F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 52 - Drippy Darnell

Episode Date: September 23, 2019

Summer 2: The Sequel to Summer is here and we're back to being sweaty closet boys, but that doesn't stop us from providing you ever hotter dating and sex advice.  Topics include being too passive, pulling out's suggested success rate, idealizing your relationship, the promise ring problem, a sweaty curse by the Spite Witch and a shocking Dan revelation.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Damian And I'm Niles Payne, and we are your fuck buddies What the fuck? Couldn't catch me, too fast My name is Damian and I'm now Spain and we are your fuck buddies What the fuck

Couldn't catch me too fast to not feel it's enough Welcome back friends drink you psychopath. Yeah. Thanks. Welcome back guys How's your week been? Oh, I forgot. This was regular bourbon and Not the like coffee stuff. We've been trying waiting for the coffee. Yeah, what's what's going week been? Oh, I forgot this was regular bourbon and not the coffee stuff we've been drinking. I was waiting for the coffee. Yeah, what's going on, guys? Are you having a good summer resurgence? Yeah, if you're from Canada. Granted, I don't know what your weather's like, but for us, it got real shitty, and now it's getting real nice again.

Which is nice, because we're going into those those dark months yeah but it's not nice because this closet is real warm yeah and it's also like we're getting to the time of the year where you need like four distinct outfits if you're going to be out all day like you need a morning outfit and like an afternoon an evening and a night because the temperature's like... I just cycle so that I get really warm and then I go to a place and I'm good. Great. Fair enough. I don't need any other clothes. So I cut it out all last episode, but last week my cat Oliver decided to join us in the closet.

And you could like during the brief periods where there wasn't anything being said, you could hear him purring. And this week he's back in. I don't know why. It's like we've gone... This has been, what? This is our 52nd? 52nd, yeah. So it's not even...

It's a year, I think. No, I think next week would technically be a year. Yeah, because we released two at once. Yeah, and we waited a bit after we recorded. Yeah, but yesterday was a year since we recorded our first episode yeah which is crazy it is indeed so yeah yeah fucking it's been a pleasure doing with you likewise well thank you guys for listening and as the sonic delight of an ambulance goes by a happy cat in an ambulance we are off to a roaring start a sonic pleasure adventure um should call our

podcast that um with that being said let's let's get into it kick right into our user submitted question let's do it we we got we haven't gotten one in a while um just before we get onto our user submitted question this is a it's a nice a nice comment we got off one of our people who seem to just steadfastly decide to ignore the fact that we're a podcast. Which is like, this is even better because not just a message we got sent, it was a comment on one of the snippets that Dane put up. Which has our logo, it has listen on Spotify and available on iTunes and also audio. So they've just decided to ignore all of of this and commented fuck buddy to teach me how yeah i want the best i want to know what he what does he need to be taught yeah he's also an elderly gentleman so i feel like yeah he's like he's got at least 60 60 years in the bag

right yeah so i don't necessarily know what he needs to be taught yeah and i feel like if at that stage in your life if you if you need to know sort of just like anything maybe the internet isn't your your best place to go or maybe it's the best place to go i don't know i honestly don't know we should uh i should have replied to that one i don't know if we want to open that bag. Okay, here we go. Recently, oh, this comes from Agent... Fuck, we just looked it up. Freedom Eagle. Freedom Eagle.

Recently, my friend introduced me to a friend of his, and I'm pretty attracted to her. I got her number and asked her to go to dinner. She told me she'd have to check her schedule to see when she was free. I'm fine with that. I know how busy people can be, and I'm not in any sort of rush. Three weeks later, I checked back, and she's still pretty busy, but she promised she would let me know when she's free. In the meantime, my friends encouraged me not to focus on one woman and to try to meet some more, so I ended up talking to another woman. She's pretty cool as well,

but when I asked her out, I ran into the same situation. She's busy working. My friends tell me that I'm way too passive. Well, that may be true. In the past, when I tried to be more aggressive and get more concrete date, I ended up getting ghosted. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how long should one wait before throwing in the towel? Should I just keep asking every now and then? Or is being busy and not following up a general case of someone not being interested? I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when they tell me something, so I don't know. Maybe I am too passive yeah it's always tough because like if you if you still think things are going well with someone it feels shitty to just not ask again especially when if someone's like oh i'm busy i don't ever

want to not take them at their word for that because i'm busy a lot of the time and i hate i've had people like i think i've told this story before but my the first tinder that I ever went on uh it was a bit weird but like overall it was all right and she was like yeah let's meet up again I was like down to do it is this the pierogi girl yeah okay it was still a fun night that was just a really weird thing um but like you know I was down because if we met up again it was super weird that would be 100 i know um but my sister was visiting so i was like look you know next 10 days my sister's gonna be in the country so obviously i'm not gonna bail on her to hang out with you no offense but i guess she got it i thought uh but then she just

kept ignoring that and inviting me out that week and i was like oh i already told you my sister's over and she's like okay cool and then two days's like, hey, I'm doing like a comedy show downtown. Like, do you want to meet up after? Like, can I come over? And I was like, my sister's still over. Like I told you it was 10 days. And then she sent me this big long, like, here, look, I had a good time.

And you said you did too. And like balls in your court, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And there's like, but it hasn't been. I literally, I told you, and then you took my ball and you kept throwing it back at me and ignoring me when I said, give me my ball. I want it back. So, yeah, she just completely ignored it. And I, in the end, ended up just like never meeting up with her because I can't live with that kind of person in my life.

So they're just going to blatantly ignore the shit i've said so i never want to not believe what someone says because i feel like you know uh however sometimes it is just easier to be like oh i'm busy and then hope they'll get the picture so for me it's i i you know i try maybe twice you know and i don't want to put a hard and fast number on it because yeah i'm not all about that but at the same time it's like i'm not gonna try more than three or three times i'd imagine you know there's also like there are other indicators so like if you send them a message you know or like you know you ask them out you say hey let's grab drinks on friday and they're like i'm really sorry i'm busy for whatever reason um if they

don't contact you in any regard like if you if the only sort of like contact you have with them is them telling you they're too busy to hang out with you. Yeah. When you're initiating, like if you're, you know, a couple of days later, you're like,

Oh, Hey, like I've got some free time on whatever, um, you around. And they're like, Nope, sorry.

Still busy. And then like you, I, at that point I would just be like, okay, cool. Like I've made my effort here. If they're ever going to be free, they'll let me you, at that point, I would just be like, okay, cool. Like, I've made my effort here. If they're ever going to be free, they'll let me know.

And that's a good thing as well. And I don't wait around. You know what I mean? And it's one of those things. Because, like, if someone wants to hang out with you, if someone wants to go on a date with you, they will make the time. Yeah. And, like, I understand we're all busy. But, like, if you want to do something, you'll find a way to do it. And if you're not really a priority, then it's very clear that, like, they don't really want to go on this date with you.

