F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 76 - Saloon-Style Semen Spittoon

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Oh boy, have we done it this week.  If you like your episodes filthy with a healthy dose of ranting and tangents, you're in for a treat.  But, listen, y'all.  We got plans, so we're going to make this quick.  Topics include addressing racist behaviour, dates making escape plans, a hook-up culture discussion, pre-dump warning, non-stop orgasming, letting romantic comedies ruin your life.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is David Lee. And I'm Miles Payne. And we are your fuck buddies. And this is going to be a podcast in a hurry, because we have plans.

Can I just talk about something real quick? Real quick, right? So I have to go on to Pornhub. As you know, we end the episode. Yeah, you have to, Dan. This is going to be our episode on porn addiction. And you go through, I go through videos. I usually try to find like the the most popular

ones because they tend to have the most comments um or if it's like a particularly funny title i'll go into it um can we just stop having sex with our step siblings like literally every porn now is like fucking step sister better than your real sister i mean i guess but like it's still fucking weird like what happened to just good old-fashioned pizza delivery guys and fucking nurses and maids but didn't you realize that the facebook delivery guy was facebook facebook delivery guy yeah well i got confused because what i was gonna segue into which is did you know facebook now is a dating app? It launched today.

No. Yeah, so you can now click on your tabs and go down to Facebook dating. Don't know what the fuck that is, but. I wonder if it lets people who are tagged in a relationship to do this. Probably. Facebook don't have morals. Have you met Mark Zuckerberg? Have you seen the movie where he sells his friend to alligators?

Yeah. Wait, does that happen? No, he fucks his friend over. I'm pretty sure he gets eaten. I don't sells his friend to alligators? Yeah. Wait, does that happen? No, he fucks his friend over. I'm pretty sure he gets eaten. I don't know. Justin Timberlake? Yeah. Doesn't he make people eat him?

I'm pretty sure, yes. I'm pretty sure Mark Zuckerberg. Beavers, because he made a timber. And he's in luck. Mark Zuckerberg does. Yeah. Most of that movie is him just literally eating Justin Timberlake. He's not a cannibal, but he does facilitate it quite often. Yeah.

I was going to read in on the Facebook dating, but we are currently in the middle of the podcast, so maybe I shouldn't. Probably not. So maybe next week we'll have an update on that. I don't know. But also, do you remember the thing we did, the Tinder swipe night? Yeah, swipe night.

Season two. I know they're doing it again. Yeah, my friend's still doing it. So good job. Well, sorry, Amanda. Breaking up with you for this oh man we should put our podcast on it we should we'll be the best people to swipe yeah we know what's up yeah we'll throw everybody to the end of the line safely from the zombies i was gonna say we'll throw

them to the zombies there's like that'd be terrible i mean except for that one person who's also throwing people to the zombies and then we're a perfect match. Isn't that the whole point of it? That's true, I guess. All right, let's do this. Let's kick right in. Now, give me like a palette of your questions because I have one that's... I have like 70 questions. Well, the one I prepare enough questions for the show.

Well, I'm sorry that I'm better than you. So one is very heavy, but I think it's an interesting question. So if you have a bunch of heavy questions, we could do that. We can just make it about that. Or we can get it out of the way. Pretty sure I don't have any majorly heavy questions. Okay. So maybe we should start with it.

I don't know, guys. What do you think? Let's start with it. Wait, wait, wait. I want to hear what they think. Yeah, they want it to start heavy and then lighten out towards the end. Okay, cool. Because they don't like finishing with a sad face on.

I know. Okay, so this is a Reddit throwaway account. It is a 33-year-old female and a 31-year-old male. I found a text message of my husband calling our adopted daughter the N-word. I don't know where to go from here. This has really been causing me some inner turmoil so i thought i could use some advice for background my husband and i both are white but we adopted an african-american daughter three years ago when she was two years old due to fertility issues after deciding to adopt we both ended up feeling great about our decision to help a child in need rather than bring a new

child into the world life has been pretty great and i can only describe my husband as the most loving, caring father I've ever seen. The race difference was literally never an issue. Well, fast forward to two nights ago, my husband was taking a shower, and I was in bed. Though he left his phone face down on the nightstand, now this next part I honestly feel shit about, but it's how I found out about all this. So basically I heard his phone vibrate from a text message. I initially only read the lock screen to check if it was something urgent, but the message got my attention. It said, have her start calling you master, lol. I immediately became angry because I assumed my husband had been giving his friends details about our sex life.

My thumbprint was registered on his phone, so I unlocked it to look at the text. Boy, was I wrong. My husband had only sent one text to his friend that day, and it read, the little n-word spilt juice everywhere today. I really can't catch a break. At least I made her clean it up. I was shocked. Unfortunately, I was only able to look at a couple more unrelated texts before I heard my husband turn the shower off. I then returned the phone to the nightstand, and that was that. I don't know what to do.

The texts were obviously in a joking manner, so it's the best thing to do, just let the slide and never mention it. Does this represent his character in any way? I've been distant the past couple days, and I think he might be noticing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't like this. I know. It sucks.

What a dick. Yep. I think best case, he is joking, which it's still fucked. Like, worst case, he's not joking, and it's just so much more fucked. I assume he's joking. I would hope so, but that doesn't make it okay assume he's joking i would i would hope like i would hope so but that doesn't make it okay no absolutely i mean like it's still fucked i want to clarify that yeah but like i'm i'm yeah i i think this is you're you're like you're married you have

a kid you have your thumbprint on the phone you you shouldn't like feel any you should be like hey i saw this and yeah you know like you can either just say like what you thought like hey i saw this thing and i like thought you were saying something about our sex life and i was gonna make a joke or whatever it's like i if they start getting annoyed that you looked at their phone it's a different issue you know what i mean it's not like you were going through it or whatever yeah and even if it is set that aside you need to bring this up because there's no other way this conversation is going to happen yeah and like fuck it take your lumps you know what i mean like if if the next conversation you need to have is about going through phones fine whatever you know what i mean like it's not the best thing but like

when you when you invade someone's privacy and you find something like it's such a tough thing it's like when you find out your partner's been cheating on you or sending you know naked pictures to your best friend or something you know something stupid like that it's like it's hard a tough thing. It's like when you find out your partner's been cheating on you or sending, you know, naked pictures to your best friend or something, you know, something stupid like that. It's like, it's hard to be like, well,

the only reason I know is because I invaded their privacy, but it's like, it's, it's in the rare occasion where like two wrongs. Yeah. You're like, you're somewhat vindicated. Also,

