F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 43 - The One About Boundaries

Episode Date: July 22, 2019

This one goes out to all of our boundary respecting listeners!  It's rare that our episodes ever have a cohesive theme and it's especially unlikely when they do because we literally don't plan anything when we record, but this week we take a very special look at boundaries in the work place, at home and more.  Topics include forcing a broken heart, key copying made terrifying, John Cusack's printer romance movie, the hungriest date, sub drops, the cheating trimester and an exciting new addition to the BetterBetch saga.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And this is the podcast we went and made. Introduce yourself, you motherfucker. Also, get your class.

It's called Fuck Buddies. Clank. This is our first dry episode. By that, I mean we're drinking water and not alcohol. Niall is 90% alcohol right now. Yeah. Here's some unsolicited advice. Just stop drinking after a few days.

Don't keep doing it like I did, and now I feel like my insides are rebelling. They probably are. I would. I've been slowly, like, if you start poisoning your populace, they're going to finally fucking start to kill you. So that's what's my life. See, you weren't smart.

You just didn't finish the job. Yeah, yeah. Well, almost. Anyway, you weren't smart. You just didn't finish the job. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's almost. Anyway, yeah, we're here to prove that we don't need liquor to be funny and give good advice. Speaking of finishing the job, when I was editing the podcast last week, we made a bunch of jokes about stabbing yourself and killing yourself as a favorable alternative to being hit on. And I just want to say that, like, we weren't making fun of mental illness or suicide. And I realized that it could have been construed as sort of...

Not even making light of self-harm. Yeah, it might have been a little insensitive. And I wasn't thinking about it at the time, but, like, listening back to it when I was editing it, I was like, yeah, maybe this wasn't the best course of action. So I apologize if that upset anyone, and we are aware that it's probably not the best way to make jokes. Fucking give me a question, man.

Just give me a question. Okay. Just give me a question. I do have something to say. It's one of the hottest days today. Oh, yeah. It's disgusting in here. It's almost 40 degrees.

This fucking sucks. And if you're in one of those places that still uses Fahrenheit, it's like almost 100 degrees. It sucks balls. I've been running around all day. I'm very sweaty. I got rained on three times. Why does it always rain on me? is it because i lied when i was 17 yeah you know this is it it probably is imagine like every time you lied it just rained on you

constantly for the rest of your life that would be real cruel punishment this comes from reddit user camille man hell yeah i am really into a girl but I feel like I have to move on so I asked her straight up to just break my heart let me explain the reasoning behind my request I like this question because it starts like a really shitty movie trailer where it's like you might be thinking how I got in this situation yeah um also I just imagine being like yo fucking break my heart. Break my what? Okay. I met a girl who's literally what my ideal soulmate is supposed to be.

Accepting, caring, attentionate. Attentionate? I'm assuming that's supposed to be affectionate, maybe? Or attentive? Ooh, I like attentionate. But he's just kind of like, he just fucking crammed those words together. We got Shakespeare over here. Smart and really fun to be around.

The problem is I was too curious about her past, which she wanted to forget due to trauma she's been through. I hurt her and I am perfectly aware of that fact. I regret it a lot. I still have feelings for her because I really enjoy her company and who she is as a person. But seeing how she keeps me at arm's length, which is understandable,

I feel like I need to move on and kind of lose those feelings for her. So the best way is basically to ask her to break my heart instead of playing games with me. Because a heartbreak will hurt a lot at the start, but it'll go away over time. But being kept at arm's length hurts the same way all the time. I'm kind of getting sick of these charades that are being played between her and me. And seeing that I have nothing to lose anymore i'm going all in i feel like this person was almost like they almost are good at this he was he was like on the right track and then he just like wildly went like just it's like that meme where it's like the car like veering off off it's yeah like he's like you know what i i fucked up i get it and i think

i need to move on cool this is great and even. And even, like, I love when he's describing, like, why he likes her. Aside from the fact that he's just a word wizard, they're all pretty good stuff. Like, yeah, you know, smart, affectionate, like, caring, nice person. He's not just like, she got them bomb ass knees. He didn't say affectionate. Sorry, attentionate. Yeah. But then it gets a little weird.

Yeah. So, what does he mean he's going all in what's he doing yeah i mean there's a lot of things like also like it's not their responsibility to break your heart cater to your needs like i again we don't have the context of like what trauma she's been through and how you push yeah that's another thing that sounds like ultra questionable yeah like he he makes it seem like it's not that big of a deal, but being like, I get it, like, I understand, blah, blah, blah. But, like, also, what kind of fucking prying into her past trauma were you doing?

Because this sounds real bad. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it doesn't even say that he pushed her to, like, reveal information. He says, I was too curious about her past which she wanted to forget so it's like did you like do some digging yeah like look up did you ask her friends did you go you know what i mean like what also those are not good behaviors like if somebody doesn't want to like tell you about their past yeah and you're just like no you got it like this but the thing is it's funny because the way they word it, they make themselves seem really reasonable. Well, yeah. And, like, you kind of almost slip by.

Is, uh, I hurt her and I'm perfectly aware of the fact. Or, uh, aware of that fact. And I regret it a lot. So it's like... Yeah, you almost forget that there's probably real questionable shit going on here. Yeah. Um, but yeah, you can't just be like, yo, break my heart. Yeah.

What? How did they do that? Also, he's like, these charades andades and like the blah, blah, blah. It seems pretty clear. Yeah, you crossed the line and she's now put her balls up. And like maybe you guys are still hanging out. It seems like you kind of still are like friends. But it also seems like.

But you've betrayed her trust. And now you've been like dropped down a few pegs on the friend ladder because you fucked up. Whatever you did, obviously you crossed the line ladder because you fucked up whatever you did. Obviously, you crossed a line that she wasn't comfortable crossing. And like, it's not a charade. It's not. It's not. It's still this cat and mouse of attraction.

Yeah. Like if there might have been like a romantic attraction between you two. And like, it's not anymore. But like, just because you're still on that level, you're still think of her as a romantic prospect. It sounds like she doesn't. And it's not her responsibility to make that clear to you. You know what I mean? Even though it already sounds like she has.

Yeah. It's not her responsibility to catalyze your change. You know what I mean? Like, it's not her responsibility to quote unquote break your heart because it sounds like she's already taken action yeah to remove you yeah from from the area in which she can hurt you and it's like this isn't about you yeah but you know what's funny is like i think this person is just trying to be real sly right because as you said he's been taken out of like the area where breaking his heart would be a thing. Because they're very distinctly not together.

Yeah. So he's been like, oh, but to break my heart, we gotta get together. Oh. Then you gotta... I mean, maybe that's what he means by going all in. Well, that's the thing. It's like, imagine, like, you're dating someone after a month. Things end.

Is your heart broken? No. You gotta commit it, like, three years. Right? Mm-hmm. She has to date him for at least three years. And then, and that's the thing, he's hoping he'll change her mind in that time. Because you don't break someone's heart after the first month.

She's going to have to go all in to get to the point where she's going to be able to break his heart. And by then, she's hoping that they've got a kid and a house and she's not going to want to. Yeah. Maybe. Either way, it's baffling. Move on. she's hoping that they've got a kid and a house and she's not going to want to. Yeah, maybe. Either way, it's... This is baffling. Move on. Yeah, get...