And they might still like you, but there's, you know, there's liking someone a bit and then there's liking someone a lot. And you know yourself, there's some people, it's like, yeah, I've had a free night maybe, but there's people you will make time for. Yeah. No matter what. Yeah. If you're a matter of convenience, like, if you're their person of convenience it's not the best place it's like it's fine if if you don't like if you're not that invested in them either it's fine that like if every now and then one of you booty call the other one of you will be like hey let's go grab drinks

and if you're both free you're good um but like the the line of oh oh, I'm busy, and, like, oh, cool, like, do you know when you're free? And the answer of, like, nope, I think that's pretty general. Yeah, it can give you a pretty good indicator. And also, like, you know, people have agency. So if they are actually busy and they do, like, there's nothing wrong with leaving the ball in their court. And it's far more preferable than pestering them, right? Exactly. Because even if they do like you, I think if you keep harassing them or they get the impression that you aren't taking, again, like what I was saying where I was giving like a very valid reason what I thought and they just kept ignoring it, don't do that.

Yeah. It's one of those things, I think, yeah, two or three times where you initiate the offer, and again, we're not giving a hard and fast rule of numbers. You can sort of feel it out. Yeah. And again, if you're getting the same response every time of being like, oh, busy for the foreseeable future, I would maybe call the wash and move on,

or at least start pursuing other options. And then if that person comes around, uh, great. But like, also understand that it might be like, this just might be that relationship with that person where your, your might be on the back burner for them.

And you might only see them like once a month or once every couple of months. And if that's, if that's fine, like if that's all you really want to pursue with this person, great. But if you, if you want to like have a maintainable relationship, uh, I don't think that's going to work. Yeah. And also like worst case scenario, you guys are, yeah. Like worst case you guys don't go out or whatever, but like, if you're not, if you don't overdo it they're not going to be like oh there's that guy who wouldn't stop messaging you know and you never want that

so even if you guys never see like if nothing ever comes of it you want to end it in a way where they're like oh yeah that guy i know him and not like oh he kept messaging me yeah all the time and i don't think i think a lot of people what what a lot of people do is like this weird ultimatum and it's it's such a weird thing to do, especially if it's like, if you're asking them out on that, like a first date and you actually don't have any, like, it'd be one thing if like you guys have been dating for like three months and then all of a sudden this person was like, you know what I mean? It's like, well, I would like to pursue this, but if this is how it's going to go, I don't

think it's worth pursuing it. Like, that's fine. But if it's, if it's literally your first date and you can't nail that first date down because of, you know, conflicting schedules or whatever, I don't think it's fair to be like, look, I really like you, but if you're not willing to make this... Yeah. Because, like, you don't mean anything to them yet.

You don't have anything to leverage this ultimate game with. So it's like, if someone ever did that, and it's happened to me a bunch of times. You just kind of like. And I'm just like, well, like if this is like, no. Yeah. Like if this is how we're starting, like if you think you need to sort of like blackmail me or like bully me into like hanging out with you. I don't want any part of it. So definitely don't do that.

Yeah. Yeah, I think there's a lot to be said for, like, putting the ball in somebody else's court. Because, you know, if they're being honest, then they have a chance to suggest a different time or let you know when they're not busy. And if it is kind of like a blow-off, at least then you're not pestering them, right? Yeah. And also, I think a lot of, like, women will really appreciate if people can actually respect that boundary. Because so many fucking people don't. So you never know that they might be like oh okay this is actually really cool of them you know and there are there are different ways to ask people that too if you just say the vague like let's grab drinks um that's that's no good that's no bueno it's not bad but um if you're

worried you're you're coming across as passive yeah that's a that's a passive way of asking someone out it's true i think like unless you guys are a hundo p hitting it off that's like it'll work fine then but if things are a little like up in the air it's not the most like galvanizing yeah i would i would say like make a make a choice and be like hey uh would you like to grab drinks on Friday with me? Would you like to grab, you know, dinner? Don't do dinner on a first date. We've said this before.

Just go for drinks. Also, like, that might be a reason why they're a little hesitant. You know what I mean? Like, lower the commitment level. Because, like, dinner, there's a lot. Dinner could be money. Like, they might expect, you know, to pay half, and they might not want to spend it. Or they might feel guilty that they think you're going to pick up the tab.

One or the other, they have to dress up. They have to commit probably an hour or two to the actual dinner. And then you're probably going to go for drinks after. And if it doesn't go well, then it's like, oh, cool. You paid for dinner. Now I'm going to leave. So bring the stakes of the date down. Even if it's coffee or, you know what I mean, like go go grab ice cream go get a slice of cake or like grab a drink

tie it into something you guys are talking about as well right like if you guys are uh what's your cat doing like if you guys are you know discussing i don't know fucking bowling or like you both love like comics and you realize there's like a comic convention, like the fucking like the Toronto Comic Art, like TCAF, Toronto Comic Arts Festival. Like that'd be a great fucking date if you guys were both into like graphic novels and you're like, oh, this thing's on and like you don't even have to pay and you just walk around. It could be like a 20 minute jaunt. It could be a three hour, you know. Yeah. And that's more enticing than just like dinner with someone you don't really know yeah or just like you want to hang out if you like are the more specific and

the more like tailored it is the better also i guess like the more natural it comes up but like yeah yeah so yeah i think i think my my like firm answer would be um give it one more go. I mean, I don't know how many times you've already tried at this point in time. But like in the future, I would make it a more assertive date and be like, hey, let's do this on this day. And then bring the stakes of the date down. Don't do dinner. It's cliche that like dinner is a first date thing. Dinner is not a the date down. Don't do dinner. It's cliche that dinner is a first date thing. Dinner is not a first date thing. Dinner is a you actually like each other and you're dating.

