F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 91 - Phat Yoni Energy

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Crack open an ice cold beer that may or may not include someone's genital bacteria and enjoy this week's episode!  Topics include the mystical yoni, how to recover after losing a fight, a political tattoo, getting over a broken heart and accepting your vagina's plumpness.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. Dane's meant to say a thing, but he is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. Dane's meant to say a thing, but he's too busy drinking.

I was drinking, because in my head, I want to have like a cheers. Ah, well, fuck. Like, I can clink two things together, hold on. You ready? Yeah. Oh god. God, what did you just clink together? A French press and a mug.

Fair enough. We're a dating and sex advice show where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we take questions off the internet and or from the Philippines, the best country ever, and we answer them. And off just people who listen in general but philippines is winning right now it's true yeah you can submit anywhere but i don't know i'm just saying right now i don't know if you can beat them yeah they're the top spot guys i'm sorry all right how are you doing i'm good i'm back in work now and i'm not sure how i feel about it yet yeah i'll be back on monday other than just drastic existential dread. I haven't

properly worked yet, so as you may know, I'm a bartender, so that's a whole level of fun with the current pandemic happening. So yeah, I haven't worked a proper shift where we actually have people in the restaurant, so we'll see how that goes. So, Dane,

do you know what a yoni is? A yoni? Mm-hmm.oni no it sounds either like a sex toy or like almost like a surrogate something okay um would you like to experience the goddess oh god i probably don't but let's do it anyway so i found what i can only hope is going to be our first corporate sponsor and it it is well, I'll let the product speak for itself, right? Okay. You know, I'm not going to go to story, but I will tell you the headings

that are in story. So there's Great Goddess, there's the Yoni, there's the Order, Past and Present, Ancient Babylon, Ancient Sumer, the Hexagram, Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, King Solomon and Queen Sheba, the Knights templar the ark of the covenant proto-masonic fraternities leonardo da vinci the divine earth mother and

the earth and sun festival those are all headings in which the story is told okay so it's one of those um what's it called it's as it's created it's a piece of eden judging by the uh the time no idea how right you are uh and we're just gonna we're just gonna like dip you in we're gonna dip you right in to the yoni process imagine the woman your dreams your object of desire what if they're two different people it's imagine imagine one of your dreams dot dot dot scroll down to the next page and beside each of these pictures is a butt naked woman all right hell yeah your object of desire her charm her sensuality her passion try her taste feel her smell hear her voice pugnacity charm sens. Charm. Sensuality. Femininity. Beauty. Elegance. Grace. Now free your fantasies and imagine that, with a magic wand, you can close it in one bottle of beer. That golden drink brewed with her lure and grace, and flavored with instincts. And yeah, it's a beer brewed from the vaginal

bacteria of select Polish models. Cool. You want to know the process? Okay. So much time is devoted in seeking such a woman. One who possesses all the desired instincts. Instincts. A goddess. Which we wanted to frame

in our bottle. We have discovered a process of transmission of her essence, her femininity, her instincts, by the isolation of lactic acid bacteria from her yoni, which means vagina. Safety. The crucial part of the process is to ensure the safety of our product. During isolation, the material is examined for the absence of other bacteria and viruses. These procedures prevent other bacteria and viruses from surviving, just allowing only the lactobacillus bacteria to grow. Once again, in terms of assurance and safety, is the final examination of the multiplied

lyophilized bacteria before use in the preparation of the material. Lyophilized bacteria is examined for the presence of foreign DNA and or RNA. This assures only lactobacillus bacteria is used, which is completely safe and healthy. The Yoni lactobacillus is used in our production of limited edition sour ales, lambics, flanker ales, and sour stouts. Why am I not surprised that they're sour? Um, yeah. So this all seems pretty bad, right?

You know, I think on the right outing and the right amount of alcohol already in my system, I would drink this. Well, you think it's only a certain level of gross. Are you ready for more? Sure. So, you haven't gotten to their patented peel off technology, a tactical experience. I assume they mean tactile, but I'm going to just go with tactical because it's the best word here. A tactical experience of opening up a beer and revealing a door to a new world. She may not be life sized, but she will surely rock your imagination. Let her visually stimulate your mind and invite you there. Sit back, relax, enjoy a cold one.

You deserve it. So you can peel back the label and behind the label is going to be a picture of the woman from whom your beer vagina, or your vagina beer, has been harvested. On the actual beer itself is going to be a picture of her

in lingerie. On what you've peeled back is going to be a like, you know know like a bond intro where you just see the silhouettes of women yes there's a black and white silhouette that is not even it's just like a typical like it looks like clip art of a woman because it's not indicative of the pose or the person at all but don't worry because on that you will have her measurements so you'll know how much she weighs. You'll know how wide her hips are, her mid area and her chest, and how tall she is.

Because you're going to need to know every single part of this woman, considering you're drinking her vaginal bacteria. To be fair, if I am going to consume someone or part of someone, I would like to know as much as possible. Yeah yeah you really want to know just how wide her like what what even is that her like midriff is um hips waist bust yes it is okay how did you okay i don't know either way it's it's pretty it's just the most like dehumanizing thing where it's just this like clip art with all her stats on it uh and then a little description this one for example, loves tacos, was a former track star, and gave up multiple scholarships to pursue her dream of being a model,

which I assume didn't work out because she's making beer out of her vagina now. Or are they only making beer out of successful models' vaginas? You'd have to ask Poland. There's also a unique QR code to unlock awards, exclusive exclusive footage and to access their model catalogs want more you can subscribe online and join the order all capitals but yeah

there you go you can get vagina beer jokes on you i've been drinking vagina beer for years makes sense i don't know there's something fucking weird about that man yeah but then you think about things like you know just eating meat in general and you're like this is fucking weird about that man yeah but then you think about things like you know just eating meat in general and you're like this is fucking weird too yeah that was weird as eating people though you're not really eating people that's what i'm saying but you're drinking people yeah it's like saying drinking milk is weird sure but drinking a person or their vagina bacteria hey i'm just saying it's all weird i I expected more of a response from this. You're letting our listeners down. I'm sorry.

