F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 54 - Luke Warm Steve Austin

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

Oh boy.  We enter year two hard this week by, maybe, just maybe, revealing we've secretly been terrible people (Dain especially) all along.  But that's okay because we accidentally start this week's episode by just getting right into the advice with some hypotheticals.  Also, this week we start a box in which we take stupid societal concepts and just lock them away for good.  Topics include bad dick game, t-shirt exposition, parental sex toy bamboozles, bedroom raincoat mistake, exposing your number, staying in her pushy, and cougar huntin'.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Day Miller And I'm Noss Bane And we are, each and every week, your fuck buddies We're officially in year two Miller and I'm Al Spain and we are each and every week your fuck buddies we're

officially in year two oh yeah welcome to season three no no I was talking about apex but okay oh yeah I mean that's happening what what kind of podcast are we a great game podcast no one knows no one knows actually we're a dating sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations so i'm gonna throw out a scenario to you okay you're a girl um you have like a fling going on you know like a little are you a fuck buddy situation kind of thing sure you've had sex a few times best of your life apparently okay um not not close at all but but he hunky and one day he's getting changed he's going to work the next morning after one of your many incredible bouts of sexy times and you say something to the fact of, you know, along the lines of,

you're so hot. And he looks at you and goes, yeah, bad dick game though. And walks out. Huh. Okay. What does it mean?

What, what, uh, we're just jumping right into a question. Uh, uh, I guess that is technically a question. What does bad dick game, though, mean? Especially in the, like, in that context of, like, one, you're just saying someone's hot.

Two, you've slept with them for quite a while, and it was good. Like, quite good. The best she's ever had, apparently. Bad dick game and just so casually like just i've got bad dick game though and just walks out well no hold on did he say i've got bad dick game or did he say bad dick game though i think he just said bad dick game though but there was an implied I have because he was agreeing that he was attractive and like adding on. Which itself, it's such a confident followed by unconfident statement. I don't know, maybe he's like listening to some sort of Sex Olympics or something in like his iPod, like his his little pod bud things in an ear that you can't see and he was responding to some other question maybe he was on bluetooth yeah discussing his

friend dave exactly trippy darn now maybe he was watching like uh like some amateur porn and he was like saying to you he was saying yeah i'm fucking hot obviously and then returned to his attention to the point and he's like bad dick game though you know maybe what he was doing was he was voiced to text commenting on porn there we go we solved it we done did it yeah it's i don't i've been perplexed for a few days you're missing the the the noun where's the article that's the noun right the eye i don't know i'm not the writer in this group yeah i don't i don't think he was talking about himself it was clearly a sort of outer body experience in which he was commenting on something else maybe he's saying your dick game is bad

yeah that's that's it how's your dick game yeah maybe he was just like yes i know i'm hot um i would return the compliment, your dick game is bad. Yeah, he's like, all this time, I don't even think you have one. Yeah. Look, I know we've been sleeping together for like four months, but if I don't start seeing some better dick game out of you, I'm out of here. Yeah, I haven't seen it once. Where is it?

Where are you putting that thing? Where are you hiding it? Yeah. It looks like a clitoris. What is this? Is that a micropenis? It's small enough to be a clit well you have two butts what kind of what kind of boy are you um vaguely related i was walking down the street and a must have been about 30 years old guy walked towards me and he had a t-shirt told you you were so hot and i looked no um but he had a t-shirt on that said believe me when i woke up this morning i didn't expect to be this sexy either but shit happens uh-huh it's like a like we were probably roughly around the same age he was he was

a little bit older i think a little bit more refined, apart from that t-shirt. He looked really good, I will say, which I think, I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse. He was wearing a nice pair of slacks, some good shoes. He had a briefcase. He looked very professional. He looked very mature. He looked very attractive.

And then he had this t-shirt. I'm nearly at this man's age. I didn't even think t-shirts like that were an option. And it would never cross my mind. You've, we've talked about this scenario so many times on this podcast and not intentionally. This is a body swap thing. He was an unattractive man or someone he deemed unattractive. He was not a confident man in his physical appearance.

Yeah. He woke up this morning. He Freaky Friday'diday into fucking ryan reynolds body um and he felt so like compelled he went and got a custom t-shirt made to explain he was like he's like, look, guys, I understand. I know that you're used to seeing, you know, Wilson as the dumpy sort of, you know, like acne scar ridden, you know, one eye droopy sort of, you know, missing most of my teeth, Wilson. And today I look like one cheek Wilson. One cheek Wilson. And today I look like Ryan Reynolds. And again, he just got so tired of fucking explaining it on his lunch break. Oh.

Popped over to the custom t-shirt shop. Oh, so he wasn't even just being like, you know, look at me, I'm hot. He was actually explaining the situation. Like, believe me, I did not expect this. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is like him sort of being like, Wilson, you look different. It's like, he unbuttons his fucking dress shirt and he's just like, there it is. Look at it.

And then he got tired of unbuttoning and he's just like I'm just gonna rock this shirt that's fair because no one's gonna fire me because look at these

look at these abs yeah like I could just about see them through the t-shirt like I don't know man yeah but you know who I think was behind this

clap alien cheeks boy well I was gonna assume that he might have a bunch of novelty t-shirts in his briefcase and just sort of well i'm wondering if either one he listened to our episode last week and that inspired him to go out and buy his t-shirt and we've created like a fucking spencer's gift shop worth of fucking i bet they saw an uptick in sales yeah fucking sure but secondly um

maybe it was the opposite and he was like like, yo, yo, wifey. And she was like, oh, what? He's like, I want to get one of two T-shirts. And the first one was Clap Alien Cheek. She's like, well, you can't get that. And he was like, okay. All right. If you say so.

I think this might be the good magic of the Spite Witch. I think this guy was probably bullied and treated terribly for so long. And this is sort of like the ugly duckling thing. To be fair though, with a t-shirt like that, I wanted to bully him. But that was because you thought he was like being... That was an explanatory t-shirt. If I knew that, that was fine. Exactly.

I think he just overwhelmed with sort of confusion. He made a bad choice. That's think he just, you know, just overwhelmed with sort of, you know, confusion. Yeah. He made a bad choice. That's fair. Well, you know what? Like, I should have been more open-minded about it. Yeah. I'm a bit of an asshole.

So when you see someone walking down the street in a novelty t-shirt. T-shirt. T-shirt. Maybe they just got Wacky Wednesday. Maybe take what's on their t-shirt as less of a brag and more of a expositionosition yeah that's the thing exposition it's hard to do so you just have it casual you know the one that's like the man and then the arrow pointed down the legend perhaps his dick has been replaced with perhaps a unicorn horn or molnier you don't know what's going on down there it's atlantis exactly it is sunken and swampy Maybe it's Atlantis. Exactly. It is sunken. And swampy.

Maybe it's like a VHS copy of the movie Legend. Or a mini disc. Like one of those laser discs? Yeah. Alright, let's do it. Let's get in. Oh boy, I think that's probably the best advice we're

giving this episode, though. Yeah, let's fucking end this. You want to go? Or do you want me to go? We do have a submitted question. Oh shit, okay, let's do that first. Okay. So they say, for context here, been dating this guy, has been going very well.