You're seeing each other at that point. Because dinner, there's so many things to worry about. It's like, do I order? How much money can I spend? What can I order? Is there things in my teeth? Can I talk while i'm eating like yeah and then if you if you kind of like hit that lull or whatever there's nothing weirder than just like

waiting for food yeah yeah also like if it doesn't go well you've just shelled out a bunch of money yeah and then guess what next date you're gonna have to do that again so unless you're just straight up bawling there's a there's a big difference yeah it's just go to go grab a drink or a coffee or something yeah and then like if you're having a good time go grab something to eat after that you know i mean like there's no reason that your date can't evolve into what it was initially yeah or even just like a snack and but also if you are asking somebody out like if you're in constant contact with them it becomes easier but like if you haven't talked in a few days i don't think a out of nowhere like oh you want to meet up on friday yeah and i mean maybe just like talk to them and if you guys are establishing a conversation

then like later on you know ask that's another good point it's like are you are you just cold opening with a request for a date yeah like if you haven't sort of like warm them up and if there's no really rapport or banter like if you've only been like like you know you you and your buddy were at the movies the other day and you ran into her and you're just like oh here's you know my friend like oh hey nice to meet you and like if that's the extent of your or like her say you get their number or something and you go home and you're instantly just like hey you want to go out next Friday yeah you know unless things went phenomenally really well um which i'm a man like

most most things don't you know what i mean um you do gotta do a little bit more than that and even maybe see if like if your friend can invite do like more of a group setting thing yeah and then you'll get to meet up with them in person again and you can like get to know each other and it's it's a little more stress-free it's not a date it's a casual hangout yeah you can sort of like gauge each other a little bit more she can see sort of what you're about you can see what she's about yeah and it's like you guys are both hanging out with a friend then so like it's not this potentially ruined night you know what i mean you don't have to really commit to a lot of things because worst case again you're just hanging out with your bud yeah like organize like a karaoke night or a pub crawl or something with like you her your friend

and like a couple other friends um and then and then like you know after that at the end of that you can be like hey i had a really good time with you would you like to do it like you know let's grab a drink you know whatever um yeah i think i think there's a lot you can do here to sort of swing things in your favor. Oh, yeah. Hopefully that helped. This one got delayed, but it's fine because I don't really

need the extended details. It's pretty much all in the title. My 18-year-old boyfriend, 18 years old, claims that unprotected sex with the pull-out method is safer than using a condom. No. Yep. This, like, just screams manipulation and ignorance.

Because, like, one, best case scenario, he's an idiot and doesn't know what he's talking about. Worst case scenario, he's purposely lying to you to try to gaslight you into thinking that this is the right decision. That's the thing. Your options here are he's really dumb or he's an asshole or a nice blend of the both. Neither of which is a really great position to be in. I mean, just a cursory Google search and he's good. That's it. Like, look at it.

And also, like, STDs. Yeah. Like, even that. Even if on a, like, getting pregnant scale it was the same, which guess what? No. Especially if you're not on birth control. Like, if that's your only method of contraception, you're done. Fucked up.

But, like, also, if the pull-out method worked, no one would use condoms. Yeah. Why would you use them? It's money, and it's a lack of sensation, and it's, like, planning, and it's all these things that people complain about. Literally nobody would use them. It's not like they're a preference. Yeah. Like, get this guy Google.

Show him. If he still doesn't respect the fact that it's your body, you're the one who has to have this fucking baby or this abortion or this pill or this... You deal with all the consequences, or at least the majority of them. Don't stand for that. Yeah. And, like, if you need a little science, but, like, there is a thing that exists called pre-cum. Yeah. Which is just as potent as, well, I don't know specifically if it's just...

But, like, it can hundred percent get you pregnant. Yeah. Um, and it can still carry all the diseases that regular semen carry. Yeah. And like, it doesn't even necessarily mean like, you know,

it's, it's, you know, right before you ejaculate. Precum can, can slip its way out. Yeah. Literally at any point in time during a sexual encounter.

Also, the whole point of it is to lubricate your pathage. Your pathage. Your pathage. I was going to say urethra and passage at the same time. To, you know, to make ejaculation more successful. Yeah. No, it's, again, your choice is asshole or idiot.

And I don't think either of those are good. And I'm pretty sure she even said in the extent of details that she had mentioned this woman. He just flat out refuses to believe it. So let's refer to last week's episode and... Dump his ass. Yeah. There's no excuse.

Yeah. It's one of those things where, like, you can show them a shit ton of medical and scientific evidence that this is a bad idea. It's just fucking common sense as well. Yeah. Because, like, even, like, STDs and shit aside, or just those by themselves, on top of the fact that, like, you're also, even if it is 100, like, it was the same amount, which it isn't,

you have to, like, rely on this man's, like, reflexes and thought process when, one one he seems very much willing to disregard your safety and two it's like brains aren't exactly gone a hundred percent when you're you know yeah like how long until he's someone he's uh he's like oh sorry it just felt so good like it feels better when i finish inside you yeah like how long until that happens yeah and then it's like oh don't worry we'll just get you to like plan b yeah don't worry about it yeah i promise you he's probably also not gonna pay for that yeah no just this guy sucks yeah um it's like you said it's it's 100 your choice like

if he doesn't want to wear a condom that's his choice but it's also your choice to be like hey we're not having sex without a condom yeah um and like he can go again it's it's one of those things where if he's not wearing a condom with you he's probably not wearing a condom with any of his other partners or any of his previous partners which is a great way to get a good old like disease cocktail going yeah which like you could probably do without yeah Yeah. This is from Reddit user Parker Barhorst. Why do I, 20 year old male, miss my girlfriend, 20 year old female, when I'm not with her? But when I am with her, I want to break up with her. Every time I'm not with her, I feel like I miss her. And the thought of breaking up with her makes me sad. But when I'm

with her, I think how breaking up with her will give me the freedom I've never had in the relationship, like hanging out with friends from time to time and getting personal time without having to fight for it. I think how it's the right thing to do as to not lead her on any further, and how I don't really care if we break up. Maybe it is how she acts and what she says that turns me off, but nothing comes to mind that would make me think this way. Why is this? Does anyone know?

I'm imagining it's twofold. You're not happy when you're not with her so like messaging her and like thinking about what could be is like your lifeline so you're like you know you miss them and you're like i'm sure texting and whatever but then when they're there you're also not happy so you're like oh man she wasn't here so something needs to change there's only one thing that needs to change you need to get out of this relationship yes and no because when she's not there he's also unhappy but like he wants her to be there which shows that like even if she wasn't there he would still be unhappy so like there i think there's like a core like he's dissatisfied with something and it's not just to do with them because it was just to do with them i think he'd be happy when she wasn't there i think what's happening here is when like they were probably

very into each other or he was very into her and for whatever reason that feeling has changed and when she's not there he misses like the older or idealized you know i mean he has that like idyllic version of what she was or what she wants her or what he wants her to be or you know whatever it started as whatever the relationship used to be yeah and that's what he he's like i miss that and then when she's over he realizes that's not there anymore yeah um and the thing is if you if you have frequent thoughts that you don't want to be in a relationship with someone then you should not be that's a very clear indicator that you shouldn't be in relationship with someone and that doesn't necessarily mean

it's the end of that relationship but maybe you need time apart maybe you need to change the parameters change like it's it's not a good sign they're like you need to sort of figure out what it is she's doing yeah again if it's one of those things like he says like oh i would like to see my friends i'd like to have some personal time then have a talk with her about that and if she's not willing to change that break up exactly if she is then guess what you might have given your relationship a new lease of life exactly but i also think he needs to start like using his time better because he doesn't sound happy when she's not there either. I feel like if he had a very fulfilling life, he wouldn't be moping over her when she's not there.

