F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 61 - Poppin' Placentas

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

In a very special episode we celebrate the greatest of days, Dain's birthday.  To commemorate thirty-two beautiful years on this planet, we pool our collective knowledge into an infinite pool of wisdom.  We also freak out a lot about placentas and we put a new topic in The Box.  Topics include a Tinder heist, having your cake and eating the exact same cake, why you don't take pills you get in the mail, a very tight penis, the great Instagram purge and sleeping with a best friend.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spang. I'm where you fuck buddies. Let's do another one, Let's do another one.

Let's do another one for the road. I love how, like, last week we were like, our big joke was fucking, but we've moved past that. And then this week we're right back on to laughing about our cheers. Yeah, but the other joke was like, I'd be glad to cheers. This is a dumb hollow cheers. Oh, this is the wettest drink I've ever had. No, stop it.

This is a sonic experience for everyone. Um, we're not drinking whiskey today. Niall has a coffee and I have a water. Well, we're your daytime boys. Yeah, it's daytime boys. Um, also it's my fucking birthday. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Um, but before we get into that. I got you my sweaty presents. Perfect. As in like your presence,... I got you my sweaty presents. Perfect. As in, like, your presents, as in, like, you currently being here is the present? Yeah. I wouldn't give you presents that were sweaty, although, guess what's happening next Monday? That. Yeah.

Yeah. We're a dating and sex advice podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Mm-hmm. I did it. Nailed it. Well, I did get you. What's some questions?

Unless there's something you want to say. For me? You want to talk? You want to go? No. How was your last year? Are you happy with your previous year of existence? Yeah, I feel like I didn't really do anything this year.

Like 31, I think, was fairly uneventful. I think 31, like there's so much hype about turning 30 that like obviously like you can't follow that with 31 it's like when you go to karaoke and like the person before you is just fucking you know amazing and then you go up and you're like well here's well here's yeah here's here i'm going to go fuck up wonderwall now i'm going to play a song that has the same sentence 18 times. Yeah. So the thing is I think you have to have either a really laid back year or

a real goofy one because if you come up and just play a really weird song they're going to like it anyway. But you didn't have a goofy year and that was your choice. So I'm sorry that you regret it now. I don't regret it. I'm just saying it's like for those who can't see his face there's regret glinting in his eyes. Just dripping with regret.

No, it's like 31, I think it was that nice sort of like, ah, year. Everything finally like, I don't know, there was no big problems, which is nice. There was no big like anything. It was just sort of like a year to do what I wanted to do and enjoy doing it. I don't know. From an outsider perspective, it seemed like you had a good year. Yeah. Well, I'm not saying it wasn't.

Like, again, I want to stress that it's not a bad year. I had a good year. Honestly, I'm kind of offended on behalf of your year that you're badmouthing it so hard. I mean, we did a bunch of cool stuff. Yeah, we fucking did a little trip. That was fun. You just, I don't know, seemed like a good one. So, yeah, you made it.

I did do it. I'm glad. And now I'm 32. Here I come. Oh, right now? one. So, yeah. You made it. I did do it. I'm glad. And now I'm 32. Here I come. Right now? Yep. Ah, shit. Oh, God. Alright, let's do a question. Alright, you going first? Am I going first? Sure, I can go first.

I'm fucking doing it. Alright. Let's get in. I want to get back to the juicy questions, you know? The fun ones. Oh. That's because I got juice, but... Is it fun? Fun juice? You just produced some fun juice. I did make some got juice but is it fun fun juice uh you should just produce some fun juice i did make some fun juice wait are we gonna start serious and taper off or start goofy uh harden slowly this is the this is the most planning that's ever gone into a single episode i know it's well hey you're 32 now we gotta start thinking about having podcast

babies i do not have any serious questions excellent all right this is by dr lemington i left my bag at my tinder dates place but then he unmatched me uh-oh i know where he lives would it be creepy if i showed up to ask for a back it's a nice bag has mascara my favorite lip balm a blanket earrings and 20 bucks cash inside it's not far from where I live. Anyway. How fucking big is it? Like, is it a backpack? Why'd you bring a fucking blanket?

What's that blanket up to? That's a bizarre thing to bring. Like, unless you guys went on, like, a picnic beforehand. Or maybe she's just really cold and was like, he might not have enough blanket material. Maybe that's what turned him off. He was like, oh, she was so hot. Last night was great. Let's have a look in this bag here.

Ooh, got some lip balm. A fucking blanket there's a blanket in here and what if it's like a blankie blanket like it just has it's like her childhood yeah her like torn corners dirty like rag that she was like yeah the blanket's a weird and she's now losing it that's why she really needs oh man like i want to say in my head i want to be like, yo, it's fine, just go swing by, knock on the door, and ask for it back. But then I think about what I would do, and I would erase that bag from my memory and just assume it never existed. I feel weird. When Amanda and I didn't live together,

I felt weird even though I had a key to her place, like walking in without knocking. Well, yeah, because that is kind of weird. Unless, like, it's very much established that that's the case. Well, I mean, what? I still would feel, well, if other people live there. Even, you know, because they haven't necessarily established that that's the case, right? You know, like, your childhood best friend, like, you know how you'd, like, run in and out?

Like, I've never been in a place with anyone that i felt comfortable like doing that kind of thing and i know it's not really the same but it's it's it's close enough where like if i'm i don't ever want to be unannounced regardless of like what my relationship is with that person yeah it's gonna be super awkward because like like do they have roommates? Because what if they open the door and you're like, hey, so if you remember that person you heard getting fucked last night, that's my bag over there. And that's the thing is, like, they might not know that it's your bag or not,

at which point they're not going to feel comfortable handing out property to you, at which point they're going to, like, come back, I guess, and then you're in an even worse awkward situation. Or well if they're there with a girl and then like oh the fuck's that or what if their girlfriend answers the door oh you done solved my puzzle i was the girlfriend i don't know uh yeah that that's the thing it's like ah it's so awkward but at the same time it's a real dick move to unblock someone or to block someone and just be like well my bag now yeah ralphie threw it out yeah i don't like i i'm also thinking like what would i do although here's the thing maybe he'd

like you know maybe the date wasn't great i'm assuming it wasn't if there was an unmatching situation happened also why didn't you get phone numbers yeah that seems that seems more weird like have we gotten to that point in in the future that like numbers are obsolete even because i know we've gotten rid of calling mostly let me tell you like is texting out too is it just yeah i don't even have data i can't live in this world most of like the things i see when i'm looking at uh at questions it's like people being like we exchange instagrams what and it's like that's the new communication thing. And I was like, this is...

