F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 79 - Kevin's Dirty Dildo Dishwasher

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

I swear to God, Kevin, if I see one more dildo you're out of this quarantine.  Topics include a COVID-19 check in, relationships going platonic, breaking up in isolation, not being able to lie about liking big butts, telling your partner you've had better sex, making the first of many moves in a long game, sex toy sanitation.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dan Miller And my name is Niall Spang And we are your fuck buddies. It's so sad that you cheers solo.

Yeah, but you don't have to tell them that and run the magic. I know. Well, I think they'll know. Until you just fucking did. I think they'll know we're not in the closet. Well, you know what? We wouldn't be responsible if we were. This goes out to all you guys who are properly socially isolating.

Yeah, we're still doing it. We're still isolating. We're still quarantining ourselves and social distancing. We're being good, solid citizens. Yeah, the boy energy is still dispersed. That just means that I hope that wherever it is, it's finding the people who need it the most. Yeah, we're spreading around the city. We're not localizing at all in one sweaty, sweaty closet. Yeah, this is a time where we need to share what we have.

And if there's one thing we have abundance of, it is boy energy. It is, in fact, boy energy. So if you're feeling a little down, if you're feeling a little sort of blah, just crack a window open and just inhale deeply. And hopefully some of that boy orange flows inside you. You know, you can also just take a minute, be still. And the boy orange will find you because it's the opposite of most predators.

If you aren't moving, it sees you. So, do you have anything to start us off with dan or am i gonna pop right into this update um i don't know i don't really have anything so no if you if you want to update us update us okay well do you remember a little my boyfriend wants to live stream our first time last week oh i sure do yeah so she dumped him. He cried his eyes out. Excellent. Said he loved her and wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to. It was all for her, all that kind of stuff.

And she says she isn't worried that he'd hide cameras, which we weren't the only people to worry about that. However, it turns out that someone else, he tried it with somebody else as well. Shocking. That he also didn't tell her that, and she had to find that out after the fact, which we also called. Either way, yeah, she broke up with him. It turns out that's kind of like his MO, of course.

I'm doing the shocked Pikachu face right now. I know we're a visual medium, or an audio medium, but like, yes. Do the verbal equivalent? Yeah. Nailed it. But yeah, so that that person's not gonna ruin their lives so that's good hey that's good yeah that's good change yeah that's some good news you know what that's good what have you what have you been doing to do uh to keep yourself motivated and like not not bogged down by self-isolation uh well i have been putting all my energy into like the things that i always was like fuck i wish i had more time in the day

for this um so basically every day when i wake up which i'm not gonna lie it's usually about noon which is probably not the worst when we're talking self-isolation but i'm not getting up early um so like between noon and five every day at least i've been uh just writing doing a lot of editing uh i've actually like fucking crushed a lot of work i have literally one one chapter left in my novel before i can send it on to that agent and uh yeah it's been that's been really kind of like nice. I wrote my first horror short story yesterday. How good did you go?

Yeah, so that's been the only thing I think that's been like one of the best things. Of course, as you know, I've been spending a lot of the rest of the time either on Discord playing Jackbox games with you boys or either playing the new Call of Duty or Dauntless with you boys. So that's been pretty fun of Duty or Dauntless with you boys. So that's been pretty fun too.

On top of that, my girlfriend got Amazon Prime, so we've been checking out some of the new shows, and Kim's Convenience, which is great. Have you ever watched it? I haven't. It's actually, like, really good. One of my old professors is on it, like one of my old acting teachers is on it.

Really? Do you know what he plays? He's the Indian guy. Oh, guy oh nice nice he's really good um yeah 100 it's like uh it's a really good show so yeah it's pretty much been me you know uh reminding my girlfriend's like family dog as well so she's adorable and she's been helping um but yeah just kind of trying to keep uh keep in motion i definitely think i'm falling behind on the like physical fitness element of uh of isolation because like i kind of thought in my head like oh i do all these exercises i'm like blah blah blah and like we did get a pull-up bar just to like you know do that but uh because we're not climbing right now right

obviously yeah but uh it doesn't fit on any of our doors so i just kind of gave up after that so that's probably the one thing i could really do a fixing also been cooking good food what about you well i was just gonna say i started wearing pants i haven't done that at all i've been wearing the same shorts for like six days so So I guess you got me beat on that front. I legitimately have these like green sweatpants shorts that I haven't taken off. Oh, I know what

pants you're talking about. You do. Yeah, my place is actually pretty hot so I've been trying to put on pants to like at least focus during the day so I feel like, you know, I'm not just being in a state of pajamas um but that's i mean other than that i'm just fucking i'm just playing video games and it's great um i'm helping i'm helping amanda she's uh i've started teaching her how to lift weights properly and she's been helping with stretches um we did that boudoir

shoot that i talked about last week. Nice. She's also been teaching herself some video editing. She's been putting together a video of, like, for a couple of her dance instructors. One of her shows got canceled. So her and some of the girls got together and, like, did one of the numbers. And she, like, spliced it together with everyone doing their individual parts. Nice. Yeah, so that was really cool. Nice.

Yeah. for one doing their individual parts nice um yeah so that was really cool um yeah other than that i've i've just been i know it's like i feel a little guilty saying it's been nice to like just chill like just you know what i mean turn the engines off and like well like i was like obviously it's a terrible thing and it's hard and it's not good but like i was happy not to be in work you know yeah um i don't know if i should leave that part in but no it's nice to take a breath because like how often do you get time to like usually if you if you get time away from from work and from like kind of like daily things it's you're on holidays which is obviously great but you don't get to put on the breaks you know what i mean yeah

you're still going exactly i think usually the only time i've had and like time like this has like been between jobs which usually isn't relaxing because it's so stressful you always feel like guilt of like you know you gotta be looking for a job yeah i should look for a job i can't spend money and blah blah i'm like, there's a lot of other feelings that I'm feeling right now that I don't feel at those times, but, instead of feeling guilty when you sit down and do something to fill your time, it's the opposite, it's like, cool, I'm good,

I have this thing to fill my time, and like, it's, it's kinda nice in a weird way, obviously, it is scary and weird this whole time, because like, we don't know when it ends, we don't know how we're doing monetarily, all that shit. But, like, yeah. Well, speaking

of getting going, ready for a question? Yes, of course. This comes from Reddit user... Oh, goddammit. Corona killed my cat. Oh, no. Is that the question? No, it has nothing to do with the question. Oh, no. Did it also?