It's not now, but that's a different story. So while it was going well, we ordered some dot dot dot dot fun stuff to my house. Okay. It got held up at customs customs it was meant to be delivered this coming monday it spent two weeks in customs and i was like okay cool perfect no one else is home monday i can receive this package no pun intended yeah she can yeah boy so i'll get delivered today while i was out on my mom signed for it lol so my question was how do you leave the country or start a new identity when something like that happens uh first step is you get a new agent name so you are now agent alias

um well okay fun stuff i'm assuming is sex toys most sex toy places come and usually come in a very discreet thing like it's rarely like a big red stamp being like dildos yeah from the dildo factory like it's the custom agents were dicks yeah sorry for the lay just had to check your dildos yeah just wanted to make sure you weren't sneaking terrorists in these dildos these dildos might have been weaponized stop vibrating that's what the box said well i think it was actually vibrators um actual question is what do you do slash how do you approach it with family when someone has accidentally found out something about your sex life slash heard you or seen something you wish they hadn't do you leave it do you address it do you start everything do you leave everything behind starting your life

somewhere in russia in my case customs never opened the box and it was unmarked, so I think it was okay and she didn't know. Yeah, unless your mom has x-ray vision or is also a fucking, you know, frequent customer of wherever you bought this place. Oh, that would be a fun twist.

But then she's not going to want to bring it up either. Exactly. Your mom's not going to be like, hey, I noticed you got a package from deepdestroyerdildos.da. Those goddamn perfect denmark people i'm assuming da's denmark yeah probably um also can i just say that when we were making our website we had the opportunity to register fuck buddies dot christmas and we didn't we're

such fucking idiots i know. We should buy it. We should. Yeah, I don't, like I said, nine times out of ten, these places, like, they would go out of business if they shipped all their sex toys in, like, a box that was very... Individual dick-shaped packages. Yeah, or, like, no one wants, because if it gets left on your doorstep, no one wants your neighbors to, like, walk by and be like, Ah, great, the Williams have got more fucking sex toys again. Um, it's, they're all like nondescript cardboard boxes that like, again, unless someone's got x-ray vision or is really good at like shaking things around and guessing what's inside or the rough shape of what's inside a box, they don't know.

So what I think you should do is just thank your mom for picking up your package for you yeah just be like oh hey cool uh like thanks thanks for working that up and if she's like oh what is it just have a fake item ready yeah you know just a couple books if she then is like i know it was x then you're not the one that has to bring it up. They have. And like, it was going to happen anyway. And you can just be like, okay, whatever. I'm a grown ass woman, mom. But if they don't, or if they're not willing to bring it up and you bamboozle them with a new item, they're probably just going to let sleeping dogs lie.

Oh, it's yeah. It's a new charging cable for my phone or my laptop. You know what I mean? Cause like then it's electronics. It's yeah. No one can tell one cable from another. That's smart. Cause I was going to say, you have to be careful that it's not like a book laptop you know what i mean because like then it's electronics it's yeah no one can tell one cable from another that's smart because i was gonna say you have to be careful that's not like a book you already have or a top she already knows about yeah but yeah cable's good just be like oh yeah like i i fucked up the charging cable for my phone or my laptop or whatever and had to

order a new one but then she's like oh my god wow deep destroyers dildos.da? I'm going to go look for my cable. How long was yours? What did you say? How long was that cable? 12 inches? 12 inches. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

The hackers. The hackers got to the site again. Like, I can't believe this. It was up last week. That's what happens when these great deals go up. They get taken over by dildo shops. Yeah. Hackers just come in and hack their store those denmark men like no parent wants to be like yeah

oh you got you got some vibrators oh you got a cock ring like no i mean i'm sure there are some parents that really want to get into that but most parents the last thing anyone wants to do is talk about their kid's sex life or even like put any sort of mental image of what their kid is doing in their sex life and the second you start talking about sex toys rarely does it leave any sort of room for uh ambiguity you know what i mean like if you've got a dildo it's going in a hole i mean like which hole that's a little up in the air, but like... That is Deep Destroyer dildos guaranteed. Yeah. 100%.

If you've got a dildo, it's going in a hole. It's going in a hole. And listen, you know what I mean? Like, anything like that. You've got a cock ring. That's not a new fucking bracelet. Could be. I mean, yeah.

If you're very thin or very thick wrists. Very thick. I say different approach just go aggressive walk right in be like yeah mom it's a vibrator or like preferably while she's either one sleeping two having breakfast or three just kick in the toilet oh kick in the fucking hit no vibrate the lock open hit the frequency that just jiggles it loose yeah burst the flash when you when he goes through he vibrates at the right frequency to walk through solid objects I've ever heard or maybe split the difference and

just help her with the vibrator be like oh thanks for picking that up and then open it right there and start like be like hey mom you ever use one of these well one of these hey mom what are these, you ever use one of these? What about one of these? Hey, mom, what are these? Have you ever seen one of these? Just open it up and be like, what is this? Have you ever seen the video of the kid who gets a bog? No. And it's like his mom, like, opens the package for him.

And she's like, Daniel, what is this? And he's like, oh, it's my new Xbox controller. And she's like, this is not a. And he's like, it's a flower vase. And she's like this is not a he's like it's a it's a flower vase and she's like daniel he just keeps trying to bullshit his love yeah just be like oh my god what yeah is this literally that's what he's like wait wait a minute this isn't my xbox controller yeah open it up middle of the living room yell out in shock and surprise what is this she comes over and she goes oh it's it's a vibrator she's not gonna do

that she doesn't want to have the conversation she's gonna come up with a terrible lie be like oh it's a massager oh great okay maybe i should keep it yeah i'll put up my room then she can never talk about it again because she can't be like hey sorry that's actually a vibrator and it's weird that you one have it to use it it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She has to keep going with that lie forever or she has to admit that she lied and knows about these things. She doesn't want to do that. Yeah. So you can get carte blanche. Parents don't know about sex.

Yeah. They also don't know about technology. So that fucking wire thing was gold. Yeah. There we go. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's a lying to my parents. Ooh. You ever had to lie to your parents?

They're so adorable oh yeah no I literally did it for fun this makes me sound terrible but like oh no my parents are the loveliest creatures

in the fucking world I can attest to this and they are they are like just the sweetest they are very gullible though yeah they're like golden retriever puppies

like you love them you can't not love them they're the sweetest thing they make the world a better place but sometimes it's fun to pretend like you threw the ball and then hide it because it's cute to see what they do having been at dane's house for many christmases and thanksgivings because he's the loveliest human and i don't have family in the country i can attest to this they are the loveliest people ever. And your guys' relationship is hilarious. Like, I convinced my mom that she's, like, an after-school teacher.