it doesn't fucking matter. Like if you find out they're cheating on you, who cares if you invade their privacy, you're out. Um, hopefully I think this is like textbook, like white privilege in the sense that i think that because he's able to live a life where this is just a joke to him or even just the fact that he thinks as a result of having adopted he has the

right to that's exactly what i think i think it's because he has a a you know a black daughter he can then use slurs and not be seen as yeah for them to not hold the the weight history of hate that they have because he's like yeah but i love her she's my daughter so obviously this doesn't mean anything yeah i think that's what's coming and like that needs to be addressed yeah because that's not true like firstly kids kids aren't gonna be like oops i can't look at this phone can you imagine what if like one of your friends texts and the kid is old enough to read and sees that you know what i mean what if your husband and his friend are joking and the kid walks in to you know bring him a cup of tea or some shit you know what i mean like this needs to be curtailed yeah long before this child like firstly because it's just disgusting yeah but

secondly because like well like it's your fucking daughter but anyway like secondly later on like if this kid even if it is a joke which does not excuse it like worst case your daughter hears this and that's fucked like it's already hard enough i'm sure growing up adopted and you know like we've all like pretty sure every kids movie we ever had was all about adopted kids being upset, right? Like, that was all the kids movies when we were young. I've never had to deal with it, but I understand it. So imagine that, and then you hear your dad using words that reduce you by so much. Also, let's not fucking kid ourselves.

Someone's going to call her this in hatred you know i mean there are there are people in the world that exist who are she's going to encounter in college in school on the streets whatever online and someone's gonna call her this word and it's gonna fucking suck so to understand like to draw the the comparison between a person who hates me because of my skin and my dad both using that word that is only meant for hate like there's no other yeah if she comes home from school crying one day and says someone said this to me how are you gonna be able to look her in the eye and be like that's terrible let me i'll go talk to them it's like you you can't you forfeit that right as like a parental yeah i can do talk to your mom who's not an asshole

like no like that's the thing it's like yeah if she comes home one day that's a there's no there's no room for even if it's a joke because even if it's like go lecture that kid's parents yeah or that kid and be like hey you can't say that word but somehow think it's okay for you to use it because it's not okay for you to use it

it's not okay for anyone to fucking use it and you like as the mom you need to like take take yeah as dane said like fuck the consequences of the snooping bring it up bring it up as soon as possible bring it up out of earshot of the kid and make sure it never happens again because and and tell this person like the ramifications like if they ever hear or read or see and also also, like, their friends. What if their friends, one, aren't joking, or two, aren't, like... Or they get the sort of... Or they're drunk, or they think it's a joke. And, like, what if they, like, there's so many ways this could come out,

and that needs to not even be ever a possibility unless you're happy with a life of being a fucking horrendous fucking piece of shit parent. Yeah. You know? So, it needs to stop. Yeah. No matter why or how or where they're saying it's not okay i think it's one of those things where i think i think she's three

she's five now right she's five yeah yeah so i think it's like i think there's gonna be a night where she stays with grandma and grandpa and i think you guys hash it out because like something tells me this this conversation isn't going to be an easy one it's probably not going to be a short one so I think it would be better to do

with her not in the area in which to hear this oh yeah because five year olds aren't stupid five year olds

that's when things start sticking you also really need to make sure that yeah as I said they can't be around for this conversation yeah so I think

you need to bring them to grandma and grandpa's they have a great fucking time. They're going to probably have ice cream for dinner because parents or grandparents are the best slash worst. And then you and your husband, like, deal with this. Yeah, and like real talk.

And don't make it a fight. Don't, like, because again, I don't. You can make it a fight. Yeah, but I really don't think, I just don't think he's thinking. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think, I can don't think he's thinking, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think, I can't imagine someone would have gone through it. The whole thing.

If he was adoption is not cheap, like a closet racist. So I really don't think that. Yeah. He, you know, like I, I like it.

Yeah. You're right. I hope it's just someone not thinking and being a dick or like just trying to act cool for other friends or something like i all wrong ways to go about it but hopefully non like intentionally harmful yeah i assume he thinks that like in his bubble that this is just fine like it's just a little text to my friend they all know i'm joking like it's when people say it and they're like yeah but i have a black friend yeah you know what i mean it's it's that I think it's that excuse except like I'm not saying it too long yeah well he I think like you know it's even higher because he's like well it's my daughter yeah you know what I mean so it's like but also I don't he would say it towards them but oh yeah

no it's like oh they don't know it's a kid like it's just it's one of those things that there are so many harmful repercussions or like possibilities or anything. You just, it needs to just stop. Yeah. Just stop. There's no, there's no excuse. And he needs to like, you need to part of this sort of,

uh, you know, uh, ramifications are part of the, the healing process here needs to be him texting anyone. He's ever said that word to, to his time and be like, Hey man,

I was at a line and I'm like, this isn't a joke anymore. We're not doing this thing anymore. We're not making these jokes anymore. I fucked up. It's a crazy thing that I even did this. Just be like, hey, you know what? Like, I don't know what I was talking about the other week.

Why is it was really fucked up? Like, let's not do that again. Yeah. And then leave it like that. And also have him challenge them because it's as bad if they think it's okay. Yeah. Because what if they get drunk in the house or say something when they don't think she can listen because they don't know

how kids are kids hear everything and like or they message you kind of a dick yeah maybe he's a you've opened that door you know what i mean like i highly doubt they would have said any of these things yeah to you except you sort of like opened the door and invited them or they said it tentatively first and then you you know yeah like you're not beating around the bush when you're just flat out using that word in a text like that hey if your buddies are the ones that sort of like goaded you into this that's even worse get the fuck out of like they're not your friends anymore and and i i think it's very we've talked about a thousand times to keep your friends but like do you have people who are willing

like who have that view of someone that you are in charge of protecting except if they were like oh your slut wife or some shit you know what I mean so why is it okay

talk about your fucking kid who's five yeah you know what I mean it's like you you have people in your life who harbor

hatred and violence and use words that like only manifest themselves as hatred and violence on someone you are in charge of protecting and keeping safe so to have them invited over to your house for family barbecues and shit is the most buck wild fucking thing it's like you either need to tell them either be like hey you need to straighten the fuck up yeah or be like i i'm sorry guys but like the fuck up. Yeah. Or be like, I, I'm sorry guys, but like,

yeah, I think if this is who you are, I cannot have you in my life because peripheral, that means you're in my daughter's life and that ain't going to fly. Yeah. Uh, yeah, that's fucking awful.

