F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 92 - Ragdoll Facial

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

This week we buckle down and get to business with possibly the most questions we've ever answered in one episode.  We've set a dangerous precedent, but don't get too used to it, this much focus can only come around once in awhile.  Topics include a real ex-girlfriend porn video, the creepiest clean up, a traditional family without electronics, a sexy video to the wrong fella, insecurity and plastic surgery, making new traditions for traumatic events, dating while broke, unashamed erections, a sixth grade conundrum.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And my name is Niall Spang. And we are your fuck buddies. Welcome back. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sicky situations.

Simply put, we grab questions either from social media or from our lovely listeners. And we attempt to answer them satisfactorily and help you guys in your lives with your trials and your tribulations and your penises. And maybe not your penises. Maybe. Yeah, sometimes your clits. Sometimes your butt. Sometimes like a small toilet. An overly small toilet.

Yeah. Just a really, really small toilet. We're here for everything. So I want. Do you have anything pressing to talk about right now? No, I'm very perfect. Yes,

I am incredibly warm. Here's my idea for this episode. Last week, we barely answered any questions and I don't know. I don't know how it happened this week. I say we try to be concise and answer as many questions as possible. I'm aiming for At least six questions Okay, let's do it

So let's just get right into it Am I going first? Are you going first? I'll go first Okay, what is it? I'm going to come from Reddit user AlanGorn11 How do I, a 23 year old male, tell my ex-girlfriend 25 year old female that she is on a porn site?

We broke up due to quarantine about three months ago, and today, I found her on a porn site getting some after-breakup sex. Video's dated two months ago. The relationship did not end well, and basically, she doesn't want anything to do with me, and neither do I. I think she doesn't know, and I'm sure she wouldn't allow it, since

she's not pro-porn. I feel a duty to tell her. Should I? How? Also, she sounds drunk as hell. She might not even remember she was being filmed. Yeah, I guess firstly you need to figure out why you want to tell her and like really kind of be honest with yourself

like do you have their best interest at heart? Is it like kind of a little salt in the wound like oh look what you did. This guy's not as good as me because he's clearly a scumbag. Because I think there might be elements of that, even if you overall want the good things for this person. But I think you need to be very careful not to let any of that creep in. Because if she doesn't remember being filmed and if she didn't consent to it to get put up, it's a really fucked up situation.

The last thing she needs is to have that and also have you needle her at the same time um so if you are going to say something i think you really need to be careful how you say it um i was going to talk about whether or not you should but i think if you think she's drunk and doesn't know it went up then yeah this is dead i think you should yeah i can't imagine i mean like unless my breakup was so bad that like they did horrible things to me i i'd probably be like whatever fuck it um the the being drunk part i think ah man i think that would still tip tip the scales even if i like absolutely despise this person i think it would still be very important to tell them um otherwise like even like a really bad breakup i don't think there's any situation where i wouldn't want to be like hey this is out there do whatever like i don't

necessarily think like i don't think tact is all that important in terms of like like depending on how bad the breakup is or whatever. I think just being like, Hey, saw this thing. You might want to know. Boom. A hundred percent.

Yeah. I don't think you need to really get into anything. Like you don't need to be like, so the other day I was having a wank and you know, like they don't need the backstory. You can just be like, Hey, saw a video of you on this site.

Don't know if you know what's up there. Just figured you'd want to know. I'm just kind of like, leave it. Yeah. Like you don't need to do a check-in don't have to be like are you all right is this cool like just be like hey i found it and then it's like ball in her court and you know you dust your hands of it you did your good deed you're a decent human being and you move on yeah and if if they get angry at you or if they you know you can then respond to them as they respond to you like if they're like well you know if they come back you all, you can then respond to them as they respond to you. Like, if they're like, well, you know,

if they come back to you all aggressive, you can wash your hands of it. If they say thanks, you can be like, no worries, and hey, you did a really nice thing, right? And the sooner these things are found out, the more likely it is they can actually get them taken down. Which is a good thing. Yeah, before mirror sites and everything start fucking... Exactly,

yeah. Or, like, before people, like, if you can find it, other friends of hers can find that there are people who like her people go to her school or work with her and like i'm sure they're not going to be as cool as this so you know i think 100% uh reach out make sure you don't put any snark in it or even imply anything and just bare bones like dane said hey just a heads up. I saw this video of you. I don't know if you know what's up there or anything, but I figured I'd let you know. Yep.

All right. All right. See, problem solved. Look at that. Five minutes in, we're already done our first question. My boyfriend keeps using my stuffed animals as a jizz rag. When I was six, my aunt made me a stuffed animal that looked like me at the time. 20 years later, I still have it.

And my boyfriend, 28-year-old male, thinks it's weird. Yesterday, I noticed it wasn't on the shelf where it normally is. I found it on his side of the bed with a bunch of stains on the face. I realized he'd used it as a rag while masturbating. I was pissed he would do that to one of my most prized possessions. When he got home, I scolds him about it. And he says, I wasn't doing anything with it. And it was just sitting on the shelf. So he didn't think I would mind.

I feel extremely bad that he did this. And I'm unsure what to do about it. What should I do? That's by Throracquire. That's a fucking... There's so many... Like, one, just jizzing on things in general is fucking wild. Like, do you not own tissues or a sock

or have a stomach literally anything yeah you're 28 dude you don't need a receptacle yeah to pick up the doll that looks like your girlfriend as a child yeah and come on it's face

cause like I'm telling you right now i'm telling you 100 right now this was not a cleanup he put that thing down and he just on it oh yeah he wasn't like oh god i and then had to dash for the shelf and like you know and somehow just get the face no that's that's wild yeah like there were a lot of things i probably wouldn't come on even if i had to you know what i mean like there's some things that are weird. I think like childlike things are definitely weird. Also, like, you know, it's you know, it's a prized possession. What are you doing, bud?

Yeah, I mean, it would be like if you had a fucking, you know, signed baseball mitt or some shit. And your girlfriend was like, I squirt all over this or like anything and you're like what are you doing even like squirting on something is like it's not as crusty and as like you know usually yeah so like but also can you imagine this excuse i wasn't doing anything with it it was just sitting on the shelf like do you know how many things that you're not doing anything with and like just sitting on shelves or in most homes? Like you can't just go. We know there's a big trend of rubbing vaginas on books from all of our sex writing.