And she deals a lot with kids. And she, I remember one day we were going out or at dinner or something. And she was like, my kids keep calling each other emo. And I was like, whoa, mom, that's, like, all of the racial slurs together. And she's like, what? I was like, yeah, it'surs together. And she's like, what? I was like, yeah, it's,

it's sort of like the new, like super slur. And the next day, uh, she got home from work and she was like, Dane, I just yelled at my kids for like an hour and a half about racism. And at the end of it,

they explained to me what emo meant. And I was like, oh boy, didn't think that one there. But to be fair, 28 kids learned about racism. so i mean what i'm really trying to say is my parents owe me a thank you uh i've taught them lessons did you ever tell them about a japanese salty dish because i never realized how much that question sounded like you were their son my son no you the question was you the japanese salty dish oh yeah that sounded like it was you

i mean that's no i don't think i would never i never intentionally embarrassed my parents like i didn't want my mom to like i didn't think she would do that you know what i mean um i just i just made up a bunch of shit and it backfired but adorably yeah yeah awesome go for it okay i hope we help agent alias um this comes from reddit user leather joan raincoat mistake in the bedroom i'm a middle-aged widow and i still love sex in all of its forms recently a boyfriend had stayed the night and we had a great time in bed when we woke up it was raining and after cuddling time, I went to the closet and pulled out a raincoat I had purchased in London a year ago. It was beige vinyl inside and out on the front was zipper and straps on the collar and cuffs. I asked him to put it on me backwards like a straight jacket and he thought I was crazy.

I just thought it would be fun. Yes, years ago with my husband, I was bound in a leather jacket, or leather straitjacket, for sex, and it was great. Now he's avoiding me, although we have known each other for years. Was I expecting too much, or am I just making a mountain out of an anthill? Isn't a mountain out of a molehill? Yeah. Firstly. I guess she really doesn't think this is a big deal.

That's probably why he dumped her. I would Well she's a widow But this guy Oh I thought you meant like her husband The harshest way to dump someone If you were with someone for 15 years And they kept saying that

I shouldn't joke about this No But I did This is year two, baby. Year two. We don't fucking care. We get you all hooked. Now we can be the assholes we always were.

Yeah. I lied to my parents. And we also love seduction. And one of us is Dan. This is just Dan's viral marketing campaign. Dane. Dan. If you take, if I leave, guess what you have?

Dan. Dan. I'm glad guess what you have? Dan. I'm glad because then I'm not Dan, it's you, you piece of shit. I'm already being Dan. No. He's a modern man. It seems like really weird. Sorry, there's more to the, she came out wearing it. A raincoat.

A raincoat. Okay. In the morning fine and then i can't remember if she had it on backwards already and yes i believe she already had it on backwards that's fine and he was just like what the hell but like weirded out weird i i mean it's a little weird to like it's not it's not normal but it's not like whoa whoa whoa like yeah well like calm down it's not a breakup offense or anything what are you doing and then and then she took it off and was like you put it back on me but like a straight jacket and i guess he was you know

weirded out by that and uh sorry i'm laughing at the cat. And it's just bailed. Yeah, so turning this into a straight jacket would be quite difficult. No. If it's like a zip-up, sort of like mid-waist raincoat. And, like, you put it on backwards. Yeah. So it zips up on the back. Mm-hmm. And then she, you know, leaves...

You'd have to, like, tie the sleeves together? Yeah. I assume that's... But, like, that's not that weird. It's not. You know what I mean? It's like, like, that's not that weird. It's not. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, maybe, I don't know, like, putting a raincoat on backwards and whatever,

it's just like, I want to be... I don't know. I just feel like the act itself and the whole thing, it's like, it sounds almost in the question where she's like, I was just so wild, I put a raincoat on backwards. I think, obviously, he... Like, I think this is a question of uh because i assume that's not where the mouth it's the actual whole thing itself so it's one of those

things we don't maybe spring a kink on someone yeah especially because like this is this is very light bondage play but the thing is a, I think, also has connotations of like mental health and like just just kind of like it's got that little extra where it's like handcuffs are one thing. There's a seasoning of there's some baggage that goes along with a straitjacket. Exactly. Which may or may not be why she likes it. It could just be being restrained and that's just a way they did it but i also don't think it's weird for the person being introduced to this to have associations with that that they might not necessarily find sexy yeah you know it's like oh cool like you're like mentally you know i don't know what word i should use here yeah i know i was i was thinking of this because i also don't want to be like it kind of makes you look crazy yeah yeah no but like it i i think in real life if someone was in a straight

jacket and you were having sex with them you should go to jail yeah you know what i mean um and i think a lot of people in this situation would probably have that thought and then be a little on like turned off and then maybe would relate that feeling with you. And then just like it could just cause this whole thing if you don't actually properly talk about it, which it sounds like he didn't. And again, depending on like the style of the raincoat, like those kind of raincoats also. Also, raincoats are the least sexy clothes. And I know this because I came from Ireland and that's all we fucking wore. And it's also sort of like, I mean, like this is more of a North American thing because

I imagine you probably saw a lot more normal raincoats, but like the only people who wear raincoats are like kids. You know what I mean? Like if it's one of those like yellow, she says it's beige, but like if it's, if it's got sort of like a kid vibe to it, that would also kind of be like, she might've looked like it was probably quite big. Hence why there was extra arm room to tie them up. I don't know.

I will say funny, quick quick brief aside from Ireland. There was a lingerie line launched a few years ago. Or sorry, not lingerie, a beachwear line launched a while ago that had matching raincoats and umbrellas. Because that's the kind of country I come from. It rains that goddamn much. You're nowhere near water. Yeah, no one goes under fucking shit it's just cans of dutch gold and stones yeah i like i think this was sort of a

i can't explain why he's not answering you because that seems like a bit of a drastic response yeah i feel like it's an immature response or maybe you brought up something that he you know like that could always be an issue. Also, did you mention that you and your dead husband used to do this? Yeah, that could be. If that's a thing where you're like, oh, but, you know, my dead husband and I used to do this all the time. It was amazing. Like I used to pretend I was a mental patient restrained for my husband who has since died.

But now I want to do the dead husband things with you. Yeah. That cool? Yeah. Like there are a lot of different aspects to this uh i think the way to maybe like the advice is you know if you want to introduce a kink into a relationship maybe like you know i think straight jacket is like the evolution of handcuffs so maybe start with handcuffs yeah i mean like you know, I think straight jacket is like the evolution of handcuffs. So maybe start with handcuffs. Yeah. I mean,

like, or even just to bring up like the fact of being like, I would love to be restrained. Yeah. You know what I mean? And test the waters. If he's like, Oh,

actually that is not like, you know, for whatever reason, if he like, he's not into it, it's like, okay, cool.

But to just sort of, you know, show up pre pre restrained, you've sort of like kicked that door open without knocking yeah exactly and you've also done that like i think if he came in and you were tied up with handcuffs that would also be kind of the same thing but to like a lesser degree because people know like handcuffs are pretty vanilla yeah to a degree whereas like straight jackets i don't know most like can't say i've ever done it yeah i feel like you've you've got to be pretty like there's anything wrong with that

i just do think that like you really do need to take things slow with people yeah absolutely especially like again i i keep having in my mind that like they're an older couple um just because of the word widow i know that you could be 20 and a widow well didn't they say they were in their 30s or am i imagining that um i'm a middle age widow yeah okay so middle age is usually 40s 50s yeah yeah so that's also fair like when you're that age again this could be a wild generalization but i feel like things weren't as accepted back then you know and or so you might might not have grown up with that? Yeah, like you might have been in a very sex positive, but like you don't know where he's coming from.

