F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 51 - The Tenacity of Banana Mammal

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

This week we celebrate hitting the top 200 sexuality podcasts in Canada by once again inadvertently making an episode with a common theme; Dump.  His.  Ass.  Look, we're all about communication and solving problems, but sometimes you need to toss these garbage people off a metaphorical cliff and get on with your (much better) life.  Also, you're not going crazy if you hear a cat purring, Oliver weasled his way into the room and graced us with his perfect rumbles.  Topics include a punishing flash, plastic surgery ultimatum, not being pretty, single shaming, boyfriend material, forcing a threesome and syrupy pancakes.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Spang. And we are your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast

where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations we are officially a ranked podcast oh hell yeah we did it we did it boys and girls ladies and gentlemen everyone in between and outside of those definitions thank you very much because we are officially in the top 200 of sexuality podcasts for listeners in Canada. Yep, we are in the top 200 in Canada, which is pretty fucking cool. So I guess we'll start this off with a celebration and also a big thank you. Yeah, thank you so much. Literally, it's not even one of those false, like,

it couldn't have been possible without you. Literally, could not have been possible. Wouldn't be possible without you. It's all you guys. So first, thank you. But but secondly now we're getting greedy yeah we tasted this this chart we tasted the first morsel of success yeah we want to we want to get higher so uh if you haven't already rated us with five stars. Please do. Yeah. Or get like a bud to do it. Leave a review.

Any of your friends that have an Apple phone, just take their phone from them and just pop over to Apple Podcasts. Just punch them right in the throat while they're choking. Just, you know, actually don't assault your friends, but do leave us a review if you want.

That would be amazing. Mm-hmm. We love you guys. Let's get up there. I want to fight Dan Savage. I'm going to savage Dan Savage. Yes. I mean, no, more savage.

I can't remember. Sex with Emily, I think, is the other, the number one podcast. You already, well, it's a joke because I'm sure you slept with someone named Emily. I definitely have slept with an Emily. I was going to say, you already have, but that sounds like you've slept with her, and that just sounds rude, and that's not where we want to take this podcast when we're trying to go up the charts. So we're sorry, Emily.

Your libel isn't where it is. We're sorry, Emily, that I almost said something that sounded bad. Should we do it? I think we should. Okay. Do you want to kick us off? Yeah. We're going to go with a little something from the I'm-a-the-asshole Reddit.

Ooh, okay. I'm-a-the-asshole for sleeping naked on top of the covers to teach my flatmate's girlfriend a lesson by Billy Butt Pimples. Okay. Initial thoughts. I mean, it depends on whose bed you're sleeping in. I think that is the... All right. So they say, please bear bear with me and they use the

appropriate bear for the case uh whether or not they're on purpose we don't know so i'm 21 live with a childhood best friend 22 also a guy i have done for two years up until last week things are perfect however he recently has a new girlfriend 23 year old lady and she seems absolutely great except for one thing she has a complete aversion to knocking we We have a lot in common, I like spending time with her, however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking. Now she hasn't walked in on me doing anything on tour, I'm usually just chilling on my bed or sitting at my desk, however on at least 7 separate occasions now she's done the first thing in the morning to ask if I want coffee. I sleep naked. Every time prior to the last one, I've been under

the covers and she hasn't seen anything, I point at it that she could have and she just giggles and says, but I didn't. When she stayed over last week, in order to make last one, I've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. I pointed that she could have, and she just giggles and says, but I didn't. When she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, I intentionally slept on top of the covers. Sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if I want coffee, and sees my you-know-what. She immediately backs out of the room. What did she see? I'm not sure. Honestly. Alright.

What could she have seen? I guess we'll just leave that as a blank for now. Yeah, guys. We need more context, but... How would we know? leave that as a blank for now. Yeah, guys, I wish there were... We need more context, but... How would we know? I don't know. Fucking idiot. Yeah, never mind.

Forget the question. Back to the other room, wouldn't talk to me. My mate later pulled me aside and said I was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself, pointed out that I threatened to do it before. I literally just said, if I had no covers, you saw everything before. Then I framed myself as some sick creep

who intentionally got naked and lame-weighted for it because that's how I get my rocks off. I'm seeing how it came off that way. Am I the asshole for doing this? I'm going to have to say a tentative yes. Okay. And I will say that because it doesn't sound like he's never full-out said, Hey, before you come into my room do you mind knocking yeah you know what i mean like i think i think that should have been step one just being

like hey i like you and everything but like my privacy is important to me and before you come into my room do you mind knocking yeah and if she then said no and then proceeded to continue to barge in then it's like well you did what you could yeah um but to just immediately go to like punishment quote unquote yeah is like you intentionally intended for her to see your dick yeah and yeah that's the thing it's like at no point in this they ever do they even mention asking her to stop yeah they say like you could have seen x or y which like if you're if you don't think not knocking isn't an issue you're not going to frame it that way you know frame it as like oh good thing i didn't like

yeah lol not like uh this is why you should not yeah um and also you kind of are like it seems like really weird to say these kind of like vague things that now I guess seem like threats. Yeah. As opposed to just being like, hey, can we talk about this? And if she's weird about it, then you talk to the roommate. And after all those things, then I guess you flash her. But it's also strange to like start with the pretense of being like, I really like her. She's really cool.

She seems great. I really enjoy spending time with her. Couldn't possibly bear to like broach this subject exactly it seems like you're close it seems like you this would be a very easy thing to be like hey i really appreciate you coming and asking me for coffee but uh uh just give me give me a quick knock because you know i mean like maybe i had someone over the night before or maybe i'm naked or doing anything there's any number or just like i want my privacy so yeah i i think this guy is unfortunately i don't think he was an intentional asshole maneuver i think uh i think the the friend 100 has the right to be like come on man, this was a deliberate dick exposure. The only thing is, it is still wrong to just barge into somebody's room.

So it's like, if she burst in at any other time, like if he was just having a wank. Yeah. I think it would be 100% her fault in that case. Because this time it is deliberate. You know? That's my only reason of it being of me saying he is i will also say that she's also a kind of the asshole in this situation yeah no that's i think you're both assholes yeah and i think it's i think it's the most innocent use of the word too like i don't

think either of them are maliciously yeah unless this is an elaborate ruse for him to get his rocks off and now the reddit post is him covering up his tracks with his roommate true maybe he's just a or maybe it's a double rock saying where now he's admitting that he did it and he's like yeah i did it or maybe she was just goading him into doing it maybe she's they're both sex perverts they're perfect for each other this is a romance story oh man maybe that's what the boy or the like the friend is upset about is he's like that's like god damn it this about. Or maybe that's his case. He's like, God damn it. This is beautiful. This is a Hallmark movie.

Yeah. Maybe he's into voyeurism. Yeah, exactly. Maybe he wants... She hates privacy. He likes to be in compromising positions. And the boy likes to just watch it happen. Yeah.

He loves compromising positions and also hates privacy. Yeah. Oh, my God. No. The only thing I'm worried about is that he might've not specified that he already talked to them because it would presumably go without saying, people would rather, like, do the least confrontational. And I use very exaggerated air quotes on least confrontational here. The one that takes the least effort, I guess. Because it's like they're just lying there with their dick out.