Jesus. Well, podcast is ruined. I know. That's why I wanted to get this out of the way. Yeah. Uh, guys,

don't be shit can we can we do that yeah then you need to deal with this immediately all right do we this is by blizzard underscore you ain't me second time a girl has told me before date she had to leave at x o'clock it's two different girls on first date i think i have to believe they tell and told the truth because i feel if i think it's a lie, I lost already. I'll say provide a reason to, of course. Still wondering if a woman or an experienced man could tell me if this is just a security for them so they can leave if it's a bad date or that they don't get in danger to be invited. Sorry, they have wild, like, wild punctuation that I don't even think is, I don't even know what these symbols are.

Sorry. So they can leave if it's a bad date or that they don't get in danger to be invited home or that they tell me that they are not interested in first date sex like a test. Just curious. I mean, sentence structure and syntax aside, I get it. I know what he's saying. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Sorry. There are, like, you know, like, quotation marks? Yeah. Like, the double ones, not the, like, the single are like you know like quotation marks yeah like the the double ones not the like the single ones yeah um real quotation marks yeah uh they have them but like on the bottom but like you'll have one on the bottom and one on the top and then one on the top one on the bottom like on alternate sides and it's just like but then some in random sentences and it's just like throws you off yeah yeah i mean i'm gonna i'm gonna wager this is probably a security thing of being like you know i it's not a bad idea.

I don't think necessarily they're doing it maliciously. I think it's just covering your bases. You know what I mean? Like it's it's easy to say like, hey, oh, sorry, I have to work in the morning. So I got to be home by 10. Yeah. Fine. Great. Because then you can like you can always flub and be like, you know what? I'm having a great time. I don't mind being tired from work from work yeah it's it's there's nothing wrong with this it doesn't matter because like i guess what he's trying to figure out is whether they're already uninvested in the date but guess what they wouldn't go on it presumably yeah you know like i'm sure there's so there's a very small amount of people that are like fuck i don't want to go to this date but i'll go for a little bit like yeah either it's legitimate or it's a tentative escape and either of those is fine you just need to act like they're they mean it yeah because if you're

like oh what the fuck or like well we should do this but like or try to like challenge them and just be like what are you doing i thought you were going to work yeah oh i thought you had to oh i thought you know what i mean it's like it. It's on you to just act like that is entirely what's happening. Because for all you know it is. And there's going to be nothing more unattractive than you already not caring about their wishes on date one. Yeah. Having your fucking detective hat and trying to like figure out if they're lying to you. Yeah.

Because like, again, even if they are lying to you. Even if they've made it up. Yeah. That's fine. That's cool. It's literally the first time you guys are meeting. Yeah. You could be anybody.

Exactly. Maybe they have plans after and they don't want to be like, sorry, I want to go like to my friend's like important event that I can't miss, but I'm still going to go out with you. In which case they're actually doing like they're putting themselves out to go with you. Yeah. Or they do have work or they're tired or anything, or they just want like a safe out.

And also means if they say, Hey, I got to be home at 10. And they leave to be home at 10. That's not a bad thing necessarily. Yeah. You can line up two dates. Or you could just like, they could just be like any reason. It doesn't mean that's an automatic negative. No. And that's all you got to do is like you literally have to like trust them at their word.

And be conscious about that. And if they then want to stay, hey, that's a good gotta do is like you literally have to like trust them at their word and be conscious about that and if they then want to stay hey that's a good sign yeah that's the thing it's like i think this is if anything this is a great sort of like test on how the date's going because yeah chances are if they if they are lying about things and they want to stay longer then cool they like you know you have done a good job. Good date job. And if they want to go home, whether they're lying or not, and you're cool about it, guess what? You're not a dick.

Yeah. So these are all good things. It's like worst case, sure. Maybe they didn't enjoy the date and they want to leave. That's good for you too because you really want to elongate a bad date. That's the thing.

You're supposed to spend money and time. Yeah. So it's a win, win, win, win once you're not a piece of shit. Reddit user GrandHub hub asks what is hookup culture i always read hook up here hook up there she does she only does hookups i don't do hookups men only want hookups blah blah is a hookup just a 2020 term for one night stand the fuck is the definition of a hookup it's nothing to do with dating it's about people

who really like to put paintings on walls yeah or like you know closet sorting enthusiasts people who don't like their coats being on the floor that's weird people who are like super into making sure ethernet cables are plugged in

just hooking them up I'm talking about cables especially the ethernet that's what i do um i guess hookup culture is like this like having physical relationships that aren't necessarily exclusive right it doesn't necessarily mean like i brought this and because i thought it was interesting because i like when i was thinking i was like how would i define it then i was like well i think there's two definitions for it. I think there's one, like you said, where it's just, you know, non-exclusive physical or sexual focused relationships.

And then I think there's also sort of the, the like zeitgeist hookup culture in which people have created to be angry at their lack of success in finding a or like a committed partner well yeah like people blame i i love people like i hate hookup culture and it's like hookup culture i think is basically just proper people stepping yes people stepping away from when you were slut shamed and you were like you basically had to like kind of pick a partner or marry them. Yeah. Like that was that was how it used to be. It was like you pick someone, you get married. Like there's no like if you had a date with a girl and then a date with another girl, it was like scandalous.

Here's the thing. Like the sexual revolution that kind of happened in the 60s and 70s. The hookup culture is our version of that. It was when women were allowed to start sleeping around and like, it's not fixed. You know what I mean? But for the most part, it is,

it is a little bit more acceptable now. And I think a little bit more socially acknowledged that women are allowed to sleep with multiple partners and that doesn't diminish their worth. Yeah. Whereas, you know, in the nineties that was, you know,

if a girl slept with two dudes in a month they were a fucking whore and a slut and everything like that um and i think now like in the in the 60s the first sexual revolution was all about like women's right to get the same amount of pleasure or and like to be sexual beings and not just sort of like a consumable object for men and now i think it's like now we're we're finally catching up where it, nah, if a woman wants to go on Tinder and set up seven dates, one every night of the week and have sex with all seven of those men, she's allowed to do that. And it's fine. But I think a lot of people hold this like hookup culture. Like I said, it's what you said, you know, where it's like it's this sort of like people can point at it as like vilified.

