F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 93 - Ghost Girlfriend Surprise

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

I know we say it a lot, but I think this one is the sweatiest episode ever.  Even in the middle of a heatwave here in Toronto, we get in our murder-sweat-closest to record an episode to keep your sex at the top of its game.  Topics include calling dibs on women, a potential spectral surprise, a creepy meet-cute, getting over social anxiety and improving self-worth, a date refund, sharing condom costs.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. Stop it! And I'm Niles Payne. Welcome to the podcast. We are your fuck buddies.

You see, you fucked it up. You didn't know what to do. You confused yourself. I handled it perfectly. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we get questions from social media such as Reddit and from our lovely listeners and we dissect them for you and we answer

them and we provide advice. Someone asked me, I mean a lot of people have asked me what the hell it means when I say turn sticky, sexy situations into sexy, sticky situations. What I'm talking about is semen i'm talking about like sticky it was it was sticky because it was like oh it's a pickle it's it's a

it's a sticky situation so you start with metaphorical stickiness yes okay and then and then when we've solved the problem there's semen everywhere there's semen everywhere because everyone knows that good sex ends good relationships end with semen everywhere because everyone knows that good sex ends at good relationships and with semen everywhere even if neither of you are capable of producing semen it just like appears it just happens you summon it through the good sex exactly some sort of like phantasmal jizz oh we got the episode title right there um that is that's that's what we're talking about just so you know because a lot of people ask me what the hell it means that's a weird question really no one's ever asked you no it's pretty self-evident oh no i've had a bunch of people

what the fuck does that even mean well no i've lived i've never had anybody ever oh i've had i've had multiple people i I've had people anyway. Are you actually recording in the closet? And I've had to be like, yes. Or people just be like, what's Dane look like? I had to describe the weird, excruciating detail. Literally, all you have to do is draw a circle and big eyebrows and a beard. And then like, there it is.

So it looks like you put a cat in the background somewhere. Yeah, you could literally turn anyone into me as long as you draw, like, big eyebrows and a beard on someone. Granted, they'll probably have a different haircut because I am bald, but... Although, here's the thing. Throughout my life, I've had pretty much every haircut.

Every haircut, Niall. And this is the one you settled on? Well, when you've done it all. I'm sorry. Oh, oh man that was good okay you zinked me you zinked me real good oh i love you dan all right well this is the energy we're bringing for the show all right well you know what i popped a whiskey for the first time and i don't know since we were probably back in the closet maybe maybe i did once before I don't know, since we were probably back in the closet. Maybe I did it once before. I don't know. A good friend of mine left the city today. It was very sad. So goodbye, Ryan.

Goodbye, Ryan. But he gifted me some whiskey before he left. That's real nice of him. Drinking some right now in memory of him. He's not dead, but... Well, might as well be. So, something tried to kill me this week. Oh, here we go.

I was stung by a hornet. Yeah, yeah. It really hurt. Mm-hmm. My hand swelled up, and it sucked. But it was only an attempted murder hornet. There it is. That's what I was waiting for.

But, like, the joke should not be. I wasn't going to play into your hand. I wanted you to struggle for it. You didn't seem to give a shit that I got hurt. Yeah. It sucked. It was really sore. I'm not even allergic. Like, I'm sure give a shit that I got hurt. Yeah. It sucked. It was really sore. I'm not even allergic.

Like, I'm sure if you were, you'd be fucked. Oh, yeah. I've never been stung by a bee. And at one point, one of my doctors was, I'm allergic to, like, everything. Yeah, you've got, like, an 80% chance then, don't you? One of my doctors was like, when I was getting tested for everything, like, we're not going to do the b test because uh if you are it'll probably kill you and i was like well if if i get stung by b out in the world you know wouldn't it be nice to have you know the knowledge of this and they're like no we'll just deal with that when it comes

up to it yeah i would i would recommend that you uh that you avoid those oh yeah i i like even bees which you know are are friendly little fuzzy boys. But like even they like creep me out. Because I'm like. I don't want to get stung. Because my doctor was very nonchalant. About my you know. Successive survivability.

Yeah so like I didn't even see the fucker. I don't know how it got me. But like I felt this like agonizing pain. And saw it just fly away. This like little black fucker. It wasn't one of like the yellow jackets. And luckily it wasn't one of the like murder hornets, but it was one of the like, like just, you know, those like thick black like hornet boys. And like it really hurt for quite a while.

And then we like died down and then it got like really like sore like it was a bruise but at night and i don't know why it swelled up like three or four times the size went really red and was like sending out like spasms of pain like up all my fingers and like down my arm and i was like am i gonna die but i didn't anyway we should probably get to advice yeah you fucked up because you didn't you didn't get enough radiation to get superpowers. You don't know that. Oh no. The worst superpower for a fucking podcaster. Yeah. Sorry, I'm just like producing honey.

And fucking a flower. Will I start? Sure, go. Pick a number between one and ten. Three. Oh, this one's very long. I really want to do it, though. Okay, then let's do it right off the bat so we know how fast we've got to go. All right.

This is by ThrowawayHangUp2. I'm being shunned because I, 23-year-old male, stole a potential date away from my friend, 23-year-old male. Me and my friends were invited to join a bottomless brunch with a group of girls on Saturday. In the UK, quarantine's been lifted, so bars and pubs are open again. And to celebrate, we want to go out. My friend Mark, 24, girlfriend Jess, 23, invited us along even though we don't know the group of girls. We made our own plans through the day.

