F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 56 - Family Threesome

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Niall's had a bad day, so we sing about it.  We actually do a lot of singing in this episode.  Maybe too much.  Topics include respectful break-ups, the importance of D&D, drugging your wife, losing a little weight, some awkward questions, and wooing the cute hairdresser.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Al Spain And we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Hello. Hi. Mal had a bad day. Bad bad day. It's like that song. I had a bad day. My phone hates me. I would argue that your girlfriend hates you.

That's maybe true. You do someone a favor of letting them use your alarm clocks on your phone. And they fucking silence your alarm clocks. And then you're late to work. Yeah. God damn it. Question time. I read a thing today.

Mm-hmm. And it was like, you know, 4,000-year-old skeletons show signs of heart disease. And I was like, you know, 4,000-year-old skeletons show signs of heart disease. And I was like, yeah. I imagine that, like, most anything that lived 4,000 years ago was probably riddled with all kinds of diseases. Like, every disease. Except maybe, like, diabetes, because they probably weren't. You don't know. I mean, unless they were, like, on a heavy diet.

Maybe they just found, like, a cane sugar fucking field and were just like. But I was just like, yeah, man yeah man like this isn't shocking news i mean i didn't read the article so maybe it is shocking news for well people who know anything about biology but oh wait no it's completely shocking why have you not been around have you ever been in halloween ever skeletons don't have hearts bro oh shit So how the fuck can they have heart disease That's true Do they have secret hearts Is that why we can never kill them Man I should have read that article

Can they feel this whole time They could love Fuck man the skeleton was like They said they loved me once And I laughed in her face I said you can't You don't have a heart I feel so bad and he just clipped her head off of the bat yeah being like well I can't kill you I shouldn't

die either probably because I missed the heart in both senses fuck man that's awful uh spooky welcome to spooktober it's your boys in the hell of day do we have any spooky questions uh I figured next week is our spooky. Yeah. That's why we didn't have them for this week. Happy vote day, by the way, guys. Go fucking vote. Oh, yeah.

The outcomes can be very spooky indeed. I was going to do that at the end, but if you're a Canadian citizen, if you're one of our Canadian listeners, if you haven't voted yet, do it. And also, don't vote for assholes. And, you you know i'm not going to tell you who to vote for i think you know democracy works its ways but don't vote conservative for god's sakes please don't fucking vote conservative just like take a minute and look at the people and be like are they assholes are they gonna fuck everything for their own gain and just like help the super rich and then maybe just be like wait are they gonna are they gonna be really prejudicial against like a lot of people who are vulnerable hmm yeah are they gonna fuck over education are they gonna fuck people who have

certain sexual orientations hmm are they super racist hmm and then maybe don't vote for those people yeah i'm not saying who those people are, but you know. Also, I've adopted a way. Actually, we probably haven't lost a single this week. I assume we probably haven't. I've adopted a thing. When I vote, I like to imagine, like, it's a good thing to do is, like, pretend that your wife or your partner, whoever, is an immigrant and that your kid is adopted and, you know, and that they're maybe they're

LGBT plus, you know what I mean? Like, imagine that the people that are in your family are the groups that don't necessarily quote unquote mean anything to you or you don't have any quote unquote attachment to. You know what I mean? Like, imagine your grandparents are indigenous. Like, vote with that in mind. And if you're voting for someone who's gonna like family i know right or just like put yourselves in various people's shoes yeah including you know the millionaires and be like how would i feel if i was a millionaire i was super rich and all of a sudden i had to pay a lot

more money and then you'd be like wait i still have so much money it doesn't fucking matter i got into a huge argument at work. More money's coming in. And, oh, it still can't spend it all. But, no, you're right. We should tax the people who can barely afford to fucking eat. Yeah, I got into this argument with a guy at work. And he was like, oh, it's fucking bullshit.

Like, they worked hard enough to earn their money. I was like, I would wager that probably, like. The majority probably did not work at all. Yeah, I was like, most of them probably got born into some sort of financial dynasty. And also, does it matter if you worked hard? Are you telling me that like the mother of, you know, the single mother who lost her husband in a car accident or some bullshit, who is now working like three jobs and also is trying to pay off her student debts which she had to drop out of because she had to put no work in for that car accident unless she was driving the other car

sorry and i was like are you telling me that they're working less hard than a millionaire ceo of a company yeah and if and if you think that that's fine you're wrong but i was like you can't justifiably say that there aren't people out there who are in the poverty lines and who are in desperate need of financial assistance and government assistance. Just because you worked really hard doesn't mean you just get like, you know what I mean? Like, how do you measure? It doesn't remove you from society.

Exactly. Like, you're now not above society. You're literally the person most able to pay. Yeah. But the one least likely to. Yeah. It's fucking wild anyway uh just just vote well political podcast just don't like just try and not be a dick

yeah you know and like i don't know how much i believe in the whole strategic voting thing because like you know technically it works but in another sense it's like it doesn't really have much you don't have the information really so like just vote for who you want to vote for well let's do a question. Are you going to start us off? We're going to do our user question. Yeah, it's our boy, Agent Cody Wanks. We need to get him theme music.

I know, right? And we're sued. Yeah, Sylvester Stallone is now suing us. Remixing it doesn't make it better. Is it it, though? It's quite different. You can't tell. This is like if Rocky was done by Christopher Nolan.

Okay, stop it. Hi, guys. It's been a while while but i'm here with another dilemma i've been having trouble getting my head around this one and thought my old friends niall and dane could help out hello agent coding works i was dating a girl for about two months i wasn't really dating anyone else so i used to see her quite regularly fast forward to this weekend and i said i didn't want to date her anymore i wasn't really feeling it so i drove over hers, about a 1.5 hour drive in rush hour traffic, to tell her in person. I said I wasn't really ready for anything super serious and I needed a break from dating, and I thought I should end things before they did. I just wanted to be super clear and honest. She was upset, but she said she understood,

and that was that. I drove home and started to get whole loads of texts from her saying all sorts of stuff. She's saying that she wants to work things out with me, even if it means waiting for me to be ready for a relationship. I've told her I think that's unfair on her to wait around, and also puts pressure on me. She's saying she's old enough, we're both 25, to make up her own mind on what she wants to do, which is true, but I repeatedly kept saying I can't promise anything, and I what she wants to do which is true but i repeatedly kept

saying i can't promise anything and i don't want to do anything that will hurt her she's told me we can stay friends uh with the intention of maybe getting back together in the future am i doing the right thing i keep telling her we can be friends but i feel this is going to hurt her which i've made clear despite her insisting um i'm worried i'm being a dick. Help. And then he says some nice things about the podcast. Hey. Firstly, good on you for driving to her despite the long distance and doing it in person. I know a person who wanted to break up with her boyfriend and made him drive from Belfast, which is an entirely different, well, it's in Northern Ireland, all the way down to Dublin to dump him when he got to her house.