Yeah. As like the evil man in the corner who's fucking up their plans. It's like a master, like puppet master, just like fucking with your- Yeah. Honestly, I really don't. Like, if anything, hookup culture makes it better for people who are looking for relationships, really. Unless you just want a relationship and you don't want a relationship with a person you like. If you just want a relationship, but the first person you meet doesn't want one it's like fuck they want another one's

like goddamn why are they trying their options why don't they just pick me and marry me yeah i feel like that's yeah that's exactly what i mean when like that yeah because they what they're gonna do then is like oh you don't want to date me immediately yeah it's this fucking hookup culture yeah you want to keep sleeping around it's like well they might be into you options like it yeah it would be in like i think it would be worse if someone found me and was like you're mine that's it it's you and it's like cool well like well that ain't well it's like investing in the first stock you see on like you know what i mean it's like going on to like a stock trading website and being like well that one yeah regardless of knowing anything about the stock knowing anybody just living your

life being like yeah i'm just gonna pay yeah i'm going to eat the first menu item on any menu I go into. It's like, you're not even going to look? Nope. Do you have allergies? Nope. What? Like, are they severe? Yeah, they might ruin my life.

You're probably going to kill me. It's like, cool. Maybe don't do that. Yeah, like to me, and as far as I'm aware, in truth, hookup culture is literally just people having the freedom to either one indulge in sex which there's nothing fucking wrong with that or to not have to commit just based on societal pressure yeah and i think both those things are pretty fucking great yes um you know yeah some people are shit with it but like hey that's not any different to any other

time in life people are always shit people have always been shit in the dating site the shit people who like if it was still that kind of like real like monogamous like meet someone like long-term date them probably marry get a house there'd still be people fucking you over they'd probably be cheating on you or some other thing you know what i mean like i wish i would love to know what dating was like before social media because i imagine it's very similar to like what we have now where it's like because not everything's broadcasted so you could you could be seeing someone at work and you're seeing someone that you met in a bar and seeing someone from like your gym probably a lot easier to be a sleazebag

because you could just like unless they intersect it's like no one's checking your phone firstly yeah no one's like blowing up your phone secondly like you can just be like oh there's my work sphere there's my home sphere there's my gym sphere it's like they probably all didn't interlap so it's like you could just do whatever the fuck you wanted probably you could be a proper sleazebag i'd imagine but you could also do like what we often suggest you do and you like see other people i feel like but i think like with with the fact that we have like this sort of instant communication and this means of constantly being in contact with each other, I think that has heightened the idea that the people we're invested in should be just as equally as invested in us based on what we think. You know what I mean? Because how many questions do we see where it's like, I texted a girl and she hasn't gotten back to me.

What does it mean? What does it mean? But at the same time, you the same time you'd probably call someone and they're not home you'd be like oh they're not home you know or maybe they're not answering right but it's like that was but there wasn't there wasn't any of this like wild over analyzation of like a minute to minute i doubt that hard i will bet there are people who are like i said hi to florence as she flaunted down the cobblestones she gave me a curtsy but it was brief what does it mean whereas claire bowed only at a 45 instead of a claire curtsy for a proper three seconds while inclining her head well i mean you have other things where it's like oh it's my baby wait three days before you call like imagine like if that was the snail's

pace in which dating like like, think about that. I could match with someone on Tinder and go on a date and sleep with them all within the span of, like, three hours. Yeah. Now it's like, if I met someone at a bar, I literally could not be in contact with them for three days. Or imagine, like, actually making a date and being like, cool, let's meet up here. It's like, you don't have mobile phones. If we're going that're going that far back yeah it's like you'd have to show up but also if they didn't it would be so much worse because one well that's why getting stood up was such a big deal right like it because like yeah it's like once you leave your house for a while because you don't

know what happened because they don't have a phone to say i'm running late so like it makes it worse the longer you wait and then yeah i just like i wish i could like just date in the 80s i just wanted there was no like online dating and for me there was i mean not online dating but like social media i had msn i had yeah you know what i mean like i i still had that bebo and like myspace i guess but like they weren't they weren't as developed as these things like our phones were bullshit you know i'm kind of glad i didn't grow up these days. Because, like, there's video phones and, like, pictures and online dating and all this shit. Oh, and everything you do is a record?

Oh, I'm getting so much shit. I'm so fucking glad. I don't have kids these days that are going to manage it. I don't have parents. I had a website as a teenager called DaneFucks.fuck. It was called Phallic Moose. That was the name of my comedy group. Okay, keep going.

And, like, we put videos and fucking cartoons and shit. And, like, they were dumb as hell. And we did so many stupid fucking things. And I was like, if social media existed when I was doing that, they would exist. Like, you could literally go and find them right now. I don't think so. You can find some of our cartoons on Newgrounds, I think. They would exist. Like, you could literally go and find them right now. I don't think so. I'm going to try. You can find some of our cartoons on Newgrounds, I think.

But, like, our actual, like, filmed live action videos, I think, are lost to the world. Although, I think my brother uploaded a few of them to YouTube. But, yeah, I'm, like, I don't understand how... Sorry, we were going to get the question and then somebody decided not to rude we're getting it for next week rude i know the time crunch is too high um yeah i don't know how parents deal with it i don't know how kids deal with it it's like anyway um man we're we got we got off we got off base on this one yeah we we took a trip to tangent city yeah fucking we took a tour uh where what was this question even hey what is hookup culture oh yeah i think we discussed

that's what it is it's like and don't don't be mad at hookup culture because of your experiences because if you look and hear like anything in any dating websites or any relationship websites or any tv show or anything everyone wants a relationship you know what i mean or at least not everybody but there are so many people that do that you can't turn around and be like hookup culture no one wants a relationship it's like everyone's like for everyone who's like hell yeah let's have sex there's another person being like why can't i find someone yeah there's i imagine it's at least an even split if not more skewed towards relationships it's like just because you found a person or a bunch of people, like if there's a trend, maybe look about why that is.

You know what I mean? Sometimes we're drawn towards the same people. And like, I wouldn't do that. It's also, I think a lot of people ignore what they're being told or ignore the signals. Like the amount of people that I told I was not looking for a relationship, and then only to be asked two, three weeks later, be like, so what are we? Yeah, exactly.