Like he might have grown up in a very religious thing where it was just sort of like no sex, you know what I mean? Like maybe him just having sex at a wedlock is a big deal for him. Or, you know what I mean? Like there's no way of knowing a person's sort of situation until you kind of bring it up with them and to to just bring shit on people yeah but also if he's not even writing back it's probably a good thing this shit ended because that's just not a mature you know yeah and like considering nothing dangerous or upsetting or violent or like whatever happened

if it's just like a sexual miscommunication there's no need for that so the fact that he's ignoring you i don't think is yeah and i mean if you really want to reach out there's no harm in saying hey i apologize if i crossed a line with you if that triggered something in you that was not my intention it was something i thought would be fun and and i wanted to explore um if you'd like to talk about it i'm open to it yeah but if this is if this is a deal breaker then i respect your you know your prerogative and you know it was fun while it lasted this is from thor ran numb num reddit and me 27 year old female or i 27 year old female find it hard to be in serious relationships because guys seem

bothered by my past. A few weeks ago, I was broken with this guy, I assume broken up with, at 29, who I'd been seeing for a few months. I somehow took that breakup especially hard since things seemed to be going well. What was especially upsetting is the breakup followed a discussion about our sexual past where, upon his request,

I revealed that my number was 37. As soon as I told him, I could kind of see his expression change. Things seemed normal for a bit but he said he wanted to take a few days off to think then sent me a text and it was over. The event really triggered my insecurity since I've had this happen to me a few times before recently. It's getting to the point where I'm seriously bummed out by the fact that the kind of guys I'm interested in generally seem put off by my history to the point they don't want to be in a relationship. Truth be told I'm not entirely happy with my history either. In college, I had a bad relationship, was super busy and a bit depressed, and went through this party huckabay phase for years. Initially, I found it

kind of fun and liberating, and I don't regret all of it, but close to graduating, it felt increasingly empty, like it was the same nonsense on a loop, same lines on Tinder, etc., and I also frankly started to just feel used and disrespected by many guys who apparently saw me as an easy target, like I was a stupid girl they could just manipulate to get what they wanted and be disposed of. Anyway, since then I've jumped headfirst into my career and become a bit of a workaholic. I'm making a nice life for myself and want to share it with someone, but I feel like the past is this barrier that keeps coming up. I feel really shitty about the situation. I've never done anything unethical in previous relationships. In fact, I've tried to work extra hard to prove I'm

loyal, caring, and can be a good partner. I feel like my history is always like a brand people used to pigeonhole me, and then that's that. Well, sorry, I can't change what I did. I can only work on who I am now. Sorry for the rant. I guess my question is, has anyone been through something similar? How can I reassure guys that my party days are long behind me and that my past in no way defines the kind of person I want to be today. I mean, this speaks pretty strongly to me because my number is also fairly high.

And I remember being pretty nervous. Like, I couldn't even give you a concrete, like, number. Yeah, well, that's the funny thing is, like, I would love to get a clarification on whether that's a guess number. Because I feel like... The 37 seems pretty specific. Right? But I feel like after a certain point, if you're keeping track of your number, it's a little weird. Yeah.

I mean, like, I couldn't even begin to... Especially in sort of my, like, sex downward spiral where I was just sort of like... But also, like, there's nothing wrong with... Like, flat out out just off the... Yeah, your number... It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything. Also, the whole concept of your number...

I think it's the fact that someone asks you that is very indicative of that person. Yeah. So it's never going to be a good answer if that's the question you're asking. Because that just shows how insecure you are. Unless it's, like like zero or one. And at that point, like, I think it's a bad answer in the opposite sense. Yeah. I feel like most people who ask that question want it to be like, they have a range that

is acceptable to them. Yeah. I mean, they, they want it to either be like one to like five. I feel like most guys like that's, don't know maybe one to three you should see the fucking comments on this thing yeah i mean it gets insane like and that's i don't doubt it at all it's it's fucking wild because again it's i don't want to say that like guys are celebrated for a high number because i can tell you straight right now that is not the case it's not it might be like you know guys amongst guys might be like

oh cool but like again most guys don't really give a shit like it's really only the real shitty dudes who are like i've fucked over 100 what you know what i mean it's like and those are the people who have a specific number which i also believe speaks volumes yeah um do like I imagine most of like our male friends if I was like how many people you slept with they would ballpark it yeah you know I mean like I don't think any of us have like kept track or tabs on it because it's such an inconsequential thing especially if you get older I think maybe when you're like 17 you're like I got three like like look at this like because you almost want like you're insecure and you're young and you're dumb.

And it's like a bragging right thing or like a self-validation thing. But, yeah. So, I don't know. Firstly, it isn't an issue. Your number doesn't fucking matter. Secondly, I do think it is pretty cool that despite this having happened before, you're still willing to be honest about it. Yeah. Because I know a lot of people in the comment chain were like you're still willing to be honest about it. Yes.

Because I know a lot of people in the comment chain were like, lie. Oh, just lie about it. Lie about it. 100%. No, fuck that. Like, if this person is too insecure to be with you, despite the fact that you've had sex, or because of the fact that you've had sex, then fuck them. And by that, I mean, don't fuck them. I'd also love to know, like, their number. And I'll bet a lot of the reason why they're upset is that theirs is lower.

Because I know people who get upset by that shit. Yeah, I mean, like, the question I would love to ask them would be, like, what has changed from this point? Like this person has gone through these things in their past and has led them to create a person that you obviously had enough like to care enough about or have enough interest to sort of like want to know this number that's important to you. Yeah. But like if that number led you to this person that made you care about them enough to want to know whether or not you'd want to spend more time with them, then what does it matter if that number was one or a hundred like is she four times is she three times different if it's a hundred or 37 times different if she's one like what actually fucking changes yeah there's there's literally no change in the the person that you're talking to currently at this like present moment yeah no matter what the fucking number is so wait let's go straight to the comments here. No, please don't.

Oh, women who have had sex more than one to three times are X amount more likely to break up with you. I'd love to know, like... Apparently that's a thing. But also... I mean, I'm sure it's also the same thing with, like... People love to throw fucking statistics yeah about shit and you're just like where but the thing just give me one i will say i'm i'm just seeing what people are throwing out i didn't follow any other links because i know yeah you know but the thing is we all like i've been in shitty relationships where i put up with a lot

of crap i'm sure you have been sure i i I know we both have been. I know so many people have because it's like the first person you meet, you're like, oh my God. Yeah. This person's amazing. And then you're like, next time you're like, okay, this person, you're like, and you, you grow up, you grow older, you learn from your experiences. And then like, maybe you've had two or three relationships and then you're a lot more aware of what you should and shouldn't put up with and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So blah so yes of course people who've only had one relationship and therefore only had sex one with one person would be less likely to register like things so yeah and the thing is the point made by a lot of people were like the point of the survey that you're looking at is that they actually know

more about what they want they're more mature and know more about relationships and therefore are more likely to end one if it's bad so how is that a bad thing yeah i mean that was my point it's going to be like yeah they might be but like there's no context of the breakup are they cheating if it was like they're more likely to cheat or be unfaithful or lie or you know any of those bullshit like just breaking up like if they're if the whole point of the study is like oh the more partners you had the more relationship experience you have the more likely you are to not stick around in shitty relationships yeah that sounds like the best thing like yeah this girl's discerning which is at this point a compliment to you because she's still with you yeah but okay uh yeah it's fucking buck wild and

then people were like yeah i don't want that in a partner it's like sorry you don't want a partner who like will stand up for yourself and will maybe get out of a bad relationship no putting it like that's terrible i just don't want to have to look at every one of my actions because they're always judging me it's like everyone's always judging everybody man yeah whether you're conscious or not it's like you're if being a good person we're all you. You know what I mean? Dave will remember that. Can you imagine the mindset of being like, it's exhausting.

