F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 81 - Two Birds, One Ball-Gag (feat. Suzannah Weiss)

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

This week we bring on our first honest-to-goodness sexpert!  We may be stuck inside due to the recent unpleasantness, but that doesn't mean we can't reach out across this fine Internet and connect with new voices to share their wisdom with you.  Topics include 50/50 sex savant, vaginal orgasm fixation, first time frustration, the band-aid scream solution, sex-induced pooping. If you'd like to find Suzannah on social media, check her out on Twitter: @suzannahweiss, on Instagram: weisssuzannah and online at suzannahweiss.com.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spang. And we are your fuck buddies. We're doing it.

Now if we could make this quick, this is digging really into my Final Fantasy VII remake time. You know what? We actually have a guest today, so you don't even need to be here. You can just go back to Final Fantasy. That's all you need to tell me, man. We got it. Because I've stopped playing for all of, you know, like two minutes and I'm getting twitchy. I need to get my materia fix.

I still never played the Final Fantasy game in my life and it will remain that way. No, it's so good. I can't get over how much like, I don't know if you've ever seen the original Final Fantasy seven, but it's I just told you I literally told you I've never seen or I don't even know what it is. What the fuck's materia? Are you just I've never eaten Taco Bell. I still know what it is. You never eat Taco Bell. No, I've never had Taco Bell.

I've never had Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Nope. That's salty, salty beverage. Nope. I've never, never eaten Taco Bell, but I still know what they serve. I don't think I've ever had Taco Bell either. I'm not from here, so I have an excuse. Whatever.

I guess I spoiled the surprise. We have a guest this week. We do have a guest this week. Which, do we introduce them next? We're about to in a few minutes. Yeah, we'll do it in two seconds. Deal with it, guys. It's exciting.

Well, I think what we should do is and this is based on the advice of a review we got uh oh shit i totally meant to do this god damn it we're dating and sex advice podcast where we take sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations which in layman's terms means we're just, we answer questions that we either find on Reddit or get submitted into the podcast of a sexual slash dating slash advice format. Yes. Yeah. We answer the questions that the world puts out and we hopefully are trying to make this world a sexier, happier, healthier place. That's the plan.

And thank you, Nick nick weaver for your review but we'll we'll give you a proper thanks at the end um so should we should we get our sexpert on the line uh yeah let's uh give her a call see if she's there let's do it so this week we are being joined by our very first uh official sexpert to the podcast and al and i have been been moonlighting and faking it but now we have a real life honest to god uh sexpert to the podcast and Al and I have been moonlighting and faking it, but now we have a real life honest to God sexpert. She has been in and written articles for New York Times,

Washington Post, Vice, Playboy. She's been the editor for Teen Vogue, Vice and Complex. She's triple majored at Brown University for Cognitive Neuroscience, Gender and Sexuality Studies and Modern Culture Media. So it is with great pleasure we introduce Susanna Weiss. Hi.

Hello. Welcome in. Thanks. Did we miss anything? No, not really. I was going to say, it's- You forgot to mention that she was quoted by Whoopi Goldberg and is also verified on Twitter. I mean, those are the most important things.

Which I also do have questions when did that happen and what's the process for being verified oh the verification I think it changed I'm not sure what the process is right now yeah but when you got it it was really easy I don't remember I think I just had to like describe

why I deserve to be verified so I just listed like publications I'd written for and stuff. Nice. Did you apply for that or did they approach you or like, how does it work? You have to apply for it. At least that's how it was back in like 2017 when I did it.

Yeah. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. I don't know. It's always just been one of those things I've wondered about. So thank you for enlightening me. Yeah. I feel like at this point now,

if you're not like a superstar on Tik TOK, you can't be verified on Twitter. I think that is Tik TOK is the number one way to get in. Yeah. Well, my friends tell me Tik TOK. I find it annoying. I don't get it.

I don't know really what it is. It's basically fine. Yeah. I downloaded it and thought I could do something for the podcast and like within like two minutes i was like i'm i'm over this i know so many people who've started tiktok since since all the isolation and it's kind of hilarious so i one thing i forgot to mention is um your area of expertise is you've written a lot of articles about the female orgasm and the orgasm gap. And we have a bunch of questions for you to, to do,

you know, sort of deep dive into your, your expertise and your, your infinite wisdom about this. Are you ready to answer a few questions? Sure. All right. Now,

do you want to go first or do you want me to go first? I'm easy. Okay. I feel like you have more, so I'll let you go first. So this one is from Reddit. And it was one actually I had a while ago I was going to bring to the podcast. But then once you showed up on our radar, I felt like it was more appropriate.