If you require the, I don't know, like, permission to move on, I don't know what you're looking for, but, again, it's not her responsibility. It's no one's responsibility to kick your ass and be like, hey, like, get over this bullshit. Also, you seem very well aware of, like, it's not like, I love how you're framing this question as if you're unaware of the situation when you clearly state in the question that you know what the situation is. So, like, what does she do to further, like, does she have to say it again? Does she have to be meaner?

I'd love to know what, like, the charades are. is it just like when you guys see each other in the halls or whatever how are you yeah it's just sort of like uh hey how are you yeah uh and then like move on like because that's that's just being cordial yeah that's and that's being like general i recognize that we were once friends and well maybe i don't hate you it's just i don't want to be your friend anymore um like someone being polite that's not a love game that's not her playing sneaky And, well, maybe I don't hate you. It's just I don't want to be your friend anymore. Someone being polite to you isn't. That's not a love game. That's not her playing sneaky, you know, manipulation things. It's like it seems very, very clear what the situation is.

In fact, this person sounds really manipulative because they keep phrasing everything they do as being so on level and, like, right and, you know. But then they're saying some wild shit that makes no sense yeah uh just get the like you don't need that that's the best thing about moving on is you don't need that person at all in the process arguably it goes better without them yeah and then like look if you require some closure maybe like that's fine too you can approach them and be like hey look i fucked up i'm really sorry i still have a lot of feelings for you um is there any way we can we can repair this is there any way i can make this up to you it's like that's that's fine too but to go in and be like i fucked up break my heart yeah it's just straight

up girl right here right now on them yeah it's like now it's their responsibility either to fix the situation or or they're the bad guy for not doing it yeah you know what i mean that's not what it is it's like either you go and apologize and attempt to make uh you know a way to repair the the situation or you apologize and say i'm really sorry um i know i hurt you i i wish i could take it back but i can't but i'll leave'll leave you alone. And also, if you do go and try and have this chat with them, get the picture real quick and don't turn it into this really shitty thing where you're not leaving. If they say, cool, but whatever, respect those fucking wishes

and get out of their face. Yeah, that's the thing. You can't then, yeah, just don't. It's not your job to change their mind. You know what I mean? If they're open to it, great. Yeah. If you just want to like clear things up, which you probably shouldn't unless, you know what I mean?

I'm sure a lot of people think that like they need to clear things up and people haven't been clear when they already have been. Yeah. But like if it's a situation, sure, fuck it. But like be respectful and be conscious that like they don't owe you shit. Yeah. You know, they can say what they want or not. And you need to respect those wishes and get the fuck on with your life. The only thing that seems to be owed is maybe an apology from you.

Yeah. Um, and also don't be weird about people's past. Like, yeah, that's the other thing. People share what they want to. It's,

we talk about consent a lot, but like there are, it's not just a sexual thing. It is also a, if someone says they they don't want to discuss something or get into something or they don't want you to be a part of a something in their life that's their wishes and it's not your responsibility to take it upon yourself to change it it was like the girl with the fucking halal meat it's like no you know if

someone says they don't want to do something or they don't want you to be a part of something it doesn't give you the right to go behind their backs and then forcibly insert yourself into those things. There's a reason they don't want you there. And the reason doesn't necessarily matter because if you care about them, you'll care about the things that are important to them. The boundaries they're setting up. And it's one of those things where maybe eventually they'll bring you into that. And maybe they won't. Maybe there's a good reason why they do not bring things up because they shut that chapter and also they don't know you shit so there are some things that people like don't

need to revisit especially not to sate your curiosity yeah and that's the thing like you're just curious about something that could be a lot more like it could be very harmful very upsetting very you don't know what they had to be anything so you're you just being like oh i wonder yeah that doesn't trump that shit yeah no no no i mean it could literally be like undoing yeah years and years of therapy and and progress for you to reopen that wound yeah um so be respectful yeah boundaries people boundaries speaking of boundaries oh hurry for this one's a little open that wound. Yeah. So be respectful. Yeah. Boundaries, people. Boundaries. Speaking of boundaries.

Uh-oh. Ready for this one? It's a little long, but it's fucking wild. So this is by Reddit user Vahouse Mouse. Found out my boyfriend made copies of my keys.

So I've been dating a guy for six, seven months and it's become what I think serious territory us meeting each other's close friends and families. But I recently discovered something that's made me uncomfortable. So the night we were over at my apartment, he got into the shower,

but forgot his shower stuff out in his car, asked me to run out and get it. So I do, but as I unlock his car, I notice on his key ring, two new keys with pink keycaps on them with a K written on them. My first name begins with K, so I got suspicious, tried them, and sure enough, they were a copied set of keys to both locks. We never discussed giving keys to each other, he had never mentioned to me getting copies and i had no idea that he had my when he had ever had my keys in order to even make copies pretty disturbed by it and when he got out of the shower i asked about it he got immediately defensive and said we're at each

other's apartments all the time what's the big deal it was for my safety and his when i asked why he never said anything and then asked when he even got the chance to do it he said he copied them about three or four months back when he borrowed my car to rent the store and he never mentioned because it was spur of the moment thing and he just saw a key copier and thought oh well i'm here anyway i should do that now we just recently became serious serious in the last month or so so i'm pretty weirded out they copied them three months ago more i pressed the more defensive he got and honestly made me feel like i was crazy He said, In his mind, we've been serious the whole time.

I'm just really confused. I feel like it's a huge red flag. I really do like him. I'd say even I've fallen in love with him. Up until this moment, we've never had a big fight. We get along great, share the same goals and interests and our attractions to each other, and sex life is off the chain. This has shook me to the core.

Sorry if this sounds dramatic, but I feel like this is, know blah blah blah blah and oh he says there's times she's come home and felt like someone has been there but she doesn't know if that's her mind going into overdrive because she found this out or what yeah anyway we had a big fight he's gonna talk to me tomorrow he left and said he'll talk to her her once she calms down and looking for advice at any point did they mention that he gave the keys back he did not i mean that would be my first thing would be like person like that i don't trust that even if they gave them to you they wouldn't have backup copies true um i think that's fucked like giving or exchanging keys or whatever is like a really big deal and yeah it's it's almost like a like a ritual in sort of like a progression of

a relationship yeah but like in in so many ways like giving someone your trust like getting to that point and blah blah blah it's definitely not something you can just do at all. No. This is not your fucking choice. And, like, I love how he says it's for your safety and mine or whatever, but he never gave her copies to his place. Yeah. So it's purely an ownership, creepy, possessive thing. Yeah.

I think people really need to respect people's boundaries yeah and like they're it's tough to like you have to know these things aren't okay like there's got to be a part of you that like realizes that like this there's there are societal norms and some of them like we need to break and some of them that we need to uh accept and sort of like hang on to things like baseline privacy yes you know that's yeah it's it's one of those rare societal norms that like we need to respect and be like yeah no when people want us to have access to their homes they will give us access to their homes. And it's not one of those things where we can be out fucking getting tomatoes and being like, hey, you know what?