And it's weird because like if you're like, oh, I don't have any time to myself and I can't see my friends from time to time. But then there's this time where you sit around just like pining over your girlfriend. That's another thing I was going to say. You seem to hate. Use that time to hang out with your friends. Yeah. Unless you're not allowed to when she's not there, at which point, dump her ass. Yeah.

Unless it's like when she's not there, she's keeping tabs on you or whatever it is. She gets angry at you if you're hanging out with friends. But I can't imagine he'd miss her then when she wasn't there. If when she isn't there is when the bullshit happens. Yeah. It's like a hard and fast rule for me where it's, if you, if you are not, like, invested in a relationship, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

Like, if you're thinking, like, daydreaming of all the freedom you could have without this person in your life, that's a very, very clear indicator that you don't want to be with this person. Yeah. And, like, again, I'm just going to, like, jump in because a while, like years ago

when I kind of first moved here and I like, I had a different relationship and all this, there were a lot of things that were dissatisfying me. Like my job was really crappy and like I had to work like two jobs and it was like just constant work. So that like whenever I was working or whenever I was like at home and I had like whenever i was working or whenever i was like

at home and i had like a brief time to myself i would miss my girlfriend quite a lot but then when they were around i was so drained and tired and like having them there sucked so like we didn't have fun together but when we weren't there i also wasn't having fun but i really missed her and i would not could not wait until i saw her again but then when she was there I was just so like just I had no anything left so I just couldn't have fun when she was there and like I was pinning a lot of that on or I was considering as well like was it her fault or like was it us and blah blah blah and you know I ended up like straightening things out a little bit more and got my like work-life balance a little bit better and then you know things got better or at least that kind of like just emotional deadness was like gone a little bit more so i could start to enjoy those times again and it could be something

like that where like if the rest of your life is taking so much out of you that like you don't have the energy or the time for this person when they're around that also could be a thing although it does seem pretty cut and dry when he's saying stuff like i have to fight for my freedom yeah but there could also be you know you really need to take a hard look at like what you have to give and why you know yeah and it's that's a good point where if you maybe do a quick little inventory of your life and figure out what you would, what would like benefit you out of this really?

Like if you broke up with her, what would you gain? Um, and if it's things that you could possibly have while still being in this relationship with a simple conversation or a communication, you know what I mean? Like if you open up and be like, Hey, I feel like I'm lacking X, Y, and Z. And I would like to pursue those a little bit more. And that person is, if she shuts it down or you know if she's like no i'm like no that's not then like okay that's your answer and also you're just gonna work with you to be like okay i'm sorry i didn't know you felt that way let's

let's address this and try to fix it then like you said there's a chance that there might be a new lease on this relationship but again if if you if you make these efforts and they don't seem to be willing to accommodate what you need to be happy, uh, regardless of how you feel about this person, you need to get out of this relationship. Yeah. And it's funny as well, because a lot of people, and we've said it before, and I'm sure we'll see it again is like a lot of people uh they have these problems but like it's almost like they assume their partner knows but then half the time when you talk to them they've never brought it up you know yeah uh which can also lead into this next question let's do it okay so this is not from reddit i'm not gonna name who it cuz you know as opposed I saw can I

complain about something slash get y'all opinion it's not well whatever my boyfriend I just celebrated our five-year anniversary or both 29 back in May for my birthday I told him I really wanted a ring as in I wanted an engagement ring when he said you'd be okay with getting me a promise ring so I took what I could get and agreed went to jewelry store and picked out a lovely ring, and on our anniversary, he gave it to me. There was no grand speech about what this ring meant to him and me. There was no romance.

He literally asked me if I wanted my ring before we went out to dinner. But that's beside the point. The big thing is, I'm 29. We've been together for five years. Why is this a promise ring and not an engagement ring? Aren't we a little old for that? I was hoping that asking for the ring would get him to start thinking about maybe proposing, but he's adamant that this is just a promise ring and not an engagement ring. Aren't we a little old for that? I was hoping that asking for the ring would get him to start thinking about maybe proposing, but he's adamant that

this is just a promise ring. We've talked about marriage a lot, and he says that we don't have the money for a real ring or a big wedding. I don't want a big wedding. I just want to be married. I'm feeling conflicted and confused. It's been five years. Is there something wrong with me? Ah, man. Every time I was like, oh, well, this is this, and then it would get addressed almost

immediately. I think you need to ask yourself why being married means so much to you. If it's a religious thing, I kind of understand it. But if it's simply like you're embarrassed that you're 29 and not married. That's what it sounds. It sounds like there's pressure from an outside source. Yeah. Like, they feel like they need to be married either for security in the relationship, which I think is a horrendous thing. Like, if you're worried your relationship won't last, guess what?

Getting married is not going to fix that. If it's our, like, society, like, she's worried about how it looks. Like, her friends are getting married and she hasn't. Like... Yeah, oh, I'm almost 30 and not married? Yeah, like, I'm 29. that's fucking young as hell firstly secondly you say five years like it's this massive figure it's really not like it's fine but you say five years like it's been five years we should be so in the eyes of the law if you're living together you are married just throwing that out there you are common law yeah i don't even know if they're living together man uh but like five years isn't isn't some and also like the way you say it's like

yeah for you apparently five years is when you should get married but for him apparently it isn't yeah and for everybody else everyone has a different fucking time scale so like just repeating it's been five years doesn't mean shit yeah like i'm sorry secondly like the issues i have with this are like they have a talk well it seems like they have a talk about the promise ring she agrees to it and then is sad when she gets it yes that's not fair um i also think that she says like she's hoping that like i'll hint this will hint will you know get know, get him to start thinking about this. I was hoping this would get him to start. Instead of, like, even though they said they've talked about it, it doesn't really sound like she's being open and honest about what she wants.

Yeah, it sounds like if your whole, like, plan is with some sort of, like, you know, inception. Yeah. Like, you're trying to, like, plant these thoughts. I can't imagine what the the conversations about marriage are if like if you've had a conversation being like i would really like us to start thinking about getting married if the conversations are just like hey do you want to get married like yeah one day do you want to get married and the guy's just like i mean yeah maybe yeah like if like those are your conversations about marriage you're not accomplishing anything and that's the thing it just like, I mean, yeah, maybe. Like, if like those are your conversations about marriage, you're not accomplishing anything.

