F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 58 - The Choicest Babar Porn

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

With only a few residual spook-stains from Spooktober, we roll into, in Dain's opinion, the best month of November.  As the crisp fall breeze gives way to the cold winter wind, let us keep you warm with the hottest sex and dating advice.  Topics include an annoying question, the no kid clause, the sinister sensation of having a taste for the younger flesh, hobbies that get the tail to chase you and performance sex.

I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Al Spain And we are... No, it's not the Halloween episode.

You don't know that. I could just be very scared. Where are your fuck buddies? It's my birth month. I wonder why it was so sticky. I was born this month. Oh man, you almost got to the cool month. November is known as the stickiest month.

It's true. But yeah, you almost got to the cool month. I think you mean cold as in temperature, because it's December and there's nothing good about... I can't even say that. There's fucking Christmas in December. Yeah. But that's pretty much the only good thing. There's New Year's. New Year's is also there, but we're really celebrating January

on that night. Eh, no. No, because January sucks. It's like the last blowout. December's so good, it's like shit, let's take another party in. Because New Year's morning is not good. New Year's Day, yeah. I guess that's fair. New Year's Eve is fucking wild.

New Year's Day is pretty boss. Depends. One of my favorite days ever was New Year's Day. I was very hungover, and I ate exclusively. I went to Burger King. I left my house once. Went to Burger King. I bought enough house once. Went to Burger King. I bought enough food to last me the entire day.

And then I watched the entire season of Making a Murderer. Which is great, but also harrowing. Yeah. Makes me so sad. I still want them to go to WrestleMania. It changed me as a person. It did. Did you ever watch the second season?

Because I didn't. No, I haven't seen it yet. I know. I don't know why I didn't, but no one watched it apparently. I didn't even know it was out yet. Oh, it came out like two years ago. I don't know if that's true. I'm pretty sure it did.

And we're the pop culture podcast that you listen to. Fuck buddies. Do we just do this thing? Do we just get right in there? Yes. Okay. Do you want me to start you off? Yes.

This comes from HentaiFapper999. Yes. Can anyone give you off? Yes. This comes from HentaiFapper999. Yes. Can anyone give me advice? Okay, I'm an 18-year-old male, and I've been talking to one of my ex-co-workers for about a week now, and she's the first person I've talked to in three weeks because I seem to annoy everyone I talk to. She had a thing for me in the past when I was with my mentally abusive ex.

She's awesome, and she seems to actually like talking to me. We were supposed to go see a movie next week. I'm just so nervous, and I don't know how to react. I'm scared that I'll mess up, and she'll be another person that'll stop talking to me. Does anyone have any tips that could spare me? Tip one, don't show your Reddit username. Yeah, for God's sakes, maybe change your Reddit username.

Yeah, get rid of those human-sized pillows you have in your room with anime characters. No, that's not fair. Well, I don't know. You're doing well, obviously. You know. There's so many, like, little clues in this question. Like, first and foremost, the username is.

The username is. Is a pretty. I thought this was going to be a way weirder question. Yeah. Although, the fact that they say it's been three weeks since they've talked to anyone. That's bizarre.

I don't know if they mean like talk to someone in a romantic sense. Or just a human. Because they just said I've been talking to one of my ex-co-workers. So I don't know if they mean like talking as in like, oh yeah, we're talking.

We're talking. We're talking. Or if they actually mean they have not had any human contact in three weeks. Because that's troubling. Then they say that they were with a mentally abusive ex. Which I assume they probably also mean emotionally abusive. Which obviously can explain why you would be self-doubting and self-conscious.

Especially when they think that everyone stops talking to them because they annoy them. Yeah. That's a very sad thing to say about yourself. Yeah. So like, I don't know if that's something that was sort of like. Also like. Inceptioned into their head. You know what I mean?

As a way to control them and be like, oh, they're not talking to you anymore because you're annoying. You know what I mean? Like that's one of the, one of the biggest things that like people who are abusive in relationships do is cut ties. Yeah. So that you're dependent on them. So like that could have been their tactic was to just be like,

no, you're an annoying person. I'm the only one who deals with you. Everyone else leaves you because you're annoying. Yeah. Or a lot of people could have just said, I'm not talking to you anymore because you annoy me or you're annoying. Yeah. So if that's

the case we need more context yeah you need the specifics of why you're annoying and if it's something your asshole ex said you know enough to know they were abusive don't trust their shit yeah it's like fuck there was a good quote being like i wouldn't take like if it's not someone you would take advice from why would you take like bad shit from them you know what I mean like if you wouldn't believe like their advice or if you wouldn't like trust them why would you then take bad shit they say to you right so someone's like you're a piece of shit and you believe in it but like they're assholes themselves it's like if they're not worth it they're not worth taking their bad shit from yeah this is our eloquent

episode because that was explained so well. I think you actually quoted that. That's going to be on a picture of a sunset one day. Now Spain. Or Taz. She's going to like... Tweety Bird? Betty Boop, which you're holding out hope for. Yeah.

