F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 45 - Cargo Shorts Boner

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

Look, maybe I'm drunk while I upload this.  Maybe we were drunk while we recorded this.  You can't prove anything, also we're grown ass men we can do whatever we want.  Topics include over-cumming, having no friends, dreaming of your dead ex-boyfriend, lowering you standards to end a dry spell, lol-ing your nudes away, hurting the pipis, initiating sexual conversations, smashing that unwanted boner, ashamed orgasms, a brand new porn review and a new sex headline!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller Fair morning, I am Niall Spain And we're your fuck buddies Why did I say it this time? Fair morning, I am Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies.

Why did I say it this time? I don't know, because you got upset by me saying fair morning? Probably. I could see it in your eyes. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Okay, why do they have to be sticky situations? We've had some complaints. People enjoy the sexy situations, but they want it to be less sticky uh not not like completely devoid of stickiness but just like a little bit less

okay so we're dating and sex advice podcast where we take your slightly sticky 60 60 no they're already sticky oh so this you're sticking sexy situation and turn them into sexy slightly sticky slightly sticky situation yeah no i'm not gonna be able to say that i'm not even gonna try it's okay you tried um i do however uh well i i know we did this a couple episodes back but like i kind of want to apologize editing last week's episode uh i said that the name of the b in the B movie was Benny and I was wrong it's actually Barry B Benson so

I'm really sorry I don't know if I can do this with you anymore I know it was bad enough that I fucked up the little John LMFAO collab the I'm gonna be any worse we'll have to see that's an alphabet joke for you i don't know

if your d should be out right now e e seems to like it oh this is a good intro all right um so i have an audience submitted question a user if, if you will. A user, yep. It's for you, specifically. Oh, okay. So we can assume you've come at some point. Yes. Have you ever overcome? What does that mean?

Like, what... Come on. Don't mock our fan base. I don't know what overcome means. Like, I think that's a no. Like real hard shocks of come. If you overcame,

you know, see when I hear overcome, I imagine it's like, it gets to the point where it's just like blood. Probably. And I can, and I can imagine your penis erupting. Yeah.

Like a bad firework it goes to like you know it's semen it's semen it's semen and then it like kind of like clears out and then it's just sort of like coughing liquid liquid of some like urine maybe just sort of like now it's just evacuating every liquid peeing um yeah i think that's what overcoming is right like it's just like it's like we're just gonna drain every liquid you've got i feel like overcoming is just like getting past an obstacle and moving on with your life as a stronger person. But, hey, if you've never done that, it's okay. No, that's not it.

I'm pretty sure it's ejaculating blood. Okay. Your turn. This comes from Reddit user Meh12. They asked, my boyfriend wants to meet my friends and I don't have any. Oh, no. You can't start the podcast off like that. Oh, we are.

I am meeting his friends on Sunday. On our first date, I met some of his friends through a pub quiz. When I left school, no one kept in touch. I have always been a bit disconnected from people and I like, and I always felt like I was playing catch up. As a result, I had no friends until the start of this year. The problem is I met my boyfriend through these people so he already knows them. I am only friends

with four people. How do I tell him I have no good friends? How do I admit that I'm a bit of a loner and always have been? Are those four friends the friends he knows? I assume so. Okay. At least that's what it sounds like she says oh man this is a really sad question it is and it isn't well she's so first i got a solution okay so you say oh yeah so we kind of have a gang and like i want to introduce them

but like that's been under like special circumstances because you know they're uh you know they're particular. So come to mine, they'll come by. So you get them to yours. You get them to your room. And you say, yeah, yeah, Pam's on her way with her five mates. And you give them a handjob. Pam, five mates.

Yes, I get it. Yeah. It's your fingers. They're the five friends friends and then every time he tries to question about your friends you jerk them off you just you just jerk them off i mean yeah it's it's not a bad solution my thing is like there's a 10 year age gap she's 21 he's 31 i am 32 and i would say i have i have five friends you know what I mean like people that I think am I counting that right yeah I'm counting that right

am I one yes cool trick question I'm at number one fuck all y'all but it's one of those things where it's like the older you get you kind of like realize that you only have time for a certain amount of people and also the patience for a certain amount of people

the money and the like days and like i am so content not having a shit ton of friends like i have friends and then i have like my friends um and it's not that bad also 21 like yeah the amount of people that there's one person from college that i still like hang out with yeah and he's what he's included in those friends i have one friend from high school he's included in that friend you know what i mean so it's like yeah it's not unusual random immigrant that latched onto your life that's this dude um it's it's not unusual to have a very small friend group i don't think at least especially not these days no not at all and i think the funny thing is 21 is about the time where you realize that right like i feel like that's pretty much like the because you're either just out of or nearing

the end of university or maybe you never went or whatever but like in high school and in university you kind of have the time. And you're also just surrounded by people where like being friends isn't hard because you're thrown together every day. Yeah. But when you're actually out like swimming in the ocean of real life, there's not that many people you can really keep afloat, right? So I think she is on the tail end of that, which is why she then feels self-conscious about having so few friends. Whereas I'll bet like the reason why you know them through him is probably because they're his friends.

Yeah. Those are those people, you know? So I don't know. I don't think, I don't think anyone, look, the guy likes you. He's not you being like, Hey, I've always been kind of a loner. I don't really have a huge core group of friends. Or just be like, honestly, these guys are my friends and you already know them like make a joke out of it yeah no one's gonna be like oh wait i only validated you because i thought you knew cool people

yeah it's probably gonna be a relief because then he doesn't have to try and press them and also just like clearly he likes these people clearly he approves of your choice in friends oh my god have a surprise thing be like okay you're gonna meet my friends with you. Oh my god. Have a surprise thing be like, okay, you're going to meet my friends but you're only going to meet them in special circumstances. You gotta come to my room. And then he comes to your room and his friends are there. Because they're your friends. They're jerking him off now.

Oh yeah. Also, you said you have five friends. Does that mean you're missing a finger or you don't have a palm? What? Oh, me? Yeah. Yeah, I'm missing a finger. I don't count the thumb. Oh, okay. That's fair. Yeah, me? Yeah. Yeah, I'm missing a finger. I don't count the thumb. Oh, okay. That's fair. Yeah, pound four.

Yeah. Imagine trying to get a handjob with no thumb. It would kind of... Yeah, it would still work. I think it would work. It would be, like, comfortable. Honestly, I think the thumb's overrated. Yeah, you know what?

I think the thumb might slow you down. Oh, my God. Can we... Have we just developed a new handjob technique? Give me your... Give me your dick. Oh, my God. I know what I'm doing tonight, and I know what every guy who listens to this podcast Oh my god, have we just developed a new handjob technique? Give me your dick. Oh my god.

I know what I'm doing tonight, and I know what every guy who listens to this podcast is doing tonight. Okay. Thumbless Jerkoff. Thumbless. Is that what we're naming it? I guess. And no thumb Tom? The, uh...

What do we got here? What does this look like? It could be like the Lego Man. It's called Ballina. No thumb. Yeah. Thumb Ballina. I get it. it i'm gonna explain my jokes today please that's my all right hit me that's my fetish i have a lot of questions i want to get through all of them i don't think i have any i can't remember i i like i don't do what you do i like add them on the fly okay i'll just go with the most recent one

oh this one's gram. Are you ready? Sure. With an introduction like that, why not? It's not necessarily grim. It's just kind of, you know, oh, motherfucker. Do you want me to paraphrase it? Because I got to leave this. Yes.