But like you can't just go coming on things that aren't like immediately being in use. Like what about the TV? You know what I mean? Like what about the fucking like. Well, chances are they're using that. I think you'd have to look at like. Okay, what about painting on the wall? Yeah, there you go. Not using it. It's just hanging there to look at like... Okay, what about painting on the wall?

Yeah, there you go. It's just hanging there. If you're looking at it, I don't know. But yes, your point stands. Like, I have a fucking rack in my kitchen that's covered in spices that I don't use. I'm not going to haul off and cover them in jizz. Why not? It's not going to be like my...

That's fine, though. A little flavor? Mm-hmm. You're spicing up your spices.'s pro spice moves instead of like a little bit of dust you got globs now and globs are stronger than dust stop this i don't know what the advice is here like i think you definitely need to sit down with your boyfriend and be like hey you understand that this is important to me and what you did is super disrespectful to the thing that's important to me and thereby like you know in uh by connection super disrespectful to me um and and it's it's like the i think we had a question about like the

the guy's laptop that the girlfriend misused it's the same thing like if if you have something even if it's not that important to you if it belongs to you and someone treats it like garbage and doesn't understand why you're upset then there needs to be like a talk of boundary and a talk of mutual respect and that respect doesn't like it extends out the things beyond just yourself it extends to your belongings it extends to your friends it extends to your family like you can't be like well i respect you but like i'm gonna be an asshole to your friends i'm gonna be an asshole to your family you know what i mean it's like that's not how that works if you respect someone you're gonna respect all aspects of them whether it's belongings or relationships yeah like i think you really need

to chat with him because like i don't think he did this by accident either clearly he thinks it's weird because he says it and like it looks like he did this to probably get rid of it or something like to like it seems malicious to me um but even if it isn't like just the pure ignorance is malicious like the fact that he doesn't understand that this is a unique item something of importance to you and you need to just talk to him be like you can't just come on things i own for no reason also it's kind of creepy it's a it's a doll of me as a child like i think you really need to have a chat with him a hammer home all the various because there are so many reasons this is wrong

and if at any point he disagrees with them maybe dump this guy yeah you definitely need to have that conversation of boundaries and respect and be like there are some red flags here as well and then you know move on from there now we're getting through this like the jizz soaking into that doll's head stop it um this is a long one but an interesting one i think uh it comes from a reddit throwaway account uh my 26 year old female husband 29 year old, wants to give up technology and be a traditional family. He gave away all of our electronics. I've been with my husband for six years,

married for four of those, and I've known him for seven. We have a five-year-old and a three-year-old together. They share a room, but we're hopefully moving into a three-bedroom house. I work long hours, crazy long hours, but we're better off for it, and we can live very comfortably. He's had an issue with technology for a while.

We've got three TVs, one in our room, the kids' room, and the living room. We've got one computer and the children have a laptop and a DVD player. We have a phone each and honestly when listing it, it sounds like so much, but it really isn't. And I limit the screen time the children get. They usually only watch a film before bed, Saturday and Sunday, and a little

bit of YouTube while eating breakfast. My eldest is obsessed with Roblox. Plus, they listen to music on the TV. I splashed out recently on a new TV for the living room. Most unnecessary expensive thing I've ever bought for myself at £930, but I loved it. I came home from work to find all of our electronics just gone. He didn't even apologize, and it's not like he asked for money. He gave away at least £4,000 worth of stuff for free, probably more. I had only bought him the computer for his birthday, and that was only last month. I'm absolutely furious. He told me basically he wanted to give up electronics, he wanted to live a traditional life,

including me staying at home and having more children. This is a crazy change in personality, and I can't even talk to him without getting so frustrated. I've tried, and I just cried. That's how frustrated I was, and he just seems so unaffected. He's also turning into a political nutjob, and I can't even discuss my own views without him screaming me down because I'm fucking ignorant.

I don't know. I'm just so angry right now. Also, I have a five-year-old begging me to use my phone to watch Roblox videos. Man, that's fucked up yeah therapy you need to go and talk to someone like tootsweet as quick as possible

yeah I will note that he hasn't been working like it was mentioned in the comments below he hasn't been working because of isolation she has the whole time yeah i don't know i'm i'm yeah like that that sounds like some kind of mental break or oh 100 you know like because one there's no such thing as a fucking traditional you know what i mean like electronics don't play into that and either way a traditional family is

bullshit because like the reason that's not the case mostly these days is because it was a fucked up system he can't just be like you're not working anymore he can't just be like you're having kids now and also just like let's go fuck your finances and your lives and your agency and everything because like you you should have at least an equal fucking say in this shit and he didn't even talk to you guys um it's it's crazy it's it's 100 not healthy behavior um poor kids like sounds like you guys actually had a pretty good handle on screen time and all that ironically so like it didn't even sound like it was a problem in the first place but no this guy needs to go

talk to somebody because i think in general that's a giant weird thing to do and it's not healthy but like to have it be such a big like kind of like to turn about is is not good yeah i mean i think this is obviously like you said like some sort of like mental breakdown because of isolation probably because this is the first time he's had to like really take care of the kids yeah i mean like he has been the the sole caregiver and i wouldn't be surprised if because of the political climate because it says that like he's become this nut job and she can't talk about our views granted i don't know what views which one of them are well what if he's just trying to get rid of all the 5g in the house to save his children well this is that's kind of my point is

i'm worried that with all this extra time he's had he's fallen into this sort of like conspiracy theory fucking pool like you've seen like i've seen so many of my friends who i was once like oh you're a normal person who are now like sharing daily wire and the blaze video you know what i mean it's like all these sort of right wing very like in your face like ever look the democrats are ruining the States and like, you know, Tucker Carl, like it's very easy to like be lured in.

Like that's the whole point of them. You know what I mean? It's very easy to like pull people into that, especially if you're already like teetering on the mental brink of stuff. So like, well, the thing about these things seem, seem correlated to that.

You know what I mean? Like I'm, I'm thinking that like if she's pro black life matter and pro, you know, abolishing police and he's watching all these videos about how that's evil, that might be where this like big sudden changes. You know what I mean? A hundred percent.