Yeah. Yeah, that's wild. And also, like, the fact that you never mentioned it to someone or brought it up again and, like, you know, it all seems like you knew it wasn't okay. Yeah. I don't think there's ever a point. I don't think after three years you can be like, eh, here i can do it without their permission yeah it's it's never okay no it's one of those

things where like you absolutely need permission to make copies of keys to someone's personal home i don't think you should even ask yeah it's yeah no no unlike there might be a time where you know what i mean where you guys are like spending so much time together whatever and it's just one of those things where it's like maybe be like hey should we should we swap keys yeah you know what i mean like because it might be one of those things where it's like i'm you know walking like i'm going to check on your dog enough times that like it doesn't make any sense for me to come to your work to get your keys to go to your place it's like um and then swapping is a big part of that. It's not just give me keys to your place. Yeah. That's terrifying. It's, it isn't bad news.

Do you want to know what the developments are? I guess. Because there's more bad news coming your way. Oh no. So a lot of people, so people started like commenting being like, abort. Like this is the worst. I've had people do this before. And it's

like grade a possessive like terrifying behavior also look for these things because if they're that possessive and creepy there's it's not going to stop there so like check for cameras check for like you know a lot of other stuff including um like apps you didn't install on your phone um backdoors into your social media and when she started looking she found he'd installed like a friend finder on her phone that had him listed and he could see where he was she was at any point um he had added his email to all the recovery passwords to facebook email um like everything uh again she doesn't know when he had the time to be on her laptop to do all this but it was probably when she wasn't home as you were even just like in the shower but yeah like if he has access to your house

and she says that like things she'd never questioned before like one night she went out with her brother and he seemed upset that like they were having a night out without him and then they bumped into him at a bar and he was like oh this is crazy what a coincidence and so yeah the story got really scary real fast um and i think you gotta change your locks 100% change your lock immediately um like yeah because i don't think you can just trust someone like that to give you back those keys. They have another pair. Yeah. Yeah.

And I would... Change it before you tell him. That's exactly what I was going to say. I was going to say, make sure you change the locks and then maybe do the breakup in a public place. Yeah. Or over the phone. Yeah. You know, and delete all the apps and change your emails and lock that boy out.

Yeah. Yeah. That that's scary it is scary yeah please be safe yeah and good luck this comes from reddit user the dark sing rises uh was leaving a note on a girl's desk an okay move background i'm a 23 year old indian male working in it for printers this just started. I had a call from a user yesterday about an issue. I could tell from her voice she was around my age. I drive over to their building which is just a little down the street.

I looked for her when I walked in and we both looked at each other and realized we're both Indian and around the same age. Our workplace mostly has older white people. The worst. I asked her about the printer and where it was she showed me um i'm gonna skip a lot of this because it has a lot to do with the printer um essentially like there was very minimal yeah like i like how he states like i asked where the

printer was and she showed me as if like we need to know that because we figured when you're gonna go fix the fucking printer that that might happen which worries me because it seems like they're looking into small details and being like well she showed me the printer so i got a chance um so the whole thing was uh she hung around while he was fixing it um despite the fact that he was like hey do you do you need like i could i got this yeah um but she hung around like kind of acted she didn't make eye contact she was playing with her hair seemed nervous um then uh they talked again on the phone about some other shit um he went back to the the place at one point uh to do the finalize the repairs um but she was in a meeting like the whole staff was like upstairs in a

meeting um so after i finished my work i decided to leave a note on her desk the note read hi it's name the printer guy i think you're pretty cute text me at phone number if you want to kick it did i fuck up was a note like that a stupid idea my handwriting wasn't the best but it was legible could that be a turn off at all obviously tons of thoughts are running through my head could use some outside perspective you You say he started work yesterday? No, like this started, like he met her yesterday. Oh. So it's not like an ongoing. I was like, no, you can't, this is your second day, bud.

So the whole, some more backstory I got from the comments was they work for the same company. He's sort of like the IT for like the various buildings that this company owns. Yeah. I think if you work for the same company and this person is cool you don't need to leave them a note the very first time you meet them yeah i think it's probably likely you'll see them around and you can they

don't work in the same building though true but i'm sure like i used to work it and you go out to these places like every fucking day yeah there's always at least one person per office who's an idiot and will call you every day. And there's also just legitimate problems. Like it's doubtful to me that he won't be back there a bunch of times. But is it weirder if like if he's going to these buildings and like say she's on the third floor and like the likelihood of going back to the third floor? You know what I mean? Yeah. Is it weirder to like keep popping into her workplace

without an established sort of relationship? Yeah, I guess that all depends on like the setup of the place and how big it is and whatever. Like it could be a small office where like he could just be like, oh, hey, what's up? Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I feel like it's a little overbearing.

Just be like, boom, no. Especially when you're saying they're cute. Yeah. It's tough because like, I don't think it's a bad idea you know what i mean especially like what's good is that you're not like threatening and overbearing and like up in someone's face like a note is very passive and you're gone yeah um so like you really don't have to deal with it yeah if they're uncomfortable it's a crumple and a toss away um but it might then be awkward the next time they need their printer fixed yeah um you know so this is the trouble with like any sort of workplace romance yeah especially when like

it's one thing if if you guys all go out for drinks afterwards and like there's a very visible sort of like spark and chemistry like you're a little safer to sort of pursue that if you wanted to yeah because there's less obligation and also like there's really there was really no indication that there was any vibing happening you know that's the thing is like a lot of people feel like it's rude to just be like oh you're here you're doing my shit by like so hanging around it just seems like a politeness right um yeah i mean like really the only sort of like common denominators here is like you're around the same age and you're both Indian. Yeah. Like it seems like, like that you kind of need a little bit more juice to go on an attraction.

I think it's, it's not the most harmful thing, obviously. Like it seems like the note was polite enough. Um, I do feel like it's very obviously like, I want to get down. Um, I mean, he does say if you want to kick it i would maybe yeah because he was like phrasing yeah i feel like that was him trying to be oh super cash yeah um but like calling somebody cute it's very clear like he could have been like oh hey like it's fun talking to you like yeah but i do think you gotta like i don't know. I think it's a little much first time with no real reason to think that it's going to go anywhere else when you fucking work together. Yeah.

And it's also important to like to consider from her aspect of being like she's just doing her damn job. You know what I mean? She's literally working. Her printer got fucked up and she needed it fixed. She didn't. She's not on a dating site. She's not looking for someone to, like, for all you know, she has a boyfriend. You know what I mean? And, like, now she's never going to want her printer fixed again.

Exactly. And it's just one of those things where it's, like, she, just because she exists and is a woman who you find attractive and is sort of, like, in your age range or whatever. Like, it doesn't open her up to romantic possibility like yeah you don't know you know what i mean like maybe she's not into dudes maybe she's got a boyfriend maybe she's got a husband maybe she's just got a you know i mean like there's any number of things that that exist yeah in the real world that like it sucks to not be able to escape the fact that you're like a girl and who's, you know, whatever amount of attractive. Or, like, I'm sure this happens to her all the fucking time.

