F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 71 - To Pee Or Not To Pee

Episode Date: February 3, 2020

Well, the big sports game is over and we barely talked about it.  What we did talk about is the pressing concerns you all have about dating and sex.  Topics include moving on and learning to trust again, getting your man to pee on you, songs to jam to, how to be a more sexual man, desperation detection recovery and learning how to apologize when you've done something wrong.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Al Spain And we are your fuck buddies We've got one more day, or one more episode Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Al Spain. And we are your fuck buddies.

We've got one more day. Or one more episode. Of Badgers? Yeah. You think we're gonna go back to whiskey? Mm-hmm. You think we're gonna go back? Oh God, yes, please. No, just tequila.

You get The Rock's tequila, maybe. The Rock the wrestler? Yes. No, I thought you were saying something completely different. You were like, tequila on The Rock. So I was like, I know you, Dane. You won't drink that shit. I want Dwayne the Rock Johnson's tequila.

Dane? Dwalk? Dane Dwalk. Dane Dwalk. Is that what I said? I know. God, this is a good start. Yeah.

Hey, who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl? Actually, it's already happened when this comes out. The 49ers or the Chiefs? I literally had to look that up because I didn't know. Thank you, because I didn't know either. But edit that out, make it seem like I do know. I'm going to go 49ers because that's a fair amount of points to score every game. And they do, that's why they're called that.

Yeah, they're also 20 points away from being the 69ers. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. So yeah, I feel like the Chiefs, it's hard for them because they're already 49 below when they start.'s true um also i'm not entirely sure if the chiefs aren't yeah i'm pretty sure it's super racist yeah um again i don't know what the origin of the 49ers are this is like hey it's it's america so i'm gonna guess both are yeah but which one's less racist yeah what are your predictions 49ers that's what you're saying? Yes, 49ers.

Wrong. It's still going to be the Patriots. Tom Brady's going to show up. He's killed everyone on one of the teams. Replace them. They're all wearing the Chiefs uniforms. One Tom Brady and 19 deflated footballs. All wearing uniforms. Well, see, he took the air out of

the footballs to fill up his inflatable teammates. That's where the air went. Yeah, and he's just fucking... No one ever checks inside the teammates. No, they're all just fucking dummies on remote-controlled drones and stuff that he doesn't even need. He just uses the drones to prop them up because he's a one-man army. Yeah.

I saw a roast the other day, and I think it was Peyton Manning or something. They were like, man man you're so good at whatever and they were like you're like the Tom Brady of like that thing cause you know like the best ever and he was just like that hurts it's pretty good yeah alright let's do this okay I'm gonna go first

this is a user submitted question this is a question that sent in to a good friend of the show Agent Freedom Eagle so my last relationship was from about 5 years ago she was only my second question oh shit um this is a question that sent into uh good friend of the show freedom agent freedom eagle so my last relationship was from about five years ago she was only my second girlfriend but it was my longest relationship lasting two years she eventually cheated and dumped me but that wasn't the worst thing for me i discovered she'd been sharing personal information about me with her circle of friends and others since the very beginning it evolved

into a huge mess that destroyed me physically and mentally these days i'm doing better but i do realize the experience has held me back from seriously getting into another relationship. I know there's a negative stereotype that women talk about everything with their friends, so I'm kind of stuck in between wanting to trust people and keeping my distance. What do you guys think of this? Are there certain things I should look out for?

Have you had any experiences like this? As always, thank you for your help. I don't know if I've had any experiences, like I definitely have been, you know, cheated on and dumped. And I've definitely had walls that are separating me from getting back into relationship like i feel like everybody whether they acknowledge it or not has those scars that they carry on from past relationships that hopefully only temporarily stop you from getting back into one but sometimes

some people never like i think it goes one way either you put up walls or you eliminate all you know what i mean you either like throw yourself into a relationship immediately and just like that that is your wall is that as long as you're in a relationship you're okay or yes you you end up putting up walls and then never want to be in a relationship again or like but some people like i think sometimes you have and i think it's healthy like i think the healthier way maybe is to have those walls but no you're not able to be in a relationship because of them and then when they come down or when you start to deal with them which obviously you're trying to do then you get into one i.e you're waiting until you're in a healthy space to be in a relationship which i think is the way to fucking do it like because you can't you can't avoid the harm right it's

happened like and it does happen uh happened to me like i went i went like a long time being single after my last relationship because like there were a lot of things like i wasn't ready for a relationship because of just the sheer bullshit that the end of it was and like the pain that i was in and like all the scars and whatever uh and then when i was i was but if i had done that too early i think it would have been really shit you know yeah you end up getting into the exactly what i did where i got into a relationship with someone before i was ready and then you're not 100 in you're like half committed you're you know what i mean like you're you're doing it because either you didn't want to lose them at the time you know i mean you were given that ultimatum of like well either we either we date or we're not going to hang out anymore.

And then you like end up getting into a relationship that you're just like, well, I'm there. And I don't want to like stop seeing you if my only option is to date you. I guess I'm dating you. And like, that's the worst fucking way to start a relationship. The way you phrased that sounded like you were, I was saying thing and you were like yeah so you got into a relationship oh no yeah it was funny i was wondering why you're so confused i was like waiting for you to like i was like when did that happen um so i think like that happens or people uh like my ex um they had been she was cheated on by her past partner um and i think unfortunately

like she never kind of dealt with the fallout of that so then when our relationship kind of like continued like as it went on she kind of like kept falling into this like worse and worse like almost like a complex where she was like everything was like a risk of being cheated on like she would get jealous about me hanging out with my guy friends who are her friends. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it was just this constant like jealousy cycle that just kept going, which was clearly she had never gotten over her past kind of like trauma in her relationship and had just

kind of like brought it in. So I think those are the two ways it goes, right? You either don't deal with it and you bring it to the next relationship or you have to try and get over it before you get into one yeah yeah or at least deal with it right and unfortunately i think it's there's like an ernest hemingway quote where it's like the only way to trust someone is to trust them like i don't really think there is i mean obviously if you're only red flags are like if you catch them lying or if you if they're not being completely honest with you that's that's a red flag but other than