Bars are only open, but not bookings, not walk-ins, but decided to pop in and see them. The girls we ended up meeting at brunch were beautiful, and honestly, I felt insecure. I would say I'm more average looking, but definitely not model material like some of these girls were. On arrival they were scattered around but my friend of group of five settled in the booth with the girls left and we started casual conversations. Some of them were already pretty drunk and it was a fun atmosphere. Wanting to be nice I decided to

get a jug of mimosa and give everyone top ups. As I got to one girl though she politely declined that she was drinking only orange juice. My friend Tom, 23, starts asking why she's not drinking, and the girl explains that she doesn't drink. Tom couldn't seem to understand why she'd come to Bono's Drunch and not drink, and kept asking her why she wasn't drinking. This girl handled his questions well, kept saying she used to drink but doesn't anymore. Anyway, things got awkward, and Tom finished with,

well, you sound incredibly boring. And the girl just laughed and said, yeah, I guess I am. Embarrassed for him, I made a feeble apology before following him back to our group. It was then we decided to head to our own booking at a different bar. I'm going to skip ahead because a few things basically happened that whatever.

They did a few more bars, met up at a party later on. And one of the girls from earlier was like, hey, Tom, there's this girl I think you're going to really like. And she, because you're massively into motorbikes and watching races and riding bikes. And so is this girl i think you're gonna really like and uh she because you're massively into motorbikes and watching races and riding bikes and so is this girl they introduced each other and it turns out it was the girl from earlier the one that doesn't drink and basically he went over talked to her and she turned around was like yeah i think i'll i'm just too boring for you and left him because i am really rude to her earlier so he's embarrassed and good that he fucked up an

opportunity she slinks back inside sits in the corner throughout the night. He did try and offer to get her drinks, but she declined, telling him she prefers to get her own drinks. Later in the night, he ended up talking to her, mentioning he loves snow sports and that she snowboarded. Ongoing, nonstop conversation. In the early hours of the morning, as the party came to an end, I built up the courage to ask her on a date.

To my surprise, she said yes. I was over the moon. This beautiful, cool girl was way out of my league, agreed to give me her number. I was kidding when we said our goodbyes and almost ran back to my group in excitement. Short-lived, though, as Tom and his jealousy had been watching us talking, he started to berate me and in my pettiness asked if she was

too good for him, why would she give the poster her number? Flew off the handle and demanded that he gets the number because it was meant to be his. The poster said how ridiculous he was being wouldn't drop it but the next morning he told all our friends i'd stolen this girl what makes it worse that everyone knew jess wants to set her up so it seemed like i got in the way intentionally no one heard his insult at brunch and no one heard him tell the truth to

jess i keep telling him he fucked it up himself but i've basically been turned against even asked jess to tell people what tom told her which she did but the guys are now saying regardless what tom said i should have been talking Tom up. If Lily was happy to talk to me, I should use it as an opportunity to talk about Tom or at least invite him into the conversation. If I go on this date, I will lose my friendship group. It's ridiculous. I think finding a girl like Lily is one thing, but to actually have a date with her is another thing. Now I'm

wondering if I'm being selfish taking a date with Lily which was originally meant to be Tom's. I don't know if I should throw in a long time friends for a girl I may or may not even end up being in a relationship with. Boom. Oh, okay. See why what i want to bring it but it's long yeah there's a lot here in like in like layers that we kind of have to like feel back first but i think the most important thing to talk about here is like you like these this whole problem seems to stem from the fact that like they aren't giving this woman any agency at all.

Yep. As if it's just sort of like, it's the men who get to pick and choose and that like, they somehow belong to a dude just because they had been like, tried to set up with by another person. Like that's a really fucking weird way to look at people's lives and the way that you interact with human beings. Like just because Jess or whatever

wanted to set Tom up with Lily doesn't mean that Lily has to do anything with Tom. Especially when Tom fucking crashes and burns the whole conversation by being a dick. That's completely, in my opinion, irrelevant. It's relevant to the conversation

we have to have about that after the fact. I think makes it even worse is that like he was so rude and shitty that's like you like never had a leg to stand up but you have even less of a leg to stand up yeah it's it's like great it's it's nice it's fun to set people up and it's fun to be like hey i think you guys are gonna get along but if you know if lily is like oh sorry we just didn't vibe it doesn't mean that she's no longer a viable romantic candidate for anyone else other than tom because she blew her chance with the one guy she was you know quote unquote allowed to you know flirt with or go on a date with or give her a number too like that's a wild fucking concept so that immediately needs to just sort of be like dispelled um and then like you

said tom fucked it up you know i mean it's it's one thing to again set up your friends but if if your friend if you're like hey i think you're gonna really like this person and then the friend finishes the conversation with you're a boring piece of shit yeah and then struts off then like cool that that gets a line through it and tom is out of the picture yep tom's shit out of luck this whole like like dibsing women is so fucked up and like we've dealt with it before like a lot and it's well just like at the end of this comment is literally a fight that we've had outside of a bar before oh yeah 100 like no one owns anybody whether you saw them first you talked to them uh things were going well to a point you really like them you're in love with them or you know all these things like you never own

anybody right um if your friend wants to honor something like that that's up to them you have no right to ask for any of that shit you know what i mean i'm by in love with them i mean like obviously if like yeah you know what i mean like you could love someone from afar for a long time it doesn't mean you own them you know what i mean that's like if they don't like you it's always up to your friend to like kind of make the decision in the moment but like yeah it's just it's one of the most toxic things that just still exist for some reason people need to get the fuck over it yeah i mean like there's there's a little bit of

decorum that should be had between friends you know what i mean like if i knew you were interested in someone i think it would be a fairly shitty thing to like also pursue them you know what i mean sure but um that's not really what happened here. Like one, Tom made it very evident. There's also a difference between like just meeting someone and like being into them for a while. You know what I mean? Like there are various levels. And even then it's like you can never really be like, hey, fuck off. Especially when you're not getting anywhere with someone.