Like I said, I feel like, and I think you would also be on board with this. I feel like if we went out on a night out and we had already been drinking and we walked into some like Polish bar and they were like, hey, do you want to try our vagina beer? Neither of us would say no. Of course. But like, I would also do that with a lot of terrible things i would also feel disgusting supporting it because of just how gross it is while trying to play itself off as some kind of spiritual like you know it the whole website is all about how yoni is like a the goddess and spirits and it's really just like yeah but you can look at fucking lingerie while you

jerk it to your beard all right well here's the thing what if they're right now then i'm going to hell because i don't support this horrible idea what if yoni is the goddess hey i worship i worship that goddess uh quite often thank you very much you get it yeah fuck okay okay here we go this comes from reddit user throw rar random jai or random gee random guy i don't know i don't know how he wants it said i a 28 year old male got beat up in front of my 29 year old female girlfriend it was late and we were walking through the park i went to the restroom i. Some jack-eye is sexually harassing my girlfriend. She's very uncomfortable, doing

her best not to panic, and lets him know so, and that her boyfriend is nearby. He's not listening. I approach him and kindly tell him to fuck off, or I'll call the police. Dude is very clearly drunk, because I can smell the beer on him. As we turn to leave, he grabs her ass and tells her to leave me and come with him.

I turn around and I hit him. My girlfriend has been the victim of sexual assault before and she's doing her best not to have a breakdown. I'll spare you the details of then I got my ass kicked. He left after that. My girlfriend had a panic attack in the car after that. I just feel let down I couldn't help her. I feel embarrassed, emasculated. She's been a victim of a sexual assault before so this harassment is traumatic. I wasn't able to help her. I wasn't there for her. I feel worthless, emasculated. She's been a victim of a sexual assault before, so this harassment is traumatic. I wasn't able to help her. I wasn't there for her.

I feel worthless. I could have held it in. I could have just left earlier like she wanted. It's been two days, and she's still traumatized over it. She has an emergency therapy session today and hasn't been into work. She's been crying, and I've attempted to help her, but it's clear that I can't.

Yeah, that's a really shitty situation. And there's a lot to unpack. Yeah, there's a lot of layers to this. I don't even know where to start. Fuck. Of course you're going to feel like shit. You were beaten up. You know what I mean?

Your girlfriend's very upset. I think being upset and feeling all those things is is of course understandable um in future situations i think you should like violence should always be literally the last possible option because you never know like it should be when you only really have no choice. And while it is terrible that someone will grab her ass and make comments, the owner should be getting out of that situation. And if he refuses to leave and if he, you know what I mean, then violence is called for.

But you should really, and I know it's easy to say, not in the heat of the moment, I've been there. I've been in many altercations. So I get it. It's one of those things where you know it doesn't really like logic is it's hard to insert it into a situation when everyone's blood is up and and going really weird but like just as a rule of thumb like violence should never be the thing you do unless you you have to you know as much as it it feels like you know counterproductive to all media and all,

you know, how to be a man and whatever, getting out of there, being safe is the most important thing. And sometimes violence begets more violence as is this case. And it could have like, when you got beaten up, anything could have happened to her. So just in general, anybody listening, like violence should literally be when you literally need to do it. Because I don't think attacking this guy is going to make her feel any better. Getting her out of there is the priority. You said it yourself. You said that you wanted to protect her.

Getting in a fight with this guy is pretty much the exact opposite of protecting her. You know what I mean? Because even if you won this fight, it's the, the danger immediately escalates. Yeah. And like you said, as, as shitty as it is that he's grabbing her and saying things to her,

you could have put distance or put, put you in between her and got her out of there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like your first order should have been getting to the street and getting on the phone and, you know, potentially calling the cops.

If you had to do that very least, you should have put yourself between her and got her out like that. That's the best way to protect her. What? And I feel like this is probably something we would, we would talk about at the end. Cause like we said, there is a lot to talk about,

but we've, we've kind of jumped on the violence right away. You have to understand that if your girlfriend has been the victim of violence, whether it be a physical, emotional, sexual, and it seems to be sexual and physical violence has been a thing in her

past. The last thing she wants to do to feel safe is know that you are capable of that violence because you are now an aggressor because you, you attacked him. And as, as again, like, I'm not trying to get this guy off for whatever he did, but you are now, is she like there, there are trauma there. And there is, there is, you know, the, the idea of, of men projecting violence in her life that scares her and you are now a man who who resorts to violence to solve problems i'm not sure i agree necessarily um i like there's violence and there's violence you know what i mean like attacking a defenseless person or or someone

like being the aggressor this guy wasn't necessarily the aggressor. Yes, he escalated things somewhat, but there is a line. If things had progressed past there, he would have been, you would almost imagine, required to fight. Yeah, for sure. Again, it's hard to tell from what he said,

but from anyone who's been in situations like that, that gray area of when do i have to act is it's hard to pin down and that's i think one of the the worst parts about being in a situation like that is like knowing when is the time like when you've reached the point of no return and you literally do have to defend yourself physically which is a big step and it's like i don't think a lot of people realize that because media is all about fucking dudes throwing hands and you know every show you watch and everything is all about like you know everything's pretty fucking violent but like in real life it is a very big move to make

because you could literally kill the person by accident you could be killed like that person a knife or a gun or whatever so it is it is a really tough thing to do it should never literally ever be done unless you have to i i find but like that guy i don't know you never know if he did have to it doesn't sound like it was there yet but i'm sure it was close um i don't think that's necessarily the issue but the thing is when you leave her like as you said you escalated this violence, and then you were beaten up or knocked out or whatever, however it happened. Now he's got a very angry, violent person alone with her, and you've made them more angry and more violent. There was literally nothing stopping that person from taking that violence that they already exacted

out on someone who's presumably bigger and stronger, you know, on her. And that's just so much worse than what had already been going on. I'm sure she appreciated you standing up for her. If she, again, depending on how it happened, if you didn't need to go and attack this person, then I'm sure she saw your ego or your machismo getting in the way of her safety. And that's not a nice thing to see or witness and i don't think she's going to feel very reassured being around you if you if she did feel like you need to do it or if that was you know i don't think she's going to be upset at you for being aggressive if you if you look at a lot of people who are uh victims of of a style and or you know survivors

of assault it's it's it's not so much the the reason why there's any like you know what i mean it's like people get triggered from like raised voices and stuff just because like that was a precursor to violence for them um so not necessarily saying that she's holding a grudge but like so it's not necessarily like conscious it's exactly okay what i'm saying is i i think you should recognize that and that could be a reason why she's pulling away from you now. So I think it might be important to be like, Hey, I'm really sorry. I, you know, whatever reason, either like you, like you said, your, your machismo or your ego got, uh, the best of you. And you felt like that was the best course of action. Obviously it wasn't, I think owning up to that, to her and letting her know that like violence is not my solution and violence is not something that I want to perpetuate into the world.