Effectively, this guy has been dating a girl for about four and a half years. Mm-hmm. They are, oh, no, not four and a half years, about like three and a half i'd say okay uh they are now fiancés and uh her ex of five months they were dating for five months and he died okay that happened five years ago okay and recently she's posted things up on facebook being like saying like oh like when i die me and him will be married together in heaven and we'll live the life we never got to live. Yikes. Yeah. And like basically saying a lot of things about like how amazing that person was when like five months versus a lot more time than that.

Yeah. I thought you were going to say he came back oh no like oh he dead yeah he he dead he dead he dead yeah so that's basically it like there's a love like he's my only one true love post up on facebook for all our mutual friends while they're engaged why and also like i can't wait till i die or like when i die i'll be happy because i get to live the life we never got to live. And he'll be my husband in heaven. What happens if they both die in a car accident together? Like, her and her current fiancé?

I'm going to say third wheeling. And I feel like I should make a funny joke considering a car has four wheels. Mm-hmm. Can you explain that to me? Mm-hmm. I said I should have. I didn't say I'd make it. True.

Yeah, this is... That's not okay this is fucking like i mean regardless of whether he's alive or dead like if you put a bunch of like weight on a past relationship and it's one thing to be like you know if you're a widower or you know you've been with someone for a long time there's i think there's understandably a grace period or even just something to be like they're always going to be a part of you you've spent enough time with them that that their thumbprint will always be sort of like on you i think that's kind of beautiful and i think as someone in the relationship where like they've lost somebody and like i think it's it's almost this weird situation where like if you break up like there's probably that tapering off or they do something mean when you break up or whatever, but like if they die in the middle of you loving them, are you supposed to just stop?

No. So you can always love your dead ex. Absolutely. Episode title. But like, you also can't be like, you're an okay second choice. Yeah. I mean, and like, if that's your, if that's your stance on this person, if, if they're not comparable to the love that you had, it's like maybe the, maybe you wait around and

maybe see if someone else comes along or five months. Yeah. That's five months. You know, I'm, I'm chalking it up to like five months i don't know some nicholas sparks bullshit where like they just you know it's just the most beautiful connection they never had any time to fuck each other up they're just like wow yeah i mean like everyone the first five months of everyone's relationships are usually fucking great you spent like four of those months in hospital that's but like yeah i i just think like i don't know how you can post that stuff online and then turn around to your partner

and have breakfast yeah like that's so mean it's it's really it lacks just a shit ton of empathy and a shit ton of like compassion and it also is is a pretty good indication of like yeah their ability to care about you as a person like and their level of care about you like yeah you can extrapolate that to like any like what happens if you ever have a disagreement over like whether you want children or how to like he would have wanted them yeah or or just like anything where it's just like happy If he was still alive, I'd be happy. Yeah, where like your sort of like anything that matters to you just doesn't get any sort of weight because she clearly doesn't think a whole lot about you. Even if she does truly love you, there's... Even if she does, like she's missing that part where she's slamming you in front of everyone who has you as a mutual friend.

Mutual. Mutual. Mutual. Mutual. Mutual. And which I'm assuming if you're engaged, it's probably a good amount. A good intersection. Yeah, there's probably a fairly large circle in your Venn diagram. And even if your friends aren't friends,

she's still slamming you to your face via, like, I can need to talk to her and be like, look. And the reason why this question stood out is, like, I'd expect the other side of this story where like she loves her ex and i'm uncomfortable with it and he's so cool with it like he was like yeah i i appreciate i get it and like i also like you know i come we drop flowers on his grave and like we both kind of agree this guy and like i you know he he seems to think he's really good as like, almost like secondhand knowledge because he's like, he's heard so much good stuff about him.

Of course. You know, but then this stuff happens and he's like, am I in the wrong for being upset? Yeah. No, you're not. Not at all.

Cause that's like the opposite. It's like taking the script, flipping and just like slapping you in the face and being like, all right, second choice. I mean, boyfriend. Yeah. It's, it's something, flipping and just like slapping you in the face and being like, all right, second choice. I mean, boyfriend. Yeah. It's something you definitely talk to her about and be like, hey, just so you know.

Yeah. This really makes me seem like a second choice or a consolation prize. And that's not at all what I want, especially with someone who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Yeah. And like, also, you've spent so much more time. And like, it's awkward i think nobody wants to bring it up in these situations because they don't want to be that person who's like hey your dead ex though like that's a shitty yeah conversation to have but at the same time just because your ex died doesn't mean you can just be a dick to somebody

yeah that doesn't give you carte blanche to sort of disrespect anyone that you may end up being with later on and it's it's a completely valid point to be upset by this yeah um so i think as usual our answer is you gotta bring it up communication and then probably run yeah which sucks because you're engaged but also get out of there yeah it might be i mean like maybe it's one of those things where she just you know the trauma of it all has kind of like clouded her vision. And she just kind of needs that sort of like parting light to kind of clear the fog and be like, oh, my God, I'm so fucking sorry. That's not what I meant at all. Or maybe like she feels like an obligation or like her like Facebook audience involves friends of his.

And she feels guilty. There could be a huge level of guilt to you know have been so yeah maybe maybe she fucking killed no or like maybe she thinks you're cool with it and doesn't even realize yeah maybe maybe it's one of those things where it's like he was such a big deal in her life that yeah now that now that she's engaged to you she kind of feels like she has to make amends on that front maybe you're so great that you're not even like she's engaged to you, she kind of feels like she has to make amends on that front. Maybe you're so great that you're not even like, she's not even worried about you because you're such a solid rock that she's

like, shit though, my dead ghost boy, maybe he's haunting her maybe. And she has to appease his ghost. Um, but you, you did bring up a good point prior to that.

Um, none of the ghost isn't a bad idea. Um, what if his unfinished business is marrying her hmm along the lines of like yeah you've spent this entire relationship being super cool with this so there might be this thing where like she doesn't she doesn't see the problem with it because there's never been a problem yeah and maybe she's got a little carry away yeah so definitely talk hopefully you can sort of like clear the fog uh and and move on

and keep you know respecting this this dude who's passed but also your own relationship yeah your existence your relationship yeah oh or die yeah maybe you die, yeah, then she'll love you. Maybe more. Or stage your own death and then in a couple years come back. As him. I think we just wrote the best TV show ever. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't really advice. It's more of a conversation starter.

Okay. This comes from user 420castle. Men, do you lower your standards for a hookup during a drought would you lower your standards or would you hold out until you find someone you're really excited about it probably would yeah yeah well thing is sex isn't dating right i think i think it's beneficial sometimes to get out of your head and go on a more primal, like, response. You know what I mean? And that is, sometimes you just need to fuck. And I'm not saying go after, like, people you're unattractive with or don't have a connection with.