You know what I mean? Like I feel like. Especially when like you've been rejected. Yes. Like there should be. For good reason. Like some kind of like not necessarily rules but like guidelines or it's like you should never like down talk any of your friends like never be that guy who's like

you know and you should never like intentionally like interrupt stuff and you should never try and ruin it for your friend like that's just being a shitty friend but if you're talking to someone who you like and your friend is there or they start talking and like things are going really well with them as a friend, be fucking happy for them. And then it's your turn to talk them up. You know what I mean? If it works out in their favor or your favor, whatever. But like you guys are on the same team, you're friends. You should be helping each other regardless.

You shouldn't be upset and bitter because it didn't work out for you because whatever. It doesn't always work out. I remember there was a night when we were out. was me you and one of our other friends and uh for whatever reason like again he's one of my best friends i i've known him probably the longest out of our friend group um and like every woman in the city was just like in love with him that night oh man yeah and it was one of the person we talked to it was like cool this is fine but can i talk to your friend yeah just like sort of two two hands on our faces shoved aside so they could talk to her friend and you know fuck it whatever but i remember in a row oh all night all night um and i remember at the the last place we went there was a group

that we were talking to and there was there's a woman that i i was quite into i we were like vibing all night long we danced we we were getting drinks together whatever whatever whatever i remember i either went to go to the bar to get a drink or went to the bathroom or disappeared for a bit and uh our friend was trying to wingman me you know trying to talk me up and at the end of the night, she asked him for his number. And I was like, that's cool. I remember him coming up afterwards and being like, Hey man, I'm really sorry. But like, she asked me for my number and I was like, Hey, like, I don't care. You know what I mean? Like if she wanted my number, she would have asked for my number. Exactly. And also she wanted your number. So she asked for your number. Like, I'm not going to be mad at you that a woman who has entire agency and the right to

choose whoever she's attracted to chose you it's like there's no there's no reason to be upset about that it's such a wild thing that again still exists and i don't understand how no one can get over that you know it would be different if our friend was like oh yeah fuck that guy now that he's gone he's a piece of shit but like yeah, yeah, one, that's just going to ruin his chances because I don't think anybody's like, wow, you bad talk your friend the second they leave. But also that's a whole different situation. So that leads to the end of the question where fucking Tom was having his like mental boy child breakdown. You're talking about losing your friends. This guy doesn't really seem like a friend when he was like, oh, well, if she wasn't or if i wasn't good enough for her how are you good enough for

that's a shit thing to say to a friend like that's arguably one of the worst things that you can say to a friend like it's like if you are just so below me that it's offensive that someone likes you yeah like this guy can't fucking fathom a world where a woman would prefer you over him and that is i think my favorite part is when he's like give me the number it should be mine can you imagine can you imagine her being like oh hey who's this like hey it's tom why why is it tom how many times did he tell you you're a fucking asshole and he's like, it does not compute. Like, Tom, dude, you need to learn a lot of things about general life.

Oh, no, you should give him the podcast number. We'll give you our number. We'll private message you, and we'll just teach him some truths. I don't think you're gonna lose your friends over this. I think, dude, they're not friends. Yeah, maybe Tom will be a fucking dick for a bit, and maybe Tom will not speak to you.

But again, you're not losing a friend if this is what fucking you know puts the nail in the coffin of your friendship then you guys weren't really friends to begin with I think if you know if you guys if you go for like pints with your buddies and you explain the situation be like hey this is like

this is what happened I didn't quote unquote steal anyone also you know tell them that that's not a thing. But just be like, hey, Tom fucking struck out. He insulted her. And then we ended up chatting and she wanted my number. So like I fucked up. Or just like every time you go out now, like dibs, dibs, everybody.

This is how it works now. Yeah. I talked to a single fucking person. I say do it. Go on your date again like like dan said like maybe separate the group a bit talk to people one-on-one because like as a mob and maybe with this dickhead in the middle of them like threatening them i guess because it doesn't sound like he you know is a nice person they'll probably be a little bit more chill so like

explain your side of things so like the people you're closer with when he's not there and like i don't think they're really going to care. They don't really have skin in the game. Fuck Tom. Fuck this shit. This is a trend that needs to die. This whole, like, women claiming, like. And, again, it's so offensive.

Like, just pretending the woman has no choice at all. You know? Not even on man. On the man in question. But, like, literally, like, she's yours and you barely even talked to her and when you did you fucking mocked her still yours though like that's fucked get over it dude yep um this comes from reddit user secret action seven oh hell yeah why would a guy completely freeze i didn't see my ex in a few months and we didn't end on amazing terms

he turned to try to talk to me and he looked completely frozen. His eyes were wide and so was his mouth. It looked like he was trying to speak but couldn't get the words out. He was blinking oddly. I felt bad, but I'm confused. I felt bad, but I'm confused why someone would just become frozen like that. Is this anger? Shock?