Well, the thing is like conspiracy theories appeal to people who are scared and feel out of control because it gives them this sense of like, Oh, I actually have a handle on this like i'm in like i'm above people i'm smart i'm like i'm really like in there this is the real truth like i'm it gives you this like special kind of like place where you're important and you're successful and i guess like you can be like you know you can feel good about yourself

because you actually know and like all this shit, even though it's all bullshit. So I wouldn't be surprised if his his fears over COVID and over being at home and all this shit just gave him kind of like the fear to let in all these conspiracy theories to try and kind of like remedy things. Also, yeah, like the first thing that people who kind of like become obsessed with this do is like the media is lying to you how do you get the media away from everybody you throw all your fucking like tvs and phones and shit you know so like it's it's actually kind of scary but the rise in people who are dealing with covid and who are like leaning towards these like radical fucking insane ideas I'm not surprised you know that is happening right now

yeah I still need to go get help but yeah this is all sort of like speculation too because like again we don't know for all we know she's the one who's and he's getting rid of it to like save his kid you know what I mean it's like we don't know well you know we know she's the one who's the illuminati well yeah um but ultimately like

yes the the thing that needs to be taught is like professional help needs to because like you can't have someone start trying to dictate your life you also can't have people like impacting your kids life um because like eventually like kids need computers for school yeah kids who don't have computers at school are at like such a massive disadvantage this is why like you know the wealth inequality in america is is a thing because like poorer families can't afford the internet or can't afford electronics and can't afford all this stuff. So like one, you're going to have the social, like most communication happens over digital means now, especially right now where they can't even go to fucking school.

Yeah. Well, they're going to do zoom calls now, but even just like on this, like a social level, like they're not gonna be able to engage with their friends because their friends are going to talk about TV shows that they can't watch now because their dad fucking lost it one day you know and even if you did for some reason support all this shit it still doesn't matter because he never talked to you

you know like there's so many problems with this and i think like it's stuff that you bought like you bought that tv for yourself as a reward for i, working hard and spent a bunch of money on it. So like, yeah, such a kick in the teeth and it's just fucking over your family. Yeah. Like I would be so pissed. Like, you know,

PlayStation five's coming out soon. If I bought that and then I came home, uh, and Amanda had just fucking given it away for free because she's like, well, I read that video games aren't good for blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah. I would be fucking furious. So I get it. Um, so yeah, you need, you, I read that video games aren't good for blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I would be fucking furious. So I get it. So yeah, you need to have that talk. You need to sit down and be like, hey, this is unacceptable. You didn't ask me. And then like it sucks because you have kids and you're married

and you've known each other for so long. But like, there might be a time where you'd be like, hey, you are unhinged and I'm worried that this will have a direct impact on our kids and my life. So I'm out. Yeah.

Which is obviously, obviously try to get help first, try to get counseling, try to get to the root of this because there is a trigger that snapped and you need to sort of like, you know, piece that back together. Also kind of worrying that he's just shouting, like screaming you down when you try to sort of like you know piece that back together also kind of worrying that he's just shouting like screaming you down when you try to talk to him and doing like dramatic

things like this like i would all honestly be worried that it would keep escalating you know what i mean yeah like that's a very dramatic change very quickly and like the next step if it continues that trend is going to be far worse. So it definitely is, as you need professional help now. 100%. All right. All right. Pick a number between one and five. Three.

All right. Boyfriend was sent a video of one of his friends playing with herself accidentally. Despite throw RA accident bid, the title says it all. My 31-year-old female boyfriend, 33- our a accident bid, the title says it all. My 31 year old female boyfriend, 33 year old male told me yesterday, he accidentally received a video of one of his female friends playing with herself. For some reason, he thought it was hilarious and told me without having any told me without

me having any idea that happened in the first place. The woman I meant to send to someone else and asked him to delete it straight away. I didn't see the funny side when he told me this, mainly because I believe if you're going to send something containing graphic content, you check and double check the recipient first before hitting send. This caused a huge argument because I've said, why would you feel the need to send something like that

if they weren't already sexting or sending messages of that nature previously? He says I'm making a big deal out of nothing because he deleted it straight away and nothing is going on. He sent me many texts in the time since that happened, explaining nothing is going on, etc. and that he's done nothing to provoke her sending him that i can't help but feel i'm being made fun of here i can't look at his phone because we aren't seeing each other at the moment due to covid also we've been together nearly two years i mean like i again i don't know this guy so i'm gonna go on face value and everything oh wait wait you don't know this guy uh we'll do going to go on face value and everything. Oh, wait. Wait, you don't know this guy?

We'll do a different question. Yeah, okay. Never mind. We only do questions for people that I know personally. Like, who hasn't sent a text to the wrong person or a message to the wrong person? Granted, yes. But, like, I almost picture, like, the rare times that I use Snapchat for sexy things, I nearly posted a picture of my dick to

my public story. Yeah, it fucking happens. I get it, especially if you've got all those chat bubbles. Sometimes your phone lags and you haven't switched over correctly and you send it and you're like, ah, fuck me. The big tell

here is if you guys aren't seeing each other, he could have not told you at all. You know what I mean? It's not like you saw the phone and you're like, hey, why is there a naked video? Or why is there a video of a girl masturbating on your phone? He had no reason to tell you this other than to be like, hey, it happened.

It's funny. Yeah. It would be very easy. One, if he liked it, to just never tell you, or reciprocate in kind, or continue a relationship like that. You know what I mean?

It would also be very easy if he didn't want to upset you to not tell you, because, you know, you might react like this. So the fact that he still told you despite those possibilities is a pretty fucking positive sign,

because, like, if he's trying to sneak sneak around he's ruined it by telling you yeah you know like he's gone out of his way to let you know this happened and honestly the fact that he was like oh it's funny and all this shit i'm sure he didn't necessarily find it hilarious but i'm sure he also wants you to know like i think i'd feel guilty or weird if someone said something like that but you also wouldn't want to make it seem like it's a big deal because then it seems like it's a big deal. So I think I'd be like, oh, funny story. I just got this video. Lol.

