for it.

I'm going to find out. Do you have a podcast? Tell us when you failed. Beat that. Let us know when you fucked up. Let us know when you let everyone down. Yeah, and we're going to not do it until a week after that. Yeah.

If you have a question or if you have, you know, just anything you want to say to us, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can also send us an email

at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Thank you, Josh Eagle. Josh Evil. Josh Evil. buddies you can also send us an email at f buddies podcast at gmail.com uh thank you josh evil eagle on the harvard josh evil josh evil yeah we're doing we're doing a dark time sideways yeah thank you for thank you josh eagle on the harvard cities for your song paper stars you're the best uh and every week since we've started 41 weeks ago that's fucked uh we end our podcast with a tweet from our uh enemy enemy our arch nemesis our nemesis uh daniel daniel oh my god i was gonna do that today as well goddamn daniel had a game with the damn daniel and again with the misogyny. Uh,

so Daniel wrote about a week ago. What to do if a girl loses interest exclamation mark. And what's the best about this is the comments. So somebody commented going, Hey, what would you do if you looked like this person and And share the YouTube video of someone who they deemed ugly. Is it him? No.

Just a random stranger was like, what would you do if you were ugly as this guy? That's just... That's it. Also, what do I do if a girl is not asking questions so I can't respond to them? My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we are, as as always your fuck buddies