Letting her know that like this was a mistake on your part and that going forward, your main objective is to keep her safe. Regardless of like whether or not you feel like a man doing so at the time. Yeah. And again, this, this all depends on the actual situation. Like if you like think about what you did and why you did it. And if you did think it was necessary,

they explained that, like tell them that you were scared and you thought you literally had to, had to do something, but like, be honest with yourself. If it was one of those things where you felt like you needed to do this because he was sliding her, he was slighting you. And I get it.

It's, again, we've all been socialized to feel like you have to be the one to defend their honor. And if you don't, you're a pussy and whatever. But if that was the main driving force behind it, you need to realize that you were wrong and admit that. There's also no harm. It seems like she needs space right now. Let her attend her therapy. admit that there's there's also no harm like it seems like she needs space right now yeah let her attend her therapy let her you know address what she needs to address in a safe neutral environment and then afterwards i think it's important to have that conversation to be like okay going forward if

this happens again what do you need from me because i know, obviously I don't think what you did was what, what she needed, unfortunately. And I think it's a super important discussion to have and be like, you, like, we need to figure out a game plan. If this ever happens again, I can't get my head kicked in and leave you by yourself because, you know, we tried this and it didn't work and it made things terrible. So I i need like if you just want me to put my head down take you by the hand and get you out of there then that's what i'll do i'll you know what i mean i'll i'll take any sort of verbal abuse i'll take any hit to my ego and like fuck it if you leave there you're gonna feel like shit if you're just weathering

like a tirade of abuse or insults or whatever, you're going to feel inescalated. I'm like shit anyway. That's how it works. Uh, cause of course someone's like, you feel like you're a coward. You feel like you have been beaten down by them. You feel like you've lost.

It's all those things. And I get it. It sucks, but it's better that one you're safe. And two, if the person you protect and you get out of there safely ever turns around and is like, wow, why didn't you do X, Y, or Z? They're not worth, not worth protecting because obviously they are, but they're not worth maybe a future relationship with. And I think a lot of the fear that will drive people to do something is that the person

they will help will turn around and call them a coward for not acting. the idea of emasculation especially when it comes to uh avoiding violence is a hundred percent you know made up like it's it's all like this sort of society and like it's so outdated and archaic that that it shouldn't even be like like when you if you manage to get the person you care about out of danger, that's like, you're not a coward. Not at all. Just like, just because you didn't like, you know,

fucking fight off Kung Fu style, like 80 dudes and, you know, guns blazing, jumping through windows and shit. Like that's, that's not real. What could be more heroic than you literally like being the barrier,

like suffering, like someone's yelling at you. Someone's like, whatever you're suffering like someone's yelling at you someone's like whatever you're suffering you're enduring all this shit just to get them out of there and it's like yeah you're willing to take that punishment and that that shitty situation just so somebody is safe that's still fucking heroic i i do think you also really need to look at your own mental health after something like this because that's being assaulted and being beaten up is horrendous and like a lot of the feelings you're gonna have and your lack of confidence and like everything you're gonna be

fucked up in the head from that um and i think a lot of i i think you really it's all too easy to like push that away or try and deal with it in certain ways or whatever i really think you should join some sort of martial arts club start doing kickboxing or boxing or whatever and i'm not saying that in the next time you'll fucking fly and kick them in the face because again fights should never be they should never be like anything but a last resort and no matter how well trained you are or anything in the real world, anything can happen. You could stumble, they could get a lucky shot. They could have a weapon or 20 friends. That's not what it is, but it will build up your confidence. If for any reason it does happen again, you will be slightly more prepared and more than like, it'll, it just, it helps you

with discipline and grounding and a lot of stuff. And it'll help you rebuild what I'm sure is a lot of shattered confidence because it's a very traumatic thing to go through. And again, I don't think a lot of guys realize that because media just, you know, people get beaten up all the fucking time and they just deal with it. You know, you're meant to be stoic. You're not meant to have emotions, et cetera. And don't think not talking about it is the right way to go to like, if you and your partner are going to have a discussion about what happened, like be honest, like tell her that like you felt emasculated by it. Tell it like, tell her these feelings.

And hopefully if she is, if she's, you know, a good person, if she's like your person, she will understand it. And hopefully she will be able to comfort you in the way that you're trying to comfort her. And like, because that's, that's how healthy relationships work. Because if you just sort of like bury this feeling, that's, that's going to like, you can't make a good foundation.

So consider like either talking to a professional, I'm getting therapy, talking to, uh, finding like support groups. I'm sure there are things on online in which you can read other people's stories about similar situations happening. Try not to go on some weird toxic one.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I know. That's why, like, I would lean towards, you know, talking to your partner, talking to your friends. Again, if they're if they're not terrible people, they will hopefully empathize with you and reassure you. And that's, I think, also important. And a good point is that as much as you want to take care of your partner right now, you also have to take care of yourself because this was a traumatic experience for you as well. Okay, let's move on. Where the hell am I supposed to go after that question? Somewhere fun.

I was going to go somewhere ridiculous and now I got to go less ridiculous. So my, this is by throwra145. My, third year old male, wife, 28 year old female, got a political tattoo the size of a grapefruit on her chest, upper breast. I am upset, but my wife says I have no say in what she does with her body and has called me a racist. Wife and I have been married for two years.