Delete it straight away. And not necessarily going, oh, hilarious, but more like just a heads up. You know, the one thing to not do if you wanted to hide it is to go out and be like, hey, look at this. Or this is exactly what happened. Yeah, it's a wild move if they were being sneaky to, like, tell you. Because, like, again, now it's on their radar. As before, it absolutely 100% was not. Yeah, and if you are saying, like, even if it's, like, a preemptive lie or whatever, that seems a bit dramatic.

Because if you got one and they caught it, you could just be like, Oh shit, they just sent it to me by accident. Boom. There you go. Back to square one. And this time it's more suspicious.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It seems wild to jump to that conclusion that quickly and like feel all of a sudden you're in like a conspiracy of people laughing at you. I don't think that's a healthy. So here's the thing. Again, I think you're allowed to feel that. You laughing at you i don't think that's a healthy so here's the thing again i think you're allowed to feel that you know what i mean it's like it is very

easy like insecurities are 100 thing and like you can't expect everyone to to be you know always the best person that they are so it's like it's okay if you feel a little insecure about it but voice that you know let me be like hey i you know i feel really insecure about that i feel a little a little weird about that and have a conversation about it don't you know turn it into accusatory don't automatically make it a fight feel your feeling express your feelings talk to your partner about those feelings but don't automatically assume the worst that's yeah that's what i'm saying it's like sure if you want to feel it whatever but feeling it and then turning it into a thing which i've kind of done by posting

it online you know what i mean like if you feel it and they're like no that's ridiculous sure or if you feel it and you get over it and you realize it's because you're insecure or whatever which again understandable cool but like to immediately jump to the worst possible scenario and then keep kind of like building that up in your head yeah not good and the thing is like it might not be entirely innocent on her behalf you know what i mean like she might be like oops like wink but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter what the fuck she does because your boyfriend is the only person in the relationship with you and the trustworthy move in this case is to tell you and he did that like what else can you do i promise you there are guys talking to her being slightly suggestive

maybe not sending dick pics but like 100 she also probably that too like guys i mean maybe um so yeah i i think you need to relax again you have these feelings, talk to them or talk about them. That's fine. But don't manifest a fight before you've addressed the issue, because that will never solve anything. That's just going to lead to all sorts of hurt feelings. Oh, yeah. Hit me. This comes from Sharp Intern.

My looks really are holding me back from a relationship, and I'm 30. Should I go under the knife? Before everyone gets on the you'll find the right one for you train, let me explain. I used to be really good looking, but as I've gotten older, my face in particular has gotten just plain old ugly. This has gotten me to the point where I can't even take pictures without having a full on mental breakdown about how ugly I am. Huge nose, bad asymmetry, ugly shape. I need fillers desperately. I'm considering plastic surgery.

The rest of my life is pretty well in order, and I'm more or less very happy on how things are turning out. I've done a lot of personal internal work. People would call me a catch. I even love my body, and I'm totally happy as far as that is concerned. It's just my face that's the problem. I can't even be in pictures. Every time I am, I see the results and I cry. I think this is also why I'm tending

to attract a lot of people who like me, but no one is willing to commit to me. Some are willing to beg me to stick around, but they have wandering eyes. Even commitment-minded men who have been in long relationships don't seem satisfied with me. A lot of people love me and tell me how sweet I am and all that, but ultimately quickly commit to someone good looking. I'm wondering if my looks are causing me so much to be held back personally and insecurity wise in terms of getting what I want. Oh man.

Therapy? I feel like it's a really weird question because it almost seems like they're undermining what they're trying to say at every turn. You know, like they're like, oh, like I don't really like they're saying like they're terrible and they don't relationships or whatever. But then they're like, I'm a catch.

People like me. People love me. I'm attracting people all the time. People are hooking up with me, but they've wandering eyes. I don't feel like that's an issue because if you were that ugly, they just wouldn't want to hook up with you, or they wouldn't want to be with you at all. It wouldn't be like, I'll get with you, but I won't, you know, I'll still look at other people.

What I think is probably ruining these are your massive amounts of insecurity. If you can't get in a photo without crying, if you can't take a photo of yourself without having a mental breakdown, that's the issue. I very, very, very much doubt your face is anywhere near as bad as you're making it sound um and there also seems to be a lot of evidence in your own post that that is

also not the case but if you think it is you're going to be freaking out so much and being weird about things such as pictures such as like jealousy when they you know have wandering eyes etc and that's going to drive people away you know what i mean like if you can't love yourself how can you expect somebody else to do so and if you're so yeah rupaul get it hell yeah like if you're like so hung up and freaking out about this this stuff like that's gonna kill the relationship far more than any face will 100 like i can tell you right now this is like no one starts really good looking and then gets ugly. Yes. Like I don't think that happens.

Like maybe, you know, as you get older, blah, blah, blah. But like chances are what's happened is like a body dysmorphia kind of thing. You know what I mean? It's exactly what you said. I know it's not a body. It's specifically the face. The face or your body. I guess.

There's probably no horrible disfiguration there's you know what it means like and me personally i am i'm pretty against cosmetic surgery i i think you should just sort of like ride the natural look um i'm all about sort of like medical reconstructive surgery that kind of stuff of course yeah um but but again it's it's your body you're allowed to do whatever you want i just think it's a slippery slope that usually ends with a worse result. That's the thing. I know a few people who have gotten plastic surgery, and ironically, it usually makes them just look worse. I also feel like the more you do it, the more you then want to do it because you're not solving the problem.