That's like, I don don't know like two hours yeah with good traffic this is shit it's a boss move right there no it's a fucking asshole and by boss i mean terrible yeah no it's really bad so uh don't do that um and also this is a tricky situation and i've definitely been there and it's always awkward when you're like when you're trying to do something that you feel is right, and they're telling you something, and they're like, I can make my own decisions. You're making decisions for me. I'm totally fine with this, but you know deep down that they're not.

Yeah. I mean, he also sent us a few screenshots of what was being said, just so we had a vibe of what was going on. Better context, which is great, because usually the questions are very contextless. That's the thing. It's always through the filter of the question. There's always a lot of guesswork as well. So it was good to be like, okay, no, Agent Cody Wangs, I'll start off right off the bat.

Oh, we can answer. You're not an asshole. Yeah. You're not being an asshole. We read the text, and you handled it very maturely and very uh empathetically which i think is a big thing to do when you're breaking up with someone um it's also very easy to promise be like of course we'll be friends of course of course of course and then not follow through with it and that's sort of like it cheapens the honesty of

the breakup you know i mean you you went through all the effort to do this very genuinely and very emotionally and honestly, and you gave her the respect a breakup deserves to then sort of like promise her that, yeah, like maybe we'll get together later when you don't know is unfair. And it completely counteracts what you just did. Yeah, but also like you're kind of being put in that position because it's almost like i don't know if this is a little harsh but it's almost like emotional blackmail where you're like

you're making a decision for me i'm old enough to make this decision when like it's it's not necessarily a decision for them it's also kind of your decision too right absolutely so it's like you're saying i don't want to hurt you and they're like i won't be hurt like but i know it's weird like i've been in this situation in a lot of times and i will say once it worked out once they were like i promise you i'm not feeling this way i won't be upset if this happens or this happens let's you know keep it casual i'm not going to get hurt and it actually worked out great and the other nine out of those 10 times, it was awful. And I completely nailed it.

And they convinced me that I was putting myself in their shoes and thinking about things the wrong way. And I agreed with them. And then it all went to shit. And I'm left at the end of it being like, I told you, I told you this would happen. I tried to do the right thing. And then they're like twice as annoyed.

So like the thing, my recommendation would be if you honestly are if you do want to see them in this casual capacity or be their friend which i do think is really hard to just flick that switch yeah i don't think you can just be like we're friends wow that was quick you know i do think if you are honest about wanting to be friends one it can't be with that like get back in the future caveat absolutely and two you kind of need to take a little break from each other at the very least if not a sizable break you know and honestly you're probably going to find you don't need or want them as friends like once you hit a certain age it's hard to have any friends any number of friends you know what

i mean like people have their close friends and like adding people to that is pretty difficult we only have a certain amount of time right so you'll know yourself but i think you gotta have a break and you gotta be honest about it and like really really want to be friends or if what it kind of seems to me like she says she's okay with being casual and she won't get hurt and she's not expecting more and she's fine while you're waiting to figure your shit out if you still like seeing this person you still like them and you want to have a conversation, make it very, very clear. If you want to continue doing that, like sometimes you can just trust them at their word. And if things fall apart, that's not your fault. Yeah.

But if they don't make it easier to be like, oh, I've hurt you, especially it seems like Cody Wanks is a really good guy. Yeah. So, like, I know that'll still suck for you. But you can also fall back on the, hey, we've had this conversation multiple times. And I did my due diligence to avoid this. Yeah. And you told me, yeah, it's a tricky situation, especially with sort of like, you know, agency. That's the thing. I feel like

in those situations any of the times i have called it quits i've always felt like a dick because they're like you're making decisions for me like you know like i can make my own decision i'm old enough like blah blah blah and it's like you're putting yourselves in their shoes and making their decisions for them but then nine of those ten times when they just turn around and are like fuck you why'd you do this and i'm like you literally said this wouldn't happen that you'd be cool but then again i think it's kind of a bullshit so good that it's a bullshit turn where someone's like oh you're making a decision for me but like a relationship's a two-way street exactly you know what i mean if if you don't feel

comfortable doing it and you say hey i'm not comfortable doing it because I think it could wind up with you getting hurt. Yeah. That's not you making a decision for them. That's you making a judgment call for yourself. Yeah. Not wanting to put yourself in the position to hurt someone. And they can say whatever they want. They can say, hey, I'm not going to get hurt.

Hey, I'm going to be fine with this. And that's fine. That's their call. They're allowed to then make the decision to be like, I'm actually still willing to proceed with this relationship in a different capacity. Yeah. But you also get to make the decision of saying, I'm not comfortable with that. Yeah. And regardless of what the reason is, regardless of how much you assure me that my reason is wrong. Yeah.

I get to make that choice. I get to make the choice. Ironically, I'm allowed to make my choice. Yeah, exactly. And I can also, like, i could say that you're forcing my hand in this so it's it's sort of like a weird double-edged sword here where if you're making a choice you both get to make the choices yeah and if you if unless it's both yes it's still enough yeah that's the thing it's like the only other way this ends is probably badly, most likely badly. And like you said, I've been in the same situation where it's like, yes, in the rare occurrence, this could work out great.

And you might have a friend for life, but nine times out of ten. Because what happens when they start seeing someone else? Or you start seeing someone else. Or you start seeing someone else. You know what I mean? It's when, when those things it's, it might be fine now, but the second you add in the,

the different variables of adult life and relationships, you're, you're entering in like more fire into this sort of like simmering oil, this pot of oil that you've got on the back burner for no damn reason. Fire and oil. That's what I mean. You're just like putting sparks. You said more fire.

Into the oil. Yeah, because at any point in time it's going to explode. But why was there already fire in the oil? Well, there wasn't fire. You said more. I mean, maybe, yeah, the flame of the element. It's heating the oil. You said into the, anyway.

Well, that's what I mean. When you start adding variables, that's when you start like throwing matches into the oil for no reason other than to make it explode. And then your fried chicken tastes all like...

Yeah, then you've ruined it. You've ruined your fried chicken. That is your life. What I'm saying is chicken is life. Life is fried chicken. The more you fry your chicken, the more life gets less chickeny.

Oil is a relationship and fire is complications. You don't want too many. Exactly. You want just the right amount of heat. I'm not going to nail that. We're solved that. No. I think we can leave it.

So, yeah, like, don't, I think, like, because there's so many different ways to go in this kind of situation. And it all depends on, like, how you really feel about the whole thing the whole thing you know what i mean like how much do you doubt what they're saying like do you actually think it's possible they mean it and they are okay with kind of like either keeping things casual until you figure it out or being friends how much do you actually like this person like are you worried but would be totally relieved and cool to keep going if it was casual or do you honestly just want to get out of there and now you feel guilty because they're playing that kind of card? Yeah. There's so many different variables.

If it's best for you to cut ties, if that's really what you need, if you literally need a hard break from all this, then you don't owe this person. And being a friend is... Whatever you've owed them, you've given them. You owe them a fair, honest reason as to why you're ending it. Yeah. You've done that. You've given them a face-to-face. You've done that very genuinely.