Does anyone have the issue of feeling less romantic slash cuddle when there is a lack of sex in your relationship? I've noticed this of late. When the sex in my relationship starts lessening, I feel myself feeling more platonic in my relationship, which is nice itself, and I still love my partner very much and enjoy our company immensely. I guess I just feel less affectionate for some reason.

And I was wondering if anyone else had to deal with issues like this, and what steps you took to deal with it. That's a weird question. I'm not sure I understand it. I mean, I get it. It's not complex. I just, it's weird to me. I don't know why either.

You go. Take it away. I mean, look, I understand it from a point of view of someone who's lived with his partner for, I think it's like three years now we've been living together. I don't know. Sex starts becoming less of a... Overwhelming. Yeah, like a important factor like obviously it's it's great to have a healthy sex life and frequency of sex is important and depending on your needs and everything

but you end up finding like when you're dating and you only get to see each other every now and then yeah you kind of want to have sex when you see each other all the time when you see each other yeah like every day or whatever you find you find comfort in more mundane stuff and i don't mean mundane in a bad way but like no more it's nice to be able to like sit down and have a have a meal you know like that that ends up becoming a little bit more important than being like well we haven't had sex today so something's wrong with our relationship you know but it's like if you guys weren't living together and you've seen each other, you only get to see each other like twice a week. Oh, my God. Yeah. And you and then it's gone like, you know, three or four weeks and you guys haven't had sex.

Like I would be a little concerned. I'd be I would start thinking that maybe something is up or something needs to be addressed. But it's like when you live together, it's more you find like something to put the the importance on on more mundane things like quality time together and like just chatting and just knowing each other's there and like the the nice feeling of waking up beside someone those things are all affection which this person seems to like also he's talking he's saying like he falls more platonically so i think he's saying there's less like physical affection and more quality time which is great but like you can also have physical affection while having quality time if that's what you want like you guys can cuddle up on the couch and like watch something you guys can like and that's like you know at night you can cuddle up or in the

morning or like you know have a cuddle before bed Honestly, I'm not a cuddle sleeper. I get way too fucking warm. You can have a little cuddle before you go to bed, or you can have a little cuddle in the morning. I love cuddles in the morning. They're great, because I'm usually too tired to be warm. It's one of those things where, yeah, of course sex is going to decrease in importance and frequency and and frequency and like ferocity uh like the longer you guys are together but that's just you know when you start things are all new and exciting and like you literally can't get enough of it and you also usually have the space as you were saying

and the distance that like you can't grow sick of it quickly and not not sick of it but you know what i mean yeah it's like there's so much of it that you don't have enough time to get it out of your system uh and that's great but like if that's a concern like it's kind of on you to then inject affection elsewhere you know like the thing that like troubles me or not troubles me but like he doesn't say he has a problem with it but that's why i don't get this question it's like what's like if what's the problem here yeah if if you're upset that you're not having sex as much then okay that that warrants a conversation you should talk about it yeah but like if you guys are still very happy and very content and you know still in love with each other you don't have like if if your relationship just isn't one of those ones that needs to have like a constant sexual spark that's fine yeah it's like that is a perfectly cool happy relationship see i think that's where like the question kind of like was confusing to

me is because it seemed like there wasn't really a problem or like a question necessarily they were just kind of saying a thing and it's like you have the power to change it if you want to if it's like and if you don't don't i guess it's for me it's like are you measuring it based on some imaginary metric like you're worried that other people have more affection like other people have more sex because if that's the case one you're probably only half right because i'm sure half the people in the world do and half the people in the world don't and on top of that like there is no metric. So it's like if you're happy, you're happy, and that's all that matters. If your sexual needs aren't being met, then that's a talk you should have.

And obviously you can never force somebody to change what they want to do, but you can talk. And if they don't want to change their sexual habits, then is it going to ruin the relationship or not? But that doesn't seem like one of those situations. So if you're happy, it's good. Exactly. Yeah. If the relationship is good, you don't need to be like, well, you know, the sex has dropped off. So something is wrong.

Yeah. Not necessarily. If you guys are still content and still enjoying each other's company and still in love, then great. Carry on. Yeah. And address problems as they become problems. If they're not problems don't go looking for them yeah this is by user faux pas for real and they ask

when this is over i'm breaking up with my boyfriend any tips for making it through quarantine with someone i don't like anymore i realize i don't want to spend pardon i was going to ask if we knew who this was because it sounds like someone no uh this is off reddit uh i realized i don't want to spend any more time listening to him rant while ignoring me or my opinion i don't want to hear about his bitcoin anymore and i'm sick of his ego in general i'm not trying to bring this up or talk about it while we're stuck here because that would be stupid and petty. I know in my heart it's over, and that's sad, because I do love him, but basically it took me years to see that he's the guy

that's rude to the server. I can't unsee it now, and I'm just done, but sad and stuck with him. Anyway, I'm sure others must be in this boat. Thanks in advance for any good advice. Man, that's tough. That sucks. Because usually, like, I'm not an advocate of waiting i'm usually

you know pull the band-aid off but but this is one of those weird ass situations dean says this thing then the pandemic comes along a year later it's like nah uh revise your opinion but i know jesus um yeah because that's the thing i think i think you can't do it while you're in quarantine Oh absolutely not Because like look if you're saying this guy is the guy Who's rude to servers and is Yeah I guess he's also rude to exes Yeah he james is a

Fucking probably a petty asshole So like you're gonna find your toothbrush in the toilet Oh yeah You're gonna find you know what I mean like all of your stuff left out of the fridge And shit like that it's like Now isn't the time to get into a fucking petty X battle. It's hard enough even living. And it's like,

it's one of those things where like, if he does decide to fuck with your toothbrush, you can't go out and get another one. I mean like, you know, you can depending on where you are, but like if you're in a, if you're in New York city where you're like actually locked down,

it's like, well, cool. You're fucked. Yeah. Yeah. Or like, you know,

the supplies in the fridge, you break up and he's like, Oh,'re fucked yeah yeah or like you know the supplies in the fridge you break up he's like oh i bought them so yeah you know yeah it's it is one of those things where you just kind of have to like just suffer through it you know maybe get really into bitcoin right like if he likes bitcoin maybe you can make some money off this whole thing before you could get out of there get really into cryptocurrency yeah oh get really into dogecoin really piss him off there was a time where i was trying to figure out how to buy bitcoin i literally gave up because i was like i don't know what i'm doing yeah it's kind of crazy um also can we just say flat out anyone who's rude to the server can you just dump them now