We only had money to do our honeymoon last year though. Before that we were boyfriend, girlfriend for a year. What? Huh? years we had we only had money to our honeymoon last year though before that we were boyfriend girlfriend for a year what huh honeymoon isn't when you get married yeah it is no i mean like it's not like if you you can get married and have your honeymoon a year later oh yes yeah they seem to be like oh we're boyfriend girlfriend for a year then our honeymoon happened so we were married anyway a bit about our relationship we have a a good relationship, very equal, both work. She is a middle school teacher. I work at a car dealership. Recently, she's been very active with the protests going on, and I've supported her. However, I feel that her and her sister are a lot more active than me. My wife spends a lot of time

on Twitter and really gets hyped up in a negative way, reading upsetting things. I don't know. It has just been bad. She forgets to live life too. We can't just talk about our days anymore. It has to be about political and social issues. I don't know, but it hasn't been great. About eight days ago, she went to Washington to stay with her sister. I'm looking over Instagram, and I see a post of a picture of her chest completely inflamed. I want this to be a political debate, but then the comments... No, sorry. I don't want it to be a political debate in the comments, but she got Black Lives Matter in a banner wrapped around a black fist.

It's on her chest, closer to her left breast. I called her right away. I thought it might have been temporary, but it was 100% real. I didn't believe it. It seemed so impulsive. Tattoo is a decision that carries with you for your whole life. You shouldn't just get with at least talking about it or thinking about it. For this, the only tattoo my wife had was a small music note on her leg and a chain that her and her sister both have with a lock, both very minimal. Now her sister has convinced her to get a big tattoo on her chest. Tried to talk to my wife. Nothing has worked. She views it as holier than thou. Like if I disagree with her decision, it means I don't care about police brutality. Two, she shuts things down saying it doesn't matter if I find it not attractive. Her body isn't for the pleasure of

men. So she didn't ask me to get, she didn't ask me to get a tattoo that this is her body and to respect it. If I can't live with it, to leave. Don't know what to say. It is too much. If I disagree, she resorts to calling me sexist racist. Like for me, I really view this as a political bumper sticker. They can be for good causes, but what is her body going to be? Hashtag free Hong Kong.

Hashtag save the turtles, etc. Where does this end? In five years, she's going to be the bumper of an overzealous Prius driver. I brought this up. She almost started to agree with me, but got angry. I feel like now, since it's on her body, she's being more aggressive because she doesn't want to feel stupid about it and agree she made a mistake, or at the very least agree it is impulsive. We talked about having children once we move into a single family house, and honestly, this type of thing is scaring me. I'm not saying divorce, but I'm questioning her judgment. It's not that I think it's bad, but not even thinking about it for a couple of months before getting a permanent tattoo what should i do am i in the wrong

here sorry it's long but this is tough because everything she said is correct yep like she did not have to ask him for permission no i think i think like oh you, you go. You go. But I understand his point being, like, if every time you feel passionate about something, are you going to get a tattoo of it? Which necessarily, I don't disagree with. If that's

how you want to use, you know what I mean? Like, if she then wanted to, like, just get tattoos of, like, life moments, you know what I mean? Like, every time she achie like, just get tattoos of like life moments, you know what I mean? Like every time she achieved something, get a tattoo for it and slowly, you know,

build her. Cause it seems like his problem is that like, well, she only had little tattoos first and this is a big step, but it's like, would you be upset if this was a tattoo of literally anything else? Yeah. If she,

you know what I mean? If she got a big rose on it, on her chest. And that's another thing. It's like, you don't get a choice either way. You don't get an input. It's not your body.

Yeah. Like, I think firstly, I love what he says is real fucked up. You know, I think he's very wrong. Almost always in this, like he's, you know always in this like he's you know oh like as you said he's trying to make it seem bad that she had minimal tattoos before there's no rule that

means you can't get another bigger tattoo yeah um the fact that like i don't know like everything he says like oh all this like upsetting stuff's been going on but she's just kind of forgotten to live too it's like some really serious shit has been going on and you should care about it. You know? Yeah. But the way I'm seeing it is I also understand that you can be concerned about people's mental health

for deep diving into this stuff. Because I got really, really upset with, like I spent a lot of time when this is like when, when the protests and the riots were happening a lot more, you know, recently to everything. I spent a lot of time on Twitter and I was watching the videos of the protests and I was watching the videos of like other cases in which black

people were being killed. And it does a number on you, especially as like, I assume these people are white. I don't think it says, but okay, yeah. I get it. It does a number

and I can only imagine it. So I can understand being worried about her mental health. If she's letting it encompass, like it become an all encompassing, like all absorbing issue. I can understand that, but that doesn't seem to be the issue.

The way he talks about it. He's almost like the complete fucking opposite. So like, he seems to not think it's a big deal whatsoever it's a lot very hand wavy and like the fact that later on he's like save the turtles hashtag like what's next like yeah if you're equating that with this i don't think you really do take it seriously so like for all we know she's going overboard, but he sees it as that because he doesn't seem to give much of a shit. Right.

You know, it's a crazy important issue. And like the fact that she feels this strongly about it, which, you know, I think is great. Like, that shouldn't be the issue. How important this political issue is shouldn't be the issue. Neither should her getting a tattoo be the issue because she can do what she wants with her life yeah you know um yeah the only thing like again the only other real like thing that would bother me personally would be if i felt it was like like if it was performative specifically you know to throw a picture of it up on Instagram and yeah.

You know what I mean? Like kind of use that as, as like a means of patting yourself on the back. But again, if she's going to these protests and, and, you know, doing these things,

I don't know. It's hard to like gauge that. Cause like, we don't know these people personally. Yeah. Going by just what he's saying, it doesn't seem to be like if he was saying that like she has a history of you know going all in on a cause and then immediately

forgetting or you know what i mean like never really following up on it then i'd be like okay i understand that there's a concern that this is her new thing is like whatever she's currently obsessed about for the week gets thrown on her body and yeah then she doesn't care like that no it doesn't like and that's what like all these things that like i would consider being like oh okay i understand where he's coming from just aren't there exactly so so it seems like yeah it just seems like he's upset that he didn't get a a say in it and it seems like if you raised a good point earlier it's like would you be as upset if it wasn't a political message it and it seems like if you raised a good point earlier it's like would you be as upset if it wasn't a political message yeah and if you yeah like if it was just a rose yeah exactly

