F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 88 - How Sexy Is Dain's Dad?

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

The world is chaos at the moment.  We recorded this episode before madness descended, so we hope that we can provide a slice of normalcy and maybe even a smile during these times of pain and healing. Additional music: Study And Relax by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5764-study-and-relax License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And my name is Niles Spain, and we are your fuck buddies. And in latest news, Toronto City says jerk it, maybe take a picture. What?

Toronto government says jerk it, maybe take a picture. I don't know what the hell you're talking. Also, is that a real thing that someone has been paid to say? They released a safe sex during COVID guide. And they say your safest sex partner during the pandemic is yourself. Yes. And then they say to consider sexting. But they do say consensual sexting.

So that's great. I just find it really funny that they're not telling you to, to jerk off and take a picture of yourself jerking off. Well, they say consensual sexting for video, virtual sex, video dating or chat rooms. So right.

But there's a difference between, what are you going to take a picture of? And Toronto saying, Hey, jerk off and take a picture. Consider having live sex, sexting or chat rooms there you go yes they're okay they're not saying jerk it and take a picture in those exact words but they're saying well jerk it and they're saying take a picture

yes okay um it's actually pretty cool that they released like a guide that's also just kind of like funny to see you know what i mean like it's strange seeing the government be like hey you should look into sexting and video dates yeah it's just i don't know it's a nice a nice funny situation where it's a good thing they're doing but it's also weird to see it yeah and a you know a six foot fist bump fist bump for mentioning consent. Yeah, well, that's why I really appreciate it. They said have consensual sexting, virtual sex, video dating, or chat rooms. So, hell yeah. That's pretty cool.

With that being said, we're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. In other words words we take questions from either listeners or uh online sources such as reddit or we misrepresent the title of uh you know government releases yeah um speaking of misrepresenting questions and misrepresenting um do you have anything you want to talk about off the top or do we want to just get right into it because let me tell you, I'm going

to tell you right now, I'm not in for the long haul here. It is very hot in this closet, and I'm probably going to die. Yeah, we've decided to replicate the, because you're probably missing the sweaty energy from two boys in one closet. We've decided to just, you know, have it be summer and be sweaty separately. So you're getting that good sweaty energy.

Don't worry. Yeah, I did bring in a space heater here to getting that good sweaty energy. Don't worry. Yeah. I did bring it a space heater here for the, to account for your missing energy. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Did you pour beer on it? Just so you get the right smell.

Yeah. I mean, to be fair, that's what everything in my apartment runs on at this point is just spilt beer. That's fair. I did want to start off with some rival advice. Okay.

Because, you know, we got to keep gotta keep In mind what our competitors are doing right Yeah This might be a little lengthy but it's worth it Alright So this is how to be a high value man Okay And there's a whole list I won't read out anything aside from the bullet points

Unless it's important Right So one lengthen your response times list i won't read out anything aside from the bullet points unless it's important right okay so one lengthen your response times two dress better than her for no reason you always want to be a notch or two higher if you're meeting for semi-formal event dress fully formal you always want her thinking why she's not as good in comparison to you three delay introducing here hold on hold on is that what it actually says? It literally says you want her wondering why she's looking not as good in comparison to you. Okay.

Three, delay introducing you. Delay introducing her to your friends and family. Four, pull your emotions away. Has he lost interest? Did I do something wrong? Those are the thoughts you want injected into her mind. Yo-yo the hell out of her emotions. She'll be begging for sex. Five, get her to do things for you, particularly before sex. Tell her,

hand me that laptop, run to the store and get me some cigarettes. After she does you favors, bang her to orgasm. It's a reward. Teach her sex with you is a reward for doing favors. Six, when you get calls slash texts, never tell her who they're from. 7. Fill your social media up with you and girls. 8. When you're at her place, make yourself at home. Kick off your shoes. Put your feet on the coffee table. Help yourself to a drink.

Leave the toilet seat up. Feed her dog too many treats until he likes you more than her. Act like it's your place, not hers. 9. Be seen flirting with other girls. 10. Keep your questions about her to a minimum. Make her work to please you. It should be something she craves for you to know about her. A real commodity.

Eleven, occasionally be annoyed. She can always do better next time. Twelve, occasionally talk about girls from your past. Thirteen, be unfazed by cock blocks. 14. Distract orbiters. 15. Realize not everyone needs to like you. 16. Change plans both abruptly and vaguely. Schedule a date.

Morning of that date, text her change of plans. If she asks for details, ignore her. Let her wonder all day what's going on. High-value manner and control the situation and her emotions. Make her wait her let her wonder all day what's going on high value manner and control the situation and her emotions make her wait make her wonder a few hours before the date send her a simple message meet here instead of here don't text again she will be so excited she'll show up in her highest heels and shortest dressed and 17 and this is key because there's nothing more sexy than what i'm about to compare women to i mean i'm

already rock hard so get that gerbil tearing up the wheel everything you do is a roller coaster of emotions push and pull tease compliment text ignore get your high value self so infused in her thoughts she can't stop fantasizing about you get her mental gerbil tearing up that wheel with curiosity and wonder that's how you get the tens. Well guys, that's been our episode. Thank you very much for listening. I'm done.

Just life in general. I'm just going to, well, there's nothing, there's nothing hotter. I wish I was a mental gerbil right now. There's nothing hotter than, uh,

describing, like comparing women to like a useless small rat like rodent. That's not fair. Gerbils are cute. Yeah, but they're useless small rodents. Is that not? I don't know. What are they used for?

I don't know what they're used for. I'm sure they play some part in their natural ecosystem. That's fair. I'm sorry, Gerbils. All right. Do you have anything to say or will i move on to my first question i've got nothing to fucking say all right my boyfriend 23 year old male likes to reward me 33 year old female with sex whenever i do chores christ and we have the answer already

he's a high value male yeah next Cool. Throw away for obvious reasons. I met him two years ago in a bar crawl. Works as a security guard going to grad school. I work in IT part time. Moved together in a new apartment. I have a higher libido

so I usually initiate sex. However, lately he has started to reward me with sex. For example, if it's his week on the dishes and he's tired, he'll offer to go down on me

in exchange for doing the dishes. I get incredibly turned on when he does it but I feel uncomfortable exchanging sex for housework. Just yesterday, he offered to finger me in exchange for doing the dishes. I get incredibly turned on when he does it, but I feel uncomfortable exchanging sex for housework. Just yesterday, he offered to finger me in exchange for taking out the trash for the week. I can't help but feel like it's wrong.

