F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 69 - The Race to Save 69

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

 We finally did it.  We made it to episode 69 and let me be completely honest with you, we didn't plan anything for it.  Not at all.  We do, however, come up with more brilliant ideas for TV shows.  Also, try to keep an ear out for Niall accidentally confessing his love for a certain bald musician.  Topics include our brand new GOOP scent, being the worst girlfriend ever, the countdown to solve 69, is age but a number, having a hard time believing she won't sleep with you, knowing your partner's ex still has their nudes, a cheeky bra removal and how to be a more active participant in sex.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Miles Bain And we are your fuck buddies Hey, it's actual glass cheers today Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Bain. And we're your fuck buddies.

Hey, it's actual glass cheers today. Don't worry, your headphones aren't broken. We're just drinking sparkling water. We're just effervescent boys. Very, very sparkly boys. Happy Monday. And for once we can say that with honesty. Yeah.

Because guess what? Unless you're not listening on Monday. Unless you're not listening on Monday. But either way, it's coming out on a Monday. We recorded it on a Monday. We're getting Monday boys. Yeah, this is coming in with some weird Monday energy. Yeah, I know. It's Monday midday energy, which I think is just maybe, I don't know.

We'll see. We'll see how it goes. I don't know what's going to happen. You know there's one person out there who's like, one of these episodes. Oh, no. I like my typical late Wednesday fare. But yeah, we like to shake it up. We like to get weird with it, we like to shake it up. We like to get weird with it.

I like to shake it up. Do you want me to say before I jump into some... Let me smash and bang it. Let me smang it, girl. Okay, that's... Did you say smang it? Yeah, let me smang it. Well...

Can we not hear that song? We're gonna smang Bahanglahongas all year. Oh, hell yes. While fucking smugglers. Let me smang it, girl. Let me smash and bang it. Let me smang it, girl. Oh, you weren't Actually fucking up the words

No no It's a song Well never mind It's your bug Gwyneth Paltrow No Maybe I don't know

That she exists Yes I know she's there Okay well that was it Hey you ever heard About Gwyneth Paltrow Yeah Cool

I'm gonna give you I'm gonna describe something And you're gonna Tell me what It smells like Okay Alright I'm going to give you, I'm going to describe something and you're going to tell me what it smells like. Okay. All right. I'm going to, because we do a lot of like, you know, aural things like the fizzy drinks.

Yeah. You know, we do a lot of tactile things like when you, you know, rub the mic all over your beard. Yep. But we've never really done scent based podcasting and no one has. So we're going to break, we're going to be innovative in 2020. You ready? Hit me.

So imagine a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar, absolutes juxtaposed with damask rose and ambrat seed. I already don't know what half these things are. Yeah, but what would that that smell like do you think i think it's gonna smell like it's either gonna be just straight up potpourri like that okay now or um like day old semen well i hope it's not the second one because guess what that's the smell of gwyneth paltrow's vagina so she has released a candle that smells like her vagina on her Goop website for $75 a pop. On Goop?

On Goop, which is her company. I'm sorry, you can't fucking have a website. I know, right? You can't talk about vaginas and Goop in the same sentence. Yeah, you can't have a site called... And then charge me $75 for it. You can't be like,

hey, just head on over to Goop and pick up my vagina candle. Yeah, like we don't sell vagina candles on plentyofbeef.ca, because that would leave the wrong message. Yeah, that's... Also... I'm not going to lie, none of those things sound like it would smell like a vagina. No.

Is Paltrow ill? Does she not know what a vagina is? I mean, maybe she's just... She does, like, something else that's really fucking weird, doesn't she? Well, she poisoned a lot of people's vaginas with vaginal eggs she sold a while ago so maybe we don't support her people yeah also if Gwyneth Paltrow is doing anything with vaginas maybe just maybe she's let her you know tire herself out in a corner somewhere yeah you have to have puppy rules for Gwyneth Paltrow and her vagina antics yeah no she ignore until she goes away yeah she got hella sued and lost because

she was poisoning people's vaginas so yeah just i don't know with eggs yeah you would like put it up there and it would help you but it just wasn't an actual egg it was like egg shaped but it was like a mix of like fucking spices and shit but it basically just like gave people yeast infections and dried out their vaginas and fucked up their pH levels. Because you're not meant to do that. No. It's not like she just broke science with some like brand new like vagina science. There's a very finite amount of things that should be inserted inside your body. Especially something as delicate as your genitals.

Let me tell you, like a fucking spice egg is not one of them. Yeah. So there you go. That's my new sex news. I don't know. Twitter just like hand feeds me these things now because like you're a weird sex boy. You look up these strange things. Here's Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle.

Yeah. I'd love to know because I'm sure maybe it doesn't work this way, but like they put you in like categories based on your searches and what you talk about and your advertising and all this stuff. I would love to know like because I'm sure there are tags or something that technically... Pervert. Do you mind just saying pervert, deviant, weirdo? Like, what fucking shit?

FBI watch list. Yeah, why is he reading sex and dating advice every day? Why is he copying and pasting them to himself every day? Yeah. You ready for a question? Nah.

All right, hit me with some more. Let's just go back to candle vagina yeah the the wick is the clit is it is it shaped like a vagina too i have not a clue but i'm guessing no i fucking hope not imagine you went into someone's house and we're like oh it smells real like a vagina in here yeah or even just like just like oh your candle's really nice. What is that? Oh, that's a celebrity's vagina. That's a celebrity genitals right there.

I got it on Goop. Yeah. Oh, don't worry. It's Goop. It's a Goop candle. It's a Goop official. Oh, hit me with a question. This comes from Reddit user TropicalIsland2.

Why am I justifying this? Boyfriend of six months went into my snap and deleted my male friends and blocked them everywhere in my phone he says i'm the worst girlfriend he's ever had and i'm stupid to think it's okay to have guy friends on my snap he thinks every guy wants to f me and that no guy just wants to be my friend he also messaged me back to the guy or he also messaged back to the guy on my snap saying, hanging out with my boyfriend. Wow. Now, before I finish this off, give me some ages. Guess how old these people are.

Well, now that you said that, I'm going to guess 35 and 29. You're not too far off. He's 33. I'm 30 with three kids. Oh, no. Isn't this childish? Seems ridiculous. Am I right to think he's super possessive?