You've been nice. Like, you're great. You're doing better than most people out there. That's the thing. Like, I would say you'd be... I would put you in the asshole category if you just sent a text and was just like, hey, I'm not really into it anymore good like not gonna see you anymore even then and it's like yeah i wouldn't even go full asshole

because this thing that's better than most people get like most people get a ghost right yeah again not them saying that's an ideal way i i mean just like it it is a way and it's probably better than ghosting at least you're explaining Whatever. This is pretty much the best way. And if you honestly want to cut ties, don't let yourself be drawn in by this kind of, like, this niceness. And the friend, but, like, with the aim of getting... That's a trap. That's not anything.

That is not anything. This is the thing. You're friends or you're not. You nailed it when you said, if you're going to proceed in any facility, or, like, any sort of fashion with this relationship the caveat of maybe we'll get back together later cannot be there that needs to be removed from existence that needs to be put on a rocket and sent to the sun yeah you need to as long as that

exists this relationship is going to have fire thrown into that Yeah, you need like one of four outcomes and it's either stop seeing each other, just be friends, continue in a casual capacity with no expectations, like, but very openly stated, or I guess date, right? Yeah. Well, you still have an option. Fuck you.

Dane's pointing out my injured finger that I cannot move. I'm also gesturing with my fingers all the options that was a visual joke on our audio medium um and like if you want out just be like look i'm sorry you feel that way but like honestly i think this is what's best for both of us and like look it's been really good but uh it doesn't even be best like you can no just like this this just what i i need yeah just be like this there's no harm it's easy to like sound like an asshole to say hey i'm doing this for me yeah but no i don't think so well i mean like in this day and age the idea of doing something for yourself often comes across as selfish yeah and there are times where doing something for yourself is the best thing for you in terms of like your mental health and happiness.

Like there's nothing wrong if it's not coming at the detriment of anyone. And it's like, yes, I'm sure this person is a little hurt because of a breakup. You're never not going to be hurt. And like that's that's that's sort of the contract we sign when we start seeing someone. And like if you if you say, we're gonna be friends and like you know not again nine times out of ten you're not gonna be you're probably not even gonna see each other again after you decide to be friends yeah because she's like oh cool you wanna go for coffee on tuesday and you're gonna have something better to do because you don't want to sit through this awkward like

we ended things and that was the main reason we were hanging out if you know each other for that short of a time is to like hook up and shit yeah and like be romantic so you're gonna sit there you know what she wants she is hoping you want something other than what you want yeah you're wasting your time it's an hour and a half away like so maybe you do it once but then you're not gonna do the next time or you don't do it at all because you're busy which may happen or may not you know and then she's gonna be hurt because then it's gonna be like you said we'd be friends and you like you know like so unless you know clean cut or like literally be friend one of those four options there's no half measures here you know and honestly if you're going to be friends i don't think you can just jump into it

yeah no i i would definitely take a hard break reset give her some time to process yeah give you some time to process. Yeah. Give you some time to process. And then find maybe like if you guys have mutual friends, do like a group thing first so that it's not. Yeah. You guys just awkwardly staring at each other. Yeah. And like, well, she shuffles up the bench and you shuffle down the bench. Or just like mentally both coming to terms with the fact that this isn't going to work. Yeah.

Like it's easier to do that once surrounded by friends. Yeah. And just staring at each other being like, yeah, well, this is a crashing. Yeah. And if,

like, even if she's hurt, if you're like, hey, I'm sorry, I just, this has to, like, end here, like, but, you know, it has been a lot of fun, like, thanks.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure she'll still be upset, but in, like, three months, when, like, two people have ghosted her, she'll be like, you know what? That guy was great. Like, I really like it's one of those things you're going to appreciate.

She will appreciate it later on. You know, I think I mean, like at the end of the day, you just have to sort of work out a choreographed dance number to thank you next. And then just let Ariana Grande do do the heavy lifting for you. Yeah. But the thing is, like, how many people do we need for that number? Oh, it's a flash mob. Yeah, but the thing is, hour and a half drive, rush hour traffic, unless we got a station wagon, we got five people, maybe seven.

We're to a location. Maybe somewhere in between. Okay. We're on to luring someone to a location. For a flash mob. Oh. Then that's fine fine you know what i mean it's like hey do you want to meet at the the mall food court and then all of a sudden do you want to meet over the loudspeaker studio the sweet sounds of miss grande come on and then you know the kfc guy is in the back and he's making fried chicken it's ariana

grande i'm i know i don't have the best track record for i think you're right i don't know i'm pretty sure it's ariana grande um but either way i know that was a bit rambly but i hope you you're not an asshole and you gotta do what you need to do yeah you know and i don't think there's any harm in one of those four options you know what i mean apart from obviously you don't want to date. Five, flash mob area. Oh, yeah, flash mob, obviously. Obviously, you don't want to date her, so take that out of the pool.

And you just got to go with your gut. If you honestly don't... If you don't want to, then fucking bail on it. You know what I mean? That's it. You've done the heavy lifting, and now it's trying to be dragged out. Fuck it.

You don't owe anyone anything more than what you've done, which has already been really nice and good. And if you want to do any of the other options, if you really want to be a friend, sure. But it has to be hard friendless. Hardcore friend mode. No bullshit in between.

Honestly, I'd recommend a break. And if it's going to be casual, it's risky, but it could be great. That's our three cents. You got a question? Let's do it. Uh, fuck. Yeah.

God. This is by user Sub2PewDiePie. My boyfriend, 20-year-old male, told me, 20-year-old female, that D&D was more important than me. Yeah. The title is self-explanatory. We've been arguing a bit because I felt like he never spends quality time with me. He plays it during the weekend, and he eats up his weekend, so I asked if he could compromise and maybe only once a week or every other week, to which he said,

Dungeons and Dragons is more important than you. He was unwilling to compromise on anything, and he feels I'm being too demanding and that he never gets alone time. If I was lucky, I got to spend a few hours a week with him between classes, but I wanted to do fun romantic things like going out and just being there for each other. He was all willing to do this for the boys, and I just felt left out and excluded after he never makes plans or goes out of his way for me like he does his boys. He goes camping, swimming, tubing, plays games with them all the time, but has never done those things with me. He also just seemed off the last few weeks because he is depressed, but he

never talks out his problems with me. He just shuts me out. We had plans to do something last minute. We had plans to do something, but last minute something came up, but he didn't make an effort to do anything else and just hung out with his friend and some random girl the next day and ignored me. There were concerts the X'd day and a bunch of fun things I really wanted to do with him that day, but I am just not important at all. People kept asking me where he was and honestly, I didn't know. I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and shocked. I just decided to go home early because seeing all the happy couples there spending time with each other just hurt me because he was and honestly i didn't know i'm embarrassed ashamed and shocked i just decided to go home early because seeing all the happy couples they're spending time with each other just hurt me because he isn't willing to do the same for me fuck this keeps going um i mean

let's get it out of here do you know how hard it is to find a dnd group well that meets regularly and i'm sorry dnd and or pathfinder super fucking important with the boys. It's like we all have that portion of our week. Block the fuck off. And I'm sorry. I'm dead to the world. On Monday? I don't exist. Nothing is getting between me and that time.