Whenever I bring it up to my boyfriend, he laughs it off and says it's kind of like our little game. On one hand, I enjoy the trill. Literally, trill. I assume they mean thrill. On the other hand, I can't help but feel wrong for exchanging sex for favors. Let me just interject here maybe when he said fingering he meant bust out a yes flute and just trill the

hell out of that flute because that that requires masterful fingering maybe oh shit this yeah it wasn't about sex at all it's just about music yeah he's like all right now sit down now listen to me fucking rock this flute no you, you're right. It says rewards me with sacks. No. That damn you eyeballs just fucking spit Coca-Cola all over my microphone. I don't know how I feel about this because one, yes,

using sex as a bargaining tool to do things or to get things is problematic. But if you're into it and you both see it as a game and you have a higher libido and want more sex out of the, or, or want more sexual pleasure out of the relationship.

And this is a way that he's delivering on that this might just be a creative solution to he doesn't want to do housework you want more sex you see the thing is like like yes the fact that she's like incredibly turns me on that's great you know however the fact that she still wants to go and post about online means there is an issue here and the thing is it seems worrying that it's almost like he's extorting her higher libido to get out of housework but making it seem okay because she still gets a positive out of it when it's like yes that shouldn't be how your relationship goes like if you have a healthy relationship you're not playing off someone's like differing needs so that you can gain you know what i mean like yeah they should come up with a healthy system to to deal with uh her higher libido and that healthy system shouldn't

involve like him not a barter housework right like that's so fucked up like you shouldn't have to do all the housework just to be sexually satisfied that's so fucked up like you shouldn't have to do all the housework just to be sexually satisfied that's a very good point i did not think of it that way yeah no that's that's an excellent point that yeah but it is hard to to think of that when it's like if you're getting turned on by the game and all these things it's like and that's the thing i think even she's being thrown for a loop by the fact that she's enjoying it because like as a fun game sure but if it became commonplace i think she would realize too late probably that's an issue and by then it would be like oh you enjoyed it all this time you know yeah yeah i don't know like other than just sort of

regulating it and being like nope sorry tonight you're going like but i like again i don't know it's it's tough because if if i could get into doing dishes by man i would love doing sexual you know i mean like i i can't imagine i wouldn't also take that opportunity because let me tell you i much prefer performing oral sex and doing dishes oh my god i prefer performing oral sex than most things in life and i assume that you know my partner also prefers oral sex than not receiving you know like so i don't it's it's yeah it's a it's a weird sort of gray area where like it it almost borders line on manipulation um and it's and it's like teetering on the edge and the only thing stopping it from being pushed over is the fact that like it is a turn on for her because you know she's also

receiving something out of it that's that's why i kind of liked this question because like i'm not really sure where i'm at because it is it's like is it kind of shitty manipulation or is it a fun game and i guess the fact that he never talked to her about it you know what i mean and when he she tries to bring it up he laughs it off and you know kind of continues with it makes me feel like it's more on the less good side of things yeah i think i think a real like honest conversation where you might have just like sort of press the topic a little bit more like don't let it be laughed off and be like hey just so you know it's like i do enjoy this this is this is a really fun thing for me and it does turn me on but i also want to make sure that like you know that this isn't a

you know you're not pulling a fast one on me you know what i mean like you're not you're not being clever here in the sense that you know like i'm now at your beck and call because you're some sort of fingering master yeah um and you might not have to you know, like, I'm now at your beck and call because you're some sort of fingering master. Yeah. And you might not have to, you know, maybe don't go as aggressive as that, but, like, bring it up and have this... That was really aggressive. Yeah. Oh, fuck you! You're not smart! You're not getting me, motherfucker! You're fingering shit

anyway! But, you know what I mean? Like, have that talk and be like, we need to set some boundaries on this game, because sometimes you, like, you need to contribute to this household and it doesn't necessarily like like you said like my sexual satisfaction doesn't need to rely on you not doing housework exactly and also like the worry i have is that it gets to a point where he's like oh if you want like i'll do the dishes or i won't do the dishes if you want me to go down you and she's like, Oh, if you want, like I'll do the dishes or I won't do the dishes. If you want me to go down here. And she's like,

Oh, you know what? Like just, I've done the dishes all week. Do you mind? And then he's going to do it. And later on, he's going to be like,

Oh, you want me to go down? You know, I did the dishes, you know? Yes. Like, that's the thing is if,

if sex, if your, your previous sex life and habit doesn't change, you know what I mean? If it, if it doesn't, if that doesn't bleed into it i think you might be okay but like you said if you say no to the offer and then it's a vindictive the next

time you guys have you know sex without any of this you know any pretense if if it's not like well you know i offer it and you didn't want it so yeah i also think like maybe you shouldn't like by all means have this fun game but maybe have it with lower stakes things than chores yes you know what i mean because like dishes like they suck you know what i mean like it's one of those things that everyone has to do and if you're the only one doing dishes or you have to do that to get like someone to go down on you you're gonna get pretty bitter and if like you know it's it's a big enough thing i know it sounds dumb but like dishes and housework like they're big things

so if you kind of played that game with something lower stakes i think it will be better you know yeah i mean like it could be something a little more like making dinner or you know what i mean like things like i'll grab your beer from the fridge or like you know exactly something that's like less like a lower effort you know what i mean yeah um and i think what you should like i think you should turn the game on him because like what dude's gonna be like like if she was like oh okay i see your fingering and i'm gonna raise you a blowjob take the garbage out. You know what I mean?