and if you would then that's also fucked up because it's like it's her body she can get a fucking tattoo if she wants she doesn't need your permission um and the thing is he even mentions like later on like oh if i say it's unattractive, whatever, she's like, yeah, it's my body. It is. You know, if you disagree with her, she calls you sexist or racist. It depends what you say, but if you're dismissing the message behind it,

then you kind of are. If you think Black Lives Matter is on the same level as Save the Turtles, then yeah, you're kind of fucking racist, bud. Yeah, if you think this is just like a flash in the pan. Oh, why can't you just live? Get over it. they'll stop protesting in a week like fuck yourself man yeah you know like i feel like sure you can have a chat about this but the chat you're having right now is the fucking wrong one i'm like yeah i mean like even if you want to talk about like being like hey this

this is a big step and like i can't i'm not like i can't even justify that because that's the thing it's like anyone who sees that tattoo and is like they're a piece of shit yeah and unless this person literally is like an instagram influencer who got it just for you know the fucking like the likes the optics and is a piece of shit and doesn't care then yes i would totally have an issue with this although here's my thing is and i don't know enough about this to to talk about it but i don't know if it's problematic for a white person to get that tattoo yeah i don't really know i'm taking it as like just that is the level to which she supports the cause which like yeah really fine

fault with that but but again like that's not even his like it's not like he's coming from a place of a like yeah higher education on the subject it's not like he's saying like oh this is you know she doesn't really have the the it's it's a an act of privilege for a white person to make that statement on her but you know what i mean it's like but that's again that's not what he's saying and that's the thing if that was the argument i think i would have to give this a big i'm not really sure you know um but it seems like this dude has a lot of problems and is fighting for a way to make it not seem like he's being a dick yeah i i think so my advice for this guy would be to talk to your wife it's wife i assume right yeah yeah talk to your wife. It's wife, I assume, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Talk to your wife and like, let her talk to you about her passion on this subject. You know what I mean? Like actually listen to her. Be like, okay, whether you can admit, sure, you can say, well, I'm a little rattled by the tattoo. That's fine.

You're allowed to have those feelings. like but you can then say like i want you to talk to me about why this means so much to you and not as in like explain yourself to me or as in a convince me you're not allowed to have it just exactly no exactly be like okay i want like i want to join this with you i want to be a part of this with you and i want to i want to understand why this means so much to you so that it can mean as much, maybe a little bit more to me. I think that is the only way to go forward without being the things that

she's saying you are. Yeah. And also think about your stance, because if you are against the political message, or if you are just like, she should have asked me, or if you are like, Oh, have asked me or if you are like oh it's ugly you know like all these things they're different fucking issues and you don't

really get a say on them and if you don't think it's a political issue or a worthy issue then you are a fucking racist so yeah uh this comes from agent kingdom she says hi Dan and Al, I'm in a sticky situation. You've come to the right place. I, a 21-year-old female, dated this guy, 24-year-old male, for about three months until he broke my heart. We just really clicked, and honestly, I felt like he was the person who made me

laugh the most in my entire life. At first, I told him I didn't want a serious relationship since I just got out of a four-year relationship. He told me that he was willing to wait until I was ready. And even if that time never came, he said we could still be very close friends. He was really sweet. He had dinner with me all the time. He brought me home. We even went to the beach out of town together, which is kind of a big deal. I thought that I was just keeping him just for the heck of it, but I realized I started to seriously like him and was starting to see the potential that we could be something great. I even told him that I didn't want to fall for him since relationships are hard and I wasn't ready. But he told me that

if I did fall for him, he would most definitely catch me. I then confessed my feelings and then it was all good after that. But after a few weeks, he told me that he was migrating to another country. He told me that he didn't have the time or energy to keep me in his life since he only wanted to focus on moving. We haven't really talked since then, which has been two months ago. I've even tried reaching out, but his replies are so cold and distant. I was so hurt. I kept asking myself if it was my fault for believing all of his sweet things he said

to me or if I wasn't good enough for him to put in the effort. I've been trying to keep myself busy with my career. And I've even had sex with four other guys, even during quarantine after him. Oh, well quarantine, but I can't seem to get them out of my head. Any tips?

Well, I'm sorry this happened. This is from Philippines as well, right? This is a, yes, it's actually a friend of uh agent sloan hell yeah uh second second best podcast friend right here she actually did say that in the email that she

wanted to be second best well she is welcome this is i'm sorry this is a tough situation like i'm glad it went well for for as long as it did, but that's not easy. I would step away from all the bad thoughts that you're having, where you're trying to blame yourself or that he's lying or whatever, and kind of imagine things from almost his point of view and the fact that moving countries is really fucking difficult in general like even if you don't have ties even if you don't like just logistically and emotionally and like like i moved here and it fucking sucked um like here when i got here it was great but like the move itself is really stressful and it's really hard and the things you leave behind kill you a little bit um

and it you know like leaving your friends, your family, living anyone you like. And obviously I cannot speak for this person, but for me, it would not be farfetched if he was really, really, really enjoying things with you. But like long distance is really fucking hard and almost impossible. I think, uh, again, I've done that too. And it sucks and it never ends that well, usually, but like maybe he wanted to cut things off as painful as they were then before they got more painful, because if he's not coming back and you guys don't have the ability to visit each other all that soon, that often, and again, that early in a relationship relationship that's quite a lot to ask maybe he just wanted to

focus on this and also stop or not make it hurt as much when he did leave because you guys would only get closer in the interim yes I'm also worried that this is a nice guy TM situation because

he says a lot of things in my opinion that are very cringy as as romantic you know what there is a fine line between romantic and cringy and i think there's only context that really or like 2020 backwards vision that really let you know which is which yeah so like here's here's where i'm going to come from. What you're saying is I hope the situation, I hope, I think he could have handled it a little better if that is the situation. I think telling someone that I don't have the time or energy for you is kind

of shitty, unless that is just sort of like being filtered through. It's like a phrase. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause they,

you know, say telling someone that's like, I'm really sorry, but like with the move, I'm not able to pursue this. It can definitely, you know, be filtered through a broken heart as in I don't want to put in the effort. You know what I mean? Like, so it depends on that. You might have to reevaluate his, his messages in his texts or whatever he said.