But sometimes if you find someone where you, like, you know, if you were having sex regularly, you'd be like, eh. If you've still got sort of, like, an attraction to attraction to them or like kind of want to have sex with them, I don't think there's any problem, especially if it's become like a really big issue for you of being like, I haven't had sex in X amount of time. And that's sort of like what's gumming up the works in your own head. There's no problem with sort of like having sex with someone. Again, as long as it's consensual,

as long as they understand that like it's not going to lead to anything like as long as they're they're on the like yeah we're gonna fuck and then date forever yeah like boys as long as you're not leading anyone on yeah with this sexual encounter there's there's literally no harm in it because um again like you're you're if you're on the level and you know that it's a one-night stand or like you know a very sporadic maybe just like a one time thing. Um, no one's getting hurt from this and you're getting fucked and you can kind of sort of like reset that weird mental timer that we kind of get in our heads and we can just be like, no, I've had sex and I promise you it's probably going to be easier to have sex. Yeah.

Which is also like a shitty behavior people should probably not do, but also like tell me how to get away from it i don't know yeah no i mean there's there's a really big sort of like weight put on how often you have sex especially for dudes like girls or women have i think a little bit more leeway because it's i would love to know how many girls are like oh when's the last time you fucked to each other because i don't i don't know if i imagine i imagine it's pretty common or like probably like i don't imagine it's as aggressive as yeah but the thing is is like i think from like a societal point of view that's kind of like swept under the rug for women you know i mean like you don't want to know how many times a woman is getting laid on a weekly

basis but like sort of their but like men's one of the things that contribute to men's worth or status in society you need to know because it's like yeah are you worthy yeah exactly how many times have you oh you have wait it's been how long wow okay cool i don't need to respect you anymore yeah yeah and that's from like other guys and girls oh yeah like everybody it's it's from all sides and i think like it gets it has so absolutely no bearing on anything whatsoever but it definitely gets in your head where you're just like it's hard to avoid yeah but i think like i i know i started off by saying yes but i also think like kind of no because there's a difference between people you will date and people you will fuck

you know because like you could have sex with someone who's very attractive who like you know you get on with but you don't want to spend every day with or you don't want to like spend a lifetime with it's a very different you know between sexual compatibility and relationship compatibility exactly yeah i do think if you're not attracted to somebody you probably shouldn't fuck them absolutely for your sake and their sake that's my thing if someone is like if you're literally just fucking someone to use them as like a hole to stick your dick in that's never gonna work for anybody it's also kind of gross yeah i don't know it's super disrespectful to yourself and the entire the entire situation is just not good for anybody yeah um so i actually do take back what i

said about dropping standards but i'm thinking of like because i mentioned like when you're not dating or whatever yeah and like i do think your dating standards obviously you're gonna be different because like to be compatible with somebody on that level and for that like kind of like longevity that's i would imagine pretty rare yeah you know between people and whereas like i'd have to have a really fun night or just to be very physically attracted to somebody. Or even just, like, attracted to somebody but don't want to date them, which I don't think is even a bad thing. It's a different scale. So I don't think you're actually dropping your standards.

I do think if you are, like, not into someone and are still going to just do it because, that's not good. Yeah. I think there definitely has to be there needs to be some sort of spark it doesn't have to be a blazing inferno but there definitely needs to be something that like kind of gets you going about that person if you don't want to do it don't do it yeah i mean if you feel like you should do it don't do it sex should always be fun and if you're if you're kind of like convincing yourself to fuck someone just because you want to, like, again, reset that weird mental timer that we get. But, like, I really don't think it'll help if you're like, well, I just undid a thing I hated.

I mean, like, you're not going to come out of that from a position of confidence. I will say that I've, like, I've definitely done this where, like, it was one of those things where I had met this girl on tinder and um we had never really met up but she kind of like just straight up booty called me which i'm usually pretty like wary of because i'm like i'm gonna go to your house and i'm just gonna like have my kidneys removed yeah um but you know what it was like two in the morning and it was horny and whatever um and i went and like on the way there i took a cab or an uber or something and uh she texted me and she was like, hey, just so you know, I'm a big girl. And I was like, I mean, that's fine. I don't mind a curvier woman.

And she was not lying. She was above a weight class that I'm not particularly attracted to. But I was already there and I went through with it. And she knew it was bad. I was already there and I like I went through with it and like she knew it was bad I knew it was bad and it was like well if you're not into it's never gonna be good and it was one of those things where I was just like I think it's probably the only time in my life that I like severely regretted sleeping with someone yeah um and it wasn't something I was super proud of and it and it it definitely sort of like opened my eyes to the whole situation where i like that is where i sort

of adopted the whole like you gotta have you gotta have standards standards are there for a reason yeah and and like you and that's the thing they they are there for a reason like you wouldn't have them if you didn't want to abide by them yeah and you know and i do think some of them can be societally enforced that you might not actually feel but you might feel like you should feel yeah and i i was in like a fucking weird position because i was just like i got there and i was like yeah i'm not attracted to you and i was like do i just leave because that's kind of fucked up and like i honestly didn't know what to do the irony is that you thought leaving would be more hurtful yes yeah you know what i mean and i and i don't i really don't know what would have sucked more

for them you know what i mean because like i think i think they fully understood and were aware that i just kind of like went through the motions but like what you don't know you don't know right yeah i think like it's very easy to put your experience on somebody else, but, like, you really don't know. They might just thought you were bad at sex. Yeah. And I think that's probably... I would rather that. Honestly, personally, I would rather someone think I'm bad in bed than...

Yeah. No, I get that. ...to sort of, like, take a hit to their self-worth. Yeah. And, like, I feel like that... Like, imagine if she was just, like... And I was like, oh, and then just, like, tell the if she was just like oh just and i was like oh nm and then just like tell the uber driver to like turn her around well that's the thing like you

can't you come on if you has anyone done that and if they have i'm sure they have i'm sure it's happened at some point we've gone through the fucking dating subreddit i know i know i'm sure somebody has and i want to slap them in the face yeah it's tough and it that's why i brought this question because like it's not really a an question, but it's something interesting to talk about. Yeah. I don't know. I think I've slept with one and a half people I regret. I half regret just because I think they had expectations that I kind of ignored because I was horny and lonely.

And I should have paid more attention to it, but I was drunk and an lonely and I should have paid more attention to it but I was drunk and an asshole and I didn't um and I we're still really close and we're friends and stuff but I like I don't know how I'm worried about how much I hurt them at the time you know what I mean I do want to sort of like explain because that sounds worse than it what you actually mean and like I know it was a consens actually mean and like i know it was a consensual thing and like i just want to like get that out there because like from someone who doesn't know you or like who listens to i'm worried that it sounds like you took advantage of them oh no no like it was it was consensual on both sides it's just like i think the act meant

more to them sorry okay i don't know how i phrased it you know it was i was just i just wanted to like yeah clarify no like we we both were like openly saying that it was not what it was yeah but i think that and i i should have known from like previous knowledge that they expected more from us doing that like maybe like an ongoing thing which i didn't want you know yeah more on the more on the back end of things oh yeah no like it was it was one of those things where i think they want maybe like more serious relationship and like i pretty much knew that and should have either clarified before it happened that yeah i wasn't looking for that or just not done it and i didn't and again like we were like close and a little drunk and like it was a night where you know whatever yeah um and we're good now but like again i wish i'd done it differently yeah yeah i don't actually know the level of hurt that

happened because like we have stayed friends for the whole thing i just think that i don't know i'm i think it happened yeah uh the other thing was just someone who was uh a little bit less than honest about their relationship, where they were actually dating a friend of mine, but I couldn't tell anybody about our relationship because they were in a position of power in a workplace environment. So they were like, hey, don't tell anyone about us, which I didn't. But then I kind of figured out that they were with somebody else and they were a friend. And then when I when i unveiled it turned out they were exclusive and like it was a whole