like anyone listening that's not okay no you're a piece of shit not you but the person who does it like come on fuck off um like this blanket statement yeah it's so the nice thing here is that like if you we've had the one where it's like oh we have to wait until like the anniversary is of his like mother's death and stuff like we've had questions like that where it's like i want to break up with him but like it's going to be a bad time and i kind of have to wait three months with that it sucks because the person will know that that's why you did it yeah in this situation you have the benefit of being like hey i just spent however long this quarantine lasts with you yeah and now that i've now that we're out of it i realize that i don't want to be with you and you can like you can use

this time as your time to discover yeah whereas like any other situation most people would be like oh so you wanted to how long do you want to do this? Because it was, did you just not do it because my mom died? Yeah. And then like, that's another barb in them and another weapon they're going to use against you. And it's, it's a whole fucking mess. Also like on this topic, did you hear, I think it was one of the cities in China that was one of the first ones to come out of quarantine. Like the divorce rate. quarantine. The divorce rate? Yeah, the divorce rate shot through the fucking

roof that exact day. So I'm sure there's a lot of people out there. And I think to get through this, I think there are a few things you can do. One of which is come up

with things you guys can do together that are either one so inoffensive that you're not upset or pissed off or two require like silence or yo man feign coronavirus self-isolate yourself in the bedroom self-quarantine or the best room yeah or the best room pick the best room i mean if there's like a living room like a little you know office that has a TV and a game system and a couch, be like, babe, I'm sorry, I'm gonna lock myself in here. You have the full room,

maybe make me a meal every now and then, slide it out of the door. Yeah, bring me some booze to kill the germs. Now you're gonna start having fucking, like, breakfast and bed service? Now he's the server. And you can be rude. Be like, I ordered brown toast and this is white toast.

This is beige. Alright. Cook it again. I mean, that's my option. Did you use the microwave to make this toast? No.

It looks like you used the microwave. But I clearly didn't. This tastes like it's been microwaved. Take it back and toast it. This time for real. A new bread new bread please come up with all these crazy new allergies you know what forget it just take it off my bill but i'll still eat it thank you um yeah so like watch a movie because hopefully they'll have to shut up or just like do something that really like come up with a new project.

That's like you time and like do what I do and make it last all morning or whatever, because then you can be like, this is my time. And then he'll do his own thing. Maybe he'll go mine for Bitcoin or whatever. Watch Wolf of Wall Street on loop and just constantly quote like the Matthew McConaughey part to him. The alright, alright, alright part? That's The all right, all right, all right part. That's not full street. Pretty sure it is. Matthew McConaughey.

I mean, yes, I'm sure he says it at some point. I don't know. Just, just stick through it. I'm like, it sucks,

but now is not the time to break up with your partner. Um, no matter how much you realize you should like just just stick with it because you don't know how bad this is gonna break and the only thing worse than being fucking self-isolated is being self-isolated with your ex yeah in like an aggressive fresh wound of sort of a situation um but honestly i i feel like activities that you can do together that are either inoffensive or like require you not to interact like watching a movie in silence, or activities that bring you guys, like,

you know, I'm doing my knitting in this room, like, we'll talk in a bit. If you set those boundaries, you'll be able to make space for yourself and enjoy this as much as you can, you know? You know what? I have an idea. Put in your headphones.

Start doing all the Instagram live. Start doing all your Instagram live like workouts and like youtube workouts and stuff that way you're gonna get fit as hell hell yeah because you're gonna be single yeah so why not on the market you know what i mean like nine times out of ten the first thing people do the second they break up is start working out again so you're ahead of the curve you know you're gonna break up yeah start working out ahead of time yeah so when you hit the ground running you're ahead of the curve. You know you're going to break up. Start working out ahead of time. So when you hit the ground running, you're fucking looking good. You're just shredded. You got them quarantine traps.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you're just fucking, you're a superhero now, I guess. You've been squatting for two months straight. Too much maybe. Your ass is just out of control. Yeah. The thing is, they're going to have to cut you out of this apartment.

Because when you went in, you were a different shape. Now you're not going to fit through that door. You're like, you're like one of those weird couches that gets stuck and you can't undo it. And then you have to don't, don't, don't you fucking talk to me about weird couches and taking doors off.

All right. Um, this is a good segue for this question. Um, this comes from Reddit user boobie, six, six, six,

my 19 year old female boyfriend, 29 year old male has a segue for this question. This comes from Reddit user Boobie666. My 19-year-old female boyfriend, 29-year-old male, has a thing for bigger butts. First time in my life poster. Wait, wait. Is he able to lie? Well, you'll find out. First time in my life poster. Sorry for mistakes. So we've been dating for five months.

And I haven't been happier in my life. Well, there is one small problem. My boyfriend loves bigger butts. I have a small one, and for the last two months, he keeps telling me to work out more and more so it can become larger. He kept pressuring me about it and even said my best friend has a juicy butt, and she's extremely hot. Well, the best compliment I got from him was, you're cute. You'd be hot if you had a big butt. I can't grow a butt.

I've been working out since he started mentioning it and I'm having zero results. That's why he keeps pushing me to work out more. And I fear that he might leave me if I keep having zero results. Every damn time we have a good time, he ruins it with, how's your butt doing? Show it to me. It's really embarrassing and frustrating, but I love him very much.

Don't want to leave him because of this obsession with butts. What should I do? Well, firstly, leave him. That's a super shitty, cruel thing. And I think it's even worse that he's doing it nicely enough that this person doesn't realize that it's a shitty thing. Is he doing it nicely enough? Obviously person doesn't realize that's a shitty thing you know is he doing it nicely like obviously they don't seem to realize it you know what i mean like i think he's framing it and like oh no it's just what i like like like it's not you know i just feel like they're uh like he he has her bamboozled because this is a really shitty thing to do i mean yes i think he definitely has her bamboozled. Cause this is a really shitty thing to do. I mean, yes, I think he definitely has her bamboozled.

I think she might be, I think she might be caught in the, she's 19, he's 29. Yeah. And therefore he knows, he knows more than she does. And that like his opinion matters more because he's older and like,

quote unquote, an adult. Like when you're 19, a 30 year old is like, as, as someone who's currently in his 30s we don't know shit um but like but it seems like you do as a 19 year old you're like oh they're so worldly they've done so much they know so much like so i think like they kind of fall into this trap of being, I don't know, desperate for another man's attention. And it's not even about age. People do this all the time.