that it's like yeah you just kind of have to do to do it and i think the best way to sort of re-acclimatize yourself to trusting is is relying on friends start developing um really really good friendships and then you at least then you know that like you've got someone you can trust and rely on and and once you start building because that's exactly what i did. I was at like rock bottom, um, after my last relationship. And then I started focusing more on friendships and focusing more on, um, cultivating this, like this sort of, uh, you know, society within my friend circle of people that I trust entirely. Um, and that was a hundred percent why I was able to then move on to, uh, romantic and sexual partnerships where I trusted them entirely. Um, and if you don't have sort of that like

foundation of like, okay, I know what trust is and I know what it is to be trusted. And I know what it is to, um, rely on someone a hundred percent and be like, I know that they're not fucking with me. Um, and if you don't have that foundation, you're either going to assume that everyone's got your back, which isn't unfortunately the case. There are people who will manipulate you. There are people who are going to lie to you and that sucks. Or you end up having that, yeah, what you were talking about with your ex, where you're constantly finding, cause like if you're looking for red flags to trust someone, they're so

easy to find. Yeah. You can literally be like, you know, you could be hanging out with someone and they can answer a text and that will spark, be like, well,

who are they texting? Yeah. You know what I mean? And then you'd be like, Oh, who are you texting? And then they can be like, Oh,

just my friend Steve. And they're like, you know what I mean? Like, it's so easy to spiral when you don't fully trust someone. So unfortunately, like I said, it's like the only way to do it is,

is to just sort of put your foot down and be like, if that person means enough to you, you trust them. Yeah. And that's the thing you do. You have to trust people. You also just have to, you know,

don't ignore red flags. Like I, I used to be the king of ignoring red flags. Uh, not anymore. Um, and also as you're saying, like if you have that base,

that foundation of friendship, like worst comes to worst. If you do meet someone and they are also as you're saying like if you have that base that foundation of friendship like worst comes to worst if you do meet someone and they are shitty you're not cast adrift you can turn to these people and you have this foundation that they're gonna be there for you right so like even if the worst does happen at least you do have this support system and these friends and like you know that's i think really comforting is like even if something bad happens you still have all these people that like are there for you yeah and hopefully they will then you know what i mean if they catch something if they got a whiff of well that's another thing

because you can be blinded by by by your feelings by infatuation by love by whatever but then if your friends meet them and they're like and you're like uh just letting you know it's like i'm getting vibes um because then like you trust your friends they have no reason to lie to you there's like if if you know that they want the best for you 100 of the time then you know that like they wouldn't be like hey we don't like your girlfriend because we're jealous or hey we don't like your girlfriend because whatever yeah um and i will i do want to stress here it's like don't be the kind of person that builds these friendships and as soon as you get a relationship, you forget about them. Like, the bonds you build when you're single with your friends and whoever they, I don't want to, this is like, I'm worried people are going to think that we're saying only have friends of like the same gender.

Oh God, no. Or whatever. It's like, but when I say friends, I mean everyone. Anyone who, and it doesn't also mean that they're not sexual or romantic like you can you can be friends with people that you have a sexual and romantic relationship with as well yeah um but when you when you get into another romantic partnership or an exclusive partnership monogamous partnership whatever um respect those bounds or bonds that you've built with those people prior to, because the whole reason you're in that relationship is because of them. Um, so don't be like, don't be like, well, their job is done. And also like, if it does turn out that you are in a shitty relationship,

like more often than not, it's like, you will stay in, like, you need to have the ability to leave, you know what I mean? And if you have jettisoned your friends to the side or whatever this person is kind of like your only person in your life it becomes so much harder to fucking leave that relationship yeah i mean that's why abusers they try and like distance you from your friends from your family they try and like put up these little roadblocks between everybody so you just have them so you can't leave that's the thing it's like i know if you know if something ever happened between me and amanda i i could text you at any night or any time of the night and be like hey i need to crash yeah and i and i know i there's you know three people that i know i could go and stay with just like at the drop of a hat and more than any literally anything like you

could call me and i know same for you i could call you and no matter what it is it would happen you know um and that's yeah so that that's an important thing i also think it's really important to notice that like this person sucked yeah like this person was a shit person you know like i'm not gonna you know i maybe i'm not gonna try and fucking come up with excuses or anything for this person because they did a shitty thing yeah and it's like that is really important to know is like it's not a you thing it's not you fault and it's also not common you know like as in not everybody sucks and this person did i think it's very important to realize that you know this isn't just kind of like it just happened this

person sucked yeah um i think that is really important to remember going forward like not everybody does suck and not also the whole like girls talk i don't really know like i i know a lot of people that don't really share and also i guess depends what personal information we're talking here but like yeah is it like i'm wondering like we're talking credit card information social security was it like a samson thing did you did she reveal your physical weakness i assume it was more of like uh sex stuff or like just like i i know like i've seen a million questions where it's like people like talking shit about their partner almost like oh my god like at home like they they don't do this or they do this or like

one time you know like just kind of like sharing intimate details that are like kind of like a cruel slant you know yeah um i don't understand why people do that but i've seen it definitely in or even just like like the amount of questions where they're just like oh this guy's like blah blah blah i wish they were more like x and it's like then why are you fucking dating them why are you bad mouthing this person to your yeah anyway so i've seen that so i'm guessing it's maybe something like that yeah also just because they say it doesn't mean it has any fucking merit. Right. Because this is a person who is going out of their way to share things they shouldn't have to cheat on you to be cruel.

Like, I just fuck this person. Don't fuck them. They had their chance. No more fucking. But I just think it is it is important just to remember, like, that was a really shit thing done by a shitty person. So and going forward, when you when you do finally meet someone that you're interested in and want to pursue something if those if you're still working through that kind of stuff hopefully by then you'll have a good grasp on it but like it's hard to say that like you get over everything you know i mean there's always going to be little little strings that

tug every now and then and there's no harm when the time is right when the relationship's developed enough to sort of be bring it up and be like, hey, just so you know, in my last relationship, I was cheated on. And I'm a little sensitive to that kind of stuff. Yeah. And it's not that you and someone cares about you, they'll do what they can to protect you from that or from feeling that. You know what I mean?