So this is by user throwRAtrashcan. So it's by a 24-year-old female whose 25-year-old boyfriend is inconsistent in bed and is starting to bother her. And she says, 50% of the time, we have mind mind blowing sex, like an orgasm two or three times. No man has ever done that for me. But then the other 50% of the times we meet are terrible and I'm left unsatisfied. I don't know what's wrong. It's like as soon as he makes me orgasm, he taps out. His job is done and he can take it easy every other day. That's wrong. I know I'm greedy, but I want to orgasm every time we have sex. Why should 50% of our sexual encounters be unsatisfying? Of course, he doesn't mind. He orgasms every time and doesn't seem to care. I want to have an orgasm too. He

plays stupid whenever I confront him about it. I don't know what to do and how to get him to satisfy me 100% of the time. Am I being greedy? Am I being inconsiderate? I just love being dazed after a good sex session with just love being dazed after a good sex session with him. I'm always after a good one left barely capable of walking and it makes the rest of my day amazing. Looking forward to another one when we get home. It's like nothing can bother me. But when we have bad sex, the rest of my day feels like shit. Wow. I don't know what's wrong with him. Why wouldn't he want that every time? I don't know. She says he's already confronted him and he plays dumb. That's tough because I don't know what she's telling him. I guess if she wants

to try again, my advice would be to talk to him. My advice would be to focus on what she said about how good it is half the time, you know, because positive reinforcement can help somebody if maybe he feels insecure. If she says like, hey, we have bad sex half the time, then that wouldn't be the best way to approach it. Yeah. If she's like, oh, it's so good when you do this, could we do it that way more often? That would probably be the best way to approach that. If she's already done that, I don't know. I feel like this guy sounds maybe like he's insecure or like he, I don't know what his deal is, but I feel like that might indicate qualities that should make her reconsider the relationship if he really won't listen if she approaches it in a good way. Yeah, and it's definitely not greedy to want an orgasm every time you have sex, especially if your partner is having one. Exactly. I think that's probably one of the main things that kind of breaks my heart about this

question is like, you can tell she's already doubting whether she should even ask for this stuff and i think like if if anyone out there ever thinks that it's really important to know that you are not greedy or inconsiderate for wanting like everyone's orgasm matters your partners doesn't matter more than yours like that's something you definitely need to to realize you know it's been like 60 years since the sexual revolution it's like we we're all on the same page with the fact that like everyone's entitled to an orgasm if you're having a sexual relationship everyone should be benefiting from it um i would like my big question for this guy is what is he doing to play dumb like how does

that conversation go out where it's like hey i would like you know let's let's increase our sexual compatibility a little bit more and like what what move do you pull to play dumb on that yeah and also the fact that like if sometimes are so good like he clearly knows what he's doing which is the weirder part because it seems like the other times are intentional like he's actively not getting her off. I don't know why that would be. The only thing I can think of is maybe it's a matter of

like mismatched libidos. Like maybe she wants sex a lot more than he does and he is sort of he's having sex out of duty and therefore isn't like entirely committed to the act. That's possible. It'd also be that he has some insecurity he's not talking about like maybe i don't know if he focuses on her then maybe it's

hard for him to finish or or something that he's afraid to talk about so he just doesn't say anything yeah that's the thing It sounds like this person clearly, like if they were confident, they would be able to have this conversation without playing dumb and like avoiding. And, you know, I,

I doubt this would be an issue. Although I do worry that because the girl has said that she herself, like she seems unsure as to whether she's even allowed to ask for this. I worried that the conversation wasn't as forward as it maybe needed to be. But it's kind of hard to tell without any more details, right? But also maybe focus on how it makes her feel. Like if she says like, this makes me feel like

your needs are more important than mine, then maybe that would get through to him. Yeah, I think what you said initially is like one of the most important parts of this is that when this conversation comes up like focusing on the positives like we have really good sex half the time you know or we have a lot of really good sex is more important than saying we have bad sex half the time like you're that one's definitely a really strong takeaway yeah doing a check-in afterwards. You know what I mean?