But arguably a lot more aggressive than maybe saying, hey. Again, like, we say it every fucking week. Talk to people. Communicate your issues with people before you move on to punishment or actionable sort of like yeah deterrence aggression yeah like yeah also like don't wield your nudity as a weapon or a punishment also don't go into people's rooms yeah let's flip it on her now it's like when you are when you're a girlfriend or a boyfriend or romantic partner staying at your partner's place you are very limited in your like you are sort of

got like a you know a five foot tether to the person you're with you don't really get the option to like unless it's their room wander around the house and open doors. You definitely... I wouldn't go into my roommate's room. Yeah. Let alone my fucking significant other. And if they did, I would be very upset with them. Yeah. Because I would fucking hate that. If somebody came into my room, I'd be like, what the fuck are you...

I would lose it. Yeah. Especially because this is a new relationship as well. It's like, even if you get along... It doesn't matter how well you get along with someone. It's still like... It's not cool. It's like, even if you get along, like it doesn't matter how well you get along with someone. It's still like, it's not cool. It's an invasion of privacy.

And like, you need to like that. The friend definitely needs to sit her down and be like, Hey, yeah, I know you're really comfortable with me and my friend. And I know you're really comfortable here, but there are still boundaries.

And his, his room is off limits. Also like you can knock on the door and just yell through like, Hey, do you want coffee? Yeah. That's, that's very easy. She wanted to see a butt i mean maybe maybe she's also just a straight-up sex pervert she wants to see a butt i don't know i would never

do that like anyway yeah yeah so everyone's an asshole yeah i feel like it's a it's a failure on all three parts like one the girlfriend barging in yeah to the roommate just deciding that the first course of action is to expose himself and three the the friend for being oblivious of all this yeah not sort of setting boundaries and being like hey maybe yeah maybe don't barge into my roommate's room when you're here yeah um but yeah it's like before amanda and i moved in together when we were sort of like you know on the cusp and and finally like very serious and she gave me a key to her place i had like an existential crisis every time i used that key um even if she was home you know

yeah i would never fucking do it if she wasn't yeah um but like i was always worried that i'd go in and one of the roommates would be sitting up in like the living room and just be like hi yeah and and it's like i got along with them and i like them true but it's their space right but it's still like i'm not supposed to be able to just walk in yeah whenever you know what i mean at least if you saw amanda come down the stairs you know that she was coming to get someone. Yeah. But that's the thing. Whenever I had someone's key, I never used it because if they're there, they would let me in. You know what I mean? Like they wouldn't be like, I'll just walk in because I feel like that's really rude.

You know what I mean? You don't want to like, cause it's a very, like, it's almost like an act of ownership. Just like opening the door, you know what I mean? Like, and we would communicate that, but like like i don't want to make your roommate feel uncomfortable or vice versa so like whenever those rules were whatever like you had one and it might just be for emergencies it might just be for convenience might just be like if you're leaving before me you can lock the fucking door on you know um but we definitely wasn't like i'm lazy i'm in my room just let yourself in because that's kind of like hey this is my place too which which

is not you know it is not um yeah yeah i know it's wild to me like i've also i've like had sort of like very casual sometimes one night stands or you know me like and like they've gone into my fridge or like just like what do you do I would never like just go into like, I wouldn't even go into your fridge. You know what I mean? Like, it's just a weird thing to do. Like that is like,

I wouldn't just open up your fridge and start rummaging around. Like, yeah, like I feel weird even just grabbing myself a water when I come over and I'm sweaty as fuck. Cause I just cycled like 30 minutes uphill. And yeah, it's,

it's one of those things where it's just like, you need to, you need to understand the boundary. Like everyone needed to learn boundaries of the situation it's like yeah it's did i ever tell you about like the date where like it was my first tinder date and we she was like i'll just come to your house and i was like no like what she was like yeah i'll just come to yours and i just didn't really want that because like i know who the fuck they were i was like i'll meet you at the bar down the road, whatever. And they're pretty cool.

So we did eventually go back to mine. At one point, like, I was in the bathroom. I come out. She's not in the living room. I hear a noise from the kitchen. And she'd gone into my freezer, opened my pierogies, had poured them into one of my pots, which wasn't even mine. It was my roommate's pot.

Poured water in it and just started cooking them. And while they were cooking, she started scrubbing my stove i was like what are you doing she's like oh i figured like you know uh like because of my background like i know how to make pierogies properly like i'd cook you up some i was like but they're mine and also you didn't even know they were mine i have a roommate could have been their pierogies yeah and like also i never said i was hungry also why are you cleaning my stove that's horrifying. What are you doing? She also pulled a knife, not on me, but she later pulled a knife out of her bag.

And I was like, is that in case I was creepy? Ha ha ha. She was like, yep. And I was like, but you invited yourself to my place. Yeah, if you think that the necessary precautions to inviting yourself to someone's house is to bring a knife, maybe don't do it. And like, I get it. Maybe you want to feel safe or whatever. precautions to inviting yourself to someone's house is to bring a knife maybe don't do it and like i get it maybe you want to feel safe or whatever but like at the same time if you want

to feel safe maybe then meet in a public place like i suggested don't cook their pierogies it was so bizarre man that i don't know what i would do i was like i once had repair guys come in and just like straight up just open a bag of chips and i'm like your chips yeah no like he literally just like went into my closet and like started eating the chip and i was like what are you doing that's a baller move he owns your place now i guess why i had to move that's the dog equivalent just pissing yeah i was just like crunch hey man it's those are... Those are mine. And he's like, oh. What? He's surprised?

And I was like, where did you... What are you doing? Put them back. Did he know you were there? I think so. I'm almost positive he did. It's so bad, man. People are fucked.

I always, like... It's, like, a very Irish thing to offer, like, if somebody comes into your place, offer them a cup of tea. No matter what. So, like, if my landlord's in to, like, look at the alarm or, like, repair guys in to whatever or, like, when the guy was setting up my internet, I always offer someone a cup of tea. They always look at me like I'm a fucking crazy person. So, I'm like, okay, it's not a thing you do over here. Yeah, I mean, like, if someone's working hard, I'll offer them, like, a glass of water or just be like, hey, like, here are two cups. Here's a packet of chips.

If you're thirsty, please help yourself. There's, you know, cold water in the fridge. But, like, that's not an invitation to just, like, rummage my cupboards and then decide that, yes, some sweet chili heat Doritos would, like, hit the spot right now. That's horrible. All right, let's do another question. No, no, we're back on this chip thing. I'm never getting over that. This is posted by Reddit user WiggleJiggless.

I love that Pokemon. Yeah, right? This is from a 21-year-old female saying that her 20-year year old boyfriend would break up with her if she got breast augmentation surgery um so i have what is known as tuberous breasts where during puberty the breast tissue doesn't develop like it should the breast developed droopy and the areola is a large and not proportional to the size of my breast my plastic surgeon has confirmed that that's what it is and told me that if i wanted to correct it surgery is the only option. The surgery would include releasing the constricted tissue and then the implant would be placed above the muscle.

I'm extremely insecure of my breasts. Always have been. Because I know they don't look normal. I just want to be confident with my body and feel sexy when I take my shirt off. I mentioned this procedure to my boyfriend and he immediately shot it down. He says he doesn't want to be with a girl with quote unquote fake boobs. He wouldn't even listen to me when I said how gross I feel or how gross my breasts make me feel. 100% plan on going through with the surgery.