Even if it's just something along the lines of being like, hey, tonight I might be a little late. I'm going out with some friends and I'll text you every now and then. You know what I mean? And also, even if like, you know, if like then you're also kind of like pre-empting like if anything does kind of upset you or like if you get like a flashback to your old relationship at least

they'll know where it's coming from as well exactly like uh like fuck there's times where i get like messages and i feel like guilty because my ex used to be so aggressively like who is that why you text like you know and so i'd like get that little pang of like oh and i'm like one i never should have been but two i definitely shouldn't be now but like for me i'll be like oh look this person texted me and it's like this stupid thing i do to like offset this past kind of like aggression which is just so dumb but it's it's one of those things it's been how many years and it's still hard to shake right yeah so yeah it sucks i remember you mentioned one a while ago about like the playstation right where like oh yeah you would feel like guilty when like someone comes home because you're you know it's

so it's like we all have these fucking things it's just you need to recognize them and you know just try try to move past and again even if you don't because obviously there's parts of it that i still haven't moved past i know you know but like the fact that i know about them and the fact that i can deal with them and like recognize and see where they're coming from and like all those things are all really good signs i think yeah also take a beat like if someone does something and you're upset by it take a beat and be like am i upset at what this person did or am i upset about what something had done to me in the past? And this reminds me of it.

Yeah. Because if those are the if if they're doing two different things and it just sort of has like the flavor of betrayal because of your past experience, then you don't really get the right to be upset at that person. You're allowed to be upset, but you can't then project your anger at what happened onto the person that you're currently seeing. You have to sort of take that second, take that beat. Take it as its own thing and try not to flavor it. Why does this bother me? And if it's because of the actions that they're doing, that's fine. But if it's because of the actions of someone else that kind of reminds you of what they're doing.

Even if it's just influencing it a bit. Yeah. Then you need to like try and like take like yeah is this is this worth talking about or is this something that i kind of have to squash in my own head before i bring it up because that's like the root of all jealousy usually is like okay well do i need to decide if this is my issue or it's what they're doing not cool yeah and nine times out of ten it's it's your own issue yeah it's usually like oh no i'm insecure because of this reason and that's something that they either don't know of or don't have any responsibility over dealing with like it's not their job to to cater to me

and on top of this like you know it's like you've been through this and you've made it through and you are so much stronger than the when it happened first time right so aware of it i'm unaware of it that's the thing it's like bad things happen so we learn lessons so like if worst case scenario this does happen again or it starts to get to the point where it'll happen again it's like you fucking got this right you like worst case and this is literally the worst case you've fucking dealt with it before you're stronger you're capable and you probably also are more aware of the events leading up to yeah so you're like you're gonna be so much better at it even if worst case happens which i don't think it will yeah you know so like that's that's the the silver lining of all the the shit relationships we have is like they are what not

to do or how to not be in that situation in the future yeah you know that's why like if i you know i'm not going to go back and change any of my bad relationships because they made me like able to avoid shit now you know what i mean i mean i wouldn't be half as comfortable with my sexuality and my willing to like be flexible on on different subjects and and you know what i mean my my levels of trust my levels of jealousy like when i i never considered myself a jealous person but looking back like from where i am now looking back holy shit oh yeah i was so much a fucking mess like now um i can't remember what i was oh it you know anytime i mentioned that amanda's a burlesque dancer everyone's like well aren't you jealous that a bunch of guys are looking i was oh it you know anytime i mentioned that amanda's a burlesque dancer everyone's like well aren't you jealous that a bunch of guys are looking and it's like no i'm not at all one i have

no right like i have no dominion over what she does with her body so like fuck that yeah two it it has no like she's a performer she's performing i a damn good one yeah it's like i don't i don't care about that aspect of it you know if it goes to the point where like people are grabbing at her and touching her, again, I'm not jealous. Also, that would be a separate issue. That would be assault. That's the thing.

It's like then I'm concerned for her safety, and at no point in time does it ever cross into me being like, I don't want people looking at my girlfriend. I own your image. Yeah. It's so stupid. So yeah, you've got this. Just take it slow. Um, and build, build trusting bonds with the people that matter to you, um, outside of,

outside of, uh, you know, a romantic or, or dating experience. And, uh, just, just allow yourself to trust slowly one bit at a time. And eventually you'll realize that it's, it's not that hard to do. It's, it's just a little bit scary. And like, I guess this is little bit scary. And like, I guess this is a good thing, but like, you don't really have a choice as well because there, you can only really have trust in a relationship.

You know what I mean? You can't have trust. You can't whatever trust. So like kind of no matter what way you go into this, you do just have to trust, but we all do, you know, and trusting someone and being wrong is not a bad thing. And it's not your fault, you know? Yeah. So you just, you know, and trusting someone and being wrong is not a bad thing.

And it's not your fault, you know? Yeah. So you just, you know, unfortunately you got to do it, but like, hey. Yeah. I've always said that like getting in a relationship is allowing someone the power to hurt you and trusting that they won't. Yeah. All right. I think we've done that.

This comes from Reddit user Melodic Midnight. My man won't pee on me. I've been hooking up with this guy for a few years. When we first started dating, we were really hot for each other, and we were very adventurous and exploratory sexually with each other. One of the things we tried were golden showers, and we both loved it, but with a caveat. I liked giving and receiving while he only liked receiving.

We've carried on like that, and I make do with peeing on myself as best i can when he is in a route uh but it's nowhere near the same nor is fun and honestly it isn't doing my back any good i imagine i was okay uh i assume just upside down i assume so yes that's a lot of effort i know uh when we've talked about this he feels that peeing on me is disrespectful to me in some way even though i don't feel like it does for the same reason he doesn't come out my mouth or on my face i'm all about reciprocating in our relationship and if i'm doing something to him i believe he should also do it to me and vice versa so we are equals should i accept this as one deviation from the norm uh or try to nudge him into giving it another shot. One

sentence I have an issue with is the, like, you're not equal if one person doesn't like the other thing. Just because you do something for one person doesn't mean they have to do it for you. That's the thing. At all? If I was with a partner who was into anal sex, it doesn't

mean that she then has to fuck me in the ass it's like that's not how that works and also vice versa if you were like i don't mind getting fucked in the ass so i should be allowed to fuck you like no yeah that's so let's get that whole idea out of this conversation uh because that's no that is no it's not a it's not a tit for tat no situation because like consent is based on what you want to do. And that's that. It's not like, oh, but I do it to you, so, or you do it to me, so.