Is she right? There are times when sometimes i'm like why do we have a podcast you know we say the same thing every week people know people know what we're saying like things like that then there's this and i'm like jesus how could you type that out and be like this is okay this is specifically why i brought the question this person like yeah immediately the answer to this question is very easy. You gotta go. Get the fuck out. But like it breaks my heart when people are very clearly

being abused like this and they're like I'm in the right. It's not even a question of grace. It's wild. It's terrible. This is the state of modern dating and I don't know how we got here. I really don't. I really do not know how this happened

but like to get to the point where someone calls you stupid and the worst girlfriend they've ever had yeah and then to me I would just be like cool I'm out then like if I'm the worst you've ever had and I'm an idiot then you don't want to date me yeah and it's like also I don't want to date yeah this situation this is this you know, anger and aggressive. Every single thing they've done in this situation, like, by itself, merits a bye. Yeah, it's like, what's keeping him? Like, what is he offering? What has he got on his plate that's making you stay at the table?

Vagina candle. Oh, maybe. That sweet, sweet scent. That Bergamo and Damask Rose. Dick candle. Ooh. table uh vagina candle oh maybe sweet sweet scent that bergamot and maybe he's got like a damask rose wouldn't fit in the house um i yeah that's no get get rid of this person however this person seems like to be a perfect match for that person we talked about either last week or the week before who believes you can't be friends with females as a male they can hang out with each other and then never have any friends and be miserable together yeah they could just

like just like slowly burn each other to the ground it'll be great yeah i mean this is like friends if people are going through your phones and fucking with your friends yeah like just if anyone's deleting people from your phone yeah that that like just that that's not even a you know a question get get rid of them if someone's like sending people messages like oh hanging out with my like that's just pathetic yeah like i'm sorry i would understand if this was a 14 year old even then like it's still fucked up but like i would i would understand because hormones make you do crazy shit and like you know you don't understand how the world works and you know still i would be like danger zone red flags for days get out of there but like i fucking fully grown human yeah by the way i do know how to say human i always say human because

it amuses me just a just a heads up i was literally thinking that i was just like human i say it all the time and i always realize that like never, I don't know, it just amuses me. I'm weird. I'm sorry. That's fine. Hey, man, do you. Yeah, but, like, a 33-year-old man. Yeah, that's horrendous. Who feels the need, like, to think that, like.

Just go. Oh, yeah, you gotta get out. Did they say he has kids? No, she has three kids. Okay, well, just even better, get the fuck away before he influences them and they grow up to be shitty as well. Put them all in your bag of holding and leave. Yes. Mary Poppins out of there.

Wait, there's no air in the bag of holding. Well. Okay, you ready for this? And I should have led with this one because it is. It's a cool Batman shirt. Oh, thank you. I should have led with this question because it is topical. Okay.

Time sensitive and urgent. Oh, Jesus. So we're running out of time. I'm sorry. Okay. This is by user 34 i guess i shouldn't keep talking about your cool batman shirt then probably okay i'm gonna read this in what i assumed the tone it was written this from reddit if you're gonna yell please lean back please i

don't need sleep i need answers to 69 me and my girlfriend are separated due to studying are you ready please I don't need sleep I need answers to 69 I mean my GF are separated due to the studying we always share lewd intentions recently we've discussed a 69 once we've already tried it and the expectations about it for her were greater than the reality I do love it and always wanted so now the problem is that i'm afraid that the next time we do this she'll quit it forever how do i do my best to please her 1.5 months left to figure it out so we're running out of time what the fuck we're running out of time oh man it's like have you ever seen the movie number 13 with jim carrey where he like he just

constantly sees the number everywhere i'm like is that what's happening to this guy i'm assuming it's more like 24 or it's like every time like he does anything the clock is like ticking or like in persona it's like 1.5 months left until oh man um also happy 69th episode that's our 69th episode yeah i completely forgot to mention that. Now get upside down. We're going to do this. I'm going to do this on my hands. It's the only way we actually fit in the closet,

guys. Um, can you hit me with that first sentence just one more time? I think that's all I need to hear. The question or? I don't know. The first thing you say. Please,

I don't need sleep. I need answers to 69. Yeah, that's it. Um, thank you. I, I, okay, I'm going to 69. Yeah, that's it. Thank you. Okay, I'm going to read between the lines here.

I don't think she enjoyed it. It seems like he did. And he has 1.5 months to solve the problem. I would love to know what the time restraints are. Is it the next time he sees her? Like, they're both in school. They're separated. Well, he said they're separated due to the studying. Which I mean, I'm going to assume this is English.

It's not his first language. Or he's just so frantic. Yeah. I assume it's like just how quickly he needed to type this out. So I'm assuming like that means they're like in different schools. So they're apart. And then they're in 1.5 months, they'll be back together again. In which they're going to try 69 for a second time,

as they've shared their lewd intentions. And if he doesn't solve it. And if this doesn't fucking knock her goddamn socks off, she's going to say, 69 is done. From now on, when we count, we go 68 to 70. Just 69 is removed, stricken. Which technically would save him time and give him more ability in the next 1.5 months so maybe don't you know it would remove a few numbers from the

counting make things go faster oh shit well depends if you're counting like if you're counting you would get to 100 seconds in 99 seconds yes which means time will go by faster no because no because you're not changing reality the 100 seconds still matters but you're getting to 100 in 99 seconds oh okay i see what you're saying you know um okay so have you tried shaking it up have her on top if she was on the bottom beforehand or vice versa or go on your side or just realize the 69 suck anyway it's the fucking worst i don't know what everyone's goddamn obsession with it it's like the the fact of the matter is either sounds great that's the thing

it sounds great being able to like just be smothered and going down on someone while also having my dick suck it sounds great. Fantastic. Also, you know, the fact that it's a different, like, angle. Yeah, sure. It's all kinds of intimate. I mean, it looks great in porn. You know? However, heighth is a thing. And, like, it's very rare. What's the thing? Heighth. Heighth? Heighth?

That's also a thing I'm saying. Heighth? Heighth? Heighth? Whatever. What am I saying? That's not a word i saying what am i saying it's so weird height height is it you're developing a life oh my god i think i got broken this is what happens when we do this early on a monday no height is a thing uh so it's very rare you'll actually like not be too tall or too small to get the things in the right places uh on top of that one person is always more distracted by the other than the other so it's like you're rocking their world and they're like they're like oh man they're just like holding it while they're like writhing and you're like what about my dick yeah and then you

start not paying attention because you're like i would really like my dick to be inside of your mouth right now but you're just moaning which means I'm doing a good job. Which is great, but it defeats the purpose, at which point it's like you're in an awkward position just to not get your dick sucked or vice versa. That's the thing. It's like, yeah, it's like, cool. So now my nose is pretty much in your asshole and I can't breathe and I'm upside down, like trying to reverse engineer how to eat you while cranking my neck up because you need the angle to get to my dick. So you're not down.