I told my doctor up front that I did not want large breasts, just full breasts. And he told me that was absolutely achievable. Boyfriend still does not agree. My appointment is in April. It's a, you know, anniversary and three days before my 22nd birthday please tell me if i'm doing the right thing is there any way to explain to him how this makes me feel any advice is appreciated so i guess in my opinion either he's being a dick or he's trying to be not a dick and the trying to be not a dick is him probably like if he doesn't understand it

because i'm assuming he thinks your boobs are fine right so he's probably saying like oh like i don't want fake boobs like blah blah and it's probably a roundabout way of saying yours are good or like he likes them you know what i mean yeah maybe he doesn't want to be like hell yeah fake boobs sign me up because in his mind that would make it feel shitty you know what i mean like oh thank god you're fixing them oh great like maybe that's where he's coming from maybe it's like uh maybe i don't know because i think like i don't know i feel like if that was like it would be again this is all filtered through the question asker and everything yeah i just feel like the the tactic there would have been or at least like it would be clear that you know oh my boyfriend thinks they're fine as they are or is trying to convince me that i don't need to fix them as opposed to being like if you

get fake boobs i'm leaving you which seems to be the ultimatum yeah he's giving her well he did say i don't want to date a girl with fake boobs not i don't want to date you if you get them and again like i i don't want to be this like it's always like you have to like kind of interpret the questions because you weren't there for the conversation right you don't really have context we're getting what she said i just like if we're looking at it optimistically maybe he is trying to reassure her and like maybe he doesn't know whether like it's like a trick question or like if he answers a certain way, whether he'll hurt her more or whatever, like you have to be there. That's a possibility.

Yes. If he's a dick, you just got to do it anyway. Fuck him. Like if it's what you want and need for your own kind of like self-happiness, like then the relationship isn't worth it yeah i mean like i think regardless of what scenario whether he is or isn't you know i mean like in both those scenarios if this is what you want to do oh yeah well she that's a good thing is she says she's going through it anyway yeah um i do think communication is a key here because like

the fact that she's coming on and asking and being like what could i do or blah blah blah makes it seem to me like they haven't had because if you've had that conversation like fully you've had it right i don't really feel like i'm just worried with because she does say he immediately shot it down it might be like he just refuses to talk like it might be as much as one person wants to communicate if someone doesn't want to participate in that conversation um i like she does say that like she wants to sort of he might not understand what this means to her yeah and i think a good way to do it is is frame it in something that he would understand you know what i mean be like hey imagine that you had a micro penis and i had no problem with it, but you, but you, it's

like absolutely, you know, just did damage to your self esteem and your self worth and everything. Not that we're saying having a micropenis. No, absolutely not. Obviously. Um, but, but you know what I mean? And, but then someone said, Oh, Hey, by the way, we have something that can, that can make you feel better.

Um, would you do it despite the fact that i'm saying like i would never want someone with like a penis enlargement or whatever it's like would that alter your stance on something that will remedy something that makes you so unhappy yeah that's the thing it's like you really gotta like try and get people to understand because some people are really bad at being empathetic yeah so you gotta try put yourself in their shoes and give them a scenario maybe they can relate to um and if you can't you can't whatever you you do need to have this conversation in not a passing sense you know what i mean like if he is immediately shutting it down don't let him be like look no this is important like we really need to have this conversation right now

and if he's still being like whatever like you you really need to impress on him the importance like i don't know if he's a massive asshole a bit of an idiot or just really clumsy with his words because it's got to be one of the three if not all of them yeah um like maybe he doesn't realize the severity either in that you're actually going to go through with it or that you actually feel so badly about the situation um you know or even just like i've seen people make dumb fucking compliments that they think are like are nice you know like oh i don't want to date a girl with like fake boobs like as in like your means you're great and your boobs are more than sufficient for me but like not out of you know

not out of that head to you it's like well fuck me i guess right like maybe that's what he meant i hope i just optimistically really hope that's what he meant yeah and if he refused to date you then fuck him get rid of him along with your insecurity because yeah i was gonna add that it's like if he if he just repeatedly will not have this conversation, then don't wait for the surgery and see what he does. You know what I mean? Don't be like, well, I'm going to get it and maybe he'll stick around. It's like, no. He doesn't deserve anything further.

He's not worth sticking around. Yeah. It's like, get rid of him and then take a little solace and being like, hey, I'm crushing this insecurity. You know what I mean? And you're going to go in with like, you've got this, something that you've wanted a long time hopefully a new perspective hopefully some more self-confidence and find someone that that's going to respect you for your decisions and and like you for who you are um and and i say that i know a lot of people would be like well

people liked her for who she was she wouldn't have to get this augment but it's not to do with other people that exactly that's my point it's like there are people who get plastic surgery and reconstructive surgery and augmentation and shit um and it's not to appeal to other people it is to appeal to yourself and to to uh improve your own self-image and that's fine if you're doing something if you're getting plastic surgery in order to become more attractive to your boyfriend i think that's when it becomes problematic um or to look like a certain type of person that a certain type of person prefers yeah uh that's the problematic aspect of sexual or uh plastic surgery yeah if you're just like if you really have such a bad insecurity and you feel like

doing something like this will will help like i doubt it's a decision made lightly um then then do it and like i think you know the you can kind of start a fresh chapter in your life and like maybe having a break around all this because like surgeries are scary you know what i mean like 100 no part of this is going to be easy um and that might be temptation to hold on to someone who's quote unquote there for you yeah but it doesn't sound like this fucker is and also maybe it would be better without his bullshit so you could just focus on yourself and be positive because it doesn't sound like he is being positive yeah because now you're going to be filled with doubt and being like well what if it's not what if it's worse and like what if the first time he sees them he makes a fucking comment

and then where's your self-confidence going to be then you know what i mean so if he's not 100 cool and on board get the fuck rid of him before you go through this because i think you you'll be happier and healthier doing it by yourself yeah don't don't wait for like the well we'll see how he feels no maybe he'll change his mind don't don't bother waiting for that because that's because if if his opinion of you depends on your new boobs he's not worth shit absolutely because your boobs aren't you at all it's the same situation when people have to get breast reduction surgery yeah like i had a friend who i've known for years like junior high i met her and it was always a thing where it's just like, oh, she has giant boobs. And obviously, by the time she, you know, hit her mid-20s, early 30s, or late 20s,

like, she was in, like, crippling pain. Like, her back was so fucked. A friend of mine was actually, she just posted up yesterday that she's getting that. Yeah, so she got them done, and her boyfriend, oh, fuck, what did he say? It was something terrible. And literally, she broke up with him on did he say? It was something terrible.

And literally, she broke up with him on the spot. But it was something along the lines of being like, your boobs were the best part of you. Or something really, really, really, really fucking stupid. Or like, why would I date someone with small, like, your boobs were the most, you know what I mean? It was something being like, oh, your boobs were what gave you value value to me can we capoeira back to that moment and just slap them i honestly feel like she dealt with it well enough no of course of course um there are nine times that yeah i'm sure there are plenty of times where we can go back and like people would have stuck around for that but like nothing nothing made me prouder than when she was just like yeah i'm not

with him anymore i was like oh you're the best like i'm so glad that like this isn't like some people are so tone deaf or or just assholes or just idiots or just like yeah i just don't understand but yeah don't don't be those people it's weird that people like and i say people but like nine times out of ten it is dudes involving boobs who like, like that is what they, like they, they grow an attachment to breasts or like maybe sometimes a butt or, you know what I mean? Like a, like a large feature or like a boobs are great, but like, absolutely. They're not like, there's no excuse to be a fucking asshole.