Like once you have that, like sort of ground shaking, life changing sex, reinforce and be like, that was fucking amazing. Like that was, that was really good. And then the next time it doesn't happen,

maybe check in afterwards and be like, Hey, are you okay? Like it just felt a little off today. Like, is everything all right? And that might open the door for, for a further conversation to be like, actually you know this is going on or this

is happening or i didn't feel this or even if it's like a specific thing they do after one of the good times be like oh shit i love it when you do that you know and then next time if they're not you can always be like hey can you do that thing again it's strange to me like i don't understand if if i was able to consistently provide that kind of sexual pleasure like there's no better feeling than like being you know a quote-unquote sex god in your relationship like feeling like you're you're doing your partner sexual justice like that's the best feeling in the world. Yeah, I don't see why you would ever willingly not do that. Yeah.

Unless it's some kind of like power play thing. Like this guy could just be an asshole. I don't know. Hopefully not. But I think what Susanna said was correct. You have to talk about it again and lay it on the line. Be like, you know, this is important to me. This is how it makes me feel. And line, be like, you know, this is important to me. This is how it makes me feel.

And I would like to, you know, work on a way to get our sexual relationship where it's this level of consistency. Yeah, keep it positive and remember that you are 100% entitled to having an orgasm. Yeah. And let him know, I don't know, that you're open to hearing whatever

his concerns are, because it's possible he has some insecurity or something that he's afraid to talk about. And that's why he's playing dumb. Yeah, that's very true. Cause I think a lot of the time when there are sexual issues, it is stems from insecurity because sex is such a personal kind of like scary

thing for a lot of people. So, well, it's for everybody, but it affects some people like really badly. So, all right, we hit the next one.

Hell yeah, we will. Um, this comes from one of our listeners. Um, she would like to be known as agent firefly. Uh, ever since my boyfriend and I started sleeping together,

he's been fixated on giving me vaginal orgasms while it's possible. Uh, they tend to be inconsistent and wildly dependent on different circumstances that even I can't predict. So when they happen, they just happen. And sometimes they don't, which is fine because I actually prefer clitoral orgasms. wildly dependent on different circumstances that even I can't predict. So when they happen, they just happen. And sometimes they don't, which is fine because I actually prefer clitoral orgasms.

My boyfriend is a wizard when it comes to oral. So literally every time we have sex, I get multiple clitoral orgasms. However, if he can't deliver a vaginal orgasm during sex, he gets disappointed and is convinced he doesn't satisfy me. How do I convince him that if I get a clitoral orgasm, I've gotten all I need and vaginal orgasms are just cherries on top? Well, if you haven't already, make it known that this is a normal thing for you, that it's not just with him, but in general with past partners,

that this is how your body works. If you want to orgasm during intercourse, you could have him touch your clitoris at the same time or do that yourself or use a toy. But if that's really about his desires and not yours, then just maybe explain to him in detail why you like the clitoral orgasms better and why they're so great and how your body just in general doesn't have vaginal orgasms consistently and it's really not about him and like how much you love intercourse even without one and how great his penis is or whatever. Never hurts to say that. If he doesn't listen to that, then maybe talk about how it makes you feel when he's so fixated on that, then it gives you this pressure and you feel like you're inadequate.

And then maybe he'll be able to look outside his own ego. I mean, that's a really great point where you're saying that like his inadequacies or his insecurities about feeling inadequate, delivering this vaginal orgasm that he's fixated on, ultimately, like turns it around. And now all of a sudden, she now feels inadequate because she can't have one. And it's ironic, because you imagine that he is so fixated on a vaginal orgasm, because I think he expects that that's what she wants slash needs. But the irony is that he's focusing so much on this thing that he's not focusing on her anymore. So dick it doesn't count almost you know what i mean like if you make someone come with your fingers or your tongue it doesn't have as much weight because you're not using your fucking penis to do it um and i think a lot of that i don't know whether it just stems from like porn where there's all these like really

unrealistic depictions of like you know it's just fucking there's little to no clitoral stimulation and it's you know it's all about the dick. I think people need to realize that that is, you know, a lot of, I think like most women orgasm, if not solely from clitoral stimulation, then the majority of it or like the easiest way they do it is from clitoral stimulation. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that yeah she could even give him a statistic that only a quarter of women consistently orgasm through intercourse yeah and like knowing that it's it's unfair to try and like throw that metric on your partner and be like well you have to be in the 25 right yeah yeah because you could sort around and be like well you know 25 men have penises x large be like well why aren't you that big yeah and that would also