Sadness? Why could I cause so much panic in someone well i feel like if you rupture a liquid nitrogen tank next to someone that could totally freeze them i also feel like maybe this guy in the question because he wasn't frozen he was moving his eyelids maybe he was trying to practice his morse code and you were kind of a dick about it you know you know what my thing is and this is why i brought it i think the reason she's his ex and the reason it didn't on amazing turn or end on amazing terms is because she died but she doesn't know she doesn't know was she was he morse coding like hey you're a ghost or just sos like was he trying to help her or help himself i think i think he was just one of

those things where it's like you know you do your like double take blinks like the like it's am i seeing what i'm seeing because you you've been dead for four years oh my god and for whatever reason whatever cosmic event allowed him to see you is uh it's what stunned him yeah what if she is the proof we needed that time travelers are fucking with 2020 because they came back and fixed her death but in a way that he didn't realize she was still oh shit all right yeah he just realized he's like man that's why everything's so fucked yeah maybe like for whatever reason he his his consciousness is this outside of the current timeline so he remembers when she died and it all just kind of like start pooling back in his head yeah like i'd love to like can you read the first like sentence again i think i kind of missed it i haven't seen my ex in a few months

and we didn't end on amazing terms he turned to try to talk to me and looked completely frozen. There's no context as to where or how they saw them. Did she just come into his room one night? He woke up, turned and was like... And the thing is, if he turned to try to talk to you, he was obviously willing to do it. He knew you were there and he was ready to talk to you he was like obviously willing to do it but right like he knew you were there and he was all ready to talk to you i don't i i brought this in just because i wanted to make my dead girlfriend joke i i don't really have any fucking context uh also like we don't know why it ended badly but another thing is like in my head it's like he froze because he saw her for the first

time in this situation so it's a really weird turn of phrase to be like he turned to try and talk to me but it's a way weirder situation if that's the case where like they were having a chat they're walking down the road he turned to try talk to him and just like like you know when sometimes you're old and you turn too fast and your back just goes you're like oh maybe that happened maybe he like well i don't think they were together like i imagine it was like like i mean like i don't think they were like hanging out and then he tried to talk to her and then he froze i think it was like they were probably out but the thing is the fact like he turned to try to talk to me i assume like she came up on him like by surprise

so it's like you didn't know if he was trying to talk to you. He just found out you were there. It's just a weird turn of phrase. Yeah, no, I, again, I don't know what the hell the only thing, like the only thing I can think of is you guys were out at a bar and for

whatever, like, you know, he knew you were there, but he was, you know, ignoring you or whatever. And then you were sort of like too close to ignore anymore

and then he decided to turn around and say something and then didn't know what to say what if you had like mustard on your face and he turned around saw it and like was just torn between the various options of like do i laugh and mock you because things didn't end well do i help you but what if it's seen as me laughing and mocking you do i ignore it do i like and he just like was stuck in all these various possibilities like how do i tell her if i tell her will she get upset do i want her to be upset do i not want her to be upset is it possible to have her not upset if i don't tell her and she finds out later is she gonna think that was a slight like and he just like fucking panicked like he spiraled and he just he's still there today thinking about it

maybe her best friend just went to the bathroom and he was on a date with her. Yeah. That's another thing. Maybe he was just like out with someone and he's like, Oh no, this is going to kill her. Oh, maybe you guys ended badly because he had that friend that she was always

suspicious of. And guess who he's at the bar with that friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again, I don't have any advice. No, I don't know anything anything so hit me with a new question

okay uh pick uh you know what fuck it we'll do this this is my throw away back is the way i 18 year old female met my boyfriend 23 year old male creepy i was hoping it was gonna be creepy i've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and we live together. We met in university. I was 17 and in undergrad. He was 22 and doing his master's. He's a great guy. Very sweet and caring.

I feel so lucky to have him. We first met online in the local ride sharing group. I needed a ride home from campus one weekend and he just so happened to make a post offering rides. I was the only person in the car besides him. He asked me out on the return trip and after I said yes, he drove out to some forested area and we made out. We started dating afterwards. A few months after we started dating, he told me his side of the story. Apparently he thought I was attractive for my profile picture and after getting my message, deleted the ride sharing post and told other people his car was full. This is so he could have me as his only passenger on the 2.5 hour long ride.

Then, while we were in the car together, he purposely took a longer route so I could be in the car for longer. He asked me out in the middle of the ride back, so there'd be less chance I'd refuse. At the time when he told me all this, I thought it was cute, because he made it seem like he was being romantic and caring. Yesterday, though, I was catching up with an old friend from high school and told her how we met, what he said, that she had a weird look on her face and said his actions were pretty creepy. She said it's a good thing you didn't end up kidnapped or worse. I told her I thought it was romantic and she looked at me like I was crazy. He said that if he wasn't tall and handsome, I would think it was creepy. Haven't considered this angle before. Were his actions creepy or were they harmless? I certainly don't think he's a creep. He's a wonderful boyfriend.

He really cares about me. Maybe a bit overprotective at times, but I think it shows how much he cares. He even says he wants to get married when I graduate from uni. What do you think? Is the story of how we met creepy in some way? So I try to stay away from the meta of, oh, it's only acceptable because he's attractive. But here's the thing. I think this story would be a much different one if it was a person

that this person didn't find attractive. Or if it didn't work out. I think there's degrees here here i think it really depends on like i understand the like the side the sweetness side of things of being like i'm gonna take a little longer route because i want to keep talking to her or whatever you know i mean like i i get that angle um the the one i have the most problem with is the i asked in the middle of the ride that one is super manipulative. I don't,