If I do something wrong, she might not hang. Like, what? I just want the freedom to do bad things to my partner and have them put up with it. Yeah, if you're not constantly self-aware of that your actions have consequences and that bad actions will have bad consequences. And not also willing to deal with that. Yeah.

Yeah. The whole thing is fucking batshit. So I find one of the most interesting parts of the question to me is the guys I usually like. And I don't know whether she means like because because to me, this this goes one of two ways, like either people who are like really inexperienced, who are just so terrified and overwhelmed by that number that they're just like, I feel like this is a party girl I can't hang with. Or people who are just douchebags who are just like, you're a slut. Bye. So maybe just don't, don't meet those kinds of guys, depending on what you mean by.

I'm also interested, like, this is, I don't want to throw a shame at anyone, but like, I wonder how much of this is sort of like, could be self-sabotage. Cause it's,

it's weird to me that like so many people are asking your number. Like, are you referencing, you know what I mean like are you bringing this up somehow or like sort of planting the seed to at least steer the conversation to this direction in hopes that you reveal it and they don't care as a way of like validation or a way of like confirmation or affirmation it sounds like you're hung up on it a little too yeah and like it sounds like it's fine like again and i feel like you need because

i think i saw an edited version at the moment as well because earlier on there was like a how do i become a different person or seem like a different person and like that seemed to me really problematic because it's like you are a different you know what i mean like as you grow up you are and it's like you said you had this thing and you don't regret it great you shouldn't and then when it became something that you weren't enjoying you stopped it which doesn't mean you having done it before was bad yeah like it means you've changed and that's fine you listen to like if you had kept doing it even though you didn't enjoy it then yes that would be bad you know so yeah like maybe again like nada is your

problem or your fault thing but like think about why these things are coming up like are you constantly rep or like making vague allusions to like all these previous yeah or like are you always just like oh back in the day it would have been a problem back in you know are you if you're constantly sort of like giving them a reason to be like okay so what exactly are you talking about and then it like it comes down to like oh well i just have a high number it's like okay well like what's high you know what i mean like if that or did they like kind of come to the periphery of the issue and you were like 37 yeah you know because they maybe they were like oh you like that's the thing unless they were just

straight up out of nowhere like hey by the way this has been a really nice evening what's your number what's your number uh just before just before we conclude this evening what's your number and then you just look at me you say dick came bad though yeah um no it's just like and again that is not also to say you shouldn't bring up your past because i feel like if you have a partner who is uncomfortable you mentioning your past that's fucked and i don't think you should ever you know i guess it also depends on like the duration of your like unless your past was buck wild and horrendous but you know what i mean yeah you i mean you also have the right to revise history as you see fit and i don't mean that as in you have the right to lie but it's like if there's

stuff in your past that you don't want to talk about you can not talk about it you know what i mean like there's there's no harm in saying, actually, you know what? That's a point in my life that I don't want to revisit. I am currently focusing on going ahead. And if someone's like, I need to know, it's not their right to know. You know what I mean? Like if they are okay with who you are right now, then whatever happened in the past can stay there.

And that's my personal opinion i know a lot of people are like i want full transparency but and i can see both ways i really can well i just what i wanted to make clear was when we said the like what are you saying to get in that situation like are you bringing up your past blah blah i definitely don't want it to seem like bringing up your past is unhealthy because i think it's great so just the clarification i want to make was like we all know there's a difference between being open and honest and talking about things or like really kind of hammering the point like you know what i mean like and it's also like is this like one or two dates like yeah because if if on my first date the you steer the topic of conversation to how many people you've fucked i'd

be like all all right. Yeah. Like that's a bit of a red flag for me. Don't talk about your ex in the first day kind of thing. Like it's, so it's one of those things where I just look about how you're bringing it up and by no means refuse to admit you have a past because like, fuck man, like our girlfriends listen to this fucking podcast.

A hundred percent. Yeah. And like, how many things do we fucking talk about? And like, I love that me and my girlfriend can both talk about like people we fucked and times that we've done X, Y, and Z. And, like, it's fun because we can, like, they're always a story one way or another, right? And a lot of, like, fun situations end with X or slept with or sometime I slept with someone somewhere like it becomes a fucking issue.

And it's like one you like you didn't even exist back then. You don't get to. And also it sucks having to be like if you're talking about something and you want to be like, oh, my night was and you're like i can't bring it up i'll get in trouble like fuck that shit you know what i mean i feel like if you're that person in a relationship like you need to get over it like yeah am i supposed to was like a point in time before you yeah i mean it's like if i cheated on you with someone and then kept bringing that person up that's a very different situation yeah also if someone was like hey i cheated on 37 boyfriends very different situation absolutely yeah um because that's that's just like because cheating on someone is a pretty bad thing yeah fucking someone

isn't so yeah no it's it's wild again uh my my advice here is this is something that can be discussed at a later date. I think bringing it up too soon is a recipe for disinterest. Yeah. But, like, I think once someone gets to know you, it's a little easier to be like, oh, that doesn't really matter a whole lot because I know you as a person as opposed to like you know i i kind of know you but now i know this big number instead again the number doesn't mean shit yeah that's i really want to drive that home people are getting upset about this insecurity right insecurity societal bullshit standards or as a lot of people point out just sexual like synergy because for me sex means a lot

and if you had sex with 37 people it can't have meant a lot which is bullshit you can have sex once or twice with someone and have a lot of fun and have a good time and not date them yeah i mean like i also like i i get that point of view like if if sex sex means different things to different people. So, like, yes, you might not be sexually compatible. If someone... If sex means, like, so much to people that, like, they feel like the only people they want to have sex with are people that they either love or have a very strong emotional connection to, for sure. But, like, that doesn't preclude you from both having that sex.

Just because they've had sex with people in the past yeah no i mean that i feel like that's kind of an excuse for people yeah because obviously up till that point the sex you've been having was doing it for you so why has the fact that she's fucked other people which again you don't know the situations of that sex like you could you could have very like what if she was in a poly polyamorous relationship with like you know a few people multiple times that actually lasted kind of a long time yeah like she could have been having very loving sex all the fucking time or she could have had sex thinking that was how it went and then realize she does want loving sex or whatever like it's it's such a bullshit thing to be like oh we were having this thing but now that i know you've slept with x

amount of people that has changed this for no reason yeah no that's the thing it's such a bullshit thing to be like, Oh, we were having this thing, but now that I know you've slept with X amount of people that has changed this for no reason. Yeah, no, that's the thing. The, the number has no impact on who you are other than the impact that it's already had in creating the person that you are currently,

which is, it has nothing to do with anyone on the peripheral sidelines of your life. Like nowhere does anyone else become affected by the amount of sex that you've had. Um, unless like, I i mean there's exceptions like children stds that kind of stuff um but but also like if you know i again people raise the std question it's like you could get one from fucking one not sleeping with anybody or two sleeping with one person yeah exactly it's also one person yeah i assume she's clean if you've been having sex and i'm assume if she's a responsible partner which probably she's more likely to be considering she has more experience yeah that's fucking wild

don't be dicks people yeah i mean the comments are horrendous can we can we just also i don't think this question would exist if it was a guy. I'm not saying it wouldn't happen to a guy. Yeah. Like, I'm sure there are girls who get upset by numbers. We've both experienced this. I 100% have women, like, bail on dates and or not, like, stop sleeping with me once they found out that my number was increasingly high. Yeah. No, I've definitely had the same thing.