Unless it's like. Man, imagine having a group that meets for like twice a week. Every week. That would be amazing. A whole weekend? Yeah. And that's the thing. I get why it might.

And I'm also going to doubt that he turned around and just said, like, dude, dude's more important than you in those exact words. You know what I mean? I also want to point out that I'm being a little facetious here. Because I think this guy's a massive asshole. Yeah, if it went as it happened... If the information we're getting is accurate, he sounds great. If he literally will only hang

out with his friends and refuses to do anything with his girlfriend like yeah this guy's a piece of shit obviously um i just wanted to make sure that we were that was clear see i'm worried that like again i'm putting myself in their shoes and like kind of melding the two or it's like if i started dating someone new and they were like why do you always take this time on monday like what about me i'm sorry my pre-existing arrangement with my best friends yeah that is more important than you because you are brand new yeah and even if you weren't like you're never gonna like get to the point where you're more important than my friends in that arrangement unless like a pissing contest of importance either it's not a pissing contest it's like oh you you have a very important thing of your life that you do

on these specific days anything it could be a chess club it could be like literally just a movie night with your friends exactly like it could be fucking anything but if you it's we've talked about before it's nearly like the older you get the harder it is to regularly see your friends on a consistent basis and not i'm not talking like one friend i mean like if you have a core group of friends and you get to see them every week you you're doing a very very rare thing yeah once you like even like one friend like it's it gets wild out there man it's it's difficult so to ask someone to be like hey i know you've got this thing with

your friends that pretty much no one else has and will pretty much like be impossible to replace if i throw a wrench in it but i'm expecting you to throw a wrench in it for me yeah um and like obviously you know this is a general statement this situation it sounds bad but it also sounds like it's either so bad it's terrible or it's so bad that someone's hurt and exaggerating you know what i mean yeah if this is going the way it is i'll answer this question if it's going the way it is you need to leave this guy yeah leave him because he doesn't prioritize his relationship with you he doesn't care about your feelings he doesn't care about um like he's he's clearly got some sort of like narcissistic thing obviously some

depression like there seems to be a whole sort of mental cocktail going on with him that isn't conducive to a healthy relationship not that being depressed is not conducive to a relationship no i mean like but it's manifesting in a way that's abusive to her but at the same time if you're just getting very hurt by the fact that this person is choosing his friends over you occasionally they should yeah like that that is a healthy thing to do that's the thing it's like we we are the people we are so you met him having been shaped by the experiences he has with his friends yeah if you remove that aspect of him now that and in the hopes of like replacing yourself in that you've replaced you've removed a lot of the reason why he's so good yeah to you because yeah so like i guess the reason why this

question spoke to me and the reason why i'm like half addressing it and half just talking in general is that like a lot of people don't seem to realize how important spending time with your friends and or people who aren't in your relationship is to a relationship and i know so many people who are hurt and upset and i think having this constant time set aside is confusing to a lot of people because if they ever want to do something that day that's like sure if something big and important comes up of course you know like we've all skipped a monday or two yeah you know and that's fine nobody cares but at the same time it's like sacred time yeah and that shouldn't be an issue because if it is in the relationship if you don't like them spending regular time with their friends

you're the problem yeah yeah i mean like and it's also it's really fucking healthy to have interest outside of the relationship like the amount of times where i'm out doing something and people are like where's amanda i'm like well she's doing a burlesque thing with her friends or she's out having dinner with her friends or whatever and they're like well why isn't she here it's like because i'm with you guys and you are my friends and as much as she likes you guys and as much as i would love for her to be here right now she's also doing something which i'm very very like i would rather her be out doing something and experience like you know fostering her own relationships while i'm with

my friends then always feel like we have to sort of like tag along to each other's events and you know social life i mean the best example is this Sunday was Thanksgiving for Canadians and I invited Amanda she thought she was going to have to work she ended up having the day off and she was like

honestly I just want to relax it's my only day off I just I just want to be at home and like get a manicure and fucking relax

and I was like yeah for sure and it's like she was really stressed because she was like I don't want your parents to think I don't want to see them I don't was really stressed because she was like i don't want your parents to think i don't want to see them i don't want to hang out with them or i

don't want to be there my parents were literally like we get it like when we got home they were like you made the right choice my mom was just like if if i could have skipped today like i would have too we'll say i was fucking exhausted on sunday if i could have chilled that would have been great yeah so you've got to understand that as as important as it is to do things together it's also equally as important to spend time apart and to foster and like your own individual lives independent of each other because as as shitty as it is and this is never what I'm thinking when I'm doing it but it's like relationships end it's a it's an unfortunate consequence of being with someone. Yeah.

And you want to still be the semblance of the person you want to be when that ends. If you've replaced all of your personality and all of your free time and your friends and everything, and everything about your personality now resides on this person and is dependent on them, when they leave, what are you left with but also like you're not a human if you don't have connections to other people like you literally need that time and you as a good partner should support that and foster that instead of like getting in the way and being upset about it like you're gonna. Yeah. So this is to answer the big question. It's fine that he's spending a weekend with his friends.

If that's, if that's his weekend time and that's what he does. Great. If it's abusive and it's, if he will not spend any time with you. Yeah. Then that's not a relationship. It's not a relationship.

Yeah. Get out of there. You deserve better. You deserve someone who's willing to spend time with you. Yeah. Um, but you're also, you also have to understand that all of their time doesn't belong to you. Yeah, exactly. And the thing is like, I think the reason why I'm inclined less to read that to the message is because the title isn't my

boyfriend won't spend time with me. It's my boyfriend says D&D is more important than me. So I feel like the D&D is the issue and not necessarily the other times. That's fair. And I can understand someone, one, not getting it, but two, why someone would say, because it is pretty important because it's not just your time. It's like eight people's time that you've all set aside. So like if I don't show up on a Monday, I'm wasting all you guys' time as well. It's not just a me and them issue you know I mean yeah but again if it does if it has gone down like that dump this guy and it's fine yeah also if

there's a guy's listening how did you get a D&D group that meets twice a week every week yeah you get a room for a rope you're as if you just be a fucking row game okay I'm a level 9 brawler. Just brawler. Right now. That's all one class, baby. I hate you so much. Give me a fucking question.

I'm like almost a year's clean from multi-classing. Yeah, but you're like, you found your way around. It's like giving up alcohol and starting heroin. Don't be mad at my martial flexibility um this is posted by reddit user nice hopeful husband put viagra in my drink my two-year husband 34 male and i 32 female have been pretty close for the past two years i'd fucking hope so yeah i was like did i mishear you um and i think it's wait i'm sorry two years yeah they're married yeah so my two-year husband and they've been pretty close for two years only pretty close

yeah i mean i guess they were waiting to for marriage to get close um but this is a serious question so let's let's not make too much fun of them um and i think it's been a healthy relationship until the last probably month and a half. I've been really tired after coming home from work and we haven't had sex in a long time. He gets kind of pushy and even sometimes goes to blaming me on things or on something just so I can feel bad for him and have sex. I've refused to... I'm sorry, no.