Or, like, gets a coffee and someone's like, hey, well, blah, blah, blah, you're at work. And, hey, and, like. That's the thing. And it's also, like, the least sexy thing. It's like my printer is broken. Like, this isn't fucking a John Cusack movie where we're now going to fall. You know what I mean? It's like, my printer's just fucked fucked and I need to print these goddamn,

you know, forms. Yeah. I would, I would give it some time, man, especially when you work together. Like,

yeah, I mean like, I'm sure you have, I mean, I guess waiting for like a Christmas party or something might be, I don't know. Yeah. I think it's one of those things where you just sort of have to maybe just

even just cut your losses. I mean, when I was was single there was tons of times where i'd run across women and like i would be very attracted to them yeah even if we share like a little you know back and forth on the subway yeah whatever in the park or at work even sometimes you just have to sort of be like if it is it is yeah and if it and if it doesn't come from anything like it's not the end of the world. There are a lot of other fish out in the sea. Yeah. You kind of have to respect people's spaces and understand that this is like, she comes here every day to do a job, and that job isn't to be hit on.

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, I think you just, you got really like have a reason and those reasons do not include, well, we're kind of the same age. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I'm going to go with no on that one.

Yeah. I don't think it was on the level. I think when you work together, you gotta be like really careful. Anyway. Yeah. I mean, like in the worst case scenario, she takes that to HR and you're in like a bunch of trouble. True.

You know what I mean? And it's like, and I know there was no sort of malice behind it. It's not like it was a crude or a lewd note. It was pretty what I would consider harmless but at the same time it's like it's more than enough and I totally understand someone who doesn't feel comfortable.

Is that a Beckham reference? Is it? I don't know. It could be racist. That's all I'm saying. To himself? He's also Indian. So? I don't know. Could be racist. That's all I'm saying. To himself? He's also Indian. So? I guess. Is it feminist then?

Kick it? Because the World Cup just happened and he's trying to make a fucking joke? Yeah. Just being like, I paid more than you. I don't know. For the same job. What you really got to do though is don't fix the printer. Or sabotage the printer. You're like, huh? is don't fix the printer.

Or sabotage the printer. You're like, huh? I don't know what happened. Then you come back every day. Yeah. And then you don't need to leave a note. Now it's a John Cusack movie. Because you could be like, yo, we don't even need it. We're kicking it right now.

Yeah. Or like maybe get like a man on the inside. Maybe like an older. Put a camera in the printer. Sassy white dude who's just like you know he's looking to spice up his his his morning office routine and be like look harold i need you to fuck that printer up because look people will believe if you fuck this shit up if they see me the tech guy who's supposed to fixing printers comes in and like oh i can't figure it like i

can imagine because i'm useless harold doing the scene from office space. Yeah. I mean, just fuck that. But here's the thing is like in this movie, he's literally just using the printer and doesn't know how to fit, like use it and fucks it up. So he's like Kevin from the office. Yes. Yes. Um, and yeah, so now you've got a man on the inside who's, who's like, you know, just useless at printers, but also is helping you out.

So now you're coming in. To be fair, there's probably a Barbara who's a better bet and you probably even need to enlist her because she does not know how that machine works i mean i'm gonna guess that like 90 of the old white people probably don't know how to use this printer it's fair um but at least if you like if you know if you know what's fucked up if you have a boy on the inside or a girl on the inside they can call you don't don't do any of these things. I feel bad even saying them, given the last three questions we've done. It's all about respect this week.

It is. It's all about boundaries. Boundaries. My 20... Oh, this is bad. Whoa. This is by user Erythrosite. They say, my 20-year-old female boyfriend, 21 female boyfriend 21 year old male wouldn't pay for my

meal when i forgot my wallet basically the title usually on dates we split the bill i don't really care like in the past i've paid for the full bill my ex would pay for the bill other times like we go back and forth my current boyfriend wants us to each pay for what we ordered from the first date he said that's how he likes to do things i was fine with it i didn't really care if he wouldn't pay for me. Paying on a date is sweet to me, and I like it, but I have my own job, so it's whatever. I figured maybe he doesn't have a ton of money and can only cover his own bill. Anyway, I didn't really have a problem with it. Went out to some random spot, like a local Chipotle. Tastes way better, though. So went down the line, and he got his own meal. I ordered mine, and then when I went into my bag, I realized I

forgot my wallet at my house. Told him I forgot forgot it by accident i thought he'd offer to pay and i'd pay him back but he was like oh that sucks and sat down to eat i was just like what the fuck the guy standing behind me in the line paid for my food and i paid him back through a cash app after we ate i lied said my mom needed me to come home for something and our date was cut short since we were supposed to go shopping in the city how messed up is that like why is so cheap? A random stranger paid for me and he wouldn't. I mean, I'm torn. Here's the way it looks. Funny Dane thinks it's great.

I mean, yeah, it's like it's kind of funny. It's also kind of fucked up, but it's also, you know, if this guy's living paycheck to paycheck and he can't afford it but i mean like she's gonna pay you back also it's like yeah i don't know it's one of those things where literally no reason unless you only had the eight dollars and 60 cents to cover that one and even then you've probably got the credit card put it on that she'll

give you that 860 and you'll be good yeah it's it's one of those like everything's a give and take in a relationship and if you aren't willing to be like oh i'm gonna help you out especially like it would be one thing if this was like a common thing yeah every time you guys go out to eat it's like oh no i forgot my wallet again oops i will say first day with my current girlfriend i almost showed up with no wallet because i don't know how but i was like a quarter of the way there on my bike and i was like wait a minute and i didn't have it i was like shit do i bolt home uphill get really sweaty and maybe be late but can actually pay because i can't show up with no wallet and i was like it would be really funny though and i was like can i get it can i get

to dane's house before and like because you were still down in uh like south yeah so i was like can i get it can i get to dane's house before and like because you were still down in uh like south yeah so i was like can i get there and get a land of money because i know you would within the fucking click of a finger you'd be like yeah whatever i was like well that work i went home i still made it before she did so it's okay nice but that would have been real funny how things might have changed yeah i don't even know what it was halfway there that like i twigged that i didn't have it that would have sucked it would have sucked yeah yeah i mean this is it's i feel like if you respect anybody at all you would have their back on this yeah and it's like you're just gonna make her go hungry like what like the plan was to then go out shopping it's like clearly you guys went to eat

because you needed food. Yeah. And you're just going to be like, hey, fuck you. Yeah, go hungry. Yeah, I guess you're going hungry today. That sucks. It's such a dick move. Dump this person.

I'm sorry. Yeah. I would like have a word with him and be like, yo, this really hurt me. And if he has some kind of reasonable explanation, like maybe he was like oh i i don't know like maybe by the time he was considering doing it the guy behind you had already offered and he was like okay whatever it's done maybe in his mind he was going to and you didn't know that because he didn't get there i don't know how quickly this all happened but like yeah it still seems like he would have had reasonable time if the guy behind you was spurred on to do it. I don't know.

Either way, date him. Yeah. He sounds nice. Well, I mean, that's the thing. It's like, if you guys, if he's already laid it out and been like, hey, I kind of prefer to pay for my own thing. You pay for your own thing. Which is fine. And you guys have done this multiple times.