So I've got a sore neck. I used to sleep with someone who was obsessed with 69, but would like wanted me to be on the top. And that's just also a terrifying situation because it's like teeth. It's teeth city. Well, it's not even that. It's just like I might. I have a I have an outward it's like... Teeth. It's teeth city. Well, it's not even that. It's just like I have an outward genital.

Like, it protrudes. So... Wait, what? If I'm on top, if I relax at any bit, it's like I could be choking. You know what I mean? Like, I'm the one who's controlling depth. Even though your head can't go any further back. You stay up and then they have to hurt their neck coming to you or you go down, at which it's like yeah it's again like 69s can be fine i guess but in general it's it's one of those things that you do as when you're like 15 yeah or like it's just you know kind of

a funny like if you're if she's you know on her side and and she's you know and then you just kind of grab her and throw her but to like plan, to strategize, and to build this into your sexual routine. Even in 1.5 months, you cannot fix it. It doesn't, unless. People have been trying to fix it for decades. Here's the thing. This man has 1.5 months of dedicated 69 research. Maybe that's what they're studying.

Here's the thing. Maybe the advice, maybe you're the person who solves this. Yeah, maybe you need to tell us how to solve. Exactly. We're the ones with the problem. Fuck. Yeah. I,

I have not, this is the most I've ever talked about 69. It's true. And you're dedicating 1.5 months of your life to solving this mystery. Fueled by what I can only assume is teenage frustration, which is like rocket fuel. So yeah. So, yeah. Alternatively, she will strict this from existence

and you will finally enjoy oral sex. Yeah. Like that's the downside is, oh no, you don't get to 69 anymore, but you do not get to enjoy. Someone won't be too distracted to go down on you. You get to enjoy one of the best things in life. I will say if you are committed to doing the 69, try switching around. Like, if she was on top last time, try her on the bottom.

Just try doing it on your sides. That's all the advice I can give you, I think. Yeah. Or just don't. Just don't do it. 69 is stupid. I know this is episode 69. Yeah, fuck. They're not going to sponsor us now. Don't. Just don't do it. He's stupid. I know this is episode 69. Yeah, fuck.

They're not going to sponsor us now. I know. The sex act of 69 is not going to sponsor us. Yeah. That's the clock ticking down. Boom. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Did you guys have Countdown over here?

I don't think so. Well, if anyone got that reference, you can let me know. I'll probably cut it. I'm going to keep doing it so you can't. Wait, say something important. This comes from Reddit user... Okay. This comes from Reddit user...

I think. Okay. And they ask is there any scenario where 18 slash 22 is acceptable if you got 18 out of 22 on the test then yes so i made an earlier thread on this but i felt it was unclear so i should clarify first i'm not specifically looking at 18 year olds or going to date a specific 18 year old i was asking in terms of like potential partners if 18 should be seen as just another option like a 21 or a 20 i don't have some preference for 18 year olds or anything second i understand slash acknowledge recognize that it can be predatory but i was asking if there are scenarios where it's fine so are there if he hadn't had the body of that message, I would have said, yeah, it's fine.

However, he doth protest, I think, far too much. This is a man who only wants 18-year-olds. Yeah. And also, like, 18 is when you go to college. 22, you're in college. It's a four-year difference. Even if you do the half your age plus seven rule, you're still good.

It's only weird. Age difference is only really weird in like high school or like where legality comes into play you know what i mean it's like if you're 12 and dating a 14 year old in like elementary school that's fucking wild like it's crazy yeah um but like if you're 14 dating a 16 year old that's not that crazy yeah the second you leave high school and you're in college like age it starts to mean less and less as you go along like it doesn't mean anything anymore because like you're you could be in class like i went when i was in college i had a like a 37 year old i was the youngest at 16 or 17 um and then like the whole spectrum in between i think there was even a 40 year old in my class so it's like you you enter into college and it's just like age like the classes

aren't age locked anymore before it was like oh if you're in grade eight this is how old you are yeah within like a one or two years but also like if this question was 29 and 33 like four years isn't that bad and like i think like 18 is like 19 to 24 or 23. You wouldn't even think as much about it. 20 to 24. You'd barely think about it. 26 to 30. I think it's because it's a teen.

Yeah. You say 18 and you're like, ooh. Yeah. 22 to 18 is fine. Most places it's age of consent. Yeah. But also it's only four years. Like if they were like 32 and the person was 18, like I think that's a pretty big difference in terms of, like, one's, like, an adult and one is, like, barely an adult.

Yeah. And, like, it could be seen as a little predatory, a little weird, but it's still kind of, it's. But here's the thing. You know. The most important thing to focus on, like, when it comes to age is, like, maturity. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you could.

When I was younger, when I was, when I was, like, in my 20 20s i dated almost specifically like 30 year olds because i was a lot more mature than the people like the women i was i was going were like strictly focused on partying and like going out and getting drunk and like those are the women that i were finding in my age range and i was like i don't that's not my thing but like women in their 30s were a little bit more put together like they had they had done the crazy years they'd done the party years and now they were like i'm this is what i'm doing and this is what i'm comfortable with this is what i'm confident at and like they were just like more self-sufficient women and i was just like okay cool like i like you this is and i don't think it would be fair for anyone to be like oh you're 32 and you're dating a 24 year old it's like

that's a pretty big age gap but at the like if I didn't tell you my age, you wouldn't have known. You probably would have thought I was older than her, to be honest. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like once it's legal and maturities are somewhat in line, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want it to sound like a 50-year-old dating an 18-year-old isn't weird. You know what I mean? No. Because it is i think um but yeah no 22 to 18 is fucking nothing but however what's with that weird ass

body of that message yeah like dude why are you freaking out so much me thinks something else is at play here so another part of me thinks that this is probably originating from a place that's not North America. Maybe. Where that kind of thing might be a little bit more... Taboo. Looked at. You know what I mean? Like, a little bit under a little bit more social scrutiny.