Yeah. And it's like, they almost like, once you start dating them them they like kind of put ownership over them and it's all of a sudden like women need to clear with them depending on what they want to do with them what are you doing all the boobs yeah oh i'm sorry i'm sorry what do you do it's like no we have joint custody over those it's like no no women are allowed to do whatever they want with their bodies yeah uh this one's kind of long we'll go for it whatever uh this is by sam is i am my boyfriend doesn't think i'm pretty yeah because he's a fucking sweet potato so me 20 she's a 20 year old female i've always been insecure about myself grew up bullied grew up chubby lost weight and

yeah never had a great sense of self-confidence started dating a boy 23 we hit it off i guess kind of he's not perfect but neither am i accept him as he is he's very blunt when he talks so honest it hurts sometimes we met online he never saw my pictures or anything we first started dating and we finally did swap photos i complimented him and i think he's really cute looks don't matter to me but i just like him regardless when i shared my photo he said i looked okay and yeah i guess i shouldn't have expected much reaction we meet in person he's really nice about it calls me sexy stuff. And I like the affirmation he's attracted to me. We go home and passing conversations. I realized that he doesn't think I'm pretty.

Doesn't above average for the general population. Lovely compliment, but nothing particularly extraordinary. A six, 6.5 is what he told me. Later on, we were watching K drama and I was admiring one of the contestants. She'd known to be one of the most beautiful women in Korea.

And he asks me, what would you do if you were pretty and that comment made me feel so ugly i immediately froze up if i thought so my suspicions were confirmed didn't think i was pretty being so self-conscious uncomfortable with myself already it's hard to accept this i don't know what to do i know looks aren't everything but if my own boyfriend doesn't think i'm pretty what am i supposed to do i can't change the way i look this keeps coming up this keeps me up at night anxious about this dumb problem i don't know why it bothered me so much sorry any advice would be helpful hey i got i got some real quick advice dumb him yes yeah like this isn't this isn't like what can i do to make myself pretty for my boyfriend this is not even

a boyfriend who isn't a piece of shit yeah that's not even a i'm not pretty it's a he's just a dick yeah this sounds like he is wildly insecure in himself and he thinks that the only way to maintain a relationship is to put other people down yeah and is to like whittle your self-confidence down so that you think that the only person you could possibly be with is him and this is a hundred percent a common tactic it's it's almost like gaslighting 101 yeah you know what i mean like is to is to immediately break someone's spirit and self-worth so that they feel obligated to be with you it is a hundred percent bullshit and you need to get out of this relationship because i promise you it's only going to get more abusive from here. That's a really sad update.

What is it? Basically, everyone was like, talk to him. Tell him how you feel. And when she did, he was just like, yeah, I'm sorry. I just thought it was something you'd accepted. Yes. And she was like, we're going to work through it. I was like, no.

So if you're listening, and we might have to message you after this. Yeah. That guy's a dick like just get the fuck out of there i would say i would say he's a step above it like yeah no like this is a sociopath it's a piece of shit yeah um that's that's not okay no like saying that to another human is not okay i mean like even if if i walk it would be like walking past someone on the street that you didn't find attractive Pulling them aside and being like

Hey You're not pretty And then just walking Yeah And that's That's harsh to do to someone you don't know Yeah To someone you're supposed to care about

Yeah To say those shit Also like Like I very much doubt He doesn't find you attractive Also You know if he's dating you Yes

I very much doubt he's dating you I mean like that ugly bit Like he probably finds you He definitely very much doubt he's dating you. You mean like that ugly bitch? He probably finds you, he definitely finds you attractive. He's just being a dick. He knows your insecurities and he's preying on them. Yeah. Yeah, like I said, this is the doorbell to years of an abusive relationship. Yeah, get the fuck out.

In which you will feel like he is your only option and he will exploit you and abuse you. And it might not be physical, but it will be mental, and it will be emotional. Well, it's already fucking mental and emotional. Yeah, like, this is, like I said, it is textbook sociopath. Yeah. And you deserve so much better. I'm sure that's a huge, like, every possible red flag here is coming up as the signs of an abuser. He basically is a red flag factory.

Yeah. Get out. Like it's, you know, in like the cartoons when you pull a gun and the little bang symbol comes out? That's coming out of his mouth, except it's just red flags. It's just like every word he says is just like him just vomiting red flags. Yeah, no one deserves that and no just get out and it doesn't matter how attractive you are no like also an objective scale it does not matter because i promise you you will find someone who finds you attractive 100 and also isn't a

shithead yeah like this person um it's it's one of those things where people are like well like what if he is true what or like what if he is is telling the truth what if it is true what if i am at best a six it's like well cool i promise you i promise you if you want to like live your life on that fucking bullshit scale which we've already talked about like literally you get five people in the room and you get five other people to walk into the room maybe people can agree on like i feel like on the general consensus of like celebrity to not celebrity maybe but like everybody scales fucking completely i mean how many times have we been out on nights out and i've been like look at her and you've been like what and you vice versa where you're just like her i'm like how drunk how drunk are you right now? And like, not even in a bad sense.

No, no. But more just like one of us being like, oh my God, that's the hottest girl. Or like, and like, yeah, she's good looking. She's good looking. But like, you know, you never realize why that spark, like the one person being like, oh, wow. And you're like, I see something, you know, she's good. But because everyone has different fucking tastes.

And like, on top of that, I'm sure we've mentioned this before when you meet someone when you talk to them that's pretty much when the attractiveness really either peaks or declines because the personality behind the face and the body and the everything is is everything you know like i've met people who are like objectively beautiful that people will be like oh damn and honestly i don't find them attractive because they suck yeah and i've met people who maybe initially i didn't like double take but now i'm like oh shit oh yeah i'm like damn 100 yeah it's and and if i feel like there might be a problem if if that if you don't know what we're talking about when we say that i think maybe you need to do some self-reflection because if someone's personality doesn't skew how attractive they are yeah yeah you might need

to start putting a little more weight need to be not as shallow yeah like maybe maybe do a little self-reflection and see and see why that is because unless everyone you've met is amazing in which case or terrible yeah um um what i was saying before was again if you want if you want to like look at the world in this black and white scale of ones and then whatever i promise you even if you're a you know a six there are there are other sixes out there that aren't garbage so you know i mean it's like yeah yeah i mean there are people, you know, range or attractiveness or whatever you want to like qualify as that, which is a bullshit metric anyway. We can all agree that it isn't true. But even if it was, there's not just like you.

He's not the only person who's like, yeah, it's not like, oh, sixes are all narcissistic sociopath. If you are actually a six, one, there's millions of other sixes. And two, there's millions of other sixes and two there's millions of other male sixes and they're probably not gonna be shitheads like this guy yeah so one that scale is bullshit for again i don't think we can say it's a garbage metric uh but two if someone's a dick like this get the fuck out because you're so much better alone yes and then you won't be alone because you'll find somebody fucking better uh yeah, it was depressing. I didn't want to read it out. Being alone, I think it's important.

Like, these are, I know it's not particularly funny to talk about, but. But we're not going to shy away from that. No, absolutely not. I've got a question. This comes from Reddit user RobDog1977. The question is, hello. And the other question is, what is considered boyfriend material? Is it something that I can learn?

I've been told several times I'm not boyfriend material. Just curious what people think. Well, it's what, 80% nylon, 20% cotton? See, it's funny you say that because I think it's just 100% denim. 100% leather. see it's funny you say that because i think it's just 100 denim 100 leather um i feel like maybe reliability kindness you know uh i think those are two very important parts 100 yeah i feel like you know if people are sleeping with you yeah maybe you're hot or maybe you're attractive or maybe you're charming. There's any number of reasons why people would sleep with you. It could be wealth.