Like, you've established that, like, you're fine with this. It's not like you, it doesn't seem like you put up a fight. It seems like you're just like, all right, cool. That's the way you want to roll. And that's cool. There's nothing wrong with that but this isn't that no well that's what i mean it's like you've you've established that you are on board with whatever his preferences are for paying yeah so it's not like she's ever seemingly taken advantage of him or

it's not like it's a ploy to be like i'll get him back yeah to that pay for me life. Yeah. It just seems like for whatever reason, he's got his hangups about money, which is, you know what I mean? If you want to pursue a relationship, finances are one of the biggest things couples fight over. So it might be worth sort of like airing the laundry out and being like, look, this kind of sucked. I was like, if that guy didn't pay for me i would have gone an entire date without food what i would love to know is like imagine you're at a sit-down

fucking restaurant and like the bill came you've already gotten your food and eaten and you're like oh shit i don't my wallet would he also just be like whoa sucks yeah i'm leaving i don't know i guess you're with the police or the dishwasher, but let me know how it works out. Bye. It'd be interesting. Frederick out. Yeah, I don't know how they would all shake out. Yeah.

Thank God it was, you know, a football game. I mean, maybe that's, I don't know. Also, it would have been more money. You suck. You do suck. Yeah. Take care of each other. Yeah.

And I understand, times are tight, but take care of each other. They'll pay you back. This comes from Reddit user SantaStarkIsABabe. Hopefully this is a new user. Oh, no. Girlfriend started crying very hard after trying bondage for the first time, and it scared me. So basically last night, my girlfriend and I, both a 20 year old male and female, started getting frisky and she said she wanted to be tied up. We had talked about it a little before and had a safe word and everything, but this was the first time we were actually trying

it. So I tied her wrist together and tied them to the headboard so she couldn't move her arms at all. She was super into it and started getting very turned on. So I thought everything was all good. Then I went down on her, but really teased her for a while before I brought her to orgasm. This is where it all went downhill. As soon as she came, she started crying. But it wasn't just light crying. She was really bawling her eyes out. I got really scared and I just untied her right away and held her for a while.

But needless to say, that was the end of sexy times for the night. We talked later and she said that she thought maybe it was an anxiety attack or something, but it never happened to her before. I'm not the most experienced in sex and this was the first time i'd done anything with bondage before so i'm just worried that i did something wrong if anyone could give me advice uh because currently i feel awful about it that's not fun i'm gonna from what we've heard that sounds like he didn't do anything wrong yeah no, no. I mean, like, you didn't press it. You took care of her afterwards. You guys talked about it afterwards.

So I did a little bit of research. And there is a thing that happens called the sub drop or top drop, which is sort of like when... Ring drop. Top drop. Yeah, it is a... Sub drop. Migo? I don't know who sings that song.

It's a thing where like when sort of the emotion of everything just kind of like comes crashing down on people. And it's very common in BDSM. And it's super common and it's very... It's almost like healthy and cathartic in the way that it's a release. And it usually comes paired with orgasm. And it's something to talk about and agree. And like aftercare is so important in this sort of process, which he fucking did. And it's all about sort of like, um, it's not so much anxiety.

It's just sort of like just everything coming undone because bondage requires a lot of trust. You know what I mean? Like a healthy BDSM relationship requires a lot of trust and a lot of sort of communication. And that tends to like break down walls that people didn't really know about. Yeah. Um, and, and you might've inadvertently sort of like cracked a cracked a hole in the dam. And, you know, it all came flooding out and it's it might happen again. It may not happen again. So I wouldn't I wouldn't say this should discourage you.

I think like talking, which, again, seems to be doing and trusting your partner seem to be very important things. This scenario where, like, if you talk to them and they want to do it again. Yeah. I assume like they want to do it again yeah i assume like they want to do it again like you don't have to second guess it and you don't have to feel bad like there's no kind of like hidden agenda here as far as i'm aware yeah um so like don't don't feel guilty don't feel whatever like if it's a thing that's either one just like what dan said i think that just kind of happened or whether it's something they're dealing with privately that they don't want to discuss that's up to them if they're asking you for something and you know you kind of gotta trust them because they might

if you then start to not like if they're like oh let's do it again you're like oh i don't know and you make it like more of a big deal they could then feel really bad about it and like you know if they say they're okay trust them if they say it's no bigger issue that they're aware of trust them yeah i want to do it again trust them do it and like maybe you guys need to just sort of like take it down or wrong and instead of because like when you're teased her too much tied and can't move like maybe just tie her hands together so she still has mobility and can still sort of like yeah hands up and down as but not yeah entirely restrained like there's uh again we don't know trauma that she's gone through whatever but like being pinned down is a very visceral thing and and a trigger for a lot of women um even if like nothing if they've never experienced any sort of sexual violence it's still

sort of like a mental thing of like having some realizing how powerless you are can be a very triggering experience um and knowing that like oh if you wanted to hurt me you could like i i can feel that right now and that whether it happens subconsciously or or you're you know actually aware of it that that can fuck you up yeah um so it's and it's that's another thing that like a lot of people kind of figure out it's like, despite the fact that they enjoy being submissive, um, that's their choice and sort of the realization that if, if someone wanted to do it against their choice, they would still be able to. Yeah.

Um, and that's, that's a scary thing. So like maybe keep a little bit more mobility and a little bit more range of motion so that like there isn't that sort of panic and anxiety. Yeah. Especially like while she's getting used to it, right? Or while you're both getting used to it. Yeah, exactly. And maybe turn it around.

Maybe take turns as the dom and the sub, depending on if that fits your personalities, because some people might just have absolutely no interest in being the dom or the sub. It'd be fun to shake it up. Yeah, and especially if it is one of those things where it was a moment of that feeling of powerlessness, it might be empowering to be the one to cuff you to the headboard.

Or click you into the mattress. Yeah. But you guys seem to be good. You're taking care of each other, and that's a nice change, especially in this episode where a lot of people are not taking care of each other. Yeah, keep doing what you're doing. Keep of people are not taking care of each other. Yeah, keep doing what you're doing. Keep your communication and keep taking care of each other.

And it's going to sort itself out. Oh, yeah. Speaking of people not being very good to each other. No. This is why user hate my life right now. Oh, no. My pregnant wife blames her infidelity on pregnancy hormones. What am I supposed to do with a baby on the way? Summarize it pretty much. For the last three months my life

has been living hell. My wife used her pregnancy to defend making my life hell. Alongside the constant stream of demands during the day almost every night for the last three months she wakes me up in the middle of the night to demand I make slash buy her something she's craving. If I'm lucky it's something we have at home. Often I find myself making 3am drives to 24 hour gas stations or McDonald's despite starting work at 7.30. This even included making me fly from Wellington to Auckland to get her a stupid bloody giant Big Mac cookie

because the store doesn't ship them to Wellington. She literally badgered me for a week before I finally relented, bought a plane ticket to get the damn thing. God damn. Yeah. Anyway, sorry for the rambling to the point of my problem. I found she's been sexting guys she met on tinder this all started after she got pregnant she's blaming pregnancy hormones for making her feel insecure slash horny etc and those excuses probably bullshit but fuck i'm a guy i have no idea about this sort of stuff she wasn't pregnant i'd leave her but she

is we have a kid on the way i feel a moral obligation to make this work the relationship was so much better before she got pregnant so maybe she's telling the truth fuck me i'm rambling again how the hell am i supposed to fix this relationship when my wife's an emotional train wreck and uses pregnancy hormones whenever i try to make her see this oh man this is a tough one i hate one so that like i actually had a really intense question but i like i hate when there's kids involved because i feel like i'm like yeah you can't i don't ever want to be like, yep, bye. Yeah. But, like, I think we can agree on some things, which is that's a bullshit excuse.