mess which somehow ended up back on me but yeah it's yeah it's uh it's troubling all this stuff so i think i think the point that i want to make with this was um your standards are there for a reason yeah um and regardless of like kind of what they are and we can get into a whole other thing about like what kind of standards you should have you know what i mean um but i think i think there needs to be sort of a a level in which you respect yourself enough not to do something you don't want to do for the sake of something that is driven by an outside societal force exactly something such as having sex within a certain amount of time frame yeah um and if that's the driving motivation for you to do something that you don't want to do

just squash it it's not a big fucking deal um but if you find someone where you're just sort of like kind of like on the fence like a maybe like you would but you know again i don't think i don't think there's a terrible again as long as it's consensual and as long as everyone's on the same page i think we need to just like preface every episode with that yeah um as long as you're on the same page and you know it's just gonna be one time fuck like i don't think there's any problem with sort of like getting your head out of this like weird sort of like hang up that people have about how long you've had sex well the thing is i think like a general rule is don't do what you don't want to do yeah and if you do want to do it and again consensual and whatnot yeah yes

do it um also just be sure that like your standards aren't set by somebody else like if you find the girl attractive and someone's like her okay yeah fuck that it doesn't matter what they think especially because a lot of that i'm sure is bred from insecurity or just like personal preference both of which means shit to you yeah this thing is like if you find someone fucking say you're into somebody like go for it yeah because like it's it's like one of the it's like people who are are very specifically attracted to like one ethnicity or one hair or spooky ones or spooky girls but the thing is I'm not exclusively spooky but I'm which is good because I do think people who are like overly attracted to one specific thing that like goes into like fetishization thing is i'm not exclusively spooky which is good because i do think people who are like overly

attracted to one specific thing that like goes into like fetishization yeah and it and you start getting into like really problematic things where you sort of like devalue people based on the attributes that they display yeah and usually it's things they have no control over yeah um but that's a whole different thing so all right hit me with a question just do what you want to do in a good way okay my boyfriend 34 never compliments me 32 he makes me feel unwanted i just sent him a couple of nudes he has attention said lol i'm gonna meet karen oh no brackets his best friend by user user AliceInAMountain. We've been on and off lately.

I leave because I feel unappreciated. Then he comes back crying he needs me. He says he loves me. But once we get back, all the love he says he got from me just disappears. I've been feeling ugly and unwanted. And now he replies lol to my nudes. I feel like such a piece of shit. Is this normal? I mean, some of my male friends say they

don't compliment their women when they've been together for years maybe he doesn't like me anymore and just want me to boost his ego when he's down i hate this i feel like an ugly clown size what should i do am i overreacting uh one this is not Two, you're not overreacting. Three, I don't remember the other questions, but... Are you dressed as a clown? Are you dressed as a sad clown? Because there's no reason to say LOL unless you're dressed as a funny clown. Yeah, did you, like, draw a smiley face using a nipple as an eye? Or did you draw a smiley face using both boobs as eyes and your belly button as the surprised face?

Or as a nose. And then a smiley thing just above your vagina. Yeah. And then that's your cleft chin. No, this is a quick and easy fix. This dude is essentially just kind of using you when he needs you. Yeah. Like, it seems very clear that he's, you know what I mean?

Like, you leave because you feel unappreciated, and then he comes back, and then he unappreciates you again. You can reply to a lot of things with lol, but I don't think you can reply to nudes with lol. Yeah. Like, we've talked about replying to nudes. I don't think we ever mentioned lol also it's weird to say lol and then tell them that you're meeting up with another female yeah regardless of whether it's best friend or whatever lol like it's it's a very

strange thing even just saying like imagine if my girlfriend sent me nudes and was like lol meeting up with dane yeah that'd be bizarre so yeah it's it's almost saying like these aren't enough to entice me this person is more interesting than your naked body but also imagine literally anything else like lol about to make tea lol going to get groceries yeah like i don't think any of them fit yeah i mean like regardless of what you say after the lol it sounds like that is more exciting than your naked body it just sounds like this guy's like dismissive as fuck yeah no one no one is actually laughing out loud no one is lolling i i would love to become a magician and make that be a thing where anytime you type lol you literally laugh

out loud yeah it would eradicate that real what happens what happens if they say lmao they die do they lose their butt they die is their butt gone yeah and then they bleed out but their poops are real regular temporarily yeah when their bowels evacuate. Yeah. Because they're dead. It's all gone. Everything's gone. It's a new cleanse. Please. Just move on.

This guy sounds like trash. He's a dick. And I feel like you need to, you know, voice your concern firstly. Just be like, hey, I've seen these things. And like, you're replying? Like, do you not want them? Yeah. And like, also the off and on thing is worrying me.

The off and on thing, I think, is this conversation's probably been had. I think she's probably been like, yeah, I don't feel wanted. And he's like, meh, meh, meh. And then she leaves. And then he comes back. He's like, no, baby. If he only comes back when you leave, then get the fuck out. Yeah.

It's such, it just sounds like an entirely toxic relationship. Who the fuck's Karen? Yeah, Karen, maybe Stain or Lane. Yeah, I don't know. Although I do want to say that there's nothing wrong with having a female girlfriend. No, there's really not at all. It's a joke. This comes from user Iamwww.

I can dot dot dot squeeze your pippy off? Question mark? I'm a 20 year old. Wait, wait, wait. Do that again. I can dot dot dot squeeze your pippy off? Question mark? I'm a 20 year old. Wait, wait, wait. Do that again. I can dot dot dot squeeze your pippy off? Can you spell pippy for me? P-I-P-I.

I'm a 20 year old female. I often experience pain during sex and even masturbation, burning, scraping sensation when somebody's penetrating me. The problem is not the lack of lubrication because I slash we would use extra lube every single time. I briefly discussed this with my gynecologist and he said that my pelvic muscles, hip flexors, not exactly sure, are just too strong and I just need to relax. This is strange to me because I'm pretty good at controlling my muscles down there and I know exactly when I'm squeezing or when I'm not.

I do exercises every now and then. I have tried focusing on relaxing and tensing up the muscles while masturbating. And whenever I tense up, I would struggle a bit to pull it out. LOL. Wonder what would happen if I ever did this to an actual penis. Is there anyone out there who has experienced the same thing or knows what to do? She says, edit. Yes, I know. I actually can't harm the pee pee with my vagina or pee pee.

It's probably pee pee. I feel like I want to read that again, but. yes, I know I actually can't harm the pee-pee with my vagina. Or a pippy. It's probably a pippy. I feel like I want to read that again, but... Essentially, she's... I know. I don't want to laugh at what it is because it's just worded so funnily. Yeah, I 100% took this question because of the title. Yeah, I know. But it's also, like, a really serious issue.