And it's like, why does it fucking matter? But also, I don't think they would get this level of aggression and vitriol and bullshit if it was a guy. No. So don't be a dick like that. I'm a bartender. The amount of times I hear women giving shit either to other women or about other women about the amount of people that they've slept with. And I'm like, it's 2019. We are fighting very, very very very hard right now

for this not to be a conversation and you're like you're on the side we're fighting for why are you why are you crossing why are you enemy lines right now this makes no sense to me it's just like let people fuck whoever they want i don't care what point on this on the fucking gender spectrum you are yeah if you want to have sex with someone and it's a consenting adult relationship have sex with them. You know what I mean? And it doesn't matter if you are sleeping with them once. It doesn't matter if you barely know their

name. It doesn't matter if you love them. Once everyone's good to each other and you're all of legal age. They want to have sex and you've consented. Have sex. You know what I mean? And then whatever happens happens but the the quality of the sex and the you know duration of the sex or how long you're going to have sex with these people it doesn't matter no it's so annoying so please just grow

the fuck up people like and like let's open our little box of like 37 times. Sorry. Of things that we can just be done with. Yeah. Can we get rid of that? And that's the number. Can we just put the number in the fucking box and close it, lock it and forget that it's even a thing?

Yeah. Because it's so irrelevant. And no one can give a good reason as to why it upsets them. Yeah. Apart from like awkwardly trying to pretend. Literally have to be like. It's not that you feel super. Zone of truth these bitches.

I know. And be like. I'm self-conscious. I'm self-conscious. I'm self-conscious. I get it. Or. I was there.

I'm a piece of shit and I don't think women should have the same sexual freedom as me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's like, which I think is probably, I think it's the, you know what I mean? I think it's probably a very close to even 50-50 split of being. If not both at the same of being I'm self-conscious because you've had more sex than me and I'm worried

that you're going to either be more experienced and or compare me to other men. And let me tell you that's a terrifying situation. No one wants to be compared especially men who are very fragile about a bunch of shit when it comes to sex

but if you don't know the number this doesn't have to be a problem. be compared especially men who are very fragile about a bunch of shit when it comes to sex but and the thing is you don't know the number this doesn't have to be a problem yeah so let's take that number and put it in the box and never talk about it ever again and i get it when i was younger 100 i've been in situations where someone dropped their number and i'm like oh my god i feel like shit and i'm scared and i'm nervous and I feel like a weak piece of shit but also I grew the fuck up yeah the first thing

that you like that comes to like a dude's head or at least you know what I imagine one of the first things at least for me

is oh you know if you've slept with 10 people those are those are 10 dudes who could very easily have a bigger dick than me

or or be better than me or last longer than me or look better or a bigger dick than me. Or be better than me. Or last longer than me. Or look better. Or muscler than me. Yeah, exactly. The more people you sleep with, the higher the odds are that I'm at the bottom of the fucking pool. Which is kind of, again, I've had that thought a million times.

Oh, yeah. But also, the person that's sleeping with you currently, guess what? It's not a fucking issue they're not like damn it i need to fuck this guy 20 times before i can find the next one like i'm contractually bound i they're doing of their own fucking free will and it doesn't fucking matter because obviously you're fine yeah when i uh but you know what's not attractive is having a little freak out about that and guess what you're gonna shoot to the bottom of that pile yeah no matter how good your dick game is i remember we were doing i was gonna meet uh so when a man and i were before we we became exclusive i was dating another girl who was in a polyamorous relationship

and i had never met her boyfriend and the first time i was actually going to meet him was at this like viking sex party at a sex club. Have I told this story? To me, yes. I can't remember if I've told it in the podcast. To here, I don't. I don't think so. So, and my big thing, I was just like, well, fuck. Because there's two things.

Like, I'm probably going to see this guy's dick. It's going to be within feet of his dick. Yeah, like not intentionally, but like there's probably going to be a good chance where the four of us will be doing something. It's 2019. You can intentionally see his dick. I mean, yeah. I don't have any interest. But like there's probably gonna be a good chance where the four of us will be doing something story 19 You can intentionally see his dick. It's I mean, yeah I don't have any interest but I was just like the first thing that I'm gonna do is get that like sort of mental

meter stick out and start measuring and then I'm like but so were the ladies and granted The one girl the girl who wasn't amanda uh has already knows she slept with us both yeah and i remember i was like i was really hesitant to do this and i was just like you know what i don't i'm really nervous about this i don't know if this is a good idea and she's like look how long did i sleep with you yeah it's like she's not doing that for no reason and i was just like and like it was just a very blunt just being like, I'm

a big fan of your penis, otherwise I wouldn't keep sleeping with you. Obviously Amanda is a big fan of your penis because she's also sleeping with you. So you don't walk down the road and be like, those are bigger boobs. Bye. It doesn't make sense, but it's one of those things you need to stop,

focus on, and actually rationalize because we all and I know there's a million guys well maybe not a million guys listening but anyone i i would bet every single guy listening and probably every single girl has had this thought and that's okay being a dick about it and refusing to grow up from that thought and rationalize and move on with your life i don't think that's okay yeah it's uh i don't know just so number is in the box it's locked we're done with it yeah stop stop it why does it fucking matter um this comes from reddit user ejock1103 my god the jocks have gone it's not jock like j-o-c-k it's just j-o-c i haven't taken over the internet no no

thank god can jock spell oh it's true uh girlfriend pussy pushes me out when she come this has happened to anyone else did we do this before i don't know i don't think so um when my girlfriend orgasm is from penetration about half the time her pussy contracts so much I physically cannot stay inside her. Sorry, her what? Her pussy. You said pushy. Did I? Technically correct, though. Yeah. She occasionally squirts and I get pushed out, especially hard when that happens. But it's not only then. I haven't given 100% effort to stay inside in these moments because I'm afraid of hurting her, slash stopping her orgasm, slash hurting my dick. But I have held on pretty hard, and it seems to slow down how quickly I get pushed out,

but I really don't get the sense I could stop it. Lol. So I'm assuming the question is, like, what up with that? Move up in there? Yeah. up with that we move up in there yeah i feel like okay firstly the the squirting and the additional lube definitely makes for an easier enter and exit situation um some people really clench and sometimes people don't often but other times it's just like the the clench isn't necessarily always the same sometimes it's real strong and

there have been times where unless your angle and your force and your everything is like really aligned you might be you know worried about getting pushed out or at least like there's some times where it's like it's clamping real hard and you're like oh my god is this the day that it happens the day it gets ripped off yeah um plus it makes you last slightly longer because of the terror you're completely forgetting that the vagina is a very strong muscle like and it's filled with muscles like there's a bunch of shit down there it's just muscles and wetness those are the two best things to shove something out of um you also have to understand that like nine times out of ten uh the lady is is doing some work on her end to also come it's it's uh it's a process like every now and then you'll

find a lady who like you know a stiff breeze can get her off they'll come while sitting on a d-box while watching a movie if a seat vibrates you know that'll be enough for her. Um, but like, there's also a good amount of women who require a little bit of mental focus and a lot of like concentration, a lot of sort of, you know, muscular manipulation to sort of get where they're going. And that's probably what you're feeling. She's probably, you know, holding up her end of the deal and, and helping you out so that she can come. And yes, does that mean that there will be some,

some pushing out some, some rearranging of the, the negative space within her? Yeah. How dare you call vaginas negative? It's 2019, man. The negative space.