So just know. You're still equals once you equally respect each other's boundaries. Yeah, you can be cool with giving someone a blowjob and then not want them to go down on you. That's a thing you're allowed to do and that doesn't give someone the sort of you know power to be like veto your consent because you gave me a blow job so now i get to go down on you yeah yeah that's that's not the way it works although i do think like peripheral issue of relationships where guys won't go down on girls that is a different issue where i think you should go down your partner yes unless you have a massively valid but it's not but it's a difference that's the other way around where they don't want to do exactly yeah yeah so it's that's the only like peripheral issue i'd like to clarify but yeah

that's that's a wild claim and don't take that to heart anybody yeah um have you talked to him because if he feels that it's disrespectful and you're telling him that it is respectful or that you don't mind or whatever, then... And I assume you have talked to him. I assume so. Because, like, if that's how it came across. But maybe it's just... Maybe she never really hammered home the point that she doesn't mind. But if you've talked and he's still saying that, it might be a different reason.

And he's just saying that. You know what I mean? Or it might just be one of those things where like he just can't get on board with it like maybe like unfortunately like i don't know i mean physically yes would i be able to pee on amanda probably would i want to even if she was into it i don't know i don't even know if i could because i would have a boner i'd have to like sellotape them to the wall and like aim upwards and even then not easy to piss while you're erect yeah so like it would be it would be difficult i don't uh i don't know if i would like yeah i don't know i see i don't i don't get the appeal so for me if this question was we have never peed on each other and i want him to and he doesn't want to, it would make a lot more sense to me.

And I probably wouldn't have even gone with what I just went with. However, the fact that they used to do it and now he's changed his tune. Well, the thing is, he still likes being peed on. Yeah. But he doesn't like to be the peerer. He likes to be the PE. But does he still want to be the PE? Because they didn't really...

It sounds like it. They didn't really delve into it so i'm wondering if the peeing has ceased entirely or if either way i just feel like if if he says i feel like it well i guess he could still feel like it's disrespectful even if she feels like it isn't but yeah i mean i just don't see a lot of people who who are into like rough sex and bondage and like stuff like that. And as they grow more attached and fall in love with someone, they no longer are able to, you know, slap their partner or like spit in their face or call them dirty whores and stuff like that. And that might be troubling and problematic on the front end of things. Where it's like, what did you think of me

all those months, asshole? So it's like, I don't know. Maybe that's something that needs to be explored. But I really think, I think it's just bottom line where if someone doesn't want to do something,

regardless of the reason, and if this is a big deal for you, if this is a deal breaker for you, that's fine. It can go both ways. You know what I mean? If he doesn't want to do this and this is a big deal for you, if this is a deal breaker for you, that's fine. It can go both ways. You know what I mean? If he doesn't want to do this and this is something your sexual pleasure relies on, then it's fine to say, I'm sorry, this isn't working out.

I need this from you and you're not willing to give it to me. And I'm not going to force you to give it to me. But I'm also not going to punish myself. Exactly. But I'm not just going to lose out on something I love. Because if we take it away, like, you know, peeing on each other is a fairly, you know, far end fetish. If we just reduce this down to, again, oral sex.

Yeah. Or sex in general. If he was like, I really like getting blowjobs, but I'm just not into going down on you. Yeah. Then I think we wouldn't really have this conversation. You know what I mean? We would be like, then leave him. You know what I mean? And I don like, then leave him. You know what I mean?

And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. If he used to go down on her, but now isn't. But he never did. He never peed on her. He said he did. Nope. Yeah.

Um, one of the things we tried with golden showers and we both lived, loved it, but with a caveat, I like giving and receiving and he only liked receiving. Oh, so he never, Oh, sorry. I read that backwards. Yeah Oh, so he never, oh, sorry.

I read that backwards. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So yeah, sorry. He might've tried it once and been like, yeah, not for me. So, okay. Sorry.

I misheard. Uh, I need to pay more attention. Uh, so scratch everything I've said. No. Um, basically, yeah. He never wanted, it's always been your caveat. So why is an issue all of a sudden? Yeah.

That's also an unfair thing to do with a partner is if they, like, if you have had an outstanding rule, you can't just suddenly be like, now it's not okay anymore. Yeah. You know, if someone's clear enough about their boundaries, like, sure, you can clarify at some point. You can be like, hey, do you still want whatever? But like, kind of only once, you know what what i mean or at least once in a while i think you can also like you can agree to it and then after a certain amount of time i don't think there's anything wrong with being like sorry i

thought i could work with this oh yeah that's also fine but what i'm saying is you can't then be like i'm annoyed that we don't do it you know which kind of sounds like you're trying to do um you can definitely find out it's not working for you and you can definitely like you know which kind of sounds like you're trying to do um you can definitely find out it's not working for you and you can definitely like you know occasionally make sure you're still on the same page because like after a year or something whatever yeah i don't mean press them or badger them or try and like connive away in um but if they're not into it they're not into it that's fine yeah you know um so yeah i guess you just really gotta like you know again if you want to talk if you're worried if you want to let him know unequivocally that you don't find it

disrespectful by all means do, if he still finds it disrespectful to do, it doesn't really matter what you feel on the issue because that's, he's allowed his input as well. Right. And then you just got to figure out whether it's a deal breaker or not. Yeah. I think, I think you're, you're right. I think there's a conversation you can have where you'd be like, I understand that the mental block of, oh, peeing on someone is not an act of love. But in this case, I'm okay with it. And I know I'm very, very aware of the fact that you love me and that you respect me and that you doing this won't change that for me.