I, you know what I mean? Like I can, I can pass off the rest as like harmless, you know, romance because like if, if he, you know, only wanted you in the car and he took a longer route and didn't do

anything sinister, there's no real harm to that. That's, you know, he, he made a play. It might not be the most kosher move but at the same time like nothing bad can come of it really but when you put someone in a position of being it's like

the when we talk about asking cashiers and bartenders and shit out it's like yeah she like for all we know this guy could have been like pulled over the side of her own being like get out yeah it could have been like you know what i mean like the reason she doesn't think it was creepy is because it ended well i think the reason her friend thinks is creepy is because it could have ended very badly and like a lot of those things like you can almost see both sides where it's like yeah there's nothing overtly sinister i guess in in the fact that like you know he was like oh i find her attractive i'll cancel the rest of the thing but in another sense it's like he actively got you alone you know and it's like there's nothing that creepy about taking a slightly

longer route but it's like he he wanted more time with you and didn't give you the choice or the option or even like the knowledge of that and then it's like he manipulated you so that you were more likely to say yes which meant that he didn't necessarily care about whether or not you meant it yeah and then he drove you to an area also you were 17 so there's that's the wild thing is the forest like he had a route planned to this forest area yeah like what how is this gonna pan out if you said no i have a feeling you still would have went to that forest area yeah that's the thing it's like i totally understand where your friend is coming from and like yeah it's like it's what it's fine because it ends well but if this didn't end well no one here would be even slightly thinking it was

anyway romantic or nice right yeah there's a lot of like the why would you do that like um yeah it's it's like I said it's like I get the like her angle of like being like oh these things are sweet but then like but yeah when you

when you break it down when you parse it out without with a little more objectivity uh yeah you you can see that there But yeah, when you break it down, when you parse it out with a little more objectivity, yeah, you can see that there are troubling behaviors here. Yeah. And like, it could just be like stupidity. You know what I mean? Like, it could be that he never really thought it through. It could just be the fact that some people watch too many movies and tend to think things

like these are sweet, even though realistically, a lot of the shit people do in like romantic comedies is like objectively manipulative or like harmful you know yeah um psychotic yeah yeah pretty much so i don't know i don't know where i fall in this i think yeah definitely it is you can it's very easy to see this as creepy i think it's very hard to not see it as creepy does it mean it is creepy and not romantic i guess because it worked out it's fine but like i think maybe just like have an eye out on like future behaviors because like it could speak to like a more manipulative side of this person or like uh-huh i would love to know how over protective manifests yeah that's a weird thing to mention you know what i mean it seems like a very

important throwaway there like oh maybe overprotective it's like if you're thinking about like oh are they creepy or harmless you wouldn't be like well maybe this unless it was probably pretty bad yeah like if the overprotective thing is like he wants to know where i am at all times he only installed two tracker apps in my phone also like what i want to know is how freshly churned was the soil in this forested area did it correlate with the missing coeds in your universe were there weird sort of rectangle shapes dug into the ground yeah no he's the one that hadn't he's way too smart he brings them to a different wood every time because like last thing you want to do is find if you find one body you find them all

that's fair i guess yeah what's his name dexter well dexter only killed murderers right oh we don't know about this girl she doesn't think this is creepy that's exactly what a murderer would say that's true so I don't know I guess advice wise just have a look at like it doesn't necessarily matter I guess right now because you made it through but like it maybe is something to think about

when judging his actions in future yeah you definitely like need to mark the red flags that this could have been if like parse it through the the filter of i if i didn't find this person attractive how would i have reacted and then part you know what i mean take his current behavior and past behavior like well you guys have dated through that same filter and be like are there are there anything that's pinging as concerning because that's something you need to address

or, you know what I mean, at least be aware of. And like, how would they have reacted if I let them down? This comes from Reddit user ProfDCTTrafusis. How can I stop being weak and pathetic? I don't feel as if I'm a person, but a parody of one. If I were someone else, I would hate to be around me. I've done many stupid and silly things. I just can't stop.

I don't know how to have healthy interactions with people. One time, girl I like at work was out sick for 10 days. Then she returned. I asked how she was feeling and that work wasn't the same without her. I didn't realize how asinine and stupid this was and how it ruined the small chance I had with her. I just do stupid things like that all the time because I'm pathetic and weak individual.

I don't know how to change. Should I just end it all? Should I just become a hermit? Should I just fake it until I make it? Jesus. Is this off seduction? It's not. No, I believe it was relationship advice.

Well, firstly, don't end it all that's a really dark place to go to and like if you're actually having thoughts like that i would recommend going and like talking to somebody like there's a lot of uh like suicide helplines and places there's definitely always a better option um so please look after yourself um did the one example we're given nothing wrong there's nothing wrong with it at all yeah i don't understand why he's so upset no if it didn't work out sure like fuck it i'm sorry that sucks but also like had nothing to do with what seems like quite a nice and appropriate thing to say um yeah it's one of the nicest things to hear like as someone who struggled with like feelings of inadequacy for a long time in my life when

someone is like hey i missed your presence you know i mean like you make things better especially when you're around right yeah um yeah there's nothing wrong with that at all. I think it's a mental thing on your side. Mentally, you seem to think you're horrendous and awful and useless. I think that is the problem here because, one, that's probably going to be filtered through everything you say. So you're not going to be as confident or as happy or as upbeat or maybe even as honest or genuine as you should be because you're second guessing and trampling yourself on the inside um which sucks and is terrible but like

that's never gonna help your position so I think you need to like again I would recommend like going to therapy or going to talk to someone like really like focusing on on yourself because like I even point at one point I think said like i can't change or something or like i don't like i have no control you do you're you you have complete control over

what you say and think and how you act um it might be hard to to change things because you're used to doing things a certain way but like just saying you can't do it is a cop-out and it's never going to help you. Yeah. I mean, there are like we've had questions like this before. So there are people who feel the same way that you do, which means that there is probably a group of people in which are who are trying to get better at it. Not in style. Don't join them. For God's sakes.

Don't like at any point in time with douchebags, you find a group that blames all of their problems on other people. You need to clock that as a toxic place that isn't out to help you. And I think that's a pretty like standard across the board rule about anything. If you ever find a reason, like a group that's like, Oh, it's not our fault.