Yeah. But either way, it's fine. Yeah. Like, no one gives a shit. I think it's also important to mention that there are times where, like, if you're in a position of power and you're dating younger, I think that becomes very iffy and very dangerous and very, I would say, a taboo or a social. Yeah, because if you are, you know, if you're their source, I don't want to talk about like sugar daddies or anything. Because like there's there's a thing is there is kind of an inherent power in age anyway you know I mean like if you're 38 as opposed to 18 yeah you have these things and you like you're you have your own place I assume you probably have

like money in a car and like a career and just all these things that an 18 year old doesn't have so you already kind of just experience yeah exactly so I think there is like an inherent power even if you're not directly you know someone superior or whatever so i think there is like an inherent power even if you're not directly you know someone superior or whatever i do think it is something to be careful of and that's why i think it gets creepier the older it is even if it's still legal yeah you know especially when you're younger because as a result you have like less should we say social power or capital you know what i mean it is almost that imbalance um and it's gonna be super hard to quantify that which is why it's like i can't be like this age is fine this age isn't because as you said like maturity

the different people all matter so it is kind of a clusterfuck of a question because like i think it's really say but i think it is something you need to be aware of that there are kind of like inherent power of being like older than someone and like if you're angling or leveraging that and being creepy and predatory, that's not okay. That's, I think that's the best way to put it. Like you make a very good point where I think if you're using your,

your inherent power of your age and your, your status that you've gained through age, if you're using that as a means to, uh, you know, can coerce someone into a relationship. I think that's when it becomes a problem. Like regardless of age, like you could literally be, you know, coerce someone into a relationship, I think that's when it becomes a problem. Like, regardless of age.

Like, you could literally be, you know, 21 and 18. And, like, if you have a driver's license or if you can buy alcohol, you know what I mean? Like, even though it's only a three-year thing, if you're using that sort of, like, you know, chess piece or that move to keep someone in a relationship with you or to instigate a relationship, I think that's more troubling. Like that I would find that way more problematic as like a 21 year old in the States buying you

know well that that's actually a good point because for me when you say 22 to 18 I'm from Ireland we're drinking ages 18 so there's no real difference yeah but like if this was America I could totally get why maybe people are looking at that and seeing, like, mm, because, like, if your boyfriend or your girlfriend is 22 and you're 18 and they're drinking, I very much doubt they're going to be like, no, no, you're 18, wait three years, which, like, coming from a place where drinking age is 18,

whatever, but, like, seeing that, it does seem kind of predatory. And let me just say that everyone in Ireland does wait until they're 18, legal drinking before they consume alcohol oh god yes we would never it is uh it's one of their national pride actually yeah we we stick really really rigidly to that um but yeah so there are a lot of things to consider but in general 22 to 18 that's good yeah you're all right all right we're ready yep 69 problems and 69 is one of them honestly there's not really much we can do more on the 69 thing i got like four questions they're all basically the same

yeah gee i wonder why everyone's struggling with 60 because it's a garbage thing to do this is two guys though but i think the advice still stands it's like i would imagine that's probably even harder oh i guess you're definitely imagine it's definitely harder. It's way harder. At least, like, again, with a vagina. Unless you're the exact same height and the exact same dick. Yeah. But even then. Like, I... Literally, the only advice I would say is, like, maybe try sideways, especially in this situation.

Absolutely. You know? There's no way I would ever want to be at the bottom of an old dude's 69. Or even the top. I don't know. Just sideways. Sorry, the top. That's what I mean. I don't want to be the top. Yeah. No. I don't know. Just sideways. Sorry, the top. That's what I mean.

I don't want to be the top. Yeah. No, I don't want to be any. I just don't want to be in a 69 with anyone ever. Just do it sideways. That's the only advice I can give. This is from Goat St. Pierre.

Last minute resistance? Oh, God. I hate this already. It's insane how many times I brought a girl back to a hotel or her place. I live with my parents. I didn't manage to close. Shocking.

This last time, I straight up asked the girl, Okay, since we're not going to see each other again, what was the problem? She claimed, I'm just not that kind of girl. I find it hard to believe. Is this really the case? Some girls really just won't have sex on the first date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what happens. Yeah. And Hey, Hey, let's, let me blow your mind here real quick. Let me, let me just shatter your world. Uh, they're allowed

to, that's, that's okay. Yeah. They have the right to do this. Yes. And also guess what second date and any date oh yeah and wedding night take that take that and even say eight date even though you're not eight sideways and then you've got an infinite sign yeah and that is how long women are allowed to not sleep with you yeah and probably will continue to judging by this post yeah uh even new year's eve cheers cheers uh yeah dude like i everything about this sucks yeah he's like wait but we won't see each other so what's like well i think that yeah i think his what's the problem i'm not gonna see him i'm not gonna see him again so i'm gonna ask them why they don't want oh yeah maybe i think that was the the intent who is like he's like oh i don't know to fuck. Oh, yeah, maybe. I think that was the intent. He's like, oh, I don't know.

He says he asked her since we're not going to see each other. What is the problem? Like, I just don't. Oh, the comments. You don't want the comments. I don't want the comments. Yeah, but like for any guy out there who doesn't know this, a lot of people won't sleep with you on the first date or the second or the third or whatever because there is no there is no like timeline for people you know what i mean

like people like anybody could be anytime it could be never it could be first date it could be you know like and as we talked about it's like that's okay consensus sliding scale in the sense that like it they could have invited you back to their place with the full intention of having sex with you they could have said hey let's go to mine and fuck yeah and then got there and then you've done something or you know something happens with them or like you know whatever there's no real it doesn't matter as well that's the thing we can come up with excuses that that yes becomes a no and that then it's a no yeah um and let me tell you i i don't know if i was a woman and i had brought a man back to my house with like the you know subtle intentions of sex and then for whatever reason changed my mind if i had if they were then like why aren't we gonna fuck i wouldn't in general

i would not give them an honest answer because that is the scariest like well i think it would be scary just to say it in general oh 100 like to after you have to clarify it like if someone doesn't accept that then you're already in scary territory yeah this thing if the second someone wants you to like qualify your consent that almost implies there's a way they can talk you out of it or like it doesn't matter why because the decision's been made yeah it's not like oh you're annoying well wait let me be not annoying for five minutes. And she's like, it did it. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It'd be one thing if, like, if they went their separate ways and she was like, I don't really want to see you again. You're like, well, you know, do you mind if I know? Like, do you mind filling me in on that? But, like, when it comes down to the issue of consent, there is that over, especially, like, as a man talking to a woman um there's that that like overbearing thing of being like well you need to justify this exactly and that's not how it works that's not how consent works that's not how quality works also guess what best way to not get laid ever is to be like wait why why won't you fuck me yeah why aren't you gonna sleep with me yeah you know i promise

you that she will never i imagine i, talk to you again after that. Yeah. Whereas if you were like, okay, cool. Guess what? Maybe next time. Because she's like, oh, this guy doesn't suck. And hey, maybe there won't be next time. And that's also okay.