That's an art term. Wink. Wink. Wink. But also I found that I've been with a few squirters in my time, and I find that like the vaginal floor and the vaginal walls tend to be extra sort of powerful. Articulate? Is that a word that I could use in this? I forgive you for calling vaginas negative now um when that's when that

when the flood's about to come i find that there tends to be a little bit more about the flood there tends to be a little bit more you know yeah a little a little less space a little more uh swelling yeah um so i've never had the, what it sounds like, this guy is trying to fight Stone Cold Steve Austin, keeps getting thrown out of the ring kind of thing. It just happens. How dare you, Stone Cold, never gets thrown out of the ring. No, he's trying to fight Stone Cold. Oh, the vagina is Stone Cold.

The vagina is Stone Cold. I hope it's not. I hope it's at least warm. Luke warm Steve Austin. Luke warm Steve Austin. Man, can we how long before someone could actually do that

you know what I mean is it too soon is it always gonna be too soon is there ever gonna be room in the world what are you talking about we could start like our wrestling

like could you go and join WWE and be like I'm gonna be lukewarm Steve Austin oh absolutely not I think Stone Cold would literally be summoned and just stunner you

on the spot but for real. He's still alive, right? Of course. You don't want to wait until just as he dies because that's not cool. If you know he's alive, he's going to throw you out of the ring like this girl's vagina. But if you do it too much in the future, is he going to be so hollow to figure that it's never going to last? He's already hollowed.

What did they forget about him? He was hollowed when he fucking squirted Vince McMahon with fucking milk out of a milk truck and a hose. Is he is he vagina? He's squirting. He's throwing people out the ring. Oh, my God. I told you. Yeah.

Anyway, I assumed I don't think I've ever had anything like that dramatic, at least like constantly. So what I'm wondering is because he does mention. Hesitance on his part, that it's, I assume it's a bit of half and half. Like the second things start getting a little squeezy, he's like, nope. So talk to her. Be like, hey, just a heads up. I'm worried that when you're coming, because like also, I feel like if someone was worried

about holding my dick while I was coming, I would be so sad if they stopped while I'm coming. Because that's the fucking golden hour. That's the perfect time. That's when the actions get their fucking beautiful. Like, no, don't stop while I'm coming, please. So for this poor girl, maybe she's like, oh, man. Yeah.

Talk to her and be like, yo, there's no harm in saying like, hey, I feel like I'm half forced out. Do you? Are you cool with that because i'm worried if i try and like maintain my position that i might hurt you and she's probably like no man fucking bring it to me alternatively uh what i do and i found i have gotten great success from is when you sort of like when you really can't get that angle anymore and you're not really, like you can't really do anything anymore, there's no harm in sliding out

and then reaching around and playing with the clip. Well, if you're already playing with the clip, which often you should be anyway. That's the time to like just double down on it. Like make sure it happens. I find that like just a quick, you know, back and forth across it uh that that gets the water well if lowen if you're not already then yes unless you know everyone has different

things unless that's not what she's into but yeah if you're not already doing it this is a perfect time to do that she's not even gonna notice your dick's gone if she's also now getting surprised coming extra outside stimulation like that's just gonna it's gonna be great but if you're already doing that i don't know have the talk see where she stands with your dick standing in her also don't feel like this needs to be like something you have to bring up over breakfast or like coffee or you can have that talk right then and there like if you're if you're getting pushed out you've been know, there's no harm in being like, hey, you're pushing me out.

Should I, should I hold on? Should I get, you know what I mean? Like, and, that's the least sexy way to say it. Like,

you want me to keep fucking you? Yeah. There you go. Like, no. Pull that hair a little bit, whisper into that ear. Girl,

am I riding this Bronco or are you trying to buck me off? You just tell me. I'm getting off a station early. I get back on hey is this a short-term bus this was sure to short-term short-term short-term you just become hey I'm me now lens amid coital I'm my dicks being squeezed you think I'm gonna be able to talk properly is that straight um yeah yeah like just have a chat and play with that clip

or remember we talked about drippy darnell throw a bunch of chalk in there you won't slip out oh my god please don't do that please please please don't that's just the mental image yeah i know it's both hilarious and disgusting no it's not hilarious i don't like anything about it uh yeah that's one of those moments where we make flippant joke remarks for comedy purposes that are almost half funny because they're meant to be never taken seriously all i can think i worry that there's someone out there that takes them seriously please don't have you ever did you ever make it in like science class in like the science class that was it's like a soft goopy liquidopy liquid until you touch it and then it hardens.

Like a dick? Kind of. But you know what I'm talking about? It's like flour and water and for whatever reason it hardens when you grab it. Like a dick? Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like a dick?

Never mind. Someone out there knows exactly what fucking. Yeah, it's like a force thing so it's like if you hit it hard it'll go solid if you just slowly push your finger through you'll get your way through like a dick we've all been there yeah you slap my dick it'll get real hard but if you touch it you'll just slip right through yeah if you put your finger just right slowly inside my dick hurts now all right we going we just finishing We just finishing this shit? Yeah. Yeah. We'll do it right here.

Actually, no, we'll do this real quick. Okay. Oh, man. Deleted? It's deleted, but it was quick, which is why I did it anyway. Best way to find MILFs online? I literally used to go on... Oh, fuck.

I went through a older woman phase, and would go on fuck what the name what was the name of that website they were like really bad tv ads cougar life was a cougar life i think it was cougar life but you had to pay for it but you got like a free account you had certain amount of like messages you could send but people couldn't send it back to you so you'd have to like hide your email in the message man i was sorry what i expected this to be a bullshit response we were gonna okay i mean it's a bullshit response i'm not proud of this like this isn't something i'm what age were you uh it would have been i would have been like 21 i was too old to be also like this is i'm out of my first relationship uh that i had sex

so this is like this is sort of like my this is like i'm 18 more or less but i assume it's more like a it's like online dating just for older people right yeah it's like a match.com but for specifically for older women looking for younger men yeah that's fair and that's hilarious though i would love to see your like email did you ever get an email back i went on like two or three dates okay uh all of them were a terrible oh no that's not true uh yeah no all of them were terrible i was gonna say i slept with one of them in their like prius at a no frills parking lot but that was a woman i met at like an all-you-can-eat oysters bar. Well, why not? You're going to be so jacked up on aphrodisiacs at that point.