Yeah, I've refused to because of my tiredness and just not wanting to for personal reasons. On Tuesday, I was tired and didn't want to have sex again for personal reasons. My husband then put a female Viagra in my drink without me knowing. In the next like 45 minutes, I started to feel really horny and weirdly wanted to have sex with him. After we had sex, I felt kind of weird but didn't say anything until I was looking for cooking supplies for dinner that night and found packets of them. I semi-freaked out and

felt like I was going to pass out. I haven't said anything to him since, but since then, And then she said, So, for a little bit of context, I did a little research. Because, let me tell you, the name pink pussycat didn't really scream medically safe. No. And it is a hundred percent, you know, those like shitty, like vending machines in like sketchy, like washrooms. Yeah.

That have like, Ooh, get horny pills. And like, or like the, that weird rack that convenience stores have yeah with like sexual enhancers it's literally one of those okay well it seems healthy and safe um and i will also say it's a not because uh the government of canada issued a like a nationwide recall um because it contains like all of these unregulated chemicals in it. So it is literally like a biochemical weapon, essentially. Yeah, it's one of those novelty pills. And I guess it works.

But at what cost? I don't know. So I don't think it takes a fucking psychic to realize that i'm gonna say this is a fucked up yeah like you it doesn't matter if you're married you cannot drug someone yeah i mean like there's really no difference than roofing something like no i mean like just as a general fucking rule don't slip something into somebody else's food drink or body without their fucking consent firstly but also if you ever feel like this has happened to you i think step one is go get a blood test because at least then if anything comes of it like if she wants to have a divorce or if she wants whatever like having hard proof

is like it'll go yeah you know because because right now it's like you found the packets but did you find torn up one were they in the thing like how do you prove it tomorrow yeah it could have been like well i got him as a joke for a work buddy yeah or like oh you know and it's it's shitty but it is like it's a serious thing yeah like it's a really serious thing so if you ever feel like this system isn't known for being on the side of women all the time especially when it comes to sexual assault so it's yeah but even still like regardless of anything proof is you know yeah always gonna fucking help you know what i mean and i do feel like if you ever are in doubt of whether you've

been given something go go get a blood test you know because then you can you have a hard piece of fucking evidence you can point to and that'll help you yards you know what i mean um but that's fucked yeah i mean i don't i i can't imagine a situation where this relationship persists no if if this if this will happen then you need to divorce this person yeah and like because maybe bring charge like that's not okay yeah i mean i i'd understand why you wouldn't want to press charges there's this but i also would understand if you did oh 100 like i don't think anyone would fault you for it i mean like there would be people who fault you for it because society is fucked um but it's it's it it's fucked and it's so frustrating that you read like all these like dead bedroom posts and people being like oh my wife isn't sleeping

with me my wife isn't that my husband's not sleeping with me like all these things and like i can't imagine being that situation where the like my idea like would be to drug them yeah like that's that's the that's the behavior of a literal criminal and a sociopath and someone who's just a fucking idiot yeah and someone who doesn't care about you at all no this this act if if you ever had a question no matter how nice he's been no matter how much you love him no matter how much you've been through no matter how close you've been it doesn't matter this is like clear cut clear cut evidence that he does not care about you yeah there's no way that someone can rationalize or or be like i know baby i absolutely care about you i just drugged you

because i wanted to have sex with you like i just drugged you so that i could use your body uh without your agency uh for my personal pleasure for momentary pleasure and like that's that's the situation there's no like you could yes maybe i've like spiced it up with some sinister language but like at the end really though at the end of the day that is what happened yeah and and if you could try to convince me that that person cares about you i will spend the rest of my life convincing you otherwise yeah no that's fucked and you need to get out of that relationship yeah um doesn't matter if you're married doesn't matter about anything your personal safety is so much more. Cause like one, like he's poisoning you effectively. Like, yeah.

Aside from the fact, aside from everything else, he's also giving you shit. That's definitely not good for you. If not very bad for you on Amazon, but also he's fucking raping you and he's just a piece of shit. How do you ever trust somebody who's ever, you know, you need to literally say like, this is not, um, like have no bearing on the FDA. So like the drug department, no, no like agency has approved these pills. Also, it's like you don't know the health and what will you watch any commercial for Viagra, Cialis or any of the like sort of of, you know, sexual enhancement pills or anything, literally it says consult your doctor.

Yeah. Because you have no idea the side effects. For all you know, she could have had a weak heart or a weak liver. Yep. This could have killed her. Yeah. Or you mixed it with, you know, caffeine or you mixed it with- Yeah.

Or they'd had a drink before they got home from work or anything. You have no idea the situation, especially when you have these bullshit convenience store, like back of the truck fucking weirdo pills you have no idea like this literally could have killed her yeah and it's for the reason because you want to fuck her yeah against her fucking will yeah no it's it's horrendous and this person needs to suffer consequences and you need to get out of that relationship 100 and it's it yeah just yeah that's fucked so please take care of yourself there is no please leave this guy yeah there's

no excuse at all like there is no but yeah there's nothing like oh but i thought it would save our marriage i wanted to re-spark our nope hope you're a fucking no piece of shit that's not it yeah well Yeah. Well. A newt. A newt, newt. I don't even know what to follow up with. Sorry. You gotta get real at the end or at the start. I know.

Not in the middle. I can hit with, like, a lighter one. Or maybe I'll just do a shitty one but in a different direction okay all right guy 30 year old male i 25 year old female just started seeing told me i could lose maybe five pounds so i'm 5'8 140 pounds gains about gained about eight pounds over the summer just traveling and eating good weekend kind of hit me out of nowhere and made me pretty insecure, but I'm working on burning it off and it's working. Met a guy I really like, have a connection with, and so far we've gotten along great. Only been one date so far.

Sent him a picture of myself from maybe 9 months ago and he asked when I took it. Told him it was 9 months ago, he said my stomach was super flat. When I asked him what that meant, he says he thinks my body is beautiful, but we could both work on losing a little weight. I don't even know how to respond or react i mean i did tell him i've been changing my diet recently and i do agree with him i'd love to lose five to eight more pounds to get back to my normal weight but find inappropriate he said to me after only having just met is it really that big of a deal if i agree with him that's a weird term for that question i wasn't expecting her to be like can i agree with him no i think

it's like she feels that way as well but is also offended that he would say it which it's a buck wild thing to say to someone you've just met it's a fuck thing to say kind of in general yeah i mean if you were like hey i want to have a conversation about my weight and like i'm thinking like blah blah blah blah like what do you think and you guys know each other very well and like they're kind of just supporting you sure but other than that i don't really think there's anywhere where you can be like hey hey yeah maybe lose like about five pounds yeah i mean like unless it was five pounds is fucking nothing fuck off yeah if you think losing five pounds is gonna fucking change yeah like i mean you know what

i won't say there's i do these like cleanses and i usually lose like five eight ten pounds and i feel i know there's not much of a physical change but i feel so much fucking better see that that's what i'm talking about it's not like if you want to lose five pounds if someone is asking you to lose five pounds for their visual pleasure it it's not probably going to change much. Also, fuck you. You went on one date. Yeah. I'm sorry.