And I hope you realize when I said doing it nicely, I mean just the fact that she hasn't been like, fuck you, bud. He's gotten past that barrier. He's finagled his way into the point where this person thinks this is a realistic expectation a real like situation that's actually like working i do also want to stress that they've been dating for five months and she loves him very much okay well firstly like oh there's so many problems one you can't by by five months no i'm sorry you're too young secondly like what what gains do you think you would have gotten in five months because it's not even five months she started working out two months ago that's nothing or yeah last two months he keeps telling me to work on my butt yeah so she's been working out

for two months yeah and like that's unless you're dead lifting on a crazy amount of weight for like then it's like unless you're four hours a a celebrity like you know has a fucking personal trainer has a cultivated diet that's just perfectly on point does nothing but fucking work out every day because you need that butt for that new role. Even then I don't think you'd see too much in two months especially if like you're kind of coming

into this cold. So one don't be so hard on yourself but two anyone who's one like comparing you in a negative way to your friends to like trying to change your physical appeal like fuck this person so hard yeah i mean like he's he's got this weird like like he's fetishizing butts which hey i get it great i'm i am a butt man i i don't believe in butts that are too big. That's not true. There, there are butts that are too big. It's true. Um, but I like,

I love butts. I know at no point in time would I ever like, if, if that was my thing, like I wouldn't date someone who didn't have physical qualities that I, exactly. And if I, and if I did,

then I was, I would be making a concession to being like, Oh, Hey, you don't have a giant butt and that's okay because I like you. Well, the thing is, it's presumed if you're dating someone that they kind of hit your standards, right? Yes.

It's not like, oh, we'll get there. Like, that's fucked. Yeah, exactly. If you're dating someone as, like, a work in progress, they're not a home, you know what I mean? Like, you're not flipping them. You're not, like, buying shitty girlfriends and turning them into hot girlfriends yeah like that's and if that's what you're doing you're a fucking piece of shit yeah um human beings aren't fucking projects

for you to shape and mold based on your desires yeah your whims also like just there's a just a lack of of knowledge about working out here that that staggers me he's like oh how's that book come along it's been a whole week where's them games like no get go away go home yeah also like the fact that he's now sort of fetishizing your friends as well as it means to like you down yeah that's that's the thing it's like he's he's straight up like this is again we've been doing dealing with a lot of these lately like this is manipulation and gas this is him belittling your self-confidence and let me tell you right now maybe he's not even to that like maybe he's not even into butts maybe he just knows that like you were self-conscious about yours yeah and therefore like he like that's

where he just sunk his hooks into because the thing is if he was that obsessed maybe if you had small boobs maybe he'd be like or if if you were insecure about your boobs maybe he'd be like oh i like smaller boobs or i like bigger boobs or i like perkier boobs you know what i mean it's like you don't know how this guy operates and i'm going to assume that as a 30 year old man dating a 19 year old it might have a very large possibility to do with manipulation oh 100% and the thing is like I don't know ours oh yeah if this person was so obsessed with but so just so like so much so that he can't even go five months without needing you to get your butt better and has to tell you about

your friends but and just everything's it then i'm sorry if your butt wasn't up to scratch why would he be with you you know what i mean like if for some reason this guy was that obsessed with butts he would just have gotten with someone who had a butt you know like this guy is doing this purely to put you down and keep himself on top so that you're like wrapped around his little finger and he can just be a shithead yeah exactly he's pushing your self esteem down so that he remains within like he seems

better than he is yeah no it's shitty and this guy sucks so go to the gym again if you want keep doing it but do it without him yeah if you want to get a nice round booty get it it's fine cool but don but do it without him. Yeah, if you want to get a nice round booty, get it. It's fine. Cool, but don't do it for the sake of someone else. If you are just

rocking a cute little tiny butt, go for it as well. That's fine too. But also, just because he says it's not a big butt, doesn't mean it's not a big butt. Because I don't trust this fucker at one age. This could be a lovely butt. I know, this girl could just have, like, this woman just rocking just like the best butt. They have, this girl could just have, like, this woman just rocking, just like, the best butt.

They have to cut her out of the condo, too. A lot of condos with a lot of holes in them. Yeah, fuck this guy. A lot of butt-shaped holes. By that I mean, do not have sex with this man. Okay. You know what? Let's keep this shitty train going.

This is why Nightfall is a bad bird. Girlfriend keeps telling me about this one guy. Sorry. Girlfriend keeps telling me about this one guy. Sorry. Girlfriend keeps telling me about how this one guy she hooked up with was better at sex. Okay, this is a short question. Got back with my ex recently. Broke up because she moved away. Things weren't working out in long distance.

And broke our almost two-year-long relationship. After about five months, she's back. We talked about it, decided we still have feelings for each other, and that we should get back together. So during the time we weren't dating, she went on a Tinder spree, had a lot of dates and hookups. She said it's because she couldn't deal with the breakup. Honestly, I don't care. She was loyal when we were together, and that's all that matters. I've told her many times that while I don't care, I don't want to know the details of our encounters, how many, with whom, etc.

Now we've been dating again for the past month. During this time, she's told me about three different guys, even though I told her I don't want to know the details. I didn't make a fuss about it, but I reminded her I was not okay with it. One thing in particular that comes up often, however, is some guy she hooked up with who was the best sex of her life. I don't think her intentions of telling me about it are bad or that she's trying to hurt me, but still, it sucks. I was so attached to this girl when we broke up, and her constantly telling me some other guy was better at sex makes me feel insecure. So finally I decided to just ask her what it was that he did better so I could maybe try to improve. Big nope. She says it's too awkward to discuss, but apparently not awkward enough for her to bring him up again and again.