Like, I don't want to waste. It's like, well, I told you specifically not to waste your time, that I wasn't looking for a relationship. And let me tell you, two weeks, and maybe seeing you three or four times, is not enough to change my mind. So if you're looking for a relationship, you've wasted your time. And that's why I told you like right off the bat and that i was not interested and that's an important point is like you need to understand your role in hookup culture right

because like you don't exist in a vacuum you are part of it so it's like you need to understand what it is which i guess is why this is a good question um so you understand what people are doing like if someone's like oh i'm not sure it's a relationship right now that's fine you can keep dating them if you want and like they might develop like honestly i will tell you i go into every single relationship i am with people saying that i don't want a relationship right now because i don't because i don't know who they are i don't know like i'm like literally specifically started as like rebound fucks yeah you know what I mean it was like

we were just like let's just bang it out and then me and my girlfriend neither of us wanted a relationship when we started and it developed

because we both loved each other and came to love each other and like realized that we were great gave each other time and space

well the thing is if one of us had turned around and been like oh it's been X like that probably would have fucking dragged it on the back alley and shot in the head and then i wouldn't have all the amazing things i have right now yep and it's because we were both patient with each other like we were having so much fun together and like everything was great that like i don't know there was no like need to be like an everyday like

fucking where are we now? Like it was just like enjoying your time. Exactly. What's the worst? What, you know, what's, what's,

what is like making it exclusive or putting a, like an official label on it? If jealousy is just the only thing holding you back, then maybe that's what you need to look at more than like, you know, date Jesus. Almost a tape culture. I was like,

that doesn't, there's, I don't almost said tape culture. I was like, that doesn't... There's... I don't know what that was. Yeah, just... We're talking about the 80s. Tape culture, baby. Yeah. Put that cassette in.

Side A, side B, what up? Rewind. My 21-year-old male girlfriend, 23-year-old female, told me she's waiting for another man to treat her how she deserves and then she'll leave me. By Orlando... Sam! What what that's fucking harsh did you say sam i said damn i thought you said sam or it's

like i don't get this reference as by orlando wouldn't have made this post but it's the second time she said it she hates i smoke weed and because of this i used to be a daily smoker has slowed down to just doing on the weekends yesterday we got into another one of our arguments where she says i need to stop for one weekend to make her happy and when i refused stanley already changed it up for her she started saying i'm a loser she doesn't love me anymore which she's also said a couple of times then proceeded to tell me she's going to leave me when she finds another man that treats her how she deserves i know smoking weed every weekend is not the best habit but keep in mind i'm going to law school in augusta i work 40 hours a week and for the last three months been fully paying 90 of our bills like rent electricity

internet etc i've also blocked friends and deleted instagram so i have no distractions to smoke or do stupid shit to make her happy she's literally my life i try very hard to please her and make her happy and hearing this for the second time has thrown me off guard i feel like i'm giving her everything she's just gonna leave what do you guys think i should do she's gotten really used to disrespecting me and telling me nasty things and it's just going to leave. What do you guys think I should do? She's gotten really used to disrespecting me and telling me nasty things and it's been killing me because I really do love her. Get the hell out of there, my dude.

Yeah, dump her like a month ago. Dump her when she said that the first time. I mean, look, it's cool that you're making compromises. You know what I mean? If you've been smoking weed a bunch and it bothers her and you know what I mean?

I'm okay with that. But I'm slowly coming around on drugs. I've got my hangups on drugs a bunch and it bothers her and and you know i mean i'm i'm okay with that yeah but i'm i'm slowly coming around on drugs i've got my hang-ups on drugs due to like personal experiences and everything um but like things like weed like it's legal all over canada it's legal in so many states like but also can relax like if he's not doing stupid shit, like if he's literally just having a fucking joint and playing a video game on the very, what I imagine is very limited free time he has, then let the man fucking unwind.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm sure he doesn't, I'm sure you drink. I'm sure this woman drinks. Yeah. Does he give you a fucking hard time? And maybe she doesn't.

And if which case, if she's this fucking like anything, then like, she's probably not fucking fun at all. And I'm not trying to say that like, oh, you got to do drugs and drink to be fun. But like the fact that she wants you to be like give up everything that you enjoy in order to please her. And the only way she's going to be happy is if you do exactly what she says. Yeah.

And it's like because she says, oh, one weekend and then I'll be happy. Well, then it's going to be once you get rid of it forever yeah you've also blocked your friends and instagram or was that a law school thing or was that no that was for her yeah so like this is insane this is insanity she's like stripping away who you are to make her or make you whoever she wants you to be and then she says she's gonna leave you the second she finds someone better so like she doesn't give a fuck about you at any point in time uh like i i kind of get like i i've dated people who've done drugs uh varied drugs before um and and like sometimes like you know i had one person who would smoke weed and it wasn't like a regular thing but whenever they did it was like nothing.

You couldn't do anything with them. You know what I mean? Like they would just become so useless and like detached from reality that like they may as well, we may as well not be hanging out. Right. You know what I mean? However,

that was when we didn't live together and we were dating. So it's like, we would schedule a time to hang out and I would get there and they would practically not be there. Yeah. So I would, I was annoyed because why would I bother when we're're not even hanging out you know what i mean if we live together and they want to get high whatever but also it's like they had been smoking weed long before i met them

so it's up to me if i don't want to be with someone who smokes weed it's not my job to change them i get a different relationship if it's that big of a problem and like for me it was just an issue when we had scheduled time and they would show it, but it's the same as if they should have blackout drunk. Like I wouldn't care if they had drank or were tipsy or whatever, but like if they showed up and I just had to like, you know what I mean? Like,

it doesn't even have to be a substance abuse thing. Exactly. It could literally be like, if you were like, Oh, Hey, let's hang out tonight. And they're like,

yeah, for sure. And then you come over and they're fucking like balls deep in their fucking thesis yeah like oh sorry sit over there while i read or like they're just reading a good book they're like yeah you go over there i want to finish this it's like you've you've made the choice that like the the activity you want to do is more important than the time you've also wasted their time yeah living together that's different but like if for whatever reason this guy was just completely comatose for two days maybe it would suck for her but also that's not necessarily if he's always smoked weed you can

try have a conversation about that but that's kind of on you to leave but there is never and that's the worst case scenario right uh i'm gonna doubt that's the case because that seems a little excessive i'm assuming this dude he's in law school works 40 hours a week i highly doubt this guy's fucking baked you can't it's probably like he gets home after working his fucking ass has a little and has a joint and like fucking relaxes yeah which there's nothing wrong with but also difference in like pouring yourself a glass of wine after a long day also there is never any call for you to tell someone you don't love them and tell them that you're gonna leave them for someone when they like that to me right

there it's like that's the end of the relationship you've cut it off right there you don't love me cool bye you're gonna tell me for someone cool bye like that's the thing i'm saying like even like i'm laying out the worst cases and even then it's kind of like your onus to like not be with someone whose lifestyle you don't agree with it's not really on you to change them but even then you you can't say that shit to somebody she's literally saying you're gonna pay my bills 90 apparently and then i'm like i'm gonna break up with you yeah don't worry about that like you're a placeholder yeah this isn't going anywhere but i need someone to pay my rent so we'll be together until i find someone else that i deem

quote unquote better to pay my rent. But also change your lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. No, dump this person the second they said that. Be like, hey, cool. Go find them. Yeah. Here you go.