Like, it's vaginismus. Yeah, it's a... Which I assume is a vaginismus. Which is, like, super serious and a lot of people suffer from and it fucking sucks and like go her for you know trying to find some help and sharing it but also yeah this is apparently like wording it so badly a very you're gonna make us laugh at this on a podcast i've been wanting to bring this issue up somehow and now we're giggling at it you fuck um she's just worried about the pippi for real so vaginismus i don't know how to pronounce that but you know what i'm talking about i do know what you're talking about it's it's no

joke we're not doctors and it really sucks yeah um so it's not a ultra strong like will squeeze your dick off like i exercise too much issue it's uh i think again totally could be wrong because i have not backed this up i think it's mostly a mental issue well she says like um she's like i know when i'm squeezing a nut down there and i've tried focusing on relaxing and like that's yeah sort of an oxymoron yeah like if you try to focus on relaxing it's like when people ask you it's like what are you thinking about energy into resting yeah or you know i mean people are like hey don't clear your mind don't think about breathing yeah um it's it's one of those things where it's like the second you kind of like focus on relaxing a certain area of your body or like especially when it's like a very visceral experience between two people.

Yeah. Like trying to relax during sex while also experiencing pleasure hopefully or pain. self-consciousness and like focus and thought like depending like if you come from a religious background or if you come from any kind of like abuse or fear or anything like even if you've just not had sex till a point where you believe that you're like a lot older than people who should have and like it's the fear and the anxiety and the focus and the importance and all these things and again i'm sure there are other factors, but from what I know, and from the people I know have had it, like, it's very much this like visceral mental thing that like, you know,

there is a, I was, I was looking a little bit into it and it, there's apparently a pelvic floor specialists that are sort of the leading, uh, leading the charge and sort of like figuring this out because as far as people this is sort of like a really like it's a big question mark in the medical community a lot of people are like we don't know and again i think this is also leads into a little bit of like sexual parody where like um there's not a whole lot of focus on female sexual pleasure medically. It would have sorted out 100 years ago.

I mean, yeah, it's more or less like the female erectile dysfunction. You know what I mean? And, like, we got on that real quick. Yeah. I get, like, an email a day about Viagra. Yeah. So it's one of those things where, like, there are medical specialists that, that can kind of take a look at you. I don't know how common they are.

I imagine probably not that common. Um, so I, it's one of, it's, it's something that you should, uh, address with your partner and let them know, because it might also help with changing positions and angles. And also I think like now that you know the word for it lock it up yeah because again not experts and we also do these questions on the fly so yeah it's not like i have had time to look it up or anything um i will come back with a better answer i will tell you that i'll tell you next week if not the week after i will be back with a better answer yeah i tend to i tend to do if i know there's like a medical thing that i can like in part i tend to look it up but it's my question but we don't share

questions yeah so yeah if you if you come back we'll do a we'll do our first like revisit yeah no i can definitely get better shit on this and i should know it but i'm not ashamed to admit i don't and i'm willing to fix that cool all right enjoy another one also uh ladies out there if you have experienced this as well or deal with this um if you have any solutions or tips or anything like that that you want to share to other women to help out um or let us know so that we can further impart your wisdom um please don't don't hesitate getting into contact with us because um like we said day one this is a conversation and we're not perfect yeah um so if you if you have something that you can add to this conversation that will help people

who are listening we'd love to hear it so that we can we can get that information out and that's where i'm getting my information from for the next time i'm not going online and going to people i know who've dealt with this because you you know, they're going to know better than anything. Yeah. Alright. This is the seduction Reddit. This is DZO5. Oh, shit. How do you guys sexualize the conversation? I see in posts here, guys talk about

sexualizing the convo and getting more flirty. So they can take the encounter to a more touchy-ely place, for lack of a better phrase. So how do you do it? I think just mention touchy-feely place in your conversation. Just be like, hey, girl, like, I've really enjoyed talking with you. You know what I'd love to do?

Get some touchy-feely places on you. Or you say something really, like, personal and say, sorry, I don't want to get all touchy feely places on you or you say something really like personal and say sorry i don't want to get all touchy feely i just want to feel you're touchy yeah or take touchy feely the other way because that's usually described as like a an emotional thing and just reveal a really deep dark secret about your you know deepest fears perhaps maybe let them know a dark trauma that you experienced as a child. Maybe let them know that like your father was absent from your life and you lack a strong male role model in your, and it's directly affected your respect levels towards women. Your father was absent?

Yes. His father was a bottle of- Tasty. Licorice-esque yum yum. And then revealed the fact that you don't know how birth works. Yeah. I thought it was a bottle of absinthe this whole time. I thought it was half absinthe.

That's touchy-feely right there. She has to explain the birds and the bees to you? That you sexualized the convo. You know what? I know we're going to make fun of this person and they need to be made fun of but there is some use to knowing how to do this because i see a lot of the times on like the dating subreddit and things like that where people are like had a great date but just could not didn't figure like said there there was no spark. Couldn't get past friendly.

Yeah, because I think a lot of people, which again isn't a bad thing, tend to be a little on edge about how far they want to push things. And they don't want to offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable. And that's a great, it's a great baseline. But you also have to understand that you're on a date. That is a romantic setting. You guys have sort of like unspokenly mentioned like confirmed attraction also okay ways to push the envelope and not be a complete creep yeah i mean like not be a complete dick bag there's there's nothing wrong with after you've sort of like gotten that back and forth rapport and you guys are talking you're chatting there's

no harm in saying that they look good you know what i mean there's no harm in and just hitting them with a compliment on their physical appearance. What is that sexual? It can lead that way. If I felt comfortable doing it, I would almost always admit that I checked out their butt when they went to the bathroom. Because you were thinking whether they're going to poop. Yeah. I'm just like, how big that dump going to be?

I'm on that James Joycece tip that's the thing so this is actually like something dane taught me um is when they sit back down and feel in the bathroom you say hey did you take a dump one flush or two baby and they go what you go i'm not gonna lie i checked out your butt when you left and it looked a little bit more empty when you came back it looked heavy as hell when you went back and uh yeah that's one of the things dane taught me that uh it works i'm gonna damn it it disarms them it doesn't work if you do it the opposite way like did you pee because your pussy looked heavy yeah yeah yeah yeah no that's that's not something you want to drop on a first date no no they don't they want that light pussy yeah yeah no that's that's not something you want to drop on a first date no no they don't they want that light pussy yeah yeah no one's gonna be respond but there's nothing wrong with a heavy butt

there's nothing wrong with a light butt you know what i mean it's like whoa whoa whoa you take that back yeah i feel like you need to like go with the conversation as well like if you're just like having like polite like on a fun talk and you're just like having like polite like kind of fun talk and you're just like you know you had done good titties though yeah they're gonna be like okay but if they make a off-color joke and you are also like oh yeah you want me to and you like make it like an innuendo i don't know like you you play off what they're giving you yeah if anyone ever like talks about like, uh, a lot of times it comes up that like people have gone on bad dates and it's

usually involves a guy doing something. You can joke, like make that your entrance into your, their like sexual sort of like open that door. You know what I mean? Like you can, you can find ways. The best way to turn a conversation sexual is with a joke