Am I being unreasonably insecure, or is she in the wrong? One, I don't think you're being insecure. Nope. It's totally fine to be like you're you're cool with the fact that she had sex with other dudes and as you should be because she it was 100 within her right to do so which to be fair is still still a hard enough thing to especially when it's like such a short period you went from a relationship to like being back in one like so it's really cool that this guy is so you know hopefully genuinely like cool with these things yeah like props but to but to lay out ground world ground rules which are very understandable and very sort of basic of being like hey you went you know fuck crazy for a while and that's cool

i just don't want to know about it i think think that's a very, very common and very normal response. It's how it, when I was open with, with Amanda, that was our, that was my rule too. I was just like, you're welcome. As long as you're being safe, you are welcome to sleep with whomever you want. I just don't really want to know the details. Like I don't need to know if you just had sex with someone, you know what I mean? Exactly. Cause that's the thing. It we are not our ground rules unnecessary complication like if

it's not if it's not pertinent to your own thing like why why even introduce it and like risk you know having feelings or or having whatever in intertwine or it's just it's just one of those things that isn't necessary or sometimes can lead to discomfort or any of these things so totally reasonable when me and my uh ex broke up and we did a long distance we had done long distance and then you know a whole bunch of stuff uh pretty much a similar situation to this that was our role was like you know we we know what happened or might have happened or whatever but like doesn't matter but let's not kind of because there's almost this like element of like rubbing it in someone's face almost you know what I mean you don't want to get in that

competition of who did what and whatever um so yeah totally reasonable at this point like it is a competition you know what I mean to bring it up it's one thing to be like you know if it just happens to come out casually that like oh

this one tinder date you know funny story blah blah blah but to constantly bring up the fact to be like oh this one guy was way better at sex than you yeah that's just cool hey oh hey this dude just you just you just aren't as good as yeah hey man you know the thing you don't want me to tell you about i'm gonna tell you about but also the reason i'm doing it is because it's so much better than you personally that's that's a very cruel thing to do because i can't see like there's there is no positive spin on it unless you had specifically been like hey so how was the sex or like was anyone better and even then realistically it would only come up once you would imagine or if after every time you finished having sex with this woman you were like

that was the best sex of your life yeah but it doesn't sound like okay fine that's the case here um and if if the the only way i could see this as being positive or somewhat positive on her end was if maybe she thought uh like if her angle was to make their your sex life better which doesn't even come true when you fucking ask her about it. And she says, Nope, too awkward to discuss. We'll talk about it. So she's not even trying to make their sex life better.

So fuck this. If he taught her a trick or did something, all you had to do the next time you were fucking like, we'd be like, Hey, let's try this or do it. That's the thing. You would never have to bring this person up.

The only reason to do this is to make you jealous and hurt yeah 100 this is this is 100 just a shitty tactic again to like make you feel bad yeah like there's there's no other way to put it it would even if this wasn't about sex even if just like every time you guys were making dinner someone she was just like oh i i i went on a tinder date who a guy who cut vegetables better than you yeah like just the most mundane shit if you're just constantly being told that other people are better than you or that you're not as good as other people like that sucks to hear it doesn't matter about what there's no reason to to to say that or hear that either like it's just really shitty um so it sounds like this this might be a relationship of uh convenience like she came

back and she was like well you know what i mean like i think that she is like we don't know what he's done right he doesn't say she went on tinder spree so did i she he didn't say she went on tinder spree i didn't we don't know i wonder if she doesn't know because he says he doesn't want to talk about it and usually if you're the one that comes up with it you're the one that sticks to it i wonder if he's she's trying to provoke him into saying what he got up to because she's so in her head about it so she's maybe needling him with like oh this was this and this was this and like talking about things because he hasn't mentioned it and she's so insecure that he's gone and for example had the best sex of his life with someone but like none of her none of her like further actions lead to make any sense because like if

he was like okay cool let's talk about it that would have been an open door for her to be like okay cool let's share you know what i mean like i'll tell you if you tell me but she was just like no i don't want to talk about it. Well, he's, like, that's the thing. I feel like she doesn't want to talk about it because there's nothing to talk about. I feel like she just made up these things. Not that she hasn't done them, but, like, I don't think she did have this one mind-blowing night. Because, realistically, she could be like, oh, do X, Y, and Z.

Like, if she was actually angling to have better sex, that would be easy. Like, you've done the awkward part. You've done the cruel part. You've already've already been like hey he's better than you like so the only thing that's left like what is left honestly i think it's just an uh insecurity like like a lashing out just trying to like make herself feel better or to get these details yeah maybe either way i don't think like either way this person sucks get the fuck out. Yes. It doesn't matter why she's doing it because it's not nice. Yeah. And like,

you just have to sit her down and have this conversation and be like, look, I've outlined my guidelines. I don't want to hear about your hookups. If you want to bring them up, you know what I mean? Let's put it all on the table. Let's get it out. If you don't want to talk about it, then I don't want to hear about it ever again. And if you bring it up again, then i'm going to assume that like this guy is so good

that a relationship with me cannot continue like if he's the best sex of your life go date him yeah or just be like look you keep bringing it up why and see if she doesn't answer and be like because you realize this is cruel like imagine if i said oh this girl was hotter than you or nicer than you or anything like that. I'm sure that would crush her because it's a shitty thing to do. Imagine just like every time she took off her shirt, be like, oh man, this one time I hooked up with a girl with way better boobs than you.

Yeah, right? Just like, imagine that. That would be crazy. That would be a horrible thing to say. It's a crazy thing to say to someone. So, you know what? Honestly, I'd say you just break up with her. I don't think there's a point in having the conversation, but if you really love this

person, if you want to make it work, have the conversation try and get to an answer, because there has to be a reason for it doesn't excuse it because it's still shitty, but you know hey, we've been telling a lot of people to break up, so I'm gonna switch it up here, I'm gonna change gears, cause

we need some positivity this comes from reddit user lonely soul 96 my mom is trying to set me up uh he's a 23 year old male with someone uh who she works with and she's a 23 year old female how do i send the first message so my mom and this girl were working yesterday in the same office and i crept up in conversation she asked my mother just crept right up i know it's such a fucking weird phrase because I'm like, were you talking and you just kind of like snuck in? Yeah.

Or did you just, you know, did they inadvertently start talking? Yes. She asked my mother about me and if I was single, etc. And she saw a picture of me and said I'm really, really cute. That's a bold move. And maybe after this corona stuff stuff we could go out for a meal she's really really pretty and i don't really know how to talk to girls i'm super attracted to anyways my mom said hey he's shy so you might have to make the first move and she added

me on facebook i of course accepted what would be a good message to start off with i'll probably message tomorrow but i'm really not good with this kind of stuff. Thank you. What's the first message now? Message. Okay, now this depends on how close you are with your mom, how close your mom is with that person, and how cool that person is. But I think you message her saying, I thought you were meant to make the first move. Wink. Well, I would argue that she did. She added him to Facebook.