It could be the fact that maybe you have a giant dick. Or maybe you're just right place, right time. Maybe you're just lingering by the exit door and you see someone looking sad and alone. But to date someone, you really need to like commit and to commit to someone they need to be nice reliable kind or they should be anyway yes sir I think I think a certain level of maturity is also required I think I would say probably the number one reason that people are saying that someone is in boyfriend material is probably immaturity.

And I mean, like, lack of responsibility or lack of commitment. Like, someone, if I looked at someone, if I was looking for, I'm going to switch around and say girlfriend because I am heterosexual. But if I was looking for a girlfriend and she was burning through jobs, like like every week because she couldn't keep a job and and every reason like it was never her fault you know what i mean if it was always like oh uh this person didn't like me so i got fired oh this person had it out from you know what i mean it's like yeah if there was no sort of sense of accountability that's also like a sense of just being unreliable and like you know because the thing is like with a relationship it is constant so you need to be yourself constant yeah and whether that's in your personal relationships

you're the way you act the way you whatever like you need this kind of like level of reliability like someone needs to be able to see a future with you be it a month or you know 10 years or whatever the fuck but like if you're exhausting or, or like shitty or just like, you know, if you just don't gel or if you don't, you know, seem like you take things seriously, then you're not going to take them seriously.

Like you said, like reliability, if you're, if you're the opposite, if you're inconsistent, if like some days you're super sweet and caring and nice. And then other days you're like, Hey,

you're a six. What would you do if you were pretty? Or, and like, and it, it factors into all things like if if some days you're very focused on like like let's take sex for example if you're very focused on making sure they come first and yada yada and some days you just sort of like throw it in hop on board get your jollies yeah get your jollies and then be like okay i'm gonna go now it's like people aren't gonna keep you around because for no reason like it's i think reliability is is i think you hit it on the head there yeah um and then there's like like you said there's you know kindness there's empathy there's communication skills there's like all those things that kind of fall under that

umbrella it might even be like as you said like if you like maturity and that kind of fall under that umbrella. It might even be like, as you said, like if you like maturity and that kind of feeds into a lot of things. It's like how you act with people. But also it could be like, you know, do you have like, you know, friends and like a job and like, are you going somewhere? Because sometimes if someone's just stag, you know, if you're going in different directions as well. Yeah. You know, like you might be just fit to chill and be like, yeah, I'm only doing one course this year. I'm going to do another one course. Maybe I'll graduate in eight years.

But they're like, yeah, I want to have my career up and running. You guys probably aren't on the right track. You know what I mean? Et cetera. There's a million different things. But in general, I think just being like... And again, we're talking very broad general strokes here because like there is no magic yeah because i promise you that that someone who's like living in their van and doing weird

open mic gigs paycheck to paycheck what's weird about like i mean like weird oh okay yeah um like if that's if that's your lifestyle i'm sure that there is someone out there who thinks that's the coolest fucking thing. And would love to join you on that adventure. This is the thing. It's like a lot of places, and I know this is why this probably might not be the nicest answer or at least the most satisfying. It's like if you go to, and this is why I hate a lot of the shit on seduction, is that they give you definites. Like, you've got to be this, this and this. You don't.

You don't at all. So we can't give you a 100% answer like this is boyfriend material because everyone's different. You know, as we just said, there is no like scale. There's no like, oh, you got to be a business guy in a suit. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It's like some people hate that. Some people love that. I don't think I could ever be with someone who worked a nine-to-five who was, you know, working and saving for retirement.

I don't think that's something that would mesh with my lifestyle or my personal preferences or my goals in life. Like, I'm – it might be irresponsible, and this is probably some checking some me off someone's boyfriend materialist, but it's like, I'm not, I'm not working to 65. You know what I mean? Like my, my future vision isn't 65.

Make sure I have X amount of dollars in the bank so that I can retire. Yeah. Like that doesn't, that doesn't appeal to me because for me, I'm like that. The majority of my life has been sent working towards a date that I don't even know how I'm going to make. That you might not reach.

And also when you do, you can have fun. Yeah. We all know people who are 65 suck. Yeah. I mean, once you hit 65, you're fucking terrible. Yeah. Yeah. You're cool when you're 64.

Like, those guys know how to party. Like, they're great. From 61 to 64, you're... When you're 65, it's like, fuck. That's when the smell starts to set in. Exactly. You pretty much can only digest Werther's Originals and prunes. Those are the only thing you could eat.

But then when you're 70. Oh, shit. That's when you swing. That's the upswing. Yeah, yeah. There's that weird curve. You peak at 61 and then just rock bottom out at 65. Like lower than you were when you were an infant.

Yeah. Then you're back up. 70, ooh, baby. Party begins. Yeah. That's why. Second puberty. Yeah. At 65. Like lower than you were when you were an infant. Yeah. Then you're back up. 70. Ooh, baby. Party begins. Yeah. That's why. Second puberty. Yeah.

Look at that double beard. Yeah. It's an anal beard. I'm going next one? Yeah. Is it just me or are single people who wish they were in a relationship looked down upon? I've noticed this from personal experience it's almost like being upset because you're single or can't find love is an invalid reason to be upset am i crazy by bend read nine

i think if that is your singular focus and all you talk about i think that is when people start looking down on you and it's not because you're single and want a relationship i think you could replace that with anything if if you were unemployed and looking for a job and the only thing you freaked out about was your unemployment status or or like anything you know i mean like if if anything you deemed lacking in your life and that was the only thing you like like anything you know i mean like if if anything you deemed lacking in your life and that was the only thing you like had that you know laser vision tunnel vision of like this is the only thing that's making me unhappy i think everyone will be annoyed by that well i wish and we don't have the time to go through the comments because they are actively attacking everybody who dares to say that you

should be happy anyway like actively aggressively like no fuck you have you not seen the pyramid of needs it's a fucking need i'm allowed need it so like next it's like maybe that's why you are single because like we've said before it's like you should be cool being single because like you can't like relationships aren't a thing you can just go out and buy they're not a thing you can just go out and even find yeah you know with any regularity like unless you want to set yourself up for failure and the thing is wanting a relationship without wanting a relationship with a person like a specific person who you get on well with and likes you too is is itself an exercise in failure because you'll meet someone the second it hits any of the bare qualifications or the time or

if they show interest if you want a relationship so badly you'll get into it even if it's not a good one yeah because if you want a relationship you want any you just want a relationship it doesn't matter who the fuck it is or how it is want to not be single exactly if that's your goal that is that is a problematic goal and that's the thing it's like one yeah you should be happy when you're like single and blah blah and like yeah we should all be fulfilled with ourselves and that's not to say you shouldn't want a relationship but if you need one and it's not with like oh my god this person i've been seeing who's great like i actually want a relationship with them that's cool but if i'm like i want a relationship i want a relationship and i'm like turn around to you i'm like hey i got one there's

gonna be that moment of like oh god is it yep like why is it just cause and that's i think the simplest way i can put it you know and I think the fact that this person is so aggressively denying that doesn't do them any favors yeah it's I mean we've talked about it before where it's you relationships are a joint venture yeah and it's and it's a like both people need to be in it together both people need to be on the same level. And it's also like if you aren't entirely fulfilled with your life, if there's something that's missing and it's a relationship, you're at like an 80% or whatever deficit you're at. Let's say you're at 80%. You're down, though. That partner is now going to have to be giving 120 yeah in order to maintain this 100 status quo yeah at which point if they're constantly giving 20 more than they have yeah it's gonna burn out

real fucking quick or it's gonna get toxic or whatever's gonna happen yeah and i'm not saying that you have to be 100 all the time no like that's the nice thing about relationships is that those meters fluctuate 100 it's like sometimes you're on a low, and someone can give you that extra boost, and vice versa. And they kind of always level out. But if you're the only one taking, then the person is the only one giving, and eventually that's going to be a bad scene.