Exactly. It's a tattoo situation. The first time you get one, you're like solving the problem exactly it's it's a tattoo situation like the first time you get one you're like i want more well yeah it's it's it's less almost like uh putting fuck there's there's probably a good term i can do but instead of like fixing a leak just like putting more paper over it you know what i mean because the internal problem is like you're you're in security and you're like dysmorphia. And instead of actually stopping the leak, you're just like, shit,

put some cardboard on that. And then when that soaks through, you put more cardboard on it, you know? And that's the thing. That's why I think people just keep getting more and more surgery because they think it's going to fix the problem. But there is no problem. And it's also like if you have like, if you hate your nose and then you get a nose job, you're like,

oh shit, I can fix things now. And then you start, you know, it have like if you hate your nose and then you get a nose job you're like oh shit i can fix things now and then you start you know it's like when you when you draw something and there's a point where like you hit diminishing returns on how much you can keep like editing it you know what i mean eventually it just you start like over analyzing everything and it just gets shitty because you've stripped away the essence of whatever it originally was um but this is 100 like you nailed it it's 100 an insecurity thing like you have convinced yourself that you are ugly and obviously you're not because you're attracting people people like you and then this insecurity comes up and people are probably so exhausted trying to assure you that you are not hideous that they're like i'm

not going to do this yeah okay and it's like yes i'm sure that like when they go and the next person or the next time you see them they're with someone quote unquote more attractive than you is because that person isn't obsessed with the way they look they're just being them exactly especially like what age they're like 30 30 yes like that's no one wants that bullshit when they're 30 you know what i mean like no one like if you were 18 and you were freaking out like you know 16 and you were freaking out about all your shit and your looks you don't want photos and like maybe someone would be willing to put up with that drama but like they also shouldn't it's just because they're young and

dumb as well but like when that's like all you really have to worry about yeah exactly when you're that age it's like the only like no you don't you're not gonna stick around for all that shit and like looks are so much less important after even like the initial meeting or two you know what i mean like if you never talk to anybody ever you never got your foot in the door kind of deal um then yeah sure maybe maybe you'd have an issue but even then there's a million different things and it your attitude seems to be the worst one you know it's almost like if you're like oh my resume sucks but like you keep getting job interviews you just show up and like vomit on the desk and keep blaming the resume you know what i mean like your resume

seems to be fucking fine but you need to nail the job interview. And that's not going to work if you can't take photos and have mental breakdowns. And apparently, all you think about is how ugly you are. Yeah, I'm going to say that plastic surgery is not going to help that problem, even if it changes your face. And it's a big commitment. And it is a an ordeal to go through and it is expensive so you would be far better to sure if you want to do it like you know bodies your own obviously we we can't tell you anything about that but at the very least get go see someone and go talk this out because worst case you still do you're still back where you started the best case you save a shit ton of money and time and you know you love

yourself for you yeah take 10 of whatever you think the uh the plastic surgery is going to cost and put that into a therapy fund yeah and and go go talk to a therapist about all this and and you know address all your concerns read this post out verbatim if you want. And I'm sure you will have sessions and sessions worth to talk about because as now said at the very beginning, this is insecurity. Yeah. All right, let's go.

All right. This is by Eliza Avery XX. My boyfriend did nothing for me for my 21st birthday yesterday. Today is his and I'm torn. To give you a little background, a few things here are important. One, he doesn't understand birthdays because he couldn't care less about his, or so he says. Two, he expressed to me that my birthday is hard for him because he sees me enjoying all the things he wishes he could have on his birthday. His family really doesn't care and he's never had parties or anything growing up.

My family is huge and I had a whole even thrown by my mother yesterday and always do. I assume whole party. I don't know. Three, he has had some financial issues in the last couple of months, so he doesn't have spending money. But birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries are extremely important to me. Not just my own, but other people's too. All I want to do is spoil him. I told him I in no way expected him to spend any money. All I wanted was to feel special. There are tons of things that would have brought me over the moon that are free. I even gave him ideas. A note, a surprise at work. I had a nine hour shift for him to just show up and tell me he loves me. Lunch ready when I come home, a foot rub, literally anything. I'm not high

maintenance whatsoever. I just wanted a little thought. Is that too much to ask? Now today is his birthday and I don't want to do nothing for him just like his family. But at the same time, does he deserve it? I don't want to make our birthdays into a competition either. Help me. This is tough because she's coming from the right place, I think, with just a little teeter on the wrong side.

Yeah. This is a lot of internal issues that we have this episode. Because again, i'm sure one it really sucks that like he did nothing because you you made it clear like i was going to say when she was like oh he doesn't have any money i was like didn't like talk to him you know what i mean it's like have that conversation be like hey birthdays are really important to me

i don't need anything grand i don't need you to spend any money just you know let's just have dinner together or you know what i mean like something like that just but she said that and he didn't do it so that to me seems a little malicious on his part and a little bitter on his part um so i think i think you're on the right track i don't think you should do nothing on his birthday um i think you should do something small don't make it don't like bring a gift because i think that might be lording it over him but like you know maybe make dinner for him or give him a massage or you know something very small something free something uh that me like gets you to spend time together and broach

the subject then be like i know birthdays are difficult for you, but they're important to me. And I want to like start a new tradition of us having good birthdays together. Um, because I used to date someone who hated Christmas and my whole thing was, I was just like, just because you had shitty Christmases as a kid,

doesn't mean that we have like, they don't always have to be bad. You're not a kid anymore. Like you have control over this. Like we can make new fun Christmas memories and they, they can be ours. They can be our own thing. We can figure out what works for both of us.

And that's what Christmas is. And they can be fun. Yeah, no, a hundred percent. And like, I, it does suck that he didn't do anything,

especially when she like, you know, literally kind of spelled it out for him. I would love to know why that is, like whether it is that he didn't actually like maybe he literally doesn't understand that it is a big deal for her. So like when she was saying these things, it just kind of like didn't mean anything to him. Like he wasn't sure. Or maybe for him, it's like embarrassing not to have the spending money and not really to know what to do. So like a surprise at work to show up and tell me you love me seems like really condescending to him.

Like maybe he is so ashamed. Like maybe he thinks the stuff he can do for free are not important enough that like doing so is almost like admitting he's not. You know what I mean? Like I know some people can read things that way. I'm not saying it excuses it. But i also think like yeah that sucks but like keeping that going by not doing anything for his birthday i think is also kind of shitty because they are and you also it's also kind of for you too because you like doing this you know what i mean yeah um and you want to so 100 do it you know if you didn't want to

and you were like oh i don't know if i should then like whatever but like 100 and dan you're totally on the right track with the gift like you don't want to be like here's your new apple ipad and you know electric car because that's a lot of money and he didn't have any money to spend on you but like a nice dinner like some drinks like you know, the thought more than the cost. Definitely. And like, yeah, I basically,

I'm just repeating everything you said. Cause it was spot on. Yeah. It's, it's, I, I think this is a thing in a lot of relationships where people have, you know,

there's, there's something that they don't like and they refuse to let go of that and start over fresh. You know what I mean? Like I said, go of that and start over fresh you know i mean like i said like with the christmas thing or you know any number of things where it's like people are like no this reminds me of x and i don't want to do it anymore it's like okay but like we can't go the rest of our relationship skipping birthdays or skipping christmas especially if it's important to the other person. Yeah. So there needs to be like a way, whether it's your conversation or internal reflection or therapy or, you know, whatever to release and be like, okay, from here on out, shitty

Christmases, shitty birthdays are behind me. We've done that. I've had shitty birthdays, but now I have, you know, all these birthdays ahead of me that can be now good. To just sort of, like, dig your heels in and be like, birthdays are shit and they'll always be shit because I refuse to let them be anything else. That's a wild, a wild move. Yeah.