That's not a first move. That's a first move. That's half a move. Still a move. Mm. You know what the opening line is? That's like drawing a bow and never letting the arrow go. That's enough to provoke some people.

Yeah, but not shy boys. Shy boys are just going to stand there until they get shot. Well, now here's the time. Here's the time to not be a shy boy, and you just message her, hello. Just send her a hey.

And then say, I thought you were meant to make the first move. Yeah, sure. Then criticize her butt, or say you've had better sex than her. Just so you know, I've already had the best sex of my life, so good luck, tiny butt. And then say you're going to cut her out of her condo. Tell her you're going to give her condo a C-section. Just rip her out. Here's the thing.

We have time. You've got about two months probably before this all blows over i want you to squat every day if your butt isn't insane never talk to me again oh how about something super bold like throw her for a loop she thinks you're a shy boy and you say should we here's my dick nothing but nothing but shaft mess you and just be like hey should we start talking now or should i wait till the end like nearer to the end of the quarry like isolation so i can ask you out wink oh right that's not bad do i start talking now or should i just message you when self-isolation ends so we can go for a drink um because then she says hey hey hey we talked about this last night

or last week here's the thing i thought that was the best ask her out on a date just be like hey we don't have to wait for corona blow over um facebook has video chat and just be like hey do you have do you have a glass of wine or something grab a glass of wine let's have a date right now. Or set up a date prior to. That's fair. I do think he probably got talked first, but maybe not. I don't know. He's a shy boy. I will say

so, prior to last week, somebody did do an online date, one of our listeners, where they tried to do the dinner thing, but he ate his food. As per our advice? I don't know if it was as per our advice. I don't know if they listened yet.

I think it actually happened in between we recorded. It might have gotten through them through my girlfriend. Oh, okay. Because we had talked to her. Anyway, either way, it went really badly. Yikes. The person made their food and ate it before she got on, and then she just kind of like ate and he listened.

Why would you do that? I don't know. I don't know whether it was just like a timing error with the food because it's pretty hard to have a food ready at the same time depending on what you're making, right? So I don't know if like he was too soon or she was too late. Apparently it was terrible.

I mean, that's fair. But that just sounds like a one-stop. Never go out for food on a first date. That's true. It's true. Yeah. Or just be like, hey, what are you doing during this self-isolation? I want to know.

I feel like a good way to know someone is what they spend their time on during self-isolation. So lay it on the line. Let's get to know more about you, Klesandra. Play 20 questions self-isolation. So lay it on the line. Let's get to know more about you, Klesandra. Play 20 questions self-isolation edition. It'd be like you could only have one movie for the rest of the quarantine. What would it be? Oh, you know what's a good one?

You each take a picture of a name and that's who the person is and then you play a game back and forth where they get to ask a yes or no question until you guys get it. So obviously don't show them what they are

but take a picture so you can prove it after and no one's being shitty and changing it. But it's like, you know. Well, I mean, Diggly, you could just take a picture. Whenever. Well, I know. I just wanted to get a... But you have to take a picture next to today's newspaper.

Well, what you'd have to do is write it down on a piece of paper and have it on like video. Well, you could do it on video camera. Yes. You know what I mean? And then be like,

and then hold up the, the paper. Cause you can't have like, unless you're really sneaky and have a bunch of pre-planned. Yeah. So I do that. And then it's just, you go back and forth.

Like, you know, am I an actor? No. Am I in politics? Yes. Am I European? No, et cetera. And you can do it with Pokemon too. you go back and forth like you know am i an actor no am i in politics yes am i european no etc and you can do it with pokemon too there's there's a ton of different games you could do like i like

i don't think here's the thing i think we don't know how long this is gonna last so starting a text game right now is gonna be exhausting especially for a dude who doesn't know. How to talk to girls he's attracted to. So I think you either have to. Be ready to just be good. Just learn how to. Or. Start making moves immediately. I don't think you can be.

I don't think you can play the long game here. Because it's a long fucking time to wait. So unless you can. Really up your text game and just sort of you know start start smoothing start you know building attraction via that i think the the other the other like alternative is just like go on a first date have a have a couple drinks over a video chat and or even even call you know what i mean like if you're not comfortable being seen but like i don't see what the harm is is if you both have already just like announced your attraction for

one another yeah that's the thing like you guys know that's that's a really nice place to be and like you don't want to like slide back into pretending you don't know. You know what I mean? Like, you guys both know this, and don't forget that. Don't, like, go back to step zero. Maybe just be like, oh, man, this is really bad timing, because if we weren't self-isolating, I could ask you out. Because that's cute. It gets to the heart of the message, and then that's a good opener.

You guys can go. It immediately lets them know that you're attracted and that you do want to go on a date. Then you don't have to dance around that and you can move on. And who knows, maybe this will turn into like a little, little sexy quarantine long distance thing. You know what I mean?

Like a little, if it works out, it's going to be fucking adorable. It's going to be great. Yeah. I hope, I hope you work out. Also,

if you're, if you're worried about talking to people who are, you're super attracted to, hey, can you talk to people? Great. Just remove the super attracted part out and just treat them like a normal human being because that's what they are. Don't get all up in your head about how attractive they are or how much you like them.

It doesn't have any bearing. Just treat them like a normal person. Hang out with them like a normal person. And every now and then, maybe throw in a little compliment. You know what I mean? Like that's really the only difference is like between having a normal conversation and having a flirty conversation is, you know, a really well-timed, maybe suggestive compliment. That's really it. A nice one.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm sure, one, it's if you're in self-isolation, it's rare that you're like doing your hair and makeup and shit like that. So this, this date might be a good chance for both of you. You know, you can have a really good shower and shave and like get all ready. She can do the same. It's, that's a nice sort of normalcy. You know what I mean? Like, it's a nice sort of being like, I feel put together for the first time in like two weeks. And then you can then say, Hey, you look great. And that will mean like to be, to get a compliment on your appearance in a time where most of us aren't really trying that hard to look good.

We'll mean a lot. Yeah. I think this could be great. Go for it. Also, if you're playing some kind of like you're doing jackpot games or something over the like discord, you're not going

to even be able to see each other so there you go you can just pretend she's not a super attractive girl yeah i mean like that's the thing if if you're worried that a video chat's gonna spook you too soon then don't do it chat for a bit remember that like just think of this as like your mom's co-worker like there's literally no like no least sexy phrase than your mom's co-worker. Like, there's literally no least sexy phrase than your mom's co-worker. You know what I mean? Picture Sharon from Accounting. No offense to any Marges listening.