Because I think that's a big thing that a lot of people think that like, this won't change that for me um because i think that's a big thing that a lot of people think that like oh there's no going back from this it's like once i've done it i've done it and you might then think oh you know if he's willing to do that yeah um so like and that's and that's like sort of the tricky thing when you're exploring fetish and and especially ones that like are fairly new or or ones that you're not really into you know what i mean you might because like it might get to the point where if he starts taking it too far or something you might start thinking like oh maybe maybe he doesn't actually like love me or care about me like that's that's a big thing in sort of like the new fetish community or like people who are new to a fetish where they like the idea of it but then in practice of it

it scares them or or it goes too far or like they reveal and have like later on doubts yeah yeah so like by all means clarify your position but you don't have the right to force this person to do this no not at all um and it doesn't matter that you do it because you like it so and that that's just a blanket statement that's the thing you know by all means if you're not being sexually satisfied and that is the nature of this relationship then it's time to move on yeah so clarify your position actually have an honest chat but then talk to yourself and see how much it means to you is it a deal breaker if so move on if not you gotta let it go yep much like a p all right let's let's take it let's take it to light town

okay what's a good song for my boyfriend's jealous ex-girlfriend my 21 year old female boyfriend 24 year old ex-girlfriend 22 year old keeps making slants against me and i want to find a song that represents our situation so i can jam out she cheated on him and wanted him back after fucking up he doesn't want her in any way shape or form and doesn't care about her since she hurt him and he's like whatever but i'm feeling snide and bitchy and the best way to not cause drama is to find a song and jam out through that that's how i cope with everything personally i basically want a song that's good for you had him and you fucked up and now i have him immature yes do i care not particularly everyone can pull the immature card from time to time.

I mean, the obvious answer is Lizzo. Truth Hurts, man. Or Skater Girl. Skater Boy? Skater Boy. Oh, God. Yeah. Yes.

I mean, yeah. Right? That is pretty much the... I think that's a good one. Lizzo, of course. Yeah, I mean, mean truth hurts is like or any liz elliott you're gonna this is the jam out to that you're gonna feel all right um i don't know you can't really jam out to it but fucking rootless tree by damien rice the chorus is just

fuck you it's great it's fair well people equal shit by slipknot um it's a great song leave by glenn hansard again these are sort of you know a little bit more emotional jesus dang she wants to jam out man i jammed out so hard uh those were those are my breakup songs kelly clarkson she's gotta have one um right what's her big one since you've been gone is that kelly clarkson i don't know no and that's the opposite i guess unless it's like since you've been gone like the x since you got out of the picture uh misery business paramour see i i don't know i can't remember like yes that's a although i think that's kind of more yeah no yeah it kind of works yeah right it's like they're

they're shitty and then they finally get single and you get with them and then they kind of works. Yeah. Right? It's like they're shitty and then they finally get single and then you get with them and then they kind of want the back, but you're like, too late. I'm in the business of misery. I'm second from the top. She's got a body like an hourglass. It's ticking like a clock. Yeah. Hourglasses don't tick.

Fuck, I thought we'd get more legs with this. We got to get another one. I'm sorry. Jam to Lizzo, I guess. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Lizzo, skater boy, little Avril Lavigne. I just thought this was really funny that this person was like, it's just such a weird roundabout. Like, I don't want to get involved.

So I'm just going to dance out my feelings. And you know what? The world would be better. Yeah. I mean, if instead of being shitty to each other, we just find a song that speaks to us and just fucking work it out through that. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm on board

with it this comes from a reddit user you are strong thank you how can a man be perceived as more sexual i've had girlfriends have an answer sweatpants and a polo i've had some girlfriends telling me i'm good looking and fun and that the reason i don't have more success in dating is because i give off a friendly buddy vibe, which doesn't create sexual attraction. How should one act to change this and have a higher sexual vibe? Wink. Constantly. Just non-stop winking.

Just everything you say, like, oh, hey, how's your weekend? Yeah. Bite your lower lip. Mm-hmm. Constantly. Yeah, just... So they're like, hey, how are you doing?

Yeah. Just remove, like, the one bottom part just from too much chewing. Yeah. Also just thrust constantly. Oh, hell yeah. doing yeah just remove like the one bottom part just from too much chewing yeah um also just thrust constantly oh hell yeah if always carry like a like a you know something a half foot a half foot like box that you can just put down just put one leg up on oh yeah i mean um also sweats and a polo obviously uh maybe just pre-oil yourself so you glisten like constantly. Yeah.

Try to like only go outside when it's raining so that when you come in, you're like just dripping wet and your shirt's just like. Yeah, you're only wearing white so it just sticks and they can, you know. Yeah. Maybe like store a bunch of like bees. Not where I was going. I was going to say flowers. I mean,

you were on the right. Yeah. You know what I mean? So just every now and then you could just like get the bees. Yeah. Or learn the entire bee movie. Yes. Um,

no run through like common, uh, like transportation, like airports, bus stations with like flowers. Oh shit. And just like, just run in all flustered and look around and just like, as a bus is leaving,

just like. Damn it. Yeah. Extra points if it's also still raining. Yes. Oh hell yes. You need to move to Ireland where it rains all the time. That's why we're all so sexual. It's just because we're constantly damp.

Fuck. I think we just nailed that. Like I'm not even going to keep going with that um to give actual advice bees i think what the problem is with with this sort of like mentality is it's usually you aren't taking your shot when you have it yeah you know what i mean i think it comes from a place of like fear yes so you you want to accepted and you want to be probably not seen as creepy. So you, you try to, you try to like get, get involved and get, um, get close to these people. But then like when you, when you would normally have asked them out on a date, you're like, Oh, but should I? And then you don't. And you leave it too long where like any attraction that you might've built up sort of fades away to like a platonic respect or whatever when you don't take those chances you're giving the message that you're not interested yeah that you're not sexually interested in them yeah so then like it's not that you're not sexual it's that you're not interested

yeah right because like why would you why would you then treat someone who's made no effort to show any sort of attraction to you yeah to treat them as a sexual option. Yeah, because then that would be shitty on their behalf if how they're reading it was correct. Exactly. Because if you're not into it and they're like, hey... What you're actively trying to avoid by being friendly is you don't want to treat every woman that you meet

as a sexual partner or like a sexual prospect. So they're just reciprocating that yeah you know that's that's great like i think it's better to be on this side of things than the opposite side of things where you're just a creepy piece of shit but i'm worried that trying to be more sexual is going to be you're going to be given all this bullshit advice yes that's going to make you well you know The exact opposite of what the first suggestion was. Drive by real slowly while you're tipsy in your car, blaring tunes. And yell at her at the window.