And that's the thing. It sounds like that's what it must be. Because if you had a conversation about marriage, surely this wouldn't be a question. It would be like a, I know why we aren't or I know when we like that we will or whatever. Instead of like, is there something wrong with me? It's like weird ring subterfuge. Exactly, right? of like is there something wrong with me like ring subterfuge exactly right so it's like i wanted him to like you know glean the fucking fact that i want to get married through the me asking for a

ring but also agreeing for a promise ring and then being disappointed was only a promise ring yeah like and also it might just like shake out this guy just doesn't care about marriage like marriage just might not mean anything to him but also he says he doesn't want to get married because they don't have the money, which I think is a very smart thing. And I'm sorry. Also a very good. I don't believe anyone when they say they don't want a big wedding. And like that's,

that's not a slight against women or, you know, the, the like sort of, you know, societal expectation that all women have this like fairytale wedding. But like if marriage means this much to you, I'm sorry. You do not want to get married at City Hall.

I promise you, you do not want to get married at City Hall. If this is like, if you've got this weird sort of like five-year plan in your head. It's been five years, Dane. And she's 29. Yeah, I promise you, you want a wedding dress yeah you want a chapel or uh you know a location yeah a venue also like even if you have a small wedding they're expensive as fuck also she never says she didn't want a big ring she very specifically says she he thinks i want a big wedding a big ring i don't want a big wedding that's still a big ring and like to be upset at your partner for thinking logically and practically

and being like oh i don't want to cripple us financially yeah because let me tell you i'm i see it all the fucking time on facebook where people constantly complain about not having enough money they get married and then all they talk about is how tired they are, how like little their partner is doing in the relationship. And then, you know, six months to two years, they're divorced because one of the one of the biggest strains on relationships is money, especially when you're living together. So like relationships, your life, starting your, you know, your marriage in a deficit makes no sense to me you could use that money to invest in a house together or anything literally anything yeah together it'll be a lot more beneficial then it's spending three grand on a dress that you wear once and then you're gonna leave it hanging in a closet for yeah for the rest of your life. It makes no fucking sense.

And like, I am someone who doesn't believe in marriage. It makes no sense to me. I don't mind the concept of pledging yourself to another person, but the idea of institutionalized marriage and the idea of these like expectations of what weddings are, it makes no sense to me. It's so fundamentally against what a healthy relationship is it's you know you're promising that you're gonna love someone

forever you can't do that yeah like you literally cannot do that that is an unfair expectation to put on anyone yeah and then you're also just stood in front of your friends and family and made this impossible promise yeah it's kind of like we're just gonna tie ourselves together even though it doesn't make much sense yeah and it's like oh hey we can't afford a house but we're gonna make it harder for on a fucking room for a day yeah so that you can all get hammered on an open bar yeah it makes no sense yeah if you if you if you want to do a thing a celebration of your togetherness i'm down with it but like the idea that you know you have to have a venue and celebration of your togetherness i'm down with it but like the idea that you know you have to have a venue and you have to have invitations and you have to do this

and do that and there's a bridesmaids and they have to spend a shit ton of money yeah because you're getting married it's like the whole fucking thing is the most ridiculous situation and it's only getting worse yeah but no But he, I don't know, I have so many problems with like everything in this. The fact that she asks for the ring, they pick it out together but then she's upset

that there's no romance. It's like, also she's like, why is it a promise ring after she agreed to it and then says, aren't we a little old for that? Aren't you a little old

for wanting big, grand, romantic, like movie gestures when you're doing this very practical, nice thing? If his thing was like, oh, I'm not going to get you an engagement ring, I can get you a promise ring and you're doing this very practical if his thing is like oh i'm not gonna get you an engagement i can get you a promissory and you're like okay yeah and

you're like well why is it this it's crazy it's a crazy thing to do i know i i feel the whole thing upsets me because like i get the feeling that this guy has no idea that this is happening absolutely not um and i think like and even just like is there something wrong with me like what when did that become part of the conversation also like he's been with you for five years exactly which is more important than any of the other shit that's pretty clear indicator that he doesn't he doesn't think there's anything wrong with you i mean there might be something wrong but in his eyes yeah he has invested five years of his life with you yeah and also presumably once more because guess what progress ring yeah yeah it's just like so look

we've we've complained about this person let's give him some advice well okay um talk communication absolutely talk to your partner um be and like honesty as well like don't don't try and hint because hints are by their very nature like even if they're getting a hint off you they might not get the whole hint or they might get something else like hints aren't specific by definition um your relationship isn't like a fucking escape room yeah exactly i mean like you you don't you don't want to challenge them to meet your needs yeah you want them to meet your needs and the only way to do that is to express them and if you can't communicate that's probably a good indicator that you shouldn't get married yeah i think wait to to like further what we've said and what you've just said is you need to sit down and have like the marriage talk and be like hey i it means a lot to me i would very much like to get married

and you need to outline also think about why you're so desperate to get married yeah you have to outline everything and like you have to mention like are you okay with city hall is it literally that you just you know want to get a marriage certificate. Yeah. Also, maybe he wants a big fucking wedding. Why does it matter? And that's another thing. Maybe his family, maybe he comes from a culture or a family or whatever. Or maybe he just wants one. Yeah, that, you know, it doesn't really matter

or it doesn't count unless you've got, like, everyone there. So you need to, like, really hash really hash out one why he hasn't proposed um or why why he's hesitant to or you know i mean like why you're so keen on getting married and then sort of meet in the middle and be like you're you're not ready to propose i'm very ready to be proposed to where can we meet and i'm not saying don't set a date. Don't be like in three years, we'll get married. That's not helpful.

You do need to determine a few things. Like one, is it a deal breaker if he doesn't propose right now? Cause if it is, then you guys got to break up because you can't keep torturing this person until they propose to you. And if he's never going to propose, that's also a thing you need to know.

Yeah. And this thing, if he's just like, hey, look, I have no interest in getting married. Yeah. You then have to, like, he might be like, hey, look, well, you know, that promise ring is the equivalent of me getting married to you.

That is as far as I go. And then, yeah, you have to understand, you have to make that choice of being like, is this relationship with this person that I've been with for five years? Is that enough for me? And if it's not enough for you, you have to really, really, really, really, really think why it isn't. Because having someone want to stay with you and spend five years of their life and have no sign of not wanting to pursue that further for the indefinite future. If that's not enough for you, you need to really consider what matters in your life. Yeah.

Because if it's a ring and a title, I think you've made some bad choices. Exactly. Because like, I love how in this's all it's presented as like all negatives but it's like you're somebody who loves you who bought you this nice i'm presuming expensive enough ring um to comply with your wishes and like it's still with you in like five years again i said it isn't the longest stretch in the world earlier but like it's also a pretty long stretch it's i would imagine probably like above for people in their 20s i would say it's also a pretty long stretch. It's, I would imagine probably like above for people in their twenties, I would say it's like the top tier of length,

unless you're one of those like rare people who have been together, you know, with your high school sweetheart since, you know, seventh grade or whatever. Yeah. But like, I imagine like a man and I are coming up on four years.