I don't think there was one. That blows my mind. No one knows what the fuck we're talking about here. Yeah, so if you know specifically for a fact that people are like you're so fucking annoying just chill yeah i think there's a there's a time it's very hard to sort of change your personality so to speak but if you if there's something that you're always doing yeah if there's something like concrete you can point to or people have pointed you towards like i don't want to i don't know a rag on this subgenre of culture but like if the only thing you talk about is anime and or hentai what's

wrong with anime well what i'm saying is all the time yeah but let's know that's not your like persona you know i mean if you're hammering someone if you're hammering someone around the head with anything like if all i talked about was beer all i talked about was guitar all i talked about was climbing it's it's all i talk about um that'll get very annoying probably or at least there's a way it could be done very annoyingly or if like obviously you're not like very socially confident which you know whatever that's fine but sometimes that manifests itself in a lot of ways that are not you, but can be annoying to people who are, you know, in the presence of yourself. So like, it's, it's always good to like examine your own behavior and like, think about like,

what are you doing? And like, why are you doing it? Like, are you trying really hard to not be annoying? Cause that can be annoying. Yeah. You know, like. Yeah. Are you constantly asking people to be like, oh, like, I'm sorry, is this, is this annoying

you? Am I, am this annoying you? Am I annoying you? Because that's another thing, like people who have social anxiety and various mental disabilities or who have been emotionally abused, they assume the worst nine times out of ten. And you know what I mean? It's like a lot of people who suffer from social isolation, it's not because people don't want to talk to them. It's because they're afraid that people won't want to talk to them. If they talk to them. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that's like nine times out of ten, a lot of these people will want to reach out, but they're so scared that reaching out will bother someone that they don't. Yeah, that they don't. But I think like if it's something your abusive ex said fuck it get that out of your head get that yeah fuck off and if it's something people have said to you like with regularity and you have no like again look at who's saying it and kind of judge it a little bit before you take heed of it but if if you think it's a possibility that you're doing x or y maybe look about like why you're doing it and whether you think it's fair that they'd be

annoyed by that you know what i mean if it's just if they're just dicks fuck it um but if there's a consistent trend in your behavior just then maybe about it right maybe take a second to don't don't beat yourself up about it don't feel bad about it just sort of and also don't just automatically get rid of it because it might just be you're hanging out with the wrong people or whatever but there's definitely no harm in trying to consider it. Cause you know, it's not coming out of nowhere. Life is a,

life is a game of give and take. You gotta, you gotta know when to like take the foot off, when to hold off the gas, when to fold them. Yeah. Was it, did you come up with that too?

Yeah. Damn. I know. I'm killing it today. Yeah. I also came up with that term. Killing it? Yeah.

God damn. I know. It's crazy. Did you just come up with language now you're just uh no don't be ridiculous come on um on the plus side like but usually i don't say going to movies is a good idea but this might actually work in your favor because you don't talk during a movie yeah and if you talk afterwards about the movie that's a safe topic conversation i assume because you just saw it unless you're one of those people who just like tears apart

everything for no reason yeah but what I was gonna say is like those two bits of advice aside things are looking good yes you've talked to this person and they want to go out with you like that didn't just happen so take that and be like I don't know I doubt you just bumped into them and they were like, uh, date. Yeah. You know, like you did something to get to that point. So clearly that was working. So like you're in the, you're in the blue.

You are, you are in the blue. You're doing good. Like you're, you're up there. It's not like you don't know this person. It's not like you don't know anything about them. You've talked to them. You've interacted with them. It went so well that you're going out with them yeah on the date so like things are going

good yeah and like let that bolster your fucking confidence and and if you're really really scared nervous the first time there's no harm in having a short date there's no harm in sort of like meeting up for a coffee or drink beforehand like you know very briefly even do it in the fucking theater most theaters have bars now yeah um meet up i guess you are 18 i think so maybe fans which country um yeah uh so like you know even if you're just having a soda or like you know sharing some popcorn before the movie or whatever um there's no harm in like doing that and then seeing the movie and then maybe like doing another quick thing maybe like a walk to the bus stop a walk to the subway station whatever it is and then calling it there yeah because again like a good date naturally exactly yeah don't run away but like if you if you feel like there's a

natural way to sort of like keep it truncated yeah you will you will benefit from like the mental knowledge of being like hey that was a good date. A good date cut short is far better than a good date that stretches out to a bad date. Because like you might start getting flustered and make it a bad date because you panic or whatever. If you've got a good date, it's like anytime you try something new, if you're successful at it, you're going to be more excited to do it again in the future. Yeah. And your confidence in doing that will grow as you get better at it. Yeah. in doing that will grow as you get better at it yeah so to to start off with a short win is better than like risking you getting uncomfortable you getting awkward you getting

you know quote-unquote annoying and it's not one of those things you even need to plan out beforehand you know what i mean like there's no harm in thinking of like a reason why you might yeah have to have be like oh i'm so sorry like i have early work in the morning like but this is so much fun like i hate to go short but can we do it again sometime like boom no one's going to be upset about that and like so having a reason like that in mind totally fine but like don't think you're gonna do it before you get there yeah and have an option but like if you're having a great time yeah enjoy that time yeah absolutely you know um so just like i don't know like give yourself cut yourself some slack it sounds like you're being really hard on yourself um if assholes have said

bad things to you they're not people you want to listen to like fuck that if people you trust or people you respect have said things to you no harm in taking a look at that and like seeing what you can change if you want to again they're just cuz someone says shit doesn't mean they're right and just realize that you're in like you're in a good position yeah you know you don't like people just arranged to go out with you for at the very least you're on the upswing yeah so so ride that wave maybe you've already fixed it because obviously you did not annoy this person all right good luck by the way and we're sorry we mocked your username it's a bad username that's pretty bad username uh okay this is is it bad slash petty to refuse

to date a co-worker solely because they are a single mother i originally posted in the am i the asshole sub but it got removed so i'm it here. It has also since been removed. This coworker of mine seems to be very interested in me. I say seems because she's overly cheerful, playful, flirty with everyone, but recently she's been

overly flirty and suggestive with me to the point where others around the office are jokingly calling us a couple. Thing is, she's a single mother, something that's a hard stopper from your relationship rise.