No, unfortunately. Good. It's touch them. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can be, you can exude sexual attraction without ever touching anyone. And I want that to be very clear that touching does not equal attraction. You can, I would say that like almost every woman that I've ever been in an attraction with is like the first time I touch them is either dancing with them with consent or the first time we kiss.

Yeah, that's the thing. Like if you're touching, like unless there's some reason for it, like you're pretty much there. Yeah. You should be anyway otherwise it's like like a hug yeah it's like the hug at the beginning of the date but like if you're talking to someone make sure you you make sure you touch them during the date so you eliminate that physical barrier it's like i don't think unless it's like a high five or you know a reason to actually physically touch them i don't think i ever like held their hand or put my hand on their knee it's like no at the end of the, I would either go for the kiss or the hug or, you know what I mean?

Like that was when I broke the physical barrier. There are times and places, but usually by the time you're touching, you are at the point where you can kiss. Yeah. And if you're trying to touch them to get to the point where you can kiss, you're probably going to drive them real far away because they're like oh god this guy's touching me and it's like that gives that like what do you do then you just sit there and like let them keep doing or do you shrug it off at which point you're gonna read that as fuck no and maybe it could have been a yes but it's already just gone down in flames yes however don't also be terrified to touch someone when the time comes which is probably you know so just don't listen to pro i I think you just got to be aware that when your shot comes, you can take it.

Yeah. And like be confident. Like I think confidence is the thing. If people are having fun with you and if people are hanging out with you, then there's no harm in being like, hey, would you like to go grab drinks with me one night? Yeah. You know what I mean? And even if they think it is a friendly boy, girl, just two on a date like then just enjoy that time yeah and then at the end of

the night maybe try to go for the kiss but also like most people if it's a one-on-one let's go for drinks we don't really know each other that well yeah they know what that implies right yeah it's not and if you've been friends for you know a considerable amount of time like maybe a semester or whatever there's no harm in just saying like hey would you like to go on a date with me you know what i mean like make it clear even just if you guys don't hang out one-on-one go out one-on-one and see how it goes yeah because like you know even you can always just be like hey like i had a really good time like and like be like oh maybe we should go on like a date or like just be like like bring it up be

confident yeah because you're hanging out with a group yeah and everyone goes around you know what i mean like maybe after school or whatever you all went out for some food there's no harm like as everyone's splitting up be like hey do you want to go grab another drink yeah and then then boom like you're already hanging out the the pressure is so low but you can then can like transition that into a date yeah i think like the over not overly nice i guess because it means like you're you're smothering these chances to take shots with more niceness yeah uh the only way to be more sexual is to be a little bit more confident yeah you know what i mean and like not be afraid to to do And again, once, which I assume will be fine for you because you have this mindset of being a nice person.

Like you're not going to be creepy unless that is just a defense. Cause you're so creepy inside that you have to be so nice. And you're just like, the second you let your guard down, you're like, let me suck them tits. Yeah. Uh,

like just, you should be fine. And that's the thing there is no secret and i think i would probably die if i read those comments but like if you just be a little bit more confident don't be afraid to to take a shot yes and that's the only intention is the way you are more sexual yeah it's not about saying overtly sexual things or touching them or trying to like exude yeah or like sexuality jokes or like grab your crotch every 10 minutes or anything. It's like you just like the only problem right now is the only thing you're giving out is friend vibes, which are by dint of being the only literal thing are put downs every time these chances come up and you don't take them.

Yeah. What to do if girl feels your desperation by captain cap cs go one okay so i was meeting a girl i think she was interested in me we met like eight nine times only two of us nowadays she started ignoring me so i desperately unfollowed her on insta but then i got there was a desperate move so talked to her she eventually followed me back but thinks she got my desperation then asked her two three times out she said she had personal reason spoke to her how i felt when we met good she said still i have her reasons now she ignoring Jesus Christ. What to do if girl feels her desperation? I mean, I don't have nearly enough information.

Like, if you've met up with them, like, I'm assuming eight or nine dates. That sounds like a lot. And then you didn't do anything? Like, have you made out? Have you kissed? Have you had sex? Like, I don't... Like, if you just went on eight or nine dates and you literally just, like, nod and walk away at the end of it,

it's like, yeah, I would have fucking given up on that, too. Just be like, what is is this this is nothing but also like desperately unfollowing them when you i mean that also doesn't make any sense and then going back and like it's one of those things where like if it's working it's working if it's not it's not for me it's like if like it doesn't even make sense to me to unfollow someone shows disinterest. Exactly. It doesn't show desperation. I'm not like, oh, damn, this guy's desperate for me. I'm like, oh, he's fucking done with me. But then to refollow and message him like three times.

Like, if someone's not meeting up with you, give it once. Like, ask them once, ask them twice. And then if it's another one, just fucking stop. And if they want to, they will ask you. That's the thing. And if they don't, then cool. You can move on and not harass someone. that's a pretty good option yeah um and that should just be like a blanket rule like give the fuck up like it's you're not doing anybody including yourself any favors by harassing someone who doesn't want to meet up with you

no you know for whatever reason which they're allowed to um if someone starts ignoring you or not replying or not wanting to meet up cool move on if they want to they will that 40 second text isn't going to be like you know the 41 messages yeah fuck that but you know what you know what now you're showing some gumption yeah now you're showing a little bit of perseverance and that and if you do get a pity date out of 42 messages it's gonna suck and it doesn't count I don't think there's a single

fucking sane person in the world if it did like God you know no here's the thing if after 42 messages someone agrees

you're fucked yeah you're cause that person is gonna murder you probably because the only person who would see 42 unread messages

or like not responded to messages and be like yeah now if someone messes me 42 times i might kill them yeah it's like i like that person is a sociopath yeah so it's a simple one just like if someone don't be desperate how about that you know what i mean yeah just fucking let people live man if they're not interested and interested if you stop contacting when they contact you Maybe they are interested if you stop and they stop guess what they weren't interested. Yeah, it's win-win Mm-hmm, cuz you're out of that situation. Anyway, you get it. I Don't think he does this come from reddit user Jan the wisdom

Did I 25 year old female overreact to a guy-old male, holding me down when I asked to leave? I've read this one. I don't have a lot of experience with sex and or relationships. I found this guy online. He seemed really sweet. However, when we were making out, he did some stuff and I wasn't comfortable. For instance, he choked me lightly without asking me first. And when I asked to leave before sex, he held me down in a sort of playful way, question mark, and said, okay, you can leave now. I tried to get out, but couldn't.