If this becomes a fun, like, okay, I see your blowjob, I'll give you this. That could be fun, too. And at least you're not... You're a participant. Yeah, exactly. And then you'll just become the garbage sex couple.

Yeah, little trashcans. Don't go near that apartment. Please don't go near that apartment. You will only smell semen and trash. They jerk it and take pictures and in the background there's just trash everywhere. Yeah, I think

you do need to evaluate your feelings on it and be like, okay, if you're feeling manipulated and if you're feeling taken advantage of, then you need to put an end to it. If you can find a way to turn this into a consensual, mutual, beneficial

game, there's no problem with that. Especially if you are finding a discrepancy in how often you want sex. If this is raising his libido with this game, then this is, like I said, this could be a creative solution as long as you're feeling safe and healthy about it. Yeah, like if you don't mind, whatever. But it seems like you mind because you posted it online. And on top of it, you just really got gotta like realize that like getting into this pattern may

cause problems later on if you're not really clear about your boundaries now um especially like later on if the one time you don't want to go down he's bitter about having to do the you know so just be careful have a chat be open communication yeah all right hit me. Okay. This comes from a dear listener. It's a new question, but the first time question asker. So agent name I'm going to give them is Regal. Agent Regal. Ooh, Agent Regal. I live in London, but right now I'm stuck in Turkey because of the current unpleasantness.

There are no flights at the moment. I used to have Hinge in London. Didn't delete my profile when I came back home. Anyway, I started to text with an Irish guy. I mean, that's your first mistake. That's your first. You don't need our advice. You did it.

We were texting every day, exchanging pictures, appropriate pictures. He was telling me he was really excited to see me. Yeah. He was telling me he was really excited to see me, blah, blah. He seemed really interested, and I felt this might actually work because I felt connected. We were getting along very well. However, he is not texting me anymore, and I definitely don't want to text

because I think he's not that into me anymore. It's been three days that he has not texted. I know I need to move on and not be frustrated, but it's hard to do so when in quarantine. I'm also angry at myself that I put many emotions into this already because we haven't even seen each other. I've been listening to you for a long time now. Thank you. And I thought it might be good to get an advice on how to move forward all right no they've been texting for two months he asked my number and continued on with whatsapp

uh he also told me that he deleted the app and sent me pictures of every page of his home screen anyway am i exaggerating that he hasn't texted me for three days if he texts me again how should i treat him um firstly kind of strange move to to send that that like home screen yeah because like it doesn't prove anything no not at all also that's trying like almost too hard that's i've never understood that move because i know like talking to a lot of my female friends they've always been like oh yeah he deleted tinder for me it's like well okay but like cool i guess like what's like you just met him yeah i would never i would never say that to someone i'm like yeah even if you were putting all your eggs in a basket i wouldn't tell someone that no it's kind of weird it's like

there's no point deleting it until you're at the point where deleting it is like makes sense like if you're dating you know what i mean it's like yeah i don't know um so that's my only red flag really and three days isn't crazy like you never know what's going on um and like there's nothing wrong with sending another message and just being like, hey, haven't heard from you in a while, especially when you're a girl. I know. I know it's kind of like it sucks, but that's how it is. Like, if you're a guy and you send those messages, you can definitely be seen as more like predatory and like annoying and shit.

I think if you're a girl, like no one's going to be upset. And I was like, look at this creep. It's going to be totally fine. So I mean, worry about that. The only real risk is maybe that text remorse where you're like, I shouldn't have texted him.

But at that point, that's a social construct as well that we've ingrained in people that caring about people and trying to pursue a relationship isn't a weakness and it isn't a flaw it isn't it isn't like something to be ashamed of if you like this guy there's no harm in putting in an effort to make sure that like he's okay or that like you know something hasn't you know

distracted him or one of those things where he thought he replied and he's upset that you haven't you know like any any number of those things maybe someone in his family you know i don't want to put bad vibes out there but maybe they got sick or you know like anything could have happened yeah no 100 even like just isolation in general does weird things to people so it's like maybe he's just having a fucking bad time right now you know and he's just kind of like put his phone away and he's trying to like you know do more positive shit like you never really know but like i do not think there is anything to lose because worst case you're back where you are right now which and probably with i don't even think you

can end up back where you are right now because if you do it you will have a little bit more closure you know what i mean because you'll know you at least tried so there won't be that niggling like oh did i should i you know you'll have done it sent i i will say don't send them anything like passive aggressive like oh hey they're silent or like oh you've been yeah just be like hey haven't heard from you in a while like how are things or you know do it very naturally um because there's nothing worse than like and i get it sometimes you feel a little unhappy and you want to like get a little jab in there don't do that and but i 100 think just send them a message because like fuck it no nothing to lose exactly and like and

then again if they don't get back to you then you can say like now it's like well i've done my best i've tried um it's it's in their their hands now yeah um and like if something beyond their control you know has happened either they you know broke their phone or any of those things it's like there's no point obsessing about that kind of stuff because it could be any number of things he could be a dirtbag he could have howard like you know me he could have had a girlfriend and got caught yeah like any number of things could have met someone you know what i mean you guys aren't exclusive so like while it sucks you know it could have happened you could have met someone too you know there's there's so many things that

might not even be negative you know obviously it would be better to to come up and say if anything had happened you know what i mean but sometimes there's a weird kind of like you feel like strange doing it when it isn't technically like that you were dating or whatever. It almost feels bizarre to be like, by the way, I met someone by, um, but either way, this is a,

it's just spitball. We could say anything, you know what I mean? Um, so I say a hundred percent, give it a shot, give them another message, make it a nice one.

If it doesn't happen, um, I guess like moving on during quarantine is a weird one, you know? Yeah. Because it's like, you can go a weird one. You know? Yeah. Because it's like, you can go back out there. You know what I mean?

I mean like, you can get back on hinge and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But it is hinder and shit. Or just use the extra space to focus on, you know, a good positive,

like personal project. Yep. I get absolutely shredded. Write a novel, play some farm simulator, shred a novel, shred a novel. Play some farm simulator. Shred a novel? Shred a novel. Farm some getting.