Yes, I do think if you're I don't think there's really any other way and I and So I want to clarify here because a lot of people do this incorrectly a lot of people will make an overtly sexual Comment and if they get upset they say I was just joking. Yes, that's not the way to do it The way to do it is to make it absurd Yeah, and to sort of put the like lunacy on you you know what i mean like you say something absurd and like obviously a joke about yourself or like something you would do to them that is very obviously not real and very silly and you know what i mean like like even something they say you just like turn on its head and it's like oh yeah

well i don't know yeah i mean like if if someone you know they spill a drink on me you can be like well that's kind of my fetish like i love stale beer and a woman you know what i mean like or women who smell stale beer like you you can open the door a bunch of ways and almost all the time it's better if you like a little hint of self-deprecation you always i think that should basically be inbuilt yeah if you don't seem like you can self-doubt and like a little bit of absurdity and as long as it's

very clearly a joke don't fall back on it was a joke yeah don't be like yo I wanna fuck you right oh it was a joke I was just kidding

obviously I'm not gonna fuck you on the table in the middle of a porn if you make like a sexual joke and it's kind of ridiculous and they play along with it and they laugh

yeah it's probably a good sign yeah whereas if you make one they're like okay and then's also and that's you know you need to it's it's like seasoning right like you yeah too much and you're gonna ruin the dish too little it's gonna be bland you gotta find that perfect level of like when you can drop little sexual nudges um to keep you know what i mean to like spice it up yeah and like and identify that you are a candidate for sexual for sexual and also see them as the same yeah it's the thing is i

think we're giving a good but bad answer because it's not one of those things that there's a trick for there isn't which i think is what a lot of pick up artists fall into. Yeah. It's like, yo, hey, you do these three things. Yeah. And that's it. Here's the like four lines that you say and like they squeeze it into the conversation. Like, yeah, sometimes you might get it to work. And again, the people who get it to work already have like an innate charisma and charm that can pull things off. You have specific lines that, yeah, okay, hit me.

You mean the three cheat codes? Oh, no. For pulling girls from clubs? One, a lasso. Two, magnets. Tip one, cultivate sexual energy. Yes. I mean, that's not a bad idea.

I do it all the time. When we see a cute girl, don't think she's attractive. Feel desire for her on a psychological level. Yes What does that mean get hungry for that? Desire is contagious an underlying feeling is a spark that makes seduction possible Attracting women should be mechanical shouldn't be stressful intellectual progress Too many men learn by pick up treat like a chess game. Get in touch with your primal side. Experience sexual energy.

Men are taught to be ashamed of their sexuality. Society couldn't function otherwise. Unfortunately, modern men are practically neutered. They see their own desires as a bad thing that is inherently creepy. Male desire isn't creepy. It's a powerful aphrodisiac. Women desire to be desired. Oh my god, this goes on way too long.

I didn't think it went this long. It started as, like, not bad advice. Like, it started with, like, the whole, like, hey, don't see them as an object that you, like, lust after. Sort of find a connection. And because, like, yeah, that's how I was successful. Sorry, it says physiological, not psychological. Oh. I misread. Well, never mind. Mast psychological. Oh. I misread. Well, never mind.

Masturbate less. Notice beauty. Visualize. I mean, notice beauty's not a bad one. The less you masturbate, the more you experience women in the real world. Notice beauty. Don't think she's just hot. Appreciate her femininity, her curves, her hair.

Look in her eyes. Notice what makes her sexy. Visualize. If the first two strategies aren't enough to spark desire, you might need to take things a step further. Visualize sexual imagery while you're out. Imagine what it would be like to make out with that girl. Imagine her naked. This might sound creepy.

You're not doing anything overtly sexual. You're just changing your focus from the logical to the emotional. I have an excellent leading question for this right now. You're getting yourself out of your head and your body. That was step one. So, okay. Step two. How long is it?

So long. Okay, fuck that because I have a perfect question. So you're at the club. You see a beautiful woman. Is it you? Nope. Oh. Sorry you're at the club. You see a beautiful woman. Is it you? Nope. Oh. Sorry, buddy.

Not interested. And it's, you know what I mean? You're not having a whole lot of luck tonight. But you begin thinking about maybe getting her naked. And you think about kissing her. You start having that sexual imagery going through your mind. Are we cultivating sexual energy right now? Yeah, 100%.

Oh, shit. So here's the question user denaris is my queen uh asks how do you stop an unwanted erection no further details that's no context nope just that man well this the context is key here. Nope. I just gave you context. You're in the club, you're using these tips, you've taken your sexual imagery in your head. That's the context.

For this question, let's... Yeah, I mean, the actual question has none. By the time she's close enough to feel your boner, you should probably have one anyway. If she's grinding up in your crotch area well that's I mean I don't think anyone's gonna be upset but like I'm sure you're in a club if you're if you're in a club and you see a girl across the way a woman across the way never tried to do and you've gotten yourself all riled up and you just strut on over with your erection okay let, let's say, let's actually take this literally. Club.

Dark. Uh-huh. You're wearing jeans. Yeah. Not the most boner showing things. It depends on your dick. Not really, though. Of all clothes. Yes. Name anything that is less boner showing. Yes. Jeans are your safest bet. Jeans are your safest bet.

But if you're assuming you're of age to get into a club, at which point you have experience with boners at which point you know how to hide it a little bit if you want to get out that angle where it's poking out again she needs to see you look at your dick notice that not have it be hidden or somewhat obscured by a wallet or a phone and then be like oh you got a bon. There's so many fucking things at play. Also, while it's dark, by the time you're near her, she's not going to be like, look it down, that dick. And even if she is, wallet and phone in the way,

and you're probably wearing a shirt that'll cover some of it, you're probably good. They're only going to be discovered by touch. Sure. So don't be a creep and just grind up on her but today's the day you wore your cargo shorts to the club oh you're fucked yeah no just just go home go home but you oh so you're gonna walk past the bouncer with just a fucking raging erection how do you get rid of it how do you think it's a gun he might tell you exactly what uber driver is going to be like oh yeah come on in fucking rock hard mcgee remain seated pant creases are your friend

there's a thing that most pants do when you sit down anyway they give you that little like yeah you got boner regardless nobody's gonna know which of your four boners are the real one exactly unless she comes to test at which point doesn't matter yeah she's touching that dick um you know that common thing that women do is that a boner i'm gonna have to check sorry yeah but what's what i love is like the tension when they come over right because you got four four boner bumps one's real or i mean one might be real yeah three are definitely fake. They only get two pokes. So I love that law.

That, like... Yeah. Gives me excitement in my day-to-day. Yeah. Right? So, like, if they just got to poke all of them, like, life would be fucking boring. But how do you get rid of it?

If you don't want to be detected. If you've got a solid snake. That's a Metal camera solid reference i don't know why it took you so what was so hard to say that i don't know um how do you get rid of it i think you you think of grievous bodily harm yeah talked about this. We go back to this. Grandma legs. I think you think a head slippers and you peen. Yeah. Like nobody who's a guy heard that and didn't shudder. Mm-hmm. Or.

Think of like a needle going down the front. Think of all the pain. Think about accidentally slipping on your naked grandma. Think about eating your pet. Think about eating your grandma. Yeah. There you in that way you pervert no no i mean yeah going down on your grandma yeah um i i feel like if you're past a certain age this probably isn't an issue maybe it is i don't know uh let it calm down stop the visualizing because you're listening to the bullshit advice I just read out and it's not good. Don't visualize.

You're good. What do you need to do that for? Yeah. That's an impossibility as you are right now with your cargo shorts boner. I know. Also, next time, wear better pants to the club. Who let you in? Yeah, I know.

What kind of club are you in? How did you get past the bouncer and those things? What shoes were you in? Yeah, I know. What kind of club are you in? How did you get past the bouncer and those things? What shoes were you wearing? I got a question here from Reddit user Overthink1298. Oh, God. Guy covers himself after having an orgasm. I, a 27-year-old female, gave the guy, 32-year-old male, I'm dating a blowjob. Every time he was about to come, he would tell me to stop and covered his dick.