No more distractions for me. Yeah. I'm going to delete myself from your life. Although they probably saved a bunch because they've only been paying 10%. Yeah. Yeah. No, you have a life ahead of you. You have a lot of, you have law and you have weed.

And this is great. You're basically a character from Suits. I mean, here's the thing. I hope you're in a state that's legalized marijuana. Well, here's the thing. Now you are a character from Suits. Yeah, just like, no, get out of this relationship. There's no call.

People start saying that shit to you, get out. Because it's demeaning and it's terrible. Right right the second anyone tells me they're telling you you're worthless and they're using you told me that she didn't love me one like if she whatever reason we're at breakfast and she's like hey by the way i don't love you anymore um and i'm gonna break up with you as soon as i find someone else i'd be like cool get a head start yeah i would be like cool then this is done yeah i'm not gonna sit and wait around for you to do this to me also it's more or less like someone saying like hey man you stay in this room i'm gonna kill you i'm not gonna tell you when it might not be

now but like as long as we're in proximity i'm going to murder you like yeah why would you stay in that room hey once i find another person to stalk and kill i'm gonna murder you um and then just look at them in the eye no like just no that you you void all and i i bet she doesn't mean it or at least some of it half of it i bet she only means half of it in that i bet it's like a threat it's more of a goading mechanism i'll bet if you broke up with her she'd be fucking distraught. Well, yeah. But it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's a manipulation technique.

It's her. Fuck this shit. This is not okay. Dump this person. Yeah, it's her controlling your life, which is terrible. Which we've talked about a thousand times as well. Yeah. Just like it.

I don't have a refractory period, but don't last long. Advice? This is from Reddit user SonataMaster3000. Get a baggy condom, don't stop. So basically, I still haven't had sex yet, and up until now, thought it was normal I could orgasm ten times in the space of five minutes. I don't last long, 30 to 60 seconds, but

generally, the more orgasms, the longer it takes to climax. I'm talking 20 plus orgasm, and it takes exponentially longer. Question is, would a girl mind this would you find it annoying or repulsive disgusting if i'm basically constantly orgasming okay is his semen output constant because surely after a few you got to start drying up right yes there's a limit you know this is like wank a few times in a day and like first time it's like

yeah and second was like yeah a little bit. And then it's just like dust. Yeah. You're just like, you know, for the ladies out there who are listening and going like, really? We're, we're being, it's not dust, but yeah, it does. It does definitely. It decreases. Your load decreases.

It's like going from a full lotion bottle to like, we got to like slam it a couple of times just to get like a little bit of like a oh at the end or yes okay um but like that's the difference just like the two right um so the thing is if like if you're just just producing mass amounts of cum unless someone is super into cum yeah i would imagine this does get kind of like because you're gonna have to change condoms like constantly unless you're not

using them which case they're gonna have to change vaginas because they're gonna be all full up. I mean, it's gonna get like so messy.

It's just gonna be so messy. I didn't even think about that. I was like it depends on how you orgasm. If you're a

if you get useless and it's like every 30 seconds, you're like, well, yeah. I mean like if, cause he says in a refractory period, cool, great. As in his boner don't go down. If you, if you orgasm like most of us where we, you know, tense up and like show signs of orgasming, then yeah, this is going to be buck wild experience for her. Not necessarily. Let's go back to filling someone up with so much cum that they burst though.

Because I need this thought out of my head before we... If you just keep producing cum, the person is going to be just so pregnant. Or they're going to burst. Or move to the States and become a fucking millionaire. Yeah. Oh my God. Live in a sperm bank. Sperm donor.

And just be like, I'm going gonna make every child in one generation. Like, literally every generation, or every child in the next generation is gonna be mine. Yeah. I'm gonna be that Vince Vaughn movie where he sires a bunch of children. Boyfriend crashers.

I mean, you're not wrong. But yeah, so, like, let's get the cum issue out of the way. If that's not the case, if it's like you know you come like normal people and like the first one's like a bit and then it gets lower maybe like because the thing is the world's largest reservoir tip most girl yeah this thing get a baggy condom and like a like a fucking hair tie and put it around the end so you can fill that

thing up and she's like why does he keep getting bigger the more he comes no it's just an overstuffed condom um but if the weird world's weirdest balloon why does he have a sloshy penis um if it's not a case that you just come exorbitant amounts then i guess it comes down to two things which are like communication and as you very deftly said how you orgasm yeah uh because like if you can if you like if you were training yourself to just sort of be like come well no and then hammer it up come because like no one will ever know if you're coming and like you know the way you want to keep going because that's how it feels good right you don't stop you don't want to ruin your orgasm if you can keep powering through your orgasm and then when usually you'd finish and be like i'm

done dick's going soft um i'm i'm there but instead you don't have that then you can just keep going like i don't you know but if every time you come you like flop over and you're useless and you're like still hard like they're not gonna like having their orgasms in 30 seconds installments you know what i mean like Like, with those breaks. Because I think those breaks might ruin it. Well, I'm not even talking about, like, if you... I'm just saying, like, if you then, like, every 30 to 60 seconds, you convulse. And you're just like...

And you're just like, you know, you do your O-face and everything. And then you're just back into, like, sexy mode. That's going to be very distracting. Well, you will need to tell them it's one thing for like i've i've definitely slept with women who just sort of like rapid fire come that's the thing over and over for me when you're sleeping with someone and they come it's the best feeling ever especially when you're still going then they come again and then they come again that's the best but i but i don't think any woman knows what that's like yes unfortunately

i don't think that's a common experience for women. So I think if... Sorry, straight women. Straight women. So I think if, or at least women who sleep with men to cover all of our bases. Women who sleep with men who do have refractory periods. Yes. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Women who sleep with people who have penises who do have refractory penis. Oh, refractory penis. Oh oh it's a nangle um i don't remember what the fuck i was saying it's just i don't know man like so you're you're saying they might get weird out i think they won't if they know ahead of time which is why i mentioned communication in between but overly filled people with cum and uh how you orgasm my other because my other suggestion is hey stop fucking jerking off 20 times a day or they jerk off 20 times a day so that when you get in sex you'll be at your longest period because the problem is is you're training yourself you're developing yeah mental habits and you're like our whole body is muscle memory the reason we can walk

upstairs quickly and like all that is because we're training our bodies to do the things. Our penis is no different. Does he say he masturbates 20 times a day? Well, he says you get orgasm 10 times in the space of five minutes. That's insane. But generally, the more orgasms, the longer it takes to climax. I'm talking 20 plus orgasms and it takes exponentially longer. So I'm assuming he's done at least, like I'm assuming he's 20 times.