Yeah. Because guess what? There's plenty of beef in the sea. There is plenty of beef out in the world. That's it. That's it. Yeah. I don't know.

The fact that someone can be like I don't believe this Is there girls that don't fuck On the first date Like The fact that you could say that With a straight face Also

Is insane There's like A pretty Heavy Like social zeitgeist Of Not sleeping with people On the first date

Yeah How have you not heard of it bud There's literally Like one of the most common things Is not kissing on the first date Yeah So if they not heard of it, bud? There's literally, like, one of the most common things is not kissing on the first date. So if they're not kissing, chances are they're not getting fucking, you know, balls deep with you. And it's like, this isn't a shocking revelation.

This has been something like, you know, in the social consciousness since like the 50s. Yeah. There were a lot of comments on this trying to basically cajole people or maneuver them into doing it after they've said this and i'm not going to read them out but i will say if that has ever crossed your mind fuck you yeah and coercion is not consent no no there is no like there is one comment that says repeat after me i only want to do what you're comfortable with yeah that works yeah so there you go i'm sure that's like like coming from a place of like again manipulation but here's the thing maybe maybe not even if

even if you are using it as a tactic it's still a good thing to say yeah it's still an honest thing to say say to to tell someone that like hey i'm on the same page as you if you don't want to if you don't want to sleep with me tonight that's fine it doesn't matter why you say it once you stick with it if you're like no i only want to do what you want to do and then proceed to be like let's just slip that top off this thing then you say it hoping that they'd be like oh he's actually a really nice guy if that's your intention it doesn't really matter if like you said like if yeah if you stick to it that's all the actions are yeah i will take people trying to use common decency as a

pickup tactic. Yeah. Regardless of intentions. I don't give a shit. If you're just going to be cool, fine. Anyway, just... Sorry. Saw it. Had to talk about it. That's fair. This comes from Reddit.

Not sure. 3, 2, 4, 2, 3, 8. Guys, does it bother you if a girlfriend's ex has nudes of her? I'm curious to hear honest thoughts from guys about this. Not the politically correct stuff, but how you actually feel. Does it bother you if you are dating a girl and find out her ex has nudes of her? Does it honestly bother you knowing that her ex can look at her naked whenever, can pleasure himself to pics, can show people, etc.? Deep down, is that something that annoys you or do you really not care about that that's a weird question man it's like you don't own your ex your girlfriend's body you don't own

her image here's the thing the fact that like she's had sex before yeah probably hey does it bother you that people can remember your naked girlfriend from when they had sex? Do you want a man in black, the image of your naked girlfriend from your ex? Like, what? Dude, like, if they're, like, if they are doing something irresponsible and inappropriate with the pictures that your girlfriend is upset about, sure, you can be upset about the pictures. If the girlfriend isn't upset about them having them you don't have the right to you like that's so fucked it's like oh just like i love that this person is sitting there imagining her ex masturbating to their pictures and being upset by it that's a really strange situation the only time i would i would be upset about that kind of thing would be,

yeah. If they started leaking the pictures or posting them online or something like that. And it's like, again, my girlfriend does burlesque. So there are plenty of pictures of her in little to no clothing available online.

But Dane has to go around men and blacking people all the time. Do you know how hard it is? She has a bunch of followers on Instagram. They're all me. I literally have to go on and block every new, and then I have to make an account that has a very similar username. And, like, it's just fucking exhausting. Guys, I have 10,000 Instagram accounts. Yeah, I just wish she would put in that much effort on our social media, but he's only made us 7,000.

I don't have time. But, like, the only time I would be upset. It's like, look, I'm not going to kid myself. I know someone's doing worse shit to those pictures. I know. She's a babe. I get it. No one.

Oh, wait. Like, are you talking about like real pictures from shows? Or are you talking about? Okay. Yeah. Like, like I know. But like. But at the same time, it's just like.

That's fine. That's just the nature of the world. It's like people, people going same time it's just like that's that's just the behind the nature of the world people people going creep that's cool yeah if if i found that there was like a group on facebook that was like sluts and they were like you know they were something negative i would i would have my i would have my issues with that but again it's not i don't have a problem with like the fact that the pictures exist i have a fact i have a problem with like how the pictures are being used um you know in a like real tangible public yeah mean spirited way yes like if someone was like blackmailing someone or like exactly posting them and like upsetting them sure yeah printing them out putting them at work and stuff

like that if they just might be touching themselves to it, like, it doesn't matter. They literally could remember and or get this, and I know this is going to upset the person who submitted this, there's a thing called imagination. Yeah. Someone out there might have never gotten

anything off them, might just imagine them and then still touch themselves. There might be a porn star that kind of like vaguely looks like your girlfriend's, you know,

lower two thirds and that might be enough for someone. And then you might have to dump them because you saw and you think they did a porn video when they were um that was a throwback to a different question in case you haven't listened find it because i don't remember what episode it was i think it was two weeks ago it was yeah christmas or new year's i don't remember we recorded two and one i don't know i just realized maybe we'll get some new listeners and they'll be listening they'll be, what the fuck are they talking about?

If at any point that's been the, yeah. If at any point we say anything really confusing, it's either a terrible joke by me or we're just harkening back to another question. Yep. Yeah. Like you don't, you don't have responsibility or ownership over that and it doesn't matter. How does it matter? How does that affect your life?

Again, the only other caveat I'll add to this is if she's sending those pictures while you're in a relationship. But that's a different, entirely different question. If she's sending pictures to her ex while you guys are together, yeah, you're allowed to be upset. That's pretty fucked up. Then that's dump them territory. Unless you've agreed and you're into it. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, one more? Yep. This is by Psychological Twist, but the twist're into it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. One more. Yep. This is by Psychological Twist. But the twist is a one. My 25-year-old male girlfriend, 24-year-old female, was dared to strip her bra off at a party. Should I be mad? My girlfriend went to a house party tonight with a couple of her friends.

I decided to stay home since I'm pretty introverted, have a hard time keeping up with her going out and drinking almost every weekend. Sometimes during the night, oh, sorry, sometime during the night, one of her friends she went with, let's call her Jenny,

let's, let's, dared to strip her bra off, still clothed as part of a drinking game or something. Shortly after, my GF texted me, oh no, Jenny dared me to strip my bra off.