I don't even like oysters. Or Priuses. After what I did to it, they don't like me. I left a sock in there. That's weird. Wait, you take your socks off? That's weird. I think I used it to clean up man

I regret asking this question so much I was gonna just tell them to click on the ads on the side of porn that say there are hot singles in this area cause that's a joke hot older singles there's always one of them so do that honestly

just find like hotel bars go to fucking uh crock rock there you go apparently crock rock's not a cougar bar anymore it used to be the youngins have ruined it i know not that i care anymore but like let me tell you when i was like i went there a couple times like with you and it was just like i don't even think any of these kids are over 18. Like, this looks like an underage bar right now. It's one of those things where, like, you always hear, like, oh, it's a cougar bar. And then, like, I went, and there's, like, I don't get it. Is this the wrong night?

What's happening? Not that I went there for cougars, but. But the thing is, is, like, there would always be, like, a group of, like, six women who were older who thought it was a cougar bar, who are so clearly uncomfortable because it's, you could see them. You could see them. Yeah. Oh my God.

I didn't realize you're sensitive. What? Six women died in, in Crock Rock. They haven't let a cougar in since. Um, it's actually just their ghosts. That's amazing.

You're, that's not a nice way to talk about older women just because they're over 40 doesn't mean they're dead nile oh my god this actually happened that's why i saw cougar anymore don't you ever lie to me like that that's fair they just no just like college kids found out that the younger college guys were going there you know what i mean it was like a it's a weird cycle. That was a funny ghost bet. If you say so. Well, let's go. Thank you, Josh Eagle

and the Harvest Cities for selling paper stars. You're skipping so much. It's never too early to thank Josh. I know. We'll do it again. Ooh.

You guys have some bad sex writing for us? I'll do it at the end. Okay. Like I always do, you fucking asshole. I can never remember when we do it.

Literally at the end. You don't want to be like, hit them with the good stuff, then be like, by the way, here's our fucking email. Because no one's excited for that. No one's on the edge of their seats waiting for you to say the email. You don't know? I do. You don't know.

Thank you very much for listening. Do we tell people we hit the top 31? We were really excited to break top 100, we just said hey fuck that let's break top 50 we didn't say that you guys said that you were like no no guys fuck top 100 let's go to number 31 yeah so yeah we've gone from we've gone up like 170 spots in 10 10 days two weeks i don't know but these are fucking wild it's really cool yeah we we peaked at 31 um it's fucking really cool yeah and it's uh it's really awesome the the feedback and stuff we're getting um thank you very much for for listening and for rating and sharing it with your friends a bunch of people have messaged me over the

past couple weeks being like i'm listening and it's awesome and like i've got everyone like i got all my roommates hooked on or i got all my co my coworkers hooked on it. And that's the fucking best. I don't know what we did to deserve it, but I'm glad that you guys are enjoying it. And it means the world to us that you're sharing it and supporting us. Yep. Shout out to Maya and to Sophie, who are our brand new listeners and are just knocking their way through it. And shout out to Sarah, who I think, I can't remember if she said she's working backwards or forwards. So you might hear this sooner than later so it's really funny we have an epidemic of people working backwards and i get it first episode's a little rough but we reference

our own bullshit constantly you're gonna miss it um but maybe it's like the memento thing it's like an aha moment where you're just like oh that's where it comes from well that's funny because uh i was actually gonna solve that today by bringing a call back back to slippery steve that's from next week goodbye people fair enough uh yeah this was some sex writing also sorry we didn't do that last week yeah i don't know we forgot we were all fucking jacked up on a one-year anniversary right you think we'd know after a year to to do that I mean, like, I've introduced the podcast maybe half the episodes, so... Yeah, but you suck, so... I do. All right, now hit me.

So, this is the winner of the Bad Sex Fiction Award in 2017. Uh-huh. Are you comfy? Yes. You don't look comfy. I don't know. I'm covered... There we go. Yeah, okay I don't know. Come.

There we go. Yeah, okay. You got me. Okay. She covers her breasts with her swimsuit. The rest of her... That's what it's for. The rest of her remains so delectably exposed. The skin along her arms and shoulders are different shades of tan, like water stains on a bathtub.

Her face and vagina... Damn, damn girl you look like scum you look like a dirty a progressively less dirty bathtub the skin among oh sorry her face and vagina are competing for my attention so I glanced down at the billiard rack of my penis and testicles. What? Is a billiard rack like the triangle that you put the balls in? Apparently that was one of the main reasons they won, where the judges were unsure how many testicles this person had. Because, I mean, like, in terms of geometry, she'd be more akin to a billiard rack.

Because that downstairs is more of a triangle shape. Oh, yeah. I don't know. But the... See, what I like is... Like, the pool cue I get, that's the penis. That's what I thought was, like, a ball and a cue, like, cue and two balls. But, like, if you were doing, like, a whole rack and the thing was involved, it would be at least two and then a bunch of balls.

It's like, how many dicks and balls does this guy have? What's his downstairs situation look like? What is it? Also, also, is it green? No, but really, maybe it's pubic hair. That's like the green turf. Oh, yeah. He needs to get that checked.

But. Could have dyed it. What confused. That should be a thing. What confuses me is he says she covers her breasts with her swimsuit. But that seems like that seems to be a thing where like after sex. But seems like she had her tits out and then things were getting hot. So she's like, well, whether cover them.

But also, here's my vagina and face. Also, I wanted to look at her face and her vagina, so I looked up my dick? Yeah, I don't know what to do, so what you guys doing down there? Maybe it's like a defining rod, depending on where it's pointing. That's the deciding factor. So always the face? I mean, if he has two dicks, maybe both. Oh, shit.

It's like they were competing for attention so I looked at my dick oh just back and forth forever oh boy yeah well that was an episode boys I also completely forgot to do it when we did our little thing but

if you have a question oh yeah wait my god what are we doing I got it you're horny for this if you have a question, Oh yeah. Wait, my God, I got it. You're horny for this. Um, if you have a question, you can send us an email at F buddies podcast at gmail.com. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies.

You can also find us on Facebook at FCK buddies podcast. Also, please go check out our beautiful website. We spent way too long making it. It's not that complicated, but it took us forever. So I don't think that was our fault um so you can visit us online at f buddies podcast.com um there's also a like a form to fill out if you have a question and you don't want to remember anything you just go to the website contact us uh assign yourself an agent name

and we will get to you as soon as we can uh so will i down up first yeah okay so dan says new post brackets will proposing marriage to your ex make her get back with you question mark bracket yeah probably i think that's how it works i don't want to be with you spend your life with me all right yeah i'd like for us not to date but but you didn't say marriage. I was like, shit, that loophole. Got me again. So I started this last week as a way to get that Dan off our tongue. And I go through Pornhub and try to find a porn comment. Have you been licking, Dan?

Yeah, man. Haven't you? No, man. I've been doing it for a year um and this week we're gonna end the old podcast off with t-dog 31 and he says why this dude sound like wreck ralph when he talked dirty did he did he did uh My name is Dane Miller. What does Reuben sound like?

I love that last phrase. And we're your fuck buddies.