Relationship wise. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against her past, but she has, hasn't done in her life. It's nothing like that. In fact, me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against her past, what she has hasn't done in her life. It's nothing like that. In fact, she's someone I genuinely want to remain. Very good friends wouldn't be part of my life. It's purely a personal choice, part of my criteria for what I'm looking for in a partner, much like how some people won't date others who are taller or a different religion, etc.

I personally just don't find it fair that if I risked getting in a relationship with her, I'd essentially have to share her with her ex, lawyers, and child. Her ex is a deadbeat, but parents are helping fund legal battles who are constantly in court speaking to him. I also want the child to be accustomed to a father figure role model in their life, only to disappoint if it doesn't work out. Plus, I really don't

want children, even biological ones. Timing week and a half or so, having to change the conversation of anything remotely having to do a relationships romance or sex comes up which is often or having to find a reason to leave the room if we end up together and it really doesn't help that other co-workers are egging us on teasing us to make it official essentially just ignoring the situation of it goes away but i know it's not the best way to handle it i don't have the heart to tell the truth possibly her to feeling especially seeing how genuinely excited and happy she seems talking

to me tell it to me straight how should i handle this and am i the asshole i mean i don't think he's an asshole i think everyone's got the right like if you don't want kids like it's i don't i don't think he's being an asshole he might be approaching it he might be using verbiage that i think isn't the best but like if if someone had like you know if i don't think i would want to date someone who had kids yeah i think uh like just if someone had like, you know, if I don't think I would want to date someone who had kids. Yeah, I think like just because someone's in a certain position, you know, it's like saying I don't want to date someone who has like a very demanding job because I wouldn't get to see them. Or I don't want to date someone who's unemployed because like I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to see them enough for them or like, you know, we'd never be able to go out because, you know, like these things are fine, I think. Right. The fact that he's being like, oh, it we'd never be able to go out because they don't, you know, like these things are fine, I think, right?

The fact that he's being like, oh, it's cool, like religion. That's a weird one. But also... I wouldn't want to date someone who is hyper religious either. Yeah, he didn't say hyper religious though. He said someone who's a different religion.

Oh, fair. But whatever. Maybe he's just, it's not necessarily that he supports that. He might just be... But it kind of seems like he's saying that's okay. But whatever. I do think some of the things are weird. Like when he's just, it's not necessarily that he supports that. He might just be, but it kind of seems like he's saying that's okay, but whatever. I do think some of the things are weird. Like when he's like, I don't want to share her with her son slash ex slash lawyers.

That was a really weird part for me because that made it seem like, I don't know, like you're just super overbearing if that's an issue already. Because it's either that you don't want them spending time with anyone or it almost seems like you're jealous that they're going to see their ex so that just like screams toxic behavior to me but in general i could see it going the other way and that like that like i can in my head that's a constant source of stress that isn't that's only going to manifest in behavior coming his way fair yeah you know what i mean what I mean? Like, I, like, again, I would not want to get

into a relationship with someone who's, like, currently going through a divorce. Yeah. No, I agree. Because that's an emotional state that is volatile at best. Yeah.

But also, the thing is, though, that's not how he words it. No, I know. Again, if he was like, I know it's a really stressful time and, like, I feel guilty or whatever, but, like,

I don't want to add that to my life. I'd be like, yo, I get it. But but like i don't want to add that to my life i'd be like yo i get it but saying i don't want to share her with her kid and or lawyers and or ex that's a weird fucking way to phrase it but at the same time yeah you're allowed not want to date someone because of their situation yeah however do you have to tell them that? Yeah. Yeah? Well, I mean, like, if she's constantly, like, if he's just sort of playing the neutral card and she's, like, throwing out signs of interest and he, like, never sort of has a conversation of, like, hey, I really like you, but I'm not interested in you in that way.

He doesn't have to say, I'm not interested in you because you have a kid. That's what I meant, though. I said, if you're not interested for that reason do you have to tell them that no i don't think so at all no no like you don't have to i don't have to literally explain why i'm not attracted to everyone who's attracted yes it's it's that's a crazy thing to do because that's only gonna end in a lot of hurt feelings exactly and that's it sounds like that's exactly what he wants to do though maybe i don't know maybe because he's like i don't want to have to tell her it's like yeah you can just tell her you're not interested just like hey i

really like you i'm sorry yeah you can come up with a lot of different ways and you guys are gonna be friends and so me fine it's not gonna be awkward if you're like hey you're a single mom like that's a slap in the face and that's gonna make her then feel really uncomfortable about future relationships if it goes to the point if he was like oh i'm really sorry i'm just i'm not interested in the way i really like you as friend and i would like to very much keep a friendship going and she kind of pressed and was like well why not why not why not i think it's fair for him to say you know i just don't want to date someone who has a kid it's not something that i want in my life like i don't want to have children and to start a relationship with someone who already has one is like i'm already betraying my like what

i want out of my life yeah i think that's fair like if it's pushed i think it's fair to say that i don't think it's fair i don't think it's well i mean again it's fair but like i don't think it's a tactful maneuver yeah to be like sorry i'm'm not dating you. You got kids. Bye. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I think, I think there's a very sort of fine line in which you can walk here and sort of reveal all the information that you want,

but without being a dick. Phrasing is important. And like, you can go about and just be like, look, like, you know, I don't want kids.