What? Farm some getting. I don't know. Yeah, so I think also there's another part. How should I treat him? Don't punish people. The whole point of this podcast is to get people away from these like weird games of like punishment and like following rules and texting within a certain amount of days.

Not texting with like all that stuff is such bullshit. Just do what you want to do. If you if you feel like you'd like to try to reestablish, you said you like that person. Yeah, like we know that. And that's all we need to reestablish contact, reestablish. You already said you'd like this person. Yeah. Like, we know that, and that's all we need to know, because that's all that matters. If you like them, treat them like you like them. You know?

Because getting annoyed or getting bitter or being kind of, like, silent or, like, grudging, it's like you have no idea what they're doing or why they haven't written back. So it's like your mind could go to the negative places or it could go somewhere positive. You may as well keep it at least on the positive quadrant. You know what I mean? Just be like, fuck it. Something could have happened. I'll see what's going on. If not, you know, I tried.

But like you're never going to get anywhere if you don't kind of take that positive route. Yeah, so don't go into the weird like, you know, I'm now not going to respond to him because it doesn't help anything and the the sort of like because he's now going to learn that you know what i mean like that's a now behavior that he thinks is going to be like a a normal part of texting where he's now going to use that against someone and then it's that's how things spiral that's how like the

you know the old oh don't text after three days or like because it makes you seem desperate it's stupid like for all we fucking know old shit for all we know he read some bullshit seduction article that was like or some friend of his was like wait you guys are texting all the time take a break bro you know like you never know but it's always best to at least be genuine and like from your side of things you know what i mean like if you know you've done your best even if they end up not being worth it it's it is worth you doing it right like because if you do anything else then you might look back and be like shit i wish i'd done x y or z like if you just treat them well and they end up being shitty or not worth your time that doesn't matter yeah you don't gain anything by treating someone shitty when you don't know if they're shit or not

you know what i mean so i say just 100 treat it as positively as you can send them a message and just you know see what happens and hopefully it's good things yep and if not we're sorry but you are awesome so they're lost yeah you'll be fine i'm gonna do a two-part question here okay as in one question it's just going to be a yes or no answer okay right and now i'm gonna launch into my real question because i really don't think we can have a little conversation about if you want we'll see let's let's just see what happens this is by pm me or pickup lines nine is it worthwhile to talk to women who are taken? Is there value in building relationships with women who are already in relationships?

Yes. Yes. Yes, there is. Yeah. Have you heard this concept called friends? Yeah. Have you heard this concept that women are human beings and not just

receptacles to stick your dick into? Whoa, wait, what? I know. I know. Yeah. I saw that question and I wanted to just die a little. Is that from Seduction? Oh, you know what it is.

You don't want to see the fucking answers. Of course I don't. This is by Superhuman345. I walked in on the girl I was casually seeing, giving a blowjob to another guy. So I've been seeing this girl, both in college, sleeping with her, going to dinner, talking every day. Thought we were kind of casually, but exclusively seeing each other. That's what she'd implied many times to me. The way we were was really intimate.

She said I made her really happy and she missed me when I wasn't there. Thought I'd go surprise her because I was back from uni. We did separate ones. Opened the door to her room after being let in by our housemates and she was sucking another dude off. I know I don't want any right to her because we weren't official but this wasn't what I thought was happening and it hit me quite hard. Freaked me out because I don't know if she's been seeing him the whole time and I was enjoying my time with her because I thought it was something special. It's really freaked me out. She hasn't apologized or anything. She actually blamed me for the way I read things but it's really upset me she said she wants to keep seeing me i don't know if i can keep

seeing her after this honestly i thought she was different how do i deal with this oh god there's so much i know so much going back here so this sucks um that this happened in like it's it's no matter what you have in your mind the i like it's hard to get that mental image out of your head and i get it as someone who no one's gonna enjoy casual sex things like if i walked in i was fine with all of my partners sleeping with other people and like some of the times we've actually talked about their partners or sexual experience and like that was fine but i think it would be very different if i had walked in on them doing something yeah 100 so okay like first thing because there as you said there's a lot to unpack

here so i we can understand a good portion of why he didn't enjoy seeing that. Totally understandable. I'm going to let you go before I jump in with my thoughts. Okay. I thought you were going to go through point by point. Well, there's so much. Okay, fine. The thing I want to do, the fucking roommates. Let's talk about that for a second. Yeah, there's no way you didn't know that she had a dude.

100%. Also, even if she didn't, you don't let a dude come in and surprise her like that she could be fucking asleep she could be like tangled hair like wearing a shitty old whatever she could be like masturbating she'd be anything you know what i mean she could be or she could have told said like hey like broke it off with this guy. Yeah. I mean, he was coming over to like beat her to death. Like, yeah, you don't let people,

especially men, like I have this thing. So whenever a man asks me when one of my like female coworkers is working next, I always say, I don't know. Even if I know, even if I know they're like, they might be in the,

like the pub upstairs or like coming in at 10 minutes. I, I will not tell them that because i don't know your relation with them i don't know if you're an ex-boyfriend i don't know if you're you know a stalker from instagram i don't know i've had people's exes like dangerous exes who are stalking them come into work yeah in two separate bars not the same guy two different fucking occasions which is worse yeah um yeah so these roommates fucking suck and you shouldn't also have done that like that's not okay with you surprising her by like you know like you're you're not at the point where you can surprise people like that

not not in their personal space i think like if you invited them to your place yeah like surprise i'm in town or even just like if you had like a nice dinner you're gonna be prepared or something like if like those are the nice surprises no one wants their like personal space encroached on like it this isn't a fucking movie no you know what i mean like showing up at someone's house is an inconvenience there's a reason no one answers the fucking door anymore there's a reason no one calls anymore yeah like people don't like getting a fucking call they definitely don't want you in the room yeah i'm on top of that like even if for some reason they were at home pining about you totally fine with you walking in they're not ready they probably don't have deodorant you know what