be super unfair yeah yeah i think like what you said about like making sure they realize how good clitoral orgasms are is is very important thing because like as someone who doesn't have a clit in the vagina it's sometimes hard to differentiate you know um or not differentiate but you know what i mean like to put it in in perspective and realize that like you can have orgasms different ways and some can be like really good and some cannot happen as reliably or whatever it's it's pretty simple being a guy you just have a dick necessarily you know obviously there's like you know the the prostate and all that but you know in the general course of like media and everything people are used to just kind of like that one typical way of like orgasming so i think it's easy to just think really like simplistically as a guy i want to bring this up because as as a

podcast that's hosted by two uh you know cis hetero men who don't have anything other than a penis. Nothing else. No arms, no butt. We're literally just dicks here. Would you be able to, if your expertise allows it, to sort of tell us the difference between a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm? And sort of like lay out sort of the the differences between the two and and why it's important not to fixate on one or the other well that's actually highly individual i did an article about this where i asked women difference and they said completely

opposite things like some said clitoral more intense some said vaginal is more intense like some said clitoral lasts longer. Some say vaginal lasts longer. So it really depends on the person. There are a fair amount of women who say that clitoral is more intense. But there are also some who say the opposite. So it really depends on the person. And it's hard to separate out clitoral versus vaginal because vaginal comes from the inner clitoris. So it's really all clitoral. It's just maybe the route of the stimulation. Yeah. I think another way to maybe get past this is introduce clitoral stimulation while you're fucking. There are a lot of positions that make that like quite easily, like doggy style. If you can get like a solid base, it's easy to like wrap a hand around.

You know, if you're like side by side, like spooning or like there's so many ways you can do this. And then he probably won't feel as like insecure then, because if you're coming while he's fucking you, hopefully he won't be stopping to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Which one was it you know and like i i think that'll help him to differentiate between because i'm sure if he feels that he's giving you pleasure orally uh that's oral sex and then when he's having sex it's like he can't make you come during sex so i think that's probably where his insecurity stem from so mix them up like do both at the same time. Not oral and sex, but... I was gonna say, what...

Literal stimulation and sex. Hey, if you could do oral and sex at the same time, that would be great. But probably not possible. You literally don't have a torso. Yes. Now I can't stop picturing a person who is just like... A snake?

Yeah, or like their hips or their shoulders. Fucking freaking me out. And I think that's our cue to get out of this question. All right, I'll hit us up with the next one. So this is by another listener. So this is by another listener. So this is Agent Artemis, and it is a 23-year-old male who's been dating a 22-year-old female. I've been dating my girlfriend for seven months, and despite trying, we have never had sex. She was a virgin when we met. I had never had any sexual contact with anyone, oral, hands, et cetera. While we have engaged in all these things, we have had

trouble having sex as her vagina is too tight. We still have plenty of other sexual contact and I am very satisfied, but she really wants to have sex and gets frustrated whenever we try and cannot. It honestly does not matter much to me as I love spending time with her and I'm sexually satisfied in the relationship, but it makes her frustrated and sad. I feel that may be a psychological issue, so I try as often as I can to reassure her that it doesn't matter to me and I love her anyway, but she's still sad and frustrated by the situation. Do you guys know what is happening or anything that I can do to help?

Wow. I would say first thing, I mean, if she wants to be able to have intercourse, I would say go to a doctor and or a pelvic floor physical therapist, because it sounds like there may be some sort of medical issue or like just a tightness going on there um so it seems like the question is twofold i feel like that deserves attention because that usually indicates some sort of underlying condition. It could also be psychological, but I would say like, look into the physical possibilities. The other part of the question seems to be just about reassuring her

that it's okay not to have intercourse, which, well, if she wants to, then that's valid. But I don't know, just it sounds like he's already doing it just telling her how much he loves the other stuff they've done why he loves it if he were to give her i don't know if he has but just like give her specific instructions on like other ways to please him then she would feel like she was doing, giving him something he needed.

It's a good point. And just, yeah, letting her know that he knows it's not her fault and that, you know, he's happy to support her and getting to the bottom of the issue. You know, I don't know. It sounds like they are doing foreplay, but sometimes if it seems too tight, it's because there's not enough foreplay or because she's not relaxed. But it also sounds like there might be something like a little more physical going on.