Therefore, if we were to get in a relationship with each other, it would mean like it could go nowhere, which I'm not looking for at this time in my life. Yeah. Um, because if we were to get in a relationship with each other it would mean like it could go nowhere which i'm not looking for at this time in my life yeah um because if we were to go somewhere like then i would you know have a kid by you know what i mean like yeah you can explain it quite nicely you don't just go and you're single mom yeah i yeah that's that's not the yeah go-to maneuver here if that is your go-to maneuver then i will change my answer to uh you are an asshole yeah so i think i think for like in the the broad scope of things no if it's the same thing it's like if someone is attracted to you and maybe they're like a little heavier than you prefer or a little

thinner or just like not your anything you know i mean like different hair color different hairstyle whatever the fuck you're into i don't think it's necessarily important to impart that wisdom to them because that's just a matter of like, that's a personal preference. Yeah, exactly. It wouldn't help with internalize that. Exactly.

Um, so I don't think it's like, I don't think you need to be like, Oh, Hey, uh, you're actually too chubby for me. So sorry.

Um, cause like that doesn't get anyone anywhere. Unless you're a dick. Yeah. Don't be a dick. Don't be a dick don't be a dick but yeah the fact that he I guess like the reason why I'm kind of negative

about this is because it's he's gotten removed from two different forums and I think just a lot of it was like the comments he's been making and shit so it's like extra context just being a dick yeah so just don't be a dick don't be a dick and this comes from a

fuck what do we user submitted question uh it's a it's a friend of ours from all the way in new zealand oh uh so agent kiwi says so i kind of like this guy and the first time we really talked was at a comedy party a couple months ago we're both comedians everyone went to the bar and then eventually it was just us drinking together and it was a good time. He kissed me before he went home, which I wasn't expecting, but I was happy about it. But in the following months, we haven't really talked too much. I can text him. He'll text me back normally. And I asked him to hang out one day and we went out for drinks and it was fine.

But there's never any follow up if I don't initiate. It's annoying, especially when he says he'll text me about something, but he never does, yet he likes my Facebook posts. I know social media doesn't mean anything, but, like, if you can like my posts, you can text me back, damn it. I mean, he's, like, 38 and pretty busy, so I think that factors into it, but nobody is that busy. I guess my actual question is, should I just drop it or never talk to him again?

Or is there any chance of any actual interest? See's a tough one because like i understand where the social media like if you have time for that you should have time to take somebody back but like liking and shit it's mindless like sometimes i'll like something and i don't even know who posted you know what i mean um because it's literally just scan tap tap, scan, tap. It doesn't actually involve any brain power or any, like, effort. So, like, they're not kind of the same thing. But, yeah, that kind of sucks. Because it's a tough one to, you know, I would probably just leave it. Because I feel like if someone is interested and you leave it,

then either they won't get in touch and you have your answer or they will and you have your answer um but like again i wouldn't necessarily just give it up without having like one more try you know it all depends like when you guys went out for those drinks the second time did you guys also kiss and do stuff like that because yeah that i think is telling like if you kiss that one time went out the next time and it was like bloodless then you know i think that's a very different situation whereas if you went out again and like hooked up or whatever then that's also you know there are two very different paths there what we're saying is we need the juiciest of details when you say we need more juice we need just just dripping i want your questions to be soaking wet um with juice spilling even uh yeah i think i think if the second time around

you hooked up i think there might be sort of a like age difference kind of thing happening here because she's much younger um that's also another thing like so i don't know if it's kind of like this guy being like cool the cute little you know younger girl is into me and he it's kind of like this guy being like, cool, the cute little, you know, younger girl is into me. And he's just kind of like very flippant about that. You know what I mean? It might just be sort of like a, when he's got a taste for the younger flesh. Um,

I'm just saying like, he might have things going on in his life where it's like, he might be using her as a, like a backup to like, you know what I mean? Like if you never text her and the only time you ever want to see her is on the, like, you know, when the stars align and she texts you at the right time and you're free. Like, that seems to me as someone who is using someone specifically for a purpose and that's usually sex. Especially, like, if you're older. True.

Well, I was going to say, I guess, something similar, but, like, not quite as creepy. Not quite as harsh. for a purpose and that's usually sex especially like if you're older true well i was gonna say i guess something similar but like not quite as creepy not quite as harsh um basically just like you're if you're 38 and i don't know the age of this person but like she's in her 20s in your 20s you're at different times in your life like 38 a lot of people if they're not already settled down are like kind of looking for it quite frantically or very much set in their way 100 kind of committed to never doing it um so it could be that he doesn't see this becoming like a steady marriage thing or he never wants a steady marriage thing and in either one of those cases i don't think a more regular thing is gonna happen you know because if he's looking for

someone to get married to and he thinks you're too young or not in that kind of like mind frame or whatever, then he's not going to pursue it. And if he thinks it's just going to be a casual thing, then he's going to let it happen casually whenever it suits him. Right. Yeah. I think, I think there's no harm in sending that like that ball in your cortex of being like, Hey, I'm actually really into you. I would like to see you more often.