i mean like just all these things like use your fucking brain and actually think about people because like i would be pissed off if i was just chilling at home and some girl just showed up even if i really like them probably especially if i really like them because i'd be like cool i'm just over here like sweaty as hell because like i'm on the fucking podcast with dane just sweating in the sun now you're there i gotta go shower. Yeah. Okay. There was another thing about... Fuck, I don't remember. Well, I just go from maybe

the top, because I can see it. So I'm pretty sure this is something you pinged. Because this sentence is a fucking doozy. I thought we were kinda casually, but exclusively, seeing each other. I mean, we can breeze past this this because we've talked about a thousand times if you're if you haven't had the the talk about being exclusive you're not exclusive

if you want to be casual that like those those are it doesn't it doesn't make any sense until you're exclusive exclusive like there's no there's no such thing as a casual exclusive relationship that's why as soon as you're exclusive, you're in a relationship. And that is the opposite of being casual. Casual is sort of loosey-goosey. You do whatever you want. You come and go. You sleep with whoever you want.

Cool, cool, cool. Or whatever the parameters of the relationship is. But the second you tag on exclusive, that's dating. You're dating. That's not a casual thing anymore. I had a girl who wanted to sleep with me but wanted me to promise i wouldn't hook up with other people while we were and i was like well i don't date people like when i just meet them you know what i mean because for me like relationships are pretty important so you know

no and she's like we're not gonna be dating we're just gonna not be sleeping with other people i'm like what's the fucking difference yeah there's there's no difference and like there might be some sort of like you know nuanced things that you feel are, are different between a relationship, but like, it's, you're pretty much lying to yourself at that point. You want the best of both worlds without like,

what I think it's trying to eat your cake and have it. It's, it comes from like the social norm of women can't have casual sex. You know what I mean? Like, I also think it's, some people are just like, they really hate

the thought of of someone else sleeping with someone like they have this fear of you sleeping with other people but they also have this fear of intimacy so it's like they don't want to be in that scary place where you're like exclusive they just don't want the icky thoughts of you getting with other people but it's like yeah i'm sorry you can't have it both ways and like i said we've talked about this ad nauseum. If you're not exclusive, you're not exclusive. You know? Okay, one thing that stuck out to me was we were intimate.

She said I was really happy and missed me when I wasn't there. I thought it was something special. Just because she fucking blew a dude, when you guys are not exclusive, does not mean any of those things are untrue. Yeah, they're not mutually exclusive. No. you think you could totally have a good time you could totally really like each other have really good times miss each other have something special and even at the end says honestly i thought she was different what the fuck does that mean so like that's that's why i don't like this question because this person is coming out from this really twisted mindset where they're kind

of admitting that they're not exclusive and they're saying, I don't blame her. I don't have any right to her. But then they're also twisting all the things she's done now and being like, well, she wouldn't have done this. She wouldn't have done this. You guys weren't exclusive. So she's allowed to do what she did. And just because she's seeing other people doesn't mean those things that from before

weren't true at all. Like, how does that invalidate that? Yeah. And like the, the phrase, I thought she was different implies that like it, it goes back to sort of that, like societal expectation that women who sleep around are worth less than women who don't like that. That's really what he's saying is. Oh, I thought she was different. I thought she was better. That's essentially what he's saying. I thought she was better than this.

But it's like, she's doing exactly what she's doing with you, but just with another dude. And also exactly what she's allowed to do. If you're putting weight on your relationship and what you're doing, there's no difference. There's no saying that this guy doesn't feel the same way about her and

she doesn't feel the same way about this other guy. So like to, to say that your thing is special as he put it, yeah. Doesn't make it any less special than what she might have with him. Exactly. Or it doesn't make it any less special because she has anything with this other guy.

But again, like I said, he's pissed that, and like you put it well he's translating different to better and he's saying like i thought i was worth more or or you know like my relationship should be worth more than what she wants because i expect her to be the way you you know what I mean? Like sort of my exclusive property without actually having to say it. Yeah. So like in this case, he fucked up by showing up because that's not cool. The roommates are just completely assholes, but that's a whole different issue.

So he fucked up by showing up straight up on him. He fucked up by reading into their situation. You're exclusive or you're not. There is no in between. So I'm sorry, bud. You're exclusive or you're not. There is no in-between. So, I'm sorry, bud. You fucked up that way. Totally understandable to be upset walking in on that, right?

Like, I'm not saying that's not the case. Like, 100%. But, one, it doesn't invalidate any of the good stuff you had with her because you guys are not fucking exclusive. And secondly, you can't then turn this on her. You know? Yeah.

Your self-esteem is hurt and that's fine. That's a pretty rational or reasonable response for this. But you need to look at whether it's okay for you to feel that and whether it's okay for you to take it out on her. And I don't think either of them are because she's totally entitled to see other people because you guys are not exclusive. So don't make this a her issue. Yeah. I mean, what you need to do is going for like, if you might, you know, take a second, reflect, feel if, if you can get over this and keep seeing

her, I hope you can, because you know what I mean? Like, I hope you can take this as a lesson in jealousy and a lesson in personal space, uh, and a lesson in, you know, discussing relationship boundaries and parameters and respecting them. I hope those are the things you take away from this. If you can't, then what you need to do going forward is realize that maybe these casual relationships aren't for you. Yeah. And also,

even if you can't, please go away from this, realizing that she is not the bad guy here. Yeah. Don't, don't carry this baggage and bring it and project it. Like we, like we like the the woman who's ex slept with a dude or a girl you know i mean like i can't remember and and like

don't project things that have happened to you or what you've created in your mind onto other people yeah because it's unfair for the next woman you're with to expect them to be blowing dudes behind your back especially when they're allowed. Yeah. It's also unfair on this girl who didn't do anything wrong. I will say what I love about this question. She hasn't apologized. She actually blamed me for the way I read things, but she says she still wants to keep seeing me. This girl's a boss. Yeah. I love that. She's exactly the kind of person that I would want to be in one of these relationships with. Oh, a hundred percent. Like I love how she knows how things are. she's like exactly the kind of person that i would want to be in one of these relationships with oh 100 like i love how she knows how things are she's like look i'm not