So definitely like apply to pelvic floor, like expert or see some kind of doctor just in case there is kind of a more physical underlying issue there um and on the other side work on kind of the mental aspect i think like as as a guy like he should definitely be supportive in like you don't want to be too hands-off in terms of like no it's okay it's okay so that you're not supporting her quest to be able to um but you also don't want to support the fact that she wants to be able to to the point where she feels pressured yeah i mean it sounds like he's fine not doing that but if she wants to then that's a goal he should support her in and it's also worth mentioning because we've talked about it a lot especially recently um in the the idea that

like virginity is a as a commodity and like anything more than just sort of a social construct that is far outdated and pointless at this point yeah it's bullshit it's it's like maybe have the conversation of being like are you obsessed about or you know are you are you driven to lose your virginity for the sake of like losing the title or is it an actual desire you driven to lose your virginity for the sake of losing the title? Or is it an actual desire you want to further our sexual relationship? Because if it's one of those things where it's like you find out that her friends have all lost their virginity and you are now and she's now just trying to do it. That can lead to a bunch of unnecessary stress in an already potentially, as you mentioned, physical or medical situation that really neither of them have much control over until they get help. Yeah.

And it's definitely going to play into the psychological aspects as well. I feel like as a 22 year old, like there's no way that's not in your mind at some point anyway, you know, like when you hear all your friends in university are losing their virginities and you see like on TV, everything is kind of focused on having sex that there's no way you can't help but feel like betrayed by your body or like left behind kind of in everyone else's dust and probably embarrassed about it. So I think that would definitely play into it. Yeah.

I mean, it's also a valid desire to have though. No, totally. Yeah. It's good to start from like, rather than from feeling like something's wrong, like focusing on what's good about your sex life and then wanting to try more things. Yeah. This comes from agent Sinatra.

My boyfriend and I have amazing sex for some reason. The only way I can fully climax is so I'm very vocal. I'm not screaming by any means, but I'm certainly not quiet. He used to live alone, but recently had to move and now has roommates. They've complained about the noise and I totally get it. But if I stay silent, I just cannot come.

How can I not piss off my boyfriend's roommates while still getting off? Wait, what's her living situation that they can't have sex at her place? Good question. I don't know. I think she also has roommates and i think it's it's one of those things where like i think it's it goes either way um she didn't mention but uh i am i am friends with her and i believe it's they used to use her boyfriend's play like she pretty much lived at her boyfriend's place um and didn't really spend a whole lot of time at

her apartment and i think it was for that reason. Also, her roommates might just be used to her. So maybe it's only an issue when they're at his. Have the roommates specifically complained? His boyfriend roommates have, yes. Oof, that's tough. Maybe like sometimes when they're out, I don't know, get a white noise machine.

Apparently you can soundproof a room using egg cartons. So there's that. Just eat a lot of eggs. Yeah, I would say the best bet is to find some time when, like schedule specific times when they'll be out of the apartment and focus on having sex then. I don't know. Are the complaints like that it's disturbing them or that it just makes them uncomfortable? I think it might be a time of day where it happens. I think it probably happens a lot at night and late at night. I used to live with someone who had the loudest like just just loudest sexual partner known to probably humanity i can't

imagine the human body can actually get much louder than that uh and it sucked so i get where they're coming from i mean what if she like screamed into a pillow like put a pillow over her mouth or i don't know if he covered her mouth so she can like make noise but it won't reverberate as much that's what i'm wondering like is it the is it the like act of like release like the you know using your lungs and like actually getting into it not so much as the noise coming out because there are like there are gags and hands and pillows and stuff that you could use yeah that was my i was like maybe in it you know take the time to to see if you're into ball gags and stuff like that yeah it could even like be a kink yeah

and then you might have you know two birds one stone or two birds one ball gag yeah you can you can figure again like maybe you can turn it in the way that like if he's um depriving you of that release like that is is also a social or a sexual trigger for a lot of people so like maybe if if he's telling you not to be not to be loud you know i mean if he takes that away there might be some sort of sexual tension that you can offset. I'm not sure. I would also like to know if it's the volume, like Niall was saying. Because if it's just you feel the need, you can turn it into a quiet, dirty talk. Or, you know what I mean?

Get his ear and just say filthy things. If it's just the act of being vocal. But if you do need to scream, then it's your... Your options are limited, I think. I think maybe the band-aid approach is warranted here. So you know the way when you're tearing off a band-aid, you just rip it off in one quick motion. You don't slowly peel it off.