Yeah. Like, it's... I mean, like, I understand that hormones can make you do some wild fucking things. I understand that. But you also still have free will. Yes. And, like, you don't get to just like carte blanche also i'm like pretty much every comment is a woman being like i've been pregnant and like if you're that horny

that's why you have a vibrator and also you don't like infidelity isn't a side effect yeah you know i mean this thing is like i know they're like like all a lot of my friends right now are having kids. And as far as I know, they've all managed to keep themselves faithful. Yeah, just still being a decent person. Yeah, like no one has like, again, the extent of my stories is like I hear are, again, I don't have the inside scoop of everything. But it's just like, yeah, they were craving, like they wanted pickles and peanut butter. They cried at that ad with the goat on it. Yeah.

None of them, I don't know. I just feel like there are, people have been pregnant for a very long time. Yeah. And this isn't, like, this isn't a common thing. It's not like everyone's like, oh, here comes the pregnant cheating. She's, yeah. What trimester are you in now? The one where I got railed by random dudes? Yeah. Oh, here comes the pregnant cheating. She's, yeah. What trimester are you in now? The one where I got railed by random dudes?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Because, like, I would imagine there would already be a Tinder app specifically for pregnant women. Yeah, there probably is. Yeah, there probably is. But, yeah, no, like, they're just, this woman is using her pregnancy as an excuse to get away with whatever she wants, which is not okay. And it also is a real good sort of foreshadowing at what motherhood is probably going to be like with her or like parenthood with her is going to be. It's probably going to be a lot of like, you don't, you're not home with the kid all the time.

And like, you're at work and I'm, I'm tired. I gave birth to this kid. Yeah. And it's like,'s what you do like at what time like when does when does her actions reap consequences like at what point time because like yeah like moms work hard and i'm i don't know what her situation is whether she's working or whatever um but like it would be very like it would be very easy for you to be like hey i'm i'm exhausted and you're making me do all this crazy shit and you're cheating on me and you push me away and it's like is is that okay for him to then go cheat you know what i mean like you you've given him

enough like in quote unquote reasons other situation would we even be holding back from saying, get the fuck out of there and dump this person. But I do think the first step is to know that this isn't okay. Like, pregnancy hormones are a thing. They have effects, but they don't excuse whatever you want them to excuse. Yeah. And, like, the guy in the question doesn't seem to realize this. He actually says he doesn't. So, step one, it's not okay. Yeah. Step two says he doesn't so step one it's not okay

yeah uh step two you need to let her know it's not okay it would be like women using pms to sort of like get carte blanche it's like or even the guys would be fucking chaos if we were just like oh women are menstruating like yeah i guess i guess you can go do whatever i've got a boner my hormones i'm horny so that's why I'm cheating. It's like, yeah, of course people cheat because they're horny, but that's not excusing. Like, what? It doesn't make any sense. So realize it's not okay, and then tell her this is not okay.

And if then she's like, well, fuck you, I'm out, then yeah, you've got your answer, bud. And if maybe she realizes that you're not going to excuse everything because she has pregnancy hormones maybe she'll get a little bit better i don't know yeah because i think if someone thinks they can just get away whatever they want they'll they'll just keep going until they don't right yeah you need to just straight up be like you yes you are pregnant and yes you are going through hormonal changes but you still have free will yes you are still making these choices like no one is making you do this yeah the only person who is like taking part in this is you yeah and that's not okay yeah um and if you think it's okay if you think this excuses you it's like i'm not comfortable with this relationship yeah and maybe even like counseling

like couples counseling i don't think that can be a bad thing you know what i mean um because this this is not good or healthy or and it's terrifying with a baby on the way yeah this poor little fucking kid yeah you need to get all this shit sorted oh yeah squared like before that little life comes into the world because everything you to decide to fuck up yeah on your own is going to have a very direct impact on another human being and like before she gets into her murder trimester like you don't want to you know oh yeah because after infidelity it's it's uh what's the one where you vor yeah vor vor murder and in between it's the one where you really like airplanes um which i guess is good because she can fly herself to auckland to get that fucking cookie that's wild yeah, like, I don't know how long that flight is, but it seems like too long.

It doesn't matter. Going through customs or going through, like, a fucking airport. It's at least two hours. I love Amanda with all my goddamn heart. And I will, I've definitely gone and, like, gotten food for her when she's wanted it. I would not get on a fucking plane. Humble brag. To get anything.

If she was like, oh, you know, Montreal's, like I'm really craving Montreal vegan smoked meat. Yeah. What the fuck? That's not a thing. I was going to say Montreal smoked meat,

but she wouldn't eat it. How do you know? She's pregnant. Yeah, maybe. She's feeling all sorts of weird shit. Maybe she's like, yeah, fuck this vegan shit. Yeah.

I'm going to eat something. Baby wants meat. I want to eat something that's alive. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, that's pregnant. Yeah, maybe. She's feeling all sorts of weird shit. Maybe she's like, yeah, fuck this vegan shit. Yeah. I'm going to eat something. Baby wants meat. I want to eat something that's alive. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, that's crazy. No, don't. Just so many bad news. Yeah.

Ready for another? Yeah. This comes from 28 Female. I had a dream my boyfriend walked home with another girl, and they were having fun putting berries in the soil. My best friend told me he's going after someone else, and this girl from high school said I'd walk away if I were you. I think this is because he told me he's into white hipster chicks.

This is the further details. He also told me the roses he got me, and the letter he wrote saying he loves me and will never cheat on me can be lies. He says I can hire a guy to kill him he told me he checks out other girls when i'm not around i'm actually having a bad time with him he doesn't hug me from behind anymore i feel like we're having sex uh oh sorry i feel like when we're having sex he used me for pleasure and i let him do that to me. Because I want to pleasure him. I feel sad with him. I'm guessing this is our girl who dreams about thick blondes by the dirty pool?