going to apologize uh you did read things wrong but she's also still from the sounds of it actually like seeing where his perspective is and just being like yeah but i still want to see you which arguably means things are special and do were good because why the fuck would she want to keep seeing him after an argument like this when you're being casual? You know what I mean? She seems great, so go you. Yeah. Also, get new roommates. Yeah, maybe, like,

advice for her, talk to your roommates about personal space and not letting them strange men. I mean, presumably her roommates know this guy. But even so, it's like at least be like, oh, hey, let me go get her. Or, you know what I mean? If you know she's with like at least be like oh hey let me go get her or yeah you know i mean if you know she's with someone else like oh let me like hey uh sorry she's she's busy right now uh or you know i don't think she's home right now sorry yeah like even if i showed up at yours

and like i didn't really know your roommate like let's say you know you lived in the place i wouldn't want them to just be like yeah come in here's his room you know what i mean like i wouldn't just walk in yeah anyway um this comes from reddit user throw all right queen me uh my boyfriend is queen me actually queen to me oh okay um my boyfriend and i have been dating for a while now. He's super respectful, sweet, loving, etc. Anyway, due to COVID, we haven't been seeing each other. One night we got drunk, started sexting, and things got hot. I asked him what one of his fantasies was, and he said, having sex with my mom. Wait, his own mom or her mom?

Her mom. Slightly better. I shut it down and went to bed i feel uncomfortable and so and i'm debating breaking up with him because now i feel so insecure he's apologized but i can't help but to think he may think of her this way i do not know what to do help man that's a wild thing to say even in the world where that is a joke even if you are kidding why would you say that during like a real serious sexting situation i will say that is definitely not in the ontario guidelines um oh man that's a wild you know what i'm worried that this man is just like he has one of those

diseases where he can only tell the truth he's like like, no, shit. Yeah, he's a liar. Oh, no. Who says that? Yeah. I mean, maybe that's the thing. Maybe he's not as sweet and respectful as you think. Maybe he's a terrible liar. And during this virus thing, you know,

maybe he got a package from Amazon that he didn't order, and he opened it up, and it's like, oh, look at this crazy orb. And then he touched it. And now he's got like you know the spirit of some ancient creature in him that can only tell the truth so you gotta ask him you ask him for his pin code straight off the bat um and if that's true you'll know he can only tell the truth yeah that's true or ask him a question that nobody knows the answer no he could still not know the answer damn it thought we'd solve something there uh that is a wild thing to say um could do you fit in your mom's clothes this could be good for you guys

oh boy i mean i don't like on the upside he's gonna like you when you're old as shit that's true maybe more than now so here's my thing is he he apologized but he didn't say it wasn't true I think we all know it's true I mean there's a difference between being like yeah your mom's a babe and yeah

I wanna fuck your mom there's also a difference between like I will actively fuck your mom. There's also a difference between I will actively fuck your mom, and I think it would be hot to. I'm sure a lot of people have you know, I'm trying to think, something like a teacher

fetish or something, where it's like, they probably don't think they can actively sleep with their teacher, but like, it would be hot if it happened, you know? Or something like that. So like, I can't take it seriously i'm trying to argue because like in one sense it's like any worry that i would have about this person would be completely taken away by the fact that this person clearly cannot lie very well so it's like the threat is gone i don't think he's ever going to do it because he's too honest to sleep with your mom and i also think

it's kind of endearing that he was so honest that he told you i also think it's fucking insane that he would ever say those words to you yeah but like now christmas dinner like that's that's not a dinner table i want to be i that's not a dinner table. I want to be, I mean, that's a dinner table. Me personally. I want to be at.

Yeah. As, as no party involved. Yeah. But as a person who's dating this guy, I don't want to be there. Well, like every time you look at my mom or every time you're like,

Oh, thanks Ms. Williams. And you're like, is her mom still alive? God, I don't want to go down that road. It could that road it could be so that's why maybe that's why it's so upsetting i like yeah i i can't imagine sexting with someone and then they just

throw a fucking wrench that's a wild move man what would like um what did he expect her to do i i mean if there's drunk like they did say they got drunk so if he was like fucking hamdale and it came out i don't know man like i i yeah i don't know what like if someone asked me like oh what's your fantasy and and i know they're talking about what they can do for me i wouldn't be like hey i want to fuck your mom yeah can you go together can you get hurt let me tell you there's no realm in which i think that person is going to respond with yeah okay let me get out on the phone it's not gonna happen yeah let me let me act stern uh yeah that's let me spank myself maybe it was a roundabout way for him to get her to spank herself maybe but like it'd be

different if like he was like i'm into older women or i want you to sort of like you know even then i got much you can do fetish um i don't like yeah i don't know pretend you like i i don't know that's that's a wild fucking thing to do yeah i, I mean, this is... Even if it's true, and I presume it is, that you want to fuck your girlfriend. For people out there, if it is true, don't ever say that to them. In fact, don't say it to most people. That is a secret you keep to yourself.

Yeah, that's an inside thought. Yeah, and it's, look, it's happened. You know? There's nothing necessarily wrong with being like damn she hot or being like oh it'll be so naughty and whatever sure whatever there's weird porn out there there's stuff if you have had that fleeting thought or even if you actually think it if you're not actively pursuing her mom and you're not telling her well you guys are fucking skype sexing that you kind of want her to pretend to be her mom, I guess, then it's probably fine.

If you do those things, though, not okay. Not okay. Yeah, I read that, and I was just like, ah, well. So my advice to you is have a conversation with your boyfriend. Be like, you understand those, like, you've crossed a massive boundary here.