If that's not what you're into, just hey, I'm actually really into you. I would like to see you more often. If that's not what you're into, just let me know and we can drop it. Or if you want to keep it on like a, you know, every two months you guys get together, hook up and not talk. If that's something that like you're into, if that's in your wheelhouse, that's cool too. You can also be like, look, I'm into you. But like, if you don't want to pursue this, that's cool.

I'll pursue other things. But, you know know when you got a taste for the younger flesh just never um you shoot me you shoot me a text yeah i guess it all depends like also where you want this to go whether it's like i like him i don't want to date him or i like him and i don't but this all is definitely contingent on that drinks did y'all kiss and stuff or not yeah it's the damn juice so this is i think the first time we are gonna ask a user a question and this is from podcast maker and this is from hentai addict 998 and they ask did y'all kiss and stuff did you kiss did y'all kiss and stuff did you kiss and? Did y'all kiss and stuff? Did you kiss? And stuff. And stuff? That's what we need to know.

Because if you didn't, it's possible, like, it was just, like, one night thing. If you have, then, I don't know, message them again. See if they come out. And if they do, be like, we should do this more often. Yeah. And see what they say. And if they're like, oh, yeah, definitely, and then continue not texting you back, fuck it. Keep it as, like like a occasional booty call

yeah i mean there's no harm in keeping that number in your back pocket pocket when you have a taste for the older flesh maybe he has younger flesh too yeah you don't know where he got it if you notice he has like a sack of flesh in his place maybe stop seeing them because you might be the next one to be harvested true yeah yeah um this is our after Halloween yeah I know I did the residuals of so what we call a spook stain okay hmm but yeah I know that's kind of vague but I think we cover the viable all options yeah all right ready yep hobbies to get girls to approach you? Ooh, this is Fry.

Popo McPopo. Nice. Cold approaching can be a real grind sometimes, especially if you're out of state or actually looking for something serious. Instead of cold approaching, have any of you guys ever gone a different route that gets girls to approach you?

For example, pursuing a hobby that really puts you out there, e.g. performing in a band, dancing, etc. Would this approach be better in meeting interested, high-quality women? I'm looking for a serious relationship. I don't want to spend every weekend for years just blindly chasing tail. P.S. I understand that even if girls approach you, you still need the basics to flirt and pull. Let's assume I have basic seduction competence. Let's assume um

i don't think anyone who still uses the word chasing tail as as any amounts of smooth i know like unless this man is literally 80 and is really trying to like you know just you know find a whole new lease on life well actually that's very possible because his grandkids might call him poppo mcpoppo yeah maybe that's oh god yeah i really wanted to stop the question while i was reading it and just lacerate that term so i'm glad you did it because like the only like he's gotta wear a fedora right oh man at least two yeah like he's double stacking fed Also, like, his head is like a Pringles can, but like a fedora. Like, just old Pringle. Yeah.

And like a full one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, no one's popped and no one's stopped because they haven't popped. Yeah, because they will not start. Yeah, maybe he should pop because then he would not stop. And then he wouldn't have those fedoras. And that's step one.

No offense to anyone i don't even know i don't even know what the question is i got you need to give this man uh hobbies that'll make women approach him setting yourself on fire well i also just think like yes no in general like hobbies are not a thing you do for any reason other than the fact that you like them or like that they're self-beneficial you know what i mean doing them what's more beneficial than having the tail chase you i know you just i'm just imagining a bunch of cats running at you backwards and it's terrifying or adorable both um or that scene from like fuck the elephant where they paint their butts like faces what

yeah what's it called not dumbo no not tin tin that's a it's a little sailor boy what the hell are you talking about let me let me find it elephant butts painted hold on yeah that's a google search that you want to do. Make sure you go right to images. Bar bar. They painted their butts? Yeah. What? Yeah.

What episode of a bar are you watching that has fucking... Hold on, let me find this. Maybe you're a hentai addict. Maybe. You're looking at very, very choice but bar porn. I really hope this wasn't like some weird thing that I saw and just assumed it was actually from it. That would be hilarious.

I'm going to assume that it is. Because it was a children's book and TV show that I highly assume probably didn't have butt painting in it. I don't know. No, okay, I'm sorry. You're going to tell me this wasn't in Babar? Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Yeah, they painted butts. I'm not an idiot.

Well, I might be an idiot, but they painted butts. The weird thing is, is like Babar is in... Look at this. Look how many butts they're painting. I know, but what I'm saying is he's in full clothes. Like he's an elephant that's standing upright in like a business suit. Yeah. So what are they?

That's the thing. Is he not a regular? Is he a mutant elephant? Or like are they just like ah fuck this shit I'm not doing that I'm just gonna be naked and

well that's the thing it's like peanuts all day it's a kids book and it's for like kids and it's about animals and it's like whatever you're not

sexualizing the animals because animals don't work oh wait one of them is yeah and he's painting the butts of all the naked animals yeah

and that's a fucked up message just sent I don't even know why they were doing it. I think it was to scare people, which, yeah, that's terrifying. Why was I saying that? You know what? The scariest thing isn't the butts painted.

It's the elephant doing the painting. In full clothes. Yeah. Like if I walked into a room, I wouldn't be like, oh, look at those scary butts. I would be like, why is that elephant standing upright? And wearing clothes. And wearing clothes. Why is he wearing a full suit? Also, who's the bitch with a crown? But I would be like, why is that elephant standing upright? I'm wearing clothes. And wearing clothes.

Why is he wearing a full suit? Also, who's the bitch with a crown? However, together, that's a terrifying tableau. That's a spook stain if I've ever saw one. I forget why I mentioned elephant butts getting painted. I don't know either. Fuck. Setting yourself on fire.

Don't do hobbies if you don't want them. Oh, tail chasing you. Yeah, them running back towards you with painted face butts. Holy shit. Your cat is losing his tits. But yeah, like, I don't know. I think you need to be genuine about your hobbies because it's much like lying to someone on a date. People are going to know. But it's you that you're lying to.

But also, like, there's nothing... You should like your hobbies. Yeah, if you're making yourself do a hobby you don't like, then you're going to. Yeah, but also like there's nothing... You should like your hobbies. Yeah, if you're making yourself do a hobby you don't like, then you're going to be fucking miserable. You're also probably going to suck at it

because you're only going to be good at things you like, generally, you know, or at least that's the best way to be good at something. So if you're doing something you don't like, guess what?

You're probably not very good at it. Guess what? No tail is coming chasing you because you're shit at guitar or you're really bad at dancing or like... Like, do... do how about this i will say i'm a pretty bad dancer and but there's a difference because you enjoy it that's true and it's not like you know what i mean though yeah that's that's a fair point how about this how about this for a fucking switcheroo what do you want to do do that thing

because odds are if you have another hobby you're going to be a more interesting, more well-rounded, better person. You were like just about to start a Missy Elliott song there. I got really excited. We had our singing episode two weeks ago, Wink. Wink. So, hashtag capoeira. So yeah, just fucking pick something you like and go do it yeah because like yeah i mean there's i mean there's so many things that you could do and enjoying doing it

like if you were into dodgeball chances are it's probably a co-ed team chances are you're probably going to meet a lady or two there even if it's not a co-ed team your your team you become friends with from you actually committing going out they introduce you to friends well maybe yeah one they have friends two you might just go for a fucking drink after dodgeball yeah maybe they won't chase you but you will be out of your fucking hovel yeah just like and again this is not to say that if you're not 100 sure if you like something you should try it or 100% try shit you don't know you like and all that. But don't try it in order to get the attention of women. It needs to be honest.

I know that probably sounds really dumb. I know. Do it because you want to or else it's going to be a fucking waste of time, life, energy, everything. It's going to be fucked. Yeah. The only tail they'll be chasing you is a tail of woe. I'm taking away all your inspirational poster rights. Tailing away all of yours.

Backwards with my painted butt. This comes from Reddit user Dr. Rick Marsh 007. Am I the only guy who feels like it's a performance every time for having sex? Was just thinking about my ex-girlfriend and our sex life. Looking back on it, I was the only one who actually put in an effort and tried to make sure she was having a good time. Each time we had sex, I would be super affectionate with soft kisses and the such. Would also try so hard not to come too quick.

It made me realize I mostly did all of the work while she just lied, laid, I don't know, there on her back and then i would ask her how well i did this might seem like a dumb question but does anyone else feel like they're performing or entertaining someone while having sex any insight welcome i i get that i feel like if you're not very if you're not like a shitty selfish lover then you're kind of like focus is always going to be on their pleasure which you know can make you feel that way because at the start like i sometimes it's really nice when they've already come once or twice or whatever and then it's like it doesn't matter if i come i can do whatever i want i can just have fun you know not that's not fun before but it's hard to get that out of your head when you always want to make sure that their pleasure

happens you know what i mean um also there have definitely been times you're with people and you're putting in all the effort and they're just like they're literally doing nothing you're like why but so i kind of get it i do also think this stems from insecurity as well, because the immediately finishing being like, how well did I do? Yeah, that's that was my red flag where it's he was like, I did this very specific thing every time and then asked how well I did. Yeah. Also, the fact that every time it's soft, passionate kisses or whatever. Yeah. Sometimes don't do that you know they're great don't never do that but like shake it up a bit um so i'm imagining the insecurity which fuck it i get it man it's it's cool we all have been there and or are there and or will be

there at some point so like that's okay but you also need to like it's always going to keep you in your own head while you're doing it right especially you're struggling not to go you're to do whatever, it's not going to be as fun for you because it is a performance. It's you trying to achieve this one goal that can kind of suck the pleasure out of it if you're too worried sometimes. You're cutting this guy a lot more slack than I thought you were going to. Because like, think about, I know what's happened to you, but think about having a girl ride you and she's doing her fakest porn, or like porn modes. And like, putting on that like, performance. It's the most annoying fucking thing. Oh yeah, you've heard about my porn to the heart of hearing story.

Yeah, it's literally the least sexy thing. And everyone knows when what you're doing is for the benefit like quote-unquote benefit of them um and it just makes things so uncomfortable and so like it just pulls all the sexiness out of the air and it just fills with like this phony aura of just like like no one's gonna no one is going to enjoy that experience You're not enjoying it because all you're trying to do is like, show how like you're pretending so hard that you're enjoying it. And if you're pretending that you're enjoying it, you're not enjoying it. And I tell you, whoever's on the receiving end of that pretending,

they know you're doing it too. And automatically they're like, well, this guy's not enjoying it or she's not enjoying it. They're not enjoying it. What the hell is happening right now yeah so you've entered into this like this like vaudeville oh yeah it's shit show of a sex act and like no one's having fun and then at the end of it you like how to do well yeah asking for like you know the five star rating at the end of it and that person is then either gonna have to be like it was weird as hell or be like no you were great and then that's just reinforcing this crazy bad shit behavior so it's

like this whole cycle of like either you crush this person's dreams and they're you know never going to recover from it because they're trying their fucking damnedest or you tell them they've done a great job and then that's just sort of like, well, I've done it. I figured it out. This is what I'm going to do every time. So I read the question a little differently because feeling like you're putting on a performance doesn't mean you are putting on a performance. Like he might be just having normal sex and enjoying it, but in his own head so much about pleasuring them. That's kind of how I read it it that he feels like he's performing

because he's not in the act he's trying to get their pleasure out of the way so much that he's not thinking about his own so he's removed from the experience the fact that he feels almost like he's performing and i think a lot of that then speaks to why he would be so self-conscious that afterwards you'd be like how'd i do um but you're if you that's totally a valid way to read as well i just didn't if that's the case bud don't do that it's the worst you're if you that's totally a valid way to read as well i just didn't if that's the case bud don't do that it's the worst you're right it literally it's like getting your sexual chemistry and just garroting it yes like quickly in the corner of the room like not even quickly like garroting it but with like a wet dishcloth just just slowly choking the life out of it because like if you're trying not to come it's

probably lasting longer than it should and now you're like it's just this horrible fucking like i've i've been with women who you know i mean like they've they've seen porn or they think that this is what guys want or you know for whatever reason it's like they they do this like performative screaming and moaning and like this really really bad dirty talking like i once had a girl be like do you like my big tight ass and i was like what does that mean i'm not even having sex with your butt right now like also you're on like like i was like i don't i don't know what that means you're i'm in missionary right now i don't see it. I can't see it right now. You're basically like being like, it's as if you're walking down the street and somebody

just fucking has a string attached to your back and they just yank you up into the air because you're being pulled out of that sexual experience. Oh, so hard. Yeah. It's like nine times out of 10, anyone who thinks this is like the way to do it, it's like you've gotten like a Mad Libs for sex. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like you just throw in like an adjective and a noun together and you're just like tight nipples. And you're like, no, what are you saying right now? Please stop. Just like my tight, wet nips.

What? Um, do you like my gushing eyebrows? Yeah. Like, by the way, that is the reason we're recalling our sex app. Yeah, our sex matlips.

That you would just, like, yeah, you press random and it would give you dirty talk. Because we killed about 97,000 relationships. Or, like, sexual ones. Honestly, this podcast is a court-appointed thing that we have to do sort of men's. Yeah, to sort of, like, it's sort of like it's our it's our seven pounds yeah i guess this time we we announced we we were six mad lips um you know the the famed app and we just hit you'd hit random and it would just give you just like what we thought was the dankest dankest sex talk, like, we only tried it once, and the first time it was, it was, like, tight butt.

Yeah. And, like, big ass. Do you like my appropriate genitalia? Yeah, and we're like, damn. I mean, it's like... Do you? It's accurate. And I looked at Dan and go, yeah, I do.

And we're like, fuck. Nailed it. That was a good moment. We high-fived. We didn't try any of the other, like, hundreds of combinations. No, and, like, wet gushing eyebrows? That was not... I don't even know why we put gushing in the fucking list of adjectives i know why we put eyebrows in but yeah oh hell yeah 100 like most most erotic part of a human face that was a joke about my eyebrows it was not actually but um yeah gushing should have been out spewing

obviously stay in oh yeah that would have been fun spewing eyebrows yeah it should have went out spewing obviously stay in oh yeah that would have been fun spewing eyebrows yeah it should have just been like uh just every every one yeah just sort of like do you like my spewing butt yeah oh boy so i think two ways of advice two ways of reading this try not to put on that performance like again kind of like hobbies make it genuine right yeah if you if you were like if you want to talk dirty if if you're like i don't know because i don't want to like stop people from starting like if they want to or if their partner wants it can be sometimes awkward to begin i think sometimes when you begin you got to use our app and by the way use it that's fine we haven't really

recalled it don't tell it's still the answer it's just we just don't charge anyone for it um we do the thing is like we we've said it like from fucking day one communication is the best way to have good sex so instead of just assuming that like soft affectionate kisses is what she's into because clearly that's not like she wasn't feeling it you know what i mean like if she's just lying there that might just be like not her thing or but you don't know she might not just also be an active participant maybe that's also true um i do think i think what could it like if if he's asking for a rating it might have happened once he was like yeah that was really nice and then so like that was what he thought like that in his head was like okay well, well, I've got my formula down, like soft affectionate kisses.

And then I'm going to like just focus on a chair or like an animate object. So I don't come. Yeah, I do think like as a general rule, if you're always doing the same thing, you're doing it wrong. So the fact that you can say I'm doing X, that's not good. If you say each time. Yeah, each time we do i do even if it was passionate kisses or like just fucking real hard fucking like what's the word i'm looking for like just drilling just real hard drilling jackhammering that's what i was looking for if all you did was jackhammer you're doing it wrong if all you did was like slow sensual thrust

you're doing it wrong unless you're with someone who has like just weirdly specific tastes but even then but it's also like i don't know i'm sure i do a very similar thing every time i have sex but that's different but i can't say in my head each time i have sex i do this if you can just lay it out on a road map and it's like this this this unless unless it's like my our genitals connect yeah you know yeah like if you if the only thing i say is i guess every time i have sex my penis is inserted inside someone yeah um but yeah if you if you can say like every time i have sex i do this yeah that like shake it up a little bit um but yeah i don't know like i don't want to be too harsh on the guy for being like like how was that or like how was i because you know i remember when i was real young

and i was having sex occasionally i would ask that because i would be so up in my own head and like part of me would i'd be worried that they were performing you know and other parts are like i wanted to get better and then other parts like i was really self-conscious so it's like a lot of doing that led to occasional conversation people were confident enough to be like hey yes however or no that was good and hopefully meant it you know what i mean sorry i don't so like i don't want to seem like i'm saying that having the post sex chat uh is a bad idea i don't know i do understand where you're coming from though because the way he phrases it i don't think asking how well you did is the right question to ask yeah i think asking if they enjoyed something or yeah if you know be like hey i really liked when this happened would

you also enjoy if i did this you know i mean like if you if you start you know if you want to get into like slightly rougher sex and like the first time you have sex, you sort of, like, test the water fairly safely with, like, maybe pinning her hands down. You know what I mean? And you can then say, like, hey, I really enjoyed doing that. Did you enjoy that? Yes, I did. Cool.

I would actually like to maybe introduce handcuffs, introduce, you know, ropes play or something. You know what I mean? It's like, that, I don't think there's a problem. But I think if you're just looking for sort of, like, how well do i do like a pat on the back yeah or even just like a rating you know i mean it just seemed it just seems very like we also have our app it's called six uber and you you rate them after every ride that already exists you remember that fucking weird thing i can't remember what the hell it was called wasn't that rating people like that was just like rate this guy not like rate this sex like imagine if it was like it was called wasn't that rating people like that was just like rate this guy not like

rate this sex like imagine if it was like it was a part of it though oh really yeah it was like each time wasn't that just like rating sex in general like imagine if it was like every ride oh yeah um but yeah like part of me is like i don't again context right that's the one curse of this podcast is like i don't know whether he's being flippant and like brief and being like i ask't again context right that's the one curse of this podcast is like i don't know whether he's being flippant and like brief and being like i ask how well i did and by that he means you know we have a chat like blah blah or he's literally like how'd i do so i think it's good that we both land on different sides of that because we never know if if it feels like a performance i guess you need to look into why like are you too self-conscious and preoccupied with their pleasure?

Are you literally performing? Are you guys just not comfortable enough yet? Because I think a performance makes you feel detached. So that detachment could come from many different ways. You're too self-conscious and not in the moment. They're not into it, whether because of something you're doing or in general, or you're not into it,

or, you know, there's this self-consciousness yeah or you're actually performing yeah so i think you gotta examine those things and like don't perform yeah and stop asking for a review and start talking about like a mutual what's beneficial for both of you what you guys both like have a more in-depth genuine conversation about sex if that's what you're looking for. Thank you very much for listening this week, guys. We are having a great time doing this. And it's always nice when you guys submit questions and when you guys send us your feedback and tweet at us and message us. And if you're one of our new listeners, hey, what's up?

Thanks for giving us a try. If you have a question, you can send us various means of communication. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can also hit us up on email at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can also find us on the World Wide Web at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com you can also find us on the world wide

web at fbuddiespodcast.com there's a little contact form you can fill out you can send us your question you can assign yourself an agent name or we can do it for you um and we will uh we will get these questions into uh the soonest episode that we can thank you josh eagle in the harvard cities there's some paper stars Get some bad sex writing for us? Uhhhh Yes Okay ready? Yep No but are you comfortable?

Ah yep Alright Oh it doesn't actually have who wrote this It's probably better that people don't know how bad this person is Uh I slide my hands all along his spine, rutted with bone like mud ridges in a dry field,

to the audacious swell below. His fingers inside me, his thumbs circling, and I spill like grain from a bucket. He is panting, still running his race. I laugh at the incongruous size of him. I want mud ridges in a dry field to be going through your mind, moomy fuck. Yeah. Is that her description of his spine? Yeah.

Also, like, the audacious swell. Talking about their butt? Or, like, out of context, you'd imagine that's their peen. Yeah, or maybe he's just, like, really needs to go to a virobacter, or chiropractor. Oh yeah, maybe. Maybe he's got like a slipped disc or something. Also, why is she laughing at him? Maybe it's a nervous laugh, maybe it's too big.

They have to be fucking in the farm, which is why they're talking about fields and grain from a bucket. No, these things are sexy. Why don't... God damn it. Not to you. Different, these things are sexy. Why don't... God damn it. Not to you. Different strokes. For different farmers. Ready for Dan?

Yep. Is anyone ever ready for Dan? Don't lie to us. Dan says, I have a new girlfriend. I want my ex back. Damn it, Dan. So we've started a new thing.

I mean, it's not that new anymore but uh i i give a little a little sorbet at the end to clean our palate of uh of dan oh you got some sorbet um sorbet um and it's uh it's a pornhub user uh and i read their comments um this comes from 420xx blaze it xx420 oh hell yeah and they said She said it's nine at night, but it's bright as hell. Please, guys, I need to know what time it is. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Noss Bane. I said my last name weird.

We're your fuck buddies. Happy November. Wait. Wait.