I replied, well, why? Did you do it? And she replied, yeah, lol, I love you though, I'm sorry, I miss you. For some reason, that just infuriates me. Saying sorry means she knows I'd be uncomfortable about it, yet she still did it. Some backstory. Jenny has a boyfriend, but is also bisexual. She often asks other girls if she can kiss them when we're out at bars or clubs. This used to be an issue, since she'd ask my GF if she could kiss her, and my GF would usually agree, since she doesn't like saying no eventually i had to step in and tell her i wasn't comfortable with it and my gf hasn't

agreed to it since the whole bra thing is making me uncomfortable because one jenny dared her to take off her bra maybe that turns her on two i'm almost 100 sure there were guys at that party that enjoyed watching it they were both we're both pretty secure in our relationship and we usually don't get jealous at all i know she wouldn't cheat on me so am i just overthinking this edits oh they've been together two and a half years okay and she still had her top on and everything just took her bra off i you know what i kind of get i kind of get where he's coming from with the backstory of like this friend constantly hitting on his girlfriend like i get it and i can like if i don't know her intentions i don't know how devious she is i don't know like how much she's taking a bit like if the

girlfriend is drunk i don't know how much she's then taking advantage of her for her own amusement you know what i mean um i don't know necessarily if you have any like i don't think there's any reason to be upset at your girlfriend about it. I think if anything, you should like have a talk about boundaries with Jenny, you know what I mean? And be like, Hey, so like you're allowed to do things like there was no flesh exposed. It's not like she took her bra off and then let everyone, you know, have a turn at her hungers.

Um, but I think you can also be like hey so i'm not super comfortable with you taking parts of your clothing off in public um and that's not a way of being like you're not allowed to do it but if it makes you uncomfortable it's worth having a conversation about because it might just maybe she's like oh sorry i didn't think about it or well you know like i i might do it it might be a thing that I do and then discuss from there. So, yeah, so I think you're allowed to be uncomfortable. I think you should have a conversation about it. And I think you should really talk about this Jenny character

because she's, like, she's the thing I'm concerned about. So, firstly, I love how they're asking can I should I be but they are they're very clearly angry about this yeah like don't kid yourself um I also think like I don't know if they I I almost feel they don't have that much really to be annoyed about because one girlfriend openly told them so it's not like they're trying to hide it it's not like a sneaky whatever it's like you find pictures or like stories about it later yeah it's also not a big deal you know what i mean like unless they're you know even if like i i feel like it's a very typical and almost like tame party thing you know what i mean we're like yeah it's it's not like they were just like

yo you just gotta go ham on this guy's butt you know let me just go ham on his fucking ass crevice for like seven seconds straight you know like it's nothing overbearing like they told you about it uh and the fact that like they put in that like i'm worried guys there got turned on by it and that's why i'm annoyed like the action isn't happening but the fact that people peripherally might have been turned on by it is his problem roundabout it's almost like the question we just did where it's like the the fact the thought that another guy is like it's very like ownershipy and it's like being annoyed at them for something they can't really control like what if she took her fucking shoes off are you upset that someone there might have a foot fetish yeah you know i mean like is the the possibility of someone being

turned on the problem because they could be turned on by anything bud you know what i mean like it's that's a way of trying to rationalize your insecurity and like pin it on something yeah i find like i don't think it's very fair for them to possibly have inadvertently turned someone on you know that's your issue yeah and also like put yourself in their position you're playing a drinking game you're there to this thing that like by all all means, isn't exactly the most risque. It's like, do you really like it? There's a certain amount of pressure in there, which again, might be a Jenny problem where she knows this and is kind of like capitalizing on that.

But at the same time, it's like, if you were asked to do something similar, you'd probably want to not look like, you know, you don't want to be that person. No. It's like, take your shirt off. Yeah. And like, I don't know what you look like but if you're you know if you're jacked or whatever and you take your shirt off and like some girl gives you a you know gives you one of those even if you're not jacked your girlfriend finds you attractive so they find

you attractive when you take your top off you know what i mean so like it would you know it's one of those things where you might do it but even if you wouldn't you could probably assume why she might want you to not look you know you're playing those games it's very easy to want to not look like a loser also it's probably not a big deal for her because it's just a bra yeah there is no there's no skin exposed there's no sort of like sex act involved it's just a deaf little unclip and a wriggle and then it's out one sleeve and you know everyone has a drink and forgets about she. She feels like a badass and Jenny gets her rocks off. Yeah. Uh, still not.

Yeah. Maybe, maybe have a conversation because like, you know, you've already clearly had one and she seems to be pretty cool at sticking with it. So you might want to be like, Hey, I just, you know, maybe just ask if like things like this happen often. Cause if it's a once off again, it's a pretty standard thing I think to be thrown around. Like, cause it's exciting while still being super lame yeah you know it's which is the irony like this is a very lame thing to do no one's like oh shit a bra came off yeah you know

does this how old they are um actually yes uh 23 and 24 okay so this is like a college party you're old enough to like you're on the tail end of this even being a thing yeah so i don't know i feel like you need to think about why it's making you feel so insecure which is clearly like it's a protective thing like you don't want her to be seen as a sexual object power i say you know as sexual by other people but like it's gonna happen yeah i don't think she necessarily did anything wrong I don't think you should be annoyed at her at all. Yeah. Um,

maybe have a chat about Jenny, but again, it's like, it's pretty tame thing. If this was happening all the time, she was always like, take your fucking clothes off. Like no matter what they did.

Sure. It was just like a once off. Hey, you should take your bra off. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if you took your bra off right now? Bet you I can eat this breadstick. I did it.

Bra off. Now kiss me. Yeah. Once she's not pushing boundaries, because your girlfriend already seems to have been chill about you saying you weren't comfortable with the kissing. This comes from Reddit user Goat Babe. Thoughts on 69 position from experience. How can I, as a a female be a more active participant in sex my boyfriend complains that he always does all the work but he doesn't really enjoy cowgirl

i'm vocal moaning or i'm vocal moaning saying what i do and don't like but that's pretty much it other than that i do kind of just lay there as he's told me and i agree uh we're both relatively new at this so when i ask him what he wants me to do he just says I don't know we have a good healthy relationship even though he does all the work we both finish every time which is good still I would like to know what are some of the moves I can do to wow him

or have a little bit more control in bed you can do a lot of things you can tell him what to do you can be well she says she she says she says what she does and doesn't like yeah i mean i guess it's not as you know yeah like you can take control but still have them on top you know um you can like grab his balls you can like you know play with him while you're like fucking you know what i mean like you can grab

pull his hair and like kiss his neck and like be very involved instead of just like lying there you can also try different positions cowgirl is not the only one yeah you know what i mean doggy style you have you can you can you can fuck him you can grind back on him you can even do like reverse cowgirl for example you can get him to sit on the couch and like you know sit on his dick and like go up like that and it's it's kind of like a modification of cowgirl or reverse cowgirl but like there are a lot of things you can get him to sit and you can straddle him you can you know there's there are many things uh that you can do i think there's a time like if you actively do not like the positions in which you aren't doing all the work quote unquote you don't really get to complain about it either.