Also, if your standard is like, your baseline is at this minus because you need someone to come and shore up the gaps in your life. That's not good. If you have a fully functioning life and you have this like, you know, and I'm not talking about like mental illness or anything like that. You know, I'm talking about just base standard. If you need another person.

That's not good. No. You know what I mean? No. Relationships need to be based on want and not need. And of course course like if you look at that triangle of fucking things yes we all do need companionship and blah blah blah blah but like you know you can be friends and family and you know hookups and whatnot like it doesn't

mean you're not a human if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend yeah i would say the most important you know uh fulfillment of that need for the longest time of my life was, was friends. But I think it also is because like you, it's where you break up with friends. Exactly. And also you get to choose them on like family. Yeah. So it's like, it's, it's a very healthy and strong, you know, relationship that is going to hopefully bolster your life and like if you're lacking all these things like it shines through if you start being like i hate that i'm single because you then seem like you're trying to put like get somebody else to fill up the shit that

you should fill yeah i guess you know what i mean and that's not to say that if you're together you can't be like lonely or like oh man like you know valentine's day everyone's out with their significant others or blah blah blah blah blah and you're like i wish but it also doesn't mean that you should be like i need it i need it now um this comes from reddit user upset straight girl how do i clearly used to date her how do i clearly explain to my boyfriend that I'm straight and not interested in an FFM threesome? For those who don't know what that means, it's female, female, male. No, it's not. It's female fridge magnet.

Oh. Yeah, she doesn't want to get stuck to a fridge. My boyfriend and I have been dating for one and a half years and recently revealed his FFM threesome fantasy to me, which I congratulated him for, but he looked at me straight in the eyes and told me he intends to bring another girl in the bedroom for a threesome. At this point, I interrupted him and told him I'm straight and don't see women in that way. He laughed at me and then continued how we should create a Tinder, Bumble account, and check out bars in the town for hunting a unicorn for us to discuss the boundaries.

Now, obviously, I love my boyfriend and I love to please him. It's funny because it feels for us to discuss the boundaries. Now, obviously, I love my boyfriend and I love to please him. It's funny because it feels like they already discussed the boundaries. I even gave him, quote unquote, backdoor access for his birthday. But a FFM threesome, I can't. I don't want my face, hands, or tongue near a vulva.

I don't even want to touch a naked woman's body. Or hell, even being in the same bed naked repulses me. No offense to lesbian and bi girls, I'm straight and it hurts when my sexuality is ridiculed. That's fair. Yeah. No one can, like, compel you to be not what you're, like, no. That'd be the same as, like, forcing someone into any sexual act. Just say no. Yeah, it'd be like approaching a girl and being

like hey i would love i'd like i'm really into you do you want to go on a date oh i'm sorry i'm a lesbian yeah okay cool but like are we gonna go on this date okay we're just gonna go on this yeah it's like no if if someone has a sexual preference i have a sexual preference it would be like if amanda even if you were into like let's say you're dating someone and yeah you're a guy so they're probably into guys you're like yo my friend jeff's gonna fuck you no yeah no but you're into guys even if she was into girls yeah it wouldn't fucking matter yeah because if you don't want to do something don't know you don't get to force people into doing things the fact that this person is just like it seems like they didn't even hear you say that yeah it's like they're living in like the porn

reality oh yeah everyone girls into girls yeah where it's just like oh just like oh no no i've seen it it's like you say you're not and then you know one of you drops the like feather duster or you know like someone can't buy the pizza or and feather duster or, you know, like, someone can't buy the pizza. And then all of a sudden, you guys are just going to town on each other. It's like, I know this is how it works. It's like, no, no, no. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, you're right.

That is how it works. Sorry. What an idiot. No, this is so fucked. I can't even joke about it. I know. I'm sorry. But you need to talk to this boy or GTF out of this really

man this is a dump people episode yeah this is the theme everybody it's it's gonna be one of those situations where you you're gonna have to sit them down again and be like hey look real so you know a threesome is not going to happen and if that's a deal breaker for you then perhaps we should go our separate ways it sucks like that's obviously not the ideal solution here but i think in a situation where this person is going to be like that it is the ideal situation because there is no third option if his if his only response is yeah but no okay but we'll we'll keep looking yeah like maybe we'll find the right girl for you it's like no um and i

think i think once once you have that like big talk and like a final sort of like you really hammer it down definitive like this is not happening ever i know you've already said it but like it might be one of those things where it's like where he thinks oh maybe she's kind of warm up to the idea or maybe next birthday i'll be like oh hey you know susan from accounting is you know accounting is never down you don't know that since that's what she wants you to think god damn freak that i believe um but yeah no just this guy's a dick yeah because i have to talk i promise you he's gonna like he's gonna be like oh hey let's let's grab drinks on friday and you go on friday and then there's

gonna be a girl there and be like oh where where did you come from oh have you met my girlfriend yeah uh have the talk uh like don't don't have like don't have have the talk just be like straight up laying it down and if he's anything other than oh okay sorry i was mistaken yeah bounce yeah it's like like a penny thrown against a trampoline just bounce or quarter bounce off my snare drum tight ass uh yeah let's do one more uh boyfriend wants to come on my boobs every time now by aok 2019 and they deleted it but i still know the most important part effectively uh he had come on her breasts once but now anytime they do anything that's how he wants to end and she's like okay with it the odd time but doesn't want

it to just be constant all the time because the cleanup and the fact that he likes to make a big messy scene out of it for quite a while and also i quote say like he like plays in it oh he plays with it yeah and he plays with spreads it around it in everywhere, and then won't let her clean it off for a while. And on top of that, apparently she has... She's uncomfortable how large her areolas are, and he likes to point out that he's the syrup on her pancakes. Apparently. And she...

That's the reason why I chose this question. Because... I would love to know if this would be an issue if if we just remove that last bit from the equation would that be it's still it's still an issue it just gets worse if that's in there i know but i wonder if it would be tolerable i wonder if she'd be like this is okay but i wonder if it's the pancake for them yeah yeah i feel like it's just this is the the just the straw that came on the camel's pancakes. I don't know. Like, I get it, man.

Like, coming on boobs, it's weird. Why is it so fun? I don't know. Like, I can't explain it. It's like, I think it's, a lot of people don't like having their face covered. I get that. And I think it's like proximally close enough but it's also like it's also like something it's not common like it's

like during sex you'd have to sort of really reposition yeah you know even even then it's like why do people love like coming on face coming on boobs it's just like a weird thing that like there are a lot of different things to play into it i don't think everybody has the same one of those though yeah you know what i mean it's like a control and dominance and fetish and that's the thing there's so many things but like so many people have it for different reasons i don't know either way it's fun but oh yeah yeah i mean just coming anywhere on someone is... Yeah, that's true. Just coming is great. Yeah.