So save up all your screams into one super scream. But then you're only bothering your roommates for like two seconds and yeah it's going to be twice or three times as bad but it's only gonna be two seconds long yeah it'll just be a haunting scream that they'll hear for the rest of their lives yeah she could probably train herself to orgasm without making noise often we think we can't but i mean she could try experiment with masturbating and not making noise. And I bet that she actually could. Maybe it will take more stimulation or more time, but they could make a game of it just to try to see like how much it will take for her to they could even try to like have her hold back and just like i don't know

use a vibrator or whatever i bet that she actually wouldn't be able to hold it back after a certain point well you actually raise a really good point here because like when i masturbate versus when i'm having sex like i'm definitely a lot more vocal during sex like because i pretty much don't make any noise when i'm masturbating so it's like sex like because i pretty much don't make any noise when i'm masturbating so it's like does she scream like this when she's masturbating because if not then i'm sure she's able to get off without it yeah i think she could i think they just they can make a game of it see how much it takes for her to orgasm without making noise yeah like you that's a really good point you can make it fun and just be like, I'm gonna keep going. Like you can try to not orgasm. That's fine. But I'm going

to do the things you love and you just can't make any noise. And at one point, I'm sure it'll come through literally. Yeah, I mean, like I literally have done this way. I used to have a very loud sexual partner and I had I had the people above me write a letter to my landlord and then got the world's most like awkward uncomfortable text from my landlord being like there have been adult activities that are too loud i'll bet he loved writing that email yeah it was great and literally what we do is just be like if you make a noise i'm gonna stop you know what i mean and we we played that game where it was just like you find a way to is just be like, if you make a noise, I'm going to stop. You know what I mean? And we, we played that game where it was just like,

you find a way to tease and be like, make a noise and it's, and it's over. Um, and, and it's a, it's a fun way to like bring a new dynamic to your relationship. And,

and some people aren't into it, but hopefully if you're, if you're cool with screaming your guts out while your roommates are home, I'm assuming you're probably open sexually enough to give something else a try. Also, I'm imagining this is a temporary problem. And what I'm sure is that all of a sudden she's out of her own head during sex. She's thinking about his roommates. And once you get that noise complaint, all of a sudden every noise you make becomes like the bed, you, you moan, you do anything, it's always kind of in your head.

So it takes you out of the moment. And on top of that, like, you then are thinking so much about you're not acting naturally, because you're trying to like control what you're doing. So that also takes you out. So I'm sure all these things result in a less than satisfactory sexual experience. But it's probably just the newness and the awkwardness. Whereas if you really start to like get used to being quiet, it'll probably get better. Yeah. You know, when we do things the same way a lot, we train our brains to orgasm in a certain way, but like you can form new habits just through practice. Well, good luck guys.

And also you can just buy them earplugs if you want to get passive-aggressive about it. Get them really, really nice noise-canceling headphones and just be like, here you go, guys. It's a little quarantine present for you. Take up a noisy hobby and then record yourself doing

that noisy hobby and play it through your speakers when you want to fuck, and they won't know which one's which. Alright, you got another one here okay well this is from another user uh this is by agent stark why do i feel like i need to shit during sex sometimes that's it that is um tough to evaluate without being a doctor or seeing, I would say go to a doctor or pelvic floor therapist or both. Maybe some muscles are being pressed on. That's really hard to figure out just from that question alone. I mean, is it anal sex that's happening?

No, it's just like vaginal. But I know it is when they're on their back more so than any other position. Wait, how do you know that? Oh, they told me. Sorry, I asked them to clarify just in case there was, you know, some important noise, but they said it. Is this a man or a woman? A woman. Okay.

Yeah, that is something that I feel like a professional would have to evaluate. It sounds like maybe some sort of pelvic floor issue. Go to a doctor or a pelvic floor physical therapist for that one. Yeah, I had absolutely no answer for this one. So I was like, yeah, someone else will know more than me. And that person will be a doctor, it seems like. Yeah, fair enough enough with the position i mean maybe the i is it a penis or dildo or what's being used i believe it's penis yeah maybe just the angle is penetrating too much downward maybe try a position where they're aimed more up um yeah i mean it's not necessarily

a medical issue it could just be the way that she's built and you just need to you know try different positions um but seeing enough probably couldn't hurt if it's if it's happening like one specific position i think maybe avoiding that position or like Susanna says, try sticking a pillow underneath you to see if you can maybe elevate your hips in a different position so that your bowels, I guess, aren't getting

thrashed. Thrashed, ooh. Should I pop on to, I think this is my last one. Do you have another one? I don't. Yeah, it's kind of similar, but not necessarily to stuff we did earlier. So this one is also from Reddit, and it is by user CozyCardboardCastles. It's a nice name.