And then, I don't know, I think, I think I would probably have to end the relationship see the pipe depending on how long the relationship is and how how much i'm invested in it but like i would have a very hard time one because my dad is you know if i was dating a girl someone's like i want to fuck your dad i'd be like really your dad is awesome though i mean my dad's awesome i love the man he's he's a great guy uh sex symbol we don't need to talk about how sexy your dad is um yeah like see the weird thing is it's like part of me is oh hey go for it how sexy is your dad day i'm describing him in excruciating deep no um i initially was like it seems like a bit much

to break up with someone for initially like it doesn't seem like a break-upable offense but on the other hand it doesn't seem like it's a continue with this relationship offense either like i don't know how you get to the point where you're like that's okay that's it's a weird one you've thrown me for a loop. I will tell you that. Yeah, I feel like you definitely have to be like, you understand this is a problem, right? And then maybe give them a hard ban on family events. Hard bang on family events?

Dressed as your mom? It's like, sorry, my mom's going to be there. I'm sorry, but you can't come. If it's any relationship worth saving, it's probably the kind you bring home's any relationship worth saving it's probably the kind you bring home to your family so it's probably not going to be possible i mean i assume he's already like he knows like he's met her mom so i assume man is it better or worse if he has or hasn't met her mom like what if he's just creeped her mom on facebook and they've actually never met i think that makes it worse i guess we're 100 yeah

um also how do you explain that breakup like oh honey i'm sorry what happened what happened just like shut the fuck up mom you shut your goddamn mouth you know you slut you know what you did oh man walking around in those high-waisted jeans lounging on that couch reading a newspaper. Drinking tea twice daily. That northern reflection sweatshirt that you've had for 14 years.

With your inability to understand the internets. Your airbrushed t-shirts of our dead pets. Oh no. Alright. Alright, hit me. Oh, man. You know what?

Just like that question, my next two questions are keeping it in the family. This is by throwraxl2. I don't want to take part of my girlfriend, 23-year-old females, sex ritual on our wedding night, but I still want to marry her. Okay. I'm in it so i'm a 23 year old male getting married to my girlfriend 23 year old female early next year if all goes to plan don't have a lot of family i've no contact with my dad for several years now she however has a huge extended family for the most part we get on great they tend to be loud and have huge personalities which is sometimes hard for me to deal with since I've always been on the quiet side. Overall, warm and caring people.

Something weird I've noticed since we got engaged is my girlfriend's cousins sometimes make jokes about our wedding night. It's weird for them to joke about since I'm pretty sure her family is aware we've slept together before since we share a bed at holiday gatherings and vacations. A few nights ago, we were discussing wedding plans

and thinking about places to go on our honeymoon if COVID clears up. My girlfriend and I were brainstorming ideas when she tells me we won't need a bridal suite right away. Obviously, I ask why. We're getting married at a pretty nice hotel, and she says she'd like for us to stay at her parents' house. I don't really mind this. We're trying to save money for a house deposit anyway, but girlfriend seems like she has more to say, so I push for why she wants it. She tells me there's a really old tradition in her family on the wedding night. Husband and wife go into the master bedroom together and they are supposed to consummate their marriage. The rest of the family wait

outside the door to applaud them and cheer when they come out. Now a piece of the bed sheet is cut off, sewn into a big tapestry my girlfriend's mother owns. I think my girlfriend saw I wasn't happy, quickly told me you didn't actually have to consummate the marriage if I felt uncomfortable and could just pretend. I don't want anything to do with this. I freaked and told her under no circumstances will I be doing that kind of thing in front of her whole family. I came back from taking a walk to clear my head. She was noticeably down and still is. I think she's been texting her family about it because I received a text from her mother telling me I don't understand the importance of family and tradition yet and this tradition been around longer than I've been alive. I don't know how i'm meant to go on from here i

love my girlfriend she's the woman i want to spend my life with i'm freaked out of course but she is my whole world how should i handle her family and navigate this tradition oh boy so the only thing i can think of right now is that there have been countless people in his position who have been like yeah no this is all right yeah yeah no let's do it oh i guess right um can we just throw out the obvious like this seems like a movie where the whole family murders him i'm there is a there's currently a movie right now where i can't remember what it's called but it's like the the like well ritual is uh you know newlyweds go to their like family estate and the one that came out like a year ago yeah she has to survive the night yeah yes yeah it's actually a pretty good movie um yeah exactly this is this is a jordan peele movie a hundred percent like

without a doubt like all if if you guys are an interracial couple like oh my god yeah and also i'm pretty sure even you're in bad news in get out it's like the one girl has the big extent of family and the one guy like doesn't even have family and that's kind of why he was chosen because like oh spoiler never mind but like because no one will come looking for him so like you don't have family bud they're definitely gonna kill you yeah this is this is a horror movie how do you not know this is a horror movie yeah like this is oh man i love how he's like oh this seems this seems awkward it's like no it seems murder it seems like murder she's like oh we don't need to waste money on this why oh you'll be dead

because you'll be dead don't worry about it big big dirty sex tapestry his mom crafts that's all weird yeah like i wonder how they choose the square is it the wettest square or the driest do they wait for it to dry and like pick the one with the nicest like cum stain if someone walks into that room once you're done fucking with a black light you're in trouble it's too late no honestly if they walk in with a black light you've survived you've done well they have to like analyze for the blood cleanup after oh true true uh get everything out like what thoughts what the sweet fuck guys there's only one way out of this and that is to make up your own crazier sex ritual that has precedent

over theirs that's why you got upset is because funnily enough you have your own sex ritual shit on the night of the wedding oh you won't have time to do them both because one is in malta yeah you gotta go to malta right after the wedding nowhere near the family yeah someone has to be somewhere cool and non-murdery shit and it involves good things that don't include also murder or a weird sex blanket your mom is making man i have the i have the weirdest thing where it's like after we get married and we consummate our marriage i don't get killed it's just it's just this really long line of things that happens in my family when we get married it's just it's just a ritual we have and like if you can't understand that you don't really

understand the importance of family and like look i know it sucks you're not going to get to make a bigger sticky blanket but on the other side of things we will survive we can mail them like you can fuck on that bed and cut off a square yourself and be like hey add it to the tapestry i've always wanted to fuck your mom if you want me to come on something and send it to her i'm down i'll come on whatever you want i will mail it straight to her i'll tell what like double down and be like sorry my family has a very similar thing but they're in the room and they participate so we're gonna we're gonna need a family orgy here if you this is what you want okay i'm sorry you think these you think this fucking ritual ass family