You don't get to say that. No. I mean, there's no reason to comment on someone else's body ever. I do. Dump this guy. Yeah. Immediately. But.

Nope. Do we have a pitcher ever? Maybe she does need to lose five pounds. Unless it's her giving the podcast five pounds currency, which is maybe like nine Canadian. Yeah, that's a lot of money. And us making the first money we've ever made.

For those listening who are confused, Dane is very much making a joke. Like he's not at all being serious. I'm going to flip it and hope who are confused, Dane is very much making a joke. Yeah. Like, he's not at all being serious. I would, the only, like, my, I'm gonna, like, flip it and hope that what he was trying to do

was be, like, supportive. You know what I mean? Like, maybe she had mentioned it in prior, in passing, being like, I wanna, you know,

I wanna lose whatever, or like, I'm, because, like, she does mention she's changing her diet. Yeah. So, I don't know. Again, we're getting the filter through her. If this is something she's insecure about,

she might have talked about it a lot more than she's letting it on. And this might just be a dude. Call back to that. Yeah. Or just like he might have been like, especially if it's over a text, he might literally have been parroting back something that she said jokingly. Yeah.

Or it could have just been like, he's an idiot and doesn't really know how to fucking address this and and was like yeah you could like if that's what you want to do you could totally lose i i think 95 chance he's a dickhead yeah i do think maybe five percent chance he's insecure about his own weight he does say he wants to lose weight exactly so either he's softening the blow by being like oh but me too wink but really lose some weight or he actually wants to lose some weight and the fact that she's mentioned before and maybe he's hopeful that they could like do it together or

like it'll be like a way for him to do it but i'm just gonna doubt that and say he's a dick oh man i want to after all these other, I just want to believe that he's he's just not good at talking. Well, he undoubtedly isn't. Whether he's not good at talking and is an asshole or is not good at talking and is an idiot is different. I'm going to go with idiot.

I'm going asshole. I need a win. And if that's the closest thing I can get to a win today, I'm going with idiot and bad at talking. Okay, well, I don't know. I don't think people are allowed to say that shit to you, so dump him. No, I mean... Also, it's one date. You lost nothing.

Fuck him. You know what? Lose roughly 170 pounds and dump his ass. Bop, bop, bop. Oh, I was going to say... Don't. You'll die. 140.

You'll be negative 30 pounds. I meant the boy. Yeah. Because... Because... Or are you telling her to transcend material? Lose so much that you bounce back and gain. Yeah, become ethereal.

Oh, haunt him. Spooktober, it's your boys, Nylund Dane. Boo, boo. Boo, boo. Boo, boo, boo, boo. Here's a thing this is posted by Joe O'Neill 75 cute girl oh no that's not the one I want to do

here's a fun here's a fun one posted by Nose Sandwich in a wonderful relationship with 29 female or 29 male with 29 female help me come up with awkward questions to ask her I'm in an absolute dream relationship with my dream girl.

Been together one month. Spending lots of time with each other. Holding steady at second base and loving every moment together. How old are these guys? 29. Oh, wow. Okay. We try to ask each other the most difficult questions we can.

Finances, weight, past relationships, etc. And our relationship only becomes stronger for the effort. How many come up with more? If you could kill me, how would you do it? If you needed to remove me from this earth and make sure that you never get caught, how would you do it? In a spaceship that's invisible.

That's probably their fucking answer. What are some awkward questions? I think an awkward question is one to which there's no good answer. So it's like, just look at her and be like why did you kill that ill orphan what if what if she did awkward there we go boom i went oh did it i would i would like the next time she's got her phone out, just try to see like any name on her, like previous texts and just be like, who's Michael.

That'll get awkward. Weird. Yeah. And then just insist, ask her which of her parents is hotter. Oh, that's a real awkward question. Um,

yeah, it'd be like, do you think your mom's open to threesomes yeah it doesn't get more awkward than that and then depending on how she answers that be like cool cool cool cool cool what about your dad though would you rather fuck a cat or a dog it's like dead eye contact what's your perfect poop look like whoo that's an easy one is it like hard, but soft enough it just flows right out. That's fair.

Doesn't leave much residue behind. Maybe one wipe, maybe not even. Maybe you don't even need it. Yeah, maybe those like ghost poops where you just sort of like give it a wipe and you're like, Hey, did I even poop? How'd that happen? Did I even poop? We all know what our dream poop is, you idiot.

Yeah, that's fair. But your dream pee. Same thing. No residue. Yeah, hard. But real brown. It Same thing. No residue. Yeah. Hard. But real brown. It's soft enough to slip.

I want it to coil. This is the opposite of the question I was about to ask. Or maybe the exact same. Is it the girlfriend? Maybe. My boyfriend will not stop asking me horrible fucking questions. Well, this is by FritzZoo1. Can we make an updated list of interesting questions that will provoke good conversation on a date? Because the previous list just isn't cutting it anymore.

I mean, yeah. We need a 2019 list. It's like an almanac. You need one every year. So, 2019 list. We'll throw awkward questions and or good conversations for a date. Okay. Throw them in there.

Hey, do you think your mom would be open to threesomes? Hmm. Wait. What about dad? What about your dad, though? Oh, no. Make it even weirder. Ask her if she thinks your mom would be open for threesomes.

Hey, do you get the impression that my mom would be down for a threesome? Do you think my mom's into me? Oh, my God. Just. that my mom would be down for the reason do you think my mom's into me oh my god just just no make it even weirder like phrase it bizarre it's like do you think my dad's sexually loose hey how i mean you've seen my you've seen my downstairs hose. How easy would it be for my dad to take it? Like, and run away? No. Like, in a hole.

Which one of my dad's holes do you think could easily take my hog? Hog is the best term. Yeah. I think you can just go so weird if you mention anything about family. Yeah. I think you got to get real with them and just like drop big. Like conversational pieces. Just like what political parties you support.

What president are you most down with in America? And then you'll probably know pretty quickly if you want to dating them so that's actually a good one to do yeah i mean like the the best things to talk about on the first date are politics religion past relationships these are all great conversations to have on a Uh, what, what's so 2019 that we can't do without it? Um, flossing? Is flossing still a thing? No, I don't think so. No, that's, they're both dead.

Apex for sure. Um. Is there a new battle royale game that we can talk about? Not yet. Oh, there's Hunt Showdown, which sounds amazing. Hunt Showdown. Yeah, it sounds so good. I'll tell you about it later.

