F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 67 - Plenty of Beef

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

New Year, same Pod!  I think I made that joke last year too, but I'll do what I want because it's 2020.  Topics include Sharon Stone's dating profile, heely in or heely out, triggering PTSD during sex, keeping the mystery alive, a porn appearance accusation, interrupting your son's gay sex and Dain makes the choicest purchase of 2020.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I am, of course, Niles Spaniel And we are, of course, your fuck buddies. Get used to that sound for a bit,

because we're doing some dry boys this fine January of 2020, of the Lord's year. Yep. I'm sipping on a little McDonald's coffee right now, because it's the only place that's open, because it's Happy New Year's Day. It's true.

And I'm drinking some soda water from our soda stream. Prove it. And that's it. Calm down. Yeah. It was a lot louder. Honestly, it's been scary.

It was aggressive bubbles. So do you want to apologize or should I? I think you should. No, you got this. No, no, no, no. You brought it up. You should do it. No, I was bringing it up for you to make it easier for you. I mean, it was your fault, think you should. No, you got this. No, no, no, no. You brought it up. You should do it. No, I was bringing it up for you

to make it easier for you. I mean, it was your fault, so you should do it. I'm not really sure it was my fault, actually, but okay. I'll do it. Okay.

So, Dame will say sorry. Sorry. No, like, honestly, we've been trying to be regular, but it's been a decade since our last episode. No, you idiot.

Well, that was making an early contender for best Niall joke. Yeah. Sorry, it'll have to be done. Better that we get it out of the way, right? Yeah. I mean, it's not your best joke, but hindsight's 20-20. Best joke this year. Oh, shit.

Oh, no. Okay, I'm going to start us off. Okay, well, before we do that, can I talk about my New Year's Eve ending? No. It's quite possibly the best way to start the year. Yeah, go for it. Amanda and I were coming home, and we took a lift home. A man and you?

Yeah, also Amanda. And we were, I don't remember what we were talking about. We were having a conversation. That's weird. In English. And this is pertinent for the next bit because a man as we're walking to our apartment he was like, guys, excuse

me for a second. Do you speak English? And we were like, yes. And he's like, okay, cool. Well, I just want to say, I just have to say, fuck vaping. Fuck drugs. And I don't remember the other thing when he said was fuck something else. And we were like, oh, okay.

He's like, yeah, I just broke up with my girlfriend. And I just, I just really had to say that. And then he said something about like how his parents taught him English. And then once again, reiterated that fuck vaping, fuck drugs. And then added, oh, fuck the smugglers. Finding it hard to disagree with what Anthony's saying. Amanda and I, we were trying to, like, it was obviously he was very drunk. Ironically, he probably vaped some smuggled drugs.

Maybe. And like, it was a very genuine interaction. Like he was really upset about these things. And I don't know what it had to do with him breaking up. She was a drug smuggling vaper. I mean, maybe. And then like, as soon as he he said fuck the smugglers i mean i just kind of like we just couldn't hold it in we just started laughing so we ran inside no did he did he find it funny i don't think so well yeah i basically

had a guy like put his arm around me on the street and just like follow me well obviously because he was attached to me just tell me how he thinks thinks Satan's a goof and how he's going to reject him all year. And if he was here, he'd try to kick him. Hell yeah. And I was like... I think...

I mean, like, if there's a better motto... Like, the guy was clearly out of his tree. But he was very sincere about the whole thing. Well, this is... Maybe it was this guy.

Maybe it was this dude. What? Maybe it was. Everyone was fucked up last night. I know. The amount of, like... I don't know. People were just being real funny.

But can we just go into 2020 with that energy? One. Fuck vaping. Fuck vaping. Fuck the smugglers. Fuck smugglers. Fuck Satan. Yeah.

Well, he's a goof. Yeah. Let's not be harsh. Well, I would kick him if he was here. You try to. Try to kick him. True. Yeah, it was a fun New Year's.

Also, I'm just going to say shout out to the two guys who are sitting beside us at the burlesque show who we don't have to complain about because they were actually chill yeah i know they actually respected women and were nice and it went well for them and like it's great that we don't finally have to come in and be like oh look these two douchebags we saw were just being assholes all night yeah they were great go you guys i would like to think they've listened to our podcast i would would hope so. That's just how I'm going to justify this. I will now take credit for every decent human being on the planet. I'll just be like, oh, you must listen to our show. It's time for a question.

It's question time. With your boys. Okay. This is just from a post I saw on Instagram. Okay. Would it be cooler to Healy into the room before sex or to Healy out of the room after sex?

Fuck me. So I, okay, I have two answers to this. One. Why not both? No. Well, yes. Okay.

Yes. Three answers. Definitely Healy into the room like a sort of a Bruce Almighty, like just slide right on in. And then once you've taken off all your clothes,

you Healy out because you have implanted wheels into your actual heels. Oh, okay. See, that changes things because my answer was going to be Healy out because you don't want to Healy. Like if you're not in the room, you don't know what level of prep they're at. You know what I mean? Like do they still have their clothes on? Maybe they're not even looking room you don't know what level of prep they're at you know what i mean like do they still have their clothes on maybe they're not even looking you know i'm sorry if you healy

into the room their clothes are off yeah but you don't whether they want them even then you have to like healy in and they're like oh my god but then you have to like hold on you have to like take off your healeys which you've obviously fastened quite securely to your feet because safety first yes absolutely and so it can kind of like detract from you know the momentum which like and as you know when healing momentum it's all about momentum 100 um so that's why i was gonna say leave the healy because they're they're lying there enraptured by your cock performance and you give them that look and you just just slide out you just put your shoes back on. Yeah, yeah. Just your shoes.