What really weirds me, and again, I'm not trying to kink shame or fetish shame anyone here, is the, like... He said fetish shamingly. The, like, the semen finger painting he does after the fact. Because, like, the last thing I want to do after I've come is, like, get my hands all up in it. Fair. I'm not disgusted by my own cum. I'm not either, but, like, I don't want to play with it. What do you do with it? Like, imagine you were with a squirter, and then they would just be like,

just start splashing around in it. Get their water gun out. Yeah, or, like, put their galoshes on and start stomping around. The thing is, how do you make your semen figures if you don't play with it? Yeah, you're going to have to go. You're going to take me on the ride. You don't pull out your pocket sand and meld them and make little dinosaurs? Just get the sawdust.

I don't know. That's the best I can do with that. I don't do that, guys. I promise. Why are we back on 600? Yeah, again, dump is no. I talked to him be like hey one i don't think that's a weird ass term and i feel like you're drawing attention to something i was all conscious about so don't fucking do that secondly i don't want it to happen every time because it's messy and i have to

clean it up i'm uncomfortable with it. Yeah. Just lay it out. And again, if he can't respect your wishes, buh-bye. Yeah. Or run away when he's about to come. Oh, yeah. Just be like, yeah, you ready? All right, cool. And then just push him and run. Do the toilet trick where you put cling film or ceramic wrap or whatever you guys fucking call it over the board.

And it sprays their pee back on them and he'll come and it'll just spray cum back on them and then you play with him and you say I just done syrup on your blueberries because I'm sure he has small nipples. Is she a squirter? Because I feel like you could

be like alright cool you've done that now now I'm gonna come all over you or i'm sorry and then just you know cover them and be like yeah no no no don't move yeah oh no no this is going everywhere blindfold them and if you can't squirt get a jug of warm water and he won't know yeah just keep going like oh god he's like you're my water world um there's i don't even really know like there's so many individual like individual parts that we need to address and i feel like it's very specific to this gentleman like like just be like one make him pancakes two oh my god make him eat pancakes yeah like be like okay cool whip out some pancakes clean yourself

up with that pancaking and be like there's the syrup there you go fucking pancake there's your pancake oh do what that girl was doing like episodes, episodes ago. Save all your condoms. Make him pancakes for breakfast one day. Give him syrup on his pancakes. Yeah, and just squeeze out all the condoms in front of him. Do a James McAvoy. Oh, God, there's... Yeah, it's a bizarre one. I didn't even...

I would love to know if she's, like, does he know that she's, like, self about her aerial like i don't know i don't know i don't know like does he think like maybe he finds him really really sexy and this is again like going back to i think our first question where like he just doesn't know or a second question he just like doesn't understand that this is inappropriate to say or that you're self-conscious about it or he thinks this is a compliment i don't know i don't know but it's definitely one of those things where you have to you got to do that post sex chat and be like hey i know you really enjoy this it's not my favorite thing we can do it every now and then but like wait for my go ahead yeah you know what i mean like if if we're feeling if it's if it's the right time i will tell you i will

be like hey i want you to cover my tits and cum. And it'll be more fun for him because it'll be like a treat. And also, it's like there is nothing hotter than when someone tells you to do something that you want to do. And like, unprovoked, unasked. You know what I mean? If someone is like, come all over my tit. Like, if someone said that to me, like, I remember, I think it was actually one of my first Tinder dates. We were having sex and she was like, come all over over me i didn't because i was wearing a condom but i was like hot as fuck you probably finished right that was it i was like

well whoop there it is i was like i'm sorry i can't grant your request but i will let you know that i can squeeze this plastic pack of the cum all you. I have... Somewhat less hot. Granted it within this receptacle. Are you a condom? Because if so, I did. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

Just communication. It was too good to not mention. Yeah, you 100% have to be like, hey, this is a once in a while treat for you. And maybe outline the fact that you're self-conscious about your nipples because i i feel like he probably doesn't know that yeah if you are self-conscious about something especially if it's bothering you in a situation he's involved in and he doesn't know i don't think it's very fair to not let it like again i get it if you don't want to bring

it up but like you're going to react certain ways to certain things and if he doesn't know, but he's still being reacted upon as a result of that, like, I don't think it's very fair to withhold that.

Yeah. Just let him know. No one can know your hangups. Yeah. You know, he can't read your fucking mind. I'm sure there's stuff he's self-conscious about

and maybe you'll say it to him, maybe he'll feel, you know, like he's able to, to to say it to you maybe he has a pancake fetish that he never yeah got a chance to explore and now maybe he can um that's the thing it's like like until you tell someone something they don't know it you know like there's no way if someone goes to town on my nipples they don't know i fucking hate it until i say hey cool with the nipples it's the worst um and it's one of those, yeah, if you were self-conscious...

But if you were getting annoyed at them for doing it but never told them, that wouldn't be very fair. Yeah, no, that's 100% a shitty thing to do. So, outline what you want, tell them you don't like things, and if he continues to do it, dump his ass. Dump it. All it alright let's wrap

this bad boy up do I add this on you got a new thing for us I don't know yeah have you ever heard of the love reddit

no I didn't it was suggested to me today though yeah I guess it was suggested to me the other day maybe they're like these guys are

browsing a lot of really grim questions oh yeah no like the things I get suggested now are like dead bedrooms love i saw i read a dead bedrooms one the other day i don't think we can bring in this podcast no no 100 not i'm sorry guys i don't think i will i will go there yeah um i just really want to like read some some of the stuff from the love for it because it's

it's so good this probably isn't even as funny as i think it is love am i the only one who cuddles with one of my pillows wishing it was my crush by netheria forever when i take a nap or go to bed i take one of my pillows and cuddle it tightly till i fall asleep it's my alternative to cope with the loneliest of her not being the one i'm holding am i the only one are they i'm gonna say no oh there's a million people replying to this but the my favorite is the one person called banana mammal who kept commenting on all the people like one person no not wishing was my crush because i don't have one however literally cannot sleep without hugging something i always feel lonely as well so it doesn't help banana mammal comments when we come over i like to give and receive hugs and they're just prowling

through this thing commenting that on everything that's that's true love banana mammal he's going for it there's also a bunch of quotes and it's just some really weird shit on there it's great all right uh thank you again guys again, we started it off. We don't usually do a lot of pandering at the top, but we're just really excited that it's going well. We're somewhere. And again, like Nile said, it's not bullshit when we say we couldn't have done it without you because literally can't do it without you. And it's really awesome. A lot more people are reaching out to us.

It's fucking really, really cool. And I'm glad that we can help. And I'm glad that you guys are's it's really awesome um a lot more people are reaching out to us um it's it's fucking it's really really cool um and i'm glad that we can help and i'm glad that you guys are enjoying it if it's if it's just entertainment for you i'm glad we're doing it for you if it's actually helping you if you're passing off the the advice and the information that we're giving that's also really cool um we have uh we have a bunch of avenues that you can reach out to us. Uh, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash FCK buddies podcast. You can reach out to us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies. Uh, you can also send us an email if you want to, you know, put a whole big long thing in there. Um, or if you don't want it, uh, seen by the general public, um, it's at, uh, F buddies

podcast at gmail.com. Thank you, Josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars we also um we've had a guest our only guest um on this podcast has been uh kyle crawford you might know him as that really funny awesome guy we had on here but we know him as one of our best friends he's amazing incredible chef um i don't know i can't remember if we ever talked about it but yeah kyle is did because i think you had the the horrendous like frozen spaghetti oh whatever the fuck old spaghetti or no crusty spaghetti christy yeah uh kyle's like a stupidly good chef

like i can't describe to you how just how tasty and how amazing his food is and the best thing is he's all self-taught he doesn't even work as a chef he just cooks like just such good shit at home and but what's really cool is lately uh he's come into a lot of different opportunities i don't know what ones i can talk about but one of which is there's a thing coming up um and it's effectively i forget what the actual event is called. Probably should look that up. Yeah. Let me double check.