Yeah. Like, I think there's also a time and a place where like, you're not like, I've been with women who do too much. You know what I mean? Like when I've been on top, like in missionary, they'll like try to move. And it's like, just like you're, I appreciate your gusto. I appreciate the efforts you're putting in here, but like, this is not making it easier.

And I don't think either of us are enjoying it. So that's the thing. If you, if you're doing a certain range of motion, the only, like if they move towards you, then you're not getting out as much as you would want to. And if they move away,

then you're out entirely. It's like, sometimes you just need to. Yeah. I mean like there, there have been moments where I've had to been like, just, just take it easy.

Like just enjoy it. Um, so I think, I think you need to like sit down and talk and be like well if you if you're saying you don't like cowgirl and you're saying you want me to be more active but then when i ask you how and you're saying i don't know yeah well then like what the fuck am i supposed to do that doesn't help because like i'm i'm enjoying sex and i or sex and i love sex i love sex um and i'm and i'm being as engaged like i'm engaged during sex i'm talking to you i'm doing things if you don't know what you need then i can't give it

to you yeah so if if there's something else you want please let me know um and like try go again like i feel like we always say this but i think it's important i always try and approach this not in an aggressive way of course because people's insecurities about sex are gigantic and like i have them everyone has them you know what i mean like so always make sure you're not attacking yeah especially make sure you're not attacking them like coming out in a friendly way and like just be like hey you know like i would love some feedback from you so how about like you don't need to give it to me right now but like in a week like let's try something you know how about like, you don't need to give it to me right now, but like in a week, like let's try something,

you know, you troubleshoot why you don't like cowgirl. Yeah, exactly. Like, cause like, is it, is it a size thing?

Is it a position thing? Is it a fear thing? Yeah. Like, because if it's one of those, like if it's any of those things, are you grinding instead of bouncing? Are you bouncing instead of grinding?

Yeah. That's the thing, right? Like he might be terrified. He's going to slip out and smack that point in between where you die and your dick breaks maybe he's insecure because when he's fucking you maybe you have your eyes closed or maybe you're turned around whereas like when you're on the bottom and someone else is doing the work and they're looking down at you you have to do things with your face yeah and you do things with your hands and you have to yeah it's like just think about your stomach and your your body and all of a

sudden you're kind of the focus and it can be terrifying as a guy i don't know i've definitely had those moments where i'm like oh no like i'm being looked at yeah you know like that can happen i remember like back when i was having sex for the first time or like even not that close to the first time there are definitely insecurities and things that you probably haven't even considered that they have because you look at them and you find them very attractive. They look at themselves and they have a host of fucking things lining up to be like, hey, remember, this bit might suck, you know. So there's a million different ways. So like I would talk about it and maybe try it in the dark you know if if that's a thing maybe born together and like you know see if anything that happens yeah even though it is performative and even

though it is not you know the base the best thing to base it on but like you know just watching it together can be a fun like know that it's it's a you know a sexy activity and not research but like also some people do get very insecure about that as well. Yeah. So depending on your relationship. Do or don't. Yeah of course. Always talk about. Like don't just like.

Whip out the. Like you know. Throw it on the big screen or something. You know. And make sure you'll be cool. With it as well. But there's a bunch of things you can do. And it's.

It's all going to start. And we say it all the fucking time. It's all going to start with a conversation. Yeah. I will say like. A slightly less risky way of doing that. Would be look up sex positions yeah and be like you know find like a website that's like 200 of them and just click through and whenever you see one that catches your eye it doesn't even have to be one where you're in control whatever like if he sees one

he's like hell yeah like try them out make make it fun don't make it like an attack. I don't know if it still exists, but Pornhub had a literal section on their site. A section? A section that was specifically made for like healthy sex, like aerobic sex. And I imagine that those positions probably have, you know, like I can't imagine their like their exercise sex has one partner not doing anything true maybe uh maybe we could get our our old guest back on the the podcast and by guest i mean we read this question once the guy who's definitely not a virgin but does know all the kama sutra does know all the kama sutra which is why he's definitely not a virgin absolutely not so maybe he can uh throw some cool kama sutra. He does know all the Kama Sutra. Which is why he's definitely not a virgin. Absolutely not. So maybe he can,

uh, throw some cool Kama Sutra things your way. Yeah. So, yeah, I think, I think looking up, uh,

sex positions, maybe watching some porn together, definitely having a talk, why a cowgirl doesn't work for him. Um, and also about what he wants. Yeah. Cause you can't,

it's not, it shouldn't be you that has to do all the work when he's doing all the complaining. You know what I mean? Like, if you're going to complain about not, it shouldn't be you that has to do all the work when he's doing all the complaining. You know what I mean? Like, if you're going to complain about something, put forward an option. Yeah. You know, like, I'm hungry. Okay. What do you want to eat?

I don't know. Okay, cool. Well, I'm going to make this. No, I don't like that. Yeah, exactly. That's like, it's like, if you change this to any other situation, you would be like, what? Shut the fuck up.

But because it's sex and everyone's insecure, you're like, oh no, it's me. That's the problem. Yeah. So, you know, oh no, it's me that's the problem. Yeah. So, you know, and again, don't turn it into an attack. Don't tell him that way.

But just be like, even like if he doesn't have one, be like, cool, well, in a week, we'll try again. You come up with some ideas,

we'll workshop them. This will be fun. We get to get naked and adventurous together. Yeah. This will be great. And during sex is not the time

to have this conversation. I also want to say that. It's like having the, like being there and being like, well, you need to tell me what you want while he's fucking you know because you're just gonna ruin that sexual experience and then the next one is gonna have that hanging over yeah you're gonna just throw in trauma that's not gonna help anything in the future so good sex and then afterwards maybe even when you guys are clothed be like hey i remember you were saying the other day like i wasn't you know you

always do all the work and like i would love to you know contribute more but i don't know what you want so hit me up with some ideas or let's workshop sexy text also might be a good idea like when you guys are together fucking text him um yeah just to text someone else like hold on no like send him a text and just be like what do you want me to be if if i was there right now what would you want me to do to you right now? And that gives him time to think. That lets him like engage his fantasies. And also he's not necessarily thinking about it. So it's like less pressure.