My roommate Kevin, and this is a current quarantine story. Are you ready? My roommate Kevin spent nearly the whole of yesterday in his room, but he came out of his room to make us some food and start to cook food in the kitchen. He then placed utensils and cutlery he used in the dishwasher. We ate, and he went to dry and put the things away in the dishwasher.

I got up and wanted to get some juice. As I walked past him to go to the fridge, I noticed two dildos on one of the racks. Of course, it's the same person. I lost it. Kevin was confused as to why I was upset, and apparently he's been doing this forever. I've lived with Kevin for two years.vin thinks it's hygienic and normal he doesn't seem to understand my outrage and shock like i've been sipping juice eating of plates and cutlery with his and his million lovers bodily fluids how do i convince slash explain to a grown man you don't place your sex toys in the shared dishwasher they're clean right what's clean like the dishwasher has been run no he was putting it on so like yes he will run the dishwasher like the the glass he's getting

out of the like you're not going into the dishwasher and grabbing like a dirty glass no he was putting the dishwasher like in okay what i'm saying is like if the dishwasher runs everything is clean yes but it hadn't run yet. But either way, I don't see why that's wrong. Because if, if something's clean, it's clean.

It doesn't really matter. Like it's not, so you're saying last all by the end of it, it doesn't around. And then no, it doesn't matter. You're asking very specifically if it had run yet in the story. And I was like,

does that matter? I was, he said he was going up to get a glass of juice. Yeah. Like walking past him. Okay. I thought he was going to the dishwasher to get like a clean glass out of the dishwasher

and he was putting his dirty dildos in so if like if all the things are dirty and then he adds the dildos and washes them it doesn't fucking matter because he can make the same thing be like gross I'm gonna eat off plates that you had your mouth all over it doesn't fucking matter

it's not like it blasts all the fucking ass juice into the dishwasher and then stays there it's literally a washing machine well it's not actually it's a dishwasher so if you don't but it's a machine that washes no but if you don't use it specifically as a dish um then it doesn't wash it that's the thing like don't play these don't play these games with me now. No, even if you use a dish as something else, like say a frisbee, it won't wash it because it's not been used as a dish. It just scans it.

Maybe they're really into ass to mouth. Ever think of that? No? Maybe it was a dish. That would be more of a spoon. Well, you put utensils in dishwashers, don't you? Yeah, but it doesn't wash them. Did you not listen to what I said? Are they dishes, then?

Yeah, this is one of those things where, like, you're completely right. I just was wondering why you were being so specific. I caught up on the juice. You're completely right. What I thought he was saying was, like, the dishwasher was clean, and there was clean dishes, and then he put his dirty dildo in. That would be a wild power move. Smear it on there. That I have a problem with.

But if all the things are dirty, and then you put other dirty things in and wash them all together, that's fine. Here's the thing. You have a shared space. You should fucking respect that. Yes. Because the thing is, the issue here isn't a physical one of germs you know what i mean it's a mental one it's someone getting upset by like the optics more so than the actual reality yeah it's it's a it's a common courtesy thing you know what i mean it's like

if you really want to fucking dishwash like just power clean your fucking sex toys that's cool just do it when there's no one home yeah Yeah. And you can run them through by themselves. That's fine. And get them out before anyone sees them. That is totally fine. But to, to like, just,

you know, over the course of dinner, be like, Oh, Hey, it's your turn to fucking clean the dishwasher or like empty the dishwasher and then have to deal with fucking Kevin's, you know,

six inch dildo. Yeah. Like that's, that's a bit much. There's no reason another person in your house should ever come in contact with your sex toys unless you're fucking that person with that sex toy. Exactly.

So that's the thing. So it's not like, you're not right that you're eating his bodily fluids off these things, you know, but at the same time... If they're not cleaning, there's no point in using that fucking dishwasher. Exactly. They're literally eating using that fucking dishwasher they're literally eating off of dishes the dishes will be clean oh my god did

you not listen what like do you not have them in this country i actually do have a dishwasher and i never use it in your in your home yeah what i know oh my god we used it once and it didn't really clean i was just like I'm just washing these dishes again okay but what did you use those dishes for were you using them as frisbees I'd rest my case yeah that's true I was doing dishes fuck

but yeah that's the thing so it's kind of like somewhere in the middle it's like yeah you're not eating their like butt juices but at the same time it's like it's kind of not cool to just be like doing shit and like you can just use in the bathroom sink if you wanted to or again just do like a late night load i don't know yeah maybe i mean like there there are sex toy cleaners like you can buy

like you know cleaning fluids and gels and stuff that you can just take them into the the bathroom give them a fucking clean down and it's and you're fine i don't know why you feel the need that you have to do it in the public space like i understand that's the problem don't worry about like the ass juice because it's not a problem you're washing it whatever um so i think i think you just have to have a talk about boundaries with kevin and say hey kevin if you're gonna fucking wash your your dildos in the dishwasher please make sure they're it's just them and i don't have to like i don't want to see them yeah so fucking wash your dildos however you want make sure the dishwasher it's just solo

dildo time and get rid of them or back to your room or please don't use our fucking public spaces to clean your dildos yeah Yeah, or make a deal where Kevin does all the dishes forever and he gets to put his sex toys in the dishwasher. I mean, that's not a bad deal either. Be like, Kevin, Kevin, you're on dishwasher duty. Yeah, for EBSIs. And I swear to God, Kevin, if I see

a fucking dildo in this kitchen ever again, I'm going to beat you to death with it. And I'm going to cut open this condo and throw them all out. Do you want one very quick thing? We were short last week. We'll make up for it this week. So a lot of us are finding social distancing pretty hard, right?

Not me. No, a little bit. You know, we were talking earlier about how we were all going to hug for hours. Oh, yeah. Once we finally meet up again, we're gonna try and get together to a giant... I don't mean like we're not... I mean in general, like we would like to be out, even though we're not, because we're not

shitty people. But, this is gonna make you feel better. This is gonna make you actually think, hey, maybe social distancing isn't the worst thing we've ever come up with. This is from the Seduction subreddit. This is by the Seduction subreddit. This is by Sweetboy94,

and this is a field report called The Claw. Sweetboy94 says, the ancient high-risk, high-reward technique where, after making eye contact with a woman, you grab her arm and slowly pull her towards you. I've heard this move mentioned by many PUA's over the years, but I found it too risky to attempt until recently. I was in a crowded club where I noticed a girl making prolonged eye contact with me. She was at a table surrounded by men, any of whom could have been her boyfriend.