Yeah, exactly. No socks, nothing. Just your shoes. But if you surgically implanted them into your own heels. Then I would say you should be healing everywhere. Yeah, always. Never stop. Never not healing.

You've done the world a disservice if you're ever just walking somewhere. Yeah. Well, yeah. I think that was solved it. Yeah. Most efficient. We. Man, all mine are not. a service if you're ever just walking somewhere yeah well yeah i think that was solved it yeah most efficient wheelies man all mine are not on that level well i do another one that doesn't necessarily it's not even really a question i just need to talk to you about this this one right here yeah yeah sure go for it i say there aren't even gonna be really questions yeah okay hit me because

like all my questions are kind of heavy so uh you know who sharon stone is yeah so apparently sharon stone joined bumble okay right and bumble blocked her because they thought it was a fake account so she went to twitter and was like hey guys i literally did join this can i please like you blocked me and their customers are like oh sorry i guess like you're so incredible we thought you were a bot like lol sorry well you know we'll sort out yeah 100 like which is a really funny situation if you see a celebrity like i would never like if i came across you know allison brie on fucking tinder i'd be like well yeah no thank you yeah it's funny actually they probably get no swipes or just swipes from like ludicrously desperate stupid people. Yeah.

I don't. Yeah. I don't know. Because like I'm an optimist and even I wouldn't be like that's that's a real life person. Yeah. But anyway, that one just a really funny situation. Never thought about like how it must be weird sometimes for celebrities to do normal things. People think they're fake.

But then I came across this gem of a comment on the thread by Stashes Stashes who says, Hello Sharon. If you're ever in Buffalo and kind of dig fat guys with mustaches, my DMs are open. Also own a car,

willing to drive up to 25 miles, even if you're just close by. Talk to you soon. Hell yeah. I love that he's putting qualifications on hooking up with

who I would say is more or less like a sex icon at this point. 100%. Because Sharon Stone is the one with the leg crosses, right? Fatal. Fatal attraction. Fatal legs. Michael Douglas, I believe, was also in that.

You know what I mean? I have a hard time believing that Sharon Stone is. How hard? Is hard up for. Yeah. You looked so good that Bumble thought you were fake. But, like, imagine someone being like, oh, hold on, hold on. Let me just put in this address into my Google Maps. Sorry, Sharon Stone.

If you could maybe meet me. If you come one mile this way. Closer, yes. Then we'll, then you might have the chance to take a look at this sweet, sweet mustache. Yeah. And maybe look at the car that I own. Which I'm just getting a doubt. It's great.

I don't know why. Like a Ford Taurus, like a 1998 Ford Taurus. Yeah, he tweets like a man who has a bad car. That's all I'm thinking. Anyway, yeah, that's just, that's the thing I saw that I felt this was the appropriate venue to talk about it. Sharon Stone, I hope you're doing alright. I mean, even if not, like... Actually,

if you need advice now that you're back in the dating pool, because I can only assume you're downloading it now, because it's a recent thing. If you need some help, message your boys. Yeah, Sharon Stone, we will hook you up. This comes from Reddit users Psychoshampoo. A girl I was hooking up with started crying. So I just had a girl come to my house who's told me that she was DTF and we were making out and things were getting more intimate.

So I started feeling around her thighs and she told me to go down on her. After a while, though, she told me to stop and started crying. And then she told me she was molested when she was younger. So she doesn't feel like doing anything. I understood her and stopped, but now I feel like a piece of shit because I triggered that for her. Like I need to be able to read messages better or something. I feel like there's no way you would have been able to discern that from anything else,

especially after they literally told you to do it. Yeah. Like, just first and foremost don't feel bad well obviously you're gonna feel bad like someone crying yes no matter how even if you're just like in the room you're gonna feel like shit but like doesn't mean it's fair to feel that way and what what more could you have read unless you've read their mind yeah like i wanted to bring this in because i think we talk a lot about people missing signals and a lot about people being trash human beings but like this is sort of the this is how you do interact with this kind of stuff you know i mean like she asked you to stop and you stopped

yeah you initiated sexual contact and she gave you she requested something from you and you did it and it's like you've followed sort of like the paint by numbers way to, to deal with consent and to deal with these kinds of issues. So like there's, like you said, you're obviously like if someone starts crying in bed or, you know, it gets visibly upset or whatever, obviously you're going to feel bad. As long as you have any sort of empathy in your body, that's going to affect you. And you're, yeah, for sure. you're allowed that to let that happen but what you need to do is realize that like you didn't do anything wrong if anything you did literally everything right yeah exactly um

the thing is they probably didn't even know that was going to trigger it because they probably wouldn't have asked if they did yeah i mean like they it wasn't even something that they necessarily knew like even they probably don't know what their triggers are and how are you supposed to. But, like, they asked for something, you did it. Then when they got upset and asked you to stop, you stopped. So, you know, at least they feel comfortable enough to talk to you and tell you something, like, that's pretty hard to tell, I imagine. Yeah. And now, on the bright side, you guys can have an open discourse and a dialogue about it.