Eventually, he let me go. In the moment, it was a bit fun, but later I realized it could be problematic. I sent him a text saying I didn't want to meet up with him because of these things, and he got pretty mad. He said that I made him feel like a piece of shit. I was just trying to make him understand where i was coming from was i too harsh should i have had a conversation before telling him um should i have had a conversation before without telling him i didn't want to see him again but i really don't want to see him again well don't see him again uh one secondly it's all bad but for him to get angry when you point it out and flip it around

so he's the victim. Yeah. Probably, that like, just completely paints everything else in an even worse light. You know what I mean? If he had been like, oh shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize, blah, blah, blah, blah. That'd be one thing. I'd still think there are red flags there for sure. Yes.

But when he can't even see where you're coming from and then aggressively flips it around and he's the victim all of a sudden that's not good yeah no that's the thing it's like we can make mistakes like it's it's tough to to navigate stuff especially in like situations in first dates and stuff like that um hopefully you communicated that you weren't into the choking thing and he backed off you know i mean hopefully that was what happened um and like and like it seems even the fact that was like oh it was fun at the time it's like that's the thing he's doing something and you seem like you're enjoying it like it's and you were even admitting that you were enjoying you know like it's it's tough because

like i've read your non-verbal cues are important especially when you're when you're doing that kind of stuff so like he might have just been doing it playfully with all intention to let you go you know what i mean like obviously he wasn't there or even like kidnap you whenever something happened if like he like maybe whatever he was doing like he saw you're enjoying it so he kept kind of doing it you know and like again, I don't think anybody holding someone down before sex when they say they want to go is good. But, like, at the same time, you are, like, you know, I don't want this to sound victim-blaming or whatever. I know, I know. It's tough. But, like, you do read cues from your partner.

So if you were, like, giggling away and you guys were, were like having a little fun wrestling moment or whatever but later on you were like oh like it wasn't bad in and of itself but it is maybe indicative of something worse and that's why you chose to talk about blah blah and he was like oh i'm so sorry maybe maybe they'd like to stand on because he could be like i'm sorry i thought you're enjoying it and you'd be like well i kind of was like but like in future and you could talk about and set boundaries that would be exactly an entirely different situation doesn't mean there aren't any red flags doesn't mean there isn't something to be aware of in the future but it would definitely be a lot better of an outlook this however is shit yeah and like i'm i'm also worried that like him being like oh i feel like shit now or like this is making me feel like shit is just his guilt or just like the fact that generally we as men don't have the like emotional experience to as like a collective.

There hasn't been a whole lot of talking about being like, it's OK to admit that we fucked up. You know what I mean? So like I'm worried that like that was his version of an apology and it's so fucking tainted with layers of like just bullshit socialization that like if he was just a little smarter or if had you know a little bit more emotional intelligence he could have been saying what you said maybe and it could have actually resulted in a much better relationship or even like a continued relationship you know what i mean because like like you said if he said like shit i'm really sorry i was picking up the vibes that you were you were enjoying it at the time yeah if you if i picked up the fact that you didn't enjoy it i would have stopped immediately

i'm really sorry yeah i guess you do raise a good point like he might have wanted to say that but like it is pretty like if you thought you were doing something that was okay and they were enjoying which like i guess arguably they were to a degree uh and then to be told all of a sudden like hey i thought you were holding me down before sex and wouldn't let me go like it's a very shitty thing to hear uh and i wouldn't i would say like i would say oh that makes me feel like shit too you know what i mean yeah and like this is this is a conversation that's happening over text too so it's hard like again we don't know what's actually being said and what he's saying so i also completely understand why she didn't want to meet up with that conversation either right yeah

no by all means i'm just worried that like it's it's easy to read anger quickly. You know what I mean? So, like, I wish... My point here is I want to teach men to express their regret. Emotions. And, yeah, and their apologetic... If you do something and someone makes you feel like shit and that's because you know that what you did is shitty, then don't phrase it in a way that makes it about you.

You know what I mean? That's like, that was going to be my advice. Like, if this was meant to be an actual apology because it doesn't read like one. Yeah. Like, it's not, if you, something like that happens, like, you can say I feel really bad. Yeah. Not you're making me feel like a piece of shit. Yeah.

Because that's like accusatory, right? Yeah, that's why I said's why i said that weird accusatory it's like now it's my actions or the way you feel about my actions make me feel bad i hate when people say that if you're having oh now you're making me feel like a bitch and you're like because i told you what you did or like you told me what i did i'm not gonna be like oh you're making me feel like a piece of shit you make me sound like an asshole it's like you're just saying what I did. I'm not going to be like, oh, you're making me feel like a piece of shit. You make me sound like an asshole. It's like, you're just saying what I did. So yeah, like don't make it about you. If you're honestly, genuinely like apologetic or whatever, like say that.

Understand, like take a moment and like think about things from their perspective, but don't flip it around and make yourself the victim. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Understand that like you are not under attack here um like what you've done has caused someone pain or distress or upset them or even just like a second a thought a second thought like in this the i you know it seems like they had they were

hesitant more so than like aggressive or like distraught right yeah so it's like it's even less reason for them to to be this kind of like like what's the word i'm looking for like retaliatory almost you know what i mean like you don't need to you could have probably had a proper conversation but hopefully this person will now have it in their mind for the next time but advice is definitely like if you are sorry about something apologize never try and flip around so that you're the victim. Yeah. And not that it's your job to educate people, but if someone, if you tell someone to be

like, Hey, I'm sorry, I don't want to see you because of these things. And someone says, Oh, that makes me feel like shit. Then you can definitely be like, okay, well, you know, going forward, uh, understand that that's a scary thing for women. You know what I mean? like okay well you know going forward uh understand that that's a scary thing for women you know i mean so that like they now have it in their mind that like this behavior equals not seeing people again you know what i mean um as opposed to i don't know like this manifesting in a way that like now he hates women or like you know what i mean like well i would hope they get from context clues that that is why, you know. Yeah.

And if, unfortunately, I don't know if you can really do much to stop this person from hating people if they are so inclined. I know. Which sucks. But, yeah, I just, like, for all the guys listening, don't be so quick to be, like, to fire things up, right? You don't have to take it personally. You don't be so quick to be like to fire things up right you don't have to take it personally you don't have to whatever you can be honest and you know maybe you will never see this person again but they're also not gonna be like this guy kind of sucks yeah because this would be an entirely different conversation if they've been like oh my god i'm really sorry um like and whatever again i'm not saying it would absolve them of all these things because

you never really know what's what's going on here but like it would be a fuck ton better yeah if you show a little bit of empathy be like shit i'm sorry i didn't see it that way and also also guys please understand that on first dates we're kind of in general or just in general just just understand that like the actions you have hold much more much more significant so what's a playful like pinning isn't playful for women or for a lot of women like unless you've already a lot of people if you've if you've already established that kind of relationship that's fine if you guys are into holding each other down if that's if that's established cool if there's consent cool yeah but if your first interaction with someone is going back to their house and them not

letting you leave, you have to understand that's fucking terrifying. Yeah. Um, and that is, that is sort of like nightmare. That is what women fear about going back to people's houses. You know what I mean? Like that, that is what, what a lot of women, that's the reason why a lot of women don't go back to people's houses. You know what I mean?

It's like specifically for those things. Yeah. So please understand that like what might be fun and friendly and cool and like might be a game for you is, you know, she probably was like, oh, I'm going to die here. Yeah. Or I'm like something bad is going to happen here. Not a fun fucking thought. Yeah.

Like, oh, this person might literally be about to fucking kill me or do something else. Yeah. Like, and if you can't understand how some of your actions come across like that you really need to take a minute and think about it and actually fucking put yourself in their position or talk to your female friends and then listen to what they say it's fucking ignorant and dumb like literally just for one second imagine it if the tables returned. Yeah. You know? And here's the thing. Like, I think it's really important to, if this happened and you're like, well, this is unfair, bring it up to a female friend. You know what I mean?

And if you don't want to, that's your fucking answer. Yeah. If you are willing to then go to a female friend and be like, hey, this is what happened. Like, where do you stand on the situation? Then listen. Listen to what they say. Because chances are they're going to explain what we just explained and how fucking scary that situation was probably for her. And if they don't, they're wrong.

Yeah. I mean, like, preface it would be like, hey, I want your full honesty. Yeah. And it's like, just because you're a girl doesn't mean you don't have toxic views. No, absolutely. Just prefacing that. Because I've heard some fucking wild bullshit, you know? But in general, yes, you'll be fine.

Yes. I just want, like, the women aren't making this stuff up. You know what I mean? Their fears are genuine and the reasons they have them are genuine and the reasons that people get fucking triggered by this kind of stuff is all genuine. Yes. So, like, listen to the women in your life listen to the women that you encounter or who reflect um your behavior back at you you know

just watch the news for like a day or two and be like oh wow look at all that fucking murder and then be like yeah cool i get it like it's not rocket science google like camp rape statistics and then like there's your answer. That is Camp? Sorry I meant campus. Oh. Yeah or just fucking Google like the likelihood of

like the highest killer of women is men. The highest killer of men is heart attacks. So there you go. Well that's a fun ending for our podcast. Imagine if your heart seized up suddenly and like stopped beating and you had a massive pain in your left arm and chest and then that's probably still not as terrifying as what they're feeling so imagine every time you went on a date your heart failed for a second yeah

how would you fucking feel and that's not even the same shit because your heart just kind of can happen there's like someone twice your fucking weight who's probably an asshole on top of you. So I'm just saying. Yeah. Anyway. This is the fun ending of our podcast. Yeah, Jesus. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you, Freedom Eagle, for sending in another question and trusting us with your concerns and your questions.

If you have a question and you would like it answered, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com fck buddies podcast you can shoot us a message on twitter at fck underscore buddies or you can find us online uh at fck or fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca or you can send us an email at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com thank you josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars and uh can you get comfortable or are you too sore from the gym? Oh my god, I can try. Fuck me. Yeah, I didn't mention it, but I did my first boxing circuit since I started training again, and I hurt. I hurt so much. Yeah, we're being fit boys again.

I can pretty much go back to climbing a little bit. My finger is functional again, kind of. This is Starcrossed by a a gill I pull my dress off and I'm naked he reaches down and roughly grabs me between the legs I can feel his long bony finger slip inside me his thumb slides into the crack of my bottom and lifts me like a bowling ball a six-pack like I was light as a feather. So is he behind her? Because that's the only way that would work.

Uh, I can only assume. But you never know. Because like, finger, thumb. Unless he's like, he must be reaching around her, maybe? You can never know. Nothing sexier than feeling like you're a bowling ball. Uh, wrong. Feeling like a six pack. It's true. guess i'm dan i don't know what do you think is he back nope we go into this one

because it's uh it makes sense considering one of our questions earlier dan says ex-girlfriend keeps blocking and unblocking me so maybe it's a move guys maybe it is a move, guys. Maybe it is a move. Yeah. And to finish this out, I'm going to dive into Pornhub and find us a comment. And this comes from Spidey7, the 70th. Is it illegal to have a 12-inch dick? Because that's the only crime I've committed. My name is Dave Miller. And my name is Nell Spain. And we are your fuck buddies.

Look at this.