It's these people's fault. Yeah. For whatever, whether it's racism, whether it's sexism, whether, you know what like there's so many different umbrellas that you can put, you know, and protect people who are struggling mentally and financially or whatever is the root of the cause. You need to understand that, like, there are communities that are toxic and there's communities that are bolstering. You need to find the ones that are going to take care of you and that are going to like help you push you forward towards a goal that you want, which I assume is a little more like social confidence. Some things that will help you with that.

And this is, I think I've recommended it before, but like joining like improv things like that. Like, I don't think that should be your first step. I think, um, maybe looking into, um, like public speaking courses and stuff like that. And the nice thing is like nowadays in the, the, the world of online stuff, there are so many classes and courses and stuff that you can take, um, without leaving the comfort of your home.

And that might seem counterintuitive for what you're trying to do now, which is like interact with people, but like learning about this kind of stuff and learning like the core foundations of, you know, confidence and finding your voice and all that kind of stuff is, is invaluable. And then you can sort of use it in practical situations or in safer

situations like therapy or uh group therapy and stuff like that yeah also like like you clearly need to work on you before you kind of start worrying about other people right now so it's like find something you love and focus on that instead of focusing on focusing on relationships um you know like join a club if it's something you really enjoy or like if there's you know a fandom you're really into or like you want to start a new hobby or something like that. Like do that and like meet people who are in a similar situation because you won't have to break the ice or come up with, you know, any gambits to like try and talk to people because you'll be in a situation that you'll one presumably want to talk about and to be able to talk about because it's something you love. And they will also want to do those things. So it'll be a nice, easy way for you to build up your confidence, work on yourself, to do

things you like and, you know, get things being a little bit more positive, because obviously right now they are not positive. I really think like building yourself up is the most important step right now. Yeah, it's like I said, i struggled with inadequacy for years and like i would say uh i've got it mostly conquered at this point but like it's it definitely like it's it's tough to get rid of all your demons forever um so the the most important thing is yeah you need to start sort of like foundation up and that starts with like now says yourself and then you need to sort of try to cultivate a group of friends um it doesn't have to be uh you know a huge social

network but and it's got definitely got to be more than one because when you get with just like one friend you get real codependent like that's you you end up like running into other situations but if you can find a group of lions, yeah. But if you can find like four or five, six, however many people, um, similar interests,

uh, similar sort of like, you know, the way that you guys interact socially, if you guys all sort of like have a group, you'll find confidence in that. You know, you'll realize that you're not alone for whatever reason.

Um, and you'll realize that people can like you and that you are likable um and that will help build on you liking yourself but if you don't like yourself then it doesn't matter how many people like you that's just gonna fucking like sink right through the drain you need to like put that you need to put that plug in first and that is you need to figure out what you like about yourself um because there's something you're just not letting yourself find it yeah and if there isn't something for some reason make something you know what i mean like you have almost unlimited control over like your own self you know what i mean like if you want to to do something like do it and just like stop

second guessing yourself and like over analyzing everything Unless you're being a piece of shit, which like I'm sure you'll be able to figure out if you are. You're like it doesn't matter how people react to the things you say. If you say something nice like that to someone in work and they get upset, that's a damn problem. And I promise you the the reason that might not have gone over well is because you lack the confidence to say it with. You know, authenticity. have gone over well is because you lack the confidence to say it with you know authenticity like that's the only way that i can see that fucking comment not panning out well because like even if you are a weirdo most people would be like oh thank you and move on you know what i mean like it's not creepy it's not like you're like hey i fucking missed your scent the last

few days yeah like unless you fucking made, like, a mop mannequin out of them, and were like, oh, your presence was so missed I needed to make another you. My self-stimulacrum of you didn't quite do the same job. Yeah. It lacks

your scent. Could you donate some of your flesh, hair, and odor? i need your hair from your vaginal bacteria i need your humors give me your instincts um yeah like there's nothing overtly sexual or weird about what you said it was nice i'll bet they probably took it well and you fucked it up in your own head because you were so like on top of things yeah there's also like running the dangers of

like having expectations of people's reactions like maybe in your head you thought this was gonna woo her and win her over and she was you know gonna swoon at it whereas like maybe she's not attracted to you and she was just like oh thank you so much that means a lot or maybe like she wasn't expecting someone to say something nice.

And she's socially awkward and didn't really know how to respond. Because sometimes it feels weird to be like, oh, thanks. It almost feels like you're agreeing with them. Like, yeah, you're right. The place isn't as good without it. Sometimes people aren't comfortable taking compliments because it feels arrogant. There's a million different ways. And that's both the beauty and the pain of of over analyzing things is like you can come up to any

conclusion that you want doesn't mean it's the right one and if you have a negative fucking mindset you're gonna go to a negative one because there's enough and there's a lack of evidence in every situation to be able to like twist it to your own little like mind darkness. So you just got to not do that. Work on yourself. Do positive things. Realize that like your worth isn't based on a relationship or finding one. And like there's always room to get better and to improve and to like for positive things to happen.

Like ending it is definitely not the answer. And being so down on yourself and giving up also isn't. You can work. And if you care this deeply about it, put the work in. You'll be fine. Yeah. So I think to distill it first, seek therapy, seek professional help. I think that would really, really benefit you.