I told him to relax and kept going. I could notice he liked it a lot, i would have stopped of course and then he when he had an orgasm he immediately covered his dick and come like he was ashamed i don't feel comfortable asking him right now maybe if we keep dating on in the future but i was just wondering why he did that anyone know a possible explanation it's the first time i've seen that behavior in men this is a weird color it's funny you mentioned that i don't know um because i this question is fine there's a bunch of reasons why this could be happening yeah you know what i mean maybe he's he's was told that he had a small dick and he's ashamed of seeing it after he's released and which is why we've had a question similar yeah so i went the the the oddball route maybe

he has like a really weird sexual trauma in the past like he was made to be ashamed of ejaculation and sexual release but what I really wanted to highlight from this question was it was a comment no that was that was left by heart attack 669 he says for a period of time my nut was brown and if I was him and I had brown nut I do the same thing and I think it's a good point I think we've all gone through a brown nut period where we we nutted and when we nutted and it was brown no oh you haven't no you. Oh, you're just a late bloomer. It'll come. Oh, no. Yeah, we all get it.

Do they explain why? Oh, he does. He does. He does. There wasn't one I ever initially... He... It's just a simple case of prostate bleeding. And somehow turned his nut brown.

No, no. This poor guy, is he okay? I assume so. He left those messages like seven hours ago, so... And he said it was brown, so... Brown're good yeah but i mean that's actually a really nice nickname um this doesn't really sound like but i mean maybe it's not brown maybe just going through that nut that brown nut period maybe maybe yeah maybe you got prostate bleeding maybe you got i mean look it's not always about prostate bleeding no right sometimes you're not it's just brown it's all, it's not always about prostate bleeding. Sometimes your nut is just brown.

It's happened to everyone. Every guy goes through this. Well, the thing is he didn't get in touch with sexual energy. And I'm not even sure his social momentum was up to cue. Was it? Probably not. Obviously not. Not with brown nut.

Well, the sheer momentum of his social force would have whipped all the brown to the back of his nut, leaving it a clear, milky blue like everybody else. That's what happens when you overcome. No, overcoming is clearly red. Yeah. And dusty. It goes white, then it goes brown. If you continue to overcome, you're just getting full blood.

Yeah, I said blue. And then... Like normal cum, just blue. That's what the Eiffel 65 song is about. Yeah. It's about. And then... Like normal cum, just blue. That's what the Eiffel 65 song is about. Yeah. It's about just busting a nut. I'm cum.

Dab-a-dee-dab-a-dine. Yeah. Dab-a-dee-dab-a-dine. I have a cum house with a cum window. That's the uncensored version. I have a cum house. Eiffel 65. That's all over you, ho. Bounce.

Wow, wow. I have a cum house with a cum window. I didn't think I would do this two, wow, wow. I have a cum house with a cum window. I didn't think I would do this two weeks in a row. I have a cum car. That is all over you, ho. But I found this, and I was just like, I have to share it. Is it also by Eiffel 69? It's Eiffel 65, but Eiffel 69 is a great...

Cover band name? Yeah. This is actually a porn review from my new favorite man Kid Cocky. And it's of the movie Touch and Feety

number five. What's Feety? I'm assuming it's supposed to mean like touch and feely. I don't know. F-E-E-D-Y? No, Feety.

Oh, Feety. Feety. I thought you said Feety. No, no, Oh, Feety. Feety. I thought you said Feedy. No, no, no, Feety. And look, I'm not... We experienced what Kid Coddy's... Or Kid Cocky's all about. Both, really.

Last week. This week, I'm about 90% sure he was fucking hammered when he wrote this review. I'm sorry, you thought he was sober last week? Well, you'll see what I mean. Lovely Kelton's popularity is growing. It was only fitting that she'd want to touch and have a little footplay, too. She's hot and orgasmic. Morgan Jericho is new on the scene.

I anticipated touching and sucking on her toes, and when her toes touched my penis, well, it felt great. Wait, what? I have no idea. Roxanna is a hot new model who's graced the men's magazines with her image. Now Roxanna meets the feet and gives the tender touch of her feet to my penis. Wait, what? Is he doing some weird 3D thing? Don't knock it till you try it.

Tara Lee is exotic and sweet. I like her. You won't see her interact with a guy anywhere else. She's got nice feet, too. So when I got the chance to play, we played. Also, she let me lick her coochie, too. That's slang for vagina. We all had fun.

T and F. Number five is here. Please enjoy. Oh, there you go. That's what Ed Powers has to say about this DVD. But let's check and see that your favorite reviewer kid cocky has for a review of ed's ability to explode these women's tootsies i'm sorry he misled us by quoting an actor from the film uh yep i'm yeah i love how he he thought

we needed to know what coochie meant we got no no that's not kid cocky let's not put that on kid cocky it's actually ed powers that's what i'm saying yeah i'm talking about the man who you know is is describing his porn dbd to uh perverts let's be real yeah um yeah because the perverts buying your dvd they probably know what the coochie is yeah i'm pretty sure they know what a coochie is mr powers why would you pretty sure they know what a coochie is, Mr. Powers. Also, coochies? Why would you use that term? Um, because ironically, maybe they don't, because it's a very, like, coochie, like... Anyway, let's find out

what Kid Cocky has to say about Ed's ability to exploit these women's tootsies. Without a doubt, there's a lot of wet and wild foot foreplay in this movie. Kelton sucks on her little piggies like a big bad wolf. She also huffs and puffs and blows a cock down. Not bad, Kelton.

But can she fuck like the dirty dog that she appears to be? Well, I think she can. But we don't get to see much fucking in this flick. Oh, no. I know she can ride cock as well as she sucks toes, but I guess she'll prove that in another movie. Kelton does, however, even suck her own toes. How naughty.

Okay, Kelton. Oh, okay. Kelton doesn, however, even suck her own toes. How naughty. Okay, Kelton. Oh, okay. Kelton doesn't deliver a traditional dirty porn scene, but she is naughty nonetheless. Kelton and her man are both willing to demean themselves in front of the camera just so you can have something to whack off to. You have to give them credit for that.

How do they spell whack? W-H-A-C-K. You have to give them credit for that, regardless of weather. Spell it wrong. Or not. I'm done. I'm out. You have a foot fetish.

Like weather? Like weather weather? Yes. Like as if a stormy weather. That rained on my parade. Morking gives a foot job with an original form. Now, here's where it gets. I'm sorry.

How are there original forms for foot jobs? I'm imagining. Let me tell you. Let me tell you right now. It can only take like maybe two? This is where it gets wild for me. I'm sorry. How are there original forms for foot jobs? I'm imagining. Let me tell you. Let me tell you right now. It can only take like maybe two. This is where it gets wild for me. I'm sorry. It's not already wild?