I have a higher libido. I find myself asking, pursuing my boyfriend more than he does me. He says things like, why are you always horny? We just had sex four hours ago. And why do what we can do other activities and things besides sex during the day. I think the issue is I rarely ever orgasm during sex. Once he comes, it's kind of like, that's it. And we cuddle for a bit. And I usually finish myself off with a toy while he's in the shower. Toys are cool and all, but it's not the same. How would you suggest having this conversation nightly and suggesting that i need more i love having sex with him don't get me wrong but i feel like i need more okay so there are two issues there one so one is he's kind of shaming her for her sex drive which is um especially if the reason it's coming about is due to his own lack of effort. So that's something

that she might want to address with him separately, just to say, you know, I don't want to pressure you into anything. But also, it doesn't feel good to be told that like, I'm overly horny. Secondly, it sounds like there needs to be a conversation about him paying more attention to her. She can just say, I, you know, I would really like for you to, um, whatever it is that she needs the orgasm to, you know, provide more foreplay to touch my clitoris during sex um or ask how he would feel about bringing a toy into the bedroom and he should be receptive to that otherwise that's maybe a test of his maturity and his their ability their compatibility um yeah i think that was like one of the things that made me saddest about this question is that she uses a toy when he's gone like it's almost like it's

this hidden thing like once he's out then like you know there's no like he's not even there for it it's like his hidden thing um which i i'm imagining either speaks to the fact that he doesn't want to see or know about it or the fact that she's ashamed to kind of bring it up in front of him neither of which is healthy yeah i don't know which one it is but either way if he's a good partner he should want to somehow be a part of her pleasure whether that's pleasing her himself using the toy on her just like being there and touching her while she uses the toy or touches herself yeah there's something wrong if she feels the need to hide it from him because that's a perfectly normal desire to want to orgasm when you have sex so either way whatever method they use

she shouldn't feel the need to do it alone yeah no totally i guess like similar to the other question is like there's nothing wrong with wanting to have an orgasm or wanting to be equal sexual partners. Like there's absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with that. And also similar to the other question, like start with the positive. You say you love having sex with this person. So like lead with that, you know, rather than saying the negative, like I don't orgasm, you don't do that. Just focus on what you would like. Um, no, this like I don't orgasm, you don't do that. Just focus on what you would like. Um, no,

this question is about not orgasming, orgasming. And, uh, well, yeah, no, I had a hard time saying that.

And you've written a number of articles about orgasming. Um, do you have any, before we, before we leave, do you have any, uh, final parting wisdoms to,

to tell our audience, um, about the female orgasm or women who are struggling to have them? Do you have anything you would like to impart to them? Yeah, I would say my best advice is it's often about being in your body. And there are a number of ways to do that. Just focusing on before you even start sexual activity, just like touching each other, cuddling, touching each other above the waist, breast stimulation, things like that, just to get you into your body and then the orgasms naturally flow rather than having to like feel like you're aiming toward that goal um my other like biggest piece of advice is to just don't worry about being bossy and giving instructions the more specific you are the better don't worry about like offending someone because you're actually giving them the tools to please you and then ultimately that's good for their ego

so don't feel bad about speaking up for what you want yeah i feel like if if anybody is insecure then if you're giving them like this feedback and this this advice like if if they take it then that's going to help assuage their insecurity. And if they're not at the level where they can take that and they get upset or freak out, then it's probably an indication that you shouldn't date them or sleep with them. Well, thank you very much, Susanna, for taking time out of your day to join us and to share your wisdom. It means a lot to have different voices and opinions on our show. And you have brought a level of knowledge and wisdom of the female body that Niall and I can't rightfully do as men. So thank you very much for taking the time and talking to us, Sadi.

Yeah, I really appreciate it. Yeah, thank you. Do you have anything you would like to talk about before we we say goodbye or um where people can find you um or where to find your work yeah sure best place to find me on my work is twitter um my twitter account is suzanna weiss s-u-z-a-n-n-a-h-w-e-i-s-s or instagram It's the reverse. Weiss Susanna. W-E-I-S-S-S-U-Z-A-N-N-A-H. Also, I do sex coaching.