But basically. I do want to just quickly interject here. Kyle also does a bunch of charity work. Oh, yeah. And he also makes these like really amazing home cooked meals for people who either don't have the time or don't have the money. He deals a lot with, I don't know if Bunz is a Torontoonto based thing i think it started and now is in a few other places so if you're in toronto for sure look him up on buns he makes food there which is incredible it's also notable you

might know him for if you haven't from the podcast already he made uh food for the homeless back in like december or november and he fed like yeah dozens and dozens of people he does all this like sort of charity and goodwill stuff and he and he gives these like amazing home-cooked meals that people normally wouldn't be able to afford or make because his level of cooking is just stupid so they're essentially like he's selling or like giving these these meals away which are i would equate to like five-star fine dining restaurant quality meals to people who probably wouldn't have eaten

without him. Yeah. Which is an amazing experience. One, they're getting food that they desperately need and two, they're getting something other than like canned soup and stuff like that,

which they tend to like normally rely on. And it just brings a little bit more humanity back to those situations to be to be able to eat good food i think everyone can like appreciate like some of the best parts of our day like our week or a day or whatever is when we get to eat really good food yeah and has such a bearing for on yeah some people don't get any food let alone good food uh he also like recently like we could sing his praises all day cause he's amazing, but like he was teaching school kids how to cook there again for free, just kind of from the goodness of his own heart. A while back, uh, he's involved in some like Jewish organizations in the city, um, and charitable things through them and everything.

But either way, at the moment he is, uh, involved in this, this uh this initiative where effectively he's trying to raise money for epilepsy in south central ontario um and on top of that the added bonus to the money he's raising is if he hits certain targets uh he's going to be able to cook with and learn with celebrity chefs at an upcoming like food event either way we're both supporting him and uh if you would like to too uh which i think you should because it's incredible uh we have a link to his thing we're also going to post up on our facebook uh i think his eventual goal is is four thousand dollars four thousand dollar gets him so like i think right now he's now invited to the event because i think he's just about a thousand which

is crazy he's over a thousand like a week yeah um if he hits four thousand he gets to participate and join the team and actually like cook alongside like celebrity chefs which would be like so these are people i think it's um i can't remember his name but these are like master chefs um hosts and um contestants um these are people who own restaurants yeah like this could be huge for him because he he's already so good he deserves to be recognized anyway um but yeah so it's uh if you want to go find that link it's tiny.cc forward slash kyle chef um and yeah it's just it's it's a really great thing both in general because it's giving the charity because

it's supporting somebody who is an amazing person and because it's helping to cultivate somebody who has amazing talent that just you know deserves a spotlight i think and also he's been on the podcast again just out of the goodness of his own heart and we love him as a person i'm sure you guys love listening to his episodes uh hopefully we'll have him on soon yeah it's one of those things where you're just like there's no way you can feel bad about this like it's it's literally gonna do your heart so much good because you're helping Kyle, who's awesome. You're helping people who need help.

And you're helping like... You're helping good food. Yeah. It's an amazing opportunity for both Kyle and for people who want to find a reason to give back or an opportunity to help. Yeah. Also, if you're on buns, go check out his stuff

because like i think it's home chef kyle home chef kyle i believe is his um but either way it's like god damn his food is so fucking good yeah like i can't operate in the bits which is like the currency yeah and i think for a meal it's 700 bits which translates to seven dollars oh yeah and it's so good yeah and like i said like you're getting like fine dining quality food uh for seven dollars like you would be paying i would say anywhere between like 25 to 40 dollars yeah for any of his dishes like he's cooked me dinner like so many times and it literally makes my week if i know kyle's cooking dinner for me at some point like i'll be thinking about for like

two weeks and he's also recently started baking oh my god and let me tell you guys if he wasn't already fucking good enough yeah his his cakes and fucking pies and shit also follow him on uh instagram even if like you just want to make yourself hungry because it's stupid also think it's also home chef kyle anyway yeah do donate. You know, you'll help everybody. Yeah. We love you, Kyle. All right. I'm going to get comfortable.

Yeah. All right. Well, I found one. So this is Melvin Bragg's A Time to Dance. Ooh. The Ram of Sex. Is that a subtitle? Who fucking knows? Okay.

We came together. Do you remember? Always tenderly. I was first standing, like a chivalric introduction to what was to be a voluptuous sensual battle? Just stood and kissed like children. Simply. Body to body, skin to skin, you slightly stirring against me,

myself disregarding, for those seconds, the ram of sex aching below. And then we would be on the bed, eye touching you hungry, eyes closed, fingers inside you, reaching into the melting fluid, rubbered silk, a relief map of mysteries, the eager clitoris, reeking of you, reaching into the melting fluid, rubbered silk, a relief map of mysteries, the eager

clitoris, reeking of you, our tongues imitating the fingers, your hands gripping and stroking me, but also careful not to excite too much, and so I would fuck you gently, and then more strongly, and finally thrust in hard and suddenly let everything go, slam into me, he used to say, how you just slam into me. So the Ram of Sex is his penis. No, I think she was actually sitting on a ram. Oh. The only way they can fuck.

I don't know. It's pretty bad. Oh, I'm sorry, dear. We can't fuck tonight. The Ram of Sex isn't present. He, I'm sorry, dear. We can't fuck tonight. The ram of sex isn't present. He's out in the pastures. The ram of sex went to pasture.

Oh, no. And the lamb of sex can't hold up my weight. Kissing like children? Ew. I imagine that it's either just like really short and quick like pecs or like just a stiff tongue just inserted. I just. And not knowing what to do after that i just it's why would you when you're working a sex scene yeah the word children unless you're saying we did it to have children yeah it just shouldn't be or we hid from the we knew we had time before the children woke up. Or the children weren't home.

So we done fucked. Yeah. Just don't describe any part of the act. If you're using a simile or metaphor. Yes. That ends with a comparison to a child. Like a child trying to get a square through a circular hole. Don't do it.

No, that's gross. Also, that poor ram. Hit me with my rhythm sweet sweet dan dan says well you shouldn't ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a breakup wait what give me that one more time i usually don't want to hear dan twice but it's i don't think it's gonna be any better okay when you shouldn't ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a breakup, I can only assume he means you're giving them the ultimatum? Like, yo, relationship or nothing. Oh.

After a break. Well, at least. I don't. I really don't think Dan understands what a breakup is. That's the thing. Maybe. Maybe he doesn't. I fundamentally do not think he knows what that

means. Yeah, because, like, again, it's one of those things where you're like, she's already made that choice. Yeah, she's made that choice. It's the nothing, Dan. It's the nothing, bud. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Can we just buy him, like, a dictionary? Yeah. Like a social dictionary? I don't know. Anyway, man. Can we just buy him like a dictionary? Yeah. Like a social dictionary?

I don't know. Anyway, guys, you're all the best. Please, I know we shouldn't say that a third time, but... Reviews, we love you. Yeah, if you could hit us up with some ratings and reviews, also send us to your friends. Also, we've got a new logo coming soon, so keep your eyes peeled for that. And maybe a website. You don't know.

You don't know me. You don't know? You don't know me. You're me you're not my real mom um but i am dane miller oh hey nice to meet you nice to meet you i am a nal spain and we are your fuck buddies