But I wouldn't worry too much about that. Here are my problems. Here are my warning flags. Whenever someone says that they're willing to wait for you is a big warning sign for me because that's not them letting you off the hook. That's a manipulation to hurry you up, usually. You know what I mean? Because you now have the sort of onus of this person waiting

around for you and that doesn't mean anything for that guy at all implied guilt almost exactly that that is almost that that's entirely like your problem now you know what i mean depending on how he plays it is, is it? Cause like, yeah, if you're not ready, but he's like hanging around, just waiting patiently. That sucks.

That's terrible feeling for both of you to be like, well, you know, this guy's around. I really like him, but I'm not ready to date him yet. Cause what ends up usually happening is you feel, you end up feeling so guilty that you're like,

well, fuck it. I'll do it. They're good enough. Right? Yeah, exactly. And then you're, and then you're in like a guilty that you're like, well, fuck it. I'll do it. They're good enough. Yeah, exactly. And then you're and then you're in like a relationship that you weren't ready to do because they sort of like put you in a relationship. You know what I mean? Because like that's that's what like I'll wait for you.

It feels like it's it's putting a handcuff on you and being like, here I am. And it's just sort of like waiting until you get tired dragging them around yeah and i do totally agree however you could also just be like i'm cool things being casual but i would i'd be interested if you want to take things further which could be also not negative yeah no i it's i think again i'm i'm going on what she's saying was said yeah um like if it was a discussion of being like hey i really like you and I would like to pursue a relationship. But if you need more time, that's cool. We'll see other people and do things like if that's the situation.

Great. That's how it should be done. But to say I'm just I'm putting my chips on you and I'm waiting until you're ready is an unfair thing to do to someone. Yeah. And like you're you're ready is an unfair thing to do to someone. Yeah. Um, and like, you're, you're still fairly young.

You're 21, I think. So I don't know how much experience you have with, you know, that kind of situation. Cause you were in a four year relationship prior to this, which is a long time. You know what I mean?

Like that's probably from the end of high school or the start of college or whatever, which is when we really start, you know, dating seriously. I think, I think this, this whole situation might've been like him guilting you into thinking you're

ready. And that's not to say that whatever you felt from wasn't real or was a manipulation. I just think that this guy pulled some unfair cards on you. I, you know what? I'm going to go with my positive view of things because as someone who has moved countries,

I do totally understand why you might want to end something if it hasn't reached, even if it has reached, like I was with people for like over three years when I moved. And we tried long distance. And it was very, very difficult. And if we'd have been together any less amount of time, I wouldn't have tried it because it sucks. It's really hard.

And three or four months, which I think was the timing here, that's not long enough to want to try something like this. By the time he gets there and settles and like it's sometimes you just need to, you know, to do that by yourself. So it could still be positive, I would hope. However, you did say you were recently out of a four-year relationship.

I think that's going to play into why you feel so bad about this a lot because going out of a relationship, you're tearing, we've talked about this before before you're tearing like this giant part of your life just just straight out of it there's this big gaping hole and then finding this person and you know being able to take little trips to the beach outside the town and have dinner together and like it fills that hole again before that wound is healed and now getting that torn out is reopening that wound again yeah right because

it's like you you almost have like he was like the salve on that that injury and now he's gone too and it's like you're just thinking about this situation but you're feeling the pain of that situation and the one beforehand yeah the cast was taken off before the bone healed exactly yeah but you're thinking of the second injury not the, which is why it seems like it's so bad. So I think just realize that you're still like, it takes time to recover from these things. So like, you're not going overboard by hurting as much as you are because you're kind of dealing with like two injuries, if that makes any sense. Yeah, 100%. You know, it's great that you can get back out there. I hope the sexual encounters that you're having are like good, positive ones, you know? And safe.

And safe. Even though it is a quarantine. i don't know please be safe i'd have to bonk you for that one but that sounded weird i meant like yeah like a toy like a toy gavel not like sex you know what i mean it's like you know the horny girls are full of pain solicitors you know the horny meme the horny jail meme where it's like bonk into horny jail that's what i was thinking get into horny jail what can you do to do this like i don't if he wants a space i guess no matter whether he came to you like genuinely or not i think you just gotta give it to him you know like yeah so my thing is like i feel you're giving really good advice for her and i feel like i want to give advice to this guy or people who do these things yeah um again based on on what

he's not a number two fan our number two person i know but i don't think in my opinion i don't think asian kingdom has done anything wrong no not at all. So, so I do something wrong to get advice to move forwards. Yeah, no, for sure. Um, and that's why I feel like your advice is really good for her. I want to be a preventative advice and say,

if, if this is the case, make sure you make it clear. Like if, if you're like, if the situation is playing out, like you're saying it is, and I hope that's the case,

there's no harm in being upfront with people. Um, there's no harm in saying, you know, try trying to do long distance. Isn't going to work for me. And I really need space. There's no,

like, don't, you know, half-ass answer texts. If you need a clean break, ask for a clean break. Yeah. No,

I mean, and I think, I think if you, if you want to just pursue casual things don't accept the the the you know i'll wait for you don't accept that tell them please don't wait for me please see other people please you know pursue other options because i don't want the responsibility of of, like of taking up your time. Yeah.

It's not an unfair thing to do. And I think it's a super mature and, and, you know, progressive way to deal with a relationship to say, I'm very happy to date you. I'm very happy to, you know, keep seeing you and sleeping with you and going on dates with you, but I don't want you to wait for me. Yeah. And if you, if you're going to push for that, I don't want to see you. Relationships are very much like they should be clear answers.

They shouldn't be half measures. You know, it's like if you're dating, you're dating. If you're not dating, you're not dating. There shouldn't be like, oh, I'm half like I'm waiting for you. It's like you're casual or you're not. There shouldn't be an addendum, right? There shouldn't be like anything else. You shouldn't have something hanging over you.

I totally agree with that. And yeah, you're right. Like if you care about someone, yeah, it might be a tough conversation to have. But what's worse is them thinking that you don't care about them. Or that they've done something wrong. Exactly. Exactly. If you have to make a tough decision, do it.