Oh, you better believe. Man. It's our girl Better Betch. She has a very bizarre way with words and ideas going from one to the other. Also, her dreams. This is kind of a prequel. She hasn't gotten mycoplasma yet okay oh so are we deep diving to figure out how it happened in an attempt to solve oh i've got a journey planned need like oh it's so good um i love this guy who's like hey i'm into white hipster chicks but also that letter i said i won't cheat on you it might be

lies also it's a fucking wild thing imagine if like i was just i wrote amanda a letter and it was just like it's like roses and then it's got this like beautiful sort of like thick cardstock card and you open it up and it just says i won't cheat on you also you can get a guy to kill me also also yeah you you can hire an assassin if you want yeah like if anybody gave me a card saying they won't cheat on me i would assume it was lies oh my god yeah there's if anyone was just like if someone walked up to me and whispered in my ear and was just like hey man i'm not gonna kill you i would get away from that as far as i could i think i've said this on the podcast the time i was in that random man's woodworking shop and he told me and my girlfriend he was not a serial killer

yeah i i'm willing to bet that man is a serial killer 100 like nobody says that yeah like i don't walk into work and be like i'm not gonna steal it's like if i did everyone be like let's watch him let's watch him all day yeah like walking into convenience store and be like not gonna take anything guys yeah i'm not gonna steal a thing today day one in your job you're like i'm never gonna i'm never gonna burn this place down it's like okay like get out you arsonist yeah um this is the best it's it's a wild also what is the question she says she's sad around him don't date him this was posted in relationship advice can i add their comments uh i mean probably i want to see these beautiful, beautiful comments. A lot of them are people attempting to actually provide advice.

And the other ones are just people being like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I'm going to say if you are sad around this person, it doesn't matter if you had a dream about them with berries or without berries. Don't date them. Yeah. Go get happy yeah also again if someone tells you that being like i'm not gonna cheat on you but also i could be lying about that yeah what uh what uh i'm a mystery what am i doing yeah like nailed it also all dark and mysterious also hey hey hey can you send someone to kill me

please please please kill me don't you have to do it yourself you can you can get a guy you can send a guy to kill me here's the thing he says he's not saying he wants to die oh because he maybe he's supposed to fight an assassin maybe he's just like fair have you not wanted to well here's the thing like no one ever knows if there's a hit on them. Rarely. Sometimes you figure it out. What if you put the hit on you? What if you call a hit on yourself?

Yeah. That's the thing. It's like now you're living hard work. You're living real life. To kill themselves. Do they do it? How much money are they getting? I'm sure there's a price.

If they have a family. If they're like a family man. And they're like? How much money are they getting? I'm sure there's a price. Yeah. If they have a family, if they're like a family man, and they're like, four million dollars to kill yourself. Oh, oh no. Oh God,

we're doing it again. Oh no! Fuck, I meant, oh. Sorry guys. I thought he'd just like, shoot a sniper rifle

that's so long, it arcs around the world and hits him. Oh. Because it's more like, shoot, like, putting a hit on yourself than actually just like, What do you mean, around the world and hits them oh because it's more like shoot like putting a hit on yourself than actually just like around the world sorry it travels down the flat earth and then it just turns around and comes back and is like thank you well don't my bud it's like a boom you shoot a boomerang that's actually bullet sized out of a really long imagine if that this

whole episode is just the reveal that we're actually flat earthers uh we're not just a heads up and if you are that you should send us a message try to convert convert us you can be our new segment um dump this boy he makes you sad don't hire a man to kill him you'll go to jail oh wait you know what i take it all back uh don't break up with this guy because I can see the future. And if you break up with this man, you will get mycoplasma. We actually know the results of her future.

So we can alter our advice. No, no, no. Well, yes. Okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah. She'll get mycoplasma. But also, has this guy's boss

shown him his dick yet? Not yet. Oh, no. Well, actually, I don't know because it was past tense that she was talking about. So, like, yeah. Could be a different boy. Because we also think that the boss gave him mycoplasma, right? We have no idea.

Oh, man, there's so much intrigue. Are you ready for some intrigue? Or are we finishing this one? You going on? This isn't a question. This is our brand new segment called Sex Lines. Sex Lines.

Sex Lines. It's sex headlines. This is coming at you straight out of GayStarNews.com PETA calls out gay porn studio for using alligator in a sex scene. Exclusive. Wild animals should be left to their exclusive wild animals should be left to their private lives says PETA

PETA has called out a gay porn studio for using an alligator in a sex scene people for the ethical treatment of animals has issued a scene from men.com starring Diego Sanz man imagine getting that domain I know right that's fucking gold like how long ago

did they get that? That's gotta be like one of the first things. It has to. Yeah. Do you think women.com or men.com went first? I bet the guy bought them both

and was just like, I'm gonna sit right here and just wait. Who got kids.com, though? What? Somebody definitely, there's definitely a kids.com. Oh, I thought you said like the website was who definitely a kids.com oh i thought you said like the website

was who's got kids.com there's just a picture of two people and you have to guess oh that would be oh my god which one of you is the parrot oh my god we should make that we're gonna make it um starring diego sans and caleb striker with a of course. The scene filmed on location in the Florida Everglades. Director Mark McNamara also said filming was at an alligator pit. The actors apparently got very close and personal with the animal actor.

The film, shot in May, premiered this week. Does that mean they fucked the alligator? PETA director Eliza Allen told Gaystar News, no matter what humans are getting up to on set wild animals should never should be left to their own private lives never used as props or decorations they deserve to be spared the confusion stress confinement and exposure to bright lights and loud noises that are inevitable on the film set and the stress caused by shifting

them from place to place which is why pita urges all film directors to work only with willing human actors. There's a video, or there's a picture of an alligator making its gay porn debut. PETA has long criticized the use of animals in the entertainment industry. On the group's website, it says, oh, whatever,

it's more of what they just said a second ago. Eight Americans have died from encounters with alligators in the past four years. One of the people killed was a two- uh eight americans have died from encounters with alligators in the past four years one of the people killed was a two-year-old child at walt disney world that's incredibly low yeah i know right i would have thought alligators were just fucking all kinds of shit up i mean i guess it's like eight that we know of like i'm sure there are like someone out in the swamp that like oh yeah they never found like disappeared mark mcnamara director sorry update mark mcnamara director of the ever

guide series has responded to pay this concerns also why didn't they call it ever gates yeah fools no animals were corralled moved or used as props no lighting was used he claimed to gay star news we are unable to verify this claim damn he's fucking working that michael man natural light shit well done when they came near we backed off to respect their natural migration. And we worked with a conservationist to protect their habitat. Hell yeah. Can you imagine the conservationist who was like, hey, can you come on set for this gay porn shoot in an alligator pit?

He's like, well, this is exact. Pit? It doesn't sound like it's a natural habitat. I don't know. That's where they live. This is what they call their homes. He also said, as anytime you film outside animals might come near yeah but if you're filming in a bird's nest or an alligator pit there's probably a little bit more likelihood of animals than you know a field but they were documented not directed we respect love and protect all animals these alligators were absolutely majestic beauties and our priority Also, RIP Mr. Striker.

Because that alligator ate him. Yeah. I thought that was pretty wild and pretty fun. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like the gay porn company just had it under control. It sounds like they were weirdly respectful of the alligator, despite the close and personal implications, which I'm not going to lie, thought they fucked the alligator for a long time. 100%. If I say, if I tell someone that like, like if I was single and I was like, you were like,

oh, hey, how was your date the other night? And I was like, oh, we got up close and personal. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, you had more like real, like real sex. Yeah. You had real sex. Like real, R-E-E-L. Yeah.

Real room with your dick? I don't know. Yeah, so, uh, also can't really fault PETA on this one. Don't probably put alligators in sex scenes. I don't know. Hey, I'm just saying, like, if my dick was out, one of the last things I would want just fucking chilling around is an alligator. Like, the fluffers must've been working over time. Cause like,

I don't think I could sustain the reaction next to an alligator. I don't think I could even just not poop. I'd be pooping constantly. It'd be terrifying. You could just make a James choice movie. Are you ready? Oh no. Okay.