Dude, you'll see what I mean. Much like an illegible, incredible, inevitable storm, way past the norm, still must be haven ass in the air and her hair is waving. I'm sorry. He's rapping. He just thrown in either a rap or a slam poem. I don't really know why he's doing it but just

is he kid goody she does everything she can think of that involves feet and genitals and then when she's done fuck partner Ed Powers make some stuff up she gets her peds licked too so I think everyone ends up happy in this movie I won't even try to rate her toes

I think that people probably have likes and dislikes when it comes to toes so you're just going to have to rate each person's little piggies yourself. I would love to see him rate her toes. I just hope these people have Listerine because their breath has to be horrible by the end of this scene. Oh no. This movie

is kind of fun because you have multiple angles to choose from. You can also interactively pick what you want your babe to do. There's a little extra bio information about Ed in the Planet Powers section of the DVD, and there are a lot of chapter stops that can be a hindrance or a help, depending on your

knowledge of how to use your DVD player. Ed Powers offers us two full hours of all sorts of toe play in this movie. Is it too much? I don't think so. But I'll let you be the judge. Okay. Thanks, Kid Cocky.

My only knock on this movie is it didn't have very much real fucking. However, it is a footman's dream. Or I guess it is a footwoman's dream. The girls get down and dirty with dildos. There's plenty of blowjobs, footjobs, handjobs, self-footlooking, toe-sucking, and naked chicks. However, if you're looking for some good old-fashioned fucking, this movie isn't for you. Like Kid Rock said, you can boss in front, you can toss and tease, but you can't fuck with toes like these. Now, I don't know if Kid Rock has ever said that.

I didn't want to look it up. I was too scared of what I might find. But let me tell you, I think that gives us a good little insight as to where Kid Cocky gets his review name. We thought it might have been Kid Cudi. But I think he is just a Kid Rock aficionado. If he can pull a fucking deep cut like that, specifically for a toe and foot themed porn review. I like Kid Rock toes like on Google,

although filled it as Dr. Phil. I mean, everyone knows that Kid Rock and Dr. Phil have almost identical feet. You know, I don't think it's actually a Kid Rock thing, because I looked up Kid Rock Toes Like These, and nothing's coming up. Oh, I think he's just playing hard and fast. With times like these? Yeah, it's you can floss in front, you can taunt and tease, but you can't fuck with rhymes like these.

So he's just appropriated. Also, Kit Kaki, I think you're gonna hear from Mr. Rock's lawyers. Which we also are. Surprise! It took us years to find this, because I'm pretty sure this review is from like 2003. This has been a deep sting operation. Yeah.

We got you. As you can probably tell, neither of us are podcasters. Also, he does leave his Hotmail email account at the end of all of his reviews. So we can't. Can you email him and ask for a statement for the podcast? I might email him and just be like, yo, can you just come on the podcast? Do you think? Or even just make him send a message so we don't have to. It is a Hotmail account, so I don't know if that still exists.

I have Hotmail. Do you still use Hotmail? Yeah. We have sent this podcast. And I don't mean just this episode. I mean, yes, this episode needs to end. 100%. But we also need to never make another episode.

Well, maybe we won't. Are you ready? For what? Another question. Another question? No no you got another this is sex news oh hell yeah sex headlines yeah you ready yeah this is from the sun on ice women be warned don't put ice lollies in your vaginas to cool down in uk heat wave says docs as britain swelters on what's set to be a record-breaking heatwave, people are desperately looking for ways to cool down.

Most of us resort to sitting in front of a fan, seeking refuge in air-conditioned buildings, or having a cold shower. But one woman was so hot, she thought sticking an ice lolly in her vagina might be a good way to cool off, according to Metro. Unsurprisingly, turned out it's a terrible idea that has prompted experts to warn women not to put the frozen treats anywhere near their genitals. Not only is it unlikely to help you feel any cooler, it could cause infections, irritation, and potential trauma down below.

Gynecologists told The Sun, anything with food coloring, dye, perfume, or high levels of sugar will have a negative impact on vaginal pH and lactobacillus, and can increase the risk of vaginal infections such as thrust and bacterial vaginosis. Ice can stick to the delicate skin of the vagina and cause real trauma and damage. Addicts could also be potentially irritant in a sensitive area, as the vagina causing local inflammation and discomfort. On a basic level, the process could all be messy as the ice will melt very quickly and will leak upon dissolving. It's also pointless as core body temperature, including internal organs of the vagina, is

set by the brain and cannot be altered by applications of any cooling agent such as ice, which at best will provide a very temporary relief for when temperature rises once again. That's wild. I didn't know that. Body is a very good at auto regulation and is never good to idea to tamper. GP and clinical director Sarah Jarvis told The Sun it could definitely damage the lining of the vagina. Whether you feel hot or not, there is never any reason to put ice lollies in your vagina.

I didn't think I'd need to read this but there's more in the article avoid garlic it's not the first time women have been putting foreign objects in the vagina earlier this year was real the women have been sticking garlic up there to try and treat thrush uh according to all wives tale putting a clove up there for three days can clear things up holy shit by the prompted gynecologist jenniferter. Best name for a gynecologist. How many times do you think her fucking, like, door sign has been... Just Gunter. Or has been...

The G has been altered to be a C. But also, Gunter is a great vagina term. Don't put garlic up your Gunter, ladies. It prompted her to warn that the perfect environment... That vagina is the perfect environment for a botulism bacteria to grow. Incredibly serious condition will leave people paralyzed and at worst fatal. Garlic contains antifungal properties that scientists haven't addressed whether that translates into mice, let alone humans. Basically, don't...

Oh, there's a whole other list. Don't put cucumbers up there. I imagine that's probably something that you need to hear. Don't put cucumbers up there. I imagine that's probably something that you need to hear. Don't put parsley up there. Why would you put parsley up there? Don't put yogurt up there. Oh, my God. Yeah, we don't need to hear why yogurt is a bad idea to put in your vagina.

Well, it's a lot of good bacteria, which in theory could help fight off fungus, but it's a terrible idea. Because of sugar? Multiple studies have shown that it will not do anything beneficial. Soaking a tampon in yogurt and putting it up there is also nothing more than a waste of perfectly good yogurt that's gonna do us for today we went we went a little long today but fuck it we're grown-ass men we can do whatever we want um if you have a question or if you want to add to anything that

we talked about this episode we did talk about a lot of things. You can hit us up on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast. Or you can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can also send us an email at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. All right, you ready for some bad sex writing? Yep. I will say. We're pretty much done with bear when you say pretty much

you mean we are there were many like non sex scenes where she tried in vain to give the bear an erection and the bear did not want to become erect and they were more awkward than they were sexy so I'm not really going to include them

but we're back to the random shit and they were more awkward than they were sexy so i'm not really going to include them but we're back to the random shit this is back to blood by tom wolf but then the tips of her breasts became erect on their own and the flood in her loins washed morals despair and all other abstract assessments away in a cloud of some sort of divine cologne of his. Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle riding, riding, riding and she was eagerly swallowing it, swallowing it, swallowing it with a saddle's own lips and maw.

I hate it. You don't want your dick to be swallowed by a live human saddle? Yeah, like, who thought that was good? Someone, apparently. Well, actually, one worst sex riding of 2012. Okay, that's good. That makes me feel a little better. Yeah.

You got a damn for us? I'm about to find one. Dan says, My ex said there was no spark between us, but I felt it. Honestly, don't know if you said that. I can't keep track because they're all about his goddamn ex. You fucking train wreck, Dan. My name is Dane Miller.

And I'm, of course, Niles Fane. You finish it because I stole it at the beginning. And we are your podcast. You fucked up. We're your fuck buddies. Bye. Bye. Bye.