Don't fucking half-ass that either. Don't be like, oh, I want to seem cool. I want to seem aloof, like whatever the fuck might go through your mind, be genuine and, and help them. If you like someone, give them the courtesy of letting them know where you're coming from and being honest and being kind and nice. You know what I mean? Like there's absolutely nothing wrong with telling them that you really care about them, but that it's a hard situation that you, you think you're both going to get hurt or you think you're going to get hurt you can't really speak towards somebody else and it's always a kind of a shitty like kind of like half excuse to put on them just tell them

you think you're going to be really hurt if you get closer and cheat and you still have to leave you know and be honest and and it's still gonna to suck, but it's going to suck in a much nicer way. And the important thing, I think I've used this quote before is don't don't feel like you're not good enough because just because you trusted someone, you took a chance on someone which is super brave to do this. It's the best part out. Yeah. This far, you know, from from a breakup, like a couple of months after a four-year breakup is that's a, that's a big move and that's a brave move to do. And, and I've, like I said, I've used this quote before. It's like the only way to trust someone is to trust them. Exactly. And you trusted them and whether he was manipulative, whether he was genuine, it doesn't really matter because you took that chance and you, and you tried to move forward

with your life. Unfortunately, it didn't work out out that has no bearing on your self-worth that has no bearing on whether you're good enough for someone or any of that stuff because at the end of the day you you took a chance you followed what you thought was was right you did what you wanted to do and from in what it sounds you were open and genuine and honest and straight up and you kept them appraised on your situation in a very fair respectful and fucking awesome way you know and on top of that like what dame was saying it doesn't invalidate the times you had you had a good time this person was good to you and you had you would you know it was great so remember that it doesn't matter if it's over necessarily because you need to keep in mind all the good shit. Right. It still happened. Nothing changes that retroactively.

And unfortunately, as idyllic as we're talking right now is sort of like, you know, sometimes you don't get closure in a relationship. Sometimes you will feel like they up and left you and you might feel like you're not good enough the the most important thing to remember and this is something i learned in my last relationship where like i literally didn't get any closure um was you make your own you know what i mean yeah you make kind of a myth yeah you make you make a decision on what happened you look at you look at everything as objectively as you can and say this is how it went down this is what happened this is what i did this is what they did and you close the book yourself you don't wait for permission you don't wait for someone to flip the final page you do it and if for whatever reason you get to re like reopen the book and you know revise the ending great if that's a thing that happens in the in the future cool but like

don't have you know eight books half finished all over your apartment or in your life because you're, you're waiting for someone else to finish them. Yeah, exactly. Like the answer doesn't necessarily matter once the ending is still the same. You know what I mean?

Like if you guys are done, you're done. And yeah, if you know that the story ends with you guys not together, then like the if you know that the story ends with you guys not together then like the you know the last couple paragraphs doesn't really matter yeah like you can fill in those blanks and whatever it is that's the truth yeah for you and the thing is like it it's not a bad thing if you know yeah it sucks you guys aren't together but if he has to leave the country you know i mean it's not a malicious ending and you can choose to,

to be upset about something you did or whatever. But like when you guys had that cutoff point kind of predestined, I don't think it's a healthy thing to do because it doesn't matter necessarily how incredible you are or how the situation had been, because I think it was always kind of bound to end. It's just bad timing. So you've got to look at all the positives and who knows in the future, maybe they'll come home. Maybe you'll go somewhere else. You really never know. And it's not something to bank on either.

I say, you put them out of your mind. You take all the positives from what it was and hopefully you'll find somebody else. You've already done it with your last relationship and with this guy at the very least, take that as proof that it's it's totally like doable you can find someone else great and every relationship you're in it builds you as a person and it builds your experience and it builds like you're going to be better able to get in good relationships because you take the good and the bad from these things and you learn yeah and it's like you know to stick with the book metaphor is character development doesn't just happen. You know what I mean? Like you need some pages beforehand that build a character.

And that's that's unfortunately what, you know, failed relationships are. They are they are character building. They're you experiencing life. And sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's terrible. Sometimes it's, you know, disappointing. And sometimes it's just nothing. And that's that's just the reality of life. And that's the reality of love and relationships.

And the most important thing is like you're not dependent. Your self-worth isn't dependent on anyone else. You no one gets to make that call for you. If someone deems you not good enough for them, that doesn't mean anything about you. That's that's 100 percent them. Yeah. You know what I anything about you that's that's 100% them yeah you know what i mean like that's that has literally nothing to do with you and that is that's the hardest thing that i've ever learned in life is that sometimes yes you might not be quote unquote good enough for someone but that means that means nothing about your quality, your self-worth.

You are who you are. And if someone thinks you're not good enough, that's their fucking fault. It's their problem. You know what I mean? Like, because I promise you there is a, you know,

a mile long list of people who, you know, think you're the greatest. Yeah. Also like people do dumb shit every day. Don't trust half of them like if they're safe they you're not good enough for them like have you seen what people do yeah some people think about how many people eat at mcdonald's every day whoa i'm just saying those are bad choices

take the good thing out of it i'm like yeah except the fact that it sucks and you're gonna hurt a little bit because that unfortunately is, is a part of relationships and it's, it's one of the risks we take, but it's also kind of what makes everything so beautiful is that you are putting yourself out there and you're willing to take these risks and be hurt. And like,

that's fucking bad-ass. I think that's the takeaway. I think you need to walk away with your head held high because you are willing to take that risk and you did everything right. Don't feel bad. I know it's hard. And like, look right now, if you've got a broken heart risk and you did everything right. Don't feel bad. I know it's hard. And like, look right now,

if you've got a broken heart, you got a broken heart. There's no magical cure for that. No, there isn't. Unfortunately, it's going to suck for a bit. It's going to hurt for a while.

And then one day it won't, or it'll hurt a little less and you'll meet someone new. And that pain will just be a part of who you are now in a good way. And yeah, it'll, it'll be, you know, a good way. And yeah, and yeah, it'll, it'll be, you know,

a lesson learned. And on top of that, it's like in the meantime, just try to try to do things you love, you know, like spend some time with your friends. Like do, you know,

eat the food you like, watch the shows you like, read a good book, you know, try to do positive things and take it positively. And that that's all you can really do. You know, you were a badass and this all, you know, everything right and we're always here shoot us a message

yeah i mean if next time you're getting in a relationship and you want some advice we're here we're here for at the beginning and at the end and in the middle my female 23 boyfriend male 25, said I have a fat vagina. This is my latter resident. I feel a little confused and offended to be honest. I've never looked at my vagina and thought it looks fat. I always thought it looked normal. I asked if it was a bad thing and he said no, he likes it. But I don't understand why he would make such a comment like that.