And I do feel like sometimes people get, like, stubborn. Like, and, you know, just, no. Like, almost like, I don't know, like a child just like no i'm not i'm not changing it and it's like sometimes you just need to fucking talk to them and be like okay this is ridiculous yeah because i think a good way is to show them right it's a mission of weakness right like it's a mission of being like hey you were hurt you know this hurts you and it's done and it still hurts you and as we know men are brought up really well to deal with that. Yeah.

Society loves when men talk about their feelings. Yeah. That's why we're all so healthy at it. So it's like, yeah, I think you should talk about it and and then be like, hey, going forward, I want to work on a tradition of fun birthdays for both of us and see where that goes. Yeah. All right. This comes from Reddit user looking for some lovey dating while young and broke. How do you all do it?

I, male 19, still live with my parents and I quit my job when Corona popped off. How do I date? Do girls even like guys like me? I feel so useless. They say unemployed guys give good sex. That better be true. Yeah, that's actually our number one sex tip is lose your job. Like, is that a... I've never heard anyone say that ever. I think it's like a media thing where it's like, you know, the hardworking business guy will like have his girlfriend stolen by like

the shaggy haired like dude who lives in his truck but he just like he fucks you know because that's all he's got right because like you know like the guy in the tv show has like his money and he has his whatever and this guy like has nothing redeemable apart from his sex and it's like the devil you know uh i have definitely heard that yeah okay because when i read that i was like i don't know if anyone's ever said that i don't know if like they say it exactly like that but yeah it is kind of you're what you're saying makes sense yes there's like sort of that you know aloof that freeloader who yeah that roving stoner who just like, you know, um, like if you find someone who's like, you don't have a job,

fuck you. They're probably a bit of an asshole, you know? And there's a difference between like, yeah, I don't have a job because of, you know, the fucking global pandemic.

And I don't have a job and haven't had a job for years. I don't want a job. You know what I mean? I think like a lot of white people are hesitant to be in relationships with someone who like doesn't have a job for years and don't want a job. You know what I mean? I think like a lot of why people are hesitant to be in relationships with someone who like doesn't have a job or whatever is because of the like the ladder. You know, if you're unambitious or lazy

or just like coasting on someone else's money, that's usually indicative of like either your personality or like what you plan to do in the future, which is probably the same. So you probably won't match up with someone who doesn't have those views. You 19 though and like fuck it you'll be fine that's that's my thing it's like if if you were like there's so many conditions here that sort of like negate what you're talking about one like living at home is tough i i've never dated while

living at home so i don't really have like you i guess you just either have to go to their place or wait until your parents leave kind of situation in a park fucking a park um but like there's a global pandemic a lot of people aren't working right now it's not that big of a deal no i don't think anyone's gonna be like oh you're not working during a place where most people aren't working um second if you were older and there was no pandemic and you were say like in your 30s and you're like i don't have a job just because i still live at home why should i have a job i think that would be an unattractive trait because it's like, cool. What are you up to then? Like,

what are you doing? Yeah. Um, cause I, you know, if you then are like, Oh, it's because I'm,

you know, doing this crazy thing. And people are like, Oh, that's actually kind of cool. Um, then cool. But like, if you're just like,

I'm just not working because I don't want to. Yeah. Then yeah, that's an undesirable trait. It's kind of all about like why you're doing it. And it's like pandemic. You're're good i don't necessarily like i can't in good conscience sort of be like hey it's a pandemic go out there and like you know meet women because it's that's a dangerous thing to do right now i would like if you're in america just stay the fuck home please because america right

now is like it's every day every day i look at the fucking news and i'm just like what is going on because it's just it's a joke like it's not funny but it's a fucking joke um so yeah if you're in america none of this advice applies to you just stay the fuck home wear a mask stay home wear a mask and like you know i don't know yeah put down pretend the communists are coming and like you know i don't know yeah put down pretend the communists are coming and like hiding your bunkers but like if if you're somewhere obviously like make informed decisions you know what i mean like about cases and about who you're meeting and all this shit or just like wait a few weeks because it's hopefully gonna get better um so we're gonna leave that kind of up to

you because you're the only one who's gonna to know which like stage of, you know, COVID your areas in and make your own kind of risk assessment. I would err on the side of caution, but you know, up to you obviously. Um, but yeah, like once you get out there,

no one's going to care. Like I wouldn't like, once you're not weird about money, hopefully they won't be. And if they are, then fuck it. You know, you probably don't want to be with them.

Yeah. Maybe like, don't, don't be dumb and be like, Hey, let's go to this really expensive place. And fuck it you know you probably don't want to be with them yeah maybe like don't don't be dumb and be like hey let's go this really expensive place and then you know bankrupt yourself and not be able to go out for the next two weeks but like your first few days shouldn't be expensive anyway you know and with covid like it is the perfect time to just get some beer and go to a park or have a picnic or some shit you know what i mean like you can do stuff pretty inexpensively right now. And there's so many things to do that are either cheap or free.