He might actually be like, oh, why don't you do this? And that's what he genuinely wants. Okay. Because he's not actually thinking about it in real life. And then you're sexting, which is a fun thing you can do as a couple. And then you're also getting some like little insights that he might, know not really know how to express outside of that format maybe blindfold him tie him up and just give him a real long slow blow job and then when he's almost there cowgirl him to finish or almost to death don't don't cowgirl him to death i mean maybe cowgirl him to finish or

something and then like you're like getting him most of the way there and then you're like finishing off it's almost like a pavlovian response and he'll start to love it yeah or then you've done a lot of work anyway you can't tell you didn't do all the work when you did everything there yeah i'd love to know if this extends to like foreplay and stuff like is it literally just like he's hard she lies down they have sex like is there like is that the issue is he asking for more foreplay maybe it could be as well guys can be clumsy when they're talking about sex because we're not used to it yeah because i mean is it like is it just because we get hard fairly easily yeah usually so it's like are you just going is

he going down on her and then she's like oh please... Oh, please fuck me? Yeah. And then he fucks her and then he's like, well... Yeah, like, make him feel special. It doesn't have to always be sex sex. Like, PIV sex. Penis in vagina. What the cool kids say. Yeah. Yeah, just, like, be, like, cool.

Well, today you're not even going to touch me. You're going to sit down on that bed. You're not going to move. I'm going to fucking suck your dick. I think that's the first time I've ever been uncomfortable with you making eye contact with me. I think you've said that eight times. And I know you're lying every time. I know.

I'm rock hard right now. That's going to do it for us today, boys. I can't handle any more of this. And everyone in between. I'm saying boys as the gender neutral. Yeah, I know. I know. I just want to clarify.

This is for everybody. Yeah, everyone. This goes out to all y'all. DJ Khaled. Now we're sued. Now we're sued. I just felt like I needed to remix this. Do you know his real name is Bryan Cranston?

Yeah, he was great in Breaking Bad. It's true. Man, I would love to see DJ Khaled remix Breaking Bad where he is just- I like how you say remix. And then all of a sudden he's just in it yeah yeah that would be amazing who would be Jesse uh Vinny Pitbull oh god yes how could it not be Pitbull oh Mr. Worldwide I need you oop that came out uh yeah no that'd be amazing um and oop thank you very much for listening friends friends. This is episode 69.

It doesn't mean anything. It's not really... You shut your goddamn mouth. It means everything. Also, guys, we only have 1.5 months left. I know. We'll solve this. I think we're going to start...

Let's tear down all the things that we said were on the wall, and let's start working on our 69 draft. You know, we got six episodes. Holy shit, I just figured it out. It's like a spit roast. You get in this cage that's constantly spinning. So you're always in a state of... So you're on top, then on the bottom, then on the side.

Yeah. So it's not one of each. It's all of them. Yeah. Ah, shit, we didn't even need the 1.5 months. I know. Well, we call it... So instead of 69, it's just zero.

Because you're constantly spinning. It's called the spiral. Yeah. Or sixth roast, but you put a nine instead of the R. Oh. Like sixth nine or whatever the fuck that rapper guy's name is. I don't know. Also, has anyone watching the circle?

Hit me up, put your circle tweets. So good. Again, thank you for listening. It's been great. It's been a weird Monday afternoon session. It's been awesome. But I've had a good time. Nile has a great Batman shirt. Thank you. You have a very nice shirt on too oh thank you um he's the

most clothes we've worn in the closet it's 100 the most clothes we've ever worn so we're very warm actual outdoor boys yeah we could leave we could leave and go outside and not be shunned by society um if you have a question for us you can send it to us uh via a bunch of different things you can send us to uh you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. Niall's been tweeting a lot, so tweet him up, and he's going to tweet you back probably. I'm learning how to gif. If you want to send us an email, it's fbuddies at gmail.com.

No, it's fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can also find us online where we have a contact form at fbuddiespodcast.com. No, it's fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can also find us online where we have a contact form at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca. Hell yeah. Thank you, Josh Eagle

and the Harvard Cities for their song, Paper Stars. And now you're going to hit me with some sex writing. Yeah, that would probably be a thing I should have planned. Oh no.

So this is The Shape of Her by Rowan Somerville. You comfy? Mm-hmm. He grasped the side of her hips, pushed her away, and pulled her to him with a slap. Again and again, with more force and velocity. Tine pressed her face deeper into the cushion, grunting into the foam at each thrust. The wet friction of her, tight around him,

the sight of her open, stretched around him, the cleft of her body. It tore a climax out of him with a final lunge. Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too-blunt pin, he screwed himself into her. The fuck? Is it like the butterfly people who put the yeah so like a man putting a blunt pin through a tough insect hell yum that's what we all strive for sex to be like isn't it it's pretty much what i do i wonder if it's like a

competition to say the least sexy thing between a bunch of people like is it a thing writers are it's got to be like an unspoken thing to be like what is the most absurd way we can describe penetration i honestly think these people don't intend for it to be not read that i can't live in the world where that's truth because the the guardian sex awards that we often read from there some of them get so offended when they're fucking they win or are nominated and it's like well bud did you see what you read is dan still in absentia probably i don't know he's still he's still gone i would say i'm getting worried but i'm not i know it's i know it's a ploy yeah he does this to us all the time he gaslights us and caring about him you ready yep? Yep. Dan says, My ex-girlfriend finally talked to me after two months.

Now what? I don't know, Dan. We'll have to figure that out. I believe in you. I don't. He's like a dog chasing a car. He wouldn't know what to do if he caught it. Isn't that the Joker?

Is that it? I don't know. I don't know. It's fitting with your cool Batman shirt. Hell yeah. This has been your Batman-themed episode. You're Batboys. Just to clear that

That foul Dan taste out of her mouth I'm gonna hit you with a Pornhub comment Why is he in our mouth? Huh? Why is he in our mouth? Cause you said it You talked You spoke his words

That's true Um This one's a special one for this Titanbro69 Says Just figured I'd let everyone know That the boneless chicken wings from Sonic are actually really good.

The Hedgehog? I don't know. My name is Nate Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we are your fuck buddies. Happy Monday.