Whenever I'm talking to someone on Instagram and it's not either me replying to like a picture of a cute dog or me memeing somebody, it feels weird. Well, I will say there's like, how many times have we gotten,

like when we used to go out, how many times would we get numbers and be like, I don't know who this is? Yeah. So, like, having the Instagram, that's a stroke of brilliance for that kind of thing. It is pretty great because then, like, the funny thing, and we have done a question like this before, is when you have the number, trying to reverse engineer what information you have into either a Facebook or an Instagram so you know, one, what they look like, two, how their name is spelled, or three, what that name is. If you don't have a name nearby to tell you, how do you

get through the date? Yeah, it's but the problem with like, this is so off topic, I was going to say the problem with Instagram is like, if you don't immediately send a message to them, if you just follow them, if you don't remember their name, how are you going to remember their, like, you don't have like a recently followed thing i don't think on instagram so like

you'd have to be like what the fuck was their username or hope for them to post a picture or a story or something be like i don't know who you are so you must be that person uh i think you break in heist we haven't had a heist oh in so long that i think it's time for another heist i think you have to do a tinder bag heist yeah and the thing is you've already been in the place i think last one was a nude heist and it was probably a year ago i think you are better off than most would-be heisters because you've been in you've cased the joint already you've been inside all right now you just need to kind of like i don't know dress up you need a fake mustache you need a tool belt and you need some indication of what his wireless is and then you come by to fix the cable and then when

he's when you're leaving with the bag and he's like whoa whoa that that's a girl i love's bag who blocked me on tinder who one day i hope will come back here you can strip off the mustache maybe maybe it was one of those things where he's trying to force a was that movie I think again it's a John Cusack movie I think is it serendipity oh one with the book and they like they have this great thing and they're like well if we ever find like you know the book ever it's meant to be I think it's serendipity baggy McBagface? Yeah, that's... That hit John Cusack with me.

Yeah, yeah. Baggy McBagface. But that's different because it's a bag that left a person in another bag's cupboard. But what if he's just trying to force a serendipity thing, being like, if it's meant to be, she'll come back and get this bag. Yeah. I don't know i think look if you want to tell the line between my absolute terror of social anxiety of like arriving to people's places that announce write a little letter and just like stick it on the door it's weirder no to be like hey sorry i

left my bag here uh here's my number yeah i just want my bag back or like find them on instagram you probably know enough about them to find them on instagram i would imagine maybe right but i mean like if you're just you only know this dude's name is steven yeah but even how are you gonna how the hell are you gonna find him on instagram just just fucking show up and get your bag it'll suck but then once you have your bag you will literally forget about it forever. It'll be great. But also heist. Yeah, worst case heist.

Or best case heist. Best case heist. Can we work a flash mob into the heist? Can you work a flash mob of landlords or cable providers? I mean, like, there's the whole video of those guys being like, you can literally walk into anywhere as long as you're carrying a ladder. That's pretty true. And there's just like, it's a video of like... No, I don't agree with that. Okay.

Small doors. Can't get a ladder through them. I mean, you're not carrying it vertically. Yeah, but like, you know, there's always a door that's just too small. I guess if you can get in, you can turn. Well, small doors that are immediately a corner. Yeah, just like a, you know, two 90 degree quarters.

You can't do that. I'm sorry, whoever made that. You can get a little footstool. One of those little like six foot ladders. It's not a ladder. No, let's be fucking real here. We can get smaller ladders. They don't have to all be 12 feet ladders.

Okay, you're the one that said they were 12 feet. That's all I'm saying. This comes from Reddit user MommyLikes1983. Okay. I don't know. I want them both. I've been having some amazing sexual experiences with both

my now ex-husband and my friends with benefit. My ex-husband and I have always had amazing sex, but my friends with benefit has introduced me to my wilder side. And I don't know how to address what I want with my ex-husband and I have always had amazing sex, but my friends with benefit has introduced me to my wilder side. And I don't know how to address what I want with my ex-husband during sex. I tried sexting with him to give him a glimpse of what I wanted him to do the last night. He liked me expressing via text, but when we were having sex, he didn't try any of it.

What do I do? My friend with benefit gives it to me just as I ask. I need my ex-husband to do it, too. Few thoughts. One. Don't hint because it seems like you're very like you literally say like I kind of like gave him a hint and gave him a like roundabout like sexual fantasy. But haven't it seems like you haven't actually asked. So just fucking ask him one. Two. Don't you have it all right now what's wrong with that well she said she gave him a glimpse well that's the thing a glimpse a hint a little like you know dash like a

flash of the ankle and not just full-on tits out like go and fucking tell him because like he's not going to change what he thinks works if what he thinks works and clearly it does if you've had this amazing sex life with him so unless you're very much like clear with him he's he might just think you're playing like a game or like having a fantasy because saying something in text is very different to doing it in real life and you glimpsing and hinting isn't really gonna get there just talk to him he's your ex husband i'm i assume you know him fairly well and it seems like you've no issue telling the other guy so well i think i think the other guy i probably introduced her but at the same time i don't think

i don't really have to tell the new guy she very literally says she does what i tell him or whatever right at the very end no she says uh oh yeah just uh my friend my brother give it gives it just as I ask yeah exactly so she it seems like she can be clear with him but is hesitant about doing it with the ex-husband I assume there's a reason for that why they're whatever that reason is I do not know the whole situation boggles my mind because like I assume if you're getting if you're getting fucked exactly the way you want it from someone why are you then going to someone else and being like hey fuck me exactly like this guy's

already doing it I'm like I get it varieties the spice of life everyone's different but like isn't the whole the whole sort of like you know tantalizing idea behind it is that you're getting two different experiences especially because she seems to love both of them yeah why would you then change the one thing that you admittedly say is incredible to make it just like the other one that you also say is great so it's like why not just have them both yeah like if you get to eat off two platters like if someone's like hey you get to order two dinners tonight i'd be like fuck yes i wouldn't be like hey i'm gonna get a cheeseburger and a cheeseburger yeah like it makes no sense i get a cheeseburger and then i'm gonna get a steak but can i get the steak

on a bun like ground up and put in the bun and then put cheese on it yeah it's it's a very strange situation it's like like enjoy your fucking you know lobster fettuccine and enjoy your cheeseburger like if you're getting both if you're getting to have like the two things that you want and are craving yeah ride that wave what's wrong with it and if for some reason that's not okay just talk to him because it seems like you're you're doing like the the hinting and the and what's the worst gonna happen he divorces you oh wait a minute yeah like what's yeah like i unless she's worried that he's gonna be like whoa whoa whoa whoa where'd you learn that yeah another boy but guess what he's your ex-husband so he doesn't get to ask that it doesn't matter

i'd like yeah and i don't know if it's problematic that you're still sleeping with the ex-husband or if it's just really fucking cool that you guys have been like hey man this this isn't gonna work like we're not the right fit for everything yeah but we have bomb ass sex and we're gonna keep fucking like that's really cool i love when i see people who have been divorced or broken up but they're still like really good friends or like but legitimately good friends not just like forced to be together or like in that toxic can't get away from each other either kind of way or like fucking each other even though it definitely should have ended so i'm hoping this is one of those good times yeah because it's actually really lovely that you can as you say like admit like we don't work in all these ways we do work in these

and like we're not going to hold the fact that that didn't work against each other and we're just going to move on with our lives yeah i mean like as long as it's healthy and there's you know everyone's on board with everything that's happening i think it's really cool yeah however the fact that you can't talk to him and that you seem to want this other relationship imprinted back on this kind of worries me yeah yeah i know there's there's like there's just enough missing info to like really make a call yeah um so i'm gonna take it at face value and just be like i'm assuming everyone is is doing their own thing i would say like don't don't try to afford like i'm i'm sticking pretty hard with the like just just enjoy both two unique experiences but then like like you said like

if if there's something if you want him to be a little rougher with you or if you want him to be you know try new positions just be like hey let me be on top

let me try reverse cowgirl tonight or you know whatever the fuck you want to do I want you to tie me up yeah easy he's not gonna be like no

and if he is then maybe that's a good indication that you shouldn't progress things with this person or even just being like or just go back to the normal amazing sex you have exactly

just be like okay cool well that's like now i have something to look forward to with each partner you know i mean like he's clearly doing things the other guy's not and the other guy's doing things that he's not yeah so like again you're yeah third guy who does even more stuff yeah just just keep collecting this menagerie of sexual fucking, you know, experiences and just collect it all. This is Pokemon sex. Oh, is this the Pokemon related? Yeah, it's like fill your Poke sex. You know, like a Pokedex.

Oh. Oh. Oh. With your sexual deviancy. I like it. I think that was the easiest question we ever got. I know. What's the fucking problem?

I know. It makes me laugh because the question is literally titled I want them both. Yeah, but you have them both. You've got them both. I know.

Problem solved. All right, let's just do it. All right? Okay. This is by Invat. My brother and his fiance just gave birth to a beautiful set of twins.

We're all excited as a family to welcome these children into the world, but we've been collectively holding our tongues over my soon-to-be sister-in-law's eccentricities family to welcome these children into the world, but we've been collectively holding our tongues over my soon-to-be sister-in-law's eccentricities. I won't go into the other things she's done, but I will start the issue at hand.

After sending out wedding invites, guests were also sent mysterious bottles containing two red pills, along with a note containing a somewhat senseless poem. My boyfriend and I joked about these being drugs. Maybe she wants us all to get high at her wedding. Since he can't make it to the wedding, he reasonably might as well take his now and swallow them i was somewhat surprised but hey

we had nothing planned for the weekend so it did turn out to be drugs at least we know ahead of time and warn the family well just today she posted on social media she had her placenta encapsulated and has sent some of the pills to our wedding guests and family haven't told my boyfriend yet that this is what is inside the pills i mean should i he's pretty chill but to be honest, I can't really see him in the same light now I know that he's swallowed. I'm really disturbed by this. God only knows how he will react.

Oh no, he took it. What's worse is that after he swallowed the pill, it made him burp a ton and he made me sniff his burps. We were laughing at the time, but now with all this makes me want to vomit. What do I do? I think, first and foremost,

you gotta get these kids away from this woman. Why would you do that? What? Like, possible. Also, well, I mean, here's the... Also, who provides this service? Yes, what company is offering being like, hey, just bring us whatever part of your body and we'll turn it into a pill.

Fuck it. You know the answer to that. Cannibals? James McAvoy. Oh. That sick fuck strikes again yeah i like i can't imagine they're his dark materials uh yeah it's like imagine walking into a store and just being like yeah like uh man what is that oh that's my placenta i would like you to turn them into pills Just make it a pill?

It probably wasn't even that specific. They were probably like, what can you do with this? Yeah. Like, what are my options? Do you... Yeah, can I... It's kind of like a... Can you candy...

Can you turn this into like a gummy jelly? What's that fucking site that you can like make your own custom shit? And it's like And you just scroll. It's like, no, I don't want the pill. I don't want the... It's just like, stickers? Can I get some stickers made out of my placenta? Scratch and sniff?

Man, they're sticky enough as it is. Yeah, that's a... Yeah, I really want to investigate this company that makes placenta pills. Yeah. Because what other services do you offer? And where do you draw the line that's the thing can I can I just come in with like a liter of jizz and be like jizz pills hey man make me a candy yeah like I don't know also can I show up like a human body bill yeah turn these into pills wink yeah here's will here's his will he'd what he wants he wants us all to eat him yeah can you just uh maybe make

some jerky out of this for me this looks like it's been added on in sharpie yeah i don't know he's a weird guy man trump uses them they must be good i mean like he's uh he wants to get turned into jerky so like look just make me some boy jerky there's no way a person that makes boy jerky would even question that though he would be like 100 i think this is normal yeah because this is my career i make placenta pills what the shit what we're we're off track are you meant to eat are you meant to eat them what was the end goal here yeah it's meant to be like a ritual it's like a creepy like ritual where it's like let's imbibe parts of my birthing process well as it's supposed to be like super healthy still though it's not it's not makes you

burp i don't want to say it's not uncommon but it it's like it is a practice i know some different cultures and yeah but like one to like give it to people without indication weird and two it's usually more of like uh the husband and wife right it's not necessarily i don't know i don't know who specifically gets to eat it also it's cannibalism right it just straight up is uh yeah auto cannibalism in one case but in the other case it's just legit cannibalism yeah i guess it's kind of strange so here's what what is what does she... I would not tell. Well, what if he finds out and knows you knew? I think he'd understand. Because you can't uneat it.

Here's the thing, yeah. If you guys have the relationship in which you're burping at each other and, like, sniffing each other, it sounds like you guys have sort of the, like, you know, take things as they come, roll with the punches. It seems like the relationship is fun enough that, like, hopefully, because it's not like you knew to begin with. Of course. You know what I mean?

Like, if you knew and were like, oh, maybe it's drugs. And also, just popping a random drug with no kind of, like, knowledge is super not safe. Well, that's the other thing. It's like he sort of signed his own fate. You were ready to maybe get pretty ill or fuck yourself up. Because, like, I don't know. You probably weren't prepared for what it could be. You don't know the dosage.

You don't know the drug itself, etc. So, it's like, you put yourself in a position you could have been very unsafe in. So, like, realistically, you're still doing better than a lot of the options. Yeah, in terms of, like, the odds of what it could have been. Yeah. Like, you can't be angry that you were too dumb to go and actually check what it was. And if anything, placenta is hella healthy.

So if anything, you've just got a bunch of fucking essential vitamins. But what else do these sick fucks put in those pills? Yeah, I don't know. They cut it with rat poison, I'm sure. It's like, we don't have enough uncut placenta. Throw in some foreskins. I mean, I'm pretty sure he's probably like pretty hype that he's not going to the wedding now because if that's your invitation what's the

dinner like well i literally wouldn't do anything i only need one what do you mean they got twins it's two for the price of one so you've won to spare yeah right and then you save a bunch of money to put him through college because you don't have to pay caterers. You just have to, like, get these cannibal pill makers to just chop him up. Or soup him. Hey, pick a number between one and two. All right. Sorry, two. You're getting pilled.

Do you guys make soup? Oh. I found. Firstly, I refresh. There's an update. And we have the company. And the company itself is just a horrendous name. MommyMadeEncapsulation.com

Oh, so it sounds like they probably do do babies. Look at that gross-ass fucking thing. Safe and affordable placenta encapsulation. That's all they do. That is wild. each placenta will yield on average up to 200 pills holy shit how big is a placenta i don't know so guys i'm glad we can let you know that if you want uh we are actually sponsored this week and we can uh hook you up with some placenta pills yeah just use just use the code eat my insides do you want the update yeah him with the update oh oh no

it was initially chill but then while curious about the company he confessed he didn't actually know what placenta was oh no uh as it progressed we talked about other strange things after this he confessed he's a little upset for me not worrying about how crazy this woman is caught me off guard he's not someone she's not someone i interact with i never had a reason to mention it also when i opened the package first thing i said was look what this crazy bitch sent me on the way for dinner i mentioned again that him popping the pill surprised me as you know we were having a good time they come over the edge into the territory of carelessness uh it's upset him i should act around you you put me on eggshells and then told me he'd like to be slept our own place tonight so we're

fighting now oh oh that's too bad yeah i mean i don't i don't think immediately accusing someone that you've just told that the ape was that like i feel like that is sort of a it like a tight rope the fact that he is liable to be upset about this is not the time to also be like you was careless yeah you made a stupid choice yeah even though it's like i don't know i would have been like hey what were you hoping it was like you took a pill that showed up in the mail yeah like what was what's the worst case scenario here for you what's the best case i do feel like though if you get a mystery pill i wouldn't take it but i'd want to i wouldn't i'd be very curious about it but i wouldn't take it because realistically, the things I want to ingest in pill form pretty much start and end at vitamins.

Yeah. That's about it. And I doubt they're sending me B12. That's a vitamin, right? Yes. Yes! Nailed it! Fuck yeah! In your face, world!

Yeah, I... I mean, the question's already been answered. You've done did it. But I think we can do preventative. Preventative? Hey, if you show up in the mail, don't fucking eat them. I think if you... Like, you don't really need to tell someone.

It wasn't harmful. And if you think they're going to be upset, you don't necessarily need to. Ignorance is bliss. Whatever. However, one, I think I would probably want to know, if not just because it's a story. And two, I don't know. I just want to know. Also, if they find out and they know you didn't tell them, they'll be pissed.

That's my thoughts on this. Yeah. But also, who the fuck was like, let's make pills? What else can we turn into pills? I just love the business model that someone literally was like, you know what people are going to want to spend money on people do like that's a fancy website yeah no I know models and shit with like fancy like tote bags

full of like flesh pills yeah it's not something I want to be a part of fucking McAvoy man can't stop won't stop so this is a question I want to read and talk about. I'm not crazy about the username.

Uh, you want me to look at it before you read it? Or do you want to just go, you just read it. Uh, it's from Reddit user, Sig Heil Dick. Oh no.

Ooh. And why? Um, I really hope this question is like really like touching and lovely. And it's like this person just for some reason has. I don't know. It's not going to be, though, is it? My penis points sky high during erection and I can't bend it down completely.

Do I need to worry? From what I've seen, all the guys in porn seem to have very loose dicks that just hang down their leg and bend around quite a bit. Mine, on the other hand, is very stiff and usually rock solid and can't be bent downwards very much. No, that's normal. Yeah. Like, again, I'm going to assume this guy is young. Yeah. And, like, any part of the human body, things get worn down over time. And like the ligaments that connect your dick to your body, the younger you are, the less, the tighter they are, the less use and strain they've been subjected to.

So like nine times out of ten, most when they're younger have a a higher angled correction also most of the time when you're having sex you don't need your dick to go down yeah i mean like you wouldn't want it any further any lower than than 90 degrees really i get you there are like you've seen porn things where they're like doing some mad positions and shit but also like no just like have a healthy dick well because i look also sometimes like they're not fully hard because it's work for them and yeah they've also been doing it for exactly a half hour like the fluffer maybe didn't just quite get them there and they're like cool i can you know 360 no scope this around the corner and hit her right in the

clit um and also i did a little research because anytime there's like an actual like medical thing, I try to make sure we're giving good advice. That's fair. I will say again, we are not perfect. We're doctors. Don't rip your dick off. But apparently porn stars actually do get surgery that cuts the ligaments in order to, you know, be a little bit more flexible and get a more like aesthetically pleasing silhouette. So that's also something to. Oh, man.

And also let's talk about, especially for men, don't compare your body to porn. Yeah. For everyone. Yeah. I mean, yes. Yeah. Don't compare sex to porn. I think guys tend to, I think, consume a lot more porn. Yeah. And that's we tend to like sort of our first interaction with with sex and the human body tends to be.

Yeah. Porn related. Also, there's like a tendency among males not to talk as openly with sex among each other, which is one of the reasons why this podcast like is important, I think, for us to do. But secondly, that's all the education they get is porn, which is not indicative of reality, as we can just tell by Bendy Dicks alone. Yeah, and it's like... They're a lie. The porn standards for sex and body image and penis size are skewed. These guys are 9 times out of 10 in the top percentage. top percentage they're skewed wildly much like their penises yeah as a result of being able to um but i i did i did some more research and like i looked at it's like almost a pretty even spread across there was like a a list of like all like different degrees of of erection and like um i

think it was something like in the the 90 ish area is sort of like the most common but then it was like pretty much even spread uh across all the others so it's like like just down to like horizontal or even no like like the whole whole spectrum sort of like as you get closer to the middle uh the numbers were a little more increased which makes a little more sense yeah um but like it was a it was a pretty even spread across like the whole, you know, 180. Yeah. So there isn't really a normal. Yeah.

When you think about this kind of stuff. Also, if your penis tends to incline like up, that's a good sign, my dude. Like that's a that's a really good boon um also because like nine times out of ten the the angle you're going to want to be hitting is is up yeah um but don't please don't do any kind of like if your dick doesn't go or do a certain thing don't force it yeah it's a delicate instrument do not do not injure yourself please and let me tell you, you're going to jerk off enough that those ligaments are going to get its work out on its own. Like you're, you're going to manhandle your dick over the course of your life to the point

where this won't be an issue by the time you're 25. When you've got that like fucking omnidirectional dick, you can, you can be happy then. But if you omnidirectional it now, one, you'll probably tear it off. And two, what's it going to be then? It's going to do a 360 back into your own butt, which if that's what you're into that's fine but you can still do that when you're 90 yeah um so so just take it easy don't it yeah it's like you know what i mean like listen to your body if your fingers aren't going in a direction you're not like hey i wish this finger would go this way like because you're gonna fucking hurt yourself yeah and let me tell you our genitals are probably the least resilient parts of our bodies they're they're not meant to take severe abuse no um i mean they kind of are

but they're they are they aren't yeah um so so treat it gently if something if it's not moving a certain direction also be aware that if you are having sex, things like when the girl is on top in cowgirl position, if she tries to lean back too far. Yeah, also if someone's making you feel pain or discomfort, move yourself or let them know or both. Don't just kind of sit there and take it because you're not sure. Like you saw in porn that that worked. Porn should not be the yardstick to which you measure anything. And I mean that in both ways. Literally. Yeah. Yeah. Just just please look after your dick. Yeah. And like, again, if you're ever concerned, there are doctors. Doctors exist. If you're if you ever, you know, it's not an easy thing to do, especially if you're younger, because like it's it's difficult

to sort of, you know, make an appointment or whatever. But there are walking clinics. There are if you're in a university, there are usually sex clinics in there and nurses and stuff that you can go and see and be like, hey, I'm concerned about this. But I tell you right now, no matter what angle your dick is, is is pointing, it's probably OK. It's like there is no normal. There is no wrong. Like, unless there's, like, if you, if the only issue here is, like, you can't get down there, that's fine.

If there's some reason, like, your dick is at a strange angle and it hurts or there's another issue involved, yeah, sure, maybe be concerned. Maybe check it out. If it's literally just that you can't stand above someone and fuck down, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Also, I was reading this on the same thing. It's like... They make dick pills out of dicks? Penises, like the

curve of a dick, on average is something like 30 degrees or something like that. What? Yeah. That's wild. Yeah, so it's like, you know, when, I think it was like 2,000 penises or whatever. And they found like the average.

Is that like in any direction? Yeah. That's mad. So that's another thing. If you don't have a, you know, straight as an arrow dick, you're fine. It's no one's. Depending on the direction. It can be a boon.

Exactly. So take it easy on your dick, please. Please. A guy I've been dating has really weird Instagram activity, but yeah. So I've basically, 24 year old male, been seeing this guy i met on tinder 24 year old whoa sorry 24 year old female has been seeing this guy i met on tinder 24 year old male for about two months okay so it's a female asking the question about a male okay i don't know why i just could not read that properly uh two months five dates could see it all going somewhere not experienced all at all, make some awkward and insecure at times.

We've been working through it and I find it sweet that he trusts going through some firsts with me. Been cheated on before and most of my exes have been players, so it's been refreshing for me to be with someone who doesn't seem to have ulterior motives. That said, I'm on my Instagram's explore page just so I get a flood of ass pics, local models, really sexy like private snap accounts, so obviously I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Like, no shame, but this isn't the content I'm consuming so where's it coming from then i realized because this man is following all these accounts liking most of their pics and even commenting on some pictures

gassing them up or telling them they're hot etc i know we're not exclusive so he doesn't know me anything and i don't know him anything either but for some reason it's extremely badly with me not only did i feel like it's kind of overtly pervy like everything is so public but i felt like a complete idiot for believing he has no ulterior motives because he's inexperienced now i feel like i'm being used or lied to which is triggering some bad memories the way he is on dates on texts when we talk etc so opposite of someone i would expect to behave this way on insta and it's reminding me a lot of some of the people i've been with before also i look nothing like an insta model so if that's what he's after like good luck i feel weird bringing this up because no matter how i phrase it i feel like it's coming off as possessive especially so early into getting to

know each other and because our time together has been lighthearted so far genuinely looking for thoughts and advice let me know what you think and if i'm overreacting if i should say something how i should go about it is this normal behavior could he just have been casually engaging this and not have bad intentions with me i feel like there's an enormous gap between who i've gotten to know and who he actually is like the man these comments shocked me and i'm certain he has dm'd some of them could it be as awkwardness slash inexperience coming out as thirstiness thanks y'all so does it say what kind of comments he's leaving just like they're saying like they're hot yeah i mean like no like this isn't indicative of, you know what I mean?

It'd be the same thing as like finding out that he watches porn. Yeah. He does. And then being like, I can't believe that he likes, you know, whatever porn. I can't believe that he's into, you know, I can't believe he jerks off. Yeah. And I'm not saying he's jerking off to these accounts, but it's like, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm sure you have some hot celebrity that mostly posts pictures of him shortlist. You know what I mean?

Or even like your friend who goes to the gym, who you occasionally like the picture. Because yeah, Dave is looking great. Yeah. And also like, there's no harm in liking models or even like, even if they're porn stars, there's no real, real like it's not indicative the only time i would be concerned is the language he's using in these comments if he was like every comment he was like i want to bury my tongue and deepen your asshole like if that would crawl through a mile of glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie yeah like if that's the

kind of shit he was saying i would be like you, you have some depravity issues. I will say the comments are kind of weird to me just cause like, I can imagine myself seeing a random model being like, you're hot. It's like, yeah, I think she knows. Um, but at the same time, like whatever, obviously thousands of people do that. So maybe I'm not the best judge of that, but everything else seems totally fine like i can imagine also like the fact that you're i think it's just massive insecurity coming up yeah especially the well i don't even look like an instagram model so like is that what you it's like people are allowed to find people attractive if i see someone i find them attractive that doesn't mean that's literally the only thing i

find attractive oh my god no like i'm sure you probably like a guy who's ripped and is this guy as ripped because even if he is i'm sure there's another guy as ripped or a guy who's tall and like it's like do you find chris hemworth attractive exactly does he look like chris oh good luck get the fuck out exactly it's like it blows my mind when people use that yeah as the thing it's like oh i don't look anything like him i don't have big boobs so what the fuck oh she has a big ass i don't have like you guys are clearly together i'm sorry that this person likes things but guess what every single fucking person in the world likes things yeah various things yeah many things yeah it would almost be worse if he only liked a specific thing that would be way worse yeah because that gets into like this fetishism fetishism you know i mean it's like if if the only thing is fetish fetish fetish fetishization oh my god um i had

a hard time with that one like if if the only thing he was following was like yeah asian girls or something and then was commenting very racialized yeah comments on that it's like okay that's 100% we have more of an issue you can be concerned about that and but if it's just like you know you're hot wow great picture yeah also you guys are together so maybe he's just hoping one of these instagram models like oh who's this inexperienced boy i think it's part of us just vain hope but whatever yeah well i mean it's like anytime i was on tinder i would like i wouldn't look at a a really really attractive girl and be like, I don't have a chance with her and say no. It's like, no, you swing for the fences. You always swing for the fences.

Why not? What's the worst? The worst that happens is you miss the ball. It's a comment in 5,000 that she doesn't even know this. Yeah. Also, the idea that we should, I don't know, do this weird purge of social media. I'm in a committed relationship do i now have to go and like go through my social media and find every girl who's ever posted either a

workout pic or a bikini or a lingerie gets a job as a model or is trying to become an influencer and all of a sudden they're sponsored by like uh you know bathing suit company oh gotta delete her or even if like you know a girl or a woman's just like hey i want to do a boudoir shoot yeah you know what i mean like or like someone starts burlesque yeah you know or pole dancing do you delete them now like you have to live in fear of your partner being like whoa and also well i will get to that in a second i guess but like you can't do that because then do they have to be like oh no shirtless gym selfie oh he's just flexing there's a lifting video like yeah gotta get rid of it do you just start culling like i don't know it's weird to have this like weird social media like blinders effect yeah that like you can't possibly look at

anything other than what your current partner is either you know is it okay if if these girls looked exactly like you that would almost be worse is that okay well i know he likes that so it must mean he really likes them you know yeah that's the other it's like if you're upset being like well i don't look anything like those girls it's like okay well then if he had you know if you're brunette blue eyes yeah and kind of curvy and that's like exactly like twin was on there and that would that make you feel more or less safe yeah um but also like where does it stop? Because if you started purging, like, any kind of, like, you know, people showing skin or Instagram models, like, then would the really, like, well-dressed, like, stylish person be like, oh, gotta go with, like, gotta get that rid of it. Like, if you're watching a movie and there's an attractive actress on screen, oh, look away.

Like, where does it end? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, people are attracted to other people there's gonna be sexy pictures on instagram of people maybe you know maybe models maybe whatever like you can't afford to be hung up on them like that yeah and like it's so like people think that liking is i mean when i'm on instagram i either don't like anything or i like everything yeah you know what i mean it's like either i'm just scrolling absentmindedly or it's like someone's posted a picture of

their fucking ticket stub for, you know, whatever movie they just saw. I'm like, hell yeah. Someone posted a picture of their cookie they're eating. Hell yeah. You know what I mean? It's like half the time I like something before I even know who did it. And sometimes I like something just because like, I think that they'd appreciate it. You know what I mean?

Like if I know like someone's going through a hard time or if somebody whatever or like if they just put effort in and that's like i know like there's so many reasons because it doesn't cost or mean anything really but it might to them yeah and yeah exactly if i see someone who i know is like busting their ass at the gym and they're posting like a flex and pick i'm gonna like it guy or girl it doesn't matter yeah but like if or you know if uh or someone's just wearing a really nice outfit that they clearly like put time and effort in it's like you know what dane you're looking great dave you're looking super fucking you just lifted that weight hell yeah yeah i don't know we need to get away from like the weird you know social weight of

appreciation and just kind of like i know i know some people still use like you know likes and and comments and shit like that as a way of like flirting and whatever and that's fine but we also need to say like hey let's just appreciate each other let's just let's just use social media and like encourage each other and like a like is a like is a like yeah like obviously if you're dming people and you're like hey you wanna fuck or like you're sending them real fucked up messages or like you know we we know that there's those lines that wouldn't be uh hey i'm on instagram wondering like you'd know that's fucked up yeah but also like even just the wording in this like has really

weird instagram activity he likes models everybody has somebody on their fucking page that would be considered that right and also she's like ulterior motives and like does he have bad intentions with me what does that mean yeah like I don't know how does him liking Instagram models mean he has bad intentions for you after five dates or even ever? Like, what bad intentions are they? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think, look, if this is really bothering you, sit down with him and be like, hey, no, I don't even think that's net.

Like, I don't think it's like that's a conversation. Like, he can just be like, I can do whatever I want. I think you need to look at your Instagram firstly and be like do i like any models or famous man or anything who posts something that could be considered a sexy photo and do i like them and if you do which i'm gonna guess probably yeah then you realize you're being a hypocrite and if you don't you still have to then put yourself in their shoes and look around and see that it's a very common behavior for a lot of people and like examine your insecurities and why it makes you feel so bad and whether or not that's fair because i don't think it is yeah at least and i don't think it is in general and i know for sure it is not to this degree and if it and if it bothers you that much then maybe the like maybe

your guy's social maybe you need a caveman yeah or like you know maybe you need someone a little bit more conservative in the media they consume like either i'm sure there are guys out there who don't want to follow girls who are instagram models who post half naked pictures all the time i'm sure there are guys out there that that think that way i don't think i have any like professional models. No, I have friends who are like kind of Instagram famous a little bit, but like I, and even then, like they don't post salacious pictures or anything.

You know what I mean? Um, but again, then I also follow like Dylan, a hundred burlesque performance. You know what I mean? Like every, every show I go to with Amanda,

I try to follow all the performers just because it's it's a way to support them right like the more followers they have it's a better chance they might book a gig so it's really cool and like i know some through you guys who are all super nice whenever i've met them so it's like why wouldn't you be friends with them but like if one of us started dating somebody else and they saw that and they be like what the fuck they would be so out of line because what's wrong with that yeah you know i don't know it's just one of those things also it just sucks for them i guess we're like if someone does add them then they have that like added pressure of whoever their partner is being like upset by it yeah yeah anyway just people chill and you can't police people's activity like that this comes from reddit user caps fan 99 how am i

22 year old male supposed to be comfortable with dating a girl who slept with her best friend they're all in their 20s of course um this girl shows all the green flags i look for in a girl but she had a hookup with her male bestie who is very much a part of her life she was asking how she can remedy this and i don't know i don't want her to cut all contact with him but in what way can she make it more comfortable for me to accept that he is that this has happened and not just be jealous well when did it happen I don't know if like it happened while you guys were dating sure that could be an issue if it just happened in the past and they're still friends that's probably all the reassurance you need because they had all the time to get together if they wanted to.

I'm going to assume this is something that has happened before they were dating, before they knew each other. Because like, I feel like that's like if they were like, oh, I'm seeing this girl. Yeah. And last week, you know, I feel like that would be information that would be conveyed. I'm assuming too. I'm just saying that this question kind of reads quite silly to me i'm glad that you're not so hyped up on jealousy that you want them to cut contact because guess what that's not the answer uh trust them like you trust them or you don't and the fact that they've slept with their best friend doesn't change that yeah i mean i like there's and the fact that like the whole last paragraph is so weird like just

just the embodiment of sort of like toxic toxic masculinity yeah in the sense of like she doesn't have to make it up to you that she slept with her best friend i don't want her to cut all contact with them good in what way can she make it more comfortable for me to accept that this has happened it's like that's not her job no It's not her job to make you okay with her sexual history. Yeah. Because her sexual history has nothing to do with you.

Nothing to do with you. She could have fucked everybody and it doesn't matter. That's what it is. Like, I promise you, no matter what woman you meet, chances are they've slept with someone. And also,

there's a very good chance that someone is still in her life. Which is honestly more positive than negative. If everyone they've slept with is no part of their life, that's probably not a positive than negative. If everyone they've slept with is no part of their life, that's probably not a good sign. Yeah.

If they've slept with a few people and they're still friends, hey, guess what? They're probably pretty cool. And that's the thing. It's like you, like I definitely slept with, like there are people

who I'm still very good friends with that I've had even like a prolonged sexual relationship with. And like, I meet up with them fairly regularly to like catch up and have drinks get out how can you make this more comfortable for me right and it's like i know what like when i first sort of addressed it with amanda we we talked

about it and it was cool and like she understands it and it's it's one of those things where it's like you yeah you you have to trust her if you think if you're with someone and you think that like they're just sort of teetering on the edge of fucking everyone. See, that's the thing. It's like, I know they're upset by this person and their, like, proximity or whatever. But, like, the fact remains, you trust them or you don't. It's not like I trust them, caveat, this person. Because that's not trusting them.

And if you do trust them, it's fine. If you don't, him not being in their life doesn't matter. Because what else are you going to get upset by? It's a hard line. Sure enough, she's going to come in contract with another man. Yeah. Or, yeah. Who she enjoys spending time with.

And is that now going to be like, well, how are you going to prove to me that you're not going to fuck him? Exactly. Because it's not her responsibility. The relationship should be doing that. Exactly. there's literally no gray area it's you trust them or you don't yeah like you can't just have excuse like you know so just fucking like that ah it's so annoying and the best part is i think he is on the better side of the scale yes and i think he thinks that too or at least he's like very like i'm not asking

for no content like i'm a good guy but at the same time you're still in that shit area where you think this is an issue she has to fix it for you there's nothing to do with her she's even i feel bad for her because she's being chill about this to the point of like having this conversation and actively working to try and make things better for you. Yeah. And I'm sorry, girl. You should not have to do that. No. And that upsets me. It was like, you need to be chill with that. Or not.

Here's the other thing. It's like, you need to now comb your sexual history. Have you slept with any girls that you fucking see? Yeah. Or are you going to be near anyone attractive? Because guess what? Same old. Or even like, what if it was just like, oh, you got drunk one night and hooked up with

someone that you didn't really find attractive? Now can you drink? Well, it's not even... It's like, what if she thinks that's kind of shitty? What if she thinks that, like, oh, you sleep with people you're not attracted to just to fuck? Yeah. Like, what... Like, do you then now have to, like, go through each of your own sexual histories and see which acts...

Because I promise you, like like maybe you slept with someone who was a little drunker than they should have been. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm assuming this is like an additional issue after they met up and both presented their charts and figured out what they owed each other from their previous sexual history. Yeah.

Because he was like, oh, there was this one time. You left this off the table. Yeah. So I'm assuming this is an extra one. Whereas like before, obviously they were like, okay, I got to do my four pushups because I slept with, you know, a friend of a friend when I shouldn't have. So I'm assuming this is an extra one. Whereas like before, obviously they were like, okay, I got to do my four pushups because I slept with, uh, you know, friend of a friend when I shouldn't have.

And like this one time I slept with like an ex's friend, another time slept with someone who is the body type that you are really insecure about. So I have to buy you a watch for that one. And then she was like, oh, but I did, you know, as every healthy relationship does you, you meet each up with each other and just find out what you owe from past history. And that's the thing. Like, it gets, that's the real reason people get married, obviously. Like, that came out in a report in Forbes just last week is because the older you get, the more you owe your potential partner.

So, it's like, you got to lock that down because otherwise, like, you know, owe this person, like, a car because you slept with, like, 20 people. There's a car. Yeah, it's. This is the dumbest shit. It's ridiculous. If you can't handle the fact. Me at my worst. You deserve me at my best.

If you can't handle the concept that people have slept with. And this almost specifically goes from men towards women. If you can't wrap your head around the concept that they have a sexual history in the past um and that like so i say that because in the comments almost everyone was like no self-respecting man would would ever do it's like yeah this has nothing to do with being a self-respecting man this this has everything to do with being an adult who can rationalize the fact that oh you've had a life before me, and your choices back then

had no... I was in no consideration of those choices because either, one, we weren't together, or two, we didn't know each other. So when you slept with this person who is now your best friend, you weren't thinking, hmm, I wonder how this is going to affect Derek two years from now when I meet him.

And then maybe Paul the year after, because Derek, it doesn't look like things are going to work out, bud. I'm sorry. Because, like, I think it's, like you said, it's actually pretty fucking cool and pretty healthy. If these people had slept together, realized that for whatever reason aren't compatible. In the interim before that happening and you entering the playing field,

guess what? They could have fucked a lot more times or dated if they were so inclined. And it doesn't look like that happened. So there's some actual fucking hope for you. Cause when it could have happened, it didn't. So now when it can't, you think it will.

Yeah. Also, the only reason I was making a face and you're saying mainly like mentors, women is like the amount of girls I know or have heard of who are really upset by like a guy having a girl who's got like a best friend who's attractive or staying in contact with people they've slept with. I know that it happens. Yeah, no, I think I think that's fair. I don't I don't think this is necessarily a gender specific.

I think I think we can all work on it. And like, it's just one of those things people need to jettison into the sun. This issue. Like, are we doing it? Do we put this in the box? I think so. Yeah. I think just put it right in there.

Okay. Maybe can we put placenta pills too? I don't know. I mean, yeah. I don't know how those shouldn't have even been created. So, yeah, I think we're going to put it in the box. People's past sexual history, unless it poses a direct threat to you. Well,

this is a direct threat to him. Apparently. Well, I mean like, you know, if, if they, you know,

have an, uh, like HIV or, or something like that, where it's like, you kind of need to express that concern because there is a direct effect to your, or if there's something they did last summer that you need to know,

but the killer already does, you need to be informed as soon as possible or you're not making it through the first 40 minutes. Yeah. Right? Like, there are certain things you need to worry about.

The killer especially being one but, like, fuck the rest. The killer in AIDS is pretty much the only two things you need to think about. But, yeah,

just get over the fucking fact that people have sexual histories that have nothing to do with you. And guess what? Nothing is going to make someone more likely to go and fuck that best friend than by you being a jealous little prick.

If you're going to be all hung up and weird and shitty and ruin everything, he's going to start looking real attractive again. Yeah, and also, if these people are best friends, if someone came up to me and was like, if you were a female and we had the the relationship that we have now um we could have fucked anyway i mean again yeah sure whatever um but like if i had a female best friend that was super important to me um and like i do i have two very very close female friends um if when amanda and i started dating if she gave me

the ultimatum of like it's either me or them, hey, guess what? Get the fuck out. I'm not throwing out years. And in one case, I've known one of them almost my entire life. I've known her since we were three. If someone was like, hey, they can't be a part of your life or I won't be.

And it's like, okay, cool. Well, I'm not going to throw out 30 something years of friendship for something that might like yeah i know this is gonna work because it's worked my entire life yeah um so it's like it's so crazy that you think that you're more more important yeah than establish establish relationships whoa establish establish a stabberla. Estab-la. Estab-er. Estab-er. The killer. You are not more important than the killer.

He knows what she did. I know. Last summer. That goddamn car ride. But yeah, it's like, you need to get out of your head and think that like, you as a romantic partner

is more important than any other relationship in their past. Because you're not. And you won't be for a long time. And even then, maybe you'll be on par because you should still,

like, they should still like they should still have very close friends and family yes and if if you're way above them maybe things have gotten a little out of hand but if you think you're equal to them immediately you are fucking wrong and please and even if you are equal don't throw your weight around like this and ultimatums and shitty things just because you're insecure and and i will say this on the flip side please don't throw away your friends for the chance of being with someone you because let me tell you the people that are most worth your time are the ones who aren't going to make you make this decision yes if if someone's ever making

you make a decision between either your friends or your family and them i'm going to tell you right now they are bad yeah they are toxic people in your life they need to then make the decision between getting rid of that shitty behavior or moving on yeah because you can't and the thing is once you say yes once then it gets harder to say no because the next time because you've already lost so much yeah exactly so oh shut all my friends but now i can't have i can't work here because this hot girl works here or oh i can't do this yeah like it is literally a fucking avalanche and i've had this happen to me you need to hard hard cutoffs and hard no's at the start before it gets so late that like when it finally hits that point where you're like, I'm sorry, I can't go any further on

this. They're very offended because one, they're used to hearing a yes. And two, like in their mind, you're changing behavior and now it's suspicious. As opposed to before when you're just like, oh, this is shitty, but I'm not thinking about it too much. I'm just saying yes. Yeah. And then, you know, when you finally, hopefully come to that realization, you look back, you

have no support system. Exactly. You've alienated your friends and your family and like, and that's kind of what people do who are manipulative and gaslighters and people who tend to be abusive in relationships. The first goal for them is to make you dependent on them yeah and that the way they do that is get rid of friends to get rid of families family because who do you turn to yeah exactly when you don't have that person being like yo they're fucking insane get out yeah because yeah like nine times out of ten the the the thing that is is posited when you want

to leave your abuser is where are you gonna go who's gonna take you in yeah and you're like well fuck you're right i can't pay rent on my own and then you end up in 11 apartments in one year yeah this has been the niles bain story um don't don't do it if someone asks you shit like that just like have the wherewithal to to refuse yeah and like if they want to pack and go good and if they don't cool like if they're willing to work on their shit that's amazing if they're not get the fuck rid of them yeah you know so in the box we're putting in getting jealous about people's past sexual history because we're done with it yeah it's over you you literally you trust them or you don't there is no gray area all right let's end this boy all right uh thank you very much for listening uh it has been a pleasure. Thank you for joining me

on my very special birthday day. Happy birthday, man. Thanks. If you want to give me a sweet, sweet birthday gift, and I know you do, maybe give us a follow on all the social medias. We have an Instagram, we have Twitter, we have Facebook. But more importantly, head on over to iTunes or Apple Podcasts, whatever the fuck it is now, and hit us up with a rating and a review. Give us a five star and just say like, we're the best. Or just say happy birthday, Dane. And that will make me the happiest birthday boy. If you have a question for us, you can send it in to us at facebook.com fck buddies podcast uh you can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies you can find us online at fbuddiespodcast.com uh you can also send us an

email at fbuddypodcast at gmail.com thank you josh eagle and the harvest cities thank you for your song paper stars all right you uh are you ready well let me get comfortable. This is still Steffi, guys. The little devil was still licking her asshole. And she didn't want him to stop. But now he had brought his hand to her pussy and was rubbing her clitoris with his finger while he drove the tip of his oral probe deeper and deeper into her rectum.

The double assault made Stephanie feel as if she'd been plugged into a strong electric current. Bumps broke out in her flesh as her body became superheated. In the mirror, she could see his rigid, ivory cock sticking out from his groin, and she wished she could reach it and caress it, as he drove her crazy with his precious lips and tongue and fingers. She held his precious head in her hands and pressed his face widely against her cunt as her hips writhed and quaked.

She could feel perspiration flowing in rivers from beneath her arms and her forehead. She wondered if her orgasms with young Randy had been this intense. She felt like she was coming apart as quake after quake ripped through her body. Do you know how to fuck a woman, Terry? She asked. Well, no. Will you stick this nice hard prick of yours in my hole here? She said, slowly bringing his quivering organ between the cheeks of her as, just past her perineum to the stretched, gaping, wet mouth of her vagina.

Then you shove it in as hard as you can, and you make it in and out as fast as you can. You shake it all about, and that's what fucking is all about. Kind of like the hokey pokey. You know what, we're gonna leave it there. God damn it, I was about to say it's like why is she describing this like the hokey pokey and then yeah no then just straight up is also what are you shaking all about they don't know what sex is yeah i'm positive this is written by like a 16 year old virgin i don't say virgin derogatorily i just mean this person has never

well i think it doesn't have to be derogatory. It's like being like this person is not an engineer, but he's designing a bridge. You know what I mean? Like, I think it might be of some use to be not a virgin while writing an erotic sex novel. Yeah. I just, it almost feels like they're going out of their way to describe everything in the worst way possible. Like, none of it is tantalizing no gaping wet like cunt mouth and all this shit it's like what do you say that a little slower

uh hit us with some dan oh man i keep forgetting to actually get dance mainly because i can just add a label and you want me to add a label i mean my wife my wife how did we miss this one three rhymed rules for success with women. We go into these rhymes? Okay, you ready? Here's number one. If you're not a girl's usual type, don't try to get her on the swipe. If you fear her reaction, she won't feel attraction.

Uh-huh. If you see a girl you like, you know the time is right. One. No. Yep. Two. Not a rhyme. Well, there we go hey man two out of three ain't bad um so to clear the palette from dan's uh incredible horrible raps um i have a

pornhub comment i every week i look through pornhub and i try to find a comment that will uh that'll bring us some joy. And this week it comes from Jackus. Whenever you get mad, just think about a T-Rex trying to masturbate. That's so sad. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Noss Bain. And we have been your fuck buddies. you