So you'll be good. You're fine. All right. Ready? Yep. This is by user fictional character. My 22 year old female boyfriend, 21 year old male doesn't hide his boners

and it's embarrassing. So this is an odd predicament to be in, and I've got no clue if I'm being oversensitive or how slash if I should bring this up. Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and we are currently living with his family, which works out fine. He's going through school, and I work full-time. We don't need our own place yet, nor do we have the money saved up either, so moving right now isn't an option. On to the problem. He doesn't hide his boners. This wouldn't be a problem for me if he didn't have to walk out into the common areas of his house with one. He'll wake up in the morning and yeah, I know morning would blah, blah, walks through the kitchen where his two younger sisters, 16 and 19 and mom usually hang out just in compression boxers with a hard on like, dude,

you're not subtle, it's very obvious when you have a boner, and you don't even bother throwing on at least a pair of shorts. It's genuinely embarrassing to me, and it makes me uncomfortable when he's parading around his younger sisters. Another instance was recently when we went with his father to run an errand, him in the front seat, me in the back. His dad leaves to go inside, and we stayed in the car. I teased him a little, and he got hard. I knew his dad would be back soon, so I stopped teasing, tried to let my boyfriend have a cool down moment. He was still raring to go when his father got in the vehicle and I was close to completely mortified. He acted like he didn't care that he was showing.

Didn't try to adjust it, hide it, nothing. I have no idea if I should mention it to him or dumb it down to probably how he was raised. Ha ha. Also, I have tried to get him to at least put shorts on before walking out of the room, but he's done that maybe four times and stopped. Oh man. Um,

but like, so part of me wants to be like, just let this guy do what he wants. Like if it's, it's his family, but the problem is, it's like, if he's coming out of the room that you guys,

you know, it's like, if he's coming out of the room that you guys, you know, are living in, you are directly attached to that erection. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, no one's looking at this guy's hard dick and being like, Oh,

that's his own doing. Even though it probably is. If he's just waking up. No, they're thinking, Oh, you know, like they see that hard dick and they're thinking like your face is sort of like

just hovering and floating around it yeah they're like because he just has a sign being like lauren did this yeah um so it's like i i think it's weird that you're like should i talk to him it's like yes yes you should you should be like hey could you be a little bit more discreet about your erections? Alternatively, also, if you know this is how he acts, maybe don't get him hard when you're in a car with his dad. Yeah, that we got to talk about. It's like, oh, he always shows his boner. Like, can you believe it? And then his dad left the car and I just started jerking him.

It's like, whoa, I'm sorry. What? Like, you know this is a problem and you're just like, shit, he's gone for one second. Like, maybe he can't stop showing his boners, because every time someone's looking away, you're just touching it. Maybe, like, he's just given up. It's like, he has a boner all the time now. It's like being like, my dog always jumps on the counter and eats the food, but I've left this turkey just sitting on the coffee table. Yeah. Like, of course,

yeah, if the problem is him not hiding his erections, maybe stop giving him erections in public. Again, no, I'm not saying... But the second that everyone else is out of the room, I fed him, like, three whole chickens. I just stuff his stupid puppy face with food. Aww.

That's really cute. Aw, stupid puppy face. I just want to fill that face. Oh, Jesus dang it, that's disgusting. I know. I hated saying it. So, like, yes, I have the conversation. Talk to him and be like, hey, please,

when you go out, it makes me super uncomfortable that the women in your family are seeing your erection and thinking that i am the culprit for it so please put on a pair of pants it'd be like you know you wouldn't want me walking out if you had brothers and a dad in like a thong and you know what i mean like i'm sure he wouldn't be cool with that i mean maybe he would be but like i honestly think it's quite weird part of me is like should i think that it's cool that this family is accepting because like hey boners are natural

you know what i mean like yeah their family is cool with with their bodies and stuff i almost think that's admirable but the thing is i almost i'm not sure where i lie because i i can't imagine myself doing it is the thing but no you made a really really good point where it doesn't really matter necessarily how they go because it involves you so like even if he starts being like that's just what we do you'd be like cool but it does involve me and that's not what we do because my feelings matter here and like if he doesn't care about that then you got an issue yeah and it's not about you dictating like how he lives and whatever because it's about how it affects you and that's very valid absolutely yeah and it's like you need to add yeah you just

have to tell him be like hey this bothers me can we find a solution to it and it's like if the solution is solution if the solution is just throw on some shorts then problem solved like i can't imagine any situation where like if amanda asked me been like hey you know we're staying with or my parents are staying over like we've her mom slept on the couch a few times when she's been in the city for like meetings and stuff like if amanda was like hey do you mind not going out in your underwear i'd be like yeah for sure no problem but wouldn't even need to be asked probably. No, of course not.

But it's like, you know, if I was one of those guys who was like, I'm a free wheeling, free spirit, everything's cool. But if, if my partner asked me to do something.

Yeah. Especially if it's that easily fixed. Yeah. And if it, like, it doesn't affect my life at all. There's, there's literally nothing happening to me that like,

I can still walk to the bathroom. It's not like she's asking me to. Put on 40 pounds of fucking. Land clothing. So she can't. She's not asking you to do something crazy. Like wear a mask. Yeah.

It's only a fucking pandemic. Okay. Do we have time for one more? Sure. This comes from a reddit user i'm a grieve uh and they say i am in sixth grade i'm in sixth grade i'm a decent looking boy i like a girl she is fat and short and i'm embarrassed because i don't know what my friends will think when i say i like her. What should I do? If they're your friends,

they're gonna be your friends anyway. So fuck it. Live your truth. They are in sixth grade where kids are fucking vicious. That's true, but I think it's all about the confidence. You know what I mean? If you're like, I kind of like her, they're gonna be like, I like her.

They might be like, what? But you're just like, yeah, fuck it. I like her. I don't to be like, I like her. They might be like, what? But you're just like, yeah, fuck it. I like her. I don't care. Yeah. Or do you need to tell them?

Like, is it something you are going to actively go towards? But also like, I know what you mean. There are some friends who like, they're not really friends, but like they're friends. So like,

yeah, they'll probably rag you, but like your good friends aren't going to, at least not maliciously. You know what I mean? Also, like, it really sucks'll probably rag you, but like your good friends aren't going to, at least not maliciously. You know what I mean? Also, like it really sucks to think that in this world, the reason people aren't following through on, you know, connections is because they're afraid that someone's like, that's not the girl. Like that girl isn't, you know, quote unquote, good enough for you, I guess. Because I think back distinctly in high school where I did not pursue something with a girl that I had a huge crush on.

I thought she was cute as hell. And I understand that why most people didn't find her attractive. But I definitely did. But I didn't do anything because I was like, because of exactly that, you know what I mean? I didn't do anything because I was like, because of exactly that. You know what I mean? I didn't know what other people were going to think if her and I were a thing.