Dude, if I could do 20 times in one session, I would though. Well, that's the thing. It's like, but I would love to start fucking and 30 seconds and start 30 seconds into having sex. Just not stop coming. Yeah. Or at least orgasming. Yeah. That that would be that's what we need to know though i know this is the whole question hinges on this yeah like unless you want a james mcavoy-esque cum box or like a lot of debt yeah get like a saloon style spit bucket. They just have. Oh my God.

Your dick probably has abs, man. Well, from all that clenching. What I'm worried is by the time you get to have sex, you obviously know how to jerk yourself off. Perfectly. Apparently this person has like maxed out their levels in masturbation Yes so I'm worried

That by the time you finally have sex It's going to feel so unlike what you Have currently trained your dick To experience It's going to feel very differently Or very disappointingly And I don't know Yeah well that's the thing

A hand that you control Is very very different than a vagina you don't to be fair even though vagina is better than the hand you control i don't know well i'm like don't get me wrong i'm not choosing one and again i also can't give myself 20 orgasms in a row so um this guy has like 18 fingers or something what i'm trying to like you your desensitization is a thing that can happen if you are masturbating this much granted it's not that long so i don't know how much well that's the thing but like if you're if you're going at it i don't know man like you just need to fucking chill and what you need to focus on is edging and this will but not too much yes don't don't don't go the opposite don't

blow your balls your dick no the thing is i think because we don't know enough about this man's dick which is not a thing i thought i'd yell into a man in the closet uh however we probably already have yelled this to each other uh the thing is if like if you look at like media you see sex in the city and they're like he he came after 30 seconds. They're disappointed because it's over for them at that point. Usually if your dick isn't done, they don't care that you came unless you're filling them too much with cum. As I've said so many times, or you are just like completely out of the game every time you come. Like if you basically are getting tasered

by your own penis every 30 seconds probably not going to be a fun experience for them but if you can keep going and you're not bursting them with your cum load i think it's gonna be great right no but like honestly that's the only reason why coming soon is a problem is because usually dicks go to sleep after that yeah if that is not problem for you there's no reason why this should be a problem unless you're borrowing your semen output yeah borrowing semen output and your usefulness when coming that's all i'm saying so if those things are a thing get either a saloon style cum bucket uh or i don't know train to power through that that wave yeah or i don't know just stop jerking off so much just give it a give it a fucking rest man the poor you're gonna do something or or it's either the saddest or happiest dick i can't i can't i don't know i don't know i i'm

so envious i want 20 orgasms in 5 minutes I don't know man I'm content I'd like to be able to turn it on occasionally I'd like the option This is by I Am Pretzel He's just not that into me Have you all seen the movie? He's just not that into you I'm the Gigi character in terms of dating

She puts herself down, gets shot down Picks herself up again, goes out Finally meets Alex and bam finds the one I'm that GG I have asked men out shown interest and got shot down

it feels terrible nothing is worse than that as a woman it's terrible not to feel desirable honestly that feels like crap I go on dates some good ones some terrible ones

the ones that clicked very well sometimes never call me back or reach out to me I can positively say I'm not ugly looking or have a shitty personality timing is a bitch timing is very thing you've got to be at the right time at the right place and voila,

everything can change. Literally life can change. Ironically, I was forcing myself to get over a guy last month and forced myself to go on a hike. Here I meet another guy whom I clicked with well. His name is Alex too, just like the movie. We both clicked well, been hanging out for a month now, and I'm now, I'm trying to get over Alex. It's frustrating. It's painful. It hurts my ego. It hurts my self-respect. Here venting on Reddit. I wish there was a support group for people to go through this.

I work out and I look fit. I'm smart and independent and financially sound. I'm funny too. I'm fine. And yet I'm beating myself up. There isn't even a magic formula, and what has worked for one isn't going to work for another. The only thing I remember about He's Not That into you is the scene where bradley cooper grabs carl johansson's boobs because i'm like damn nice i've never seen the movie but i i think my

advice is to not be as obsessed with this movie as this person seems to be yes i mean that this thing is like you are currently living the like problem of dating since like the invention of the romantic comedy you think you're a character who's meant to bump into a die like you know what i mean who's meant to have a meet cute exactly and then that's gonna spiral into like a really cute romance it's then gonna hit a rocky patch that you're then gonna come over with like a big grand gesture of romance yeah and then you're gonna live happily ever after and let me tell you right now we only think happily ever after exists because the movie ends yeah like what do you think they're going to do for the rest of their lives do you think it's like and even then wait it's fictionalized as fuck up to

that point what you've seen in the span of like 100 or like an hour and 30 minutes is someone feels something so intense and then it usually ends and then they somehow get back together with an unrealistic grand display of romance also the fact that the relationship has already ended it's probably a pretty bad sign usually because they've lied to them yeah or pretending to be someone they aren't or you know didn't reveal a certain crucial piece of information like they have a kid with another woman or that they actually are a billionaire or that they actually aren't a billionaire

or that they're actually Batman or they're actually Batman or they're actually not Batman like that one movie where Paul Rudd pretends he's Batman to get with women God, I wish that was a real movie That would be fucking great Oh my, can we write this? Rudd pretends he's Batman to get with women? God, I wish that was a real movie. Fuck fucking great.

Oh my, can we write this? I mean, it's like Sam Gotham and everything. But with Paul Rudd being Batman. Let's Be Cops was actually pretty good. Yeah, like, also, and I don't want to be that, maybe, I don't know. I feel like usually we're like, don't be so down on yourself.