Okay. Um. Oh, oh, I got I got one fuck I forgot it real quick oh no what was it oh yeah yeah yeah you asked them what they're what they think the appropriate amount of cameras on a phone is because guess what apparently right now. Yeah. Ask them if they have a copy. I guess this is... We're talking first dates, right? Can I talk about copies on the first date, you idiot? I was going to say ask them if they have a copy

of the sex you've made. What? Like a video copy. The sex you've made? Yeah, the sex you made. The night before. When you make sex, Niall. When you go home and you have sex to be made and you find someone to make it with.

Ask her her favorite flavor of semen. I thought you said flavor, flavor of semen. Flavor, flavor. Ask her about flavor about flavor flavor semen yeah ask her for like flavor profiles of various

like nobody celebrities hey uh what do you think tequila tequila oh that's a woman she doesn't have semen

uh you don't know I mean there's a sex tape you can see that she's she's... It's 2019. Speaking of 2019 topics. What gender do you think Tila Tequila is? Ooh, there we go.

Or what liquor? Are you assuming she's tequila? You don't know. Turns out she's a Tila. She's Tila Meister. Tila Yeager. I think this is the most anyone's ever talked about tequila tequila tequila tequila tequila tequila tequila tequila tequila in 2019 yeah there we go shit

we've fucked it up we went to a 2019 list we're back in 2009 i don't know when she was relevant probably around then um fuck there was another thing what What else is 2019? Quebec yeast. It's all real popular in beer right now. Talk about that. Talk about yeast. Gather to rate the yeast profile of fictional cartoon characters' bodies. Hmm. This question is going nowhere. No.

Okay, go to the comments. What's your Mayor's Briggs personality type? Um, I think I'm more of a Briggs man fair yeah do you know what a mushroom stamp is yeah you do I don't but it says open an incognito tab so it's literally when you slap your dick on someone's forehead so that it looks like a mushroom. Fair enough. Favorite dinosaur? That's pretty good. If you're dating a six-year-old. Yeah, there's really not any great ones on here. Let's stop this train of questions.

This is terrible. I thought it would add deeper vein. This is posted by JoeNeil75. Cute girl with mutual friends. I recently had my hair cut by a girl I have mutual friends with. We had a great conversation. I think she was really cute. The other hairdressers were even messing with her saying how she was blushing while she was talking to me. Stupidly, I didn't ask for her number. Now regretting it. And I don't know how to go about getting in touch with her. She did tell me to tell her mutual friends. She said hi. So I was thinking maybe they could,

they should invite her and we could have drinks one night. She also gave me her first and last name, but I feel like it would be creepy to add her on Facebook. What do I do? Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. Go through the friends. She literally told you to go and talk to them, and then they can let you know a little bit more about the situation. Just say, hey, she said hi,

and I'm hoping that you think i'm a nice guy and i can go and talk to you through her i don't know where this is going i got lost but if they say she's into you then you're good you're in the blue but if you fucked up then they'll tell you nice that makes sense i don't know either way just fucking talk to her friend i was way too busy trying to keep the beat in my head I got real lost Towards the end But

In the blue is now a term Um Uh Yeah It's What fucking No He says in the gray

Exactly Uh You're just fucking Look if Seal can make up things Why can't we? Yeah I got kissed by a Hedge on the

Train I've been kissed by by a hedge on the train. I've been kissed by a hedge on the train. Hey, fuck. We are back in. Yeah. We're time traveling. No, fucking just. Oh, God.

Oh, no. Oh, did you clap for her? It's a time rift. Just fucking talk to her friends. Just be like, oh, she said hi. And then, like, just be like, oh oh your friend's super hot or cute or like nice or you know wink you should invite her out sometime literally the only way this doesn't pan out well for you is if you're a shit person your friends hate you yeah yeah that's literally like

if you're like hey i met you know rebecca the other day she cut my hair she's hella cute and i think we kind of vibed yeah can you invite like let's go to do karaoke let's go to a brewery or a crawl or something let's do something and can you invite her out because like I didn't get her number

and I think it would be kind of inappropriate if I approached her any other way but like if we're all hanging out I might be able to like you know

also I get to talk to her in a non-professional setting where she's not being paid to be nice to you because she's a hairdresser her job is literally able to hold conversations while she fucks around with your head for half an hour let's be fair there's more to the job than that uh her job is literally talking for

about 40 minutes that's it yeah no um but yeah like go through the friends yeah like you've also answered this question for yourself it's a great idea they can just be like oh honestly she's boyfriend as the cool yeah good you didn't piss anyone off you had a good time it's great or they'll be like you can go back to that hair salon unlike me who had a girl cut her his hair and she was like she just checked all the boxes she had a good butt she was spooky as hell um she was short she was just checked all the boxes. She had a good butt. She was spooky as hell. She was short. She was just doing it for me.

And she gave me her card, which a 21-year-old me didn't realize that she was just trying to repeat business because that's how hairdressers make their money. And I thought she was hitting on me and I used that card to find her on Facebook and then I sent her a message hitting on her, and it was not cool. Well, you want to know a fun story that's the opposite of that? I used to go to a hairdresser, and he would always message me.

He was like, oh, give me your number, and when you call, you can just call me directly, and I'll get you in quickly. I was like, okay, cool. They just kept messaging me and asking me to come to the pool in this building over and over again yeah yeah so I mean I wish she would invite me to her pool I know I mean I did at the time I wish that Wow Wow Dane yeah no it was not great I don't think it would be appropriate if I went to our pool now yeah I also once went and like looked in the window and was like, okay, he's not in.

And I went in and sat down with someone else and then he came out from the back and was like, I thought you went to the pool. No, not the pool. Yeah, I just jumped right in the pool. He's not here.

I guess he's got a free pool, baby. No, I like needed my haircut and I like this place. And I was like, maybe I can just, oh, he's not there. Great. But then he was just in the back

doing something and he got so upset that I didn't sit down his thing. And then he messed me later on and was like, that pool though. And I was like, I'm not something and he got so upset I didn't sit down his thing and then he missed me later I was like that pool though I was like I'm not gonna go there anymore I'm allergic to water yeah also haircuts yeah by yeah so I don't don't fucking find her on Facebook don't yeah don't get like her number and then text her out of the blue all those things are weird into the blue and yeah you use your friends you've got a fucking perfect opportunity

and with that is our perfect opportunity to do one more question that's tangentially related how can i ask a girl who's at her job out without making it weird on seduction by raging pal by Raging Pal. Raging Pal? Raging Pal 69, 69, 69. Is that actually 69? Yeah. Hell yeah. Oh, sorry. It's Raging Alpha. I just have dyslexia.

Oh, no. Raging Alpha 69, 69, 69. That changes everything. I'm going to guess... That you're not a Raging Alpha if you don't know how to ask a girl out? Well, he is a Raging Alpha because he wants to fucking do it

to someone who's at work. My answer is no. Don't. Don't. Just don't. Don't do it. I'm so torn on this question because If your name is raging alpha 69 69 69 I mean, yeah, you're a piece of shit. I know you're a piece of shit.