I'm sure she'd yell at me about the correct. Yeah. Um, and like, that's, that's a good chunk of time yeah it's a lot um and when i mentioned like everyone's like oh like a year now it's like no it's it's almost four years now and people like whoa like that's that's a shocking number for a lot of people nowadays um so five

years is it's nothing to like it should have dismissed because you're not getting a, you know, physical ring, a physical like token of, of this love. Yeah. And like the marriage isn't just one person either. So it's like, you got to respect their wishes too. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

I just like, I think you guys really need to chat like properly. Like no, you need to put it all on the table. There's no hints. Yeah. No, because being upset about someone behind their back for things they don't know about when you're also not really being honest about the things you're asking for and doing, that's going to fuck everything up. Yeah.

Like imagine if he was like, you know, if he, I don't know where I'm going with that. But yeah, we get it though. It's just like, I, yeah, you guys got to talk. It's, you you know and if you can't talk you definitely should not get married yeah get dirty it's it's my turn to take a little dip into your favorite subreddit love seduction baby this comes from reddit user frosty salt 818 my sweaty hands are ruining my game. Touch is a very important aspect of seducing a woman, right?

How the hell can I seduce a woman when my hands are practically dripping with sweat? The mere thought of touching her arm or her neck or something makes me want to beat myself for thinking of such a stupid idea. How can I fix this? When I notice how sweaty my hands are, I try to breathe deeper and more often, but it's just not enough. How can I stop my sweaty hands from ruining my game? I get that if I'm good enough, it shouldn't be

an issue, but my hands are also completely nose-diving my confidence. I feel like if I can get this under control, then my approaches will be much better in general. You see, like, I'm interested to see, because I have a I have a very very strong theory as to what's happening here I'm excited to see what you have to say about this because what I'm gonna say is just so great you gotta stop trying to like don't try and get rid of the problem this is not a

problem you save money on lube oh right oh just tell her that and no don't tell her demonstrate it right and of course like maybe i'm lubed for your pleasure just like look at her and go and like put your whole finger in your ear you know what i mean just the whole thing and she'll be like what the fuck and you'll be like look try the other one she'll try your ear see there's no lube and she'll be like okay but you could have pre-lubed the other and as she's saying that slip your other finger right in that ear and she'll be like oh my god in her ear or her his own ear his own you don't want to just put your finger inside well i don't know because as he says touch is very important aspect of seducing a woman right yourself

um hey hey girl just rubbing your arms or licking your own arm like that one gentleman to us um yeah no I think just demonstrate how like she she will almost get wet about how little she'll have to get wet about around you mm-hmm she doesn't even have to put the energy in are you ready for my theory that was my real one my real one. My real one is bring a bag of chalk around, like a climber, and just put your hands in

before you touch them. Like, hey, girl. Constantly chalk up. Before I get into my, on that, get some gloves. Get some really cool gloves. Fingerless gloves, baby.

Kill someone, take their skin, put their skin over your skin, hands, and then it will feel like real human flesh, but it won't sweat because it's dead. Yeah. That's also really good.

Don't do that. Don't do that, please. My, what I think is happening here is, I think he's been cursed by some sort of like gypsy or a witch or, I don't think gypsy is the right word to use. But maybe a witch. A warlock a warlock perhaps some sort of other world rich being yeah um and i think this is sort of like a shallow how

situation where like he's uh touched so many women inappropriately without their consent you know aggressively he's like tried to use his game so now he's being taught a lesson of being like you can't touch women anymore because you got drippy hands yeah because and like until you realize how to respect women without touching them yeah your hands will be drippy and like it's a it's like a freaky friday shallow howl sort of uh any of those like early 2000 movies where people were cursed for being a shitty person in order to learn a lesson about not being a shitty person uh firstly we we've already written the screenplay so don't oh yeah stop right now i see you pen to paper uh fuck off we got this drip boy drippy dave

and ryan reynolds is the lead yeah oh david drips um drippy deb desmond i don't know i'm just saying drippy and names with d and um drippy darnell oh i don't know either way um yeah 100 that's what it is because like no human sweats that much from the hands from the hands dripping you you have a hundred percent fallen afoul of someone with magical powers and they've to be fair 10 out of 10 curse can we just a hundred percent yeah whoever's doing this whoever's doing this voodoo on you they don't they don't need our advice because they've done it their magics they spelled with a ck it's great it's just they're like perfect you know uh how much would it cost to get you to get Dan for us? Although maybe he's already been cursed with a constantly leaving ex.

Yeah, he's just like, I think he's Groundhog Daying. Holy shit. Do you think Dan is Groundhog Daying living the day his wife leaves him? That would be a pretty good curse too. 10 out of 10. Oh no. It's the only thing that makes sense yeah because like because every day he's like how do you get them to stay how do you get them back how do you it's like he's not going on about this he's just yeah he's stuck in a fucking time loop some of the questions i can't tell whether i've read them already because

they're all the fucking same yeah oh my god who my God. Fuck. Who is this vigilante warlock? We need to meet them, and we need to shake their hands with non-sweaty palms. Well, we're in a closet that's 900 degrees right now, so there's a thin veneer of moistness. Yeah, get absorbent trousers, bud. But dark ones, so your sweaty palm prints don't show up. Also, like, I think being, like, obviously you're sweating because you're either so toasty or it's nerves.

So, like, calm down and realize that you don't actually need to start touching people all that much because, you know, if you're so worried that you can't get with someone because you haven't reached out and touched them, I'm going to just guess that you suck because that isn't that much of an impediment.

If you were literally like King Midas, I couldn't touch them or they turned to gold, you could still probably get a nice little chat up going if you weren't a piece of shit. They wouldn't be like, oh my god, I met this really nice guy. We had a lot of fun. He just just wouldn't touch me he did and like i'm sure it would eventually become an issue but that first time yes he wouldn't be like he did we didn't have that skin to skin you know he didn't put his hands on me at any point like that no i'm pretty sure people are gonna be okay with that. His suggestions are arm or her neck. One to pull and one to choke, obviously.

Like, what are you doing where your opening is? Why are you touching their neck? How would you even do that? Like, I'm assuming he's just putting your arm around or like. Yeah, but that's pretty threatening. Yeah, no, that's not something you do with someone like hey hey let me check your pulse yeah you're alive yeah i don't know like drippy dave what are you doing but now he tries to get someone's pulse it slips right off and he's like oh god i don't

know if she's fucking dead or not and maybe he's met the undead because he's definitely met some magical beings. 100%. So maybe it was undead. Ooh. It's nearly October. Spooky. Spooky. Yeah, just like. Maybe we'll try to get our vigilante spite witch on for our Halloween episode. Oh, shit.