Like, I'm sure you have X or Y. Like, we usually have people writing in things being like oh i'm the worst but this person like they say everything i'm funny i'm smart i'm fit i'm an independent i'm financially sound i'm like i'm super attractive i go to the gym i blah and then just blame timing. And they're also in a move, like waiting for that movie. Perfect moment. I believe them because here's why I think they see themselves in. I think they see the Meg Ryan's and the, you know, Catherine Heigl's and the other,

the other one, the other blonde who was in every other Kate Hudson. You know what I mean? I think they see them and they're like, that's me because I look like them. And I have a fancy New York apartment and I work at an ad agency or a you know i mean i think they see them and they're like that's me because i look like them and i have a fancy new york apartment and i work at an ad agency or a magazine agency or a you know other agency i think i think they see them and they're like that's me why aren't why isn't that happening

to me no why why isn't this the mirror version i think and i could be wrong but it worries me because it sounds like this person is saying like i'm completely perfect which means the only problem can be that it's timing and i'm still waiting on my movie moment and like sure it's easy to blame these things i have nothing to do with you but it's probably more realistic to look at like if you keep going on dates with people and they keep not working out i don't think it's realistic to be like not my fault yeah unless unless they're leaning so hard on the like everything like it's just gonna take itself and like you've put no effort but that's still your fault yes that's the thing that's if you're doing that like if you just think it's gonna happen and you're not putting

work in right it's like that thing where it's like the guy is like on a sinking ship and he prays to god and like a helicopter comes down and they're like get on he's like nah god will save me and god's like i sent the helicopter you fucking asshole but he already drowned yeah um that's a classic classic movie classic god move yeah um like that i i just feel like it there's you can't just play timing and think for this movie finish you like if things aren't going well, it's not wrong to look at how you act in relationships or like, you know, are you dating the same kind of person? Are you meeting the same kind of people in the same kind of place? She's not dating people. She runs into them while they're hiking or trying to get over their past fucking person that also had like a vet clinic it also sounds like it's just a string of like they bumped into while getting over this person i'm getting over this person

now i have to get over like it's just like sure movies are cool but they're not realistic so maybe look at your own situations and often you can work on yourself before trying to blame other things because realistically you can't change anything else you can work on yourself before trying to blame other things. Because realistically, you can't change anything else. You can only change yourself. So maybe a little bit of introspection. Unless it's a Stranger Than Fiction kind of thing. And then you can write your own self.

And they find the person who's writing the book or the movie and then they could rearrange it all. That's creepy though because then you're taking away their free will, isn't it? It doesn't sound like this woman wants any free will. It sounds like she just wants to fucking you know just

go on that journey find her fucking Matthew McConaughey Mark Ruffalo oh wait we do have an update in the comments though uh-oh so something just occurred to me just now I made a dumb move sending a funny picture of someone from the dating app to Alex not sure if this mattered I also want to add that he

cooked for me last Monday and it was the sweetest gesture we've been hanging out for a while now and he hasn't made a move yet i am not sure if i am friend zoned but suddenly everything has changed i'm left in the blind he isn't replying to my texts it pains me to think i'll have to get over him as well but i thought she was already getting over i know i'm so confused yeah i mean like this this straight up sounds like someone who's desperately trying to be part of a TV show or a movie and has then clouded their judgment on any sane, rational decision making. Yeah. So don't do that. You're a part of society and reality.

Yes. And also, if things are always going wrong, you can always look at your part in them. It is never healthy to blame only external forces. Thank you very much for listening. It's been a pleasure, as always, to sit in this closet and... Sweat. Sweat, get real hot and sticky, and talk about filling people up with semen.

Totally burst. Totally, literally burst. Here's another thing. When I was looking for fucking Pornhub comments today, there was a camera with his username, but literally every video I clicked on was a guy constantly talking about how if only the female actress was eating a can of pork and beans,

it would have made the scene better. Like, the comments or the actual film? No, like, the guy in the comments was saying that like, I wish she was like, she looks good with a dick in her mouth, but you know what looked better in her mouth? A can of pork and beans. Literally everything. Yeah, but like, let's be fair. People sometimes ask like, what do men want?

Or men only want one thing and that's it. A can of pork and beans right in your mouth. And I was like, is this a meme? I couldn't figure it out. I assume it is. I couldn't find it is i couldn't find literally anything to do with this but i went on to his profile and his profile picture was literally just anything i can't import no just a can of pork and beans you know what some people

are real funny yeah or or real damage i don't know um but uh but it's it's it's always great and i love doing this. We do have to make this quick because we do have things to do tonight. We've got plans. We told you already. We've got plans. Why are you still here? Fuck me.

No, but wait for this bit, though. If you have a question and you want us to answer it and you'd like to send in anything, you know, even just say hello to us, you can find us at Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can find us online at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca. I think that's it.

Yeah. I guess tickle.life we're also on. Yep. We're on tickle.life. So check them out. They have a bunch of different sexual collaborators. It sounds like an orgy. It's not necessarily. It's orgy it's not necessarily it's an orgy of thought it is an orgy of thought and positivity yeah thank you josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars uh and also maybe if

you could this week just like tell a friend so give us a listen yeah or give us a little share on social media or something all you do yeah just share our link onto social media. It takes you three seconds. Yeah. Like, hey, we like these guys. Like, they're funny or they give good advice or. Or if you have a friend who's a fucking train wreck. Oh, yeah. Who can't get their shit together.

They think they're in a Ryan. Yeah. Meg Ryan movie. Is it Meg Ryan? They think they're in a rom-com. Yeah. Just like, just send them a, send them our link. Yeah.

Just be like, I think you might enjoy this. Yeah. The rom-com-rona virus. If they're suffering. I did reach. All right. Hit me with some bad sex all right but thanks guys we love you uh this is i am charlotte simmons by tom wolf uh slither slither slither slither is this the hard part with the tongue but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on the hand since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns. Oh, God.

It was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest. No, the hand was cupping her entire right. Now, she must say, no hoit and talk to him like a dog. Yeah, I looked at someone who was like, synonyms for vagina and they were like i don't even know like maybe she's fucking an archaeologist who just got back from a thing it's like he doesn't just do this very specific study he also touches my boob now i

have to talk to him like a dog you got that bit right checks out yeah did you hear that last sentence oh yeah i talked to him like a dog what What? Stop. Stay. Hey, hey. Come here. Who's a good boy? Who's filling me up when I come to my birthday? Who is it? I don't ever want to hear you say that again. That's what I'm saying. To finish this off. Okay, question.

Yes. There's a term. Just dropping the kids off at the pool. Yeah. Does that mean you're going to take a shit? Yeah. That's what I always thought. If you think about it, does it mean they're just wanking into the toilet bowl?

Because your kids aren't your poops. Your kids are your semen. I mean. Are you, have people been wanking this whole time? Are we allowed to do that? That's weird. You are correct. That would make more sense.

But no, I think the colloquial version of that, I think it just means pooping. So I'm pretty sure someone said that wrong during the week. And it shook my entire core and I was like, have people been making jokes about wanking this whole time? Have they been actually wanking this whole time?

Have people in the opening been masturbating in public toilets? Yeah, no, I don't think so. Thank you. This comes from Pornhub user. We're going to finish this off with a little after dinner mint.

This comes from Pornhub user Mars Vids. This is so fucking creepy. I thought it that was written directed by Harvey Weinstein my name is Dave Miller and I'm not sparing we got things to do and we're your fuck buddies you