I am confused. Should I be offended or... Is that it? That's it. I was going to say, or is that it that's it i was gonna say i'm pretty sure that's not a bad thing but i don't think it is no i like i i remember very distinctly i started working in restaurants when i was fairly young i believe i was i was 18. Sounds like a terrible story already. And I remember being on break with our dishwasher and one of our line cooks and one of the bartenders. We had all either just finished our shift or were just about to start our shift. And we were all having like our pre or post shift meal or whatever together. And I remember them because one of them said like we're talking about

a woman they were sleeping one of them said that she had a fat pussy or asked if there was a she had a fat pussy and i was like that's a terrible thing to say and they like they were like no no no this is like that is the goal that is the dream is and like they explained to me that the fat pussy, that's the highest compliment you can give a vagina. I can understand why people would be confused by it because I was. Well, did you at any

point ask this man if it was FAT or PHAT? Yes. That's a big difference. That is a big difference. And don't i'm not sure if people still use ph fat anymore i think that kind of went out with the 90s i think like i feel like that's where fat as a good thing kind of like originated yes you know what i mean like 100 it was like they're still like evoking phat you know yes yes i i think like ph energy is still there you know fat energy is still there but i think people just i think people now just write fat because i think fat farm ruined it for everyone so in toronto you can go and get

your labia puffed it's called labial puffing. Sure. So that's actually a thing people pay to get because people want a fat vagina so much. So for this person, don't worry. I'm pretty sure he meant it in a good way. Yeah. Please do not go get your labia puffed,

unless you really want to. I don't know. I don't think it's necessary. I think it's very important to love your genitals the way they are yeah like i also don't think guys necessarily give a shit unless they're weird and obsessed with porn and that's the only vaginas they've ever seen and that's a damn problem not you i was gonna say like no one would say no one would be that dumb to like insult someone's genitals but then i'm like no we know there are definitely questions about some bullshit but like what you say isn't a bad thing and they say no why why not

believe them i doubt they're like yo that dick is fat oh yeah it's a good thing yes like shifty eyes yeah imagine just like it being mean to your partner like every day and then just be like no it's a good thing no it's a good thing take it as a compliment if someone says they're into it let them be into it. Let them. Although there is also a conversation you could have and say, hey, maybe don't refer to my body parts as fat. Yeah, just because that's the way they like to describe it doesn't mean it has to be the way you like to be described. If you don't like it, you can totally just tell them not to use that word.

I can't remember. I used to call Amanda's butt something and she told me not to do it anymore. And I was like, OK, that's fair. I don't remember what i used to call amanda's butt something and she told me not to do it anymore and i was like okay that's fair i don't remember what it was it was like it was something stupid it was you know but she was like i hate that i was like all right fair enough i very specifically go out of my way to say things that are just revolting i believe a chub puss was uh was one i used once that was pretty terrible feel free to use it yeah no I don't think I ever would. Just unveil it and be like, look at that chumpuss. And then just bury your face in it while they go, what?

Yeah, never say that word. It's kind of fun how you can come up with the most horrendous terms. I feel like the only way you can do that is if you're immediately providing the best oral sex. Well, you know, I've worshiped that Yoni. That's going to do it. And we brought it back. We did it.

Thank you very much for listening and joining us this week. It's, I know a lot of people are going back to work. Like most people are, are, are there. So if you're listening to us on your commute, welcome back. It's,

it's nice to have you. It's nice to have you back. We did miss you, unless you've been with us the whole time, in which case thanks for sticking with us. Please be safe when you're going out. Please be kind to everyone reopening. We're all trying to figure this out. No one knows

what they're doing. We're just trying to keep ourselves and each other safe. So like just be nice. Be good and each other safe. So like, just be nice, be good to each other. Yeah, please. Um, and if you have a question and you don't necessarily have to be from the

Philippines, but if you are, we're, we're here, we're loving this energy. Um, you can send us a message on Facebook at F C K buddies podcast. Um,

you can find us on Twitter at F C K underscore buddies. You can shoot us an email at Fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com or you can swing over to our website and hit the contact form at fbuddiespodcast.com or you can find us at plentyofbeef.ca We would like to thank

Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. Are you ready for a little terrible sex writing? Yes, I am. So we do have a repeat offender here. Oh no. Yeah. It's a very famous writer.

I don't know how or why. So this is just a quick little one. This by haruki murray murray oh no haruki murakami uh you remember you remember his his beautiful words a troubled young woman walking towards the abyss of destruction she had had beautiful breasts as well eomame mourned the deaths of these two friends deeply. It saddened her to think these women were forever gone from the world,

and she mourned their lovely breasts, breasts that had vanished without a trace. This guy, like, he also, he was the guy that had sex with dead people or unconscious people? Yeah, I believe they were non-conscious, which I believe is also just rape so we're picking up a theme here of of him just being a fucking weirdo i don't know maybe there's context that makes it not like i don't know but like that's exactly how i do it honestly i someone

dies i'm like damn i miss those boobs though damn titties. Yeah, it's such a pity that those boobs don't exist. Oh, I mean, she was a cool person. But those tits, though, they're gone. You mean the tits had a person attached? Crazy. They could do whatever. Maybe that's just a cultural way of mourning. Maybe we don't think about who they were, but what they had.

And what they had was beautiful titties. Great tits. Speaking of great tits, I dive onto Pornhub every week to find a comment from the comment section to finish this off. And this week comes from Mr. McSquirtzYT. What's the YT staffer, do you think? Oh, you'll find out right now. Looking for some funny post-nut entertainment?

Head over to Mr. McSquirt's YouTube channel for some hilarious gaming videos that will make you nut a second time. Out of laughter? I guess. My name is Dane Miller. And I almost forgot. I was just perplex is Dane Miller. And I'm the house... I almost forgot. I was just perplexed.

Complexed. I'm Mousebane. Keep safe. We've been your fuck buddies. We've been your fuck buddies.