Yeah, spite witch. I like that. That should be a Pathfinder class. Might be. Probably is. Yeah, I just, I feel like get out of your own head about how much you need to touch people and one you'll probably be all the better for it and two you probably sweat less because you won't be freaking out yeah don't don't touch people's

neck and i could also like it might be a medical thing maybe go see a doctor yeah maybe go go see a doctor maybe it's a diet thing there's a bunch of things they can like how many jackets are you wearing I mean it's not hot also bag of chalk yeah

have you seen or again some cool fingerless gloves yeah they you look like fucking Judd Nelson from Breakfast Club yeah you look like

you're gonna fight someone in an alley but like for like not mugging them to protect someone. Yeah. Like, you're just a stone-cold vigilante. And if someone does want to fight you, you take those gloves off and just gross them out with your fucking sweaty hands. And you flick liquid in their eye until they're blind.

Or maybe get those, like, sweaters with the loops sweaters you think that's gonna help jesus dang well you know you know what you put your thumbs through the the sleeves and just be just maybe rebrand as an emo kid yeah from like the early 2000s you pretend you shrunk a little bit and have like really long sleeves that just like dangle a bit oh that could be a great opener like reverse big yeah be like oh i haven't was like i'm six foot three well not anymore and then the thing is you actually probably can sell this lie because you already have knowledge of the arcane because you've already been cursed so you make a curse work for you exactly right like yeah you've been cursed but like i mean it's gonna piss Spite Witch off a lot.

Yeah, and she's either going to actually shrink you or then make you really tall, and then you're going to be tall and sweaty. Or maybe you'll just have giant fucking sweaty hands. Being tall and sweaty is a terrible combination for ladders. Oh, yeah. So I hope you're not a firefighter. But maybe that's in your favor.

You can put out fires with your hands because no one can light them on fire because they are pure liquid yeah man you got interesting life

trippy Dave yeah I mean you've got a lot of options I don't think we've helped you but I think we've opened some doors for you

at least yeah twist that curse because we know how hard it is for you to open doors yeah like door knobs the round ones

you just can't do it like handles he fucking loves them you should see him try to open the fucking revolving doors he looks like a mime trying to

I don't know a mime falling down a hill alright hit me uh okay oh my god you got time for one more okay make it a good one

again they deleted the the further things but it's fine. Am I, 19-year-old female, being unreasonable for asking my roommate, 19-year-old female, not to walk around naked while my boyfriend is around? By user T-Lox. Damn. Long story short. We have roommates to introduce you to.

I know, right? Do we have the boy for you? No. Long story short, just to give a slight delving into the question she had her roommate is always walking around naked which she is personally okay with but she doesn't want to do when company are over she asked her and she was like oh yeah no totally and then the next time her boyfriend was over she was like just a heads up i'm coming into the room and the girlfriend was like uh my boyfriend's here she

was like i don't mind and came out and was just like butt naked uh-huh so not only were they asked they then agreed then when the boyfriend was there like in front of like you know like brought it up like it hadn't already been brought up in a way that like made it seem like it was you know what i mean and then just completely ignored the wishes and came out anyway. And then like, was there a, do you know if there was a follow-up? Was there like a, hey, so remember when I asked you not to do this? I do not remember. I think it might just happen.

And that's why I think she wants the confirmation that she's not being an asshole before. Gotcha. Yeah, no, you're not being an asshole. I think there are, there are some societal norms that aren't the worst. Things like not exposing your naked body to people. Or if someone asks you not to expose yourself to them, that you don't. Yeah. I think those are, like, there's a bunch of societal norms that are very problematic and i don't think this is one of them yeah and also it's it's just like common decency but also flip around imagine if like he had his girlfriend over and like the roommate kept walking up butt naked being like

what up like that would be taken as a very aggressive act and being like you know you would 100 get arrested if you did that in the street or like even there like i'm pretty sure that's like some form of sexual assault just like flashing you know yeah so it's like i think a lot of people are giving this person a carte blanche because it is a lady body and not a man body but like it's also just like you're pissing off your roommate for no reason yeah and like i'm sure like regardless of how attractive this person is, I'm sure the boyfriend is hella awkward. Oh, the boyfriend who claims not to have noticed?

I was lucky. My boyfriend was really busy with something, so he didn't even really notice. He said later on, girl, he noticed. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We all have like a little radar yeah that detects us if there is an exposed boob but also like if you were in a room and someone was like just doing

something weird anything weird you wouldn't not notice that you know yeah if they came out dressed as a fucking duck and he was like later on i didn't know this you'd be like excuse me the only thing i think is like unless he was like you know in a, I didn't know this. You'd be like, excuse me? The only thing I can think of is like, unless he was like, you know, in a corner facing a wall on a computer with headphones in. Okay. And nose plugged because you can smell them boobies.

Yeah, you can smell them. We have boob scents, 30 feet. Yeah, it's one of those things where you, you've got to, you have to, I don't care how much of a free spirit you are. You also like part of being a free spirit you are. You also... Part of being a free spirit is that people respect your wishes. Exactly.

You also respect theirs to a degree. So you need to repay that respect and that favor back. This roommate could very much be like, Hey, please don't walk around naked ever. But they're cool with it. You know what I mean? They're like, you know what? When we're by ourselves, it's totally fine.

Do your thing. I don't care. All I'm asking is when I have my boyfriend or company over, don't do it. That's not hard to do. Because like even if you want to, like throw a fucking house robe on. You know what I mean? Throw a nice silk kimono on. You still get the feeling of being free and naked.

You're just not showing your parts off to everyone. If anyone heard me just yell, oh Jesus, it's because Dan's cat just scared the shit out of me. I thought it was a big bug. He is a big bug. He's been coming in here all episode. What's up with him? I know. I'm sure... I think he knows we're near the top 100. He's just

dirty for fame. Yeah, he's a little bit of a spotlight stealer. Okay, there's no way they can't hear that. Oh, no, you can hear it. Like, in our last episode, anytime there was, like, a brief, like, pause, oh, you're... Yeah, he's like a little fucking engine. So I hope that's not triggering anyone's, like, sexual ASMR.