Sounds like the perfect time to me. So far, I hadn't made any approaches that night, and I was sort of feeling stifled now that my element was too loud to talk. But my instincts told me to reach out and just grab her. She didn't really budge when I pulled her, but she held strong eye contact, and her body language indicated that she was into it, but also she was putting up a lot of resistance, probably not to be judged by the friend group. At this point, one of her friends grabbed her, and the interaction sort of fizzled out. I think this technique has the potential to be powerful if used correctly, but you have to fully come in. If she can sense hesitation,

she won't buy it. Has anyone else tried this technique? What were your results? I love the mental image that she's the furthest from the table. Like, it's a round booth, and she's in the back, and he's just dragging her across the fucking table.

It's like like she was making that contact and it's like yeah bud I'd be staring at someone who was trying to forcefully drag me yeah someone trying to

pull me out of the table yeah but she her body language indicated she was into it even though she was putting up strong resistance

yeah I mean like talk about not reading social cues hey guess what if someone doesn't respond and actively works against what you're doing that's called struggling they're not into it yeah i mean like talk about not reading social cues yeah hey guess what if someone doesn't respond and actively works against what you're doing that's called struggling into it that's called struggling bud what if her friends have to grab her out of your clutches and you still call it

an interaction for her life sort of fizzled out i i do think this technique has the potential to be powerful if used correctly yeah Yeah, that's called kidnapping. Kidnapping is a powerful move. Kidnappers. Sweet boy. It isn't just the name of the martial artist who came up with the claw. It's a crime, bud. So there you go.

Let's just think about the days where that was happening on the daily. All right, let's end this boy. All right, let's do it. Thanks for calling, guys. We hope you're doing okay. Thanks for listening. I hope we've made some changes and hopefully the audio quality is a little

bit better this time around. So thank you. If you listened to last week's episode, we're sorry. We know it wasn't the best quality. But thank you for sticking with us. This is a difficult time for everyone. We're doing our best to give you a little bit of normalcy. We're still uploading. We're going to be doing it every week, every Monday, as

we have been. So again, thank you very much. We hope you guys are being healthy we hope you're being safe please listen to your government yeah and and the medical officials they they're doing their best hopefully um just just keep doing social distancing keep so self-isolating keep quarantining uh remember that this is like a temporary thing that's going to stuck for us for a brief moment, but the risks of, of momentary happiness of going out and hanging out or whatever they're far greater. Yeah. So we have to think, we have to think about the needs of the many as opposed to the needs of the

one. And even yourselves, like I've heard some fucking horror stories of like, anyway, I'm not going to get into anything that might, you know, upset anybody, but like no one's kind of invulnerable you know it doesn't matter how healthy you are how young you are and even if you are exactly this you don't know who else you might in fact and like we all have relatives and like grandparents and friends who might be at risk or might be old or autoimmune deficient or anything and it's like we get it being horny sucks but like there's a time and a place and that time and a place is not killing people porn hub has now done all their premium for free during the coronavirus so there's no excuse what is porno premium what's

the difference i literally do not know when you get extra i think i think you just get access i will report i think you have access to like... More comments? Yeah. No. No, I think you just have access to like the premium videos. Like full clips of stuff. I don't know. Fair. Oh, yeah. Do you want to talk? If you have any questions...

Say it again. Yeah, if you just want to say hi or like, you know, give us a shout or reach out. If you've got no one to talk to, you can reach out to us on all of our social media and we'll do our best to get a hold of you and. If you've got no one to talk to, you can reach out to us on all of our social media and we'll do our best to, to get ahold of you and talk to you and, and, and give you some reassuring words and some well wishes and some good vibes. Uh,

you can find us at Facebook at FCK, uh, buddies podcast. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies. You can find us on, Hey, um, we did a fun thing on Instagram this week,

um, where, uh, if you, if you liked our story or responded to our story, we went on your profile and picked your new Tinder picture. I'm going to try to do a little bit more

of that on Instagram, a little bit more fun, you know, mind distracting things. So follow us on Instagram. It's Fuck Buddies Podcast. And keep an eye out for our stories. We'll be doing more games and shit like that. Just to, you know, reach out for you.

That was a lot of fun. You did really good job on that one. Also, we have some hella beautiful fucking followers. I know. Our listeners are very good looking. And I'm not saying that just because I also message in. What up? Yeah, we have some babes listening to the show.

And that's the non-gendered babes, by the way. Yes, gender-neutral babes. Although the ladies did show up. The ladies showed up. There were a few boys. We had a few boys. And let me tell you, there were a few of the ladies who had pictures of their partners. And I was like, I'm going to choose.

I don't remember who it was, but there was one. And there was like a shirtless picture of her boyfriend. I was like, God damn. Hell yeah, doing well yeah doing well i can only assume that's as a result of listening to this podcast i assume uh thank you josh eagle and the harvest series for the song paper stars i believe this is the widows of eastwick by john updyke she said nothing then her lovely mouth otherwise engaged until he came all over her face. She had gagged and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glands across her cheeks and chin. He had wanted to cry out, sitting up as if jolted by electricity as the spurts, the deep throbs rooted in his asshole, continued.

But he didn't know what name to call her. Miss Rougemont was the name he name to call her. Miss Rouge, was the name he had always known her by. God, she was antique. But here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism and the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound

of the sea, a rhythmic, relentless shushing returned to their ears. She laid her head on the pillow and seemed to want to be kissed. Well, why not? It was his jism. Having got rid of it, there was an aftermath of sorrow in which he needed to be alone, but there was no getting rid of her.

Call me Suki, she said, having read his mind. I sucked your cock. You sure did. Thanks. Wow. Wow. You sure did. You know what? You sure did. After I have sex with anybody, one, I'm gonna

tell them how much those deep throbs are rooted in my asshole, but secondly, I'm gonna call them antique, and thirdly, I'm gonna just say that I did it after I did. I touched your boobs. You sure did. Thanks, wow. You sure did. You sure did. So, to finish this off,. You sure did. So to finish us off,

I have a Pornhub comment from Justin0498, and he says, very topically, you should not be making content within 10 feet of someone due to the situation with COVID-19.

My name is Dave Miller. And my name is Noss Baird. And we have been your fuck buddies. Au revoir.