Are we, are we wrapping this bad boy up? We're going to call it there. Um, no alligators were harmed in the bad boy up? Yeah, we're going to call it there. No alligators were harmed in the making of this podcast, we hope. Not yet. Did you hear about Chance the Snapper? The gay turtle or whatever? No, the alligator that broke into a Chicago park and they can't catch it.

Oh, yes. So funny. Until it kills a two-year-old child at Walt Disney. You know what's really, really funny? I was once having sex, and somebody... Okay, you have to understand that that's the fucking craziest segue I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Wait for it. I was having sex, and the TV was on, and it went to the news, and they announced the crocodile, like, murder thing. I think, unless it's happened multiple times, but, like, not a sexy thing to hear okay i was so sad i was like oh no and i'm like this is the it's a bad time to hear it but it's also probably worse that just happened in general yeah i'm sure the parents were thinking like man

i hope no one's fucking when they hear this what sucks is now i'm probably gonna think that when something horrible happens to me. If something horrible happens to you, you're going to be like, oh, man. I hope nobody's fucking hearing this. Oh, man. Someone's getting like a, just like, you know, sort of like a lazy Sunday night hand job. And I've ruined it. Yeah. Well, thank you guys for listening.

We love you. Thanks for listening. Again, if you got any ideas, our year is coming up. We're going to do some shit. Yeah, we're going to do something cool for our one-year anniversary. We don't know what it is yet. If you have ideas, I think right now we're leaning heavily on a live stream episode. Or we might just also do a normal show.

Let us know. Yeah. We're not sure. We don't know. By doing something cool, we might just still do a normal episode. Maybe we'll do it upside down. You don't know. We're also still figuring all this shit out. So we don't know. We're also still, like, figuring all this shit out,

so we don't know what we can and can't do right now. Sorry. Shout out to Maddie, who started listening. You're the best. Send us some kind words. You're the best. I'm also pretty sure a few people at my work have started listening. You're the best.

Yeah. Thanks for coming along. I'm sure you'll probably take a while to get here. You never know. I think they started that last week's episode, so sorry for all the random shit we say that makes no sense because it probably barely makes

sense if you listen anyway, but... Yeah. Yeah. Now you're part of the crew. Now you get all those inside jokes. Yeah. Now you are a fuck buddy. Oh, shit. Thanks to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. Yeah, if you have a question that you would like to ask us,

or maybe not even a question, maybe just sort of like, this is something that's happening, and you want us to discuss it, or if you have a problem with anything that we've said, and you want us to revisit it and talk about it. Like I said, we said this, I think, episode one, we want this to be a conversation. So if there's anything that you hear and you don't agree with, and would like us to revisit it.

Which I'm sure has happened. Yeah, we would love to be a conversation so if there's anything that you hear and you don't agree with and we'd like us which i'm sure has happened yeah we would we would love to like hear your point of view and and try to bring it into into the show and talk about it whether we agree with it or not we will uh we will give it a fair shake um you can send us an email at uh f buddies podcast at gmail.com you can find us on facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast and you can hit us up on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You ready for some more bear?

Oh, fuck off. Seriously? I hate you. They're only going to be short snippets and the only reason I'm doing this is because I can't find any long snippets, but what I'm going to do is I'm getting the book, so next week I'm gonna read your fine darling love owns it yep that's a red flag maybe i don't know yeah i think you

should break up with her she also calls me bear a lot it's weird oh god does she actually she makes me long no of course not she's well i don't know she makes me lumber mournfully around the bedroom she's always like making your tongue black, just painting it. Yeah, just splotches. I do want to say I had a very adorable encounter with your girlfriend last night. That sounds salacious. This is a weird time to break that to me. No, we all went out for cocktails last night.

It was great. And while we were all saying our goodbyes, Nell's girlfriend leaned into me. She asked me if I was going with the people who were going to another bar last call. I was like, nah, I'm going. I was like, unless Nell's going. And she leaned over to me and she was like, he's not going anywhere.

I'm going to cuddle him. I'm going to cuddle him so hard. And it was very, it's hard to like get it right, but it was very aggressive. And I was like, all right, okay, fair enough. And then it happened. Yeah. She knew what she wanted.

She was not going to take no for an answer. So these are going to be two short snippets. Okay. Bear, she cried. I love you. Pull my head off. The bear did not, but her menstrual fever made him more assiduous she was half afraid of him but drunken weak for danger I'm so weak for danger right now

she took his thick fur that skidded in her hands trying to get a grip on his loose hide when she went deeper into it she encountered further depth her short nails slipped she cradled his big furry asymmetrical balls in her hands she played with them slipping them gently inside their cases as he licked wait what the fuck she reaching her his balls if are they 69ing I don't even know short but relatable to a certain writer we've encountered on here before. God damn it. She put honey on herself and whispered to him.

But once the honey was gone, he wandered off, farthing, and too soon satisfied. It's funny because I did ask you how many times the bear farted last episode. Yeah, I know. There it is. Also, apparently a giant plot point is just that she can't get the bear to get it up. I don't think the bear actually likes her. Like, I don't know. Anyway, we'll get to that.

Well, I was reading a review of it last night at the bar. You pervert. And it was like, she falls in love with the bear, and bear, being a bear, does not reciprocate the feelings. I was like, well, fair enough. Yeah, it's true. Also, do bears really love Henny that much? I thought that was just like a Winnie the Pooh thing. I guess smear it on your vagina and we'll find out.

Fair enough. Yeah. Goddamn. And this is a real book. Won the Governor's General Award or some shit. Apparently it was also like they got like a grant. So it was effectively like paid for by the government. Government funded.

But I mean, that doesn't make sense. That doesn't surprise me. Some of the shit that the Government of Canada Arts Council funds is fucking insane. And just terrible. So I'm not super surprised by this. You got a Dan for us? Let's try to find that, I guess. Every week, Niall dives into the depth.

I mean, I feel like at this point you're well on your way to becoming just full corrupted like diving into sex writing and diving into fucking Dan yeah I'm slowly losing my mind I'm finding all sorts of horrible shit when I'm looking for porn reviews so I can only imagine you're probably getting more shit to be fair

yeah I just get to see like for example I'm scrolling through dan's feed right now and just comes to how to revive the love with my ex like it's more sad than corrupting um i mean let me tell you people who almost religiously review porn dvds aren't exactly not sad it's fair will i keep going will i get a proper one yeah i mean you gotta hear me you gotta be like this week dan said okay sorry dan says new post how to make my ex respect me as her man hey do you do you respect me as your man yeah what do you respect me as your man

like we're still exes but i'm still your man and you respect me as that? Wait, does he say how to make my ex? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. How do you make my ex respect me as her man? Fucking hell, Dan. What does that mean? Someone be damned to some crocodiles.

Cover him in honey. Throw him to a bear. My name is Dan Miller. And I am, of course an alligator I don't know and I'm not Spanish and we are your fuck buddies

bye