Yeah, that's probably it, isn't it? That'll do it. Yeah, that'll be us. Well, I think next episode that we upload will be our like our full anniversary episode oh shit um if you have any questions make it a special one if you have any feedback from the year if we ever helped you with a query yeah if you have any ideas what we should do throw some shit out maybe we should get have a shot per question do a shot of like alcohol yeah fuck like every question we answer or every 10 minutes oh god I mean we'll talk about that yeah oh maybe we

should do a shot of Unicum every time or we'll get one of our Chicago buds to ship us up some more Lord no for those who haven't tried it my lord is like drinking pain yeah my lord is like drinking pain. Yeah, Malort is... Like bad tasting pain too. Imagine someone gave you a thing of paint thinner and then made it taste worse. You know when you like leave a tea bag in tea for so long that when you like drink it,

it's like somebody put varnish on your tongue and you're like, oh, that, but like steeped in old cigarette butts and paint thinner. Yeah. Yeah, it's the worst. Yeah. So we're going to, if anyone's from Chicago and wants to ship us up a bottle, yeah. So thanks for being here.

Yeah, like I said, if you've listened to our podcast and it's affected your life in some way, whether you followed our advice or it gave you new insight into things. Or even just you want to listen to people's silly problems and laugh along. Yeah. Shoot us a little message. Send us an email or tweet us or whatever. And I guess now's a good time to tell you how to do all that. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckpodcast or fckbuddiespodcast.

You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. And you can email us at fbud F buddies podcast at gmail.com. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harbor cities for their song paper stars. And on top of that, a few things. One, we mentioned Kyle and his awesomeness last week. We've put up a short video that he recently had released and the link on our page. If you want to check that out and support him, which I think you should, cause he's awesome.

Yeah. We'll just to recap, he's doing a charity event for epilepsy. He's trying to raise some money so that, one, he helps the cause, and two, it gives him a chance to cook with celebrity chefs. The link is tiny.cc slash kylechef. Yep.

On top of that, we just, like, again, I know we did this last week, but thank you guys so much for everyone who rated, everybody who subscribed and started listening. We went from 187th up to like 114th. Yeah, we almost hit the top 100 last week because of you guys, and it's pretty fucking wild. It's crazy. So if you want to keep going, we're definitely okay with that because we want to be top 100 boys. Yeah, we want to get in there. Furthermore, you've probably seen

our new logo, which is awesome. And on top of that, we might even have a website up this week. Keep your eyes peeled, which is a fucking horrible expression. Yeah, it's a terrible expression. Don't peel your eyes. I didn't really think about it until you made that gesture that went along with

that phrase, and it makes me want, peel your own eyes. Just rip all of my skin off and jump into a vat of salt. Yeah. So on that pleasurable note, uh, you ready for some sex writing? Let's do it. I'm comfortable. Okay. You ready? Mm-hmm. Stick it in, she whispered. I moved up the bed and pushed inside her. Liz squeaked like wet rubber. She grabbed my love handles and ground her hips against me, her eyes black saucers staring into mine as she hugged a yoga leg onto my shoulder. We went through a medley of our favorite positions.

When Liz saw that I was about to shoot my blob of locale genetics, she turned onto her stomach. What? When Liz saw that I was about to shoot my blob of low-cal genetics, she turned onto her stomach, lifting her arse to get a hand to her clitoris and chase me to an orgasm. She made it just in time. We lay panting with the sweat cooling on our bodies. Things were better between us after that, but it didn't last long. I...

So, like, is everyone's genetics low-calorie? Is it just diet? I don't know, man. Am I rocking full-calorie genetics? I don't know. I don't think I've ever been made more self-conscious. My self-esteem is just tanking right now, worrying about the caloric level of my genetics.

We're also going to be releasing a genetic calorie counter on our new website, just a heads up. You will only be able to measure by the blob, though. It's, you know, when you look at like a bottle of Coke and it's like per 300 milliliters, which is bullshit because it's never the amount on the bottle which is fun um but it's uh yeah it's gonna be like per blob per blob yeah um also can we just like start putting things from these in real life like just like murmur up to someone go touch her on the neck with your sweaty ass hands and just say i can't make can't wait to

make you squeak like wet rubber later. So was she making the wet rubber noises or was her like vagina? Vagina. Was that? I honestly, I don't know. I assume she was making the like, yeah. Yeah.

Like I imagine that because like, I don't know. I've had a considerable amount of sex and I can't, I can't think of a single hope a vagina wouldn't make that noise. I've had a considerable amount of sex, and I can't think of a single time a vagina has made a noise reminiscent to wet rubber. Let's just say I've been known to intercourse at the odd time,

and I would also say no. And I'm okay with that, because it'd be a horrendous sound. Wet rubber is not nice. No. It's'm okay with that, because it'd be a horrendous sound. White rubber is not nice. No. It's like his dick was like chalk. Somebody scraping their nails on a chalkboard. No.

I hate it. But I also love it. That passage, not the whole thing. My chalk scraped dick? Yeah. It's a great album name. Chalk scraped dick. It's also great album name. Chalk scraped dick. It's also hard to say.

Chalk scraped dick. That's a Blink-182 song. Mm-hmm. All right, hit me with our poor time-looped Dan. Yeah. Dan says, Help, please get me out. Please.

I can't take it anymore. I've become self-aware. She's leaving again. Oh, you know what? Wait, what? He's released... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 30, 9, 10...

He's released 10 posts yesterday. Holy shit. And none of them have any titles wait what it's just links it's just links so maybe he knows that we're reading his titles out and he knows that this way even if we're gonna like we have to click he has to click he gets them sweet sweet views or the time paradox has driven him mad. Yeah. Pick a number between one and ten. Seven. What?

I'm losing my mind over here. What's happening? It's a post about how Christopher Reeve is his role model. For his bravery. What? Look. His role model traits. He was a devoted father and husband

well educated philanthropic dedicated to his work he was socially conscious he had a strong work ethic he had persevered and he determined

his story his handsome looks so he just what this is just a gush on Christopher Reeves I mean like hey I'm not

good on good on tan as far as i know christopher reeves was a pretty decent dude yeah but like is it sponsored this is like the only time he hasn't put some i don't think it was sponsored by christopher reeves as he is dead i believe one of them i don't know i'm sure there's something else out there called but like it's really weird because weird, because we've been following this bullshit for a while, and he's never posted his male role model, and there's, like, a picture of Christopher Reeve, and it says his name in silver, and underneath it says bravery in blue. There's, like, a ribbon hanging over it that says male role model,

and there's a man silhouette with a tick on it. Well, you know what? All seven Christopher Reeves... Maybe he's, like, changing... role model and there's a man silhouette with a tick on it well all seven chris for reeve maybe he's like changing maybe he's just finding like good men to to learn from no he he posted up 10 of his male role models i'm so baffled uh my name is dave miller i'm gonna find one if you want oh dan says how could i how should i communicate with my ex now that she has a new boyfriend I think it's like a week or a month

it's not just a day because they want to give him the full pain of them leaving it's one thing to leave but watching them fall in love with someone else but then it loops before he can move on which is apparently also never.

Uh, my name is Dan Miller and I'm now Spain and we are your fuck buddies.