isn't gonna be like oh thank god you know it's gonna like this is when someone's like oh hey you two girls should come back to mine and that's the precursor to them trying to have a threesome this like sex ritual with the everyone lying in wait outside that's definitely precursor to them being like oh what oh they sound so lonely out there let's just let's just let them in yeah oh no the door cracked open a bit well now that you've seen everything get on in here i forgot to tell you the master bedroom is a perspex cube um oh it's awkward but they can see right up your butthole right up it don't mind cousin tim he's just jerking it and taking a picture ontario government told him to yeah the government says we have to oh man i think honestly it was the best alternate sex ritual i mean like i got really

upset because i was meant to surprise you but we also have a sex ritual. Sorry. And then make sure before you do this that their whole... Also, like... Okay, now let me finish my thought first. You know the way they're like, it's a really old tradition, older than when you've been alive. Find out how old and then be like, oh, that sucks because mine is 15 years older than that. So I guess you're right. We should go with the oldest thing, which is my fucked up sex ritual. But also, how weird is it that the moms texting are like,

you don't understand family. Yeah. I'm sorry. Like you want my calm. You want my calm on your blanket. That's weird, mom. Yeah.

Be like, yeah, my sex ritual is, uh, you have to take a, an apple from a snake and ruin all of mankind. That's our sex ritual. So it's, it's been around since Adam and Eve.

So that's, that's pretty much the oldest one that one of since adam and eve so yeah that's that's pretty much the oldest one that one of my brothers stabs the other one shortly after uh that's gonna do us for today friends thank you very much for listening to our sex and dating podcast if you have a question that you would like to send to us and have us answer or if you're thinking about telling any of your family members about or any of your partners about fucking their family members, send us a question first. Ask us if it's okay first.

You can reach out to us on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can hit us up online at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca or you can find us or you can email us at fbuddiespodcast

at gmail.com We'd like to thank Josh Eagle and the Harvest Studios for their song Paper Stars. I would also like to say, yeah, we can be preventative advice too. It doesn't always have to be like, I said this bad thing to that one-legged girl. It can be like, should I say this to that one-legged girl? We'll let you

know. I'm considering this. You know what? That's probably even the safest thing to do is because you'll have a week to wait to mull it over and then you'll have our professional advice. And so you're going in with like all kinds of reflection, all kinds of time, unless it's time sensitive. If it's time sensitive, we can even reply and we'll still put the question on the podcast. That's true. We can do that too.

So if you send us a message and you're like, Hey, so my girlfriend's family's outside after we've just had sex trying to murder me. What do I do? Which part of the blanket do I cut up at that point? Maybe call 911 and not us because although let's be real, the fucking sheriff's office.

And I know this is part of the whole thing. So I mean, just call us, just call us, just call us. Just call us. We'll be there. We'll skateboard right there. Yeah.

Don't ever discount the fact. That life can be a horror movie. That's how people get in horror movies. I'm sorry. Have you paid attention to 2020? Yeah life is a horror movie. There's no reason to not assume. That everything is a horror movie now.

Everything. Alligators climbing fences. We have fucking rodents getting angry that we're not feeding them anymore. Who knew that was a deal? I didn't. Yeah, we're in a dangerous time, boys and girls and everyone in between. Everything is a horror movie. Every week

we have a new thing to point at, which is wild. We should be still running on our murder hornet fuel. Every week we have a new thing to point at, which is wild. Like, we should be still running on our, like, murder hornet fuel. Murder hornets are a joke. We want more murder hornets in exchange. We want them back. Yeah, give them back. Bring them over. I can kick a fucking murder hornet right in its face.

I can't kick an alligator. I'll lose my fucking leg. Yeah, as it's climbing my man-made fences. Yeah, they can do parkour now. Okay. Do you have some bad sex writing for us i have some news you know dan oh no he's still gone oh shit okay yeah uh so i found a online repository depository repository I just found an online pile of erotic poetry. So this is by Dean. It's poems by,

poems by Dean. Dean C. So Dean C, I'm just going to scroll. This is a long ass document. This is page nine of 21. I'm just going to read. She's bathed in the deep dream mist of sleep.

The dream mist of sleep of what doth dream she, me or he, that poet lusts as she cunts, fumes, wafts, and the sighs of she perfume, the breeze perfume, the airs that circle through the cunt hairs, before she lies open on that lily bed of little death, that lily bed of fragrant breath, lies there upon passion flowers, soaked in the scented squirt of she, opened at a page much loved by she, kissed by those c loved by she kissed by those cunt lips kissed by those cunt lips that page that rubbed she

upon those lily lips. Why is everyone rubbing their fucking vagina on pages? Well, you know what? Sometimes you just gotta. That's what good literature does, Niall. Just gets you. You just want to soak it up? Soak it in? Let me let me begin uh yeah thank you dean

can you do it this time with a little bit more like beat poetry like spoken word yeah she is bathed in the deep dream mist of sleep the dream mist of sleep of what What doth she dream? She me? Or he that poet lusts? She as cunt fumes Waft and the size of she perfume The breeze Perfume The airs That circle through

The cunt hairs of she Where lies Open Upon that lily bed of little death That lily bed of fragrant breath Lies there a palm passion flower soaked in the scented squirt of she opened that a page much loved by she kissed by those cunt lips kissed by those cunt lips that page that rubbed she upon those lily lips

she that from now on, anything that you read from this site has to be read in that tone. Or like in that. I want that. I don't want this fucking, you just reading it. Okay, I'm sorry.

I want to feel it. I'm sorry. That's how poetry is meant to be done. Speaking of poetry, I'm going to finish this off with a comment from Big Boy Ballsack. He says, don't worry guys,

Big Boy Ball ballsack here. Everything's going to be okay. Oh, thank God he saved us from that sex ritual. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm now Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies. Jerk it and take a picture.

Jerk it and take a picture. Thank you.