The answer is no. If you're a human male or female or non-human or non-binary or whatever, you get what I'm saying. The answer is with great power comes great responsibility. Honestly. Because you have a lot of power because you are the custo. If you're the custo, they have to be nice to you. Yeah.

And you have to be responsible with their niceness. Yeah. Yeah, and you have to be responsible with their niceness Yeah You don't you can't wield that niceness as a fucking excuse for you to just whip your dick out or start fucking Facebook stalking them Yeah, you know stamping them. You need to not be a fucking dick and you need to realize that like These things that are happening are happening because they are paid to put up with your bullshit Yeah, even if you're being a dick they can't leave they can't leave you have them hostage They can literally like with great hours. so comes great responsibility if they're your server they're being they're being paid in tips so they literally are gonna have a monetary loss along with maybe getting in trouble with their manager or whomever else yeah they can't avoid you basically

just suck up to you this entire time yeah and that's not fair great power and it's even worse great responsibility exactly you can't even fucking leave you're just stuck behind this fucking piece of wood you have these people in a wooden cage be forcing them to be nice to you and then you need to be really cool and chill and realize that and act accordingly and that means not being predatory and aggressive and weird if things go to a certain point and you can casually slip in like, oh, this was fun or like, oh, blah, blah, blah. And like give them if you like create space for them to step into the. Yeah, maybe we should do this again or maybe outside of work. Then you're kind of doing it the right way, I think.

Yeah. I mean, there's also no harm in like as you're leaving, just like i had a really great time um here's my number there it is yeah it's definitely leave yours and don't ask don't ask for theirs because they're in such an awkward position because like that leaves them to be like oh that's very nice i have a boyfriend exactly or okay thank you you know what i mean like they there's there's's any number of things. Leave it in their court. Don't ask them for their number because, like, they're, again, they're a hostage. Because then they either have to do it

or say no, and if they say no, they're in a really bad situation. They're not in the blue. They're not in the blue. No, they're in their little wooden box of misery. And also, maybe don't keep coming.

Like, if it's somewhere you go to all the time, maybe just don't do it. Yeah, unless you've you've like you've gone there for such a long time that you've literally built a rapport and there's a very clear sort of like sexual chemistry between you two but if you're gonna do it I think we've talked about this before if you're gonna do it be prepared to never go back to that play yeah because if you start seeing someone you cannot be a regular at their bar no because they need a space yeah that is free of you. Especially when they're working.

Especially when they're working. Yeah. You're just going to kill every part of that relationship. Yeah. Also, like every bartender flirts. That's, you know what I mean? That's how we make our fucking money. Or even just flirted with.

Yeah. So like it's super weird if you know that the guy you're fucking or dating or, you know, living with or married to is at the end of your bar. Just cracking his knuckles. Just watching. Yeah. Okay, let's end this now. Just be really careful.

Just be careful. Think of Spider-Man. Yeah. You were dating Spider-Man. Sticky webs. Everywhere. All over the bar. No.

I was at the bar working And a girl at the bar Was like Hey I have a magic trick You wanna see And we were like Yeah whatever Pulls out her boob And squirted milk

Onto the bar And was like Ha ha ha And then didn't Clean it up And left This is like Your current bar

No Oh Two bars ago It's like Cool Someone Like you made Someone clean that up

That's human fluid Oh so you exposed yourself Yeah Imagine if I did that And just ejaculated on the bar. I know. It was like, it was really shocking. I got to start working.

I got to start working on my magic. All right, Jay. Okay. I've just got to keep myself at a constant state of just right before our climax. Somehow. Then you accidentally sneeze. That's when the magic happens. Okay. We got to end this. We got magic happens. Okay, we got to end this.

We got to stop this. We do have to end this. If you're a new New York listener, because we swayed you to our... We lured you in with our siren song. There we go. Then, hey, how's it going? Hey, what's up? Just ignore most things I said today.

My brain is not in it. I've had a bad day. I had a bad day. I've had a bad day. My phone fucking hates me. I don't know fucking all this shit. I did a short film. I'm not going to tell the story. Thank you very much for listening.

It's always a pleasure to get in this closet and record it with you. I know we joked about D&D being an important time, but this Wednesday evening record sesh is also a very important time because it's something I've grown to absolutely love to do. So thank you very much for listening. Again, we're doing really well on the iTunes charts and stuff, and it means the world to us that you guys are still reviewing us and sharing us and talking about us. It's fucking awesome, and we can't thank you enough. Yeah, you guys are the fucking best, and we love you. If you want to get into contact with us and you have a question you want to ask us,

you can hit us up on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can also email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Or if you don't want to do any of that, you can find us on the, uh, the old intranets, um,

at, uh, www.fbuddiespodcast.com. There's a little contact form you can fill out and it'll get to us and we'll answer you as fast as you can. You can even assign your own agent name if you don't want an agent name or if you want us to sign one for you, you can just let us know and we'll do it for you. We don't care. Thank you Josh Eagle in the Harvest Cities for your song paper stars You ready for some weird ass fucking sex writing? Okay. This is by Sean Thomas was kissing England It is time time now. Yes

She's so small and compact and it she has all the necessary features Shall I compare thee to a sony walkman thou art more compact and more she is his own toshiba his dinky little jvc his sweet iowa iowa iowa iowa iowa iowa iowa iowa iowa iowa Iwa, Iwa, Iwa, Iwa, Iwa, Iwa, Iwa, Iwa, Iwa. What the fuck is Iwa? Why don't you go with the least recognizable brand? I assume some people, right? Probably back in the 2000s, it was a lot more recognizable.

I don't know. I'm going to call everyone a fuck. I'll walk one now. I'm going to point out all their necessary features. Yo, girl, you're compact and you out all their necessary features. Yo girl, you're compact and you have all the necessary features. You got like a five minute anti-skip, baby. Alright, hit me with a Dan. Oh man, I didn't even look at Dan yet.

That's probably a good thing. Dan says, How fast can you get an ex back after a serious breakup? Like that. Like that. Like that. I've got them all back. I've got all my exes back. Sorry, Amanda.

We're now in a polyamorous relationship with three other women. So many. As a palate cleanser, I've started trolling the Pornhub comments section just to get that sour-tasted Dan out of her mouth. And end on a, I don't want to say a high note. Just a different one. Just a note. Yeah. This comes from Pornhub user ThanosRaisin,

and I will say that his profile picture was a picture of Thanos as a California raisin. That's amazing. And it was amazing. ThanosRaisin says, Anyone got instructions on how to make lasagna? My name is Dave Miller. And I am, of course, an Allspan. And we're your fuck buddies.

Vote. No, please vote for God's Sakes. To me, you're like a Sony Walkman and I can't deny You got the necessary features girl And you're compact and I press play You go and you play And the song comes through my earbuds Baby!

I compare you to a Sony Walkman in the rain Okay, we need to stop.