And it's so stupid. Like, I wish I could go back in time and be like, hey, that could have been a really cool part of your life. Yeah. And it's not that, you know, I want to change anything about my life. But it's like, you know, i actively didn't do something that i wanted to do because i was worried about what other people were gonna think and that's stupid as hell yeah that's the thing it's like it like i'm sure you can weather whatever joking whatever once it doesn't like come back on her you know what i mean like i wouldn't do it in the place where they could

be mean to her or to somebody someone that you think it would set them off to the fact that they would be mean to her. Cause that would suck. You know what I mean? Like this poor girl doesn't need that. Um, but like, if you've got a really good friend,

tell them. And like, at least then there'll be on your side. If you decide to tell anyone else. Yeah. And also like, you're in a position now to be like, Hey,

fuck yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, Oh, well she's fat. Hey, why don't you go fuck yourself? Yeah. You know know what i mean and it's like people like when you when you don't get angry

when you just kind of like shut down bullying like what else are they gonna do you know what i mean just be like oh well she's fat it's like you're an asshole like what what's your point like what are you getting at it's like i think she's super hot. Also, you could just be like, hey, if you don't like her, why does it bother you? You can go after whoever you want, but I really like her, so fuck it. Because people like different types of people. Everyone has different tastes.

There is no one taste. You know? So just be like, hey, this is good for you. At least I won't be stealing all the girls from you because you clearly suck yeah i said yeah just go for it because it's it's gonna be nicer to to have that off your chest yeah i i know i understand why this is a difficult call i totally get it um but i i really want to encourage you to just go for it just do it please um because i promise you there's like everyone's got that story most likely where they're like you know didn't go for someone because of you know they

weren't really popular or they weren't you know seen as super attractive and you know what i mean it's like i'm i'm sure that's the case yeah for all you know they all fucking like her too maybe they'll keep it secret get there first you have to marry her then tell them it's at the wedding be like surprise i like her i mean we're living in a society right now we're like i think we're finally starting to like chisel away at at like societal standards of beauty where we're now able to like look at different body shapes and be like she's fucking killing it regardless of like what what she looks like what her shape is people can now just be like that energy is attractive and i'm here for it well that's that's one thing is like

when we were growing up like there wasn't the same kind of vernacular like about body shaming and like all that and i think kids growing up like they know more about this shit you know and i'm hoping they're gonna be better than we were right um like i'm sure in terms of like a lot of issues they're gonna be better i think they already are you know um and i'm really hoping that like fat shame is gonna be one of them right so hopefully it won't be as hard of a conversation as like you know maybe we would have had to do as a kid because people are they're introduced to more fucking concepts these days right yeah that's a good point do it and hopefully it goes well and fuck it like your your real friends and good people are going to be chill and the people who aren't like whatever yeah okay well

we burned through a bunch that's not bad one two One, two, five. I did five questions. Yeah. So you did what? Four? Okay. So what? Nine questions? Hell yeah. Oh yeah.

Too many questions. See, now we've set a bad precedent. Now people are going to expect us to be concise all the time. And that's not our forte. No, it's not. But like now we know we can do it. If there's ever those episodes where we're like, let's fucking do it. Let's get in there.

Fair. I like deep diving on the questions, but I think these ones specifically all had enough to just sort of like talk about and move on. Thank you very much for listening. I hope you enjoyed our slightly more rapid fire episode. If you did enjoy it

and you want us to do it more, let us know. Hit us up on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast or you can tweet us at fck underscore buddies. You can shoot us an email at F buddies podcast at gmail.com, or you can visit us online at F buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca. If you want to send in a question, any of those formats works.

Um, the email or the website contact form are probably the most reliable way to get to us. Make sure we don't miss it. Um, and, uh, and we look forward to hearing you.

Yeah. So thank you to Josh Eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars. And also thank you to agent kingdom who, uh, sent us a really, really nice message during the week, which we really, really appreciate.

So thank you. Yeah. It's, it's one of those things where you're just like, Oh yeah, that's why we do this. That's why I'm sweating my balls off in a hot closet right now it's like it was it was a very sweet message uh and and thank you very much uh for still listening kingdom yeah no seriously

it's like occasionally you're like you know a lot of work and time goes into this and like we we don't make money um you know but we we do set aside time like every week to get questions and get together and of course it's always great seeing dane and talking to him um but you know it is work and it makes all worthwhile when we when we hear from you guys so we appreciate it um do you have some bad sex writing for us yeah let's ruin all the nice things we just said with this horrible horrible thing perfect this is moonglow by michael chabon which is a pity because i read a book of his a while ago and it was fucking great.

But well, you ready? Yep. I was planning to feed you, Perf, Sally said. All right, said my grandfather. Don't know. He reached out with a foot to hook the canvas drop cloth bundled in its plastic package. He slid it across the floor and eased himself down

onto it, kneeling on this impromptu cushion at her feet. Good Lord, Sally said, and then, oh my. He pulled down her pants and panties and contemplated the graying hair that thatched her belly. It grew sparse but long, very soft against the fingers. He put his cheek to her belly. The soft gray blonde hair rustled in his ear the smell of her cunt reached his nostrils not yet familiar no longer strange he tried and failed to compare it to the remembered smell of my grandmother's cunt it had simply been too long too goddamn long feed me he said why do people use the word cunt in a romantic sense. I don't know. That's a common thing in all these things you read. People using that word as like...

That's meant to be like... I guess because it's supposed to be evocative. But like... I don't know. Unless there's some sort of social thing right now where people are trying to reclaim that word. Which I'm here for. But I don't think that is happening. I don't know.

I think it's just meant to be like, I don't know. I really have no idea. Because like, if I'm ever in like a sexy mood or anything, that's the last word in my... Yeah, I'm not going to say that. No. This is how we finish our podcast.

This now regales us with some terrible, terrible sex writing. And I find a palate cleanser, which is a comment from the porn hub, uh, pornography streaming service. Um, and this comes from Shaquinado biggums. And he says, Stephanie,

please come home. Your mother and I are worried sick. My name is Dave Miller. And my heart goes out to biggums. Uh, I'm not Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies. Wear a fucking mask.