And then honestly ask them for suggestions on group therapy because if the big issue for you is social interaction, the best way to do it is to interact socially. So see a professional help, try to get some sort of group therapy going

and if you ever feel like you're on the teetering edge of ending it all, please reach out to a suicide hotline because they, they will help you make sense of, of what what's happening. And they will also help direct you to resources that will help. Yeah. In a more long-term sense,

take care of yourself because much like your coworker, the world is a better place with you in it. Okay. You ready? Oh, this one's pretty juicy too. Now I'll go with this one. Ooh, much like your co-worker the world is a better place with you women um okay you ready oh this one's pretty juicy too no i'll go with this one oh this one's very juicy god damn it what are you feeling right now dane what type of question i wouldn't mind i didn't realize how dark yeah the end of that question was don't worry you're all light yeah hit me with something a little lighter i want to i want to get back on them zingers remember when you zinged me for my haircut

sorry i got four i got four here they're all pretty good guy i went on a date with asked for a refund two weeks later should i pay him this is by miss maria that's what i want 26 years old met a guy through an app. 34 years old. Went on a date and it was lovely. The bill came. I offered to split it and he refused. Saying he ordered things for himself.

Me. So I couldn't try them. And took home all the leftovers. He proceeded to invite me to his house and made it clear he expected sex. I said no, obviously, and he was very upset slash angry. Red flag. He asked me on the second date and I told him I just booked a ticket to visit my home country due to a family emergency. He told me he did not believe me.

Insinuated I was lying about my very serious family emergency. He then sent me a request to pay for the date, which happened two weeks ago. He was extremely rude, so I blocked him on WhatsApp and Instagram. I have not paid him. Should I just do it? I'm planning on cutting out all contact anyways, as he was inappropriate no like that's the simple answer um don't fucking pay this guy because hey guess what he had that option yeah when you offered to pay and then he he has since like ruined it by being a dick yeah it's like no because like the only like he didn't he didn't pay for dinner

because he was like ah that's a nice thing to do he was paying for dinner because he thought he was gonna get sex because of it yeah you know what i mean like that's that's the rationale here it was like i paid for or i paid for dinner therefore i'm paying for sex you didn't give me sex so i want you to pay for dinner yeah 100 he's like no no no i got this i got this and you owe me sex now right and it's like sorry i'm not coming home with you what the fuck fine second date where obviously i'll get what i'm owed wait you're lying about a family emergency just like okay first off no one's ever gonna do that right well i wouldn't say i there are people out there i i promise you i know i'm just saying like in a situation in a situation like this, where it's so easy to just say no, you know what I mean?

If someone's gonna give you something just dramatic, like, there's no point in being like, I don't believe it. Because it's like, fuck it, like, if they don't like you enough to come up with that, you're done anyway. And if they're not gonna be like, oh, you got me, alright, I'll go on a date with you. You solved my dead family puzzle. Now I have to sex you twice. Yeah, no, fuck this dude so hard. Send him a bill for your time. I'm curious to know if he actually used the word refund.

Because that is indicative of the entire problem. Because he thought that he paid for goods. Yeah. You know what I mean? You don't get a refund unless you think you bought a good or a service. And that is what he thought he was doing he thought he was buying sex and when he didn't get it he's like well i want my money back then yeah it's like that's that's the problem right there yeah fuck this guy and i mean that like don't fuck him but like this guy sucks so hard

yeah so the the answer to that question is no god no don't even consider paying him the only thing you should ever do is say lol or just laugh at him or tell him to bring you to court maybe don't because this guy sounds a little unhinged so don't provoke yeah but don't fuck him and get the fuck out of there and this is a funny story you can tell people now yeah and i hope your family's okay let's do one final quick question. This is kind of on the same line. Okay. But not really. This comes from a throwaway eggshells.

Is it unreasonable to be asked to pay for condoms? Me and my boyfriend are college students and like to have sex, but we're both broke college students. I'm on birth control, so I'm okay with having sex unprotected because I'm really good at taking the pill and take it every day. And I pay for these myself. So this is plus.

So this plus alternating condom costs plus lube adds up for me. He isn't comfortable with the pregnancy risk. So he's insistent. We use a condom every time. I just wanted to ask whether this would be an unreasonable request. If your wife or girlfriend were asked before I ask if he covers the condoms alone or an alternate on the lube. It's a weird one. Is it?

Kind of? Because like, I don't know. I guess like if it's him that wants to use the condoms, like why should he not pay for them? But at the same time, it's like, I'm sure like a lot of people are on birth control for various reasons. You know what I mean?

And she might've been on it her entire time. So it's like not necessarily dependent on the current relationship so therefore is it strange to be able to like oh I'm doing this thing there's nothing to do with you but I'm opting out of paying for something we're using in our relationship but again it's he's the one that

wants to use condoms every time so it's like it does make sense she could totally I don't think it's unfair to be like hey I cover the cost of my birth control you can cover the cost of condoms yeah that's the thing it's unfair to be like, hey, I cover the cost of my birth control. You can cover the cost of condoms. Yeah, that's the thing. If he's worried about pregnancy, then he should be grateful that she's paying for birth control. You know what I mean?

So I don't understand why she would then also have to pay for his condoms. And my thing is, unless I like going over to a woman's house casually that like no even then i'd bring a condom but like when i get serious with someone i would always buy condoms and leave them at their place like i'd buy a box of condoms leave them there um one because i'm allergic to latex and it's nice to know that I have options, but also they don't need to... I think it's important if you're in open dating and seeing multiple people,

I think it's important to have condoms ready, and therefore if you're a single woman, you should probably buy some condoms. I think that's a good idea. But I think once you get in a relationship, I think the condom user should be the one who buys the condoms. But you both use the condoms.