And, like, going forward, going forward, listen to them. Don't doubt what they're saying. But at least now you can be like, hey, you can have a safe word or you can just be frank and take the positives out of it. And at least you were there for that person and hopefully you can still be. And there were a couple of things I wanted to bring this because it's not really a question, but it is like a good discussion piece. One, or like one was that, you know, you did all right. Two, from her point of view, for advice for her,

I was like, if this is the first time this has happened, this is a good cue that like, now's the time to sort of maybe seek professional help to look into counseling and therapy to move through this because this isn't something that is going to get better with time because now that it's happened it is now in your psyche you know i mean and it is now sort of like that fear that it's going to happen again this is going to make it worse we'll make it worse the same thing with like anytime you know if guys you know come too early or you know

what i mean like the second or you having that in your head for one time, you don't get an erection or whatever. Like that's going to that's going to be there and it's going to affect you for fucking ever. So now that this is happening, or at least now this is affected a sexual experience, you're probably always going to have anxiety that it's going to happen again. And which is nine times out of 10, it's going to happen again and which is nine times out of ten it's going to happen again like anxiety and ptsd sort of go hand in hand in a really awful marriage of terribleness um so it would it would be a good idea to to maybe seek out counseling and therapy to help uh work through this and maybe not actively pursue a sexual relationship until you kind of like sort that all out. Because it's,

it's only going to manifest poorly, I believe. Yeah. It's also a lot to dump on someone, especially someone you just met. If this is like a hookup scenario, an impossible seat, like a very hard situation for, for someone who,

and like a lot of people might not know how to respond to that, which could come across really badly, even if they're not intentionally being a dick. Yeah. they might just be blindsided and like awkward and you know unable to to deal with a situation like that because it is it's kind of out left field and it's it's pretty heavy right yeah and if they're drunk or if they're you know anything you just like it might then be an even worse situation if someone reacts badly. Yeah. You know? And, like, it is also okay, in my point of view, to not want to pursue anything further with this person. Like, I don't think I would see them again. And I don't think, and it's not me being like, I don't want damaged goods or any sort of, like, bullshit like that.

I think it's also just, like it's a that does take like in those kind of situations it's obviously taking its toll on him as well so to put yourself in like a mentally uh exhausting or mentally harmful position for the sake of someone else who is currently also struggling with a mental thing is it it takes it takes effort and like it takes like effort and energy and care yeah uh to to be there for someone who's dealing with that stuff and like at the start of a relationship you don't really have any of those things because you barely know each other yeah so it's a lot to commit when you don't have a commitment or even like necessarily that care behind you because they're a stranger right yeah and like you don't know what the other person's deal with like this guy could deal with depression or what you know i mean he could he

has his own history where like adding this new layer or this new uh you know situation could could be super detrimental to his mental health so the thing that i like those are the big things that i want to talk about is like if if you aren't aware of a pre-existing sort of, you know, condition like PTSD or something, I don't think as difficult as it is and as troubling as it might be for the person who is currently suffering, if it's going to negatively affect your mental health, you don't owe it to anyone to suffer on their behalf. We talk about all the time how like you do have to take care of yourself. And it's important to take care of your partners. And if you can offer support, offer support. But if you can't, you don't have to go into a deficit

in order to make up for someone else's issues. And if you can't and you try, or you stay just because you feel like you have to, that's not going to make things better anyway. Because if you can't, you can't. you have to that's not gonna make things better anyway because if you can't you can't no because that's when resentment starts happening yeah and you know bad help is as bad as good as no help yeah you know sometimes even worse yeah exactly yeah uh so yeah it's a tricky situation and uh but yeah you just you gotta look after yourself on both sides of the table you know and if you if you feel like you can help or commit to someone this way, by all means.

Yeah, for sure. But like, you don't have to feel trapped in any situation on either side of the table. Like you don't have to be sexually active if it triggers you. Yeah. Right? Like don't, again, on that side, don't feel like you need to. Yeah. Because like we see it all the time, like in media and stuff

or like in general life, like people getting upset, like, what about me? Like, I want sex, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. Like, and you're going to obviously feel that way. Like even if, anyway, like you're always going to want to please your partner

or like feel like you can do whatever. So don't feel like you need to do that. If it's harmful or triggering for you, obviously put that badly, but you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, it's harmful or triggering for you obviously put that badly but you know what i mean yeah and it's like it's up because you there's the whole idea of like like the question we had either the week before or last week where it was like the person who didn't want to break up with their boyfriend because of like the problem it's like you you always feel like you're the asshole if you're you know breaking up with or not wanting to pursue something with someone who's already got, you know, a trouble or whatever they're working on. Um, but it, but it's, you

know, it's not really your responsibility. It's if, if you are, if you are in danger of being a part of it, then, then it's not your responsibility to be like, well, fuck my life, I guess. Cause now I'm, I, i you know just happen to stagger into a relationship with someone who uh you know has issues that they need to work through yeah well i uh like i stayed in my last relationship far longer than i should have because they were dealing with some health issues some family issues some school issues some work like you name it right everything was going pretty badly for them and despite the fact that they were treating me like shit i didn't want them to have more.

You know what I mean? Like, in my mind, I was like the one good thing. And I was like, at least, like, she comes home and there's someone, you know, who's made her dinner. And someone who will, like, be there for her and talk to her and, like, be her support when she goes to, like, her family. Or, you know, pick her up from work because I know she had a terrible day or go to the hospital with her. Yeah. And it just kept getting worse. and it was shit for me and I should have just, I should have just been gone, you know, but hey, lesson learned, right?

That's the thing. And that's hopefully what we're here to do is, you know, teach you the lessons without having to go through them. Yeah. Cause it didn't make anything better for anybody. No, of course not. Um, yeah. All right.

Ready for one? Yep. Uh, this is by your ex oh shit which one this is on reddit uh how do you keep the mystery alive it has been scientifically proven that women are more interested towards guys whose feelings are unclear how do you keep it that way in the long run um i the, the number one thing that you could do, if you, this requires a little bit of like a disposable income, uh, just disappear for a couple of months on end or a couple of weeks, a couple of days, whatever, just, just fucking take off. And with that, you might have to take a hotel, have a separate apartment,

um, and just, just fuck off for a while change your name periodically yeah i think this person should jettison change the locks into the sun maybe that's pretty mysterious yeah it's like what's more mysterious than that right like did you burn up was that a sack of garbage that got launched are you the same as a sack of garbage are you are you a krypton are you powered are you powering up now by going to the sun that's the thing are you coming back i don't know i guess tony and not krypton krypton's the name of the planet god i'm such a fucking idiot get the fuck out idiot you've ruined this decade already uh this is the dumbest shit you're not gonna have a long-term relationship with someone if they don't know how you feel i would love to know

what scientific study you're talking about that. Like, I would promise you again, I'm not a psychologist, so maybe there is some bullshit study, but like, I imagine that people are more attracted to someone the more they get to know them.

Yes. Cause that's what I think. Like, like we've talked about it before where it's like, you can see someone and not immediately be physically attracted to them or whatever. But as you get to know them, yeah,

you become physically attracted to them because of like their personality and like stuff like that so it's like i highly doubt if i wasn't attracted to someone and then i learned nothing about them or found out that like bits and pieces just weren't true yeah i like that would that would repel me more than like yeah any possible physical feature they could have. They could literally come in and like chisel off their nose and just be noseless Steve. Um, but I would, I would prefer novelist Steve over a guy who's fucking mystery. Just like not saying anything.

But like, I, I, again, I'm sure this, and that's not to say anything about people who don't have noses. I'm just saying, um,

I'm sure this study is like all studies are like skewed i'd love to know who funded it i'd love to know who participated i'd love to know how they fucking figured it out and i'd also love to know what the exact takeaway was maybe it was like when you initially meet someone and you're unsure that's the thing like because if you meet someone like i love you yeah that's a turnoff yeah and if you meet someone they're like fuck you yeah also a turnoff the air of mystery i totally get it yeah but you don't want to show all your hand you know your whole hand in the first meeting yeah i get that but there is literally no way that a long-term relationship exists like this yeah and at least not a healthy one not a healthy one at all if it does it's

gonna be toxic as fuck and if that's your plan if your plan is to hide how you feel about someone from them in the hopes that they'll stay with you, you're fucked. How about just trying to be like, you know, a good partner? Yeah. One of the most. It's wild. One of the most reassuring things in a long term relationship is the is knowing where people stand. You know what I mean?

It's like knowing if they're upset, knowing if they're currently, you know, dealing with their own things. If they're depressed, you're sad. They their own things. If they're depressed or sad. Knowing they have your back. Yeah. They're like half of you. You're a fucking team. That should be like the constant in your life. Like the mystery in a long-term relationship is what you guys deal with together.

That is the mystery. Life is enough of a fucking mystery. You don't know what's going to happen. So if that's what you're concerned about like you guys should be the the constant that holds it all together and then whatever you deal with together is the mystery yes and guess what it'll there will be mystery you'll have some bullshit yeah you don't need to also go through that bullshit being like oh what does she think what does he think like does he does he actually like me is he cheating on me is that his real name just like is he coming back from the sun just

every now and then being like oh oh, I'm aloof now. Yeah. If someone was doing that to me, I would assume that they were like- I would dump their ass so hard because I don't want to deal with that shit in my life. I would be so concerned. You know what I mean? I would be like, are you depressed? Because that's one of the major signs of depression is apathetic behavior and if you get lethargic

and stuff like that but if like if that's just your gambit to seem more mysterious yeah i yeah i would i would get over that real fucking fast there's some really dumb fucking comments of course there is is this from seduction it is yeah um are you ready for this yep this is by a this is by a lady uh someone says basically one of the first things like be an attractive guy okay cool and then they're like make sure you have a lot of female friends so that they're terrified because you just basically have a group of women you can pick and choose from and leave her at any moment uh yep then this woman replies i room for the hills from

men with tons of female friends someone said why he goes the same reason you might know better than to pursue a relationship with a girl who has a lot of guy friends dudes with loads of female friends are low-hanging fruit regardless of how attractive they are anyone who values themselves knows these men aren't worth emotional investment in a roundabout way these other women are being okay with only friendship indicates a how many women think he's a joke and b how he spends and values his time bottom line is if no one can take this guy's time seriously not even himself why should i i'll pass what what this is the craziest thing i've ever fucking heard i know it's like you literally

can't like if you're friends with someone obviously you're a piece of shit because you're not worth them dating you so you're such a joke that they're just your friend what does this person have friends do they know what it is friends isn't like a consolation prize because you didn't get to date like friends is amazing the show and the thing in life anyway it's just fucking bat shit there's more this one person i think they're a lunatic i don't know but mean, this just goes to show like the current state of dating is like everyone has overthought every minute detail of just human relationships and human contact and human interaction that that it's so fucking buck wild that if everyone just took like seven steps back, everyone would be so much fucking happier. Yeah. Just like if if I met a girl with a bunch of guy friends that would be a good thing a good sign people would look like uh just i can't yeah can't deal with it i mean like i i mean not now but like growing up i always had predominantly more female

friends and i don't even you don't take yourself seriously i would assume if i was a woman and i saw a dude who was capable of maintaining platonic female relationships, I'd be like, oh, cool. You're not actively trying to fuck every woman or think that because you're friends with women that you get them these days, that being able to have platonic relationships that aren't strained sexually is a great sign. This person does not know what they're talking about. They might have to be the new dad. Yeah, it sounds like maybe we should hook them up.

Just constantly out-mysteriousing each other. They just never see each other. It's perfect. This comes from Reddit user Medusa. Medusa? Well, yeah, but like spelled differently. Okay. Medusa.

Oh. Speaking of mystery. Right? My 25-year-old female partner, 24 male, of eight years, watched a porn video and is convinced the girl in the video is me i have been so confused and hurt for the past day since he messaged me the video followed with we're done the girl in the video is of similar race to me and her lower half looks a bit like mine but that is where the physical similarities end the video isn't a very high quality but you

can make out she has a different nose hair face in general only her jawline is similar he doesn't listen to sense. He says her moans sound distinctly like mine and it sounds a lot like my voice. He believes it could have been me from when I was around 16, just before we met. I have denied it on various print screens, proving it isn't me, such as nose differences. She has nipple piercings and she has a gap in her teeth, which I don't, etc. He still won't believe me I'm in shock after eight years of being together he can't seem to recognize me I'm completely lost I've gone as far as to try to locate the original actress but to no avail I've also sent the video to close friends to

see what they think and they have strongly disagree that or strongly agree that it's not me any events would be great any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you update the girl in the video looks to be in her early 20s strongly agree that it's not me um any events would be any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you update the girl in the video looks to be in her early 20s he's convinced it's me at 16 i had my first tattoo at 17 the girl has no visible tattoos dump this guy like this is wild the guy's super racist firstly he thinks everyone of whatever ethnicity you are looks the same yeah he's also upset that it that something that happened before, even if it was true, which it isn't,

it's something that happened before you guys met. Who gives a fuck? I know, so let's talk about the fact- Also, 16? He's watching porn with a 16-year-old. Yeah. He's looking at porn and being like, that girl's definitely 16.

There's no way that girl is not underage. Yeah, that's insane. Like, it's just, it's wild i actually had this question as well oh really um yeah i'm like it just it's just baffling i don't know but like all of this is good news because dump his ass yeah he seems one crazy two an asshole three like i mean yeah like the only real reason i can see this being a thing is like he's just looking for his like easy way out. He wanted to break up and was like close enough. That'll do.

Just gets out like the skin shade chart. It's like, well, that's close enough. Let's see what happens. Yeah, I wouldn't like don't don't stress about this. And like, obviously, an eight year relationship, It sucks that this is the way it's going down But that just means like that just proves how much you need to be out of this Yeah, eight years means nothing in the face of him just being like we could be yeah I mean like worst case scenario is that like this is a legit like he literally thinks this is you and does not believe you

Which also after eight years if you know I mean like, if it was you, there are bigger issues at hand. One, if you were 16 and this was uploaded, like, that's a legal issue. Yep. Secondly, he's been watching it, so legal issue. Thirdly, like, you didn't know him yet. Yeah. Like, there's just so many things that even if it was you so much more to think about than this yeah and the fact that it isn't just blows this up near the guy we burned

in the sun last question like it's up there in terms of just in sat like yeah i mean like it should have been like hey let's we watch it together i could be like pause stand beside yeah not me dude yeah and then it should be like a haha oops yeah like that should be that should have been the situation if you're actually like convinced it's your girlfriend in porn or your partner in porn yeah um you just say like hey then just be like no it is you no matter what you say no matter what evidence you have on the contrary despite the fact that you've even told me like i don't know it's it's such a wild fucking situation yeah i i assume there's some kind of

well either like just crippling insecurity or it like you said it's it's an excuse yeah you know maybe it's the only thing i can think of now he's like oh this is a way for me to seem like the good guy you did a porn video oh nope you're the bad one bye but i also cheated haha lol you know yeah i feel like either this person is just cripplingly insecure and like just is down in his male ego just like crying in his little man prison that someone who kind of looks like you're like yeah very vaguely looks like you has also had sex like if that is how fragile nine years ago yeah if that's how fragile everything is like if if he can't handle the concept of days he doesn't deserve like if you can't sort of conceptualize the idea that someone who kind of looks like you has already

had sex like yeah what yeah like it's insane just like you are literally uh doing yourself so much of a favor because the thing is this is indicative of like him as a whole there's gonna be other fucking issues at one point he's gonna like see someone walking down the street holding hands with a guy and be like they look like you you motherfucker are you cheating on me it's like i don't care if you're literally right beside me i'm standing beside you really i see you holding his hand right over there like that i would say that looks like your skin tone i would i i would bet it yeah maybe maybe just take him get glasses or something is that the issue it's 2020 fixes

eyesight um it's send him a prescription for contact lenses. And on the note, it says you can also see your way out. See yourself to the door. Yeah, it's because you don't. You fucked up real hard and you can go fap to that lonely video. The thing is, like, it was something as wild as this, this far into a relationship. I imagine this has happened before and on this specifically. But I mean, like, like yeah a move in which he has accused you of doing something and then you have groveled or you know what i mean or begged

and pleaded for him to forgive you or whatever it is because like that's this level of insecurity doesn't come from nowhere yeah so i'll bet there was like what'd you text that person there's other meanings to you saying k what does that like why why is there nothing else is it because you're worried or like you say too many things it'll unveil? Or like, you stay out too late one night.

You know what I mean? It's like, it doesn't seem like there's much because this literally isn't a thing. Or if you watch, he's created this.

So like, I'm sure if you've ever, you know, studied with a dude who he doesn't know, you know what I mean? Like, how many male friends

do you have on Instagram or Facebook? I'm sure there are like, I cannot believe that it's gone eight years and all of this comes out of nowhere and if it does then again i think it's like something happened on his end and he's trying to make it right for him or like his like reputation when you guys break up yeah because now he's not the bad guy um 100 have you guys ever watched a movie with like a similar like someone of a similar background as a main character and did he spend most of the time looking at you with narrowed

eyes and then back at the screen like imdb-ing yeah like just being like this movie came out in the 80s and you look way too young to be not born yet what uh what did your name used to be what went before you changed it i didn't change change. Okay, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like looking you up on fucking Actra. Like, hmm. Like, this person has lost it. And you need to lose them. Just be like, wait a minute.

When you come across your legs in Fatal Attraction. Yeah, fuck this dude. Get out. Yeah, there's no... like they're that's dangerous levels of like aggression and self-denial gaslighting yeah like this is this is he's telling you you're wrong yeah like he's literally made something up and then is now now you've sent a porn video to your friends and been like is that me at 16 yeah that's weird yeah this is yeah i mean like honestly what what could you possibly do at this point to like repair the relationship you

need to reenact the thing and show that you can't lift your leg that high but then he's gonna be like just break up with him and then constantly send him snapchat so you just fucking and just be like this is me in porn if this is like here's here's some reference videos oh don't do that dump him and then when he asked to get you back send him three pictures of people who have a similar like skin color or whatever and be like okay i'll have you back if you can pick which one of these is me yeah and he'll be like yeah do a lineup yeah like a police style lineup he'll be like mm-hmm mm-hmm his head just explodes all right what a fucking dumb fucker okay ready huh this is by throw our a gay on relationship advice I 45 year old male

walked in on son 16 year old male having gay, and he's become quite awkward and distant. So a week ago, my son had one of his really good friends over for a sleepover, and went up to his room to ask if they wanted dessert. Normally if it's just my son, I'd knock, because privacy, but it was him and his friend, so I figured I didn't need to. It was an hour or so later than I'd normally go up, and I guess that's probably why they let their guard down. Anyway, I open the door, and my son's getting bonked by his friend. They don't know if I reacted well, but not badly either. I said something like, oh fuck, and open the door, and my son's getting bonked by his friend. They don't know if I reacted well, but not badly either. I said something like, oh fuck, and shut the door. I waited for 20 minutes to see if they would come say anything, but they didn't, so I went to bed.

I woke up the next morning, his friend was gone, my son looks scared and tired. I don't think he slept that much, and I can blame him. It's kind of awkward, eventually he was like, yeah dad, I'm gay, and friends with my boyfriend of two years. Surprised by that, but in a nice way, I guess. Him being gay wasn't a surprise, I've always suspected, to be honest. I didn't say that, of course, I was like i was like okay cool love you no matter what i don't care who you like since then he's been very awkward and barely said a word or looked at me i've even tried to talk but it ends up a short and awkward conversation is just natural awkwardness

and embarrassment hell i'm sure if my dad saw me having sex i would have faked my death and moved to mexico or something they asked if he wanted to bring his boyfriend for dinner sleepover in a more official boyfriend capacity seemed to perk up, said that would be cool, so maybe things are getting less awkward. Is this awkwardness natural, or should I be doing something different? I'm also going to buy him a lock for his door, tell him I won't feel comfortable doing it in the house of his boyfriend, rather than

some dark alley, but I'm not sure how to word it well and also make the conversation less awkward. Any advice is appreciated. I'm giving the ages of the son 16 16 yeah okay um i mean i i think this is more back in line of like my first question where it's like i think you're doing everything right yeah right like you've i i can't imagine hats off to this person so far because like the only literally the only thing i probably would have done is not gone to sleep

without talking about it you know what i mean i wouldn't have just been like well sort this out later however can you imagine go like at what point do you go back up well i mean i'm sure they didn't finish i'm sure they went like oh your dad just caught us better keep fucking so you know what i mean like i i want to finish. It's because you're a scumbag. I think, like, a very courteous, like, five, ten minutes for them to, like, clean up. Maybe send them a text. Be like, hey, can we have a little chat? Yeah.

Or, like... Or just go back. Like, you know he's in there. Just knock on the door and be like, hey, guys, when you're ready, I'd like to talk. I'm not mad. You're not in trouble. But, you know, we need to discuss some things also awkward though with the friend there and that's the thing I would I would maybe be like

um you're very welcome to sit down because like it might also like his parents might not know he's out yeah you know what I mean so like I think as as a parent I would want to know where they both stood because I wouldn't want to be like mention it yeah and then this kid who has like a super conservative family gets kicked out or something. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I think it's super like, also, if I was a gay 16 year old and my boyfriend's dad is like, hey, I got you guys.

Like, I'm in your corner. I think that would be one of the most reassuring things. Totally. Even in like all my heterosexual, anytime the parent has been like, I like you. Yeah. Like there's, if my fucking like girlfriend's dad had been like, yeah, you guys can fuck. It's cool. What about the best?

I know. I would actually be able to take my clothes fully off. I'm not just like, you know, slide the jeans down and have awkward like doggy style. Yeah. I'm great. So I do totally agree. I do also understand why maybe he didn't. You know what I mean? Because I guess like you don't want to embarrass them further. And then the longer you leave it, maybe they're back there in bed and you're like, Oh, fuck it. So I like, I don't know what I was doing half the time. And the fact that like, I was kind of a dick to my parents when I was like a 16 year old.

And I had no fucking reason to be. So yeah. Yeah. He's a teenage boy. He's going to be awkward and it's going to be weird. And like talking to your parent isn't exactly like a teenager's number one favorite activity. So I'm sure. Like he probably like you need to be proactive in this situation

because he's not going to be the one to be like, hey dad, like let's clear the air. Cause he's 16 and he's terrified. And also like if he didn't tell you he was out before now when you caught him, he wasn't ready to tell you probably because he was terrified. So he's probably still terrified. And also can like think,

again, I don't know their past relationship but it's like how many like heart to hearts did you guys have prior to this was it just always sort of a very casual like how was school how was you know it's like i don't know the relationship beforehand but it's like you could also be seeing this filtered through the lens of the fact that you caught him having sex with his boyfriend um and that's just going to add layers of of awkwardness to it so it's like the actual interactions might not be all that different or at least not like in terms of like brevity it might just be you know that you're now overthinking it

exactly yeah that's another because like i i don't remember having many conversations like i was 16 we would talk about our days mom yeah exactly like get off my case mom we would talk at the meals yeah and then before bed and in the morning and like and it wasn't we would just be like have a good night good morning this is what i'm doing don't forget to do the dishes like that kind of stuff i think you need to just bring it up to him be like hey so you know like i'm sorry i didn't knock the other day by the way and then be like okay and be like look i hope you know i don't want you to feel awkward like whatever it happens you're a growing boy then maybe mention like look if you guys want to do that again that's

fine i'll knock in future um and then just be like so how'd you guys meet like ask about him you know i mean like make normalize it be chill and depending on and like run through safe sex if you haven't had that talk. Definitely. I don't know where you're living. Sex education varies wildly, especially in the States. And that's the thing. I don't even know what the sex ed is in our school now because I know it was gutted and redone. Well, sex doesn't exist anymore since Ford's in office.

Yeah. Well, I mean. Does he know sex exists? Oh, he knows sex exists. I just don't think he wants to believe that gay sex exists. And that's the thing. But he also doesn't want any sex, Ed.

Maybe it's just because he's like, he doesn't believe in it. Much like that person in the video. He's like gaslighting all of us. Like, it doesn't exist. Like, just because you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. It's important to run that through

because, again, I don't know and also like depending on the the social atmosphere of where you live perhaps some safety concerns you know what i mean like if you live in a very conservative very you know not gay friendly area maybe you know it's it's not the best way and i don't like i would i would hate to have this conversation of like telling my kid, Hey, please be careful. There are people who want to hurt you for the sake of,

but also. You're just letting them know that if there are any issues that you are a phone call away. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Literally 100% support them and to never feel worried about contacting you because that's the last thing you want is for someone to be in a bad

situation. Exactly. Like I can't call my dad and knowing knowing that he has a safe place to have sex is going to eliminate so much of the danger because i know when i was in high school uh it wasn't really cruising it was sort of like cruising junior um the prequel to cruising um where it was like kids would go out into like woodlots and like abandoned lots and like that kind of shit to have sex because they didn't want their parents to know yeah um and all it takes is like you know a roving group of dudes who who are idiots and assholes who decide to beat you guys to death with fucking bricks or whatever because like you know they're scared of their own sexuality or

you know any number of reasons why homophobia exists yeah so i just i think you need to talk about like nothing's gonna get on awkward by ignoring it yeah like the more you talk and have like a frank discussion and just like acknowledge it you know what i mean like just be like hey like again i'm sorry i didn't knock blah blah blah like just get it out there and stop like withholding it because the more you kind of like gloss over it the more awkward that's gonna get yeah and he's not gonna bring it up because he's fucking 16 and it's gonna get to the point where you get almost comfortable back into your old routine where like you're now in the point where like

well I can't bring it up now that's the thing the longer you leave it the harder it is to bring it up yeah like you can't be like hey remember two remember two years ago? Yeah. It's the same with, like, I don't know. Like, anything, really. Like, I find a lot of people have this. Yeah, any tough conversation. The longer it goes, the worse it gets. So just broach it, and, like, he will be relieved. Yeah.

You'll be relieved. This thing is, like, I can't imagine, again, I'm trying to empathize here because I am a straight man and I always have been. But I can't imagine anything more reassuring than your parents being in your corner and being like, hey, man, that's fine. I love you no matter what. I want you to be safe. And I want you to have the opportunities that everyone else, that I did when I had a kid. So, like, bring them over.

Let's have dinner together. Let's get to know them. Presumably you know this kid well enough if he's been his best friend yeah for a long enough time obviously you guys have probably had dinner together or you know gone out to mcdonald's or whatever you know i mean it's like i'm sure you guys have done things before but it's also like it's a different thing when you now realize that there's a different uh you know chemistry between them um i think it's really cool. I think you've done a really, really cool thing here in supporting him and being there for him and trying to embrace his relationship with his boyfriend.

And I think it's, you know, a good beacon for other parents to follow. Yeah. And that's the thing is like, I think this is, it's like a, it's almost perfect what you've done. So literally just make it absolutely perfect. Yeah, your instincts are there.

Just follow them. Yeah. And I think as long as your compass is being guided by the love of your son, you're going to do them right. Exactly. And it's apparent that you do love them and you are doing it right. It is apparent. It's dad. Oh, man.

The Nile jokes. Okay, well, I'm going to bring another thing just to talk about really quickly. Okay. It is apparent. It's his dad. Oh, man. The Nile jokes. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Okay, well, I'm going to bring another thing just to talk about really quickly. Okay. Have you heard of Swipe Night? So I have two ideas. Okay. One, it's the hero that Tinder needs.

Ooh. Two, it is a Purge-style night in which you say yes to everybody. Oh, shit. Or no to everybody. Well, then it's the same as every other night. No getting laid. So this is a thing that debuted, I think, in October on Tinder, but I think it was just in America, which is why I never heard of it. I don't know why or how i found this because it just popped up but it is effectively a post-apocalyptic video series

on tinder where you are presented with bandersnatch like you know choose your own adventure options and you go through different videos and then like choices show up and you play your way through this post-apocalyptic like disaster and then get matched with up and you play your way through this post-apocalyptic like disaster and then get matched with people who made the same choice as you did that is the fucking coolest shit it's directed by a girl me and tristan we're done um me and me and tristan used to work with a girl who's now drake's director like so she did like god's plan all that shit and she did all the videos for it. And it sounds awesome.

Yeah. I just thought we'd talk about it. Like, man, online dating got so cool. I know, right? Where was this when I was fucking like 19? Yeah. Or 15. I had to fucking get on plenty of fish.

I had a plenty of fish account. That's bad. Even though I was never there. That doesn't even make sense. No. That's the worst name for a dating site. You know, now that I think about it, it's just like, all I remember is just like coming home, it's just like a little too many fish on your table. It's like.

That's the thing. It's like, yeah. That is plenty of fish. It's just plenty of fish. It's just a barrel of fucking fish. Just a bunch of them. Just like some, you know, some big Slavic man is just like, bish. It's like, it's not what you want.

Bish aren't even good. It's absolutely not what you want. Even as a pet, like they don't really do anything no even as food it's like i don't want plenty i want like a bit every now and then yeah you know if there's plenty of steaks maybe you know plenty of beef i'm sure that's a gay dating site it's gotta be if it's not it it is out here yeah so yeah this i don't know if it was justin mcelroy i would have just bought plenty of beef duck yeah well like it just sounds so fun like the uh even all the actors are like i really hope that i'm going to be like an honorary best man at a wedding because everyone like choose my chose my route isn't that cool i don't know i just wanted to bring it up but also we now need

to write a graphic novel about a Tinder vigilante called Swipe Knight. Sorry, I'm currently seeing how much plentyofbeef.com will cost. What? I can get plentyofbeef.ca for a dollar. Oh, I think you might have to. I'm going to get it. Oh, God. This is how it begins.

Yep. Okay, excellent. Well, there we go, God. This is how it begins. Yep. Okay. Excellent. Well, there we go, guys. This is the first of our good decisions we're making this year. So now, thank you very much for listening. 2020 is going to be a big year for us. I feel it deep in my balls.

Deep in my beef. I got plenty of it. Deep in my plentiful beef. It's cool. This is going to be our second full year of doing this. We did a full year last year, and it's it's cool this is gonna be our second full year of doing this like you know we did a

we did a full year last year and there's gonna be another full year another half year bullshit from fucking 2018 yeah

week week um so thank you very much for everyone who's stuck with us everyone who's joined us everyone who's

currently you know if this is your first episode hey thanks for listening yeah um if you want to get a hold of us or send us a question you can find us on various social medias Everyone who's currently, you know, if this is your first episode, hey, thanks for listening. Yeah. If you want to get a hold of us or send us a question, you can find us on various social medias and sites. You can find us at Facebook at Facebook.com slash FCK Buddies Podcast. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore Buddies. You can email us at FBuddiesPodcast at gmail.com.

You can find us on the web at FB buddies podcast.com and plenty of beef.ca um and uh it's it's uh we're waiting for your questions anyone you send it to uh we will try to answer your question as soon as we can um so thank you very much thank you josh eagle on the harbor cities for their song paper stars um oh shit i got another thing Hinge on Twitter are doing a thing called Dump or Deal. Like, as in, you'll deal with them or you'll dump them if this comes out. I'm gonna throw one at you. Okay. They still believe in Santa Claus.

Deal. Hell yeah. All right, hit me with some sex writing. Hell yeah. Oh! Oh, no. Oh. The house pulled out the most unholiest of books.

Oh. Oh. Stephanie's body was on fire. The little devil had slipped his finger down her crack while he talked, and then shoved it up her asshole when he began talking about fucking her tail. His lewd, obscene suggestions had her mind reeling. She wanted him, oh dear heaven how she wanted him. He knew just how to turn her on. She wanted to, oh dear heaven how she wanted him. He knew just

how to turn her on. She wanted to take his cock in every hole in her body, feel it in her cunt, up her ass, and in her throat. She reached down and placed her hand on the hard bulge at his groin and squeezed him affectionately. Now he was rubbing her clitoris again and she thought she was going to go right out of her mind. Can we, the boy persisted in a hoarse whisper. Can we have a real sex party? I'm sick of fake sex parties, man. Can we just commit to 2020? No more fake sex parties. It's true.

That's it, man. Fuck vaping. Fuck smugglers. Fuck Satan. Fuck fake sex parties. Satan's a goof. Let's not be harsh, right? He doesn't deserve it.

I'm putting him in there. At least in my 2020 manifesto. That's fair. You got some, Dan? I'm pretty sure I there in my, at least in my 2020 manifesto. That's fair. You got some Dan? I'm pretty sure I do. Dan says, how to get your ex back when she doesn't have feelings for you. That sounds like a crime. Yeah, that sounds like kidnapping probably.

So I wanted to bring 2020 with a different energy from Pornhub. Yeah, fuck smugglers. Every, every, every year, or every episode, I mean, I guess every year, I search through Pornhub and find quality comments to wash the filth of Dan from her mouth. Like an after podcast mint.

And this week, the comment comes from Beanmaster46. Oh, yeah. And he says, or they say, she has some massive Bahungala hungers. Can you read that word again? She has some massive Bahungala hungers. Bahungala hungers? Well, sorry, Bahungala, yeah, Bahungala hungers maybe. Can I say this? Yeah, you sure can. Bahungalaungers Well sorry Bahungalahungers

Can I say this? Yeah you sure can Bahungalahungers Bahungalahungers Well new word for the year We can never say titties Titties, boobs, breasts Out

Bahungalahungers Yeah they're all out They're 2019 Yeah In for 2020 Bahungalahungers We're 2020 They're 2000 and late

Damn Fergie. My name is Dane Miller. And I am, of course, now Spain. I don't know why I keep saying of course. And we are of course. And we are of course. You're plenty of beeps.