So you can, if you're interested in getting personal sex advice from me, you can email me. My email is on my Twitter. Oh, perfect. Yeah, there you go. So if you've enjoyed suzanna's wisdom um and you would like to get a little more uh in depth and and a little more

personal um hit her up uh she's she's an expert and she will help you and we will also uh supply all the links and everything uh to find suzanna on the various social medias in the episode description and on our social media as well when this releases. Yep. Okay. Thank you very much. Yeah. Appreciate you coming on.

So thank you very much for listening. We're trying to do our best to make the best out of the worst situation that is the current unpleasantness. And that means maybe we're going to have a few more guests on the show because we're recording remotely anyway. So, so we don't have to force someone into our sweaty, sweaty boy closet.

Thank you very much for listening. It means a lot to us that you're, you're sticking with us. We're doing our best as, as we've mentioned before in the past weeks to, to give you a little bit of normalcy to make your Monday feel like a normal Monday, just by showing up.

If you have any questions for us, you can reach out to us on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can shoot us an email at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com and you can find us on the internet at fbuddiespodcast.com

or plentyofbeef.ca. Hell yeah. We've got a lot of thank yous this week, so bear with us. Firstly, thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. Thank you to the Regulators Podcast. They are a podcast that rates podcasts as reviews. So we got a very kind 4.5 out of 5 rating from them the other day. And that was very nice.

They also gave us a slight bit of advice that we took earlier on the episode in explaining what we do. So you can find them at ReguRaters, R-E-G-U-R-A-T-E-R-S on Twitter, and they are great. On top of that, obviously, thank you to our incredible guest, Susanna. We were trying to figure out in our noggins how to record remote guests who don't have a setup like we do specifically for podcasts. And an amazing Reddit user named Lantern Knight points us towards Zencaster, which is an amazing podcast platform. If you're thinking of starting a podcast and you need a way to sort of record everyone all at once, it's a browser-based setup. You don't have to download anything. You just invite each other to a call. Everyone gets shown up and it records everything all at once. And then when you're done, you can just export all the audio and edit it however you want. It is amazing. It's

currently free to use during the current unpleasantness. And it's probably got a customer out of Nile and I. I can't say enough good things about it. Yeah, it's been fucking great. And also, I know we did say Susanna's details earlier, but I'm just going to repeat them because why not? So it's at Susanna Weiss, S-U-Z N A H W E I S S and backwards for, and that's on Twitter and then backwards for Instagram at Weiss Susanna. Yeah, it was, it was, it was nice to have a female voice on our show.

Um, it's been a while since we have, and, and it's, it's always good to have different perspectives. As we said, from the beginning, we, we try to make this a conversation and, and it can't be that if it's just the same two voices every week uh so especially especially also a voice so impressive well learned and lovely so yeah yeah she's definitely probably one of the smartest people we've ever talked to oh god yeah um okay should we move into the end game uh okay cool yeah let's uh let's move into bad sex writing baby all right do you want a little short one whatever's tickling your pickle today you know what this uh this one was here and it's

pretty terrible uh so this is norman mailer uh and it's from the book the castle in the forest and here we go you comfy yep his mouth lathered with her sap. He turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the hound to drive it into her piety. That's gotta be the, like, ugh. Yeah, you know you're real cool

when you call your dick the hound hell yeah because he's hunting pussy oh no he's hunting piety apparently um also he embraced her face with his face hell yeah that's i'm pretty sure this thing is actually like a cerberus or some sort of like chimera and his dick is actually a hound hey well you know what other faces like eating this woman it would uh it would make more sense also like have you ever gotten sap on your on your hands it's like horrendously thick and sticky i think i think he's saying her sap as in like no i know but like to compare it to something that's so so like, like, it's almost like glue. Like, it's really, it's really bad. I come from Ireland.

There's trees everywhere, man. Sap is sticky as shit. I'm sorry. You're talking to a Canadian about sap? Yeah. Really? Not maple syrup, dude. Sap.

It's more or less the same shit. Okay. Wow. And to finish off this delicious episode, I've got got a little i can't even say it's a palette lens anymore because we don't do dan it's just this is just sort of like the you know the period um now it it's uh comes from porn hub user so but oh i see what they've done here it comes from porn hub user so fucking gay um and they say man if somebody sneaks into my house and grabs my dick without me knowing they better be ready to fight

my name is Dane Miller and I'm Noss Bane and in better news still no Dan and we're your fuck buddies you