Yeah, but I mean, like technically, they're both using birth control. Well, what I'm saying is like the way you phrased it was like in any relationship, the condom, the guy should pay for the condoms, which like what if the girl isn't using birth control? Either way, I think I think condom purchases, I think are are like a men's responsibility

that's i guess i don't think there's any rationale behind that i think well okay i guess i guess if you're like if condoms are the only means of contraception you're using yeah i can see maybe alternating condom costs yeah well that's the thing i think it's it's about equity right so it's like if you're paying for like solely paying for birth control as a woman like yeah like it seems ridiculous that he wouldn't chip in for that but you would have to chip in for condoms like i totally get that i can understand why he might not have thought that because i think you know condoms are very specifically just like we're getting them for us right now for for this thing one they're very visible like you're putting them on you're

interacting with them. He probably doesn't really think about birth control all that much. Because he often I'm sure isn't there when you have it. Or whatever. But secondly I'm sure it's not something. Well it could have been. But it probably isn't something you just started with him. So for him he probably doesn't think of it as part of your relationship. And more of like something you were doing anyway.

You know. And you could definitely dissuade him of that notion. And I don't think it's unfair to do. That's a fair point. You know, cause I know some people who, for example, start taking them because their periods are like ultra painful, you know, and taking birth control can lessen that, you know what I mean? So if you've been doing that your whole life and then you start dating someone, is it then fair to be like, Hey, you owe me a portion of that but at the same time if that's your only birth control i guess it is right because you're benefiting from it um and they're realistically saving you money on condoms because you're not using them or vice here's the thing

how many guys do you know have have paid for birth control very little right but on the other hand i don't know many girls who buy condoms very often well you've never gone to like a girl's house and they've or a woman's house and they've had like protection available for you i always have it on me so i've never even had to ask but i've definitely had people be like i don't have a condom and maybe like don't worry i've got one or even if you're like in a long-term relationship or even like a fuck buddy situation you're like hey can you go get condoms they get all like weird and embarrassed and they're like i don't want to do it and i'm like what like i've had that happen to me like nine times at least and like oh yeah i don't think i've ever asked anyone to pick up condoms because like well like sometimes it's like i'm

you know they want me to come over like oh come over when you're at dumb work or whatever and i'm like oh shit like i don't have any condoms on me and like the store's about to close or whatever or even just like you know anything like that if they're out and it's like i'm gonna pick up some drinks for us later or anything and it's like oh can you grab condoms and people get really weird because like you can only have condoms on you so many times in this question i don't think it's unfair to ask for equal payment of things you're both using um i'm sure he considers birth control just a you thing whether or not that's fair is is kind of up to you guys i i can't honestly say but probably not like you guys are both benefiting from it um and if he's the one

who's gung-ho about condoms then it shouldn't be that an issue um thank you very much for listening it has been i want to say a pleasure but I am in severe discomfort in this closet. I am. I am sodden. Like my skin is like there's drips everywhere. I literally warm. I didn't take a shower today because I knew that when I finished this, I would need to like take two.

Yeah. Like take an industrial spray down. But we do it anyway because we... How gross and sweaty we are every week. This can't be what people listen to. I think it's why people come back. That's fair. Well, if it's any consolation,

I'm grosser and sweatier than most weeks. So, wink. Wink. If you have a question that you would like us to answer or a dilemma you would like us to dissect, as you said earlier, you can hit us up on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast.

You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com and you can visit us online at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca. Are you ready?

Yes. Also, because we didn't really introduce it, um, at the end of every episode now treats me to some very, very poorly written sex writing. Unfortunately, this week we have a woman. Why is that unfortunate?

Because most of the time when we're doing bad sex writing, it is like a man writing sex really badly. And it's usually the woman that's written really badly and i think it's worse when a woman writes a woman really badly you know what i mean i don't know that's that's just i i think it's you know if a man's writing one really badly it still sucks but it's like i kind of get it because whatever um but like where's your excuse here electra rome parks maybe it's not really a woman i looked them up so i don't know either way i don't know maybe i'm wrong i just feel like it is a shame but you'll probably know more after

i do this okay so behind the table stood the most gorgeous man my eyes had seen in a long long time my coochie automatically had a twitch. Jerk reaction. I thought myself getting wet and I hadn't even said hello to the man yet. Unbelievable. Xavier was tall, chocolate, and sexy. A walking advertisement for sex. Sex appeal gushed from his pores and he was fine.

He had the type of body that made you want to pinch yourself to make sure you weren't dreaming. His biceps were bulging from underneath the black t-shirt he wore, tucked into black jeans. The only jewelry I noticed was an expensive looking watch and a silver cross necklace. When he opened his mouth and smiled, I saw a perfect set of white teeth, complemented by a pair of deep dimples, one in each cheek. Tall, dark, and handsome. What a lethal combination. My coochie twitched twice this time.

And my nipples rose. Hardened. I love the redundancy. I like that she's like a pair of dimples. One in each cheek. It's like, well, yeah. You get a pair on one side. Pretty fucking wild if he was just rocking double dimples on one side.

I love that one repetition is really bad as as a writer and she repeats the word sex immediately after sex yeah it was just sex appeal what and also after all this she goes and he was fine we get it if he's tall sexy and a walkie advertised for sex we can figure out that he's fine but also like i think the best thing is like her coochie twitching rating system. So it's like, damn son, you're a four coochie twitch. That's like top. I think she would die if she had a five coochie twitch.

Oh yeah. Then you just void your bowels. Let's end this train wreck. Hey guys, wear a fucking mask. This has kind of become a trend, almost a series for me for my final Pornhub comment. And I just,

I think this is probably the last one I do. Cause I really, really don't think it's going to get better than this. This comes from Pornhub user Gunter Gu. And he says, wait, this isn't Joker 2019 Hindu free download English subtitles. So specific.

I know. My name is Dane Miller. I'm Al Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies.